Speaker 1: Portions of This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris.
Speaker 1: The improvised documentary podcast are brought to you by listeners
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Speaker 1: knowing Random Sentence Generator, which inspires the stories you're about
Speaker 1: to hear. Yes, whenever you hear this sound, the next
Speaker 1: sentence you hear is a random sentence provided by our
Speaker 1: revered omnipotent Random Sentence Generator. Or more This American Laugh.
Speaker 1: Listened to more episodes of This American Laugh, I guess
Speaker 1: and now your first random sentence. He went back to
Speaker 1: the video to see what had been recorded and was
Speaker 1: shocked at what he saw. It was a surveillance camera
Speaker 1: that had been trained at the front of his house
Speaker 1: a long time. And what he found out is why
Speaker 1: this packages are always disappearing. What oh? What? Oh? No, nothing?
Speaker 1: Oh you're dropping something off for me? I am You're
Speaker 1: dropping off a package for me? I am? Yeah. Do
Speaker 1: you want to sign this or not? Sure? I don't mind.
Speaker 1: If I do, I'm gonna sign it right now. That's
Speaker 1: the only package you have for me. You didn't try
Speaker 1: to deliver one earlier. Get to the point I looked
Speaker 1: at the footage. Oh yeah, would you find Mark? I
Speaker 1: saw that you tried to deliver a package. You shook
Speaker 1: it a little bit. Yeah, and and then you realize,
Speaker 1: oh these might this might be something that I might like,
Speaker 1: and you took it right back to your truck. No,
Speaker 1: I shook it and I heard that some jingling noise.
Speaker 1: I thought maybe it was broken, so I took it
Speaker 1: back really doing your favorite? Mark? Oh really you did?
Speaker 1: Oh well, thank you so much for the favorite. Signed
Speaker 1: for that right now. Thank you. I've been running this
Speaker 1: route for over ten years. You think I'm in the
Speaker 1: businesses stealing off my own route? Makes me wonder what
Speaker 1: else of mine you might have thought was broken and
Speaker 1: you want to take to the truck to investigate. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: um neighbor, Um, guys, got to be a little loud
Speaker 1: over here. Sorry, sorry, but it's I know you're trying
Speaker 1: to sleep. Look, I know what this is about. You've
Speaker 1: been listening to what I've been saying for the last
Speaker 1: forty five seconds, So you do. He's happier with me, Mark,
Speaker 1: What the funk are you talking about? Don't leave. He's
Speaker 1: the guy from the video that's begging your wife. Whoa whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam,
Speaker 1: you don't recognize him. That's what I was talking about
Speaker 1: the video of him taking my packages back. And oh,
Speaker 1: of course there's are another videos. Mark, there's another Why
Speaker 1: would you, Steve? What did you say? Well, at the
Speaker 1: neighborhood Watch meeting, you know how we like, you know,
Speaker 1: we upload all the videos to the server and then
Speaker 1: we look at him at the Neighborhood Watch meeting. Just
Speaker 1: make sure that the thing is safe. I got some
Speaker 1: packages delivered. You guys keep no, no, no, you better
Speaker 1: get back here. Yeah, yeah, well there was one day
Speaker 1: I couldn't make it the meeting. You were at the meeting.
Speaker 1: Weren't at the meet? If I would have seen a
Speaker 1: video driver having hitters course with my wife, I don't remember.
Speaker 1: It was I remember very specifically. You weren't at the meeting,
Speaker 1: and you were you were coming to the meeting, and
Speaker 1: we changed the video because you came in the room. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, but what had happened? Uh, the the
Speaker 1: guy had come up and it looked like some role
Speaker 1: play or something because your wife came out. Meeting was
Speaker 1: six days ago. You're just now telling me this, wh
Speaker 1: what is that? Why everybody is giving me the side.
Speaker 1: I kind of just I know we're looking away when
Speaker 1: I I don't want to get an your business. Can
Speaker 1: you sign I forgot to get you to sign this.
Speaker 1: Can you just sign it please? I just drove back up.
Speaker 1: Sign it flowers word flowers for my wife. Come on, man,
Speaker 1: and I've been fucking your wife. I thought you knew that.
Speaker 1: I thought that's why you were angry at me. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was in the surveillance cameras. You didn't be angry.
Speaker 1: Be angry. That's why she's with me, man, because you
Speaker 1: have no emotions anymore. Mark, This is what we were
Speaker 1: talking about at the meeting. You're so pliable. Well, it's
Speaker 1: just betrayal on top of betrayal on top of betrayal. Here.
Speaker 1: First of all, you're having sex with my wife. I
Speaker 1: had sex with your wife and you all knew about
Speaker 1: it and nobody said anything thought on camera. How many
Speaker 1: other people have seen this video? Well, the whole neighborhood,
Speaker 1: the whole neighborhood. Yes, passport protected because we didn't want
Speaker 1: you to see it. I want to see this. Everybody
Speaker 1: shouldn't see this video, but mostly everybody, so not everybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think Sam was out of town. Oh no, no,
Speaker 1: I actually emailed saying, what episode than everybody? Look, maybe
Speaker 1: do you know what, Let's use this as a as
Speaker 1: a time for you to like reinvigorate your life and
Speaker 1: maybe you know why am I the one who has
Speaker 1: to make adjustments? Obviously you're not giving it until her
Speaker 1: properly if the if the delivery guy is delivering better
Speaker 1: than you, I mean, no pun intended, I shouldn't laugh.
