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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, avail every rust.

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Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see you by. Just when I think I

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Speaker 1: have parenting all figured out, something happens and catches me

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Speaker 1: all the way off guard. Dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine

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Speaker 1: and we're the Ellison. You may know us when posting

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Speaker 1: funny videos without boys and reading each other publicly as

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Speaker 1: a form of therapy. I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so we are. We create this podcast to open dialogue

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Speaker 1: about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about through the lens of a

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Speaker 1: millennium Mattie couple. Dead ass is a term that we

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Speaker 1: say every day where we say dead as we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts. One the truth, the whole truth and nothing

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Speaker 1: but the truth. We're about to take Philow's off to

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Speaker 1: a whole new level. Death starts now. Jackson tells me

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Speaker 1: a couple of days before Friday, it's probably about Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: that he has to wear a blue shirt to school

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Speaker 1: for whatever activity they have going on that day. Great,

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Speaker 1: no problem. Usually in the morning, I get Jackson's clothes out,

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Speaker 1: he gets ready for school, We're all good to go.

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Speaker 1: On this Friday morning, I get Jackson's clothes out, No

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Speaker 1: blue shirt, because I don't remember that he needs a

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Speaker 1: blue shirt. I have too many other things to remember, right,

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Speaker 1: So it was specifically on his homework sheet the night

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Speaker 1: before that he had to wear a blue shirt. Lo

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Speaker 1: and behold, we go to school. Jackson jumps off the car,

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Speaker 1: no blue shirt on. As I pull away from the

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Speaker 1: curb side, I see the flux of children walking in

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Speaker 1: with blue shirts, and I'm like, ship, today's Friday. Jackson

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Speaker 1: was supposed to wear a blue shirt. So I see

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Speaker 1: there's a little table set up like a spirit table,

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Speaker 1: and they're like, hey, you can purchase a shirt here.

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Speaker 1: So everything in my body wanted to go buy Jackson

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Speaker 1: the shirt, take the shirt to his classroom, so he

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Speaker 1: would not be left out. But I tried to be

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Speaker 1: a thug. Guys, I was a mommy thug, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know what, there is a lesson in this,

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Speaker 1: and Jackson had a responsibility to remember his blue shirt

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Speaker 1: because he is eight years old. And let me tell

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Speaker 1: you something about my eight year old. Okay, he has

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Speaker 1: selective memory, because if he wants the latest Kyrie Irvin

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Speaker 1: SpongeBob sneakers that just came out that he had a

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Speaker 1: searching all over for, he would have remembered to tell

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Speaker 1: me where to go and where to get it. He

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Speaker 1: couldn't remember his blue shirt that morning, so I said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to go home. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna bring him his blue shirt. I'm not gonna buy

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Speaker 1: a blue shirt. He's gonna have to deal with sitting

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Speaker 1: in school today with no blue shirt. But then the

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Speaker 1: mommy killed kicked in and I was so heartbroken the

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Speaker 1: entire day because all I could think about was like,

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Speaker 1: my baby head doesn't have a blue shirt and he's

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Speaker 1: probably the only one in the class without the blue shirt,

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Speaker 1: and how is he gonna feel? So I went to Instagram.

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Speaker 1: I told the story. I did a pole like parents.

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Speaker 1: Do you think I did the right thing that I

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Speaker 1: should I have taken Jackson the shirt? Or did I

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Speaker 1: do the right thing by not taking it? People said

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Speaker 1: I did the right thing. A couple of people said,

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Speaker 1: you know a girl, he's eight. You shouldn't have did

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Speaker 1: that because now it's going to instill the sense of

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Speaker 1: fear and and lack there of in him. YadA, YadA, YadA.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, it's cool, I get that. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, I know my son and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't his first or second, or third or fourth offense.

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Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, fine, So pick up time.

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Speaker 1: I got to get Jackson, and I'm like, Jack's, um,

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Speaker 1: how is school today? So he gets in the car

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Speaker 1: and he's like, Mom, I'm like, what, you forgot my

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Speaker 1: blue shirt? I was like, I forgot your blue shirt, Jackson.

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Speaker 1: And in that moment, I know I did the right

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Speaker 1: thing because this little mofo trying to blame it on

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Speaker 1: me like it was my full he forgot the blue shirt.

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Speaker 1: But guess what happened though. It's now the following week,

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Speaker 1: I see his blue shirt on a hanger on the

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Speaker 1: door knob of his door, and this is like Monday,

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Speaker 1: so I'm like, oh, Jackson, why what did you do?

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Speaker 1: Why is the blue shirt here? I put the blue

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Speaker 1: shirt here so I won't forget it on Friday Lesson Learned.

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Speaker 1: So I was called off guard with that one because

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Speaker 1: I expected him to forget the blue shirt again. But

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Speaker 1: then it made me know that in my lesson, he

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Speaker 1: got the point. Alright. So y'all know that we always

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Speaker 1: do karaoke, but given the topic today and our guests,

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Speaker 1: I felt it was fitting to play her song directly

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Speaker 1: because I could not learn all of the lyrics overnight.

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Speaker 1: So listen to this hilarious parody of Old Town Road.

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Speaker 1: Had to drag my kid right out the front of

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Speaker 1: the store because she was crime. Couldn't take it no more.

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Speaker 1: I had to drag my kid right out the front

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Speaker 1: of the store because she was crime, couldn't take it

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Speaker 1: no more. I got my tother in the past. I

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Speaker 1: forgot her jab in the ioa too close. I know

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Speaker 1: she's done a drab and I say, no, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you that Old Town Rolling song. I absolutely love

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Speaker 1: that song, and my kids have run into the ground,

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Speaker 1: So of course I had to find a remixed version

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Speaker 1: that supports all the parents out there because I know

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Speaker 1: we can all relate. It's just me today. I am

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Speaker 1: holding down the fort de vot is not here. He

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Speaker 1: had the actual nerve to go out there and book

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Speaker 1: a guest star role on a show. Can't tell y'all

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Speaker 1: which one yet, but you know, first audition out fresh

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Speaker 1: off of filming out in Atlanta, and he booked a role.

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Speaker 1: And I'm super excited for him. And today it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like, oh my god, what are we gonna do?

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Speaker 1: Are we gonna cancel recording today? And I say, you

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Speaker 1: know what, baby, I got this. I got this. You

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Speaker 1: have trained me well. So UM. So yeah, he's off

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Speaker 1: at a table read and he's recording today. So I

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Speaker 1: am going to be holding it down with a special

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Speaker 1: guest today. UM. And we're talking about the parenting journey

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Speaker 1: and things that we feel like our challenges, things that

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Speaker 1: we probably could have prepared for, things that we didn't

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Speaker 1: prepare or four and things that just pretty much catch

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Speaker 1: you off guard in the moment. And I know I've

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Speaker 1: had many moments like that. UM. And it's super funny

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Speaker 1: because I feel like I was a single parent for

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Speaker 1: this past summer more or less because Daval has been

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Speaker 1: UM filming in Atlanta for five weeks, so it's pretty

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Speaker 1: much been me and the kids. So shout out to

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Speaker 1: the single moms or the single parents out there, single dads,

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Speaker 1: whatever you are. If it's just you in your house

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Speaker 1: and you're outnumbered by the children, may the force be

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Speaker 1: with you. I don't know how y'all do it on

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Speaker 1: a day to day basis. I hope you have a tribe.

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Speaker 1: If you don't have one, find one, because it is

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Speaker 1: so very necessary to have those extra set it hands.

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Speaker 1: But it's it's funny because I was, you know, relocating

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Speaker 1: with the children, which is not an easy feat being

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Speaker 1: in an apartment for ten years just him and I

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Speaker 1: and then having three children. It's crazy the amount of

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Speaker 1: things you accumulate over the years, then having to sort

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Speaker 1: through that because you don't want to bring all your

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Speaker 1: crap from one location to the other. So it was

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Speaker 1: literally my mom and I with the kids day in

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Speaker 1: and day out, sorting through things, pack boxes, all of that.

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Speaker 1: And the best part about it was when de Vo

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Speaker 1: would hit me like, Okay, he's just moving like me, girl,

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Speaker 1: I'm just moving like just moving. Meanwhile, you're on set.

