WEBVTT - The Whine Train 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.400 Swine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:12.200 The guys we like, literally no joke. We are on 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:17.560 a train, moving train, a moving train, drinking wine and 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:23.279 what Michael's drinking a bullet and sprite um and we 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:27.240 are joined if you don't know that laugh, We are 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:32.599 joined by Tanya ra O. Hey, what is the rat 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.680 stand for? My last name is Raddy sav of Each, 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:41.519 so it's d each. What is that serbian? Oh? Interesting? Serbian? 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.760 Like you were born there, born here, so that really 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:49.440 make you both. My parents are hund so like they 0:00:49.520 --> 0:00:52.400 moved here. I was born here. So my last name 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:57.720 is very, very lengthy and so professional, holy, so professionally. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:00:59.880 I was like, oh, email me my emails. Tanya bready 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:02.400 saw of you each at I Heart Media or whatever, 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.240 and people are like, how do you spell that? So 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:05.960 I just chopped it. Do you know how many people 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:07.399 are going to try to email you know with that 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:11.320 name that it does not exist, So don't even try. 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:13.760 I just I don't know. I love that. But we're 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.200 just so happy that you're going to be our co 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:17.720 host on today's wind down because we have a lot 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:20.120 to wind down with, but just to kind of get 0:01:20.120 --> 0:01:22.240 everyone in the scope of like why we're here. We 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:27.800 are helping or we're a lot of um listeners are 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:30.560 here for the Red Cross. So we're here and um, 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.280 we're giving back and we're on a plane. I mean 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:36.640 on a plane. Jesus, we're on a train. If you 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:40.160 hear that little noise, that's why we're here. Um. So yeah, 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.360 it's gonna be fun. We're gonna drink and meet people 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.400 and have fun and give back to the Red Cross. 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:49.680 I'm super excited. I'm actually like really excited because I 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.120 get to see you guys, like in and out of 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:55.600 the studio when we're like transitioning and like we have 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:58.120 events here and there. But I'm really excited to just 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.760 like I kind of love when you said to Mike 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:03.040 in the car on the ride to the hotel, do 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:05.600 you want to tell our listeners what you said? Um? 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:10.760 I come full circle with Mike. I did not love 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:14.519 you in the beginning when I met you, So even 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.040 when you met me, you just when did you remember 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.000 the first time? Yes? And it's I don't use the 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:22.280 word hate. I didn't hate you, because it takes a 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.200 lot for me to hate somebody I did not know. 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:27.520 I did not hate you. But um, I had heard 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:30.640 some things. What did you hear? Um, I'm just from me, 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:32.880 from not from me or from like the word of mouth, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:37.400 just word of mouth. But so that's like true, we've 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:40.639 been through yeah, not anything like that was like gossipy, 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:44.359 like he cheated blahah And so my guard was up 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:48.320 with you understandably. So um, but as I have like 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.600 just little things that you've done here and there, and 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:52.320 I don't even know if you know that you do 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:56.160 these things. You really are a gentleman. And I can 0:02:56.360 --> 0:03:02.480 tell that you, um are kind and um just by 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.120 little little things that he does. And I know it 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.760 sounds really silly, but I pick up on these things, 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.800 and I really have come full circle. And it's been 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:11.720 a while since I've come full circle on you. But 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:15.600 I I expressed it to you today because I don't 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.160 know why. When was there a moment or was it 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:22.400 just over over time you kind of just was reflecting 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.840 on it, or was she strongly disliked me until today 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:30.520 when I said I'll get her bag up until today 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:34.200 on the airplane. But even even that, like even just 0:03:34.200 --> 0:03:37.400 just offering to do that I think is really um, 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.600 it's sweet and it's kind and it's a it's a 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:43.600 gentleman thing, and um, I can tell that you're a 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:48.040 good guy. Yeah, I really genuinely mean that. I appreciate that. 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:53.320 I gotta be more consistent in that with my wife, right, honey. Yeah, 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:58.080 But nobody's perfect. No, it's it's it's just it's hard 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.240 with the person that you know. You see the good, bad, 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:03.360 and the ugliest with the person that you're with. Right 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:07.320 And I'm literally reading a book right now, or I 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:11.920 started reading. I didn't read the introduction. I'm I'm beginning 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:13.920 to read a book called How to Be an Adult 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:19.120 in a Relationship, because I mean, it's just the thing is, 0:04:19.240 --> 0:04:22.240 you know, unfortunately Jana might feel like I'm I'm mean, 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:24.479 because sometimes I am because I don't know how to 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.719 express my feelings, and so I just kind of like holding, 0:04:28.839 --> 0:04:30.760 holding and holding, and then I'm just like and then 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:32.359 I just kind of like bust out and then and 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:33.800 he'll say like, and the thing with him is like 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.200 he'll say really mean things right where it's like he 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:39.479 could have done a million nice things maybe that week 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.840 or that month, but like he says, like you're so 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.159 annoying and you as stupid questions. So then that's all 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:46.440 I hear. But and then I'm just I think it's 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:50.240 really honorable for both of you, honestly, because I think 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.080 that you are really open and honest about a lot 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:54.040 of things that go on in your relationship, and not 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.479 a lot of people are that way. And I think 0:04:57.480 --> 0:05:01.240 it's really awesome because you know, there there are ups 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.520 and downs to being married and ups and downs to 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:06.080 being single, and not a lot of people talk. You know, 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:09.159 it's like we have this perfect marriage and it's you know, 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.200 rainbows and butterflies. And I think that's really awesome that 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:12.760 you guys are open about it. What do you We're 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:14.440 playing the kind of the question game on the on 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:18.240 the vand ride up. Let's play games. I was a 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:24.120 camp counselor that there was all in this car ride 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.640 together and it was great because what's the default, right, 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.520 Everyone's gonna go to their phones or conversation. I thought 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.280 the bus ride was fun though. And um, but you 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.479 asked us, you know what's the worst thing about marriage? 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.200 So I will mirror that question, say what's the worst 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:44.120 thing for you about being single? Um? I think for 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:49.520 me specifically, I crave companionship. I really love companionship and 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.359 I think there's something really beautiful And I have a 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:55.400 lot of companionship in my life, not obviously romantically yet, 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:57.880 but I have a lot of um friends that are 0:05:57.920 --> 0:05:59.920 like family and co workers that are like family and 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:02.840 family that's family, you know, And so I have that. 