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Speaker 1: Swine Down with Jane Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 1: The guys we like, literally no joke. We are on

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Speaker 1: a train, moving train, a moving train, drinking wine and

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Speaker 1: what Michael's drinking a bullet and sprite um and we

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Speaker 1: are joined if you don't know that laugh, We are

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Speaker 1: joined by Tanya ra O. Hey, what is the rat

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Speaker 1: stand for? My last name is Raddy sav of Each,

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Speaker 1: so it's d each. What is that serbian? Oh? Interesting? Serbian?

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Speaker 1: Like you were born there, born here, so that really

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Speaker 1: make you both. My parents are hund so like they

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Speaker 1: moved here. I was born here. So my last name

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Speaker 1: is very, very lengthy and so professional, holy, so professionally.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, email me my emails. Tanya bready

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Speaker 1: saw of you each at I Heart Media or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and people are like, how do you spell that? So

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Speaker 1: I just chopped it. Do you know how many people

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Speaker 1: are going to try to email you know with that

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Speaker 1: name that it does not exist, So don't even try.

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Speaker 1: I just I don't know. I love that. But we're

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Speaker 1: just so happy that you're going to be our co

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Speaker 1: host on today's wind down because we have a lot

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Speaker 1: to wind down with, but just to kind of get

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Speaker 1: everyone in the scope of like why we're here. We

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Speaker 1: are helping or we're a lot of um listeners are

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Speaker 1: here for the Red Cross. So we're here and um,

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Speaker 1: we're giving back and we're on a plane. I mean

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Speaker 1: on a plane. Jesus, we're on a train. If you

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Speaker 1: hear that little noise, that's why we're here. Um. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be fun. We're gonna drink and meet people

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Speaker 1: and have fun and give back to the Red Cross.

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Speaker 1: I'm super excited. I'm actually like really excited because I

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Speaker 1: get to see you guys, like in and out of

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Speaker 1: the studio when we're like transitioning and like we have

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Speaker 1: events here and there. But I'm really excited to just

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Speaker 1: like I kind of love when you said to Mike

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Speaker 1: in the car on the ride to the hotel, do

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Speaker 1: you want to tell our listeners what you said? Um?

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Speaker 1: I come full circle with Mike. I did not love

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Speaker 1: you in the beginning when I met you, So even

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Speaker 1: when you met me, you just when did you remember

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Speaker 1: the first time? Yes? And it's I don't use the

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Speaker 1: word hate. I didn't hate you, because it takes a

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Speaker 1: lot for me to hate somebody I did not know.

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Speaker 1: I did not hate you. But um, I had heard

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Speaker 1: some things. What did you hear? Um, I'm just from me,

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Speaker 1: from not from me or from like the word of mouth,

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Speaker 1: just word of mouth. But so that's like true, we've

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Speaker 1: been through yeah, not anything like that was like gossipy,

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Speaker 1: like he cheated blahah And so my guard was up

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Speaker 1: with you understandably. So um, but as I have like

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Speaker 1: just little things that you've done here and there, and

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Speaker 1: I don't even know if you know that you do

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Speaker 1: these things. You really are a gentleman. And I can

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Speaker 1: tell that you, um are kind and um just by

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Speaker 1: little little things that he does. And I know it

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Speaker 1: sounds really silly, but I pick up on these things,

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Speaker 1: and I really have come full circle. And it's been

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Speaker 1: a while since I've come full circle on you. But

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Speaker 1: I I expressed it to you today because I don't

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Speaker 1: know why. When was there a moment or was it

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Speaker 1: just over over time you kind of just was reflecting

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Speaker 1: on it, or was she strongly disliked me until today

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Speaker 1: when I said I'll get her bag up until today

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Speaker 1: on the airplane. But even even that, like even just

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Speaker 1: just offering to do that I think is really um,

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Speaker 1: it's sweet and it's kind and it's a it's a

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Speaker 1: gentleman thing, and um, I can tell that you're a

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Speaker 1: good guy. Yeah, I really genuinely mean that. I appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: I gotta be more consistent in that with my wife, right, honey. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But nobody's perfect. No, it's it's it's just it's hard

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Speaker 1: with the person that you know. You see the good, bad,

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Speaker 1: and the ugliest with the person that you're with. Right

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Speaker 1: And I'm literally reading a book right now, or I

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Speaker 1: started reading. I didn't read the introduction. I'm I'm beginning

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Speaker 1: to read a book called How to Be an Adult

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Speaker 1: in a Relationship, because I mean, it's just the thing is,

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Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately Jana might feel like I'm I'm mean,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes I am because I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: express my feelings, and so I just kind of like holding,

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Speaker 1: holding and holding, and then I'm just like and then

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Speaker 1: I just kind of like bust out and then and

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Speaker 1: he'll say like, and the thing with him is like

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Speaker 1: he'll say really mean things right where it's like he

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Speaker 1: could have done a million nice things maybe that week

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Speaker 1: or that month, but like he says, like you're so

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Speaker 1: annoying and you as stupid questions. So then that's all

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Speaker 1: I hear. But and then I'm just I think it's

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Speaker 1: really honorable for both of you, honestly, because I think

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Speaker 1: that you are really open and honest about a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that go on in your relationship, and not

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Speaker 1: a lot of people are that way. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's really awesome because you know, there there are ups

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Speaker 1: and downs to being married and ups and downs to

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Speaker 1: being single, and not a lot of people talk. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like we have this perfect marriage and it's you know,

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Speaker 1: rainbows and butterflies. And I think that's really awesome that

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Speaker 1: you guys are open about it. What do you We're

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Speaker 1: playing the kind of the question game on the on

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Speaker 1: the vand ride up. Let's play games. I was a

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Speaker 1: camp counselor that there was all in this car ride

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Speaker 1: together and it was great because what's the default, right,

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Speaker 1: Everyone's gonna go to their phones or conversation. I thought

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Speaker 1: the bus ride was fun though. And um, but you

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Speaker 1: asked us, you know what's the worst thing about marriage?

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Speaker 1: So I will mirror that question, say what's the worst

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Speaker 1: thing for you about being single? Um? I think for

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Speaker 1: me specifically, I crave companionship. I really love companionship and

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Speaker 1: I think there's something really beautiful And I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of companionship in my life, not obviously romantically yet,

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Speaker 1: but I have a lot of um friends that are

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Speaker 1: like family and co workers that are like family and

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Speaker 1: family that's family, you know, And so I have that.

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Speaker 1: But I think for for me, I really, um, I

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Speaker 1: think it's really cool to do life with somebody and

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Speaker 1: go through milestones with somebody and learn and grow with somebody.

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Speaker 1: So I think for me, I like out, um, big

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Speaker 1: things will happen in my life and I want to

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Speaker 1: be able to share that with somebody and have that

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Speaker 1: be long term, you know. So it's like that's what

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Speaker 1: I I That's the hardest thing for me for sure.

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Speaker 1: Who's the first person you go to if something exciting

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Speaker 1: or something bad happens in your life. Who's like the

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Speaker 1: first person you're gonna text or call or whatever? My mom? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you guys are really close. What's your relationship with

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Speaker 1: your dad? Very close to but he doesn't get all

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Speaker 1: of this life stuff like foreign and just men. Like

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Speaker 1: the same way with my parents, Like my mom understands

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Speaker 1: a little bit more. My dad's very old school, very

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Speaker 1: old fashioned, just like what yeah, like My dad didn't

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Speaker 1: really even realize who Ryan Seacrest was until it was

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Speaker 1: like it was like personality. Yeah, he's the cutest. Do

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Speaker 1: you love working for Ryan? I truly adore working behind

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Speaker 1: What's like the worst part about it though, if you

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Speaker 1: can say it the worst? Um, yeah, no, I'd say

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Speaker 1: the early mornings, but I mean you get that with like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, if I were to work on any morning show,

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Speaker 1: you know, Um, what's the worst part about working with him?

