WEBVTT - The Sun Was Meant to Shine - and So Were You 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.800 Hey, ba fam, we are five years into making this 0:00:02.880 --> 0:00:05.480 podcast that we love so much called Brown Ambition, and 0:00:05.519 --> 0:00:08.440 we could not do it without you. We've gone from 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:11.960 me and Tiffany sneaking around my old office building trying 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.960 to find places to record, and thanks to you, guys, 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:19.080 we now have one hundred thousand downloads per month for 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:22.200 this little show called Brown Ambition. We would love to 0:00:22.239 --> 0:00:25.320 ask y'all for a small favor as fans of the show. Tiffany, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:26.080 what are we looking for? 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:28.200 Here's what we'd love from you, guys. 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:31.800 We already have over a thousand reviews and a five 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:34.760 star rating on iTunes, but you know it's better than 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:35.600 one thousand. 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:37.440 Reviews two thousand reviews. 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.159 If you get head on over to iTunes, go to 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.559 our Brown Ambition page, scroll on down to the bottom, 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.479 subscribe and leave us a five star rating and review. 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:51.760 So subscribe, rate review. Not too much to ask, right easyps. 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:53.960 We love you guys, and thank you so much for 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:56.560 making Brown Ambition what it is. The last five years 0:00:56.560 --> 0:01:00.000 have been amazing and it's all things to you. 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:21.280 Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black. 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.920 We're bread, and. 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:30.160 Somebody been a little jazz. Somebody watched my Rainie's black Bottom. 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:34.480 I was giving. I was giving Queen Latifa. I was 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.000 giving a little yeah, you. 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:39.440 Know, she's like one of my Queen Latifa is one 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:43.160 of my idols. You know that she's from mm hmmm, 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.840 well Norky Starringiest. But also what I love about Queen Latifah, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:48.840 the reason why she's one of my idols is because 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:52.760 I feel like she has maintained her authentic self and 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.440 has risen to like, you know, the upper echelons of 0:01:55.480 --> 0:02:00.200 her of her career while maintaining you know, Brick City, 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.080 Essex County, New Jersey. 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:03.600 You know, So I just love that. 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:07.640 Yeah, I was listening to speaking of Newark and famous people. 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.920 Whitney Houston has been coming up a lot because this 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.640 is her The anniversary of her death is around this 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.000 time of year. I remember it was around Valentine's Day? 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.600 How many years ago was it? And there was a 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:20.960 podcast that did a whole recap of her performance at 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:24.120 the super Bowl, the epic, the iconic one where she's 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:27.639 sang the national anthem and they were sort of just there, 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.160 they were giving her the shine that she deserves, and 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.200 just it just makes it sad that she never got 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:36.639 to fulfill her entire you know, fulfill what she could 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:38.840 have done if she had, you know, not gone so quickly. 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.000 But yeah, I mean I feel like Queen Latifah. What else? 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:44.960 What else is new work have going for them? Whitney 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:51.000 Corey Booker? Is that something that y'a by nature? 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:51.560 Okay? 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:53.639 I know you've got a new whole food. 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:56.200 Yeah, we do have a new foods. 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:01.320 Newark is the Newark Renaissance, and I was Newark Renaissance. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:02.640 It's exciting that you're a part of that. 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:06.040 Yeah, I know it is, honestly, Yeah, girl, how have 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:06.800 you been? 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:10.519 You know, nothing new over here, nothing new to report? 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.840 So something. So I don't know if y'all remember, but 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:16.320 I meet with my coach. 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.760 Remember I was looking for like a therapist, and then 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:22.520 I found a therapist, coach, Stephanie. No, I found a 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.919 therapist finder Stephanie who connected me. She's like, well, I 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:27.320 don't know if you need a therapist more so like 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.400 a coach. But my coach, doctor Green is also a therapist. 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:33.480 She's just not my therapist anyway, say all had to say. 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.320 I had a call with her on Friday and then 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:37.600 she gave me a really good lesson. So I just 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:39.400 wanted to share that with the Austins. We're sharing lessons, 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.000 like you know, y'all know that my new book Get 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.960 It with Money, it's available for pre order and Get 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:48.720 Good with Money dot com. And I have been nervous 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.000 to share that I would like for it to you know, 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:53.240 be a bestseller, like you know, to be on the list, 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:55.880 like you know, there's like USA Today, Washington Post, New 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.240 York Times, like I've been nervous to. 0:03:58.360 --> 0:03:59.800 Like say it. 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:02.840 And she was asking me why it's on my vision board. 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:04.480 It's been on my vision board even before I got 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:06.960 my book deal. And there was two reasons. 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.480 One, I said, I just feel felt like it was 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:10.360 maybe a little. 