1 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: How funny that I ran into you in the Hamptons 2 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: this weekend. 3 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:19,759 Speaker 2: So serendipitous. I mean, what are the odds? And we 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,920 Speaker 2: were sitting buying a chance at the same table. 5 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: That was crazy. I walk up to this table in 6 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: the Hamptons. I was actually out on a date and 7 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: I walk up and I see you, And that was 8 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: just so funny because I felt like I was like 9 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: on a reality show and I was like, Oh, Hi, 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 1: you're the matchmaker for my podcast and I'm on a 11 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: date now. So what do you think you know? And 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: I will give you some tea about that later because 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: there's even newer tea since when we spoke. So anyway, 14 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: and there was a person that was there at the 15 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 1: place that you actually that we saw together, that you 16 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: thought might be a good fit for me, So you 17 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: might be you might be matchmaking me after all. 18 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: I just might be. You know, we had a little 19 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 2: contender out there. 20 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: What do you think my type is? 21 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 2: I think you loved tall, and I think you love handsome, 22 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 2: and I think you love the chisel jaw line. And 23 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 2: I also think you love people's aura, Like you're all 24 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 2: about like the energy that someone puts out mm. 25 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: Hmmmm, and we liked that guy's energy. 26 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 2: We love his energy. 27 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: Okay, sure, okay, I'm talking about the guy that was 28 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: at the place that we don't know yet. Oh yeah, no, 29 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 1: I know, yeah, Okay, he's good, great, Okay, So let's 30 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 1: let's get into that. So I'm in a unique position 31 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 1: because I've been sharing some of my dating on social media, 32 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 1: and I've been doing it in a way that is 33 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,039 Speaker 1: breadcrumb and easter eggish, meaning some of it's recorded, and 34 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: then I don't post it for weeks after you can't 35 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: really figure out what it is, who it is. There 36 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: are data boards I've done where I've got jumped on 37 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: and jumped off. No one ever really knows if it's them. 38 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: I had a guy think that something was about him 39 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: and it wasn't at all. And I had someone send 40 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 1: me flowers for the way that I ended it with 41 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: them because they thought it was, like, you know, in 42 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: a classy manner. And the point is, I guess it's 43 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 1: a more highlighted version of what happens with people anyways. 44 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: So you're a woman and you are dating, quote unquote, 45 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: which I don't think I've ever been great at because 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: I always jump in a car like you're either not 47 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,920 Speaker 1: in something, or you meet someone you like them and 48 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: we fantasize and you and I are going to get 49 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 1: into the oxytocin of it all. Or you've slept at them, 50 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 1: or you've been intimate with them, or you've made out 51 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 1: with them, or you're you think they're great, and you're 52 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: not really dating. You've said you're going to date, but 53 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: you're not really dating because women seem to get excited 54 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: and want to jump, and men stereotypically are better at 55 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: playing the field. But I think it's an important skill 56 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 1: to learn. I call it the burner method theoretically to 57 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: have a bunch of different pots on the stove. But 58 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: I think that I've talked about it more than I've 59 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: actually done it for any extended period of time. So 60 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: how important do you think it is to really keep 61 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: the burners going for a while and try to manage 62 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,360 Speaker 1: the different heats? And how do you do that? 63 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 2: Great question? How to manage different cats than different burners. 64 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 2: So here's the thing we need to remember, just like 65 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 2: anything else in life, right, the ninety day rule. You 66 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,359 Speaker 2: know how when you get a new job, ninety days 67 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 2: until you get your insurance. That's kind of like you're 68 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 2: dating or getting to know each other, your employees getting 69 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,639 Speaker 2: to know the new employee. It's the same thing in dating. 70 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 2: You want to give it at least ninety days. 71 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: I totally agree, Yeah, because you don't want to just commit. 72 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,799 Speaker 1: And like I've always said, three months, I didn't know 73 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: that was a thing. Ninety days that's amazing. 