Speaker 1: I need to gather myself. Is obviously that much. You
Speaker 1: need to get some therapy. Figure out why he wasn't
Speaker 1: giving it to his wife, but he was supposed to
Speaker 1: give it to a like the neighbor had mentioned. And
Speaker 1: that's about it. I mean I kind of came to
Speaker 1: find out that my wife had been sleeping with the
Speaker 1: delivery driver and my neighbor had seen it. Make you
Speaker 1: feel angry? I mean I'm not showing it. I'm not
Speaker 1: showing my anger to my job. It's gonna ask you
Speaker 1: at me, you know, well, I mean skill would attend
Speaker 1: like tend being like the most amount of anger that
Speaker 1: I should be showing. An maybe this is and how
Speaker 1: does that make you know that I'm having to ask
Speaker 1: you usum super confused. What do you see what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: He doesn't have any emotions, he doesn't feel anything, he
Speaker 1: doesn't say anything. This is why I have to fuck
Speaker 1: everyone else. The trash guy, they Amazon delivery guy, I
Speaker 1: am the Mailman's his brother Jesus, and that you feel
Speaker 1: pretty cheesed five real cheese cheese who says that I
Speaker 1: would like you to do something slap me, do something,
Speaker 1: show some emotions make me feel like I did something wrong?
Speaker 1: You know what you wanted it? I hear it ass.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, finally I kind of like that too. And
Speaker 1: you did it on her, but which is not bad? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. And how does that make I should
Speaker 1: feel kind of turned on? Yeah? Yeah? Did you like that?
Speaker 1: Second one? Okay, we're gonna work on it. We're gonna
Speaker 1: work on it. Okay, how about a third one? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: you're good. Yeah, but I'm here familiar. You know what this.
Speaker 1: I appreciate the effort that you're making. So he decided
Speaker 1: to do for a slap in instead. It is sexual
Speaker 1: estate and um, if you could fix city? The provens
Speaker 1: oh yes, do you do you like this? Do you
Speaker 1: like this? Do you like it? Is this nice? Yes,
Speaker 1: do you like it? Down? There's a few of those?
Speaker 1: Do you like? Want more of this? Is this as
Speaker 1: good as the delivery guy? Is it as good as
Speaker 1: the delivery guy called me? The delivery guy call me
Speaker 1: to tell you I'm need to deliver guy. I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. I know I can't. Why oh?
Speaker 1: I keep thinking about as you the delivery guy, my brother,
Speaker 1: the mail man. Who are the other ones? The teacher,
Speaker 1: the teacher, the gardner, gardner, the gardner, a landscaper, neighbor's
Speaker 1: pool boy, the neighbor's pool boy. He came very clear
Speaker 1: that the fantasy that she wanted to live out was
Speaker 1: the one that didn't involve him. Is really what it was?
Speaker 1: Your good father? Thank you, your dad. Can I go play? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: yes yeah sure? But who you business? Who business? Who
Speaker 1: I need to go play with? Listen to your father?
Speaker 1: I will smack you good. I'm not really going to
Speaker 1: smack him. That's the problem. Now, this is why he
Speaker 1: doesn't have good greed. Okay, this is what the teachers
Speaker 1: call about him all the time. You know what, Come in,
Speaker 1: come in here with him. It's Danny the delivery guy's son.
Speaker 1: Goddamn it. That's what I wanted to play with. I
Speaker 1: don't want to tell you because everybody and neighbor knows
Speaker 1: that he plowed mom. You know you'll stop it right there,
Speaker 1: It's true, you stop it. It's a new error around here.
Speaker 1: Already slapped her mother, and now I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you a good slapping too, and give me. Yeah, come
Speaker 1: come get me. Yeah, I got yourself fast, right, all right,
Speaker 1: just getting careful with your sciaticus place. Just please come
Speaker 1: to me, Please come over here so I can slap him.
Speaker 1: Please please, like your father, slap you say to my
Speaker 1: never head divinity again and inspect him anybody in his family,
Speaker 1: that his son, and his wife and even his therapist.
Speaker 1: So you the only thing he could. He went to
Speaker 1: the focus group. Okay, girl, Hi, my name is Mark.
Speaker 1: Hi Mark, I'm here for the Mark amorry for the
Speaker 1: focus group. Um, it's more of a support group. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a support group. Oh but we focus on focus
Speaker 1: on support. Yeah, we focus on supporting each other. Right. Um,
Speaker 1: while there's my first time here. AT's focus on the
Speaker 1: support group. You get coffee. We've got coffee, don't you
Speaker 1: know what? I tried to stay away from coffee. It
Speaker 1: makes me a little tense here, you man? Yeah, calm
Speaker 1: so is this sharing portion? Yeah? Yeah? Tell us why
Speaker 1: you're here? Are you? My wife had sex with the
Speaker 1: delivery guy? Wow? Yeah? Man, that's rough. That's rough. Ye
Speaker 1: been there. And the pool man, the neighbor's pool man. Wow.
Speaker 1: And my brother and my mailman wait hold on wait
Speaker 1: fifth wait? Oh my no god, no, yeah, I got
Speaker 1: a gardening business. I'm the mailman or pool stuff to women.
Speaker 1: But you're both getting slaps. You're all getting big slaps.
Speaker 1: You first? Is that how to hit your wife? No good?
Speaker 1: And did you did you honestly think that we were
Speaker 1: gonna be like you're gonna get slaps and just we're
Speaker 1: gonna wait, yeah, like we're about to take you outside.
Speaker 1: And I gotta tell you I'm a new but there's
Speaker 1: a slap thing. You're a lot of things not good man.