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:14.360 Arrogant, you know, to say like oh. And she was like, no, 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.240 that's not it. And she said, do you know what 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:20.160 arrogance is. I was like, uh, yeah, I guess and 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:25.040 she said no. Arrogance is when you are using your 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.719 quote unquote bigness to make someone else feel small, right. 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.360 And so she was like, is that what you're trying 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.359 to do when you say, hey, I would love to 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:35.440 have a New York Times bestseller? And I said no, 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.040 and she's said, well, then that's not arrogance, and I 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:39.960 was like, well, maybe this is just a lack of humility. 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:43.360 She's like, wrong again, do you know what humility is? 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.440 And I was like, hey, I guess you're gonna tell me. 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.480 And she said, true humility is really filling up just 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:52.880 the right amount of space. She was like, you know, 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:57.359 like not no less, no more. Humility is not about shrinking. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:00.800 Humility is about filling up the space a set aside 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.400 for you, you know, like just doing what it is 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:05.960 that you're created to do. She was like, we don't 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:08.640 consider the sun any less humble. The sun is meant 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:11.200 to shine, and so are you, Tiffany. I have to 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:14.600 lean into I know. I was like, I'm not gonna 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:18.400 lie every time. I'm like that tears wow, right, and 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:20.800 and so something else like I you know, there was 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:21.839 something else that she said to me. 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.279 That to me, the biggest lesson that I got away 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:24.640 from it. 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.040 And I said, I guess it's like, well, what if 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:29.440 I don't get any best sellers, what if I don't 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:30.839 sell well, what if the books? 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:32.480 You know, what if nobody cares? What if people say 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:33.080 it's terrible? 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.480 And you know, and she said, what would you feel? 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:38.480 I was like, I would feel ashamed. And she was like, 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:43.640 you know, shame is one of the most she said, 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.599 it's really one of the most terrible emotions because shame 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:50.279 is a liar. Because the thing about shame is that 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:55.560 shame tells you that you're bad, not that the action 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:58.000 that you take have taken might not have been as 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.200 good as it ought to be. You know, shame, shame, 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:05.039 Shame speaks to you as a person incorrectly, like if 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:08.240 I don't sell enough books, I'm bad. I'm a loser. 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:11.400 I not just I just didn't sell a lot of books. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:13.880 And she was like, that's why shame is so bad, 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:16.560 because it truly eats away and all the things that 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.000 are good about you, because it'll have you believing that 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.200 there's something wrong with you because of some sort of 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:25.400 action that was externally taken, you know. And she said, 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.159 you know, there's really one, only one antidote to shame, 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:30.640 and I'm sharing this whether you're thinking about your finances, 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:34.120 whether you're thinking about your goals, whatever it is, especially 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.440 us as women, we struggle with this. She said, the 0:06:36.480 --> 0:06:40.120 only antidote to shame is voice. And it like hit 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:42.760 me like a ton of bricks, and she was like, 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:46.600 in sharing whatever it is that you're afraid of, that 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:50.200 you're ashamed of. When you give voice to it, you 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:53.960 literally you render shame useless. 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:56.720 So I'm afraid, you. 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:58.400 Know, I use my credit card too much and my 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:02.719 bill is too high, you know, Oh my gosh, you know, 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:04.040 like I think I'm going to lose my house to 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:07.480 foreclosure because during the pandemic, you know, I was furlough 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:09.200 and I can't I can't afford I can't afford the 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:12.480 mortgage anymore. Tell your father, tell your sister, not that 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:14.960 they're going to give you money, but to release the 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:19.120 shame of it. Because shame is keeping you from solutions. 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:24.200 It's keeping you shamed. Like it thrives off of you hiding, 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:28.960 It thrives off of you being alone, It thrives off 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:29.720 of silence. 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:32.720 And so when she said that that. 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.800 Like, you know, shame, the antidote to shame is voice, 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:39.000 I was just like wow, because honestly, we've sold like 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.040 thousands of copies already. But the first day there was 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:45.760 a glitch in the system and they told us that 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:47.680 we only sold like a few hundred copies, and I 0:07:47.720 --> 0:07:50.840 was like, wait, what. I couldn't believe because it's been 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.560 so we had worked so hard, and honestly, I felt 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.120 so much shame. Mandy. I was like, I mean, I 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:58.720 was like, a superman doesn't ever really, I'm even though 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.000 it's surprising, I'm I'm pretty much a cry baby, but 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:02.080 he doesn't see me cry much. 