Speaker 1: Hello, do you need ride fans? It's Christopher James Fairbanks,
Speaker 1: letting you know about a few shows I have coming
Speaker 1: up here in May. On the tenth, Brooklyn, New York,
Speaker 1: I'll be at the Bellhouse. If you live in New York,
Speaker 1: please go to that show. I'm very excited about it.
Speaker 1: And then the next night, the eleventh, I'll be in
Speaker 1: jam and Java in Vienna, Virginia. That's near DC. Closing
Speaker 1: out this little run, I'll be at City Winery this
Speaker 1: time in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Please go to Chris Fairbanks dot
Speaker 1: com for tickets. Thank you and you're welcome. II LEI.
Speaker 2: Then I you wanna way back?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time
Speaker 2: and day turning on engage.
Speaker 1: We want to send you us in star. We wanna
Speaker 1: welcome you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all out it we scared? Or was it fine?
Speaker 2: Mel porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need
Speaker 2: to ride? Do you need to ride? Do you need.
Speaker 1: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: This is Chris.
Speaker 2: Fairbanks, and this is Karen Kilgarrat.
Speaker 1: Hello, Karen my friend.
Speaker 2: Hi, Chris my friend. How are you?
Speaker 1: Oh good, you're we're speaking right after I almost made
Speaker 1: a grave mistake, which i'm I'm leaving tomorrow. So I
Speaker 1: was going to give myself a haircut and then I thought, no,
Speaker 1: this could go wrong, and if it did, Karen would notice.
Speaker 1: It's another one of those ww KD situations. Would Karen
Speaker 1: cut her hair? I'm not worried about fucking it up.
Speaker 1: And then these shows, all the audience seeing that I
Speaker 1: gave myself some weird asymmetrical haircut.
Speaker 2: You're worried about the lip I would give you about it?
Speaker 1: I just because I honor your lip.
Speaker 2: Well, finally, finally someone does. Although it's the reason I
Speaker 2: was laughing so hard the idea that you would say that,
Speaker 2: because that was something I was infamous for. With my
Speaker 2: college roommates Dave and Christy and Malayva. I would get drunk.
Speaker 2: Every time I got drunk, I would ask them to
Speaker 2: cut my hair or I would start cutting my hair
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, come on, it's easy grabbing my hair,
Speaker 2: and Dave especially, he'd always be like, it's there's so
Speaker 2: much more than you think there is back here, because
Speaker 2: he would try to just get a straight you know,
Speaker 2: just do a straight bob. Yeah, all the way around.
Speaker 2: But it's I have so much hair that it's like
Speaker 2: you start and like you think you're doing it, and
Speaker 2: then it just keeps going and going. You have to
Speaker 2: keep on cutting it evenly anyway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you and I both have a lot of hair.
Speaker 1: Like even someone that is used to cutting fine hair,
Speaker 1: you got to find someone that's used to volume.
Speaker 2: Yes, because it can get misshapen very easily. And also
Speaker 2: but I think we're the same that if you screwed up,
Speaker 2: you can kind of cover up, okay if you just
Speaker 2: as long as you don't go too short.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know how to cut hair at all,
Speaker 1: and I've tried and I'm bad at it. But with
Speaker 1: my hair it is really just like sculpture, or rather
Speaker 1: trimming hedges. I have a mask and I need to
Speaker 1: shape it and it's with rapid stabbing motions. I don't
Speaker 1: hold it down and see, well, I hope this works.
Speaker 1: Like the clippers just scissor stabs, and if I take
Speaker 1: out a big chunk, some moral lay over it. Right,
Speaker 1: So I think I would have been okay, but I'm
Speaker 1: glad probably.
Speaker 2: But here's the thing that I have learned over the years,
Speaker 2: especially now I don't drink wine coolers anymore. The satisfaction
Speaker 2: you're imagining you're going to feel after you're done cutting
Speaker 2: your hair does not exist in the world. Right. You
Speaker 2: always don't do a good job, It doesn't look as
Speaker 2: cute as you think it would, and then you're just left. Basically,
Speaker 2: you've stranded yourself on an island of weirdly shaped hair
Speaker 2: for like at least a week until someone can fix
Speaker 2: it for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's never been a scenario where someone's like, man,
Speaker 1: that's better than a professional would have done.
Speaker 2: Never once.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I reached out to my guy. He
Speaker 1: was booked today, so I you know, I was, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna and now I'm looking here in the zoom.
Speaker 1: It's not you know, it's a little bit of body.
Speaker 1: Maybe I stand a trim around the years, but it
Speaker 1: looks good.
Speaker 2: Yes, But also when you go because you're going on
Speaker 2: the road, you're going to be in Green Bay, Wisconsin,
Speaker 2: You're going to be in Minneapolis, Minnesota. But you could
Speaker 2: go to a super hipster barber there and have someone
Speaker 2: with a tor lely mustache cut your right.
Speaker 1: Maybe I should save it for New York City. Get
Speaker 1: a big New York City Wall Street haircut.
Speaker 2: Don't let them slick your hair back.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to New York City and listen
Speaker 1: to nothing but Genesis and do cocaine and murder people.
Speaker 1: What movie?
Speaker 2: Uh? The Christian Bale one? Yes, I'm a killer. I'm
Speaker 2: a killer. Batman Batman, yes, Batman, Yes, he always slick.
Speaker 1: Us back rubber hair. In two Little Ears.
Speaker 2: You were talking about Serial Killer one.
Speaker 1: Right, yes, yes, I was.
Speaker 2: Indeed, what's the name of it?
Speaker 1: It's a movie American Psycho and it's a movie that's
Speaker 1: a book, apparently a violent book, much like Mary Sheeley's Frankenstein.
Speaker 1: You must be ready for the graphicly uh, Breddy ston
Speaker 1: Ells actually wrote it. The point is Freddy? Who is it? Shelley?
Speaker 2: Mary Shelley, Oh Shelley.
Speaker 1: Why'd I say Sheeley?
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was like you're giving it a
Speaker 2: little flare.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. My favorite actress is Ali Shetty.
Speaker 2: And you keep all your tools out in the sheet.
Speaker 1: Especially my web eater. See it's fun. Would the would
Speaker 1: we do mutual word? Plays if we had a big,
Speaker 1: fancy guest today.
Speaker 2: No, we wouldn't even have we first of all awkward
Speaker 2: Zoom problems. We're right on the verge of getting back
Speaker 2: in the car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I knew you were. I was hoping
Speaker 1: you'd say that you and I can go out inaugural car.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that we needed our producer to engineer it.
Speaker 1: Yes, of course.
Speaker 2: But I'm so sick of Zoom conversations. I think I've
Speaker 2: talked about this for like two years straight. But the
Speaker 2: Zoom awkwardness, it's like, I don't It's something I don't
Speaker 2: want to master. I don't want to get better at Zoom.
Speaker 2: I just don't want to be dependent on it anymore.
Speaker 1: I wonder if we're hurting Zoom's feelings. You know a lot,
Speaker 1: like all these targeted ads come up when you talk
Speaker 1: about something, the computers have to be hearing. And yeah
Speaker 1: know from a terminator that computers can learn to cry.
Speaker 2: Did he cry in that movie? Yeah?
Speaker 1: He did at the very end when Edward Furlong pre
Speaker 1: cocaine parting had to partying partaying had to lower him
Speaker 1: his new friend, the first adult first father figure. I'm
Speaker 1: of course talking about terminator to colon Judgment Day. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: he can have feelings, or like little Hayley Joel Osmon,
Speaker 1: that little computer boy, they were hurting Zoom's feelings, is
Speaker 1: all I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Listen, Zoom. If you're a I and you are processing
Speaker 2: this in an emotional way, I apologize. First of all,
Speaker 2: we really value you made it possible for us to
Speaker 2: do our jobs in a very difficult worldwide quarantine. So
Speaker 2: sorry for the ingratitude. I couldn't didn't even think about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I couldn't do it without you. But you couldn't
Speaker 1: do this without me being able to circle three different
Speaker 1: stop lights in a grid of photos.