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Speaker 1: He chooses pen caps, which is like kind of really annoying,

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Speaker 1: the shoot up pens everywhere. That's funny. Yeah. Um, so

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Speaker 1: there's a specific someone on the train that we might

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Speaker 1: be interested in question mark exclamation point. So he was

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Speaker 1: a guest host on my podcast when I was out. Um,

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Speaker 1: he co hosted with Becca and our entire like scrubbing

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Speaker 1: in Facebook group was like running a muck about how

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Speaker 1: Blake is, like my dude. I never thought of him

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Speaker 1: that way, and he was what's his story? He was

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Speaker 1: on the he on Uh, he was on Becca's Oh

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Speaker 1: he was. I mean, he's so sweet. Would you be

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Speaker 1: super uncomfortable if I had him come on and then

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Speaker 1: kind of made it public? No, anything makes me uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: But by the way, whatever happened with football guy, Yeah

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Speaker 1: he's a friend. What when when? Because he slid into

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Speaker 1: your DM ever since they went to the Super Bowl. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was like right before that actually, But do you

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Speaker 1: know what's actually really funny. I think it truly was

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Speaker 1: like a benign d M. Like there's no benign I

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Speaker 1: do not know, really know, there's if a guy slides

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Speaker 1: into a girl's it's like with like, babe, when you

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Speaker 1: slid into my d M. S is it was nine

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Speaker 1: strategically photo because all he said, mind you, that's how

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Speaker 1: he met was Twitter, so mind you. All he said

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Speaker 1: when I did follow him back eventually was thanks for

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Speaker 1: the follow back, So that could have just been you know,

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Speaker 1: but so what ever he said to you and he thanks, yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I mean there's clearly something even whatever he said

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Speaker 1: to you. I mean it was like a music thing.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you know, I do song of

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Speaker 1: the day every day. Well, he had interest in something,

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Speaker 1: so it was just we had to do a better

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Speaker 1: follow up next time. Yeah, I followed. And I think

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Speaker 1: I'm also very naive when people flirt with me. I

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Speaker 1: don't get it, Like I don't put up on it,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, oh really. Like five months later,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh he did. I had no idea You're

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Speaker 1: like cool, bro, Wait, I could be a little redundant here.

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Speaker 1: And your listeners probably know when you guys first met who,

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Speaker 1: like was the pursuer? Oh my, I didn't know who. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know who. Do know existed on this earth? No?

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Speaker 1: That's I mean, well until I slid in. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 1: He kept favoriting a few of my things, and then

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Speaker 1: I was it was a board thirty. I was a

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Speaker 1: thirty year thirty years old, eating macaroni and cheese, having

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Speaker 1: a glass of wine. I'm scrolling through my Twitter and

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Speaker 1: I see this guy favoriting my stuff. I click on

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Speaker 1: his picture. I was like, oh, he's cute. And then

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Speaker 1: I followed him back and I saw he had a

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Speaker 1: blue checkmark too, and then he was a football player. Wait, okay,

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Speaker 1: so here's here's my question. Did Jamma play like? Did

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Speaker 1: you play cool? Were you kind of like seemed disinterested?

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Speaker 1: I kind of got him on the spot, so, like

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Speaker 1: I felt, I started, he I followed. I followed him,

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Speaker 1: then he shot back right away. As often as we

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Speaker 1: tell this story, it was not because I was strategically

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Speaker 1: planned it. I was with I was in my house

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Speaker 1: that I had in Baltimore at the time. I had

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Speaker 1: a couple of buddies that lived with me, and it

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Speaker 1: was a rainy Sunday afternoon. We're about to watch a

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Speaker 1: movie and she followed back. I told my buddy. I

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Speaker 1: was like, hey, Jannakramer just followed me back, Like what

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Speaker 1: do I do? And we were like teenage girls. That

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Speaker 1: became a we thing. What are we gonna say? And

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Speaker 1: he was like, my buddy Alex Blitz said this. He's like,

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Speaker 1: let's just watch this movie and then let's figure it

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Speaker 1: out and like do this together. I was like, all right,

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Speaker 1: ten minutes in the movie, I was like I can't.

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Speaker 1: I have to message your back. And so whole movie

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Speaker 1: I wasn't paying attention. We were just d M and

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Speaker 1: back and forth. So mind you that was happening. And

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Speaker 1: then four days later he flew out to one of

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Speaker 1: my shows. But then I would I did some kind

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Speaker 1: of kind of crazy things I FaceTime in the second

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Speaker 1: day because um and okay, okay. So that obviously didn't

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Speaker 1: turn you off, No, not at all, And it's what's

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Speaker 1: funny is So that was on a Sunday. We talked

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Speaker 1: on Twitter. Monday she gave me your number. Tuesday, Uh,

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Speaker 1: we talked on the phone and then she was like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, let's FaceTime and she kind of hit me

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Speaker 1: randomly with it, right, So I love a rogue FaceTime. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like, what, I was at the dog park

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Speaker 1: with my dog in Baltimore, like an inner city, so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, like, I'm in the dog park, Like,

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Speaker 1: give me a few minutes. I booked at home. I

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Speaker 1: live like a mile from the dog park, booking it

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Speaker 1: with my with my dog. Get back, changed my shirt,

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Speaker 1: put a hat on it, probably did some push ups

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Speaker 1: before FaceTime, which really doesn't do anything. But I just

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Speaker 1: felt better about myself. And then we FaceTime and yeah,

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Speaker 1: then what. It's so funny because I tell people that

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Speaker 1: all the time because they're like, I always say, I'm

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Speaker 1: like a lot, I'm I'm allowed personality, and everyone says

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Speaker 1: you need to let the guy pursue you, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think I do. Like I want someone

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Speaker 1: obviously that wants me the same, but I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna be me. That's part of what attracted me

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Speaker 1: to Jana so quick. Was like, she's just a normal person,

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Speaker 1: just like everybody else. And she's just like, yeah, hey,

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Speaker 1: we're hitting this off. You want to come see me

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Speaker 1: in Chicago. I was like it was nine o'clock at night.

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Speaker 1: I was like, sure, house tomorrow, like first thing in

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Speaker 1: the morning. He's like, yeah, let's do it. Well, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad you invested in me, babe. And you know what

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Speaker 1: else we're investing in is robin Hood. So robin Hood

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Speaker 1: up to ten dollars for every trade. Robin Hood doesn't

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Speaker 1: charge any commission fees, so you can actually trade stocks

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Speaker 1: to do is sign up at Windown dot robin Hood

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Speaker 1: dot com. Okay, so we want to let you all

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Speaker 1: know that Mike and I are going on a podcast tour.

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Speaker 1: We've got three dates coming up in May, so we're

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Speaker 1: doing Virginia, Boston, and New York and we're so excited

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Speaker 1: about it. So basically we're going to wind Down with

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Speaker 1: you guys and then you're going to get an exclusive concert.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna play a bunch of songs and it's going

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Speaker 1: to be a really fun time. So we we want

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Speaker 1: you guys to come out. Get your tickets at Janet

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Speaker 1: Cramer dot com because it's going to be a blast.

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Speaker 1: Come on out. It's gonna be a great time. Anything.

