1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: Ridiculous History is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome 2 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: back to the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always 3 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:34,199 Speaker 1: so much for tuning in. This is part two of 4 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: a special two part series on weird courtship rituals throughout 5 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: you know, human history. We're not getting tall of them, 6 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: but we found some weird ones. That's the one and 7 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: only Max Williams. Uh. They called me, Ben Noel. How 8 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: are you doing, man, I'm good man. I'm feeling really 9 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: good about this premeditated two partner beak behind the curtain. 10 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: Usually we end up just kind of like making them 11 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: two partners because we'd like to get an extra episode 12 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: out of it, or it runs a little long. But 13 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: you know, this is special, not only because of the 14 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: premeditated nature of it, but because we are joined by 15 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 1: our friends Diana and Eli once again to talk about 16 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: more ridiculous, weird bizarro courtships from across the world. Thanks 17 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: for coming, guys, Oh thanks for having us. Yeah now 18 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 1: in our In our previous episode, we dove pretty deep 19 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: into some oh some literally puritanical dating practices. We also 20 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:35,680 Speaker 1: traveled to Mauritania, where we looked at an ancient ongoing 21 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 1: tremendously controversial pre marriage practice, a very very specific kind 22 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: of terrible summer camp, and today we're going to two 23 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,720 Speaker 1: completely different locations in the world. I've got to ask, though, 24 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: before we begin, did you guys find this episode that 25 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: we recorded earlier? Did you find it staying with you 26 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: over the weekend, like Diana, Were you trying to find 27 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: like according tube to talk to Eli or anything like that. 28 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: I know, I guess I wasn't. I wasn't trying to 29 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 1: find a tube or anything. I did think it. I 30 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: just scream across the house, you know what I mean. Yeah, 31 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: we wouldn't have a too long enough to reach between 32 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: the rooms. I have to say I did discuss bundling 33 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: with my my girlfriend, not like that we should do 34 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: it or anything, but yeah, it just it was a 35 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: good conversation and she didn't know about it. And so 36 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: I hope that that episode armed all you ridiculous stories 37 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: out there with some good conversation for your significant others. 38 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: Are you know to look smart at parties, because that's 39 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: what we're here for. Yeah, well grab your thimbles, uh 40 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: and to sheer off the bottoms of them. Yes, O. 41 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,959 Speaker 1: Strap in for part two? What are we talking about. 42 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,399 Speaker 1: It's funny because all fair we were talking with each 43 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: other before we started rolling, and our conversation was, you 44 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: know how some podcasts just seem to constantly allude to 45 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: stuff they did or stuff they were talking about that's 46 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: not on air. We decided we're not gonna be those 47 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,040 Speaker 1: folks today. At least if you want to hear in 48 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: detail what we're talking about just a few minutes ago, 49 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: then tune into Part one of Weird Courtship Rituals. This 50 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 1: episode will still make sense, but it's it's you know, 51 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 1: it's more rewarding if you get the whole like narrative 52 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: arc that we weren't dot. Uh. So we'll pause for 53 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 1: the magic of podcasting to uh give everybody a chance 54 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: to get caught up. They're great, fantastic, So you listen 55 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: to part one. We're ready for part two. Where do 56 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: we go? First, let's say, um, I never get the 57 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: chance to talk about this country on Eric. We go 58 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: to bouton. Oh yeah, sure, let's please talk about Bhutan today. 59 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about a practice in Bhutan called bomina. Uh. 60 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: It's also known more colloquially as night hunting, and this 61 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 1: is something that's mostly fallen out of practice in Bhutan, 62 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,880 Speaker 1: but it still exists in rural areas. It's a very 63 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: old tradition. Bomina literally means going towards a girl and 64 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: that sounds sweet, right. Uh, Well, I don't know. It 65 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: depends on how you're going towards the girl. But what 66 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 1: energy are you bringing your coming at her? Weapon? Are 67 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 1: you running? Are you strolling? I need more information. Well, 68 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: it's worse than any of that, because the practice is 69 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: that in theory, any man can after nightfall climbed the 70 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: house of the walls of a girl, Jimmy opened her window, 71 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 1: climbing into her room, slip into her bed, and sleep 72 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 1: with her. That eight pretty exciting stuff. Sounds pretty horrific, 73 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 1: and in truth, uh, this is a very old practice. 74 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: Bhutan is a matriarchal society. For example, the daughters inherit 75 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: property from their parents. But a lot of rural folks, 76 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: especially and older folks like really believe in this tradition. 77 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,360 Speaker 1: A lot of people say their grandparents met this way 78 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 1: and it's very sweet and they love it. Originally, it 79 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 1: was meant to give the women actually more control because 80 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: they decide when the boy shows up at the house 81 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 1: whether or not he's allowed into the bed or not sure, 82 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: but he could just knock on the door and I 83 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: could be like, oh no, thank you and close the door. 84 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 1: Why do you have to climb in at the dead 85 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: of night and breaking inner into my house like a 86 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: weird burglar? Yeah, well exactly, And this has been kind 87 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 1: of the problem with it, especially recently. A woman uh 88 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 1: sonam Wangdi from the Trunks of village married a man 89 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: that she met through Bomina and she said, before marriage, 90 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: I had lost count of the men who visited me. 91 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 1: It's not about forcing. The tradition gives freedom to the 92 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: women and to choose, but there are some men who 93 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: forced themselves. It is for the exploitation of innocent women 94 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: that the custom has lost its beauty. So surprised this 95 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: didn't go very well forever he gave him an inch 96 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: and they took a mile. Oh, I know. It just 97 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: seems like it's asking for trouble. It sounds like something 98 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: out of like a Chaucer story. I feel like there 99 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: is that is a thing from the Canterbury Tales, like 100 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 1: you know, and it was more like a cuckolding husband situation. 101 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 1: Oh yeah. The line in chaucer, I think is I 102 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: can't remember. It's the Miller's tale. It's one of the 103 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: ones that I actually finished. But there's this seat in 104 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,960 Speaker 1: chaucer where there's this guy who just won't take no 105 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: for an answer. He's trying to get this girl to 106 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: lead out of the window and kiss kiss him, and 107 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,479 Speaker 1: it's really dark, and she does put something down the 108 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: window and he does kiss it, but it's it's not 109 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 1: her front end. Ah yes, ah, yes, that's right. Coming 110 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,479 Speaker 1: back to me now. So okay, you say the beauty 111 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: has gone out of it. I'm sorry, I don't quite 112 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: understand where what happens gorgeous, I mean, there has to 113 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: be more to this, like I mean you say it 114 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: gives it gives the the young woman more agency, but 115 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: at the same time, like you know, dudes be aggressive. Traditionally, 116 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 1: this is in like small towns, everybody kind of knows 117 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: each other, and what really is happening is generally speaking, 118 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 1: the boy and the girl would have met up beforehand 119 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 1: at social events. They've seen each other, and typically this 120 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: was agreed upon, but not always. Sometimes they just show up. 121 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,679 Speaker 1: In either case, the guy has to be super quiet 122 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 1: because most of these families all sleep in the same room, 123 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,559 Speaker 1: and so if she decides to make any noise, Dad 124 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: wakes up and they are just as protective as fathers anywhere, 125 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: and they will literally throw this guy out the windows. 