Speaker 1: This is probably why people get sucking. My wife, Cindy
Speaker 1: is one of a guind Yeah, she sure is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know the little things she does with I think
Speaker 1: I stole your jacket. Is that the one that jacket
Speaker 1: that's a cool jacket mark on it. I thought you
Speaker 1: thought it was like a designer like Mark Jacob this bit.
Speaker 1: I thought your name was also Mark. That couldn't get
Speaker 1: respect his home, to put a group and even his therapist,
Speaker 1: so he decided to go out in his own like
Speaker 1: this a searcher wonder trying to get respect. Country screws me, sir,
Speaker 1: I don't have changed. It's just so cold, and I'm
Speaker 1: just so hungry, and I have no jacket. Anything you
Speaker 1: can spare here, here's here's the dollar. Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: thank you. You know what. Wait, it's a holiday season.
Speaker 1: Here's a hundred whoa Yeah? Can I tell you a story?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm very grateful, but you look familiar. We're
Speaker 1: seeing you on TV or video. Where are you from? Oh?
Speaker 1: Ship that dude on my shoes? Wait? Hold up, yeah,
Speaker 1: hey man, I don't got no change. You look like
Speaker 1: that dude from that show it. Oh my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I thought that. I thought that what
Speaker 1: I recognized him? Funny videos international? Yes, why I host
Speaker 1: the show and there's funny videos from Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: I know the show. Oh my god. I just I
Speaker 1: thought I recognized you from surveillance video from my house.
Speaker 1: I thought that maybe you had been having sex with
Speaker 1: my wife. Absolutely, that's my belt this is this American
Speaker 1: laugh you know sorry with producer Andy In. Our special
Speaker 1: guest contributor for this episode is Eric Griffin and a
Speaker 1: show will be using our trustees sense generator. If you
Speaker 1: bring you a story in free improvised acts speaks theme, fidelity, times, hard, stick,
Speaker 1: but the one that you love when you would see
Speaker 1: them every day. Sometimes you need a little bit of spice.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you need a little bit of excitement. Sometimes their
Speaker 1: fidelity turns into infidelity. Stay with us, Act one. They're
Speaker 1: excited to see their first laugh. It's been regular attendees
Speaker 1: have the local zoo for over a year now, an
Speaker 1: you're portunately zoo had opened up. It was focused mainly
Speaker 1: on exotic rainforest creatures. They were big Fancis lots. So
Speaker 1: it is. Yeah, that's it. I thought it was never
Speaker 1: gonna get here. Guys three ft from the cage please sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: We're just really are you really excited about it? So
Speaker 1: I'm just doing my job, all right. I just need
Speaker 1: you to refeat even coming to the zoo for a
Speaker 1: long time. I've never seen you before before, are you? Yes?
Speaker 1: I am new name Texas Philip. Is that true? Yes,
Speaker 1: that's what it says. Nice to meet you, Philip, but
Speaker 1: we're trying to enjoy these slots. We've been waiting for
Speaker 1: a really long time, so I'm sorry if we get
Speaker 1: a little over there. Let's me get kind of close
Speaker 1: to him. But you would too if you win this
Speaker 1: long fort slot. Yes, and there is a thing about
Speaker 1: open cans of alcohol and this portion of the zoo.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you guys, I know, no kidding,
Speaker 1: these are these are pretty much the rules that have
Speaker 1: been here for a long time. Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: we're celebrating seeing sloth final ways, so nothing better than
Speaker 1: a couple of beers to celebrate sloth A couple huh?
Speaker 1: All right, So if I opened the backpack, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna find more than a couple of beers, sir. I
Speaker 1: don't know you got a want for that, Philip. Guys,
Speaker 1: I'm just I just I need you to tone it down,
Speaker 1: It's all I'm saying. All Right, you know you're supposed
Speaker 1: to buy the beers. You're not supposed to bring your
Speaker 1: own alcohol in. I'm pretty sure we don't serve white
Speaker 1: claw here at the zoo, which is kind of ironic.
Speaker 1: You guys should have if you're gonna serve any kind
Speaker 1: of alcohol would be like a white claw at the zoo.
Speaker 1: Very funny, very funny, big failure in your marketing department,
Speaker 1: do you think, Philip. I'm not in the marketing department,
Speaker 1: so they don't come to me for the marketing. I'm
Speaker 1: just here to make sure you stay behind the red line.
Speaker 1: What if we take a step right here? Back? One step?
Speaker 1: Is that good enough for you, Phillip, Since you own
Speaker 1: the zoo and you're the president of the zoo. I'm
Speaker 1: not the president of the zoo, sir, just here trying
Speaker 1: to do my job and keep everybody safe. Thank you
Speaker 1: for stepping back. That's all I need from You're welcome.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't want to upset the man who donated millions of
Speaker 1: dollars to open this zoo? Yes, I of course, Okay, sorry, yeah,
Speaker 1: I donated millions of dollars weird zoo. I didn't. I'm
Speaker 1: just I'm just going along with how many white claws
Speaker 1: have you had? Sir? That not only was brand new
Speaker 1: to the zoo, but it was brand new to the
Speaker 1: patrons the two and question and complained and to the
Speaker 1: pens of and his manager's office and explain his actions.
Speaker 1: They had open cans that we don't even sell. I
Speaker 1: don't care. They've been coming here for years. One was
Speaker 1: practically born year. I'm not surprised the way he was
Speaker 1: an animal. I'm sorry, sir. Yeah, you know, a funny pun.
Speaker 1: But for Grist's sakes, we gotta keep these guys coming.
