WEBVTT - Halloween 0:00:01.120 --> 0:00:02.240 Attention Shoppers. 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:06.960 Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy podcast about 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:11.160 official bag box store any similarity to real stores or 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:14.000 real people. It is completely cool, incidental. 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:20.840 Can't I find a spoon for my yogurt? You can't 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:24.799 find anything in this place? Nothing useful? What is this 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.520 a drawer full of Mayo packets? Are these allowed to 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:30.000 just be out in the open, everybody in the breakroom, 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:30.960 you should listen up to this. 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:32.040 So we've been. 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:36.840 Getting some feedback about the Halloween decorations and uh, you know, Liz, 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:40.599 I'm afraid that that starving polar bear decoration you put 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:44.120 up in electronics. It's just too scary and it'll have 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:44.800 to come down. 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.919 Climate change is scary. That decoration is a wake up call. 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:51.800 It's just it's not even Halloween related, you know. It's 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:55.840 not a zombie polar bear or like a Frankenstein polar bear. 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:59.720 It's just a really skinny polar bear and it's upsetting children. 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:01.720 Yeah, you're waiting for the polar bear death before it 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.600 can turn into those things. It's really more sad than 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:07.720 anything else. What's sad is you wearing shorts in October? 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.920 Jerry Stakes to lois nothing. 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:16.240 We don't sat by everything. 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:23.480 Bye, I'm gonna ask you guys again not to make 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:26.880 fun of my streak clothes, all right. Also, it looks 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:31.720 like corporate has changed this policy and this year employees 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:33.720 will be allowed to wear their Halloween costume. 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:40.280 Oh fuck yeah, a day without the stupid dress code. 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:43.720 I can finally rock some side butt at work, because 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:47.480 side butt is the new sideboob. But if you hit crack, 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:48.559 you've gone too far. 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:52.960 On all other days, I'm discouraged from wearing a mask. 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:58.040 But on so on and all hellos, everything goes topsy turvy. 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:01.160 Halloween is a great way to make a political statement 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:04.400 that everyone has to look at all day long. Maybe 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.120 I'll go as student debt forgiveness. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.959 I'm going as an invisible man. That way, none of 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:11.400 y'all will know if I'm at work or not. 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:13.240 Yeah, Robert, that's that's not gonna work. 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:16.639 We're gonna know if you're not here. Okay, if I'm invisible, 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:17.560 how would you know? 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:20.640 Not showing up is more like you're the not here man, 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.640 like a man who's not there, you know. It's like 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:27.639 a disappearing man. So it's not even an accurate costume. 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:27.880 No. 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.519 Uh yeah, Jerry, I might be an invisible man too. 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:34.359 No, no, no, don't everybody go as an invisible man. 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:36.200 I'm not. I'm an invisible woman. 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:40.160 Okay, you know what. Y'all can joke all you want. Okay, 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:44.040 but you better beware because I've worked at by Well 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.639 far longer than you have. I remember the last time 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:53.480 they allowed costumes at work. The chaos, the screams, the blood. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.040 I'm telling you this where you're costume to work policy is. 0:02:57.040 --> 0:02:58.040 Cursed, cursed. 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:00.520 I say, what is that? What is that? Use it? 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:09.320 Sorry, Jerry, that's my Halloween ringtone. Hello, No, sir, I'm 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:13.520 not interested in donating to that political candidate. No, I 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:15.200 am a demi libertarian. 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:21.440 By I found the rock band guitars, the computer had 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:23.520 them logged in weird, and someone shoved them beside the 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.119 rubber bands and office supplies. 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.320 That's like that library in Alabama. 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.840 They had a children's book called Read Me a Story, 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:33.640 and their computer flag. That's sexually explicit because the author's 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.640 last name was gay. Like her last name was gay, 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:42.240 Like her last name's actually gay, like Marvin gay, Rudy gay. 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.880 The only right kind of gay, any kind of gay 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.600 is right you know what I mean. Please don't get 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.400 me canceled. I gotta go to HR game. 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:52.400 I mean, to be fair, A lot of books seem 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.800 gay if you just read the cover. Jack Reacher sounds 0:03:55.840 --> 0:03:57.040 pretty gay, oh. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.760 Very gay. Hop on Pop doesn't stand. 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:04.080 Up Amelia Badilia, it does sound very lesbian. Curious. 0:04:04.360 --> 0:04:06.080 The same thing with Sarah Plain and Tall. 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:08.680 Be really careful if you tell Amelia Badilia that you're 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:10.880 down for some scissoring takes things literally. 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:13.920 I just don't understand why Republicans think books are going 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.240 to turn their kids gay. It's like they saw an 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.440 ad for reading Rainbow and got confused. 