1 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:08,280 Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more, 3 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com. 4 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: Yeah right us. We're gonna try to help you. We 5 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: love to help you. All you have to do is 6 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,360 Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your letter 7 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: live on the air, just like we're gonna read this 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: one right here, right now, right that's right, buckalong, hold 9 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: on tight, it's the Strawberry Letter. Go Shirley. A little 10 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: extra that was like coming in hot. Okay, right right, 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: thanks Carla. Subject get somewhere and sit down, Okay. Dear 12 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley. I'm a sixty year old single mother. My 13 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: son is thirty two and he has been a single 14 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: father since his first wife passed away four years ago. 15 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,640 Speaker 1: My granddaughter is fourteen years old, and she's with me 16 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: during the week and she goes back to her dad's 17 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: house on the weekend. My son has started back dating 18 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: and he wants to be married again. He says he 19 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,119 Speaker 1: doesn't function well as a single man. I have nothing 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: to do with his love life, but I have everything 21 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 1: to do with how his daughter is raised, and I 22 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 1: don't think he should be introducing her to all kinds 23 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,119 Speaker 1: of women while she's still in the grieving process. This 24 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: new girl he's dating is very simplistic and materialistic. She's 25 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: got her own money, so she's not asking for anything 26 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: from my son. But it's the way she carries herself 27 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: that is on my nerves. She and I don't see 28 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,480 Speaker 1: eye to eye on a lot of things. She has 29 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: a sixteen year old daughter that she leaves a loan 30 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: overnight to go play house with our son. Her daughter 31 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: has a brand new car and she lets her run 32 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,559 Speaker 1: wild with her friends all over town. The only time 33 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 1: my granddaughter has quality time with her with her dad 34 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: is on the weekend, and this new woman is always 35 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: around and in the way. My granddaughter sees through her 36 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: and gets irritated when this woman plays rap music and 37 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 1: knows all the lyrics. She feels like the woman is 38 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: trying too hard. She's visited at my house with my 39 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 1: son and runs around waiting on my son hand and foot, 40 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: and I had to tell her to get somewhere and 41 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: sit down. I have never seen a woman try so hard, 42 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,400 Speaker 1: and her intentions may be good, but she has to 43 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: fall back a bit, I think my son is falling 44 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 1: for her representative and not the real woman. How can 45 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:32,119 Speaker 1: I get him to pump the brakes. Okay, grandmother, your 46 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 1: intentions might be right, but you need to fall back 47 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,640 Speaker 1: a little bit. I mean, I agree your son doesn't 48 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: need to introduce her daughter or his daughter, I should 49 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: say to a lot of random women, because grief is 50 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 1: a process and it takes time. And although it has 51 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,359 Speaker 1: been four years, grief is different for everyone. And your 52 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: granddaughter his daughter is only fourteen, so that means her 53 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: mother passed when she was just ten years old, So 54 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: let her have a moment. Okay, she's obviously still working 55 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: through some things in her young life. Now, your son 56 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: wants to remarry, you said, but he's got to make 57 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 1: sure his daughter is good and he has to make 58 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 1: sure this woman is a good fit for their family. 59 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: His daughter needs him. Yes, she has you, grandmother, thank god, 60 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: But daddy has to learn how to divide his time 61 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,640 Speaker 1: and make his time count and make quality time between 62 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: his new girlfriend and his daughter, who again is only fourteen. 63 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 1: Is this new woman even trying to connect with the daughter. 64 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 1: Is she doing that? Is she ready to take on 65 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: the role of stepman? Mom? Or is she just concentrating 66 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,040 Speaker 1: on being with the dad. It doesn't sound like she 67 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: is according to your letter. It sounds like according to you, 68 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: she's only interested in your son and not his daughter. 