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Speaker 1: My girlfriend tried to unlive me as a prank twice.

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Speaker 1: Am I the asshole for breaking up with her? You know? Uh?

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Speaker 2: You you you pushed my car off of a cliff? No? No,

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Speaker 2: why are you trying to break up with me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? That's all I did? Stop gaslighting me? I was,

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Speaker 1: you know. It's it's like she's coming up with the

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Speaker 1: knife trying to stab me. It's like, hey, like, could

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Speaker 1: you like not stab me? And she's like, wow, I

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Speaker 1: don't know if with that boundary that like we can

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Speaker 1: be together. Wow, that boundary is the deal breaker from her?

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Speaker 1: How dare you disrespect that? I can't communicate. You think

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Speaker 1: you can plunge things into my holes, but I can't

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Speaker 1: plunge things to make holes in you. Wow? Sexist, sexist?

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Speaker 1: Tell out double standard much? Come on? My girlfriend twenty

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Speaker 1: female is completely crazy, but mostly in a good way,

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Speaker 1: in the sexy, steamy, beautiful ways. Sure about that? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she's trying to kill you? Not

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Speaker 1: a good luck? Yeah, spons is an understatement. Sometimes she

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Speaker 1: goes too far, but I love her for a crazy,

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Speaker 1: quirky personality. No, I hate it already. I hate this,

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Speaker 1: My god, she just wants to rub a bank. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, that's so cute. Well so random. Oh she

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Speaker 1: wants to use mustard gas in wartime? How quirky. I

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Speaker 1: love her war crimes. I like she just randomly like

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Speaker 1: in a war, in a war now, just because she's

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Speaker 1: quirky and spontaneous. That is pretty quirky. And war broke

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Speaker 1: out in Ukraine? You know it would be crazy and romantic?

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Speaker 1: What bringing weapons of chemical warfare to Ukraine just to

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Speaker 1: be quirky and crazy? You want to do? You really

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Speaker 1: want to do that? Apa? Wow? I think we should

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Speaker 1: break it up, be romantic. I eighteen male, am more relaxed,

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Speaker 1: and we balance each other out. Two recent incidents really

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Speaker 1: freak me out, though, and I need advice. Go ahead, Opie, obit.

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Speaker 1: This is not off to a strong start. Like I

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Speaker 1: am worried. I understand that thing go crazy when they crazy,

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Speaker 1: But but is it worth your life? Is it worth

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Speaker 1: your life? Maybe? Maybe if it's super bombed. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: was driving on a highway with a lot of traffic.

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Speaker 1: We're going maybe forty miles an hour. She suddenly started

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Speaker 1: ticuling me and wouldn't stop when I yelled at her.

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Speaker 1: I jammed on the break and someone almost hit us

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Speaker 1: from behind. I asked her what the fuck is wrong

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Speaker 1: with her? But she just laughed about it and told

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Speaker 1: me to chill daddy. Yeah, come on, bro, what would

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Speaker 1: make you want to do that? And she said, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I just felt like it. She's so quirky

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Speaker 1: and crazy. Oh blood boiling. Then last Sunday, I was

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Speaker 1: hiking with her and I was standing near this steep cliff.

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Speaker 1: I'm usually wary of her because you know, you never

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Speaker 1: know what's going on with her, and it's usually just

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Speaker 1: a prank. With If you have to worry about standing

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Speaker 1: next to a cliff because you think your girlfriend might

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Speaker 1: push you off, that's a red flag. Excuse me, that

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Speaker 1: is a red flag. Plant that's up with, Like keeping

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Speaker 1: you on your toes while you're on top of a

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Speaker 1: cliff is not a good idea. You got to plant

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Speaker 1: that flag in the cliff. She's about to hurl you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you gotta hold onto that flag. Oh, go ahead. I'm

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Speaker 1: usually wary of her because you never know what she's

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Speaker 1: gonna do, even though it's usually just a prank or something.

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Speaker 1: I let my guard down and she went behind me

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Speaker 1: and pushed me towards the cliff, and I swear I

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Speaker 1: almost fell off. She did a cart and I ended

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Speaker 1: up right at the edge. She was laughing so hard.