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:21.360 I mean, why are they even searching for the word 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.000 gay on the cover. A gay book isn't going to 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:27.360 call itself a gay book. Even gay bars don't call 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:30.320 themselves gay bars. They have subtle names, you know, like 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:34.160 Pecker's Place or the manhole, which could be any type 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:38.039 of hole like black Hole Construction had some butthole. 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:40.680 The run around here is called crystals. You'd never know. 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.279 I've ended up there many times by accident. But I 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:46.000 guess I get why the computer made the mistakes. I 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.480 thought I was gay for about four months in college. 0:04:48.680 --> 0:04:51.000 It goes without saying that this library doesn't have any 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:54.600 books written by my favorite authors. I'm talking about folks 0:04:54.680 --> 0:05:00.960 like Andrew Fingerhole, Douglas Spurting, member, JJ LICKMSS Backing Balls, 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:05.839 Bruce Choedstein. These are all legitimate authors that I found 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:09.840 on deep Amazon. It's an Amazon only accessible on the 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:10.680 dark web. 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:15.160 Wait, didn't JJ loock my socond Ball's jew Golden Compass. 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:16.400 I think I love his work. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:17.560 Believe that's right. 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.440 I thought Andrew Fingerhole got canceled. I thought he got 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:20.880 me too. 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.159 Andrew Fingerhold definitely got canceled, not for the reason you think, 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:25.720 though plagiarism. 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:27.120 But look, the. 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:31.560 System flagged the name gay as objectionable. A homophobic AI. 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:35.680 A homophobic AI would have a very difficult existence. I mean, 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.440 when it found out about C three PO, might as 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:42.280 well just self destruct. Yeah right, C three PO and 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:45.920 R two D two are just friends. Come home, guys, 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:47.799 Just live your truth. 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:48.279 Okay. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:52.800 Maybe their AI stands for Alabama Intelligence because they're not 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:55.960 exactly known for their tolerance. I mean, if any author's 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.520 last name is black, I know he's out of there. 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:02.320 I mean, in their defense, though gay is a confusing name, 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:04.960 people are probably like, Hey, what's your name? And she's 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:07.960 like I'm gay and they're like, Okay, not what I asked, 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:09.080 but you go girl. 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.800 I just feel like maybe the computer needs a little guidance, 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.400 like a very special episode of Queer Eye where they 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:18.200 walk the AI through how to become more accepting of 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:21.560 others and to love himself or herself or itself? How 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:22.520 do you gender an AI? 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.679 So you're picturing a show called Queer Eye for the AI. 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:29.560 Yes, let's get Jonathan Vaness in this hard drive. 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:33.559 I don't think bandon books is gonna keep kids away 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:37.080 from sexually explicit content, though they need to ban that 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:40.719 one weird kid who keeps drawing SpongeBob in the bathroom 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:41.440 with a big dick. 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:44.200 He's a sponge. You don't even have dix. 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:51.200 I don't need to see Pikachu with balls. You damn 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:54.360 it forgot to buy my kid's Halloween costume. You think 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:57.440 Amazon could get a Mandalorian costume and a baby Yoda 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.200 to my house in three hours? 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:01.080 I mean they should be able to handle a Star 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:05.000 Wars purchase. Bezos is launching his own damn satellites up 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.560 to compete with Elon Musk's starlink system. 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:11.120 I think Amazon is gonna do great in space. I mean, 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:14.240 they're already making their employees pee and water bottles. It's 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:17.280 like they've been training them to be astronauts this whole time. 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:19.920 They already got them living in zero G conditions in 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:21.880 those little vans of theirs? 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.920 Does Amazon delivered the satellites the same way they deliver 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:27.640 the packages, just by chucking them over the fence and 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:28.800 hoping for the bets, you. 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:32.720 Know, just whipping them half hazardly up into the atmosphere, 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:34.720 turning around before they even see where they land, and 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.640 then taking a blurry photo of it as it reaches 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:38.920 the apex of its orbit. 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:43.640 Ooh, they should make Amazon satellites by elon Musk satellites 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.640 with like lasers or whatever, and then they could charge 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:48.360 Star Wars dorks to watch it. 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.120 Holy smoke, child, I would watch that in a heartbeat. 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:51.480 Yeah. 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.720 The men who built the Washington Monument in the Eiffel 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.400 Tower must be so jealous in their graves, their giant 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.120 metal dicks could only get as high as the Earth's atmosphere. 