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Speaker 1: You got crafty bringing you lunch and whatnot. He had

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Speaker 1: nerve when he came home for a weekend to be like, big,

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Speaker 1: what's for dinner? I was like, listen, this thing craft

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Speaker 1: services or nothing. You're gonna have to figure it out

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Speaker 1: or we're gonna have to do some take out, because

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Speaker 1: what I'm not about to do is sit up in

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Speaker 1: here with all these boxes around me. You're trying to

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Speaker 1: find pots and pants to make you something. So de Vo,

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Speaker 1: You're welcome. You got off Scotch free without moving anything.

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Speaker 1: You were able to come back from Atlanta to a

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Speaker 1: house that was semi put together, and the rest of

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Speaker 1: it we're just trying to figure out in the meantime.

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Speaker 1: But the best part about it is that my children

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Speaker 1: are super resilient. They were the ones who I was

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Speaker 1: worried about the most with any kind of change. UM.

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Speaker 1: And it's amazing how much your children can be exactly

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Speaker 1: what you need when you need it and you don't

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Speaker 1: even know you need it. UM to shout out to Jackson,

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Speaker 1: Cairo and kat who held mommy down. You know, while

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Speaker 1: we had a crazy, crazy summer between work and relocating

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Speaker 1: and we are back here today. But it's not just me.

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Speaker 1: I have a special guest in somebody who those videos

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Speaker 1: I've watched for a long time, and it's so funny

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Speaker 1: because I've never actually gotten to her Instagram page. I

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Speaker 1: think I've just seen them in transit being reposted everywhere.

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Speaker 1: But the best thing about your content or her content,

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Speaker 1: I should say, is that it's so relatable as a mom,

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Speaker 1: and it's so clever and the way she comes up

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Speaker 1: with these things, like I I don't know how you

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Speaker 1: do it, but I'm glad you do because every now

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Speaker 1: and again I need to have those little bit of

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Speaker 1: laughter moments in the midst of the crazy. So joining

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Speaker 1: in on this conversation is Jessica Rose. She is a writer, comedian,

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Speaker 1: and a YouTuber and you can find her on her

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Speaker 1: YouTube channel and her blog. She really had a baby.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having no Thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for being here. And I feel like the most

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Speaker 1: popular or the most seen video you've had was the

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Speaker 1: one that you you did a parody around Cardi B's money. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that is the most parsible. How many views did that

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Speaker 1: one get on your YouTube page? So on my YouTube

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Speaker 1: it's it's nearing three million. On like Facebook there, I

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Speaker 1: would say like close to like forty million, and you

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Speaker 1: can't really track stuff like that catches a certain amount

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Speaker 1: of fire. It was just being posted on so many

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Speaker 1: different pages. Well it's money, but my mommy, you gotta

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Speaker 1: hear this one. My baby daddy chill, but I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: keep it real. We didn't work out because you don't

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Speaker 1: pay bills. Baby on my hip, So I don't wear heels,

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Speaker 1: zip block bags and they got good seals. Cold little

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Speaker 1: fridge I keeps next to four years old and she

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Speaker 1: don't stay still. Kids are in the mouth and you

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Speaker 1: might get killed eating in the car, and I know

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Speaker 1: she's gonna spill. My life is a mess. Why did

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Speaker 1: I have kids? Boarding school is next? I like more

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Speaker 1: than sex, but I can't get no d with her

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Speaker 1: all in my bed, mommy. All I ever really here

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Speaker 1: is I don't get a chance to be read them.

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Speaker 1: All my baby really need is a baby wipes. Put

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Speaker 1: the poop, don't pull on my hoops, baby wipes for

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Speaker 1: the poop. Let go with momop. So who writes this?

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Speaker 1: You write it off? Yeah? Everything. I love hip hop

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Speaker 1: and I love rap music. So when I listened to

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Speaker 1: these songs, sometimes I'll just be driving and I'll think

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Speaker 1: about something that was annoying. So there's truth and jests.

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Speaker 1: We know that. So a lot of your stuff is comical.

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Speaker 1: We're making fun of this parenting journey, motherhood, fatherhood, whatever

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Speaker 1: it may be. So tell me about the truth in

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Speaker 1: your story. So I am a single mom. I mean,

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Speaker 1: me and my baby daddy get on each other's nerves.

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Speaker 1: But he's in no shape away form, not involved in

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Speaker 1: my daughter's daughter's life. So I don't know if people

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Speaker 1: online really always get that. And I think he definitely

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Speaker 1: is in his feelings about that every once in a while.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine because I wasn't sure coming in on it.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I wonder really has like the stain

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Speaker 1: for her baby daddy, or like, what's the story. Don't

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Speaker 1: get me wrong, though, it's still a thirty six hour shift,

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Speaker 1: so you can relax. I'm still not the seven percent

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Speaker 1: of the time holding it down. He's not not there. Um,

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Speaker 1: It's just I am the one that runs the ship,

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Speaker 1: like I make sure that my daughter. It's it's fun

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Speaker 1: and games. It's like the Disneyland weekend. It's the video games.

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Speaker 1: It's no it's Sunday, like you have to brush your

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Speaker 1: teeth and you have to go to sleep at eight

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Speaker 1: o'clock and you're going to school tomorrow. I'm the one

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Speaker 1: that's raising her. That's how I feel. Um. We were

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Speaker 1: on again, off again for like two years, and when

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Speaker 1: I got pregnant, it just didn't work out. And the

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Speaker 1: way that we've figured out parenting is really just me

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Speaker 1: kind of holding it down and him seeing her on

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Speaker 1: the on the weekends. So I definitely feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: doing it alone. But like you said, a village is important.

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Speaker 1: Me and my mom don't or didn't have the best relationship,

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Speaker 1: but with my daughter, she's a part of that routine.

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Speaker 1: She's a part of that weekend. I get my two

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Speaker 1: days in a row because my mom takes her and

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Speaker 1: then her dad takes her and then you have a

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Speaker 1: good cycle. Yeah. Great, it's just stressful. Being a mom

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Speaker 1: is stressful, you know, whether you're married or single or

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Speaker 1: alone or everything in type of attend just as a woman,

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're the role that you play with

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Speaker 1: as a mother is can be overwhelming. Al talk about that,

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Speaker 1: And it's funny you talked about your blog. I actually

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Speaker 1: recently started a blog like Cadine, I am blog where

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Speaker 1: I just feel like I should just talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit more. It's kind of an extension of the podcast

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Speaker 1: or an extension of my thoughts or things people ask

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Speaker 1: me to throw. D M and I talked recently about

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Speaker 1: balance and how there is really no balance or there's

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Speaker 1: this in my mind at least, this this desire, and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to make sure there's some sort of equiliberate

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Speaker 1: in my life. That never really happens. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of times you just kind of have to let things

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Speaker 1: fall sometimes. Do you ever feel like, you know, you're

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Speaker 1: trying to balance and drug a little bunch of things

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Speaker 1: and doing the videos and maybe nihilists not on at

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Speaker 1: that moment, Like, is there frustration a Shane? How do

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Speaker 1: you deal with things like that? So I feel that

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Speaker 1: more recently as things are kind of taking off for

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Speaker 1: me a little bit more, especially just when she really

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Speaker 1: had a baby as a brand, the balance just without

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Speaker 1: a brand and going. I have a full time job,

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Speaker 1: I worked forty hours a week, I go to school

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Speaker 1: part time, I have a five year old kid that

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Speaker 1: just started kindergarten, and then I have amazing opportunities being

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Speaker 1: presented to me all the time. So a hundred things

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Speaker 1: never feel balanced. Yesterday it was five five, I was

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Speaker 1: about to clock out and I got a text from

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Speaker 1: l A was d that said, to night's back to

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Speaker 1: school night. I said, how the hell is it back

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Speaker 1: to school night? And I didn't know, but because the

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Speaker 1: night before I didn't pay attention to the flyer and

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Speaker 1: the folder because it's kindergarten and I'm getting used to

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Speaker 1: the fact that there's home marks everything, you know, and

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Speaker 1: just rushing through all of that. I need to edit

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Speaker 1: a video when I get hit, you know, like me

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Speaker 1: in the blue shirt. How did I not see the

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Speaker 1: But here's the thing is that you know he's eight

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Speaker 1: he said, he's eight year soul. It's on me. I'm

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Speaker 1: not even at the point where I can start putting

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Speaker 1: that on her. At Nila School, they start this thing

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Speaker 1: in the morning. You get a star for the day

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Speaker 1: if you're on time. So my baby being punished if

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Speaker 1: I get it. I'm not how to start. I was

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Speaker 1: coming home talking about I didn't get a start to

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Speaker 1: day and I can't even be like, well, damn it,

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Speaker 1: why not exactly, I'm so sorry. We're gonna get you.

