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Speaker 1: Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode, motherfucking mini episode.

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Speaker 2: What would you do if your son was at home

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Speaker 2: crying all alone on the bedroom floor because he's hungry?

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Speaker 2: There it is, there, it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome

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Speaker 2: to another phenomenal episode, a mini episode of My Mama

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Speaker 2: Told Me.

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Speaker 3: The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of

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Speaker 3: black conspiracy theories.

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Speaker 2: And we finally worked to prove the conspiracy theories that you,

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Speaker 2: the listener, the little mamas and gentiles alike have at home.

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Speaker 2: This is a motherfucking mini episode.

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Speaker 4: Would have been swallowed up? Have you ever been swallowed up?

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Speaker 4: Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything

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Speaker 4: was overwhelmed?

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Speaker 2: You know what's upsetting about that one is the visuals.

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Speaker 2: It's so long. Yeah, it's so long. It won't stop,

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Speaker 2: and it's like, bro, you gotta stop.

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Speaker 3: But as someone who's been in flow state before, like

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Speaker 3: you see it when you're like yep, that's how if

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Speaker 3: you're like that, like when you just can't miss so

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Speaker 3: you're just going crazy.

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Speaker 2: It was cooking too hard.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've done it, cause you probably had sets like

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Speaker 3: that where you're like, oh, I could say anything and

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Speaker 3: it's gonna work. Yeah, I'm going nuts, you know.

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Speaker 2: No, there are times, and it's the reason I despise

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Speaker 2: the crowd work clips that that our art form has

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Speaker 2: sort of devolved into. But there are times when you're

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Speaker 2: like engaging with an audience in such a funny, sincere

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Speaker 2: way that it it goes on for like minutes, like

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Speaker 2: I kind.

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Speaker 3: Of where you're like, oh shit, that riff was fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just a long ass time. And that's not cutable,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean. Like, that's not a thing

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Speaker 2: that you can chop up and make into like a

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Speaker 2: thing you offer up to an audience.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's why you don't ever trust a five

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Speaker 3: second crowd work clip. It's not real. Yeah it wasn't

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Speaker 3: that funny.

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Speaker 2: They had a big laugh and then it stopped really fast.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I didn't know how to keep going. Yeah yeah,

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Speaker 2: it was like somebody said, one interesting thing. Anyways, we're

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Speaker 2: not here to talk about Stu' it's thinks and the

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Speaker 2: art that I love has uh has become something that

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Speaker 2: I barely recognize. But that's not the point of this podcast.

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Speaker 2: This podcast, especially today, we are we're talking to you

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Speaker 2: the listener. We're reading your emails. We're engaging with your thoughts,

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Speaker 2: your suggestions. And we got an email from a person

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Speaker 2: named Aliyah l I y a h just like the

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Speaker 2: singer got you personality, mentality a man. Anyways, I miss

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Speaker 2: her too, she was great. We all miss her.

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Speaker 3: Nothing nothing I wish they had anyways. I just sometimes

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Speaker 3: I feel like somebody needed to take care of that

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Speaker 3: little girl, like you know, yeah, she was like bounched

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Speaker 3: around to a lot of men. It feels like dark. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No, I think that's one hundred percent true of a

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Speaker 2: person who who maybe needed somebody just to look out

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Speaker 2: for in a way that that she never really got

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Speaker 2: by the end of it.

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Speaker 3: So you want to read an email, No.

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Speaker 2: Let's just have them the silence. Let's just stood in

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Speaker 2: that feeling for a second.

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Speaker 3: Two seconds too later, Sorry, that's okay.

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Speaker 2: We got an email from a person named Aliah who

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Speaker 2: sent us as subject line Satan's Yoga. Satan's Yoga, She says, Hi,

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Speaker 2: David and length and longtime listener back again with another conspiracy.

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Speaker 2: This one actually comes from my grandmother, a Southern black

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Speaker 2: woman who later in life became a Jehovah's witness. One

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Speaker 2: day later, in life. She started that shit later in life,

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Speaker 2: that makes more sense.

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Speaker 3: In starting it earlier in life, Like, you can't convert

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Speaker 3: to Jehovah's witness in like your mid twenties.

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Speaker 2: I don't picture early in life being your mid twenty conversions.

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Speaker 2: I picture early in your life, meaning you grew up

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Speaker 2: in the Jehovah. Oh but she converted, she said, right,

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Speaker 2: And I'm saying that converting to Jehovah's witness is a

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Speaker 2: silly thing.

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Speaker 3: You've already had some birthdays.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what Christmas feels like?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you go.

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Speaker 2: Are you shifting back for.