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.680 I mean, is there our international infrastructure completely dependent on 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:05.720 these two rich white men having a pisson contest. 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:10.040 All of human achievement is built upon fallocentricity. We are 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:14.080 all groping ever higher towards the skies with rockets and 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:15.679 columns and etc. 0:08:16.480 --> 0:08:18.480 That's right. We won't have a quality until we have 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:21.280 a giant space. Pussy who do I talk to about this? 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.960 They have a theory about a giant space, you know, 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:26.440 from which we all came into, which we shall one 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.920 day return. That's what they talk about when they say 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:32.199 Big Bang and humanity in the future will be wiped 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:35.520 out by a plummeting satellite designed to beam prime orders 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:39.080 of dildo's and cat litter back to Earth. Time is 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:39.720 a circle. 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.559 There are three billion people on Earth without Internet access, 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.240 and they say space Internet is hoping to fix that. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.240 Why that's three billion people who get to live without 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:53.560 ever reading a comment in the comment section or worrying 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:57.800 that their kids are watching foot porn. Let them go free. 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:00.000 Honestly, I would love it if my kids are enough 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.200 porn because you can't get pregnant with feet. 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.800 It is one of the safest forms of intercourse anyway. 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:08.600 That's one small step for man, one giant leap for 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:09.840 online pornography. 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:11.640 You know how long it's going to take to repair 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:12.600 space Internet. 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:14.439 All I know is they better let me use the 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:18.000 good satellites. Okay, I pay for Prime, not those shitty 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:21.640 satellites that they like Beam c Span and like Motel TV. 0:09:21.840 --> 0:09:23.760 I want the new ones, the shiny ones. 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.040 One time man seek to trot upon the moon, and 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:30.119 now we only shoot ourselves into space to get discount 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.040 twenty four packs of paper towels. 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.319 Oh, I need more paper towels. I totally forgot. 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:35.000 Bye. 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:43.040 Well, cute costume, Shilah, thank you. What's with the diaper? 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:48.439 Oh, I'm a sexy baby Google Goggo daddy. Okay, fine, 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:50.440 I ran out of money and my grandma left her 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.720 diaper here. I'm making it work, though, sorry, not sorry. 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.560 I don't believe in letting people tell me how to dress. 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:58.920 Did you see that video of that data in Arizona. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:03.280 He was like testing them, relaxing the dress code. Stripped 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:05.720 off his clothes at a school board meeting and he 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.400 only had like this crop top and booty short ensemble underneath. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:13.200 Oh my god, nobody needs to see that. No, thank you, rue, 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:14.839 Paul Blart, mall cop No. 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:19.480 I mean you laugh or whatever. But this tactic works. Okay, 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.839 I made the exact same threat at the city council meeting, 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:25.000 and now we have that stop sign. 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:28.200 So he was trying to make a point how no 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.240 one will take you seriously if you're wearing a crop 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.080 top in booty shorts. All this while wearing a crop 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.520 top and booty shorts. The man defeated himself. 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.600 Yeah, I bet you. Wearing tubetops and government buildings is 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:40.160 just his kink and this is the only way he 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:42.880 can do it without getting arrested. His gotta be at 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:44.720 least at the next meeting. He can't say he's against 0:10:44.800 --> 0:10:45.480 drag queens. 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.760 Honestly, he shouldn't be that upset. I just want to 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:49.640 tell him, when the girls wear it, they won't look 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.160 like a human hot pocket delicious. 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.600 This dad said that he was concerned about preparing kids 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.160 for the workforce. It's like, sir, most people work from 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.720 home right now. You can literally show up without pants on, 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.120 let alone a little teen training brawl like the one 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:04.360 this guy's wearing in the video. 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:07.240 I show up without pants on under my coveralls nearly 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:11.960 every day. Going commando keeps your seed potent and maintains 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:12.680 your virility. 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.679 You're looking forward to being a dad Victor one day, Liz. 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:17.320 That has nothing to do with it. It's just to 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:19.400 keep up the quality of my donations. 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:20.840 What are you donating? 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:23.760 Yeah, I thought you were giving platelets Jesus Victor. 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:26.479 Oh no, no platelets, just sperms. 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:29.120 Oh my god, my friend just had a baby that 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.920 only would bottle feed because it's a breast milk was 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.440 contaminated with vaccines from the water. 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.080 Stream ship off the old block. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:36.840 Ew. 