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.440 But I think for for me, I really, um, I 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.000 think it's really cool to do life with somebody and 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:10.960 go through milestones with somebody and learn and grow with somebody. 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:14.760 So I think for me, I like out, um, big 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.360 things will happen in my life and I want to 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:18.880 be able to share that with somebody and have that 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:22.359 be long term, you know. So it's like that's what 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.880 I I That's the hardest thing for me for sure. 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:27.640 Who's the first person you go to if something exciting 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:29.719 or something bad happens in your life. Who's like the 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:33.680 first person you're gonna text or call or whatever? My mom? Yeah, yeah, 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:35.640 so you guys are really close. What's your relationship with 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:38.680 your dad? Very close to but he doesn't get all 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:42.560 of this life stuff like foreign and just men. Like 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:44.719 the same way with my parents, Like my mom understands 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:46.839 a little bit more. My dad's very old school, very 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:50.160 old fashioned, just like what yeah, like My dad didn't 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:54.760 really even realize who Ryan Seacrest was until it was 0:06:54.839 --> 0:07:00.080 like it was like personality. Yeah, he's the cutest. Do 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:03.680 you love working for Ryan? I truly adore working behind 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:05.960 What's like the worst part about it though, if you 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:10.600 can say it the worst? Um, yeah, no, I'd say 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:13.800 the early mornings, but I mean you get that with like, 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:17.200 I mean, if I were to work on any morning show, 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:21.600 you know, Um, what's the worst part about working with him? 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.080 He chooses pen caps, which is like kind of really annoying, 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:29.920 the shoot up pens everywhere. That's funny. Yeah. Um, so 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:33.720 there's a specific someone on the train that we might 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:39.840 be interested in question mark exclamation point. So he was 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:43.520 a guest host on my podcast when I was out. Um, 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.600 he co hosted with Becca and our entire like scrubbing 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.680 in Facebook group was like running a muck about how 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:54.640 Blake is, like my dude. I never thought of him 0:07:54.680 --> 0:07:57.720 that way, and he was what's his story? He was 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:02.400 on the he on Uh, he was on Becca's Oh 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:06.800 he was. I mean, he's so sweet. Would you be 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.760 super uncomfortable if I had him come on and then 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:16.480 kind of made it public? No, anything makes me uncomfortable. 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:21.760 But by the way, whatever happened with football guy, Yeah 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:26.400 he's a friend. What when when? Because he slid into 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.560 your DM ever since they went to the Super Bowl. Yeah, 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.240 it was like right before that actually, But do you 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:33.680 know what's actually really funny. I think it truly was 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:37.160 like a benign d M. Like there's no benign I 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:40.000 do not know, really know, there's if a guy slides 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:42.680 into a girl's it's like with like, babe, when you 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.480 slid into my d M. S is it was nine 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:49.760 strategically photo because all he said, mind you, that's how 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.000 he met was Twitter, so mind you. All he said 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:55.920 when I did follow him back eventually was thanks for 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:59.280 the follow back, So that could have just been you know, 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:05.240 but so what ever he said to you and he thanks, yeah, 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:09.840 So I mean there's clearly something even whatever he said 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:11.760 to you. I mean it was like a music thing. 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:12.880 I was like, oh, you know, I do song of 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.400 the day every day. Well, he had interest in something, 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:17.200 so it was just we had to do a better 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.240 follow up next time. Yeah, I followed. And I think 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:22.600 I'm also very naive when people flirt with me. I 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:24.719 don't get it, Like I don't put up on it, 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.240 so I was like, oh really. Like five months later, 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:29.839 I'm like, oh he did. I had no idea You're 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:32.360 like cool, bro, Wait, I could be a little redundant here. 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:36.440 And your listeners probably know when you guys first met who, 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:40.839 like was the pursuer? Oh my, I didn't know who. Yeah, 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.840 I didn't know who. Do know existed on this earth? No? 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:47.280 That's I mean, well until I slid in. Yeah, you know. 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:49.680 He kept favoriting a few of my things, and then 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:53.240 I was it was a board thirty. I was a 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.440 thirty year thirty years old, eating macaroni and cheese, having 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:59.800 a glass of wine. I'm scrolling through my Twitter and 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.320 I see this guy favoriting my stuff. I click on 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:04.600 his picture. I was like, oh, he's cute. And then 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:05.959 I followed him back and I saw he had a 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:10.160 blue checkmark too, and then he was a football player. Wait, okay, 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:14.040 so here's here's my question. Did Jamma play like? Did 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:16.920 you play cool? Were you kind of like seemed disinterested? 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:18.880 I kind of got him on the spot, so, like 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.760 I felt, I started, he I followed. I followed him, 0:10:21.800 --> 0:10:25.880 then he shot back right away. As often as we 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.520 tell this story, it was not because I was strategically 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:31.959 planned it. I was with I was in my house 0:10:31.960 --> 0:10:33.640 that I had in Baltimore at the time. I had 0:10:33.679 --> 0:10:36.040 a couple of buddies that lived with me, and it 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.640 was a rainy Sunday afternoon. We're about to watch a 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:41.480 movie and she followed back. I told my buddy. I 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.800 was like, hey, Jannakramer just followed me back, Like what 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:45.959 do I do? And we were like teenage girls. That 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:48.600 became a we thing. What are we gonna say? And 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:51.719 he was like, my buddy Alex Blitz said this. He's like, 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.280 let's just watch this movie and then let's figure it 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:55.920 out and like do this together. I was like, all right, 0:10:56.280 --> 0:10:57.800 ten minutes in the movie, I was like I can't. 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.959 I have to message your back. And so whole movie 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:02.920 I wasn't paying attention. We were just d M and 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:06.800 back and forth. So mind you that was happening. And 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.440 then four days later he flew out to one of 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:10.319 my shows. But then I would I did some kind 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.199 of kind of crazy things I FaceTime in the second 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:16.760 day because um and okay, okay. So that obviously didn't 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.000 turn you off, No, not at all, And it's what's 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.240 funny is So that was on a Sunday. We talked 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:25.880 on Twitter. Monday she gave me your number. Tuesday, Uh, 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:27.640 we talked on the phone and then she was like, hey, 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:30.760 you know, let's FaceTime and she kind of hit me 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:35.160 randomly with it, right, So I love a rogue FaceTime. Yeah, 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:37.600 I was like, what, I was at the dog park 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:40.960 with my dog in Baltimore, like an inner city, so 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:42.440 I'm like, hey, like, I'm in the dog park, Like, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.360 give me a few minutes. I booked at home. I 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.160 live like a mile from the dog park, booking it 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:50.000 with my with my dog. Get back, changed my shirt, 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:51.679 put a hat on it, probably did some push ups 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:55.480 before FaceTime, which really doesn't do anything. But I just 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:59.600 felt better about myself. And then we FaceTime and yeah, 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:04.520 then what. It's so funny because I tell people that 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.440 all the time because they're like, I always say, I'm 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:11.320 like a lot, I'm I'm allowed personality, and everyone says 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:13.640 you need to let the guy pursue you, and I'm like, 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:16.800 but I don't think I do. Like I want someone 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.400 obviously that wants me the same, but I'm like, I'm 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.760 just gonna be me. That's part of what attracted me 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.680 to Jana so quick. Was like, she's just a normal person, 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.040 just like everybody else. And she's just like, yeah, hey, 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:29.480 we're hitting this off. You want to come see me 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.560 in Chicago. I was like it was nine o'clock at night. 