126 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: Some have been chased away with scalding hot water. Um 127 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: it really doesn't go well for anyone, right. It kind 128 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 1: of reminds me of bundling a little bit, like where 129 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: they took They got permission before hand. They sleep in 130 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: the same bed, all the parents are around. You got 131 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: to be real quiet. You still have to be quiet. Yeah, 132 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: it's it's weird. They're carving out these umr carving out 133 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: these areas of social plausible deniability, right like right, well, 134 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't want to jump ahead too far, 135 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: but what's the birth control situation? It is bad, and 136 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 1: that is one of the major problems here is unplanned 137 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: pregnancies and not knowing who the fathers are. Again, in 138 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: smaller villages they say, usually you know who the father 139 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: is because you know, fifty people live here. We know 140 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: who's with who, and we can figure it out pretty easily. 141 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: And there are DNA tests, but especially even in some 142 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: of the rural areas and in cities, they're saying it's 143 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: expensive for these DNA paternity tests to come through. And 144 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,199 Speaker 1: often here's the kicker, here's what's really made it taking 145 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: the beauty out of it, as they say, uh, is 146 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: that in these small towns, even where everyone's pretty comfortable 147 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: with the tradition, you have people coming in from out 148 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: of town and taking advantage of this practice. And they're like, 149 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: if the father ends up being someone who's an ext 150 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: patriot or sometimes even a monk, they say that the 151 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: courts can't do anything for paternity, and a woman's left 152 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: on her own. Also, without knowing who the father is, 153 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: it's very difficult to get the child registered on their senses. 154 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: Sometimes it takes up to six or eight years, and 155 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: the children can't even start schooling until they know who 156 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 1: the father is. Wait, so no government services up to 157 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 1: and including like the public school system. Yeah, they have 158 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 1: to be registered through the census first, and that for 159 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 1: that you need paternity. Uh are a very lengthy process 160 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: without it. So wait, so when you say eight years 161 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: to get registered with the census, that means you know, 162 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 1: school until right at all? Right, I mean, I guess 163 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: you know who needs kindergarten? You know, as a guy 164 00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 1: who had to repeat kindergarten. You don't learned that much. 165 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: Life can go on without it. But I think I 166 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 1: think it's socialization. But we know also that Bhutan has 167 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: in terms of who they consider citizens in general, it 168 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: gets kind of tricky, right. I believe there's a Nepalese 169 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:22,559 Speaker 1: descended population there that is still struggling for the same 170 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:27,960 Speaker 1: rights as people the kingdom considers native Bhutanese. Is that correct? 171 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: So there was this huge movement about this online in 172 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 1: social media, and around two thousand twelve it kind of 173 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,479 Speaker 1: came up and they organized like an NGO and nonprofit 174 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: to start helping the women and start bringing attention to 175 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: this practice. And there was a journalist who wrote her 176 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 1: name is Robin Darbawa, and she had written into the 177 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: email address that they provided, and the government answered them 178 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 1: and said, the two girls who used this email have 179 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: surrendered it to the government. They have been educated and 180 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: now they are not going to talk about anything like this, 181 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 1: which actually does not happen in Bhutan anymore. So I 182 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: was getting a real cover up. And they say that's 183 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,400 Speaker 1: because the government just isn't really able to track it 184 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: very well, so they don't really admit to it very much. 185 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 1: Defenders of the practice say, well, urban people in Bhutan 186 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 1: and people who don't live in Bhutan are criticizing rural 187 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,439 Speaker 1: areas and mothering them for this practice and saying they're 188 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 1: less civilized and that they're blaming um unwanted pregnancies and 189 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: venereal diseases on this practice, as if they don't have 190 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: those problems in the cities. But they do, and they say, 191 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: you know, getting rid of bow Mino would not magically 192 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: erase all those problems because you all have them too. 193 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 1: So that's been kind of the cultural argument between defenders 194 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: and UH and people who think this is absolutely insane. 195 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: You can just break into a woman's house at night, 196 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 1: So this is something that's done with the consent and 197 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: understanding of the parents, Like this is a conversation that happens. 198 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: It doesn't necessarily happen with the parents. Often it happens 199 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 1: with the boy and girl beforehand, and you literally have 200 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: to go in and sneak your way in. What they 201 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: said is again, in smaller villages where they sort of 202 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,840 Speaker 1: know who's coming in and who isn't, the parents will 203 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 1: sometimes lie awake knowing that the boy is broken in. 204 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 1: If they think he's a good suitor for marriage. Because 205 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,800 Speaker 1: also if you are seen in the bed in the morning, 206 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: the boys often sneak out, but if they're seen there 207 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 1: when they wake up, they're pretty much married. Don't sleep 208 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: pretty much locks it in. You can come over, but 209 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 1: you can't stay. Uh. That's so. That's Uh. It seems 210 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: like there's some again, some traditional constraints. But these this 211 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,880 Speaker 1: practice itself, in addition to being you know, a hot 212 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,679 Speaker 1: button issue and quite controversial, it seems like this practice 213 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:04,480 Speaker 1: is undergoing some cultural pressures because, uh, this sounds like 214 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: it's still more often than not going to happen in 215 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 1: rural areas instead of like the capital Thimpoo. Um. But 216 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 1: there are tourists in Bhutan now, uh, not a ton, 217 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: but I imagine they breathe through the more rural, you know, 218 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: eastern areas of the country. How do they interact with this? 219 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 1: Is this a Boutaneese only kind of operation? I think 220 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: the Butaneese would love that, but it's not necessarily they 221 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: say that. You know. Again, tourists from out of the 222 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: country or even from other towns sometimes or other cities 223 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: will take up the practice on their own and try 224 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 1: to go sneak into a girl's room at night, and 225 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: if they're aware of it, they take advantage of it. 226 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,360 Speaker 1: And this is one of the things that has led 227 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: to the most problems with the whole with the whole culture, 228 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: you know, other people taking the advantage of it. Again, 229 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,199 Speaker 1: unwanted pregnancies and not knowing who the father is because 230 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: these guys slip in and out from out of town. 231 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: Sometimes boys are even quoted, you know. They they talked 232 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: to a man who was married through this practice. Uh. 233 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 1: He and his wife both supported it because it worked 234 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: out great for them. And in that same conversation he says, well, 235 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 1: you know, and before I met my wife, of course, 236 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 1: you know, you gotta have a little trial and error first. 