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Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, Hey, I know surprise, it's time for ba QA. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it's the second show. We're going to test it out.

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Speaker 1: Me and Mandy are going to do Brown Ambition Question

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Speaker 1: and answer in a totally separate show and we are

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Speaker 1: trey excited.

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Speaker 2: About it, very excited.

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Speaker 3: Y'all.

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Speaker 2: You can expect the same wonderful advice from your financial

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Speaker 2: besties me and Tiffany as you normally get, and you

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Speaker 2: can also continue to send us your questions please. We

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Speaker 2: decided to break out this segment because honestly, our show

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Speaker 2: was getting too fat and juicy and we wanted to

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Speaker 2: never give up on answering y'all's personal finance and career questions.

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Speaker 2: So if you haven't, you can still hit us up

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Speaker 2: at Brown Ambition Podcast on Instagram or email us Brown

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Speaker 2: Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. You can also head

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Speaker 2: to our website, Brandamission podcast dot com and click ask

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Speaker 2: us Anything to submit your question. And now you have

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Speaker 2: your very own show. You're welcome. Every Friday, Tiffany and

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Speaker 2: I will be here taking your questions. It'll be a

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Speaker 2: short little nugget of an episode and we hope you

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Speaker 2: guys enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: Yay. Question number one, how do your next question in

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Speaker 1: Spanish question.

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Speaker 2: Say my brain broke. I'm sorry, I think that's French.

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Speaker 3: You want to read it?

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Speaker 2: I would, I would, I would be honored, all right.

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Speaker 2: First question comes from someone who liked Tremaine anonymous. They

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Speaker 2: ask is, do you guys have any advice regarding how

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Speaker 2: I can inspire my seventeen year old stepdaughter to embrace

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Speaker 2: personal finance and participate in the growth of her ut

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Speaker 2: M A that's her? What does that stand for? Uniform trust?

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Speaker 2: It's like the account you get for kids, right, I

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Speaker 2: forget what it all stands for. Anyway, she says, I've

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Speaker 2: tried multiple approaches since she was thirteen, but I remain unsuccessful.

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Speaker 2: Ooh key, Timmany, Yes, I'm made for you.

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Speaker 3: I have my hand up and I'm like, give me

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Speaker 3: the com up.

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Speaker 1: Because so, my beautiful stepdaughter is fourteen, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like we finally cracked the code when she was little.

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Speaker 1: We did it someone and it helped. So one of

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Speaker 1: the things we used to do when she was little

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Speaker 1: is that whenever we would go somewhere her father, instead

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Speaker 1: of buying her stuff, we would tell her to look

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Speaker 1: at her piggybank and what would her budget be? So

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Speaker 1: we just started with like using proper language to describe

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Speaker 1: things that were actually happening in her life. Then it

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Speaker 1: kind of fell off because she didn't care because she

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Speaker 1: wasn't keeping a piggy bank anymore. And when she turned thirteen,

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Speaker 1: it was like what can we do? So what really

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Speaker 1: helped is that she started working. So working, meaning like

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Speaker 1: so my husband is a twin and his twin is

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Speaker 1: a master painter, so on the weekend and he would

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Speaker 1: pick her up sometimes and she would help him tape off,

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Speaker 1: like he would be doing a house and she would

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Speaker 1: be in charge of taping up the rooms and you know, with.

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Speaker 3: The blue tape, and he would pay her.

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Speaker 1: And then now that she's fourteen, she actually just babysit,

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Speaker 1: babysat my sister's kids. Yesterday, Carol and Tracy and I

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Speaker 1: we went to brunch and Alyssa babysat Roman and Amelia

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Speaker 1: because she's fourteen and they know her and they're four

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Speaker 1: and five. And so she made ten thousand hour. She

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Speaker 1: works with Tracy at TAC Tracy Leche Consulting her. My

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Speaker 1: sister's a publicist and so she does work with Tracy,

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Speaker 1: research work with Tracy, especially after school but now she's off.

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Speaker 3: For the summer.

