1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: Oh God, welcome to summer. Huh, summer is we are 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: in the thick of it. I love it. I love it. 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,600 Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. I love it. I've 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:11,640 Speaker 1: had so much fun this summer between work and vacation 5 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: and then work and the vacation and then work. And 6 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: I will be in Canada performing at the Great Outdoors 7 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: Comedy Festival in Edmonton on August, so tickets are available 8 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: for that. There's just so many exciting things happening. I mean, 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: this has been turned into a jam packed summer. People 10 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: really want to be out. People are horny. I always 11 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 1: loved summer, but now I just like when summer wraps 12 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 1: up because that means ski season is on the approach. Well, 13 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: you know what the problem with summer now is is 14 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: that it's too hot everywhere because the planet is melting 15 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 1: and I can't even imagine what it's like for people 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: who don't have air conditioning. My friends went through that 17 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: heat wave in Vancouver and they were like dying and 18 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: it was like, I mean, they would Marco Polo me 19 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: and they would look like they were passing away. I'm like, 20 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: are you guys serious about this heat? But I didn't 21 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: take into consideration and what that must be like without 22 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: a c well, their bodies aren't acclimated to that sort 23 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: of temperature increase. No, no, no, So yeah, it's only 24 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 1: going to get worse and worse. But I did read 25 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: something interesting about heat domes. So heat domes are part 26 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: of what makes you know, it's just like a heat wave, 27 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: what creates a heat wave. But yet that's exacerbated by 28 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 1: global warming and climate change. So while we have these 29 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: weather patterns, you know, it's not like global warming. It's 30 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: a it's a product of all of it, right, and 31 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: it's or no, maybe I said that wrong. I say 32 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 1: so many things wrong. I don't even know what's up anymore, 33 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: sideways upside down from behind. Sorry anyway, you know what 34 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: I'm saying. It's hot, you know, and I think we 35 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: can all agree it's too hot. It's not pleasant at all. 36 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,919 Speaker 1: You know, it's just no one's going to take it seriously, 37 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: these older politicians, because they love the heat. I mean, 38 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: they want to sweat through every layer of clothing they wear. 39 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 1: But it's like mosquitoes are everywhere now. So you go 40 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,080 Speaker 1: over to someone's house in the valley and you can't 41 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: you come back and you're eating alive. It's just like, 42 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: why are there There were never mosquitoes in California, not 43 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: that I picked up on. That was an East coast 44 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: thing because of the humidity, and now it's a West 45 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 1: coast thing. And I'm not into it. And I don't 46 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: know anybody who is into fucking mosquitoes. And if you 47 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: do know, somebody tell them, I said, to funk off, 48 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: or tell them to call in because they need help. 49 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,760 Speaker 1: I just I just have a problem. You know. I 50 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 1: don't mind bugs so much. Everyone's either scared of spiders 51 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: or they're scared of snakes, right, like bugs or snakes. Obviously, 52 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: I'm scared of snakes. I've talked about this publicly privately 53 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: to anyone who will listen. I once saw a snake 54 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: on safari and my said, I slapped my sister across 55 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: the face when I saw it because I was so scared. 56 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: And our safari guide was like, you're in Africa, what 57 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,680 Speaker 1: did you think was going to happen? And I said, 58 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: I I didn't think I was going to see a 59 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: snake outside my room. That's what I didn't think. So 60 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: I hit my sister across the face because that's the 61 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: reaction I have when I see a snake. I have 62 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: to hit somebody, and I hit her and then I 63 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: went to kick her and she blocked me, but then 64 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: held onto me tight because she knew that I was 65 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: having a childlike reaction to snakes, which I always do, 66 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: And it was almost like she stopped me from having 67 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 1: a seizure. Even though I don't have epilepsy, I would 68 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: like my body would involuntarily react without me. So that's 69 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,639 Speaker 1: what happened in Africa. And I was trying to hook 70 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: up with our safari guide, so that put the ki 71 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 1: bush on that as soon as he saw me so 72 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: scared of snakes, he lost all respect for me. I 73 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: saw a snake on my hike the other day where 74 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,079 Speaker 1: Freeman trail, and I shoot it off the trail. I've 75 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: a rattlesnake. No, it was not a rattlesnake, but I've 76 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: tried to have more respect for animals when I'm in 77 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: their space. So it was slithering across the little track 78 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: and then stopped, and so I took a sick and 79 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: I just tried to get it to go down the 80 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: hill because I'm I feel like you know, I mean, 81 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 1: I mean your home I'm on your territory, and normally 82 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: I would be repulsed or terrified, but I just tried 83 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: to remember, you know, he doesn't want any trouble. I 84 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: don't want any trouble. So it's just that's what I 85 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: have to remember when I see a snake. He doesn't 86 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: want any trouble. My problem is that I believe they 87 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: want trouble and that they will chase me, and that 88 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: I My friend was telling me the other day to 89 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: come to Bowen Island because her parents are there, and 90 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: then she proceeded to tell me two stories about snakes 91 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: that she found. She found one in the water. I 92 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: was like, that's it. One swimming in the water. Why 93 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: are they in the water? Water moccasins. That's why we 94 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: won't get in a lake anymore. I'm reading this book 95 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: called Atomic Habits, I think it's by his names by 96 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: James Clear and this is more about like achieving your 97 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: goals by changing your identity. And one of the things 98 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: he says is like we are in charge of the 99 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 1: perception we make for ourselves. So instead of the example 100 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: that he uses in the book is if you were 101 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 1: a smoker and someone offered you a cigarette while you 102 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: were trying to quit. Instead of saying, oh, I'm trying 103 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: to quit, you would reply with, oh, I don't smoke, 104 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 1: and so in that way, I think you just need 105 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: to retrain your brain to say I'm not afraid of 106 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 1: these snakes. Like the more you tell your self, the 107 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: more it becomes part of your identity, so that repetition 108 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,640 Speaker 1: of habit. So maybe you just need to start saying 109 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: how much you love snakes every day. Okay, I mean, 110 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: I guess I could try that, but okay, yeah, I 111 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: mean I hear what you're saying about being in their 112 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: land or on their you know, on their turf. I 113 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 1: get that that's true. Same goes for sharks. Then you 114 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: know you're in their water. And that's why I don't 115 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,120 Speaker 1: get in the water. I'm just never gonna stop swimming 116 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: in the ocean. I can't stop, won't stop. I love 117 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 1: the ocean and I love swimming, and I love sitting 118 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: with my nieces in the water, you know, on Nantucket 119 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 1: or Martha's Vineyard. This year we went to Nantucket, but 120 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 1: we usually we go to Martha's Vineyard. But I have 121 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: to say I would give them both rave reviews. And 122 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: I kind of like Nantucket a lot, which is kind 123 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: of weird because I'm such a vineyard her But I 124 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: don't know. Eventually I'm going to want to shack up 125 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: there one of those places with my family. Yeah, as 126 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,279 Speaker 1: my sister and I transition into late life lesbians, we 127 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: could probably move. We probably want to be bi coastal. 128 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: I mean, all lesbians should be by coastal, right, I think. 129 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: So it's the only way. Do you want to give 130 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,359 Speaker 1: a quick one off advice because we have a submission. 131 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: I love a one off Sure, Okay, this submission says, 132 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I have a crush on a colleague at work, 133 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to figure out how to take the 134 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 1: friendship further while remaining respectful and appropriate. Any advice would 135 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:21,559 Speaker 1: be great, Leah, what do you think? Okay? So, okay, 136 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 1: let's answer it first. As a woman, I would definitely 137 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 1: Since men can't approach you in the workplace and you 138 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: have a crush on him, it's important that you let 139 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: him know because he can't take that chance right now. 140 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 1: So what's a cute way to do that? Do you 141 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: think either a note or a text or something cute? 142 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 1: But I think it's up to you to kind of 143 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 1: just say, like, what's the most respectful way to say it? 144 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: Like I have to ask a question, how do they communicate? 145 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 1: What's their communication form? I think a safe bet is 146 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: always to do a small work gathering, so a happy 147 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: hour where it's not a ton of people, it's not 148 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: everyone in the office, but maybe like five or six people. 149 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: So that way, there's not as much pressure in the 150 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: initial interaction outside of work if you've not hung out 151 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: outside of work yet, because then you can kind of 152 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: use that as you're jumping off point to do something 153 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: just you too, you know, like, oh, how great happy 154 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: are it was? You had so much fun? Maybe you 155 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: guys would want to get dinner together sometime. So I 156 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: think that's a non invasive way maybe to approach that. 157 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: So that's a good first step. I don't know what 158 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: your work situation is like, but yeah, that's a good 159 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: thing to do because then you can kind of make 160 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: some inroads at that event where you can kind of 161 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 1: flirt a little or whatever, get the vibe going. And 162 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,560 Speaker 1: then after that, I think a little note is cute. 163 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: Who does that anymore? You know, it's cute to write 164 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: a little note, leave it on his desk, just something 165 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: that's a little flirty, like, hey, I had a great 166 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 1: time with you the other night. I would love to 167 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: go out with you alone, Like this is after that little, 168 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: you know, group activity, I would love to go out 169 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 1: with you. I would love to do it again. If 170 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: you're interested, let me know, Like that's kind of harmless 171 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: if not, no worries. I think it's nice for women 172 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: to reach out to men, especially during this time right now. 173 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: What do you think agree? I don't know what, what 174 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: more sound advice you could get. I think that women 175 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: coming into like their voice and their power in those 176 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: situations and saying this is what I'm interested in, and 177 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: that is that is hot for a woman to do, 178 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 1: To be the one to kind of take that step 179 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: and put herself out there in that way. There's no 180 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: greater feeling after you make a move like that to wait. 181 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: I love it. I mean, yeah, sometimes you don't get 182 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: the answer you want, but it's so exciting to take 183 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 1: a leap like that, Like I love reaching out to 184 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: someone who doesn't know that I'm interested in, just like 185 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: kind of putting it out there. I love it. And 186 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 1: I've been rejected doing that and I'm still fine with it. 187 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: So what if it were a man. For we're a 188 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: man who had a crush on a colleague and I 189 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 1: was trying to figure out how to take the friendship 190 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: further well remaining respectful, I think I would say to 191 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: write a note. Also, I would probably give the same advice, 192 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: but I would really emphasize his propriety and his approach 193 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,680 Speaker 1: and make sure that it doesn't feel intimidating in a 194 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 1: pro appriate. You don't have to say that to women, 195 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: but that would be what would differ from my advice 196 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 1: to a man. Yeah, as a man, you need to 197 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: be respectful of her space and that it is a 198 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: workplace for her, and you don't want to have any 199 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 1: woman on the defense at work if you're interest in 200 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 1: her is not not wanted or not reciprocated. Rather so 201 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: I think, And if you're a gay man, I would 202 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 1: my advice would be whip out your but chucky and 203 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: just let it rip. Chuck. Yeah, that's what I haven't heard. 