1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: All right, guys, time now for today's Strawberry Letter. If 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, on dating, on work, on sex, 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: on parenting, and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to 4 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: Steve Harvey FM and click submit Strawberry Letter, and we 5 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: could be reading your letter live on the air and 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 1: helping you out, just like we're gonna do for this person. 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: Buggle up, hold on tight, we got it for you. 8 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: I did Strawberry Let at all? All right, subject one 9 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,879 Speaker 1: big happy family or nothing at all. Dear Stephen Shirley, 10 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 1: I've been dating a man for three years and we 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: get along great. We've talked about getting married, but we 12 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,239 Speaker 1: have to work out a few kinks first. Both of 13 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: us have teenage kids from previous relationships, and I spend 14 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: a lot of time with his kids every other weekend. 15 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: He is always around my kids because I have sole 16 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: custody of them. We always joke about his kids like 17 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:03,000 Speaker 1: hand out, excuse me. We always joke about how his 18 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: kids like hanging out with me more than him. If 19 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,039 Speaker 1: I am doing something for my kids, I include his kids. 20 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: I buy them gifts for birthdays, Christmas, or just because 21 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: I buy them gifts, and there's no separation to me. 22 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,119 Speaker 1: But over the weekend I had the strangest conversation with 23 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,759 Speaker 1: my boyfriend about the kids. He told me that this 24 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: Christmas he plans to focus more on his kids and 25 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: spend quality time with them alone during the holidays. I 26 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 1: was shocked to hear this. Over the years, he's been 27 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: good to my kids, but I do see a difference 28 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: in how he treats them and how he treats his 29 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: own kids. My kids love him, so I never make 30 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: a big deal out of it. The fact that he 31 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: is trying to make a big distinction between the kids 32 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: really hurts my feelings. Blended families are tricky and we've 33 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: been trying to make it work, but this was a 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 1: harsh reality. Lady check, my kids come first, but I'm 35 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: able to love his kids as my own. Now I 36 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: have doubts about marriage. Am I overthinking this? Stephen Shirley, 37 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 1: what do you think? No, you are not overthinking anything. 38 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: I say go with what you see and what you know, 39 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: because when people show you and in this case, tell 40 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: you who they are, please believe them. I mean, Okay, 41 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,679 Speaker 1: let's look at the facts. This man that you've been 42 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:34,239 Speaker 1: with for three years told you that this Christmas. He 43 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: just wants to spend quality time with his kids alone 44 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: during the holidays. What else do you need to hear? 45 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: It's the holidays, that's the time when you and your 46 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: man and kids. You know, you guys are supposed to 47 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: spend family time together, not apart. So again, what else 48 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 1: is it that you need to hear? I mean, he 49 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,799 Speaker 1: doesn't want to be with you, and he doesn't want 50 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,239 Speaker 1: to be with you and your kids for Christmas. Okay, 51 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,919 Speaker 1: in this relationship, you're all in. You are just everything. 52 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: In this relationship, you have accepted as teenage kids. You 53 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,239 Speaker 1: spend a lot of time with them, You remember their 54 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,360 Speaker 1: birthdays and other special occasions. You buy them gifts and stuff. He, 55 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: on the other hand, makes a difference between his kids 56 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: and your kids, and you're right. In order for a 57 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: blended family to work, you have to show love to everyone, 58 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,959 Speaker 1: even if in your heart you love your own kids more. 59 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,399 Speaker 1: And I think that's pretty normal to feel that way. 60 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: You have a special bond with your kids, you carried 61 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: them in all of that. But you know you're fair 62 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: and loving on the outside. But your man is not 63 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: doing that and he's not trying to hide it, even 64 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: though you say your kids love him, and you haven't 65 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: made a big deal out of it. It is a 66 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: big deal because he sounds like he has checked out 67 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,559 Speaker 1: of this relationship and on his way out of this relationship. 