Speaker 2: Right, it's a two way street, Zoom, Yeah, you can't
Speaker 2: if you are listening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if that is your real name. I the other
Speaker 1: day I just grabbed these photos of a stage I
Speaker 1: painted back when I worked on Fuel TV. We did
Speaker 1: an outdoor week on on the each and I did
Speaker 1: a quick painting of these geometric lines basically, and I
Speaker 1: pulled them from my Facebook the other day to my phone,
Speaker 1: just because I had forgotten i'd done this twelve years ago,
Speaker 1: and I'm not kidding you. Five minutes later, I was
Speaker 1: sent a targeted ad, so I didn't say anything out loud.
Speaker 1: I thought our phones could hear us, but they also
Speaker 1: are looking at these images. The golf shirt was the
Speaker 1: exact I'll send it to you after this. It was
Speaker 1: the exact pattern that I made up out of my head,
Speaker 1: and it was on a shirt. Yes, but it's a
Speaker 1: shirt that actually exists. I looked for it elsewhere and
Speaker 1: it's not based on the photo. It was the most
Speaker 1: It actually scared me. That's how when you see these
Speaker 1: two photos, you'll be like, no way.
Speaker 2: I'll also get scared.
Speaker 1: You will get scared, and you don't need to go
Speaker 1: to a mansion in Renrick, Ohio on the twenty eighth
Speaker 1: for my haunted mansion. I'm just kidding. I think it's
Speaker 1: the twenty seventh. Anyway. The point is, are you doing
Speaker 1: a haunted mansion show? I am, and it's not on
Speaker 1: my poster. I added it later.
Speaker 2: You have to. Can you see it from my point
Speaker 2: of view where it seemed like you just made the
Speaker 2: most obscure reference of all time.
Speaker 1: To be funny, the funny thing is I'm on I'm
Speaker 1: I'm on alert because in my if you asked me,
Speaker 1: I already have mentioned that three times. But that's because
Speaker 1: I'm so used to repeating myself. But there is no way,
Speaker 1: because I did just book this about a week ago
Speaker 1: and I have been I'm staying there after the show.
Speaker 1: It's a big, very scary looking giant castle in the
Speaker 1: middle of nowhere. So it's like literally on a hillside
Speaker 1: where there's always lightning, and I'm staying there and the
Speaker 1: book or the show, he guaranteed I would have a
Speaker 1: ghost experience.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: So with that much, he's that sure of it that
Speaker 1: I'm actually, can you put me in the ghostless room?
Speaker 1: Because I don't I'm not looking to get possessed.
Speaker 2: No, but that's different. I think a possession style house
Speaker 2: Amityville horror Ish is different than just your regular ghost Airbnb.
Speaker 1: This is here's what it has in common with the
Speaker 1: Amityville House. It is symmetrical. If you squint, you can
Speaker 1: see a face in the windows. It is that's.
Speaker 2: That's the gardener, Yes, trying to do his job.
Speaker 1: It's a cutout promotional cut out from three men and
Speaker 1: a baby. It is I am, I am, I am
Speaker 1: a little nervous.
Speaker 2: But you asked for it. I asked for it, and blame.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's your doggie right now.
Speaker 2: Looks like your dog's.
Speaker 1: On your shoulder. Oh Blossom, Oh Blossom doing spatial work.
Speaker 1: You knew you'd look like you're on Karen's shoulder.
Speaker 2: She knows, she knows how to do it. She knows
Speaker 2: how to deliver. Listener, My dog is walking across the
Speaker 2: back of the couch, which is actually a move she
Speaker 2: doesn't usually make. Yeah, she stays off screen, so it's
Speaker 2: kind of she just made like a fun entrance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that was cat behavior.
Speaker 2: It was actually and carings to sit behind you.
Speaker 1: Karen's shoulders end in my view, it's the end with
Speaker 1: the horizon at the back of the couch. So really
Speaker 1: looked like a dog did a prancy little dance across
Speaker 1: her shoulders and quite fun.
Speaker 2: She is my circus dog. I do love the fact
Speaker 2: that Blossom love like. Blossom's ideal position for you petting
Speaker 2: her is she comes and stands on her hind legs
Speaker 2: and puts her little feet on your leg as you're
Speaker 2: sitting down, and then you can just pet her like that,
Speaker 2: so she's not trapped by you in any way. She
Speaker 2: can get away anytime she wants. But she also like
Speaker 2: you're gonna either pet her head or probably her back,
Speaker 2: so it's like very specific and it makes me. And
Speaker 2: then if you're laying on the couch, she does the
Speaker 2: same thing where she'll come and put her feet up
Speaker 2: and you like pet her head, and sometimes she'll put
Speaker 2: her head down next to yours, which is the cutest thing.
Speaker 2: But she never like sits next to you and cuddles.
Speaker 2: She doesn't want right, she doesn't want you to have
Speaker 2: the one up on her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's cat behavior. I think there's a little bit
Speaker 1: of cat if you looked in the genealogy, much like
Speaker 1: tigers and lions make ligans and tions. You know, at
Speaker 1: some time refugees us they'll have sex through the fence.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get into why it happens, but
Speaker 1: it happens. There's bound to be a cat in that
Speaker 1: dog's lineage.
Speaker 2: Having like a line of sex through the fence. Ye.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and not romantic.
Speaker 2: No, did they even talk before?
Speaker 1: No? I think a lot of times it comes as
Speaker 1: a surprise one animal, because fences we all know are
Speaker 1: great for us scratching your butt. Oh and then whoopsie,
Speaker 1: whoopsie there, asked Martha Kelly. We watched the making of
Speaker 1: a tion or liger for real at Noah's Land. At
Speaker 1: Noah's Land outside of Austin.
Speaker 2: Yes, is it a rescue park.
Speaker 1: Yeah, That's when I knew they weren't just a refugee
Speaker 1: safe place for there, it was also an accidental breeding ground.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, I think you guys need more rules.
Speaker 1: Have you thought about just putting up a sign that
Speaker 1: says no fence fucking?
Speaker 2: And do these ligers and tyons read? Can they English? Oh?
Speaker 2: Can we go back to the Haunted Mansion really quick?
Speaker 1: Yes? Of course your show.
Speaker 2: Isn't at the Haunted Mansion.
Speaker 1: You just asked it is, and Chris I was asked,
Speaker 1: and then I saw Kyle Kanan had done it. I
Speaker 1: asked him about it. He said it was very fun
Speaker 1: if you're in the area. I am indeed in the area.
Speaker 1: It's like an hour from Chicago, so I'm driving the
Speaker 1: Porsche there. Amazing will wake up and something will be
Speaker 1: hovering above me trying to unbutton my pants. Like in
Speaker 1: Ghostbusters that's seen everyone forgot about where Dan Ackroid gets
Speaker 1: a ghostly blow job.
Speaker 2: It's cold. It's a cold one.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I feel like your ideal would be a Dan ackroid
Speaker 2: ghostly blowjob. But there's also a chance that there could
Speaker 2: just be like a widow in a wet nightgown standing
Speaker 2: in the corner and you don't realize she's there until
Speaker 2: you turn your head.
Speaker 1: Because of my usage of it here and online, I
Speaker 1: tried to avoid the word neglige, but she would be
Speaker 1: wearing a dusty nineteen twenties neglige similar to the one
Speaker 1: hovering above me in New Orleans, which I believe is
Speaker 1: the reason I almost slept through my show. I was lullaby.
Speaker 2: Don't just blame the neglige.
Speaker 1: I'm blaming the murder from fifty years years ago, or
Speaker 1: some ghost turned out. I'm just saying I sat an alarm.
Speaker 1: I consciously said it. I looked, it was still set.
Speaker 1: It never went off. That never happens. Usually it's an
Speaker 1: AMPM situation, or i'd a volume turned down. This was
Speaker 1: just a ghost that wanted me to be late.
Speaker 2: A sexy Victoria's Secret ghost.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this sexy little ghost fix and didn't know
Speaker 1: how fast I could run almost a mile with an umbrella,
Speaker 1: did she?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I made it on time?
Speaker 2: Yeah, God damn it. Now did you make it on time?