204 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,960 Speaker 1: Oh really, but chucky, that's our that's our family word 205 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: for penis, but chucky, kaslopis and Pikachu. Oh and then 206 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: boom c is a fart. We don't say fart or 207 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: and we don't say. We say take a should you be. 208 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: If somebody has to go number two, we call it 209 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: a should be. So we have a lot of code 210 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 1: words in our family, but we all understand what they mean, 211 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: and so do all our friends. Leah, hope that solved 212 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 1: your problem. Yeah, Leah, good luck with that problem solved. 213 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: If you guys end up together, I could call us, Okay, 214 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: we're gonna take a minute and we're gonna have some 215 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: time for some ads and we'll be right back. Bert 216 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: can't see the steps for some reason from the bed, 217 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: like even though he walks down them every morning, sometimes 218 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: he doesn't remember where they are, which is in line 219 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: with his brain chemistry, because every time I come home 220 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: it feels like I have to reintroduce myself too. So 221 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: when he comes on the bed, if he doesn't see 222 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 1: the steps in the morning, I've well twice now he's 223 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: fallen off the bed. I'm surprised he survived, and it 224 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: also explains why he's very slow, because he has obviously 225 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,280 Speaker 1: several head injuries or concussions over the last few months. 226 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: But when he does fall off the bed, it is 227 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: a an alarming sound, but not alarming enough for me 228 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: to get up because I know that his fur is 229 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: patting him, and as a parent, that's really all I 230 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: can hope for or ask for. Actually, I did start 231 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 1: carrying a cabbage patch kid around the house and was 232 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: breastfeeding it to convince Bert and Bernice that I actually 233 00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,560 Speaker 1: am maternal and I am a mother because my Bell keeps. 234 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: My Bell's my housekeeper, and she keeps telling me the 235 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:06,679 Speaker 1: reason why the dogs love her so much is because 236 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 1: she is a mother, and they know that I'm barren. 237 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: So I tried to counter that with my cabbage patch 238 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 1: kid that I found, and well, I'm not producing milk. 239 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 1: But Bert as also not really paying attention because as 240 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 1: soon as my Bell leaves the house, he goes to 241 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: sleep for the night because it's like it's sucking over 242 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,439 Speaker 1: his his day is over, so he goes to sleep. 243 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,839 Speaker 1: So anything I do, that's my window to be with them. 244 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,080 Speaker 1: And they both don't want to be with me because 245 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 1: they're pissed that my Bell left, and so in that time, 246 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: whatever I do is useless because their eyes are closed anyway, 247 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: because they're so miserable because they hate me so much. 248 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm glad those two can't talk. You know, they wouldn't 249 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: have anything nice to say. No, definitely, not not to me, 250 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 1: that's for sure. I mean Bernice came up the other morning, 251 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 1: climbed up someone was there was a workman in the house. 252 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: She climbed up the little doggy steps. I'm in my 253 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: bed on my computer in my bathroom in the morning. 254 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,679 Speaker 1: She climbs up the doggy steps, walks right over to me. 255 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: I go, and I put my hand out to Petter, 256 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: and she runs in the opposite direction and runs off 257 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 1: the bed like I'm a rapist, like I've beaten her, 258 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: and runs off the bed, runs down the stairs. What 259 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: what the fund is that? Why? Team? But why is 260 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: she coming up to taunt me like that? Is she 261 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:27,560 Speaker 1: playing with me? Their emotions? I don't know. I mean 262 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,320 Speaker 1: these two dogs, honestly, the next two dogs I get, 263 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: I might not get chows. I need some a little bit. 264 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: I mean I know I will, because they're just fucking cute. 265 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,320 Speaker 1: And I love having a furry snuff leophagus in my 266 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,320 Speaker 1: bed every night, whether he wants to be there or not. 267 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: He doesn't even know what's happening, because you know, I 268 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: carry him, I carry him downstairs after he passes out 269 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: on the floor. He's like a furry slinky. His dead 270 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: weight and his dead skin. You know, I have to 271 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,960 Speaker 1: put him over my shoulder, and then I bring him 272 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: upstairs and I threw him on the bed and he 273 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: just never wakes up. Nothing, nothing will wake him up 274 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 1: once she's gone, unless he is off the bed. Bert's 275 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,160 Speaker 1: been letting me pet him, and that's been very exciting. 276 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: I know. Well, his body is such a wonderland that 277 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,880 Speaker 1: if you you know, just even touching his fur is soothing. 278 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 1: It's like almost self soothing. When I touched his body, 279 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,959 Speaker 1: it feels like your fingers can get lost in his 280 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,319 Speaker 1: like head and neck meat. Yeah, and under army we've 281 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: got two big flaps, right, and the hair is so soft. 282 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 1: I know, I love it. He's really like a teddy bear. Okay, 283 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 1: so you want to go into callers right away. Let's 284 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: just get into him, all right, Let's just get into 285 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 1: it then. All right. Well Katie out of Corona, California. 286 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 1: She's thirty one, right, Dear Chelsea, my husband just want 287 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,839 Speaker 1: to say something about your voice. It's you know, it's 288 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: very soothing. It's almost like a laxative. I used to 289 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 1: have this thing where my mom would call me when 290 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: I was like, moved to California, and as soon as 291 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: I heard her voice, I had to go to the 292 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,520 Speaker 1: bathroom because she was so relaxing that it helps, like 293 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,679 Speaker 1: just relax me. And my sister said the same thing. 294 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 1: She goes, Oh my god, that's so funny. When I 295 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 1: was at college and I talked to mom on the phone, 296 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 1: I had to go to the bathroom too, like it 297 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: just lets everything flow. Okay, I'm going to take that 298 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 1: as a compliment, so I would say that your voice 299 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: also has that effect on me, because not yet, but 300 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: I think one day I will. I can't wait for 301 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: that day. She writes, Dear Chelsea, my husband and I 302 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: recently had our first child, the first grandchild on both 303 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: sides of the family. We spent the last four years 304 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: living in Europe and just moved back to California, closer 305 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: to our families who are Trump supporters. We are not. 306 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: My husband and I are currently struggling with certain family 307 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: members who continuously make racist and insensitive comments. For example, 308 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: one family member in particular hates the Black Lives Matter 309 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: movement and all the blacks on TV now and how 310 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,680 Speaker 1: he's boycotting the NFL. Another family member will make rude 311 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: comments about illegals and all the Mexicans taking over. Needless 312 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: to say, my husband and I are tired of this 313 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: type of behavior and do not want them speaking this 314 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,400 Speaker 1: way in front of our daughter. They already think I'm 315 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: a liberal snowflake who's too sensitive, so I feel like 316 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,720 Speaker 1: no matter how I address these issues, they're going to 317 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 1: blow me off. It's such a terrible position to be in. 318 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,640 Speaker 1: But it should also be noted that in her written submission, 319 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,960 Speaker 1: she did put quotes around things like blacks and illegals 320 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: because she was directly quoting family members. Okay, Katie, what's 321 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: going on? What's what's the situation? But now that you're home, 322 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: Hi Katie, Hi, thank you for having me on. Sorry 323 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: about your parents they suck and grandparents aying you want 324 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 1: to say they're good people, right, because they would never 325 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: speak this way in public or around these groups of people. 326 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: So it's where's the disconnect of why would you speak 327 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: that way in front of my husband and I who 328 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,760 Speaker 1: don't share these same views and don't speak that way, 329 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: especially now that we have a child. I don't want 330 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: them speaking that way in front of her ever, And 331 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 1: I feel like we're not the only people going through 332 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,560 Speaker 1: this right, Like, everyone has a family member who will 333 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: make an insensitive comment, and we need to move away 334 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: from Oh, Grandpa's just being grandpa or Mom's just always 335 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: been that way, And it's how do you set those 336 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 1: boundaries with your family members and your parents who didn't 337 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: raise you to be this way. You know, we're taught 338 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: to be considerate of other be polite, respect authority, and 339 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 1: I don't know where that disconnect is now with our 340 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: parents generation in particular. So I think it's just really 341 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: hard because you love them and you want them to 342 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: have a relationship with your child, but it's also this 343 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: is not okay, and I don't want this to hurt 344 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,680 Speaker 1: our relationship, but this can't continue. So what what kind 345 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 1: of conversations have you had thus far? Have you told them? 346 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 1: Like how hateful that is, so like what they're talking about, 347 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: how hateful that is to have around your daughter to 348 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 1: talk about blacks on television and he doesn't like the 349 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: Black Lives Matter movement, Like that's hate driven. Yeah, And 350 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,480 Speaker 1: I think with my husband side of the family, I 351 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: don't feel as comfortable as with my own family. So 352 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: I just say, yeah, things are changing, you know, and 353 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: kind of leave it at that, and if my husband's 354 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: not there, I don't know what more I could really say. 355 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,600 Speaker 1: I guess having a bigger backbone and being like, hey, 356 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: that really makes me uncomfortable. It is insensitive and not 357 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 1: even sorry it makes you uncomfortable. It's that's just how 358 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 1: things are now. But with my side of the family, 359 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: I'll say, you know, like, I don't like that? Can 360 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: we please? Like? That is really mean and it's kind 361 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 1: of out of nowhere. They have no reason to feel 362 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: this way about these groups of people. See this is 363 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: bad for me because I have no tolerance for that, 364 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: And I would argue, who cares? Then you to keep 365 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: your daughter away from them, then they shouldn't be around 366 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,359 Speaker 1: that kind of hate. But I know people care about 367 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,439 Speaker 1: seeing their families and they want their families to be 368 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: involved with their children at least that's what I hear, 369 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: So I get that angle of it. I can't tell 370 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,160 Speaker 1: you how many questions we get like this. People are 371 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 1: always writing in about cutting out friends and family out 372 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: of their lives because of racism or bigotry, all of it. 373 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,879 Speaker 1: And but everybody's not a lost cause. Like if you 374 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,160 Speaker 1: can really demonstrate the hate and the harm that black 375 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 1: families have grown up with and and all BIPOC people 376 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: and all marginalized group have grown up with and the 377 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: hatred and bigotry against them, and how damaging that is. 378 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,479 Speaker 1: You know, like facts are facts. I mean, look at 379 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: how many black people were shot the week Derek Chauvin 380 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: was convicted. You know, look at what had happened. I mean, 381 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 1: it's undeniable that there is the system working against black 382 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,679 Speaker 1: people in this country, and that they're part of it. 383 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: We're all part of it, but they're actively perpetuating it. Yeah, 384 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: and to be irritated with it for no reason because 385 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: it's not actually affecting their day to day life, to 386 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: me is mind boggling. And I want our daughter to 387 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: grow up. I'm hoping that our kids generation doesn't see 388 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 1: any of these conflicts or oh, how can we help 389 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: these people? Or yeah, that's really rough that they've gone 390 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 1: through this for so long, or seeing a homeless person. 