WEBVTT - Justin Long 0:00:02.120 --> 0:00:04.520 Randy Edelman. That was the other. It was Trevor Jones 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.039 and Randy Edelman were the main composers of The Last 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:11.720 the Mohicans. Good Old Google. See. Oh my god, I'm 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:14.440 such a ludd eyed I'm literally still going to the 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:16.560 library in my head when I need to know something 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:19.760 instead of just googling. Yeah, but that's I don't think 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:22.840 it is. I think it's like total Granny Boomer time. 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.560 Maybe it's both. I just don't think it's filed under 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:30.160 horse radish if I wonder if any of your listeners 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:33.320 thought you just ran to the library just now. I'll 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:36.920 be one minute, Hang on, where's my library card? We 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:39.800 edited out I was actually sitting here for forty five minutes, 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:45.000 justin take a nap. I'll be right back. Hello, I'm 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:49.200 Mini driver and welcome to many Questions. I've always loved 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.920 priest questionnaire. It was originally an eighteenth century parlor game 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:56.360 meant to reveal an individual's true nature. But with so 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:00.000 many questions, there wasn't really an opportunity to expand on anything. 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:03.560 So I took the format of Proof's questionnaire and adapted 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.240 what I think are seven of the most important questions 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:10.200 you could ever ask someone they are when and where 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:14.080 were you happiest? What is the quality you like least 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:19.520 about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you? 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:25.240 What question would you most like answered, What person, place, 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:29.440 or experience has shaped you the most? What would be 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:33.280 your last meal? And can you tell me something in 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:36.320 your life that has grown out of a personal disaster. 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.039 The more people we ask, the more we begin to 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:43.080 see what makes us similar and what makes us individual. 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:47.160 I've gathered a group of really remarkable people who I 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:49.360 am honored and humbled to have had a chance to 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:53.520 engage with. My guest today is the actor and podcaster 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:58.880 Justin Long. We've known each other oh long time, but 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.920 the reality that we have remained utter nerds about acting 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:04.600 and movies has not really changed in all that time. 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:09.200 Justin asks brilliant questions because I think he is a 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.400 deeply curious human being and has the kind of intellectual 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:15.520 acuity that's put to great use as an actor, but 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.440 it's probably wasted on it. Also, I went on his 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:22.720 podcast Life Is Short with Justin Long and we talked 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.360 for a really long time and it was incredibly entertaining, 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:27.280 but it also made me think about a lot of 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:30.360 things for a very long time afterwards. The episode is 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:34.240 out on July, and then when he came on my podcast, 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:43.240 this podcast, he was equally as generous and considered and hilarious. Okay, Lorry, 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:46.040 I'm going to start asking you questions, so you better 0:02:46.120 --> 0:02:48.840 just get ready. I'm ready. I haven't looked at them. 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:52.079 That could be a disclaimer in case I'm stumbling to No, 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:54.840 don't worry about that. She stumbled through it. It's going 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.520 to be on my headstand. It's a good question. Okay. Well, 0:02:58.560 --> 0:02:59.919 so now I have to ask you that what would 0:02:59.919 --> 0:03:02.120 be written on your team stone Well, well, you know, 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:04.560 actually it comes up a lot on the podcast I 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:07.560 do um and it's always life is short with justin 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:11.440 long thank you. Yes, I should have done that. That's 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:14.400 a professional podcaster. I should have It's only been two years. 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:17.240 You're not to plug my own ship. It would come 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:19.560 up at the end because I would say, what type 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:21.880 of legacy do you want to leave behind? What do 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:24.640 you hope people remember? But it would come on the 0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:27.560 heels of this, like lightning round their uniform questions, and 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.040 it always through the guests, and not necessarily in a 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:32.560 good way. When you go through the you know, what's 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.520 your favorite movie, and you your favorite fruits and all 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:38.240 this stuff, and then it would get to this kind 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:42.040 of nebulous question about being remembered, and I love it. 