Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's one of
Speaker 1: your hosts, Jana Kramer, jumping in today. My guest is
Speaker 1: someone we all watched on her journey to finding love
Speaker 1: in her chapter two, and even though it didn't end
Speaker 1: in a perfect match for her, we're sure she was
Speaker 1: going to find love again. It's Cindy Colors, runner up
Speaker 1: on The Golden Bachelor. She's here, so let's get her
Speaker 1: on and talk all things Part two. Hello, Hey Cindy,
Speaker 1: I'm Jana.
Speaker 2: Hi Janna.
Speaker 1: Are you just coming off a whirlwind right now?
Speaker 3: Crazy? I'm crazy, but I remember your country songs. I'm
Speaker 3: a big country fan. Oh, and I live in Austin
Speaker 3: and I love you. Ever played at acl but I
Speaker 3: live in the building.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, Okay, yeah, no, I've been. I I used
Speaker 1: to film a TV show in Austin Friday Night Lights
Speaker 1: for a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've been to Austin many times for country music back
Speaker 1: in the day. But it's always fun to meet people
Speaker 1: that know me from that side of things, because most
Speaker 1: people know me from One Tree Hill that then became
Speaker 1: a country artist. But it's always fun to find the
Speaker 1: people that have known me just from music.
Speaker 3: So yeah, just from music. Yeah, well, it's a pleasure
Speaker 3: to know you today.
Speaker 1: I know, nice to chat with you, Sindy, and we'll
Speaker 1: just hop right into it. So I have to be honest.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch the show. I've watched now clips of
Speaker 1: it all, and if I'm totally honest, I had a
Speaker 1: he didn't give me the vibe that I was. I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say this. I'll root for everyone
Speaker 1: to find love, but it just didn't seem he seemed
Speaker 1: a bit of a player from how well I think honestly,
Speaker 1: it was this comment that he made about wanting to
Speaker 1: date someone not older. And that's fine, you know what
Speaker 1: you want, but that just to me came off a little.
Speaker 3: But don't go into show too if you know you
Speaker 3: are any younger, if you know you want younger, don't
Speaker 3: go on this show.
Speaker 1: Right, So you did you know what he said before
Speaker 1: you guys started filming.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 3: I had heard the pod, I'd seen the transcript of
Speaker 3: the podcast, and then I went to listen to the
Speaker 3: podcast and I was concerned about it enough to ask
Speaker 3: a producer kind of what discussion they had with him,
Speaker 3: to kind of just you know, to understand what that was,
Speaker 3: and they just described to me, and I figured the
Speaker 3: network knew better than I did. So if they said
Speaker 3: he's okay to be on the show, that I should
Speaker 3: be okay to be on the show. To be honest too,
Speaker 3: I'm still sixty, so I still fit within the range
Speaker 3: of what he was thinking. And I have I have
Speaker 3: lots of people in my life who are on their second,
Speaker 3: in between second, third, first marriages who want to date younger.
Speaker 3: So I get the mentality, and you know, I it's
Speaker 3: it's going to be what it's going to be. He's
Speaker 3: either going to meet these fabulous women who are sixty
Speaker 3: and over and be like wowed by us, or he's
Speaker 3: going to continue to think that he wants to date
Speaker 3: somebody younger.
Speaker 1: Right, I mean when when you first saw him, obviously
Speaker 1: he's a handsome looking dude, so you had your first
Speaker 1: impression of him when you're on the show, but looking back, like,
Speaker 1: what was your true first impression of him?
Speaker 3: Definitely that he was handsome and that you know, I
Speaker 3: projected some stuff onto him that maybe right or wrong,
Speaker 3: But he's a professional athlete. I grew up cheering and
Speaker 3: then I danced for the Dallas Mavericks, so I've been
Speaker 3: around that group of people, and back in the day,
Speaker 3: it wasn't like where you went to make a lot
Speaker 3: of money. That's just not what it was. He was
Speaker 3: a hard worker. He sacrificed his body for his team
Speaker 3: and the city. And I recognize the dedication that it
Speaker 3: takes to play his position for that many years for
Speaker 3: the same team and then to step out of that
Speaker 3: to become an attorney. I was projecting onto him just
Speaker 3: that he was able to make big, bold changes in
Speaker 3: his life that you know, he had a sense of
Speaker 3: dedication and some of those things I think are true,
Speaker 3: and some of them may or may not be true.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, I know I get that piece. I mean
Speaker 1: I dated an ex athlete who that transition when they're
Speaker 1: done playing. I mean, it takes them. It's hard for
Speaker 1: them to then rEFInd themselves because they just did the
Speaker 1: one thing they loved so much. They were making great money.