74 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 3: Wow. 75 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 2: Okay, it's just like you don't want to hand off 76 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 2: the insurance the wrong employee, just like you don't want to, 77 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 2: you know, commit before you really take the time to 78 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 2: get to know someone. It really does take ninety days 79 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,960 Speaker 2: even sometimes up to six months to really appeel the 80 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 2: layers of the young men. 81 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: Okay, so how are you navigating that In the meantime, 82 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,000 Speaker 1: someone really likes you or you really like them, or 83 00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: you're maybe intimate with them, or you're inviting them somewhere 84 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: or they're inviting you somewhere, or you know that kind 85 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: of stuff, Like, how are you navigating that of feelings? 86 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,760 Speaker 1: How are you explaining it? Or are you just running 87 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: your own game and just being cryptic and cagy and 88 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: cute and COI like, what is the story? 89 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 2: So here's my theory on this. First things first, I 90 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 2: don't recommend sleeping with multiple partners while you're dating everyone, 91 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,359 Speaker 2: just because then the oxytocin is going to get really confused. 92 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,880 Speaker 2: Because you know, you release oxytocin when you have sex 93 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,280 Speaker 2: with some own women. Do women have release oxytocin when 94 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 2: they have sex? Men release testosterone? So for us oxytocin 95 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 2: it creates this bonding agent. That's why we fall in 96 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 2: love and that's why we get the rose colored class. 97 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 2: So I say, don't have oxytocin with all these men. 98 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 2: I'd say, instead, pick one that you like the most 99 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 2: and maybe test out that car before you buy it. 100 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,600 Speaker 2: But I really think that if there is a contender, 101 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 2: if there is someone that you were seeing and he 102 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,479 Speaker 2: is really standing out to you and there's just really 103 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,480 Speaker 2: good chemistry and it's a good mass, there's compatibility, I 104 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 2: would full focus on that. If you guys reach that 105 00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 2: point of intimacy. 106 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,040 Speaker 1: Okay, you're saying if you reach that point of intimacy, 107 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 1: you would stop dating other people for the time being 108 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: until the three month mark. 109 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: Well, let me ask you this. How would you feel 110 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 2: if you found out that you guys were intimate and 111 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 2: he was still dating three other people? 112 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:20,279 Speaker 1: Uh? I don't know, I don't care. Oh, I don't think. 113 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 1: I think if you've made the commitment, if one has 114 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: made the commitment to themselves to date for a while, 115 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 1: which like is something that you are an expert at, 116 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 1: and that in my personal life and many women that 117 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: I know have never really done well because I was 118 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: getting to the mall and buying the first thing. So 119 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 1: if you make that commitment, you're not going to go 120 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: six months to a year and date a bunch of 121 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: people and sleep with no one. So if you're sleeping 122 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: with a person, they'll say that you like the most 123 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: and you're still dating. I don't think you should be 124 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 1: a have a double standard and care what someone else 125 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: is doing. I also think jealousy is a useless thing 126 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 1: to have. I just think you kind of don't want 127 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 1: to know. I find that in general people men are 128 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: very asking. In general, men are very like want to 129 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: ask like in little ways about different people. They ask 130 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: like they don't care, but they want to make a 131 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: little things. Oh that must have been somebody else. That 132 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: must be you know. That's like a big thing with 133 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: men want that must have been another guy. 134 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,600 Speaker 2: Well, women do it too, to be fair, It depends 135 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 2: on your confidence level. Some women are like, I know 136 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 2: what I bring to the table, and I don't need 137 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 2: to ask questions like I know I am the price. 138 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 2: So for those women, they don't really ask much questions. 139 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 2: And then for the woman that's like, you know, constantly 140 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 2: asking questions, wanting to know heylig are you seeing other 141 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,719 Speaker 2: people like where we are? 142 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 1: So let's get into know what's that language supposed to be? 143 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: And when does that question happen? 