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:45.120 It's like, what's your favorite snack? Watch, favorite movie? And 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:50.840 now I want you to contemplate. Yeah, your existence. I 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:55.160 know it was always like, oh, people were pretty game 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.320 about it, but it was like I could see it throwing, 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:00.440 really throwing them. I mean, obviously I saw written on 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.440 a tombstone that I then went and found where it 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:05.800 came from because it was so beautiful and I knew 0:04:05.840 --> 0:04:07.760 it must have been part of something else. And it's 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:10.000 the last lines of this poem to be held by 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:13.600 a woman called Linda Hogan. And on the tombstone it said, 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.800 waiting for the healing after the storm which has been 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:21.839 our life. Wow, Oh my god, how much that says 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:26.000 and how much is left to the imagination about that life. Wow, 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:29.480 it's the most beautiful poem stand laurels is and I'm 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.080 probably gonna bastardize it, but it says something like he 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:35.240 brought joy to the world that he loved so much. Oh, 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.760 it's so sweet. There's one in Key West. It just 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:40.560 says I told you I was sick. And I think 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:44.039 about that one often because it leaves behind. I mean, 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:47.240 it is the highest degree of permanence I can imagine, 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.480 and that for centuries, people who see that will just 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:53.720 assume that whoever's under that rock was cheeky and had 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:56.000 a good sense of humor. You know. I like that. 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:04.080 Where and when were you happiest? You know what? Honestly, 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:09.200 I had a moment recently, about a month ago in Arkansas. 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.000 I was taking a drive with a friend and we 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:14.640 were kind of following signs. We kept finding all these 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:19.680 really interesting or funny, bizarre signs, literal signs on the 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:24.080 side of the road, above a storefront graffitied somewhere. I 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.359 just felt very connected to this person, and I felt 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:31.640 very free and safe. And we had been laughing so much, 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:33.680 and it was our day off and we were shooting 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:35.120 this thing, and it it was we had a day off, 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:36.840 and the sky it was just beautiful, and I was 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:38.880 thinking about my grandma, who passed away recently a lot, 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.920 and she had given me a sign that she was 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:44.159 okay and had passed, And so I think that it 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.440 was that day. It was May fourth, that might not 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.760 be interesting, but it was. It was profound to me. No, no, no, no, 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:53.520 of course it is. I mean we talked a little 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.760 bit about this when I did your podcast. But the 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:59.279 looking for signs, we seek out those people who have 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:04.200 gone because oh, sweet little human brains so desperately need 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.279 to physicalize them because we're still here in this reality. 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:10.880 But I'm a big believer in signs. I thought at 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:13.080 first you might mean you were following road signs, but 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:16.159 then the signs actually turned into signs. No, not not. 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:19.440 In fact, we were lost. We had gotten lost, and 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:22.080 we turned off our GPS, and uh, there's a real 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:26.400 purity to not knowing. Sometimes it made us more connected, 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:29.839 and it made us more aware and present to the surroundings, 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:33.680 which included, as it turns out, these like really not 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:38.080 always that bizarre signs. Like for example, we found one 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:41.080 for like piglets for sale on the side of the road, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.320 and we looked at each other and like piglets in 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:47.320 this big farm, sprawling farmhouse, and we said, should we 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:50.440 are we should we go? Should we go? And we're like, well, yeah, 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:53.080 we just kept like going and we met this the 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:56.560 most beautiful pig pigs. Well, we did meet the pigs, 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.440 several pigs. I like that you just followed the things 0:07:00.440 --> 0:07:04.039 that you saw. Yes, I always want signs on the freeway. 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:06.080 Whenever it's like, you know, put your seatbelt on. I'm 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:08.760 always hoping that it's secret you going to say, you know, 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:11.960 sell everything and buy a boat. Oh that's funny. Yeah, 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:16.200 I know, very specific to you, exactly driver, any person 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:19.520 in the fucking one. Yes, well, yours could be it 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:28.040 could be like driver, beware, you know that's true. What 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:30.600 is the quality you least like about yourself? There are 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:37.880 several I'm trying to pick just one. I am, well, 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.840 I'm quite scattered. I'm quite um. I guess the easy 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.480 clinical way out would be to say I'm a d D. 