Speaker 1: How funny that I ran into you in the Hamptons
Speaker 1: this weekend.
Speaker 2: So serendipitous. I mean, what are the odds? And we
Speaker 2: were sitting buying a chance at the same table.
Speaker 1: That was crazy. I walk up to this table in
Speaker 1: the Hamptons. I was actually out on a date and
Speaker 1: I walk up and I see you, And that was
Speaker 1: just so funny because I felt like I was like
Speaker 1: on a reality show and I was like, Oh, Hi,
Speaker 1: you're the matchmaker for my podcast and I'm on a
Speaker 1: date now. So what do you think you know? And
Speaker 1: I will give you some tea about that later because
Speaker 1: there's even newer tea since when we spoke. So anyway,
Speaker 1: and there was a person that was there at the
Speaker 1: place that you actually that we saw together, that you
Speaker 1: thought might be a good fit for me, So you
Speaker 1: might be you might be matchmaking me after all.
Speaker 2: I just might be. You know, we had a little
Speaker 2: contender out there.
Speaker 1: What do you think my type is?
Speaker 2: I think you loved tall, and I think you love handsome,
Speaker 2: and I think you love the chisel jaw line. And
Speaker 2: I also think you love people's aura, Like you're all
Speaker 2: about like the energy that someone puts out mm.
Speaker 1: Hmmmm, and we liked that guy's energy.
Speaker 2: We love his energy.
Speaker 1: Okay, sure, okay, I'm talking about the guy that was
Speaker 1: at the place that we don't know yet. Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, Okay, he's good, great, Okay, So let's
Speaker 1: let's get into that. So I'm in a unique position
Speaker 1: because I've been sharing some of my dating on social media,
Speaker 1: and I've been doing it in a way that is
Speaker 1: breadcrumb and easter eggish, meaning some of it's recorded, and
Speaker 1: then I don't post it for weeks after you can't
Speaker 1: really figure out what it is, who it is. There
Speaker 1: are data boards I've done where I've got jumped on
Speaker 1: and jumped off. No one ever really knows if it's them.
Speaker 1: I had a guy think that something was about him
Speaker 1: and it wasn't at all. And I had someone send
Speaker 1: me flowers for the way that I ended it with
Speaker 1: them because they thought it was, like, you know, in
Speaker 1: a classy manner. And the point is, I guess it's
Speaker 1: a more highlighted version of what happens with people anyways.
Speaker 1: So you're a woman and you are dating, quote unquote,
Speaker 1: which I don't think I've ever been great at because
Speaker 1: I always jump in a car like you're either not
Speaker 1: in something, or you meet someone you like them and
Speaker 1: we fantasize and you and I are going to get
Speaker 1: into the oxytocin of it all. Or you've slept at them,
Speaker 1: or you've been intimate with them, or you've made out
Speaker 1: with them, or you're you think they're great, and you're
Speaker 1: not really dating. You've said you're going to date, but
Speaker 1: you're not really dating because women seem to get excited
Speaker 1: and want to jump, and men stereotypically are better at
Speaker 1: playing the field. But I think it's an important skill
Speaker 1: to learn. I call it the burner method theoretically to
Speaker 1: have a bunch of different pots on the stove. But
Speaker 1: I think that I've talked about it more than I've
Speaker 1: actually done it for any extended period of time. So
Speaker 1: how important do you think it is to really keep
Speaker 1: the burners going for a while and try to manage
Speaker 1: the different heats? And how do you do that?
Speaker 2: Great question? How to manage different cats than different burners.
Speaker 2: So here's the thing we need to remember, just like
Speaker 2: anything else in life, right, the ninety day rule. You
Speaker 2: know how when you get a new job, ninety days
Speaker 2: until you get your insurance. That's kind of like you're
Speaker 2: dating or getting to know each other, your employees getting
Speaker 2: to know the new employee. It's the same thing in dating.
Speaker 2: You want to give it at least ninety days.
Speaker 1: I totally agree, Yeah, because you don't want to just commit.
