Speaker 1: Swine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 1: The guys we like, literally no joke. We are on
Speaker 1: a train, moving train, a moving train, drinking wine and
Speaker 1: what Michael's drinking a bullet and sprite um and we
Speaker 1: are joined if you don't know that laugh, We are
Speaker 1: joined by Tanya ra O. Hey, what is the rat
Speaker 1: stand for? My last name is Raddy sav of Each,
Speaker 1: so it's d each. What is that serbian? Oh? Interesting? Serbian?
Speaker 1: Like you were born there, born here, so that really
Speaker 1: make you both. My parents are hund so like they
Speaker 1: moved here. I was born here. So my last name
Speaker 1: is very, very lengthy and so professional, holy, so professionally.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, email me my emails. Tanya bready
Speaker 1: saw of you each at I Heart Media or whatever,
Speaker 1: and people are like, how do you spell that? So
Speaker 1: I just chopped it. Do you know how many people
Speaker 1: are going to try to email you know with that
Speaker 1: name that it does not exist, So don't even try.
Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I love that. But we're
Speaker 1: just so happy that you're going to be our co
Speaker 1: host on today's wind down because we have a lot
Speaker 1: to wind down with, but just to kind of get
Speaker 1: everyone in the scope of like why we're here. We
Speaker 1: are helping or we're a lot of um listeners are
Speaker 1: here for the Red Cross. So we're here and um,
Speaker 1: we're giving back and we're on a plane. I mean
Speaker 1: on a plane. Jesus, we're on a train. If you
Speaker 1: hear that little noise, that's why we're here. Um. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be fun. We're gonna drink and meet people
Speaker 1: and have fun and give back to the Red Cross.
Speaker 1: I'm super excited. I'm actually like really excited because I
Speaker 1: get to see you guys, like in and out of
Speaker 1: the studio when we're like transitioning and like we have
Speaker 1: events here and there. But I'm really excited to just
Speaker 1: like I kind of love when you said to Mike
Speaker 1: in the car on the ride to the hotel, do
Speaker 1: you want to tell our listeners what you said? Um?
Speaker 1: I come full circle with Mike. I did not love
Speaker 1: you in the beginning when I met you, So even
Speaker 1: when you met me, you just when did you remember
Speaker 1: the first time? Yes? And it's I don't use the
Speaker 1: word hate. I didn't hate you, because it takes a
Speaker 1: lot for me to hate somebody I did not know.
Speaker 1: I did not hate you. But um, I had heard
Speaker 1: some things. What did you hear? Um, I'm just from me,
Speaker 1: from not from me or from like the word of mouth,
Speaker 1: just word of mouth. But so that's like true, we've
Speaker 1: been through yeah, not anything like that was like gossipy,
Speaker 1: like he cheated blahah And so my guard was up
Speaker 1: with you understandably. So um, but as I have like
Speaker 1: just little things that you've done here and there, and
Speaker 1: I don't even know if you know that you do
Speaker 1: these things. You really are a gentleman. And I can
Speaker 1: tell that you, um are kind and um just by
Speaker 1: little little things that he does. And I know it
Speaker 1: sounds really silly, but I pick up on these things,
Speaker 1: and I really have come full circle. And it's been
Speaker 1: a while since I've come full circle on you. But
Speaker 1: I I expressed it to you today because I don't
Speaker 1: know why. When was there a moment or was it
Speaker 1: just over over time you kind of just was reflecting
Speaker 1: on it, or was she strongly disliked me until today
Speaker 1: when I said I'll get her bag up until today
Speaker 1: on the airplane. But even even that, like even just
Speaker 1: just offering to do that I think is really um,
Speaker 1: it's sweet and it's kind and it's a it's a
Speaker 1: gentleman thing, and um, I can tell that you're a
Speaker 1: good guy. Yeah, I really genuinely mean that. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I gotta be more consistent in that with my wife, right, honey. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But nobody's perfect. No, it's it's it's just it's hard
Speaker 1: with the person that you know. You see the good, bad,
Speaker 1: and the ugliest with the person that you're with. Right
Speaker 1: And I'm literally reading a book right now, or I
Speaker 1: started reading. I didn't read the introduction. I'm I'm beginning
Speaker 1: to read a book called How to Be an Adult
Speaker 1: in a Relationship, because I mean, it's just the thing is,
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately Jana might feel like I'm I'm mean,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I am because I don't know how to
Speaker 1: express my feelings, and so I just kind of like holding,
Speaker 1: holding and holding, and then I'm just like and then
Speaker 1: I just kind of like bust out and then and
Speaker 1: he'll say like, and the thing with him is like
Speaker 1: he'll say really mean things right where it's like he
Speaker 1: could have done a million nice things maybe that week
Speaker 1: or that month, but like he says, like you're so
Speaker 1: annoying and you as stupid questions. So then that's all
Speaker 1: I hear. But and then I'm just I think it's
Speaker 1: really honorable for both of you, honestly, because I think
Speaker 1: that you are really open and honest about a lot
Speaker 1: of things that go on in your relationship, and not
Speaker 1: a lot of people are that way. And I think
Speaker 1: it's really awesome because you know, there there are ups
Speaker 1: and downs to being married and ups and downs to
Speaker 1: being single, and not a lot of people talk. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like we have this perfect marriage and it's you know,
Speaker 1: rainbows and butterflies. And I think that's really awesome that
Speaker 1: you guys are open about it. What do you We're
Speaker 1: playing the kind of the question game on the on
Speaker 1: the vand ride up. Let's play games. I was a
Speaker 1: camp counselor that there was all in this car ride
Speaker 1: together and it was great because what's the default, right,
Speaker 1: Everyone's gonna go to their phones or conversation. I thought
Speaker 1: the bus ride was fun though. And um, but you
Speaker 1: asked us, you know what's the worst thing about marriage?
Speaker 1: So I will mirror that question, say what's the worst
Speaker 1: thing for you about being single? Um? I think for
Speaker 1: me specifically, I crave companionship. I really love companionship and
Speaker 1: I think there's something really beautiful And I have a
Speaker 1: lot of companionship in my life, not obviously romantically yet,
Speaker 1: but I have a lot of um friends that are
Speaker 1: like family and co workers that are like family and
Speaker 1: family that's family, you know, And so I have that.
Speaker 1: But I think for for me, I really, um, I
Speaker 1: think it's really cool to do life with somebody and
Speaker 1: go through milestones with somebody and learn and grow with somebody.
Speaker 1: So I think for me, I like out, um, big
Speaker 1: things will happen in my life and I want to
Speaker 1: be able to share that with somebody and have that
Speaker 1: be long term, you know. So it's like that's what
Speaker 1: I I That's the hardest thing for me for sure.
Speaker 1: Who's the first person you go to if something exciting
Speaker 1: or something bad happens in your life. Who's like the
Speaker 1: first person you're gonna text or call or whatever? My mom? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so you guys are really close. What's your relationship with
Speaker 1: your dad? Very close to but he doesn't get all
Speaker 1: of this life stuff like foreign and just men. Like
Speaker 1: the same way with my parents, Like my mom understands
Speaker 1: a little bit more. My dad's very old school, very
Speaker 1: old fashioned, just like what yeah, like My dad didn't
Speaker 1: really even realize who Ryan Seacrest was until it was
Speaker 1: like it was like personality. Yeah, he's the cutest. Do
Speaker 1: you love working for Ryan? I truly adore working behind
Speaker 1: What's like the worst part about it though, if you
Speaker 1: can say it the worst? Um, yeah, no, I'd say
Speaker 1: the early mornings, but I mean you get that with like,
Speaker 1: I mean, if I were to work on any morning show,
Speaker 1: you know, Um, what's the worst part about working with him?