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Speaker 1: So we found that it made a difference because now

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Speaker 1: that she's working and bringing in money, it became real

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Speaker 1: to her because everything else was theoretical. And now with

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Speaker 1: her money, we sit down and we're like, Okay, how

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Speaker 1: much did you make? Some of it has to go

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Speaker 1: to your savings here, some of it has to go

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Speaker 1: to this checking account, and then this is what can

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Speaker 1: go for money that you can spend. So the best

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Speaker 1: way to kind of get get her interested is it

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Speaker 1: has to mean something for her, like I don't talk

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Speaker 1: to Elissa about bill's like a little bit like I'll

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Speaker 1: talk to her about bills somewhat like you know.

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Speaker 3: How much things cost?

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Speaker 1: Or I might share with her how much you know,

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Speaker 1: the vacation was just so she knows, but ultimately she

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Speaker 1: don't care. But what she cares about is Carol. I

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Speaker 1: actually was three and a half hours so so, so what.

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Speaker 2: Is she doing with her earnings? Have y'all been investing them?

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Speaker 2: Does she have a savings what does she do right now?

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Speaker 1: We just keep it really simple. We do some savings

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Speaker 1: and some spending for her. But what I did do

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Speaker 1: this summer for her is I enrolled her in an

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Speaker 1: investment class because I wanted her to, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: to understand that when we talked, when we start pulling

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Speaker 1: money for investments, she's not like, where's my money going.

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Speaker 1: So there's this teen class by this young woman named Tiffany.

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Speaker 1: Actually her name is her brand is called Modern Black Girl.

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Speaker 3: I love her.

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Speaker 1: Yes, she's super young and cute and like in her

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Speaker 1: twenties and like fabulous, so you know, listen, don't want

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Speaker 1: to hear from me. So I was like, maybe she'll

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Speaker 1: hear fabulous siphony. So it was a teen class and

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Speaker 1: it was every week, and so every week she would

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Speaker 1: like take a class and learn how to trade and invest.

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Speaker 1: So so that's like kind of like the next step

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Speaker 1: for her. But really it just started with she earns money,

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Speaker 1: and then we show her savings and spending and just

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Speaker 1: go over what she earned and how she can make more.

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Speaker 1: She got really excited about, like what else can I

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Speaker 1: do to make more? You should see Tracey's like she's

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Speaker 1: the best employees she ever had, because she will text.

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Speaker 3: Her and be like, do you have an additional work?

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Speaker 3: And Tracey's like, no, alysta, bro.

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Speaker 1: I'm actually I am more than willing to learn new skills.

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Speaker 3: It's just like.

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Speaker 1: And so I'm not gonna lie most of the money

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Speaker 1: that she makes that the money that we let her

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Speaker 1: spend is all Amazon because you know, these kids, but

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Speaker 1: at least she knows I have to save some, I

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Speaker 1: have some to spend, and now she's learning that once

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Speaker 1: she finished this course, we're going to set aside some

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Speaker 1: of your money.

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Speaker 3: To also invest.

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Speaker 1: So that's what I said, Like, you know, she's not

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Speaker 1: going to be you know, some people have a natural inclination,

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Speaker 1: but start with what matters to her.

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Speaker 3: Maybe let her have a little job and see that

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Speaker 3: takes you.

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Speaker 2: I completely agree that when the money is real to them,

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Speaker 2: they're more They're just more invested in it. I mean literally,

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Speaker 2: and in terms of like watching her UTMA and by

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Speaker 2: the way I looked, I had to look it up,

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Speaker 2: but my brain is fried. Uniform Trust and Minor Act.

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Speaker 2: It's basically a kind of custodial bank account that you

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Speaker 2: can open for your child or your stepchild in this case,

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Speaker 2: and then when they come of age. Every state is different,

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Speaker 2: but like eighteen is typical, then it can be transferred

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Speaker 2: to them and they get control of the money. I

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Speaker 2: feel like, does being does the fact that it's her

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Speaker 2: step daughter, does that hinder or change your advice at all?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I know Supergirl is your stepdaughter as well.

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Speaker 2: When you and Superman would talk about her personal finance,

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Speaker 2: education and all of that, did that come from him?

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Speaker 2: Or how did you build that relationship so that you

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Speaker 2: know she would look to you for advice and not

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Speaker 2: just like, oh, you're not my mom, like you can't

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Speaker 2: tell me what to do.

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Speaker 3: It was hard, I'm not gonna lie see.