Speaker 1: And like I've always said, three months, I didn't know
Speaker 1: that was a thing. Ninety days that's amazing.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's just like you don't want to hand off
Speaker 2: the insurance the wrong employee, just like you don't want to,
Speaker 2: you know, commit before you really take the time to
Speaker 2: get to know someone. It really does take ninety days
Speaker 2: even sometimes up to six months to really appeel the
Speaker 2: layers of the young men.
Speaker 1: Okay, so how are you navigating that In the meantime,
Speaker 1: someone really likes you or you really like them, or
Speaker 1: you're maybe intimate with them, or you're inviting them somewhere
Speaker 1: or they're inviting you somewhere, or you know that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, Like, how are you navigating that of feelings?
Speaker 1: How are you explaining it? Or are you just running
Speaker 1: your own game and just being cryptic and cagy and
Speaker 1: cute and COI like, what is the story?
Speaker 2: So here's my theory on this. First things first, I
Speaker 2: don't recommend sleeping with multiple partners while you're dating everyone,
Speaker 2: just because then the oxytocin is going to get really confused.
Speaker 2: Because you know, you release oxytocin when you have sex
Speaker 2: with some own women. Do women have release oxytocin when
Speaker 2: they have sex? Men release testosterone? So for us oxytocin
Speaker 2: it creates this bonding agent. That's why we fall in
Speaker 2: love and that's why we get the rose colored class.
Speaker 2: So I say, don't have oxytocin with all these men.
Speaker 2: I'd say, instead, pick one that you like the most
Speaker 2: and maybe test out that car before you buy it.
Speaker 2: But I really think that if there is a contender,
Speaker 2: if there is someone that you were seeing and he
Speaker 2: is really standing out to you and there's just really
Speaker 2: good chemistry and it's a good mass, there's compatibility, I
Speaker 2: would full focus on that. If you guys reach that
Speaker 2: point of intimacy.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're saying if you reach that point of intimacy,
Speaker 1: you would stop dating other people for the time being
Speaker 1: until the three month mark.
Speaker 2: Well, let me ask you this. How would you feel
Speaker 2: if you found out that you guys were intimate and
Speaker 2: he was still dating three other people?
Speaker 1: Uh? I don't know, I don't care. Oh, I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think if you've made the commitment, if one has
Speaker 1: made the commitment to themselves to date for a while,
Speaker 1: which like is something that you are an expert at,
Speaker 1: and that in my personal life and many women that
Speaker 1: I know have never really done well because I was
Speaker 1: getting to the mall and buying the first thing. So
Speaker 1: if you make that commitment, you're not going to go
Speaker 1: six months to a year and date a bunch of
Speaker 1: people and sleep with no one. So if you're sleeping
Speaker 1: with a person, they'll say that you like the most
Speaker 1: and you're still dating. I don't think you should be
Speaker 1: a have a double standard and care what someone else
Speaker 1: is doing. I also think jealousy is a useless thing
Speaker 1: to have. I just think you kind of don't want
Speaker 1: to know. I find that in general people men are
Speaker 1: very asking. In general, men are very like want to
Speaker 1: ask like in little ways about different people. They ask
Speaker 1: like they don't care, but they want to make a
Speaker 1: little things. Oh that must have been somebody else. That
Speaker 1: must be you know. That's like a big thing with
Speaker 1: men want that must have been another guy.
Speaker 2: Well, women do it too, to be fair, It depends
Speaker 2: on your confidence level. Some women are like, I know
Speaker 2: what I bring to the table, and I don't need
Speaker 2: to ask questions like I know I am the price.
Speaker 2: So for those women, they don't really ask much questions.
Speaker 2: And then for the woman that's like, you know, constantly
Speaker 2: asking questions, wanting to know heylig are you seeing other
Speaker 2: people like where we are?
Speaker 1: So let's get into know what's that language supposed to be?
Speaker 1: And when does that question happen?
Speaker 2: You know, it's really it's the only way to know
Speaker 2: it's in your heart. When you start to feel like
Speaker 2: there is crazy chemistry, you're really following me for someone,
Speaker 2: there's so much compatibility, this could be mister right then,
Speaker 2: I think that that is where your attention should go.
