Speaker 1: Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day dred minutes
Speaker 1: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 1: of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot
Speaker 1: takes break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with
Speaker 1: Ben Maller starts right now in the air everywhere Another
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour with Ben Mallard and Danny g Radio, and
Speaker 1: you are in for the drama or rama van break here.
Speaker 1: Now that is the mail bag. Oh my god, let's go.
Speaker 1: Oh it's so excited. Everyone loves the mail bag. The
Speaker 1: crowd goes wild. These are actual letters from actual listeners
Speaker 1: to the show. We can't start the mail bag without
Speaker 1: a tribute to our friend, Ohio. Al it's bag, all right,
Speaker 1: thank you for that, Ohio. The kids like that pretty good.
Speaker 1: That's pretty good. Let's go right to the mail bag.
Speaker 1: I got mail, Yeah, I got mail. Yea. These are
Speaker 1: actual letters by actual listeners to the podcast and the
Speaker 1: radio show. And I want to thank the members of
Speaker 1: the mallamsh I assume these are members of the Malam motion.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's bots. But I put my email on Facebook,
Speaker 1: the fifth Hour, Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com,
Speaker 1: Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com. I put that
Speaker 1: on Facebook every week and I have been signed up.
Speaker 1: My email has been used for all kinds of insurance is.
Speaker 1: People have signed me up for different things on the internet.
Speaker 1: I have some. I got an email from a parking
Speaker 1: company in Toronto that my parking space is available, but
Speaker 1: I have to pay my bill. I've never been to Toronto.
Speaker 1: I don't have a parking place, but I'm honored that people.
Speaker 1: Either people are doing this or some kind of advanced
Speaker 1: AI is using my email address and signing me up
Speaker 1: for random shit. So I thank you for that. I appreciate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: big fat waste of time. You have to go through
Speaker 1: the inbox and hit spam spam. Yeah, yeah, every week.
Speaker 1: It's a stack of these things. So the first letter
Speaker 1: we get is from Pierre from Parts Unknown, formerly in Springfield,
Speaker 1: just down the street from the Pro Basketball of Fame
Speaker 1: where Mufett McGraw resides. But Pierre is in a dust
Speaker 1: up with fur Dog. Pierre says, been with the chatter
Speaker 1: last week that you cut the guest list short for
Speaker 1: the Halloween party. How in the hell did the ungrateful
Speaker 1: elitist make the cut? Let me guess who am I?
Speaker 1: I was Rob Parker's plus one for Mallard's inaugural Halloween party,
Speaker 1: and I can't believe that I flew back here for
Speaker 1: some cold Domino's pizza and Kirkland brand alcohol. Well, that
Speaker 1: sounds like I don't did he post that on social media?
Speaker 1: The man wearing this dress. I I don't know if
Speaker 1: he did or not, but that sounds like something that
Speaker 1: that he would do. Uh, it was clearly an oversight.
Speaker 1: It was a mistake, Pierre. It will not happen again. Wrong,
Speaker 1: it will not happen again. Mr West of the four
Speaker 1: oh five. Well, even if I have to go and
Speaker 1: do the unthinkable and invite Goldilocks, Uh, we're too far?
Speaker 1: Is that too? That's a bridge too far? Danny Daddy, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't. Yeah, that's a that's a tough one. Because
Speaker 1: he I don't know, he can't. He can't act on
Speaker 1: his good behavior, So I don't know if I can't
Speaker 1: really invite the guy. All right, come back, pat judge,
Speaker 1: it's from call. Well, this is a very important letters
Speaker 1: postmarked international from Australia. Ozzy was from Western Australia rights
Speaker 1: and he says, good day mate, Big Ben and the
Speaker 1: smooth talking Danny g I gave you a call during
Speaker 1: the week and I played it back for the misses
Speaker 1: from the podcast, and she thought it was really cool,
Speaker 1: but then felt sort of bad for me, as she
Speaker 1: reckons you couldn't quite understand me. So, Ozzy was his question.
Speaker 1: Without trying to be racist, he says, have you ever
Speaker 1: had trouble understanding people from other countries? No, No, Ozzy,
Speaker 1: was I understood you complete? I did. There was a
Speaker 1: slight delay at the beginning of the call. So I'm
Speaker 1: a schmuck, I'm a I'm a mama Luke. So let
Speaker 1: the mrs know what I was doing with stick a lot,
Speaker 1: like any time I see an opportunity. I thought you
Speaker 1: could not hear what we were doing, and so I
Speaker 1: was doing the old hey you want to get on
Speaker 1: the air bit. But you then real eyes that you
Speaker 1: could hear us, and whatever connection issues that we had
Speaker 1: went away, and no, I understood. In fact, I told
Speaker 1: my my wife about your call. I said, Hey, the
Speaker 1: guy that got attacked by the kangaroo, Ozzy was I
Speaker 1: I told her that he called the show and she
Speaker 1: was like, oh man, she loved the information you gave
Speaker 1: about the kangaroos. I don't know much about kangaroos other
Speaker 1: than I've seen them on a few TV shows and
Speaker 1: movies over the years, but I've never seen one in person.