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Speaker 3: Taking that away from your children? You monster? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: No, that's that's an odd fucking choice. So you want

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Speaker 2: to go door to door? Okay?

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Speaker 3: Anyways, those shit. Your grandma's a sweet woman, earliah or Ns.

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Speaker 2: I don't know hard to say the but I'm leaning

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Speaker 2: towards the latter.

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Speaker 3: One man's cuckoo is another man's cocoa puffs.

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Speaker 2: One day, after watching a commercial about yoga clothes, she

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Speaker 2: went on a rant about how doing yoga is evil

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Speaker 2: and if you meditate, you will mess around and open

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Speaker 2: up your mind so much you will let satan in.

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Speaker 2: I understood her to mean meditating can be a pathway

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Speaker 2: to connect with Satan. Similarly, how praying is a way

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Speaker 2: to connect with God. I grew up going to church

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Speaker 2: as well as the Kingdom Hall. So I am conflicted.

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Speaker 2: I believe in spirits and have an ancestor alter myself.

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Speaker 2: So just as there is a way to channel the

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Speaker 2: good spirits, there has to be a way to channel

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Speaker 2: the bad ones. I'm interested in hearing what you guys

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Speaker 2: think best.

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Speaker 3: Aliah, Well, Aliah, I think you're a witch, and I

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Speaker 3: rebuke thee in the name of the One True Lord. No,

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Speaker 3: I think that. So here's what I don't like about this, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: the idea of like, if you meditate or you do yoga,

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Speaker 3: you're gonna open your mind so much. So that's what

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Speaker 3: like I don't like. It's like, I don't like the

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Speaker 3: idea that an open mind is what leads to the devil.

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Speaker 3: That means God wants you to have a closed mind.

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Speaker 3: That means he's like reductive as fuck and does not

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Speaker 3: want you to open you up to whatever your true

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Speaker 3: potential is. He doesn't want you to be free. And

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Speaker 3: that's not like the God. If that that's not like

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Speaker 3: a God. I'm trying to.

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Speaker 2: Say, right, a god that encourages you to sort of

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Speaker 2: live in a bubble is not a god that you

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Speaker 2: you recognize.

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Speaker 3: Well, just like, yeah, any type of like don't open

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Speaker 3: your mind is a great Like really think about what

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Speaker 3: you're saying within that. That's like, that's terrible. Nobody okay,

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Speaker 3: nobody ever leave your small town. Don't never try to

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Speaker 3: do something that no one in your family did, Like,

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Speaker 3: don't ever push for anything. Then you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 3: don't open your mind. That's fucking that's like, that's that's trash.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that God is like that. I don't

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Speaker 3: think the God of Abraham, I don't. I don't know

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Speaker 3: if that is what he's pushing.

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Speaker 2: I will say that that I myself read this to

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Speaker 2: mean something slightly different, although I do agree with your

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Speaker 2: sentiment that that if this is about just sort of

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Speaker 2: keeping people closed minded, then that feels reductive and not

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Speaker 2: at all like a progress or even a love that

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Speaker 2: is suggested to be shared by the God above us.

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Speaker 2: Whatever that said, I thought about my relationship with like spirits,

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Speaker 2: and in a lot of ways this tracts for me

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Speaker 2: of like I don't fuck around with Ouiji boards. I

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Speaker 2: don't fuck around with like haunted houses, like genuine haunted houses.

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Speaker 2: I'll go to a place one whatever.

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Speaker 3: But what what do you mean by that? What do

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Speaker 3: you mean by jet you at haunted houses?

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Speaker 2: Like you know how like some people will be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this hotel is haunted, we should stay there. I wha

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Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you're very serious right now?

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Speaker 2: Like no, no, no, I will not, and I will choose.

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Speaker 2: I have the resources to choose differently, and I will

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Speaker 2: like I don't need that feeling, and I'm not interested

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Speaker 2: in exploring it just because it's like novel or cute, right.

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Speaker 3: But you'll go to like a haunted house, like.

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Speaker 2: Like a silly one where I know adults are being

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Speaker 2: paid minimum wage to hide around a corner with chainsaws

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Speaker 2: that don't work properly.

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Speaker 3: Because I went to one of those. Me and my

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Speaker 3: girl went to one of those over at Halloween and

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Speaker 3: that was fun.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that's a good time.

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Speaker 3: I was like, they try to play me. They try

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Speaker 3: to play me a little bit. What happened? Man? So

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Speaker 3: we went to the haunted house and then there was

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Speaker 3: like if you pay like an extra, they like take

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Speaker 3: you to a secret bar in there and give you

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Speaker 3: a shot during the Haunted House. Oh so we went.