Speaker 2: I know there's a theory of like data as many
Speaker 2: guys you can until when commit yourself commits. I don't
Speaker 2: actually stand with that because I do think that when
Speaker 2: you're giving energy across the board to all these different
Speaker 2: burners and you're being intimate with someone, plus you're really
Speaker 2: into one more than the other ones, it can confuse
Speaker 2: the heart, and we don't really want to do that.
Speaker 2: And also, if two people are in true alignment, he
Speaker 2: might stop also dating other people because he's so gun
Speaker 2: ho about that one person that he's not even present
Speaker 2: all these other dates. So I've heard it time and
Speaker 2: time again where men will just cut off the other
Speaker 2: ones because they're just focused on that one girl that
Speaker 2: they really like.
Speaker 1: Well, and both you're saying, you can't just go out
Speaker 1: with other people to check boxes when you're not going
Speaker 1: to be present there. You have to be able to
Speaker 1: I do think men are better at compartmentalizing, so as women,
Speaker 1: I think we have to learn how to compartmentalize a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 2: I do think. Not true, that's not true. That's not
Speaker 2: true really with men. Yes, I've been working with men
Speaker 2: for ten years, and I will tell you when they
Speaker 2: fall for a woman, I mean they're just the rose
Speaker 2: colored glasses are on. They're so dialed in, they're like,
Speaker 2: that's it, I'm done putting a ring on it within
Speaker 2: six months.
Speaker 1: Like more than women, you would say, one hundred Percent's amazing.
Speaker 2: Yes, it does not come down to a men and
Speaker 2: women thing. What it comes down to is the amount
Speaker 2: of how much they're falling for you. That is the piece.
Speaker 1: The amount.
Speaker 2: Yes, if someone is so into you and they're obsessing
Speaker 2: over you, and they just adore you, and they've really
Speaker 2: taken it a time to get to know you. They
Speaker 2: have the rosehus Er glass just like we do, and
Speaker 2: they get so obsessive they text all their friends. Like
Speaker 2: guys are very similar to us in some ways that
Speaker 2: we don't even know. And I only have that data
Speaker 2: because I've been working with men for ten years.
Speaker 1: To me, it feels like you want to keep the
Speaker 1: car at fifty five miles an hour. To me, if
Speaker 1: you've made that choice, because like what I've said some people,
Speaker 1: I've spoken to so many women like this that that
Speaker 1: resonate with the getting in the car really quickly. So
Speaker 1: if the per getting in the car really quickly. To
Speaker 1: stick with that analogy, you want to try to like
Speaker 1: keep you know, in the movie Speed, she's trying to
Speaker 1: keep the bus of fifty five miles an hour. You
Speaker 1: don't want it to go cold, but you don't want
Speaker 1: it to go too hot. You want to like keep
Speaker 1: the engagement and the interest, but you don't want to
Speaker 1: like get all obsessed. Because I've been in things where
Speaker 1: it's like immediately you want, you know, to become one
Speaker 1: person and everything seems great, and then it's not sustainable
Speaker 1: and you're overlooking things that you need to be thinking
Speaker 1: about when you get into a relationship. This is if
Speaker 1: you're over thirty five, not if you're in your twenties.
Speaker 1: Do whatever you want in your twenties. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: like I just mean, if you're a woman who's possibly
Speaker 1: interested in commitment, you have to try to control yourself.
Speaker 1: I can only speak for women, I can't speak for men.
Speaker 1: You are telling me from a male perspective, which is great,
Speaker 1: But don't you think there has to be some level
Speaker 1: of like tempering the chocolate a little?
Speaker 2: Yes, But what I'm trying to say is you don't
Speaker 2: have to temper the chocolate with other men. You can
Speaker 2: temper the chocolate by going on a girls trip, by
Speaker 2: keeping yourself busy, go to that tennis tournament you wanted
Speaker 2: to go to, Like keep your occupied so that you
Speaker 2: are busy, you're not obsessing over him, but at the
Speaker 2: same time, you are not pouring into all these different guys.
Speaker 2: And meanwhile, for all we know, he might be completely
Speaker 2: devoted to you because he actually doesn't care. He can't
Speaker 2: even be present with another woman. So what I'm saying
Speaker 2: is it's so important to keep yourself busy so that
Speaker 2: you're you're busy, not always thinking about him, and that
Speaker 2: way you're not jumping in the car and you're not
Speaker 2: going at one hundred miles an hour. You're still that
Speaker 2: fifty five and you're still able to hit that ninety
Speaker 2: day mark.
