Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, Hey, I know surprise, it's time for ba QA. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's the second show. We're going to test it out.
Speaker 1: Me and Mandy are going to do Brown Ambition Question
Speaker 1: and answer in a totally separate show and we are
Speaker 1: trey excited.
Speaker 2: About it, very excited.
Speaker 3: Y'all.
Speaker 2: You can expect the same wonderful advice from your financial
Speaker 2: besties me and Tiffany as you normally get, and you
Speaker 2: can also continue to send us your questions please. We
Speaker 2: decided to break out this segment because honestly, our show
Speaker 2: was getting too fat and juicy and we wanted to
Speaker 2: never give up on answering y'all's personal finance and career questions.
Speaker 2: So if you haven't, you can still hit us up
Speaker 2: at Brown Ambition Podcast on Instagram or email us Brown
Speaker 2: Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. You can also head
Speaker 2: to our website, Brandamission podcast dot com and click ask
Speaker 2: us Anything to submit your question. And now you have
Speaker 2: your very own show. You're welcome. Every Friday, Tiffany and
Speaker 2: I will be here taking your questions. It'll be a
Speaker 2: short little nugget of an episode and we hope you
Speaker 2: guys enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Yay. Question number one, how do your next question in
Speaker 1: Spanish question.
Speaker 2: Say my brain broke. I'm sorry, I think that's French.
Speaker 3: You want to read it?
Speaker 2: I would, I would, I would be honored, all right.
Speaker 2: First question comes from someone who liked Tremaine anonymous. They
Speaker 2: ask is, do you guys have any advice regarding how
Speaker 2: I can inspire my seventeen year old stepdaughter to embrace
Speaker 2: personal finance and participate in the growth of her ut
Speaker 2: M A that's her? What does that stand for? Uniform trust?
Speaker 2: It's like the account you get for kids, right, I
Speaker 2: forget what it all stands for. Anyway, she says, I've
Speaker 2: tried multiple approaches since she was thirteen, but I remain unsuccessful.
Speaker 2: Ooh key, Timmany, Yes, I'm made for you.
Speaker 3: I have my hand up and I'm like, give me
Speaker 3: the com up.
Speaker 1: Because so, my beautiful stepdaughter is fourteen, and I feel
Speaker 1: like we finally cracked the code when she was little.
Speaker 1: We did it someone and it helped. So one of
Speaker 1: the things we used to do when she was little
Speaker 1: is that whenever we would go somewhere her father, instead
Speaker 1: of buying her stuff, we would tell her to look
Speaker 1: at her piggybank and what would her budget be? So
Speaker 1: we just started with like using proper language to describe
Speaker 1: things that were actually happening in her life. Then it
Speaker 1: kind of fell off because she didn't care because she
Speaker 1: wasn't keeping a piggy bank anymore. And when she turned thirteen,
Speaker 1: it was like what can we do? So what really
Speaker 1: helped is that she started working. So working, meaning like
Speaker 1: so my husband is a twin and his twin is
Speaker 1: a master painter, so on the weekend and he would
Speaker 1: pick her up sometimes and she would help him tape off,
Speaker 1: like he would be doing a house and she would
Speaker 1: be in charge of taping up the rooms and you know, with.
Speaker 3: The blue tape, and he would pay her.
Speaker 1: And then now that she's fourteen, she actually just babysit,
Speaker 1: babysat my sister's kids. Yesterday, Carol and Tracy and I
Speaker 1: we went to brunch and Alyssa babysat Roman and Amelia
Speaker 1: because she's fourteen and they know her and they're four
Speaker 1: and five. And so she made ten thousand hour. She
Speaker 1: works with Tracy at TAC Tracy Leche Consulting her. My
Speaker 1: sister's a publicist and so she does work with Tracy,
Speaker 1: research work with Tracy, especially after school but now she's off.
Speaker 3: For the summer.