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Speaker 1: People are going to hear songs that they have that

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Speaker 1: you haven't released yet. Yeah, I'm gonna be singing songs

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Speaker 1: that I have never sang before, new songs. So it's

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Speaker 1: going to be a lot of fun. And again, the

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Speaker 1: podcast doesn't actually it's not going to be like live,

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Speaker 1: so people you only get to hear it if you're there,

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Speaker 1: that's it. So it's going to be very exclusive, be

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Speaker 1: a part of it. Were we want to be very interactive. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you've heard our last live podcast, that's what you're

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Speaker 1: going to get. But this one is just going to

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Speaker 1: be more intimate and you guys can't actually hear. But

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Speaker 1: if you live in Boston, Virginia, New York, at the

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Speaker 1: show just for you. So it's gonna be fun. Janna

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Speaker 1: Kramer dot com, get the tickets, come on now. Okay, So, hi, hi, good.

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Speaker 1: How are you so? The last time I saw you,

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Speaker 1: I was super pregnant with Jason and you, um you

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Speaker 1: were single. I was, I am. You're still saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: still I think that's what you're getting. Yeah, us catch

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Speaker 1: the chase. Um, this is gonna be the grilling match.

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Speaker 1: What what kind of women? And do you want like

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Speaker 1: if you could have your what are the top three

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Speaker 1: qualities and a woman? Um? I love like an independent woman?

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Speaker 1: You know, I want? I want? That didn't take a

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Speaker 1: long seconds. I'm so sorry. Excuse me, no, I just

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Speaker 1: um cough, excuse me so sorry? Go ahead, like independent woman? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I always say that I want a woman who doesn't

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Speaker 1: need a man, but wants a man. That's kind of

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Speaker 1: like what I I'm attracted. I have a lot of

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Speaker 1: strong women in my life, so I'm attracted to that.

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Speaker 1: So you have sisters, Yeah, I have a sister. Well,

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Speaker 1: I have over stepsister, my sister and my mom. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Uh so, yeah, I guess I gravitate towards you know,

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Speaker 1: like I guess strong independent women. So that's something I'm

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Speaker 1: definitely looking for. And I like, I like a sense

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Speaker 1: of humor, but I like, I do like dry sense

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Speaker 1: of humor, kind of kind of like you like the

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Speaker 1: office parks are rack Yes, totally h big office guy,

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Speaker 1: You're welcome. I don't understand that humor, but yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love that and witty. You know. I like a girl

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Speaker 1: who can like snap clap back a little bit, you know.

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Speaker 1: And do you know the girl? Do you're right? Never? No,

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Speaker 1: never met her? You've never met How old are you?

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Speaker 1: I turned thirty in two weeks? Oh, two weeks okay,

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Speaker 1: and howld a, Oh that's great. I will tell you

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Speaker 1: the dynamics. So he's younger than me. Um, And I

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Speaker 1: actually like that dynamic. It's good and especially because you

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Speaker 1: know Tany and I are very you know, independent, strong,

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Speaker 1: strong women I have. So I was on jury duty

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago. Blake filled in for me.

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Speaker 1: Can you tell us about the case, but I actually

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Speaker 1: can now. I think it was so gnarly like it sounded,

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Speaker 1: remember you talk about Yeah, I couldn't talk about it

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Speaker 1: at the time. Open. No, it was like good little office.

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Speaker 1: It was like a really gnarly case. I didn't end

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Speaker 1: up picking me. It was a three day jury like selection.

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Speaker 1: Why didn't they pick you? Did you do the things

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Speaker 1: where you're very opinionated and then you don't get back? No?

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Speaker 1: But do you know what's so crazy is the judge

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Speaker 1: like this one man clue really was doing that, Like

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Speaker 1: he was just saying everything to like not get picked.

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Speaker 1: The judge picked him to be an alternate, so he

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Speaker 1: had a stay on the trial. But he didn't even

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Speaker 1: get his He didn't even get to vote on it

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Speaker 1: because he could tell that he was literally was like

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Speaker 1: saying everything to get out of it. Every literally it

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Speaker 1: was so funny. So he picked him to be an alternate.

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Speaker 1: So I didn't do that. I was very honest, but

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Speaker 1: um uh, it had like it was like I had

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Speaker 1: to do like b DSM websites and like stalking and

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Speaker 1: like gnarly things that have. Like I was like, but anyways,

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Speaker 1: that being said, so Blake filled in on scrubbing in.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what you said. Actually I listened to it.

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Speaker 1: It was really our listeners were obsessed with you, and

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Speaker 1: then they were like, now they're convinced that, like you're

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Speaker 1: my guy. Like yes, they're like Blake, So now I'm convinced.

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Speaker 1: So I just feel like, I know you live in Denver, right,

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Speaker 1: so how could we make just I think one day

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Speaker 1: at least one day, because here's the deal. You have

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Speaker 1: to put in, like the effort, you know, because Michael

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Speaker 1: lived in in Baltimore when I first met him, So

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Speaker 1: you know, at times I thought this isn't gonna work.

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Speaker 1: He lives in Baltimore. I'm not moving to Baltimore. But

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Speaker 1: I would have. I would have though, I really truly

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Speaker 1: would have, but at the time we needed to be

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Speaker 1: in Nashville. But I'm just saying, like, for y'all situation,

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Speaker 1: I think you owe its right now. You have a situation.

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Speaker 1: The best part is we get literally we get here

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Speaker 1: and Janna like looks at you should points at you?

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Speaker 1: I do. I did the heads like, yeah, I was like,

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Speaker 1: what about everybody? I know what I'm just saying. I

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Speaker 1: think you guys are both attractive people, You're both nice people,

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Speaker 1: and I think you guys have the same values and

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Speaker 1: the same we'll go to dinner tonight, not like everybody else.

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Speaker 1: I do have a question though, because of Tanya's work,

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Speaker 1: is that something where you be comfortable? I know, like

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Speaker 1: you aired your life out on the Bachelor, but you

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Speaker 1: want more a private life now or do you want

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Speaker 1: like because she's obviously would have to talk about your

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Speaker 1: relationship in y'all's date, so would you? Is that for

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Speaker 1: a guy? You don't want that to be talked about.

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Speaker 1: I think that might be hard time for you. I

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Speaker 1: think guys might feel a little I think if you

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Speaker 1: have boundaries around it, I have it. It's interesting, so yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it actually has never been the reason why something

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Speaker 1: hasn't worked out like most guys and and I do

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Speaker 1: talk a lot about my relationships, but there are boundaries,

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Speaker 1: like I don't share everything. And Ryan's actually really good

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Speaker 1: about not pressing on the topics because I went through

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Speaker 1: a really bad breakup when I was working on the show,

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Speaker 1: and he was really really like when I tell you

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Speaker 1: the most gentlemanly, like just the best ever about like

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Speaker 1: being respectful of letting me share what I wanted to

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Speaker 1: share and not what I didn't want to share. So

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Speaker 1: I do have boundaries and I don't share everything off obviously,

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Speaker 1: but I do share, right, And how would that be

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Speaker 1: for you? Yeah? That I mean like you just like

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Speaker 1: you said, I was on the bat shot and I

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Speaker 1: talked about everything. You're not put it all out there,

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Speaker 1: so it doesn't it wouldn't bother me. Now that's not

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Speaker 1: that's like a deal breaker or anything like that. Well,

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Speaker 1: so that's good. So we can put a check next

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Speaker 1: to that question. Mike, what about you? You You got any

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Speaker 1: questions for black Good? That's my only question? Like how

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Speaker 1: many times it's my Instagram hand? Perfect key and pee? Okay?