Speaker 1: And all that. And so Ozzy was said on the
Speaker 1: radio show this week Danny that unlike you know how
Speaker 1: deer freezes and the headlights, that phrase deer in the
Speaker 1: headlights because the dear old freeze on a country road
Speaker 1: when they see cars, Well, a kangaroo, according to Ozzy
Speaker 1: was there the opposite. They will run at a light
Speaker 1: like the cars drive by and they run. They run
Speaker 1: after the light. Yeah, not the brightest move. And behind
Speaker 1: the car. Well yeah, they're behind it and they're getting
Speaker 1: a lot of work out in, you know, getting their
Speaker 1: exercise in. But Ozzy was was listening to our show
Speaker 1: in Australia and his car got destroyed by a kangaroo.
Speaker 1: Kangaroo came over there in Western Australia just ripped the
Speaker 1: car up. So no, I loved your call, as he was,
Speaker 1: I hope it doesn't cost you too much money. I'd
Speaker 1: love to talk to you again. And I'll make sure
Speaker 1: that goes smoother next time. I'm gonna blame the Cooper loop,
Speaker 1: is what I'm gonna do. It's clearly his fault. There
Speaker 1: was a connection issue, and I'm blaming him. I wish
Speaker 1: I could pull off those suits, all right. Next up
Speaker 1: we have Kevin in Kansas. He says, Dear Ben and
Speaker 1: Danny G. I know a guy who has a tattoo
Speaker 1: of a wedding ring on his ring finger. Ben, given
Speaker 1: your lost ring or deal, and Danny G with a
Speaker 1: possible nuptial in the offing, would either of you consider
Speaker 1: this possibility? Alright? So I got a new ring, so
Speaker 1: I'm good on that. And I also got these because
Speaker 1: of our friend in Denver. I got these rubber eysed
Speaker 1: rings that I wear when I go to the beach. Now,
Speaker 1: so my goal is to if as long as I
Speaker 1: remember and remember to change out the ring, I don't
Speaker 1: think I'll worry about losing my wedding ring again, because
Speaker 1: any situation where I may lose the ring, I'll just
Speaker 1: wear one of these sheep you know, rubber rings that
Speaker 1: I got like ten of them for like five bucks
Speaker 1: off Amazon. So there's that. But what about you Dannity,
Speaker 1: you are getting close to the big day. It's coming
Speaker 1: up here before you know it. Well, as you know, Ben,
Speaker 1: I'm against tattoos. Yes, that's your religion. But would you
Speaker 1: have you have you already bought a ring? Ring? Ring? Ring?
Speaker 1: Or yeah? The well my Cleopatra bought me one. That's
Speaker 1: the least she could do. As you know, the girl's
Speaker 1: ring is about four paychecks and the men's ring is
Speaker 1: uh not even not even a quarter of a paycheck. Well,
Speaker 1: why is there such a big difference, by the way, Ben,
Speaker 1: Why is the girl's ring so fancy and so expensive
Speaker 1: and the guy's ring is so drab and cheap? Well,
Speaker 1: it really sexism. And I think women should demand to
Speaker 1: get the same quality ring the men get, as opposed
Speaker 1: to the men demanding the ring the women get. And
Speaker 1: it's a it is one of those things in life.
Speaker 1: So much has changed, but it's one of those things, Danny,
Speaker 1: that's like in his own time warp. And I blame
Speaker 1: the people that run jewelry stores, right, They're the they're
Speaker 1: the ones holding onto this so like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you gotta you gotta spend x amount of money. And
Speaker 1: if you don't do that, you're a schmuck, and you're
Speaker 1: a loser and a mom, a luke and and all that. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do like the one I picked out, But I
Speaker 1: told my TENDERNI I was like, why couldn't yours have
Speaker 1: been this price? This My monthly payment for her ring
Speaker 1: cost more than my ring complete. Yeah, well that's and
Speaker 1: this is a preview of future engagements there, Danny, so
Speaker 1: be prepared. This is part of the part of the
Speaker 1: gig here you have to look forward to. But it's
Speaker 1: it'll all work out. Let's see here, all right. Next
Speaker 1: up we have Nick in Wisconsin, he says, Benn and Danny.
Speaker 1: Two part question, any wild animal in the world, which
Speaker 1: one would you be or are you most scared of seeing?
Speaker 1: And which do you think you could take on in
Speaker 1: a fight? Yeah, so wild animal you think you can
Speaker 1: beat in a fight will have to be something kind
Speaker 1: of on the small side. One of those um in
Speaker 1: the serengetti, you know those small they're like small cats.
Speaker 1: That's a plump pussy right there. What what do they they?
Speaker 1: They do travel in packs, though, but I think I
Speaker 1: could take them down. I forget the name of them.