Speaker 1: It's like, how do you go from making great money
Speaker 1: and being this person everyone cheered for? It really takes
Speaker 1: a hit on their life, and I know a lot
Speaker 1: of athletes that then go into depression from that. But
Speaker 1: how they outwardly can deal with that at times is
Speaker 1: through not being a great guy. Maybe with other women,
Speaker 1: that was my experience. I know, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: put that on All the dudes are professional former athletes,
Speaker 1: but with him, you know, you're walking into this and
Speaker 1: obviously you're wanting to find love again because how many
Speaker 1: years have you been divorced?
Speaker 2: Seven seven years? Seven years now and you were married
Speaker 2: for how long? Married? Twenty five years? Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the reason for the divorce?
Speaker 3: I haven't really spoken openly about it, and I'm not
Speaker 3: sure that I will now. Yeah, just it's out of
Speaker 3: respect for my kids and for you know, and for him.
Speaker 2: I want all of us to go on and live
Speaker 2: a great life.
Speaker 3: And I can say that especially now because I'm in
Speaker 3: a wonderful place and have overcome the challenge of what
Speaker 3: divorce can can be disruptive, and I've turned it, you know,
Speaker 3: I've made lemonade out of lemons for sure with it.
Speaker 2: So I've just chosen to move on.
Speaker 1: No, I think that's beautiful, though, I like I commend
Speaker 1: that there's many times when I've spoken too much about that. Now.
Speaker 1: There are things that I have not said to protect
Speaker 1: the kids, and then other things that you know, we've
Speaker 1: both publicly talked about so.
Speaker 3: And there are some things that people can learn from
Speaker 3: our journeys. And I just feel like the journey that
Speaker 3: I went with my divorce was something so common that
Speaker 3: I don't need to be the one who has the
Speaker 3: insight for it. I think that that's part of it.
Speaker 3: I think that some of the things I've heard you
Speaker 3: say are this is definitely unusual, and you can help
Speaker 3: some people through their situation by telling your story and
Speaker 3: telling not just your story about what happened, but telling
Speaker 3: your redemption part of it, how you walked through it
Speaker 3: and got to a better place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think people in my when I do
Speaker 1: speak about that, the hard part is is that people
Speaker 1: just go, oh, well, you met this great guy. I said, no,
Speaker 1: But I was good before him. That's the thing, Like
Speaker 1: I found peace before him. And I think that's why
Speaker 1: I was, you know, able to find a good man
Speaker 1: because I was. I was happy. I didn't need I
Speaker 1: didn't need his love. His love was just the kind
Speaker 1: of the cherry on top, you know, because I finally
Speaker 1: profound a place where I was able to love myself,
Speaker 1: because if not, I would have just gotten back into
Speaker 1: the same type of relationship with the same kind of man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's super important to be able to stand on
Speaker 3: yourself on your two feet. I've made mention of it
Speaker 3: in one of the episodes. But the hard part is
Speaker 3: once you are able to stand on your two feet again,
Speaker 3: then transferring your weight and leaning into someone else ash
Speaker 3: that you just it's a it's scary again because you
Speaker 3: don't know if that's going to go away or you know,
Speaker 3: get kicked out from underneath you. So how much of
Speaker 3: your weight do you transfer into a new relationship now
Speaker 3: that you know you're standing on your two feet again.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, and the chances of getting knocked back down
Speaker 1: again are are high. But at the same time, I
Speaker 1: always look at it as you're going to learn something
Speaker 1: new each time and then the right one will we'll stay.
Speaker 1: And that's you know, the beauty and all of it.
Speaker 1: So it's like, what's what's the lesson? And with this experience,
Speaker 1: what do you think your lesson was? You know, within
Speaker 1: doing this Golden Bachelor.
Speaker 3: A lesson I've been considering, like what are the things
Speaker 3: I've learned about myself? I learned that I was still
Speaker 3: putting my kids between me and my relationships. I definitely
Speaker 3: learned that and I did not recognize I was doing that.
Speaker 3: I knew that I put my career between me and
Speaker 3: my relationships. I knew that I would put other men
Speaker 3: between me and my relationships. I did not recognize I
Speaker 3: could use my family and use my family to keep
Speaker 3: myself distant from a new relationship. But lesson did I learn?
Speaker 3: I think that I learned I still have a tendency
Speaker 3: to be over optimistic and to project good things onto people.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure I want to change that. I think
Speaker 3: one day someone's going to prove me right. And so
Speaker 3: it's a lesson that I've learned, Like, just be cautious,
Speaker 3: but I want to remain optimistic through this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, no one wants to get That's the
Speaker 1: thing too. People will reach out and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just I'm not going to put myself back out there,
Speaker 1: and it's like, don't, like, you don't want to be
Speaker 1: bitter in love either because that's not a or then
Speaker 1: you're letting the person that hurt you before kind of
Speaker 1: win and b it's like you're losing at the end
Speaker 1: of the day because there is love out there. Again,
Speaker 1: it might not you might not find the love of
Speaker 1: your life. Some people don't write they but that's also
Speaker 1: I think in their choice because they're not wanting to
Speaker 1: put themselves out there or do maybe some healing work
Speaker 1: to get to a place to be open to it
Speaker 1: or find the right person.