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:34.920 I was like, sure, house tomorrow, like first thing in 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:36.880 the morning. He's like, yeah, let's do it. Well, I'm 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.200 glad you invested in me, babe. And you know what 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:42.160 else we're investing in is robin Hood. So robin Hood 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:46.160 is an investing app that lets you buy and sell stocks, ets, options, 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.000 and cryptos, all commissioned free. Well, other broker just charge 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.080 up to ten dollars for every trade. Robin Hood doesn't 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.760 charge any commission fees, so you can actually trade stocks 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.400 and keep all your profits, which is amazing. Yeah. Plus 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.079 there's no account minimum deposit needed to get started, so 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:01.640 you can start investing that any level. 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Okay, so we want to let you all 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.960 know that Mike and I are going on a podcast tour. 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:39.480 We've got three dates coming up in May, so we're 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:44.240 doing Virginia, Boston, and New York and we're so excited 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.200 about it. So basically we're going to wind Down with 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:48.760 you guys and then you're going to get an exclusive concert. 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.640 I'm gonna play a bunch of songs and it's going 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.920 to be a really fun time. So we we want 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:55.079 you guys to come out. Get your tickets at Janet 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.040 Cramer dot com because it's going to be a blast. 0:13:57.760 --> 0:13:59.840 Come on out. It's gonna be a great time. Anything. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:01.720 People are going to hear songs that they have that 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.160 you haven't released yet. Yeah, I'm gonna be singing songs 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:07.840 that I have never sang before, new songs. So it's 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.400 going to be a lot of fun. And again, the 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:13.040 podcast doesn't actually it's not going to be like live, 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:16.080 so people you only get to hear it if you're there, 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.520 that's it. So it's going to be very exclusive, be 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.280 a part of it. Were we want to be very interactive. Yeah, 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.800 if you've heard our last live podcast, that's what you're 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:26.160 going to get. But this one is just going to 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.400 be more intimate and you guys can't actually hear. But 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.280 if you live in Boston, Virginia, New York, at the 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:32.400 show just for you. So it's gonna be fun. Janna 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:39.600 Kramer dot com, get the tickets, come on now. Okay, So, hi, hi, good. 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.760 How are you so? The last time I saw you, 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:46.280 I was super pregnant with Jason and you, um you 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.320 were single. I was, I am. You're still saying, I'm 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:54.440 still I think that's what you're getting. Yeah, us catch 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.560 the chase. Um, this is gonna be the grilling match. 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:02.000 What what kind of women? And do you want like 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:03.800 if you could have your what are the top three 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:08.120 qualities and a woman? Um? I love like an independent woman? 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:13.920 You know, I want? I want? That didn't take a 0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:18.560 long seconds. I'm so sorry. Excuse me, no, I just 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:23.360 um cough, excuse me so sorry? Go ahead, like independent woman? Yeah, 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:25.040 I always say that I want a woman who doesn't 0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:26.440 need a man, but wants a man. That's kind of 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:27.960 like what I I'm attracted. I have a lot of 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:29.880 strong women in my life, so I'm attracted to that. 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:32.280 So you have sisters, Yeah, I have a sister. Well, 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:34.960 I have over stepsister, my sister and my mom. Yeah. 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.840 Uh so, yeah, I guess I gravitate towards you know, 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.360 like I guess strong independent women. So that's something I'm 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.040 definitely looking for. And I like, I like a sense 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.040 of humor, but I like, I do like dry sense 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:46.600 of humor, kind of kind of like you like the 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:50.120 office parks are rack Yes, totally h big office guy, 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:56.120 You're welcome. I don't understand that humor, but yeah, I 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:57.720 love that and witty. You know. I like a girl 0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.800 who can like snap clap back a little bit, you know. 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:03.840 And do you know the girl? Do you're right? Never? No, 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:08.920 never met her? You've never met How old are you? 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.440 I turned thirty in two weeks? Oh, two weeks okay, 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.680 and howld a, Oh that's great. I will tell you 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:19.760 the dynamics. So he's younger than me. Um, And I 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.360 actually like that dynamic. It's good and especially because you 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.000 know Tany and I are very you know, independent, strong, 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:30.320 strong women I have. So I was on jury duty 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.520 a couple of weeks ago. Blake filled in for me. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.320 Can you tell us about the case, but I actually 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.200 can now. I think it was so gnarly like it sounded, 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.880 remember you talk about Yeah, I couldn't talk about it 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:46.800 at the time. Open. No, it was like good little office. 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:49.960 It was like a really gnarly case. I didn't end 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.280 up picking me. It was a three day jury like selection. 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.000 Why didn't they pick you? Did you do the things 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.160 where you're very opinionated and then you don't get back? No? 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:58.720 But do you know what's so crazy is the judge 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:00.840 like this one man clue really was doing that, Like 0:17:00.880 --> 0:17:02.840 he was just saying everything to like not get picked. 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.359 The judge picked him to be an alternate, so he 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:08.040 had a stay on the trial. But he didn't even 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.399 get his He didn't even get to vote on it 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.280 because he could tell that he was literally was like 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:19.040 saying everything to get out of it. Every literally it 0:17:19.119 --> 0:17:20.920 was so funny. So he picked him to be an alternate. 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:22.720 So I didn't do that. I was very honest, but 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:25.239 um uh, it had like it was like I had 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:29.720 to do like b DSM websites and like stalking and 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:36.320 like gnarly things that have. Like I was like, but anyways, 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.120 that being said, so Blake filled in on scrubbing in. 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:42.040 I don't know what you said. Actually I listened to it. 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:46.480 It was really our listeners were obsessed with you, and 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:48.640 then they were like, now they're convinced that, like you're 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:53.880 my guy. Like yes, they're like Blake, So now I'm convinced. 