Speaker 1: Don't do a lost cap magnet pencil next, which doesn't
Speaker 1: really help right now, Nick, And then which wild animal
Speaker 1: would I like. I'd like to see the Komodo dragon.
Speaker 1: To me, that's a dinosaur them in the crocod aisle,
Speaker 1: So I'd like to see that. As far as scared,
Speaker 1: I think any wild animal that's within five ft of
Speaker 1: you or ten ft of you is a scary proposition.
Speaker 1: Like I've heard horror stories about every even for like buffalo.
Speaker 1: I had a buddy of mine was trying to get
Speaker 1: a buffalo, an actual live buffalo, for a radio bit
Speaker 1: that he was doing, and he was told by the
Speaker 1: people that keep the buffalo that they're very angry animals
Speaker 1: and they don't like to be around people. So, which
Speaker 1: is I thought was amusing because doesn't Colorado football and
Speaker 1: Boulder don't they have like live buffalo that run out
Speaker 1: in the field and and all that. But anyways, I
Speaker 1: guess they were blinders or whatever. So he was he
Speaker 1: was telling me that, But uh, scared to see about
Speaker 1: like a lion, lion, even an alligator, like a big
Speaker 1: eight hundred pound gator, yeah found for a hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty years. Yeah, something like that, that would be bad.
Speaker 1: What about you, Danny? Uh, let's see the animal I
Speaker 1: would like to beat up. Let's go with a hyena,
Speaker 1: because when we were kids watching The Lion King, remember
Speaker 1: how annoying the hyenas were. I think the hyena was
Speaker 1: what I was thinking of, but I couldn't come up
Speaker 1: with the name. So really, okay, so we agree on that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I think we could take a hyena. They're not
Speaker 1: that big, right, we could take down a hyena. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like a medium sized animal. We could take that there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: or take them out with bad jokes too. They wouldn't
Speaker 1: be laughing at all. Oh, that isn't funny. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: then let's see as far as being scared of an animal,
Speaker 1: I guess a grizzly bear or yeah, like a huge
Speaker 1: grizzly coming after you, because what about a brown bear? Yeah,
Speaker 1: not as much as grizzly. I think I saw a
Speaker 1: grizzly standing up because those things are fast and they
Speaker 1: could rip you apart. What was that story? If you
Speaker 1: ever do the animal Thunderdome, this could be in this
Speaker 1: in the show. This kind of story. There was a
Speaker 1: grandmother somewhere like in the Philippines or someone that was
Speaker 1: eating they found her body in some kind of like
Speaker 1: a not a lizard, but it was like a snake
Speaker 1: or something like a huge python? Right was it a python? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So what a way to go out python food? Poor grandma?
Speaker 1: She I mean, what are we doing here? I mean, like,
Speaker 1: how does that happen? Does she falls she's sleeping in
Speaker 1: the python eight? Or while she was sleeping did she
Speaker 1: fall down? Did she know what was happening? Like, there's
Speaker 1: so many questions you want to know about. I love man.
Speaker 1: That's one of the reasons I love the Thunderdome because
Speaker 1: you have to do some investigative reporting to find out
Speaker 1: how did this fucking happen? And there's so many questions. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that would be a good one to get somebody on
Speaker 1: from the local law enforcement or somebody that would have
Speaker 1: inside information. No, I'm moving on. You've got males. We
Speaker 1: do have mail Berry from Nashville Rights and he says,
Speaker 1: yo yo mob. Benny Berry says in Gascon, who has
Speaker 1: been gone from the Fifth Hour podcast, we have never
Speaker 1: heard from I'm a Pilot? Is it now given that
Speaker 1: I'm a Pilot? Was really David Gascon? I say yes, well,
Speaker 1: I second that motion by Barry in Nashville, Yo Yo,
Speaker 1: Ma Benny, the man that gave me that name. And yes,
Speaker 1: I'm a pilot. Either is related to gascon or is
Speaker 1: gascon but to completely fall off the face of the earth,
Speaker 1: there's god to be talking about investigations. This guy, I'm
Speaker 1: a pilot, he emailed us a lot when the podcast started,
Speaker 1: every week for a while. He is a pilot, but
Speaker 1: he flies long international flights. And I can't confirm that
Speaker 1: it is somebody that has access to photos because this
Speaker 1: guy was sending photos from China. He went to China
Speaker 1: during COVID and he talked about his experience as he
Speaker 1: went into immediate quarantine and how they he was like
Speaker 1: in prison in a Chinese hotel, and he sent us
Speaker 1: photos which I didn't even know you're allowed to take
Speaker 1: in China, and it showed us of his some of
Speaker 1: his conditions and all that. So so it is somebody
Speaker 1: I is gascon per se, but it's probably somebody in
Speaker 1: the gascon clan, is what I will say. Barry from Nashville,
Speaker 1: and then he says free Justin. I don't know what's justin.
Speaker 1: You're talking about wrong. I mean, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people in life named Justin. So I have no no
Speaker 1: bleeping clue with Justin. You are refrained. It was a
Speaker 1: lot of fun catching up with Gascon at your Halloween party.