Speaker 1: Got it? Okay? And then are people asking questions at
Speaker 1: the ninety day mark? This is when the questions happen.
Speaker 2: Absolutely? Yes, I mean sometimes here's the thing. There's not
Speaker 2: a one rule for all, right, like different speeds for
Speaker 2: different people. But what I think typically happens is why
Speaker 2: I consider healthy, is right around that ninety days. Like
Speaker 2: both people, if there's a lot of chemistry and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of compatibility, everyone's kind of like, Okay, what
Speaker 2: are we doing? You know, are we something? Are we
Speaker 2: an item? Like? Do we want to pursue this seriously?
Speaker 2: And that's when those conversations come up.
Speaker 1: Very interesting. So you've talked a lot about texting and
Speaker 1: expectation text let's call them te expectations.
Speaker 2: Ooh, I love that.
Speaker 1: So what are expectations you have you have sex? Is
Speaker 1: there is there a T expectation? You meet someone and
Speaker 1: you really like them and the date goes well, what
Speaker 1: is a T expectation, like and what is a phone
Speaker 1: called expectation?
Speaker 2: Great question, so tech expectation. Here's a thing in early dating.
Speaker 2: After date one, two, or three, he does not have
Speaker 2: to text you every single day, good morning. He doesn't
Speaker 2: have to check in on you every single day. Now
Speaker 2: do we love the as females? Of course, no kidding,
Speaker 2: but they're not expected to do that. And what I
Speaker 2: have found time and time again is that people will
Speaker 2: just you know, give them the boot and not even
Speaker 2: get to a fourth date because there's not enough texting
Speaker 2: going on. And the thing is is that in the
Speaker 2: early phase of dating, the text expectations shouldn't be minimal texting.
Speaker 2: Let me get to know you in person, let me
Speaker 2: devote myself one hundred percent to you in person. But
Speaker 2: when we're not in person, a little bit of minimal
Speaker 2: text here and they're checking in great, but it's not
Speaker 2: to be expected every day.
Speaker 1: And Barbie would totally agree with you. Guys are on
Speaker 1: the exact same page who's been on here And she
Speaker 1: said something that was interesting. She used the word She
Speaker 1: said women catastrophize, so that women like the naw, the
Speaker 1: guy hasn't called or texted and the woman is in
Speaker 1: her own head asking her friends, and she's catastrophizing.
Speaker 2: I loved that word, okay, tell me more.
Speaker 1: Meaning like the world's coming to an end. They didn't
Speaker 1: text instead of just saying like, okay, they have their
Speaker 1: own life. You don't know what's going on with them,
Speaker 1: with work, whatever, doesn't have to be at one hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty, you know, degrees in the kitchen and that
Speaker 1: it's kind of what you are saying, like, it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that the house is coming down because someone hasn't texted.
Speaker 2: You, you know. And I completely agree with you and
Speaker 2: Barbie on this, And that's what we're just talking about.
Speaker 2: Because here's the thing. If you stay busy. You know
Speaker 2: what my best dating advice in dating is, stay busy
Speaker 2: with your personal life. If you are dating and you've
Speaker 2: got other things going on that really interests you that
Speaker 2: you're passionate about, that will keep your mind occupied so
Speaker 2: you don't even have the time to be on your
Speaker 2: phone wondering what Robert is doing. You know why it
Speaker 2: isn't texted you in eight hours because you've got your
Speaker 2: own life going on. You're traveling, you're working hard, you're
Speaker 2: playing tenants, you're playing paddle whatever you like to do,
Speaker 2: you're occupying. You're a busy woman.
Speaker 1: Yes, some people aren't that busy though, and some people
Speaker 1: don't like to be that you have to go out
Speaker 1: that much and to be that social, etc. So what
Speaker 1: do you suggest They're supposed to meditate or read.
Speaker 2: Or meditate, read, go on walks, whatever it is that
Speaker 2: can keep you busy so that you are not hype.