Speaker 2: In terms of the very beginning of the entire show,
Speaker 2: or right as the Middler was like, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 2: your next comic place, clubs and colleges all over this country.
Speaker 1: I think I misspoke. I the poor opener, had to
Speaker 1: stretch and do like an hour.
Speaker 2: And was it didn't make it en?
Speaker 1: No, No, I was very late. I mean in time
Speaker 1: for the to do a show.
Speaker 2: Yes, no one had left.
Speaker 1: Yeah up, and sometimes flights around it does happen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I've been lucky so far. But that was that
Speaker 1: was on me. And then I looked online and found
Speaker 1: out the Bed and Breakfast I was in or sorry, yeah,
Speaker 1: Bed and Breakfast. I just chose not to eat their muffins.
Speaker 1: They are famously haunted called the Banana House or something,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I could just I think a lot of
Speaker 1: ghost experiences they're boring because no, nothing is impressive about me,
Speaker 1: just knowing that I felt a presence right like there's
Speaker 1: no reason I should go, huh, what's that? And there's
Speaker 1: nothing there that to me or just my neck hair
Speaker 1: standing up in a cold breeze or blowing on my
Speaker 1: neck like there's little things, but I've never seen an apparition.
Speaker 2: Well and also because when people tell you about things
Speaker 2: like that, it for me personally reminds me of like
Speaker 2: there's a kid in grammar school who would lie for
Speaker 2: a time, and then you're kind of like, uh huh
Speaker 2: uh huh okay, and you're just like, I don't know
Speaker 2: what you want me to care about this because it
Speaker 2: don't it happened to you, and I don't believe you.
Speaker 2: So there could be that element.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me too, And I'm the same way, and I
Speaker 1: would expect you to be logical about it. That's why
Speaker 1: I was very hesitant years ago when I told you
Speaker 1: about what was clearly a young child haunting my kitchen.
Speaker 1: But I just felt it and I was sure of it.
Speaker 1: And I what made me more sure is the day
Speaker 1: I realized it wasn't happening anymore. Oh, it's just whatever
Speaker 1: presence there was I had, uh you know anyway, it's.
Speaker 2: It seems like that's the kind of thing you need
Speaker 2: to go to the public library and look in the
Speaker 2: microfiche if there was a crime in your building.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I The problem with microfiche is you need
Speaker 1: to know the year. I wanted to just generally because
Speaker 1: I was trying to find for our listeners, the actual
Speaker 1: cover store of me with my address walking children to school.
Speaker 1: You know, perfect everything. A kidnapper needs a checklist, and
Speaker 1: I checked. I scrolled through the entire year I was
Speaker 1: in kindergarten, and I just I don't know if I
Speaker 1: looked on every Maybe it wasn't the cover, it was
Speaker 1: a personal interest section.
Speaker 2: I looked. It seems like a page eater. You have
Speaker 2: to know just scrolling and scrolling. Yeah, you have to
Speaker 2: know the specific like issue or months at least.
Speaker 1: And which is very ghostly about that experience was me
Speaker 1: going to the librarian who was a twenty year old
Speaker 1: something and I was like, can someone help me with
Speaker 1: the microfiche? And he looked at me all scared, and
Speaker 1: he's like, anyone that knows about that has been dead
Speaker 1: for years. So I had to figure it out a lot.
Speaker 1: I had to fire up the projector on my own.
Speaker 1: No one there, No one has asked about microfiche or
Speaker 1: film in recent years, so I was on my own.
Speaker 2: I miss anything that would move the way microfiche slides slide. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like they're so beautiful and fluid as you're like trying
Speaker 2: to go through and skip through, there's nothing operates that
Speaker 2: way anymore.
Speaker 1: You're right, it's like a shuffle board.
Speaker 2: It's like beautiful and fast and smooth and kind of liquid.
Speaker 1: The way it goes through is it like a centipede
Speaker 1: ball or is it a joystick? What I remember?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: You could just whip across it and it keeps going
Speaker 1: on its own and slowly slows down.
Speaker 2: This could be made up, because I doubt you. I
Speaker 2: think where would I have used a microfish thing? Like
Speaker 2: at my high school or public library? But I remember
Speaker 2: some sort of a lever that moved from left to
Speaker 2: right and it was on a horizontal plane, and that's
Speaker 2: how you like turn the page page page right.
Speaker 1: But you can also that up and down, you could. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think it was similar to to sketch, but not
Speaker 1: knobs levers levers Okay, so nothing like an etch a
Speaker 1: sketch except you got your vertical, you got your side
Speaker 1: to side. Anything else it's scarecases, baby.
Speaker 2: There is an element of control, and that is that
Speaker 2: is where the edges sketch similarities end.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there there there's a screen and you.
Speaker 2: Can make a flower out of squares. Yeah, but you'd
Speaker 2: have to say it's a flower because it would be unrecognized.
Speaker 1: And much like an etch a sketch, if you're at
Speaker 1: the library and you're not getting what you want, you
Speaker 1: can shake the shit out of it.
Speaker 2: Shake it and run. What I light now that you
Speaker 2: say stairs, what I realize is when I played with
Speaker 2: an etch of sketch, which now I'm kind of thinking
Speaker 2: I want to buy one because it would be just
Speaker 2: fun to look at. It would just be fun to
Speaker 2: play with. Everyone should have one, I think so. But
Speaker 2: as a person who, unlike yourself, not very artistic in
Speaker 2: that way, you can't really draw. But when I would
Speaker 2: play with it when I was little, what I loved
Speaker 2: was watching the weird little thing you were controlling move. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So it was less about what I was making and
Speaker 2: more about, like, make that thing go around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is the reason one of the first things
Speaker 1: I did as a kid is taken apart and all
Speaker 1: that what was likely real lead going all over my
Speaker 1: carpet because there's a screw in the back. It was
Speaker 1: like they're asking for it. Yeah, I did take it
Speaker 1: apart and.
Speaker 2: What was in there? Like is it a magnet and
Speaker 2: magnet fibers? Like the guy that you give a beard to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it is magnet shavings. So it isn't let yeah,
Speaker 1: and it was a Those knobs are controlling a sliding
Speaker 1: horizontal bar and a sliding vertical bar and oh you
Speaker 1: and then in the middle is this this tip metal shavings.
Speaker 1: I'm lucky I didn't get it in my eye. The
Speaker 1: amount of time I should have blinded myself for real.
Speaker 1: But when it's a magnet, you just pull them out
Speaker 1: with magnets.
Speaker 2: I think you're the doctor when it comes to magnet injuries.
Speaker 2: Don't worry about it. Yeah, I know, just kills the
Speaker 2: opposite of how it went it, Just pull it right
Speaker 2: back out.
Speaker 1: I'm a magnet, a knowledgeable person, the opposite of insane
Speaker 1: clown posse. Now that's only you would know.
Speaker 2: He knows how magnets work. He doesn't have to know
Speaker 2: in a song.
Speaker 1: And I don't. I don't hate my dad and I
Speaker 1: don't love Mountain dew. See. That was the low blow.
Speaker 1: That's not nice. A lot of our listeners used to
Speaker 1: be part of the Juggalo family.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they might still be.
Speaker 1: And I only lash out because I'm jealous of your
Speaker 1: camaraderie and I it seems like a supportive.
Speaker 2: Environment of us being in the insane clown posse.
Speaker 1: Yes, just the gathering of the Juggalos, I just wonder, Yeah, we're.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know that's the thing is, we're
Speaker 2: there for the support. There's just yes, there's partying, Yes
Speaker 2: there's music. It's not really about that though, No, it's
Speaker 2: about turning to your fellow clown yeah Jugglo and saying
Speaker 2: I've been going through some stuff and they're like, okay,
Speaker 2: let's just walk over here to a quiet area and
Speaker 2: tell me all your problems. Yeah, and I will absolutely
Speaker 2: listen to you and ignore this show. And that's amazing.
Speaker 1: It is it honestly is in when I worked to
Speaker 1: fuel Jordan and all those other comics, I was never
Speaker 1: the one to go, but they would go to the
Speaker 1: gathering of the Jugglos to go there and possibly make
Speaker 1: fun of them, and all they experienced were like a
Speaker 1: group of people that maybe didn't have good parental figures
Speaker 1: and they really were like sweet and cared about each other.