391 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 1: Instead of being like, oh, they made bad life decisions, 392 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: it's how can we help, Like let's move away from 393 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: being negative or seeing things as a negative way and 394 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: turning around is how can we help How can we 395 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: make a difference to Yeah, how can we enforce change, 396 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:45,679 Speaker 1: and how can we go with change and be supportive? Like, 397 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 1: what is your family's excuse for saying I hate all 398 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,239 Speaker 1: these black people on TV? I mean, what do you 399 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: say when they say something like that, Yeah, I mean 400 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: that recently just happened. When you said we have like 401 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: post your questions, I was like, we literally just had 402 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: that awkward situation in our home and all I said was, well, 403 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,920 Speaker 1: change is happening because it caught me so off guard 404 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: because there is no reason. We also grew up in 405 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: Orange County. We live in southern California, So let's talk 406 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: about white privilege already like this, The diverseness is not 407 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: in our community. It's not, and it makes us uncomfortable 408 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: when we're faced with it because that's not something that 409 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 1: we've dealt with. Because those people are actively being supported 410 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,280 Speaker 1: in our own community. I think it would behoove you 411 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 1: to have a really like heart to heart conversation with 412 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,120 Speaker 1: them without trying not to get emotional and just being 413 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:33,199 Speaker 1: very pragmatic and practical about it and saying this is 414 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 1: what I will accept around my child. I will not 415 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 1: instill hate into my child. I will not instill bigotry 416 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,880 Speaker 1: into my child. It's not enough to not be racist. 417 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: I'm anti racist, you know, you want to be actively 418 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: anti racist, which means having very little tolerance for people 419 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: who behave that way unless they're willing to work on it, 420 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: you know, and they obviously don't seem like they are. 421 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: So my advice to you is not coming from a mother, 422 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: it's coming from a person. I would literally threatened them 423 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: seeing their grandchild unless they actually started having healthy conversations 424 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,879 Speaker 1: about what is happening, you know, That's what I would do. 425 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 1: And that's not the right decision because I'm probably a 426 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,240 Speaker 1: lot of parents would argue because they don't want to 427 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,520 Speaker 1: take their kids away from their grand parents. But think 428 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 1: about what your parents are offering to them, you know, 429 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 1: is that relationship important to you because it's important to you, 430 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 1: or is it important to your grandchild? Well, and I 431 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 1: don't want it to get to the point where I'm 432 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 1: not comfortable leaving my child alone with them because I'm 433 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: afraid of what they're going to say when we're not 434 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: around either, right. I think it's the presentation, right, because 435 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: they think you're a liberal, a snowflake, and that you're 436 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: super sensitive and you care too much about everybody and blah, 437 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: blah blah. That's not a bad thing. It's only seems 438 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: like a snowflake thing when people are emotional about it, 439 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: right when they're when there's emotion in the conversation. So 440 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: if you could leave the emotion aside and talk about 441 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,600 Speaker 1: the practicality of like the world that your daughter is 442 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,680 Speaker 1: going to grow up in versus the world your parents 443 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: grew up in, and how she needs tools to live 444 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 1: in that world and to respec act everybody in that world. 445 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 1: They taught you to grow up respecting people, right, Like 446 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,639 Speaker 1: that's something you can bring up. Am I supposed to 447 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: teach her not to respect black people and brown people 448 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 1: or immigrants, Like there's no Christianity in that, and there's 449 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: no democracy in that. That's just not human like good 450 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: natured nous. It's just not so any discriminatory behavior, and 451 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: even saying it is not acceptable in your presence, even 452 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,479 Speaker 1: saying it, because you know, I I won't allow myself 453 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 1: to be around anybody who speaks in that way about 454 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: women or about marginalized groups. I will not be in 455 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,199 Speaker 1: that situation and not say something. And that is my 456 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 1: commitment to being anti racist, not just being against racism. 457 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: So you literally just took every thought out of my 458 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 1: head and presented it, because there is no excuse anymore 459 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: for this sort of conversation to be going on unless 460 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: the conversation is how to progress or thoughts and feelings 461 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: that you've had and you want them challenged. Like obviously 462 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 1: your family is very set in their ways on both sides, 463 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: so it's hard because you don't really have a safe 464 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: haven when you're with your extended family. You never know 465 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,600 Speaker 1: who you're going to get it from. But positioning it 466 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: as a decision you're making on behalf of your daughter 467 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: will force them to rethink how they're going to communicate 468 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,240 Speaker 1: because if that relationships mean anything to them, if that 469 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 1: relationship means anything to them, they will have to adjust. 470 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 1: And I come from the Midwest, so I'm in the 471 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,160 Speaker 1: same position as you are, where it's a very specific 472 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: mindset and thought process in regards to anyone unlike you. 473 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:42,760 Speaker 1: Any difference in someone is something that's not okay and 474 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 1: that's not embraced. So I feel for you. I mean, 475 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 1: these conversations are really fucking annoying to be having with 476 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 1: the current landscape, Like you need to get on board, 477 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: but you have to have it. You need how you 478 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 1: need to go into these things very direct and transparent 479 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,400 Speaker 1: with how you're feeling and what you're thinking. That it's 480 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: not okay, and you should show them my documentary on 481 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,920 Speaker 1: and called Hello Privileges Meet Chelsea. There's a four women 482 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: from Orange County who sound exactly like your parents, who 483 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,119 Speaker 1: were arguing with me about why they think, you know, 484 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,879 Speaker 1: it's inappropriate for black people to have any sort of 485 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: advantage at this point, like affirmative actions wrong. We shouldn't 486 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: be giving black people any sort of upper hand. And 487 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: it's like, that's actually exactly what we have to do 488 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 1: because we've had the upper hand for so many, so 489 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: many years. It doesn't matter that we weren't here during 490 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: that time, or that our ancestors were here during that time. 491 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 1: We're still benefiting from the system that is subjugating people 492 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: of color. We are still benefiting from it. So of 493 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 1: course there's something for us to do. And your work 494 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,919 Speaker 1: is with your family and your in laws. What's your 495 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: husband's stance on like the status of your relationship, Like 496 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: have you thought about withholding your grandchild from them? I mean, 497 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,199 Speaker 1: I really hope it doesn't come to that. But we 498 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 1: literally just moved back from being gone for four years too, 499 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 1: And I guess it just caught us off guard that 500 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,440 Speaker 1: it had gotten so heightened because these weren't actually conversations 501 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,600 Speaker 1: that were being had when we lived here before. And 502 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: so in my point of view two and my when 503 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: I brought that up to my husband, that just made 504 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 1: me uncomfortable with that comment. I was like, if we 505 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: were black, or we adopted a black child, or if 506 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,160 Speaker 1: our daughter had a disability, wouldn't we want them represented 507 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 1: on TV being stood up for by big groups that 508 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: could actually make a change Like that would be really 509 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: important to us and our families argumentatively if our daughter 510 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:27,679 Speaker 1: was in that situation. But because we're removed from it 511 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 1: for some reason, they think it's okay to make those comments. 512 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: And I think we're just caught off guard that there's 513 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: that big disconnective. We did grow up in church. How 514 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: is that loving people? How is that being kind or 515 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,199 Speaker 1: even just a good citizen where you're living? It's not 516 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: right right there. I mean, church is a great place 517 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: to start, because these people can hang their hat on 518 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: religion and Christianity and then discriminate against people that is 519 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 1: not godly. That is not what that religion is about. 520 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,159 Speaker 1: I've looked into it. So I think you really have 521 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 1: to have like a real come to Jesus with them 522 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,199 Speaker 1: and be like, these are the rules. Are are you 523 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: going to be able to follow them? If not, I'm 524 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,239 Speaker 1: so sorry, but I can't have my child around you, 525 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: Like I really, I I tough love in this situation, 526 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: I think is I would say to do that. They're 527 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 1: still having a hard time grasping the concept because this 528 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 1: is also something that I've seen with white people. There's 529 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,880 Speaker 1: like a missing cog somewhere that they can't quite grasp 530 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,320 Speaker 1: why you have to be anti racist that it's not 531 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,719 Speaker 1: just about keeping the comments yourself. It's about acting on 532 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: behalf of other people and like being vocal when you 533 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: see racism, and you need to remind them that there's 534 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: a very famous person in history who had the sort 535 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 1: of viewpoint and mindset about people with a difference, and 536 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: that was fucking Hitler. No one wants to be compared 537 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,600 Speaker 1: to Hitler. So the next time you hear your dad 538 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: or father in law saying something, to be like, oh 539 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 1: you know what, that sounds exactly like Hitler with the Jews, 540 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,159 Speaker 1: Like is that how you want to come across? Is 541 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,360 Speaker 1: that how you want to be represented with that sort 542 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: of mind conditioning. No, no one wants that sort of association, 543 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,919 Speaker 1: so that will really make them think. I mean also 544 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: the idea that you know, like it's just in dispute 545 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: putable to go over the statistics of how many black 546 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,520 Speaker 1: men have been shot in the back of the head 547 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 1: or in the back running away from cops who ended 548 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 1: up having no weapons on them, Like I'm sure your 549 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,719 Speaker 1: parents would be like, well, they should have just complied, 550 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,199 Speaker 1: or even if you don't comply, a officer's job is 551 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,879 Speaker 1: not to escalate the situation. It's to de escalate the situation. 552 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: So there's more proof in the putting of the statistics 553 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:27,600 Speaker 1: of what's happening disproportionately to black men being murdered by 554 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: police officers. That is the root of racism. And how 555 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,719 Speaker 1: could any man or woman not have a problem with 556 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,560 Speaker 1: kids being killed by police officers? How could you know? 557 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 1: Husband's an athlete, he runs, so when that black woman 558 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: last year got shot running in his own neighborhood, literally 559 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: brought two s my eyes because looked at my husband. 