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Speaker 1: I freaked out and started screaming at her. And I

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Speaker 1: may have been out of line, but holy shit. She

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Speaker 1: laughed about it at first, but then started crying and

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Speaker 1: saying she was so sorry. The next day, she started

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Speaker 1: texting me saying that she didn't mean any harm and

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Speaker 1: that she just didn't know that I would get so

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Speaker 1: mad at her for doing that. And there isn't up date.

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Speaker 1: But you don't be like the girlfriend didn't realize that

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Speaker 1: you would be mad at her for almost killing you.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, is she a sociopath? Like what? What?

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what the category is, but it's

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Speaker 2: like like she literally is like finding this hilarious, Like.

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Speaker 1: What, opie, you cannot be that desperate? Yeah, seriously, Oh

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Speaker 1: you you deserve better. You deserve better. There is more

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Speaker 1: to this story. Okay, I'm kind of lonely and I

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Speaker 1: really love her, but this really made me think of

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Speaker 1: the situation because I feel like she's legit crazy, not

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Speaker 1: just fun and crazy. And also I just remember that

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Speaker 1: she told me a story when we first met about

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Speaker 1: how she tricked an allergic friend into eating some nuts,

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Speaker 1: and how funny it was. I guess I shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: written this off. And there is more of an update.

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Speaker 1: So I've been thinking a lot, and I decided I'm

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Speaker 1: ending my relationship with her. When people brought up the

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Speaker 1: statism aspect, it sort of clicks. So like sadistic is

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Speaker 1: like when you enjoy pain in others. Yeah, which is

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Speaker 1: not a vibe for a relationship unless you're into the

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Speaker 1: kinky sex stuff. But not off a cliff.

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Speaker 2: Off a cliff, Your wiener's going down into a ravine.

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Speaker 2: I can't do anything from there.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe if it's hard, it'll offer like

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Speaker 1: a little bit of an airbag effect. You'll bounce wallow

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Speaker 1: way back. I remember earlier this year, her dad got

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Speaker 1: a job at a front desk at this apartment complex.

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Speaker 1: There were a lot of older people living there, and

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Speaker 1: right near the entrance of the building there was an

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Speaker 1: elevator which only went up. Then there was a main

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Speaker 1: elevator which was kind of far down along hallway. She

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Speaker 1: had to call that first elevator down after the person

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Speaker 1: was approved to go into the building. One time, me

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Speaker 1: and her were smoking and just chilling about stuff, and

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Speaker 1: she was laughing about how she could sometimes disable the

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Speaker 1: up elevator and pretend it was out of order, and

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Speaker 1: then she'd watch these older handicapped people walk down this

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Speaker 1: law the hallway to get to the main elevator. No,

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Speaker 1: she's just cackling and making old people have heart.

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Speaker 2: Attacks, Like like what what possible comedy? Or just like

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Speaker 2: what would compel anyone to do that being a maniac.

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Speaker 1: That's it. That is all there is. Okay, I am

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Speaker 1: the sadistic girlfriend. You're an old person. All right, sweet hey,

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Speaker 1: you old bag of bones. Do you need to use

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Speaker 1: this elevator? Oh yes I do, sweetheart, Thank.

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Speaker 2: You so much.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, it's uh, it's it's shut down. I think you

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Speaker 1: need to go use the elevator down the hallway. But

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Speaker 1: get get a walk in, granny by have heart problems. Actually, wait,

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Speaker 1: you know what you should drink? You should drink this

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Speaker 1: nice little water. Here's some water out. Drink up, granny.

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Speaker 1: It's red bull. It's red Bull mixed with four logo.

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Speaker 1: Greeny can't handle it. We're gonna fly straight to heaven. Granny.

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Speaker 1: Get over there, editors, fly me up to heaven. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, that's the sadistic shit. Okay, good God, But

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Speaker 1: there's more. She got fired pretty quickly, no shit, because

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Speaker 1: she activated the fire alarm when there was no fire.

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Speaker 1: When they asked her what happened, she pretended that the

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Speaker 1: computer was glitching and she couldn't stop it. But they

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Speaker 1: believe she did it on purpose, so they fired her.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure some people could have been injured during the chaos.