237 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,719 Speaker 1: And sometimes my friends and I would just go over 238 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 1: the next town to have some fun, so, you know, 239 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: literally going somewhere where no one's going to know who 240 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 1: they are, so they can sneak away again without any 241 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 1: consequences of their own yikes. I guess it would be 242 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: it would feel it would feel less problematic if there 243 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 1: were more interviews or more statements from people saying, yes, 244 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 1: some guy might show up at my house, but if 245 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: I don't like him, I just I do tell him 246 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: to go away, and he does go away. Did you 247 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 1: find any of those, Um, yes, I mean some of 248 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 1: the women. Especially again, usually it was women maybe forty 249 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,200 Speaker 1: year older or even older than that is, when it 250 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: was more kind of standard and practice regularly who really 251 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: defended and said, yeah, I kicked out guys I until 252 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: I found the man I loved uh and had no 253 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: trouble with it. But often those arguments were pretty dismissive 254 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: of the women who definitely did have trouble with it 255 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: of the bad experiences, you know, they kind of took 256 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 1: their own and said, no, it's fine. It's really interesting. 257 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,400 Speaker 1: I do wonder though, sometimes if maybe, you know, since 258 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: it is a practice that in this matriarchal society seems 259 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: to you know, have its roots in empowerment, that maybe 260 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: there are some women that didn't have the best experiences 261 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: but in the interest of like being team players, maybe 262 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 1: sugarcoated a little bit. I don't know, it's certainly a possibility. Yeah, 263 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 1: I think that's definitely a possibility, because, um, you know, 264 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 1: you get that impression, especially from like the NGOs that 265 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: have been set up to sort of try and fight 266 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: this practice that they're saying, you know, a lot of 267 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,600 Speaker 1: these women don't have a voice, and in speaking out 268 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: against this um whether they don't have you know, the 269 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 1: reach or the or whatever, they might need to sort 270 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 1: of speak out against it, the opportunity, the platform, they 271 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 1: sort of pick and choose, you know what you're hearing 272 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 1: about it. So it's interesting that there's actually this is 273 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 1: almost a weird flip side of the story, uh that 274 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to tell, or the tradition that I'm going 275 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: to talk about. I'm I'm kind of glad you you lead, 276 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: because this is sort of like two sides of this 277 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: very strange coin, both striving for empowerment. I think one 278 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 1: perhaps succeeding a little bit more. I don't want to 279 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 1: spoil it quite well. Again, you know, this is one 280 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: of those things where we have to realize that Bhutan 281 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: is very much, for the majority of the world an 282 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: inaccessible place. It's a the this is if you if 283 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: you're not familiar with the country, it is mountainous, it 284 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 1: is incredibly difficult to get to, partially historically due to geography, 285 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: but nowadays also due to decisions of the government of 286 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,200 Speaker 1: the monarchy, which I believe that if you want to 287 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: travel to Bata and as an out cider. There are 288 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: pretty exorbitant fees you pay per day. Tourists also cannot 289 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: exceed like a certain quota per year, but in their 290 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: in their favor. UH. Bhutan has the distinction of being 291 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: the only country to rate it's overall success not on 292 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: gross domestic product or anything like that, but on gross 293 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: national happiness, which is pretty difficult to quantify. It sounds 294 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: like it could get confusing and also makes me wonder, 295 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: you know, how does this process of night hunting fit 296 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: into a modernizing country? Right? Because it sounds like this 297 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: is very old. As we see the prevalence of things 298 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: like cell phones I think would be the number one 299 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: the number one next step right, as we see the 300 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: proliferation of those in rural areas, how how is that 301 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 1: going to affect things? Like what happens when people start uh? 302 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: Because they get the sense I'm just I'm searching for 303 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 1: an analogy. I get the sense when I hear people 304 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 1: some of the guys talk about this, they're talking about it, 305 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: like me and my buddies went out to the bar, 306 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: We went out to the club, get a little night hunting, 307 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,639 Speaker 1: like like can't your phone ahead? At this point? I 308 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: know and it would even happen in groups. Sometimes groups 309 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,920 Speaker 1: of guys will go out and one at a time 310 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,399 Speaker 1: break off and pick a house and pretty much just 311 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: like that isn't that? Is that not kind of terrified though, 312 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: Like That's what I'm trying to understand, Like, is this 313 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,280 Speaker 1: is there a demographic like does this stop when you 314 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 1: get married if you're female identified or is it like 315 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: the purge basically you have to lock your based on 316 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: your genitalia? Do you have to lock yourself in at 317 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 1: the dusk? Yeah? I don't know the answer that directly, 318 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: but I would have My thoughts are that, you know, 319 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: it probably stops when you're getting married, at least if 320 00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: you already have a man in your bed, you know, 321 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: like get as far as the wind's a crowd. But 322 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: at the same time, it feels like the practice does 323 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: open because of you know, if you lean into this 324 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 1: as like no, no, no, I'm just doing the thing, 325 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: you know, like it really is just kind of like 326 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:19,200 Speaker 1: a carte blanche invitation to you know, stock people. Absolutely. Yeah, 327 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: there was a girl who was in college in a 328 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 1: rural area and she had no idea that she said 329 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: she had heard of the practice but didn't really know 330 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,000 Speaker 1: much about it or think that it was still happening. 331 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 1: And one night she's, you know, in her room with 332 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,200 Speaker 1: her roommate and some guy comes up and starts banging 333 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: on the window and says, hey, let me in. No, 334 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: it's okay. This is a normal thing, and you know, 335 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 1: spent quite you know, it's also a normal thing for 336 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: me to say no, sir, get out, like that's part 337 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,159 Speaker 1: of it, So get out like that. It's very based 338 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 1: on coercion, right, I think that's what the big problems 339 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: here too, is even if the guy gets in, then 340 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: he's got to talk himself into the bed um if 341 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,920 Speaker 1: he doesn't force himself, you know. So even if there's 342 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 1: not a physical forcing, there's still a lot of coercion 343 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: going on. I'm wondering too, if there's like I'm not 344 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 1: aware of this, but if there's a situation where someone 345 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: travels from outside the country to maybe do some NGO 346 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 1: work or something, and then they find themselves accidentally sucked 347 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: into this practice, you know what I mean. I guess 348 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: it depends on how common it is in the modern day. 349 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: But now that you explain it this way, uh, yeah, 350 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,200 Speaker 1: I can see a lot of very angry dads and moms, 351 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: you know. Uh so if you're caught, so it's vampire 352 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: rules kind of right, Like okay, so right, if you're 353 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: caught and if you're caught at dawn, that's you're married. Yeah, 354 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 1: that doesn't always play, but that traditionally that's how it goes. 355 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 1: So that's very strict in some villages. So do you 356 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,160 Speaker 1: feel like this is is them? Is this society normal? 