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Speaker 1: That's when you go to target and you get a

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Speaker 1: pack of stars, to be like, he's that star because

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Speaker 1: you're a mommy star exactly exactly. Oh my gosh, so

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. But yeah, my balance is really my break.

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Speaker 1: Her father helps provide for that. So I get my

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Speaker 1: break every weekend, and that's how I kind of reset.

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Speaker 1: Now whether I use that time effectively to catch up

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Speaker 1: or turn up sometimes, I mean, hey, three of the

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Speaker 1: rest of the week. But yeah, that my releases my wine.

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Speaker 1: That's like my staple and all my videos because that

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Speaker 1: is a thing for me. I love my glass of

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Speaker 1: ten's your favorite. I love red wine. It's been hot,

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Speaker 1: so I've been going with the Shardonnay's just for a

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Speaker 1: little you have a little lightness, but I prefer like

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Speaker 1: a Cabernet. Okay, yeah, all right, So I even just

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Speaker 1: reed together because I'm on the black box. Sometimes depend

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Speaker 1: on how stressful the week is, I get my wine

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Speaker 1: by box. It's kind of just like a little yea.

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Speaker 1: Then I got my wine on TAPT There you go.

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. So you said, started

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Speaker 1: with like a couple two hundred followers, you decided to just,

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Speaker 1: you know, do the video. Tell me a little b

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Speaker 1: about that journey. How did you decide to start putting

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Speaker 1: it out? There, and it struggles that you've kind of

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Speaker 1: encountered because we're similar in that our children are involved

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Speaker 1: in our videos. You know, we're putting a little bit

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Speaker 1: of our life out there, you know, and you know

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Speaker 1: how it is when you create content, You put it

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Speaker 1: out there and it's up for scrutiny, and you know

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Speaker 1: it's all people have, their their things they want to say.

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Speaker 1: So how does that affect you on a day to

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Speaker 1: day when you're creating your content. So Nyla is definitely

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Speaker 1: holding the brand back. Okay, like Nyla is just like

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Speaker 1: these cameras, I can't even get a good instant story

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Speaker 1: of her without her being like, why are you recording me?

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Speaker 1: And so kind of learning her boundaries in that sense

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Speaker 1: and not forcing that on her, but trying to bribe

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Speaker 1: her as much as possible without her feeling overwhelmed by it.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes she gets excited and she's into it, and

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Speaker 1: I just tried to play on those moments. There's been

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Speaker 1: times where I've had entire things set up and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I need her to be engaged in and she's not.

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Speaker 1: So we're just gonna have to try this at another

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Speaker 1: time or another day, which means that it could be

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Speaker 1: next week because I have two days off every week.

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Speaker 1: You know, some things like that can be frustrating. Uh,

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Speaker 1: But just going with the flow so that she's comfortable,

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Speaker 1: because I never want This is not something she's asking for, right,

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Speaker 1: this is something that I'm doing, so thinking of different

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Speaker 1: ways that I can just produce content on my own sometimes,

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Speaker 1: which is funny because from my husband and I, it

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Speaker 1: kind of started out that way with the kids. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I said that video went viral with him and Cairo

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Speaker 1: um and then people just want to see the kids

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Speaker 1: because they're like, we love the kids. We love the kids,

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Speaker 1: but also too at the same time, they're not on

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Speaker 1: all the time and you don't want to force it.

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Speaker 1: So that's when he and I had decided, you know what,

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Speaker 1: let's start doing videos around us where we were talking

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Speaker 1: about relationship issues or things that happened as parents. So

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Speaker 1: that way it kind of gives the content, but it's

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Speaker 1: not really involving the children and and knowing the boundaries

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Speaker 1: at that which is difficult. And then you know, n

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Speaker 1: list one child, but then I have three, and it's

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Speaker 1: amazing how it's still baffles me to this day how

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Speaker 1: two people can make children and they just be all

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Speaker 1: completely different children or different people. And having to be

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Speaker 1: able to um to curtail your your parenting style to

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Speaker 1: that and you know, deciding when's a good time, when's

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Speaker 1: a bad time for certain things. It could be a struggle,

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Speaker 1: but I mean once you have a system going down,

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Speaker 1: it tends to work out pretty well. Right, I'm not

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Speaker 1: curtailing because I'm not no more parents and style, then

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Speaker 1: no more babies coming from me. We got this one,

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Speaker 1: this one baby, and everyone know it's like, it's going

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Speaker 1: to be the right guy. It has nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with anybody else what not having another mother being a

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Speaker 1: mom is exhausting, it's draining. That's some ship. That's the

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Speaker 1: ship that caught me off guard. It's Tyrant's very time.

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Speaker 1: It's extremely literally is an exhausting, amazing experience. It's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It literally has made me realize that there is something

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Speaker 1: that's greater than me, because I need to ask someone

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Speaker 1: every day to make sure that this person is okay.

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Speaker 1: It's the most undescribable love. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: absolutely not again. You heard that, not again? Devout Did

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Speaker 1: you hear that? Not the funk again? Because every now

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Speaker 1: and again he gets into these moments where he feels

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Speaker 1: like he can like romance me into another baby. He's

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Speaker 1: just like, come on, we could try one more time

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Speaker 1: for you. And I'm just like, Bro, I don't even

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Speaker 1: think we made girls. Bro, I think this thing where

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Speaker 1: we just make boys. And my pediatrician even said, oh,

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Speaker 1: the probability of you guys having a girl. It's like

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Speaker 1: I was like, you see, the dude has probability. This

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Speaker 1: is numbers. You want that these our effects. The doctor

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Speaker 1: has percentages and whatnot. Okay, that's what the studies show.

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Speaker 1: So is there anything about parenting that caught you off guard?

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Speaker 1: We're talking about off guard moments where you're just like

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Speaker 1: I did not expect that, whether it be from Nyla

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Speaker 1: or just something that the way you react or deal

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Speaker 1: with certain things, anything that catches you off guard where

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Speaker 1: you say, like, bro, like how I think that just

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Speaker 1: the overall thing from parenting or becoming a mom that

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Speaker 1: I wasn't ready for was the permanence of everything, right,

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Speaker 1: So the change and then the permanence the change. Right.

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Speaker 1: So Nyla got here, I had, I gave birth to her,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm like damn, like I really am not

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Speaker 1: my own person anymore, like I have another person with

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Speaker 1: me at all times. It's like the attachment to that,

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Speaker 1: you know. So that's really the only thing that I

406
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Speaker 1: feel completely caught off guard by. I'm caught off guard

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Speaker 1: by things that I do myself that I judged my

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Speaker 1: mother for. You know. I remember get my I'm getting

409
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Speaker 1: off work. She had three kids as well, me and

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Speaker 1: my two brothers, and telling us to run in and

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Speaker 1: get a lunchable and nice to be like this lazy.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to make me no dinner. You got

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Speaker 1: me eating this lunchable. And then I have those full

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Speaker 1: circle moments where I'm in rouse and I text her

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, look, I hella just gotten a little

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Speaker 1: lunchable for dinner because I just can't. Okay, You're like,

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Speaker 1: I get it exactly. It's it's moments like that. Uh.

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Speaker 1: And then Night was kind of just coming into her personality.

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Speaker 1: So she's saying and doing things that do throw me off,

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Speaker 1: just about like boundaries and just randomly grabbing butts and

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Speaker 1: being interested in certain things. And it's not anything that's

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Speaker 1: that's negative, but it's just a constant adjustment to another person.

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Speaker 1: Because I got developing at the same time that I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm figuring myself out. And now she's in

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Speaker 1: school now, so well you mentioned but it's a funny thing.

