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Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no

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Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views

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Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain, and empower.

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Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons, Just remember, tough times

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Speaker 1: don't last, but professional homegirls do enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, is schegar Ebine here and I hope all

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Speaker 2: is cute. Now I am joined by my professional homegirl, Brittany,

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Speaker 2: who is a Christian sexologist. Brittany teaches Christian women and

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Speaker 2: couples who embrace God's heart for sex, intimacy, and relationships.

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Speaker 2: She spent years helping people navigate the delicate balance between

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Speaker 2: faith and sexuality, offering guidance while staying true to her

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Speaker 2: Christian values, and she's not afraid to break taboos along

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Speaker 2: the way. So together we tackle myfs, we break down

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Speaker 2: tough questions, and just overall, we explore how faith shapes

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Speaker 2: intimacy and real life. And let me tell y'all, Brittany

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Speaker 2: did not hold back. Okay, so get ready because I

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Speaker 2: am a Christian sexologist starts now. All right, to my guests,

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Speaker 2: thank you so much for being on the show.

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Speaker 3: How you doing, How you feeling well, I'm yet holding

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Speaker 3: on chat. Listen, listen, I mean bubble gum and paper clip.

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Speaker 2: But God is good with a Bobby Pain. Okay, one

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Speaker 2: strong win in this whole house of cards is coming down. Baby.

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Speaker 2: When I tell you I have this saying, I think

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Speaker 2: I say it in front of you before, Like I

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Speaker 2: feel like I'm working like a two dollar hope, but

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Speaker 2: today I don't even have no No, I'm just a hope.

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Speaker 2: I don't have no money.

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Speaker 3: No like it.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing how much we push ourselves.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's exactly what it feels like.

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Speaker 4: It feels like every day is a push, like this

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Speaker 4: last weekend has been joy and all of that, but

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Speaker 4: I feel like it's that thing. Like this weekend, I

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Speaker 4: didn't feel like I had to push, Like I got

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Speaker 4: up because I wanted to.

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Speaker 3: I went to where I was going because I ate

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Speaker 3: because I wanted to. Yeah, but today I had to Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Well, I am super excited to have you on the show, Brittany,

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Speaker 2: But you know, we gotta tell our infamous story about

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Speaker 2: how we met. Got to give a shout out to

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Speaker 2: d Ashley J. Hobbs, and then we gotta tell the

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Speaker 2: infamous holiday story. You want to start it off, Okay,

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Speaker 2: let me start off, then you chime in.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So Ashley and I she's one of my dearest friends,

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Speaker 2: one of my best friends. We do these little day

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Speaker 2: trips within the tri state area. So we was like, hey,

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Speaker 2: let's just go to Philly. But on the way to Philly,

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Speaker 2: she was like, Hey, I want you to meet my homegirl,

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Speaker 2: who was our lovely guests, Brittany. And I'm like, all right, cool,

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Speaker 2: because you know, I'm a girl's girl. I like to

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Speaker 2: key can and have a good time. So we drilled Philly,

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Speaker 2: we pick up Bringy and we just clicked. And this

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Speaker 2: is how I discovered that she was or she is

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Speaker 2: a Christian Texologist. But in the midst of us just

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Speaker 2: clicking whatever. We go to this what was.

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Speaker 3: Like a body oil. She's like it was a Muslim

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Speaker 3: like body care cream, body oil, you say? And we

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Speaker 3: were in. Then we went there.

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Speaker 4: It's two stores to the one side of your body's creamed,

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Speaker 4: your body scrubs, your lotions, walking around there have make it.

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Speaker 3: Joe's having fun service. But that's here, It's all right,

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Speaker 3: it's all right.

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Speaker 2: But then we go across the street the best customer service.

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Speaker 4: That right, wonderful, wonderful black woman. That was amazing.

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Speaker 3: And you know you were you were looking for.

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Speaker 4: Candles or was there act I was looking for candles, right,

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Speaker 4: and okay, Evan.

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Speaker 3: They was looking for candles. So we went across. They said, oh,

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Speaker 3: they got a cross street. So we went across the street.

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Speaker 3: Florida ceiling body oil.

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Speaker 2: And we were nowhere in sight.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they had two candles that smelled like the jars

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Speaker 4: that they were in, right, and we're not gonna, we

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Speaker 4: don't need this, but they.

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Speaker 3: Had Florida ceiling body oils.

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Speaker 4: And that lady had to climb up and down on

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Speaker 4: the ladder, was doing all things.

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Speaker 3: But she was wonderful.

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Speaker 4: She was so kind, she was patient, life, giving us

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Speaker 4: life advice, all kinds.

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Speaker 3: We have no kids.

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Speaker 4: She's like got that line, you know, giving us the

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Speaker 4: hook up, you know, right, joy, like just excitement, right,

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Speaker 4: and this all the way out the door.

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Speaker 2: But wait before before Britdany say this. The only reason

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Speaker 2: why I said this, y'all is because we were just

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Speaker 2: key kidding so much with her, Like I felt like

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Speaker 2: she was our homegirl, like that with somebody that works

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Speaker 2: in the story, like you just have to buy something,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, fuck it, let me just buy

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Speaker 2: this body oil because I actually really like it. Brittany

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Speaker 2: has it as well. But she was just so nice.

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Speaker 2: So as we walking out, Brittany.

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Speaker 3: It was good.

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Speaker 2: It was one of those things like you know, you

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Speaker 2: leave and you leave a farewell like.

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Speaker 4: A salutation as one does. But again, this is Germantown.

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Speaker 3: North Philly. If you're familiar with Philly, we.

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Speaker 4: Are very the black Islamic community is he just was

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Speaker 4: an Islamic oil store. So our good girlfriend was fully guarbed,

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Speaker 4: you know, sis was this was she was our Muslim sister.

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Speaker 3: She was on the way.

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Speaker 4: Out the door, our beautiful, lovely host. Abey says to

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Speaker 4: the lady, yo, goodbye. See We're like bye see.

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Speaker 2: Ebaney says, oh, enjoy your holiday or have a good holiday.

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Speaker 3: And if the lady's going to say thank you, Ebane says,

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Speaker 3: oh wait, never mind.

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Speaker 4: And me and actually all turn around and look, and

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Speaker 4: then the cashier stopped.

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Speaker 3: She was like it's fine, it's okay, like she was

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Speaker 3: used to it. And me asked, look at eBay, like

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Speaker 3: why would you say that? Why would baby? I last?

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Speaker 4: Every time I think about it, I cackles, because why

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Speaker 4: would you tell that?

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Speaker 3: Lady? Never mind?

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Speaker 2: Please watched the YouTube video, y'all, because the way I

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Speaker 2: am crying this story gets me in tears every every time,

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Speaker 2: because why would you say, first of all, first of all.

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Speaker 3: The thing that blew me is it's what was it? August?

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Speaker 3: It was August?

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Speaker 4: So exactly what holiday were you.

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Speaker 3: To my de fish? Y'all?

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Speaker 2: Okay, so y'all know i'd be busting my ass right.

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Speaker 2: So I don't get a lot of time, or I

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Speaker 2: don't get many opportunities where I can just be completely off,

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Speaker 2: like I don't have to think. I can just be ebine.

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Speaker 2: But I don't have to be the podcast. I ain't

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Speaker 2: gotta be an entrepreneur. I ain't gotta be a two

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Speaker 2: dollars hole. So when I get to just simply be

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Speaker 2: ebene or a little nay nay, my brain is gone.

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Speaker 2: And I think my brain was frieda already because I

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Speaker 2: was up. I pulled it all night at working the

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Speaker 2: night before. So in my mind, the reason why I

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Speaker 2: said that because I'm not gonna see her no time soon,

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Speaker 2: probably till the next time we do another day trip

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Speaker 2: in which you're coming to us. So I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: know we're not gonna see her no time soon. So

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Speaker 2: I'm just saying, like, you know, have a good holiday,

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Speaker 2: like because she was just so nice.

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Speaker 4: But then when my brain her on in August with

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Speaker 4: the next holiday is Labor Day, which nobody tells anybody

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Speaker 4: to enjoy their holidays.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about Christmas and Thanksgiving? I know, or

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Speaker 2: am I an advance?

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Speaker 3: It's so many, so many problems, I know, But then

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Speaker 3: I didn't you take it back?

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Speaker 2: But I'm glad my sister knew where I was coming

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Speaker 2: from because she was like, that's okay.

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Speaker 3: It screat I was like I was all the time.

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Speaker 3: She probably so nice, y'all.

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Speaker 2: But that's when I knew. Me and Brittany, that was

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Speaker 2: my bringing my dog, y'all, like we we like this.

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Speaker 4: We locked in because maybe that when I tell you

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Speaker 4: if I need a good cackle, oh man, I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: think about I'm gonna.

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Speaker 3: Think about that.

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Speaker 4: And it stuck that, you know, the jets to holidays.

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Speaker 2: Nothing not that holiday, okay, baby, Oh that was perfect.

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Speaker 2: That's yo, dead ass, That's exactly what it was. The

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Speaker 2: Ebey holiday, Eby holiday.

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Speaker 4: Because I was and I was sitting there like what holiday,

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Speaker 4: what Labor Day?

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Speaker 2: She was like, come on, friend, let's go. It was

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Speaker 2: actually agree, Oh god, you gotta be messing my last shell. No, y'all,

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Speaker 2: this is how I'm so excited they have Britnane on

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Speaker 2: because you know, throughout the entire time we spent with

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Speaker 2: each other, like, I really enjoyed your company, Like we

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Speaker 2: were just talking about so many things. And then, as

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Speaker 2: y'all know, I've been reading my Bible and trying to

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Speaker 2: get really acquainted with the words. So just having a

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Speaker 2: conversation with Brittany and her being able to break things

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Speaker 2: down that was just so digestible. It was just such

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Speaker 2: a break for fresh air. So I really appreciate you

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Speaker 2: being a part of Ebday holiday that way.

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Speaker 3: I need that on a T shirt for like a

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Speaker 3: slumber partist, I know.

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Speaker 2: And we actually having this slimer party really, so so

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Speaker 2: I should do that. We' just surprised. Actually, she'll be

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Speaker 2: cracking up.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yes, nothing, definitely. Yes.

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Speaker 2: Now, when you told me that you were a Christian,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you told me or actually told

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Speaker 2: me that she was a Christian sexologist. I think yeah,

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Speaker 2: And then I think, I mean, you start talking more

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Speaker 2: about it. But when you tell people about your profession,

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Speaker 2: like what are some of the things that you normally hear?

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Speaker 2: Because like I was like, what is that? And I

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Speaker 2: was so intrigued.