357 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:07,400 Speaker 1: Would we normally consider them pretty conservative? Um? I didn't 358 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: get that impression, but I think so. I think it 359 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 1: it seems more traditional in their um, you know, values 360 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: of marriage and family, um, things like that, pretty traditional. 361 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 1: It seems odd to me that in a matriarchal society 362 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,359 Speaker 1: they would they would care so much about establishing paternity 363 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: for for citizenship or or for I guess not for 364 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,159 Speaker 1: citizenship but for registering you and all that stuff. Like 365 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 1: I wonder what that is. I don't know. I just 366 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: was surprised by that. Yeah, because from what I'm understanding 367 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,159 Speaker 1: as a matriarchal society, what we're saying there is that 368 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 1: women are traditionally the head of the family and also 369 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: call the shots, right, So if there are questions of 370 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 1: of a household import then it would typically be the 371 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 1: mom or the oldest female relative. I guess that makes 372 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: those decisions. So it may be it's a situation where 373 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 1: you need to be especially like, uh, you know, if 374 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: there are two kids who are like dating and trying 375 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 1: night hunting, they know each other already, maybe it's the 376 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 1: mom that they're really afraid of, right, could be, could be. 377 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 1: I mean I've definitely heard that the dad's were the 378 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: where they throw you out the window type. Yeah, but 379 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 1: they're caught, but they're more than they're bouncer. You got 380 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 1: to get past the manager. I mean, that's the way 381 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 1: he came in. Might as well. This is super interesting, 382 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 1: um in bizarre so so it's it's it's it's definitely 383 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 1: fallen out of favor or it has this This is 384 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: sort of the uh you know. The remaining argument is 385 00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 1: that uh, more rural and older people are saying, you know, 386 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,919 Speaker 1: while the modern world of dating and western dating has 387 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: crept into Bhutan, especially in the cities, and that's you know, 388 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: taking the love out of it like that like we 389 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: used to have, you know, the good old days into yeah, 390 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 1: the romantic practice of crawling into my bed in the 391 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,639 Speaker 1: middle of the night and it's become this, you know, 392 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,800 Speaker 1: kind of a mini cultural war because you've got again, 393 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,360 Speaker 1: urban folks saying this is outrageous if they've even heard 394 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,959 Speaker 1: of it. You're getting more and more young people who 395 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, haven't we'll grow up their whole lives and 396 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: never even heard of this practice. And more and more 397 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 1: the ones who have are saying, you know, this is 398 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: so primitive and dangerous and really calling out using it 399 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: as a way to call out rural areas and that 400 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 1: they're less cultured and less civilizing backwards. Yeah, and so 401 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 1: those areas are saying, no, you're you know, this is 402 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,239 Speaker 1: a perfectly safe practice. We love it. Yeah, there's some uh, 403 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 1: you know, a couple of little weak links in the chain, 404 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:51,400 Speaker 1: but uh, but they defend it and you know, say 405 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,879 Speaker 1: that that's just an attack on their culture. Yeah. That's 406 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: the thing that's tough about culture. And and you know, 407 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: these types of rituals that we're talking about, especially the 408 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: ones that are little, you know, more problematic. I mean, 409 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 1: it's hard to criticize them, especially as an outsider, without 410 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: coming off as just being some sort of like ignorant interloper, 411 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: even though like you know, in terms of just like 412 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,880 Speaker 1: human rights and stuff. This does seem pretty pretty dangerous 413 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,439 Speaker 1: and problematic, especially when it's taken advantage of and kind 414 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,159 Speaker 1: of run rough shot over in terms of like the 415 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: maybe original intent, you know, which is why I think, 416 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 1: you know, we we uh hopefully those NGOs, those nonprofits 417 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: that are growing in Bhutan are are you know, working 418 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: to find that right balance. I know they signed the 419 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: Sea Daw, the Convention of Elimination of All Forms of 420 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: Discrimination against Women in nineteen eighty and that's sort of 421 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: what started to bring up that this. Um they said 422 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,159 Speaker 1: bomina like customs were a form of gender discrimination. Um, 423 00:24:55,960 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 1: so that's uh, that's that's had some work done locally, right. 424 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: That was going to be one of my other questions. 425 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,000 Speaker 1: So this, the reverse of this doesn't happen. There are 426 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: no young men who are sleeping and then someone bang 427 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: bangs into their house and it's like, okay, this high 428 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm from earlier. I thought you were cute. Yeah, as 429 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: far as I know, I've never heard of that happening. Okay, 430 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 1: that's funny too for a matriarchal society that that's still 431 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,520 Speaker 1: you're dependent on the man's interest in you and his 432 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,720 Speaker 1: his interest, you know, his willingness to kind of come 433 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,760 Speaker 1: come get you, you know what I mean. I don't 434 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 1: know I would have I would assume that it matrioical 435 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,280 Speaker 1: society will be like and you you're the come here. Well, 436 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: I guess there's there's certainly different shades of that, right, 437 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,440 Speaker 1: I mean, like different extremes and flavors of what it 438 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: matriarical society even means. Like I mean, I know a 439 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,680 Speaker 1: lot of very strong women in my life, you know, 440 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: for example, like my mother, who is also very very 441 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 1: old school, you know, like, oh, the man has to 442 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,240 Speaker 1: come for the woman, and when when young ladies should 443 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,040 Speaker 1: wear dresses like my kid kind of dresses like a 444 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,880 Speaker 1: weird punk rock goth and my mom finds this very 445 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 1: off putting, and she's always trying to dress her up 446 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: and these little outfits as opposed to what I would 447 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: think would be looking at it as like, oh, it's 448 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 1: so cool that she's like letting her freak flag fly 449 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: and doing her thing and you know, owning her own image, 450 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 1: in her own you know, kind of sensitive self. But 451 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:25,680 Speaker 1: that's not really how it goes. And so I think 452 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: sometimes there are things that run counter to that because 453 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: of generational stuff I think, and especially when you started 454 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: getting into these uh you know, um cultures that are 455 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 1: have their own set of rules and taboos. And also, 456 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: you know, it's interesting. I was doing some doing just 457 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: a little bit of digging. I see that women traditionally 458 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:54,719 Speaker 1: we're able to practice polyandry and have more than one husband, 459 00:26:54,800 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 1: typically brothers in these rural areas. Um, they definitely. What 460 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: I'm saying is it sounds like night hunting exists in 461 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 1: a larger cultural context and the whole thing is starting 462 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: to starting to change. And that's that's gonna be a 463 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 1: lot to experience because I think I don't know if 464 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: it's still the case, but I think up until fairly recently, 465 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,080 Speaker 1: people were required to where like legally required to wear 466 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 1: traditional dress in the country as well. Interesting yea. So 467 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,840 Speaker 1: also I don't know how that affects. I mean, we're 468 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 1: we're joking about it, but they're breaking into people's houses. Yeah, yeah, 469 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 1: it's outrageous. And then the results are clear to you 470 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: have women, um who have been interviewed who say, I 471 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,600 Speaker 1: won't even talk to men anymore. I've been abused many times. 