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Speaker 1: So I would basically work him at first, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I'd be like, you know, lit some made money.

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Speaker 1: She made like a hundred dollars. She's like what, because

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Speaker 1: you know, she's not telling him anything. But I would

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Speaker 1: know because either like you know, my sister would have

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Speaker 1: paid her, or she got you know, babysitting money, or

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Speaker 1: just you know, I just would be listening, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, I don't you know, I know.

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Speaker 1: And I would hear her making like plans with her friends,

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Speaker 1: like ooh, girl, I made a hundred dollars, so I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna get that dress and that right now. The kids

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Speaker 1: are really into press on nails and the press on

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Speaker 1: that she would be, you know, like she would be

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Speaker 1: making a list to trick up all her doll and

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, yeah, let me tell him, because I

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Speaker 1: know if I said something, it might be like nobody

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Speaker 1: was talking to you. But you know, dads can say

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Speaker 1: whatever because that's you know, that's his daughter. So at

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Speaker 1: first it started that way. And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: you remember, like maybe like maybe some months ago, I

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Speaker 1: was saying that was the one relationship out of all

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Speaker 1: of our relationships, that out of my personal relationships that

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Speaker 1: were still working on making better.

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Speaker 3: That we used to be like bff when she was

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Speaker 3: really little.

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Speaker 1: I came into her life when she was six, and

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Speaker 1: then for like three years she was my bestie and

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Speaker 1: then we got engaged and then she was like, don't

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Speaker 1: you take my baddy?

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Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm not, And so we weren't.

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Speaker 1: But I have to say we're back. We had been

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Speaker 1: working on it, working on it, and working on it,

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Speaker 1: working on it. She's matured and honestly like it's it's

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Speaker 1: like we were like like before, you know, which is awesome,

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Speaker 1: and so now I don't have to go through him.

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Speaker 1: But the other day I was saying something to him.

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Speaker 1: He was like, tell her, and I was like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: I can, so I don't know. So you know, obviously

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Speaker 1: your relationship best if you guys are close, go to

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Speaker 1: her directly. If not, then I would work through you know,

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Speaker 1: your your partner, but because you want to make sure

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Speaker 1: that you know you're you're there to raise a human

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Speaker 1: being that can take care of themselves when you're no

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Speaker 1: longer there.

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Speaker 3: That is your job.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would just add to that, if you've

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Speaker 2: tried everything and they are still not interested in contributing

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Speaker 2: to their savings account or whatever kind of fun you've

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Speaker 2: opened for them. You know, nothing prepares a young woman

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Speaker 2: for financial independence like having no financial safety net from

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Speaker 2: her parents. So maybe you don't show an interest in

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Speaker 2: funding her accounts. You know, maybe she takes out a

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Speaker 2: student loan and figures out how to pay it back.

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Speaker 2: I've seen that happen with family members of mine where

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Speaker 2: their parents, especially in cases where the parent didn't really

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Speaker 2: have much, and then they were able to help their

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Speaker 2: kid in a way that their parents weren't able to,

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Speaker 2: Like they would try to do too much for their kid,

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Speaker 2: make everything too easy, a little too laid out for them,

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Speaker 2: like I'm going to open it up for you, but

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Speaker 2: now you have to be interested in it, you know,

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Speaker 2: why aren't you interested in it? Like and for me,

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Speaker 2: and especially as a young mom or with a young child,

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Speaker 2: I think about I really want to I don't want

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Speaker 2: to make it so frictionless for my kid, and I

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Speaker 2: want him to know that I'm there to answer questions,

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Speaker 2: but for him to still like develop sort of a

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Speaker 2: curiosity and an interest, and to know that if he

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Speaker 2: doesn't do something, it doesn't always mean that I'm just

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Speaker 2: going to do it for him. Easier said than done. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: I'm a huge control freak and I don't want to

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Speaker 2: want my baby to suffer, but I do feel like

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Speaker 2: at a certain point point you can't just force it

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Speaker 2: on someone. You know, they have to cut. Sometimes you

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Speaker 2: have kids that are so hard he they just got

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Speaker 2: to like fall in their ass and pick themselves back

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Speaker 2: up and that's their little aha moment. Okay, should we

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Speaker 2: get to the second question?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Poor forvor see if you Spanish.