560 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, you can go running any goddamn time and 561 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: I never have to worry about you. Like, how is 562 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: that fair that citizens in their own neighborhood are not 563 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,919 Speaker 1: safe just because of the color of their skin like that. 564 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 1: It's one how is this still an issue? And it 565 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,199 Speaker 1: shouldn't be. And I don't want that to be an 566 00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: issue for our daughter ever. No, no, no, no, And 567 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,679 Speaker 1: it won't because your daughter is going going to grow 568 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: up in a completely different world. And I think people, 569 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,439 Speaker 1: you know, older people are just so stuck. They just 570 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 1: don't see the whole picture and they can't. People don't 571 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 1: like change, and Katie, that's that's the world that you 572 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,679 Speaker 1: create and maintain for her. So again, as harsh as 573 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,400 Speaker 1: it may seem like, you have to do what's right 574 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,400 Speaker 1: for your family, and if that means withholding those interactions 575 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 1: to make sure she is growing up in that space 576 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:29,000 Speaker 1: where there's inclusion, like, that's what you have to do. 577 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: It's not a position anyone wants to be in, but 578 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 1: it's your responsibility as a parent to guide her and 579 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 1: keep her safe and surrounded and with people who have 580 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: an outlook more aligned with the world that she will 581 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 1: be living in. Yeah, you should also if I don't 582 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: know if your parents would read a book about this, 583 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:55,640 Speaker 1: but probably not. But yeah, okay, so you can recommend it, well, 584 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: you should Recast by Isabel Wilkerson. That's a great book 585 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 1: for anyone to read because it really gives you a perspective, 586 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: like a thirty thousand foot perspective from so many examples 587 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: of racism, how it lives on in this country and 588 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,159 Speaker 1: what black people go through in an original way. And 589 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: it also actually compares, you know, what they did in 590 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: the American South. It shows that the Nazis and Hitler 591 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,360 Speaker 1: studied American South and what Jim Crow did during that 592 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:24,400 Speaker 1: time and all the laws that they did to separate 593 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,560 Speaker 1: and segregate black people from white people with swimming pools 594 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 1: and eating and busses, and that the Nazi studied that 595 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,879 Speaker 1: because they thought, oh America's got it. How do we 596 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 1: discriminate against Jews in this way? So they studied the 597 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: American South. So Nazis studied America and people don't know that. 598 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 1: I didn't know that until I read that book to 599 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: get a blueprint of how to discriminate. So we are 600 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: the kings of it, you know, we did it in 601 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 1: the grossest way possible. So I think that, Yeah, you 602 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: really have to get your thoughts together in a letter 603 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: or a conversation I know, I can tell that you're 604 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 1: sweet and nice and emotional, So you might want to 605 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: write a letter because as sometimes I feel like when 606 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 1: I make an argument, I just want to leave the 607 00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: emotion out of it, you know, put your facts down 608 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 1: or what you're going after, Because are you willing to 609 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,320 Speaker 1: actually take your daughter away from them and their relationships 610 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 1: with her? If if those type of conversations continue to happen, Absolutely, 611 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: because it just it's so uncomfortable and I never want 612 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: a my daughter speak that way. I would be horrified, 613 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 1: and I don't think that's fair to her to be 614 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: put in that situation either, because it is negligent today 615 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 1: to not try to change your point of view or 616 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: at least just don't speak that way. Like if I 617 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,200 Speaker 1: can't change their mind, I can't change their mind. But 618 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 1: the boundary is don't speak that way in front of 619 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: me or my daughter. Yeah, yeah, that's a good place 620 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: to start. And then once you have that agreement, you know, 621 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: I'm sure, I mean they're obviously gonna say yes, they're 622 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: not gonna be like, oh, we can't not be racist 623 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: around your daughter. But once you have that agreement, it 624 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: allows you a new platform to kind of grow from right. 625 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 1: So then you have a new understanding and that's your baseline, 626 00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: and then you can work towards little small things, you know, 627 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: acts of kindness on your your behavior can demonstrate your 628 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 1: anti racism without imploring their anti racism, right Like, you 629 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,160 Speaker 1: can't make them be anti racist, but you can show 630 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: them what you're doing to be anti racist, so that 631 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: they're seeing that demonstration over and over again. And that 632 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 1: is a way to get through to people, not necessarily 633 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: by trying to convince them, but just showing how you're 634 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: going to operate in your life from now on. Sure, 635 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: so I think that would be a good fresh start. 636 00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:31,800 Speaker 1: You have the conversation, do it with your husband, write 637 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: a letter to from both of you or an email, 638 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 1: whatever you're into, and and have it be from both 639 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: of you. You have to be a unified front for sure, 640 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 1: and you can either have the conversation or write it 641 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,080 Speaker 1: and and just say these are the rules. Let me 642 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,959 Speaker 1: know if you guys want to move forward. We love you, 643 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: we would love for you to have a part in 644 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: our daughter's life. And we've been gone for four years. 645 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,880 Speaker 1: We'd hate to miss another four. But we're not We're 646 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 1: not going to be accepting of this behavior. Yeah, that's 647 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: accepting of this behavior is a good way to that. Okay, 648 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,239 Speaker 1: and keep us most did okay, let us know how 649 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: it goes. Okay, thanks for calling, Katie. I feel for you. 650 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: I know what. Yeah, I am so glad. I don't 651 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,720 Speaker 1: have any something fucking Trump supporters in my family. I 652 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,880 Speaker 1: mean at this point, uh, don't even get me started. 653 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,840 Speaker 1: Conversation just fucking annoyed the ship out of me. Not 654 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 1: because of her, it's just like, I just don't understand 655 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: how this is still and why do you? You know, 656 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: the question debate, why are you what's your problem with it? Like? 657 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: What is the resistance to Black Lives Matter? How is 658 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: it hurting you? Like? What is it you? Well, because 659 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 1: the right perpetuates all of these conspiracy theories and all 660 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,000 Speaker 1: of these lies about oh that leads to looting, and 661 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: then everybody's you know, it's it doesn't lead to looting. 662 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,200 Speaker 1: That's like, that's not a big part of the Black 663 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,440 Speaker 1: Lives Matter movement. Those are extremists that are on the 664 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: left or who knows where they are, but those are extremists. 665 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,320 Speaker 1: That's a small percentage of people, so that you use 666 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 1: whatever excuse they want. They can say, well, why don't 667 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:55,960 Speaker 1: black black people are getting shock because they don't comply 668 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 1: with the police. Punishment for not complying with the police 669 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: isn't getting at Nobody deserves to get murdered. So like, 670 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: look at fucking Kyle Rittenhouse, that little white asshole that 671 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: went up and and he was a white guy. Nobody 672 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: shot his ass. They calmly took him into custody. I mean, 673 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,600 Speaker 1: after he killed people. I don't know how you how 674 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,840 Speaker 1: you argue the facts and the evidence in these scenarios 675 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 1: where black people are disproportionately executed. Because Republicans don't like 676 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 1: the word disproportionately, they think that doesn't make you know, 677 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: they'll argue anything they say it's not true. They have 678 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 1: no facts to back up their data, and the facts 679 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: that they do get are usually fake because the right 680 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: has all these like fake news things going on all 681 00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: the time. When they call us fake news, talk about 682 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: projecting anyway, my blood pressure is going up less anyone 683 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,200 Speaker 1: else who's dealing with us. Just to wrap that part up, 684 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 1: anyone else who's dealing with us or has to have 685 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: those conversations I've had them. If you have a racist 686 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,479 Speaker 1: family member, your only choice is to stand your ground 687 00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,720 Speaker 1: and make that decision that you will not engage. That's it. 688 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,600 Speaker 1: It's hard, but you need to do it well, not 689 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: in age or stand your ground, because standing your ground, 690 00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,560 Speaker 1: I think does mean engaging to a degree like saying 691 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: this is no longer acceptable to me, like you, this 692 00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,680 Speaker 1: is not an acceptable dialogue that we're going to have. 693 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 1: You can present Hey, you can make this change and 694 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: we will continue. And if you don't, you have to 695 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: exit those relationships that you're not going to provide you 696 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: anything beneficial. Like that sort of mindset is not okay. Yeah, well, 697 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 1: I think a lot of people really struggle with exiting 698 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: from their familial relationships. I'm for it, and see I 699 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,920 Speaker 1: don't have that issue, that's why, right, right, nor do 700 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: I so. But the thing, I mean, she did say 701 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,200 Speaker 1: she was gone for four years, so in the four 702 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 1: years when Trump was president. It's like these people were 703 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,440 Speaker 1: indoctrinated by the right wing media and these conspiracy theories. 704 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 1: I mean, seriously, what is your problem with Black Lives 705 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,040 Speaker 1: Matter people defending themselves peacefully is that they're convinced it's 706 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: not peaceful, that everything is an architect of the left, 707 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,560 Speaker 1: and you know, and over liberal people and we're allowing 708 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 1: black people to loot like they form this narrative. But 709 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 1: if they have been convinced of this ideology, then they 710 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,920 Speaker 1: can be convinced of a different like if they were 711 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,759 Speaker 1: gone for four years and they learned this exactly. So 712 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: if you're swayed like that, then you can be unswayed. 713 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:20,160 Speaker 1: I would argue, I just never give up everyone when 714 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: it comes to this topic. I don't give up on people. 715 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 1: I will send you books, I will get no response. 716 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,200 Speaker 1: If you said something that I don't like, that sexist 717 00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,799 Speaker 1: or racist, I will follow up and make sure that 718 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 1: your views are changing, and if they're not, I won't 719 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:37,120 Speaker 1: give up until you are extremely patient. I have no 720 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: patience or tolerance for it, Like I just can't have 721 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,640 Speaker 1: the conversation, but you do, and you will continue to 722 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: have that as long as you see some sort of 723 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:48,120 Speaker 1: growth or challenge to their Well. It's like what even 724 00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 1: white guys who think they're progressive aren't. They think they are, 725 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 1: but they're still sexist and they're still racist. And it's 726 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:58,080 Speaker 1: true because it's not even it's not even your fault. 