Speaker 1: So we found that it made a difference because now
Speaker 1: that she's working and bringing in money, it became real
Speaker 1: to her because everything else was theoretical. And now with
Speaker 1: her money, we sit down and we're like, Okay, how
Speaker 1: much did you make? Some of it has to go
Speaker 1: to your savings here, some of it has to go
Speaker 1: to this checking account, and then this is what can
Speaker 1: go for money that you can spend. So the best
Speaker 1: way to kind of get get her interested is it
Speaker 1: has to mean something for her, like I don't talk
Speaker 1: to Elissa about bill's like a little bit like I'll
Speaker 1: talk to her about bills somewhat like you know.
Speaker 3: How much things cost?
Speaker 1: Or I might share with her how much you know,
Speaker 1: the vacation was just so she knows, but ultimately she
Speaker 1: don't care. But what she cares about is Carol. I
Speaker 1: actually was three and a half hours so so, so what.
Speaker 2: Is she doing with her earnings? Have y'all been investing them?
Speaker 2: Does she have a savings what does she do right now?
Speaker 1: We just keep it really simple. We do some savings
Speaker 1: and some spending for her. But what I did do
Speaker 1: this summer for her is I enrolled her in an
Speaker 1: investment class because I wanted her to, like, you know,
Speaker 1: to understand that when we talked, when we start pulling
Speaker 1: money for investments, she's not like, where's my money going.
Speaker 1: So there's this teen class by this young woman named Tiffany.
Speaker 1: Actually her name is her brand is called Modern Black Girl.
Speaker 3: I love her.
Speaker 1: Yes, she's super young and cute and like in her
Speaker 1: twenties and like fabulous, so you know, listen, don't want
Speaker 1: to hear from me. So I was like, maybe she'll
Speaker 1: hear fabulous siphony. So it was a teen class and
Speaker 1: it was every week, and so every week she would
Speaker 1: like take a class and learn how to trade and invest.
Speaker 1: So so that's like kind of like the next step
Speaker 1: for her. But really it just started with she earns money,
Speaker 1: and then we show her savings and spending and just
Speaker 1: go over what she earned and how she can make more.
Speaker 1: She got really excited about, like what else can I
Speaker 1: do to make more? You should see Tracey's like she's
Speaker 1: the best employees she ever had, because she will text.
Speaker 3: Her and be like, do you have an additional work?
Speaker 3: And Tracey's like, no, alysta, bro.
Speaker 1: I'm actually I am more than willing to learn new skills.
Speaker 3: It's just like.
Speaker 1: And so I'm not gonna lie most of the money
Speaker 1: that she makes that the money that we let her
Speaker 1: spend is all Amazon because you know, these kids, but
Speaker 1: at least she knows I have to save some, I
Speaker 1: have some to spend, and now she's learning that once
Speaker 1: she finished this course, we're going to set aside some
Speaker 1: of your money.
Speaker 3: To also invest.
Speaker 1: So that's what I said, Like, you know, she's not
Speaker 1: going to be you know, some people have a natural inclination,
Speaker 1: but start with what matters to her.
Speaker 3: Maybe let her have a little job and see that
Speaker 3: takes you.
Speaker 2: I completely agree that when the money is real to them,
Speaker 2: they're more They're just more invested in it. I mean literally,
Speaker 2: and in terms of like watching her UTMA and by
Speaker 2: the way I looked, I had to look it up,
Speaker 2: but my brain is fried. Uniform Trust and Minor Act.
Speaker 2: It's basically a kind of custodial bank account that you
Speaker 2: can open for your child or your stepchild in this case,
Speaker 2: and then when they come of age. Every state is different,
Speaker 2: but like eighteen is typical, then it can be transferred
Speaker 2: to them and they get control of the money. I
Speaker 2: feel like, does being does the fact that it's her
Speaker 2: step daughter, does that hinder or change your advice at all?
Speaker 2: I mean, I know Supergirl is your stepdaughter as well.
Speaker 2: When you and Superman would talk about her personal finance,
Speaker 2: education and all of that, did that come from him?
Speaker 2: Or how did you build that relationship so that you
Speaker 2: know she would look to you for advice and not
Speaker 2: just like, oh, you're not my mom, like you can't
Speaker 2: tell me what to do.
Speaker 3: It was hard, I'm not gonna lie see.