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:38.240 I think she had Victor's baby. 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:41.240 I think I have sired one in ten children in 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:41.840 this county. 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.000 It can't be good for the future. You're going ahead 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:45.560 a lot of militia members. 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:48.200 Yeah, that's when my plan moves into phase two. 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.360 I don't think this dude understands, like, do you want 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:54.319 people to graduate? Looking at girls and crop times was 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.320 the only reason I showed up to high school. 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:59.000 Yeah, I was homeschooled, so this wasn't really an issue 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.320 for me. Entire family is pretty much new the entire time. 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.040 That somehow explains a lot. 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:10.959 Bye bye, Well. 0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:16.120 Wow, Shilah. That costume does not leave much to the imagination. 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.480 I think I mean is that I think I see 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.160 a little bit of Ariola right there. 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:26.000 Hell yeah, a little nippy Pippita pop up your day. Absolutely, 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:28.439 but I like your costume, thank you. 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:30.280 It has a cool witch costume. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:34.440 I am Ruth bader Ginsburg. Oh you can't see my 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:35.360 doily collar. 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:37.040 Why are you holding a broom? 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:40.880 Someone spilled cheetos all over electronics. I'm cleaning it up. 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:49.600 Why to prosthetic nose and chin? Not word? 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:54.120 This snake table is just catching everything today. Behold am 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:59.960 a chimera, a creature of Greek mythology. As you can see, 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.600 it's got the line head up here on the front, 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.760 and then a snake tail there on the back, and 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:10.760 in the middle a fire breathing goat head. I even 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.599 got these even got these cool tanks here so I 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:14.720 can shoot some real flames. 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:15.199 Check it out. 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:18.720 Oh my god, oh. 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:22.200 Boy, Hey, Victor, you can't have open flame back here. 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.680 Man, don't worry, it's not catching much. 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.280 I wish I could say this was the first breakroom 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.199 fire you've caused this month. Victor. 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:32.520 It's not an electrical fire. It's a chemical fire. Everybody 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:33.239 just relaxed. 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:37.840 WHOA, I'm sorry, Robert, who are you supposed to be? 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:43.480 I'm Jerry. Hey, y'all, all right, you know what that is? 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:48.679 That is really good, funny Robert and I know er Okay, 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:49.319 stop it. 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:49.959 You know what. 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.319 I don't appreciate the white face. Okay, I don't think 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:54.359 that that's appropriate. 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:56.440 The girls in the makeup department helped me. 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:00.640 Oh hey, Rich, Hey, that's a nice Frankenstein costume. 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.160 Rich sounds like you've been smoking those cubans again. See, Jerry, 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:09.319 you were wrong. We're all wearing costumes and nothing scary 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:09.920 is happening. 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.960 Sorry, snake tail got tangled in my dam's victory. 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:17.719 That almost took my browse off. 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:22.240 Sorry. Sorry, yeah, I will put that out. 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:28.520 Bye bye. 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:35.600 Let's see now I am alone again tonight. Maybe I'll 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:39.160 go to a movie, some light and fun. Let's see here. 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:43.000 Do I want to see Saw X or Exorcist, Believer 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:44.880 or the None too? 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.040 Are you gonna go to an AMC? Do you know 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.320 about how the head of the company just got catfished? 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:54.240 This woman pretended to be one of his exes and 0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:57.360 convinced him to send nudes and then tried to blackmail 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.040 him for hundreds of thousands of dollars. 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:02.480 Wow, dude, is an idiot? How you get catfished by 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:06.400 an ex girlfriend? I already hit that. I'm good not 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.320 sending you any money or pictures. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.840 I just think it's so funny that he went to 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.760 the authorities rather than pay the ransom. You guys, if 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.560 Jerry came out and was like, you guys, I'm being 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.080 blackmailed with my own nudes, I would use my own 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:22.680 children's college funds to pay for that. There's no way 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:24.520 I'm letting that material out into the world. 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:28.800 I feel like I'm an expert on this story because 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.160 I've had sex and an AMC theater before. 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:32.960 Here. Look at my phone. Look at the picture of 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:36.240 this guy. He has a comb over. Never trust a 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:38.800 man with a comb over. They're comfortable lying to your 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:40.560 face and they believe in themselves. 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.000 Oh my god, he looks like a horny big toe. 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:43.800 What is that? 0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.400 He should have known nobody wants to see him naked. 