Speaker 3: So it's all and definitely And in the in the
Speaker 3: show I walked out, It wasn't like Mel rejected me.
Speaker 1: Well that's that was my next question. So what was
Speaker 1: what was your reasoning for saying, you know what, this
Speaker 1: doesn't suit me.
Speaker 3: He didn't serve me. The vision that he had for
Speaker 3: a future was not enough.
Speaker 1: Because he told you what, like what was his vision?
Speaker 1: Because obviously he didn't propose to Peggy who just just
Speaker 1: gave her the the what's that called promise ring? A
Speaker 1: promise ring? And how are we in high school? I
Speaker 1: don't know, but you know like.
Speaker 3: That that alone.
Speaker 1: That promise ring, it was from my high school sweetheart.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, let's this is this is silly?
Speaker 2: You are?
Speaker 1: How old? Like we're not doing promise rings? Or is
Speaker 1: that is it?
Speaker 2: Back? I'm not doing promise rings? Yeah, I could tell
Speaker 2: you that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, so so what was it? What did he
Speaker 1: say to you? Like when you guys are having your
Speaker 1: your kind of last meeting before your your you're wanting
Speaker 1: and making this decision. Did he say flat out I
Speaker 1: don't want to get married.
Speaker 3: He was saying that he doesn't know, and that he
Speaker 3: wanted to wait two years because of his sons, that
Speaker 3: he wanted to get them, you know, kind of up
Speaker 3: and on their own. And I get that, Yeah, but
Speaker 3: after two years, why would he need to be engaged,
Speaker 3: because at that point he could get married. And it
Speaker 3: just doesn't make any It doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 3: And I did ask him a question about the first
Speaker 3: time that he got married. Why did he wait so
Speaker 3: long to be married the first time. I don't know
Speaker 3: if it was a test or not. I was just
Speaker 3: curious to hear if his response was because I hadn't
Speaker 3: met the right woman. That's a different response than I
Speaker 3: just wasn't ready. And I was just getting this sense
Speaker 3: that Mel hasn't done the work. He's not ready. I've
Speaker 3: done the work. I think Mel and I had enough
Speaker 3: ingredients to kind of take it to the next level.
Speaker 3: And obviously there's there's still a lot more to be
Speaker 3: discovered in a relationship, but you know, I just was
Speaker 3: the feeling that he's not ready and I've had way
Speaker 3: too many relationships in my life, and especially in the
Speaker 3: last seven years, where people just want to take your
Speaker 3: time and enjoy their time with you. And that's great,
Speaker 3: and I I, you know, I go on trips and
Speaker 3: go to concerts and go do a lot of things
Speaker 3: with some of those people. But in the end, that's
Speaker 3: not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a
Speaker 3: promise ring. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. And I
Speaker 3: even said it in a finale. If I wanted a boyfriend,
Speaker 3: I don't need to go on this show to have one.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It's so interesting too, because as we get older. I
Speaker 1: mean I remember back in my twenties, there was this
Speaker 1: guy who, you know, he was an actor. He just
Speaker 1: got divorced, but he liked me and we started dating.
Speaker 1: And I felt like for years that I was just
Speaker 1: trying to be chosen by him because he's like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I ever want to get married again,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if I'm like, well, but choose me,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to stay along, you know. And I
Speaker 1: just I was back and forth with them for years
Speaker 1: and it was so hard. And then I remember when
Speaker 1: I got divorced from my last husband, and I started,
Speaker 1: you know, he was in he was an athlete, an
Speaker 1: ex athlete who then was managing a team, and he's
Speaker 1: I started to feel that again where it was when
Speaker 1: it was only convenient for him and his timing, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I start and so I kind of caught
Speaker 1: it on pretty early and was like, I know my
Speaker 1: tendency of wanting to be chosen that I have to
Speaker 1: just be like, you know what, this doesn't work for
Speaker 1: me because I he's like, well, I just don't want
Speaker 1: you to get too attached, and I like where we're
Speaker 1: at right now now, but I just don't really know.
Speaker 1: You know, I've got detachment patterns and I just don't
Speaker 1: want you to attach. And I go, then I'm out
Speaker 1: because that's not for me.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's like this is I'm not just going to be
Speaker 1: your convenient person that you're going to call when when
Speaker 1: you're bored in the city. You know, like, that's not
Speaker 1: that's not me anymore. And I'm not going to wait
Speaker 1: around for you to choose me, because someone will choose
Speaker 1: me and I don't have to like prove this.
Speaker 2: Thing go bingo.