727 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,120 Speaker 1: You've internalized it. You it's been passed down. Yes it's 728 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,520 Speaker 1: and it's it's been taught and you know, and we've 729 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,760 Speaker 1: been learning this our whole lives. So it's not your fault, 730 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,200 Speaker 1: but it is your fault if you don't do anything 731 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 1: to correct it and to dismantle it. And I've noticed 732 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: that too. My friend who was like, oh, it's reverse 733 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: discrimination with women, now, it's like, what, Like, that's not 734 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: the way you can think about that. We've been discriminated 735 00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 1: again since the beginning of time. So there's going to 736 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,839 Speaker 1: be a little leg room where we're going to get 737 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,439 Speaker 1: some advantages. I don't know how straight women are dealing 738 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,959 Speaker 1: with straight men. I don't know either. I mean, I'm gonna, yeah, 739 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: we've already gone over this, but obviously I'm gonna have 740 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: to start sucking women. You know, I'm in full support 741 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 1: of that. It really does turn me on when I 742 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 1: see you get so worked up over political issues and 743 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,359 Speaker 1: racism that like you will not back down like you 744 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,920 Speaker 1: and you are so impassioned by it when you're talking, 745 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,960 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, like I could listen to you speak 746 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,359 Speaker 1: on the subject, and then I think you could listen 747 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,120 Speaker 1: to me speak about a lot of things. I could 748 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,520 Speaker 1: you could read me the phone books so romantic our 749 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:02,080 Speaker 1: next mission comes from Marissa. She's from Connecticut. She's thirty. 750 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,680 Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm currently in a gray area 751 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,880 Speaker 1: with a recovering alcoholic. Last October, he got his second 752 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,279 Speaker 1: to you hy and has been clean, sponsored and in 753 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,400 Speaker 1: therapy since. I'm skepticals to remain with this person for 754 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,360 Speaker 1: fear that he may potentially relapse or, like other addicts, 755 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,520 Speaker 1: find a different addiction. We were together for ten years, 756 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,399 Speaker 1: and the d u I pushed me off the edge. 757 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: He seemed determined to stay away from alcohol, and I 758 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:30,320 Speaker 1: do still love this person. Should I walk away completely? Mersa? Marissa, 759 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 1: what's going on? How are you? I'm well, thank you? 760 00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:41,600 Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good. I like your lavender walls. Cute, 761 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:45,760 Speaker 1: thank you. This is my office in my house. Nice cute. 762 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 1: Thank you. So you've been with your guy for ten years? Yeah, 763 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 1: I mean, if you're counting right now, it's more like 764 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 1: ten and a half. Well, nobody's counting a half a 765 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,879 Speaker 1: year or so, don't worry at So, yeah, we had 766 00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 1: just celebrated our ten year anniversary last September, and a 767 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,720 Speaker 1: week after that the d o I happened. So that's 768 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: we've been in a kind of gray area ever since? 769 00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: So has it been? Was that his first dui or 770 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,880 Speaker 1: a second dui? That's that was the second dui? And 771 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 1: when was the first one? That was earlier in the relationship. 772 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,840 Speaker 1: It was either the first or second year we were dating. Okay, 773 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,960 Speaker 1: so at least he went like nine years between the two. Right, 774 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: ideally he would never get another d u I again. 775 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:32,719 Speaker 1: But right, yeah, what are the conditions of his drinking? Like, 776 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:34,080 Speaker 1: is this like he's out for a night with his 777 00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,120 Speaker 1: buddies and then just happens to getty dui? Or does 778 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,279 Speaker 1: he have a problem He has a problem. Of course, 779 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: you could make the point that any time there are consequences, 780 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 1: that means the person has a problem. But you know 781 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,319 Speaker 1: what I mean, Yeah, I mean since the night of 782 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: the second du i, he has not drunk. He recognizes 783 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,720 Speaker 1: that he does have a problem, he has taken steps 784 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:57,520 Speaker 1: to not drink, and he has a sponsor. He's in therapy. 785 00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 1: So far, so good. I mean, but our relationship prior 786 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,960 Speaker 1: to that, like a year prior, it was not well 787 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,640 Speaker 1: because he was just he had always drank, but it 788 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,920 Speaker 1: just got to the point where it was sloppy, slurring, 789 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 1: falling down the stairs, just every night, and it was 790 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: just embarrassing, like in front of his parents, two friends, families. 791 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:21,120 Speaker 1: It was just a lot to deal with. And how 792 00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 1: long has he been sober? Now? About six or seven 793 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: months now because it was last October, right, So I 794 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,400 Speaker 1: have your feelings for him changed? I mean they had, 795 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: they had changed a little bit even prior to the 796 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,400 Speaker 1: d O. I just because like with the alcohol and everything, 797 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,960 Speaker 1: I had kind of been like done. I would say, 798 00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,799 Speaker 1: I'm not really done at this point. If he could 799 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,359 Speaker 1: stay clean, if he could stay sober, then I feel 800 00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:50,759 Speaker 1: like this relationship can be successful. But I'm still skeptical 801 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,239 Speaker 1: because I mean, he's an addict, so I don't know. 802 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: Addics relapse. Addics do relapse, but addics also get clean 803 00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:00,360 Speaker 1: and stay clean, and sometimes it takes a couple chances, 804 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,920 Speaker 1: you know, And if you are willing to see it through. 805 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 1: Do you have children? I do not. Oh well there 806 00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: you go a total bonus around, so you don't have 807 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,800 Speaker 1: to deal with that and those decisions related to your children. 808 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 1: I mean that already is like a victory lapse. So 809 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: pat yourself on the back for not having any children. 810 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:18,319 Speaker 1: I am so that you don't have to tell them 811 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,720 Speaker 1: their dad got to d u I when they're older. 812 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,880 Speaker 1: But I think you should give him another chance. I 813 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,080 Speaker 1: think you your heart is in it, right, You're just 814 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:28,640 Speaker 1: you're obviously it's not a beautiful turn on to see 815 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,879 Speaker 1: somebody wasted, slurring, falling down the steps. But real love 816 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,399 Speaker 1: is kind of looking. That's not who he really is, right, 817 00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,920 Speaker 1: that's not who he is when he's wasted. Who he 818 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,480 Speaker 1: really is is a different person. And it sounds like 819 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,919 Speaker 1: he's taking all the steps that he could possibly take 820 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,440 Speaker 1: to get there, right right, Like I'm just worried, Like 821 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: if he gets a third du I, like, that's it, 822 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,239 Speaker 1: he loses his license forever. I know. But you can't 823 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,239 Speaker 1: think about if he gets a third d u I. 824 00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 1: You have to think about supporting his sobriety and being 825 00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,879 Speaker 1: there for him and him taking the steps on his own. 826 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,560 Speaker 1: You can't think about what if that's not going to be. 827 00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:07,360 Speaker 1: That's not helpful in moving forward, that's helpful and staying stuck. 828 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: So you have to think positively and move forward positively, 829 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 1: like this is it, he's well, and you take it 830 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,279 Speaker 1: one day at a time. He's going to meetings is 831 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,959 Speaker 1: the term, I know, sweetheart, to a meetings. I gotta 832 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,200 Speaker 1: do you. I once too, I had to go to 833 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:24,839 Speaker 1: a meetings for that, but you know what, I didn't 834 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,359 Speaker 1: get a fucking second, do you. I got one when 835 00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,480 Speaker 1: I was twenty one, and then I never got one 836 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:35,200 Speaker 1: again and now I have a driver. So um. So yeah, 837 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,040 Speaker 1: I think you should stick it out. It sounds like 838 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:38,879 Speaker 1: you love him and you want to stick it out, 839 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,719 Speaker 1: and you're just kind of letting that narrative of what 840 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: if control your attitude about the situation when you should 841 00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 1: flip that and you and look at all the work 842 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,759 Speaker 1: he's done in six months, and as long as he's 843 00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,320 Speaker 1: staying serious about being sober, then you should be serious 844 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,040 Speaker 1: about staying with him, right. Yeah, I'm glad to hear 845 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,160 Speaker 1: you say that. And I knew that you yourself had 846 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: just the one d U I. So I was curious 847 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,759 Speaker 1: as to what your opinion with me. Well, like, I 848 00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,640 Speaker 1: think everybody can funk up, right, they make mistakes, but yeah, 849 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:14,279 Speaker 1: making them multiple times is not hot, So you kind 850 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,040 Speaker 1: of can just you have people who change. Yeah, it's hot. 851 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 1: One can change. Yeah, And listen, you know he's only 852 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,840 Speaker 1: in six months of sobriety. If he can do this 853 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 1: for another two years, can you imagine where he's going 854 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: to be in his life, and how much more secure 855 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: and self assured he's going to be an intern, how 856 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,680 Speaker 1: secure you're going to be with the relationship once he's 857 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,919 Speaker 1: proven more time to be sober. So yeah, I mean 858 00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,319 Speaker 1: there's a lot of addicts out there, so you know, 859 00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:43,319 Speaker 1: don't hold that against him as long as he's trying. Yeah, 860 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 1: he is. And you said that he's going to a 861 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,279 Speaker 1: A and I know that they offer Alanan, which is 862 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,040 Speaker 1: for those affected by alcoholics, and I've been to a 863 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: few of those meetings and it was actually really insightful 864 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,879 Speaker 1: and helpful because it's such a process and for me 865 00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 1: my mentality, which it seems like you're kind of spice, see, 866 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:01,880 Speaker 1: and so in that moment you may be like this 867 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,920 Speaker 1: is it like the next one? We're done? And it 868 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 1: is a process, So he may fall off the wagon again, 869 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,440 Speaker 1: and it's about how he's correcting those things, Like we 870 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 1: can't hold him to never making another mistake, but how 871 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,239 Speaker 1: he's going to keep correcting those mistakes and hopefully you know, 872 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,719 Speaker 1: they say the first year is the hardest and that's 873 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,600 Speaker 1: the largest margin of error, and then after that hopefully 874 00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,320 Speaker 1: less and less and less and him having a drink 875 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,080 Speaker 1: and not getting drunk. That's not something that you want. 876 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,359 Speaker 1: But sometimes people can catch themselves in their addiction like, oh, ship, 877 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,439 Speaker 1: I really should not have done that. It broke their sobriety. 878 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,399 Speaker 1: But they know like I need to stay on track, 879 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:36,920 Speaker 1: I need to get back to a meeting, I need 880 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:38,480 Speaker 1: to do these things. So you being there to support 881 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,080 Speaker 1: him could really make a world of difference. And how 882 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:44,520 Speaker 1: he continues, you know, on his sobriety right, and this 883 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: time it is a little bit different because after the 884 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 1: first d u I, he's still drank afterwards, and now 885 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,520 Speaker 1: he has stopped, and he never once said after the 886 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,120 Speaker 1: first d u I, I'm done, I have a problem, 887 00:42:55,120 --> 00:42:57,440 Speaker 1: I'm going to stop, And now he has so well 888 00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:58,800 Speaker 1: it's almost like we need to kind of forget the 889 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,880 Speaker 1: first d Y because he was twenty years old like that, 890 00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,960 Speaker 1: you know, everyone fucks up at that age. Now at thirty, 891 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,399 Speaker 1: hopefully he's thinking like this is not how I want 892 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,600 Speaker 1: to enter my third decade, like as a sucking drunk 893 00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:11,319 Speaker 1: getting a d u I, Like, I'm not in a 894 00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 1: frat anymore, Like I need to get it together. Does 895 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:17,239 Speaker 1: he know does he sense your ambivalence a little bit? 896 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:20,360 Speaker 1: He does, and he did prior to the d U 897 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:24,000 Speaker 1: I too because his parents actually saw him on a 898 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,560 Speaker 1: sloppy day. His mom pulled me aside and asked me 899 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,520 Speaker 1: if he gets this way often? And I was like, 900 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:33,480 Speaker 1: I'm glad you saw this. Yes he does. So I mean, 901 00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,800 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think he has a great support system. 902 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:40,080 Speaker 1: I'm with him. His parents. They saw him at his 903 00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,680 Speaker 1: worst and they support him as well, and they want 904 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:45,279 Speaker 1: him to get better. I want him to get better. 