Speaker 1: What's so funny? I just he said the white clowe
Speaker 1: he told us about the guy said white clawe. You
Speaker 1: should have white clawed at the zoo. Was pretty funny.
Speaker 1: I think it's a brilliant idea. Well to the kind
Speaker 1: of puns that we've come to expect from this this
Speaker 1: duo and come to the zoo for years. When you
Speaker 1: were dreaming him good, I was thinking about the pun. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny. If I may make a suggestion, if I may, Philip,
Speaker 1: I didn't know they were v I P zoo people,
Speaker 1: but maybe give them a wrist bands or something and
Speaker 1: we have like a v I P. Section. I just
Speaker 1: they were over the red line. They were acting rowdy,
Speaker 1: obviously had open cans that which it was an idea
Speaker 1: we had a long time ago where we give people
Speaker 1: v I P cards because they pay little lecture. Yeah,
Speaker 1: can they cross the line? Yeah? Can they play with
Speaker 1: the animals. Yeah, is it safe. I don't know really
Speaker 1: and honestly, but we do without that money, the zoo
Speaker 1: goes goes away. I guess we don't want that. You
Speaker 1: don't behavior in the case that you do want the
Speaker 1: zoo to go away. Look, Philip, I want you to
Speaker 1: read the rules and follow them for the v i
Speaker 1: P S, which is you let them play with the
Speaker 1: animals that they want the v I P. So we'll
Speaker 1: get the wristbands if you want. This is what they
Speaker 1: can do. They can play with the animals, with the animals,
Speaker 1: taunt the animals if they want to. It's actually under
Speaker 1: the same subsection of playing with the poke the animals,
Speaker 1: anger the animals. Okay, Philip, let me actually have a
Speaker 1: quick conversation with with my co manager here. Haunt the animal,
Speaker 1: yeah why not? Why not the layer? But what layer
Speaker 1: layer of taunting? Look, the v I P lets them
Speaker 1: cross the line up and having them taunt the animals.
Speaker 1: I feel like you just fucking making things up. Now.
Speaker 1: Can you please stick with in the reality of the
Speaker 1: situation rather than just creating some problems here? All right?
Speaker 1: So they don't get daunt the animals, get the pokem sure,
Speaker 1: but taunting it's another thing. And also you're being repetitious.
Speaker 1: It's repetitied about that. Poking and taunting it's the same thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: men verbally taunt them. But I'm off in like five minutes.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you listen tomorrow when you
Speaker 1: come back v I P s. Will they'll make sure
Speaker 1: we'll have the leopard pattern like, we'll figure it out. Wristbands, Yes,
Speaker 1: and then you'll know who's who. You let them do
Speaker 1: whatever the funk they want. All right, it's your zoo,
Speaker 1: you know what. It's all all of ours. Well I
Speaker 1: don't really financially, it's both of ours. But sure, when
Speaker 1: the lawsuits come in, I really don't want to be
Speaker 1: a part of You haven't been indemnified yet. You should
Speaker 1: reach your employee and book. Look over when that you signed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when the notary came and came my fingerprint print. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had to do all that. You do You just
Speaker 1: glossed over there? Did gloss over there? There's something sort
Speaker 1: of like, am I responsible for something that I didn't realize?
Speaker 1: The job slash co op? What congrats? I don't think
Speaker 1: that people should be poking the animals two thirds of
Speaker 1: the vote that should be allowed to pope, not to
Speaker 1: say that you are third. There's a lot of people
Speaker 1: who work here, so but we have the big portion.
Speaker 1: You have a tiny one. That's it. Does everyone else
Speaker 1: spell this um? See it tomorrow, Philip, I hope it
Speaker 1: goes well. The next day, Philip came back to work.
Speaker 1: The fest dated about his meeting with managers, and he
Speaker 1: encountered two movie I p s. This time he had
Speaker 1: a different attitude. Who can't to poke and run and hunts? Right?
Speaker 1: Leopard leopard print. Leopard print was yesterday's wristbands for poking.
Speaker 1: Today's is sort of tiger print. You're gonna have to
Speaker 1: go back to Ancierge and get the tiger prints. But
Speaker 1: since you only have leopard prints, there's gonna be no
Speaker 1: poking or prodding the animals. But you can step across
Speaker 1: the red line. But that's about it. You guys been
Speaker 1: complained the management. Management piled up the meeting. Philip, I
Speaker 1: see what you're getting now. You're creating some boundaries for
Speaker 1: them that don't even exist. You guys said with the wristbands,
Speaker 1: you came up with a whole thing. It was leopard,
Speaker 1: tiger Puma. You had the different days, so we don't
Speaker 1: have people have to pay for him every time. It
Speaker 1: was a money making thing. And when you guys came
Speaker 1: up with this, we are on the cusp of having
Speaker 1: our fun ding pulled. Paul. You know what that means, Philip.
Speaker 1: It means no jobs, no zoo and the animals. We
Speaker 1: gotta let them go, and we don't want to have
Speaker 1: to do that. You want me to release a lion
Speaker 1: into the neighborhood. There's an elementary school over there and
Speaker 1: it traded Jones. No, I guess I wouldn't want that.
Speaker 1: What do you want me to do? What I was
Speaker 1: going to suggest is maybe not to separate the the
Speaker 1: wrist bands by tire and different. It's like, hello, this
Speaker 1: zoo is closed, all right, let's let the lions out everybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, release list. This be a lesson to you, Philip.
Speaker 1: This is my fault. If you look at this document
Speaker 1: that you signed and left us saliva sample and with
Speaker 1: thumb print and an index fingerprint, you will see that
Speaker 1: you agreed that if you look at page four, article six.