144 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 2: You know, it's really it's the only way to know 145 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 2: it's in your heart. When you start to feel like 146 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 2: there is crazy chemistry, you're really following me for someone, 147 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,280 Speaker 2: there's so much compatibility, this could be mister right then, 148 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 2: I think that that is where your attention should go. 149 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,159 Speaker 2: I know there's a theory of like data as many 150 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:02,039 Speaker 2: guys you can until when commit yourself commits. I don't 151 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 2: actually stand with that because I do think that when 152 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 2: you're giving energy across the board to all these different 153 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,200 Speaker 2: burners and you're being intimate with someone, plus you're really 154 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 2: into one more than the other ones, it can confuse 155 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 2: the heart, and we don't really want to do that. 156 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:21,040 Speaker 2: And also, if two people are in true alignment, he 157 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:25,119 Speaker 2: might stop also dating other people because he's so gun 158 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: ho about that one person that he's not even present 159 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: all these other dates. So I've heard it time and 160 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 2: time again where men will just cut off the other 161 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 2: ones because they're just focused on that one girl that 162 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 2: they really like. 163 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 1: Well, and both you're saying, you can't just go out 164 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: with other people to check boxes when you're not going 165 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 1: to be present there. You have to be able to 166 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: I do think men are better at compartmentalizing, so as women, 167 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: I think we have to learn how to compartmentalize a 168 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 1: little bit. 169 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 2: I do think. Not true, that's not true. That's not 170 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 2: true really with men. Yes, I've been working with men 171 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 2: for ten years, and I will tell you when they 172 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 2: fall for a woman, I mean they're just the rose 173 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,240 Speaker 2: colored glasses are on. They're so dialed in, they're like, 174 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 2: that's it, I'm done putting a ring on it within 175 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 2: six months. 176 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: Like more than women, you would say, one hundred Percent's amazing. 177 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 2: Yes, it does not come down to a men and 178 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 2: women thing. What it comes down to is the amount 179 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 2: of how much they're falling for you. That is the piece. 180 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: The amount. 181 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 2: Yes, if someone is so into you and they're obsessing 182 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 2: over you, and they just adore you, and they've really 183 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 2: taken it a time to get to know you. They 184 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 2: have the rosehus Er glass just like we do, and 185 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 2: they get so obsessive they text all their friends. Like 186 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: guys are very similar to us in some ways that 187 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 2: we don't even know. And I only have that data 188 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 2: because I've been working with men for ten years. 189 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: To me, it feels like you want to keep the 190 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: car at fifty five miles an hour. To me, if 191 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: you've made that choice, because like what I've said some people, 192 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 1: I've spoken to so many women like this that that 193 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: resonate with the getting in the car really quickly. So 194 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: if the per getting in the car really quickly. To 195 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 1: stick with that analogy, you want to try to like 196 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,520 Speaker 1: keep you know, in the movie Speed, she's trying to 197 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: keep the bus of fifty five miles an hour. You 198 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: don't want it to go cold, but you don't want 199 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: it to go too hot. You want to like keep 200 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: the engagement and the interest, but you don't want to 201 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 1: like get all obsessed. Because I've been in things where 202 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: it's like immediately you want, you know, to become one 203 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,480 Speaker 1: person and everything seems great, and then it's not sustainable 204 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: and you're overlooking things that you need to be thinking 205 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,320 Speaker 1: about when you get into a relationship. This is if 206 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 1: you're over thirty five, not if you're in your twenties. 207 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 1: Do whatever you want in your twenties. In my opinion, 208 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: like I just mean, if you're a woman who's possibly 209 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,199 Speaker 1: interested in commitment, you have to try to control yourself. 210 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 1: I can only speak for women, I can't speak for men. 211 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: You are telling me from a male perspective, which is great, 212 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: But don't you think there has to be some level 213 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: of like tempering the chocolate a little? 214 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 2: Yes, But what I'm trying to say is you don't 215 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 2: have to temper the chocolate with other men. You can 216 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 2: temper the chocolate by going on a girls trip, by 217 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 2: keeping yourself busy, go to that tennis tournament you wanted 218 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 2: to go to, Like keep your occupied so that you 219 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 2: are busy, you're not obsessing over him, but at the 220 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,880 Speaker 2: same time, you are not pouring into all these different guys. 221 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 2: And meanwhile, for all we know, he might be completely 222 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 2: devoted to you because he actually doesn't care. He can't 223 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 2: even be present with another woman. So what I'm saying 224 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 2: is it's so important to keep yourself busy so that 225 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 2: you're you're busy, not always thinking about him, and that 226 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 2: way you're not jumping in the car and you're not 227 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 2: going at one hundred miles an hour. You're still that 228 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 2: fifty five and you're still able to hit that ninety 229 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 2: day mark. 230 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 1: Got it? Okay? And then are people asking questions at 231 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 1: the ninety day mark? This is when the questions happen. 