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.960 So I just feel like, I know you live in Denver, right, 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.200 so how could we make just I think one day 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:03.560 at least one day, because here's the deal. You have 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.480 to put in, like the effort, you know, because Michael 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.480 lived in in Baltimore when I first met him, So 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.560 you know, at times I thought this isn't gonna work. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:15.040 He lives in Baltimore. I'm not moving to Baltimore. But 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:20.159 I would have. I would have though, I really truly 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:21.840 would have, but at the time we needed to be 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:25.800 in Nashville. But I'm just saying, like, for y'all situation, 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:30.639 I think you owe its right now. You have a situation. 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:33.120 The best part is we get literally we get here 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:35.239 and Janna like looks at you should points at you? 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:37.479 I do. I did the heads like, yeah, I was like, 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:40.480 what about everybody? I know what I'm just saying. I 0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:43.480 think you guys are both attractive people, You're both nice people, 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:45.560 and I think you guys have the same values and 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:51.600 the same we'll go to dinner tonight, not like everybody else. 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:54.560 I do have a question though, because of Tanya's work, 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:56.960 is that something where you be comfortable? I know, like 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:00.119 you aired your life out on the Bachelor, but you 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:03.200 want more a private life now or do you want 0:19:03.280 --> 0:19:05.679 like because she's obviously would have to talk about your 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:09.199 relationship in y'all's date, so would you? Is that for 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:11.520 a guy? You don't want that to be talked about. 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:14.520 I think that might be hard time for you. I 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.000 think guys might feel a little I think if you 0:19:17.080 --> 0:19:24.320 have boundaries around it, I have it. It's interesting, so yes, yeah, 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:28.639 but it actually has never been the reason why something 0:19:28.720 --> 0:19:32.240 hasn't worked out like most guys and and I do 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:36.119 talk a lot about my relationships, but there are boundaries, 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:39.320 like I don't share everything. And Ryan's actually really good 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:42.679 about not pressing on the topics because I went through 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:44.480 a really bad breakup when I was working on the show, 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.760 and he was really really like when I tell you 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:52.639 the most gentlemanly, like just the best ever about like 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:55.000 being respectful of letting me share what I wanted to 0:19:55.000 --> 0:19:57.960 share and not what I didn't want to share. So 0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:00.320 I do have boundaries and I don't share everything off obviously, 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:02.919 but I do share, right, And how would that be 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:04.399 for you? Yeah? That I mean like you just like 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:05.520 you said, I was on the bat shot and I 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:07.479 talked about everything. You're not put it all out there, 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:09.239 so it doesn't it wouldn't bother me. Now that's not 0:20:09.320 --> 0:20:11.199 that's like a deal breaker or anything like that. Well, 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.240 so that's good. So we can put a check next 0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:16.200 to that question. Mike, what about you? You You got any 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:20.399 questions for black Good? That's my only question? Like how 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:28.360 many times it's my Instagram hand? Perfect key and pee? Okay? 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:30.160 Because I just hear you always say whenever there's a Blake, 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.880 it's like a bullock. Yeah, I mean everyone, it's like universal. 0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.720 Yeah that a run. I don't know that one either. Yeah. 0:20:36.880 --> 0:20:38.399 A lot of people that are surprising come down to 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:40.160 you had no idea. They're like, what does your handle mean? 0:20:40.240 --> 0:20:44.920 And I was like, I put I put the skin 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.000 up finally, and I was like, look, I'm sired of 0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:49.679 a d n asking what my name means? Do you 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:52.520 want kids? Yeah? And do you want to get married? Yes? 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:55.119 All of you? What is your timeline? You know what? 0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:56.960 I've never been the guy that's had like how to 0:20:57.000 --> 0:20:58.479 be married by hand and have a family by then. 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:00.400 Like I've never been that guy. So there's it. Yeah, 0:21:00.400 --> 0:21:02.400 there's no time line at all. I mean I like this. 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:05.080 I think you guys could be I do I really 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:08.280 like it? Do you like it? I mean, yeah, that 0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:11.159 was a test. I'm not putting any pressure on the 0:21:11.400 --> 0:21:13.480 appreciate pressure there. I just say they should have a dinner, 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:21.320 a quiet dinner by themselves on this movie train in 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:23.200 a corner. I don't know. I think you'd be really cute, 0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:24.840 but that's just my personal opinion. How are you feeling? 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:27.680 Do you feel any do you feel any jitters? Like 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:32.440 I feel like, well, it's so funny because I'm telling 0:21:32.480 --> 0:21:35.119 you that it was like an overwhelming really yeah, and 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.159 then what's even funnier. So we were reading all that 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.520 back when I came back the next week and I'm 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.160 like big into like astrological signs, and I was like okay, 0:21:42.280 --> 0:21:44.919 just for know. I looked up. We looked up. We 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.560 tried to figure out what your sign was, and you're 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:55.240 my perfect match sign. Why spoken? I mean there's something 0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:57.919 to that that there will say there really truly is 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:06.280 something to that because your tourists, right, yeah, I think tourist. 0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:07.720 I'm like on the verge from what I've heard, like 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:10.399 on the aries tourist cusp. Yeah, I looked and we 0:22:10.400 --> 0:22:14.080 looked into it. Did you really love Becca? Yeah? You did? 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:17.760 I did. Yeah, I did. It was the lover No, 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:23.240 my wife, that was No, that's good, straight to the point. Um, No, yeah, 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:25.600 I did. I think I think I was one of 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.359 the unique. I knew, like right pretty much pretty summing 0:22:28.440 --> 0:22:30.719 going after our first after our first one, I want 0:22:30.760 --> 0:22:32.680 to remember laying in bed, going, this is gonna be 0:22:32.760 --> 0:22:34.000 really hard, you know. I was like, I'm gonna fall 0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:36.480 for this girl. So I knew pretty early on. Yeah, 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:38.960 and then you were you got pretty upset to you 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:41.359 got jealous. Didn't you almost leave like you had a 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:44.200 like I can't do this. No, I didn't leave or anything. 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:46.320 I didn't like threatened to leave or anything. But yeah, 0:22:46.359 --> 0:22:48.320 it was really hard for me. I we fell in 0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:50.439 love with each other super early in the process, so 0:22:50.440 --> 0:22:51.720 then I had to sit there and watch her follow 0:22:51.760 --> 0:22:54.320 with somebody else, which it's not easy. Honestly, I don't 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:58.680 know how you guys do that. I could not do it. 0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:00.480 I would I would, I would just be all I 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:04.120 would be crying. I'd be actually, I would just cry 0:23:04.240 --> 0:23:06.399 the entire time. And you don't have anything to do, 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:07.840 so all you do is sit there and think about it, 0:23:07.840 --> 0:23:09.639 and then you talk to three stories face a therapist 0:23:09.640 --> 0:23:11.280 like that's your therapist, and you sit there and talk 0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:14.440 to him for hours about it. So, yeah, it's brutal. Yeah, 0:23:14.640 --> 0:23:17.040 everybody has to. Like people have told me to go 0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.240 on the batchlor and I was like, I genuinely don't 0:23:19.240 --> 0:23:21.359 think my heart is built for it. I don't think 0:23:21.400 --> 0:23:23.160 I couldn't well. And that's the thing is, I will 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:25.360 never judge anybody for what they do in that environment, 0:23:25.359 --> 0:23:27.640 because it's it's such a ridiculous environment, Like you can't 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:29.760 judge somebody who they are off of that what you 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:31.440 see on television or even when I'm in It's like, 0:23:31.480 --> 0:23:33.600 I wouldn't judge