905 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,520 Speaker 1: So can I ask? Was this a decision that he 906 00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,400 Speaker 1: made himself after the d U Y or was it 907 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,040 Speaker 1: an ultimatum from those around him? Did he know that 908 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 1: he wanted to be sober? He did. Yeah, he made 909 00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,200 Speaker 1: the decision himself, and I think he realized how much 910 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,239 Speaker 1: of a funk up it was because I had told 911 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:04,000 Speaker 1: him that night. I was like, I'll be I'll support you, 912 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,479 Speaker 1: but I don't want to be with you right now, 913 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,319 Speaker 1: like i'll be your friends. And we haven't really had 914 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,319 Speaker 1: too much of a together discussion since then, but we 915 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,160 Speaker 1: do still live together. It's it's kind of like business 916 00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 1: as usual around here. Well, I think you should also 917 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,680 Speaker 1: start talking to him a little bit more like about 918 00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:22,560 Speaker 1: your relationship and about the status of your relationship and say, like, 919 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,360 Speaker 1: I really do. You have to let go of the 920 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,080 Speaker 1: past a little bit, you know what I mean, and 921 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,520 Speaker 1: live in the present moment and forget about his first UI. 922 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,640 Speaker 1: Just focus on what's happening now, which is his sobriety right, 923 00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,680 Speaker 1: and you want to be there to support him, and 924 00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,319 Speaker 1: you want to reassure him that, like, you love this 925 00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:39,760 Speaker 1: part of him. You love that he's trying to stay sober. 926 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,680 Speaker 1: You love that he's making the effort, that he's got 927 00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:43,520 Speaker 1: a sponsor, and these are all the reasons why you're 928 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,320 Speaker 1: still here and that you do want to make this work. 929 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,600 Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to communicate. People need it. People need 930 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,879 Speaker 1: to be loved and hear that they're loved, especially when 931 00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,960 Speaker 1: they're going through this. You know, he's probably so scared 932 00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,480 Speaker 1: of losing you well and embracing the change in the 933 00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,279 Speaker 1: future with him rather than holding onto the past where 934 00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,239 Speaker 1: he always feels, Oh, I have to I have to 935 00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,200 Speaker 1: take accountability for it. But that doesn't allow for much 936 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,560 Speaker 1: growth when you're constantly looking back at the stakes that 937 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,440 Speaker 1: you've made. I think it's kind of about setting the 938 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,719 Speaker 1: intention for the future and what that life could look like. 939 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,680 Speaker 1: Together while he's sober, and that's going to be much 940 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:19,280 Speaker 1: more of a reason for him to continue to stay sober. Chelsea, 941 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,160 Speaker 1: when you had your d U I, did you have 942 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,560 Speaker 1: a huge support system like your friends and family? Were 943 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,880 Speaker 1: they supportive? Yeah? I mean no one took it that 944 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 1: seriously because I was so young and I was just 945 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,480 Speaker 1: a party animal, right Like, so everyone's like, oh, I 946 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:33,080 Speaker 1: can't believe it took this long for her to get 947 00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,240 Speaker 1: a d U. I like, obviously that was going to happen. 948 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,200 Speaker 1: And my d U I story was a hot mess 949 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,160 Speaker 1: because my mom had given me my sister's I D 950 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,799 Speaker 1: to get a fake I D when I moved to California, 951 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,319 Speaker 1: and my sister and my mom were both Mormon, right 952 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,320 Speaker 1: they both My mom was Morman and then she converted 953 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:51,080 Speaker 1: my sister. And so when I moved to California, I 954 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,560 Speaker 1: was nineteen and I asked my mom for Shoshanna's i 955 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:57,320 Speaker 1: D and my mom gave it to me and to 956 00:45:57,800 --> 00:45:59,759 Speaker 1: go so that I could party. My mom's like that 957 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,560 Speaker 1: and this is Chelsea, she needs to party, like go here, 958 00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:04,480 Speaker 1: like anything to get me out of New Jersey. They're like, 959 00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,000 Speaker 1: you can have whatever you want anyway. When I got 960 00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:09,600 Speaker 1: pulled over. I gave them my sister's I D so 961 00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 1: it was it turned into this entire like it turned 962 00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,520 Speaker 1: into me impersonating somebody else. So it took like a 963 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,480 Speaker 1: d Y and made it ten times worse than a 964 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:21,640 Speaker 1: d Y because I was, you know, drunk, and I 965 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:23,880 Speaker 1: called the copy racist, mean while we were both white, 966 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:28,320 Speaker 1: but he was probably racist anyway because anyway, So, yeah, 967 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,560 Speaker 1: they were supportive. I had to go to d Y 968 00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:34,240 Speaker 1: class for many, many weeks, but my family was very supportive. 969 00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:36,360 Speaker 1: My mom was actually really upset with my sister for 970 00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,640 Speaker 1: getting so upset, and when she found out I was 971 00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,680 Speaker 1: impersonating her, she filed charges, like with the FBI or something, 972 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,120 Speaker 1: and and so my family actually got mad at my sister. 973 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:49,600 Speaker 1: But that's also justin that's just our dysfunctional family and 974 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,759 Speaker 1: and the fact that I was so manipulative. But you know, 975 00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,120 Speaker 1: I never I don't do that. You know, I'm not 976 00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,120 Speaker 1: like that. And I learned my lesson, and you know, 977 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 1: it was a young time to learn my lesson, but 978 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:02,840 Speaker 1: I did. And I was like, it's not really about 979 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,120 Speaker 1: you driving drunk. It's about your putting other people, innocent 980 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,560 Speaker 1: people's lives a danger by It's not about are you okay? 981 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,320 Speaker 1: Are you okay to drive? It's like are other people 982 00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,399 Speaker 1: okay on the road? You know? And what if something 983 00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,880 Speaker 1: else happens? What if somebody has an accident and you 984 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,080 Speaker 1: don't have your wits about you and then you make 985 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,600 Speaker 1: the accident. You know, you compound that ten times. Meanwhile, 986 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,760 Speaker 1: I drive with you, so I know you're drunk driving 987 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,800 Speaker 1: is probably not really terrified, right me. Sober driving is 988 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,840 Speaker 1: pretty aggressive. So drunk driving is out of my repertoire now. 989 00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:36,760 Speaker 1: But I did learn my lesson, and I do believe 990 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:41,320 Speaker 1: people change. I know that I've changed myself, and so yeah, 991 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,640 Speaker 1: so I think we're good. I think you're gonna be okay, Merissa, 992 00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 1: and I think your relationship is going to be okay. 993 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,720 Speaker 1: I believe in him. Okay, thank you so much, Chelsea. 994 00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,359 Speaker 1: And don't forget to communicate. Talk to him about it, right, 995 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:53,760 Speaker 1: don't make it his own thing or his own burden. 996 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,920 Speaker 1: Be there with him, not like his only support. You 997 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 1: don't want to be his strongest ballast. I mean you 998 00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:02,719 Speaker 1: can be, but you want to just make sure he knows, like, yeah, 999 00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:07,080 Speaker 1: you're in this, because your tentativeness can also trigger his behavior. Right. 1000 00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,640 Speaker 1: So you just want to be open about what you're 1001 00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,840 Speaker 1: feeling and what you're thinking, even if it's sometimes unpleasant 1002 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,600 Speaker 1: to say. Just be like, I'm here, I want this 1003 00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:20,440 Speaker 1: to work. YadA, YadA, YadA. Okay, okay. I appreciate your opinion. 1004 00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,000 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. You're so welcome, Marissa, have a 1005 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:27,520 Speaker 1: great day. Thank you you as well. Bye. That sounded 1006 00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,200 Speaker 1: That sounded like he's got very sound advice. It sounds 1007 00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,440 Speaker 1: like he's going to get a ship together. I believe 1008 00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,719 Speaker 1: people get their ship together. Hopefully some people do. You know, 1009 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:39,600 Speaker 1: we'll hear about it. I'm sure. Our next mission comes 1010 00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:43,760 Speaker 1: from Marie from Ohio. She's twenty one. She's a baby. 1011 00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:47,279 Speaker 1: Oh that's cute, She writes. Dear Chelsea, me and my 1012 00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:49,200 Speaker 1: boyfriend have been together for five years and are looking 1013 00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 1: to get engaged soon. I'm twenty one and he's twenty 1014 00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,360 Speaker 1: and we are entirely ready to start our lives together, 1015 00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:57,400 Speaker 1: and this past year has tested us. We moved in 1016 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,719 Speaker 1: together despite his entire family and vising us not to 1017 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,080 Speaker 1: because of their religion. I thought it would be a 1018 00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,360 Speaker 1: good trial run to see if we work together. It 1019 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,600 Speaker 1: was one of the most eye opening experiences and He 1020 00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,400 Speaker 1: truly is my best friend. His family is not too 1021 00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:12,560 Speaker 1: keen on us looking to get engaged, but we are 1022 00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,000 Speaker 1: ready to start this next chapter of our lives. His 1023 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,520 Speaker 1: aunt sent us a Christmas card saying something along the 1024 00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,719 Speaker 1: lines of, I hope one day you're kind enough to 1025 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,080 Speaker 1: explain your thought process on why you thought it was 1026 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,440 Speaker 1: a good idea to move in together without being married. 1027 00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,480 Speaker 1: What a bit. Not only am I terrified to have 1028 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,839 Speaker 1: this conversation, but I'm terrified to tell them that him 1029 00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:34,279 Speaker 1: and I have actually sinned together. I am assuming that 1030 00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,600 Speaker 1: means head sex. How do I work my way around 1031 00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:41,160 Speaker 1: this without coming off like a bit? I love their nephew, son, cousin, 1032 00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,759 Speaker 1: and religion obviously doesn't stand in my way. But I 1033 00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,400 Speaker 1: don't want to offend anyone and then become that family 1034 00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,560 Speaker 1: member that everyone doesn't want at the Christmas party. Help me. 1035 00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:54,320 Speaker 1: I love everything you do and I'm proud of you. Hi. Hi, 1036 00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:58,759 Speaker 1: How good? How are you? I'm good? Okay, So you 1037 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:00,879 Speaker 1: moved in with your boyfriend. You guys have been together 1038 00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:04,239 Speaker 1: since you were sixteen? Mm hmm. Did you see how 1039 00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,520 Speaker 1: quickly I did that? Yeah, it's very quick, rain man, 1040 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,800 Speaker 1: And you've been with no one else since you were sixteen. Yeah, okay, 1041 00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,600 Speaker 1: and you really love him and you want to marry him. Yes, 1042 00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,520 Speaker 1: he's my best friend. He's everything that I've looked for 1043 00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:19,600 Speaker 1: in my life. And I'm sorry, someone's calling. Oh that's 1044 00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:24,440 Speaker 1: Joe KOI how annoying. Hold on, sorry about that. You're okay? 1045 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,760 Speaker 1: I love him? Oh you do. Yes, I'm Filipino too. Oh. Actually, 1046 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:33,880 Speaker 1: then he got him on the phone. Hey, Joe. Yeah, 1047 00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,279 Speaker 1: but I'm talking to somebody who's Filipino. And I said, oh, 1048 00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,239 Speaker 1: Joe Cooi's calling and she said, can you see him? Oh? No, 1049 00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:44,960 Speaker 1: here he is, say hi, Hi Hi. She said she 1050 00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:46,879 Speaker 1: was Filipino. And I was like, oh, that's Joe Koy 1051 00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:48,719 Speaker 1: so annoying. I wish you would stop calling me. And 1052 00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:50,160 Speaker 1: then she's like, oh, I love Joe Cord and I 1053 00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:57,520 Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, then I'll answer. He's so cute. 1054 00:50:57,640 --> 00:50:59,719 Speaker 1: He's my favorite. Yeah, we're doing the podcast. I have 1055 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,640 Speaker 1: to call. I have to Joe. Are you getting into drag? 1056 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:05,839 Speaker 1: Kill you? All right, we'll call you back. We'll call 1057 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,960 Speaker 1: you back, Okay, bye. He gets upset if I don't 1058 00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:10,160 Speaker 1: say I love you. At the end of the phone call. 1059 00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not your girlfriend. But I have to 1060 00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,520 Speaker 1: say it otherwise he'll call back. So okay, back to you, Marie. 1061 00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:18,960 Speaker 1: Let's talk about this. First of all, you love him, 1062 00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna be with him. I think you're way too 1063 00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:22,640 Speaker 1: young to be with someone to get married. But listen, 1064 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,520 Speaker 1: I get it. If you love somebody and your heart 1065 00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:26,040 Speaker 1: is set on it, then there's nothing you can do 1066 00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,360 Speaker 1: to change that person's mind. And I would like to 1067 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:32,120 Speaker 1: support that. So that's the thing. I've never like wanted 1068 00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,040 Speaker 1: marriage in my life, Like, I just don't. I don't 1069 00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,800 Speaker 1: think you need labels or anything. But with his family 1070 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:40,359 Speaker 1: like pushing marriage before anything, Like I can't even go 1071 00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:43,680 Speaker 1: on their family vacations without being married. I can't stay 1072 00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:46,200 Speaker 1: the night of his like his family's house without being married. 