472 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 1: This one women had uh man came in, um you know, 473 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 1: and they slept together. She got pregnant, they married, and 474 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: then as soon as her first child was born, he disappeared. 475 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:58,320 Speaker 1: And then it happened to her again. A man came 476 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: in Bomina style, wooed her one night, and then he 477 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,959 Speaker 1: disappeared as soon as they found out she was pregnant. 478 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 1: And so she has two children and says, you know, 479 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 1: she was abused more than that, even uh you know, 480 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: at times when she wasn't even as you know it, 481 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: didn't agree to it. And she says, I don't even 482 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 1: talk to men anymore. And you're finding more and more 483 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 1: women like that too, who have been abused through this practice, 484 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: and uh, you know, it's really affected them and their 485 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,680 Speaker 1: whole lives, and it's affecting the culture of these towns 486 00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:28,600 Speaker 1: too well. Eli, thanks for bringing this one to probably 487 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,800 Speaker 1: something that I wasn't aware of, and I think probably 488 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 1: that's gonna be the case for a lot of folks. 489 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,920 Speaker 1: And like I said, interesting kind of kindred uh um 490 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,240 Speaker 1: tradition to to the one I'm going to talk about 491 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: right after this word from our sponsor. Okay, and we're 492 00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: back with the proactive coming back from an ad Max. 493 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: How do you like in this? Are you gonna make 494 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,680 Speaker 1: us do this from now on. Oh, please do this 495 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 1: stop breaking. It's a tradition, Thank you, tradition. Remember that 496 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 1: what is that filler on the roof? The traditions are 497 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 1: It's a big They're a big deal. I mean we 498 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 1: have plenty that, you know, folks from outside of America 499 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 1: would probably think her odd, like, you know, flying American 500 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 1: flag on for I don't know what, what's what's Um, 501 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 1: that's not a thing. Thank you, thank you. Let's let's 502 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 1: get to hurt. I'll hurt myself. Um. And today it 503 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: seems to have kind of accidentally been about, you know, 504 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: traditions that attempt to empower women. I would argue Eli 505 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,400 Speaker 1: that yours is maybe a little bit misguided and doesn't 506 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 1: really succeed in doing that. And I'm not saying that 507 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,480 Speaker 1: I'm like coming in and being like Mr Woke or whatever, 508 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 1: but this one that I'm bringing I kind of think 509 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: does succeed. And Marie Claire would agree, So we have 510 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 1: to do it a lot of No, it's true, but 511 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,360 Speaker 1: what we're talking about today is something in Cambodia. UM. 512 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 1: I couldn't find a pronunciation. It's it's k R e 513 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: U n G. I think I'm gonna call it Krang 514 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: or Krong Krong Um, an ethnic minority group called the 515 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,160 Speaker 1: Krong living in Cambodia have for generations, I've been practicing 516 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:14,400 Speaker 1: this thing, uh called the love Hut. It's the little 517 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 1: old place where we can get together. Um. It really is. 518 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: What it is is an out a building built outside 519 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 1: of the home where young women are able to entertain 520 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:29,400 Speaker 1: gentlemen call us on their own terms. There's also a 521 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,440 Speaker 1: really good article on Vice about this practice by Ayisha 522 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: Down and Down Um actually goes to Cambodia where this 523 00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: is still being practiced today. UM. And essentially, what it 524 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 1: does is it allows women, you know, adolescent women coming 525 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: into you know, adulthood, um, to kind of tryout partners, 526 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: you know, I mean date essentially, swing. I mean, it 527 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 1: really is it's about the sex. That's that's that's certainly 528 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 1: part of it. It's about it's about finding out whether 529 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: you and a potential mate are sexually and intellectually compatible. Um. Essentially, 530 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: you know, you have this little hut that's out behind 531 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: the main house, and it's like the young woman's room. 532 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 1: That's where she lives and she hangs out and she's 533 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,120 Speaker 1: able to kind of make it her own and um 534 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,840 Speaker 1: entertain boys, you know, quite quite a few before she 535 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:30,360 Speaker 1: ultimately decides which one to marry. I don't want to 536 00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 1: sound too old fashioned here, Noel, but what's the age 537 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,360 Speaker 1: range we're talking about. Yeah, so that's a good question, Mann. 538 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: It is. It's a little it's a little odd. It's 539 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: about thirteen to fifteen. So, like I said, literally at 540 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 1: the beginning of of puberty. Um. And you know, as 541 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:51,120 Speaker 1: a father of a twelve year old girl, this, you know, 542 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,959 Speaker 1: certainly that age rain strikes me a little odd. But again, 543 00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: it does ultimately lead to this notion of sex as 544 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,200 Speaker 1: not being some sort of tool of a patriarchy to 545 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,720 Speaker 1: kind of you know, or like literally just a tool 546 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: for procreation. It's all about procreation. It's not vilified. I 547 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,400 Speaker 1: think I'm sorry, thank you, Ben, I'm totally stammering to 548 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 1: to try to get that out. That's exactly right. It's normalized. Um. 549 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 1: The idea of sex um, the idea of partnership being 550 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: something that requires like compatibility in terms of like people's 551 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:35,200 Speaker 1: ability to even have conversations. Um. And then Marie Claire 552 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: piece that I mentioned, Fiona McGregor actually goes and visits 553 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: the Krung tribe UH and hangs out with several young 554 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 1: women to talk about their their sex life and what 555 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 1: this hut is all about. And the quotes that you 556 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:54,120 Speaker 1: hear from these women are just so self possessed, like 557 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: in terms of like they just own it, they own themselves, 558 00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: and they don't really think of it as like unusual 559 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: at all because it's something that they that's been passed 560 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: down to them for generations. And Uh, it's just like 561 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 1: what you do. The father when the young woman begins 562 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 1: to reach puberty, builds this hut out back and then 563 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,920 Speaker 1: she moves out there. So it's almost like it's giving 564 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 1: agency not only over like independence in terms of like 565 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:20,400 Speaker 1: living outside of the home, but it really puts, you know, 566 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 1: the impetus of of all of these things directly on 567 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: the woman. And consequently, like there's like no rape in uh, 568 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: in this culture, in the crumb culture at all, like 569 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 1: like practically zero sexual violence, incredibly rare. Rape is apparently 570 00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: non existent according to the Marie Clere story. UM. And 571 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,320 Speaker 1: speaking to one of the elders, I suppose are one 572 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: of the parents of one of the women who Theona 573 00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 1: McGregor interviews, UM, they say, we don't worry about female purity. 