232 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 2: Absolutely? Yes, I mean sometimes here's the thing. There's not 233 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 2: a one rule for all, right, like different speeds for 234 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 2: different people. But what I think typically happens is why 235 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 2: I consider healthy, is right around that ninety days. Like 236 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 2: both people, if there's a lot of chemistry and there's 237 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 2: a lot of compatibility, everyone's kind of like, Okay, what 238 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,319 Speaker 2: are we doing? You know, are we something? Are we 239 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 2: an item? Like? Do we want to pursue this seriously? 240 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,839 Speaker 2: And that's when those conversations come up. 241 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 1: Very interesting. So you've talked a lot about texting and 242 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: expectation text let's call them te expectations. 243 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:24,319 Speaker 2: Ooh, I love that. 244 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: So what are expectations you have you have sex? Is 245 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: there is there a T expectation? You meet someone and 246 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: you really like them and the date goes well, what 247 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: is a T expectation, like and what is a phone 248 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:39,559 Speaker 1: called expectation? 249 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 2: Great question, so tech expectation. Here's a thing in early dating. 250 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 2: After date one, two, or three, he does not have 251 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 2: to text you every single day, good morning. He doesn't 252 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 2: have to check in on you every single day. Now 253 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 2: do we love the as females? Of course, no kidding, 254 00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 2: but they're not expected to do that. And what I 255 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 2: have found time and time again is that people will 256 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,719 Speaker 2: just you know, give them the boot and not even 257 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,800 Speaker 2: get to a fourth date because there's not enough texting 258 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 2: going on. And the thing is is that in the 259 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 2: early phase of dating, the text expectations shouldn't be minimal texting. 260 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 2: Let me get to know you in person, let me 261 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 2: devote myself one hundred percent to you in person. But 262 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 2: when we're not in person, a little bit of minimal 263 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,080 Speaker 2: text here and they're checking in great, but it's not 264 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 2: to be expected every day. 265 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: And Barbie would totally agree with you. Guys are on 266 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 1: the exact same page who's been on here And she 267 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: said something that was interesting. She used the word She 268 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: said women catastrophize, so that women like the naw, the 269 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: guy hasn't called or texted and the woman is in 270 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 1: her own head asking her friends, and she's catastrophizing. 271 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 2: I loved that word, okay, tell me more. 272 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 1: Meaning like the world's coming to an end. They didn't 273 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,559 Speaker 1: text instead of just saying like, okay, they have their 274 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,160 Speaker 1: own life. You don't know what's going on with them, 275 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 1: with work, whatever, doesn't have to be at one hundred 276 00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: and fifty, you know, degrees in the kitchen and that 277 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: it's kind of what you are saying, like, it doesn't 278 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: mean that the house is coming down because someone hasn't texted. 279 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 2: You, you know. And I completely agree with you and 280 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 2: Barbie on this, And that's what we're just talking about. 281 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:13,200 Speaker 2: Because here's the thing. If you stay busy. You know 282 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,319 Speaker 2: what my best dating advice in dating is, stay busy 283 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 2: with your personal life. If you are dating and you've 284 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 2: got other things going on that really interests you that 285 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 2: you're passionate about, that will keep your mind occupied so 286 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 2: you don't even have the time to be on your 287 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,559 Speaker 2: phone wondering what Robert is doing. You know why it 288 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 2: isn't texted you in eight hours because you've got your 289 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 2: own life going on. You're traveling, you're working hard, you're 290 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 2: playing tenants, you're playing paddle whatever you like to do, 291 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 2: you're occupying. You're a busy woman. 292 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 1: Yes, some people aren't that busy though, and some people 293 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: don't like to be that you have to go out 294 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 1: that much and to be that social, etc. So what 295 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: do you suggest They're supposed to meditate or read. 296 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 2: Or meditate, read, go on walks, whatever it is that 297 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,960 Speaker 2: can keep you busy so that you are not hype. 298 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 2: We're focusing on someone. 