Speaker 2: We're focusing on someone.
Speaker 1: Okay, what about so you've talked about compatibility versus energy
Speaker 1: and chemistry. Chemistry is not the same as compatibility. Compatibility
Speaker 1: is like we both like tennis. Chemistry is like I
Speaker 1: want to have sex with you. Right, They're totally they're different.
Speaker 1: And energy, how do you differ energy from compatibility? You
Speaker 1: don't mean like I have a lot of energy or
Speaker 1: little energy. You mean just like an energetic connection, like
Speaker 1: the vibe. It's such a hard thing to explain, but
Speaker 1: I'm going to try mynpartist. So when I say energetic match,
Speaker 1: now this is in my opinion, it is one of
Speaker 1: the most important things. Okay, So energetic match means that
Speaker 1: if someone is a high frequency let's talk about let's
Speaker 1: to find what these things are. High frequency person is
Speaker 1: someone who is glowing, great mood, happy, go lucky. You
Speaker 1: know what, it looks like.
Speaker 2: They walk into a room and everyone looks because there's
Speaker 2: just like this magnetic field around them. We call that
Speaker 2: auras vibes whatever. They just have that high vibration. So
Speaker 2: that's one thing. Now, a low vibration person is someone
Speaker 2: who you know, they walk in the room, You're immediately like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't even want to talk to that person. You know,
Speaker 2: like immediately you just kind of sense that like cloud
Speaker 2: over their head and they're just kind of giving like
Speaker 2: wah wah wah energy. And then there's the p people
Speaker 2: that are right in the middle. They're kind of just
Speaker 2: like neutral, they're neutral ground. I say energetic matches are
Speaker 2: super important because when I put as a matchmaker, a
Speaker 2: if I were to put a high vibrationial person with
Speaker 2: a low frequency person, what's going to happen is that
Speaker 2: the high vibrating person is going to have to go
Speaker 2: down and meet that low vibration. And we don't want that.
Speaker 2: We don't ever want a high frequency person to match
Speaker 2: and level down.
Speaker 1: That's the dimming of the light.
Speaker 2: That's the dimming of the light, and we don't want
Speaker 2: to dim anyone's light, nor should we. And here's the
Speaker 2: thing too, Sometimes the really low vibrational person is the
Speaker 2: best looking person in the room. They're esthetically very attractive,
Speaker 2: but the ViBe's off. But they're supposed to be with
Speaker 2: someone low energy. Also, aren't they too boring? Are they born?
Speaker 2: But hold on? Have you heard of the rotten apple theory?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: You know, when you put like you know, when you
Speaker 2: put two fruits next to each other, one is like
Speaker 2: rotting completely, and then you stick it next to the
Speaker 2: non rotten one, the other one starts to rot at
Speaker 2: the exact same spot.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, that's I've literally experienced that.
Speaker 2: It's literally science. It's the same thing with people. It's
Speaker 2: the same thing when you pick your friends, when you
Speaker 2: pick your partners. So we want to make sure we
Speaker 2: don't pick a rotting fruit.
Speaker 1: That's unbelievable because I've literally experienced it. But I feel
Speaker 1: that the rotting fruit is really attracted to the shiny
Speaker 1: perfect fruit, and the shiny perfect fruit doesn't realize and
Speaker 1: that's the problem, because the rotting fruit wants to feel
Speaker 1: fresh like That's what I of course, So I found
Speaker 1: that people are attracted to me that want to be
Speaker 1: near the light and want to be near the alive
Speaker 1: and the energy. I have many times been attracted to
Speaker 1: the rotting fruit, to the person that's low energy. I
Speaker 1: don't know why, Like why would a person who's high
Speaker 1: energy go for the low energy person? Do they think
Speaker 1: that it's like their compliment? So they think it's there
Speaker 1: like yin and yang? Because I feel like someone. You know,
Speaker 1: when you say the rock and the star, I think
Speaker 1: sometimes the star thinks that the rock is the low
Speaker 1: energy person. It could be confusing. You have to really
Speaker 1: clarify that the rock still is alive. They just may
Speaker 1: be calmer, but it doesn't mean they're dead.