Speaker 3: Somebody's going to choose us. Somebody will choose us, and
Speaker 3: there's no pick me to any of this. I'll show
Speaker 3: you exactly who I am. I will be vulnerable, I
Speaker 3: will be honest and genuine. I will give you the
Speaker 3: time and dedication it takes for you to get to
Speaker 3: know me. But I'm not asking for you to pick me. Yes,
Speaker 3: I believe it's even biblical that a man knows when
Speaker 3: he meets his person. Yep Adam says to Eve, you
Speaker 3: are bone of my bone. Soas looks at Ruth and
Speaker 3: knows immediately. And I think that some men, you know,
Speaker 3: there are people that are in denial. Maybe he was
Speaker 3: in denial that you were the one, and maybe he's
Speaker 3: running from his you know, his attachment stylar, his previous hurts.
Speaker 3: So you don't have to act on it immediately. But
Speaker 3: I believe my guy is going to be immediately struck
Speaker 3: by who I am and will pursue me. And I'm
Speaker 3: looking forward to looking forward to that.
Speaker 1: Back to the divorce piece of things, because a lot
Speaker 1: of women will say, you know, how did you how
Speaker 1: did you get through the tough days? What was and
Speaker 1: I have the ways that helped me, but what was
Speaker 1: one of the things for you that got you up,
Speaker 1: obviously your kids, but that helped you get to the
Speaker 1: other side of the healing.
Speaker 3: I had a good friend tell me that you couldn't
Speaker 3: have gotten here without going through there m And she
Speaker 3: said it to me often enough that I finally etched
Speaker 3: it in my brain. And on my hard days, you know,
Speaker 3: when I wish that I had the life that I
Speaker 3: used to have, I realized this is a life that
Speaker 3: I now can choose and it's not. I still have
Speaker 3: hard days where I wish that I had that previous life.
Speaker 3: Holidays in particular very hard.
Speaker 2: Press. Yeah, same, yeah, But I'm in.
Speaker 3: A better place, and I just I just need to
Speaker 3: go back and continue to recognize that this is my
Speaker 3: path and that every step along the way has been
Speaker 3: you know, ordered in advance. And I need to to
Speaker 3: recognize the doors and windows that have been opened in
Speaker 3: front of me, and acknowledge and appreciate the doors and
Speaker 3: windows that have closed behind me, and just keep your
Speaker 3: head down and your feet moving.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Only way to get through it is to go through it.
Speaker 3: Is so many people get stuck, you know, Like my
Speaker 3: therapist was saying about forty percent of people who lose
Speaker 3: a spouse or get divorced or you know, losing children.
Speaker 3: I think is even higher. But forty percent of people
Speaker 3: never return to a positive life, and I was determined
Speaker 3: to live big on the other side of what happened
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, absolutely, Okay, So when you were on the
Speaker 1: show and you're surrounded by obviously all these beautiful women,
Speaker 1: did you feel the camaraderie of everyone wanting again? It's
Speaker 1: hard you're trying to date the same guy, right, So
Speaker 1: how was that like when in when you're older going
Speaker 1: through that, Because I see how the girls are in
Speaker 1: their twenties thirties on the show. What was that like
Speaker 1: for you, ladies?
Speaker 3: I think we still had some of those twenties and
Speaker 3: thirties moments where you know, you're trying to check out
Speaker 3: the competition, so to speak. But I could speak for myself,
Speaker 3: I can't speak for all of them. I found a
Speaker 3: group of women to be so engaging and so loving,
Speaker 3: and of course we're spending time with the same guy.
Speaker 3: But they are incredible women on this cast, and I
Speaker 3: fell in love with almost each and every one of them.
Speaker 3: And having that time in the mansion. So we have
Speaker 3: nineteen women who move into the mansion and I live
Speaker 3: by myself, none of my kids live in town. I've
Speaker 3: got lots of good friends and colleagues. But you know,
Speaker 3: this is a cool experience to be in a house
Speaker 3: with eighteen other women. We're cooking for each other, We're
Speaker 3: trying to share a bathroom, all five of us, trying
Speaker 3: to get ready and brush our teeth and shower, and
Speaker 3: I'm in a top in a room where the patio
Speaker 3: doors don't latch, and just sharing time with these women
Speaker 3: and knowing that they're all kind of in a similar situation.
Speaker 3: Some had lost their husbands, some have been married a
Speaker 3: couple times, some are divorced a long time, Some were fresh.
Speaker 3: So we all had kind of a different life experience.
Speaker 3: But it was a privilege to be in this little
Speaker 3: sorority of the Golden Bachelor castmates.
Speaker 1: Were you in Peggy clothes?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, so there's no friendship there? Then post show either Noah?
Speaker 2: No? Got it?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, maybe two people end up those two people
Speaker 1: were meant to be together. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, I think this has ended up exactly the way
Speaker 3: it needed to end up, and I'm personally grateful that
Speaker 3: it ended up this way.