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Speaker 1: I guess the alarm must have disabled the elevator, so

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Speaker 1: everyone had to grab their stuff and run down the

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Speaker 1: stairs as quickly as possible. I can imagine all these

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Speaker 1: elderly people going down so many flights of stairs. I

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Speaker 1: don't think anyone was injured, but they did fire her

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Speaker 1: and maybe are still investigating. Thank god. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if it could help, but I'm gonna call that place

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Speaker 1: and tell them what she told me and how she

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Speaker 1: admitted to pulling the alarm on purpose. That will be

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Speaker 1: That will help my conscience a lot. Like I said,

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Speaker 1: I feel terrible about ignoring stuff. I want to break

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Speaker 1: up with her, but I don't know if she's going

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Speaker 1: to react, and I want to be safe, true, right,

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Speaker 1: because if she'll pull you off, if she'll push you

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Speaker 1: off a cliff while you're dating for a prank, and

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Speaker 1: then imagine what she would do if she really wants

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Speaker 1: to get back at you. That's true. For example, she

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Speaker 1: has keys to my house and I'm living with other people,

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Speaker 1: including kids, so I want to change the locks and

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Speaker 1: make sure we're not tied together in any other way

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Speaker 1: before I do an official breakup. Do you think that's

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Speaker 1: a smart idea? Oh, I'm so sad that OPI is like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, how do I break up with this girl?

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Speaker 1: Because I think she might kill me? Bro, this is

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Speaker 1: really bad. I could use any advice on the best

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Speaker 1: way to do a breakup in this situation because I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of worried. Once again, Thanks so much for all

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Speaker 1: your advice last time, and have a good day. Also,

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Speaker 1: there's a short update while it's over. I officially broke

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Speaker 1: up with her, but there's nothing else. Wow. Wow, this

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Speaker 1: lady's insane. This lady's insane.

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Speaker 2: Also what tipped me off to like when you read

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Speaker 2: eighteen male? That's kind of when I was like, okay,

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Speaker 2: makes sense.

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Speaker 1: I could see her. This is like my first relationship.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I would have made a lot of

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Speaker 1: excuses because you don't you don't know when you're going

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Speaker 1: into a first relationship, like you don't know what's normal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, not knowing what's normal something about just like I

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Speaker 2: feel like you just have these like rose colored glasses.

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Speaker 1: Like when you're really young, you want to make it work.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, you know she's touching your peep in all

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Speaker 1: the right ways. You know, you're just tinking. You're not

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Speaker 1: thinking straight exactly. Maybe no, maybe no one else is

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Speaker 1: touching touching your ppe. Probably not. Maybe maybe you're not

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Speaker 1: even touching your pp you can actually I know, I know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but this girl sounds absolutely bonkers and I would stay

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Speaker 1: far far away. I mean, like she literally makes old

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Speaker 1: people walk further. He has to break up. She almost

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Speaker 1: pushed him off a cliff. He has to break up

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Speaker 1: with her.

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Speaker 2: The only question, which I think is fair to ask,

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Speaker 2: is how does he do this safely for himself?

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Speaker 1: Like, I think you gotta move countries? Ope, I think

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Speaker 1: you you send a letter in pig's blood and then

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Speaker 1: move to Australia. Yeah, I mean.

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Speaker 2: That's tie. I guess he lives with his family. Probably

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Speaker 2: if there's like other kids like his siblings.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I would change the lock, like, do

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Speaker 2: do everything you feasibly can within your control. Maybe even if,

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Speaker 2: like if she starts doing some crazy stuff, I would

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Speaker 2: go straight to straight to the court, get a restraining order.

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Speaker 1: I would redeem it. You know what if she was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh and I'm just I'm actually uh an

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Speaker 1: actor studying for method acting, and this whole relationship is

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Speaker 1: a lie actually and this is all for my character

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Speaker 1: in the upcoming horror flick. I tried to push my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend off a cliff. Here's a ticket. Here's a ticket.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's actually a documentary. It's not done yet

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Speaker 1: yet to be read. There's a camera here, camera. Yeah. Uh,

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Speaker 1: we're waiting for the big finale. Also unrelated, you want

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Speaker 1: to go to your semite together? Half Dom. I'm still

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Speaker 1: I'm still the girlfriend. Okay, still the girlfriend trying to

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Speaker 1: end the uh the documentary right right right, you know,

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Speaker 1: let's go to the top of Half Dom.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, like, are you doing bringing like the climbing

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Speaker 2: equipment and you know that kind of stuff I have.