68 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: Someone who's thinking of marriage, of marrying you, would not 69 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: want to be without you on this Christmas Okay, sounds 70 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: like he's gonna be with someone else. Steve, Well, Shirley, 71 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: I have to agree with you now, So here we go. 72 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: This lady been dating this man for three years, everything 73 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: going great, talked about getting married, but they need to 74 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: work out some kinks. You know, both of them got kids. 75 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: He spends a lot of time and he's always around 76 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: the kids because she got soul custody of them. We 77 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: joke about how his kids like hanging out with me 78 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: more than him, And then, you know, if I'm doing 79 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: something for my kids, I include his kids. I buy 80 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,599 Speaker 1: him gifts for birthdays, Christmas. Everything no separation to me. 81 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: But over the weekend he had a little conversation with 82 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: my boyfriend about the kids. He told me, he say 83 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: this Christmas, he playing it on, focusing more on his kids, 84 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: spend quality time with them alone during the holidays. I 85 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,640 Speaker 1: was shocked to him this Over the years, He's been 86 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: good to my kids, but I do see a difference 87 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: in how he treats them and how he treats his 88 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: own kids. My kids love him, so I never made 89 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: a big deal out of the fact that he's trying 90 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: to make a big distinction between the kids. Really hurt 91 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: my feelings. Then the families are tricky, Yes they are, 92 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: and I've been trying to make it work, but this 93 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: is a harsh reality check. My kids come first, but 94 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm able to love his kids as my own. Now 95 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,479 Speaker 1: have doubts about marriage. I'm overthinking this. I think you 96 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: all got to sit down and have a conversation. Something 97 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: is happening where he's feeling like he's obviously not paying 98 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 1: close enough attention to his own kids. So he decided 99 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 1: this year he goes spend times with his kids alone. 100 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: Somebody that said something to him. He didn't come to 101 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:39,240 Speaker 1: this conclusion on his own. Somebody said something to him. 102 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: Somebody said, you know what the kids feel like, you 103 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: just treat everybody better than them. They come man, they 104 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: feel like you'll step child. Somebody fed this information to him. 105 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: All one of the kids said something to him. That's 106 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: the only reason for he to suddenly go like this. 107 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: So he's trying to prove that that's not true. So 108 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: he gonna be spending a lot of time with just 109 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: his kids alone on Christmas and he's been with her 110 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: for three years. Yeah, I don't know how he thinks 111 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: that's gonna Yeah, he'd been not later, he'd been not 112 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: say that nobody needn't lay down. He's been a mess 113 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 1: them kids, and then lay down. He can't go to 114 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 1: sleep in that house. I can't make that statement. And 115 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 1: they go get into bed and start snooze. No, that's 116 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 1: been to being a temp on your life. You probably 117 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,239 Speaker 1: need to wake up. But that was kind of cold though. 118 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, he plans to focus more on his 119 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: kids and spend quality time with them alone during the holiday. Word. 120 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,359 Speaker 1: Oh all right, Steve, we'll hang on. Part two of 121 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 1: your answer is coming up. Um, we'll take a short 122 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: break here and come back at twenty three after the hours. 123 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: Subject one big happy family or nothing at all? You're 124 00:06:54,560 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: listening to all right, Steve U. This letter is crazy. 125 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: Let's recap subject one big happy family or nothing at all. Well, 126 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: it look like nothing at all because he wanted to 127 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: spend this holiday with his kids spend more time with 128 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: his kids alone, time of making your kids have happy Christmas. 129 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: Is and my kids over here they lift stuck out. Now, 130 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: we're not gonna do that this year, Michelle. I want 131 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: you to be the wife asking me why we can't 132 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: have this Christmas together, And you're gonna be repeatedly keep 133 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: asking me about this Christmas, and I'm gonna keep giving 134 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: you different bees. Okay, Well, honey, I'm so happy the 135 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 1: holidays are here. I can't wait to spend Christmas with you. Well, 136 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: you know, I wish I could say the same. Well, 137 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: what do you mean we are spending it together, aren't we? Well, 138 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: you know, we're gonna spend it together, but it's gonna 139 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: be separate. But separate is not together. Honey, We're gonna 140 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: spend Christmas together, right, you? Me and the kids. Oh 141 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 1: hold on, what kids? You told MoMA? I'm talking about 142 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 1: our kids, my kids and your kids. No, no, no, 143 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: not so your kid is a yo kid, my kid, 144 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: Me and my kids gonna spend this holiday together and alone. 145 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: But honey, we're together. You know, we're We've been dating 146 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: for three years now, see y'all all it's important to you. Yes, 147 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: And I thought it was important to you that we 148 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,200 Speaker 1: be together. But not like this though, you talking about 149 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: all the time. I'm talking about during the holidays. Yes, honey, 150 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: I've planned stuff, I've cooked, I've invited people over all 151 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: of that, you know, one big happy family. Well, I 152 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 1: don't you know, baby, damn you know. You don't ask 153 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 1: me nothing. Well, we've we've been together for three years. 