426
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,119
Speaker 1: I don't know what's so funny about but why kids

427
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:59,879
Speaker 1: love But it's but booty all that, and I'm just

428
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 1: why is that funny? But then now you'll notice that

429
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: she's in school, she's gonna start playing off of and

430
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: picking up things from these other little kids in these schools,

431
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 1: you know, and that's something that she always And then

432
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to come back that with you know,

433
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: this stuff she learned at school and what you're trying

434
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,040
Speaker 1: to teach at home, and you know where you can

435
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,119
Speaker 1: draw the line with certain things. And then I have

436
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 1: to be even more tapped into the fact that I'm

437
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 1: sharing my time with her with another person and we're

438
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 1: not we're not against each other, but we're not necessarily

439
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: on the same page. That's why we didn't work out,

440
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: because we're not to say we don't think the same

441
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 1: parenting style parenting styles. Our parenting styles are different. We

442
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: luckily agree on the major things, you know, major things

443
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 1: being what major things like. I think both of us

444
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,239
Speaker 1: were hit a lot growing up, so we don't. We

445
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 1: don't hit her. We don't hit her. That's one thing

446
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,239
Speaker 1: that I'm glad that we agree on. Um. As far

447
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:52,160
Speaker 1: as religion is concerned, he is actually Muslim and I'm

448
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,640
Speaker 1: I guess technically Christian. I don't know that sounds bad,

449
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 1: but uh, we are not forcing anything on her as religion.

450
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 1: So those are pretty important to me. But as far

451
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: as you know, our randomly Facetimer and they're just chilling

452
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 1: watching Chucky? Why are y'all watching Chucky? She's fine, I

453
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: turn it off things like that. I said, home with

454
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: all these nightmares and then yes, that comes, you know.

455
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,959
Speaker 1: So it's hard to monitor everything that's coming in when

456
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: there's so many new environments like school, but then also

457
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 1: going with Grandma who lets you have pepsi for breakfast,

458
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: but then going with Daddy who's letting you watch Chucky,

459
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 1: and they come home to me and you're mad because

460
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: the tablet has a timer and you only have you

461
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 1: everyone's kids. Everyone's on on different pages to the level

462
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,040
Speaker 1: of consistency for her, you feel like and do you

463
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: feel like you're the disciplinarian. So I'm not the person

464
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: you're the kill joy. I feel i'mna kill joy in

465
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: my house a lot of times too. I am the

466
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: kill though when the kids, when Devout speaks, the kids

467
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: are like daddy, But I feel like I'm always the

468
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: one that's just like I'll pick up a book and

469
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: read it's been enough time with this and it's just

470
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 1: like my, Like, you're always killing the fun. But it's

471
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 1: like still that balance. It's hard within one household, so

472
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 1: I can imagine being in like two to three different

473
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: households dividing time. How that can be the only thing

474
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: that I think keeps it consistent would be it never changes.

475
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 1: Friday graph picture of Saturday, Daddy gets hers, Okay, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

476
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 1: Friday mommy. So it's different environments, but there's the consistency

477
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 1: in the routine. Okay, so there's there's at least that

478
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: she knows Friday means whatever you want for dinner? What

479
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: I mean, Grandma's coming exactly, and things like that. That's dope.

480
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: It's funny you mentioned like judging your mom for the

481
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:40,400
Speaker 1: lunchable situation or just judging parenting in general. And it's

482
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: funny because now the Devil and I are parents, We've

483
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: had moments where we sat back and we've looked at

484
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 1: um I guess our parents and how they raised us,

485
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 1: meaning he and I both being the oldest of three,

486
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 1: and then raising our siblings thereafter. And then he talks

487
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 1: about things that I do as a parent that he's like,

488
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 1: you wouldn't tolerate that from your kids, so why would

489
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: you do that? At the time, I'm like, bro, anybody

490
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: like stop checking me because I feel like you're checking

491
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: me right now and you're telling me. For example, he'll

492
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,679
Speaker 1: ask me to do something and I just won't do

493
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,160
Speaker 1: it in that moment, right And he's like, you didn't

494
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 1: do X y Z, And I'm like, all right, I

495
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: know I didn't do it, but I'm gonna get to it.

496
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: See when you ask Jackson to do something and he's

497
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: not going to do it in that moment, you're gonna

498
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,719
Speaker 1: come down on him. Yes I will, because he's my child.

499
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: You're not my father. You know. We have those moments

500
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: where he's like, well, you can't parent this way or

501
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 1: move this certain kind of way and expect your children

502
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: to do that or do the opposite, And I'm just like, yeah,

503
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: but they're my kids, you know. Do you run by

504
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,639
Speaker 1: that whole like do as I say not as I

505
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 1: do because for me sometimes I'm like, I know the

506
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: errors in my way, So I'm gonna do this with

507
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 1: my children. I'm going to make sure they do X

508
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: Y Z a certain kind of way because I don't

509
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 1: want them to do or make the mistakes that I've made.

510
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: So do you ever find yourself in that those kind

511
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: of like predicaments where you're like, I don't know. It's

512
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 1: like the times where we get home and then I

513
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: make her some chicken, your little mac and cheese with

514
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: your spinach on the side, and she's staring at me

515
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,160
Speaker 1: because I'm sitting on the band I'm eating the big mac.

516
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: Mind your business. You need to eat that. You need

517
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,679
Speaker 1: to eat healthy. My do you do you have mc

518
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: donald's money literally right? Because I'm doing this over here,

519
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: you need to worry about it. So I do think

520
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 1: that I contradict what I want for my child sometimes

521
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:30,919
Speaker 1: with the way that I act. But I think a

522
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: big part of that is still figuring out who I

523
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: am and what I want for myself, which is probably

524
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 1: the biggest struggle for me as a person raising up

525
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 1: a young girl is still not knowing completely who I am,

526
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: who you are, so so you're growing together, literally growing together.

527
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: We're going together. Yeah, and I look at my things,

528
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: you know that. It's funny how I can see the

529
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 1: difference in parentings. Something that caught me off guard was

530
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: um knowing how to style step with my children depending

531
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 1: on what they need and knowing their personalities. So I

532
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: can't parent both all three children the same way because

533
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: they both or all three of them clearly have different strengths,

534
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: different weaknesses. They need certain things in order to thrive,

535
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 1: So it's not a matter of playing favorites. But sometimes

536
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: I feel like that's a struggle for you because it's like,

537
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 1: in that moment, I have to parent one child is

538
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,440
Speaker 1: a certain kind of way, and it may be seen

539
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: as me just giving more time to that child, but

540
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm not really giving you more time. I'm

541
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 1: just trying to see if I can get through to

542
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: this child in this particular situation, you know what I mean.

543
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: And that to me has become difficult. So then my

544
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: my husband and I we look at like our parents,

545
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: for example, and we're just like, see they were like

546
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: really strict on us being the oldest, And then we

547
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 1: look at our younger siblings and like y'allly it turned

548
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 1: out bad, but clearly we have some things together that

549
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: you'all don't have together. And it's no shade to our parents,

550
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: but it's just like bro y'all raised us differently, and

551
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 1: it's it's hard because now I can look like as

552
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 1: a parent and say I get it, mom and dad, like,

553
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: I get why you were so hard on me because

554
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 1: you babi saw certain potentials in me, um not that

555
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: you didn't see to my brother and my sister, but

556
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,479
Speaker 1: they're different and the way your parent is different, and

557
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: that becomes such a struggle and it's so difficult sometimes.

558
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 1: And that really threw me for a loop when it

559
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: came to my own children, because I'm like, I don't

560
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: want to ever do one of my children a disservice

561
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: by not, you know, stole step into what they need.

562
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: And that's to me, it's just so very very important

563
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: and it's so different and it's so strange, and it's

564
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 1: exhausting half the time because I'm just like, you could

565
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,959
Speaker 1: never just be. You can never just be. You're always

566
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,439
Speaker 1: having to kind of foresee how things are going to go.

567
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: It's true though, because I'm also the oldest of three

568
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: and I am the most well rounded of the three.

569
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 1: You know, I have my stuff together, but I figure

570
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: things out on my own, right. You know, my brother

571
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 1: they're still they're in their young twenties, they're still babies,

572
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: but they're taking the scenic route like my brother. Like, yeah,

573
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 1: I figure out what you want to do to the bank, right,

574
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: give them your I D. This is how we fill

575
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 1: out paperwork, right, you know what I mean that things

576
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: like that that I'm just naturally accustomed to. Yes, that,

577
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:11,959
Speaker 1: but my mom still washes my brother's clothes. I know

578
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,439
Speaker 1: I was. I tell my mom all the time. I'm like,

579
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 1: you can't say anything about my brother because you have

580
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: created You've created that. Yes, well, you have two brothers,

581
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: said so the boys too, Okay, the younger, two younger brothers, right, exactly,

582
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,360
Speaker 1: My brothers younger. Yeah, where they're the older ones, but

583
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 1: they're both the younger bros. I have a different relationship.