Speaker 1: One thing, though, I asked him what happened to his parents,
Speaker 1: because his parents used to email this show all the
Speaker 1: time too. Yeah, and what did he What do you say?
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know what you're talking about, the
Speaker 1: same thing he says about pot Yeah, you know who
Speaker 1: his parents were, right? Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've had it.
Speaker 1: His dad was his dad was on the poxic Yeah,
Speaker 1: not that dad. I'm talking about the couple that used
Speaker 1: to email the show. Oh yes, yes, yeah, they have it. Yes,
Speaker 1: his surrogate parents. What happened to them? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let me see here, let me see the last time
Speaker 1: They're gonna look right now, I'm gonna guess. Hold on
Speaker 1: April May, June, somewhere around there. Yes, the last email
Speaker 1: we received from Helen and Stu was in June. Wow,
Speaker 1: good guests. Yeah, it was mid June. So we've been
Speaker 1: through July and August and September pretty much all of October.
Speaker 1: Now this is our last show in October, so four
Speaker 1: months without hearing from Helen and Stu. Maybe they're on
Speaker 1: a flight with I'm a pilot. Yeah, I hope they're
Speaker 1: I hope they're okay. I mean, I don't I don't know.
Speaker 1: They were not feeling particularly good. I'm remember the last
Speaker 1: time they they emailed, So I don't know what's going on,
Speaker 1: but I have not It's odd that they would just
Speaker 1: disappear for that because emailing every other week. I hope
Speaker 1: they're okay, But I I don't know what happened to
Speaker 1: Helen and st Helen and still have you hear this
Speaker 1: reach out to us, let's know you're okay. That's normally
Speaker 1: how Maybe I listened to too many crime podcasts, but
Speaker 1: that's normally how people cover their tracks before they disappear.
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling well. Things that make you go yeah,
Speaker 1: And I can hear Helen right now saying you are
Speaker 1: fake news. I don't know about that. You've got mail,
Speaker 1: al right. Next up, we have mus See or any
Speaker 1: meaning Mighty Mike from Fullerton Rights, in no relation to
Speaker 1: fur Dog. He says, the talk of the town is
Speaker 1: still Ben's monster mash from last weekend, So I have
Speaker 1: a couple of questions about it. In each of your
Speaker 1: opinions of those in attendance. Who had the best costume,
Speaker 1: Who had the worst costume? All right, so we'll start
Speaker 1: with those two. And there's another question here. He says,
Speaker 1: who had the most offensive costume? So the best costume?
Speaker 1: I thought your costume was good. I love Bobo on
Speaker 1: the radio. I thought he really nailed it as well.
Speaker 1: One of the one of the people from Danny G's
Speaker 1: clan or not not you're not your clan, the uh
Speaker 1: Looney clan. Uh, they had a pretty good, pretty good
Speaker 1: I mean, there were some decent cons there's a pretty
Speaker 1: good costume section. The worst costume has to be either
Speaker 1: Tom Looney, who just wore a witch's hat and regular clothes,
Speaker 1: or with all due respect, Rob Parker who dressed as
Speaker 1: Rob Parker, but as Rob Parker. That's the most authentic
Speaker 1: Rob Parker costume. So if you're dressing as Rob Parker
Speaker 1: and you are Rob Cocker, that can't be the worst costume.
Speaker 1: That's gotta be a pretty good costume. Well, Iowa Sam
Speaker 1: needs to be in the running. Oh yeah, he just
Speaker 1: wore like a mask. He had a two dollar mask
Speaker 1: from CVS Pharmacy. Yeah, well, with the putin price, Iche
Speaker 1: it was likely a seventeen dollar mass, but still still
Speaker 1: not not that good. And as far as offensive, I
Speaker 1: don't know what do you think it was offensive? Any offensiveness.
Speaker 1: I didn't think mine was offensive until I filled in
Speaker 1: on your weekday program Sunday into Monday on the Ben
Speaker 1: Mallor Show. Dog. Yeah yeah, Ferg Dog called up during
Speaker 1: instead Viceline and said that my costume was racist. Yes,
Speaker 1: well everything is racist. This podcast is racist. The whole
Speaker 1: thing world is racist. When you're paying homage to the
Speaker 1: great Pharaoh and Cleopatra, how is that racist? No? I
Speaker 1: thought your costume was. It was wonderful and it looked good,
Speaker 1: and I was I was proud of you because, as
Speaker 1: I told your your lovely TENDERNI. I've known you for
Speaker 1: many years, Danny, You've always been the Tupac Foe Drizzle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: always been Tupac at every Halloween event. But no, no
Speaker 1: more Tupac. Do you still have the mask? You kept
Speaker 1: the mask? Right? Of course? Well, last night at the
Speaker 1: school in Van Eyes, I had the Tupac mask on.