154 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 1: It's kind of a given that we spend the holidays together. Yeah, 155 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: but you ain't. You ain't like, did nothing special for 156 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 1: the holidays. I've been out here Lyne and people up. 157 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: So we make our move, make our move. I thought 158 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: we were gonna just be together. We put the Christmas 159 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: tree up and did the decorations and everything. Help put 160 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: your Christmas tree? Man? She did help? Well, the kids, Yeah, 161 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: ain't nobody help, but the talk kids you don't know 162 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: their name, got the land kid couldn't help out so 163 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,119 Speaker 1: where it ain't nobody helped but the talk excuse me aside, 164 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,320 Speaker 1: there's an aside, honey, What did you say nephews away 165 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: about hike though even in the letter about h they 166 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: just did. But the shop kids is what is they doing? 167 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 1: I don't know what the shop kids they put all 168 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 1: ornaments on the bottom of the tree, and they put 169 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: your skirt round and the shot kids water. We got 170 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: plenty for shop people to do. Und somebody got to 171 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: plug it up every night. Yeah, that way, you ain't 172 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: got to be in over you. It ain't nothing. Shot 173 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: work ain't nothing for you. Well, honey, and the tree 174 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,439 Speaker 1: looks so beautiful. I'm so I just wanted to spend 175 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: it together, you know, you mean us together. And they 176 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: hang these balls on the bottom of that tree too. 177 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,640 Speaker 1: I like, I like treat balls at the bottom of 178 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 1: the tree. Okay, ornaments, yes, yeah, them ornament but the 179 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: balls though, I don't like Christmas ornaments as others, you know, 180 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 1: acorn Christmas tree can I just like ball. Don't like 181 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: all that. Angels don't look like angel figurines. What about 182 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,079 Speaker 1: the lights that makes the tree look so pretty? Yeah? Yeah, 183 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 1: you gotta have lights. That ornament you made at school 184 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: and brought home. But it doesn't matter what's on the tree. 185 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: It just as long as we're together, honey and I 186 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: want to be together for this Christmas? Well, baby, that 187 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,319 Speaker 1: ain't that ain't what we fit to do? No more? 188 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: Well why not? I mean, what's the problem? Now? See 189 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: you know you just trying to make this something else. 190 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: I'm trying to make this something else. I haven't told 191 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 1: you we got don't holler. Don't's why right here? You 192 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 1: don't need to yell at me. You can hear. I 193 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 1: can hear, just fine. I just can't hear. Just fine. Well, 194 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: you can be by yourself, but we're gonna be there. 195 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: How about that? That's alone, and then we're gonna be 196 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: the it's my house too, yes, clap back. What are 197 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: you talking about? I don't pay the mortgage and never will, 198 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: but it's my house. I don't know who told you that. 199 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: I told myself that when we when we first started 200 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: living together. Oh, well, I'm gonna have to get a 201 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: restraining order on you. Oh that works both ways. I 202 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: can get one on you too, you know. But we're 203 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: gonna be together. Saint California, this Califord. Oh you try 204 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: and do me. Oh, we're gonna be together. Well you 205 00:11:53,920 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: want to be right, Cliff? What what you do? You 206 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do you? Never probably had the best 207 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,360 Speaker 1: prison we ever hate. No, I don't think so, honey. 208 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: It's not gonna go down like that. We've been together 209 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,439 Speaker 1: for three years. We've always spent Christmas together. We're gonna 210 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,079 Speaker 1: be together this Christmas, whether you like it or not. 211 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 1: We were you cooking, fight whoever you want. We ain't 212 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:25,199 Speaker 1: gonna make it to folk that we ain't gonna make 213 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: it too. Do you have someone else? Do I have someone? 214 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: You hurt me because why wouldn't you want to spend 215 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: it with me? You've been spending Christmas with me all 216 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: of a sudden, Oh so you want folk? Christmas is 217 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 1: in the road. Here we go. We'll be together. We're 218 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 1: gonna be together, all right, today's strawberry letter. We gotta 219 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,559 Speaker 1: get out of here, Steve. That's right. If you need 220 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: advice on relationships and work and sex and all that, 221 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 1: just go to Steve Harvey. F M. You're listening to 222 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,720 Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show.