Speaker 2: Well on, let's define rock star theory because they someone
Speaker 2: didn't hear the previous episode. So the rock star theory,
Speaker 2: the rock it's someone who is stable, rounded, high vibrational,
Speaker 2: but just very stable and they're not the star of
Speaker 2: the show. The star in the rock star theory is
Speaker 2: the one that loves the attention. They're kind of like
Speaker 2: the peacock, like they love they have the big personality.
Speaker 2: They'd love to make people laugh. They're usually like the
Speaker 2: party of you know, the party starter if you will,
Speaker 2: So in the rock star theory that is completely different
Speaker 2: than the ron apple. And then because no.
Speaker 1: Because it doesn't sound that different, because it sounds like
Speaker 1: the rock is not as alive energetically. So you have
Speaker 1: to really discern the different designer the rock, because sometimes
Speaker 1: the rotten fruit can seem like the rock because they're chill,
Speaker 1: and that's the problem.
Speaker 2: So, okay, you want to hear the ultimate test to
Speaker 2: figure out if they're the rock or if they're the
Speaker 2: rotten fruit. Okay, the ultimate test of the rock in
Speaker 2: the rotten fruit is this, when you get home after
Speaker 2: hanging out with that person, do a self audit. I
Speaker 2: have it in my book, do a self audit one
Speaker 2: to ten. How do I feel? Am I energized or
Speaker 2: my energy depleted?
Speaker 1: Interesting? Very very interesting. Wow, Okay, that's fascinating.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship with a low energy person
Speaker 1: and people around me have noticed how it's affected my personality,
Speaker 1: and over the course of time they've said that I
Speaker 1: was very very different, very depressed, almost like I died
Speaker 1: a little.
Speaker 2: Of course, you were rotting.
Speaker 1: I rotted.
Speaker 2: You're right, Yeah, you're rotting because he was already a
Speaker 2: rotten fruit, and so you you're high for and see person.
Speaker 2: You have that glow, you have that good energy, like
Speaker 2: you're magnetic. People are just drawn to you. And so
Speaker 2: then you got on his frequency, which then brought you down. Wow,
Speaker 2: and we don't we definitely don't want that.
Speaker 1: No, that's fascinating. No one talks about that enough. Okay,
Speaker 1: So how much should someone look into someone's past, ask
Speaker 1: someone about their past, worry about skeletons in their closet,
Speaker 1: things like that, the dark side, all that stuff, and
Speaker 1: does that stuff reflect who they really are now? Or
Speaker 1: can people be really different? Someone cheated on someone else
Speaker 1: and you've heard that story, but you really think you're
Speaker 1: connecting and you get a good vibe off them. Like
Speaker 1: how much is that stuff in important? So when it
Speaker 1: comes to figuring out someone's past, a little bit more
Speaker 1: of their dating background, their history. I always say leave
Speaker 1: that for date three, four, even five. This is not
Speaker 1: a date one or two. And this is a rule,
Speaker 1: Like I you know, there's not that many rules in dating.
Speaker 2: This is definitely rule. You don't want to talk about
Speaker 2: your ex's on a first date because number one, it's
Speaker 2: not romantic, it's not there's no chemistry. You don't even
Speaker 2: know who they're excess, So how can you bond over that?
Speaker 2: And a first date is really about bonding, it's not
Speaker 2: about understanding people's skeletons. So if you're going to ask
Speaker 2: about someone's history, I'm here for it. I think it's
Speaker 2: important to know, but at the same time, minimal, like
Speaker 2: just just know the high level stuff like, Okay, you
Speaker 2: guys broke up two years ago, Great, why didn't work out? Oh,
Speaker 2: she cheated? Cool? You don't need to know the ins
Speaker 2: and outs of it, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: ask yourself this, does that information add value to the relationship? No,
Speaker 2: it doesn't. You don't need to know why she cheated,
Speaker 2: or how she cheated, or with who she cheated.
Speaker 1: What if the person cheated with the nanny, Like what
Speaker 1: if something major happen that defines a person's integrity? And
Speaker 1: now you're six states in.