Speaker 1: He chooses pen caps, which is like kind of really annoying,
Speaker 1: the shoot up pens everywhere. That's funny. Yeah. Um, so
Speaker 1: there's a specific someone on the train that we might
Speaker 1: be interested in question mark exclamation point. So he was
Speaker 1: a guest host on my podcast when I was out. Um,
Speaker 1: he co hosted with Becca and our entire like scrubbing
Speaker 1: in Facebook group was like running a muck about how
Speaker 1: Blake is, like my dude. I never thought of him
Speaker 1: that way, and he was what's his story? He was
Speaker 1: on the he on Uh, he was on Becca's Oh
Speaker 1: he was. I mean, he's so sweet. Would you be
Speaker 1: super uncomfortable if I had him come on and then
Speaker 1: kind of made it public? No, anything makes me uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But by the way, whatever happened with football guy, Yeah
Speaker 1: he's a friend. What when when? Because he slid into
Speaker 1: your DM ever since they went to the Super Bowl. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like right before that actually, But do you
Speaker 1: know what's actually really funny. I think it truly was
Speaker 1: like a benign d M. Like there's no benign I
Speaker 1: do not know, really know, there's if a guy slides
Speaker 1: into a girl's it's like with like, babe, when you
Speaker 1: slid into my d M. S is it was nine
Speaker 1: strategically photo because all he said, mind you, that's how
Speaker 1: he met was Twitter, so mind you. All he said
Speaker 1: when I did follow him back eventually was thanks for
Speaker 1: the follow back, So that could have just been you know,
Speaker 1: but so what ever he said to you and he thanks, yeah,
Speaker 1: So I mean there's clearly something even whatever he said
Speaker 1: to you. I mean it was like a music thing.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you know, I do song of
Speaker 1: the day every day. Well, he had interest in something,
Speaker 1: so it was just we had to do a better
Speaker 1: follow up next time. Yeah, I followed. And I think
Speaker 1: I'm also very naive when people flirt with me. I
Speaker 1: don't get it, Like I don't put up on it,
Speaker 1: so I was like, oh really. Like five months later,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh he did. I had no idea You're
Speaker 1: like cool, bro, Wait, I could be a little redundant here.
Speaker 1: And your listeners probably know when you guys first met who,
Speaker 1: like was the pursuer? Oh my, I didn't know who. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't know who. Do know existed on this earth? No?
Speaker 1: That's I mean, well until I slid in. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: He kept favoriting a few of my things, and then
Speaker 1: I was it was a board thirty. I was a
Speaker 1: thirty year thirty years old, eating macaroni and cheese, having
Speaker 1: a glass of wine. I'm scrolling through my Twitter and
Speaker 1: I see this guy favoriting my stuff. I click on
Speaker 1: his picture. I was like, oh, he's cute. And then
Speaker 1: I followed him back and I saw he had a
Speaker 1: blue checkmark too, and then he was a football player. Wait, okay,
Speaker 1: so here's here's my question. Did Jamma play like? Did
Speaker 1: you play cool? Were you kind of like seemed disinterested?
Speaker 1: I kind of got him on the spot, so, like
Speaker 1: I felt, I started, he I followed. I followed him,
Speaker 1: then he shot back right away. As often as we
Speaker 1: tell this story, it was not because I was strategically
Speaker 1: planned it. I was with I was in my house
Speaker 1: that I had in Baltimore at the time. I had
Speaker 1: a couple of buddies that lived with me, and it
Speaker 1: was a rainy Sunday afternoon. We're about to watch a
Speaker 1: movie and she followed back. I told my buddy. I
Speaker 1: was like, hey, Jannakramer just followed me back, Like what
Speaker 1: do I do? And we were like teenage girls. That
Speaker 1: became a we thing. What are we gonna say? And
Speaker 1: he was like, my buddy Alex Blitz said this. He's like,
Speaker 1: let's just watch this movie and then let's figure it
Speaker 1: out and like do this together. I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: ten minutes in the movie, I was like I can't.
Speaker 1: I have to message your back. And so whole movie
Speaker 1: I wasn't paying attention. We were just d M and
Speaker 1: back and forth. So mind you that was happening. And
Speaker 1: then four days later he flew out to one of
Speaker 1: my shows. But then I would I did some kind
Speaker 1: of kind of crazy things I FaceTime in the second
Speaker 1: day because um and okay, okay. So that obviously didn't
Speaker 1: turn you off, No, not at all, And it's what's
Speaker 1: funny is So that was on a Sunday. We talked
Speaker 1: on Twitter. Monday she gave me your number. Tuesday, Uh,
Speaker 1: we talked on the phone and then she was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, let's FaceTime and she kind of hit me
Speaker 1: randomly with it, right, So I love a rogue FaceTime. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, what, I was at the dog park
Speaker 1: with my dog in Baltimore, like an inner city, so
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, like, I'm in the dog park, Like,
Speaker 1: give me a few minutes. I booked at home. I
Speaker 1: live like a mile from the dog park, booking it
Speaker 1: with my with my dog. Get back, changed my shirt,
Speaker 1: put a hat on it, probably did some push ups
Speaker 1: before FaceTime, which really doesn't do anything. But I just
Speaker 1: felt better about myself. And then we FaceTime and yeah,
Speaker 1: then what. It's so funny because I tell people that
Speaker 1: all the time because they're like, I always say, I'm
Speaker 1: like a lot, I'm I'm allowed personality, and everyone says
Speaker 1: you need to let the guy pursue you, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I don't think I do. Like I want someone
Speaker 1: obviously that wants me the same, but I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna be me. That's part of what attracted me
Speaker 1: to Jana so quick. Was like, she's just a normal person,
Speaker 1: just like everybody else. And she's just like, yeah, hey,
Speaker 1: we're hitting this off. You want to come see me
Speaker 1: in Chicago. I was like it was nine o'clock at night.
Speaker 1: I was like, sure, house tomorrow, like first thing in
Speaker 1: the morning. He's like, yeah, let's do it. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: glad you invested in me, babe. And you know what
Speaker 1: else we're investing in is robin Hood. So robin Hood
Speaker 1: is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ets, options,
Speaker 1: and cryptos, all commissioned free. Well, other broker just charge
Speaker 1: up to ten dollars for every trade. Robin Hood doesn't
Speaker 1: charge any commission fees, so you can actually trade stocks
Speaker 1: and keep all your profits, which is amazing. Yeah. Plus
Speaker 1: there's no account minimum deposit needed to get started, so
Speaker 1: you can start investing that any level. There's also a
Speaker 1: view you can also view easy to understand charge and
Speaker 1: market data and place the trade and just forward taps
Speaker 1: on your smartphone. You can also view stock collections such
Speaker 1: as one most popular with robin Hood. You can learn
Speaker 1: how to invest in the market as you build their portfolio,
Speaker 1: so discover new stocks, track your favorite companies, and get
Speaker 1: custom notifications for price movements so you never miss the
Speaker 1: right moment to invest. Robin Hood is giving listeners of
Speaker 1: wind Down a free stock like Apple, Forward or Spread
Speaker 1: to help you build your portfolio. So all you have
Speaker 1: to do is sign up at Windown dot robin Hood
Speaker 1: dot com. Okay, so we want to let you all
Speaker 1: know that Mike and I are going on a podcast tour.