584
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 1: I think boys have a different relationship with the moms

585
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: than girls have. It's true, me and my mom were

586
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 1: head to head constantly, right, Whereas no matter what I know,

587
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: even if my mom upset, my brothers like my mom

588
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 1: right right, right, I guess I can look forward to

589
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: that because not having a daughter, I always always like

590
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 1: have anybody. But I said, you know what, God probably

591
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: knew what he was doing because I probably not her

592
00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: teeth down or throat. If I had to. Given time,

593
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: we would be arguing. Growing up, my mom would say,

594
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: your karment is going to be when you have a daughter.

595
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: Power in word that I was going to have a girl.

596
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 1: She wow. I saw me recently um It talked about

597
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: um It said something to the effect like, we need

598
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: to stop tone checking black girls. Maybe they're just strong

599
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: and opinionated and what they're saying. Do you feel like

600
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: we should stop tone checking our young girls or is

601
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: it there is there an attitude that's underlying half the time. No,

602
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: they need to stop tone checking girls and me, I'm

603
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: tired of being tone check I'm at working with I'm

604
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 1: saying and I'm talking. They're like, okay, calm down. I said,

605
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: I'm not upset, right, I'm just talking. I'm talking and

606
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: I'm passionate about what I'm saying. I think that it's

607
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: a perception of black women, just like there's a perception

608
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 1: of black men that is threatening to people. So instead

609
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 1: of interpreting what it is that they're saying as passionate

610
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: or aware or intelligent, it's like, oh, I mean, okay,

611
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: let's dial things back here, checking out. So but then

612
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: also to age ranges too, So if it's a young

613
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 1: girl talking to an adult or something, because there's no right,

614
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 1: there's a difference. There's respect, but there's also the understanding

615
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: that your child is a human and as a human,

616
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: they're entitled to their emotions at the same time, right,

617
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: So I don't feel like my daughter is my property.

618
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: So if she's having an off day, yes, okay, so

619
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: you are not allowed to talk to me like that, right,

620
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 1: but I understand that you're you're having a moment right now,

621
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: things like that. But no, she can't just be talking

622
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: to anyone crazy all the time. Absolutely. Yeah, it's like

623
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: a different generation of kids now two days because I

624
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: know back in the day, I used to be so

625
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: nervous to do anything or to to talk to anybody

626
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: any kind of way with a little inflection, because I

627
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 1: felt like it was going to get back to my mom,

628
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get back to my dad. And now I

629
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: get caught off guard with these children that I here

630
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: on the bus sometimes or I'm training New York I'm like,

631
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: who are you? Who raised you? Where? Like, just to

632
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: be in the presence of an adult, there's certain things

633
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't do. Nowadays, it's just like anything goes.

634
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I just think everyone's gotten into the habit

635
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: of mind in their business. That's really what it is.

636
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 1: You're almost afraid to interview. And I feel like, probably

637
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: back in the day, if I was on the bus

638
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 1: and saying something crazy, there might have been a grown

639
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: person that said, hey, that didn't necessarily know you that.

640
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 1: You're like, hey, why are you talking crazy like that? Right?

641
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,200
Speaker 1: I hear a kid say something out of pocket in

642
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: the mall. All right, let's go exactly. That's not mom,

643
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: not trying to go viral for that reason, get into

644
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: an argument. Absolutely not, absolutely not. Yes, So I feel

645
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: like back in the day, like I was always afraid

646
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 1: to just do anything in public because I felt like

647
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: someone was watching and they were going to get back

648
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: to my mom and dad and tell him that he

649
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: was doing X Y Z in public. And we are

650
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: not tolerating that, Like what is this? You know, what

651
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: is the culture now? You people are just completely turning

652
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: a blind eye to it and just saying that's not

653
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: my kid. That's not my problem. How do you feel

654
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: about that? That's exactly what it is. I do the

655
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: same thing. It's not my kid, it's not my problem.

656
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: I think you mind your business for one, because I

657
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: do feel like I would want someone to mind their

658
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 1: business with my kid too, especially if I don't know you.

659
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: It's different when it's your friends or your family or

660
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: anything like that. But there's less of a sense of community.

661
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,959
Speaker 1: I would say, it's more of a personal relationship with

662
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,479
Speaker 1: people versus, you know, just anyone in your apartment building.

663
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: Before it was like a big family right right now,

664
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:37,760
Speaker 1: it's like you walking in out of your apartment, don't

665
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: even make eye contact with me. I don't care who

666
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: you are. You know. It's funny how you say that,

667
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: because us having our apartment out in Brooklyn, there's definitely

668
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: a shift in like the years prior to now, because

669
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: even though there's been a lot of turnover, you know,

670
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 1: people moving out, gentrification, people moving in. Literally there's like

671
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,959
Speaker 1: this whole like I'm gonna walk past you but not

672
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: say hello. So it's to the point now we're purposeful

673
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: like Divan and I will be like good morning, good morning.

674
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: And then if the person doesn't reply, We're like, well,

675
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 1: I guess it's not a good morning then, like real loud,

676
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: so we could let them know, like, don't just be

677
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 1: coming in and out of here, like that's just common

678
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: decency with people. These are adults, you know what I mean.

679
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 1: But with children is different. I get what you're saying.

680
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,120
Speaker 1: I don't think I would intervene if there were people

681
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: on the train, you know, kids acting up and being

682
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: you know, wild and reckless. Sometimes I have energy for

683
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: my three kids, how many have energy for somebody else's kid.

684
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: It's like we talked about moms having these empty cups

685
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: that we keep pouring into, and it's just like it's

686
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: unfortunate that. Now, that's kind of how the culture is

687
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: that you kind of just see it and you keep

688
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 1: it moving. But I'd rather just save my energy and

689
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 1: invested where I'm gonna see the return, and that's in

690
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: my kids. You know. Also, never know how someone else

691
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: is gonna respond, right, So it's like that fear. But

692
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: there's a show on Netflix called Working Moms. I don't

693
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: know if you've seen it, but it's actually hilarious. It's

694
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 1: really good. And there's this scene where the mom is

695
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 1: sitting down and she's eating brunch with our friend. And

696
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: then another mom is walking by and her kid is

697
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: throwing a tantrum, just full blown, like the mom is

698
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: dragging her and the other mom that's sitting down. As

699
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: they're walking past, the stranger says, hey, stop being a

700
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 1: piece of ship, and the mom looks at her and

701
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: she says thank you, And they just wanted that. So

702
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: sometimes you feel like it might make someone feel better

703
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: or or something a teachable moment, but or maybe you

704
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 1: can see the desperation in that other mom's eye, like

705
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,879
Speaker 1: the kid may be having a moment. Sometimes you can't

706
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: even judge. Sometimes you're just like, you know what, Mom,

707
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,280
Speaker 1: I see you. I get it. My kids do some crazy,

708
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: recklesships some sounds too, and they want to embarrass me exactly.

709
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. So things that we wish we were

710
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 1: warned about with parenthood, any one thing sticks out in

711
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,439
Speaker 1: your mind other than the permanency even and you spoke

712
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: about that before. But as we wrap this up, is

713
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: there anything that you think that you should have been

714
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: warned about or maybe you can warn someone about, like

715
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: be prepared for this if you go with a parenthood,

716
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 1: I can warn you personally about my own baby daddy

717
00:34:55,360 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: before he gets someone else pray me that social because

718
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: he ain't get no shout outs. So probably no child

719
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: is the same like not and no pregnancy is the same.

720
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: No child is the same, No journey is the same,

721
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I would have saved a

722
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: lot of time not being anxious over my kids development

723
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: or you know, her not talking at the same time.

724
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: I know four year old children that speak better than

725
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 1: my five year old right now, but you know, they

726
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 1: don't know their colors, but Nyla does. There's there's so

727
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: many different trade offs between what is right for each

728
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: individual kid. It's so true because sometimes I even find

729
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 1: that it's true as parents we sometimes fall guilty. It's

730
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 1: that it's like a competition like oh my child is

731
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: so much more advanced than this child, or what's your

732
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 1: kid doing? What's your kid doing? How about we mind

733
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: our business and mind our children. You probably see it

734
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: a lot with with three, I probably all had different

735
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 1: stays where you're like, you know and then talk about,

736
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 1: you know, having part portions of your life on social media.