1073 00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,440 Speaker 1: Stuff like that. So that's why I'm like, Okay, so 1074 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:53,080 Speaker 1: marriages next for us, even though, like I don't like labels, 1075 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,839 Speaker 1: I think marriage is just a construct. Honestly. Yeah, Well 1076 00:51:56,880 --> 00:52:00,520 Speaker 1: I wouldn't get married for his family, right, I mean, 1077 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,759 Speaker 1: that's not the reason to get married, because his family 1078 00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,680 Speaker 1: is a bunch of right wing, radical religious assholes. You know. 1079 00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:07,880 Speaker 1: That's that's where it gets to me every time the 1080 00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:14,680 Speaker 1: religion tied to the Republicanism. It's like, really, that's that's anyway. 1081 00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,720 Speaker 1: So Brandon, what do you think? Because I can already 1082 00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:21,080 Speaker 1: feel my vagina clenching up from talking about this. I 1083 00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,440 Speaker 1: just I love that you love him so much, but this, 1084 00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:28,439 Speaker 1: I've all sisters younger than me. There's so much life 1085 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,480 Speaker 1: ahead of you, and when you're with someone from that 1086 00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,440 Speaker 1: young age, it is very easy to have tunnel vision 1087 00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:37,640 Speaker 1: on that person. And I am never someone who would 1088 00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,560 Speaker 1: want to enter someone with the idea that divorce is 1089 00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:44,680 Speaker 1: always an option. Enter someone and she's not just something 1090 00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:48,160 Speaker 1: we bring that into it. She can't even enter each 1091 00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,200 Speaker 1: other when they're at the family's house. There's a workaround 1092 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,520 Speaker 1: because they've sent together. Isn't that right? Yes, just never 1093 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,760 Speaker 1: in the presence of anyone else. So I would encourage 1094 00:52:57,800 --> 00:52:59,600 Speaker 1: you if I were giving this advice to my sister 1095 00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:02,120 Speaker 1: is to stay with him, you know, be happy for 1096 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:04,319 Speaker 1: in that relationship. You guys are both so babies, and 1097 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:05,840 Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like that because you're like, no, but 1098 00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:07,600 Speaker 1: we've been neither for five years. There's you have so 1099 00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,439 Speaker 1: much life ahead of you that you're going to change 1100 00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,839 Speaker 1: and evolve, and hopefully you can do that together, But 1101 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:16,279 Speaker 1: getting married to solve an issue with his family is 1102 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:20,200 Speaker 1: not the solution. It's possible like resentment building later, because 1103 00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,520 Speaker 1: that's almost like indoctrinating you. Right, you're adhering to their 1104 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,360 Speaker 1: rules for their system of rules, and you have your 1105 00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,480 Speaker 1: own set of rules. You're an individual. You seem like 1106 00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:32,239 Speaker 1: a smart, like sharp young lady, and based on what 1107 00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:36,359 Speaker 1: you said, the label does not make the relationship. And 1108 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,719 Speaker 1: so you can't let someone force you into a situation 1109 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,239 Speaker 1: where you feel like you have to do something. If 1110 00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:44,120 Speaker 1: your relationship is happy and healthy as it is right 1111 00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,040 Speaker 1: now as a couple, you guys should be able to 1112 00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,120 Speaker 1: find a way to keep that momentum going without the 1113 00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:51,759 Speaker 1: influence of outside sources making you feel like you need 1114 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,920 Speaker 1: to operate in a certain way. Look at Goldie Han 1115 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:57,560 Speaker 1: and Kurt Russell. Yeah, look at them together for so 1116 00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,160 Speaker 1: long and they're still boyfriend and girlfriend. I see them 1117 00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:03,120 Speaker 1: a lot, and they are they are, Yeah, they love 1118 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:06,640 Speaker 1: each other and they have a hot, fiery relationship and 1119 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,840 Speaker 1: yeah they've never been married. That's probably why they're still together. Definitely. 1120 00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,479 Speaker 1: So I would never want someone to feel like they're 1121 00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:15,759 Speaker 1: forcing you into situation or that's a situation you have 1122 00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:17,520 Speaker 1: to accept like I just look at you, and I 1123 00:54:17,520 --> 00:54:19,200 Speaker 1: just see like my little sister, and it's just not 1124 00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,600 Speaker 1: it's not okay to force women into this sort of 1125 00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:24,080 Speaker 1: position where even though you love him and I'm sure 1126 00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,120 Speaker 1: we'd be happy to be married, it's not really a 1127 00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,680 Speaker 1: choice you would make based on what you said on 1128 00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:33,640 Speaker 1: your own intention. Yeah. Yeah, And I guess you know 1129 00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,600 Speaker 1: it's up to him to figure out how he wants 1130 00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:38,160 Speaker 1: to deal with his family and family vacations. But you 1131 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,960 Speaker 1: know I would. I like tough love. That's why I 1132 00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,279 Speaker 1: like just going. Sorry, neither of us are coming then, 1133 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,000 Speaker 1: you know, like we're fucking adults. Were twenty one years 1134 00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,440 Speaker 1: old at this point, you can't. I mean, they probably 1135 00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:50,400 Speaker 1: are still thinking of you since you've been together for 1136 00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:52,879 Speaker 1: five years as little kids too. They're not seeing your 1137 00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:56,440 Speaker 1: evolution or maturity necessarily because they're so stuck in their 1138 00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,360 Speaker 1: own ideas of you. And so there's a way to 1139 00:55:00,160 --> 00:55:04,880 Speaker 1: respectfully communicate these things, that that you are adults, and 1140 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:07,200 Speaker 1: that you are finding a way to make your relationship 1141 00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:10,239 Speaker 1: work for you too, and that you don't have to 1142 00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,120 Speaker 1: answer to his aunt or his uncle or his parents anymore. 1143 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,360 Speaker 1: If you guys are financially independent from them and able 1144 00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,880 Speaker 1: to maintain your life together. That's all that matters. You 1145 00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,160 Speaker 1: don't like, they can either get on board or not. 1146 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:24,759 Speaker 1: And hopefully they want to see you happy and we'll 1147 00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,600 Speaker 1: get on board. But if not, you guys also have 1148 00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:31,680 Speaker 1: to be okay with that. Yeah, that you're a unit 1149 00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:37,040 Speaker 1: and now you guys are your own family essentially. Yeah, 1150 00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:38,799 Speaker 1: you could be like it's a package deal. You either 1151 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,439 Speaker 1: get both of us or you get none of us. 1152 00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:42,880 Speaker 1: What does he What does he think about this? What 1153 00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:47,160 Speaker 1: does he think about his family? So he just went home. 1154 00:55:47,360 --> 00:55:49,239 Speaker 1: We live like an hour and a half away from home, 1155 00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,800 Speaker 1: so we don't get to see everyone. That often sounds 1156 00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:54,839 Speaker 1: like that's a good plan, yes, And that's why things 1157 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,040 Speaker 1: have been like kind of spiraling, because I feel like 1158 00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:59,760 Speaker 1: they think everything is happening so fast, but like in reality, 1159 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:03,120 Speaker 1: we've just been like living our own lives apart from them. 1160 00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,160 Speaker 1: And then that's when we get the Christmas card from 1161 00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:08,719 Speaker 1: his aunt. But he is in the same boat I am. 1162 00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,759 Speaker 1: He's just like I hate that my family things like this. 1163 00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,600 Speaker 1: I wish they didn't think like this. I wish they 1164 00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,759 Speaker 1: took me more seriously because I think everything that we 1165 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,480 Speaker 1: do or say is just like, oh, you're a little young. 1166 00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:22,160 Speaker 1: You're a little young. You don't know much yet, you 1167 00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,520 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like kind of pushing that faith 1168 00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,600 Speaker 1: back onto him, even though from a young age she's 1169 00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:31,960 Speaker 1: shown that there's definitely a divide there. Well, but I 1170 00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,000 Speaker 1: think I feel like you're saying two different things though, 1171 00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,880 Speaker 1: Like you're saying you're too like if you take the 1172 00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,200 Speaker 1: marriage off the table, right, take that out, there's no 1173 00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:42,120 Speaker 1: reason you need to get married, especially if it's for 1174 00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:44,680 Speaker 1: his family. And you're twenty one, so like, you know, 1175 00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,000 Speaker 1: even I understand you love him and everything, but why 1176 00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:49,000 Speaker 1: not wait another five years till you're twenty five? Then 1177 00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:52,000 Speaker 1: you'll know for fucking sure. Right, there's so many things 1178 00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:53,560 Speaker 1: that haven't happened to you yet. And I know you're 1179 00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,600 Speaker 1: not interested in hearing that because you're in love, and 1180 00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:58,640 Speaker 1: I get that, But there are just so many things 1181 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:01,440 Speaker 1: that happened to our brain as we evolve as human beings. 1182 00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:04,880 Speaker 1: As girls and boys, we developed differently. Our brains developed differently. 1183 00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:07,280 Speaker 1: Our brains aren't even fully formed until we're like twenty 1184 00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:10,640 Speaker 1: six years old for boys and some girls, Like there's 1185 00:57:10,680 --> 00:57:12,759 Speaker 1: some things that aren't connected, you know, until we're in 1186 00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,960 Speaker 1: our twenties, so it's important to give yourself the time 1187 00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:21,160 Speaker 1: to not put yourself into situation like that, I believe, 1188 00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:25,360 Speaker 1: and especially not for his family. So I think there's 1189 00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,920 Speaker 1: a nice conversation you guys can have with them if 1190 00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,480 Speaker 1: you can agree to say, like this, this is the deal. 1191 00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,840 Speaker 1: We've been together a long time. If you guys can't 1192 00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,080 Speaker 1: like understand that we're together, like, you know, maybe if 1193 00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,960 Speaker 1: you take out the marriage thing or explain to them, 1194 00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:39,600 Speaker 1: like the only reason we would get married is so 1195 00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:41,880 Speaker 1: that we can sleep together at our when we're on vacation. 1196 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:46,240 Speaker 1: Is that what you guys want us to do? You know? Yeah, 1197 00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:50,880 Speaker 1: that's true. It's just it's hard too because they think 1198 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:52,680 Speaker 1: we have a lot of faith in our lives. We 1199 00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,440 Speaker 1: just have never had that conversation with them yet that 1200 00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,439 Speaker 1: we are not following their footsteps. We are not going 1201 00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:01,680 Speaker 1: to church every Sunday, we are not praying before bed. 1202 00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:05,840 Speaker 1: So I think that's another situation that makes us very uncomfortable. 1203 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:08,960 Speaker 1: Then you need to have that conversation. Though, you know, 1204 00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:12,160 Speaker 1: those uncomfortable conversations are important to have. It doesn't have 1205 00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:14,840 Speaker 1: to be cantankerous either. You know, you don't have to 1206 00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,920 Speaker 1: be yelling and screaming. You just have to say listen, like, 1207 00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:19,720 Speaker 1: the world is changing, you know. Religion isn't what it 1208 00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:21,600 Speaker 1: used to be. It's certainly not for us. We're not 1209 00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:24,520 Speaker 1: doing these things, so us having to subscribe to your 1210 00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:27,760 Speaker 1: idea of what we should be is completely an unfair 1211 00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:31,080 Speaker 1: way for us to live. Write that down. That was love, 1212 00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:35,560 Speaker 1: but that yeah, well an audio recording, so I can 1213 00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,440 Speaker 1: just listen back to it. Okay, well, listen to this 1214 00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:40,040 Speaker 1: and then write it down. Yeah, so I think that's 1215 00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,440 Speaker 1: what you should say. That's good. Actually, yeah, that was 1216 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,760 Speaker 1: very helpful. Thank you. Alright, Marie, so let us know 1217 00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:49,600 Speaker 1: what happens. Okay, I totally you've spoken to them at 1218 00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:54,240 Speaker 1: some point, I will. Okay, thank you, Okay. I really 1219 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,760 Speaker 1: like Marie. I just don't think she's got the age 1220 00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,440 Speaker 1: to get married. No, but she's gonna get married, so 1221 00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,520 Speaker 1: there's nothing you can do about it. But yeah, I 1222 00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:03,560 Speaker 1: mean twenty one getting married at twenty one? Do you 1223 00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:05,840 Speaker 1: when you look at your life and if you're not 1224 00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,880 Speaker 1: in your own life, it just seems idiotic. It is 1225 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,640 Speaker 1: like the first part of your life. There are like 1226 00:59:12,200 --> 00:59:16,680 Speaker 1: fifty parts of life. Well maybe I guess let's say twenties, 1227 00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:21,720 Speaker 1: one part, forties, another part, sixties a third part. But 1228 00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,720 Speaker 1: when people are in love, they want to be together. 1229 00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:27,160 Speaker 1: They don't see the macro, they see the micro. Yeah, 1230 00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:30,040 Speaker 1: I appreciate that. I appreciate that for her, that she's 1231 00:59:30,040 --> 00:59:32,400 Speaker 1: found someone she wants to do with. I just think 1232 00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,360 Speaker 1: of my sisters during that age, and it's just there's 1233 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:39,200 Speaker 1: so much development that happens personally between twenty one and thirty. Yeah, 1234 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,200 Speaker 1: that's true. I mean, that's that's it's hard. I have 1235 00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,280 Speaker 1: a niece that lives with her boyfriend and she's going 1236 00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,320 Speaker 1: to get married, probably before any of us are ready. 