Speaker 2: If he wants to share that that are you saying, okay,
Speaker 2: if he's the one who cheated and he cheated with
Speaker 2: the nanny, my gosh, get out of there. I would immediately.
Speaker 1: I'm saying, are you supposed to ask around? Are you
Speaker 1: supposed to do investigative reporting before you get hooked into someone?
Speaker 1: Are you supposed to be a little bit of a
Speaker 1: detective before you get hooked into something. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: got to be a fine line.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, for sure, but not on a first date
Speaker 2: like this is date three, this is date four.
Speaker 1: Well maybe not even with him, I'm saying with other people,
Speaker 1: like in general, use just to figure out what the
Speaker 1: hell is going on. And you're saying overall, you should
Speaker 1: figure out what the hell is going on by date
Speaker 1: three or four.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, great.
Speaker 1: Here's a thing that I think is interesting. You've said this,
Speaker 1: Barbie's said it like a heightist or something like talking
Speaker 1: about height, Like people miss good guys because they're worried
Speaker 1: about their height. But what if many people are height
Speaker 1: snobs or certain thing snobs, And that's sort of like
Speaker 1: there are some amazing guys that people are passing up
Speaker 1: that they're never going to get to experience because of that,
Speaker 1: And you could end up finding like a gem or
Speaker 1: a treasure because a lot of other women had these
Speaker 1: arbitrary rules about height which they do or care collar
Speaker 1: or things like that, and then you can end up
Speaker 1: finding someone great that someone else passed up.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to say something very controversial, But here's
Speaker 2: the truth. Okay, men care about this is just the truth.
Speaker 2: Men care about a woman's waist, like what size are they?
Speaker 2: Are they size two or are they side ten?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And women care about height? And it's such an arbitrary thing, right,
Speaker 2: And what I this is just a funny story, and
Speaker 2: I think that this is a story that every woman
Speaker 2: needs to hear. So I know a couple that are
Speaker 2: now married with two kids. They met on Hinge only
Speaker 2: because the husband lied about his hype. You know, he
Speaker 2: put himself as six foot so that he could reach
Speaker 2: the parameters, but he's not six foot. The lesson in
Speaker 2: this is that you can literally miss out on your person,
Speaker 2: your divine lifetime partner, if you are so strict about height.
Speaker 2: Because had he not lie and say on Hinge that
Speaker 2: he was six feet, he would have missed that match
Speaker 2: because then exactly and so and what she realized as
Speaker 2: a bride adds now his wife and the mother of
Speaker 2: the two kids they have, is that height is not important.
Speaker 2: Does someone height define like if he if he could
Speaker 2: provide her, is he could protect her? Is he faithful?
Speaker 2: Is the loyd? Would you rather end up with a
Speaker 2: guy who's six four but who cheats all the time
Speaker 2: because he just can't keep it in his pants. No,
Speaker 2: So it's like what really matters? And once you get
Speaker 2: over that hump of like the things that actually matter,
Speaker 2: like loyalty, honesty, someone like can keep your secret, someone
Speaker 2: that has your back no matter what, someone who's a
Speaker 2: devoted family man. All these things are so much more
Speaker 2: important than height. And if you take the time to
Speaker 2: get to know someone, even if they're just a couple
Speaker 2: inches shorter than you prefer, you might ended up falling
Speaker 2: in love.
Speaker 1: Amazing, Wow, thank you. So how do people have to
Speaker 1: get into religion?
Speaker 2: Ooh, this is such a big one. Can I tell you?
Speaker 2: Religion is one of the biggest one on compatibility for matching,
Speaker 2: because when you think about building a life with someone,
Speaker 2: you have to think long term. And what is crazy
Speaker 2: to me is when people don't have these discussions early on,
Speaker 2: Like if you're on a date with someone and the chemistry
Speaker 2: is through the roof, but they're Jewish, you're Christian, And
Speaker 2: then you know, a year down the line you want
Speaker 2: to get sears and get engaged and you realize, well,
Speaker 2: you want to raise their kids Christian, but he wants
Speaker 2: to raise this kid's Jewish.
Speaker 1: How did they get that far down the line.
Speaker 2: Because chemistry and the rosy colored glasses. People just love
Speaker 2: to avoid those hard conversations. And I've seen it so
Speaker 2: many times. I've seen incredible couples.