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Speaker 2: Please don't tell my family that I forgot question in Spanish?

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Speaker 1: Please?

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Speaker 2: All right? Do you want to read this one?

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Speaker 1: Tif?

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Speaker 3: Sure? Okay?

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Speaker 1: Also, this is someone who'd like to become be left anonymous. Okay, Hi,

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Speaker 1: there love the show thanks. I'm a thirty year old

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Speaker 1: single male. I currently make about one hundred and seventy

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Speaker 1: five k annually from my job. Okay, bank, I'm that's me. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: he didn't say that I'm one hundred percent debt free. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and have a profitable townhouse printil. But I'm facing a

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Speaker 1: huge problem. Okay, it's probably more emotional than financial. I

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Speaker 1: want my mom to get life insurance or burial insurance

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Speaker 1: at minimum. My family has been impacted by the prison

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Speaker 1: industrial complex and drugs, and so I was essentially raised

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Speaker 1: by the Department of Family Services in Florida. Okay, I

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Speaker 1: want to build a relationship with mom, but I don't

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Speaker 1: feel that I should be on the hook financially to

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Speaker 1: take care of her as she ages.

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Speaker 3: I also think she.

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Speaker 1: Should be responsible for her own funeral services. I feel

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Speaker 1: that by taking care of her I will have ruined

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Speaker 1: everything I have worked for. I hear the pain in

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Speaker 1: her voice when she asked me for help. Do we

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Speaker 1: have an obligation to take care of our parents given

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Speaker 1: that we were raised by the system or am I

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Speaker 1: being selfish? Woof?

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Speaker 3: I know heavy.

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Speaker 2: I have so much empathy for what this person is

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Speaker 2: going through. So thank you for opening up. I've dealt

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Speaker 2: a little bit with feelings like this, feeling of guilt,

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Speaker 2: not necessarily with one of my parents, but certainly family.

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Speaker 2: You know who you only hear from when they need something.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't my mother or my father, but a very

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Speaker 2: you know, a close relative of mine, I'll say, someone

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Speaker 2: I grew up with. I did eventually reach the point

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Speaker 2: in in my mid twenties where I made a decision

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Speaker 2: purely for my own mental health and for my well being,

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Speaker 2: to not have a relationship with that person. I didn't

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Speaker 2: strike out thinking I need to just cut this person off,

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Speaker 2: but I realized this person only waned one with me

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Speaker 2: if I were to give them money, and I understood

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Speaker 2: when the money stopped, that relationship would stop. And I said, okay,

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Speaker 2: and I allowed that to happen. Those feelings of I mean,

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Speaker 2: it's so difficult because it's obviously a father I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: a mother's son relationship, which is just so it's just

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Speaker 2: so fraught and so intense. But I would just say,

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Speaker 2: you have to be true to your feelings and forgive yourself.

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Speaker 2: You did not ask for all of these struggles, and

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Speaker 2: it's not necessarily not every child sees it as a

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Speaker 2: responsibility to care for their parents, even if they have

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Speaker 2: been in their lives, you know, their whole life. You

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Speaker 2: have to support her in a way where you are

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Speaker 2: true to yourself and to what makes you happy. Part

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Speaker 2: of me is like, I really really hope that you're

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Speaker 2: seeing a therapist or someone with experience and mental health

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Speaker 2: to help you work through this relationship, because as someone

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Speaker 2: who has used therapy to help rebuild some relationships in

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Speaker 2: my life with loved ones, it's been so powerful and

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Speaker 2: so helpful to have that outlet to talk through and

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Speaker 2: really look at the way that you're feeling and the

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Speaker 2: emotions that you're having and help unpack them. That's what

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Speaker 2: I would say.

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Speaker 3: And here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: Even you don't have an obligation to take care of

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Speaker 1: anyone honestly, I mean, well that's not true. You have

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Speaker 1: an obligation to take care of your children, like because

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Speaker 1: you brought them here, Like that is your obligation. Not

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Speaker 1: everybody meets it, but that is your obligation. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: even even it sounds crazy, even if a parent was

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Speaker 1: awesome to you, and you know they were great, I mean,

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Speaker 1: of course many of us would be like well, of

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Speaker 1: course I'm gonna take care of a parent that was

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Speaker 1: there for me. But ultimately, adults have an obligation to

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Speaker 1: take care of themselves. Kids are the only ones who

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Speaker 1: are like, I'm sorry, sis, I don't know how to cook.