Speaker 1: You know, no tenderon insight, I'm Tupac because she told
Speaker 1: me you could be Tupac. But then what am I
Speaker 1: gonna be to match that. And I said you could
Speaker 1: be one of my house and for some reason she
Speaker 1: did not appreciate that. She laughed. She loves Tupacs music,
Speaker 1: so she's like, okay, Mr, I get around all right.
Speaker 1: Next up, we have Big Greg from Iowa, he says,
Speaker 1: Dear Ben and Danny g Since this will be seen
Speaker 1: after the Halloween party, Ben Jonas wants to know where
Speaker 1: his invite was. Well, it was lost in the mail.
Speaker 1: It was lost, and and Jonas and I gotta tell
Speaker 1: you there were guys that well, I wasn't I invite.
Speaker 1: Jonas got upset, LaVar Arrington got upset. They were busting
Speaker 1: my chops. So what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put these guys on blast. I'm gonna invite all these
Speaker 1: people that were complaining they didn't get an invite. Who
Speaker 1: I was polite. I didn't want to have them have
Speaker 1: to not show up and tell me they're not coming
Speaker 1: because they live so far away. But if they want
Speaker 1: to invite, I'll give them an invite. And if we
Speaker 1: have a Christmas Ugly Sweater part, I'll invite him and
Speaker 1: we'll see how many of these guys show up we'll
Speaker 1: see who shows up. Jonas complains about driving from his
Speaker 1: place to the studios on Saturday mornings, so I can't
Speaker 1: imagine him driving all the way to where you live.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you're right about that.
Speaker 1: I've invited Jonas for years and he never shows up,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, all right, I just won't
Speaker 1: even it's just a radio bit at this point, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Greg also says, since you were going as Bob Ross,
Speaker 1: and one of the miss of Bob Ross is that
Speaker 1: his paintings, we were where he hid the bodies, Danny
Speaker 1: g and Ben painting the pictures. Uh. And and will
Speaker 1: you will you need to do a head count at
Speaker 1: work in the future, uh, He says. So I think
Speaker 1: he's making a dead body joke there. I got a
Speaker 1: thing about dead bodies from Big Greg, and I was
Speaker 1: next up Sweet Potato Bob. You know it's big of
Speaker 1: Sweet Potato. Bob's writing in from Cincinnati, Ohio, He says, Ben,
Speaker 1: break this down for me. Why don't this a sport
Speaker 1: o question? He says, why don't all special teams defenses
Speaker 1: have a seven footer who jumps up and blocks extra
Speaker 1: points and field goals? I'd pay the guy a million
Speaker 1: dollars just to do that. It's actually not a terrible idea.
Speaker 1: It's not a terrible idea. It sounds like something that
Speaker 1: would have happened in the nineties, seventies or the early eighties,
Speaker 1: but not now because there's too many hard oh guys
Speaker 1: in football that don't have any outside the box thinking.
Speaker 1: Like there was a time in the NFL where you'd
Speaker 1: see guys who were tracking field stars who would get
Speaker 1: signed to be wide receivers. You don't see a lot
Speaker 1: of that anymore. Occasionally you'll see a college basketball player
Speaker 1: become a tight end. The last experiment like this we had,
Speaker 1: remember the the AUSSI rules football player, the Azzy Muffit,
Speaker 1: the punter for the forty niners today, Mike, Yeah, so
Speaker 1: they don't do those kinds, but that would be that
Speaker 1: would definitely be a unique approach. Just have one guy,
Speaker 1: but you have specialists. You have a guy that only
Speaker 1: plays only plays as a punter, and a guy that's
Speaker 1: only a kicker. So he'd have to be a fat,
Speaker 1: tall guy otherwise he'd get pushed off the line, not
Speaker 1: necessarily if he's if he's a couple of feet behind
Speaker 1: the line as in the linebacker position and he jumps off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you'd have to have pretty good hops. Yeah, you can
Speaker 1: absolutely pull that off. I think that's a solid idea.
Speaker 1: And by the way, in obvious passing situations, you'd take
Speaker 1: away the middle of the field. You wouldn't be able
Speaker 1: to throw to his side of the field, assuming the
Speaker 1: guy has some strength, and you could put him in
Speaker 1: the end zone on a hail Mary. That's right, man,
Speaker 1: this is a no brainer. Sweet Potato Bob wins the day.
Speaker 1: You should be running the Bengals front office. Sweet Potato Bob.
Speaker 1: It's bad job by them not hiring you. I got mail, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got mail. Yea, all right. Next up is Mark
Speaker 1: from Parts Unknown. Ben, Why do you yell and holler
Speaker 1: way more nowadays? Well, it's a great question, Mark, And
Speaker 1: the reason I've decided to yell and to scream more
Speaker 1: now is I was trying to think of how I
Speaker 1: could annoy you, and I thought, Mark, by yelling occasionally
Speaker 1: and raising my voice, that that would annoy you, and
Speaker 1: that would also cause the crowd to go wild. Talk Now,
Speaker 1: I don't really think I'm yelling or hollowing anymore than
Speaker 1: I used to, but maybe I'm wrong. I don't spoiler alert.