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.880 Yes, I don't understand why men can't grasp the first 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.200 rule of Internet safety, which is no body, and I 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.560 mean not one person actually wants to see your dick. 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:58.000 I don't know. I might want to take a peek. 0:15:58.040 --> 0:15:59.880 I knew you were gonna pipe in here, Shilah. 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.080 I mean, I just I feel like she did a 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:06.240 bad job. I'm catfishing for guys right now, and the 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:08.920 key is to keep the money amount low. Don't ask 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.360 for four tires. Have each guy buy you one. You 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:13.000 can keep it going for months. 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.360 It's gonna be so embarrassing when they make a movie 0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:18.480 about this and they have to show it in AMC theaters. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.080 They're gonna cast somebody really hot and make them gain 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:23.160 a ton of weight and do it comb over. It's 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:24.560 gonna be humiliating. 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.080 Chris Pine is gonna win an Oscar for that one. 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:29.720 But y'all, can you lay off just a little bit. 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:35.600 I'm sorry, I just find the term catfish offensive. Come on, now, 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:39.440 they're the noble bottom feeders of the fresh water, peacefully 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:43.400 mine in their own business. Now, salmon, there's a flashy, 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.800 good for nothing fish. We could do without those a 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:49.000 little freaks swim up stream back to their place of 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.160 their spawning to spawn again. It's freaky ass fish that 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:54.920 basically wants to have sex in a childhood bedroom. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.560 What the hell well looks like? I have to stop 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:59.040 eating my salmon bagel? 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:00.840 Now, who was my boss? 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:04.720 I'd keep creating email accounts and just sending messages like Hi, 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:06.879 I'm Candy, I'm twenty five. 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:10.000 I love yoga, and I think Robert deserves a race. 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.200 It says he thought the catfish was his ballerina ex girlfriend. 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:15.920 He should have demanded to see pictures of her feet. 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:18.560 If those things don't look like naral dinosaur claus, she 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:19.439 is lying. 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.840 Yeah, ballerinas and NBA players I think have the most 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:24.000 destroyed feet. 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:25.280 They look like oak trees. 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:28.280 It looks like they're throwing up gang signs in this shoe. 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.840 I got a foot that looks like a man drake root. 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.160 But I mean, for real, this man is the head 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:36.919 of a fortune five hundred company, and couldn't he just 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:40.359 have had sex with one of the numerous concubines provided 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:42.920 for him at the Illuminati parties he attends at the 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:46.480 Bohemian Grove. Why even join the Illuminati if you're not 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:47.400 gonna get the perks? 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:50.920 How is AMC a fortune five hundred company. Nobody goes 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.199 to the movies anymore. I'm at home every weekend watching 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:55.960 Barbon starg to Visa del Mar. 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:58.639 I like to pair that with a Christopher Nolan movie, 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:02.080 so I can have a Barbon Star Urban himer by. 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:08.040 Only one customer even got that I was a Supreme 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:11.120 Court justice, but she thought I was Amy Coney Barrett, 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.840 which is arguably a way scarier costume, and I should 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:15.400 have thought of it. 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:18.560 Weird. Why would you think your pro life everything about 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:22.600 you screams dead inside? You know, don't feel bad. My 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:24.960 costume didn't go over the way I intended either. I 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.879 think the diaper is a turn off. Everybody keeps thinking 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.680 about me shitting myself, and it is attracting the wrong 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:31.280 type of guy. 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:33.280 I'm sorry I went in white face. 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:37.360 His makeup is itchy and it's hot, and man, it's 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:40.240 really kind of hard being white man. Did y'all do 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.920 away with all the privileges because I've just been getting 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.720 harassment and accusations, none of them privileges that I hear 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:47.480 so much about. 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:53.080 Oh Liz shout Robert, could someone help me out of 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.159 this thing? The pro pane I use to make the 0:18:56.200 --> 0:18:59.440 flames is leaking into the suit. I think I might 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:05.160 have cerebral hypoxia. So just listening close, and you let 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:10.600 me know if I started slur my word a little bit, 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.119 you sound great, Uh huh okay. 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:16.919 What about you, Rich? That mask too tight or what 0:19:17.000 --> 0:19:18.080 you've been? Awfully quiet? 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:20.399 Uh? 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:22.919 Okay, very funny. 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:23.280 Rich. 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.199 We all think it's a cool Frankenstein, But I have 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:28.080 to talk to you about inventory. So could you take 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:28.760 the mask off? 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:32.120 Rich? 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:33.280