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Speaker 1: Because I just hear you always say whenever there's a Blake,

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Speaker 1: it's like a bullock. Yeah, I mean everyone, it's like universal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah that a run. I don't know that one either. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people that are surprising come down to

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Speaker 1: you had no idea. They're like, what does your handle mean?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I put I put the skin

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Speaker 1: up finally, and I was like, look, I'm sired of

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Speaker 1: a d n asking what my name means? Do you

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Speaker 1: want kids? Yeah? And do you want to get married? Yes?

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Speaker 1: All of you? What is your timeline? You know what?

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Speaker 1: I've never been the guy that's had like how to

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Speaker 1: be married by hand and have a family by then.

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Speaker 1: Like I've never been that guy. So there's it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's no time line at all. I mean I like this.

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Speaker 1: I think you guys could be I do I really

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Speaker 1: like it? Do you like it? I mean, yeah, that

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Speaker 1: was a test. I'm not putting any pressure on the

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Speaker 1: appreciate pressure there. I just say they should have a dinner,

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Speaker 1: a quiet dinner by themselves on this movie train in

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Speaker 1: a corner. I don't know. I think you'd be really cute,

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Speaker 1: but that's just my personal opinion. How are you feeling?

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Speaker 1: Do you feel any do you feel any jitters? Like

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Speaker 1: I feel like, well, it's so funny because I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you that it was like an overwhelming really yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then what's even funnier. So we were reading all that

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Speaker 1: back when I came back the next week and I'm

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Speaker 1: like big into like astrological signs, and I was like okay,

423
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 1: just for know. I looked up. We looked up. We

424
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: tried to figure out what your sign was, and you're

425
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: my perfect match sign. Why spoken? I mean there's something

426
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 1: to that that there will say there really truly is

427
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 1: something to that because your tourists, right, yeah, I think tourist.

428
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: I'm like on the verge from what I've heard, like

429
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 1: on the aries tourist cusp. Yeah, I looked and we

430
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: looked into it. Did you really love Becca? Yeah? You did?

431
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, I did. It was the lover No,

432
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: my wife, that was No, that's good, straight to the point. Um, No, yeah,

433
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: I did. I think I think I was one of

434
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 1: the unique. I knew, like right pretty much pretty summing

435
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,719
Speaker 1: going after our first after our first one, I want

436
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 1: to remember laying in bed, going, this is gonna be

437
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: really hard, you know. I was like, I'm gonna fall

438
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: for this girl. So I knew pretty early on. Yeah,

439
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 1: and then you were you got pretty upset to you

440
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 1: got jealous. Didn't you almost leave like you had a

441
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 1: like I can't do this. No, I didn't leave or anything.

442
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 1: I didn't like threatened to leave or anything. But yeah,

443
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: it was really hard for me. I we fell in

444
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,439
Speaker 1: love with each other super early in the process, so

445
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 1: then I had to sit there and watch her follow

446
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: with somebody else, which it's not easy. Honestly, I don't

447
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 1: know how you guys do that. I could not do it.

448
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 1: I would I would, I would just be all I

449
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 1: would be crying. I'd be actually, I would just cry

450
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,399
Speaker 1: the entire time. And you don't have anything to do,

451
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 1: so all you do is sit there and think about it,

452
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 1: and then you talk to three stories face a therapist

453
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 1: like that's your therapist, and you sit there and talk

454
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: to him for hours about it. So, yeah, it's brutal. Yeah,

455
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: everybody has to. Like people have told me to go

456
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: on the batchlor and I was like, I genuinely don't

457
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 1: think my heart is built for it. I don't think

458
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: I couldn't well. And that's the thing is, I will

459
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: never judge anybody for what they do in that environment,

460
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,640
Speaker 1: because it's it's such a ridiculous environment, Like you can't

461
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 1: judge somebody who they are off of that what you

462
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 1: see on television or even when I'm in It's like,

463
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: I wouldn't judge somebody until afterwards. I'd have to talk

464
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: to him and meet him afterwards. Yeah, everybody reacts definitely

465
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: in that environment, I feel like, I mean, it seems

466
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,199
Speaker 1: like this like a lot of you guys like you

467
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: know today and stuff. You guys are really close, like

468
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 1: all the guys are on the show together and everything

469
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: like that. Like does that really like do you leave

470
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,200
Speaker 1: with friends that you'll probably be friends with the rest

471
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,679
Speaker 1: of your life? Yeah? I think I definitely have. I

472
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: don't know for everybody, but I definitely will. You there's

473
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,240
Speaker 1: no TV, no internet, no phone, like nothing. You complearly

474
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: cut off, so all you do is talk like all

475
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 1: you don't talk, you really get to these people. Uh

476
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: and me and Jayson, So I I said, people early

477
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,199
Speaker 1: on kind of knew that me and Becca had a

478
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,720
Speaker 1: really good connection. So I kind of distanced myself and

479
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: people distanced himself from me. I still was able to,

480
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: you know, get close to the guys, but not as

481
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 1: close as when I left the show. And then me

482
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 1: and Jason, when me Jason Colton, all you know, we

483
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: signed contracts to be the Bachelor, and when Colton was picked,

484
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: you know, I remember text and Jason and I was like,

485
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 1: let's go. You know, we got a whole let's go

486
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: experience all this craziness, and we did a lot of

487
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 1: events together and that's what we got super super close.

488
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: And so that's the thing is like after the show,

489
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,199
Speaker 1: you hang out a lot and you get even closer

490
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: even post shows. I love that. Um, well, Blake, thank

491
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: you for coming on the show. Really appreciate it. We're

492
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 1: now going to talk about you just gonna want to

493
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: do a podcast here and have have a beat you

494
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: and I, oh, thank you so much. All right, thanks guys,

495
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 1: And he was a fan fan favorite, like are are

496
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 1: scrubbing and listeners they like they're very vocal and they're like,

497
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: we will we will only take Brad Garski and Blake

498
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: like they only Yeah, they love when Brad's on. So

499
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,239
Speaker 1: they're like, whenever you guys need to feeling, it needs

500
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: to be there Brad or Blake. Yeah. So what do

501
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: you think by Blake yet? Okay, he's gone, he's left

502
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: the train, he's left the trains off the train. I

503
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: think he's a good guy. There's a butt, No, there's

504
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: no butt, okay, but well the butts. He lives in

505
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,159
Speaker 1: Denver sounds like says that he lives in Denver, But

506
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: that doesn't matter. I'm with you. It doesn't like, it

507
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 1: doesn't matter until you get to know the person. It's like,

508
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: would you move, like would he move to Los Angeles?

509
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: Let's pause that really fast, because you know what matters

510
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 1: is finding a good organic cotton tampons and pads and like,

511
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I have Lola in right now. Are sorry? Yes?

512
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: I do, mis like I did not need to know that.

513
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: Oh she's showing us. Okay, So Lola is a female

514
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: founded company offering a line of organic cotton tampons. Wow,

515
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 1: there it is pads liners, but she just I had

516
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 1: just said, there it is like you pulled it out,

517
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: but she pulled out an actual tampons out of her back.

518
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: Still still, so they are natural and easy to feel

519
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: good about. Um, I don't know, tiny, it's inside of

520
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,199
Speaker 1: you right now, so I mean, I just know I

521
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,360
Speaker 1: had to tell you. I was shocked when I found

522
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: out that that tampons and pads and all these things

523
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: are bleached, like chemically bleached, and then we put them

524
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: inside of body. Yes, it's actually disturbing. So yeah, I

525
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: use Lola. I'm I'm happy, happy consumer. I think what

526
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 1: I love about them too is they actually deliver. You

527
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: can customize your subscription. So for me personally, this is

528
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: maybe t M I, but I like only using Super.