Speaker 1: We've got three dates coming up in May, so we're
Speaker 1: doing Virginia, Boston, and New York and we're so excited
Speaker 1: about it. So basically we're going to wind Down with
Speaker 1: you guys and then you're going to get an exclusive concert.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play a bunch of songs and it's going
Speaker 1: to be a really fun time. So we we want
Speaker 1: you guys to come out. Get your tickets at Janet
Speaker 1: Cramer dot com because it's going to be a blast.
Speaker 1: Come on out. It's gonna be a great time. Anything.
Speaker 1: People are going to hear songs that they have that
Speaker 1: you haven't released yet. Yeah, I'm gonna be singing songs
Speaker 1: that I have never sang before, new songs. So it's
Speaker 1: going to be a lot of fun. And again, the
Speaker 1: podcast doesn't actually it's not going to be like live,
Speaker 1: so people you only get to hear it if you're there,
Speaker 1: that's it. So it's going to be very exclusive, be
Speaker 1: a part of it. Were we want to be very interactive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you've heard our last live podcast, that's what you're
Speaker 1: going to get. But this one is just going to
Speaker 1: be more intimate and you guys can't actually hear. But
Speaker 1: if you live in Boston, Virginia, New York, at the
Speaker 1: show just for you. So it's gonna be fun. Janna
Speaker 1: Kramer dot com, get the tickets, come on now. Okay, So, hi, hi, good.
Speaker 1: How are you so? The last time I saw you,
Speaker 1: I was super pregnant with Jason and you, um you
Speaker 1: were single. I was, I am. You're still saying, I'm
Speaker 1: still I think that's what you're getting. Yeah, us catch
Speaker 1: the chase. Um, this is gonna be the grilling match.
Speaker 1: What what kind of women? And do you want like
Speaker 1: if you could have your what are the top three
Speaker 1: qualities and a woman? Um? I love like an independent woman?
Speaker 1: You know, I want? I want? That didn't take a
Speaker 1: long seconds. I'm so sorry. Excuse me, no, I just
Speaker 1: um cough, excuse me so sorry? Go ahead, like independent woman? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I always say that I want a woman who doesn't
Speaker 1: need a man, but wants a man. That's kind of
Speaker 1: like what I I'm attracted. I have a lot of
Speaker 1: strong women in my life, so I'm attracted to that.
Speaker 1: So you have sisters, Yeah, I have a sister. Well,
Speaker 1: I have over stepsister, my sister and my mom. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Uh so, yeah, I guess I gravitate towards you know,
Speaker 1: like I guess strong independent women. So that's something I'm
Speaker 1: definitely looking for. And I like, I like a sense
Speaker 1: of humor, but I like, I do like dry sense
Speaker 1: of humor, kind of kind of like you like the
Speaker 1: office parks are rack Yes, totally h big office guy,
Speaker 1: You're welcome. I don't understand that humor, but yeah, I
Speaker 1: love that and witty. You know. I like a girl
Speaker 1: who can like snap clap back a little bit, you know.
Speaker 1: And do you know the girl? Do you're right? Never? No,
Speaker 1: never met her? You've never met How old are you?
Speaker 1: I turned thirty in two weeks? Oh, two weeks okay,
Speaker 1: and howld a, Oh that's great. I will tell you
Speaker 1: the dynamics. So he's younger than me. Um, And I
Speaker 1: actually like that dynamic. It's good and especially because you
Speaker 1: know Tany and I are very you know, independent, strong,
Speaker 1: strong women I have. So I was on jury duty
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago. Blake filled in for me.
Speaker 1: Can you tell us about the case, but I actually
Speaker 1: can now. I think it was so gnarly like it sounded,
Speaker 1: remember you talk about Yeah, I couldn't talk about it
Speaker 1: at the time. Open. No, it was like good little office.
Speaker 1: It was like a really gnarly case. I didn't end
Speaker 1: up picking me. It was a three day jury like selection.
Speaker 1: Why didn't they pick you? Did you do the things
Speaker 1: where you're very opinionated and then you don't get back? No?
Speaker 1: But do you know what's so crazy is the judge
Speaker 1: like this one man clue really was doing that, Like
Speaker 1: he was just saying everything to like not get picked.
Speaker 1: The judge picked him to be an alternate, so he
Speaker 1: had a stay on the trial. But he didn't even
Speaker 1: get his He didn't even get to vote on it
Speaker 1: because he could tell that he was literally was like
Speaker 1: saying everything to get out of it. Every literally it
Speaker 1: was so funny. So he picked him to be an alternate.
Speaker 1: So I didn't do that. I was very honest, but
Speaker 1: um uh, it had like it was like I had
Speaker 1: to do like b DSM websites and like stalking and
Speaker 1: like gnarly things that have. Like I was like, but anyways,
Speaker 1: that being said, so Blake filled in on scrubbing in.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you said. Actually I listened to it.
Speaker 1: It was really our listeners were obsessed with you, and
Speaker 1: then they were like, now they're convinced that, like you're
Speaker 1: my guy. Like yes, they're like Blake, So now I'm convinced.
Speaker 1: So I just feel like, I know you live in Denver, right,
Speaker 1: so how could we make just I think one day
Speaker 1: at least one day, because here's the deal. You have
Speaker 1: to put in, like the effort, you know, because Michael
Speaker 1: lived in in Baltimore when I first met him, So
Speaker 1: you know, at times I thought this isn't gonna work.
Speaker 1: He lives in Baltimore. I'm not moving to Baltimore. But
Speaker 1: I would have. I would have though, I really truly
Speaker 1: would have, but at the time we needed to be
Speaker 1: in Nashville. But I'm just saying, like, for y'all situation,
Speaker 1: I think you owe its right now. You have a situation.
Speaker 1: The best part is we get literally we get here
Speaker 1: and Janna like looks at you should points at you?
Speaker 1: I do. I did the heads like, yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: what about everybody? I know what I'm just saying. I
Speaker 1: think you guys are both attractive people, You're both nice people,
Speaker 1: and I think you guys have the same values and
Speaker 1: the same we'll go to dinner tonight, not like everybody else.
Speaker 1: I do have a question though, because of Tanya's work,
Speaker 1: is that something where you be comfortable? I know, like
Speaker 1: you aired your life out on the Bachelor, but you
Speaker 1: want more a private life now or do you want
Speaker 1: like because she's obviously would have to talk about your
Speaker 1: relationship in y'all's date, so would you? Is that for
Speaker 1: a guy? You don't want that to be talked about.
Speaker 1: I think that might be hard time for you. I
Speaker 1: think guys might feel a little I think if you
Speaker 1: have boundaries around it, I have it. It's interesting, so yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it actually has never been the reason why something
Speaker 1: hasn't worked out like most guys and and I do
Speaker 1: talk a lot about my relationships, but there are boundaries,
Speaker 1: like I don't share everything. And Ryan's actually really good
Speaker 1: about not pressing on the topics because I went through
Speaker 1: a really bad breakup when I was working on the show,
Speaker 1: and he was really really like when I tell you
Speaker 1: the most gentlemanly, like just the best ever about like
Speaker 1: being respectful of letting me share what I wanted to
Speaker 1: share and not what I didn't want to share. So
Speaker 1: I do have boundaries and I don't share everything off obviously,
Speaker 1: but I do share, right, And how would that be
Speaker 1: for you? Yeah? That I mean like you just like
Speaker 1: you said, I was on the bat shot and I
Speaker 1: talked about everything. You're not put it all out there,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't it wouldn't bother me. Now that's not
Speaker 1: that's like a deal breaker or anything like that. Well,
Speaker 1: so that's good. So we can put a check next
Speaker 1: to that question. Mike, what about you? You You got any
Speaker 1: questions for black Good? That's my only question? Like how
Speaker 1: many times it's my Instagram hand? Perfect key and pee? Okay?