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Speaker 4: I mean, your reaction is the typical reaction that I get,

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Speaker 4: because I think we were in the car and she

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Speaker 4: was like, oh, she's a Christian sexologist and you was like,

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Speaker 4: oh what, and I was like, yep, yep, that's what

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Speaker 4: I and I get that that people are whether I

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Speaker 4: say Christian sexologists, sometimes I just say sexologists and then

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Speaker 4: people are like huh, like not sure if they heard

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Speaker 4: me right, and then they'd be like what's that after

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Speaker 4: I clear up that I didn't say psychologists, and then

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Speaker 4: I say and then I'm like, you know, well, technically

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Speaker 4: I'm a Christian sexologists, so most of my work are

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Speaker 4: with and they're like huh. Like somebody on TikTok just

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Speaker 4: yesterday was like, you can be a Christian and a sexologist.

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Speaker 3: I was like, you sure can't. Girlfriend, And so it

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Speaker 3: really is.

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Speaker 4: Just one of those things where first and foremost, the

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Speaker 4: concept of being a sex out or just the field

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Speaker 4: of sexology.

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Speaker 3: Is just so unfamiliar to many people.

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Speaker 4: So it really is just from an education standpoint of

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Speaker 4: just what the field is in general, and then how

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Speaker 4: my niche is allowable, like how is the such thing

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Speaker 4: that you can be Christian and a sexologist, and really

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Speaker 4: just breaking it down, like what it means, what I do,

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Speaker 4: the work that I do, who I work with. And

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Speaker 4: then some folks, you know, like you are even more intrigued,

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Speaker 4: will want to know what's the reception been, Like how

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Speaker 4: do I you know, how do I navigate that? How

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Speaker 4: did I come to this conclusion that this is what

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Speaker 4: I want to do. The people are after they get

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Speaker 4: over the initial shock, they are typically really really inquisitive.

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Speaker 2: Have you received I'm pretty sure you have, like any

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Speaker 2: pushback of criticism, not lately, you know, you know, by

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Speaker 2: God's grace, missgirl, been in the field for a little

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Speaker 2: bit on my names.

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Speaker 3: Do numbers out here in this you know? You know,

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Speaker 3: like you know, I've.

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Speaker 4: Been successful in the field on social media, I've had

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Speaker 4: a lot of visibility, so I don't get much pushback

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Speaker 4: within the I've been blessed to create a community our

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Speaker 4: intimacy insiders my call my girlfriends, so.

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Speaker 3: They really are supportive of me.

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Speaker 4: And anytime somebody says something all for untowards or like

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Speaker 4: if something goes viral, typically I can when it goes viral,

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Speaker 4: like beyond a certain point and it starts to reach

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Speaker 4: people who don't know who I am, sometime never heard

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Speaker 4: of the time who never heard of me, who don't

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Speaker 4: who aren't really aware of my statement of faith, like

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Speaker 4: my foundational principles. Then I sometimes feel push back there.

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Speaker 4: But then the community that we've created, they're very supportive,

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Speaker 4: very protective.

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Speaker 3: They don't pay, they don't play about me.

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Speaker 4: But when I first started, there was a lot of

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Speaker 4: pushback that was I want to say a lot a

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Speaker 4: lot as relative, but there was pushback that was rooted

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Speaker 4: in ignorance because they did not just that idea of

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Speaker 4: sexology or even really I think because I don't think

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Speaker 4: they even really know what sexology is, just the concept

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Speaker 4: of Christian and sex being in the same thing, and

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Speaker 4: if they've reduced it to being a sex teacher, like

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Speaker 4: how are you teaching people about sex as a Christian?

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Speaker 4: So there was some of those some of that pushback

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Speaker 4: of like how are you able to do this? And

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Speaker 4: then when I went public with my divorce, there was

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Speaker 4: some concern about me speaking about sex as a woman

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Speaker 4: without a husband and that type of thing, or as

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Speaker 4: a single person in general. But that was I would

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Speaker 4: say that was the intimacy for my started in twenty sixteen,

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Speaker 4: so I say the first two or three years were

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Speaker 4: like that, but around from twenty nineteen one, it's been

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Speaker 4: like just an upward trajectory and I haven't had much

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Speaker 4: I haven't had much issue there. But I think I've

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Speaker 4: been intentional about being clear about what I believe in,

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Speaker 4: and I no longer.

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Speaker 3: Work to convince people that I'm allowed to do what

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 4: I no longer if you come to my page and

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Speaker 4: you say something crazy, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, everyone, I'll try to engage, you know. I like

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Speaker 3: the open discourse. I'm not expecting everybody to agree with me.

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Speaker 4: But after a while it gets to the point like, oh,

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Speaker 4: you must be new here, and then you know, and

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Speaker 4: then I give it my response to going but it's

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Speaker 4: only you'll get about two or three.

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Speaker 2: Before ian me because I just don't respond because if

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Speaker 2: I respond, it ain't.

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Speaker 3: Gonna land right the thing.

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Speaker 4: And I'm typically that one because I when people say,

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Speaker 4: oh I don't have time, I have time. And even

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Speaker 4: when I don't have time, I make time. I am

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Speaker 4: definitely one of those ones like you know, when in

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Speaker 4: college you had to do the discussion posts I'm gonna go.

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Speaker 3: Back and forth one of them.

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Speaker 2: I was ready to fight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I did, mean too.

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Speaker 4: But I got to the place where every I the Lord,

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Speaker 4: my time with the Lord, my growth, and the Lord

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Speaker 4: has every interaction. It's an opportunity for evangelism and not

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Speaker 4: to be super deep.

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Speaker 3: But like if.

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Speaker 2: I show, you know, like if I.

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Speaker 4: Jump off and pop off every time somebody pushes back,

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Speaker 4: then I'm not really you know, showing forth the gospel,

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Speaker 4: which is what I say that my work is staying.

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Speaker 4: And I say that I you know, I go ye there,

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Speaker 4: for this is my great commission. I'm spreading the gospel,

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Speaker 4: the good News of Jesus Christ, through the medium of

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Speaker 4: sex education. So the first time somebody says, hey, why

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Speaker 4: are you doing this, Why are you saying this? This

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Speaker 4: is not golly, and I respond with, you know, defense

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Speaker 4: as opposed to education, then I'm not really doing what

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Speaker 4: God called me to do, because he called me to

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Speaker 4: be that shining light in darkness, and darkness is responding darkness, ignorance,

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Speaker 4: all of those things is responding in the way that

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Speaker 4: ignorance and darkness does, so I have my responsibility to

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Speaker 4: respond with light and education. And then if that doesn't work,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna leave you where you are. Because some plant,

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Speaker 4: some water is God who gets to increase. And if

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Speaker 4: you can't hear it, then you're not some plants some water.

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Speaker 4: It's God who gives the increase. In Scripture talks about

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Speaker 4: like everybody that you encounter, you're not gonna win them

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Speaker 4: every single time on that that first try, and they

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Speaker 4: take you how to cultivate their land a little bit

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Speaker 4: and then for a sum. You're not my person to win.

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Speaker 4: You're not the person that I'm called to. And I'm

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Speaker 4: not gonna waste my energy on somebody I'm not called to.

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Speaker 4: When somebody who I am called to needs me, And

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Speaker 4: if I taint my witness, if I get war out,

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Speaker 4: if I if my carboral tunnels start acting up because

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Speaker 4: I'm because I'm here right all.

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Speaker 3: Day, the girlfriend actually needs me.

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Speaker 4: Now, I'm like, all my risk is hurting and I'm

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Speaker 4: giving her less than what I could have if I

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Speaker 4: wouldn't have not spent, you know, went down in the dumps.

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Speaker 4: Schricial talks about you know, you can't catch your pearls

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Speaker 4: before swine. And I'm not suggesting that people who don't

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Speaker 4: agree with me are swine, but the reality of it is,

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Speaker 4: there are some people who are so stuck in their

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Speaker 4: beliefs and I refuse to If you are a person

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Speaker 4: who feels like your opinion trumps my expertise.

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Speaker 3: Then I'm gonna let you live in the delusion that

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Speaker 3: you came here.

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Speaker 2: In, right right, come on, now, that's what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 2: That's how I know God's still working on me. I

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Speaker 2: gotta grow up, man, Because I saw somebody says some

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Speaker 2: crazy shit underneath my post for my podcast. Now, I

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Speaker 2: was like, let me just log off.

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Speaker 3: It gets like that I've been it's they do be bol.

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Speaker 3: They do b bol and that's why, like my so

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Speaker 3: I'll start with, oh, you must be new here.

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Speaker 4: If I say you must be new here, that's the

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Speaker 4: that's the height of my holy spirit.

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Speaker 3: You must be new here is as far as where

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Speaker 3: my holy spirit. That's where I've recent limit. And I'm like, okay, God,

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Speaker 3: you got to fill in.

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Speaker 4: But then there have been times where I've had to

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Speaker 4: make reaction videos and then I said one to the

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Speaker 4: groups ext the other day and I'm like, does this.

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Speaker 3: Come is this coming off as nice nasty?

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Speaker 2: Because one of them we were talking about soul sides.

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Speaker 2: I made a post about soul side.

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Speaker 4: And we know that the controversy around using the term

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Speaker 4: and this, that and the other. And it was a

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Speaker 4: white lady who came in the comments and was like.

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Speaker 2: Where is.

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Speaker 3: And okay in the Bible and no, you weren't.

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Speaker 2: She wasn't asking for education, she wasn't really trying to

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Speaker 2: be inquisitive.

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Speaker 3: She was trying to be funny.

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Speaker 4: And so I met her energy with niceness and education,

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Speaker 4: and I got on her level and was like, okay,

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Speaker 4: you want to let's you want to go Bible, Let's

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Speaker 4: do that because I can do that.

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Speaker 3: And and I left it.

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Speaker 4: I left it, but I will I've made to date,

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Speaker 4: I've been doing this ten almost so to date, I've

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Speaker 4: only made two response videos one time and once of

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Speaker 4: this men I was what was I talking about? I

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Speaker 4: was talking about how Christian men aren't as good as

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Speaker 4: good in bed as they think they are. And one

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Speaker 4: of the statements I had said something about every day

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Speaker 4: you're a wild.

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Speaker 2: Girl saying some shit like that.

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Speaker 3: It's the it's the truth.

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Speaker 4: But I said, I was like, every day I work

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Speaker 4: with a wife who has had some issue with you know,

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Speaker 4: da dad, that's what in a statement.

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Speaker 3: And so in the comments, he.

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Speaker 4: Was like, oh, every day you work with somebody, Sure

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Speaker 4: you do. I have a lot of sex professionals in

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Speaker 4: my life, and I guarantee you that you don't do

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Speaker 4: da da da. And so I don't know that if

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Speaker 4: your audience are chronically online like I am. But you

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Speaker 4: remember the girl, this girl maybe two or three years ago,

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Speaker 4: she made his response video to this guy named Jay

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Speaker 4: who says something smart about a black woman. And she

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Speaker 4: went on his page and like read him fulfilled and

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Speaker 4: made a video, pulled up all his pictures. You don't

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Speaker 4: oh his choke, black black air Forces, and.

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Speaker 3: She was like, come on, Jay, are these your sneakers?

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Speaker 2: Jay?

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Speaker 3: And we're talking about people, Jay.