737
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: We've had people d m u s with Cairo, for example,

738
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: when he was maybe a little over a year. Someone

739
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: was like, wow, he's he's speech delayed for his age.

740
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: You should really have someone check him out, because when

741
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:18,399
Speaker 1: I've studied, when I studied early childhood development, YadA, YadA,

742
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 1: YadA YadA, And I was like, okay, unsolicited opinion. First

743
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: of all, you see a thirty second to a minute

744
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: video of my child and you you can diagnose him.

745
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 1: But it's funny. Yeah, And it's one of those things

746
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: that just kind of like you have to deal with

747
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 1: it because you do put a portion of your life

748
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: out there, so you can't. Some people don't get mad.

749
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: I don't get mad anymore. I used to get mad.

750
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: I feel blessed that there's only been one instance in

751
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: all of the exposure or someone says something crazy about

752
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: my kid. People say crazy about me all the time.

753
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: And when they said something in that moment about Nily,

754
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 1: did you backlash? Did you are you crazy? My mom? Text?

755
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: But it's like, okay, talk about me even not my kids.

756
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 1: I feel you on that one. I feel you on

757
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 1: that one right now. It was so great sitting and

758
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 1: talking to you, Jessica. It is great to actually sit

759
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 1: down and finally like, you know, see you in the

760
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 1: flesh and talk about your videos and your experience with

761
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 1: Nyla and creating this brand that you have for yourself

762
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 1: that has become a thing. And I'm happy you have

763
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 1: it because Lord knows when you go into your page

764
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,359
Speaker 1: directly now, because I know where to find you. It's

765
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,879
Speaker 1: not going to be through you know, shared pages. Tell

766
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 1: everybody where they can find you, where they can see

767
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 1: your videos on Instagram, YouTube, all that good stuff. So

768
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 1: my Instagram is at this is Jessica Rose. But if

769
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 1: you want to follow me or subscribe to my YouTube channel,

770
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 1: you just gotta type in she really had a baby,

771
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: she really had a baby dot com and Jessica shrode

772
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,440
Speaker 1: on Facebook. Sounds good, It's true because I literally was

773
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: typing in she real and then you popped up she

774
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 1: really had a baby. So I'm just like, okay, perfect.

775
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: So we were to find you. Hey, Jessica, I got

776
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: a question for you. Do you mind sticking around and

777
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 1: answering some listener letter questions for me? Because Devo is

778
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: not here and I need to know what you got

779
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 1: to say about these these listening letters. Okay, all right,

780
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: let's see what they're talking about, all right, So we're

781
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 1: gonna take a quick break, and then we're gonna move

782
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: into listener letters right after we get into some ads.

783
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: So Jessica and I are going to do some some

784
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 1: answering of these listener letters. You know, we don't have

785
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 1: to value here with the male perspective, but we're gonna

786
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: see what you guys are asking to Dancy if we

787
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 1: can give our two cents, So stay right here. This

788
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:30,800
Speaker 1: for the record. There it is Winds for the ages.

789
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 1: Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons.

790
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 1: In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am

791
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here

792
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 1: it is the return to glory. This is All American,

793
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell.

794
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,280
Speaker 1: You realized tyger Wis doesn't know who we is best

795
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: in the history of golf, no question in my mind.

796
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,399
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,

797
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that

798
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

799
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts,

800
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 1: or your favorite podcast app. Alright, y'all, thanks for coming

801
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 1: back and joining me. Let me tell you. The inbox

802
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: was super filled up, so you know what time it is.

803
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 1: Let's get into it right away. All right, Jessica, you're

804
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: ready for this story. Let's see. My boyfriend and I

805
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: have been together for four years. Just this past year,

806
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 1: he shared that he does not want children in the future.

807
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 1: He seems very strong in his stance. What do I do?

808
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 1: Do we try to work through this. I can't imagine

809
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 1: my life without him or children. Help. The first thing

810
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 1: that struck me in this is that she said it's

811
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 1: her boyfriend, it's not your husband. There's no commitment here yet,

812
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 1: so there's an out, which is a good thing. And

813
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 1: I think children is a major decision. It's life changing.

814
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 1: It's gonna follow you for the rest of your life,

815
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 1: whether you like it or not. So that's something that

816
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,920
Speaker 1: you definitely have to be on the same page about.

817
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: And I don't foresee things working long term because there

818
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 1: will be resentment either way. Um, if you decide to

819
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,759
Speaker 1: stick with him and say, you know what, maybe you'll

820
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: convince yourself I don't want children, but you really do.

821
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 1: Then there's going to be a level of resentment in

822
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 1: your life because you're gonna want to have children and

823
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: he's not going to provide that for you, and vice versa.

824
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: So you do have a child with him and he

825
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 1: bends a little bit, and then he's just like, you

826
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 1: know what, You're the reason why I'm a father. I

827
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 1: think that relationships in general are enough of a task

828
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: to work on. By throwing something like children into the

829
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 1: mix can completely take it to a whole another level

830
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:02,720
Speaker 1: of stress and anxiety and work that I personally, UM

831
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 1: don't foresee it working if you guys are not on

832
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,720
Speaker 1: the same page about children. I mean, people can change,

833
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 1: but I don't think you continue relationship hoping that someone

834
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: changes that. What do you think, Jessica, I think that's

835
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 1: the perfect way to put it. People Definitely, you grow

836
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: together sometimes and his want might develop, but it's not

837
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: worth the stress of constantly trying to commence someone to

838
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: be on the same page as you. And kids are

839
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 1: a serious decision. It's already good that they're in a

840
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: relationship where these are conversations that they're having, where they're planning.

841
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: But if you're in a relationship where you're mature enough

842
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: to sit down and do that, and he's communicating what

843
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,720
Speaker 1: he does and doesn't want with you, then I definitely

844
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 1: think you should just cut ties, especially if it's not

845
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 1: super committed. Plus, if it's really meant to be, you know,

846
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: just go have baby with someone else that doesn't work

847
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: out with them, startle back. Maybe you want to be

848
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,319
Speaker 1: a stepdaddy. Maybe maybe there will be true I don't

849
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,799
Speaker 1: even think of it that comes through steps and say

850
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 1: you didn't want to help me raise someone else's baby.

851
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 1: You're finding the loopholes and go ahead, like I finding

852
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 1: the loophole. But but no, Yeah, children are That's a

853
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: very very serious topic. And and like you said, you know,

854
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: I think a fair for some people being in a

855
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: relationship for a certain amount of time, you feel like, damn,

856
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: I've invested. Did you say how many years they've been together?

857
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: Four years? So she may feel like damn. Myst I

858
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: was always wondering how old they are though, too, because

859
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 1: that plays into it a little bit. If they're younger,

860
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: maybe as they get old they could be fresh on

861
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 1: up high school together or something, you know what I mean.

862
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 1: If they're still in their early twenties, maybe yeah, and

863
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: not thinking about but do you have ten you have

864
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 1: ten years in you true to that decision more, Like

865
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: you said, if they're if they're say they're in their

866
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: late thirties or forties, he may not want to be

867
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 1: that older parent that's like, you know what I can

868
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: do without children. I've actually met a woman recently that

869
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,439
Speaker 1: told me, based on the way the world is now,

870
00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 1: she wanted to have children years ago, but now she's like,

871
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: I just can't foresee. I don't think my heart can

872
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: take bringing a child into this world under the conditions

873
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 1: we're in. It's a scary place. It's a scary place,

874
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,360
Speaker 1: which I get it, um, but I know that's sometimes

875
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: I fear for a lot of people, like I don't

876
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 1: want to just end this relationship after four years and

877
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 1: have to start all over again. And I'm like you said,

878
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: there's probably amazing things that you love about this man,

879
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 1: but that's just one thing for me that's personally a

880
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: deal breaker. Yeah, that's a deal breaker. So sorry, says,

881
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 1: let me know how it works out. You know, just said,

882
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: maybe he wants to be a step daddy. Go half

883
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 1: on the baby with somebody else, with somebody else, and

884
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,359
Speaker 1: let him go and if it's meant to be, he'll

885
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: come back. Jessica, sound an all poetic and sh all

886
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 1: right on for the next letter, you want to read

887
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 1: this one for me? Yes, all right, so good morning.