574 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: Who knows what a girl does when she goes to 575 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 1: another village anyway. I mean I love it. We're just 576 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,080 Speaker 1: so used to in in the United States, which we 577 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: consider ourselves to be so like you know, um, I 578 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: guess forward thinking and like you know, progressive in terms 579 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: of so many things. Uh, still so much weird puritanical 580 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 1: kind of like attitude towards sex. Here, it's sort of 581 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,520 Speaker 1: either like the extreme kind of like flagrant you know, 582 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,239 Speaker 1: just like over sex kind of attitude, like in terms 583 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,760 Speaker 1: of like what we see and and TV and film 584 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,640 Speaker 1: and advertisement stuff. And then you have like this extreme 585 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,880 Speaker 1: polar opposite, which is like a very kind of devout 586 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,600 Speaker 1: notion of like women need to get married and like 587 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,160 Speaker 1: get a husband and you know, be a housewife and 588 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: all that. I think there's still some of that attitude 589 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,080 Speaker 1: has certainly changed and progressed over the years. But I 590 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 1: just think it's so interesting that these folks who are 591 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 1: literally living you know, in nature. I mean they really 592 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 1: are living in like their actual huts uh that they 593 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 1: live in are made of bamboo and they have to 594 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 1: rebuild them like every year or so, because like you know, 595 00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: the weather can get insane there. So it really is 596 00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: like the a living directly, you know, with nature, and 597 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,480 Speaker 1: then they build these, uh, these other huts out back. 598 00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:07,879 Speaker 1: So I don't know, you guys, I'd love to hear 599 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:11,680 Speaker 1: your thoughts, um, Diana, especially like how does I mean, 600 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,719 Speaker 1: you know, you being like a woman and all, how 601 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 1: does this strike you? I mean, I think it's really 602 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,680 Speaker 1: fascinating and it's such an interesting, you know, thing to 603 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 1: read about. Especially we'll get to the kind of status 604 00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: of it and you know, the future of it now, 605 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,319 Speaker 1: but um, it is still kind of a thing. Yeah, 606 00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting. It was funny that you 607 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: said puritanical, because you know, I did all those puritan 608 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,880 Speaker 1: courtship things, and part of bundling was that you expected 609 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: to have some sexual contact, you just weren't meant to 610 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 1: get pregnant. And then and then the idea came around 611 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: that women were very pure and a sexual and didn't 612 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: have any sexual desire at all, Like that was the 613 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,920 Speaker 1: the ideal woman. And that's when bundling kind of stopped happening. Um. 614 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,960 Speaker 1: So it's just interesting to me that they're like, no, 615 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,960 Speaker 1: women like sex. They like it and it's a part 616 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: of life and it's a part of marriage, and of 617 00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,440 Speaker 1: course you should of course you should try and some 618 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:04,520 Speaker 1: pants and see what fits, you know what I mean, 619 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 1: like why not? So I just think that's really a 620 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 1: very enlightened way of thinking about I also like the 621 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 1: way that the the situation has been described. Whenever you 622 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,279 Speaker 1: hear stories like this, if you're in the West, you 623 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: have to be very careful to corroborate sources and make 624 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 1: sure you're not getting some unfairly exoticized or as you 625 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:29,360 Speaker 1: said earlier, Eli mothered kind of accounts. But even with that, 626 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,920 Speaker 1: some of the articles I read, I really I like 627 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,960 Speaker 1: the way they painted the scene. The guys aren't just 628 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: busting into these huts, to be clear, like they kick 629 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:41,520 Speaker 1: it on the stoop, uh, and they and they play 630 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,600 Speaker 1: some music, you know, and you know they do like 631 00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:54,480 Speaker 1: their their wonder wall or whatever they're For some reason 632 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 1: in my head, you know, I don't know what pop 633 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 1: music is popular there now, but I wanted to be 634 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,279 Speaker 1: something like really cific. It would be hilarious if it 635 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,719 Speaker 1: was Smash Melts All Star and it was like just 636 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 1: a very slow acoustic version, and then you know, it's 637 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: just like, yeah, we could all use a little change 638 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: so the uh, the thing is apparently if um, like 639 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,400 Speaker 1: you said, no, the consent is key. So if the um, 640 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,879 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say child, if they're thirteen, if the child 641 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 1: is not interested, then uh they they just politely talked 642 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 1: for a little while and then the boy moves on. 643 00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:35,200 Speaker 1: So there's no like, there's no entrance into this thing 644 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 1: without the consent of the of the person living in 645 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,600 Speaker 1: the maiden hunt, which I think is great. Well, I 646 00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 1: like the way you describe that, Ben, It's it's it 647 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,279 Speaker 1: reminds me of all you're saying that it goes kind 648 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: of back to nature, and you know, it's sort of 649 00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,759 Speaker 1: feels like these more um uh animal like rituals of 650 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:53,879 Speaker 1: of having to woo the male has to come over 651 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 1: and show his fancy feathers in order to get the 652 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,919 Speaker 1: female interested, and that that's I kind of like that idea. Yeah, 653 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: me too, where's my fancy feathers. It also just kind 654 00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,960 Speaker 1: of goes to show how so many of these ideas 655 00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:12,680 Speaker 1: are like constructs of that we kind of build for ourselves. 656 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:19,200 Speaker 1: Um And unfortunately even the Krung people are not completely 657 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,279 Speaker 1: oblivious to that, are completely not you know, affected by 658 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,040 Speaker 1: these things because these practices have kind of started to 659 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,799 Speaker 1: wane a little bit. And that's largely because so Okay, 660 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,600 Speaker 1: a big part of it was the functionality of it. 661 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,919 Speaker 1: Very much like your story, Diana, where the Puritans lived 662 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 1: in these tiny, you know, single common area homes. Uh. 663 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:43,040 Speaker 1: That's the same with the Krung people. Um, they have these, 664 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 1: like I said, very rudimentary kind of bamboo huts. So 665 00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: it was like kind of like it made sense that 666 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 1: when you know, a girl reached a certain age to 667 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 1: move her out because they wanted the space. And also 668 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,920 Speaker 1: they didn't they didn't have a wooing tube or whatever 669 00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,680 Speaker 1: it's called. Um, and they bundling wasn't exactly a thing. 670 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,800 Speaker 1: But this is not that different. I mean, you're like, 671 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,920 Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that it was sort of the 672 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:10,919 Speaker 1: leadership of the church that walked back bundling and sort 673 00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:13,920 Speaker 1: of took that agency away from from women that was 674 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:18,120 Speaker 1: already there. Uh. And what's happening here is, as you know, 675 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: technology kind of reaches these areas. Again, this article was 676 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 1: from two thousand eleven. A lot of lots happened since 677 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 1: then in terms of just like the exponential availability of 678 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:31,000 Speaker 1: technology and just like you know, the affordability as well, 679 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: and even like you know, things like access to the internet, 680 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,440 Speaker 1: like even in like it's really really remote areas. So 681 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,960 Speaker 1: what's happening is there's also more wealth kind of pouring 682 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,800 Speaker 1: into some of these more you know areas which different 683 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,160 Speaker 1: different building materials. So instead of using bamboo and these 684 00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,200 Speaker 1: kind of temporary structures and having this reason to kind 685 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:54,080 Speaker 1: of keep this tradition going, now they're building their homes 686 00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:57,279 Speaker 1: out of brick and concrete and such, and they want 687 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,879 Speaker 1: all of their rooms to be contained within the one house, 688 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,200 Speaker 1: so it doesn't make sense to build it, and then 689 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,520 Speaker 1: the tradition of it all kind of falls apart at 690 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,920 Speaker 1: that point, right, and it just seems like this is 691 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,440 Speaker 1: something that is maybe going to disappear. And that's actually 692 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: what the article on advice is about. It's called the 693 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,600 Speaker 1: Struggle to save teen Love Huts. In Cambodia, they're also 694 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:23,279 Speaker 1: referred to as maiden huts. But the thing is, all 695 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,560 Speaker 1: of the stories that I've read about the relationships that 696 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,919 Speaker 1: these led to they last lifetime. I mean, like there's 697 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,360 Speaker 1: like very little divorced as well, and like, you know, 698 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,920 Speaker 1: because you have a chance to actually get to know 699 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: your partner both sexually and uh, you know, in terms 700 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,440 Speaker 1: of like, hey, I like to hang out with you 701 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,760 Speaker 1: because you're you know, we actually have things in common. 