Speaker 1: You ever listen back to your own podcasts? No, I don't, don't.
Speaker 1: Don't don't listen to these podcasts? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: I don't listen to the show the Beast. I don't
Speaker 1: listen to you. I don't listen to me. I don't
Speaker 1: listen to anybody. I don't. Uh man, you only talk
Speaker 1: and yo, you never listen. It's talk radio. It's not
Speaker 1: listen radio. It is not They don't pass to listen.
Speaker 1: They don't. All right, what was that next thing? I know?
Speaker 1: I just saw this white thing flying at my face there, alright.
Speaker 1: Next up, we have Noah from Austin, Texas, and I
Speaker 1: want to hip cities these days in the United States,
Speaker 1: He says, Big Ben, what advice would you give someone
Speaker 1: who's wanting to start a successful podcast? So don't do it,
Speaker 1: Noah from Austin wanting to start a successful podcast. You
Speaker 1: can do it, but you gotta have a plan. You
Speaker 1: got you gotta have a plan so that you're an
Speaker 1: alarm for three am. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Well, you
Speaker 1: have to find a niche. There's there's a podcast, there's
Speaker 1: seventh Housing podcasts for everything. So you gotta look at
Speaker 1: the podcast market and say, how can I build an audience?
Speaker 1: What is going to be my niche, What is going
Speaker 1: to be the thing that makes me stand out? So
Speaker 1: you gotta start with the content, and then you gotta
Speaker 1: figure out how many days of weeks the podcast can be.
Speaker 1: You know, how many downloads do I have to get
Speaker 1: to before I can can make money? And there's a
Speaker 1: lot of things and and I don't want to be
Speaker 1: Benny Buzzkill here, but the reality of a podcast game
Speaker 1: is most of the podcast that people listen to are
Speaker 1: owned by big media companies, so very few mom and
Speaker 1: pop podcasts have been able to draw a big audience.
Speaker 1: That's just the reality. Now. The good news is, if
Speaker 1: you show a little razmatazz on a podcast, one of
Speaker 1: the big podcast companies would likely buy you up and
Speaker 1: then give you a bigger stage, a bigger megaphone to
Speaker 1: be heard. It's like, listen, even what we do here, right, Danny,
Speaker 1: we do a big podcast. We have a lot of
Speaker 1: people that love the show, and I've been very lucky.
Speaker 1: I've loyal members of the Malla militia that have followed
Speaker 1: me from the radio to the podcast, and they support
Speaker 1: what I do, and we do pretty well. But there's
Speaker 1: other podcasts at our company. There's one certain host I
Speaker 1: will not name him, who has his own podcast network
Speaker 1: that destroys the amount of downloads that we get. All right,
Speaker 1: we get a fraction of the amount of downloads that
Speaker 1: that guy gets because for for many many reasons. So
Speaker 1: and everyone's fighting the game there. But you can do it.
Speaker 1: Don't expect to be an overnight sensation there, noah. It's
Speaker 1: gonna take a little time, and you gotta find ways
Speaker 1: to market it, come up with giveaways and things to
Speaker 1: double the audience. The cool thing I've learned from my
Speaker 1: years in radio and on the podcast. It's a little
Speaker 1: harder with the podcast game. But in radio there's people
Speaker 1: always trying to find new programming and scanning the radio
Speaker 1: dial old school in the car, and so they'll come
Speaker 1: across you on a late night drive and we're on
Speaker 1: and things like that. And so if you can just
Speaker 1: double the audience, easier said than done. If you have
Speaker 1: seven people listening, if they get one more person, that's fourteen.
Speaker 1: And then if those other seven people get and you
Speaker 1: just keep it keeps morphing like Grimlin's here's a tip
Speaker 1: for him. Even if you have to make monthly payments,
Speaker 1: buy some quality equipment. I understand that it's a different
Speaker 1: world nowadays when it comes to audio equipment, but there
Speaker 1: is some equipment that's affordable that actually sounds good. You
Speaker 1: just got to do the research. Yeah, and a little
Speaker 1: life hack for you know. Uh. These a lot of
Speaker 1: these places on Amazon and other places they sell podcasting
Speaker 1: microphones that you can plug into the back of your computer,
Speaker 1: which sounds like a good idea. They're not that expensive,
Speaker 1: but they're my experience, I've tried a few of them.
Speaker 1: Absolute shit. And I mixing. Yeah, Like if you can
Speaker 1: get a mixing board and then connect that to the
Speaker 1: back of your computer, that's what I use. I have
Speaker 1: my own set up on the right side. Here I
Speaker 1: have the terrestrial radio equipment on the left, which is
Speaker 1: a big box of all these different gadgets and thingam
Speaker 1: the jigs and all that. But on the other side,
Speaker 1: I have just a mixer board and a good microphone.