Speaker 1: Because I just hear you always say whenever there's a Blake,
Speaker 1: it's like a bullock. Yeah, I mean everyone, it's like universal.
Speaker 1: Yeah that a run. I don't know that one either. Yeah.
Speaker 1: A lot of people that are surprising come down to
Speaker 1: you had no idea. They're like, what does your handle mean?
Speaker 1: And I was like, I put I put the skin
Speaker 1: up finally, and I was like, look, I'm sired of
Speaker 1: a d n asking what my name means? Do you
Speaker 1: want kids? Yeah? And do you want to get married? Yes?
Speaker 1: All of you? What is your timeline? You know what?
Speaker 1: I've never been the guy that's had like how to
Speaker 1: be married by hand and have a family by then.
Speaker 1: Like I've never been that guy. So there's it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's no time line at all. I mean I like this.
Speaker 1: I think you guys could be I do I really
Speaker 1: like it? Do you like it? I mean, yeah, that
Speaker 1: was a test. I'm not putting any pressure on the
Speaker 1: appreciate pressure there. I just say they should have a dinner,
Speaker 1: a quiet dinner by themselves on this movie train in
Speaker 1: a corner. I don't know. I think you'd be really cute,
Speaker 1: but that's just my personal opinion. How are you feeling?
Speaker 1: Do you feel any do you feel any jitters? Like
Speaker 1: I feel like, well, it's so funny because I'm telling
Speaker 1: you that it was like an overwhelming really yeah, and
Speaker 1: then what's even funnier. So we were reading all that
Speaker 1: back when I came back the next week and I'm
Speaker 1: like big into like astrological signs, and I was like okay,
Speaker 1: just for know. I looked up. We looked up. We
Speaker 1: tried to figure out what your sign was, and you're
Speaker 1: my perfect match sign. Why spoken? I mean there's something
Speaker 1: to that that there will say there really truly is
Speaker 1: something to that because your tourists, right, yeah, I think tourist.
Speaker 1: I'm like on the verge from what I've heard, like
Speaker 1: on the aries tourist cusp. Yeah, I looked and we
Speaker 1: looked into it. Did you really love Becca? Yeah? You did?
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, I did. It was the lover No,
Speaker 1: my wife, that was No, that's good, straight to the point. Um, No, yeah,
Speaker 1: I did. I think I think I was one of
Speaker 1: the unique. I knew, like right pretty much pretty summing
Speaker 1: going after our first after our first one, I want
Speaker 1: to remember laying in bed, going, this is gonna be
Speaker 1: really hard, you know. I was like, I'm gonna fall
Speaker 1: for this girl. So I knew pretty early on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you were you got pretty upset to you
Speaker 1: got jealous. Didn't you almost leave like you had a
Speaker 1: like I can't do this. No, I didn't leave or anything.
Speaker 1: I didn't like threatened to leave or anything. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really hard for me. I we fell in
Speaker 1: love with each other super early in the process, so
Speaker 1: then I had to sit there and watch her follow
Speaker 1: with somebody else, which it's not easy. Honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: know how you guys do that. I could not do it.
Speaker 1: I would I would, I would just be all I
Speaker 1: would be crying. I'd be actually, I would just cry
Speaker 1: the entire time. And you don't have anything to do,
Speaker 1: so all you do is sit there and think about it,
Speaker 1: and then you talk to three stories face a therapist
Speaker 1: like that's your therapist, and you sit there and talk
Speaker 1: to him for hours about it. So, yeah, it's brutal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everybody has to. Like people have told me to go
Speaker 1: on the batchlor and I was like, I genuinely don't
Speaker 1: think my heart is built for it. I don't think
Speaker 1: I couldn't well. And that's the thing is, I will
Speaker 1: never judge anybody for what they do in that environment,
Speaker 1: because it's it's such a ridiculous environment, Like you can't
Speaker 1: judge somebody who they are off of that what you
Speaker 1: see on television or even when I'm in It's like,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't judge somebody until afterwards. I'd have to talk
Speaker 1: to him and meet him afterwards. Yeah, everybody reacts definitely
Speaker 1: in that environment, I feel like, I mean, it seems
Speaker 1: like this like a lot of you guys like you
Speaker 1: know today and stuff. You guys are really close, like
Speaker 1: all the guys are on the show together and everything
Speaker 1: like that. Like does that really like do you leave
Speaker 1: with friends that you'll probably be friends with the rest
Speaker 1: of your life? Yeah? I think I definitely have. I
Speaker 1: don't know for everybody, but I definitely will. You there's
Speaker 1: no TV, no internet, no phone, like nothing. You complearly
Speaker 1: cut off, so all you do is talk like all
Speaker 1: you don't talk, you really get to these people. Uh
Speaker 1: and me and Jayson, So I I said, people early
Speaker 1: on kind of knew that me and Becca had a
Speaker 1: really good connection. So I kind of distanced myself and
Speaker 1: people distanced himself from me. I still was able to,
Speaker 1: you know, get close to the guys, but not as
Speaker 1: close as when I left the show. And then me
Speaker 1: and Jason, when me Jason Colton, all you know, we
Speaker 1: signed contracts to be the Bachelor, and when Colton was picked,
Speaker 1: you know, I remember text and Jason and I was like,
Speaker 1: let's go. You know, we got a whole let's go
Speaker 1: experience all this craziness, and we did a lot of
Speaker 1: events together and that's what we got super super close.
Speaker 1: And so that's the thing is like after the show,
Speaker 1: you hang out a lot and you get even closer
Speaker 1: even post shows. I love that. Um, well, Blake, thank
Speaker 1: you for coming on the show. Really appreciate it. We're
Speaker 1: now going to talk about you just gonna want to
Speaker 1: do a podcast here and have have a beat you
Speaker 1: and I, oh, thank you so much. All right, thanks guys,
Speaker 1: And he was a fan fan favorite, like are are
Speaker 1: scrubbing and listeners they like they're very vocal and they're like,
Speaker 1: we will we will only take Brad Garski and Blake
Speaker 1: like they only Yeah, they love when Brad's on. So
Speaker 1: they're like, whenever you guys need to feeling, it needs
Speaker 1: to be there Brad or Blake. Yeah. So what do
Speaker 1: you think by Blake yet? Okay, he's gone, he's left
Speaker 1: the train, he's left the trains off the train. I
Speaker 1: think he's a good guy. There's a butt, No, there's
Speaker 1: no butt, okay, but well the butts. He lives in
Speaker 1: Denver sounds like says that he lives in Denver, But
Speaker 1: that doesn't matter. I'm with you. It doesn't like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter until you get to know the person. It's like,
Speaker 1: would you move, like would he move to Los Angeles?
Speaker 1: Let's pause that really fast, because you know what matters
Speaker 1: is finding a good organic cotton tampons and pads and like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I have Lola in right now. Are sorry? Yes?
Speaker 1: I do, mis like I did not need to know that.
Speaker 1: Oh she's showing us. Okay, So Lola is a female
Speaker 1: founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons. Wow,
Speaker 1: there it is pads liners, but she just I had
Speaker 1: just said, there it is like you pulled it out,
Speaker 1: but she pulled out an actual tampons out of her back.
Speaker 1: Still still, so they are natural and easy to feel
Speaker 1: good about. Um, I don't know, tiny, it's inside of
Speaker 1: you right now, so I mean, I just know I
Speaker 1: had to tell you. I was shocked when I found
Speaker 1: out that that tampons and pads and all these things
Speaker 1: are bleached, like chemically bleached, and then we put them
Speaker 1: inside of body. Yes, it's actually disturbing. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: use Lola. I'm I'm happy, happy consumer. I think what
Speaker 1: I love about them too is they actually deliver. You
Speaker 1: can customize your subscription. So for me personally, this is
Speaker 1: maybe t M I, but I like only using Super.