Speaker 1: If I look at this, I really probably should have
Speaker 1: read that. Yes, see it says I think this was
Speaker 1: about my dental benefits. I acknowledge that I am responsible
Speaker 1: if the animals get let go from the zoo, what's
Speaker 1: near the school and the trade of Joe's that I
Speaker 1: am fully responsible any legal liabilities, I'm going to need
Speaker 1: to talk to a lawyer. You need a lawyer. We
Speaker 1: have our house counsel at the zoo that can help.
Speaker 1: You don't want to trust I can't go with your
Speaker 1: house counsel. And you already like hoodwinked me and to
Speaker 1: sign of some nonsense about how I'm responsible. I just
Speaker 1: worked concessions in security, which doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 1: Do you need a lawyer? No, I need a lawyer.
Speaker 1: I am a lawyer. What happened? All right? They coerced
Speaker 1: me into signing. They told me this was about benefits.
Speaker 1: Make sure for my safety. Jack, you're doing a great job, Gretson,
Speaker 1: Thank you. What why do we at court all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, Am this is our house counsel, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. That great for us? I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what. I know what's going on here. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get my own counsel if you want to referral Gretson,
Speaker 1: what are you doing. What are you thinking you're gonna respond? Person?
Speaker 1: Here's here's the card. Okay, I call them right now,
Speaker 1: all of them right now, a lot of numbers. This
Speaker 1: is the Philippines. I'm calling law offices of Gregory Schmigel
Speaker 1: in Retzenburger. How can I help you today? I need
Speaker 1: some help. I work at the zoo. I'm just in concessions.
Speaker 1: They make me do security at the same time. It's
Speaker 1: really ridiculous. But anyways, there's this document they sort of
Speaker 1: coerced me into signing. It really doesn't feel like it's
Speaker 1: legal that I'm responsible that they let lions loose in
Speaker 1: the neighborhood. Please tell me that you are not speaking
Speaker 1: about the North Park Zoo and Biobotanical Garden. I am.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a school right down the street there
Speaker 1: and they just they they were they were going to
Speaker 1: the funding was pulled, which doesn't even make any sense
Speaker 1: to me, and they're releasing the animals into the neighborhood. Okay,
Speaker 1: the two guys that run it are a bunch of
Speaker 1: idiot If you think that I am willing to support
Speaker 1: my legal license on the line and grow up again
Speaker 1: and to Gretson in their House counsel, you are sadly mistaken.
Speaker 1: I would never take them on in a quarter lot.
Speaker 1: What He's still good. It just happens that he did
Speaker 1: have a place at place was having a bugs and
Speaker 1: he ended up in cut with Gritson waiting Lateish gentleman
Speaker 1: message from next case on the doctor Phillip Voices, the
Speaker 1: North Park Zoo and Bible Panical Garden of all Parties
Speaker 1: present President. Thank you you asked Mr Gretson. How can
Speaker 1: I help your counsel? The defendant is guilty. I just
Speaker 1: want to whoa. I'm sorry that that is a compelling argument.
Speaker 1: You have just made Gription once again home run with
Speaker 1: what fun for the North Park. I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear not even here, want to hear another word? You
Speaker 1: know all Gritson ra once a again you did it?
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you. I'm outraged. Can my lawyer get here?
Speaker 1: How about that? My lawyer didn't even say anything? Yes,
Speaker 1: you're sorry, I'm I did Gregson show Yeah sort of counsel.
Speaker 1: I'd like to dress my case and I'd like to
Speaker 1: press the court or a decision or two for a
Speaker 1: MS travelret whatever you want. And I have to sing
Speaker 1: you very well. Dressed today, ash par the usual, thank you,
Speaker 1: j what about me? Soundly along? We got a handsome alert.
Speaker 1: I'm Grigson, Thank youlous, and I paid you five dollars
Speaker 1: for this. Yeah, jail and what he did. His destiny
Speaker 1: was to be in jail, and that's where he was
Speaker 1: locked up with you guys with their own jail as
Speaker 1: what you for? What are you in for? It was
Speaker 1: the zoo thing? Thank you? Stay away from this ringing guys.
Speaker 1: You begin animal. Please tell me you did not cross
Speaker 1: of the people that this guy is the baddest. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're beast. Didn't do anything. They just would Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: I'm really innocent. Her hood everybody's in. It's funny every time.
Speaker 1: Did you touch the animals? No, I didn't touch any animals.
Speaker 1: Did you poke them? No? I didn't poke the animal
Speaker 1: get taunt them. They wanted to do that. I was
Speaker 1: supposed to be making people not do that. And then
Speaker 1: then I'm printed something and the next thing, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean court with this dweep who everybody was enamored by.
Speaker 1: Did you get to meet you talking about gret Oh?
Speaker 1: My god, you get to me in was this what
Speaker 1: this guy? My god? Who is this guy, he's something else.
Speaker 1: What was he like in real life? Was he tallade?
Speaker 1: He's real tall. He's like Batman with that the ears
Speaker 1: and all the other stuff. And he put for you.
Speaker 1: There wasn't aura. There was something special, but he would
Speaker 1: have He's a bulldog, bulldog, prosecuting bulldog, gold dog. He's
Speaker 1: a bulldog bulldog. He's a bulldog. Moonlight is a prosecutor
Speaker 1: and a corporate attorney for the zoo. It was a tough. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was an inside job. Inside. It was inside. I
Speaker 1: was well roaded, don't you know, we all inside? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What it greets and smell like. I don't know what
Speaker 1: he smelled like he was across the was he well
Speaker 1: dressed room? It wasn't off the rack. I'll say that
Speaker 1: because when I went up against him, when my lawyer,
Speaker 1: he cowered because he was felt he was so well dressed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was bad. What time is It's time for us
Speaker 1: to move on to the interview. But what time is it? Physically?