Speaker 1: So I have a question for you, because I have
Speaker 1: a few friends who are divorced that are fifty sixty
Speaker 1: years old, and they some of them have given up
Speaker 1: the hope that they're going to find someone and that
Speaker 1: they then go to the place of And I felt
Speaker 1: this too, Like when I got divorced. I was late thirties,
Speaker 1: and I mean I was like seven eight, and I
Speaker 1: thought to myself, I don't haven't it's done. I'm I'm old,
Speaker 1: I've I don't have time. I've I've wasted time, you know,
Speaker 1: And you know I've again. I've got a very good
Speaker 1: friend that's almost fifty, another friend that's sixty, same thing
Speaker 1: where she's just feels like she wasted so much time
Speaker 1: with her last husband that there's no way she'll meet
Speaker 1: someone now. So it's where do you mentally go with
Speaker 1: staying positive in that mind frame when you want when
Speaker 1: they want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 3: Well, I think you have to back to our previous conversation.
Speaker 3: I think I'm okay by myself and a man is
Speaker 3: going to be lucky to partner up with me. I
Speaker 3: am a multiplier, and I think you know this one
Speaker 3: plus one equals to is just insane. I am a
Speaker 3: multiplier and some man is going to be super lucky.
Speaker 3: If you bring me a house, guess what I'm going
Speaker 3: to deliver you a home, bring me your children. I
Speaker 3: will knit it together and make a new family. You
Speaker 3: bring me finances, and I will make you feel wealthy.
Speaker 3: And that's what a man is going to get in
Speaker 3: relationship with me. He'd be really lucky to come alongside me.
Speaker 3: If he doesn't, it's okay because I'm I'm living a
Speaker 3: pretty awesome life, full life with myself. I would love
Speaker 3: to have a partner. But if I don't, that's just,
Speaker 3: you know, just just my fate in life. I'm okay
Speaker 3: both ways, and I think you really just have to
Speaker 3: get like you talked about earlier.
Speaker 2: We have to get to a place where we're okay
Speaker 2: either way.
Speaker 1: I know, so much easier said than done, though, because
Speaker 1: there were there were so many times in my bed
Speaker 1: I'm like, no one will love me, you know, and
Speaker 1: it's like it's like, well it feels lonely sometimes, you know.
Speaker 3: But you also need to be prepared for that person
Speaker 3: in your life. I'll tell you what I just did.
Speaker 1: This.
Speaker 3: You're going to think I'm very silly. I have I
Speaker 3: live in this one bedroom Pondo, and I love it.
Speaker 3: It's just a little jewel box to me, and it's
Speaker 3: not very big, so I use every square inch. And
Speaker 3: I had these medicine cabinets put in on either side
Speaker 3: of my bathroom mirror, and I moved into one, and
Speaker 3: I kept the one on the other side open and
Speaker 3: available and just ready for I love it for my
Speaker 3: future man. And guess what, I started to creep into
Speaker 3: that medicine cabinet and put my stuff and kind of
Speaker 3: spread out a little bit. So this last week I
Speaker 3: moved things back out of that medicine cabinet and I
Speaker 3: made room in my life for a man. And I
Speaker 3: think we just all should be mindful that I will
Speaker 3: be prepared and be my best for my man to
Speaker 3: meet me this afternoon or tomorrow or in ten years.
Speaker 3: But I'm going to continue to work on being my
Speaker 3: best self for me, for my family, for life, and
Speaker 3: just making sure there's still room in my life for him.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's so sweet. So when did the
Speaker 1: show wrap? What month?
Speaker 3: It was end of August, Because right from the show,
Speaker 3: I had to go to my daughter. I had to
Speaker 3: I was privileged to go to my daughter's wedding, my
Speaker 3: second daughter's wedding in Italy. So within days I went
Speaker 3: from the you know, all the mind worldling, walk off
Speaker 3: the doc, leave the guy, to you know, really taking
Speaker 3: a look at what a fully committed, loving relationship looks like.
Speaker 3: And it was such a privilege to be there anyway,
Speaker 3: because I love these kids so much, but to really
Speaker 3: see what love looks like. Yeah, and then to compare
Speaker 3: it to what Mel was offering, it was, it was,
Speaker 3: It was perfect. It was so healing and so lovely
Speaker 3: to have that contrast.
Speaker 1: Since the show, has anyone slid into the dms or
Speaker 1: like where are you meeting? Where are you meeting guys?
Speaker 1: Like who would you like to slide into the DM?
Speaker 2: Like what.
Speaker 1: Have you slid into someone's you know, because I'm now
Speaker 1: obviously people watching you. You're beautiful, you know, you had
Speaker 1: a great energy, so I have to assume that there's
Speaker 1: men trying.
Speaker 3: I've had some men slide into my DM since I've
Speaker 3: had some friends introduced me to men, and you know,
Speaker 3: just just gonna this is the holidays, So I'm kind
Speaker 3: of taking a big old pause with all of that,
Speaker 3: just so I could focus on, you know, recentering myself
Speaker 3: and being with my family, and but yeah, there's I'm
Speaker 3: definitely not hesitant to get back out there. I'm not
Speaker 3: hesitant that my man is around the corner. I hope
Speaker 3: he's watching this. I hope he's listening to this and
Speaker 3: falls in love with me on this and calls immediately,
Speaker 3: And I think that he'll be bold enough to step
Speaker 3: forward the kind of man that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1: Oh. I love that she's ready to open her medicine cabinet,
Speaker 1: so I put your whatever you need in there. That
Speaker 1: is funny. Okay, so let's do a little rapid fire.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, what advice would you give to our listeners
Speaker 1: who are getting back into the dating scene for the
Speaker 1: first time?