888
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 1: I received my electrical engineering degree from the illustrious Morgan

889
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: State University HBCU. Stand upright, marry my childhood sweetheart in

890
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 1: two thousand sixteen, bought our home in right before giving

891
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: birth to our first child, Jackson. Michael definitely named him

892
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 1: this before watching your He was born in December. From

893
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,359
Speaker 1: the outside looking in, it looks like I have it all,

894
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: but inside I am empty. My husband works as a

895
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: police officer and loves his job. His passion and motivation

896
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:21,760
Speaker 1: is evident in the way he speaks about his career,

897
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 1: and I too want that feeling of fulfillment. I'm now

898
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: looking at my next step, whether it's going back to

899
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 1: school or looking at different career paths. Codeine, how do

900
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 1: you constantly travel and work doing what you love without

901
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:38,280
Speaker 1: feeling mommy guilt like you're missing out on your children's life.

902
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 1: I love my son and I just don't want to

903
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: miss anything while still making time for myself. Thank you, PS.

904
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:48,280
Speaker 1: Absolutely love what y'all do. Oh my goodness, hey girl,

905
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 1: thank you. We love you back so much. Love coming

906
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 1: through you know what's funny? Um In reading the story

907
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 1: when you started reading, and I was like, wow, she

908
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 1: seems to have everything figured out, Like she has went

909
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 1: to school, HB to you, she has a great degree. Um.

910
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: You know, it was kind of like the succession that

911
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 1: people aspire to in life. I don't know if you

912
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 1: felt that same way, Jessica, but me, for example, in

913
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 1: Deval and I, we've spoken about it when we were

914
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 1: younger in college, like we want to graduate, that we

915
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: want to have this job, and then after the job,

916
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,399
Speaker 1: then we're gonna excel in our career, and then we'll

917
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: get married, and then we'll have children and we'll just

918
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 1: ride off into the sunset and be old and gray

919
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 1: traveling one day. But it doesn't necessarily work out that

920
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: way for a lot of people. So it was funny

921
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: to see that I saw this kind of succession of

922
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 1: like that quote unquote perfect life that people aspire to have.

923
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: But still she has this feeling of emptiness inside um,

924
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 1: which I think a lot of people suffer from from

925
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:43,760
Speaker 1: time to time, especially moms. Um, to answer your question,

926
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,760
Speaker 1: how do I travel without feeling mommy guilt? I feel

927
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: the mommy guilt. I told you already about just the

928
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: damn blue shirt, Like how much I felt guilty the

929
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,840
Speaker 1: entire day, and it bothered me that I felt like

930
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: I was doing my son a disservice by not having

931
00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:58,839
Speaker 1: something that he needed in that moment. Um. But I'm

932
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:02,439
Speaker 1: able to travel and I'm able to work a knowing

933
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 1: that I have, you know, family that's able to help me,

934
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 1: which is great. So the next best thing to me

935
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,840
Speaker 1: is going to be my mom. And I'm so fortunate

936
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 1: and I'm so blessed to have my mom. I've told

937
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,240
Speaker 1: you guys before that my mom suffered a heart attack

938
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 1: when she was fifty seven a couple of years ago,

939
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: and that for me was like completely like my world

940
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 1: completely crumbled at that moment because I felt what it

941
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 1: was like to potentially not have my mom in that moment.

942
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,800
Speaker 1: And where would I be right now? Where would my

943
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 1: husband be if I didn't have the help that we

944
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: had from our families. So that is super important for us.

945
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 1: And if you're fortunate enough to have your family and

946
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 1: your tribe around, make use of that. And if you

947
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 1: don't have that, um, the tribe doesn't have to be relatives.

948
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: It could be a community of people who agree on

949
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 1: things that you agree with, like just life, life, lessons

950
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 1: life skills. Um. You know, morals and codes that you

951
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 1: feel like align with you find a group of people

952
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: like that who you can lean on when you need

953
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: the help. Um. So that's super important for me as well.

954
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 1: But I also I'm able to kind of subset some

955
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: of that mommy guilt by making sure that I'm super

956
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,280
Speaker 1: present in the moments that I have with the kids.

957
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 1: So it's not just those moments of like the kids

958
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: are in the background playing and I'm just like sitting

959
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 1: around strolling Instagram or stuff. Like my job requires that

960
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 1: I'm on devices a lot because that's where you know,

961
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,239
Speaker 1: my my bread is buttered. But at the same time, too,

962
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 1: I have to realize and I've made more of a

963
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: conscious effort to make sure that in those moments with

964
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: those boys that I can put my phone down, that

965
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:34,879
Speaker 1: I can really absorb what they're saying. Like I've had

966
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 1: moments where Jackson would be talking to me and this

967
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,080
Speaker 1: is maybe like I want to say, two three years ago,

968
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 1: he was talking to be a something that happened in school,

969
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 1: and I was just busy on my phone, but not

970
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 1: even busy doing work. It was like I was probably

971
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 1: looking at some dumb shoot on Instagram and he was like, Mommy,

972
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 1: d d d da. You know, he's telling me a

973
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 1: story and I'm just like yeah, yeah yeah, and he's like,

974
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 1: you're not even listening to me, and then he walked away,

975
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: like break my heart into a million pieces. Why don't

976
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: you just stop on the ground and like mommy, Like, so,

977
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 1: that's a mommy guilt momment. My guilt doesn't come in

978
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 1: working to help to provide a lifestyle that I want

979
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 1: my children to have. My mommy guilt moments come in

980
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,320
Speaker 1: those moments where I'm just like, I'm not paying attention

981
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: to my babies. And it's sad. It's you had those

982
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: moments all the time. I mean, I think, especially with

983
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: social media and a lot of business being on there,

984
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:29,960
Speaker 1: there's so many times that I justify what I'm doing.

985
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 1: I'm not doing ship. I'm really not doing ship half

986
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: the time, right, I'm telling myself, Oh, I gotta engage

987
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,760
Speaker 1: and do this side of the third And my daughter

988
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 1: has said something over and over and over. That's where mommy, Mommy,

989
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: mommy comes from because she had to say it six

990
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,800
Speaker 1: seven times for me to check in and pay attention.

991
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: But I think it's important for us to feel the

992
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 1: mommy guilt, because the good thing about feeling it is

993
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 1: that we are checked in enough with our relationship with

994
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 1: our children to feel that pain. Because the real problem

995
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: is not feeling the mommy guilt. The real problem is

996
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 1: never feeling it at all and never uh changing or

997
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 1: or checking in. So if you don't feel those sad moments,

998
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: it's either because you're perfect, which doesn't exist right or

999
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 1: because you just you just don't care. You just don't care,

1000
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: You're not tuned in. So I feel that, Mommy, you

1001
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: a hell of a lot. Um, So don't feel bad

1002
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: for feeling that way. Like you said, that just means

1003
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 1: that you care. It means that you care. But also

1004
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: to um, you know you talk about your husband being

1005
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:31,839
Speaker 1: super fulfilled in his career. You need to have your

1006
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,399
Speaker 1: own outlet and whether that means your stay at home

1007
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 1: mom and you just need to have moments away with

1008
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,919
Speaker 1: like your girlfriends or like you know, just time away

1009
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: from the kids. I feel like that time away too

1010
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: helps you to grow as an individual. To like you said,

1011
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 1: you have your two days, you're able to reconnect with yourself.

1012
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 1: You know, self care is a hot topic now. Taking

1013
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:53,480
Speaker 1: the time to just kind of re energize and revive

1014
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 1: yourself as a mom, because you know you can't have

1015
00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 1: that empty cup and continue to pour into people with

1016
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 1: nothing there for yourself. So you know, be kind to yourself,

1017
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,280
Speaker 1: find out what it is that makes you tick again,

1018
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 1: if it's you know, going back into the electrical engineering,

1019
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 1: you know field, and trying to see how you can

1020
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: juggle that. I understand if Jackson is your only child,

1021
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 1: he's your first child, so you know you don't want

1022
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: to miss all those moments. Because I felt the same

1023
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: way with Jackson. You know, when I was working back

1024
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 1: in the day Um Jackson was born, I was working

1025
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 1: at mat Cosmetics and retail, and I feel like I

1026
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 1: missed the person entire a year and a half of

1027
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 1: his life because I was working in retail. You know, Um,

1028
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: I was gone for like twelve hours a day between

1029
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: commuting to and from work and just being on the

1030
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 1: floor working, and Devout had said to me, He's like, hey,

1031
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,399
Speaker 1: if you want to be home, like I'm gonna I'm

1032
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: gonna help you do this, Like take that leap of

1033
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: faith and I'm be here to help you. And I

1034
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:39,919
Speaker 1: was able to just step away from that and build

1035
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:42,239
Speaker 1: my own makeup business and career outside of you know,

1036
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:45,280
Speaker 1: that retail environment. So if it means you know, finding

1037
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: something for yourself, um, that you can then have flexibility

1038
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: to juggle with the kids, then all the better. It

1039
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 1: sounds like she has a choice about what she wants

1040
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 1: to do right now. It's just something that yeah, some

1041
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,720
Speaker 1: of a lot of people don't have. You know, there's

1042
00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: room for you to pick something where you might feel

1043
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 1: passionate or you might feel engaged, where it doesn't take

1044
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 1: up a lot of your time. Maybe if you're going

1045
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 1: to go back to school, go back part time. Um,

1046
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 1: just something that's gonna make you feel more motivated, but

1047
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 1: not so much so that you're missing out on your kids.