Speaker 1: What time is there right now? Are you asking me
Speaker 1: your ship in time? Oh? Wait, oh ship? Oh? You
Speaker 1: got the time? It was? I was checking the time?
Speaker 1: Why all right? That's why you haven't seen as they
Speaker 1: killed by her name. Yes, that's right. Coming up at
Speaker 1: to the first a word from our esteemed sponsors. Stay
Speaker 1: with us, back to the interview these guys, Eric Griffin, Hello, Eric, Hello,
Speaker 1: it is what it is good teller code. Really, So
Speaker 1: tell us about your from I'm originally from Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: Nice with your high school. I went to a private
Speaker 1: Catholic school. Nice. That's that's not very thing. And you're
Speaker 1: a comedian, comedian, nice podcaster. That's a little bit about that.
Speaker 1: When when you get started, Um, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think I officially got started in about two thousand and three. Nice,
Speaker 1: it would happen, and I had some big things happen.
Speaker 1: You can, uh office show, Yeah, like worcoholics. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was an workaholic. That was fun. How long you've been
Speaker 1: listening to show? Um? How long have I been here
Speaker 1: since the beginning? Right? You've been listening since the very
Speaker 1: first episode? Oh? Yeah, very nice, but yeah it's very
Speaker 1: sensitive the show for a lot of years. So it
Speaker 1: tell us, Uh, so we'll got it's a great show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a good show. He played a kick named Montez, Yes,
Speaker 1: I did. And then tell us a little bit about that. Trajectory,
Speaker 1: and but yeah, I talked to us. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: figure you that. I don't, you know, I wanted to
Speaker 1: be a comic and then you when you want to
Speaker 1: be a comic, you're you know, you also get into
Speaker 1: the acting game, and uh, you know, I I enjoyed both.
Speaker 1: So I've done a bunch of things, you know, and
Speaker 1: some movies, TV shows, and it was your was your
Speaker 1: favorite thing, some podcasts, favorite thing you ever done? Um,
Speaker 1: favorite thing I've ever done. I don't know. I guess
Speaker 1: it's got to be working hol because it was my
Speaker 1: first big break. So that was just like a fun thing.
Speaker 1: And those guys were so new and they didn't really
Speaker 1: know what they were doing, so they did it their
Speaker 1: own way, and you didn't know that until you went
Speaker 1: on other sets. Then you saw like, oh, well they
Speaker 1: those guys, they paid their own path. So um, and
Speaker 1: this show, oh yeah, this this is top seventy five
Speaker 1: for sure. I'm trying to get the answer from the Sorry,
Speaker 1: YEA top seventy five for sure is this podcast. I
Speaker 1: guess working with Adam Sandler was pretty cool and I
Speaker 1: think he's just like a movie making savant. He knew
Speaker 1: everything on the set, you know what I mean, like
Speaker 1: just lighting everything, like you just knew where things were
Speaker 1: supposed to be. How you know, what lines you were
Speaker 1: supposed to say, when were you supposed to stand? You know.
Speaker 1: He was doing a walk and talk with me, and
Speaker 1: then the camera guy was in the wrong spot and
Speaker 1: they you know, and he said, I don't think I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be here, and the guy was like, yes,
Speaker 1: you are, and then he figured it out. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, You're right? You know, you just knew
Speaker 1: everything about making movies. And do you feel like you
Speaker 1: learned from him? Yeah? Yeah, I learned some things, like
Speaker 1: like he's the kind of guy that after every scene
Speaker 1: he wants to look at it so you can see
Speaker 1: make some adjustments. And I enjoyed doing that because then
Speaker 1: you look at yourself and you go, oh, I didn't
Speaker 1: know I was walking like that, or what am I
Speaker 1: doing with my hands? You know? So you just like,
Speaker 1: you know, day back, you have to playback. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I don't know. Do I mean to have something in
Speaker 1: the archives for that? Yeah? I was just asking you that,
Speaker 1: you know, do you have any questions? I don't you
Speaker 1: want to go to the archives or something like that.
Speaker 1: It's okay. I just don't want to do it a
Speaker 1: Sandlar impression and get us that what it sound like?
Speaker 1: Any O? You guys have to do that, you know
Speaker 1: in the interview that so you know also on twitch, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do a lot of twitching. The pandemic hit and
Speaker 1: I needed to do something. I started doing that and
Speaker 1: it worked out. Kind of dude, head that happened? Do
Speaker 1: you always know? You know? I just started playing it
Speaker 1: because he just became any good really fast. I didn't
Speaker 1: It wasn't really asked. I wouldn't say I'm really good.
Speaker 1: I just have my own technique. And then I think
Speaker 1: people like watching me because I talk shit and to
Speaker 1: find your technique, like what is it you do? It's different.
Speaker 1: I have like a methodical way of like I had
Speaker 1: these like rules you know that I try to follow
Speaker 1: when I'm playing, like about the movement, about making sure
Speaker 1: the equipment is in the right order, like make sure
Speaker 1: I'm plated, make sure I'm my guns are reloaded. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean. If you hear something, you gotta go,
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta go get and you gotta stay moving.
Speaker 1: It's like these certain techniques, and so I get a
Speaker 1: lot of solo victories, and so the kids watch me
Speaker 1: and they're just like, oh man, the old man can play.
