WEBVTT - #134 To anyone going through a heartbreak 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:05.960 So look at this as I had a great relationship. 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:09.360 I had some great times with her. We're now going 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:11.480 to go and go our separate ways, and it's gonna 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:14.120 be hard. It's gonna be hard to you. Okay, it's 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:17.360 gonna be hard for her too, but you're gonna have 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:31.080 to let her go. What's up, everybody, Welcome to the podcast. 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:34.479 Thanks for watching and listening. Wherever you're coming from, I 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:38.680 appreciate you. I love this podcast. I love answering your questions, 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:41.760 walking through them like we're sitting around a campfire. If 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:45.120 you have a question for me, email Granger Smith Podcast 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:48.200 at gmail dot com. We'll put it in the queue. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.280 I have no notes. I only have my phone where 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:54.639 I am reading your emails. That's all I'm doing. So 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:57.000 you could take this with a grain of salt. I'm 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:00.840 not always right on these and they're about all different subjects, 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:05.080 but you could take it as if you're sitting around 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:08.319 with a friend and I'm just telling you, at first 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:11.520 glance of your question, how I would walk through it 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.200 with you like we're friends. And I feel like we are. 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.440 So let's jump into this. I'm just gonna randomly hit 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:23.920 some of these emails this one says subject line overthinking. 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:27.039 Hey Gringer, my name is Ashton. I'm fifteen years old. 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:30.080 I live in Massachusetts. Lately, I've been overthinking a lot 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:33.520 of things that seem relatively easy for other people. I've 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.480 also been constantly thinking about the future more than I 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:38.600 have been living my own life in the current moment. 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.560 So here's my question. Do you have any advice on 0:01:41.640 --> 0:01:44.200 how to help with this process and how to make 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:48.920 me better? Thanks? I love your music. It comes from Ashton, Massachusetts, 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:53.840 fifteen years old. Great question, man, You are worrying about 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:57.680 the future. First of all, don't You're fifteen. But you're 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:00.240 not going to take my advice because that's impossible. But 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.440 I'm telling you from my chair looking at you and 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:06.600 having been a fifteen year old, you have nothing to 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.519 worry about. You have only your life ahead of you, brother, 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:13.360 So try to live life in the presence. So then 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:15.079 you think, well, how do I do that? Because I've 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.640 got all this stuff I'm worried about, I'm constantly thinking 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:21.440 and I'm overthinking. How do I how do I be present? Well, 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.400 first of all, be careful that device, that screen that 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:28.799 you're on, because that constantly makes you unconscious. The more 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.480 you're flipping through a screen, the more unconscious you are 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:33.480 to the present moment, because that's putting you in a 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.600 place where you're looking at other things, you're looking at 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:41.440 other people, and then you're comparing yourself to those other people. 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:45.400 That's what social media does. So avoid that when you can. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:48.600 It's impossible to completely avoid it. I understand that's part 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.640 of our it's integrated into our lives right now. But 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.160 realize that when you go on there, you need to 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:57.280 have a purpose. You're going on social media for a 0:02:57.320 --> 0:03:00.000 certain reason. You're going on there to look at something, 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:03.079 or to post something, or to check something out. But 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:06.200 then be aware that you're gonna fall unconscious to it, 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.360 and ten minutes could go by quickly and then you go, 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:11.360 where did those ten minutes go? That's because I was 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:15.480 scrolling through other stuff, right, So be careful of that. 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.320 The other thing is to concentrate on the present. Sometimes 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:22.880 you have to do things to make you feel present. 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:26.480 What are those things, Well, I'll tell you what. A 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:30.520 cold shower is something anything that gives your body out 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:33.560 of the sense of its normal environment. So a cold 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:37.440 shower will shock your body into a fight or flight, 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:41.240 getting into an ice bath is the ultimate way. I'm 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:44.400 telling you right now. It's the quickest, most efficient, cheapest 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:47.480 way right now for you to be present with yourself 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:50.080 and to practice being in the present moment. That's taking 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.920 an ice bath. I'm talking. Go to the gas station 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.920 and get you three bags of ice. Dump it into 0:03:55.960 --> 0:04:00.800 your bathtub and fill the bathtub up. Get ready for 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:04.120 a shock to your whole system. And if you want 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:05.520 to get fun with it, you could do this. If 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:07.280 you want to get fun with it, get a timer. 