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:04.040 He didn't know what to do. He was like, wait, 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:08.520 are you gonna cry? I was like, He's like, do 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:09.400 you want some tea? 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.360 I was like, what are you doing? 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:14.560 I guess I normally cry by myself. I was like, 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.200 has he not seen me cry? I'm like, well, I 0:08:16.200 --> 0:08:19.120 guess I don't. Really I was thinking, I'm like, you know, 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.560 I guess I do cry by myself. I guess, but 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:25.480 I was so ashamed. It was like my worst fear 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:28.960 confirmed that I could put in hard work and it 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.600 come to nothing. And she was like, and what happened? 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:33.360 I was like, I don't know. I just felt a shamed. 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:36.160 She's like, but did you basically, but did you die? 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:37.480 And you know? 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.800 And I didn't. And then she's like again, then what happened? 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:43.680 And I said, well, then you know, I called, like, 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:45.520 you know, my best friend and I told her and 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:46.440 I called my other best friend. 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.280 I told him. She said okay, and she said no, 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:48.840 what happened? 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.280 Did they judge you? And I said no. She was like, 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.040 did they comfort you? He said yes, And she's like, 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:54.960 then what else? And I was like, well, then I 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:56.800 started to put together a plan of what we can 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:59.480 do to, let you know, to make the next day better. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:00.960 And she's like, and did you put in the plan? 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:03.160 I said, yes, you know, I've reached out. I wasn't 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:05.320 going to tell my team. I was afraid that they would, 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:08.560 you know, that they would look at me differently. But 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:12.680 they didn't. And she said, so so so thankfully that 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:16.800 number ended up being incorrect. But what if your worst 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:19.800 fear does come to light? Can you not lean into 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.400 those solutions telling people that you trust, think about a 0:09:23.400 --> 0:09:23.960 plan of action? 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:25.319 She said, one feeling it? 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:30.600 There's nothing wrong with feeling like disappointing, disappointed. So can't 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:36.000 you lean into those action steps feeling the disappointment, telling 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.080 people that you trust and that love you, that are 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:40.200 going to give you the support, the emotional support that 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:44.240 you need, thinking about solutions, and then getting the folks 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.680 around you that would help in those solutions and working 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:50.079 the plan. Can't that always be how you manage when 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:51.000 things like this happen. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:55.800 I was like, I guess, so it's really. 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:59.920 Good and I just felt I feel deeply. I mean, 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:04.440 I've shame is it is so toxic? And you're yeah, 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.839 And I've never heard it articulated in that way except 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.480 for maybe Brene Brown. You know, she's become really ubiquitous, 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.800 but she's given a Ted doc on shame. And but 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:18.480 that particular like phrasing that the antidote to shame is voice, 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.959 It's so true. I mean in this Yes, immediately when 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.160 you were talking, I started to think about the women 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:27.520 in my life who've felt ashamed of, you know, being harassed, 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:30.760 sexually harassed at the office or in their personal lives, 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:33.800 and they didn't want to say anything or even listening to. 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:38.480 I don't know if you guys did tune into AOC's 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:42.920 ninety minute Instagram live where she recounted what happened to 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.640 her during the riot from her perspective. But part of 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:50.680 her story was part of her was the reason she 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.520 was even telling it because she wasn't you know, she 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.959 wasn't hurt physically, although it was extremely you know, she 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:59.640 thought she was going to die several times because she's 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:03.439 aos and literally people there are people who would like 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:08.160 to see her gone, but her sharing her story. She said, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.200 I thought my story was too small. I thought that 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:12.440 it didn't matter, and I thought I felt ashamed that 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.839 if I said it, that maybe it would be used 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.360 as a weapon against me by conservative media and all 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:19.760 that kind of stuff. But she was like, I'm gonna 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:23.000 tell the story anyway, because it's really to encourage other 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:27.719 people who've been through something small large. Who knows saying it. 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:31.480 It is to her to release her It's yes, yes, honestly. 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:33.400 One of the reasons why, like I don't do it 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:35.640 as much, but one of the reason I used to 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:39.199 I shared, like my my struggle with fertility is because 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:42.480 of that, because I don't know any woman that wants 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:44.439 to have a child, that is having trouble having a 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.240 child that doesn't feel shame about it. Because you're told 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.439 your whole life, since you were you know, since you 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:52.480 get your first period, better be careful, don't want to 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:55.520 get pregnant, because the assumption is if you're a woman 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.199 and you have a period, pregnancy is a is a given. 