69 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: But again, all you can do is talk to your son. 70 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: You can try to reason with him and make suggestions 71 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 1: on how he should handle this very delicate situation. You 72 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: can't go in too hard against this woman because your 73 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 1: son does like her and he's considering marriage. He wants 74 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: to remarry, and it sounds like it might she might 75 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: be the one. So he needs your non emotional voice 76 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: of reason right now. That might make a difference in 77 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: the woman he chooses to be with. And if it's her, 78 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,359 Speaker 1: you know, just be reasonable, talk to him, don't be 79 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: all emotional talking about the woman and all that, because again, 80 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 1: he likes her. Steve, well, get somewhere and sit down. 81 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: This is a letter about a mother that doesn't like 82 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 1: the choice of women her son. It's me, That's all 83 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: this letter is about. Now it's masked with a lot 84 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: of other stuff, and I will point this out to 85 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 1: you as we go alone. First of all, I'm a 86 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: sixty year old single mother. What I didn't know that 87 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,160 Speaker 1: was a turn I thought that when your son it 88 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: is thirty two and you sixty. But I think you 89 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: can stop saying that at one point. It's like when 90 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: the baby is thirty eight months old. Come on, now 91 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: we need some years. We got we got to quit 92 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: doing months now, you know, we gotta stop doing you know, 93 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: you know I'm seven weeks pregnant. That's good. At one point, 94 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: you got to be seven months, you know, we just 95 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: it's just a conversion. So I'm confused with that. I'm 96 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 1: a sixty year old single mother. Refer to yourself as 97 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,359 Speaker 1: a single mother, meaning that you have to raise a 98 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,119 Speaker 1: child on your own. That's what being a single parent 99 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: or mother represents to me. It's just maya pick. She 100 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 1: may be single and a mother. That's cool, But don't 101 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: use that because the boy thirty two. I don't stuck 102 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 1: on that. Hey, like you gotta take his ass to 103 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: soccer practice. You got to come up with field trip money. 104 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 1: You're just struggling with it. So what should she have said, 105 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 1: just to a sixty year old single woman, My son 106 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: is thirty two, that's all. Don't try to draw us 107 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: in with that. I'm a sixtyear old single mother to 108 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: draw like, oh, while how long she's been doing this? 109 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,320 Speaker 1: All right, here we go. She said that we'll have 110 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 1: part two. You'll see what. We'll have part two of 111 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 1: Steve's response because he's just stuck on the first line 112 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:36,559 Speaker 1: on the strawberry letter. Hey, get off of its tail 113 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 1: tail the rest of the letter. All right, we'll have 114 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,559 Speaker 1: firt two of your response coming up Steve at twenty 115 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: three minutes after the hour. Today's title is one that's 116 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: close to my heart of the Strawberry letter, Get somewhere 117 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: and sit down. We'll get back into it with Steve's 118 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: response right after this. You're listening to the Steve Morning Show. 119 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: Come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter. The subject 120 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: get somewhere and sit down. Well, this sixty year old 121 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: single mother. That didn't have to mention that to us, 122 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: because when you're a single mother, I'm thinking of your 123 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: raising children on your own. Her boy is thirty two, 124 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: so that's a term I disagree with. My son is 125 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 1: thirty two and he's been a single father since his 126 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 1: first wife passed away four years ago. Very important. My 127 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: granddaughter is fourteen, and she's with me during the week 128 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: and she goes back to her dad's house on the weekend. 129 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: My son has started back dating and he wants to 130 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 1: be married again. He says he doesn't function well as 131 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: a single man. I have nothing to do with his 132 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: love life. This is not true, because you do it. 133 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 1: I have nothing to do with his love life. But 134 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: the rest of his letter is all about his love life. 135 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,119 Speaker 1: But I have everything to do with how his daughter 136 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: is raised, and I don't think he should be introducing 137 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: her to all kinds of women while she's still in 138 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: the grieving process. Now, I understand that statement that this 139 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: woman is making, and I understand that the little girl 140 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: is still dealing with it even after four years, because 141 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: it's something you almost never get on. I understand that. 142 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: But this man has been grieving for four years too, 143 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: but he's ready to move forward. He should be allowed 144 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: to date. Now. You made a statement that I don't 145 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: think he should be introducing her to all kinds of 146 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: women while she's still in the grieving process. But that 147 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,200 Speaker 1: ain't what this letter is about. You immediately go This 148 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: new girl he's dating is very simplistic and materialistic. Excuse me, 149 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: make up your mind, mama. She's either simplistic or materialistic. 