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:10.160 You should do this anyway. Get a timer and make 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:12.800 sure you go thirty seconds at least in this ice 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.440 right you're thinking I'm crazy. Right now, I'm trying to 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:18.360 answer your question in a unique way, and I've done 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.200 this many times time yourself. Thirty seconds. Get in the ice, 0:04:22.640 --> 0:04:25.040 and at first you just feel this complete shock. It 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:28.479 feels terrible, It feels like needles are all over and 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:31.720 you feel in pain. But when you wait thirty seconds, 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:35.200 that's about the number that I've calculated with my personal experience. 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:39.280 After thirty seconds, you start going numb and all the 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:42.400 blood in your extremities rushes to your core because it 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:46.560 thinks we're dying right now, we're dying and we need 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.000 blood to keep us warmth. So all the blood rushes 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:52.120 from your extremities to your core. And when it hits 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:54.320 your core and all the blood goes into the center 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:58.880 of your body, you feel a calmness, a piece a euphoria. 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.520 You could relax at that point. Now, don't go more 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.680 than three minutes at the beginning. The first time you 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:08.280 ever do it, I wouldn't go over three minutes, and 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:11.000 I could tell you why on a different story. I've 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:15.159 tried this many times. But after three minutes, get out, 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:19.000 dry off, and you're gonna notice. Then start your timer again. Okay, 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:23.880 so watch the timer again, and about three it takes 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:25.960 about the equal time that you were in the ice, 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:29.039 which is if you're doing it for three minutes, about 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:33.640 three minutes later, the blood your body goes Okay, I'm 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:35.200 not gonna die. I thought it was gonna die. I'm 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.360 not gonna die. So it's time to circulate the blood again. 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:41.120 So the blood goes then from your core back out 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:44.120 to your extremities, and when it goes back out, it's 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:47.360 cold blood, and you could feel it in your fingertips 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:49.440 and your feet and your legs and your elbows. You 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:53.479 could feel this cold flush go through you and it's 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:57.640 all fresh, so your blood has recirculated your entire system 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:01.040 and it's really good for you. It's good to do this, 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.160 and one of the benefits, one of the many benefits 0:06:04.200 --> 0:06:07.760 from this is you are present. I promise you, Ashton, 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:11.680 if you try this, when you're in that water for 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:13.720 those three minutes, when you're watching your time or you're 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:17.839 literally watching seconds go by your life, precious seconds that 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.840 you can't get back, that's a good thing. And as 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:23.400 you feel that and you're in that ice, you're not 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:27.120 thinking about the future or things that you did in 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:30.320 the past, or what you're gonna do tomorrow at school. 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:34.840 You're only focused on those seconds as they tick by slowly. 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:37.200 This is one of the many things you could do 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:42.479 to practice being present in the moment, seiling yourself in 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:46.720 that moment. Try this, Okay, get back to me, let 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:51.320 me know what happens. Next question, says subject line a 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:54.839 struggling mom. Hey, Granger, I have a seventeen year old 0:06:54.839 --> 0:06:56.400 son who in the last year and a half has 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:59.560 changed completely. He and I have always been close, but 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.640 now he wants it's nothing to do with me. He says, 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:04.840 he hates me. I'm not a mother to him, and 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:07.400 he even left home for nine days. I caught him 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.080 vaping and he thinks there's nothing wrong with it. I've 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:12.200 tried to talk to him about it, but all I 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:14.560 get is leave me alone. He was raised in church, 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:16.440 but he's fallen away and does not want any part 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:18.560 of it. He has a girlfriend who's very verbally and 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:22.240 physically abusive to him. She's even touched him in the face, 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:26.160 but he keeps going back. Please help a desperate mother 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.720 who's in need of advice, She says parentheses. I do 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:33.040 have him in counseling. Thank you, Donna from Missouri. Shout 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:37.000 out to Missouri Donna, thank you for emailing. That's a 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.880 great question, and I'm sorry for the struggle that you're 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.960 in right now. I've been seventeen, We've all been seventeen. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:49.840 You've been seventeen. Where to go from here? Okay, you're right. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:53.480 I want to validate your feelings that you're worried. You 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.680 love him, you're worried about him. You care about his 0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:00.000 well being, you care about a girlfriend that is physically 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.200 and verbally abusing him, You care about his health because 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:07.680 he's vaping, and you just want your son back, right, 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:11.240 And we're gonna go through this with our kids one day. 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:15.120 Everyone that has teenagers eventually goes through this where you 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:18.560 feel like you've lost the little boy that you once had, 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.920 the little boy that you cuddled with and read storybooks too, 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.640 and he asked you for advice, and he listened to you, 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:27.720 and he called mommy, and you made him snacks. You 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:33.720 miss that little boy. But as you know, Donna, he's 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.120 gone and he's becoming a man. This is his transition 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:39.599 into becoming a man, and he is experimenting with a 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:44.480 lot of things that you don't agree with. While you're 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:48.040 encouraging him to stop these things that you don't agree with, 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:53.319 be careful in this encouragement that you are also praising 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:57.720 him for what he's doing. Right. He needs that. So, 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:01.640 I mean, let's say he gets up and he makes 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:05.120 his bed one day. Maybe maybe he does it. Maybe 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:07.400 that's pushing it. Say he makes his bed one day, 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.280 you gotta come in and you gotta go. I'm just 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:15.760 I'm so proud of the man that you're becoming and 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:19.120 the responsibility that you're taking. I'm so proud at the 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.360 boy that I've raised, it's now becoming a man. Make 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.239 sure that you get to say those words to him. 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:29.600 Find times during the day, watch him, study him. Find 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.160 times during the day when you could you could pour 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.520 that into him so that he's not only hearing the 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.680 things that he does wrong. It's pushing him away. He's 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:40.160 hearing nagging. He's hearing things he's doing wrong. He's hearing 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:44.400 corrections constantly, and inside he's thinking, I guess I don't 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:47.200 do anything right, so I'll just keep doing the wrong stuff. 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.040 It's not that big a deal. I just wash it 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:52.400 off my back. All I hear is negative from mom. 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:53.719 In fact, I don't even want to I want to 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:55.600 leave the home right. I want to be gone for 0:09:55.720 --> 0:10:00.160 nine days because at least I'm not getting nagged. Donna. 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:03.679 I'm not saying that you're a nagging mother, but I'm 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:07.160 saying I'm trying to give you suggestions of ways to 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:10.520 poor love into him, give him positivity. Don't just tell 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.240 him the things he's doing wrong, but tell him the 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:14.719 things he's doing right. And if I were you, I 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.840 would tell him equally or more times that he's doing 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.439 right than the times you tell me he's doing wrong. 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:25.680 Instead of correcting him all the time. Say you're talking 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.360 about vaping, instead of saying that stuff's gonna kill you. 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:30.760 Stop doing the vaping. I don't know why you do this. 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:34.720 I raised you better than this. Instead of that, say 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:40.600 I see you're vaping a lot. Yeah, what's it to you? Mom? Hum, 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:44.040 I don't know a lot about vaping. Can you tell 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.000 me more about about what it is and why you 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:48.840 like it so much? Can you tell me more about it? 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:53.400 Open up a conversation so that he knows he has 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:56.240 to explain it to you. Well, I don't know it. 