1048
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 1: Because I get it. I was the same way I

1049
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: was working full time. Nyla was in daycare at four months.

1050
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: Four months, she was in daycare twelve hours day. I

1051
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: was on the bus, I baby wrapped her to my chest,

1052
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 1: hopped on the bus, hopped off to drop her off

1053
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: on the bus, trying to breastfeed because I'm trying to

1054
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 1: hold onto the breastfeeding. I think we all feel mommy

1055
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 1: guilt about something all the time. I was just talking

1056
00:51:37,320 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: about how I was so exhausted. The other day, I

1057
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:43,839
Speaker 1: passed out before her, and when I woke up, I

1058
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 1: saw her holding the book that I kept telling her

1059
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 1: I was going to read that I never read to her.

1060
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: And I read her the book at six thirty in

1061
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 1: the morning, work up before school. Like hey, you know,

1062
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:56,359
Speaker 1: so just finding the opportunities when you do feel that

1063
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: guilt to check in and make up for it, you

1064
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 1: make yourself feel better. And and like I said before,

1065
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 1: these kids are resilient and they get them at enough

1066
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:07,040
Speaker 1: credit because they definitely bounced back. And they have a

1067
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: way where they when they come to give you hugs

1068
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:12,400
Speaker 1: and kisses because they are a lot more forgiving than adults. UM,

1069
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,279
Speaker 1: So you know, don't feel too bad. Girls. It seems

1070
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,439
Speaker 1: like you said, you have options. A lot of moms

1071
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 1: and dads out here, especially single moms and dads don't

1072
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 1: have the choice to be able to, um, decide on

1073
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 1: what it is they're going to do. They just have

1074
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 1: to do it by any means necessary. But you know,

1075
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: don't worry about it exactly exactly. You still have choices,

1076
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 1: have choices for sure. Definitely. All right, thank you so much, Jessica.

1077
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:41,120
Speaker 1: You know what man I said, bring you back in

1078
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: here again. You know, on days when devot want to

1079
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,239
Speaker 1: leave me high and dry, you can totally come in

1080
00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 1: and we can totally like chop it up about other randoms.

1081
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,520
Speaker 1: And if you want to be featured as one of

1082
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: our listener letters, email us at dead Ass Advice at

1083
00:52:55,080 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's dead Ass Advice at gmail. Come

1084
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 1: all right, Jessica. So if you've listened to dead As before,

1085
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 1: do you know that we end every episode with a

1086
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: moment of truth. And the moment of truth is just

1087
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,279
Speaker 1: any takeaway that you have from this entire episode, something

1088
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 1: that either resonated with you, something that you want to

1089
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 1: implement later. What was your moment of truth after talking

1090
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 1: about our parenting journey and the challenges and being caught

1091
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 1: off guard with certain things. What's that one thing that

1092
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:25,880
Speaker 1: you take away from today? Probably just the fact that

1093
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:28,840
Speaker 1: no matter what your situation is, we all have the

1094
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 1: same feelings as moms. You know, this is even just

1095
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,960
Speaker 1: from a listening a letter. She feels the same guilt

1096
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 1: as an established married person not working that you feel

1097
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:47,719
Speaker 1: as an established working married person that I feel. We

1098
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 1: all have the same sad feelings and we shouldn't feel alone. Absolutely,

1099
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,080
Speaker 1: no we don't. We can't feel alone. Yeah, no matter

1100
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,600
Speaker 1: what your circumstances, absolutely right, we're all experiencing some of

1101
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: the same thing. Because the minute you say mommy, Gil,

1102
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: it's like, I know exactly what that feels like. I

1103
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 1: know exactly what that feels like. Um. I think my

1104
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 1: moment of truth after talking about just the parenting journey challenges, um,

1105
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 1: being call out off guard, is that, UM, you gotta

1106
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 1: take it one day at a time like that was

1107
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 1: my grandmother's favorite, saying bless her heart she passed away

1108
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. That was my home girl.

1109
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:25,320
Speaker 1: But literally taking things one day at a time. Naturally,

1110
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,760
Speaker 1: you're gonna plan for your children's future. You're gonna plan for,

1111
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:31,160
Speaker 1: you know, things that you want them to achieve, you know,

1112
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:32,880
Speaker 1: working with your children to see what it is that

1113
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 1: they want out of life. But at the same time

1114
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: to knowing that you kind of have to be kind

1115
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 1: to yourself sometimes and just know that this is a

1116
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 1: learning process for you too, and there really is no

1117
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,839
Speaker 1: wrong way to do it, but just learning from those

1118
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 1: times where you feel like, damn, I could have done

1119
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 1: this differently, Like we've had moments to val and I

1120
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: where you know, we've had to reflect his parents, he

1121
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,800
Speaker 1: and I and he's like, you know, damn, I shouldn't

1122
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 1: have handled it this way with Jackson. I should have

1123
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: done this or taken this approach, or you know, in

1124
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 1: co parenting or just having a relation and ship being

1125
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:04,040
Speaker 1: able to check the other parents and say, I don't

1126
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,400
Speaker 1: think you did this in a way that was suitable

1127
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: for this child in this moment, with this circumstance. Maybe

1128
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 1: try this next time. And it should always be an

1129
00:55:12,360 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 1: open dialogue, especially between parents like you have. You know,

1130
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 1: your your daughter's father, who you know, you're in contact with,

1131
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: and y'all talk about things you know that matter, so

1132
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 1: you know, being on somewhat of the same page, so

1133
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,799
Speaker 1: that there's some cohesion because we all know each other,

1134
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: keeping each other accountable, and we're knowing that the children

1135
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,520
Speaker 1: do work well when there's some sort of routine. So,

1136
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: you know, shout out to all the parents out there,

1137
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:35,839
Speaker 1: because you know, we want to struggle bus together. We really,

1138
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 1: we really are the struggle bus together. Jessica, thank you

1139
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 1: so much for coming in and joining. It's been so

1140
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: much fun talking to you on air and off air.

1141
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 1: We've been here kicking about everything under the Sun, So

1142
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 1: it's really great to have you here. And make sure

1143
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,759
Speaker 1: you guys tune into Jessica's YouTube page and she gave

1144
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 1: you her handles and all that good stuff. So thank you, Jessica.

1145
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: Thank you all right, and be sure to follow us

1146
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:01,799
Speaker 1: on social media. My handle is Cadine I am on Instagram,

1147
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 1: and of course my husband Devo, he's not here but

1148
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 1: in spirit. Maybe sure to follow him. I am Devot

1149
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 1: on Instagram. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1150
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:12,880
Speaker 1: sure to rate review because we love to hear your

1151
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: feedback on what you like and what we can improve

1152
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 1: on for the second season. And don't forget to hit

1153
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 1: that subscribe button that way, when we do the new episode,

1154
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,759
Speaker 1: it will automatically download to your phone right Dead as

1155
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,920
Speaker 1: dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by

1156
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 1: T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content officer is

1157
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: Chris Bannon. Our associate producers are Kristin Torrez and Trouble,

1158
00:56:40,719 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns

1159
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: and mixed by Andy Christian's daughter. We'll back. I'm Drew

1160
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 1: McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going

1161
00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:00,239
Speaker 1: on right now as parts the stitching up work called

1162
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:05,240
Speaker 1: Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify,

1163
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 1: Apple Go. Listen right now to the Distraction, right now,

1164
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:09,280
Speaker 1: it's out. Do it, please,