299 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: Okay, what about so you've talked about compatibility versus energy 300 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: and chemistry. Chemistry is not the same as compatibility. Compatibility 301 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: is like we both like tennis. Chemistry is like I 302 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: want to have sex with you. Right, They're totally they're different. 303 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: And energy, how do you differ energy from compatibility? You 304 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: don't mean like I have a lot of energy or 305 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: little energy. You mean just like an energetic connection, like 306 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: the vibe. It's such a hard thing to explain, but 307 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: I'm going to try mynpartist. So when I say energetic match, 308 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 1: now this is in my opinion, it is one of 309 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: the most important things. Okay, So energetic match means that 310 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 1: if someone is a high frequency let's talk about let's 311 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: to find what these things are. High frequency person is 312 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: someone who is glowing, great mood, happy, go lucky. You 313 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: know what, it looks like. 314 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 2: They walk into a room and everyone looks because there's 315 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 2: just like this magnetic field around them. We call that 316 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 2: auras vibes whatever. They just have that high vibration. So 317 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 2: that's one thing. Now, a low vibration person is someone 318 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 2: who you know, they walk in the room, You're immediately like, oh, 319 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: I don't even want to talk to that person. You know, 320 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 2: like immediately you just kind of sense that like cloud 321 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 2: over their head and they're just kind of giving like 322 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 2: wah wah wah energy. And then there's the p people 323 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 2: that are right in the middle. They're kind of just 324 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: like neutral, they're neutral ground. I say energetic matches are 325 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,120 Speaker 2: super important because when I put as a matchmaker, a 326 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: if I were to put a high vibrationial person with 327 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 2: a low frequency person, what's going to happen is that 328 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 2: the high vibrating person is going to have to go 329 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 2: down and meet that low vibration. And we don't want that. 330 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 2: We don't ever want a high frequency person to match 331 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 2: and level down. 332 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: That's the dimming of the light. 333 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 2: That's the dimming of the light, and we don't want 334 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 2: to dim anyone's light, nor should we. And here's the 335 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 2: thing too, Sometimes the really low vibrational person is the 336 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 2: best looking person in the room. They're esthetically very attractive, 337 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 2: but the ViBe's off. But they're supposed to be with 338 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: someone low energy. Also, aren't they too boring? Are they born? 339 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: But hold on? Have you heard of the rotten apple theory? 340 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 3: No? 341 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 2: You know, when you put like you know, when you 342 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 2: put two fruits next to each other, one is like 343 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 2: rotting completely, and then you stick it next to the 344 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 2: non rotten one, the other one starts to rot at 345 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 2: the exact same spot. 346 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 1: Holy shit, that's I've literally experienced that. 347 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 2: It's literally science. It's the same thing with people. It's 348 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 2: the same thing when you pick your friends, when you 349 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 2: pick your partners. So we want to make sure we 350 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 2: don't pick a rotting fruit. 351 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 1: That's unbelievable because I've literally experienced it. But I feel 352 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: that the rotting fruit is really attracted to the shiny 353 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 1: perfect fruit, and the shiny perfect fruit doesn't realize and 354 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,080 Speaker 1: that's the problem, because the rotting fruit wants to feel 355 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 1: fresh like That's what I of course, So I found 356 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: that people are attracted to me that want to be 357 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: near the light and want to be near the alive 358 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: and the energy. I have many times been attracted to 359 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 1: the rotting fruit, to the person that's low energy. I 360 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 1: don't know why, Like why would a person who's high 361 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: energy go for the low energy person? Do they think 362 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: that it's like their compliment? So they think it's there 363 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: like yin and yang? Because I feel like someone. You know, 364 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,360 Speaker 1: when you say the rock and the star, I think 365 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: sometimes the star thinks that the rock is the low 366 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:14,080 Speaker 1: energy person. It could be confusing. You have to really 367 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: clarify that the rock still is alive. They just may 368 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,119 Speaker 1: be calmer, but it doesn't mean they're dead. 369 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,880 Speaker 2: Well on, let's define rock star theory because they someone 370 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 2: didn't hear the previous episode. So the rock star theory, 371 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,679 Speaker 2: the rock it's someone who is stable, rounded, high vibrational, 372 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 2: but just very stable and they're not the star of 373 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 2: the show. The star in the rock star theory is 374 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 2: the one that loves the attention. They're kind of like 375 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 2: the peacock, like they love they have the big personality. 