somebody until afterwards. I'd have to talk 0:23:33.640 --> 0:23:36.359 to him and meet him afterwards. Yeah, everybody reacts definitely 0:23:36.359 --> 0:23:38.600 in that environment, I feel like, I mean, it seems 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:40.199 like this like a lot of you guys like you 0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:41.840 know today and stuff. You guys are really close, like 0:23:41.880 --> 0:23:43.520 all the guys are on the show together and everything 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:46.280 like that. Like does that really like do you leave 0:23:46.359 --> 0:23:48.200 with friends that you'll probably be friends with the rest 0:23:48.200 --> 0:23:50.679 of your life? Yeah? I think I definitely have. I 0:23:50.680 --> 0:23:53.080 don't know for everybody, but I definitely will. You there's 0:23:53.080 --> 0:23:55.240 no TV, no internet, no phone, like nothing. You complearly 0:23:55.240 --> 0:23:56.960 cut off, so all you do is talk like all 0:23:56.960 --> 0:23:58.920 you don't talk, you really get to these people. Uh 0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:01.840 and me and Jayson, So I I said, people early 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:03.199 on kind of knew that me and Becca had a 0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:06.720 really good connection. So I kind of distanced myself and 0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:09.320 people distanced himself from me. I still was able to, 0:24:09.400 --> 0:24:11.000 you know, get close to the guys, but not as 0:24:11.000 --> 0:24:13.679 close as when I left the show. And then me 0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:16.439 and Jason, when me Jason Colton, all you know, we 0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:19.040 signed contracts to be the Bachelor, and when Colton was picked, 0:24:19.080 --> 0:24:21.040 you know, I remember text and Jason and I was like, 0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:23.119 let's go. You know, we got a whole let's go 0:24:23.200 --> 0:24:25.240 experience all this craziness, and we did a lot of 0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:27.280 events together and that's what we got super super close. 0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:29.600 And so that's the thing is like after the show, 0:24:29.680 --> 0:24:31.199 you hang out a lot and you get even closer 0:24:31.240 --> 0:24:35.560 even post shows. I love that. Um, well, Blake, thank 0:24:35.600 --> 0:24:38.120 you for coming on the show. Really appreciate it. We're 0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:44.159 now going to talk about you just gonna want to 0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:47.119 do a podcast here and have have a beat you 0:24:47.200 --> 0:24:53.240 and I, oh, thank you so much. All right, thanks guys, 0:24:53.520 --> 0:24:57.040 And he was a fan fan favorite, like are are 0:24:57.080 --> 0:25:00.879 scrubbing and listeners they like they're very vocal and they're like, 0:25:00.920 --> 0:25:03.680 we will we will only take Brad Garski and Blake 0:25:03.800 --> 0:25:05.760 like they only Yeah, they love when Brad's on. So 0:25:05.800 --> 0:25:07.239 they're like, whenever you guys need to feeling, it needs 0:25:07.280 --> 0:25:09.800 to be there Brad or Blake. Yeah. So what do 0:25:09.800 --> 0:25:17.040 you think by Blake yet? Okay, he's gone, he's left 0:25:17.080 --> 0:25:19.960 the train, he's left the trains off the train. I 0:25:20.000 --> 0:25:22.760 think he's a good guy. There's a butt, No, there's 0:25:22.760 --> 0:25:24.760 no butt, okay, but well the butts. He lives in 0:25:24.760 --> 0:25:28.159 Denver sounds like says that he lives in Denver, But 0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:31.840 that doesn't matter. I'm with you. It doesn't like, it 0:25:31.880 --> 0:25:35.199 doesn't matter until you get to know the person. It's like, 0:25:35.240 --> 0:25:37.880 would you move, like would he move to Los Angeles? 0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:40.280 Let's pause that really fast, because you know what matters 0:25:40.520 --> 0:25:44.199 is finding a good organic cotton tampons and pads and like, 0:25:44.280 --> 0:25:51.880 oh my gosh, I have Lola in right now. Are sorry? Yes? 0:25:52.960 --> 0:25:55.600 I do, mis like I did not need to know that. 0:25:57.280 --> 0:25:59.320 Oh she's showing us. Okay, So Lola is a female 0:25:59.320 --> 0:26:02.160 founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons. Wow, 0:26:02.200 --> 0:26:04.320 there it is pads liners, but she just I had 0:26:04.359 --> 0:26:05.640 just said, there it is like you pulled it out, 0:26:05.680 --> 0:26:08.640 but she pulled out an actual tampons out of her back. 0:26:09.920 --> 0:26:13.800 Still still, so they are natural and easy to feel 0:26:13.800 --> 0:26:15.639 good about. Um, I don't know, tiny, it's inside of 0:26:15.680 --> 0:26:18.199 you right now, so I mean, I just know I 0:26:18.280 --> 0:26:20.360 had to tell you. I was shocked when I found 0:26:20.400 --> 0:26:23.120 out that that tampons and pads and all these things 0:26:23.119 --> 0:26:26.160 are bleached, like chemically bleached, and then we put them 0:26:26.240 --> 0:26:29.680 inside of body. Yes, it's actually disturbing. So yeah, I 0:26:29.760 --> 0:26:33.000 use Lola. I'm I'm happy, happy consumer. I think what 0:26:33.040 --> 0:26:35.359 I love about them too is they actually deliver. You 0:26:35.359 --> 0:26:38.119 can customize your subscription. So for me personally, this is 0:26:38.240 --> 0:26:40.359 maybe t M I, but I like only using Super. 0:26:41.440 --> 0:26:44.639 So what does that mean? Um, it's the absorbancy of 0:26:44.760 --> 0:26:52.640 which you need absorban it's more observant. But if not, 0:26:52.680 --> 0:26:54.639 like you know you have you can customize because other 0:26:54.680 --> 0:26:56.040 things it's like, oh, you have Super and Regulars, and 0:26:56.080 --> 0:26:58.119 well want to really use the regular. So with Lola, 0:26:58.119 --> 0:26:59.840 I'm able to customize it. And then I also know 0:27:00.160 --> 0:27:02.040 and like you might have like one really heavy day 0:27:02.040 --> 0:27:04.320 and then the rest really lights yes, exactly, So if 0:27:04.359 --> 0:27:06.760 someone has that, then they only maybe need like five 0:27:06.840 --> 0:27:11.800 super right exact exactly, so I know you do. And 0:27:11.840 --> 0:27:15.000 then when the box shows up or when I'm getting hormonal, 0:27:15.440 --> 0:27:18.280 you'll know that my periods just around the corner. So 0:27:18.760 --> 0:27:20.439 like my alarm clock when it shows up at the 0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:24.880 door staff, oh my gosh, here we go. But here's 0:27:24.880 --> 0:27:27.480 the problem. Then he'll go, oh, that's why she was emotional. 0:27:27.960 --> 0:27:31.120 Yeah it makes sense. Okay, So Lola has been great 0:27:31.160 --> 0:27:32.800 for me. It's one less thing to worry about. They 0:27:32.840 --> 0:27:34.400 arrive at my door right before I need them, which 0:27:34.440 --> 0:27:37.720 is a nice reminder of where I am in the month. Anyways, 0:27:37.760 --> 0:27:40.240 Forty of all subscriptions visit my lola dot com and 0:27:40.320 --> 0:27:43.000 entered Janna. When when you subscribe, that's my lola dot com. 0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:49.040 And when you subscribe, just enter or um or Tania. 0:27:49.480 --> 0:27:53.639 I don't know you know Becca? Our coldes always Becca. 0:27:53.840 --> 0:27:55.600 All right, let's get like real deep. I mean, I 0:27:55.640 --> 0:27:58.240 have some more like marriage questions. Are you doing? Yeah? Okay, 0:27:58.240 --> 0:28:03.359 what's up for somebody that I I do? Like, I 0:28:03.400 --> 0:28:05.159 want to get married and I want to have a family. 0:28:05.359 --> 0:28:11.359 That's the ultimate goal for me. With Blake, I'm not looking. 0:28:11.400 --> 0:28:15.920 He reminds me of Abbey, who's one of my best 0:28:15.920 --> 0:28:19.600 friends back home. Is he a good guys? Honestly, I'm 0:28:19.800 --> 0:28:23.119 married with two kids one kid. I've never closed off 0:28:23.160 --> 0:28:24.760 to anything. So like, if Blake were to be like, 0:28:24.840 --> 0:28:27.480 let's actually go out, I would be like, I'm totally down. 0:28:27.640 --> 0:28:29.800 I think he should just give it one dinner. Do 0:28:29.840 --> 0:28:33.520 you have his number? Yes? Okay? Then just text him 0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:35.040 okay and be like, hey when when you're in not 0:28:35.119 --> 0:28:37.960 late next we should for real get some dinner. Yeah, 0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:40.080 put it out there. If he doesn't respond, well, then 0:28:40.120 --> 0:28:42.520 find f him right who needs him? But at least 0:28:42.520 --> 0:28:44.840 put it out there. Yes, I also don't know. I 0:28:44.880 --> 0:28:46.600 think the thing with me is like I'm very much 0:28:46.600 --> 0:28:48.840 not in the headspace of like I don't need to 0:28:48.880 --> 0:28:53.320 just like hump around that makes sense or data around. 0:28:53.760 --> 0:28:55.920 I don't do that anymore. Like I just have not 0:28:56.000 --> 0:28:59.040 built for it. Um. But I'm also because it hurts 0:28:59.200 --> 0:29:04.560 or I'm not physically I'm not emotionally alright, you gotta 0:29:04.960 --> 0:29:09.360 literally with yes, yes, sorry, I'm not emotionally built for it. Um. 0:29:09.480 --> 0:29:11.120 So I don't know if he's in that phase of 0:29:11.160 --> 0:29:17.800 like wanting to like, wait, what what about Ryan? That's 0:29:17.800 --> 0:29:21.920 like my brother, but like he's single again, this is correct, 0:29:24.480 --> 0:29:29.320 but it's like how many years have you guys worked together? Eight? Right, 0:29:29.440 --> 0:29:32.080 and how many things have you guys, like how much 0:29:32.080 --> 0:29:35.040 you know about each other? Like every too much? Yeah, 0:29:35.120 --> 0:29:37.600 it's it's it's literally like a brother sister relationship. And 0:29:37.640 --> 0:29:40.240 I know it's funny because people all right, well, I 0:29:40.280 --> 0:29:42.280 just had that epiphany and I was like, oh, one 0:29:42.320 --> 0:29:44.680 of my girlfriends was like, unless we came out of 0:29:44.720 --> 0:29:47.480 like our mom's vagina together, you are not my brother 0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:49.479 and we can date. And I was like, I know, 0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:51.360 I get that, but I think that it's just it's 0:29:51.400 --> 0:29:54.400 too far gone and he's my boss and like I 0:29:54.440 --> 0:29:58.840 like the relationship that we have. Okay, all right, Yeah, 0:29:59.000 --> 0:30:00.920 and they just broke up who I never even know 0:30:01.040 --> 0:30:05.040 it was a model or something like that. Um, he will, 0:30:05.080 --> 0:30:10.440 I think officiate my wedding though you Yeah, I love that. 0:30:11.160 --> 0:30:14.480 Back to back to what you were saying, okay about marriage, Yes, 0:30:15.800 --> 0:30:17.680 how do you know when a guy's in that place, 0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:22.360 he'll show up. He'll show up, he'll action the action. 0:30:23.160 --> 0:30:24.960 They can say all they want, like oh, by one kids, 0:30:24.960 --> 0:30:26.480 I want that, I want to be in a relationship. 