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.720 Relaxes me. I do it with my friends. Let him 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:03.240 explain it to you. He knows you don't have to 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.360 tell him. But open up the conversation so at least 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.800 you're talking about it. Talk to him about his girlfriend 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:14.199 in the same way. Say do you love her? Do 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.640 you treat her well? Start with that. Do you treat 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:21.320 her well? Yeah? OK? Yeah, I treat her well? Good? 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:25.240 That's how I raised you. I raised you to treat 0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:29.600 women well. You know that, right? Yes? Does she treat 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:34.559 you well well? I mean I mean sometimes a lot 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.360 of most of the time she does. Watch him start 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:40.679 stumbling through these words, But you're having a conversation. Let 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.319 him answer it for you, ask her, ask him if 0:11:44.360 --> 0:11:47.600 she's if she's the best that he could do right now, 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.240 she's the best girl that for you right now. Let 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.400 him answer that, Let him give you the answer, Let 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:57.160 him walk through instead of you correcting him, and make 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:59.840 sure you're pouring positivity. Make sure you're pouring love into him. 0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:03.120 Tell him you love him, Tell him how much you're 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:07.480 proud of him for who he's becoming. That kind of 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:10.120 psychology that you're going to give him is going to 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:11.839 show him, first of all, that you love him, you're 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:14.160 there for him, you care for him, and also that 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.920 you have an expectation and that you're watching. And he's 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:19.560 not going to want to disappoint you. He's not going 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:23.319 to want to disappoint that version of you, the other version, 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:27.560 the nagging version, that's no big deal to him. He's 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.360 used to it. He's numb to it. Now. Okay, see 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:37.920 what that does for you. Scrolling through the next question. Subjecline, 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:43.280 long distance anonymous. What's up, Granger. I'm about to graduate 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.720 high school. I've been I have a pretty serious girlfriend. 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:49.400 We've been dating for three years. It's been nothing but 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:52.000 the best time of my life. We're going to different colleges, 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.760 and we have been going back and forth on doing 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.680 long distance. Her family likes me as an individual, but 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.600 sees the importance of growing apart, picking up first, and 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.160 possibly rekindling a flame somewhere down the road. I personally 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.559 do not see this working out if that's the route 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:09.839 we need to take. But I do see her family 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.600 is respecting me a little bit more if I were 0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.600 to be more successful, and I'm not let me know 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:21.280 your thoughts. Thanks Anonymous. This is one of these instances 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:25.240 that I've talked about before where you're answering your own 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:30.720 question to me and you're telling me your words. I 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:34.200 personally do not see this working out if this is 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.240 the route we need to take, and you also know, 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:38.720 so you know two things here. You know that this 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:41.800 is not going to work out, and you also know 0:13:42.320 --> 0:13:45.280 that this is the route you need to take because 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:49.679 life has come to a crossroads and you're going to 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:53.840 different colleges. You can't change colleges for her, she can't 0:13:53.920 --> 0:14:00.040 change colleges for you. You're still in high school. And 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.720 I'm not gonna deny you the idea that this is 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:05.520 some of the best times of your life with her. 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.760 There's nothing wrong with that. Good think of think of 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.640 the blessing you have from having a girlfriend that you 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:17.480 you had some great times with, as opposed to the opposite. 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:19.120 I get a lot of emails that are that are 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:24.720 the opposite. So look at this as I had a 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:29.000 great relationship, I had some great times with her. We're 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:30.960 now going to go and go our separate ways, and 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:33.760 it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard to you, Okay, 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:37.200 it's gonna be hard for her too, But you're gonna 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:39.440 have to let her go. This is a time when 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:42.040 everyone listening can tell you they've been there, and you 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:45.040 have to let her go. Go to her own college. 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:49.000 You go to yours experience life. Don't get caught up 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.960 talking to her late at night, over and over getting 0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:54.960 up early for a test the next day, failing the 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.840 test because you stayed up till three am talking to 0:14:56.880 --> 0:15:01.480 her and missing her. Protect your protect your heart in 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.520 this open up, because that's going to close you off 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.000 to making new friends. And you will make new friends. 