376 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,560 Speaker 2: They'd love to make people laugh. They're usually like the 377 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 2: party of you know, the party starter if you will, 378 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 2: So in the rock star theory that is completely different 379 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 2: than the ron apple. And then because no. 380 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: Because it doesn't sound that different, because it sounds like 381 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 1: the rock is not as alive energetically. So you have 382 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 1: to really discern the different designer the rock, because sometimes 383 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 1: the rotten fruit can seem like the rock because they're chill, 384 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: and that's the problem. 385 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,560 Speaker 2: So, okay, you want to hear the ultimate test to 386 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 2: figure out if they're the rock or if they're the 387 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:15,639 Speaker 2: rotten fruit. Okay, the ultimate test of the rock in 388 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 2: the rotten fruit is this, when you get home after 389 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,439 Speaker 2: hanging out with that person, do a self audit. I 390 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 2: have it in my book, do a self audit one 391 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 2: to ten. How do I feel? Am I energized or 392 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 2: my energy depleted? 393 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 1: Interesting? Very very interesting. Wow, Okay, that's fascinating. 394 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:33,399 Speaker 3: Yeah. 395 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,719 Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship with a low energy person 396 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:43,320 Speaker 1: and people around me have noticed how it's affected my personality, 397 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: and over the course of time they've said that I 398 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 1: was very very different, very depressed, almost like I died 399 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:51,159 Speaker 1: a little. 400 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 2: Of course, you were rotting. 401 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:54,439 Speaker 1: I rotted. 402 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 2: You're right, Yeah, you're rotting because he was already a 403 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,640 Speaker 2: rotten fruit, and so you you're high for and see person. 404 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 2: You have that glow, you have that good energy, like 405 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 2: you're magnetic. People are just drawn to you. And so 406 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 2: then you got on his frequency, which then brought you down. Wow, 407 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,159 Speaker 2: and we don't we definitely don't want that. 408 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,159 Speaker 1: No, that's fascinating. No one talks about that enough. Okay, 409 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: So how much should someone look into someone's past, ask 410 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: someone about their past, worry about skeletons in their closet, 411 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,360 Speaker 1: things like that, the dark side, all that stuff, and 412 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 1: does that stuff reflect who they really are now? Or 413 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,320 Speaker 1: can people be really different? Someone cheated on someone else 414 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:32,920 Speaker 1: and you've heard that story, but you really think you're 415 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 1: connecting and you get a good vibe off them. Like 416 00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: how much is that stuff in important? So when it 417 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: comes to figuring out someone's past, a little bit more 418 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: of their dating background, their history. I always say leave 419 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:49,440 Speaker 1: that for date three, four, even five. This is not 420 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,440 Speaker 1: a date one or two. And this is a rule, 421 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,680 Speaker 1: Like I you know, there's not that many rules in dating. 422 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 2: This is definitely rule. You don't want to talk about 423 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 2: your ex's on a first date because number one, it's 424 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 2: not romantic, it's not there's no chemistry. You don't even 425 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 2: know who they're excess, So how can you bond over that? 426 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,439 Speaker 2: And a first date is really about bonding, it's not 427 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 2: about understanding people's skeletons. So if you're going to ask 428 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 2: about someone's history, I'm here for it. I think it's 429 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 2: important to know, but at the same time, minimal, like 430 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 2: just just know the high level stuff like, Okay, you 431 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 2: guys broke up two years ago, Great, why didn't work out? Oh, 432 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 2: she cheated? Cool? You don't need to know the ins 433 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 2: and outs of it, because at the end of the day, 434 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 2: ask yourself this, does that information add value to the relationship? No, 435 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,439 Speaker 2: it doesn't. You don't need to know why she cheated, 436 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 2: or how she cheated, or with who she cheated. 437 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,679 Speaker 1: What if the person cheated with the nanny, Like what 438 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: if something major happen that defines a person's integrity? And 439 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: now you're six states in. 440 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 2: If he wants to share that that are you saying, okay, 441 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 2: if he's the one who cheated and he cheated with 442 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 2: the nanny, my gosh, get out of there. I would immediately. 443 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: I'm saying, are you supposed to ask around? Are you 444 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 1: supposed to do investigative reporting before you get hooked into someone? 