Speaker 1: That's the car with the wrong sign, that's the car
Speaker 1: that you get in the car and you're like, it's okay,
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out later. And it's a disaster when
Speaker 1: there's a disaster, see.
Speaker 2: Yes, Because you have to remember that chemistry doesn't equal compatibility.
Speaker 2: And if you you want to raise their kids a
Speaker 2: certain way and kids are in the equation, then you
Speaker 2: need to have these conversations upfront about what that looks like.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent okay? And do you think when do
Speaker 1: you think you have to talk about the politics upfront
Speaker 1: as well? Absolutely? I mean this is like date four
Speaker 1: or five. I mean I would definitely talk about those things.
Speaker 1: If you are someone that's not neutral, or you're not
Speaker 1: very moderate, and you're on one or two.
Speaker 2: Extremes and you want to raise their kids a certain way,
Speaker 2: then I definitely say religion politics is something you should
Speaker 2: talk about.
Speaker 1: I would say day four and five to talk about
Speaker 1: how to work through it. But I would say date
Speaker 1: zero to see what the labels are, because some people
Speaker 1: really are emphatic and should not be getting in those
Speaker 1: cars at all exactly.
Speaker 2: And you know what, and what I have learned is that,
Speaker 2: you know, I can even speak to my own parents
Speaker 2: completely on opposite ends on politics, but they have so
Speaker 2: much respect for one another, and they can have an
Speaker 2: intellectual conversation because they're both intellects. So I think it
Speaker 2: just depends on can you have a conversation around it
Speaker 2: and keep your school and just respect each other's differences,
Speaker 2: or you so extreme that if someone doesn't see eye
Speaker 2: to eye with you, you know, we've all met that person.
Speaker 2: If someone doesn't see eye to eye with you, then
Speaker 2: it's a huge problem. Then you need to talk about
Speaker 2: these things early, early part of dating so that you
Speaker 2: don't catch feelings and then you catch yourself suck in
Speaker 2: a situation that you regret later.
Speaker 1: Right to give yourself well to let the other person
Speaker 1: know or the person setting you up, like I'm I'm
Speaker 1: open minded though I feel this way, but I'm not
Speaker 1: stuck to it like I'm open about it and I'm
Speaker 1: And some people feel that they're culturally a certain way
Speaker 1: and they don't want that label someone could be Jewish,
Speaker 1: but they're not very religious, they're culturally Jewish. They you know,
Speaker 1: someone could be Christian, they're not that religious, but they
Speaker 1: want to have a Christmas tree. Or someone could be
Speaker 1: Jewish but they like to have a Christmas tree for
Speaker 1: their kids, or you know, whatever these things mean because
Speaker 1: they find a Christmas tree to be American versus Christian,
Speaker 1: or that an Easter egg hunt is American versus Christian.
Speaker 1: So I think, like getting that stuff, but that's also
Speaker 1: not that sexy in the beginning to shift, find a
Speaker 1: way to have like a blanket statement that describes how
Speaker 1: you feel about it. I think, Well, what I always.
Speaker 2: Say when it comes to women, I always say, don't
Speaker 2: reveal your cards. It's kind of like playing poker when
Speaker 2: you're asking about religion politics. What I have learned is
Speaker 2: that men will try to like like kind of like
Speaker 2: tailor their answer to make it work because they're so
Speaker 2: attracted to you. So my advice for women is playing
Speaker 2: a little bit of poker on a first or second date, like,
Speaker 2: don't reveal your cards just yet, ask him and say, oh,
Speaker 2: by the way, where do you land on politics? You know,
Speaker 2: just make it more chill and less of like, oh
Speaker 2: are you Republican? It's like do you hear the difference? Like,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, do you land on politics?
Speaker 1: What do you think about the election?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What do you think about the election. It's about
Speaker 2: the tone, it's about the delivery. And if he says, well,
Speaker 2: what do you think? You throw back the mic and no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I asked you first, like you're playing poker, honey, don't
Speaker 2: reveal your cards just yet.
Speaker 3: Right, want to do to be after? Want to do
Speaker 3: to be after