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:10.760 She will too, That's probably what you're afraid of. But 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.560 she will, and if it's meant to be, you'll get 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:19.560 back together. Don't plan on it. Don't force that card 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.240 to pop up and you play that hand. Don't do 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:27.280 that right, go your separate ways. We have a sovereign 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.360 God that has a plan for all of us, and 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.560 if this is if this is meant to be, it'll happen. 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.360 But you have to go through this heartbreak, you have 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.240 to go through this separation, you have to go through 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:43.400 the long distance, and don't push it. Let her go. 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.200 Speaking of next question, subject line break up, Dear granger, 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.400 my name is Connor. I'm eighteen. About six months ago, 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.600 I went through a heartbreak with a girl that I've 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:59.760 been with for about two years. We shared a lot 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:03.240 of memories and first experiences together. I'll say that a 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:06.120 huge part of why things ended was my own mistakes, 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:09.320 my own actions that I made. She's now moved on. 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.640 We have mutual friends, and it's like everywhere I look 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.720 there's a reminder of us. Things have gotten better, but 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:17.800 I still find myself not being able to sleep some 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:21.160 nights because I'm wondering what she's doing and what I 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:24.160 could have done differently. You need advice you might have 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:31.080 would mean a lot, Connor. This is what nineties country 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:35.240 music is all about. Brother. There have been so many 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:40.680 songs written about your situation. You know what, that also 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:43.000 proves that you're not the first, you're not the last, 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:48.720 and you're not alone. Heartbreak, ma'n heartbreak. Things that you 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:51.920 could have done differently, mistakes that you might have made 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:55.640 that drove her away. Now you find yourself not being 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:59.280 able to sleep some nights, wondering what she's doing. There's 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.880 a Garth Brooks on called what She's doing Now. There's 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:05.679 literally a song called what She's doing now? Because what 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:10.760 she's doing now is tearing me apart, filling up my 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:14.440 mind and empty in my heart. I can hear her 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:18.040 call each night the cold wind blows, and I wonder 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:23.960 if she knows what she's doing now. That's literally the 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:27.119 heart and soul of all of nineteen nineties country music. 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:30.879 So where do you go from here? You're eighteen, You 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:33.200 have so much life ahead of you, and so does 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:39.320 she understand first of all, that you're sick. You've got 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:47.439 a heart that's broken and it's making you sick. But 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.800 understanding that is a big part of your battle right now. 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:54.880 Understanding you're not alone. Understanding this is a natural occurring 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:59.440 event that happens to you. Heartbreak is natural, and your 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.280 heartbroken because you had a good thing at one time 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:05.320 and you feel like you messed it up. So there's 0:18:05.359 --> 0:18:09.280 good news now, you know. Now you get to to 0:18:09.359 --> 0:18:12.719 go back and think about those things. What did I do? 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.560 What did I not say to her enough? What did 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:17.520 I not do enough? What did I do too much of? 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:21.800 How did I neglect her in what ways? And then 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.520 and then think to yourself, one day, when I meet 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:27.800 a girl, and you will meet a girl one day 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.840 when I have another relationship, I'm not gonna make those 0:18:30.880 --> 0:18:34.879 same mistakes. I've learned from those mistakes now, and the 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:37.640 next girl is gonna benefit from that, and you're gonna 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.520 have a better relationship because of it. And then one day, 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:43.119 you do this a couple of times in a row, 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:45.359 one day you're gonna meet a girl, and that says, 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.720 where did you come from? You're the best guy ever, 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:53.159 And you're gonna think I went through Helen back, and 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:55.760 I learned, and I stayed up late nights and I 0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:58.560 cried and I and I wondered what I could have 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:01.800 done differently, and then I correct it several times until 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:03.439 I met you. You're not gonna tell her this, but 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:07.119 and then I met you, and I'm better because of 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.879 the track record I had. The mistakes that I made 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:13.000 made me better now and I'm a better man, and 0:19:13.040 --> 0:19:17.040 I'm a better boyfriend and ultimately a better husband. That's 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:20.159 a good thing. That's a good thing. You don't have 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:22.720 to make that mistake with your wife. Things that you 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:26.520 didn't say or did too much of, ways that you neglected. 