Speaker 1: A good microphone is gonna cost you a couple hundred bucks,
Speaker 1: but it's worth it, and these things last forever. These
Speaker 1: things will survive a nuclear war. These microphones so very
Speaker 1: rarely do you have to replace them. They last a
Speaker 1: long time. In fact, at Fox Sports Radio, we're using
Speaker 1: the same mics we use when the place opened twenty
Speaker 1: something years ago, twenty two years ago, so we're still
Speaker 1: using the same microphone. Well they bought futuristic equipment back then, Yeah,
Speaker 1: they were. They were planning ahead, like Star Trek. All right.
Speaker 1: Next up Fred from Spring Texas and Fred Rice, and
Speaker 1: he says, does Danny g feel destined to work in
Speaker 1: radio because his last name is radio? Is that? Is
Speaker 1: that true? Danny? Is that? I thought your name was
Speaker 1: Gara Deli. I was just gonna say radio and more specifically,
Speaker 1: Gradio is a stage name. My real last name on
Speaker 1: my driver's licenses, Gara Deli. So I actually thought I
Speaker 1: was destined to work in the family business. But my
Speaker 1: grandfather told all of us, he said, look, I just
Speaker 1: want you guys to be successful and happy no matter
Speaker 1: what you do, even if you don't want to be
Speaker 1: one of America's finest chocolate tears. And we do love chocolate.
Speaker 1: But the press of Coco has gone up, and so yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a pricey thing, bunch of hookers, and man,
Speaker 1: you've got mail all right. Daniel in Ohio is next
Speaker 1: in the mail bag. He says, do you guys think
Speaker 1: there was an advanced civilization before us? And do you
Speaker 1: think there was life on Mars? And if so, do
Speaker 1: you think we are them? These are these are George
Speaker 1: Nori related questions. Is nor is not on the podcast
Speaker 1: this week? We can't ask George so to answer this,
Speaker 1: I I I every once in a while, I'll go
Speaker 1: out and do a place outside the city the city
Speaker 1: lights and look up to the heavens and think that
Speaker 1: there's probably thousands of planets just like this one with
Speaker 1: life on it, and there's other planets with life that
Speaker 1: we have no idea. So I don't know that there
Speaker 1: were their civilizations on this planet before us, but I
Speaker 1: do believe there there are other life forms. I believe
Speaker 1: there are UFOs flying around. It's it's stuff that our
Speaker 1: human minds cannot grasp the technology because they are more
Speaker 1: advanced than us. And I wouldn't be shocked if there
Speaker 1: was life on Mars in the past. And there's a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff that certain people know but they don't
Speaker 1: want to share with the masses. And they're starting to
Speaker 1: open that up a little bit. In recent years, they're
Speaker 1: now admitting there's a bunch of UFOs that they have
Speaker 1: no idea what the funk these things are, and they're
Speaker 1: flying around military bases and whatnot. And so I absolutely
Speaker 1: believe there's a bunch of stuff that has kind of
Speaker 1: been around the planet from other worlds and whatnot. And
Speaker 1: and uh, eventually we won't be around, but there'll be
Speaker 1: people in future generations that will well take the human
Speaker 1: human beings out to the cost. So what about you, Danny,
Speaker 1: any thoughts on whether or not there was an advanced
Speaker 1: civilization before us, or life on Mars or any of that. No,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you could bullshit your way through sitting
Speaker 1: in for George Nori. I could never fill in for him. No,
Speaker 1: I would love to feel in. I would think that
Speaker 1: would be awesome. I we should have and I know
Speaker 1: the company won't do this because I'm a pimple on
Speaker 1: an elefense asked, But I'd love for George Nori to
Speaker 1: host the show. Yeah, and then we maybe on April
Speaker 1: Fool's Day, like, We'll have George do the Ben Mallor
Speaker 1: Show and I'll do the Coast to Coast And I'd
Speaker 1: love to do a Mallar monologue. Um, and I could.
Speaker 1: I could do it about the shadow people. It would
Speaker 1: be like Switzer Rude Day at school where the cafeteria
Speaker 1: lady gets to be the principal for the day and
Speaker 1: the principles in the cafeterias serving food all day be awesome, man,
Speaker 1: I would be all about I love the opportunity to
Speaker 1: coast to coast. I they I did fill in for
Speaker 1: Jim Rome one time, you know that at the Premiere
Speaker 1: Networks when Jim the premiere. It was right before he left,
Speaker 1: and I did a show with Lincoln Kennedy and it
Speaker 1: was like from the gym Rome show, the premiere of
Speaker 1: Smack Oh. I was in the jungle ban I had
Speaker 1: my machete. I was like, I was going for it.