Speaker 3: What advice would I give to people getting back into
Speaker 3: the dating scene? Work on being the best self. Being
Speaker 3: your best self will will attract the person that will
Speaker 3: meet your best self. Always elevate level up all the time.
Speaker 1: Do you think you should always give someone two dates
Speaker 1: to tell if there is chemistry?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Agreed? You know that first date? Yeah, anytime I ever
Speaker 1: tried a second date, I'm like, why did I do this?
Speaker 1: I knew the gut, the gut told me on the
Speaker 1: first one that it was a no.
Speaker 3: And if forget's not sure, if your gut doesn't say no,
Speaker 3: then you could have a second date and still say
Speaker 3: no after the second date.
Speaker 2: But sometimes it's just no, immediately agreed.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's a good idea to FaceTime a
Speaker 1: date you've met online before the first.
Speaker 3: Date depends on how much they're giving you in your exchanges,
Speaker 3: Like if you're not getting the full vibe, I definitely
Speaker 3: think it's better to hop on FaceTime. But if you're
Speaker 3: kind of getting a genuine vibe and I don't anything online,
Speaker 3: mine's either referrals by friends or some of these dms,
Speaker 3: So I'll just consider it like a DM.
Speaker 2: You just got to you know, got a sense how genuine.
Speaker 3: They're being in their responses to you.
Speaker 1: See, I am a FaceTime That is a was a rule,
Speaker 1: Like I have to FaceTime before because if I waste
Speaker 1: an hour away from the home or the kid, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like, I will so angry at myself.
Speaker 1: So and anytime my girlfriend who's divorced, she'll go she's like, huh,
Speaker 1: I should have listened to you. I'm like, I tell
Speaker 1: you every time you got a FaceTime, because you will
Speaker 1: just know.
Speaker 3: Well, I have a three step method. Oh I heard
Speaker 3: this from a million dollar matchmaker, because she's like, oh,
Speaker 3: you're single, you're divorced, I'll put you in my stable.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, no, no, I just being in.
Speaker 3: Nay no, that was good. So she said there's three
Speaker 3: steps that she uses to test compatibility. The first interaction
Speaker 3: is a coffee date or a drink, and since I
Speaker 3: don't drink coffee, it's usually meet me for a drink
Speaker 3: twenty to forty minutes. I don't care if I feel
Speaker 3: like I've met my soulmate twenty to forty minutes and
Speaker 3: we're cutting it off. Second date is an activity, so
Speaker 3: we'll go to the farmer's market, we'll stand up powder board,
Speaker 3: we'll go for a hike, we'll you know, I'll ask
Speaker 3: you to.
Speaker 2: Come move my couch.
Speaker 3: If you were referred by a friend, I'll make something up,
Speaker 3: but it will be an activity. And then the third
Speaker 3: date can be the dinner date, because you can waste
Speaker 3: a whole lot of time out there with people that
Speaker 3: you're not attracted to and you're not compatible with.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 3: So there's my three steps, and I tell all of
Speaker 3: my single friends to do it. That way, it saves
Speaker 3: you so much time. I'll also tell you what happens
Speaker 3: on that first date. If you're really vibing with them,
Speaker 3: something happens where you just forget the details. So they
Speaker 3: could tell you about their children, their names, how old
Speaker 3: they are, where they.
Speaker 2: Go to school, where they live.
Speaker 3: That all those details somehow go in one ear and
Speaker 3: out the other, and so you just don't really pay
Speaker 3: attention to them. Where I find if you have it
Speaker 3: on a second or third date, you're more able to
Speaker 3: I'm more able at least to retain that information.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that makes sense. Is it ever okay to
Speaker 1: split the bill on a first date? No, one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: It happened to me one time we went to the
Speaker 1: it was in Los Angeles, it was the it was
Speaker 1: called the Garlic Rose. And he put his card down.
Speaker 1: He's like, okay, He's like, we'll split it. You put
Speaker 1: the car down to first and only day. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: that is I know. And I love getting the bill.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. I love to get a bill. And
Speaker 1: that's something that I know that I had to stop
Speaker 1: because I would try sometimes to get it on the
Speaker 1: first date, and I'd learned once I got older, I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: they can.
Speaker 3: Pay, and they could pay. I'm a traditional woman. That's
Speaker 3: what I expect. It's not like I won't contribute financially.
Speaker 3: And by the way, I get access to some stuff
Speaker 3: because of where I live, how long I've lived here,
Speaker 3: that you'll get to taggle on with me for some
Speaker 3: fun stuff that you know you're not really paying for.