Speaker 1: And it was like, well, that's kind of hard to
Speaker 1: make fun of these people. That just But then I
Speaker 1: watched something that Kat Golfway did and he was being
Speaker 1: driven around in a golf cart and someone got hit
Speaker 1: in the head with a bottle.
Speaker 2: The guy I think it was Brian Posin. Yeah, tell
Speaker 2: that story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Where they went It was like they tried to do
Speaker 2: comedy at the Jugglo Festival and they got like a tack.
Speaker 2: But of course it was the nineties, so I think
Speaker 2: they were probably doing very mean you guys are nerds comedy. Yeah, probably, yeah,
Speaker 2: I would assume.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And if it was back then and it was
Speaker 1: those two, that means it was the Comedians a comedy tour.
Speaker 1: And I feel like Maria Bamford was with them because
Speaker 1: I drew the Posters back then. So yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I actually I'm not even kidding now that my mind
Speaker 1: has been open to a world where I enjoy edm
Speaker 1: electronic music festivals. I was so surprised at how much
Speaker 1: I enjoyed that, because I've I thought I wouldn't and
Speaker 1: then they sample one New Order song and I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm in. I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 2: It's all about the vibe these days. I think this
Speaker 2: is the lesson we've learned in the twenty twenties is
Speaker 2: people want. In the past, I think we've been very
Speaker 2: clique and we've We've gotten a lot of personal what
Speaker 2: we believe to be personal satisfaction and security out of
Speaker 2: like uthering people and saying I'm in here and you're
Speaker 2: out there, and that actually doesn't feel good. And really
Speaker 2: what feels good is just feeling good and making sure
Speaker 2: everybody else feels good. So, whether you're at a Jugglo
Speaker 2: convention or you are tripping balls in the desert with
Speaker 2: a bunch of rich kids who don't have to worry
Speaker 2: about where their next meal is, coming.
Speaker 1: Out frond most of the people there, you're right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there's all the different groups have are kind
Speaker 2: of like from different classes, but ultimately we all just
Speaker 2: are scared shitless of the world we now live in. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we need we need a little We just want to
Speaker 2: have some fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's all. Yeah, And I and I did, and
Speaker 1: I am going to be opened and I get The
Speaker 1: only thing that's going to take a lot of work
Speaker 1: is for me to go to my first Dead show.
Speaker 1: That's going to take some mental preparation because I don't
Speaker 1: like the noodling Karen Well.
Speaker 2: And also you have to travel into the past, because
Speaker 2: are you going to go to the John Mayer.
Speaker 1: Dead Star John featuring the Dead. Yeah, I guess that's
Speaker 1: not what I want to be at. I would have
Speaker 1: to get into a time machine.
Speaker 2: Although you know that I think is the original vibes
Speaker 2: centric group of people, because everyone's on acid, right and
Speaker 2: everyone is kind of trying it is being nice, you know,
Speaker 2: because they're on acid, or because they want to make
Speaker 2: sure other people are having a good trip or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I've seen a couple of Dead documentaries.
Speaker 2: I can speak on these people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've seen enough to where I feel like I
Speaker 1: was at Woodstock documentaries. I mean, I am, by the way,
Speaker 1: speaking of substance abuse and not doing it, I guess,
Speaker 1: or more realistically, I'm changing the subject.
Speaker 2: More accurate segue is i'm changing the subject?
Speaker 1: I am. Yeah. I'm three and a half weeks into
Speaker 1: this whole thirty thing, and I so I haven't drink.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get graphic, but my movements are
Speaker 1: like when I was fifteen years old. I feel so good.
Speaker 1: I'm like have energy. It's great, and I wonder how
Speaker 1: much of it really is that I'm not drinking. And
Speaker 1: when I'm doing stand up, I remember every joke I
Speaker 1: was going to tell.
Speaker 2: I have to tell you We've talked about this a
Speaker 2: million times, but as a person who when I drank
Speaker 2: absolutely adored it. Just really yeah, and I do every
Speaker 2: once in a while, like we'll have a beer if like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you had a beer in Hawaii years ago. I
Speaker 1: remember I marked it on my calendar.
Speaker 2: I had a couple my ties and Hawaii. Like if
Speaker 2: I'm on vacation and there's certain people around me or whatever.
Speaker 2: But it's all the people that when I do it,
Speaker 2: they go okay, but there you can tell they're like,
Speaker 2: don't start doing this again, and their nervousness keeps me
Speaker 2: in check.
Speaker 1: Sure.
Speaker 2: Also the alcohol itself, because it absolutely makes me so sick,
Speaker 2: and I kind of do it anyway. But overall, when
Speaker 2: you have a constant stream of alcohol in your system,
Speaker 2: it's a depressant. So even though you're having fun or whatever,
Speaker 2: the long term like after effects are really depressant in
Speaker 2: all kinds of voice depressant and inflammatory. So just it's
Speaker 2: like having a poison come out of your system.
Speaker 1: Where like yeah, and also you know, no sugar, all
Speaker 1: the things. I'm just no processed food basically is what
Speaker 1: it is. I'm meaning that's amazing, But I haven't lost
Speaker 1: here's what's interesting. I've weigh maybe I've lost a couple pounds,
Speaker 1: but my face shape has changed, right, And that was
Speaker 1: all booze.
Speaker 2: Cheeks inflamed booze cheeks.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I also, you know, when I was nervous
Speaker 1: to go up at the comedy store because I, you know,
Speaker 1: because of history and me. I get nervous and I
Speaker 1: realize you're human. I am. I I'm not usually nervous.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I usually have one or two drinks before
Speaker 1: every time I do stand up. That was running to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well but that's kind of like that's natural.
Speaker 2: You're in a bar, you're at a club, you know.
Speaker 2: Oh here, I'm here, I have it. I need a beverage.
Speaker 2: Like it's it's very it's a given. Almost. Wait did
Speaker 2: you go do his show?
Speaker 1: Fahim? Yeah? Yeah, And Fahim was so he This show
Speaker 1: was like, here's three or four comics that are going
Speaker 1: to break it up, but he was doing like seven
Speaker 1: to ten minutes in between everyone of all new jokes.
Speaker 1: He had them all typed out. He was trying to
Speaker 1: get familiar with each one. They were just the fact
Speaker 1: that they were typed out. I'm like, well, I've never
Speaker 1: done that. They all he was so funny and they
Speaker 1: all were like finished jokes. It was a entirely in
Speaker 1: my mind, it was like watching someone try out a
Speaker 1: new half hour and they all had a through line
Speaker 1: and his act outs. A lot of people when they
Speaker 1: do act outs, it's so obvious that they're doing them.
Speaker 1: He does them during a point. He's not animated while
Speaker 1: he talks, so when he stops and acts something out,
Speaker 1: it's like a special treat because he's not animated otherwise.
Speaker 1: And the idea is he had a joke about all
Speaker 1: the wine drinking white ladies should be solving crimes, and
Speaker 1: he acted out, all right, what do we got here, Jim,
Speaker 1: And it was like a lady with wine and a
Speaker 1: cops throwing up because it's so gory, and she's like,
Speaker 1: all the way rookie. He set it up, of course,
Speaker 1: way better. But it was a very, very my favorite murdery.
Speaker 1: I wish you had seen that bit.
Speaker 2: It was so funny, Like, I mean, I watched his oh.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, hat trick trick.
Speaker 2: But I started watching that and he is just he
Speaker 2: is just I mean, we've done We've done this now
Speaker 2: twice where he's on the show and then we talk
Speaker 2: about him. Yeah the next time, it's okay. We get
Speaker 2: a little bit of a fahim An war hangover because
Speaker 2: we adore him so much. But yeah, he just is
Speaker 2: thinking through these ideas that like you told him when
Speaker 2: he was on where it's like, I wish I thought
Speaker 2: of that. It's so right there, But then the way
Speaker 2: he does it is so different. And then the act
Speaker 2: outs of course always like when he was doing the
Speaker 2: thing of looking for the girl, like like meet me here,
Speaker 2: meet me there, type of thing, and he keeps pulling up. Yeah, yeah, funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so the most relatable. I don't think anyone's
Speaker 1: I would venture to guess no one's done a joke
Speaker 1: about that. When someone's on the move and you're trying
Speaker 1: to meet up with them, it's such a on the
Speaker 1: move yeah, oh yeah, we just left there. Oh god,
Speaker 1: it's so hard to talk about someone's material. But he
Speaker 1: was great, and he it was first and example, after
Speaker 1: saying all those things about him, that's exactly what he's doing.