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Speaker 4: So I channeled her and like I said, I said, oh, sir,

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Speaker 4: you must be new here.

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Speaker 3: And because yes, I am.

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Speaker 4: A Christian sexologist, the number one Christian sexologists actually if

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Speaker 4: you google me, and I love that you have that

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Speaker 4: support system. But when I say every day, I mean

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Speaker 4: that because this is my job, and I mean every

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Speaker 4: working day. So maybe let me correct myself. Not every

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Speaker 4: single day because I don't have to work seven days

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Speaker 4: a week to feed my kids.

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Speaker 3: I understand how that could be confusing for you and so,

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Speaker 3: but I only had to do that once. I only

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Speaker 3: had to do that once. I only had to do

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Speaker 3: that once.

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Speaker 4: But for the most part to the question about the pushback,

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Speaker 4: I did get some in the beginning, and it was

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Speaker 4: really people just not understanding. I lost the contract because

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Speaker 4: people said the church said there's no such thing as

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Speaker 4: a Christian sexologist, and.

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Speaker 3: They didn't like that I used the word partner.

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Speaker 4: Instead of spouse, and that I didn't have like a staunch,

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Speaker 4: flat out anti LGBTQ stance on my page and things

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 3: But a month or so later they spun a block

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Speaker 3: and you know, got back up.

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Speaker 2: But they just want to ask you, wasn't you was

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Speaker 2: saying that Christian men maybe might not be the best lovers.

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Speaker 2: Who do you think is Muslim men?

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Speaker 4: You know, I really, honestly and truly, men in general

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Speaker 4: aren't as good as they think they are.

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Speaker 3: Men. Let me let me let me specify, men who

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Speaker 3: have sex with.

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Speaker 4: Women are not as good as they say they are,

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Speaker 4: and they can't be not as good of a lover,

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Speaker 4: and the problem. The distinction in that is some people

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Speaker 4: think that having good sexual skill makes you a good lover,

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Speaker 4: and men who have sex with women are not as

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Speaker 4: good lovers as they think they are because women, because

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Speaker 4: women who have sex with men, heterosexual women who desire

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Speaker 4: to have sex with men, experience orgasms at the lowest

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Speaker 4: rate the orgasm gapon right, we're at about fifty six

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Speaker 4: or so, sixty or so percent of orgasms for every

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Speaker 4: sexual encounter to men's almost like ninety plus percent.

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Speaker 3: And so if that, if I'm having sex with you

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Speaker 3: and you're right, and I'm only at sixty.

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Speaker 4: One of us, it's not doing the thing that we're

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Speaker 4: supposed to do. And what it is is not that

440
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 4: the stroke you know, stroke isn't good like the you know,

441
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 4: oral sex isn't that skill.

442
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 3: What it is is they're not good lovers, which is

443
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:46,439
Speaker 3: more cultural than it is behavioral, Like you don't they

444
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 3: don't have knowledge of anatomy. They're not taking their time.

445
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,320
Speaker 3: They're actually a little bit selfish.

446
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 4: They're they ground their thoughts in words like I'm a pleaser.

447
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:01,119
Speaker 4: Pleasers are selfish, Pleasers are real That falls under the

448
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 4: umbrella of perfectionism, which is actually falls under the umbrella

449
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,959
Speaker 4: of shame, which is which makes your partner's pleasure about

450
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,400
Speaker 4: you because you're a pleaser because you want the accolades

451
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 4: of having accomplished something, not because you genuinely want that

452
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 4: partner feel good.

453
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 2: Damn, that's how you had Atlanta's playing baby. What's up, y'all?

454
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 2: It's shagarl ebn A here, and be sure to follow

455
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 2: me on Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts, and

456
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,959
Speaker 2: don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel at the

457
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 2: Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show. But

458
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 2: it makes sense because a lot of times people people

459
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,399
Speaker 2: brag about how good they are and they are pleased.

460
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 2: It's like, you're doing it for yourself. You're not doing

461
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 2: it for your partner.

462
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, oh I'm I'm I get my shorty. You know,

463
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 4: I want her climax four times before I even get started.

464
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 3: You're doing that?

465
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 4: Did she say she wanted that? I'm that she may

466
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:01,400
Speaker 4: not turn it down.

467
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 3: Who's gonna turn for it?

468
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 2: Right?

469
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 4: But here's but also after for I hope you're not

470
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 4: expecting any type of shared activity after that, because.

471
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 2: She tapped out, baby, I'm like, don't touch me.

472
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 3: I'm done, okay that that you know what I'm saying.

473
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 4: So when you get in that mindset, that's because and unfortunately, child,

474
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 4: this is this is watch this be the piece that

475
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 4: go viral.

476
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 3: Everybody's gonna be talking about this.

477
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, the way men have sex is for other men.

478
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 2: M You're not doing it for you're a partner. You're

479
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 2: doing it for accolades.

480
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 4: You're doing it for the person and maybe not just

481
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,119
Speaker 4: other men, but you're having sex with that woman in

482
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,719
Speaker 4: that way for the person that may hear about it afterwards.

483
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: Facts, Facts, did y'all know? Niggas be pillow talking?

484
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 4: And then what they want they want their what they

485
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:57,679
Speaker 4: want their women to pill talk. They want to be

486
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 4: able to say at the barbershop, or I had her

487
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 4: doing this, this, this, that and the other thing. And

488
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 4: a good partner, whether it's six climaxes or no climax

489
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 4: at all, it is whatever established between the two of

490
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 4: you that says this is what I like, this is

491
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 4: what feels good, this is what I'm in the move

492
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 4: for at this moment, and that is enough. Even if

493
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 4: it doesn't end in climax, it's still okay. For when

494
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 4: sex doesn't end in climax for men and women.

495
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,680
Speaker 3: That's an ego hit. It's an embarrassment.

496
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,640
Speaker 4: Again, the shame comes in sometimes because it says I'm

497
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 4: not good enough because my body is not responding typically

498
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 4: or the way it is supposed to. But the performance

499
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 4: anxiety that comes with requiring a climax.

500
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of people don't know how to have sex,

501
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 2: have good sex at.

502
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 3: That that part, that part I think people.

503
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 4: I think more people know how to have sex than

504
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 4: they know how to have good sex. But even that,

505
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 4: we are taught what sex is, barely, but we're not

506
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 4: taught how to We are not taught the mechanics of sex.

507
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 4: Despite popular belief what politics and other more other folks

508
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 4: who are anti sex education would have you to believe.

509
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,720
Speaker 4: Sex ed is not sexual mechanics. Sex Ed is not

510
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 4: the what goes where. Sex Ed is the anatomy and physiology.

511
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 4: It's health and wellness. It's not breathed through your nose

512
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 4: so that you can, you know, take more in.

513
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 2: Right, right, right, So let's start from the very beginning.

514
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,680
Speaker 2: Do you remember the very first conversation you had about

515
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 2: sex growing up and what was that like for you?

516
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 2: The very first I had I could say I had

517
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 2: pretty good sex ed.

518
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 3: I went to a boarding school and Miss shot out

519
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 3: to Miss Jones.

520
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 4: She was, you know, my lady gym teacher she had.

521
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 4: We were at a boarding school with a lot of

522
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 4: African inner city African American kids in Scotland, PA, near Harris,

523
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 4: and she was like, I'm not about to be selling

524
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 4: y'all no dream.

525
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell y'all what it really is.

526
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 4: So I appreciated that as far as and then there

527
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 4: were some experiences of like inappropriate sexual experiences prior to

528
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 4: as a child, prior to that, but the first like

529
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 4: intentional sexual conversation I had was actually the night the

530
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 4: morning after I had my sexual initiation, after I had

531
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 4: sex for the first time.

532
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 3: My mom said at that I was in college, mind you, and.

533
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 2: She was like when I was in college too, and

534
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 2: she was like.

535
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 4: Either you come home by twelve o'clock, where you find

536
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 4: somewhere else to stay. So that Friday night I was like,

537
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 4: oh Mom, I'm not gonna be home by twelve, and

538
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,120
Speaker 4: I got somewhere else to stay, which was the hotel.

539
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,440
Speaker 4: And then Saturday morning, after it was all said and done,

540
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 4: Saturday morning, he brought me home.

541
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,919
Speaker 3: We went to I met her at the hair store.

542
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:54,720
Speaker 3: We were at.

543
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 4: The register of the hair store. She was buying her

544
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 4: new wigs. She looked at me and said, oh.

545
00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: So she looked at you.

546
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,719
Speaker 3: To me, she said you nasty. And that was it.

547
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 4: That was That was the first and only conversation my

548
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 4: mother and I have ever ever had about sex. And

549
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 4: then when I became a sexologist. For the first two

550
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 4: or three years she told people I was a psychologist,

551
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 4: and then I had about maybe.

552
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 2: She said she maybe probably was like didn't understand the

553
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 2: term out the term, or she was embarrassed.

554
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 4: I don't think that she didn't understand the term not

555
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,640
Speaker 4: maybe not embarrassing, because my.

556
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:30,440
Speaker 3: Mother wasn't she.

557
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 4: If you think I'm ridiculous, she was the most ridiculous

558
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 4: woman you would ever meet in your inn.

559
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,920
Speaker 2: I wish, Oh my god, Oh it's.

560
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 4: So it was odd that she did that because she

561
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 4: doesn't She didn't embarrass easily, and there wasn't really much

562
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 4: shame in anything that she did, So it was interesting

563
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 4: that she took that perspective for a while. I think

564
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 4: it was more like she didn't understand it to be

565
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 4: able to expound on it, and so it was easier

566
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 4: to just say psychologists, because then to stop people from

567
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,600
Speaker 4: asking questions that she wouldn't.

568
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 3: Necessarily be able to answer.

569
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 4: I don't think that she had any shame about it,

570
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 4: because she used to say she used to strut like

571
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 4: a peacock when either me or my sister did.

572
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 3: Anything good, anything notable. So I don't think it was that.

573
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,919
Speaker 4: I just think that she was a politic or she

574
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 4: was always out shaking hands and kissing babies, and she

575
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 4: liked to prepare for those type of things, and I

576
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 4: don't think that she had the depth of to really

577
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 4: be able to have that conversation. And so her daughter

578
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 4: getting ready to be a doctor and a psychologist.

579
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 3: Just made more sense. It just made more sense.

580
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 2: So, yeah, so you've been in this, you've been in

581
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 2: your career for almost ten years. So when you look

582
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 2: back on your upbringer, is there anything that you had

583
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 2: to unlearn about sex?

584
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 4: No, Honestly, I mean I don't think that I had

585
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 4: to unlearned about myself as a sexual being in a

586
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 4: more like healing and wholeness and like self esteem type

587
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 4: of way. But I truly believe, again not getting super deep,

588
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 4: but like because I.