0:30:26.520 --> 0:30:30.560 But unless they're showing up. Because like dated around, how 0:30:30.560 --> 0:30:33.480 did you know that this was different? Because I actually 0:30:33.520 --> 0:30:37.120 wanted to work on it? So like because he had 0:30:37.800 --> 0:30:39.760 left up in the very beginning of our even when 0:30:39.760 --> 0:30:43.480 we were dating, And if he didn't actually really want 0:30:43.560 --> 0:30:45.840 to work on it, he could have easily been like, yeah, right, 0:30:45.960 --> 0:30:48.440 whatever next, and I could have too, I'd have been like, oh, 0:30:48.680 --> 0:30:51.040 he's screwed up next, But I didn't. I was like, 0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:55.680 I really liked I really liked him. Yeah, and I 0:30:55.760 --> 0:30:59.840 and my actions showed that I was willing to do 0:31:00.400 --> 0:31:03.560 with my actions proved to her that this was different, Like, 0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:06.280 this wasn't just some girl I want to date for 0:31:06.320 --> 0:31:09.720 a while, because of it's so easy to get divorced 0:31:09.800 --> 0:31:15.280 nowadays you work at it. It's hard. It sucks. Some 0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:18.680 days it literally sucks. I mean I have a girl's 0:31:18.800 --> 0:31:22.280 group chat message where we're sometimes we're just like why 0:31:22.360 --> 0:31:23.960 is this so hard? Like I am I'm so not 0:31:24.120 --> 0:31:27.000 with my husband? Or this just sucks. Sometimes you know 0:31:27.560 --> 0:31:30.440 it's hard, But isn't there something so beautiful about the 0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:34.040 fact that, like, oh it's great sixty you can look 0:31:34.080 --> 0:31:36.200 back at all these like beautiful memories that I hope 0:31:36.240 --> 0:31:38.840 so like you, like you mentioned earlier when you talked 0:31:38.840 --> 0:31:42.239 about like companionship, right, like that's where Jane and I 0:31:42.320 --> 0:31:46.600 just really appreciate just the trenches of what we're doing 0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:50.360 right now with two kids, busy life, a lot of travel. 0:31:50.480 --> 0:31:53.320 It's just like, you know, how how do we do this? 0:31:53.640 --> 0:31:56.160 But we're doing it, you know, regardless at the end 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:58.440 of the day, we know we're together, we're going to 0:31:58.560 --> 0:32:01.760 be together, we're union out, we're doing life. It's like, 0:32:02.160 --> 0:32:04.720 you know, that's that's the companionship, Like the depth of 0:32:04.720 --> 0:32:07.000 it that it's you know, you really want like you 0:32:07.000 --> 0:32:09.720 have like a teammate, And I think that there's something 0:32:09.760 --> 0:32:12.480 so special about that. I love that I really it 0:32:12.560 --> 0:32:14.000 is cool. I always say, like in the times of 0:32:14.080 --> 0:32:16.640 chaos is when I love him the most, it's because 0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.280 I'm like, we're here doing this together. Yeah, because we 0:32:19.280 --> 0:32:23.880 we both are empathetic to how hard it is. So 0:32:24.200 --> 0:32:26.000 when it gets hard, you know, we both want to 0:32:26.040 --> 0:32:27.880 help each other and pick each other up and reassure 0:32:27.880 --> 0:32:30.920 one another like, hey, we're doing this. We are kids 0:32:30.920 --> 0:32:34.800 are healthier, kids are alive, they were providing for them. 0:32:34.840 --> 0:32:36.440 So when you think of it in that kind of 0:32:36.440 --> 0:32:39.040 point of view, you're like, hey, you know what, We're okay. 0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:42.120 So do you guys hang do you guys hang out 0:32:42.160 --> 0:32:45.480 with like other married couples. Yeah, it's very hard to 0:32:45.480 --> 0:32:48.400 have single friends. So I have a single friend Sarah. Well, 0:32:48.600 --> 0:32:51.840 she shouldn't say she's single. She she's with boyfriend, right, Yeah, 0:32:51.880 --> 0:32:55.760 she's with boyfriend. She's with boyfriend friend, she's with boyfriends 0:32:55.760 --> 0:33:00.800 for six years and yes, um yeah, but it's still 0:33:00.800 --> 0:33:02.600 like she still doesn't understand you know what I mean. 0:33:02.600 --> 0:33:05.120 It's still hard. Yeah. Actually, one of my mentors in 0:33:05.160 --> 0:33:07.360 life is Devon Franklin, and I read all of his books, 0:33:07.360 --> 0:33:09.200 and one of him the rules and his marriage, is 0:33:09.320 --> 0:33:12.440 we do not ask our single friends for relationship advice. 0:33:12.960 --> 0:33:17.880 You can't, isn't that right? Yeah? We have their book. Wait, 0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:22.480 it's great. It's a great book. It's a great book. Yeah, 0:33:22.560 --> 0:33:25.840 they're awesome. Hey can I read the Speaking of friends though? Um? 0:33:25.840 --> 0:33:28.320 This is from Becky, my best friend and my husband. 0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:30.880 My husband. I have been together almost twelve years now, 0:33:30.920 --> 0:33:33.200 and the first eight years were full of indiscretions on 0:33:33.240 --> 0:33:35.520 his part. Most were just him talking to girls but 0:33:35.600 --> 0:33:38.120 never any action. But then four years ago someone walked 0:33:38.120 --> 0:33:39.959 into our lives and knew exactly how to play us 0:33:39.960 --> 0:33:42.520 to her benefit. The person became my best friend and 0:33:42.520 --> 0:33:45.440 even started dating my brother. Before she came into our lives, 0:33:45.480 --> 0:33:47.760 everything was good, but then we started fighting way more 0:33:47.760 --> 0:33:49.640 than normal. I started to pick up on little cues 0:33:49.640 --> 0:33:51.280 and she was trying to make me mad at times 0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:53.720 or mad at him. Turned out she was doing the 0:33:53.760 --> 0:33:55.880 same things to him. She wanted him and would do 0:33:55.960 --> 0:33:58.320 whatever it took. Bottom line, she got what she wanted 0:33:58.560 --> 0:34:00.720 and I discovered a four month of fair between my 0:34:00.800 --> 0:34:04.200 supposed best friend and my life partner. We are four 0:34:04.240 --> 0:34:06.000 and a half years out, but I still think about 0:34:06.000 --> 0:34:08.279 it at least once every single day. I don't know 0:34:08.360 --> 0:34:10.640 that I'll ever be able to fully move beyond the situation. 0:34:10.640 --> 0:34:12.759 It feels so personal you and might inspire me, but 0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:15.640 I don't know that my wounds will ever heal. I'm 0:34:15.640 --> 0:34:17.960 curious what you guys think about how close is it? 0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:22.560 How how close is okay with your spouse's best friend. 0:34:26.239 --> 0:34:30.239 Tongu is like, I don't know, well, I think what's interesting. 0:34:30.400 --> 0:34:33.719 So Janna and I kind of touched on this, and 0:34:33.719 --> 0:34:35.439 this is again, I mean, we don't really hold back 0:34:35.480 --> 0:34:42.680 on this podcast. So for Janna and kind of her 0:34:42.760 --> 0:34:47.160 love language and what she appreciates is to be candidates, 0:34:47.239 --> 0:34:51.200 like say, hypothetical, if Janna ever cheated our relationship, it 0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:54.360 would probably be with somebody that we're close to, because 0:34:54.760 --> 0:34:56.719 she likes to be intimate with people. She likes to 0:34:56.760 --> 0:34:59.080 know them, and that's where she like Garners like love 0:34:59.120 --> 0:35:04.000 and appreciation and afection, where me um intimate avoidance. So 0:35:04.120 --> 0:35:06.879 for me, it could never be someone that like we 0:35:06.880 --> 0:35:09.759 were friends with or we knew or because that would 0:35:09.800 --> 0:35:12.360 be super uncomfortable for me. You would have to be 0:35:12.440 --> 0:35:14.920 completely a complete stranger that I don't know you know, 0:35:15.600 --> 0:35:19.680 So it's you know, it's that whole dynamic is interesting, 0:35:20.000 --> 0:35:22.960 and for I mean, the closeness. So I say that 0:35:23.040 --> 0:35:28.000 because yes, because of my pastor, Jenna still you know, 0:35:28.400 --> 0:35:31.160 wants to make sure there's boundaries with everyone in our life, 0:35:31.440 --> 0:35:35.759 which is completely understandable, you know, but I think she 0:35:35.880 --> 0:35:37.560 still acknowledges that too in the back of her mind, 0:35:37.600 --> 0:35:40.200 like this would like I don't think he would ever 0:35:40.280 --> 0:35:44.000 step that far because of him being so uncomfortable. Now, 0:35:44.920 --> 0:35:47.440 I think you just have to examine that relationship well, 0:35:47.480 --> 0:35:49.840 like I would be uncomfortable, like, yes, Julie is my 0:35:49.880 --> 0:35:52.000 best friend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable if you and 0:35:52.040 --> 0:35:54.200 Julie were like, we're going to go have lunch, I'd 0:35:54.239 --> 0:35:57.000 be like, like, I think there's certain boundaries that you 0:35:57.040 --> 0:35:59.800 have to have with and I trust Julie with my life, 0:35:59.840 --> 0:36:02.200 like and she's she's freaking watching her kid right now, 0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:04.360 you know, I mean like that, and she and she 0:36:04.480 --> 0:36:06.600 was one of the rare few from the very beginning 0:36:07.560 --> 0:36:11.839 was very supportive. Yeah, she was like yeah, so, but 0:36:11.880 --> 0:36:15.040 I mean just I mean, okay, for example, like our 0:36:15.080 --> 0:36:17.520 friend you know that we're going to have in our neighborhood, 0:36:17.520 --> 0:36:20.200 our new neighborhood friends, it's like one on one. I 0:36:20.200 --> 0:36:24.040 still just think one on one other sex is just 0:36:24.320 --> 0:36:26.840 not I'm with you. I don't see I don't see 0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.399 why like what there would never I don't see where 0:36:29.400 --> 0:36:31.040 there would ever be a scenario why that would have 0:36:31.040 --> 0:36:34.200 to happen. Yeah, I have a lot of married friends 0:36:34.440 --> 0:36:36.400 and I like to if I ever need to text 0:36:36.400 --> 0:36:40.120 like the guy, it's always just something that when the 0:36:40.120 --> 0:36:43.960 girl can't know if it's like other than that, it's 0:36:44.160 --> 0:36:47.880 always text the girl always or a group chat. And 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:50.040 it's funny because we have one of my bosses is 0:36:50.440 --> 0:36:52.720 a man, and I'll like just send him like whenever 0:36:52.760 --> 0:36:54.319 I have like a topic idea, it'd be like nine 0:36:54.320 --> 0:36:56.440 o'clock and e ten pm or whatever, and I always 0:36:56.440 --> 0:36:59.160 tell him I'm like, I feel awkward texting you at 0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:01.160 like ten pm, and I cause you're married with kids, 0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:04.279 you know, um. But he's like, no, send it. But 0:37:04.360 --> 0:37:06.920 I still feel like because I know that he's married, 0:37:06.960 --> 0:37:10.880 and it's like I'm so not like that, but I 0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:13.800 still get like that. I feel like there should be boundaries. 0:37:15.040 --> 0:37:17.080 Could you ever see yourself? Oh? First of all, I 0:37:17.080 --> 0:37:19.160 just want to say, Becky, I'm really sorry, and just 0:37:19.480 --> 0:37:21.640 I applaud you guys for trying. But it'll just take 0:37:21.680 --> 0:37:23.360 It's just gonna take time, and your triggers are going 0:37:23.400 --> 0:37:26.359 to be there, and hopefully he can hopefully he can 0:37:26.360 --> 0:37:30.040 be empathetic to your triggers and respect boundaries. Yeah, because 0:37:30.080 --> 0:37:32.879 that's that's that's gotta cut deep and get that girl 0:37:32.880 --> 0:37:35.759 out of your life, the other girl. Yeah. By do 0:37:35.800 --> 0:37:37.880 you think you could ever? I mean, here's the thing 0:37:37.880 --> 0:37:39.160 when I A would say this, do you think you 0:37:39.160 --> 0:37:41.359 could ever? I think anyone's capable of anything. But do 0:37:41.400 --> 0:37:45.880 you do you think you could ever cheat in a relationship? Uh? No? 0:37:46.760 --> 0:37:49.080 What if you put yourself in the situation that it's 0:37:50.200 --> 0:37:54.520 I mean, you know, I like it's actually like a 0:37:54.560 --> 0:37:59.279 flaw of mine, Like I'm like brutally loyal, Like I 0:37:59.320 --> 0:38:03.440 can't even like it's like it's bad. It's bad. So 0:38:03.880 --> 0:38:06.279 it's not bad. That's great, it's great. But it's also 0:38:06.360 --> 0:38:07.719 like a little bit of the flow because I feel 0:38:07.719 --> 0:38:10.880 like sometimes I'm I stay in relationships even friendships that 0:38:10.920 --> 0:38:14.960 I don't yeah, yeah, because I'm just like I've known 0:38:15.000 --> 0:38:16.799 you for so long, I'm loyal to you, you know. 0:38:17.520 --> 0:38:20.479 Um So no, I don't. I don't think that I could. 