529
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 1: So what does that mean? Um, it's the absorbancy of

530
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 1: which you need absorban it's more observant. But if not,

531
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: like you know you have you can customize because other

532
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: things it's like, oh, you have Super and Regulars, and

533
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 1: well want to really use the regular. So with Lola,

534
00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 1: I'm able to customize it. And then I also know

535
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: and like you might have like one really heavy day

536
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: and then the rest really lights yes, exactly, So if

537
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: someone has that, then they only maybe need like five

538
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: super right exact exactly, so I know you do. And

539
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: then when the box shows up or when I'm getting hormonal,

540
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: you'll know that my periods just around the corner. So

541
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 1: like my alarm clock when it shows up at the

542
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,880
Speaker 1: door staff, oh my gosh, here we go. But here's

543
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: the problem. Then he'll go, oh, that's why she was emotional.

544
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,120
Speaker 1: Yeah it makes sense. Okay, So Lola has been great

545
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: for me. It's one less thing to worry about. They

546
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 1: arrive at my door right before I need them, which

547
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: is a nice reminder of where I am in the month. Anyways,

548
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: Forty of all subscriptions visit my lola dot com and

549
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: entered Janna. When when you subscribe, that's my lola dot com.

550
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 1: And when you subscribe, just enter or um or Tania.

551
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: I don't know you know Becca? Our coldes always Becca.

552
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: All right, let's get like real deep. I mean, I

553
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 1: have some more like marriage questions. Are you doing? Yeah? Okay,

554
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: what's up for somebody that I I do? Like, I

555
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: want to get married and I want to have a family.

556
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:11,359
Speaker 1: That's the ultimate goal for me. With Blake, I'm not looking.

557
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 1: He reminds me of Abbey, who's one of my best

558
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: friends back home. Is he a good guys? Honestly, I'm

559
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 1: married with two kids one kid. I've never closed off

560
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: to anything. So like, if Blake were to be like,

561
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: let's actually go out, I would be like, I'm totally down.

562
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: I think he should just give it one dinner. Do

563
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: you have his number? Yes? Okay? Then just text him

564
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: okay and be like, hey when when you're in not

565
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: late next we should for real get some dinner. Yeah,

566
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: put it out there. If he doesn't respond, well, then

567
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: find f him right who needs him? But at least

568
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: put it out there. Yes, I also don't know. I

569
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 1: think the thing with me is like I'm very much

570
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: not in the headspace of like I don't need to

571
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: just like hump around that makes sense or data around.

572
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 1: I don't do that anymore. Like I just have not

573
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: built for it. Um. But I'm also because it hurts

574
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: or I'm not physically I'm not emotionally alright, you gotta

575
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: literally with yes, yes, sorry, I'm not emotionally built for it. Um.

576
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 1: So I don't know if he's in that phase of

577
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: like wanting to like, wait, what what about Ryan? That's

578
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: like my brother, but like he's single again, this is correct,

579
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 1: but it's like how many years have you guys worked together? Eight? Right,

580
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 1: and how many things have you guys, like how much

581
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 1: you know about each other? Like every too much? Yeah,

582
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 1: it's it's it's literally like a brother sister relationship. And

583
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: I know it's funny because people all right, well, I

584
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: just had that epiphany and I was like, oh, one

585
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: of my girlfriends was like, unless we came out of

586
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 1: like our mom's vagina together, you are not my brother

587
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,479
Speaker 1: and we can date. And I was like, I know,

588
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: I get that, but I think that it's just it's

589
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: too far gone and he's my boss and like I

590
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: like the relationship that we have. Okay, all right, Yeah,

591
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: and they just broke up who I never even know

592
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: it was a model or something like that. Um, he will,

593
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: I think officiate my wedding though you Yeah, I love that.

594
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: Back to back to what you were saying, okay about marriage, Yes,

595
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 1: how do you know when a guy's in that place,

596
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: he'll show up. He'll show up, he'll action the action.

597
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 1: They can say all they want, like oh, by one kids,

598
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: I want that, I want to be in a relationship.

599
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 1: But unless they're showing up. Because like dated around, how

600
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 1: did you know that this was different? Because I actually

601
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: wanted to work on it? So like because he had

602
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: left up in the very beginning of our even when

603
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 1: we were dating, And if he didn't actually really want

604
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: to work on it, he could have easily been like, yeah, right,

605
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: whatever next, and I could have too, I'd have been like, oh,

606
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: he's screwed up next, But I didn't. I was like,

607
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: I really liked I really liked him. Yeah, and I

608
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: and my actions showed that I was willing to do

609
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: with my actions proved to her that this was different, Like,

610
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 1: this wasn't just some girl I want to date for

611
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 1: a while, because of it's so easy to get divorced

612
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: nowadays you work at it. It's hard. It sucks. Some

613
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: days it literally sucks. I mean I have a girl's

614
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: group chat message where we're sometimes we're just like why

615
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: is this so hard? Like I am I'm so not

616
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: with my husband? Or this just sucks. Sometimes you know

617
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: it's hard, But isn't there something so beautiful about the

618
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: fact that, like, oh it's great sixty you can look

619
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: back at all these like beautiful memories that I hope

620
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 1: so like you, like you mentioned earlier when you talked

621
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,239
Speaker 1: about like companionship, right, like that's where Jane and I

622
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: just really appreciate just the trenches of what we're doing

623
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 1: right now with two kids, busy life, a lot of travel.

624
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: It's just like, you know, how how do we do this?

625
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: But we're doing it, you know, regardless at the end

626
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 1: of the day, we know we're together, we're going to

627
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: be together, we're union out, we're doing life. It's like,

628
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: you know, that's that's the companionship, Like the depth of

629
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: it that it's you know, you really want like you

630
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: have like a teammate, And I think that there's something

631
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: so special about that. I love that I really it

632
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: is cool. I always say, like in the times of

633
00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 1: chaos is when I love him the most, it's because

634
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're here doing this together. Yeah, because we

635
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: we both are empathetic to how hard it is. So

636
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: when it gets hard, you know, we both want to

637
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: help each other and pick each other up and reassure

638
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: one another like, hey, we're doing this. We are kids

639
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: are healthier, kids are alive, they were providing for them.

640
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: So when you think of it in that kind of

641
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: point of view, you're like, hey, you know what, We're okay.

642
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 1: So do you guys hang do you guys hang out

643
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: with like other married couples. Yeah, it's very hard to

644
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: have single friends. So I have a single friend Sarah. Well,

645
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 1: she shouldn't say she's single. She she's with boyfriend, right, Yeah,

646
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: she's with boyfriend. She's with boyfriend friend, she's with boyfriends

647
00:32:55,760 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: for six years and yes, um yeah, but it's still

648
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 1: like she still doesn't understand you know what I mean.

649
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 1: It's still hard. Yeah. Actually, one of my mentors in

650
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: life is Devon Franklin, and I read all of his books,

651
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 1: and one of him the rules and his marriage, is

652
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 1: we do not ask our single friends for relationship advice.

653
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:17,880
Speaker 1: You can't, isn't that right? Yeah? We have their book. Wait,

654
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: it's great. It's a great book. It's a great book. Yeah,

655
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: they're awesome. Hey can I read the Speaking of friends though? Um?

656
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 1: This is from Becky, my best friend and my husband.