Speaker 1: So what does that mean? Um, it's the absorbancy of
Speaker 1: which you need absorban it's more observant. But if not,
Speaker 1: like you know you have you can customize because other
Speaker 1: things it's like, oh, you have Super and Regulars, and
Speaker 1: well want to really use the regular. So with Lola,
Speaker 1: I'm able to customize it. And then I also know
Speaker 1: and like you might have like one really heavy day
Speaker 1: and then the rest really lights yes, exactly, So if
Speaker 1: someone has that, then they only maybe need like five
Speaker 1: super right exact exactly, so I know you do. And
Speaker 1: then when the box shows up or when I'm getting hormonal,
Speaker 1: you'll know that my periods just around the corner. So
Speaker 1: like my alarm clock when it shows up at the
Speaker 1: door staff, oh my gosh, here we go. But here's
Speaker 1: the problem. Then he'll go, oh, that's why she was emotional.
Speaker 1: Yeah it makes sense. Okay, So Lola has been great
Speaker 1: for me. It's one less thing to worry about. They
Speaker 1: arrive at my door right before I need them, which
Speaker 1: is a nice reminder of where I am in the month. Anyways,
Speaker 1: Forty of all subscriptions visit my lola dot com and
Speaker 1: entered Janna. When when you subscribe, that's my lola dot com.
Speaker 1: And when you subscribe, just enter or um or Tania.
Speaker 1: I don't know you know Becca? Our coldes always Becca.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get like real deep. I mean, I
Speaker 1: have some more like marriage questions. Are you doing? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: what's up for somebody that I I do? Like, I
Speaker 1: want to get married and I want to have a family.
Speaker 1: That's the ultimate goal for me. With Blake, I'm not looking.
Speaker 1: He reminds me of Abbey, who's one of my best
Speaker 1: friends back home. Is he a good guys? Honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: married with two kids one kid. I've never closed off
Speaker 1: to anything. So like, if Blake were to be like,
Speaker 1: let's actually go out, I would be like, I'm totally down.
Speaker 1: I think he should just give it one dinner. Do
Speaker 1: you have his number? Yes? Okay? Then just text him
Speaker 1: okay and be like, hey when when you're in not
Speaker 1: late next we should for real get some dinner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: put it out there. If he doesn't respond, well, then
Speaker 1: find f him right who needs him? But at least
Speaker 1: put it out there. Yes, I also don't know. I
Speaker 1: think the thing with me is like I'm very much
Speaker 1: not in the headspace of like I don't need to
Speaker 1: just like hump around that makes sense or data around.
Speaker 1: I don't do that anymore. Like I just have not
Speaker 1: built for it. Um. But I'm also because it hurts
Speaker 1: or I'm not physically I'm not emotionally alright, you gotta
Speaker 1: literally with yes, yes, sorry, I'm not emotionally built for it. Um.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if he's in that phase of
Speaker 1: like wanting to like, wait, what what about Ryan? That's
Speaker 1: like my brother, but like he's single again, this is correct,
Speaker 1: but it's like how many years have you guys worked together? Eight? Right,
Speaker 1: and how many things have you guys, like how much
Speaker 1: you know about each other? Like every too much? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's it's literally like a brother sister relationship. And
Speaker 1: I know it's funny because people all right, well, I
Speaker 1: just had that epiphany and I was like, oh, one
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends was like, unless we came out of
Speaker 1: like our mom's vagina together, you are not my brother
Speaker 1: and we can date. And I was like, I know,
Speaker 1: I get that, but I think that it's just it's
Speaker 1: too far gone and he's my boss and like I
Speaker 1: like the relationship that we have. Okay, all right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they just broke up who I never even know
Speaker 1: it was a model or something like that. Um, he will,
Speaker 1: I think officiate my wedding though you Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: Back to back to what you were saying, okay about marriage, Yes,
Speaker 1: how do you know when a guy's in that place,
Speaker 1: he'll show up. He'll show up, he'll action the action.
Speaker 1: They can say all they want, like oh, by one kids,
Speaker 1: I want that, I want to be in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But unless they're showing up. Because like dated around, how
Speaker 1: did you know that this was different? Because I actually
Speaker 1: wanted to work on it? So like because he had
Speaker 1: left up in the very beginning of our even when
Speaker 1: we were dating, And if he didn't actually really want
Speaker 1: to work on it, he could have easily been like, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: whatever next, and I could have too, I'd have been like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's screwed up next, But I didn't. I was like,
Speaker 1: I really liked I really liked him. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: and my actions showed that I was willing to do
Speaker 1: with my actions proved to her that this was different, Like,
Speaker 1: this wasn't just some girl I want to date for
Speaker 1: a while, because of it's so easy to get divorced
Speaker 1: nowadays you work at it. It's hard. It sucks. Some
Speaker 1: days it literally sucks. I mean I have a girl's
Speaker 1: group chat message where we're sometimes we're just like why
Speaker 1: is this so hard? Like I am I'm so not
Speaker 1: with my husband? Or this just sucks. Sometimes you know
Speaker 1: it's hard, But isn't there something so beautiful about the
Speaker 1: fact that, like, oh it's great sixty you can look
Speaker 1: back at all these like beautiful memories that I hope
Speaker 1: so like you, like you mentioned earlier when you talked
Speaker 1: about like companionship, right, like that's where Jane and I
Speaker 1: just really appreciate just the trenches of what we're doing
Speaker 1: right now with two kids, busy life, a lot of travel.
Speaker 1: It's just like, you know, how how do we do this?
Speaker 1: But we're doing it, you know, regardless at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we know we're together, we're going to
Speaker 1: be together, we're union out, we're doing life. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, that's that's the companionship, Like the depth of
Speaker 1: it that it's you know, you really want like you
Speaker 1: have like a teammate, And I think that there's something
Speaker 1: so special about that. I love that I really it
Speaker 1: is cool. I always say, like in the times of
Speaker 1: chaos is when I love him the most, it's because
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're here doing this together. Yeah, because we
Speaker 1: we both are empathetic to how hard it is. So
Speaker 1: when it gets hard, you know, we both want to
Speaker 1: help each other and pick each other up and reassure
Speaker 1: one another like, hey, we're doing this. We are kids
Speaker 1: are healthier, kids are alive, they were providing for them.
Speaker 1: So when you think of it in that kind of
Speaker 1: point of view, you're like, hey, you know what, We're okay.
Speaker 1: So do you guys hang do you guys hang out
Speaker 1: with like other married couples. Yeah, it's very hard to
Speaker 1: have single friends. So I have a single friend Sarah. Well,
Speaker 1: she shouldn't say she's single. She she's with boyfriend, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's with boyfriend. She's with boyfriend friend, she's with boyfriends
Speaker 1: for six years and yes, um yeah, but it's still
Speaker 1: like she still doesn't understand you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's still hard. Yeah. Actually, one of my mentors in
Speaker 1: life is Devon Franklin, and I read all of his books,
Speaker 1: and one of him the rules and his marriage, is
Speaker 1: we do not ask our single friends for relationship advice.
Speaker 1: You can't, isn't that right? Yeah? We have their book. Wait,
Speaker 1: it's great. It's a great book. It's a great book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're awesome. Hey can I read the Speaking of friends though? Um?
Speaker 1: This is from Becky, my best friend and my husband.