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Speaker 1: I have some climbing equipment and scissors. Oh okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so yeah, what are the scissors for? Like, what do

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Speaker 1: you oh, you don't worry about that. That's that's just uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, like like uh arts and crafts, arts and painting,

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Speaker 1: but like I really like the splatter paint method. Use

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Speaker 1: red paint, James Pollock, Yeah, Jackson Pollock. Just like throw

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Speaker 1: it on the ground. Maybe just you'll see you'll see

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Speaker 1: it really or maybe you won't see it coming. Oh

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Speaker 1: well the documentary crew will see it. Oh okay. Uh

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Speaker 1: And with that we'll go into the next story. Let's

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Speaker 1: get it.

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Speaker 2: I just took a giant dump into parking lot and

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Speaker 2: now I'm in trouble?

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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 2: You know what, Sam, there's all these movements, there's there's

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Speaker 2: free the nipples.

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Speaker 1: How about the bowel movements? How what about the bowel movements? Okay?

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Speaker 1: You know, like I honestly think the the the saddest

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Speaker 1: thing to come out of the agricultural revolution is that

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Speaker 1: we can't poop anywhere. Back in the hunter gather a day,

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Speaker 1: talk about it on the planes hunting buffalo. All right,

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Speaker 1: if you need to let a little little gopher out

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Speaker 1: to rest in the field, you could, that's what you

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Speaker 1: had to do, you have to do to do. But

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Speaker 1: but now what I can't ship in a supermarket you're saying,

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Speaker 1: I I can't go into a pet go and poop

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Speaker 1: into one of the aquariums.

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Speaker 2: The same place called the Circle of Life, the same

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Speaker 2: place that was once a fertile groundbed, capturing my gift

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Speaker 2: back to nature to grow the plants of the future.

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Speaker 2: Gift back to nature, Get back to nature. It's now,

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Speaker 2: it's just the supermarket over it. It's an I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to reach.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to reach that last off and reach, reach

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Speaker 1: that reach reach. Yeah, it looks like you're fingering your

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Speaker 1: butt hole to get the the poop out. Oh god,

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Speaker 1: pro poop anywhere, but anywhere. We're gonna, We're gonna. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna see what op does here? Ship in the parking lot.

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Speaker 1: I peed in your parking lot the other day. I

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Speaker 1: peede on a sidewalk the other day. Nice. Wow, look

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Speaker 1: at us brothers over here. This is what freedom is about.

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Speaker 1: Tracking America from America thenice at least. Yeah, really, the

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Speaker 1: sidewalks smell like p but gosh, darn it. You love it.

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Speaker 1: You love it, you love it, you know I love

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Speaker 1: I love the stench exactly. That's what we crave. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it feels like home.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so let me set the scene. I'm on my

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Speaker 2: way to an event on a sunny Sunday morning, driving

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Speaker 2: to the train station to catch a train. The station

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Speaker 2: is in a pretty divy area near me. I pull

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Speaker 2: up park and just as I get out of my car,

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Speaker 2: I feel a familiar pain in my my lower stomach.

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Speaker 1: It's the pain of a giant shit, That's what I'm imagining.

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Speaker 1: Or cancer, stomach cancer. Yikes, Well, that would not be good.

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Speaker 1: Too much. Comelified intestines a whole millions of children, millions

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Speaker 1: of children all organizing together to fight your intestines, block,

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Speaker 1: block your stool.

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Speaker 2: Well, Opie says, this can only mean one thing. My

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Speaker 2: ibs is flaring up.

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Speaker 1: It's back, it's back. It's a vengeance.

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Speaker 2: Oh crap, I think to myself, nice pun intended, I guess.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, I'll use the toilets at the train station.