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:30.640 You learn the lesson now. That doesn't make this heartbreak 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.719 easier for you, but you should know that you're not alone. 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:38.520 A lot of people feel like this, So take some time, 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.600 take some time, don't jump into another relationship, don't rebound. 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:45.520 If I were you, I would use those sleepless nights 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:49.439 to start talking to God. Hey God, it's me Connor. 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:54.760 I'm broken and I'm going to read something Psalm twenty three. 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.199 I'm going to read it God, because this comes from 0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:59.720 your own heart. This comes from David, a man of 0:19:59.760 --> 0:20:03.640 your your own heart. I'm gonna read this. The Lord 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:07.880 is my shepherd. I shall not want start there. There's 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:09.960 so many songs you can get into, but start there. 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.760 You're walking through the valley of the shadow of death 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:20.480 right now, right but you're gonna fear no evil. This 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:22.880 is something you have to repeat to your heart. You're broken, 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:25.399 but you're gonna be better and this will pass, and 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:27.480 every day that goes by, it's going to get better. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:31.440 Don't stalk her on social media. That's only gonna restart 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:39.400 the whole process again. Thanks for emailing brother. Next question 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.520 says podcast question. Hey, I have a question for you. 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:43.520 What camera do you use in your vlog? I love 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.199 all your songs, and I just love watching the Smiths 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:51.479 and your family channel, and I love you radio. This 0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:54.639 question comes from Lindsay and she's from Delaware. Lindsay, when 0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:58.800 I'm vlogging, I use Sony camera. I use an A 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:02.320 seven three. The A seven three is this one I'm 0:21:02.359 --> 0:21:05.960 looking at straight ahead, so excuse me. The A seven 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:07.720 C is what I'm looking at in the A seven 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:10.439 three is the side angle right here. Then I use 0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:13.240 these Sony cameras a lot. They're great for vlogging. I 0:21:13.240 --> 0:21:19.840 also have Sony lenses on them. Okay, here's another question, 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:23.760 says drastically changed. Now I'm lost a granteon. My name 0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:26.480 is Andrew, I'm twenty years old. I'm a college student. 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:28.600 I found you through TikTok at a time when I 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:30.479 was pretty low and you were talking about being single 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:33.000 and content, and it was something I really needed to 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:35.360 hear at the time. Shortly after that, I found Jesus, 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.600 I started reading the Bible, started taking my faith seriously. 0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:43.439 This has resulted in good changes, such as overcoming physical 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:46.920 addictions and blocking out lustful thoughts about women, which I've 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:50.040 been struggling with in my life. This is called rebirth, 0:21:50.080 --> 0:21:53.320 by the way. However, some of these changes I'm realizing 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:55.840 have been I've been parading around in a persona that 0:21:55.880 --> 0:22:00.960 isn't truly me before the rebirth. I'm starting to realize 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.320 that my friends aren't really friends. I'm starting to realize 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:05.600 that things that I once thought were fun, like having 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:10.360 a high body county partying and hyper lustful relationship culture 0:22:10.359 --> 0:22:13.640 in college, are becoming disgusting to me. I was confident 0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:15.280 in my old body, but now that I have this 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:19.600 mindset that's been changing drastically, I feel disconnected from myself 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:22.240 and I'm going through the motions. I feel trapped by 0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:25.000 my life that the old me has set up for me. 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.200 My confidence is really low, and I'm noticing myself becoming 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:30.600 a lot more bitter and distant from others. The only 0:22:30.640 --> 0:22:32.720 things I find joy in now is my family. I 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:35.080 don't see that much because I'm in school and the 0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:37.399 time it's been reading my Bible. I trust this is 0:22:37.440 --> 0:22:39.280 all part of God's plan for me, but it's really 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:43.359 discouraging to feel so angry, lost and lacking confidence. Any thoughts, 0:22:44.080 --> 0:22:50.000 Thanks Granger, Love the show, Andrew, Andrew, thanks for emailing. Brother. 0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.919