Speaker 1: My husband. I have been together almost twelve years now,
Speaker 1: and the first eight years were full of indiscretions on
Speaker 1: his part. Most were just him talking to girls but
Speaker 1: never any action. But then four years ago someone walked
Speaker 1: into our lives and knew exactly how to play us
Speaker 1: to her benefit. The person became my best friend and
Speaker 1: even started dating my brother. Before she came into our lives,
Speaker 1: everything was good, but then we started fighting way more
Speaker 1: than normal. I started to pick up on little cues
Speaker 1: and she was trying to make me mad at times
Speaker 1: or mad at him. Turned out she was doing the
Speaker 1: same things to him. She wanted him and would do
Speaker 1: whatever it took. Bottom line, she got what she wanted
Speaker 1: and I discovered a four month of fair between my
Speaker 1: supposed best friend and my life partner. We are four
Speaker 1: and a half years out, but I still think about
Speaker 1: it at least once every single day. I don't know
Speaker 1: that I'll ever be able to fully move beyond the situation.
Speaker 1: It feels so personal you and might inspire me, but
Speaker 1: I don't know that my wounds will ever heal. I'm
Speaker 1: curious what you guys think about how close is it?
Speaker 1: How how close is okay with your spouse's best friend.
Speaker 1: Tongu is like, I don't know, well, I think what's interesting.
Speaker 1: So Janna and I kind of touched on this, and
Speaker 1: this is again, I mean, we don't really hold back
Speaker 1: on this podcast. So for Janna and kind of her
Speaker 1: love language and what she appreciates is to be candidates,
Speaker 1: like say, hypothetical, if Janna ever cheated our relationship, it
Speaker 1: would probably be with somebody that we're close to, because
Speaker 1: she likes to be intimate with people. She likes to
Speaker 1: know them, and that's where she like Garners like love
Speaker 1: and appreciation and afection, where me um intimate avoidance. So
Speaker 1: for me, it could never be someone that like we
Speaker 1: were friends with or we knew or because that would
Speaker 1: be super uncomfortable for me. You would have to be
Speaker 1: completely a complete stranger that I don't know you know,
Speaker 1: So it's you know, it's that whole dynamic is interesting,
Speaker 1: and for I mean, the closeness. So I say that
Speaker 1: because yes, because of my pastor, Jenna still you know,
Speaker 1: wants to make sure there's boundaries with everyone in our life,
Speaker 1: which is completely understandable, you know, but I think she
Speaker 1: still acknowledges that too in the back of her mind,
Speaker 1: like this would like I don't think he would ever
Speaker 1: step that far because of him being so uncomfortable. Now,
Speaker 1: I think you just have to examine that relationship well,
Speaker 1: like I would be uncomfortable, like, yes, Julie is my
Speaker 1: best friend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable if you and
Speaker 1: Julie were like, we're going to go have lunch, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, like, I think there's certain boundaries that you
Speaker 1: have to have with and I trust Julie with my life,
Speaker 1: like and she's she's freaking watching her kid right now,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean like that, and she and she
Speaker 1: was one of the rare few from the very beginning
Speaker 1: was very supportive. Yeah, she was like yeah, so, but
Speaker 1: I mean just I mean, okay, for example, like our
Speaker 1: friend you know that we're going to have in our neighborhood,
Speaker 1: our new neighborhood friends, it's like one on one. I
Speaker 1: still just think one on one other sex is just
Speaker 1: not I'm with you. I don't see I don't see
Speaker 1: why like what there would never I don't see where
Speaker 1: there would ever be a scenario why that would have
Speaker 1: to happen. Yeah, I have a lot of married friends
Speaker 1: and I like to if I ever need to text
Speaker 1: like the guy, it's always just something that when the
Speaker 1: girl can't know if it's like other than that, it's
Speaker 1: always text the girl always or a group chat. And
Speaker 1: it's funny because we have one of my bosses is
Speaker 1: a man, and I'll like just send him like whenever
Speaker 1: I have like a topic idea, it'd be like nine
Speaker 1: o'clock and e ten pm or whatever, and I always
Speaker 1: tell him I'm like, I feel awkward texting you at
Speaker 1: like ten pm, and I cause you're married with kids,
Speaker 1: you know, um. But he's like, no, send it. But
Speaker 1: I still feel like because I know that he's married,
Speaker 1: and it's like I'm so not like that, but I
Speaker 1: still get like that. I feel like there should be boundaries.
Speaker 1: Could you ever see yourself? Oh? First of all, I
Speaker 1: just want to say, Becky, I'm really sorry, and just
Speaker 1: I applaud you guys for trying. But it'll just take
Speaker 1: It's just gonna take time, and your triggers are going
Speaker 1: to be there, and hopefully he can hopefully he can
Speaker 1: be empathetic to your triggers and respect boundaries. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: that's that's that's gotta cut deep and get that girl
Speaker 1: out of your life, the other girl. Yeah. By do
Speaker 1: you think you could ever? I mean, here's the thing
Speaker 1: when I A would say this, do you think you
Speaker 1: could ever? I think anyone's capable of anything. But do
Speaker 1: you do you think you could ever cheat in a relationship? Uh? No?
Speaker 1: What if you put yourself in the situation that it's
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I like it's actually like a
Speaker 1: flaw of mine, Like I'm like brutally loyal, Like I
Speaker 1: can't even like it's like it's bad. It's bad. So
Speaker 1: it's not bad. That's great, it's great. But it's also
Speaker 1: like a little bit of the flow because I feel
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'm I stay in relationships even friendships that
Speaker 1: I don't yeah, yeah, because I'm just like I've known
Speaker 1: you for so long, I'm loyal to you, you know.
Speaker 1: Um So no, I don't. I don't think that I could.
Speaker 1: And I've been cheated on before, and it's like, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just broke me and I'm also cancer so I'm
Speaker 1: very very sensitive. Um, do you can we do this?
Speaker 1: Top one bed um married to sex addict? So, Kelly,
Speaker 1: what do I want? We can say you guys are
Speaker 1: just like really cute, Like I just like, like this
Speaker 1: is so creepy. I just like watching you guys like
Speaker 1: it's really sweet. And I actually want to sidebar with
Speaker 1: you a little bit about sex addiction. Okay, well this
Speaker 1: is great because we're going to go on this. Our
Speaker 1: next email, Mary to a sex addict. I found out
Speaker 1: in August. My husband is a sex addict and for
Speaker 1: our three years of marriage has been meeting up with
Speaker 1: women he met on sex apps. He said. Um, he
Speaker 1: has said he doesn't want to lose our family and
Speaker 1: wants to get better. We don't have financial means for
Speaker 1: him to do an impatient program, which we again sidebar.
Speaker 1: We understand it's it's incredibly expensive. Um. We tried couples
Speaker 1: counseling and stopped going when he said it was making
Speaker 1: things worse. After listening to your podcast last week, he
Speaker 1: actually looked into information Mike mentioned and has joined an
Speaker 1: essay a group, yes, Um, that you call into He
Speaker 1: is trying but I still have zero trust in him.
Speaker 1: Most of the time, I feel like I hate him
Speaker 1: and would rather be alone. Do these feelings ever end?
Speaker 1: Or is our marriage just doomed? How do you trust
Speaker 1: someone when they have become a pro at deceiving you
Speaker 1: and spent years successfully doing it? Wow? What an email? Um?
Speaker 1: First of all, I'll say, Kelly, Um, you know if
Speaker 1: he wants to have someone to talk to, because calling
Speaker 1: me calling meetings are great? You did calling meetings when
Speaker 1: you can in person meetings or you've an better because
Speaker 1: it's all about um creating intimacy with other human beings
Speaker 1: who have the same issues or suffer like that he does.