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Speaker 3: We went, and we went to the secret bar and

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Speaker 3: this nigga bro he was pouring drinks and he poured

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Speaker 3: my girl on. He poured me when he was like,

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Speaker 3: he looks scared of how I'm not scared though.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he thought he could cook you a little bit.

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Speaker 3: He was trying to cook me. Yeah. Oh, she looks

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Speaker 3: like you was scared of us. It's the children's playhouse.

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Speaker 2: I look like I'm not about to tipyo ass. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I look like I.

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Speaker 3: Don't work at the fucking fucking hearted House because I

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Speaker 3: can't make child support. That's what I look like. I

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Speaker 3: looked like I fucking took an Uber black. Here you broke, boys,

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Speaker 3: I didn't drove.

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Speaker 2: I say, why why are you taking uber blacks.

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Speaker 3: I've actually never taken an uber black. I was trying

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Speaker 3: to impress you guys.

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Speaker 2: No it worked, I thought, but no, I I try

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Speaker 2: not to mess around with sort of like dark spirits

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Speaker 2: and ghosts and all kinds of things out of fear

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Speaker 2: that I do think it welcomes some of that into

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Speaker 2: your world. That like, if you go seeking that shit,

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Speaker 2: you will find something. Even if that's something you find,

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Speaker 2: it's just made up in your own head. And so

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Speaker 2: in that way, I recognize what she's saying to simply

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Speaker 2: mean like seek it and you shall find it in

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Speaker 2: both good and bad ways. Now, why the fuck yoga

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Speaker 2: is her her passion for where Satan is lurking?

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Speaker 3: I have no idea. Here's what I'm gonna say. Yep,

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Speaker 3: this is I've lived among the woos, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean. I live in San Francisco, Big Witch Country,

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Speaker 3: Los Angeles, also big Witch Country. If you're far away

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Speaker 3: and you don't quite know, I understand how these yoga

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Speaker 3: ladies and men could seem like they were into some

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Speaker 3: evil shit, you know what I mean, just like glancing

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Speaker 3: and being like, what are they doing over here? They're

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Speaker 3: dressed all wacky, they're burning sage and shit like it

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Speaker 3: could feel like some witchcraft for sure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say that that to that point with

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Speaker 2: dog that that ain't doggy style.

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Speaker 3: I know you that when I come from dogs stand

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Speaker 3: up right.

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Speaker 2: They shake your hand like like a man.

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Speaker 3: If you and I.

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Speaker 2: Will say that to that point, A lot of what

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Speaker 2: yoga is in America is just a sort of like

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Speaker 2: cherry picking of other people's cultural identities and like their

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Speaker 2: actual spirituality. And so in that way, it does feel

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Speaker 2: like sort of a false manipulation of spirituality, right that,

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Speaker 2: like the ship that we recognize as yoga is not

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Speaker 2: what they were doing when Indians invented the ship, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean. It's just some some ship that

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Speaker 2: like some white women took and then like decided to

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Speaker 2: take some words and leave some words behind in certain poses. Yes,

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Speaker 2: certain ones know and that that is not not sort

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Speaker 2: of like fucking around with spirituality in a in a

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Speaker 2: messed up way.

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Speaker 3: I think it does lead to this whole idea of like,

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Speaker 3: that's why I don't like people when they say they're

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Speaker 3: just I'm spiritual, because it's like pick a discipline.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what, you gotta commit.

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Speaker 3: Commit to something you're loosey goosey, then you might as

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Speaker 3: well just be agnostic. Like what does that mean? I

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Speaker 3: think this could be true and that you need rules.

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Speaker 3: There needs to be some sort of rules. It is.

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Speaker 2: It is the one part of the Bible more than

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Speaker 2: any other part that I think I most connect with

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Speaker 2: where it talks about God not wanting you to be lukewarm.

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Speaker 2: That like a lukewarm person is maybe the worst person

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Speaker 2: you could be. That you got to be hot or cold.

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Speaker 2: Either believe in something or don't believe in something. But

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Speaker 2: like kind of fucking around in the middle is like

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Speaker 2: danger rus and frankly just condescending to the fundamentals of

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Speaker 2: the actual belief.

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Speaker 3: Don't stand for anything for something, Yeah, don't stand for something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you didn't get it right for me twice. You

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Speaker 2: can't fool me again.

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Speaker 3: I'd rather live on my feet than stand on my knees.

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Speaker 2: I was getting some head, some head, not if.