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Speaker 3: I'm three.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna need you to do this, bruh. Like I

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Speaker 1: can't change my own diaper. You need to handle it.

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Speaker 1: But so just keep that in mind. And I think

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Speaker 1: that you know, trying to get her to get burial

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Speaker 1: insurance is actually, you know, a good idea. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you've thought of therapy for yourself, not because

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Speaker 1: I want you to, you know, have to take care

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Speaker 1: of your mom or whatever, but because you have accomplished

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Speaker 1: a lot despite you know, all that's happened, and it

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Speaker 1: just might help to release. I've had some anger of

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Speaker 1: some of my childhood stuff and it really helped me

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Speaker 1: to release, letting go of some of those things so

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Speaker 1: I can fully live, presently, enjoy.

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Speaker 3: You deserve that.

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Speaker 1: And there's a really great book that you should read

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Speaker 1: by a sister. Her name is nir Dra don't know

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Speaker 1: her last name, but it's called Boundaries. Her book came

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Speaker 1: around out the round around the same time that minded.

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Speaker 1: She's a therapist, a licensed therapist, and she really talks

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Speaker 1: and teaches how to set boundaries that are healthy for you.

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Speaker 1: I have a hard time setting boundaries and that's something

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Speaker 1: I'm working on actively, and so I want you to

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Speaker 1: be able to set whatever boundary you think is right

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Speaker 1: for you without the guilt and the shame, do what

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Speaker 1: you think you want to do, and being okay with

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Speaker 1: not doing what you don't want to do.

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Speaker 3: So I just commend you you.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you talk to like high schools

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Speaker 1: and things like that, but honestly you should. They need

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Speaker 1: to see men who have come a mighty long way

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Speaker 1: and look how successful you are. Honestly, like, aside from

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Speaker 1: your mom, I just want to pat you on the

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Speaker 1: back and give you a hug and say I'm proud

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Speaker 1: of you.

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Speaker 3: Honestly I am.

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Speaker 1: And so if you haven't thought about that, you should,

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Speaker 1: because more boys need to see men like you who

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Speaker 1: had a really rough beginning and yet have seen their

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Speaker 1: way to the side.

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Speaker 2: So just yeah, So just congrass absolutely, And if this

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Speaker 2: relationship is keep preventing you from feeling that pride and

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Speaker 2: the joy that you should in yourself, then you know,

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Speaker 2: that's a that is something that may not have a

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Speaker 2: financial impact on you, but it can definitely take a

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Speaker 2: toll mentally on you. You need to be able to

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Speaker 2: start your own life starting you. You spent such a

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Speaker 2: huge part of your life being a ward of the state,

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Speaker 2: it sounds like, and jerked around, probably by other people's schedules,

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Speaker 2: other people's needs, other people's obligations. And you're finally thirty.

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Speaker 2: You are making a really great salary, you are debt free,

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Speaker 2: you are doing so many things right, and you are

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Speaker 2: in complete control. You at a time when it's just

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Speaker 2: it's just a magical probably time for you to just

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Speaker 2: feel like you are in control of your own destiny,

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Speaker 2: and you know you should really be able to enjoy that.

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Speaker 2: So what was that book, Tiffany Boundaries? Yeah, bound to

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Speaker 2: give that to a couple of people as well.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Boundaries. Yes, but her name is near Dre. She's

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Speaker 3: a she's she's a doctor, she's a therapist.

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Speaker 1: I know that.

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Speaker 3: Let me look it up, Boundaries, because.

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Speaker 1: I think her book is doing really well too, which

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Speaker 1: leads me to believe that it must be it must

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Speaker 1: be really good. I bought it, I haven't read it yet,

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Speaker 1: so it's called actually it's called Set Boundaries, Find Peace,

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Speaker 1: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. So that's what it's called,

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Speaker 1: Set Boundaries, Find Piece, a Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. And

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Speaker 1: it's by Nidra Glover, tawab So, n E. D r A. NEARDR.