589
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 2: Know, do you know, I like to go deep, baby, okay,

590
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 2: like I've never I'm not. I'm not the type of

591
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 2: Christian of it, Like oh, I heard the law say,

592
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 2: I want let me rephrase that. I wasn't for a

593
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 2: long time the type of Christian they'll be, Like, oh,

594
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 2: I heard the law say, you know, the Holy Spirit

595
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: told me that I didn't experience God like that at

596
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 2: the time. But when I taught my first Sunday school,

597
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 2: it was called Sex and Salvation and it was a

598
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: joint single and married Sunday school. I was about a

599
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 2: year or about six months into my second math my

600
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 2: human sexuality master's degree program. And after come on now,

601
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 2: after it was done, one of the elders at the

602
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 2: church was like, baby, girl, this was good. I knew

603
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 2: it was gonna be good, but next time, can we

604
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 2: do it in a fellowship PLL. I don't know how

605
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 2: I feel about this being in the sanctuary, And it

606
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 2: was I if I ever heard the audible voice of God,

607
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 2: it was at that moment, and he said, this is it,

608
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: and this is why, up until that point, I was

609
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 2: going to do sex therapy in the safety and anonymity

610
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 2: of therapy in you know.

611
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 3: Room quiet secret.

612
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 4: Nobody was going to know that we were client you know,

613
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 4: HIPO violations, was going to protect it and all that.

614
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 4: But then the Lord says, no, I want you. I

615
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 4: want you on microphones, I want you on TV. I

616
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,239
Speaker 4: want you on stages talking about this. I want you

617
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 4: to take the cloak and the darkness out of this conversation.

618
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 4: I want people to know that this is a kind

619
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 4: of effect that right exactly, And so that means I

620
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 4: needed to do it in public.

621
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 3: And so.

622
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 4: It was the soving hearing the Lord say that I

623
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 4: know that this is my calling. And because it's my calling,

624
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 4: I feel like my upbringing was set up such that

625
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 4: I could do this work.

626
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 3: Like I did.

627
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 4: I don't have, like I didn't have a lot of

628
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 4: even growing up Christian, a lot of the like sexual

629
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 4: hang ups that many Christians did, like I didn't have,

630
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 4: Like I wasn't really that impacted by purity culture. I

631
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 4: didn't have like amount of shames of my body either.

632
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 4: But what I mean, like I didn't have, you know I

633
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 4: had There was one time I was, you know, I'll

634
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 4: get got up to like like a three ten and

635
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 4: I was like, hold on, now, wait three hundred and

636
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 4: ten pounds.

637
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 3: Yes, really, Well, Mama was built for a talk.

638
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 4: For a while, and so I had so I struggled

639
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 4: a bit there in my marriage. But just like overall,

640
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 4: a lot of the stuff that I work with my

641
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 4: clients through I never experienced. And I think that that

642
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 4: was in I think that was intentional. But there are pieces,

643
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 4: like I said, of my self esteem, feeling worthy, making

644
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 4: compromising decisions.

645
00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 3: Knowing that I should be abstaining, but like it was hard,

646
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 3: you know, missing the mark, messing the mark her and there.

647
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 4: I've had those experiences, so I can walk through, you know,

648
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 4: you know, dust yourself off and try again.

649
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, we fall down, but we get up.

650
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 2: You know.

651
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 3: I can do that.

652
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 4: But as far as the like oh please don't look

653
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,959
Speaker 4: at me, I don't like a lot of that like

654
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 4: shame stuff.

655
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't have that thing. But I think

656
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 3: it's not that I'm better.

657
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 4: I think it's just it's intentional because of what I

658
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 4: was called to. And I think the other separating part

659
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 4: is that my mother she was only saved, she was

660
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 4: only living saved for like three years. But I kept

661
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: going so I didn't have like so I wasn't surrounded

662
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 4: by it.

663
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 3: I actually had to like seek out.

664
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 4: Christian community, so It wasn't like I was seek in

665
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 4: that culture in the way that some of my you know,

666
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 4: are millennial counterparts, right, So I think I was actually

667
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 4: like spared and set aside so that I could do

668
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 4: this work.

669
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 2: So what inspired you to concentrate on sexual wellness from

670
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 2: a Christian perspective? Like, how did you get to this point?

671
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: You know? The Lord that day?

672
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 4: Because I, first of all, I was going to school

673
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 4: to be a lawyer. I guess my major in Millersville

674
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 4: was political science.

675
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 2: I can see that at school.

676
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 4: I was going to be I object badgering the witness,

677
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 4: cross examining it in my lubatonts.

678
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 3: That that was me.

679
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 4: I didn't have no marriage goals. I didn't want to

680
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 4: have no kids. I was just going to be Johnny Cochran,

681
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 4: who John Carroll Clayton, Yes, come on, John, that was.

682
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, that was what it was going to be.

683
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 4: But when I first went to college with the Millersville

684
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 4: University in Lancolnster, Pennsylvania. The first class, that man bought

685
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 4: me to tears like American politics or American history one

686
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 4: on one whatever it was.

687
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 3: He boored me two tears and I was like, I

688
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 3: can't do this for four years.

689
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 4: So I switched to psychology, thinking learning the human brain

690
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 4: would make me a better litigator, Like I would be

691
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 4: a better cross examiner if I.

692
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 3: Can get inside the mind of the of the person.

693
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 4: And I took a course in abnormal psychology and I

694
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I could work with the you know,

695
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,360
Speaker 4: the people who you know need a little more support

696
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 4: up here, like I was.

697
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 3: I was, I was, you know, I had it all playing.

698
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 2: But as young Doug let's say, he said, his brain

699
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,680
Speaker 2: don't function like ours.

700
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 3: Yet the people who brain on functions like everybody.

701
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 4: Yes, that's what I was going to be able to

702
00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 4: do right but then slowly, but just a series of

703
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 4: just small pivots. So from psychology, I got my master's

704
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 4: in social work, thinking that that was going to be

705
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 4: the shortcut to my terminal degree. But then and my master's,

706
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 4: I was like, I learned about couple's work and I

707
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 4: was like, well, I really love like this idea, like

708
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 4: the case studies of couples. Drama was just so it

709
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: was like watching TV. And then I was like, oh,

710
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 4: Christian couples. And then my my internship professor was like,

711
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 4: if you do couples work, He was like I pray

712
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 4: for you, was like, and don't let them have sex.

713
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 3: Issues because that's a whole other specialty. And I was like,

714
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 3: is it now?

715
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 4: Then my research found my second master's program and then

716
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 4: just like again like slowly but surely, and then eventually

717
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 4: got to the place where I'm not just gonna do

718
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 4: couples work. I'm gonna do sex therapy and not just

719
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:20,320
Speaker 4: sex therapy, Christian sex therapy. And then then I realized

720
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 4: I don't want to do therapy at all, because God has.

721
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,879
Speaker 3: Called me to teach. And it was just like I said, it.

722
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 4: Was just a series of pivots that you know, And

723
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 4: I think that that's just how God works with me anyway,

724
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 4: Like he he nudges me until I'm like, oh, okay,

725
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:38,479
Speaker 4: we're here.

726
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 3: We're here now, like.

727
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 4: He he doesn't just yank me. Yeah, And then and

728
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 4: there are lessons learned in east thing because I need

729
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 4: to know He knows how my brain works, like I

730
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 4: need to understand like some things, my faith still requires

731
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 4: me to go and even if it doesn't make sense,

732
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 4: but I.

733
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 3: Need a little piece of something to make it, you know,

734
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 3: to make it make sense. And so that's how we

735
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:03,439
Speaker 3: got here.

736
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, So how would you define a healthy sexual relationship

737
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 2: within the Christian framework? A healthy sexual relationship can put

738
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 2: through the mattress.

739
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 4: Still you can, as long as it's consensual, as long

740
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:23,360
Speaker 4: as it is equitable, as long as it is mutually honoring.

741
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 4: Sex and in front of a Christian perspective is designed

742
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 4: to be holy, relational, and covenant on. So if you

743
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 4: and your partner are understanding that the bodies that you

744
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 4: are using when you think about leaving and cleaving and

745
00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:43,279
Speaker 4: becoming one flesh, the sexual component is part of it,

746
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 4: and you rest in the idea that sex is not dirty.

747
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 4: Sex is not something that you know, God just happens

748
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 4: to turn his back on because y'all are married. No,

749
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 4: this was part of the original design, as is the

750
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 4: pleasure that comes that comes with it. Robert says, we're

751
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 4: re joice in a wife of your youth. May her

752
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 4: breast satisfy you always, May you be ever intoxicated with

753
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,840
Speaker 4: her love. And when we look at the original Hebrew,

754
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 4: that word intoxicate is where we have the principles and

755
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 4: understanding of our current word erotic.

756
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 3: So if don't just do it, do it well and

757
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 3: feel good about it.

758
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,520
Speaker 4: And when we know and Proverbs is wisdom literature, and

759
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 4: they were in that passage that we're talking about as husbands,

760
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:25,920
Speaker 4: like you don't got to go out in the streets

761
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 4: and you know, run them up with the with the

762
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,320
Speaker 4: nir dwells and the vagabonds out there.

763
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 3: If you want to get busy and you want to

764
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 3: have you got it.

765
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 4: Rejoicing the wife of your youth, May her brest satisfy

766
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 4: you always.

767
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 3: And you know just how breasts work.

768
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,919
Speaker 4: If he has taken pleasure in my breast the way

769
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 4: arising the zones work, then I am also pleased by

770
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 4: the pleasure that he is taking. And that's the mutuality,

771
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: you know, of.

772
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 3: It, of it all.

773
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 2: And there's this this willing women in the Bible is

774
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 2: having on kids.

775
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 3: Y'alls, so many kids.

776
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 4: And then this idea of like service to right like

777
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 4: people get a lot of times, people who are INSI

778
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 4: Bible or not Christian get get caught up in Corinthians

779
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 4: when it talks about your body not being your own,

780
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 4: and that doesn't sidestep consent. Actually, Paul was talking to

781
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 4: a group warning him against using sex as manipulation.

782
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 3: And you it's not like a quid pro cail.

783
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 4: You're not gonna withhold so that you can get what

784
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 4: you want, Like, oh, I'm not gonna give you none

785
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 4: because you ain't go to my boss's Christmas party with me,

786
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 4: or you have none, or I'm not going to change

787
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,160
Speaker 4: ther door knobs because you ain't give me No, you

788
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,280
Speaker 4: ain't even know here the other.

789
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 3: Night like those. That's not what sex.

790
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 4: Sex was a gift that is given to you, so

791
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 4: you don't get to pick and choose and use it

792
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:43,320
Speaker 4: as a weapon for your.

793
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 3: Own you know, for your own benefit benefit.

794
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, So if you're understanding what it was designed for,

795
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 4: and you go in and from a method, from an

796
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 4: concept of servitude, like in service to your partner as

797
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 4: well as your union. And I personally believe that a

798
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 4: sexually excellent marriage bed wages war against the enemy and

799
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 4: pleasure is our greatest weapon against the devil and his

800
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 4: attack on marriages.

801
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 3: So you know, orgasms are.

802
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 2: Plenty, okay, and even and I know we talked, we

803
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 2: talked earlier how orgasms are always the goal.