Speaker 1: I was like, finally I've arrived in the jungle. I'm here, man,
Speaker 1: I'm a big time guy. Let's see what is next
Speaker 1: on the Old Male Bag. All right, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: there we go. All right, we have Frank from Parts
Speaker 1: and I says, I just want to know, were there
Speaker 1: any happy little trees on the Mallard Mountain of Money
Speaker 1: this week? Uh so, I'm not. I don't know quite
Speaker 1: there was a happy little true. My wife was dressed
Speaker 1: as a happy happy A little true. We had the
Speaker 1: Mallard Mountain Money. I did not play Mallards Mountain Money
Speaker 1: this week. Bad job by the people that picked the contestants.
Speaker 1: Next up Jeff and deston Florida Rights, and he says,
Speaker 1: Ben and Danny g why do punters try the coffin
Speaker 1: corner any Why don't they try the coffin corn anymore?
Speaker 1: There's actually another good sporting question. When we were kids, Danny,
Speaker 1: we saw this a lot, right, You try to pun
Speaker 1: it with inside the ten yard line out of bounds?
Speaker 1: Why why don't we We don't see that anymore. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. You think that would be something
Speaker 1: that is very effective and you don't have to worry
Speaker 1: about a routine. You can box the people in. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's odd that that has left the game of football.
Speaker 1: Did they changed the rule or something that if the
Speaker 1: punt goes out of bounds, it's it goes to the
Speaker 1: thirty five yard line or something like that. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think so either. All right, our NFL rule book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's compelling podcasting. Uh r J in San Antonio says,
Speaker 1: have you tried any of Roberto's recipes and if so,
Speaker 1: which one is your favorite? Yeah? Back in the old days,
Speaker 1: Roberto would bring in some of the food, like the
Speaker 1: night he was Yeah, we tried a few things. What
Speaker 1: was your favorite, Dananny? And you remember there the enchiladas
Speaker 1: he brought all kinds of old he brought in that
Speaker 1: night were really good. Yeah, those were pretty good. I
Speaker 1: would go with that. But he's he's very talented. There
Speaker 1: was also a steak dish that he brought in one
Speaker 1: time that was really cooked. Well, yeah, no, he does
Speaker 1: a good job on that. It's a bummer that Dodgers
Speaker 1: didn't fire Dave Roberts so he can't send out those
Speaker 1: recipes anymore. Uh, let's see how rich? Right? And he says,
Speaker 1: where does the fake Fudgi post his online recipes? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't know he's fake. He does have a Twitter account.
Speaker 1: The fake Fudgi has a Twitter account, and I don't
Speaker 1: know much more about him. During instant advice line, you
Speaker 1: heard him during the Oh yeah, he calls up every week.
Speaker 1: That's his big spot. And he and that Now there's
Speaker 1: impersonators of Fudgi. Wow, we do like a rip off.
Speaker 1: Fudgi impersonation. So that's yeah, exactly all right, we'll get
Speaker 1: out on that. Everyone else. We thank you for the
Speaker 1: questions and all that. And if you we did not
Speaker 1: get to your question this week, don't worry. There's another
Speaker 1: mail bag next week. These things one after another, so
Speaker 1: I'll be out there panhandling for questions on the Fifth
Speaker 1: Hour podcast every Tuesday. But thanks to all you guys
Speaker 1: who took time out to send a question. I do
Speaker 1: appreciate it, and you can join the the list. We
Speaker 1: love when new people send questions. We had some new
Speaker 1: people this week, a few new people mixed in with
Speaker 1: our regulars. Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real
Speaker 1: fifth Hour at gmail dot com and also on the
Speaker 1: Facebook page, which is Ben Mallor showing I know. I'll
Speaker 1: be on the radio tonight, Danny back in the Magic
Speaker 1: Radio Box. It's Halloween tomorrow, a lot of Halloween parties
Speaker 1: this this weekend and all that, And in fact, there's
Speaker 1: a little party from my nieces and nephews and cousins
Speaker 1: that we're throwing today. So I'm gonna try to get
Speaker 1: into the the main studio tonight, but I'll be back then.
Speaker 1: Anything to promote Danny anything and all your day off. Well,
Speaker 1: let me promote the penny because it being Sunday morning,
Speaker 1: this is your last chance to listen to Benny versus
Speaker 1: the Penny week number eight. Yeah, last chance saloon, last
Speaker 1: opportunity to hear all the pis before the games. Keep off.
Speaker 1: My right hand was getting a workout. I'm not a
Speaker 1: fan of that anyway. Let's have a great day to day,
Speaker 1: enjoy the rest of your we enjoy the NFL games today,
Speaker 1: and I'll catch you and I'll be ranting and rabing
Speaker 1: like a lunatic about a bunch of these NFL games
Speaker 1: tonight on the Ben Mallory Show, which starts at eleven
Speaker 1: pm Pacific time on Sunday night, but two am in
Speaker 1: the East and where most people live on the Eastern seaboard,
Speaker 1: two to six in the morning. We'll catch you then
Speaker 1: and see you later. We're out like a pig snout.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a new one. That's a that's the second
Speaker 1: time I've done that one. Okay, Hey, hey, I'm let
Speaker 1: you go. I like to Saint Go raiders. Check put baby,