Speaker 3: But definitely don't split the chat ladies.
Speaker 1: Best tip for flirting or catching a man's attention the eyes.
Speaker 1: Give him the eyes, the eyes, and then the look
Speaker 1: down and then look back up and the look.
Speaker 3: I think that there's an art to flirting, but it
Speaker 3: all is wrapped up to me in a very intricate
Speaker 3: dance between masculine and feminine. And so if you find
Speaker 3: a man who enjoys being in their masculine it's easy
Speaker 3: to flirt with them for me, because it is about
Speaker 3: showing great appreciation, great interest and just I don't I'm
Speaker 3: not sure I have a step one, step two, step three,
Speaker 3: But I did try to coach a couple of women
Speaker 3: on the show about flirting, and Robin talks about it
Speaker 3: on the show, and it's not necessarily flirting, it's for
Speaker 3: just try to help the women get out of their
Speaker 3: masculine right. I run my own life. I've been independent
Speaker 3: for seven years. I don't necessarily need a man. And
Speaker 3: being feminine, I think, can be confused very often with
Speaker 3: being weak and giving up your power. I feel like
Speaker 3: gain power by being feminine, and I feel like I
Speaker 3: draw out the best in a man and help him
Speaker 3: be masculine.
Speaker 2: So there's a lot to it. This could be a
Speaker 2: whole segment.
Speaker 1: There's some really good books about that too, about female
Speaker 1: masculine and female and you know, being feminine male's masculinity
Speaker 1: because it's like you don't want guys don't want a
Speaker 1: masculine Most guys don't want a masculine women. But we
Speaker 1: feel that sometimes we have to since single parents, divorced,
Speaker 1: that we have this really protective barrier around us that
Speaker 1: sometimes will come out masculine and it's like that's not
Speaker 1: going to be the attraction to the other guy. We
Speaker 1: do feel more power once that is shed, So.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, and a man inherently over time and it
Speaker 3: gets worse, you're still a youngster men over time stop
Speaker 3: thinking and that's just a feminine it's more of a
Speaker 3: feminine trait and so they tend to stop thinking. And women,
Speaker 3: because we can do it all just like men can
Speaker 3: do it all, we allow it.
Speaker 2: So when I remember.
Speaker 3: Many times talking to a man and saying, you know,
Speaker 3: at this time, I don't feel the need to yield
Speaker 3: my independence to you. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3: And just the second half of that conversation, what do
Speaker 3: you think about that? And I ask men to think,
Speaker 3: and somebody wants to see me. I'm like, well, I
Speaker 3: live here, you live there? How does that look? What
Speaker 3: do you think about that? And I make them figure
Speaker 3: it out because I could do logistics all day, but
Speaker 3: I like having a man think and that allows me
Speaker 3: to feel and not that I can't do it.
Speaker 2: Will probably get some haters on this.
Speaker 1: In the oh it's so true though, but it's true.
Speaker 3: I think men men tend to lose their curiosity as
Speaker 3: they age, and they they stop thinking because other people
Speaker 3: think on their behalf.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. Should you kiss on a first date?
Speaker 1: Maybe I did. I did with my husband. So he
Speaker 1: kissed me. We were sitting on a couch and he
Speaker 1: just went right in and I was like, whoa. He
Speaker 1: did it a lot faster than I would have, but
Speaker 1: he kept saying it was because you know, we had
Speaker 1: been facetiming so much and he was overseas, so it
Speaker 1: was like that.
Speaker 3: Ant spees the moment. But back to the you know,
Speaker 3: Adam recognizing Eve right away. I think sometimes if a
Speaker 3: man knows and he's healed and he's ready and you're
Speaker 3: feeling it, nothing wrong with it, no shame. I think
Speaker 3: I don't want a roommate. I want I want to
Speaker 3: have a sexual chemistry with someone.
Speaker 1: Is it a red flag if you start dating someone
Speaker 1: who is separated but their divorce isn't final? Yes, what's
Speaker 1: a subtle red flag people tend to overlook when getting
Speaker 1: back into dating after divorce.
Speaker 3: Being divorce does not mean that they're available, or that
Speaker 3: they're healed, or that they're ready.
Speaker 1: What was Mel's biggest red flag?
Speaker 3: I don't know that Mel has a red flag. In general,
Speaker 3: nobody has a red flag. I think that he Okay,
Speaker 3: I'll tell you what I believe his red flag is.
Speaker 3: I think that he likes to observe and doesn't like
Speaker 3: to participate. Maybe even that he likes to observe and
Speaker 3: he's not even aware that he's not participating.
Speaker 2: That makes sense.
Speaker 3: So like for example, I love going on trips. I
Speaker 3: want to go skiing, I want to go to the beach,
Speaker 3: and I want to go with somebody who will do
Speaker 3: things with me and not just watch me have fun.
Speaker 3: That means I think that that was kind of a
Speaker 3: point of we were not compatible with that.