0:38:20.480 --> 0:38:22.640 And I've been cheated on before, and it's like, I mean, 0:38:22.680 --> 0:38:24.960 it's just broke me and I'm also cancer so I'm 0:38:25.080 --> 0:38:28.759 very very sensitive. Um, do you can we do this? 0:38:28.800 --> 0:38:34.680 Top one bed um married to sex addict? So, Kelly, 0:38:35.640 --> 0:38:37.879 what do I want? We can say you guys are 0:38:37.920 --> 0:38:40.560 just like really cute, Like I just like, like this 0:38:40.600 --> 0:38:44.719 is so creepy. I just like watching you guys like 0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:47.880 it's really sweet. And I actually want to sidebar with 0:38:47.920 --> 0:38:51.239 you a little bit about sex addiction. Okay, well this 0:38:51.239 --> 0:38:52.839 is great because we're going to go on this. Our 0:38:52.840 --> 0:38:55.319 next email, Mary to a sex addict. I found out 0:38:55.320 --> 0:38:57.520 in August. My husband is a sex addict and for 0:38:57.640 --> 0:39:00.960 our three years of marriage has been meeting up with 0:39:01.040 --> 0:39:03.680 women he met on sex apps. He said. Um, he 0:39:03.719 --> 0:39:05.400 has said he doesn't want to lose our family and 0:39:05.440 --> 0:39:07.400 wants to get better. We don't have financial means for 0:39:07.480 --> 0:39:10.040 him to do an impatient program, which we again sidebar. 0:39:10.120 --> 0:39:13.640 We understand it's it's incredibly expensive. Um. We tried couples 0:39:13.640 --> 0:39:16.040 counseling and stopped going when he said it was making 0:39:16.080 --> 0:39:18.840 things worse. After listening to your podcast last week, he 0:39:18.840 --> 0:39:22.359 actually looked into information Mike mentioned and has joined an 0:39:22.480 --> 0:39:26.479 essay a group, yes, Um, that you call into He 0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:28.759 is trying but I still have zero trust in him. 0:39:28.800 --> 0:39:30.319 Most of the time, I feel like I hate him 0:39:30.360 --> 0:39:32.759 and would rather be alone. Do these feelings ever end? 0:39:33.480 --> 0:39:35.640 Or is our marriage just doomed? How do you trust 0:39:35.680 --> 0:39:37.640 someone when they have become a pro at deceiving you 0:39:37.719 --> 0:39:43.600 and spent years successfully doing it? Wow? What an email? Um? 0:39:44.480 --> 0:39:49.919 First of all, I'll say, Kelly, Um, you know if 0:39:49.960 --> 0:39:55.040 he wants to have someone to talk to, because calling 0:39:55.080 --> 0:39:58.399 me calling meetings are great? You did calling meetings when 0:39:58.480 --> 0:40:01.360 you can in person meetings or you've an better because 0:40:01.360 --> 0:40:05.200 it's all about um creating intimacy with other human beings 0:40:05.239 --> 0:40:07.799 who have the same issues or suffer like that he does. 0:40:08.640 --> 0:40:11.640 If he wants to contact me, Janna Kraman, I heart 0:40:11.680 --> 0:40:15.600 media dot com. Yes, and reference that you're Kelly and 0:40:15.760 --> 0:40:18.960 you wrote this email and and um, him and I 0:40:19.040 --> 0:40:24.480 can get in touch. Um Man, that's a lot. I 0:40:24.520 --> 0:40:27.239 will say to Kelly, you just found out, so you 0:40:27.320 --> 0:40:30.359 gotta give yourself some time. Um. Every other day I 0:40:30.400 --> 0:40:34.000 considered do I just leave? I'm so miserable, But you 0:40:34.040 --> 0:40:36.120 have to give it. I gave it a year. That's 0:40:36.120 --> 0:40:38.719 what my therapist said. Give it a year. Um. And 0:40:38.760 --> 0:40:41.839 then after a year, you don't think about it as much. 0:40:42.360 --> 0:40:44.319 I still think about it every day, but it's not 0:40:44.520 --> 0:40:46.600 the impact is not as strong as it was. You 0:40:46.640 --> 0:40:49.359 don't think about it as much. If he's doing the work, yes, 0:40:49.400 --> 0:40:50.799 and he has to show up and do the work. 0:40:50.880 --> 0:40:52.839 And but I a plot him though, for even doing 0:40:52.960 --> 0:40:55.600 finding the essay groups and that's going to change a 0:40:55.600 --> 0:40:59.400 lot in him. So good on him, and keep encouraging 0:40:59.480 --> 0:41:03.560 him to do that, which is that's just hard. That's 0:41:03.640 --> 0:41:06.960 when she just found out. That's hard. It's hard to encourage. Yeah, 0:41:06.960 --> 0:41:09.200 I'm not I'm not even saying, hey, honey, yeah, I 0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:13.600 keep going not like that. But allow him if he 0:41:13.640 --> 0:41:15.920 has to, if you have to reschedule something or kind 0:41:15.920 --> 0:41:19.759 of schedule around that to accommodate, like, allow him to 0:41:19.800 --> 0:41:23.400 do that type of deal tany what was your question? 0:41:23.560 --> 0:41:26.560 I'm like getting emotional about it because like when you 0:41:26.680 --> 0:41:29.719 found out, were you guys already married at the time, 0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:32.719 we were married for over a year. Had if you 0:41:32.760 --> 0:41:35.680 had found out about his sex addiction when you were dating, 0:41:35.719 --> 0:41:39.360 would you have gone out? Good question, that's a great question. 0:41:39.680 --> 0:41:43.400 If I would have found out about the affair before 0:41:43.400 --> 0:41:48.080 we got married, I wouldn't have married him. That's so 0:41:48.160 --> 0:41:52.919 that's the question, because but you're so, that's that's that. 0:41:53.000 --> 0:41:55.279 But if I knew he, if he if he had 0:41:55.320 --> 0:42:03.000 a sex addiction before we got married, I wouldn't not 0:42:03.719 --> 0:42:07.080 I don't think I wouldn't not date him because if 0:42:07.360 --> 0:42:11.239 he showed me that he was working, like, hey, I've 0:42:11.280 --> 0:42:16.200 been sober for two years. I'm kidding I really because 0:42:16.200 --> 0:42:19.120 I really liked some this guy, and it was just 0:42:19.160 --> 0:42:21.040 like I could I was like, I don't think I 0:42:21.040 --> 0:42:23.400 can ever. Did he tell you that he was a 0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:30.080 sex addict a little bit ago? That's you know what? 0:42:30.320 --> 0:42:34.680 That's yeah, I was that's hard. And I when Gene 0:42:34.680 --> 0:42:36.279 was saying that, I brought that thought to my head. 0:42:36.400 --> 0:42:39.719 Is I know plenty of guys in program who we'll 0:42:39.719 --> 0:42:42.840 start dating and get to that point in the relationship 0:42:42.840 --> 0:42:46.839 where they have to own that. And I've known several 0:42:46.960 --> 0:42:51.239 several guys who the significant other couldn't handle it, which 0:42:51.280 --> 0:42:54.200 is totally is totally fine, and then some that have 0:42:54.320 --> 0:43:00.319 been able to Um, how long was he sober for? Not? 0:43:00.320 --> 0:43:05.040 Not long? Was he sober? No? I don't think so. 0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:08.520 So he was in still active addiction. So then then 0:43:08.560 --> 0:43:10.640 I would say, no, I couldn't do that either. But 0:43:10.680 --> 0:43:13.000 if he was saying, I'm in recovery and this is 0:43:13.000 --> 0:43:15.319 how long I've been recovering four and I do these 0:43:15.320 --> 0:43:18.040 meetings that would make me feel safer. And I would 0:43:18.120 --> 0:43:22.839 have explored still because I I believe I would. But 0:43:23.040 --> 0:43:26.399 if he was still an active addiction, then there's no, 0:43:26.560 --> 0:43:30.640 that's that's insanity. Yeah. Yeah, I don't feel bad about 0:43:30.719 --> 0:43:34.120 not taking that on because I don't think anybody I'm 0:43:34.160 --> 0:43:37.000 surprised he admitted that but isn't doing but isn't like 0:43:38.880 --> 0:43:43.120 because I like found out a different way. Oh did 0:43:43.160 --> 0:43:49.520 you cheat? We don't know the person. Um No, No 0:43:51.840 --> 0:43:56.360 believe in sex sex addiction. It's funny because I didn't 0:43:56.360 --> 0:43:58.920 at the time. I really didn't. I thought it was 0:43:59.000 --> 0:44:03.920 an excuse for bad behavior. Um So that's kind of 0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:06.320 what I like chalked it up to, you know. And 0:44:06.320 --> 0:44:09.279 and for me, I'm just like so on the other 0:44:09.360 --> 0:44:11.759 side of that at the moment, because like I'm just 0:44:11.760 --> 0:44:14.000 telling you guys, like I can't have unattached sex, Like 0:44:14.000 --> 0:44:15.680 I've been very vocal about that. So I was like, 0:44:15.719 --> 0:44:18.799 if this were to ever be something like I don't, 0:44:18.960 --> 0:44:24.680 I don't. That mindset is so foreign to me, you know. 0:44:25.440 --> 0:44:28.560 Um So it sucked because it's like, you know, and 0:44:28.680 --> 0:44:30.920 you don't meet people that you hit it off with 0:44:30.960 --> 0:44:39.319 all all the time. M hmm, that's a lot. I mean, 0:44:39.360 --> 0:44:47.960 but again I don't Unfortunately in your situation, that's one 0:44:47.960 --> 0:44:51.719 of those that almost validates it as an excuse, Like 0:44:51.920 --> 0:44:54.640 I can see how that would feel, like, all right, 0:44:54.680 --> 0:44:57.520 that's just an excuse for bad behavior because you guys 0:44:57.520 --> 0:44:59.560 are dating I don't know for how long, but obviously 0:44:59.600 --> 0:45:03.560 not that long, and you discover whatever it was, did 0:45:03.600 --> 0:45:07.640 you confront him and did he admit to it? Yeah? 0:45:07.680 --> 0:45:13.080 It was. It was just tough because I think, um, 0:45:13.120 --> 0:45:18.279 I think that uh, had I not found out it 0:45:18.360 --> 0:45:21.680 wouldn't it wouldn't have been a conversation for a lot longer. 0:45:22.600 --> 0:45:28.759 That makes sense. Yeah, well, you know what, now we're 0:45:28.760 --> 0:45:30.840 gonna just I mean, I don't know, how do you 0:45:30.880 --> 0:45:35.200 even know? Okay, just don't don't. I hope you don't 0:45:35.239 --> 0:45:39.440 beat yourself up at all for feeling bad about leaving 0:45:39.480 --> 0:45:43.839 that because he was unhealthy. Yeah, yeah, he period, So 0:45:45.239 --> 0:45:49.000 I can't. I wouldn't expect anybody who's newly dating somebody 0:45:49.320 --> 0:45:51.719 to sign up for that when they're not in recovery, 0:45:52.120 --> 0:45:56.120 So don't. Yeah, don't feel bad about that in any way, 0:45:56.120 --> 0:46:00.360 shape or form um. But again, to touch on that email, Kelly, 0:46:00.440 --> 0:46:03.560 reach out to Janna at I Heart Na Kramer, I 0:46:03.640 --> 0:46:06.320 heart media dot com and I'll be more willing to 0:46:06.360 --> 0:46:10.680 talk to your husband and uh here him out. You've 0:46:10.680 --> 0:46:12.960 been wanting to be a sponsor, so maybe that will 0:46:13.000 --> 0:46:17.560 be your first. That's awesome. M thank you for being 0:46:17.719 --> 0:46:20.759 a guest on our show. Miss Toanny Rad. I love you, 0:46:20.800 --> 0:46:23.360 I love your energy, I love what you bring and 0:46:23.400 --> 0:46:25.440 thanks for opening. And y'all listen to Tonny Rad. She 0:46:25.440 --> 0:46:28.320 has an amazing podcast with Becca Tilly. It's called Scrubbing 0:46:28.320 --> 0:46:31.040 In on the Heart Radio podcast app. So y'all listen 0:46:31.040 --> 0:46:33.480 to her podcasts because it's really good. And I just 0:46:33.520 --> 0:46:35.920 love you so thank you. Thanks for having me. We're 0:46:35.920 --> 0:46:39.320 gonna have you back on all the time. Um okay, Tanya, 0:46:39.400 --> 0:46:41.120 I know that we said bye to you, but um, 0:46:41.480 --> 0:46:43.640 Mike's like, wait, where's Tanya? I have one more question 0:46:43.680 --> 0:46:46.239 I want to ask our he said, come back. Come. 0:46:46.280 --> 0:46:47.919 I was in the back of the train with Blake. 