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:48.800 Maybe listeners can tell already that I'm it's hard for 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.520 me to focus in work. That can be a problem, obviously, 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.800 although weirdly when i'm when I have it. That's this 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.200 is why I'd love to mow the lawn or I 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:01.840 love tasks like that. I of like manual labor tap 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.960 because there's a clarity to it. There's a clear agenda, 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:08.160 you know. I find comfort in that knowing that, Okay, 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.360 this amount of grass needs to be cut and this 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:14.520 is how you cut it, and there's something very satisfying 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:16.960 about that. I couldn't agree more. I think it makes 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.120 you feel safe as well, because it's somehow there are 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:24.040 boundaries created around time, so you know that for this period, 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:26.480 you know exactly what you're doing. It's white like being 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:30.040 an actor is just such a monstrous free fall when 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:32.079 you don't know where the next job is coming from. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.160 It unless you're one of you know, sort of a 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:40.240 handful of actor. Maybe you're in that handful. I'm certainly not. No, no, 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:45.040 I know exactly, but I totally understand why you knowing 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.760 I am going to mow the lawn now. It's both 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:51.880 satisfying and safe feeling. In fact, I heard Julie Roberts 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:54.440 say once on a radio show or something. She said, 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:58.400 the best time for an actor is the time between 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.480 when you know you've got a job and the time 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:04.400 that job starts. Oh that's that's not agree more. Where 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:09.400 you're just you're following, not worried, and you're excited. Yes, yes, 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:13.240 there's a security. Your feet are planted. It's definitive. There's 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:31.480 something definitive totally. What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:34.360 for you. First of all. At the heart of every 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:40.080 great relationship, I think is just a real sense of enjoyment. 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:43.760 There's you really fucking just like being around somebody, and 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:47.560 there's a mutual curiosity about one another, you know. I 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.119 think that's That's something that I only recently came to appreciate, 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:54.160 how how much you want to know things about about 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:56.599 a person. It's usually in movies, sadly, I mean, I 0:09:56.640 --> 0:09:58.520 don't know what that says about the relationships I've had, 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:01.600 but you know, I have like wonderful others and parents, 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:03.520 but it's it's in the movies where this is I 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:06.720 think one of the reasons I love movies, where you know, 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:09.600 you get to you get to witness. This is going 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:11.760 to sound very pretentious, but I think of like the 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:15.800 platonic forms, you know, like there's a form of relationship 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:19.840 that is perfect, and we're all aspiring to that form. 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.920 Every relationship aspires to that and nothing and only in 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.640 movies can it really be perfect, because it ends it's 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.360 so true. I mean, the aspiration to me perfect here 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:35.360 is mired by compromise. But in the in the films, 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:38.720 I was too jealous of Madeline Stowe to really embrace 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:40.960 her in the Last the Mohicans. But like for me, 0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:45.480 the way that dandey Lewis talks to her under the Waterfall, 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:49.840 I will find you no matter what happens. So long 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:54.520 I just I mean, I'm sure she's a very nice person. 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:59.240 But oh my god, that should have been me. I 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.800 think that about Daniel day Lewis should have been me. 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:07.240 That was my part. It should have been under the waterfall. Yeah, 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:10.040 oh my god, people be so mad. God that might 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.360 be when it comes to like romance and relationship. That 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:17.800 might be the perfect scene. There's there's a desperation, yes, 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:21.240 to end up in the woods with the person who 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.319 is the last of his kind. You're joking and make 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:28.200 little babies all day and like hunt sign me up. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:32.400 The stakes couldn't be higher, stakes can be not not 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:36.480 to compare myself to that scene or but I said 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:38.599 that recently to someone like I need you to and 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.720 it was mutual. I hope that. But that the idea 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:42.760 that like, don't just be I mean we say it 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.880 all the time to loved ones, be safe, but it's 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.959 that it's that not as heightened. But he says, the 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.560 word occurred, no matter what, stay alive, no matter what 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:56.600 occurred alive no matter what, you will fold you. Oh 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:59.840 my god, I just don't die, Like stay here, you 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:03.880 know that's really beautiful. I know, be here, don't go 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.760 in your life. Can you tell me about something that 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:16.960 grew out of a personal disaster. Yes, I had a 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.880 had an experience where I was some kid held against 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:23.560 my will and I had smoked what I thought was weird. 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:28.240 It turned out to be something else, something really debilitating 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:31.760 and scary. It was scary, and I jumped out of 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.080 a car to get away, and I was like, run over. 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:36.400 You jumped out of the car to get away. Like, 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:39.440 first of all, good job being super high being able 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:42.280 to jump out of the car. But then did you 0:12:42.800 --> 0:12:45.440 also that you managed to unlock the door and get out, 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:47.440 and then you got hit by another car when you 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.599 jumped out? No, no, no, because what happens when you 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:51.760 chumped out of a car. It was it was It 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:53.959 wasn't going, it wasn't speeding down. It was going like 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.640 an hour around streets. It was three in the morning, 0:12:57.679 --> 0:13:00.200 so there weren't really cars. But I saw head it's 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.959 coming and I I opened the door. Uh, and I 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:05.600 and when you jump out of a car, for those 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.400 of a few of you who haven't done it. You 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.720 don't land on your feet, you know, unless you're like 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.200 Spider Man. I've rolled and one of the wheels rolled 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:16.120 over my leg, and so I really obviously sucked up 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.080 my leg, but but I was able to move, I 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.240 was able to get up on it. I did nothing broken, 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:23.400 which is miraculous. The doctor the next day was like, well, 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.800 it's probably because you bought. You were so messed up. 0:13:26.920 --> 0:13:30.079 You know, your body is not tight um or whatever 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.920 this is. So this experience happened, very frightening thing. But 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.680 out of that I thought about it often, and obviously 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:39.199 it affected me, and here I am, fourteen years later 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:43.040 later talking about it. But it helped me appreciate boundaries 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.800 and the way I moved through the world. I was 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.079 very trusting of people, which is not to say I'm 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:50.840 jaded and cynical now, but I think it just it 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:54.280 gave me an appreciation for boundaries and protecting my own 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.800 time and space. And I had a tremendous amount of guilt. 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.520 I have a lot of guilt about things. I think 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:02.720 I waste a lot of time. Why do you feel 0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:05.240 guilty that I did it? Out of guilt? It was 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.160 the guys. This is part of the long story. But 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:09.439 but the guys that wanted me to smoke, they had 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.520 approached me at a bar. I had been there at 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:13.520 the bar a couple of nights earlier with a friend 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.920 and I have to tell his name, this name dropping, 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:17.679 but I have to say it was. It was Steve Boushemy. 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:21.160 And only because Steve gets so much attention, you know, 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:22.960 from people, that they had to kind of put us 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:25.960 in a back room because he's so recognizable. And so 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:27.760 we had we were like kind of in this room 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:29.360 off to the side, and it was like it was 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:32.600 just like a pubby type place, Irish pub. And a 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.440 couple of days later, I was back at the bar 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.560 and these two guys locals approached me and said, the 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.560 funk man, you said you wanted weed. And when we 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.320 came back to get it, like you were in some 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.800 some like v I p areas somewhere we couldn't and 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.120 we went all the way to get and I said, 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.480 you know, and oh, I'm so sorry, and I bought 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:50.200 them shots, you know, like to make up for it. 