804
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 3: No, but pleasure is though, does this feel good? And

805
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 3: do you feel good about it? Right?

806
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 4: And then that's really what it should be rooted And

807
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,439
Speaker 4: does it bring glory to uh, your unit.

808
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 3: Does it draw your closer together? Is it? Are you?

809
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 3: Do you feel safe? Does your yes land just as

810
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 3: safely as your your no? Are you?

811
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 4: Can you be vulnerable enough to say I don't like this,

812
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 4: or hey, I saw this on.

813
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 3: TikTok, I would like to try it.

814
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 4: Like if there is their freedom, is there fun is

815
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 4: their curiosity? That's what That's what good pleasurable sex looks like.

816
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 4: And it doesn't have to be the stiff.

817
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 3: Boring missionary three days a week, special attention on your birthday,

818
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 3: that and your birthday.

819
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, like you know, that's what the TV and the

820
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 4: news and like you know, social culture will say that

821
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 4: Christian sex is.

822
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 3: But if it is like that, it doesn't have to

823
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 3: be that. If it's like this because they chose to

824
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 3: be like that, not because God.

825
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 2: Is it hard for you to like navigate this with couples,

826
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 2: especially with Christian couples, especially with the stigma that's surrounding

827
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 2: it or just six church.

828
00:40:31,239 --> 00:40:31,839
Speaker 3: No, it's not.

829
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 4: I mean it's not difficult for me because I just

830
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 4: say the things, but sometimes it's difficult to bring the

831
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 4: couples along because it's like multi multi faceted. Like I

832
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 4: first have to gain their trust that I'm not just

833
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 4: some as a single woman, that I'm not some slick

834
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 4: rick trying to say, you know, trying to pull their

835
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 4: husband's attention, that I'm not you know, that I'm not

836
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,760
Speaker 4: a person who is like anti Bible or anti Christ,

837
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,879
Speaker 4: trying to you know, draw them into mind behavior their

838
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 4: actually right, or like I don't have their you know

839
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: what I mean, and then I.

840
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: Actually know the word and know what I'm talking about.

841
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 4: I have to build that kind of trust and rapport first,

842
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,279
Speaker 4: and then from there we have some walls that we

843
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 4: have to break down by way of mindset, shane, guilt, condemnation, trauma,

844
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 4: you know, breaking down all of that stuff before we

845
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,759
Speaker 4: then get to the skill building. And unfortunately, because of

846
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 4: the misunderstanding of the field, people come in wanting to

847
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,240
Speaker 4: jump right to the skill building.

848
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 3: But if I, if I teach you how to put

849
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 3: the whole kit and kaboodle down into your your esophagus,

850
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,439
Speaker 3: but if not dealt with the fact that your uncle

851
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 3: started doing that to you when you were six, then

852
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 3: we put the park before the car before the horse.

853
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 3: Your husband may be happy, but you're going to be

854
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 3: crying to yourself to sleep every night. Right.

855
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:57,359
Speaker 4: I If I convince your wife mechanically to.

856
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 3: Every Wednesday and Friday.

857
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 4: Send you a text message about initiating sex, that may

858
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 4: make you feel better. But if I don't deal with

859
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 4: the fact that you question whether she's attracted to you

860
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 4: or not because whenever you touch her she curls, she records,

861
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 4: then I'm not again. I'm putting a cart before the horse.

862
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 4: So the behavior, the behaviors without the associated mindset change

863
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 4: are futile.

864
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: Damn, I just want to be a fly in the

865
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:30,640
Speaker 2: office one day while you have any sessions I feel like.

866
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:36,800
Speaker 3: I've had, I will. I mean, I've had some deucies.

867
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 2: I've had some ones where I got done and was like,

868
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,400
Speaker 2: I need I need to have a supervision. I have

869
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 2: a few folk and all of my clients know this

870
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 2: that there if we get to a place where I'm like,

871
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:49,960
Speaker 2: I'm not sure about this, I either have like a

872
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 2: pastor friend of mine who will come especially when I'm

873
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 2: working with couples, I do have a pastor friend who

874
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,959
Speaker 2: he will come in and help kind of like even

875
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,360
Speaker 2: the playing ground sometimes because I don't want the husbands

876
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 2: who feel like I'm ganging up on them. Yeah, with

877
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 2: the wife, but also at the same time because a

878
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 2: lot of times it's the husband who have booked me,

879
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 2: and I don't want the wife to feel like, you know,

880
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 2: ganged up on and taking advantage of.

881
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 4: So then the pastor will come in and his language,

882
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 4: will you know, help hold the man accountable if he's

883
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 4: you know, not being you know, patient or carrying or understanding.

884
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 4: But sometimes I have to say, I'm gonna have to,

885
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 4: you know, do a little conversation, little case study with

886
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 4: one of my sexologist friends.

887
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 3: To help me help you through these things. I've had.

888
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 3: I've had somedies, I've I've had.

889
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:44,280
Speaker 4: Some duties I'm working with, I've worked finish finished working

890
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 4: with a couple who they're battling somebody image issues, some

891
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 4: size insecurity, a chronic health issue that's impacting.

892
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 3: Erection, and they're up in age and want to have

893
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 3: a baby. So and it's like, yeah, so we put.

894
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 4: Fifty thousand down on some IVF or we deal with

895
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 4: this so that we can try to have.

896
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 3: Baby naturally.

897
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 2: So can we postal with that? What should they gonna do?

898
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I just do what I can I do.

899
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, what are some issues that you feel like

900
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 2: come up in Christian marriages that aren't disgusting enough, Like

901
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 2: what are some common things you come across?

902
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:41,399
Speaker 4: And the common things are really the most trivial things

903
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 4: that I don't think people really recognize, like.

904
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 3: Right, stuff like who and who should initiate?

905
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 2: I can see that because men want to feel.

906
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 3: They do.

907
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 4: But men want to feel, Men want to feel desired.

908
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 4: Men want to also feel like you also want to

909
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 4: be here. I've heard more than one time reference to this,

910
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,320
Speaker 4: reference to like mister and c.

911
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 3: And then women feel like more than one.

912
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 2: Time that has to be a horrible feeling, just.

913
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 3: That, and that's how the men feel.

914
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:30,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, And and a lot of women think are taught compliance.

915
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 4: They're not taught co ownership. They're taught when we And

916
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 4: then the way in which, even if we understand sex

917
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 4: as a duty, if that is your values vantage point,

918
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 4: the way it is taught is devoid of pleasure and participation.

919
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 4: And so and the thought that there's a lot of

920
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:54,279
Speaker 4: sexual behaviors for men and women alike that are attached

921
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 4: to erroneously attached to manhood and womanhood. So man, a man,

922
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 4: the one who was so insatiable, can't get itself together.

923
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,879
Speaker 4: So he's the one that's supposed to initiate. So as

924
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 4: a wife, as a woman, I shouldn't have to initiate you.

925
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 4: If you want something, you need to come to me.

926
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,240
Speaker 4: And so they could be hot and bothered and foaming

927
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 4: at the mouth, and they will put themselves in position

928
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 4: to kind of get what they want, but they won't say, hey,

929
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 4: let's go, what's up. You're gonna give me something? They

930
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 4: won't touch, they won't do. They'll wait for him to

931
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 4: do it and then jump, yeah, you're right, exactly exactly.

932
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 4: And I and because I asked all the time, like

933
00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 4: has there been a time in their last thirty days

934
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 4: where you wanted.

935
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 3: To have sex but didn't say anything about it? And

936
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 3: some of them will say yes, and well, why didn't you?

937
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 3: I was waiting for him.

938
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 2: Nah, girl, you gotta say what you want.

939
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 4: So who initiates is one of the common ones.

940
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 2: What is crazy? Do you have to have conversations like this?

941
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,320
Speaker 3: Though? Yeah?

942
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 4: What is allowable as far as like the actual activities

943
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 4: like disagreements on oral anal where if you know, if

944
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 4: they're not trying to have a child, where to ejaculate,

945
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 4: whether to use contraceptives or not, like those really like

946
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 4: baseline things that honestly should have been discussed prior to.

947
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 3: Marriage, before we even got married.

948
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 4: That most of the most of the issues that I

949
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 4: have that are like most of the acute, easily solvable

950
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 4: or addressable issues down to like whether we should have

951
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 4: sex in the morning, have sex at night, like those

952
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 4: type of things.

953
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 2: I don't want to life like that, man, those kind

954
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 2: of But the thing is like it's if for some

955
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 2: people it feels boring because it's not spontaneous and all that.

956
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:47,080
Speaker 2: But I am, but I'm from the I teach scheduling

957
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 2: sex like like I absolutely.

958
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 3: Please, baby, put it on the Google. Can you imagine.

959
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 4: Being at work and getting a oral sex meeting invite?

960
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 2: Or you're not that's cute' that's hot?

961
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is what I But that's what I'm saying.

962
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 4: Scheduling sex is not like, Okay, I have time in

963
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 4: my calendar from.

964
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 3: Five to six, right. It doesn't have to be It

965
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 3: doesn't have to be like that.

966
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 4: It could be same day, like you would come in

967
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,240
Speaker 4: after working, like, hey, you're gonna be busy.

968
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:25,399
Speaker 3: Later because my mom's coming to get the kids at six.

969
00:48:25,440 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 2: Are you gonna be busy later? And he's like, oh no,

970
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna be busy, Okay, me and you.

971
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,239
Speaker 3: And that that schedule, or it could I have, I

972
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 3: I have.

973
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 4: One of the activities that do with couples is creating

974
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,800
Speaker 4: a sex captain, like alternating being the sex captain.

975
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 3: So you look at your schedules, like this is for

976
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:42,320
Speaker 3: busy families.

977
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:44,799
Speaker 4: You look at your schedule and you find a day

978
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 4: that you all get typically get home earliest, the kids

979
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 4: don't have too many activities. And let's just say it's Wednesday,

980
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 4: and then you take turns being the Wednesday Captain. This

981
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 4: is the night where we're not we're not cooking, we're

982
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 4: not doing a whole bunch of dishes.

983
00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 2: We just ordering out.

984
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 4: We are you know, we'red If you have children, heads

985
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 4: and beds. At eight point thirty, everybody's showered and shaved.

986
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 4: So from nine pm until it's just the door is locked,

987
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 4: the phones are off, the TV is off, or whatever

988
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 4: you decide that night is going to look like. Then

989
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 4: we've got we're we're prioritizing this time for us.

990
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,600
Speaker 3: And this could be wild child.

991
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 4: Hanging from the ceiling, or it could just be listen, y'all,

992
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 4: could be naked jello wrestling or y'all could just be

993
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 4: catching up.

994
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 3: On law and order, whatever it is. Y'all have decided

995
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 3: that this is the time where we want to be together.

996
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 3: People who schedule sex have more sex.