Speaker 1: So I would basically work him at first, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'd be like, you know, lit some made money.
Speaker 1: She made like a hundred dollars. She's like what, because
Speaker 1: you know, she's not telling him anything. But I would
Speaker 1: know because either like you know, my sister would have
Speaker 1: paid her, or she got you know, babysitting money, or
Speaker 1: just you know, I just would be listening, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, I don't you know, I know.
Speaker 1: And I would hear her making like plans with her friends,
Speaker 1: like ooh, girl, I made a hundred dollars, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get that dress and that right now. The kids
Speaker 1: are really into press on nails and the press on
Speaker 1: that she would be, you know, like she would be
Speaker 1: making a list to trick up all her doll and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, let me tell him, because I
Speaker 1: know if I said something, it might be like nobody
Speaker 1: was talking to you. But you know, dads can say
Speaker 1: whatever because that's you know, that's his daughter. So at
Speaker 1: first it started that way. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: you remember, like maybe like maybe some months ago, I
Speaker 1: was saying that was the one relationship out of all
Speaker 1: of our relationships, that out of my personal relationships that
Speaker 1: were still working on making better.
Speaker 3: That we used to be like bff when she was
Speaker 3: really little.
Speaker 1: I came into her life when she was six, and
Speaker 1: then for like three years she was my bestie and
Speaker 1: then we got engaged and then she was like, don't
Speaker 1: you take my baddy?
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm not, And so we weren't.
Speaker 1: But I have to say we're back. We had been
Speaker 1: working on it, working on it, and working on it,
Speaker 1: working on it. She's matured and honestly like it's it's
Speaker 1: like we were like like before, you know, which is awesome,
Speaker 1: and so now I don't have to go through him.
Speaker 1: But the other day I was saying something to him.
Speaker 1: He was like, tell her, and I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I can, so I don't know. So you know, obviously
Speaker 1: your relationship best if you guys are close, go to
Speaker 1: her directly. If not, then I would work through you know,
Speaker 1: your your partner, but because you want to make sure
Speaker 1: that you know you're you're there to raise a human
Speaker 1: being that can take care of themselves when you're no
Speaker 1: longer there.
Speaker 3: That is your job.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would just add to that, if you've
Speaker 2: tried everything and they are still not interested in contributing
Speaker 2: to their savings account or whatever kind of fun you've
Speaker 2: opened for them. You know, nothing prepares a young woman
Speaker 2: for financial independence like having no financial safety net from
Speaker 2: her parents. So maybe you don't show an interest in
Speaker 2: funding her accounts. You know, maybe she takes out a
Speaker 2: student loan and figures out how to pay it back.
Speaker 2: I've seen that happen with family members of mine where
Speaker 2: their parents, especially in cases where the parent didn't really
Speaker 2: have much, and then they were able to help their
Speaker 2: kid in a way that their parents weren't able to,
Speaker 2: Like they would try to do too much for their kid,
Speaker 2: make everything too easy, a little too laid out for them,
Speaker 2: like I'm going to open it up for you, but
Speaker 2: now you have to be interested in it, you know,
Speaker 2: why aren't you interested in it? Like and for me,
Speaker 2: and especially as a young mom or with a young child,
Speaker 2: I think about I really want to I don't want
Speaker 2: to make it so frictionless for my kid, and I
Speaker 2: want him to know that I'm there to answer questions,
Speaker 2: but for him to still like develop sort of a
Speaker 2: curiosity and an interest, and to know that if he
Speaker 2: doesn't do something, it doesn't always mean that I'm just
Speaker 2: going to do it for him. Easier said than done. Obviously,
Speaker 2: I'm a huge control freak and I don't want to
Speaker 2: want my baby to suffer, but I do feel like
Speaker 2: at a certain point point you can't just force it
Speaker 2: on someone. You know, they have to cut. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: have kids that are so hard he they just got
Speaker 2: to like fall in their ass and pick themselves back
Speaker 2: up and that's their little aha moment. Okay, should we
Speaker 2: get to the second question?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Poor forvor see if you Spanish.