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:52.040 And throughout the night they come over to me and 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:54.560 the friends I was with and they would oh, this 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:57.800 this Hollywood guy. He's a Hollywood guy and they and 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:59.960 my thing at that point was like I just want 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:03.120 everything to be normal. I just want And that led 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:04.680 to them being like, well, you're not going to smoke 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:08.920 with us? Oh my good god. Oh yeah yeah, I'll 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:12.520 have some Oh yeah, yeah, I just love You're just 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:15.120 so sweet, like you know, oh, you're not going to 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:17.120 smoke with us? Oh no, sure, I don't want to 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:19.800 offend you said, you know you're smoking. They're like weird 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:25.320 Catchaman like Crystal with it was PCPs, I think. But 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.600 they took me to their apartment. We were all going 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:29.120 to go to a Cassino. I mean, I got wrapped 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.200 up in these guys. And look, I'm not blaming. It's 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.600 not on them. You know, I have agency and so 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.040 much of what compelled me and that in that night, 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:40.320 that kind of like scary night was was guilt wanting 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.600 to please and it's ego. I mean, it really is 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.440 ego wanting to be liked. I know, it wanted to 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:49.640 be like yeah, I think so many women that I 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:54.840 know would understand that the conversations that we've had about 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.760 the things that you do just because you don't want 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:01.280 people to not like you. We've been called I oh, 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.520 she's such a bit. So much when you don't do 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:05.640 the thing that people want you to do, that it 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:08.760 becomes so tiresome and so toxic that you just end 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:10.320 up doing the thing that you don't want to do 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:15.000 just to feel like you're not being bad. It's it's awful. 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:18.640 It's a fragile part of being human though, it really is. 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.280 I know it's something I want to work on. I 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.120 have a friend who's so good at it, is so 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:28.200 honest and and knows how to and is not as 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:31.800 concerned with what people think. Love. I'm so glad you 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:36.000 didn't end up as somebody's coat. You know, I'd be 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:38.280 a terrible coat. I mean I'm glad for them too. 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:46.600 I wouldn't make a good coat. Okay, So what question 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:51.000 would you most like answered? What? Yeah? I mean like 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:54.880 for it's what happens afterwards. I think that's the easy 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:58.080 one for me. What happens to us? What do you 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:01.840 think happens? I change is all the time, depending on what, 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:05.159 depending on people I've lost and things that I've experienced, 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:08.400 any sort of mystical moments I've had, I'll go from 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:13.679 full doubt to skeptical to to I believe in something, 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.600 to something very concrete, you know. I but I don't 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.440 know because I grew up Catholic, and the one comforting 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.760 thing about that was, you know, there was a structure 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:23.760 to it in terms of the afterlife. There was a 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:27.320 heaven and a hell. And I remember leaving in a 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.159 purgatory that to me was the clear structure. It was 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.960 like this three levels, you know, and St. Peter was 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.040 at the gates. I mean, I believed all that stuff. 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:39.760 And you know, over the years and as you've discovered 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.760 things that changes. There's certain things that like make me 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:46.240 feel it's just so different about existence and the existence 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:48.280 of aliens, for example. I mean, I don't know how 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:53.520 Christians and religious people will reconcile that. How does extreme 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:59.680 extreme religion make room for aliens doing what we come from, 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.200 where you come from is where we're going, pre birth 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:07.119 and post life. I am probably the least qualified, but 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.720 I I you're qualified because you're alive, right, But that's 0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:13.520 the thing about being alive. And I love watching the 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:16.920 nature programs. I love watching anything about animals, and I 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:19.040 think there's something there's such a harshness, there's such a 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.080 harsh reality when you watch those things I always think of. 0:18:22.240 --> 0:18:24.760 There's that Tennis and nature is read and tooth and claw. 