997
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 4: And because we have committed to this idea, Hollywood has

998
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 4: convinced us that the sponsaneity of just coming in the

999
00:49:41,960 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 4: house and kissing in the clothes, just falling all over

1000
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,439
Speaker 4: the floor. But yeah, that could be fun. Those things

1001
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 4: sprinkled in there. But the maintenance sex, the sex that's

1002
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 4: going to be the undercurrent and pushing you through everyday life,

1003
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:58,240
Speaker 4: is the one that you plan. Because when you plan something,

1004
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:02,160
Speaker 4: it says is important. If doctor's appointments make the calendar,

1005
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 4: your meetings make the calendar, The kids' sports schedules make

1006
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:09,319
Speaker 4: the calendar. Girls trip on that calendar, why wouldn't your

1007
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 4: sex life be be on that calendar?

1008
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 2: Right right? So how do you approach topics like sexual

1009
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 2: fantasies and kings and all these other frigire shit the

1010
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 2: niggas be into with Christians?

1011
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 4: I really systematically because I don't want to.

1012
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 3: I don't want to kick in the door, wave in

1013
00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 3: the four forest and scare them.

1014
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 4: But I am a matter of fact in my questioning,

1015
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:43,879
Speaker 4: and I start for that from from the consultation, so

1016
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 4: that when we get to the discussions of fantasies expectations

1017
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,239
Speaker 4: like I use a therapeutic miracle question like if you

1018
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 4: could snap your fingers, tomorrow set your fingers, and tomorrow

1019
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 4: your sex life is everything that you want it to be.

1020
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 4: What would that look like? How often would you have sex?

1021
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,280
Speaker 4: What would be some the staples like.

1022
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 3: What wouldn't be there? Like would be different? What would

1023
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 3: be different? Like those?

1024
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 4: I go there and then I ask very flat out

1025
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 4: question and when they say like kind of generic you know,

1026
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 4: you know, I wish such and such was was bigger.

1027
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,359
Speaker 4: When you say bigger, what do you mean by that?

1028
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:21,520
Speaker 4: Is it currently small? Well, it's you know, it's not

1029
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 4: the well how small is if you if you have

1030
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 4: you measured it?

1031
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:25,719
Speaker 3: Okay? What you say?

1032
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:25,919
Speaker 2: Four?

1033
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 3: We are were here? We're talking here? Like what are

1034
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 3: we talking?

1035
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 2: And you start measuring ship?

1036
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 3: Right? And I and I.

1037
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 4: But the thing is that I to your point about

1038
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 4: how do I address it? I address it head on

1039
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 4: and that for me removes this nigg But I try

1040
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 4: very hard not to use a lot of like euphemisms.

1041
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 4: I try very hard not to use a lot of

1042
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 4: like nicknames because that's the language that they speak.

1043
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 3: Now, I don't go too far like and like I don't.

1044
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 4: I try not to be vulgar either. And if I

1045
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 4: you and I, in most cases, I'm going to use

1046
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 4: the technical or medical like I'm not going to I

1047
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 4: may not say fillatio or cund of lincolns, but I

1048
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 4: will say you know, or oral I won't say, I

1049
00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 4: will say, I will say oral sex. But I was

1050
00:52:14,239 --> 00:52:17,839
Speaker 4: like you, but I will say, like if we're talking

1051
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 4: about that, like I'll ask, like if there is a

1052
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 4: problem with or like what's wrong with it?

1053
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:24,640
Speaker 3: Is it not? Is it not deep throat enough? Is

1054
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 3: there not enough spit? Like what are we talking about?

1055
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,240
Speaker 3: What's the issue? I go and then there.

1056
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 4: Because the thing is if you can operate as a

1057
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 4: if you can operationalize it, if you can make it tangible,

1058
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,959
Speaker 4: then we can develop a plan that is account that

1059
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,320
Speaker 4: that also comes with a bit of accountability when we

1060
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 4: keep speaking in generalities and these euphemisms, those things have

1061
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 4: meaning to you and your brain, but it's not necessarily

1062
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 4: a shared meaning with the person outside. So like if

1063
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:55,040
Speaker 4: they even when they come to me and say, oh,

1064
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 4: we're not intimate enough Do you mean y'all don't have

1065
00:52:57,360 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 4: enough hugs and cuddles and secrets.

1066
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:01,720
Speaker 2: Y'alln't have different things?

1067
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,560
Speaker 3: Or y'all don't have enough sex? Right? Right?

1068
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 4: And when you say enough, when was the last time

1069
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,760
Speaker 4: you had sex? And when was the last time before

1070
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 4: that time? Because enough, it's relative, like you know what

1071
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,840
Speaker 4: I mean. And then when I'm with the couple, I

1072
00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:18,399
Speaker 4: don't let one person just talk after one person share

1073
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 4: that with Okay, now would you agree with that? And

1074
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 4: they say, oh yeah, I think that's good. Okay, well

1075
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,720
Speaker 4: put it in your words because I don't let them.

1076
00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:27,879
Speaker 3: I don't let them hide.

1077
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,880
Speaker 4: So when we get to the conversations of kink and

1078
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 4: fantasy have already established, I'm not gonna let you hide.

1079
00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 3: We're not going to talk in cold because we are grown.

1080
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 4: And then we're gonna but if you don't have the language,

1081
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 4: which many of them don't, I'm gonna help pull it

1082
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 4: out and offer language for you to then use and

1083
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 4: then encourage you encourage you to use it. But most

1084
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 4: of my work is with either helping people feel better

1085
00:53:57,040 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 4: about their kinks or fantasies are really demystifying what their

1086
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 4: kings infanities are because some people have a lot of

1087
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 4: us have been given these ideals of what great sex is.

1088
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 4: Like you know, hip hop has forced us all to

1089
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 4: believe that nine inch penises is the end all be

1090
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 4: all two sex.

1091
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 3: And then when I get down to it, I'm like, hmhmm,

1092
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 3: nine inches? So do you like deep penetration like you

1093
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:25,040
Speaker 3: like it?

1094
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: You?

1095
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 2: Oh?

1096
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 3: No, I don't need to be and I don't want to.

1097
00:54:29,120 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna say it.

1098
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:33,240
Speaker 3: Nope, nope.

1099
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:37,879
Speaker 2: The point is some people do right, some people do,

1100
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 2: many people don't. But more importantly, more more people than

1101
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 2: not do not have nine inches. So even if you

1102
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:53,720
Speaker 2: want them, you're going to be hard pressed to.

1103
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:56,320
Speaker 3: Seven.

1104
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:03,120
Speaker 4: Nave told you and Fucci Wally that none INSes was okay,

1105
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 4: and then you took that and ran with that list.

1106
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,280
Speaker 4: But is that what you really want? So get creating

1107
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 4: an environment with fantasy. But the best phantasies are when

1108
00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:15,279
Speaker 4: you create an environment for people to want what they

1109
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 4: actually want. It actually feels good for their bodies, was

1110
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 4: actually attainable for them, not the pursuit of something that

1111
00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:25,320
Speaker 4: somebody else said would be good.

1112
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, who would.

1113
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,160
Speaker 2: You say have a hard time expressing their desires and

1114
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 2: your sessions men and women women.

1115
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 4: Women, So and now I'll put like this, Women have

1116
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 4: a hard time expressing it.

1117
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:42,319
Speaker 3: Men have a hard time.

1118
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 4: Differentiating between what they want and what they want to

1119
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 4: happen and so and by that I mean, so, for example,

1120
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 4: I had a couple where the husband wanted wanted his

1121
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 4: wife to be a little more express in the bedroom.

1122
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 3: Like he wanted more. He wanted more.

1123
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 4: But see and that and the thing is something that

1124
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:11,120
Speaker 4: you say that that is how she conceptualized it.

1125
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 2: She conceptualized that she wants that he wanted porn type

1126
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:15,800
Speaker 2: of sex.

1127
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 4: But in reality, once we got like he wanted the

1128
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:21,920
Speaker 4: cussing and oh give me that and throw it back,

1129
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 4: and people.

1130
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 2: Are quiet when they having sex.

1131
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 3: But she was.

1132
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,239
Speaker 4: And so what he didn't actually want her to be,

1133
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 4: you know, cursing and saying these things and all this.

1134
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:34,919
Speaker 3: He wanted she.

1135
00:56:34,880 --> 00:56:40,560
Speaker 4: Would really withhold her pleasure, her pleasure sounds. He just

1136
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 4: wanted confidence that what he was doing.

1137
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 2: Was working right so he can land the plane.

1138
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 3: That was And so that's what I think.

1139
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 4: I think men they kind of do like catch all,

1140
00:56:51,239 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 4: like throw the baby out with the bath horder type

1141
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:57,839
Speaker 4: of request because they're not really good at like delineating

1142
00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 4: again what that what they what tingible thing they actually

1143
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 4: want to happen.

1144
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 3: Women struggle more.

1145
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 4: Christian women struggle more with just expressing what they want

1146
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:09,960
Speaker 4: and more and more importantly, what they don't want in

1147
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 4: the bedroom, because a lot of them will grin and

1148
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 4: bear and go along with it even when they hate it.

1149
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 2: I'm just curious, who would you say is the first

1150
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 2: to realize that they made a mistake.

1151
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 3: In what way made a mistake and getting married?

1152
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but in their marriage, I think unfortunately, because there

1153
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 2: is this mad rush to the altar too are to

1154
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 2: be able to have sex.

1155
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 4: I think it's a shared experience. Like if if couples

1156
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 4: are getting.

1157
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:39,400
Speaker 3: Like you got.

1158
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 2: Brittany Good, I knew he was gonna be political. I

1159
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 2: don't even want to hear no more, Brittany. You know,

1160
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 2: I know Brittany so well. You know she cracking up.

1161
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:56,880
Speaker 2: Brittany you Good, You so predictable.

1162
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 3: I knew I'm just telling the truth.

1163
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 4: I think that of the couples who will come to

1164
00:58:03,680 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 4: the reality or wrestle with whether they should have done

1165
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:09,640
Speaker 4: this or not, they both come to it at different

1166
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 4: points and for different reasons. Particularly among that group who

1167
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 4: got married because somebody told them that they should, or

1168
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 4: in an attempt to or as a response to not

1169
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 4: being able to stop having sex.

1170
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I know that you were preleas married before

1171
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 2: we key key about this in private. So how does

1172
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 2: your divorce shape both your personal view of intimacy and

1173
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:38,360
Speaker 2: your confidence and your work as a sexologist?

1174
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 3: Oh? How much time? We well?

1175
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 4: No, So interestingly enough, my divorce played a major role

1176
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:50,280
Speaker 4: in how hard I go with the intimacy firm, because

1177
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 4: I think if it took me a while, I had

1178
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 4: to be honest with the fact that I probably stayed

1179
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 4: in my marriage maybe a year or two longer than

1180
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 4: I would have if it wasn't for the Intimacy Firm,

1181
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 4: because I couldn't. I knew for sure that the Lord

1182
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:06,840
Speaker 4: had called me to do this, and so I was like,

1183
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 4: maybe I didn't hear right, or maybe I'm wrong about

1184
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:14,440
Speaker 4: the divorce, because there's no way I can do the

1185
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 4: intimacy Firm and be divorced.