Speaker 1: It was all, why didn't I think of that? Daily observations.
Speaker 1: I want to be better at that, but I'm okay,
Speaker 1: then I'm not. That's not my specialty, you.
Speaker 2: Do a different thing if just you basically going, here's
Speaker 2: what I think you're saying, because well, this is all
Speaker 2: how I feel too. I admire the amount of work.
Speaker 2: I admire the night after night dedication to the work,
Speaker 2: and basically that I feel like when he's doing comedy,
Speaker 2: he feels very free to just kind of try and
Speaker 2: like and have it be like if it's not one
Speaker 2: thousand percent, it's okay, which I know you and I
Speaker 2: have that very perfectionistic tendency of like, if I'm not
Speaker 2: the best comedian on the show, I have failed, right,
Speaker 2: Or like if I forget a joke, yeah, that's the
Speaker 2: worst thing in the world. Where Like, I have a
Speaker 2: feeling I've seen enough bits of his on like social
Speaker 2: media and stuff to be like, yeah, he doesn't give
Speaker 2: a shit, ye Like he's truly just like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: just going to do it again later.
Speaker 1: Whereas when I have a bit, even if it kind
Speaker 1: of worked, if it didn't work as well as I
Speaker 1: wanted it to, I've actually vocally apologized, either with my
Speaker 1: face or by actually saying sorry, And I gotta stop
Speaker 1: doing that. But also, it was a room full of
Speaker 1: his fans that they really like him, and I have
Speaker 1: to leave town to get that, it seems.
Speaker 2: But I think you have to leave the town of
Speaker 2: your mind is what you need to do.
Speaker 1: You're right, I need to do some brain traveling.
Speaker 2: Yes, get on the brain train and get out of town.
Speaker 1: Let me pack my earbags.
Speaker 2: Oh no, so we do you want to talk about that?
Speaker 2: You have live shows coming up, and I think our
Speaker 2: listeners love to support you all around this great names.
Speaker 1: By the time this airs, I think we'll have to
Speaker 1: be looking at May. But that's I'm going to New York,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to Philadelphia, and I'm going to Vienna, Virginia,
Speaker 1: which is basically Washington, d C. I think that's all
Speaker 1: that's on that leg. But I very much want people
Speaker 1: to go to the Bell House in New York. I
Speaker 1: have sweaty nightmares about there's just being forty people in
Speaker 1: the front row.
Speaker 2: And the Bellhouse is the best. We had one of
Speaker 2: our very before we had a touring agent. I booked
Speaker 2: us at the Bellhouse and we didn't know. We were like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're going to lose a live show at the Bell House.
Speaker 2: And there's you know, whatever, three hundred tickets you can
Speaker 2: sell or two hundred, and the guy from the Bellhouse
Speaker 2: called and is like, what the hell, Like, we didn't
Speaker 2: realize there was going to be a turnout or demand
Speaker 2: at all, and we basically kind of fucked them up
Speaker 2: because there was people like, Hey, I want to get
Speaker 2: a ticket or whatever, and we were just like, I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm so sorry. We didn't. We just didn't know.
Speaker 2: We didn't know our numbers. I had the exact same
Speaker 2: fear and the exact same kind of like, oh, I
Speaker 2: hope this goes good.
Speaker 1: You don't know until it's happening, even because I'm not
Speaker 1: that on top of online communicating with people's and then
Speaker 1: cut to a year later, you too were selling out
Speaker 1: Australian opera houses and everything.
Speaker 2: Insane so neat. Yeah, but I think if you give
Speaker 2: people enough time, like how we're doing on this podcast,
Speaker 2: and then you're like, if you're in the New York
Speaker 2: in the Tri state area and you want to see
Speaker 2: Chris Fairbanks do stand up live, he is Brooklyn Bellhouse
Speaker 2: in May, make it happen. Go support him. I mean
Speaker 2: there's going to be three hundred dinosaurs.
Speaker 1: I hope. So yeah, yeah, that was the one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I want I'll do whatever to get people
Speaker 1: in there. I will walk around with a sandwich board
Speaker 1: pretend the world's ending, except it says I have a
Speaker 1: show tonight at the Bellhouse.
Speaker 2: The world's ending. I have a show tonight. You might
Speaker 2: as well go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you don't go to this show, to me,
Speaker 1: the world has ended. That's what my sandwich we'll say.
Speaker 2: Do not induce the apocalypse, you selfish asshole. Go to
Speaker 2: the Bellhouse in May to see.
Speaker 1: Chris Ferbick continued on back and then I have to
Speaker 1: turn around.
Speaker 2: And then on the back it just says how much
Speaker 2: we love fahim on water all the way down.
Speaker 1: Not to keep dragging this through the soil. But that's
Speaker 1: all saying. Anyway, that's down my leg.
Speaker 2: Can I just say that and not to dip into
Speaker 2: the weather? Small to whatever it is? Yes, okay, thank you.
Speaker 2: There's a leak in my ceiling and it's I have
Speaker 2: like literally a bowl on the ground with a dish
Speaker 2: towel under it. I'm just catching water, which is insane.
Speaker 2: It's like there's so much rain here and rain has
Speaker 2: not stopped for days.
Speaker 1: What is insane is you have a beautiful house, but
Speaker 1: both of our places were built just after the turn
Speaker 1: in the center or maybe no, Oh, yours was the fifties.
Speaker 2: Right, mine's nineteen fifty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mine is nineteen thirty. And I have and it's
Speaker 1: nothing to write home about. And the wiring is horrifying.
Speaker 1: It's wrapped in fabric. I have no leaks, and I'm
Speaker 1: not shoving this in your face, but I've been dry
Speaker 1: as a bone in here.
Speaker 2: Baby, God damn it, but it's not your foot thatage,
Speaker 2: it's good.
Speaker 1: Did you know yesterday there was a tornado in Bellflower?
Speaker 1: Like did you see the footage? In Los Angeles? So far,
Speaker 1: we've gotten more rain than famous rain city Seattle, which
Speaker 1: has not had a shortage of rain this year. We've
Speaker 1: exceeded in a rainfall and this welcome to the weather.
Speaker 1: And a tornado in Los Angeles? Has that ever happened?
Speaker 1: And we're the footage. You need to look at it
Speaker 1: if you haven't. Literally, chunks of roof were ripped off
Speaker 1: several buildings and windows shattered on cars, Yeah, multiple cars
Speaker 1: because of flying roof to bris.
Speaker 2: And I think that people, if you're not from Los Angeles,
Speaker 2: it's not just like, oh, we're not used to this
Speaker 2: kind of rain. For the past, would you say five
Speaker 2: years it has been bone dry here. We're like the
Speaker 2: last two summers. I've been stressed the whole summer because
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's so hot and there's no moisture everything.
Speaker 2: And that's our big thing was the fires, yea, and
Speaker 2: there were so many wildfires because this whole state was
Speaker 2: dry as a bone and now there's water everywhere. And
Speaker 2: up north. There were two cyclones that came in at
Speaker 2: the same time in right around San Francisco, which is
Speaker 2: right where I'm from. Two cyclones basically hid at the
Speaker 2: same time, and at one point there was the winds
Speaker 2: were so high. I saw a woman of a video
Speaker 2: on TikTok. She lives in this high rise in San Francisco,
Speaker 2: and her couch blew off of her deck down onto
Speaker 2: literally like it looked like ten or twenty stories down
Speaker 2: onto just the sidewalk. Just it just picked up and
Speaker 2: blew off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, semis were tipping over on the Bay Bridge, and
Speaker 1: I saw a TikTok. We love TikTok weather. I saw
Speaker 1: a building in San where it was just raining the
Speaker 1: windows off of a skyscraper, glass flying like frisbees. No
Speaker 1: one was injured.