Speaker 1: If he wants to contact me, Janna Kraman, I heart
Speaker 1: media dot com. Yes, and reference that you're Kelly and
Speaker 1: you wrote this email and and um, him and I
Speaker 1: can get in touch. Um Man, that's a lot. I
Speaker 1: will say to Kelly, you just found out, so you
Speaker 1: gotta give yourself some time. Um. Every other day I
Speaker 1: considered do I just leave? I'm so miserable, But you
Speaker 1: have to give it. I gave it a year. That's
Speaker 1: what my therapist said. Give it a year. Um. And
Speaker 1: then after a year, you don't think about it as much.
Speaker 1: I still think about it every day, but it's not
Speaker 1: the impact is not as strong as it was. You
Speaker 1: don't think about it as much. If he's doing the work, yes,
Speaker 1: and he has to show up and do the work.
Speaker 1: And but I a plot him though, for even doing
Speaker 1: finding the essay groups and that's going to change a
Speaker 1: lot in him. So good on him, and keep encouraging
Speaker 1: him to do that, which is that's just hard. That's
Speaker 1: when she just found out. That's hard. It's hard to encourage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not even saying, hey, honey, yeah, I
Speaker 1: keep going not like that. But allow him if he
Speaker 1: has to, if you have to reschedule something or kind
Speaker 1: of schedule around that to accommodate, like, allow him to
Speaker 1: do that type of deal tany what was your question?
Speaker 1: I'm like getting emotional about it because like when you
Speaker 1: found out, were you guys already married at the time,
Speaker 1: we were married for over a year. Had if you
Speaker 1: had found out about his sex addiction when you were dating,
Speaker 1: would you have gone out? Good question, that's a great question.
Speaker 1: If I would have found out about the affair before
Speaker 1: we got married, I wouldn't have married him. That's so
Speaker 1: that's the question, because but you're so, that's that's that.
Speaker 1: But if I knew he, if he if he had
Speaker 1: a sex addiction before we got married, I wouldn't not
Speaker 1: I don't think I wouldn't not date him because if
Speaker 1: he showed me that he was working, like, hey, I've
Speaker 1: been sober for two years. I'm kidding I really because
Speaker 1: I really liked some this guy, and it was just
Speaker 1: like I could I was like, I don't think I
Speaker 1: can ever. Did he tell you that he was a
Speaker 1: sex addict a little bit ago? That's you know what?
Speaker 1: That's yeah, I was that's hard. And I when Gene
Speaker 1: was saying that, I brought that thought to my head.
Speaker 1: Is I know plenty of guys in program who we'll
Speaker 1: start dating and get to that point in the relationship
Speaker 1: where they have to own that. And I've known several
Speaker 1: several guys who the significant other couldn't handle it, which
Speaker 1: is totally is totally fine, and then some that have
Speaker 1: been able to Um, how long was he sober for? Not?
Speaker 1: Not long? Was he sober? No? I don't think so.
Speaker 1: So he was in still active addiction. So then then
Speaker 1: I would say, no, I couldn't do that either. But
Speaker 1: if he was saying, I'm in recovery and this is
Speaker 1: how long I've been recovering four and I do these
Speaker 1: meetings that would make me feel safer. And I would
Speaker 1: have explored still because I I believe I would. But
Speaker 1: if he was still an active addiction, then there's no,
Speaker 1: that's that's insanity. Yeah. Yeah, I don't feel bad about
Speaker 1: not taking that on because I don't think anybody I'm
Speaker 1: surprised he admitted that but isn't doing but isn't like
Speaker 1: because I like found out a different way. Oh did
Speaker 1: you cheat? We don't know the person. Um No, No
Speaker 1: believe in sex sex addiction. It's funny because I didn't
Speaker 1: at the time. I really didn't. I thought it was
Speaker 1: an excuse for bad behavior. Um So that's kind of
Speaker 1: what I like chalked it up to, you know. And
Speaker 1: and for me, I'm just like so on the other
Speaker 1: side of that at the moment, because like I'm just
Speaker 1: telling you guys, like I can't have unattached sex, Like
Speaker 1: I've been very vocal about that. So I was like,
Speaker 1: if this were to ever be something like I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't. That mindset is so foreign to me, you know.
Speaker 1: Um So it sucked because it's like, you know, and
Speaker 1: you don't meet people that you hit it off with
Speaker 1: all all the time. M hmm, that's a lot. I mean,
Speaker 1: but again I don't Unfortunately in your situation, that's one
Speaker 1: of those that almost validates it as an excuse, Like
Speaker 1: I can see how that would feel, like, all right,
Speaker 1: that's just an excuse for bad behavior because you guys
Speaker 1: are dating I don't know for how long, but obviously
Speaker 1: not that long, and you discover whatever it was, did
Speaker 1: you confront him and did he admit to it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It was. It was just tough because I think, um,
Speaker 1: I think that uh, had I not found out it
Speaker 1: wouldn't it wouldn't have been a conversation for a lot longer.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, well, you know what, now we're
Speaker 1: gonna just I mean, I don't know, how do you
Speaker 1: even know? Okay, just don't don't. I hope you don't
Speaker 1: beat yourself up at all for feeling bad about leaving
Speaker 1: that because he was unhealthy. Yeah, yeah, he period, So
Speaker 1: I can't. I wouldn't expect anybody who's newly dating somebody
Speaker 1: to sign up for that when they're not in recovery,
Speaker 1: So don't. Yeah, don't feel bad about that in any way,
Speaker 1: shape or form um. But again, to touch on that email, Kelly,
Speaker 1: reach out to Janna at I Heart Na Kramer, I
Speaker 1: heart media dot com and I'll be more willing to
Speaker 1: talk to your husband and uh here him out. You've
Speaker 1: been wanting to be a sponsor, so maybe that will
Speaker 1: be your first. That's awesome. M thank you for being
Speaker 1: a guest on our show. Miss Toanny Rad. I love you,
Speaker 1: I love your energy, I love what you bring and
Speaker 1: thanks for opening. And y'all listen to Tonny Rad. She
Speaker 1: has an amazing podcast with Becca Tilly. It's called Scrubbing
Speaker 1: In on the Heart Radio podcast app. So y'all listen
Speaker 1: to her podcasts because it's really good. And I just
Speaker 1: love you so thank you. Thanks for having me. We're
Speaker 1: gonna have you back on all the time. Um okay, Tanya,
Speaker 1: I know that we said bye to you, but um,
Speaker 1: Mike's like, wait, where's Tanya? I have one more question
Speaker 1: I want to ask our he said, come back. Come.
Speaker 1: I was in the back of the train with Blake.
Speaker 1: Oh you are how is it going? That's where of
Speaker 1: the bathroom doors? Lock? Just kidding, No, I did have
Speaker 1: a question to get back on our topic that we
Speaker 1: were talking about that you're so open and vulnerable about.
Speaker 1: My question is, say that the person that you were
Speaker 1: dating or beginning to have a relationship with I told
Speaker 1: you that he was an alcoholic? Would your how would
Speaker 1: your response differ? Interesting? It is interesting because I have
Speaker 1: also had that same situation. I've had that situation happen. Yes,
Speaker 1: And what's interesting about that is that did not, um
Speaker 1: did not shake me at all because, um, what do
Speaker 1: you think that I don't I don't know. The reason
Speaker 1: why that ended was because other reasons that had nothing
Speaker 1: to do with the fact that he didn't drink alcohol,
Speaker 1: but I was willing to like but he was sober? Yes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: So if he was, if he was still if he
Speaker 1: had said again same to just a mirror the scenario,
Speaker 1: if he said, Hey, you know, I'm an alcoholic. I've
Speaker 1: been sober a week or something, you know, whatever it was,
Speaker 1: to mirror the situation you're in, would you still kind
Speaker 1: of be more accepting of him being an alcoholic as
Speaker 1: opposed I know, it's it's a very interesting question. And
Speaker 1: the answers, yes, why why do you think that is?