1186
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 3: And so because I know I heard this right, this

1187
00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 3: must be wrong, and I rusted.

1188
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 4: I did not see a world where I could do

1189
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 4: this as a divorce woman. I didn't see a world

1190
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 4: where I could navigate where I knew the Lord was

1191
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 4: going to take this as a single mom, I just didn't.

1192
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 3: I just couldn't see it. But then when you know,

1193
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 3: it got.

1194
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 4: To a point where I was like, okay, yeah, you

1195
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 4: know I love you as a father, as a husband,

1196
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 4: this is not going to work anymore. It was that

1197
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 4: freedom where I was like, oh, I'm actually a really

1198
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 4: good mother and as a practitioner, my business has done

1199
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,880
Speaker 4: far more and far better.

1200
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 3: Post divorce than it didn't when I was in it.

1201
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 4: And you know, honestly it started, I was I got

1202
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 4: divorced in two thousand and.

1203
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 3: Nineteen or separate twenty nineteen, so it.

1204
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 4: Was three years in the in my marriage and then

1205
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:15,400
Speaker 4: the rest, so you started, I started twenty sixteen. But

1206
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 4: there was a confidence that came with like as I

1207
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:20,520
Speaker 4: was like, oh I really could do this, Oh the

1208
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 4: Lord can still use me, I stepped out and I don't.

1209
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 4: And then once I was public about being divorced, there

1210
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:30,320
Speaker 4: was no more shame, Like that was the shame that

1211
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 4: was the thing that was holding me back.

1212
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 3: And now I'm like, yeah, I can do this.

1213
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 4: And also realizing now that I've been on every side

1214
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:40,800
Speaker 4: like I have been abstinent prior Tori well, trying to

1215
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 4: be abstinent prior to marriage.

1216
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 3: I've been married, I've been divorced.

1217
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:53,920
Speaker 4: Now I'm trying considering maybe thinking about dating again. So

1218
01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 4: I've been at every point, any point where you come

1219
01:00:56,640 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 4: to in relationship, outside of experiencing in the death of

1220
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 4: a spouse, I've been there in some way, shape or form.

1221
01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 4: So if God's calling me to work with you, I

1222
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 4: can empathize with a lot of what you're going through

1223
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:13,919
Speaker 4: or have personal experience with that very with that very thing.

1224
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 4: So while I don't wish divorce on anybody, I do

1225
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 4: see how His grace has kept me even through that

1226
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:30,160
Speaker 4: and even made my life better Hopes Dice, do.

1227
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 2: You still have those moments of self doubt?

1228
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 4: Yes, certainly, and because right now, like one of my

1229
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:41,520
Speaker 4: prayer one of the things I've been praying about is

1230
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 4: if visibility and ministry is all this is supposed to be,

1231
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:50,520
Speaker 4: because there is, and this is not like trying to

1232
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 4: talk bigger, none of that. But my social media, at

1233
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 4: least my Instagram does fairly well. So if I post something,

1234
01:01:57,080 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 4: if I do a video like it's going to for

1235
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 4: the most part, it's going to do numbers, so I

1236
01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 4: have the visibility, I have the reach people within certain

1237
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:12,000
Speaker 4: specs or spheres you know, know who I am, But

1238
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 4: there is not then for the last couple for less

1239
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:17,720
Speaker 4: year or year and a half or so, there hasn't

1240
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:23,959
Speaker 4: been much converting to like monetarily, and so I'm like, well, Lord,

1241
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:25,320
Speaker 4: am I doing something wrong?

1242
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:29,240
Speaker 3: Or is it? Or is this only supposed to be service?

1243
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:32,080
Speaker 4: Like am I only supposed to be you know that

1244
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 4: voice crying out in the wilderness, like, and there's going

1245
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 4: to be other type of sustenance that comes, like which

1246
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:39,440
Speaker 4: is you know? I think that naturally when you think

1247
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:43,600
Speaker 4: about ministry, where you're in a ministry in a marketplace,

1248
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 4: there's that idea of like where do I serve with

1249
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:51,440
Speaker 4: no expectation of compensation? And then where do I have

1250
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 4: to put a price? Like it's hard to put a price,

1251
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:55,360
Speaker 4: say on because.

1252
01:02:55,160 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 2: We need to be compensated for our gifts.

1253
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:58,160
Speaker 3: Right right.

1254
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,000
Speaker 4: And the hardest part of about it, though, is that

1255
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 4: which God has really challenged me on is that I

1256
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,600
Speaker 4: love this work so much I would do it for free.

1257
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:09,560
Speaker 4: And so I really had to write and I really

1258
01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 4: had my discernment really had to improve, like what because

1259
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:16,040
Speaker 4: I've had experiences where go I was like, send him

1260
01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 4: a message telling the book a session which you don't

1261
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:21,640
Speaker 4: charge them, okay, And like I'm like, did I hold on?

1262
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 3: Hold on? Turn out again? I didn't what old miss it,

1263
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 3: I didn't hear you.

1264
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 4: But then it got to the point now it's like

1265
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:35,479
Speaker 4: whatever will be will be, and I'm not I'm never

1266
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:40,680
Speaker 4: going to put somebody's deliverance and healing behind a paywall.

1267
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 3: That doesn't mean it's gonna be free. Right if I have,

1268
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:46,480
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you a little break from.

1269
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:49,280
Speaker 4: Here, right right if I if I feel the unction

1270
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:51,440
Speaker 4: of the whole experience to pour into you, should I'm

1271
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,080
Speaker 4: working with I'm working with a young lady right now

1272
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,480
Speaker 4: who's getting ready to get married in three weeks, and

1273
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 4: just from conversing with her on threads, I was like,

1274
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,960
Speaker 4: send me an email, I'll do my premarital workshop with you,

1275
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 4: because I just it just was one of those It

1276
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 4: was just one of those things. And so I do

1277
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 4: have doubts sometimes where I see colleagues reaching other heights

1278
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 4: and you know, going through dag what am I doing wrong?

1279
01:04:17,480 --> 01:04:20,280
Speaker 4: And I also, you know, I had to check myself

1280
01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 4: a little bit, a little pride because I've seen people

1281
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 4: who have not been where I've.

1282
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,240
Speaker 3: Been or achieved the things achieved.

1283
01:04:29,160 --> 01:04:34,680
Speaker 4: And are some of youall faiths and grace And I'm.

1284
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 2: Like, hey, hey, and then you started to question your

1285
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:41,000
Speaker 2: own abilities about me, and you're thinking like damn, like

1286
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 2: what am I doing wrong? Like I'm I'm consistent, I'm

1287
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 2: giving out good sound advice and I could back it up.

1288
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 2: And it's a lot.

1289
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 3: But that's the difficult part though, that self doubt.

1290
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 4: Though I tend to lean more and Holy spirits working

1291
01:04:56,880 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 4: in therapies, working on this, but I lean more towards

1292
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:06,240
Speaker 4: it's not just self doubt, but even self deprecation a

1293
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:09,720
Speaker 4: little bit, like I look at it not like oh,

1294
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:10,400
Speaker 4: I've been doing this.

1295
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 3: I've been doing this.

1296
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 4: It's been Oh I must be doing something wrong. I

1297
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,640
Speaker 4: must not be working hard enough.

1298
01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:16,760
Speaker 3: I must this.

1299
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 4: It must not be landing the way I think, because

1300
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:21,920
Speaker 4: if I was doing right, I would.

1301
01:05:21,640 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 3: Be where they where they are.

1302
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:26,000
Speaker 4: And the Lord had to tell me like, that's not

1303
01:05:26,040 --> 01:05:29,480
Speaker 4: how this works, that's not that's not how this works.

1304
01:05:29,480 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 4: And it took it took a long time, like to

1305
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,160
Speaker 4: to develop that self.

1306
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:36,240
Speaker 3: Compassion that what is for me will not miss me.

1307
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,440
Speaker 4: What that has for me is for me, And there

1308
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,640
Speaker 4: is Timing is everything, and there is and I look

1309
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:46,480
Speaker 4: back and there are some some booking, some engagements, some

1310
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 4: like elevation that if I would have gotten it at

1311
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:51,400
Speaker 4: the moment or time that.

1312
01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,920
Speaker 2: I I would have fumbled.

1313
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:58,200
Speaker 3: I would have fumbled. That's a I would have fumbled.

1314
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:01,480
Speaker 4: So now the doubt come because I think that's human.

1315
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 4: But the saving graces. If I'm here, then Lord, this

1316
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:10,640
Speaker 4: is where you have me. And if if I'm supposed

1317
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 4: to be somewhere else, give me the skill, the access,

1318
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 4: the resource and the character to manage it when.

1319
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 2: It comes facts facts. We almost finished. But how would

1320
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 2: you handle or how do you handle conversations about l

1321
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 2: g B, t Q, I A plus identities within the

1322
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 2: context of Christian teaching.

1323
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:33,320
Speaker 3: Honestly, I don't have to outside of.

1324
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 4: Establishing and the belief that all humans are image bearers.

1325
01:06:40,760 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 4: We are all the Amigo day them.

1326
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 2: You know I'm here, I'm hit you up in the

1327
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 2: group chat baby, because you're good.

1328
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:51,520
Speaker 3: We all have.

1329
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 4: An inherent worth and value to love, to dignity. My

1330
01:06:57,840 --> 01:07:02,600
Speaker 4: call to other believers who aren't as compassionate is that

1331
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:06,240
Speaker 4: you can't win what you don't love. So if you're

1332
01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:08,720
Speaker 4: trying to win a group for Christ or rent a

1333
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:14,040
Speaker 4: person for Christ, but you are moving in unloving, bigoted,

1334
01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 4: ungodly ways, you'll never win.

1335
01:07:17,160 --> 01:07:18,040
Speaker 3: You'll never win them.

1336
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:19,560
Speaker 4: And as we're called to be the hands and feet

1337
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:22,760
Speaker 4: and hands and feet of Jesus, that's not the way

1338
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:24,240
Speaker 4: that you approach it.

1339
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,160
Speaker 3: But I say, I don't typically have to deal with

1340
01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:26,840
Speaker 3: that because.

1341
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:33,040
Speaker 4: My primary audience, my clients are cis gender, heterosexual, really

1342
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:36,640
Speaker 4: primarily black and brown, you know, men and women.

1343
01:07:36,840 --> 01:07:39,000
Speaker 3: So that's not my expertise.

1344
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 4: I think that there is a particular I know that

1345
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 4: there's a particular skill set in school of thought to

1346
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:47,200
Speaker 4: be able to effectively support individuals from those groups. So

1347
01:07:47,400 --> 01:07:50,720
Speaker 4: I've never had to I never had to speak on

1348
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:53,400
Speaker 4: the topics because churches aren't bringing me into to speak

1349
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:55,960
Speaker 4: about that, because they're calling me in to work with

1350
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 4: their marriage ministries or their singles ministries.

1351
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 3: I have worked with folks who have had.