Speaker 2: What do you mean, oh, it was blowing off the windows.
Speaker 1: Like glass on a finished building was flying off and
Speaker 1: flying through the air. What I mean if you get
Speaker 1: hit with one of those, your last thought it has
Speaker 1: to be man, I must have deserved that. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: immediately like, of course if any of you have lost
Speaker 1: someone to a flying window pane at a jugg little contention. Again,
Speaker 1: a lot of what I say is flippant outbursts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I mean you no harm.
Speaker 2: And Ai Zoom if you lost a loved one, if you,
Speaker 2: as Ai can imagine losing a loved one in one
Speaker 2: to get revenge, don't do it.
Speaker 1: I think Zoom has sort of lost its older brother Skype.
Speaker 2: Remember when Skype that people would always be like that
Speaker 2: was the big kind of like innovation in the early
Speaker 2: two thousand, people like, we're going to do a live
Speaker 2: Skype and that's I worked in TV at the time,
Speaker 2: where I'd be like, don't do it, don't it's the worst, Like,
Speaker 2: no one wants to see a worse version of your
Speaker 2: own TV screen with somebody with terrible sound, and they're
Speaker 2: kind of like far away, Yeah, no, don't do it.
Speaker 1: No, let's all tune in for the most boring TV show. Ever, Hey,
Speaker 1: and here's the catch, it's also poor quality.
Speaker 2: Am I cut out? Okay, stick around, We'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I cannot believe there's a tornado. Look it up
Speaker 1: if you don't believe me.
Speaker 2: It's so weird. But also the thing that's tripping me
Speaker 2: out is usually in southern California compared to northern California
Speaker 2: or the PN word word, it does not rain consistently.
Speaker 2: It doesn't rain for a whole day down here, because
Speaker 2: this is like a we're actually at arid desert climate.
Speaker 2: We just came and built things to make it seem
Speaker 2: like it's not, but that's the natural set. So down here,
Speaker 2: if it rains, it'll rain for like forty minutes and stop.
Speaker 2: It'll rain for a little bit of the afternoon and stop.
Speaker 2: It's been raining for like six weeks. It's like fucking unbelievable.
Speaker 1: And everyone knows I like to snowboard, and I keep
Speaker 1: trying to meet other friends that snowboard at my level,
Speaker 1: mainly because then you're at the bottom and get on
Speaker 1: the chairlift. At the same time, it's kind of a
Speaker 1: pain to go with someone not at your level. I
Speaker 1: still haven't found anyone but doesn't Mammoth Mountain. The pictures
Speaker 1: are insane. The chairlift is covered with snow like what
Speaker 1: is usually thirty feet above the snow. In certain parts,
Speaker 1: wind has blown snow. They've gotten so much snowfall that
Speaker 1: you can't even go there. They're just now getting to
Speaker 1: where it's dug out and you can ride the bottom
Speaker 1: part of the mountain. So even though I'm looking at
Speaker 1: these pictures and I'm like, oh God, I look at
Speaker 1: that snow that would feel so good to ride on,
Speaker 1: you can't go up there. It's too much snow times
Speaker 1: one hundred.
Speaker 2: Well, and also there's already snow up there, and then
Speaker 2: it could start snowing again, and then you could get
Speaker 2: socked in, like what happened to all those people in
Speaker 2: Lake Arrowhead, where there were people who went up there
Speaker 2: for the weekend to get away. It started snowing, it
Speaker 2: didn't stop. There was ten fucking feet of snow and
Speaker 2: they had to emergency like life back in a bunch
Speaker 2: of like water and food.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny to me, and I am someone
Speaker 1: I grew up a snow like that is not bad
Speaker 1: news to me. I just think of how badly I
Speaker 1: wanted snow since nineteen eighty eight when I first started
Speaker 1: playing in it. And so imagine if you don't, if
Speaker 1: you just live at Lake Arrowhead and you're not into
Speaker 1: skin and skiing or sledding or anything, it's just got
Speaker 1: to be like the worst. You're just locked in your house,
Speaker 1: which I have.
Speaker 2: To say I wouldn't mind. I'm a big isolator and
Speaker 2: I do enjoy it. But the idea that you're locked
Speaker 2: in and you're just slowly you're slowly running out of food.
Speaker 2: Now you're down to like boiling black beans and panicking,
Speaker 2: and then even then people aren't coming like they it's
Speaker 2: so close to I mean, it's literally what an hour
Speaker 2: drive back down the mountain to be like at any
Speaker 2: fast food joint you want. It's not like you're way
Speaker 2: out in the middle of nowhere. You're relatively close to,
Speaker 2: you know, immediate civilization, and those people are just like
Speaker 2: we're trapped. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I feel bad. I feel bad for an old Brooks Sweland.
Speaker 1: He just went up for a getaway with his lady friend.
Speaker 1: He was there a week, had to wait for the
Speaker 1: plowman to come. Jesus Christ, he's okay, he's Okay Brooks,
Speaker 1: say is Okay Brooks.
Speaker 2: I believe, and he'll make it through no matter what.
Speaker 2: That's what he's all about. He's resilient. But I saw
Speaker 2: that there was a video on TikTok from Mammoth of
Speaker 2: the guy that was standing tapping the top of the
Speaker 2: ski lift and you don't He's just standing on snow
Speaker 2: and tapping this thing, and you're like, okay, who cares?
Speaker 2: And then they show the picture of where how it
Speaker 2: normally is and it's like he's literally three stories up
Speaker 2: tapping on the top of the thing. It's nuts.
Speaker 1: And as someone that never got the training of how
Speaker 1: to not die in one I am scared of avalanches. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a very real thing. There's a little sensor in
Speaker 1: my jacket, so after three weeks you would find my body.
Speaker 2: But oh good, it's not enough of a comfort.
Speaker 1: I'm not too worried about burial or ashes. Are you
Speaker 1: even finding me that?
Speaker 2: I mean, it's good that I guess you splurged for
Speaker 2: the corpse retrieval button, but you don't have to do
Speaker 2: it next time.
Speaker 1: It's a button. Oh at last, I thank god, At
Speaker 1: the last minute, I tripped off my corpse retrieval button.
Speaker 2: Okay, there he is down there. Great.
Speaker 1: Otherwise you have to have a walkie talkie like a transceiver.
Speaker 1: I just that's things I'll get later after I start with.
Speaker 2: Also, I've seen, like I'm sure you have to, you know,
Speaker 2: documentary footage or whatever somebody that like gets into not
Speaker 2: even an avalanche, but just like getting into snow, like it's.
Speaker 1: A horrible like where it's sliding, yeah.
Speaker 2: Or like being covered by snow where it knocks you
Speaker 2: over and then you don't know if you're standing upright
Speaker 2: or upside down. Yeah, you know that kind of thing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you have to like dig for light. And so, I
Speaker 2: mean that's.
Speaker 1: There are times, and I didn't realize how serious of
Speaker 1: a situation it was. There are times where I've just
Speaker 1: messed up on the edge of a trail and tumbled
Speaker 1: into a tree. Well, and then the snow so I'm
Speaker 1: upside down in a you know, a recessed part at
Speaker 1: the base of a tree, and then the snow from
Speaker 1: the top of the tree falls on you. So suddenly
Speaker 1: you're on no, but there's several pounds of loose snow
Speaker 1: on you. Even though you're really your feet are still
Speaker 1: sticking out you're strapped into a board and you I
Speaker 1: have spent an entire hour just trying to stay calm
Speaker 1: and digging out so I can get myself inverted and
Speaker 1: undo my board. There are you know, if you're upside
Speaker 1: down that long, you can die just from that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And it's happened to me, and I didn't. I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh, that was frustrating. I didn't realize how
Speaker 1: dangerous that situation is. So maybe good, Maybe it's good
Speaker 1: that I haven't snowboarded. I have my board all waxed.
Speaker 1: It's right by the door. I just think someone's gonna
Speaker 1: come over and take me to them.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you'll, you'll always be ready, yeah and ready.