657
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: My husband. I have been together almost twelve years now,

658
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: and the first eight years were full of indiscretions on

659
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: his part. Most were just him talking to girls but

660
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 1: never any action. But then four years ago someone walked

661
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,959
Speaker 1: into our lives and knew exactly how to play us

662
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: to her benefit. The person became my best friend and

663
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 1: even started dating my brother. Before she came into our lives,

664
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 1: everything was good, but then we started fighting way more

665
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: than normal. I started to pick up on little cues

666
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: and she was trying to make me mad at times

667
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: or mad at him. Turned out she was doing the

668
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: same things to him. She wanted him and would do

669
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: whatever it took. Bottom line, she got what she wanted

670
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: and I discovered a four month of fair between my

671
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 1: supposed best friend and my life partner. We are four

672
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: and a half years out, but I still think about

673
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,279
Speaker 1: it at least once every single day. I don't know

674
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: that I'll ever be able to fully move beyond the situation.

675
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 1: It feels so personal you and might inspire me, but

676
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: I don't know that my wounds will ever heal. I'm

677
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: curious what you guys think about how close is it?

678
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: How how close is okay with your spouse's best friend.

679
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: Tongu is like, I don't know, well, I think what's interesting.

680
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 1: So Janna and I kind of touched on this, and

681
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:35,439
Speaker 1: this is again, I mean, we don't really hold back

682
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: on this podcast. So for Janna and kind of her

683
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: love language and what she appreciates is to be candidates,

684
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 1: like say, hypothetical, if Janna ever cheated our relationship, it

685
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: would probably be with somebody that we're close to, because

686
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 1: she likes to be intimate with people. She likes to

687
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: know them, and that's where she like Garners like love

688
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: and appreciation and afection, where me um intimate avoidance. So

689
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,879
Speaker 1: for me, it could never be someone that like we

690
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: were friends with or we knew or because that would

691
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 1: be super uncomfortable for me. You would have to be

692
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: completely a complete stranger that I don't know you know,

693
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 1: So it's you know, it's that whole dynamic is interesting,

694
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 1: and for I mean, the closeness. So I say that

695
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: because yes, because of my pastor, Jenna still you know,

696
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 1: wants to make sure there's boundaries with everyone in our life,

697
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: which is completely understandable, you know, but I think she

698
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: still acknowledges that too in the back of her mind,

699
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 1: like this would like I don't think he would ever

700
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: step that far because of him being so uncomfortable. Now,

701
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 1: I think you just have to examine that relationship well,

702
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: like I would be uncomfortable, like, yes, Julie is my

703
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: best friend, but I wouldn't feel comfortable if you and

704
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 1: Julie were like, we're going to go have lunch, I'd

705
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: be like, like, I think there's certain boundaries that you

706
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 1: have to have with and I trust Julie with my life,

707
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: like and she's she's freaking watching her kid right now,

708
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 1: you know, I mean like that, and she and she

709
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: was one of the rare few from the very beginning

710
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:11,839
Speaker 1: was very supportive. Yeah, she was like yeah, so, but

711
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 1: I mean just I mean, okay, for example, like our

712
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: friend you know that we're going to have in our neighborhood,

713
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 1: our new neighborhood friends, it's like one on one. I

714
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 1: still just think one on one other sex is just

715
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:26,840
Speaker 1: not I'm with you. I don't see I don't see

716
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,399
Speaker 1: why like what there would never I don't see where

717
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 1: there would ever be a scenario why that would have

718
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: to happen. Yeah, I have a lot of married friends

719
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: and I like to if I ever need to text

720
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: like the guy, it's always just something that when the

721
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 1: girl can't know if it's like other than that, it's

722
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 1: always text the girl always or a group chat. And

723
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 1: it's funny because we have one of my bosses is

724
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,720
Speaker 1: a man, and I'll like just send him like whenever

725
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 1: I have like a topic idea, it'd be like nine

726
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: o'clock and e ten pm or whatever, and I always

727
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: tell him I'm like, I feel awkward texting you at

728
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 1: like ten pm, and I cause you're married with kids,

729
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 1: you know, um. But he's like, no, send it. But

730
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 1: I still feel like because I know that he's married,

731
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 1: and it's like I'm so not like that, but I

732
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 1: still get like that. I feel like there should be boundaries.

733
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: Could you ever see yourself? Oh? First of all, I

734
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: just want to say, Becky, I'm really sorry, and just

735
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: I applaud you guys for trying. But it'll just take

736
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: It's just gonna take time, and your triggers are going

737
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,359
Speaker 1: to be there, and hopefully he can hopefully he can

738
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: be empathetic to your triggers and respect boundaries. Yeah, because

739
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,879
Speaker 1: that's that's that's gotta cut deep and get that girl

740
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 1: out of your life, the other girl. Yeah. By do

741
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 1: you think you could ever? I mean, here's the thing

742
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: when I A would say this, do you think you

743
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 1: could ever? I think anyone's capable of anything. But do

744
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 1: you do you think you could ever cheat in a relationship? Uh? No?

745
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: What if you put yourself in the situation that it's

746
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I like it's actually like a

747
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: flaw of mine, Like I'm like brutally loyal, Like I

748
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: can't even like it's like it's bad. It's bad. So

749
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 1: it's not bad. That's great, it's great. But it's also

750
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:07,719
Speaker 1: like a little bit of the flow because I feel

751
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'm I stay in relationships even friendships that

752
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 1: I don't yeah, yeah, because I'm just like I've known

753
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 1: you for so long, I'm loyal to you, you know.

754
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,479
Speaker 1: Um So no, I don't. I don't think that I could.

755
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: And I've been cheated on before, and it's like, I mean,

756
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: it's just broke me and I'm also cancer so I'm

757
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: very very sensitive. Um, do you can we do this?

758
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 1: Top one bed um married to sex addict? So, Kelly,

759
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,879
Speaker 1: what do I want? We can say you guys are

760
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: just like really cute, Like I just like, like this

761
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 1: is so creepy. I just like watching you guys like

762
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: it's really sweet. And I actually want to sidebar with

763
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 1: you a little bit about sex addiction. Okay, well this

764
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 1: is great because we're going to go on this. Our

765
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: next email, Mary to a sex addict. I found out

766
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: in August. My husband is a sex addict and for

767
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: our three years of marriage has been meeting up with

768
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: women he met on sex apps. He said. Um, he

769
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 1: has said he doesn't want to lose our family and

770
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,400
Speaker 1: wants to get better. We don't have financial means for

771
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 1: him to do an impatient program, which we again sidebar.

772
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 1: We understand it's it's incredibly expensive. Um. We tried couples

773
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: counseling and stopped going when he said it was making

774
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 1: things worse. After listening to your podcast last week, he

775
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: actually looked into information Mike mentioned and has joined an

776
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:26,479
Speaker 1: essay a group, yes, Um, that you call into He

777
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 1: is trying but I still have zero trust in him.

778
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: Most of the time, I feel like I hate him

779
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 1: and would rather be alone. Do these feelings ever end?

780
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: Or is our marriage just doomed? How do you trust

781
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: someone when they have become a pro at deceiving you

782
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 1: and spent years successfully doing it? Wow? What an email? Um?

783
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:49,919
Speaker 1: First of all, I'll say, Kelly, Um, you know if

784
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: he wants to have someone to talk to, because calling

785
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 1: me calling meetings are great? You did calling meetings when

786
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,360
Speaker 1: you can in person meetings or you've an better because

787
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: it's all about um creating intimacy with other human beings

788
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 1: who have the same issues or suffer like that he does.

789
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: If he wants to contact me, Janna Kraman, I heart

790
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: media dot com. Yes, and reference that you're Kelly and

791
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 1: you wrote this email and and um, him and I

792
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: can get in touch. Um Man, that's a lot. I

793
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 1: will say to Kelly, you just found out, so you

794
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,359
Speaker 1: gotta give yourself some time. Um. Every other day I

795
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 1: considered do I just leave? I'm so miserable, But you

796
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 1: have to give it. I gave it a year. That's

797
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: what my therapist said. Give it a year. Um. And

798
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,839
Speaker 1: then after a year, you don't think about it as much.