0:46:48.239 --> 0:46:51.520 Oh you are how is it going? That's where of 0:46:51.520 --> 0:46:56.120 the bathroom doors? Lock? Just kidding, No, I did have 0:46:56.160 --> 0:46:57.839 a question to get back on our topic that we 0:46:57.840 --> 0:47:00.280 were talking about that you're so open and vulnerable about. 0:47:01.600 --> 0:47:05.520 My question is, say that the person that you were 0:47:05.640 --> 0:47:08.760 dating or beginning to have a relationship with I told 0:47:08.840 --> 0:47:13.600 you that he was an alcoholic? Would your how would 0:47:13.600 --> 0:47:18.000 your response differ? Interesting? It is interesting because I have 0:47:18.160 --> 0:47:22.520 also had that same situation. I've had that situation happen. Yes, 0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:27.080 And what's interesting about that is that did not, um 0:47:27.280 --> 0:47:32.160 did not shake me at all because, um, what do 0:47:32.200 --> 0:47:34.160 you think that I don't I don't know. The reason 0:47:34.160 --> 0:47:38.160 why that ended was because other reasons that had nothing 0:47:38.200 --> 0:47:39.760 to do with the fact that he didn't drink alcohol, 0:47:41.640 --> 0:47:46.560 but I was willing to like but he was sober? Yes, yeah, yeah, 0:47:47.120 --> 0:47:49.279 So if he was, if he was still if he 0:47:49.320 --> 0:47:51.720 had said again same to just a mirror the scenario, 0:47:51.800 --> 0:47:54.879 if he said, Hey, you know, I'm an alcoholic. I've 0:47:55.080 --> 0:47:57.480 been sober a week or something, you know, whatever it was, 0:47:57.800 --> 0:48:01.040 to mirror the situation you're in, would you still kind 0:48:01.040 --> 0:48:05.480 of be more accepting of him being an alcoholic as 0:48:05.520 --> 0:48:08.600 opposed I know, it's it's a very interesting question. And 0:48:08.600 --> 0:48:11.040 the answers, yes, why why do you think that is? 0:48:11.920 --> 0:48:15.960 I think because and I don't I don't know. But 0:48:16.120 --> 0:48:22.000 for me, alcohol is so like minutia in life, do 0:48:22.040 --> 0:48:23.640 you know what I mean, Like take it or leave it? 0:48:23.680 --> 0:48:26.239 Like I like to drink, but I don't necessarily need 0:48:26.280 --> 0:48:29.120 a partner. I don't I don't have to drink exactly. 0:48:29.400 --> 0:48:31.120 So for me, it was kind of like take it 0:48:31.200 --> 0:48:36.320 or leave it, whereas sex to me is so intimate 0:48:36.440 --> 0:48:40.440 and so personal and so like such a big part 0:48:41.480 --> 0:48:46.120 that that was like a uh, a big trigger for 0:48:46.200 --> 0:48:50.239 me for sure. And I think that's I asked just 0:48:50.320 --> 0:48:54.239 because you know, obviously, the twelve step program is universal 0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:59.120 for any addiction, and part of my whole motivation to 0:48:59.480 --> 0:49:02.200 speak about this more openly is to move try to 0:49:02.200 --> 0:49:05.800 move the needle a little bit into social acceptance. Having 0:49:05.840 --> 0:49:10.040 said that, I think we're even in ten or fifteen 0:49:10.120 --> 0:49:13.640 years when society is more comfortable with sex addiction, I 0:49:13.680 --> 0:49:15.959 think there's still going to be that layer of even 0:49:16.000 --> 0:49:19.680 if someone is proposed with your situation, one is a 0:49:19.760 --> 0:49:22.160 little bit more tolerated or accepted than the other because 0:49:22.200 --> 0:49:26.560 there's not. Again, sex is so personal, and it's something 0:49:26.600 --> 0:49:28.920 that when you're an in a committed relationship, you're in 0:49:28.960 --> 0:49:32.080 the understanding that it's just with each other. So no 0:49:32.120 --> 0:49:36.160 matter what, no matter how accepted sex addiction becomes, it's 0:49:36.160 --> 0:49:38.040 still going to be part of it, which I think 0:49:38.120 --> 0:49:41.200 is okay. So it's interesting because so I was telling 0:49:41.239 --> 0:49:43.040 you guys, I used to be able. I would have 0:49:43.120 --> 0:49:48.280 unattached sex all the time, and I was always getting hurt. 0:49:48.800 --> 0:49:52.040 And it was like until I read The Weight by 0:49:52.239 --> 0:49:55.640 Devon and Megan when I realized and I met him 0:49:55.800 --> 0:49:57.840 and I was like, I'm going to make this commitment. 0:49:57.920 --> 0:50:01.000 I'm not going to have sex outside of a committed relationship. 0:50:01.520 --> 0:50:04.160 It's been a minute for me. Oh wow, so you 0:50:04.200 --> 0:50:10.400 still haven't. Nope, it's been a long time, and but 0:50:10.480 --> 0:50:14.080 it's been the most fulfilling because I used to give 0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:19.840 sex expecting something bigger in return, and when that didn't happen, 0:50:20.160 --> 0:50:22.480 I would just be I would just be all in 0:50:22.520 --> 0:50:24.640 my head of like, why does he not want to 0:50:24.640 --> 0:50:27.600 be with me? Why does like? Why all these questions? 0:50:27.840 --> 0:50:29.840 And now that that's not even on the table for me, 0:50:29.880 --> 0:50:34.959 that's not even an option until he's committed. I haven't 0:50:35.040 --> 0:50:37.279 had those feelings, and those are the feelings that make 0:50:37.360 --> 0:50:40.759 me feel really really bad about myself. And I might 0:50:40.760 --> 0:50:43.080 have nothing, might not have anything to do with me, 0:50:43.719 --> 0:50:47.240 but I would always take them personal from an outsider standpoint, 0:50:47.520 --> 0:50:49.800 just because you're here and you don't you know, obviously 0:50:49.840 --> 0:50:52.239 know a lot about the addiction is there? And do 0:50:52.239 --> 0:50:54.319 you have any questions that you that come to mind 0:50:54.480 --> 0:50:57.600 about it that you want to ask? Mike kind of yeah, 0:50:57.680 --> 0:50:59.960 but I obviously, like I feel like I don't want to. Also, 0:51:00.040 --> 0:51:05.319 I feel like I'm I'm open if whatever you want 0:51:05.360 --> 0:51:07.239 to ask, I haven't. It's not like I haven't heard it. 0:51:07.960 --> 0:51:12.080 So if if you okay, so that that that's an 0:51:12.120 --> 0:51:15.719 addiction of yours and you are married, correct, so you 0:51:15.760 --> 0:51:19.440 can stay committed to somebody knowing like I want to 0:51:19.560 --> 0:51:22.360 foster this relationship for the long haul. This is just 0:51:22.400 --> 0:51:25.480 something that I'm dealing with. So do you are you 0:51:25.600 --> 0:51:28.440 not open with it? What do you mean? Like, if 0:51:28.480 --> 0:51:30.719 you have a thought of something, do you share that 0:51:30.760 --> 0:51:32.719 with Janna? Oh, like if he has a thought of 0:51:32.760 --> 0:51:36.120 acting out or a thought of corner. Yeah, that's something 0:51:36.160 --> 0:51:39.719 that you know. I've brought to Jannah's attention because she 0:51:39.880 --> 0:51:42.239 asked and she said, you know, I want to know, 0:51:42.719 --> 0:51:48.759 like what you struggle with. Um. Having said that, it's 0:51:48.840 --> 0:51:53.200 it's hard to do because still Janna has accepted, understood 0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:56.919 a lot of this addiction. But at the same time 0:51:56.960 --> 0:51:59.239 it's hard to explain that, hey, maybe this came into 0:51:59.280 --> 0:52:01.680 my head, but it's not because I don't want you. 0:52:01.800 --> 0:52:04.719 It's not because I don't it's just we had a 0:52:04.760 --> 0:52:07.520 discussion about this recently, Jan and I. I was like, 0:52:07.719 --> 0:52:10.400 the thing is, those feelings that come up, it's not 0:52:10.440 --> 0:52:13.200 necessarily about It's not I want to do those things. 0:52:13.280 --> 0:52:16.960 It's I'm trying to handle the feelings that I'm feeling 0:52:16.960 --> 0:52:19.440 in that moment, whether it's anxiety or stress, or or 0:52:20.000 --> 0:52:23.800 not good enough or whatever. My default from my entire 0:52:23.920 --> 0:52:27.520 life was to go to sex or two whenever I 0:52:27.520 --> 0:52:29.560 felt those feelings, was to think about this, or was 0:52:29.640 --> 0:52:32.600 to go to this certain place. So now retraining my 0:52:32.640 --> 0:52:35.439 brain and retraining my body to not react that way, 0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:40.160 you know, it's it's inevitable, it's going to happen. But 0:52:41.719 --> 0:52:45.440 having been sober for the last year, the lust of 0:52:45.440 --> 0:52:48.680 the mind does go away, it does fade, So do 0:52:48.800 --> 0:52:50.520 you stop feeding it. That's a thing, like if you 0:52:50.520 --> 0:52:52.880 think about chocolate every day, like and then you have 0:52:52.880 --> 0:52:55.239 to start training your mind like that to not think 0:52:55.280 --> 0:52:57.960 about chocolate. You might think about chocolate sometimes but it 0:52:58.080 --> 0:53:02.800 lessons lessons every day, right, the impact of it, the 0:53:03.000 --> 0:53:06.080 intrigue of it, lessons the more time you stay away 0:53:06.080 --> 0:53:08.920 from it. So and I think for me, I was like, 0:53:09.080 --> 0:53:13.960 I'm so so like, I'm abstaining from sex until I'm 0:53:13.960 --> 0:53:16.560 in a committed relationship, and I wasn't in a committed 0:53:16.560 --> 0:53:18.680 relationship at the time, So in my mind, I was like, 0:53:19.120 --> 0:53:21.120 I don't even know what's going on, do you know 0:53:21.160 --> 0:53:23.800 what I mean? Oh, I can't, especially if this happened 0:53:23.800 --> 0:53:25.960 in that window, like you said, where you're you know, 0:53:26.280 --> 0:53:28.520 have this goal for yourself and abstaining from sex, and 0:53:28.600 --> 0:53:31.000 yet this person is a sex addict who's not in recovery, 0:53:31.000 --> 0:53:34.080 who's you know, still watching porn or still acting out 0:53:34.160 --> 0:53:36.359 or whatever it is. I can't imagine. That's two different 0:53:36.440 --> 0:53:38.319 ends of the spectrum. Yeah, So I think for me 0:53:38.400 --> 0:53:43.799 it was just like, it's like so far from where 0:53:43.800 --> 0:53:47.520 I'm where I'm going that it was like I don't 0:53:47.560 --> 0:53:53.400 even know how to handle it, understandably, So good show, guys, 0:53:55.680 --> 0:53:58.680 thanks for coming on, appreciate it. But it's it's it's 0:53:58.719 --> 0:54:00.600 something that's actually interesting that a lot of people have 0:54:00.640 --> 0:54:03.319 actually reached out to me about because they're like it's 0:54:03.920 --> 0:54:05.680 it comes up in conversations when I'm dating, you know, 0:54:05.680 --> 0:54:07.080 because it's like, no, I'm not going to just like 0:54:07.160 --> 0:54:09.080 I used to. Just I would meet someone and go 0:54:09.120 --> 0:54:12.319 sleep with them that night and like not care, yeah, 0:54:12.400 --> 0:54:16.600 not even think and and it's so different from me now, 0:54:17.040 --> 0:54:18.879 and it's like that's how I have to just Well, 0:54:18.880 --> 0:54:21.520 it's gonna be really meaningful when you actually do have 0:54:21.520 --> 0:54:26.600 that next relationship. But okay, IgE, okay. Thank you to 0:54:26.719 --> 0:54:28.799 robin Hood. They're giving listeners a wind down a free 0:54:28.800 --> 0:54:30.600 stock like Apple, Ford or Spread to help you build 0:54:30.600 --> 0:54:32.640 your portfolio. Side if it wind down Dot robin hood 0:54:32.680 --> 0:54:35.680 dot com, Lola for all subscription visit my Lola dot 0:54:35.680 --> 0:54:38.680 com and entered Jana when you subscribe. River Terraces in 0:54:39.480 --> 0:54:42.640 Napa Valley Wine Train, thank you so much for having 0:54:42.719 --> 0:54:47.480 us this weekend. It's been a blast ums by the way, 0:54:47.480 --> 0:54:49.239 really fun. I'm happy to be in Napa because this 0:54:49.320 --> 0:54:51.319 was where you reproposed to me two years ago. Two 0:54:51.360 --> 0:54:53.279 years ago, you thought it was last year I did. 0:54:53.840 --> 0:54:57.400 Time was a little off. Two years ago Michael reproposed 0:54:57.440 --> 0:54:59.320 to me a Napa So Napple always hold a special 0:54:59.360 --> 0:55:02.719 place in my heart for sure. Yeah, Okay, thanks for 0:55:02.719 --> 0:55:13.840 winning down. I love you guys. Wine down later. Bye M.