Speaker 2: Please don't tell my family that I forgot question in Spanish?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 2: All right? Do you want to read this one?
Speaker 1: Tif?
Speaker 3: Sure? Okay?
Speaker 1: Also, this is someone who'd like to become be left anonymous. Okay, Hi,
Speaker 1: there love the show thanks. I'm a thirty year old
Speaker 1: single male. I currently make about one hundred and seventy
Speaker 1: five k annually from my job. Okay, bank, I'm that's me. Obviously,
Speaker 1: he didn't say that I'm one hundred percent debt free. Yes,
Speaker 1: and have a profitable townhouse printil. But I'm facing a
Speaker 1: huge problem. Okay, it's probably more emotional than financial. I
Speaker 1: want my mom to get life insurance or burial insurance
Speaker 1: at minimum. My family has been impacted by the prison
Speaker 1: industrial complex and drugs, and so I was essentially raised
Speaker 1: by the Department of Family Services in Florida. Okay, I
Speaker 1: want to build a relationship with mom, but I don't
Speaker 1: feel that I should be on the hook financially to
Speaker 1: take care of her as she ages.
Speaker 3: I also think she.
Speaker 1: Should be responsible for her own funeral services. I feel
Speaker 1: that by taking care of her I will have ruined
Speaker 1: everything I have worked for. I hear the pain in
Speaker 1: her voice when she asked me for help. Do we
Speaker 1: have an obligation to take care of our parents given
Speaker 1: that we were raised by the system or am I
Speaker 1: being selfish? Woof?
Speaker 3: I know heavy.
Speaker 2: I have so much empathy for what this person is
Speaker 2: going through. So thank you for opening up. I've dealt
Speaker 2: a little bit with feelings like this, feeling of guilt,
Speaker 2: not necessarily with one of my parents, but certainly family.
Speaker 2: You know who you only hear from when they need something.
Speaker 2: It wasn't my mother or my father, but a very
Speaker 2: you know, a close relative of mine, I'll say, someone
Speaker 2: I grew up with. I did eventually reach the point
Speaker 2: in in my mid twenties where I made a decision
Speaker 2: purely for my own mental health and for my well being,
Speaker 2: to not have a relationship with that person. I didn't
Speaker 2: strike out thinking I need to just cut this person off,
Speaker 2: but I realized this person only waned one with me
Speaker 2: if I were to give them money, and I understood
Speaker 2: when the money stopped, that relationship would stop. And I said, okay,
Speaker 2: and I allowed that to happen. Those feelings of I mean,
Speaker 2: it's so difficult because it's obviously a father I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: a mother's son relationship, which is just so it's just
Speaker 2: so fraught and so intense. But I would just say,
Speaker 2: you have to be true to your feelings and forgive yourself.
Speaker 2: You did not ask for all of these struggles, and
Speaker 2: it's not necessarily not every child sees it as a
Speaker 2: responsibility to care for their parents, even if they have
Speaker 2: been in their lives, you know, their whole life. You
Speaker 2: have to support her in a way where you are
Speaker 2: true to yourself and to what makes you happy. Part
Speaker 2: of me is like, I really really hope that you're
Speaker 2: seeing a therapist or someone with experience and mental health
Speaker 2: to help you work through this relationship, because as someone
Speaker 2: who has used therapy to help rebuild some relationships in
Speaker 2: my life with loved ones, it's been so powerful and
Speaker 2: so helpful to have that outlet to talk through and
Speaker 2: really look at the way that you're feeling and the
Speaker 2: emotions that you're having and help unpack them. That's what
Speaker 2: I would say.
Speaker 3: And here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Even you don't have an obligation to take care of
Speaker 1: anyone honestly, I mean, well that's not true. You have
Speaker 1: an obligation to take care of your children, like because
Speaker 1: you brought them here, Like that is your obligation. Not
Speaker 1: everybody meets it, but that is your obligation. But honestly,
Speaker 1: even even it sounds crazy, even if a parent was
Speaker 1: awesome to you, and you know they were great, I mean,
Speaker 1: of course many of us would be like well, of
Speaker 1: course I'm gonna take care of a parent that was
Speaker 1: there for me. But ultimately, adults have an obligation to
Speaker 1: take care of themselves. Kids are the only ones who
Speaker 1: are like, I'm sorry, sis, I don't know how to cook.