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:28.439 And I was watching this show about the gelopagus and 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:30.359 they were talking about one of those kind of sea 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:33.200 coastal birds. It was the most savage thing I think 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:36.480 i'd ever seen. Where were the mother at lays two 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.440 eggs and when they hatch the lesser of the two, 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:42.840 one of them gets pushed out. God, I'm sorry if 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:46.480 this must be a real bummer, if anyone's still listening, Uh, 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:48.720 this is a real bum But but it struck me. 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:50.639 I mean it was like, That's why I say it's 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.199 fluid the way I think about this, because like I 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.880 can't reconcile there being a god, you know when when 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:57.960 I watch things like that, that the harshness of that, 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.080 and and that maybe that's just what distances. There's a 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:04.240 weird beauty in it. In the death there is this 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:08.720 Wordsworth quote is my favorite quote on nature. Nature never 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:12.399 did betray the heart that loved her, And I don't know, 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.440 getting pushed out of a nest like that shore feels 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:18.520 like a bit of a betrayal to me. But we 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:22.640 also remember we put a lot of this human emotion. 0:19:23.040 --> 0:19:26.040 We attach that to these things that happen in nature. 0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:28.399 Whereas I think I do believe in God, but I 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:31.880 just don't think he she it. I think it's energetic, 0:19:31.880 --> 0:19:34.600 and it just set in motion this kind of experiment. 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:38.280 And you don't interfere with experiments, you know, when I've 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:40.560 been out in the field and wanted to interfere in 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.000 situations with animals, like to save an animal but that 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:45.480 you know is about to be an attack, and they're like, no, no, no, 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:47.760 you have to let that happen. And you can't save 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:49.560 the dying animal. You have to let it be part 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:54.840 of the chain. My dad is a philosophy professor, medieval philosophy, 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.280 and and a lot of that is really obviously outdated now. 0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:00.399 But I loved a quintas is you he leaved in. 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:03.480 I think he caught it the teleological argument for the 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:06.000 existence of God, which is the design of everything. The 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:10.080 design of this world is so perfect that that it 0:20:10.520 --> 0:20:13.280 had to have been it had to have been created 0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:15.720 by something, It had to have had a hand of Yeah, 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.600 and I think that's sometimes in nature. Yeah, I agree. 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.320 It's definitely where I feel most alive and most connected 0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:25.480 and most understanding of this journey that we don't know 0:20:25.520 --> 0:20:27.840 why it starts, we don't know why it ends, or 0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:29.879 like what if there's a point to it. But I 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:32.280 do know that when I'm in nature, it makes complete 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:34.360 sense of it, and it's like, oh, I'm I'm here 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:37.480 and I'm part of this. Yes, yes, well you're talking 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:41.080 about ego. I think that's is what fails us, is 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:43.840 our idea that it's meant to be more important. You know, 0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:47.720 it's like when like human beings. I think I said 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:49.560 this the other day to someone on this show, but 0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:54.040 it bears repeating. You know how when people talk about 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:58.919 being reincarnated and like no one's ever like you know, 0:20:59.200 --> 0:21:09.320 a like no one's ever like a mute servant that 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:13.520 they're the pharaoh. You know, I was had made into 0:21:13.560 --> 0:21:16.399 the queen. Why don't think so? Maybe you were like 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:20.840 a lizard in Egypt? Like why you know, we know 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:24.240 how arrogant we aggrandized the whole experience, because I think 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.199 that's part of our trying to make sense of it. 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:29.320 We have to give it as and graces. Otherwise what 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.320 are we tether to? And the only thing I've ever 0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:33.960 felt tethered to, apart from the people that brought me 0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:38.159 into this world is nature. I understand my position in 0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:40.919 this world when I'm in the ocean. I understand it 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:45.240 when I'm walking through fields or in a river. Right, 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:47.600 it's the arrogance. Well, that's the fear. That's I think 0:21:47.600 --> 0:21:49.240 where a lot of my fear of death comes from, 0:21:49.320 --> 0:21:53.160 because I'm holding onto ego. It's the I can't leave. 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.800 I mean, to its extreme, it is this, It is 0:21:57.680 --> 0:22:00.800