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Speaker 3: You buck.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you gotta believe in something. And so

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Speaker 2: for a Leah's grandmother, I think in some ways she's like, well,

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Speaker 2: these people are being lukewarm spiritual, sort of like cherry pickers,

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Speaker 2: and I don't like that, and that seems like that's

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Speaker 2: of the devil, that is of Satan, and so I rejected,

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Speaker 2: all yeah, I think that's yeah. So so I don't

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Speaker 2: agree per se that like Aliah, if it makes you

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Speaker 2: feel better, I think you can do as much yoga

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Speaker 2: as you want. I don't think the devil sitting on

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Speaker 2: a mat being like yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think that that's exactly what I think. He's doing.

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Speaker 2: I think he's hanging out in yoga studio.

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Speaker 3: I think he's just watching ladies bendover.

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Speaker 2: That's the case. You're only selling me on the devil.

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Speaker 3: I think he's got a toothpick.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, oh somebody's limba.

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Speaker 3: Look at child's probably should.

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Speaker 5: Don't look like no child to me, Like they're like

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Speaker 5: grown woman posed like how women supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: Maybe that's what the devil is doing. And if that's

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Speaker 2: the case, I think more of us should be worshiping

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Speaker 2: the devil because he sounds like a cool guy. And

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Speaker 2: then I'm into him.

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Speaker 3: Is gone sixty. I'm sucking it up now. I did

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Speaker 3: a spin move? Have you ever done a spin on

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Speaker 3: the dance floor?

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Speaker 2: When I was a when I was in high school,

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Speaker 2: I was a dancing ass kid, and so yeah.

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Speaker 3: I used to do.

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Speaker 2: I used to do, and now as an adult, I

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Speaker 2: couldn't possibly. I can't even imagine attempting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't imagine. That would be crazy. It would

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Speaker 3: be cool, it would.

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Speaker 2: It would be cool, But you know, I live with

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Speaker 2: a constant fear that it won't work.

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Speaker 3: Now it doesn't Like if you try to commit to

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Speaker 3: a spin and it doesn't work. I Yeah, that'd be bad.

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Speaker 3: It's like you're dancing with your wife or something.

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Speaker 2: It can only ruin my family. Yeah, is it like,

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Speaker 2: is it that you worry that you would fall down?

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Speaker 2: I worry about it all. I worry that that I

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Speaker 2: would fall down. I worry that I don't even make

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Speaker 2: it the full three sixty and and now I'm just

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Speaker 2: a dude who tried something and it failed, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean, Like there's just so much vulnerability and

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Speaker 2: when people are counting on you, that.

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Speaker 3: You how you feel about the dance? Yeah, like.

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Speaker 2: There's mother fuckers counting on me.

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Speaker 3: Man, my baby needs me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my baby just needs me to keep being consistent.

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Speaker 2: I can't. And now and now I could go viral.

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Speaker 2: Imagine imagine your father going viral because he tried to

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Speaker 2: do a spin move and it didn't work at.

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Speaker 3: The JFL after party.

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Speaker 2: Come on, and now everybody's like, bro, and my daughter's

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Speaker 2: going to school and they're making fun of her because

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Speaker 2: because father failed.

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Speaker 3: That's that's fair.

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Speaker 2: People are counting on me. I can't risk it.

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Speaker 3: No, I listen. I also am conservative on the dance floor,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I'm a Biden in the streets.

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Speaker 3: But I'm a trump in the.

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Speaker 2: Ship there there that there was that run where where

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Speaker 2: that those kids were doing that sideways moonwalk that like

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Speaker 2: airwalk ship.

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Speaker 3: Oh the usher usher is the first.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well no, not that sideways moonwalk. That one I

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Speaker 2: learned to do when I was in high school. I

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Speaker 2: could still do that ship sidewalk moon walk walk. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about that ship where where you're like they're

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Speaker 2: like skipping sideways.

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Speaker 3: Oh, that one's fun. Yeah, I like that one.

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Speaker 2: The amount of times I practiced that alone in my

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Speaker 2: home and realize, like, I don't think I'm in a

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Speaker 2: position to take this into a public space and be successful. Really, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because that.

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Speaker 3: One seems easier than the sideways movement. It is not.

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Speaker 2: It's it's it's just so unnatural to the way that

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Speaker 2: I move that I don't think I've ever figured out

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Speaker 2: a way to make it not look like it's Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's just you look gumpy and fucking weird or you

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Speaker 2: look awesome, And I don't know that I ever looked awesome,

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Speaker 2: So I chose never.

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Speaker 3: To bring it out. Yeah, I tried to learn the

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Speaker 3: sneeze or m the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you just gotta you gotta realize, like these l's

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Speaker 2: are not worth taking after a while. When I was

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Speaker 2: when I was fifteen, if I didn't do a move good,

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Speaker 2: So you know what I mean? Like, what are the

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Speaker 2: repercussions here?