Speaker 1: If someone is a bad kiss or, does that mean
Speaker 1: they'll likely be bad in bed? Listen, I'll just answer
Speaker 1: that they're a bad kisser, they ain't getten in bed.
Speaker 1: I gotta have a good GISs there.
Speaker 2: No, but I will.
Speaker 3: I have had kissers who were not as good, and
Speaker 3: some men are trainable.
Speaker 1: Really because I had one that was a very bad
Speaker 1: kisser and I gave them a couple shots and it's
Speaker 1: still I was like, I can't do it. I love
Speaker 1: to kiss, and if you're not a good kisser, I
Speaker 1: just can't.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, if you go two or three times and you
Speaker 3: can't get any change.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm not going to throw them out right away.
Speaker 3: I think that you know, if you've been kissing someone else,
Speaker 3: you've been kissing that person in the way that the
Speaker 3: two of you kiss best. Sure, so now that you
Speaker 3: have someone new, you might need some different techniques. So
Speaker 3: give them a chance. All right, this is a producer question.
Speaker 1: How would you rate Mel's kissing skills? She's like as
Speaker 1: much as the red fluff. Oh oh, teachable, So that's teacher, great,
Speaker 1: that's funny. What's one thing men fifty plus need to
Speaker 1: lighten up on when it comes to dating? Same question
Speaker 1: for women? Men over fifty need to lighten up on age.
Speaker 1: So I think they hyper focus on age. How many
Speaker 1: profiles did I see over the years, and that my
Speaker 1: friends are still seeing. I'm younger than I look, I'm
Speaker 1: younger than my age, I act younger. It's like, get
Speaker 1: over it, Like sixty today is not what sixty used
Speaker 1: to be. Everyone is acts younger and is younger. So
Speaker 1: that's when age.
Speaker 2: And then for women.
Speaker 3: They need to get over the quick commitment, like gosh,
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of women recently, like in the
Speaker 3: last couple of weeks be like swipe left on that one.
Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, wait, wait why, Well.
Speaker 3: Just like just any any inkling of a red flag
Speaker 3: or something that's not exactly right, they're passing on. And
Speaker 3: I think that at our age, I don't know, it's
Speaker 3: not beggars can't be choosers, but we could all grow
Speaker 3: and change and we should be more flexible with other
Speaker 3: people's situations and pack.
Speaker 1: Everyone deserves a shot. We all have a past, and
Speaker 1: there is no there's no there's no night and shining armor,
Speaker 1: and there's no perfect woman. You know. That's where it's.
Speaker 1: When I was in the dating, I'm like, I can't
Speaker 1: judge someone on their past. I have to judge them,
Speaker 1: not judge them. But I need to observe them in
Speaker 1: their present because I have a messed up past. I've
Speaker 1: made multiple mistakes.
Speaker 3: Look at our new bouchelorette. If somebody judged her on
Speaker 3: her past, why do we even have on a show.
Speaker 3: But I think it's such a beautiful arc to say
Speaker 3: her past is going to get her to her future.
Speaker 3: And I recently a friend of mine passed on a
Speaker 3: guy who's never been married, no kids, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: that's that's not fair. Look at Debbie from my show,
Speaker 3: never been married, no kids, she'd be a lovely partner.
Speaker 3: My brother has no children, married twice, no kids, no
Speaker 3: red flag. There could be a fabulous stepfather. So I
Speaker 3: think people are just kind of too judgmental. And we
Speaker 3: have just a certain list of things that we want
Speaker 3: and we're not going to vary outside of it. That's
Speaker 3: why I really do think meeting in the wild is
Speaker 3: far better for me because I don't sometimes always know
Speaker 3: by divorce, no kids, you know data on someone where
Speaker 3: you might pick that up in an app for sure.
Speaker 1: Oh well, Cindy, I've got my radar out for you,
Speaker 1: and if anyone's listening, please slide on into Cindy's DM.
Speaker 1: Thank you Cindy for opening up about your journey in
Speaker 1: chapter two, and we know you are going to find
Speaker 1: love again, and I am super excited for you, and
Speaker 1: I'm already thinking, I'm like, Okay, I have this one
Speaker 1: guy friend that I think would just love you, So
Speaker 1: maybe I'll be sliding in being like, hey, you do meet.
Speaker 2: Come on over, come on over the water.
Speaker 3: The water's warm, and I'm ready to find love again.
Speaker 3: I believe it's out there for all of us in
Speaker 3: different forms, so I can't wait to see what both
Speaker 3: of our next chapters yield.
Speaker 1: You're so sweet. Thank you, Cindy. Are you like Cindy
Speaker 1: and ready to find love in your chapter two? Call
Speaker 1: us or email us. All the info is in the
Speaker 1: show notes and we are here to help follow us
Speaker 1: on socials. Make sure to rate and review the podcast
Speaker 1: I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in
Speaker 1: love is the main objective. P