Speaker 1: You know that? Yeah? We actually okay, yeah, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to I'm just saying, no, we we have. We actually
Speaker 1: have that in the archives. What we have? We have
Speaker 1: we have. I'm just because he's doing daddy anything. No
Speaker 1: I did. I'm just trying to think of what you like.
Speaker 1: I have a story about myself. Then you guys have
Speaker 1: it in the archives. Yeah, is that what happens? Do
Speaker 1: it happens to take out man? No way, stop stop.
Speaker 1: We actually have the first time you ever got on
Speaker 1: Twitch during the at the beginning of the pandemic and
Speaker 1: the archives. Did you know that? Do you know we
Speaker 1: have that in the archives? We do. Let's hear that.
Speaker 1: Hell man, what are you doing playing video games? There's
Speaker 1: no dog Kong here? Yeah? Did you have anything going
Speaker 1: on in your life and it's games? You know, it's
Speaker 1: weird because I don't remember when I was on Twitch
Speaker 1: people talking to me, talking to you? Now you know?
Speaker 1: Is an archive? Your troll faces? Shut your crazy old man,
Speaker 1: don't remove people. Go where's your mom's Okay? I bet
Speaker 1: your mom's are fat? Okay, my mom. She has a
Speaker 1: clanchulor Problem's not's not her fault. And my mom just
Speaker 1: doesn't like exercising and she likes eating a lot of food.
Speaker 1: So why am I not surprised? Touts here for you, dude?
Speaker 1: Y sorry, sorry gallants, the milk is so expensive. No,
Speaker 1: look that we're back during the World War two? Old man, God,
Speaker 1: have you seen my mom? Something like? Why how do
Speaker 1: you know what my mom looks? Just from your voice
Speaker 1: and like how you're talking, it sounds like someone unhealthy
Speaker 1: raised you. So so you your back hurt? Old man?
Speaker 1: Is your back hurt? Yeah? From carrying your mom around?
Speaker 1: Damn y. Yeah, it was a tense and exchange. It
Speaker 1: was your first exchange into which I'm glad we went
Speaker 1: to the archives to get it. It's yeah, so that
Speaker 1: the kids love that about me that I just snap
Speaker 1: at though. You know you have like you have nicknames
Speaker 1: for like the people you're fans on the thing. So
Speaker 1: my fans nickname this is real is pos pieces of Ship.
Speaker 1: That's what I called them. So they called themselves the
Speaker 1: POS gang, your fans and pieces up and yet yeah,
Speaker 1: on the twitch and then I used to how often
Speaker 1: you went twitch? I go on every day. It all varies.
Speaker 1: Did you just tell your cameras and have special things there?
Speaker 1: But no, I have my singing mike. You know. So
Speaker 1: when every time I get a victory like so that
Speaker 1: the fans send me O. God, I want saying this
Speaker 1: because I just know what's gonna happen. My fans send
Speaker 1: me music. And then when I get a victory, I
Speaker 1: will do like do like a freestyle. You know. We
Speaker 1: actually actually have one of those freestyle from and they
Speaker 1: And just to clarify, they send you a song. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they send me music like just like their own beat today.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, they have their own, but we actually
Speaker 1: have that. Yeah, it actually happened. It's a good one.
Speaker 1: I hope he sings a song for us. Okay, here
Speaker 1: we go. I'm playing Call of Duty. I'm just doing
Speaker 1: my duty. Slamities, booties. I don't know. I feels like
Speaker 1: Rudy Shooty shooty. Look at with the Call of Duty
Speaker 1: that was Eric ming gaming. Nobody is complaining everybody Shaman,
Speaker 1: I don't like Damon Way also a comic. And then
Speaker 1: that's what happens when you have white boxers. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not great. It's a really great I did notice
Speaker 1: they rhymed a lot of words of a duty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's called the duty. That's pretty good duty. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my favorite football game is Rudy. So what are you
Speaker 1: currently working on now? Um? I just you know, traveling,
Speaker 1: doing a lot of stand up and you know, auditioning.
Speaker 1: When I can, you know, place to jobs to do
Speaker 1: stand up? I don't really have a favorite place. I think.
Speaker 1: I think all the places are the cities are all
Speaker 1: pretty much the same. People are all the same. Once
Speaker 1: you get inside the building, it's just a collective group
Speaker 1: of different people from all walks of life, just collectively
Speaker 1: sitting there laughing. It's actually a pretty magical thing. It's nice.
Speaker 1: Is it like at one city? If you had a choice, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would say San Diego is great, yea,
Speaker 1: which I will be at. I don't know when this
Speaker 1: is coming out, so maybe the next three weeks from
Speaker 1: four weeks you missed me, I was in city. I
Speaker 1: was in Lahoya three weeks ago. Uh er Griffin, thank
Speaker 1: you so much, thank you, and congratulations to you man,
Speaker 1: and you know those guys. Maybe I'm not all my successes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't talk about after coming up at the first
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors who make this high quality
Speaker 1: program possible. Stay with us. At three, he decided to
Speaker 1: fake his disappearance to avoid jail. Yeah, overdo tax bills,
Speaker 1: Fucking tickets not paid. There's a lot of people who
Speaker 1: wanted a piece of him, though, he decided to fake
Speaker 1: his own disappearance. Where's my suitcase? Where's my suitcase? Where's
Speaker 1: my suitcase? Get it? Find it here? Thank you, thank you?