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Speaker 3: Wait? Can I ask you a series question? Yeah? Have

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Speaker 3: you ever been in a dance battle?

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Speaker 2: I'm in many a dance battle. Yeah, this might be

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Speaker 2: its own episode. Okay, do you have footage? I hope not.

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Speaker 2: I hope there's no lingering footage of any dance battles

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Speaker 2: I was in. I pre you know, Thank god, I

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Speaker 2: think we predated camera phones.

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Speaker 3: What was the group called?

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Speaker 2: No, I wasn't in like group dance battles. I was

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Speaker 2: like dance battles at like parties and ship Oh excuse me,

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Speaker 2: that would be way Lane. Yeah, excuse me. I wasn't assembling.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't in a group.

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Speaker 2: I was rogue.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No, I was a fucking highlander. Baby.

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Speaker 3: Did you have a dance name?

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Speaker 2: No? I didn't have a fucking dance name. I was

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Speaker 2: just a cool dude who at a party. If it

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Speaker 2: will happen, I will pop in the middle. And then

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Speaker 2: another dude. There was this kid that in my high

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Speaker 2: school named dom Pary young. I wish I was making.

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Speaker 3: This up specific to be a lot.

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Speaker 2: Don Barry he would constantly, you know, the circle would

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Speaker 2: happen and he would get in and he'd be popping

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Speaker 2: and ship, and then I would get in and I

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Speaker 2: would popping me and Don would go back and forth. Damn,

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Speaker 2: I don't think so. I don't think I ever had

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Speaker 2: the flexibility for doing back bends and ship. But I

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Speaker 2: ate his heart sometimes. Yeah, I'd eat his heart. I

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Speaker 2: pop from the bottom and pass it up and go

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Speaker 2: back down and snatch his heart and then put it

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Speaker 2: in my own chest.

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Speaker 3: And wow, you're a wild guy.

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Speaker 2: Na I lived a life man.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's very interesting. We'll get more into that.

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Speaker 2: We'll get more into that.

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Speaker 3: Do you have pictures?

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Speaker 2: I hope, David, I hope there's no documentation of this

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Speaker 2: period in my life.

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Speaker 3: Lil Mama's. If you guys could, let's see if I'm

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Speaker 3: hoping we could find someone who battled you. If you

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Speaker 3: guys know Dom y'all and he's in the Chicago Land area.

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Speaker 2: I don't think he left anyway.

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Speaker 3: Please, we gotta get him on. We gotta get him on.

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Speaker 3: I would love to hear an oral history of these things.

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Speaker 3: Don was a great answer.

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Speaker 1: Man.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that I want any of the you know,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't call myself the champion of those battles, but

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Speaker 2: he I was. I was honored to be a partisan.

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Speaker 2: But you got in a ring, you know, I got

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Speaker 2: in the ring. But yeah, I think to the larger

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Speaker 2: question at hand, I fear the evil spirits enough that

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Speaker 2: I am willing to cut myself off from certain activities.

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Speaker 2: And I recognize that if you are a a stringent

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Speaker 2: God fearing woman so much so that you're willing to

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Speaker 2: join the Jehovah's witnesses later in life, then you probably

390
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 2: are afraid of a lot of things that seem vaguely spiritual,

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Speaker 2: I e. Yoga and poses and whatnot. Beads, beads, sure, yeah,

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Speaker 2: white women with sage. That's not a good combination.

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Speaker 3: Jade, come on, get it.

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Speaker 2: Get that jade out of your goddamn vaginas and put

395
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Speaker 2: it back in the earth where it belongs.

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Speaker 3: Take that jade out of your pusses.

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Speaker 2: That's the name of the episode.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we did it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. I think we covered it all.

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Speaker 2: Did you tell the people where they can find you?

401
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 2: And what cool shit you have.

402
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,679
Speaker 3: Going on Cool Guy Jokes eighty seven on Instagram. All

403
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 3: my stuff is going to be.

404
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Speaker 2: There as always. You can follow me at Langston Kerman

405
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 2: on all social media platform so I'll be there. I

406
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 2: don't be doing nothing, but I'll be there. And if

407
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, if

408
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 2: you want to send us your drops, send it all

409
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: to my Mama pod at gmail dot com. Give us

410
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,199
Speaker 2: a call at eight four or four. Little moms, we

411
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Speaker 2: want to talk to you by bitch.

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Speaker 1: Motherfucking Mini epis mini episo, motherfucking Mini ever sew motherfucking

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Speaker 1: Mini ever Sel Mini episode, motherfucking Mini ever s