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Speaker 2: So I power wattle to the station. Power wattle is

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Speaker 2: a move.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I come back from a run, I'm clenching my

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Speaker 1: butt cheeks together with the force of the thousand tons.

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Speaker 2: Well, clenching my butt cheeks with a force that could

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Speaker 2: crush several coat cans. So dude, am iop Sam seed

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Speaker 2: the star to get acceptance for.

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Speaker 1: Just saying I understand the situation. Wow. So empathetic, yeah,

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Speaker 1: or sympathetic. I'm freaking Mahatma Gandhi over here, oh Goda

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Speaker 1: combined of public duchies, the Malala of public duchies. Wow, incredible.

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Speaker 1: Maybe the Greta Thornburg, I feel like she's more about

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Speaker 1: like the evangelization of things and nature being nature with nature.

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Speaker 1: That's right, is it? Greta Thumberg Thornburg. I want to say,

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Speaker 1: fun Thunberg Thunberg bun Berg. Yeah, yeah, shout Greta.

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Speaker 2: I get to the station to find that all of

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Speaker 2: the toilets are locked on Sundays, which, yikes, is the

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Speaker 2: dumbest thing ever.

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Speaker 1: If there is one thing that celebrates the Lord, it's shitting,

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Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, that as God intended. Amen. Well, I

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Speaker 1: guess maybe God intended you just ship outside. So maybe

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Speaker 1: it goes right back to our argument or argument you

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Speaker 1: should be able to ship anywhere. That's you know, public defecation.

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Speaker 2: There's the manisphere, and then there's the defication fear fear,

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Speaker 2: that's what we're creating. You know.

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Speaker 1: Yep, where's the weirdest place you pooped? I pooped in

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Speaker 1: the ocean. It floated and ran towards me. It was scary.

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Speaker 1: That is gross in Mexico. So sorry, Mexico. Some poop

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Speaker 1: in your water, Yeah, poop poop in your own country.

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Speaker 1: You know somewhere are your own size. I know. Well,

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Speaker 1: they say don't ship where you eat.

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Speaker 2: That's true. Fair enough, you you out cliched me. Oh shit,

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00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 2: Now I'm really in trouble. But I run. I panic

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Speaker 2: and run back to the car in the hopes of

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Speaker 2: finding a bush or well hidden area. I frantically scanned

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Speaker 2: the almost empty parking lot. But alas to no avail.

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Speaker 1: Alas is ass is not going to find a pass

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Speaker 1: That's right, nice rhymes.

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Speaker 2: In a moment of sheer desperation, as I can feel

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Speaker 2: myself about to have an accident, I figured the best

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Speaker 2: option in this deserted car park would be to squat

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Speaker 2: in between my car and the car next to me.

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Speaker 2: That was the most privacy I was going to get.

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Speaker 1: What you could do is you could open up both

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Speaker 1: car doors to give yourself like a little yeah, little hut,

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Speaker 1: a little hot yeah door porta potty yeah door totty.

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Speaker 1: It's not like I've done this before.

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Speaker 2: Oh hm, I checked the car to see if anyone

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Speaker 2: was inside. Thankfully it was empty. A quick scan of

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Speaker 2: the car park assured me that I was definitely alone.

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Speaker 1: So what are you going to do to wipe though? Hope? Pie?

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you thought far in advance.

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Speaker 2: Here, You know, I think I think desperate times call

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Speaker 2: for desperate measures, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I think that's just where we're at right now. All right?

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Speaker 2: So I pulled down my pants and braced myself in

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Speaker 2: between two cars and squatted down. What followed can only

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Speaker 2: be described as moderately explosive.

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Speaker 1: My god, oh God, I feel bad for whoever comes

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Speaker 1: to that car now, Oh, this poor person. I was

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00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,719
Speaker 1: feeling like this was a new low for me, shitting

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Speaker 1: in a dodgy train station car park on a Sunday morning,

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Speaker 1: Although with this being a particularly rough town, I thought

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Speaker 1: to myself, I'm probably not the first person to do

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Speaker 1: this in the car park, and I definitely won't be

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Speaker 1: the last. It can take solace in that, you know,

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Speaker 1: A soldier one would say, say, little, did I know

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Speaker 1: things were about to get a lot worse? Oh? No, oh,

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Speaker 1: pe as they do. After finishing and cleaning myself up,

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Speaker 1: how did you clean yourself up. That's what I want

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Speaker 1: to know.