702 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,640 Speaker 1: And honestly, it's the conversation that sort of starts the 703 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 1: whole thing. And if a woman has decides like, oh, 704 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,239 Speaker 1: this dude's dull, like she can just kick him right 705 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,600 Speaker 1: on out. Or sometimes they'll just snuggle and sleep in 706 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,520 Speaker 1: the same room, but there won't be maybe you know, 707 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:55,920 Speaker 1: maybe some some hand stuff all of the Puritans, but 708 00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,279 Speaker 1: that's it, and then there's no hard feelings, right, and 709 00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:03,040 Speaker 1: there's no concept of jealousy there. Again, like we said, 710 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,759 Speaker 1: sexual violence and rape are very very very very rare, 711 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,000 Speaker 1: but just the idea of jealousy is like not a thing. 712 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 1: You kind of just accept it and move on. And 713 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,680 Speaker 1: it's all because of what the woman wants. And I 714 00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:23,279 Speaker 1: don't know, I think it's great. One thing that that 715 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:27,680 Speaker 1: feels important to mention here is that this is this 716 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,160 Speaker 1: is a practice in the Highlands, right. This is a 717 00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 1: specific community of specific people. So it's not Cambodia overall. No, No, 718 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:39,000 Speaker 1: it's specifically in an area or a village called crow 719 00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:44,360 Speaker 1: law Um in an area called retan Akiri in Cambodia. 720 00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: It's like I said very much. You know, in a 721 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:50,600 Speaker 1: deep wooded kind of areas, and Cambodia itself, we know 722 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:55,640 Speaker 1: is incredibly conservative when it comes to ideas of things 723 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,839 Speaker 1: like divorce. I think, uh, I think they're divorce rate 724 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,600 Speaker 1: was like back there's an old stap but back in 725 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,040 Speaker 1: the late nineties, their divorce rate was two point four percent, 726 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,400 Speaker 1: at least their official would because it would be a 727 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:13,360 Speaker 1: costly processed So I'm saying that if the if the 728 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,040 Speaker 1: culture is like the culture and the rest of Cambodia, 729 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,000 Speaker 1: divorce is supposed to be an extremely shameful affair. So 730 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,000 Speaker 1: just to point out, it may be possible that there 731 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,879 Speaker 1: are people stuck in unhappy marriages, but to be fair, 732 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,880 Speaker 1: that happens in the United States, where divorce is much easier. 733 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:32,440 Speaker 1: So I was about to ask if you knew if 734 00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,920 Speaker 1: they did kind of what we did when we couldn't divorce, 735 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:38,000 Speaker 1: which was the guy would kind of go off and 736 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,440 Speaker 1: do whatever and the lady would like have like a 737 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,320 Speaker 1: guy just hang out with her, Like no, when I'm married. 738 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:49,279 Speaker 1: When I'm married, we just lived together for years. Yeah, 739 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,200 Speaker 1: Like I wonder if they have anything like that. Yes, 740 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:54,879 Speaker 1: we just have a kid together. But it's no big deal, 741 00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,000 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, No, I don't know specifically how they 742 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:02,040 Speaker 1: handle divorce, sure that how they handle you know, separation 743 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,480 Speaker 1: like that. But um, it is it is kind of 744 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:07,799 Speaker 1: sad that these maiden huts or love huts really are 745 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:11,440 Speaker 1: much much, much more rare these days. Um. There certainly 746 00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,279 Speaker 1: are pockets where it still goes on, um, but it 747 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:19,360 Speaker 1: is just becoming increasingly more unusual. Uh. And it's the 748 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:24,520 Speaker 1: Vice article actually interviews a chawby um who was fifteen 749 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,319 Speaker 1: in the early sixties, so that's when this was kind 750 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,400 Speaker 1: of maybe at its peak. And that's she describes kind 751 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,799 Speaker 1: of her experience back when she was young and how 752 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:36,920 Speaker 1: different things are now. So um, really really interesting. Sounds 753 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:42,680 Speaker 1: like the the it's the original she shed. It gives 754 00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:46,480 Speaker 1: me two questions, I guess, Um, One, are these girls 755 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 1: permitted to Is this a voluntary thing? If girls are 756 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,879 Speaker 1: just like I don't want I don't want to love shack, 757 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,320 Speaker 1: I don't want to build one, is that something? And 758 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,719 Speaker 1: then also it seems, uh, you know it's very heterosexually 759 00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,880 Speaker 1: dre even sure. I don't know if that ever comes up. Yeah, no, 760 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,800 Speaker 1: nothing that I've seen, but I wouldn't be surprised me. 761 00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,080 Speaker 1: I don't want to uh, you know, conjecture, but I 762 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:12,800 Speaker 1: wouldn't be surprised given the kind of progressive nature of 763 00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:16,919 Speaker 1: this whole practice, if even things like um, same sex, 764 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,759 Speaker 1: you know, relationships were a little more uh, a little 765 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,840 Speaker 1: less frowned upon. But again I haven't really seen anything 766 00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,680 Speaker 1: about that specifically. But as far as like, you know, 767 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,399 Speaker 1: are they forced to do this, I honestly think it's 768 00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,960 Speaker 1: just always kind of looked at as a privilege, and 769 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,680 Speaker 1: it is. It was so ingrained kind of in the culture, 770 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,200 Speaker 1: and it gives you so much control, and you know, 771 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,120 Speaker 1: it is it is ultimately about getting married. Like I mean, 772 00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,000 Speaker 1: I think you're you're right, you know, I get what 773 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,040 Speaker 1: you're saying. You like, like, what if I don't want 774 00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:45,400 Speaker 1: to get married, or what if I just want to 775 00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 1: be single and that's nothing that's important to me. I 776 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,640 Speaker 1: think that part of it is a little arm twisty, right, 777 00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,920 Speaker 1: Like I mean, so there is still some you know, 778 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:59,360 Speaker 1: forcing young women to fit into a certain mold, but 779 00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,800 Speaker 1: at least it's on their own terms. I'm seeing the 780 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:06,279 Speaker 1: Disney Pixar princess who doesn't want to you know, it 781 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,080 Speaker 1: goes on a journey instead or does it want to leave? 782 00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:13,600 Speaker 1: I think you can stay at twenty About to ask 783 00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,960 Speaker 1: did they get married really early? Because I know you 784 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 1: said it was like twelve to fifteen. Is that when 785 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,160 Speaker 1: they start? Yeah, it's it's unclear as if there's like 786 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,920 Speaker 1: a clock on it, you know what I mean. But 787 00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:25,880 Speaker 1: it's as far as like how long do you have 788 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,279 Speaker 1: to to make your decision? Like are people like really 789 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,280 Speaker 1: breathing down your neck about it? Your you know, your parents. 