1237 00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:46,840 Speaker 1: But you know, we just have to suck it up 1238 00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,480 Speaker 1: and let people live their own lives. Although you know, 1239 00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,360 Speaker 1: if you're calling in to get advice, then we're going 1240 00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,760 Speaker 1: to hopefully help you live a different life or or 1241 00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:58,960 Speaker 1: take a step of bravery. But that whole situation is 1242 00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:02,680 Speaker 1: just you know, she's got to deal with multiple components, 1243 01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:07,320 Speaker 1: religion being the most annoying one. All right, well we 1244 01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,280 Speaker 1: have more to cover, but let's take a quick break. 1245 01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,320 Speaker 1: We're just breaking up families left and right. It's like, 1246 01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,560 Speaker 1: if you want to break up with somebody, please write 1247 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:17,800 Speaker 1: in or call us because we can help you do it. 1248 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:20,400 Speaker 1: We can help you set boundaries. Break up, you need 1249 01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:22,760 Speaker 1: to lose a family member, partner, you want to break 1250 01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,760 Speaker 1: up with your spouse, a friend, a family member. No, no, 1251 01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:29,040 Speaker 1: breakup is awful. Limits, it's our real house. I air 1252 01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:30,960 Speaker 1: on the side of really just telling everyone to go 1253 01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,720 Speaker 1: funk themselves. You're a little bit more diplomatic, although with 1254 01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,640 Speaker 1: your mother you're very harsh. I mean, I but I 1255 01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,760 Speaker 1: get it, I get it. I respect. Did you watch 1256 01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:43,480 Speaker 1: The Gypsy Rose Hulu with Patricia Arquette. Yeah, yeah, again, 1257 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:47,520 Speaker 1: that is very reminiscent of my mom, who like made 1258 01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:50,480 Speaker 1: us believe things were going on that we're not going on, 1259 01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:54,360 Speaker 1: that there were dynamics being built. I mean, she's just 1260 01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:56,600 Speaker 1: sucking nuts. I love her, I do. And that's the 1261 01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:58,560 Speaker 1: moral of the story is you can love someone from 1262 01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:00,680 Speaker 1: afar and want the best for them and not interact 1263 01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:04,960 Speaker 1: with them. A religion is just so annoying when people 1264 01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,959 Speaker 1: are so religious that they try that they expect other 1265 01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:11,320 Speaker 1: people to follow that religion. It's just like that's the 1266 01:01:11,360 --> 01:01:15,360 Speaker 1: opposite of what religion is is like loving all human beings, 1267 01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,160 Speaker 1: no matter what they believe in or what they think 1268 01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:21,480 Speaker 1: as long as they're kind and not discriminatory. Understand, I 1269 01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:26,760 Speaker 1: don't just filtered through and like people just pick what 1270 01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:29,840 Speaker 1: they want from it. Whatever is convenient to their narrative 1271 01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,400 Speaker 1: is what they'll choose. When I was in high school 1272 01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,440 Speaker 1: and the pastor who I went to church every Sunday, 1273 01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:40,280 Speaker 1: and I remember there never being any like scripture present 1274 01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:44,880 Speaker 1: or any sermon about adultery because he was constantly cheating 1275 01:01:45,080 --> 01:01:47,800 Speaker 1: on his wife. So it's like that type of ship. 1276 01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:50,520 Speaker 1: It's like, oh my god, it's just so annoying. And 1277 01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:56,800 Speaker 1: my time there's any sort of sanctimony or righteousness, self righteousness, 1278 01:01:56,840 --> 01:02:01,480 Speaker 1: it's always right, like it's always because it's like they're 1279 01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:04,480 Speaker 1: not practicing what they're preaching at all. And no, I 1280 01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:07,280 Speaker 1: just have so the straw that broke my back with religion, 1281 01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:08,960 Speaker 1: and I grew up going on mission trips, and I 1282 01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:10,800 Speaker 1: think that there is something like I like the idea 1283 01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:15,440 Speaker 1: of going to church for the fundamentals, treat your neighbor 1284 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,560 Speaker 1: how you would want to be treated. And again that's 1285 01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:20,520 Speaker 1: like what people do not practice unless it's convenient to them. 1286 01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:23,160 Speaker 1: But when we moved here, I made leave. I go 1287 01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:26,560 Speaker 1: to a church is called mosaic and it's in like 1288 01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:29,960 Speaker 1: the center of kind of like Hollywood, and it's very 1289 01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:34,680 Speaker 1: like the young group. It's quote unquote like cool and leave. 1290 01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:36,120 Speaker 1: I did not grow up in church. So he did 1291 01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:37,720 Speaker 1: not want to go, and made him go, made him 1292 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:39,520 Speaker 1: do the donation, the whole bit, and he was like 1293 01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:42,320 Speaker 1: fucking annoyed. He got home because he's like, Okay, the 1294 01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,280 Speaker 1: music was fine, Like if this is something you're really 1295 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,120 Speaker 1: serious about, like I will go with you on Sundays. 1296 01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:48,000 Speaker 1: That's nice. Yeah, it was great. I would never do 1297 01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:50,760 Speaker 1: that for a partner. He So then he started researching it. 1298 01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:55,200 Speaker 1: The pastor who does the sermons for a very diverse congregation, 1299 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:57,920 Speaker 1: so like a lot of LGBT people, a lot of 1300 01:02:57,960 --> 01:03:01,640 Speaker 1: people of color, there were some as people. There was 1301 01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:07,360 Speaker 1: listed on like Joel Olstein's Top Southern Baptists Preachers and 1302 01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,840 Speaker 1: had a sermon where he basically said that God's gift 1303 01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:15,080 Speaker 1: was aids to eliminate gay people. And I'm like, how 1304 01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,960 Speaker 1: can you be the pastor of a congregation and be, 1305 01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:22,320 Speaker 1: you know, very persistent about making a donation with gay 1306 01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,280 Speaker 1: people in the audience and then simultaneously be going and 1307 01:03:24,320 --> 01:03:26,320 Speaker 1: doing these sermons basically saying like we should all be 1308 01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:29,440 Speaker 1: wiped out. I mean, it's just it's so convoluted. Religion 1309 01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:32,200 Speaker 1: is very opportunistic, I know, I know it very it's 1310 01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,320 Speaker 1: it's it's upsetting too because it's the root of all 1311 01:03:35,200 --> 01:03:38,360 Speaker 1: it's the root of all war and discrimination. You know, 1312 01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:44,280 Speaker 1: religion persecution. It's just religious persecution, all of it. You know, 1313 01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,160 Speaker 1: it's very hard. All you want is to be loving 1314 01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:52,000 Speaker 1: and accept people and have compassion, and that can't Christianity 1315 01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:57,080 Speaker 1: cannot involve you saying you don't like the Black Lives 1316 01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:59,640 Speaker 1: Matter movement. You can't be a Christian and say that 1317 01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,640 Speaker 1: you have a problem with that. How is that Christian 1318 01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:07,200 Speaker 1: people defending themselves peacefully, protesting, peacefully saying we want to 1319 01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:10,120 Speaker 1: be treated equally. We don't feel like we're being treated equally. 1320 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,280 Speaker 1: When somebody says they don't feel like they're being treated equally, 1321 01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:16,280 Speaker 1: it's not your decision to tell them, yes, you are. Well. 1322 01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:18,160 Speaker 1: People just love to take up an opposition as well 1323 01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:20,600 Speaker 1: as what I found, when there's a cause going on, 1324 01:04:21,080 --> 01:04:23,400 Speaker 1: if it isn't inclusive to them in the way that 1325 01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:27,400 Speaker 1: it's not about them, they'll take an opposition. So because 1326 01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:29,720 Speaker 1: it's Black Lives Matter, they're just like, well, I'm white. 1327 01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:31,840 Speaker 1: I'm not including this. Well you fucking could be. You 1328 01:04:31,880 --> 01:04:35,200 Speaker 1: could be out there marching with your black and brown 1329 01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:39,240 Speaker 1: counterparts and showing support. But because it's not about you, 1330 01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:42,080 Speaker 1: you take the opposition, you take whatever stance is not 1331 01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,200 Speaker 1: what to me. I guess the black lives matter because 1332 01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:47,440 Speaker 1: of where we are is the popular movement is like 1333 01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:51,320 Speaker 1: people should be involved in being inclusive, but it's not 1334 01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:54,280 Speaker 1: everywhere in America. I have a thing with men. Sometimes 1335 01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:57,560 Speaker 1: I think men are hopeless because of the behavior they've 1336 01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,920 Speaker 1: necessar for the last five thousand years. But I have 1337 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,840 Speaker 1: a thing with women, Like I don't get how a 1338 01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:07,920 Speaker 1: woman could not a mother, someone who's a parent and 1339 01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,880 Speaker 1: a mother, ever be okay with anyone else's child being 1340 01:05:11,920 --> 01:05:15,600 Speaker 1: shot in a school or being shot by police. You know, 1341 01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:19,120 Speaker 1: I don't understand how mothers can't get behind that, like, 1342 01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:21,600 Speaker 1: oh my god, your child was stolen from you. People 1343 01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:24,280 Speaker 1: are so self involved they don't see their children in 1344 01:05:24,360 --> 01:05:28,200 Speaker 1: those other kids. They don't see that. They think that's separate, right, 1345 01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:30,400 Speaker 1: that's not their kids, Like, that's that's a non issue 1346 01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:31,840 Speaker 1: for them because it's not going to happen in they're 1347 01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:35,080 Speaker 1: all white school, Like that's they don't associate that with 1348 01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:39,360 Speaker 1: their lives. That is the other. That's not my problem 1349 01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,200 Speaker 1: when I say school shootings, I just bring that up 1350 01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:43,400 Speaker 1: because it's a Republican thing. I don't mean that's the 1351 01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,240 Speaker 1: same you know, it's not the same thing as Black 1352 01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:48,000 Speaker 1: Lives Matter, But it's two Republican things, you know, not 1353 01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:50,680 Speaker 1: having a problem with Black lives matter and thinking that 1354 01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,400 Speaker 1: it's okay for mass shootings to happen in schools all 1355 01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:55,919 Speaker 1: the time, it's okay to live in a country where 1356 01:05:55,920 --> 01:06:00,400 Speaker 1: it's essentially a war zone. That's Republican. And why we 1357 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:05,800 Speaker 1: don't have kids. That's why we're not Republicans. I'm I'm 1358 01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:08,040 Speaker 1: getting tired to I'm really going to need a margarita. 1359 01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:10,280 Speaker 1: We're getting one, So don't worry about that, sweetheart. I 1360 01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:12,280 Speaker 1: just don't want that girl to get married. Well I 1361 01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:13,800 Speaker 1: don't want her to get married either, but you know, 1362 01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:17,520 Speaker 1: like that's very difficult because I don't want a twenty 1363 01:06:17,520 --> 01:06:19,280 Speaker 1: one year old girl to get married, Like, you don't 1364 01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:21,680 Speaker 1: even know what's going to happen in ten years, Like 1365 01:06:21,720 --> 01:06:25,200 Speaker 1: what you're going to be into. You don't realize how 1366 01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:27,800 Speaker 1: young you're twenty one. I thought I fucking knew every 1367 01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, I am an adult. There is nothing anyone 1368 01:06:30,560 --> 01:06:31,640 Speaker 1: can tell me. And now I look back at that, 1369 01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I was so naive to what life 1370 01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:36,640 Speaker 1: really looks like. I still feel like a baby sometimes 1371 01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:39,200 Speaker 1: I'm thirty one. Well, twenty one, I was king. I 1372 01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,920 Speaker 1: I once keyed my ex boyfriend's car because he broke up, 1373 01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:44,280 Speaker 1: and then I got drunk, went over to his house 1374 01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,560 Speaker 1: and opened the door. I had a key to his house, 1375 01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:49,080 Speaker 1: and there was a woman in his bed, and then 1376 01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:52,240 Speaker 1: I ran out and I keyed his car. That's what 1377 01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,160 Speaker 1: I was doing when I was twenty one. You know, 1378 01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:57,080 Speaker 1: I haven't keyed somebody's car in a really long a month. 1379 01:06:58,680 --> 01:07:02,360 Speaker 1: I should keep my Bill's car, so you just have 1380 01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:04,240 Speaker 1: to buy our a new one, so it'll really just 1381 01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:10,240 Speaker 1: be another expense. Well, we covered racism, we covered religion, 1382 01:07:10,520 --> 01:07:18,240 Speaker 1: We covered yeah, yeah, wow. Heavy topics. Much heavier than 1383 01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,080 Speaker 1: I anticipated. This podcast is a little bit heavier than 1384 01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,600 Speaker 1: I had anticipated it would be. Luckily, there are personal 1385 01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:27,200 Speaker 1: stories to weave through to keep it light. But I mean, 1386 01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:30,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting this level of seriousness. But I welcome it, 1387 01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,840 Speaker 1: and I welcome a challenge, and I want to help 1388 01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,480 Speaker 1: people and I love everybody who's written in and I 1389 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,880 Speaker 1: really want to support you. So we're just gonna keep 1390 01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:41,320 Speaker 1: it moving and keep it rolling and just accept whatever 1391 01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:44,960 Speaker 1: comes our way. Also, I am on tour. My tickets 1392 01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:47,760 Speaker 1: are officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows. 1393 01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:50,400 Speaker 1: We're going to be announcing dates as we go. You 1394 01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:53,680 Speaker 1: can buy tickets a ticket master for my shows. I'll 1395 01:07:53,720 --> 01:07:56,560 Speaker 1: be playing my next big show, I'm at the Santa 1396 01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:59,840 Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there. 1397 01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:02,480 Speaker 1: And then I have all the other cities that I 1398 01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:06,400 Speaker 1: have already released and tickets are available and I can't 1399 01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:09,600 Speaker 1: fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny, So make 1400 01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:13,200 Speaker 1: sure that you bring your vaccinations and your horny nows 1401 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,840 Speaker 1: and then keep them to yourself. Please, do you or 1402 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:20,040 Speaker 1: someone you know need advice on any subject, literally anything. 1403 01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:22,920 Speaker 1: You can send your submission to Dear Chelsea Project at 1404 01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:26,320 Speaker 1: gmail dot com Aslama lacam baby