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Speaker 2: My ibs buddies know that we will always care an

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Speaker 2: emergency lou roll with us, just in case toilet paper.

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Speaker 1: I guess, like, yeah, going to the new This is

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Speaker 1: op from Britain. It has to be at a train

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00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 1: station having a low roll. No, you're right, You're totally right. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I got back to my car, relieved that I got

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Speaker 2: away without anyone seeing me. By this point, I had

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Speaker 2: missed my train, so I pulled away to drive to

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Speaker 2: another station to get a faster train. As I reversed out,

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Speaker 2: I realized I had made a terrible mistake. Whilst I

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Speaker 2: had indeed correctly identified the car park as devoid of

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Speaker 2: people and the cars were unoccupied, in my haste to

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Speaker 2: relieve myself, I had no thought to check the make

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Speaker 2: and model of the car parks next to me.

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Speaker 1: At a Tesla. At a Tesla that has it has

359
00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 1: this thing called sentry mode where detext anything near it

360
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 1: and automatic they starts recording it was a Tesla model

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00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:12,080
Speaker 1: s broll. I call it. Oh God. Whenever I walk

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00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: away from my mom's Tesla, I will always go through,

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00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 1: like all the century stuff to see what weird people

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Speaker 1: are around.

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00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 2: That's that's actually hilarious. We should start a channel just

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Speaker 2: like Crazy Tesla K or whatever. To those of you

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00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 2: who own Tesla's or SIMP for Elon Musk will know

368
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 2: where this is going. But for the normal people among us,

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00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 2: let me explain the true horrific realization that dawned upon me.

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00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 2: The Tesla model asks has this wonderful little feature called

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Speaker 2: Century Mode. When someone gets closer touches your Tesla, it

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00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 2: will automatically start recording from several external high definition wide

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Speaker 2: angle cameras with audio to boot.

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Speaker 1: Oh geez, so you're gonna get the explosion in there, sis.

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00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 1: I'm just imagining, like this little kid climbing into his

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00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 1: mom's Tesla is like mom, mom, Centry mode is activators,

377
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,920
Speaker 1: Like all right, little they may go look at it

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00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: and you just see OPI and the kids scarred for life.

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00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 1: Just seem like the equivalent of two girls one cup.

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00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: But in real life, I feel like the evidence right

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00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: there next to them.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's a full circle moment where it's like,

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00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 2: you know, Elon makes the Tesla that captures the moment

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00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:24,159
Speaker 2: that the first human becomes a SpaceX rocket and just

385
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 2: freaking explosive launches himself into space.

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00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know. I can see that. There's there's

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00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 1: there's a lot of force coming out of that butt hole.

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00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: Kind of beautiful and I'm sure Opie was going straight

389
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Speaker 1: to Mars. Oh yes, yeah, what a brave soldier.

390
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 2: Now it saves this footage and it sends it to

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Speaker 2: the owner's Tesla app with an alert that someone is

392
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: tampering with the car. Dang, they got a whole notification.

393
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 2: So some poor mother effort has been woken up on

394
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 2: eight thirty am at this Sunday morning to receive an

395
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 2: alert that they're preciless that they're precious Tesla is being

396
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 2: tampered with. They will open the app to find the

397
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 2: footage of my pale, wobbly ass descending next to their car,

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00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: followed by explosive doochie with some monstrous farts and many

399
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 2: expletives being growned. Yikes, F you elon musk f you.

400
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 2: I'm now panicking, fully expecting a knock on my door

401
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 2: from the police, possibly with an ASBO.

402
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. See yesbo anti social

403
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: behavior order. That sounds British to me.

404
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, fully expecting a knock on my door from the

405
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 2: police or worse, for this footage to wind up on

406
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: some dodgy scat website with the Tesla owner raking in

407
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 2: the royalties And do you think.

408
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: Do you really think you're getting royalties from this footage?

409
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 1: I mean maybe maybe there's something people want a lot.