790 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,440 Speaker 1: I kind of get the sense that they are to 791 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:37,680 Speaker 1: a degree um. But again today, according to this Vice article, 792 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,719 Speaker 1: women are young girls rather are often married by the 793 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,759 Speaker 1: time they're twelve. It does it was a bit of 794 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,759 Speaker 1: a late bloomer. So I feel like, if you know, 795 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,240 Speaker 1: I don't, I wasn't really interested in boys there anything 796 00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,400 Speaker 1: like that until I was until I was at least sixteen, 797 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,320 Speaker 1: and you know, I didn't really care about that. So 798 00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I would be like, damn, I missed 799 00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,279 Speaker 1: my chance for my love. Hut, I just got a 800 00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:04,399 Speaker 1: big one. The chob I mentioned earlier said that people 801 00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,000 Speaker 1: would stay in there up until they were twenty five, 802 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:12,040 Speaker 1: So it seems like it goes um. While the beginning 803 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,719 Speaker 1: may hinge on you know, signs of puberty or something 804 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,160 Speaker 1: like that. It looks like the maiden in the maiden 805 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:21,600 Speaker 1: Hut has a lot of latitude and agency to decide 806 00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,319 Speaker 1: when they're done or when they find their partner. But again, 807 00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,000 Speaker 1: there are a lot of you know, in these communities, 808 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,080 Speaker 1: there may be a lot of other pressures that were 809 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:33,120 Speaker 1: not aware of that might push someone into a marriage 810 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,680 Speaker 1: of some sort. Well, and what about birth control or 811 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:39,680 Speaker 1: there are a lot of teen pregnancies some Yeah, no, 812 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:43,000 Speaker 1: it's it's definitely a thing. There are unplanned pregnancies. But 813 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,560 Speaker 1: you know, again talking reading interviews with some of these 814 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:51,719 Speaker 1: these young women, they understand safe sex and they practice it. 815 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,880 Speaker 1: If there ever is an unplanned pregnancy, um, it is 816 00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,320 Speaker 1: you know, a situation where the man has to provide 817 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,480 Speaker 1: for that child. Um So, so even if they don't 818 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:07,040 Speaker 1: get married, he still has responsibility for that's very much. So. 819 00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,239 Speaker 1: I don't think it instantly means they have to get 820 00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:14,600 Speaker 1: married either. According to the Marie Claar article, typically if 821 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,520 Speaker 1: this happens, they will get married. But at the end 822 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,160 Speaker 1: of the day, if if the girl does not choose him, 823 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,880 Speaker 1: the man still has to you know, provide for the 824 00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 1: child and raise the child as his own. All right, 825 00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:31,160 Speaker 1: So there you haven't um two very different but kind 826 00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:36,319 Speaker 1: of weirdly spiritually entwined kind of stories of courtship. Yeah. 827 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,240 Speaker 1: I like that we went around the world in this series. 828 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,640 Speaker 1: And and there's something else that happened we mentioned in 829 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:47,960 Speaker 1: part one. I think I had noted that we're barely 830 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:53,200 Speaker 1: scratching the surface because we found so many other odd things, right, 831 00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,480 Speaker 1: and and of course we have to be aware of 832 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:59,400 Speaker 1: cultural bias. The United States is full of very strange 833 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:03,440 Speaker 1: courtship rituals. His future historians are going to look back like, 834 00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,839 Speaker 1: what the hell were they doing? You know? And uh, 835 00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:12,000 Speaker 1: And so I personally can't wait to hear more people's 836 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:17,200 Speaker 1: stories of unique courtship customs. But I also can't wait 837 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:22,160 Speaker 1: to hear more ridiculous romance. Diana Eli, thank you both 838 00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,000 Speaker 1: so much for joining us for part two. Can you 839 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:28,239 Speaker 1: give us a give the ridiculous historians a little bit 840 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,000 Speaker 1: of a spoiler for some episodes you guys are working on. 841 00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,279 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we got a great this whole week coming up. 842 00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:38,280 Speaker 1: Now we're gonna be looking at two very powerful couples 843 00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 1: who uh the women of which wives of rulers who 844 00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,279 Speaker 1: had an incredible influence on on those rules. So we're 845 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:52,160 Speaker 1: talking about Winston Clementine Churchill, uh, and it particularly Clementine's 846 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,160 Speaker 1: influence on World War Two, which is really only uncovered 847 00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,719 Speaker 1: in the last few years, and it's outrageous. We would 848 00:48:57,719 --> 00:48:59,359 Speaker 1: we would all be speaking German today if it weren't 849 00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:03,600 Speaker 1: for Clementine church show quickly absolutely, yeah. Yeah. And then 850 00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,440 Speaker 1: we also went to ancient Egypt in BC times to 851 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,600 Speaker 1: hear about a Menotep the third and his powerful queen 852 00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,919 Speaker 1: Tier and she was It's a lot a lot harder 853 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:17,600 Speaker 1: to find out what exactly, you know, specifically was going 854 00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:20,120 Speaker 1: on in the day to day of ancient Egypt, but 855 00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,320 Speaker 1: it's very clear that she definitely had a lot of 856 00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,040 Speaker 1: influence in foreign relations and stuff during that time. So 857 00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:31,680 Speaker 1: so she's also the reason this podcast is in German, thankfully, 858 00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:36,120 Speaker 1: thanks for Queen Tia keeping us all from speaking Germany. 859 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:41,759 Speaker 1: Number that she was very worried about it. We do 860 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:45,000 Speaker 1: get sucked into a lot of butterfly effect conversations sometimes 861 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,640 Speaker 1: thinking about if these two hadn't met in you know, 862 00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:52,360 Speaker 1: what would be different now? We wouldn't we wouldn't have 863 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:56,719 Speaker 1: ending machines or something. Yeah, it would be it would 864 00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:00,560 Speaker 1: be something very I love those conversations because the further 865 00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:03,520 Speaker 1: back in time you go, the smaller and stranger and 866 00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,920 Speaker 1: more specific the thing can become. You know, definitely like 867 00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:14,680 Speaker 1: crocks if you think about it, jengis cot just think 868 00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,759 Speaker 1: about adults, say no yet think it through. Uh. This 869 00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,000 Speaker 1: has been such a blast. Uh. I cannot wait to 870 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:26,560 Speaker 1: hear those episodes of Ridiculous Romance. Uh they do come 871 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,120 Speaker 1: out twice a week. And uh no, I thought we did. 872 00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:31,840 Speaker 1: I thought we did all right on this one. What 873 00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:33,840 Speaker 1: do you think, man? I think we did. And we 874 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,279 Speaker 1: had two solid episodes out of it too, and like 875 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,319 Speaker 1: you said, been kind of a tour around the world. 876 00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,320 Speaker 1: We gotta do this again, you guys super fun. I 877 00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,719 Speaker 1: certainly learned a lot and I will definitely sound a 878 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:49,000 Speaker 1: little smarter at the next party I go to, which 879 00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:50,920 Speaker 1: I think we're all we're gonna be going to together. 880 00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 1: I think we're all going to a podcast conference thing 881 00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,320 Speaker 1: in Nashville. The whole Ridiculous crew really excited about that, 882 00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,200 Speaker 1: very excited. They can't wait. And we helped have you 883 00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:05,000 Speaker 1: guys on our show soon too. Yeah, so anytime. Well, 884 00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,520 Speaker 1: thanks again to Eli and Diana from Ridiculous Romance. You 885 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,680 Speaker 1: can find that show everywhere you get your favorite podcast. 886 00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:15,160 Speaker 1: Huge thanks to super producers Casey Begraham, suproducer Max Williams, 887 00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 1: Alex Williams who composed our theme. Big big thanks to 888 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:23,719 Speaker 1: Christopher Hassi ootis to our research associate Gabe Louisier, and 889 00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:26,759 Speaker 1: two of course we do. We will say his name 890 00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,640 Speaker 1: this time because we haven't met our beetlejuice rule yet, 891 00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:33,440 Speaker 1: But thanks to Jonathan Strickland's a k. The Quister, I 892 00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:39,040 Speaker 1: imagine that he has a few weird courtship rituals of 893 00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,880 Speaker 1: his own, as stories as anecdotes. I'm not accusing the 894 00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:52,319 Speaker 1: guy anything. We'll see you next time, folks. For more 895 00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:54,839 Speaker 1: podcasts for my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 896 00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,960 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.