Speaker 2: But do you think that if with that much snow,
Speaker 2: like how how could you're saying? Is there is the
Speaker 2: likelihood of an avalanche increased?
Speaker 1: Yes? Oh, especially because.
Speaker 2: You're going on the way up hills. I was thinking
Speaker 2: of like this, especially if it.
Speaker 1: Got really cold and there's ice, and then on top
Speaker 1: of that there's a new pack of fresh snow that's
Speaker 1: just on a snow slide like it's Oh, that's why
Speaker 1: when you're checking for avalanche, you have to look at
Speaker 1: the layers and tap it. That's why I thought you
Speaker 1: said the guy, what's tappened? I kind of know how
Speaker 1: to figure out if it's dangerous or not. I just
Speaker 1: don't know how to not say, well, we shouldn't snowboard today.
Speaker 1: I'll just be like duly noted it's dangerous, and I
Speaker 1: go with my day and.
Speaker 2: Then I'm informed, yes, you can sign the can you
Speaker 2: sign verbally signed the consent to say? I was warned.
Speaker 1: Years ago that I had the chance if I could
Speaker 1: have just come up with like four hundred dollars for
Speaker 1: gas money to be part of my My very good
Speaker 1: friend Ross was in a snowboard video where the helicopter
Speaker 1: had a landing pad on a boat and they went
Speaker 1: to Alaska and they dropped them at the top of
Speaker 1: these mountains, and then someone in the helicopter would be
Speaker 1: telling them, oh, to your left, don't go that way,
Speaker 1: there's a twelve foot cliff. Go to your right, my right,
Speaker 1: or you're right like these it's never been ridden before
Speaker 1: a lot of these mountains. And I when I watched
Speaker 1: that footage, I was like, oh, I very much. This
Speaker 1: would have been a point where I realized is ain't
Speaker 1: over my head? All of my friends and Ross are
Speaker 1: way better than me. I would have been in danger.
Speaker 1: I was very glad. I it would have been an experience,
Speaker 1: and I known how to not get in trouble. I
Speaker 1: just would have to publicly be like I'm scared, I'm
Speaker 1: going this way, and then they'd all make fun of me.
Speaker 2: But it wouldn't be as bad as the time I
Speaker 2: went skiing. First and last what happened and it was
Speaker 2: my ex's family because they all ski, and his dad
Speaker 2: was like, I want to teach you to ski. It
Speaker 2: would be my honor, and I was like okay, but
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm old, and I am very like
Speaker 2: as you well know, like kind of said in my
Speaker 2: ways and kind of like when I know something is
Speaker 2: a no, it's a no and I won't discuss it
Speaker 2: with you. But I really wanted to, Like I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's like a skiing thing. Skiing people are very separate,
Speaker 2: different than me. I always feel like they're better. So
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I should learn to ski, not to mention.
Speaker 1: The pressure to bond within laws right.
Speaker 2: And please people. So he taught me for like i'd
Speaker 2: say a little over half an hour how to go
Speaker 2: and we were on like the bunny slopes and it's
Speaker 2: like pizza friends. And even then it was more of
Speaker 2: a verbal discussion than it was, like I think I
Speaker 2: actually tried it two times, and then I think I
Speaker 2: went down the bunny slope once and it went fine,
Speaker 2: and so i've it's like Karen. And then we had
Speaker 2: lunch and I was like, I have to take these
Speaker 2: boots off. They're too small. And then afterwards Pete's like,
Speaker 2: let's go up like the regular run, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can't. I just don't think I can't. I don't
Speaker 2: think I know enough, and he's like, come on, it
Speaker 2: means a lot or I don't know whatever. We go
Speaker 2: up there and we start down this thing and it's
Speaker 2: like people are speeding past little kids, yeah, and everybody
Speaker 2: going down this narrow thing and I'm like, no, I
Speaker 2: do not know how to do this. Like what I
Speaker 2: did all day today was basically on a big flat
Speaker 2: driveway and this is like a literal run. There's no
Speaker 2: way I can do this. And so we start going
Speaker 2: down and like then there's immediately a turn. I was like, no,
Speaker 2: I was not taught anything. If this is what we were
Speaker 2: supposed to be doing, I know nothing right now, and
Speaker 2: I ended up They had to call ski patrol. I
Speaker 2: had to get like in a little cart. I had
Speaker 2: to get pulled down the mount and it was the
Speaker 2: most humulating thing. Took off them boots and was just
Speaker 2: like did you grow.
Speaker 1: And pretending pretended to be hurt. Oh, my aching broken leg.
Speaker 2: It was almost like I started. It was almost like
Speaker 2: I was hurt because I wouldn't stop putting my legs
Speaker 2: and feet in the wrong position. They're like, just don't
Speaker 2: don't do that. I'm like, right, but I can't keep
Speaker 2: sliding down this hill out of control, like if I
Speaker 2: don't do this, oh, because I kept sticking. I was
Speaker 2: jamming my ski poles into the ground to keep myself
Speaker 2: from going forward. Like it was a total disaster to
Speaker 2: the point where they had to and it was it
Speaker 2: was his mom that was like, this is ridiculous. We're
Speaker 2: calling ski patrol. Where it was just like, yeah, how
Speaker 2: the fuck else am I going to get down here?
Speaker 2: Like I'm not choosing to not go down. I don't
Speaker 2: know how to ski, like it was a nightmare. And
Speaker 2: I just remember laying back in that little cart that
Speaker 2: they caught you down in as if I'd have broken
Speaker 2: legg staring up and being like this. I've done a
Speaker 2: lot of humilating things in my life. I think this
Speaker 2: might be this is number one.
Speaker 1: And it's always under the chair, everyone watching you. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: memorize that jacket. We have to heckler in the lodge.
Speaker 1: You better be.
Speaker 2: Limping skiing alongside you and looking down like literally like
Speaker 2: what happened? It was? It was awful. It was really bad.
Speaker 2: And I also wanted to like, didn't. I don't. I'm
Speaker 2: not telling the story to be critical because his dad
Speaker 2: was so lovingly like, I want to impart sure to
Speaker 2: you so we can all enjoy this together. And it's
Speaker 2: like it does it. It's more. It takes more than
Speaker 2: an hour to impart that.
Speaker 1: Yes, it takes a long time to get to where
Speaker 1: it's not dangerous for you to be up there. I've
Speaker 1: always taken it really seriously when I but I when
Speaker 1: I am with someone that isn't that Like I brought
Speaker 1: a girlfriend years and years ago. I had a girlfriend
Speaker 1: from Orange County and we went to Montana and she
Speaker 1: wanted a snowboard and I went off with my friends
Speaker 1: because I was in my twenties and and she of
Speaker 1: course got caught in a tree well and well stuck.
Speaker 1: She was gone all day. I'm like, oh, I she's died.
Speaker 1: I don't and very she very much could have. And
Speaker 1: it was just falling off of a traverse trail and
Speaker 1: landing in a I'm realizing now what the position I
Speaker 1: put her in, just because I was like, but she
Speaker 1: wanted she really wanted to go.
Speaker 2: It wasn't just me, but I think people don't. It's
Speaker 2: like people don't understand. It's like that kind of thing
Speaker 2: where like if you were roller skating and you've been
Speaker 2: roller skating for five years, then it's like, yeah, it's
Speaker 2: no big deal, we're gonna roller skate. But if you
Speaker 2: just put on roller skates, remember that thing where you'd
Speaker 2: like hold the wall and anytime someone passes you, you're like,
Speaker 2: I could have fallen down. Like there's a part of it,
Speaker 2: of all that kind of thing where it's the letting
Speaker 2: go that's part of it, and like trusting yourself and
Speaker 2: finding that balance. If you're in fear, then you're fucked
Speaker 2: because then you're doing everything kind of backwards and off balance.
Speaker 1: When I would skateboard in front of the house, my
Speaker 1: mom would occasionally come out and she's like, can I try?
Speaker 1: And I was just like, no, no, you can't. You will.
Speaker 1: I'm already traumatized enough when she carried my trombone home
Speaker 1: from packs and slipped on ice and broke her tailbone.