410
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 1: Is there a whole subgattery of people that are watching

411
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 1: other people shit? There is?

412
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 2: There is a huge my friend shared with me the

413
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 2: like the car cam genre on YouTube.

414
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: Yes, and that is a little beast but specifically poop cam.

415
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 2: But I could see I could see the thumbnail. Now

416
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 2: it's like the top of someone's head, like clearly squatting

417
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 2: over it. It's like like guy couldn't hold it in.

418
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, John wants to see that video. John's desperately

419
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: awaiting that video releasing. He's like putting Google alerts on

420
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 1: right now for Tesla catches poop man. You know, in

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00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 1: the UK, guilty as charged. I guess we have just

422
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 1: like op Yeah that that guilty verdict for indecent exposure. Yeah,

423
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,880
Speaker 1: it's it's it's really an unfortunate situation.

424
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Speaker 2: Yeah, But I feel like everyone kind of has a

425
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 2: story like this where they did not have a bathroom

426
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Speaker 2: and had to take emergency procedures. I would love to

427
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 2: know everyone's like emergency bathroom tails.

428
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: Was surfing in Mexico and okay, uh didn't. I was

429
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 1: like out like in the water. I didn't want to go,

430
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 1: like go all the way back in, and so instead

431
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 1: of like going and because the waves were huge and

432
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 1: like if I and then I was in like a

433
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: super remote beach in like San jose A deel Cappo.

434
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 1: So instead of going back all the way in where

435
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: I would have to fight the waves, I decided to

436
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 1: go all the way out. And so I went further

437
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: out beyond the break right and then did a little dukie.

438
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 1: But the thing that I didn't realize is like maybe

439
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: because of the salt water and stuff, the doukie rises,

440
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,239
Speaker 1: it doesn't sink to the bottom. And so that thing

441
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: started rising up, and then the current started pushing it

442
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: towards me. It was trying to catch away from running away.

443
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,719
Speaker 1: And then a big set comes and is like caring

444
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,440
Speaker 1: and having the turd surf towards me, and so I

445
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 1: had to duck undercover. And luckily I don't think I

446
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: got hit by my own turd, but I've learned my

447
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 1: lesson don't poop in the ocean. You know, even as

448
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: turds float.

449
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 2: Sam is such a great surfer, even as turds are

450
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 2: just like absolutely just shredding them smnario. But if you

451
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,439
Speaker 2: have something that can outgross that, ladies and gentlemen, please

452
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 2: go at it in the comments and let's get into

453
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 2: something a little cleaner.

454
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,360
Speaker 1: Also, I went surfing with a girl from Big Con

455
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: this morning. That's right, that's right, Sam is making some connections. Yeah,

456
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 1: I don't know what is what do you make? What

457
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 1: do you make of this? Let's see. So I said,

458
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: you're an absolute surf legend. Haha, you're too kind. Oh

459
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: you are the legend, surf teacher. Thanks for not letting

460
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 1: me die, said, thanks for not dying. You're not dying

461
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 1: abilities or top notch. No wonder you got through Drake's

462
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 1: past because she went to Antarctica and Drake's passes the

463
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 1: thing at antwerkatta right, And she said, I really count

464
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 1: on my not dying abilities on a day to day basis. Mike,

465
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: I feel like that ends the banter right there. Yeah,

466
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 1: the banter ender.

467
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 2: It was like it was a very a fun but

468
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 2: seemingly platonic exchange. It feels it's on that side of

469
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 2: the scales.

470
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 1: The surf was very platonic. Yeah yeah, oh, how do

471
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: you do halo wave? How you doing well? You know,

472
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 1: I maybe there was a little I don't know, I know,

473
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,120
Speaker 1: I think I think it was more in the platonic.

474
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: I think I made it more platonic. I wasn't making

475
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:20,879
Speaker 1: any but it's like seven am. I'm not going to

476
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: make moves at seven am. Or are you it's true?

477
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: Or am I You're like I wake up like this

478
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: every day. Baby, I'm out here shreding these waves, just

479
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 1: like my shredded bod. I should have said that. Anyway,

480
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: I'll see you soon. Let's do that.