1352
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 4: Same sex attraction and same sex behaviors in their past

1353
01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:11,880
Speaker 4: and they are working to not I've worked with that,

1354
01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:14,680
Speaker 4: but as far as like couples, that's not anything.

1355
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:17,400
Speaker 3: That's not my client base.

1356
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:22,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, and not my client base and so but I

1357
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:25,200
Speaker 4: do have I have. I am intentional about making sure

1358
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:29,800
Speaker 4: I have sound referrals. If a couple or AFL, which

1359
01:08:29,800 --> 01:08:33,840
Speaker 4: is important too, comes to me looking for support, have

1360
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:35,960
Speaker 4: someone that I can send them to that I can trust,

1361
01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:39,479
Speaker 4: that I will know, that I know will engage, engage

1362
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:42,559
Speaker 4: them with compassion and grace and skill.

1363
01:08:43,000 --> 01:08:46,679
Speaker 2: So yeah, and if you could rewrite the conversation around

1364
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:48,479
Speaker 2: sex and the church, what would it look like?

1365
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:55,320
Speaker 3: Okay? Because a good thing and sex is a God thing.

1366
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:59,639
Speaker 4: And so we if we understand that pleasure and move

1367
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,719
Speaker 4: from the vantage point that pleasure existed before sin? Did

1368
01:09:04,520 --> 01:09:09,920
Speaker 4: I think that pleasure existed before Shane? Did pleasure existed

1369
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:11,000
Speaker 4: before anybody?

1370
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:11,559
Speaker 3: Image?

1371
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:15,360
Speaker 4: Pleasure existed before all of those things that entered in

1372
01:09:16,120 --> 01:09:19,920
Speaker 4: when the enemy came and first asked Eve, did God

1373
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:20,639
Speaker 4: really say that?

1374
01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:27,200
Speaker 3: So I would rewrite it by writing out a culture

1375
01:09:27,320 --> 01:09:29,879
Speaker 3: where we do not question what.

1376
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:34,160
Speaker 4: God said about our bodies, his intentions for sex, intimacy

1377
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:36,480
Speaker 4: and relationships.

1378
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:38,120
Speaker 3: And the way we commune with one another.

1379
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:42,320
Speaker 2: Single and Marrit, like, you know what, reading this has

1380
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:45,519
Speaker 2: been an absolute joy, Like, I am so excited we

1381
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:50,200
Speaker 2: were able to do this. Seriously, right, this is now

1382
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,559
Speaker 2: when I have people of your caliber on the show

1383
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,519
Speaker 2: because I know you you one of God's favorite I

1384
01:09:55,600 --> 01:10:00,160
Speaker 2: always ask people like yourself to lead leave us with

1385
01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:00,920
Speaker 2: a prayer.

1386
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:03,639
Speaker 3: Like were you want me pray?

1387
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:06,680
Speaker 2: Pray or like bad we need some prayer a boy.

1388
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:09,920
Speaker 2: People finding and find the love that they truly deserve.

1389
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:12,080
Speaker 2: Why can't put through the mattress?

1390
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:16,240
Speaker 3: Lord Havny.

1391
01:10:16,240 --> 01:10:18,160
Speaker 4: Father, we come to you on this day with thanksgiving,

1392
01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:19,960
Speaker 4: Father God, we thank you and praise you for your

1393
01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 4: grace and your mercy. Father God, I first and foremost

1394
01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:23,880
Speaker 4: want to thank you for my sister Evanay. Lord, I

1395
01:10:23,880 --> 01:10:26,679
Speaker 4: thank you for her heart. I thank you for her beauty,

1396
01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:30,120
Speaker 4: her wisdom, her creativity, her talent. Lord, I pray I

1397
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 4: know that you have a mighty place an impact, that

1398
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:37,280
Speaker 4: you have plans for her in this world through this podcast,

1399
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 4: through her art, through her writing, through her coloring books,

1400
01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:45,680
Speaker 4: through her insight and plans for the things that she

1401
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:48,479
Speaker 4: wishes for and dreams about and praise about. Lord, I

1402
01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:52,200
Speaker 4: know you're getting ready to do mighty works and through

1403
01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:55,679
Speaker 4: you with her. Lord, in the name of Jesus and Lord,

1404
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,240
Speaker 4: I pray right now that anybody who was listening to

1405
01:10:58,439 --> 01:11:01,280
Speaker 4: this who is heart broke and anybody who's listening to

1406
01:11:01,280 --> 01:11:03,240
Speaker 4: this who feels like they will.

1407
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:05,000
Speaker 3: Never see love or feel love again.

1408
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:08,080
Speaker 4: Anybody who feels like the other, who feels like always

1409
01:11:08,120 --> 01:11:11,120
Speaker 4: the brides may never the bride who feels like they

1410
01:11:11,200 --> 01:11:13,040
Speaker 4: don't imagine it's.

1411
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:16,240
Speaker 3: Not that guy that was right there. I'm sorry, God,

1412
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:17,160
Speaker 3: go ahead, breathe.

1413
01:11:17,560 --> 01:11:20,040
Speaker 4: They don't imagine a world where they are loved, where

1414
01:11:20,120 --> 01:11:23,720
Speaker 4: they are seeing, heard, valued, or understood. Lord, I pray

1415
01:11:23,800 --> 01:11:27,160
Speaker 4: that you silence the whispers and life of the enemy,

1416
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:29,880
Speaker 4: and remind them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

1417
01:11:29,960 --> 01:11:32,479
Speaker 4: Remind them that your thoughts for them outnumber the grains

1418
01:11:32,479 --> 01:11:34,960
Speaker 4: of saying. Remind them that your name is a strong

1419
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,559
Speaker 4: tower and the rights run in or say. Remind them

1420
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:39,479
Speaker 4: that you are near to the broken heart and close

1421
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:42,760
Speaker 4: to those who are crushed in spirit. Lord, remind them

1422
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:45,040
Speaker 4: that if it be your will, that they will be

1423
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:49,160
Speaker 4: able to rejoice and see the goodness of God in

1424
01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 4: the land of the living. They will be able to

1425
01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:57,400
Speaker 4: feel love inside and out, platonically, familiarly, spiritually, and romantically. Lord,

1426
01:11:57,600 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 4: that they don't despise the fact that they dream of

1427
01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 4: being a wife, That they don't despise the fact that

1428
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:04,680
Speaker 4: they dream of being a mother. Remind them that you

1429
01:12:04,840 --> 01:12:07,559
Speaker 4: are the father and author of time, and that you

1430
01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:10,799
Speaker 4: exist outside of time. So there is no biological clot

1431
01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:16,000
Speaker 4: no statistic, no doctor's report that will supersede what thus

1432
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:19,080
Speaker 4: saith the Lord in the name of Jesus. So anybody

1433
01:12:19,080 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 4: who is listening to this right now, especially that woman

1434
01:12:21,760 --> 01:12:24,880
Speaker 4: who continues to cry herself to sleep, but smiles on

1435
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:27,760
Speaker 4: in front of everybody every other day, that woman who

1436
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:31,640
Speaker 4: is everything to everybody else but comes home with nobody

1437
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:34,439
Speaker 4: to be that to them, Lord, remind them that you're

1438
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:37,160
Speaker 4: they are never outside of your hand. Find of them,

1439
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:39,519
Speaker 4: find rest in your leaf, that they find love and

1440
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:42,760
Speaker 4: joy in your arms, in the name of Jesus, and

1441
01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:46,240
Speaker 4: remind them, if they seek first the Kingdom of God

1442
01:12:46,439 --> 01:12:51,320
Speaker 4: and his righteousness, that all every dream, every hope, every plan,

1443
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:56,439
Speaker 4: every fear, all other things will be addressed and added

1444
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:59,800
Speaker 4: unto them, because there is nothing concerning them that you

1445
01:12:59,880 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 4: are I'm concerned about. We praise you, we honor you,

1446
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,200
Speaker 4: and we sealed this with the hallelujah, because we don't

1447
01:13:05,240 --> 01:13:07,680
Speaker 4: know what's already done. And your mighty and matches name.

1448
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:09,000
Speaker 4: We pray, hey man.

1449
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:15,120
Speaker 2: Come on Brittany. The B stand for best Brittany, got

1450
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:18,640
Speaker 2: me over here, crying girl child. Tell people where they

1451
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:20,880
Speaker 2: can follow you at child, I'm about to see your

1452
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 2: cash baby.

1453
01:13:23,120 --> 01:13:24,120
Speaker 3: Give you a little offer.

1454
01:13:24,760 --> 01:13:31,480
Speaker 4: My website is www dot the Intimacyfirm dot com. On Instagram,

1455
01:13:31,560 --> 01:13:33,799
Speaker 4: I am Christian Sexologist Brittany.

1456
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:35,760
Speaker 3: Come on, get ready.

1457
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:38,920
Speaker 4: I'm actually getting ready changed by TikTok right now when

1458
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:40,360
Speaker 4: we hang out, so by the time you hear this,

1459
01:13:40,439 --> 01:13:45,519
Speaker 4: my TikTok will also be Christian Sexologists Brittany. And if

1460
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:49,920
Speaker 4: you are on YouTube during discussions podcast that if you

1461
01:13:49,920 --> 01:13:52,519
Speaker 4: search my at name on YouTube is at Christian at

1462
01:13:52,560 --> 01:13:53,720
Speaker 4: the Christian Sexologists.

1463
01:13:54,520 --> 01:13:55,800
Speaker 3: Oh, Brittany, I love you.

1464
01:13:55,840 --> 01:13:56,000
Speaker 2: Man.

1465
01:13:56,320 --> 01:13:57,879
Speaker 3: Was good comfort.

1466
01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,679
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see We about to have a time.

1467
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:02,599
Speaker 3: Oh my God.

1468
01:14:02,680 --> 01:14:05,200
Speaker 2: To listeners, if you'll have any questions coming or concerns,

1469
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:06,960
Speaker 2: please make sure to email me at Hello at the

1470
01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:10,360
Speaker 2: psgpodcast dot com. I'm pretty sure bringing me back on

1471
01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:12,559
Speaker 2: the show again because she has a lot of exciting

1472
01:14:12,680 --> 01:14:14,880
Speaker 2: updates that's coming really soon, so I cannot wait for

1473
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:18,719
Speaker 2: us to be able to support her. But until next time,

1474
01:14:18,800 --> 01:14:27,240
Speaker 2: that is the end of an ebenay holiday. Okayay, until

1475
01:14:27,320 --> 01:14:39,280
Speaker 2: next time Everyone Later Byke. Pretty Private is a production

1476
01:14:39,439 --> 01:14:43,480
Speaker 2: of the Black Appack podcast network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1477
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen

1478
01:14:48,160 --> 01:14:51,400
Speaker 2: to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate

1479
01:14:51,439 --> 01:14:54,360
Speaker 2: the show, and you can connect with me on social

1480
01:14:54,400 --> 01:15:00,120
Speaker 2: media at Pretty Private Podcasts y