Speaker 1: Thank you? All right? I need I need two weeks
Speaker 1: worth of close Come on, help help you here, because
Speaker 1: here you go. Here's two Thank you. Where my brown shoes?
Speaker 1: They're in there? That they're in there already? This is it.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna miss you. What are you doing? The disappearing thing?
Speaker 1: We always talked about it. I didn't know you were
Speaker 1: being serious about it. Should there is happening now I'm
Speaker 1: really doing it, guys. I got other rides. I gotta
Speaker 1: pick up people, got to pick up. Are you getting
Speaker 1: in this car? Not? Just one second? I just okay,
Speaker 1: So it's Kevin here. I'm gonna say no, I haven't
Speaker 1: seen Kevin practice with me. Okay, excuse me. I'm looking
Speaker 1: for Kevin. I haven't seen Kevin. You haven't. I haven't
Speaker 1: even seen Kevin. Guys, is there something that I should
Speaker 1: know is good? Just keep just keep them, just keep
Speaker 1: it running, just keep it und We're going to be
Speaker 1: right with it. Just one going on total you wait,
Speaker 1: the more money make anyway? Yeah, this is all totally fine,
Speaker 1: but you didn't and I'm gonna need a five star
Speaker 1: rating though. I'm just whatever is going on here? I
Speaker 1: don't care. You got also like like one of those
Speaker 1: good comments about me and my service? Yes, and how
Speaker 1: great you were? Yeah? Back to one. Hey, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I've seen Kevin is there? I'm looking for Kevin. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: You don't know where Kevin is. You don't know where
Speaker 1: it's got it? All right? Don't even trust you to
Speaker 1: do this? Or should I ask the uber guy to
Speaker 1: do it? Do what uber guy? Let's practices? Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: authorities your him. Okay, excuse me, I'm looking for Kevin
Speaker 1: who see five stars? Great stars? You couldn't do that,
Speaker 1: all right, dude, dude, Okay, thank you, Okay, see you later. Bro.
Speaker 1: No no no, no no no, back to one. No.
Speaker 1: I don't want to keep doing this over again. Leaving right? Well,
Speaker 1: should I not have on the app. It feels like
Speaker 1: there's a paper trail because your pictures. If you're leaving, leave,
Speaker 1: Cindy's coming over soon. Alright, fine, alright, let's you're Kevin.
Speaker 1: I don't even know you're here. Gone, Okay, okay, thank you.
Speaker 1: You think he's got a handled? Should I be worried?
Speaker 1: He should be really worried. That guy seemed very shifty.
Speaker 1: He's for sure going to rat on you. Bro. Whoa
Speaker 1: HI with the authorities looking for Kevin n You know
Speaker 1: what Kevin? We're talking about, sir, Kevin? This one Kevin?
Speaker 1: And you know what, Kevin, We're talking Kevin Masterson. Have
Speaker 1: you seen him? Well? I know five Kevin masters. You
Speaker 1: know five Kevin Masterson? Yeah? Five. They all have different
Speaker 1: middle name. Oh yeah, what are their middle names? Name? One? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Kevin Michael McAllister Kevin McAllister master sin. First of all,
Speaker 1: what did I say? You said? Micallister? Like home alone?
Speaker 1: I just watched that movies all days, though? Did you
Speaker 1: which one? It's my favorite one? Right? That's that's a
Speaker 1: pretty good one. That's the good one. They intended to
Speaker 1: actually kill him in that one, to shoot him with
Speaker 1: a gun in that one. Yeah, and one they would
Speaker 1: by today right now you can't have in a kids movie.
Speaker 1: They take him to the pocket gun. I got this
Speaker 1: lady coming over. Her name is Cindy, and it's I
Speaker 1: only get some time with her because she's married. You
Speaker 1: guys want to ask me questions or no? Married? So
Speaker 1: you're in you you like doing? I have an affair
Speaker 1: with her yet sort of like Cindy. They he doesn't finish,
Speaker 1: she does. Dangay, isn't that the one E been with?
Speaker 1: Like the mailman? You know Cindy. I know Sydney's such
Speaker 1: a piece of guys, like missing a screw or sod.
Speaker 1: So when Cindy gonna get here, what do you say?
Speaker 1: The three of us will take you anyway you've seen? Kevin?
Speaker 1: What's that was easy? I don't know Kevin. Kevin, you
Speaker 1: just said he went that way. I didn't know what
Speaker 1: Kevin you're talking about. You don't I know Kevin Michael.
Speaker 1: You know where they are, sir? What's the last name?
Speaker 1: Bestest I know? Kevin Bacon Masterson. Kevin Bacon Masterson works
Speaker 1: out at the donut shop. Babe, who's having sex with Cindy?
Speaker 1: And that's your connection? Kevin Bacon Maths three Degrees of
Speaker 1: Kevin Bacon masters in that time, Andy and especial gainst
Speaker 1: contributor Eric Griffin, I mean host, and this is This
Speaker 1: American Laugh with their solitary and Andy Harris joining his next.
Speaker 1: This American Laugh with Aristotle Attari and Andy Harris can
Speaker 1: be found wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe,
Speaker 1: rate and review. You can also find us on Instagram
Speaker 1: at This American Laugh and on Twitter at American Laugh
Speaker 1: with three h oh And by the way, we're taking
Speaker 1: a brief hiatus, but don't worry. We will be back
Speaker 1: with new episodes and I don't know a couple of months.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, make sure you recommend This American Laugh
Speaker 1: to your friends, your enemies, strangers. I don't care. Just
Speaker 1: tell somebody, everybody. Anybody do it. Okay, bye, We'll miss you. Bye.