Speaker 1: I think because and I don't I don't know. But
Speaker 1: for me, alcohol is so like minutia in life, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like take it or leave it?
Speaker 1: Like I like to drink, but I don't necessarily need
Speaker 1: a partner. I don't I don't have to drink exactly.
Speaker 1: So for me, it was kind of like take it
Speaker 1: or leave it, whereas sex to me is so intimate
Speaker 1: and so personal and so like such a big part
Speaker 1: that that was like a uh, a big trigger for
Speaker 1: me for sure. And I think that's I asked just
Speaker 1: because you know, obviously, the twelve step program is universal
Speaker 1: for any addiction, and part of my whole motivation to
Speaker 1: speak about this more openly is to move try to
Speaker 1: move the needle a little bit into social acceptance. Having
Speaker 1: said that, I think we're even in ten or fifteen
Speaker 1: years when society is more comfortable with sex addiction, I
Speaker 1: think there's still going to be that layer of even
Speaker 1: if someone is proposed with your situation, one is a
Speaker 1: little bit more tolerated or accepted than the other because
Speaker 1: there's not. Again, sex is so personal, and it's something
Speaker 1: that when you're an in a committed relationship, you're in
Speaker 1: the understanding that it's just with each other. So no
Speaker 1: matter what, no matter how accepted sex addiction becomes, it's
Speaker 1: still going to be part of it, which I think
Speaker 1: is okay. So it's interesting because so I was telling
Speaker 1: you guys, I used to be able. I would have
Speaker 1: unattached sex all the time, and I was always getting hurt.
Speaker 1: And it was like until I read The Weight by
Speaker 1: Devon and Megan when I realized and I met him
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm going to make this commitment.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have sex outside of a committed relationship.
Speaker 1: It's been a minute for me. Oh wow, so you
Speaker 1: still haven't. Nope, it's been a long time, and but
Speaker 1: it's been the most fulfilling because I used to give
Speaker 1: sex expecting something bigger in return, and when that didn't happen,
Speaker 1: I would just be I would just be all in
Speaker 1: my head of like, why does he not want to
Speaker 1: be with me? Why does like? Why all these questions?
Speaker 1: And now that that's not even on the table for me,
Speaker 1: that's not even an option until he's committed. I haven't
Speaker 1: had those feelings, and those are the feelings that make
Speaker 1: me feel really really bad about myself. And I might
Speaker 1: have nothing, might not have anything to do with me,
Speaker 1: but I would always take them personal from an outsider standpoint,
Speaker 1: just because you're here and you don't you know, obviously
Speaker 1: know a lot about the addiction is there? And do
Speaker 1: you have any questions that you that come to mind
Speaker 1: about it that you want to ask? Mike kind of yeah,
Speaker 1: but I obviously, like I feel like I don't want to. Also,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm I'm open if whatever you want
Speaker 1: to ask, I haven't. It's not like I haven't heard it.
Speaker 1: So if if you okay, so that that that's an
Speaker 1: addiction of yours and you are married, correct, so you
Speaker 1: can stay committed to somebody knowing like I want to
Speaker 1: foster this relationship for the long haul. This is just
Speaker 1: something that I'm dealing with. So do you are you
Speaker 1: not open with it? What do you mean? Like, if
Speaker 1: you have a thought of something, do you share that
Speaker 1: with Janna? Oh, like if he has a thought of
Speaker 1: acting out or a thought of corner. Yeah, that's something
Speaker 1: that you know. I've brought to Jannah's attention because she
Speaker 1: asked and she said, you know, I want to know,
Speaker 1: like what you struggle with. Um. Having said that, it's
Speaker 1: it's hard to do because still Janna has accepted, understood
Speaker 1: a lot of this addiction. But at the same time
Speaker 1: it's hard to explain that, hey, maybe this came into
Speaker 1: my head, but it's not because I don't want you.
Speaker 1: It's not because I don't it's just we had a
Speaker 1: discussion about this recently, Jan and I. I was like,
Speaker 1: the thing is, those feelings that come up, it's not
Speaker 1: necessarily about It's not I want to do those things.
Speaker 1: It's I'm trying to handle the feelings that I'm feeling
Speaker 1: in that moment, whether it's anxiety or stress, or or
Speaker 1: not good enough or whatever. My default from my entire
Speaker 1: life was to go to sex or two whenever I
Speaker 1: felt those feelings, was to think about this, or was
Speaker 1: to go to this certain place. So now retraining my
Speaker 1: brain and retraining my body to not react that way,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's inevitable, it's going to happen. But
Speaker 1: having been sober for the last year, the lust of
Speaker 1: the mind does go away, it does fade, So do
Speaker 1: you stop feeding it. That's a thing, like if you
Speaker 1: think about chocolate every day, like and then you have
Speaker 1: to start training your mind like that to not think
Speaker 1: about chocolate. You might think about chocolate sometimes but it
Speaker 1: lessons lessons every day, right, the impact of it, the
Speaker 1: intrigue of it, lessons the more time you stay away
Speaker 1: from it. So and I think for me, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so so like, I'm abstaining from sex until I'm
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship, and I wasn't in a committed
Speaker 1: relationship at the time, So in my mind, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's going on, do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Oh, I can't, especially if this happened
Speaker 1: in that window, like you said, where you're you know,
Speaker 1: have this goal for yourself and abstaining from sex, and
Speaker 1: yet this person is a sex addict who's not in recovery,
Speaker 1: who's you know, still watching porn or still acting out
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. I can't imagine. That's two different
Speaker 1: ends of the spectrum. Yeah, So I think for me
Speaker 1: it was just like, it's like so far from where
Speaker 1: I'm where I'm going that it was like I don't
Speaker 1: even know how to handle it, understandably, So good show, guys,
Speaker 1: thanks for coming on, appreciate it. But it's it's it's
Speaker 1: something that's actually interesting that a lot of people have
Speaker 1: actually reached out to me about because they're like it's
Speaker 1: it comes up in conversations when I'm dating, you know,
Speaker 1: because it's like, no, I'm not going to just like
Speaker 1: I used to. Just I would meet someone and go
Speaker 1: sleep with them that night and like not care, yeah,
Speaker 1: not even think and and it's so different from me now,
Speaker 1: and it's like that's how I have to just Well,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be really meaningful when you actually do have
Speaker 1: that next relationship. But okay, IgE, okay. Thank you to
Speaker 1: robin Hood. They're giving listeners a wind down a free
Speaker 1: stock like Apple, Ford or Spread to help you build
Speaker 1: your portfolio. Side if it wind down Dot robin hood
Speaker 1: dot com, Lola for all subscription visit my Lola dot
Speaker 1: com and entered Jana when you subscribe. River Terraces in
Speaker 1: Napa Valley Wine Train, thank you so much for having
Speaker 1: us this weekend. It's been a blast ums by the way,
Speaker 1: really fun. I'm happy to be in Napa because this
Speaker 1: was where you reproposed to me two years ago. Two
Speaker 1: years ago, you thought it was last year I did.
Speaker 1: Time was a little off. Two years ago Michael reproposed
Speaker 1: to me a Napa So Napple always hold a special
Speaker 1: place in my heart for sure. Yeah, Okay, thanks for
Speaker 1: winning down. I love you guys. Wine down later. Bye M.