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.640 It's like dum a default for your. 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.600 Body, right, and then you know, all throughout like high 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:08.319 school and college unless you found someone you're like every 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:10.600 month you're like, oh, not pregnant this month, Oh thank goodness, 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:14.719 you know, and then you try the thing that your 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:16.880 body is supposed to do, default the thing that you've 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:21.520 literally seen fourteen year olds do women who are you know, 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:26.400 addicted to substance, substances that should have destroyed their inside, 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:31.760 like like women who work in the harshest environments, I 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.920 mean every type of extreme, you know, and in between 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.400 you see women getting pregnant left and right, left and right, left, right, 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:39.600 and you're like, what's wrong with me? 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:41.480 So there's a shame in that. 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:44.160 But I the reason why I share, That's why that lady, 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.160 I mean, I made a joke of it, but and 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:47.640 I know she didn't intend it, like the woman who 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:49.960 say I'm tired of hearing about Tifney's uterus. You know, 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:51.880 you know I made a joke of it because, like 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.800 I know, obviously she didn't say it to be I mean, 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.079 she was being mean, but she didn't say it to 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.240 the depth of like which I felt it. 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.760 But I shared it. And I share that because I 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:03.520 do feel. 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:05.600 Shame around it, and the only way to let go 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.040 of that is to share, because I know in so 0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.360 sharing you guys hit up my inbox like crazy, like 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.040 me too, girl, this is what I did, or this 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:16.559 is how I fell or I still don't have a 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:20.320 kid yet. You know that, like shame, I just that's 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.520 what I wanted to give that gift of. Like, if 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:27.080 you're feeling shame around a thing, whether it's not wanting 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:28.240 to admit that you want to be on a New 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:31.880 York Times bestsellers list, or it's you know, somebody raped 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:35.079 me and I never told anyone that. Really, the only 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:38.079 way that you're going to start to release yourself and 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:41.040 free yourself from that shame is to give voice to it. However, 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:44.080 voice looks like to you, voice just means speaking about 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:46.560 it in a safe place where you're going to get 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:48.320 the support and encouragement that you need. 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:50.680 I feel like I just need a paper fan to 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.160 fan my face. I'm just like I'm doing that Baptist 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:57.000 church lady like rocking back and forth like m appreac on. 0:13:57.640 --> 0:14:02.160 Yeah listen, y'all, I do deep have deep Southern Baptist roots. 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:05.000 But anyway, uh so that's the show. I mean, I 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.080 don't know what else you guys could need from us today, 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:11.360 because I feel like we just gave you everything that. 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:13.560 You need, everything I happened to be. 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:16.160 I know. No, that's I'm really glad. And to bring 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:18.920 it back to finance in brown ambition, women can feel 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:22.800 ashamed of being ambitious and also the first step toward 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.800 financial wealth and well being for a lot of people 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:27.960 who don't come from a place of privilege and already 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:31.840 had some kind of foundation, is one being vulnerable enough 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.040 to say I do not know this, I need to ask, 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.320 I need to ask questions and or if you've had 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.200 struggles in the past, here's where I'm at today. And 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:43.880 I have been coaching two people in my family who 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.160 who in the past couple of and I've been I've 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.720 been working on these people for years to like, you know, hey, 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:50.520 every want to talk. I don't want to be intimidating, 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:52.520 but I'm like, I can tell that you want to say. 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:55.120 They're the people who like they reached out and they're like, hey, 0:14:55.160 --> 0:14:56.880 I'm going to text you or can we talk? And 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:59.480 then they never text and never call, and it'll happen 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:01.200 like once a year, and then finally you have the 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.680 conversation and you realize you know what the and you 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.480 hear it in their voice when they have, when they 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:12.280 have shared the truth of their situation. And the first 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:15.640 thing I usually say is You're gonna be fine. This 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:18.920 is okay, this isn't that bad. You can fix this 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:23.200 or it's not about always fixing. It's like, you can 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:25.640 get there. You know, you can get to this dream, 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:27.920 you can get to this, you can achieve this, you 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.400 can think bigger. You just need to know a few 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:34.440 you know, a few little stepping stones. And it's it's 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.960 really impactful and powerful financially just to open up and 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:41.080 to yeah, to share with other people and you don't 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.000 even know. It could be sending in a question to 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:46.480 Brown ambition or you know, or just talking to a 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.640 girlfriend or to an actual financial planner. But I don't 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:52.520 think if you if you choose carefully who you talk to, 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:55.120 you know, choose people that you trust and who love 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.080 you, you're never gonna be better or worse off. I think 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:02.680 from having that kind of conversation and I and yeah, 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:05.280 I truly do feel like that is and you've probably 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.200 seen this a millionfold through your work through the budget NESTA. 