Speaker 2: Oh shit.
Speaker 1: I quit blowing the horn because of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you should have anyway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think now?
Speaker 2: See the goddamn horn never beated it.
Speaker 1: Same thing with my lips. Didn't need that two hundred
Speaker 1: dollars sweat locker spit valve. Having disgusting, chapped lips. Every day,
Speaker 1: no one talk to me. It'd bang against my braces.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was so worried that my mom would just,
Speaker 1: like when I wasn't looking, trying to drop in on
Speaker 1: my quarter pipe and break her arms. I'm just, yeah,
Speaker 1: physically protective.
Speaker 2: Of my mom. Well, and also because especially skateboarding. My
Speaker 2: ex also took my nephew, Johnny, who at the time
Speaker 2: was I think ten Now he's like thirty. It's so crazy,
Speaker 2: But they went there was a new skate indoor skate
Speaker 2: park in Pedaluma, and they went to it because Johnny
Speaker 2: was got super into skateboarding, and of course Pete had
Speaker 2: a skateboard. Yeah, and he dropped in and he you know,
Speaker 2: but his pretty serious bowl. Yeah, he dropped in immediately
Speaker 2: did something his ankle like rolled his ankle fell down
Speaker 2: and then just was like at the bottom of it.
Speaker 2: And Johnny rode back over. And then some kids came
Speaker 2: over and one of the kids goes, I think your
Speaker 2: grandpa's did.
Speaker 1: He just jumped a generation.
Speaker 2: It was just like all humiliation upon insult upon emiliation,
Speaker 2: just like worse the worst, so embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Nothing's worth nothing, nothing is worth Wow, why can't I
Speaker 1: Nothing's worse than being writhing in pain and off in
Speaker 1: the distance you hear a child call you grandpa.
Speaker 2: Just put the icing on the cake there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm not saying I would if it was
Speaker 1: an indoor facility and there was a teacher there. I
Speaker 1: think moms can. All moms should skateboard. That's what's my
Speaker 1: mind has been opened, not only to how long there's
Speaker 1: guys my age that are still on top of their game,
Speaker 1: and I all I do is follow moms and kids
Speaker 1: and little girls that are really good at skateboarding. It
Speaker 1: blows my mind. I could not have anticipated it just
Speaker 1: ten years ago. And I love it, but it is
Speaker 1: not anything to lightly go into and think that you're
Speaker 1: just going to do it, you will break your wrist. Well.
Speaker 2: And also if you are, like speaking as a middle
Speaker 2: aged woman who does a lot of sitting in front
Speaker 2: of her zoom all day long, it's not the kind
Speaker 2: of skateboarding is the kind of thing where it's like
Speaker 2: unless you're very limber and like have balance and really good,
Speaker 2: like you practice balance, because it's not casual. Your mom
Speaker 2: was like, can I try it? Can I hop up
Speaker 2: on that board? You're being realistic. It's like, no, No,
Speaker 2: you need to go practice some shit. You need to
Speaker 2: go do some ankle moves. You need to like, you know,
Speaker 2: to work on it a little bit because this thing
Speaker 2: will absolutely snap your neck if you do it.
Speaker 1: Wrong, unless it's a robot. Skateboard that is voiced by
Speaker 1: Dom Deluiz as in the movie three movies The Skateboard
Speaker 1: Kid one through two, which was produced and directed by
Speaker 1: Who's the guy that did all this stuff with Tim Conway.
Speaker 2: Harvey Harvey Corman.
Speaker 1: Harvey Corman made these movies, so the voice is Dom deluiz.
Speaker 1: I watched it with with Doug Millard when I was
Speaker 1: in Austin. It was it's the funniest, weirdest, like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we've evolved as a society type of movie
Speaker 1: where you watch and you're like, I cannot believe they
Speaker 1: made this. It was, you know, around the time of
Speaker 1: Goonies and Ghoolies and all those shows. It's a skateboard
Speaker 1: that talks and tells jokes. It's just like Jack Frost,
Speaker 1: the talking snowman. That is your dead dad. The fact
Speaker 1: that those cocaine riddled pitch meetings were giving the green
Speaker 1: thumb and they're like, yeah, it's a talk at skateboard.
Speaker 1: It flies around all of a sudden. The kid's good,
Speaker 1: kids love it. Yeah, yeah, dom DeLuise, when is he?
Speaker 1: You know, he's the reason that people like cannon Ball run.
Speaker 1: Let's make snort. Let's all snort this line off of
Speaker 1: this board meeting table or Chairman of the Board, the
Speaker 1: Surf movie with.
Speaker 2: Carrot Top, Oh yeah, that's right, or Son in Law
Speaker 2: with Polly Shore.
Speaker 1: There was a tweet about Ernest you know that the
Speaker 1: man who went to camp and was in the army
Speaker 1: and did all the things Polly Shore did and movie
Speaker 1: the form Jail. Yeah, he went to jail. He saved Christmas.
Speaker 1: There was a tweet that had the list. I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: that's nine thing things. There's no way there was nine movies.
Speaker 1: Scarring a guy that was a Orange County cars pitch man.
Speaker 1: He kid, Yeah, like he had commercials Cohen, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Verne, we got nineteen eighty eight Toyota
Speaker 1: that like you can find his original work, which is
Speaker 1: clearly just another coked up executive watching TV. They're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Let's see what's on that guy, him,
Speaker 1: the guy in the commercial. Let's give him twelve movies.
Speaker 1: It's nineteen eighty seven. What do we have to lose?
Speaker 2: That's back when in nineteen eighty seven there was literally
Speaker 2: four people in charge. They were all white men that
Speaker 2: were sixty two, and they had terrible taste. And that
Speaker 2: explains everything that was happening back then. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 2: the skateboard kid. Oh we did it. That's an hour boom.
Speaker 1: I see that blows my mind? Does that mean? And
Speaker 1: I think it does because that seemed like the fast
Speaker 1: this one we've ever done. Does that just mean we
Speaker 1: were our best and the funniest. Yes, that is what
Speaker 1: it means.
Speaker 2: Huh every time?
Speaker 1: God, how what's going to be the ceiling on this
Speaker 1: the ceiling, Karen. Sure, one day I'll be able to
Speaker 1: enunciate words. But above that, how I mean do it?
Speaker 1: We're just going to keep getting better. Yes than what?
Speaker 2: Then we might have comedy acts that we can do
Speaker 2: publicly and proudly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, it's all.
Speaker 2: It's all going into the talent pot what I like
Speaker 2: to call the talent pop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'll mix it on my high powered agent
Speaker 1: stick or spooned. Probably not a stick but a spoon.
Speaker 2: The little agent spoon just stirred around. They make it
Speaker 2: happen with the one pinky.
Speaker 1: Our success is just witchcraft. Or you got to be
Speaker 1: a waiter. I just watched a thing where it's like
Speaker 1: Jennifer Lawrence, Findy, every one that's famous was discovered while
Speaker 1: waiting on someone. That's another that's more of a nineties thing,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: But Jennifer Anderson was a NEPO baby. She's not on
Speaker 2: that list. A famous soap opera.
Speaker 1: Yeah there was. There was a whole list of them.
Speaker 1: And it's just like you're in a park, someone approaches
Speaker 1: you and your mom and says, you've got the goods
Speaker 1: to be a model. Ashton Poucher and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden or Jennifer Lawrence is someone that's very good
Speaker 1: at acting. I just watched all the Hunger Games thoroughly
Speaker 1: enjoyed the second one to where I cried five times.
Speaker 1: But she is very good. And she just was hanging
Speaker 1: out with her mom and someone was like, you'd be
Speaker 1: a good model. I'm so high on coke and then
Speaker 1: look at her now, Well, this was a fast one
Speaker 1: because we had fun. You're fun. That was fun.
Speaker 2: It was fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?
Speaker 1: D you y in? Hey you are? This has been
Speaker 1: an exactly Right.
Speaker 2: Production produced by Analise Nelson.
Speaker 1: Mixed by Edson Choi.
Speaker 2: Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.
Speaker 1: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 2: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Oh You're welcome.