Speaker 3: I'm three.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to do this, bruh. Like I
Speaker 1: can't change my own diaper. You need to handle it.
Speaker 1: But so just keep that in mind. And I think
Speaker 1: that you know, trying to get her to get burial
Speaker 1: insurance is actually, you know, a good idea. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you've thought of therapy for yourself, not because
Speaker 1: I want you to, you know, have to take care
Speaker 1: of your mom or whatever, but because you have accomplished
Speaker 1: a lot despite you know, all that's happened, and it
Speaker 1: just might help to release. I've had some anger of
Speaker 1: some of my childhood stuff and it really helped me
Speaker 1: to release, letting go of some of those things so
Speaker 1: I can fully live, presently, enjoy.
Speaker 3: You deserve that.
Speaker 1: And there's a really great book that you should read
Speaker 1: by a sister. Her name is nir Dra don't know
Speaker 1: her last name, but it's called Boundaries. Her book came
Speaker 1: around out the round around the same time that minded.
Speaker 1: She's a therapist, a licensed therapist, and she really talks
Speaker 1: and teaches how to set boundaries that are healthy for you.
Speaker 1: I have a hard time setting boundaries and that's something
Speaker 1: I'm working on actively, and so I want you to
Speaker 1: be able to set whatever boundary you think is right
Speaker 1: for you without the guilt and the shame, do what
Speaker 1: you think you want to do, and being okay with
Speaker 1: not doing what you don't want to do.
Speaker 3: So I just commend you you.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you talk to like high schools
Speaker 1: and things like that, but honestly you should. They need
Speaker 1: to see men who have come a mighty long way
Speaker 1: and look how successful you are. Honestly, like, aside from
Speaker 1: your mom, I just want to pat you on the
Speaker 1: back and give you a hug and say I'm proud
Speaker 1: of you.
Speaker 3: Honestly I am.
Speaker 1: And so if you haven't thought about that, you should,
Speaker 1: because more boys need to see men like you who
Speaker 1: had a really rough beginning and yet have seen their
Speaker 1: way to the side.
Speaker 2: So just yeah, So just congrass absolutely, And if this
Speaker 2: relationship is keep preventing you from feeling that pride and
Speaker 2: the joy that you should in yourself, then you know,
Speaker 2: that's a that is something that may not have a
Speaker 2: financial impact on you, but it can definitely take a
Speaker 2: toll mentally on you. You need to be able to
Speaker 2: start your own life starting you. You spent such a
Speaker 2: huge part of your life being a ward of the state,
Speaker 2: it sounds like, and jerked around, probably by other people's schedules,
Speaker 2: other people's needs, other people's obligations. And you're finally thirty.
Speaker 2: You are making a really great salary, you are debt free,
Speaker 2: you are doing so many things right, and you are
Speaker 2: in complete control. You at a time when it's just
Speaker 2: it's just a magical probably time for you to just
Speaker 2: feel like you are in control of your own destiny,
Speaker 2: and you know you should really be able to enjoy that.
Speaker 2: So what was that book, Tiffany Boundaries? Yeah, bound to
Speaker 2: give that to a couple of people as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Boundaries. Yes, but her name is near Dre. She's
Speaker 3: a she's she's a doctor, she's a therapist.
Speaker 1: I know that.
Speaker 3: Let me look it up, Boundaries, because.
Speaker 1: I think her book is doing really well too, which
Speaker 1: leads me to believe that it must be it must
Speaker 1: be really good. I bought it, I haven't read it yet,
Speaker 1: so it's called actually it's called Set Boundaries, Find Peace,
Speaker 1: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. So that's what it's called,
Speaker 1: Set Boundaries, Find Piece, a Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. And
Speaker 1: it's by Nidra Glover, tawab So, n E. D r A. NEARDR.