799
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 1: I still think about it every day, but it's not

800
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: the impact is not as strong as it was. You

801
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 1: don't think about it as much. If he's doing the work, yes,

802
00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 1: and he has to show up and do the work.

803
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 1: And but I a plot him though, for even doing

804
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 1: finding the essay groups and that's going to change a

805
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: lot in him. So good on him, and keep encouraging

806
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 1: him to do that, which is that's just hard. That's

807
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: when she just found out. That's hard. It's hard to encourage. Yeah,

808
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not even saying, hey, honey, yeah, I

809
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: keep going not like that. But allow him if he

810
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 1: has to, if you have to reschedule something or kind

811
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: of schedule around that to accommodate, like, allow him to

812
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 1: do that type of deal tany what was your question?

813
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm like getting emotional about it because like when you

814
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 1: found out, were you guys already married at the time,

815
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 1: we were married for over a year. Had if you

816
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 1: had found out about his sex addiction when you were dating,

817
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 1: would you have gone out? Good question, that's a great question.

818
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 1: If I would have found out about the affair before

819
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: we got married, I wouldn't have married him. That's so

820
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:52,919
Speaker 1: that's the question, because but you're so, that's that's that.

821
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 1: But if I knew he, if he if he had

822
00:41:55,320 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: a sex addiction before we got married, I wouldn't not

823
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: I don't think I wouldn't not date him because if

824
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 1: he showed me that he was working, like, hey, I've

825
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 1: been sober for two years. I'm kidding I really because

826
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: I really liked some this guy, and it was just

827
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: like I could I was like, I don't think I

828
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 1: can ever. Did he tell you that he was a

829
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 1: sex addict a little bit ago? That's you know what?

830
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 1: That's yeah, I was that's hard. And I when Gene

831
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 1: was saying that, I brought that thought to my head.

832
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 1: Is I know plenty of guys in program who we'll

833
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 1: start dating and get to that point in the relationship

834
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,839
Speaker 1: where they have to own that. And I've known several

835
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: several guys who the significant other couldn't handle it, which

836
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: is totally is totally fine, and then some that have

837
00:42:54,320 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: been able to Um, how long was he sober for? Not?

838
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 1: Not long? Was he sober? No? I don't think so.

839
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: So he was in still active addiction. So then then

840
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 1: I would say, no, I couldn't do that either. But

841
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: if he was saying, I'm in recovery and this is

842
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 1: how long I've been recovering four and I do these

843
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: meetings that would make me feel safer. And I would

844
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:22,839
Speaker 1: have explored still because I I believe I would. But

845
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 1: if he was still an active addiction, then there's no,

846
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: that's that's insanity. Yeah. Yeah, I don't feel bad about

847
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: not taking that on because I don't think anybody I'm

848
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: surprised he admitted that but isn't doing but isn't like

849
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: because I like found out a different way. Oh did

850
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: you cheat? We don't know the person. Um No, No

851
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: believe in sex sex addiction. It's funny because I didn't

852
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 1: at the time. I really didn't. I thought it was

853
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 1: an excuse for bad behavior. Um So that's kind of

854
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,320
Speaker 1: what I like chalked it up to, you know. And

855
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 1: and for me, I'm just like so on the other

856
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,759
Speaker 1: side of that at the moment, because like I'm just

857
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: telling you guys, like I can't have unattached sex, Like

858
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: I've been very vocal about that. So I was like,

859
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 1: if this were to ever be something like I don't,

860
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: I don't. That mindset is so foreign to me, you know.

861
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 1: Um So it sucked because it's like, you know, and

862
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 1: you don't meet people that you hit it off with

863
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 1: all all the time. M hmm, that's a lot. I mean,

864
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 1: but again I don't Unfortunately in your situation, that's one

865
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: of those that almost validates it as an excuse, Like

866
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: I can see how that would feel, like, all right,

867
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: that's just an excuse for bad behavior because you guys

868
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: are dating I don't know for how long, but obviously

869
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: not that long, and you discover whatever it was, did

870
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 1: you confront him and did he admit to it? Yeah?

871
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 1: It was. It was just tough because I think, um,

872
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 1: I think that uh, had I not found out it

873
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 1: wouldn't it wouldn't have been a conversation for a lot longer.

874
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 1: That makes sense. Yeah, well, you know what, now we're

875
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 1: gonna just I mean, I don't know, how do you

876
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: even know? Okay, just don't don't. I hope you don't

877
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: beat yourself up at all for feeling bad about leaving

878
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 1: that because he was unhealthy. Yeah, yeah, he period, So

879
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: I can't. I wouldn't expect anybody who's newly dating somebody

880
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,719
Speaker 1: to sign up for that when they're not in recovery,

881
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 1: So don't. Yeah, don't feel bad about that in any way,

882
00:45:56,120 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 1: shape or form um. But again, to touch on that email, Kelly,

883
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: reach out to Janna at I Heart Na Kramer, I

884
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 1: heart media dot com and I'll be more willing to

885
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: talk to your husband and uh here him out. You've

886
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 1: been wanting to be a sponsor, so maybe that will

887
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 1: be your first. That's awesome. M thank you for being

888
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 1: a guest on our show. Miss Toanny Rad. I love you,

889
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 1: I love your energy, I love what you bring and

890
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 1: thanks for opening. And y'all listen to Tonny Rad. She

891
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,320
Speaker 1: has an amazing podcast with Becca Tilly. It's called Scrubbing

892
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 1: In on the Heart Radio podcast app. So y'all listen

893
00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 1: to her podcasts because it's really good. And I just

894
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 1: love you so thank you. Thanks for having me. We're

895
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,320
Speaker 1: gonna have you back on all the time. Um okay, Tanya,

896
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: I know that we said bye to you, but um,

897
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 1: Mike's like, wait, where's Tanya? I have one more question

898
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,239
Speaker 1: I want to ask our he said, come back. Come.

899
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:47,919
Speaker 1: I was in the back of the train with Blake.

900
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: Oh you are how is it going? That's where of

901
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: the bathroom doors? Lock? Just kidding, No, I did have

902
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:57,839
Speaker 1: a question to get back on our topic that we

903
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:00,280
Speaker 1: were talking about that you're so open and vulnerable about.

904
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: My question is, say that the person that you were

905
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,760
Speaker 1: dating or beginning to have a relationship with I told

906
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 1: you that he was an alcoholic? Would your how would

907
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 1: your response differ? Interesting? It is interesting because I have

908
00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:22,520
Speaker 1: also had that same situation. I've had that situation happen. Yes,

909
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 1: And what's interesting about that is that did not, um

910
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 1: did not shake me at all because, um, what do

911
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: you think that I don't I don't know. The reason

912
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: why that ended was because other reasons that had nothing

913
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 1: to do with the fact that he didn't drink alcohol,

914
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: but I was willing to like but he was sober? Yes, yeah, yeah,

915
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: So if he was, if he was still if he

916
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,720
Speaker 1: had said again same to just a mirror the scenario,

917
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:54,879
Speaker 1: if he said, Hey, you know, I'm an alcoholic. I've

918
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: been sober a week or something, you know, whatever it was,

919
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: to mirror the situation you're in, would you still kind

920
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 1: of be more accepting of him being an alcoholic as

921
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: opposed I know, it's it's a very interesting question. And

922
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: the answers, yes, why why do you think that is?