150 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: Simplistic means very simple things essential very doesn't care about 151 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: extra materialistic is the direct opposite. So I'm not really 152 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: sure you even know what you talk about. She's got 153 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: her own money, okay, so she's not asking for anything 154 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 1: from my son. So what you're saying is this woman 155 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,040 Speaker 1: brings plenty to the table outside of being what could 156 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: be a very good woman. But it's the way she 157 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: carries herself that gets on my nerves. You just said 158 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: in the letter that you don't you don't want to 159 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: get into your son's love life. It's none of your business. 160 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 1: Just raising the daughter is. But now I don't like 161 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,200 Speaker 1: the way the way she carries herself gets on my nerves. 162 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: She and I don't see eye to eye on a 163 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 1: lot of things. She has a sixteen year old daughter 164 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: that she leaves alone overnight to go play house with 165 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: my son. Sixteen year olds can stay home by thisself. 166 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,959 Speaker 1: Sixteen year olds can stay home. Technology now makes it 167 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: where sixteen year old can stay home by this self. 168 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:56,079 Speaker 1: I didn't have te Hell yeah, I had to stay 169 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,199 Speaker 1: home and be not And I'll tell you what he was. 170 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: The rule. When I get back to this house, better 171 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: be just like I left him, right, Her daughter has 172 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: a brand new car, and she lets her run wide 173 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: with her friends all over town. Does she really or 174 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: does the girl just have a brand new car and 175 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: contrive to visit her nothing? Girl ain't no reputation or none. 176 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: You're letting her run. That's not a way. The only 177 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 1: time my granddaughter has quality time with her dad is 178 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,840 Speaker 1: on the weekends, and this new woman is always around 179 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 1: and in the way. Excuse me, but this man's every 180 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: weekend can't be for his daughter. I'm sorry, that's not 181 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: y'all can say that if you want to, but don't 182 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: nobody do that. The girl is fourteen, She probably has friends, 183 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: has a life on her own FaceTime, probably got a phone. 184 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 1: All this here, I got news for you. Once they 185 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: reached that teenage years, they don't really want to be 186 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: sitting around your ass that much. They really don't do. 187 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,720 Speaker 1: They're busy. Yes, they have their own friends. And the 188 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: new woman is always around. And then the way my 189 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: granddaughter sees through her and gets irritated when this woman 190 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: plays rap music and knows all the lyrics, Well, you 191 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 1: can't know the lyrics unless you know the lyrics. You know. 192 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 1: They're in their thirties, that's all she grew up on 193 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 1: hip hop. Yeah, she feels like the woman is trying 194 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,960 Speaker 1: too hard. Yeah, that's it's called effort. She's visited at 195 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: my house with my sons and runs around waiting on 196 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 1: my son hand and foot, and I had to tell 197 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: her to go somewhere and sit down. Okay, So now 198 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,720 Speaker 1: the woman caters to your son. You don't like that. 199 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 1: She got her own money, you don't like that. Okay, 200 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: she's simplistic, you don't like that. And she materialistic, you 201 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,679 Speaker 1: don't like that. And now she come over to your 202 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: house running around waiting on your son, and you don't 203 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:02,120 Speaker 1: like that. I I've never seen a woman try so hard. 204 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: And her intentions may be good. I think her intentions 205 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: are just fine. And if you don't want her to 206 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: try hard, what you want her to do. But she 207 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: has to fall back a bit. And I think my 208 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: son is falling for her representative and not the real woman. Well, 209 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: time will tell, because the representative can't stay forever. How 210 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 1: can I get him to pump the brakes? Well, let's 211 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: start with you need to pump the break. Yeah, your 212 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: son wants to be married, let him figure it out. 213 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: Every weekend can't be for the kids, her sixteen year 214 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: old can stay home alone. And you're wrong because you 215 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: don't even really know this woman. And that's why your 216 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: ass is a sixty year old single mother. That's exactly 217 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:55,199 Speaker 1: why your ass is a sixty year old single mother. 218 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: Post your comments and Steve on Today's Strawberry Letter at 219 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 1: Steve Harvey FM on Instagram and Facebook, and check out 220 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now coming up at 221 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 1: forty six minutes after the hour. A young college man 222 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 1: on Facebook said his parents are upset that he and 223 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: his girlfriend are having sex and he needs advice from you, 224 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 1: Steve about an upcoming trip. We'll talk about it right 225 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 1: after this. You're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show.