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:11.680 But getting over that initial hump of the shame and 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:15.000 the sense of embarrassment over what they where they It's 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:17.400 always the shoulds right where you think you should be 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:19.960 but you aren't. Well you think you should be doing 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:21.920 what you can't. Well, you think you should know, but 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:24.960 you don't know. It's all it's all tied to shame. 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:28.880 And yeah, it's it's almost you know, as a as 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:31.200 you know in my title chief Consumer Advocate, it's like, 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.520 what is that? Well, really, I feel like I am 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:37.680 someone who's going to help people get over that home, 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:39.960 you know, get over that sense of shame and to 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:43.240 unlock potential they never knew they had, you know, because 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:44.800 they can feel like they have someone they can talk 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.160 to who relates to them and all that. And yeah, 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:52.200 I financial shame. I'm trying to think of, like I 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:53.520 feel like you should do it technique. 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:55.600 Maybe sometimes I'm so opposed to some of you know, 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:58.480 some of y'all thieves who peddle the shame. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:01.040 I mean, like we're not going. 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:04.280 To say any names, but you know, just because it's 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.960 enough of that, Like you know, that's why you know here, 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.919 you know, we talk about we try to make the 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:13.000 financial advice. We never try to shame y'all of the 0:17:13.080 --> 0:17:15.960 choices that you've made, because honestly, We've made those choices 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:19.240 times ten. And this is supposed to be a safe 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.240 space so you can lean in and ask your questions 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.919 about finance and business and career and everything adjacent, because 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:27.399 there's enough shame out there. And honestly, we're already good 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.399 at shaming ourselves. We don't need anybody's help. 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:34.280 I'm saying right. And I think I saw this quote recently, 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:36.640 just to like round this out, And you said choices. 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:39.879 There was someone who said, you know, you didn't. You 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.880 didn't make good choices. You had good choices to make. 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:45.800 And I think that's a real definition of privilege. I 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:47.400 need to figure out where I saw that. It must 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:50.040 have been somewhere on Insta. Yeah, you didn't you didn't 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:52.760 have good choice, or you didn't make good choices. Your 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:55.080 choices were good in the first place, And that's privilege. 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:58.600 And I think being black women, Tiffany, we get it 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:00.399 in the sense that and I was all always so 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:03.840 sensitive to that when I was editing content or writing content, 0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:07.199 you know, for a general audience, not to be not 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:11.080 to be dismissive or not to be what's the word like, 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:13.560 condescending to people. Why did you do that choice? You 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:15.439 never should have done that in the first place. I 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:17.280 get it. You know, when you are black in this 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:20.240 country or your minority in this country, often you may 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:22.439 not it's either the payday loan or it's taking an 0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:25.240 advance in your credit card. Okay, So okay, I don't 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.520 have the emergency fund. Yeah, so skip that piece of 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:29.720 your useless you know, top ten list of what to 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.680 do to to to start saving. You know, I don't 0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:34.800 have those things. So I have these choices. They're all 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:37.320 bad choices. So which is the least worse and how 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.000 can I better prepare for next time? And that is 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:43.040 the perspective that and that is Yes, that is perspective, 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:46.280 and that's why there will always be That's why I think, Tiffany, 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:48.320 you belong on the best seller's list, you belong up 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:50.879 there with everybody else because you know your voice and 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:54.200 your perspective, and you're you're the way that you're tuned 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:58.080 into your community and your audience is needed. And that's 0:18:58.080 --> 0:19:00.439 also why I think there's that's why I more than 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.360 willing to step up into this new role because it's 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.960 there's space and there's need for more financial empathy. 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:11.679 More Yes that note, I think we should take a 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:13.360 whosan a break. Everybody, take a deep breath. 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:55.600 Then we'll be back after these important messages, and. 0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:59.000 We're back for questions. You know, this is my favorite 0:19:59.000 --> 0:19:59.400 part of the. 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:02.080 Show because you can ask us any kind of question 0:20:02.160 --> 0:20:07.920