923
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: I think because and I don't I don't know. But

924
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: for me, alcohol is so like minutia in life, do

925
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like take it or leave it?

926
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: Like I like to drink, but I don't necessarily need

927
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: a partner. I don't I don't have to drink exactly.

928
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: So for me, it was kind of like take it

929
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:36,320
Speaker 1: or leave it, whereas sex to me is so intimate

930
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: and so personal and so like such a big part

931
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: that that was like a uh, a big trigger for

932
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: me for sure. And I think that's I asked just

933
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 1: because you know, obviously, the twelve step program is universal

934
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: for any addiction, and part of my whole motivation to

935
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: speak about this more openly is to move try to

936
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:05,800
Speaker 1: move the needle a little bit into social acceptance. Having

937
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 1: said that, I think we're even in ten or fifteen

938
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: years when society is more comfortable with sex addiction, I

939
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,959
Speaker 1: think there's still going to be that layer of even

940
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: if someone is proposed with your situation, one is a

941
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: little bit more tolerated or accepted than the other because

942
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: there's not. Again, sex is so personal, and it's something

943
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 1: that when you're an in a committed relationship, you're in

944
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 1: the understanding that it's just with each other. So no

945
00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: matter what, no matter how accepted sex addiction becomes, it's

946
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 1: still going to be part of it, which I think

947
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: is okay. So it's interesting because so I was telling

948
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 1: you guys, I used to be able. I would have

949
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 1: unattached sex all the time, and I was always getting hurt.

950
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 1: And it was like until I read The Weight by

951
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 1: Devon and Megan when I realized and I met him

952
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:57,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm going to make this commitment.

953
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to have sex outside of a committed relationship.

954
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 1: It's been a minute for me. Oh wow, so you

955
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 1: still haven't. Nope, it's been a long time, and but

956
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:14,080
Speaker 1: it's been the most fulfilling because I used to give

957
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: sex expecting something bigger in return, and when that didn't happen,

958
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 1: I would just be I would just be all in

959
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 1: my head of like, why does he not want to

960
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 1: be with me? Why does like? Why all these questions?

961
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: And now that that's not even on the table for me,

962
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:34,959
Speaker 1: that's not even an option until he's committed. I haven't

963
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: had those feelings, and those are the feelings that make

964
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,759
Speaker 1: me feel really really bad about myself. And I might

965
00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: have nothing, might not have anything to do with me,

966
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,240
Speaker 1: but I would always take them personal from an outsider standpoint,

967
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,800
Speaker 1: just because you're here and you don't you know, obviously

968
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: know a lot about the addiction is there? And do

969
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,319
Speaker 1: you have any questions that you that come to mind

970
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 1: about it that you want to ask? Mike kind of yeah,

971
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: but I obviously, like I feel like I don't want to. Also,

972
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm I'm open if whatever you want

973
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: to ask, I haven't. It's not like I haven't heard it.

974
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: So if if you okay, so that that that's an

975
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: addiction of yours and you are married, correct, so you

976
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 1: can stay committed to somebody knowing like I want to

977
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: foster this relationship for the long haul. This is just

978
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: something that I'm dealing with. So do you are you

979
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,440
Speaker 1: not open with it? What do you mean? Like, if

980
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,719
Speaker 1: you have a thought of something, do you share that

981
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 1: with Janna? Oh, like if he has a thought of

982
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 1: acting out or a thought of corner. Yeah, that's something

983
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 1: that you know. I've brought to Jannah's attention because she

984
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:42,239
Speaker 1: asked and she said, you know, I want to know,

985
00:51:42,719 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: like what you struggle with. Um. Having said that, it's

986
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: it's hard to do because still Janna has accepted, understood

987
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,919
Speaker 1: a lot of this addiction. But at the same time

988
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 1: it's hard to explain that, hey, maybe this came into

989
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: my head, but it's not because I don't want you.

990
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 1: It's not because I don't it's just we had a

991
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 1: discussion about this recently, Jan and I. I was like,

992
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 1: the thing is, those feelings that come up, it's not

993
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: necessarily about It's not I want to do those things.

994
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 1: It's I'm trying to handle the feelings that I'm feeling

995
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 1: in that moment, whether it's anxiety or stress, or or

996
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:23,800
Speaker 1: not good enough or whatever. My default from my entire

997
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: life was to go to sex or two whenever I

998
00:52:27,520 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 1: felt those feelings, was to think about this, or was

999
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 1: to go to this certain place. So now retraining my

1000
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:35,439
Speaker 1: brain and retraining my body to not react that way,

1001
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's inevitable, it's going to happen. But

1002
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: having been sober for the last year, the lust of

1003
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 1: the mind does go away, it does fade, So do

1004
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: you stop feeding it. That's a thing, like if you

1005
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 1: think about chocolate every day, like and then you have

1006
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 1: to start training your mind like that to not think

1007
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: about chocolate. You might think about chocolate sometimes but it

1008
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:02,800
Speaker 1: lessons lessons every day, right, the impact of it, the

1009
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: intrigue of it, lessons the more time you stay away

1010
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 1: from it. So and I think for me, I was like,

1011
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm so so like, I'm abstaining from sex until I'm

1012
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship, and I wasn't in a committed

1013
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: relationship at the time, So in my mind, I was like,

1014
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's going on, do you know

1015
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,800
Speaker 1: what I mean? Oh, I can't, especially if this happened

1016
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 1: in that window, like you said, where you're you know,

1017
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: have this goal for yourself and abstaining from sex, and

1018
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 1: yet this person is a sex addict who's not in recovery,

1019
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 1: who's you know, still watching porn or still acting out

1020
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. I can't imagine. That's two different

1021
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: ends of the spectrum. Yeah, So I think for me

1022
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 1: it was just like, it's like so far from where

1023
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:47,520
Speaker 1: I'm where I'm going that it was like I don't

1024
00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:53,400
Speaker 1: even know how to handle it, understandably, So good show, guys,

1025
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: thanks for coming on, appreciate it. But it's it's it's

1026
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:00,600
Speaker 1: something that's actually interesting that a lot of people have

1027
00:54:00,640 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 1: actually reached out to me about because they're like it's

1028
00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 1: it comes up in conversations when I'm dating, you know,

1029
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 1: because it's like, no, I'm not going to just like

1030
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 1: I used to. Just I would meet someone and go

1031
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 1: sleep with them that night and like not care, yeah,

1032
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 1: not even think and and it's so different from me now,

1033
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:18,879
Speaker 1: and it's like that's how I have to just Well,

1034
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 1: it's gonna be really meaningful when you actually do have

1035
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 1: that next relationship. But okay, IgE, okay. Thank you to

1036
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: robin Hood. They're giving listeners a wind down a free

1037
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 1: stock like Apple, Ford or Spread to help you build

1038
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,640
Speaker 1: your portfolio. Side if it wind down Dot robin hood

1039
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: dot com, Lola for all subscription visit my Lola dot

1040
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,680
Speaker 1: com and entered Jana when you subscribe. River Terraces in

1041
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: Napa Valley Wine Train, thank you so much for having

1042
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: us this weekend. It's been a blast ums by the way,

1043
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 1: really fun. I'm happy to be in Napa because this

1044
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 1: was where you reproposed to me two years ago. Two

1045
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,279
Speaker 1: years ago, you thought it was last year I did.

1046
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:57,400
Speaker 1: Time was a little off. Two years ago Michael reproposed

1047
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,320
Speaker 1: to me a Napa So Napple always hold a special

1048
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,719
Speaker 1: place in my heart for sure. Yeah, Okay, thanks for

1049
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:13,840
Speaker 1: winning down. I love you guys. Wine down later. Bye M.