445 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,840 Speaker 1: Are you supposed to be a little bit of a 446 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,400 Speaker 1: detective before you get hooked into something. I mean, there's 447 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 1: got to be a fine line. 448 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, for sure, but not on a first date 449 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 2: like this is date three, this is date four. 450 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: Well maybe not even with him, I'm saying with other people, 451 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: like in general, use just to figure out what the 452 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 1: hell is going on. And you're saying overall, you should 453 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 1: figure out what the hell is going on by date 454 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: three or four. 455 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 2: Yes, okay, great. 456 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 1: Here's a thing that I think is interesting. You've said this, 457 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 1: Barbie's said it like a heightist or something like talking 458 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: about height, Like people miss good guys because they're worried 459 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,440 Speaker 1: about their height. But what if many people are height 460 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 1: snobs or certain thing snobs, And that's sort of like 461 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: there are some amazing guys that people are passing up 462 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 1: that they're never going to get to experience because of that, 463 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,960 Speaker 1: And you could end up finding like a gem or 464 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: a treasure because a lot of other women had these 465 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: arbitrary rules about height which they do or care collar 466 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: or things like that, and then you can end up 467 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 1: finding someone great that someone else passed up. 468 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,840 Speaker 2: So I'm going to say something very controversial, But here's 469 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 2: the truth. Okay, men care about this is just the truth. 470 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 2: Men care about a woman's waist, like what size are they? 471 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 2: Are they size two or are they side ten? 472 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 3: Right? 473 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:30,600 Speaker 2: And women care about height? And it's such an arbitrary thing, right, 474 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 2: And what I this is just a funny story, and 475 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 2: I think that this is a story that every woman 476 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 2: needs to hear. So I know a couple that are 477 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 2: now married with two kids. They met on Hinge only 478 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 2: because the husband lied about his hype. You know, he 479 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 2: put himself as six foot so that he could reach 480 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,919 Speaker 2: the parameters, but he's not six foot. The lesson in 481 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 2: this is that you can literally miss out on your person, 482 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 2: your divine lifetime partner, if you are so strict about height. 483 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 2: Because had he not lie and say on Hinge that 484 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 2: he was six feet, he would have missed that match 485 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 2: because then exactly and so and what she realized as 486 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 2: a bride adds now his wife and the mother of 487 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 2: the two kids they have, is that height is not important. 488 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 2: Does someone height define like if he if he could 489 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 2: provide her, is he could protect her? Is he faithful? 490 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,199 Speaker 2: Is the loyd? Would you rather end up with a 491 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 2: guy who's six four but who cheats all the time 492 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,280 Speaker 2: because he just can't keep it in his pants. No, 493 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 2: So it's like what really matters? And once you get 494 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 2: over that hump of like the things that actually matter, 495 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 2: like loyalty, honesty, someone like can keep your secret, someone 496 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,439 Speaker 2: that has your back no matter what, someone who's a 497 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 2: devoted family man. All these things are so much more 498 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,720 Speaker 2: important than height. And if you take the time to 499 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,159 Speaker 2: get to know someone, even if they're just a couple 500 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 2: inches shorter than you prefer, you might ended up falling 501 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 2: in love. 502 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 1: Amazing, Wow, thank you. So how do people have to 503 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:02,360 Speaker 1: get into religion? 504 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,520 Speaker 2: Ooh, this is such a big one. Can I tell you? 505 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 2: Religion is one of the biggest one on compatibility for matching, 506 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:13,199 Speaker 2: because when you think about building a life with someone, 507 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 2: you have to think long term. And what is crazy 508 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 2: to me is when people don't have these discussions early on, 509 00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 2: Like if you're on a date with someone and the chemistry 510 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 2: is through the roof, but they're Jewish, you're Christian, And 511 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 2: then you know, a year down the line you want 512 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,119 Speaker 2: to get sears and get engaged and you realize, well, 513 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 2: you want to raise their kids Christian, but he wants 514 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,200 Speaker 2: to raise this kid's Jewish. 515 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: How did they get that far down the line. 516 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 2: Because chemistry and the rosy colored glasses. People just love 517 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,239 Speaker 2: to avoid those hard conversations. And I've seen it so 518 00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 2: many times. I've seen incredible couples. 