Speaker 1: Glover and then tawwab So. It's got so many great
Speaker 1: reviews and people are like, this has really helped me
Speaker 1: to really re look at why I make the choices
Speaker 1: that I make. So I highly suggest that for you
Speaker 1: if you want to read the audible. She's on ig
Speaker 1: She's got really great posts. I look at her posts
Speaker 1: all the time about like girl, it's okay to say no,
Speaker 1: she's just she just seems like just such an awesome
Speaker 1: she's a therapist, like I said, and just just an
Speaker 1: awesome resource for what you're experiencing in anyone out there
Speaker 1: who's experiencing that.
Speaker 2: Can we talk a little bit about the personal finance
Speaker 2: bit of this, where he's wanting his mom to get
Speaker 2: life insurance or burial insurance. You know, I think that
Speaker 2: that's definitely an option. I think you need to prepare yourself.
Speaker 2: I'm kind of like my therapist is always asking me well,
Speaker 2: let's think about the worst case scenario. They don't get
Speaker 2: the insurance and they pass away and you have to
Speaker 2: pay for the funeral expenses.
Speaker 3: What do you do?
Speaker 2: Or you don't have to You honestly don't have to,
Speaker 2: but that is something that happens. You know, they never
Speaker 2: get insurance because you can't control her. She's an adult
Speaker 2: at the end of the day. What would your reaction
Speaker 2: be and to kind of put your like kind of
Speaker 2: role play with that situation and make a decision and
Speaker 2: like be okay with it and recognize that I have
Speaker 2: a choice. I'm making this choice and it's okay because
Speaker 2: you really can't force her to purchase anything like that.
Speaker 2: If insurance maybe is intimidating to her, you could possibly
Speaker 2: encourage her to set aside just some cash savings, you know,
Speaker 2: in a savings account that she can you know, set
Speaker 2: aside knowing that this will help you know, my child
Speaker 2: cover my funeral expenses or something like that. You know,
Speaker 2: if you decide through therapy that you really want to
Speaker 2: like you eventually down the road decide that you are
Speaker 2: okay with or you would you know, feel comfortable by
Speaker 2: putting aside a little bit of money for a modest
Speaker 2: funeral for her. Then that's something that you could consider
Speaker 2: doing or baking into your financial plan now, just to
Speaker 2: make peace with that. But I definitely think that this
Speaker 2: is the kind of choice that you shouldn't be making
Speaker 2: alone and have a trained mental health professional walk you
Speaker 2: through it. You deserve that, You one hundred percent deserve it.
Speaker 2: You're doing so well financially. My concern for you now
Speaker 2: is your mental health and how you make sure that
Speaker 2: the cycle of you know, I think with anything the
Speaker 2: drug epidemic, all of that is really driven as well
Speaker 2: by mental health issues that have ravage black and brown communities,
Speaker 2: especially mental health. You just should not put put that
Speaker 2: in the back burner. And I really hope you get
Speaker 2: the help you need. I love the idea of you
Speaker 2: mentoring other children too, especially children similar to you, but
Speaker 2: make make mental health a part of your success story
Speaker 2: as well, so that you can show them the importance
Speaker 2: of you know, really pouring into an investing in your
Speaker 2: own mental health as well and not just you know,
Speaker 2: being successful from a financial standpoint exactly.
Speaker 3: That's yeah, that's especially important. I love that.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, this was our first b a Q and A.
Speaker 1: We did it. Yeah, we did it.
Speaker 3: We b a qa, What is that?
Speaker 1: Which is that?
Speaker 3: What it comes out to me?
Speaker 2: Tiffany, I know, I don't know what to do with that.
Speaker 2: Y'all tell us leave us a comment, hit us up
Speaker 2: at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com, or leave
Speaker 2: us a send us a d M or ship. But
Speaker 2: definitely share this show with your friends. In fact, we
Speaker 2: would love if you just went right now and share
Speaker 2: this episode with just a few friends. You know, het
Speaker 2: that little share icon. Send it in a text message,
Speaker 2: easy peasy. Let us let them know about Brann and Bish.
Speaker 2: We'd love to help expand the reach of our show.
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you,