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Speaker 1: Glover and then tawwab So. It's got so many great

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Speaker 1: reviews and people are like, this has really helped me

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Speaker 1: to really re look at why I make the choices

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Speaker 1: that I make. So I highly suggest that for you

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Speaker 1: if you want to read the audible. She's on ig

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Speaker 1: She's got really great posts. I look at her posts

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Speaker 1: all the time about like girl, it's okay to say no,

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Speaker 1: she's just she just seems like just such an awesome

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Speaker 1: she's a therapist, like I said, and just just an

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Speaker 1: awesome resource for what you're experiencing in anyone out there

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Speaker 1: who's experiencing that.

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Speaker 2: Can we talk a little bit about the personal finance

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Speaker 2: bit of this, where he's wanting his mom to get

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Speaker 2: life insurance or burial insurance. You know, I think that

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Speaker 2: that's definitely an option. I think you need to prepare yourself.

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of like my therapist is always asking me well,

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Speaker 2: let's think about the worst case scenario. They don't get

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Speaker 2: the insurance and they pass away and you have to

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Speaker 2: pay for the funeral expenses.

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Speaker 3: What do you do?

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Speaker 2: Or you don't have to You honestly don't have to,

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Speaker 2: but that is something that happens. You know, they never

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Speaker 2: get insurance because you can't control her. She's an adult

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Speaker 2: at the end of the day. What would your reaction

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Speaker 2: be and to kind of put your like kind of

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Speaker 2: role play with that situation and make a decision and

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Speaker 2: like be okay with it and recognize that I have

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Speaker 2: a choice. I'm making this choice and it's okay because

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Speaker 2: you really can't force her to purchase anything like that.

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Speaker 2: If insurance maybe is intimidating to her, you could possibly

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Speaker 2: encourage her to set aside just some cash savings, you know,

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Speaker 2: in a savings account that she can you know, set

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Speaker 2: aside knowing that this will help you know, my child

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Speaker 2: cover my funeral expenses or something like that. You know,

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Speaker 2: if you decide through therapy that you really want to

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Speaker 2: like you eventually down the road decide that you are

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Speaker 2: okay with or you would you know, feel comfortable by

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Speaker 2: putting aside a little bit of money for a modest

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Speaker 2: funeral for her. Then that's something that you could consider

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Speaker 2: doing or baking into your financial plan now, just to

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Speaker 2: make peace with that. But I definitely think that this

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Speaker 2: is the kind of choice that you shouldn't be making

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Speaker 2: alone and have a trained mental health professional walk you

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Speaker 2: through it. You deserve that, You one hundred percent deserve it.

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Speaker 2: You're doing so well financially. My concern for you now

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Speaker 2: is your mental health and how you make sure that

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Speaker 2: the cycle of you know, I think with anything the

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Speaker 2: drug epidemic, all of that is really driven as well

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Speaker 2: by mental health issues that have ravage black and brown communities,

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Speaker 2: especially mental health. You just should not put put that

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Speaker 2: in the back burner. And I really hope you get

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Speaker 2: the help you need. I love the idea of you

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Speaker 2: mentoring other children too, especially children similar to you, but

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Speaker 2: make make mental health a part of your success story

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Speaker 2: as well, so that you can show them the importance

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Speaker 2: of you know, really pouring into an investing in your

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00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,960
Speaker 2: own mental health as well and not just you know,

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Speaker 2: being successful from a financial standpoint exactly.

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Speaker 3: That's yeah, that's especially important. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, this was our first b a Q and A.

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Speaker 1: We did it. Yeah, we did it.

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Speaker 3: We b a qa, What is that?

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Speaker 1: Which is that?

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Speaker 3: What it comes out to me?

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Speaker 2: Tiffany, I know, I don't know what to do with that.

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Speaker 2: Y'all tell us leave us a comment, hit us up

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00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 2: at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com, or leave

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Speaker 2: us a send us a d M or ship. But

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00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: definitely share this show with your friends. In fact, we

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00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 2: would love if you just went right now and share

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00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,119
Speaker 2: this episode with just a few friends. You know, het

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00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 2: that little share icon. Send it in a text message,

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Speaker 2: easy peasy. Let us let them know about Brann and Bish.

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Speaker 2: We'd love to help expand the reach of our show.

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Speaker 3: Yes, thank you,