519 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 1: That's the car with the wrong sign, that's the car 520 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: that you get in the car and you're like, it's okay, 521 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: we'll figure it out later. And it's a disaster when 522 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: there's a disaster, see. 523 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 2: Yes, Because you have to remember that chemistry doesn't equal compatibility. 524 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,960 Speaker 2: And if you you want to raise their kids a 525 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 2: certain way and kids are in the equation, then you 526 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 2: need to have these conversations upfront about what that looks like. 527 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: One hundred percent okay? And do you think when do 528 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: you think you have to talk about the politics upfront 529 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: as well? Absolutely? I mean this is like date four 530 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: or five. I mean I would definitely talk about those things. 531 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: If you are someone that's not neutral, or you're not 532 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 1: very moderate, and you're on one or two. 533 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 2: Extremes and you want to raise their kids a certain way, 534 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: then I definitely say religion politics is something you should 535 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 2: talk about. 536 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: I would say day four and five to talk about 537 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 1: how to work through it. But I would say date 538 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 1: zero to see what the labels are, because some people 539 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,840 Speaker 1: really are emphatic and should not be getting in those 540 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: cars at all exactly. 541 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 2: And you know what, and what I have learned is that, 542 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,240 Speaker 2: you know, I can even speak to my own parents 543 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 2: completely on opposite ends on politics, but they have so 544 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 2: much respect for one another, and they can have an 545 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,919 Speaker 2: intellectual conversation because they're both intellects. So I think it 546 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,399 Speaker 2: just depends on can you have a conversation around it 547 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280 Speaker 2: and keep your school and just respect each other's differences, 548 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 2: or you so extreme that if someone doesn't see eye 549 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 2: to eye with you, you know, we've all met that person. 550 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,080 Speaker 2: If someone doesn't see eye to eye with you, then 551 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 2: it's a huge problem. Then you need to talk about 552 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 2: these things early, early part of dating so that you 553 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,040 Speaker 2: don't catch feelings and then you catch yourself suck in 554 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 2: a situation that you regret later. 555 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:23,720 Speaker 1: Right to give yourself well to let the other person 556 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 1: know or the person setting you up, like I'm I'm 557 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,959 Speaker 1: open minded though I feel this way, but I'm not 558 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,920 Speaker 1: stuck to it like I'm open about it and I'm 559 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,160 Speaker 1: And some people feel that they're culturally a certain way 560 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,640 Speaker 1: and they don't want that label someone could be Jewish, 561 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: but they're not very religious, they're culturally Jewish. They you know, 562 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,000 Speaker 1: someone could be Christian, they're not that religious, but they 563 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: want to have a Christmas tree. Or someone could be 564 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: Jewish but they like to have a Christmas tree for 565 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 1: their kids, or you know, whatever these things mean because 566 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 1: they find a Christmas tree to be American versus Christian, 567 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,640 Speaker 1: or that an Easter egg hunt is American versus Christian. 568 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,560 Speaker 1: So I think, like getting that stuff, but that's also 569 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,439 Speaker 1: not that sexy in the beginning to shift, find a 570 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: way to have like a blanket statement that describes how 571 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,359 Speaker 1: you feel about it. I think, Well, what I always. 572 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 2: Say when it comes to women, I always say, don't 573 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,679 Speaker 2: reveal your cards. It's kind of like playing poker when 574 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 2: you're asking about religion politics. What I have learned is 575 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 2: that men will try to like like kind of like 576 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,159 Speaker 2: tailor their answer to make it work because they're so 577 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,160 Speaker 2: attracted to you. So my advice for women is playing 578 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 2: a little bit of poker on a first or second date, like, 579 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 2: don't reveal your cards just yet, ask him and say, oh, 580 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,159 Speaker 2: by the way, where do you land on politics? You know, 581 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 2: just make it more chill and less of like, oh 582 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,199 Speaker 2: are you Republican? It's like do you hear the difference? Like, 583 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 2: oh yeah, do you land on politics? 584 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: What do you think about the election? 585 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: Yeah? What do you think about the election. It's about 586 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,400 Speaker 2: the tone, it's about the delivery. And if he says, well, 587 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,679 Speaker 2: what do you think? You throw back the mic and no, no, no, 588 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,639 Speaker 2: I asked you first, like you're playing poker, honey, don't 589 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,000 Speaker 2: reveal your cards just yet. 590 00:27:50,520 --> 00:28:09,480 Speaker 3: Right, want to do to be after? Want to do 591 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:10,840 Speaker 3: to be after