Speaker 1: If you thought more hours a day, minutes a week
Speaker 1: was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of the
Speaker 1: old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats crackheads
Speaker 1: in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich pill
Speaker 1: poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller starts right now. Happy days are here again. We
Speaker 1: are back at it in the magic podcast Machine, the
Speaker 1: salt mines of podcasting. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. We thank you
Speaker 1: for finding the Fifth Hour podcast. Obviously you have figured
Speaker 1: out how to download it. We know you have shared
Speaker 1: the podcast with others. You have gone on and reviewed
Speaker 1: the podcast and said really nice things, which is icing
Speaker 1: on the cake. And you have not thrown your hands
Speaker 1: up in horror about anything that you have heard in
Speaker 1: any of these podcasts over the weekend. But we do
Speaker 1: this because hey, four hours a night on the overnight
Speaker 1: not enough. A spinoff of the mildly popular Ben Maller
Speaker 1: Overnight radio show here, only available in the podcast format,
Speaker 1: so we can say all the bad words. We are
Speaker 1: not governed by the Federal Communications Commission in the United States. Now,
Speaker 1: even when I'm on overnight. I'm in the safe harbor,
Speaker 1: so we're we're allowed to use more spicy language, but
Speaker 1: we have to worry about the Wocarati, and the Wocarati
Speaker 1: does not like spicy language, so we are governed by
Speaker 1: both the f CC and the Wocarati. But joined again
Speaker 1: from west of the four oh five making his way
Speaker 1: and I know it's a big inconvenience, but ready to
Speaker 1: rock and roll, David Gascon, I feel like that applauses
Speaker 1: a little longer than normal. But do you appreciate that
Speaker 1: from the from the crowd, from the spectacle, that is?
Speaker 1: What is your what is your favorite word to use
Speaker 1: in profanity? And what's your most vulgar word that you
Speaker 1: like straight from the hip that you can shoot at
Speaker 1: anyone at any time. Uh, profanity is It really depends
Speaker 1: on the situation, right, I mean there's on the audience.
Speaker 1: I mean there's there's that magic word. Uh you know,
Speaker 1: see you next Tuesday when you use that and the
Speaker 1: proper you know, with the proper crowd there, boy, that
Speaker 1: really gets that really gets people people's feathers up and
Speaker 1: gets them going there. But you know, I'm a traditionalist
Speaker 1: with profanity you know, good m f h. You know,
Speaker 1: properly positioned there. I think is is very effective, very effective.
Speaker 1: And when I was in junior high school, and I
Speaker 1: actually got in trouble for this. When I was in
Speaker 1: junior high school, somebody, I don't know if I've told
Speaker 1: this story before, maybe I have. So when I was
Speaker 1: in junior high school, kid brought this. Is in the
Speaker 1: stone Age before the Internet, right, we just that computers,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't like it is. There was no Internet,
Speaker 1: worldwide Web. So when I was in school, somebody brought
Speaker 1: a piece of paper and it was like, it's a
Speaker 1: hundred in something ways to say the word fuck, right,
Speaker 1: And I thought this was the coolest thing ever. And
Speaker 1: I came from a family that with only curse when
Speaker 1: things got crazy and tried not to curse around me
Speaker 1: and all that stuff. So but at school, of course,
Speaker 1: everyone just has a potty a mount. Everyone's a sailor
Speaker 1: in elementary and junior high school and high school and
Speaker 1: all that. So you think you're an adult because you're cursing.
Speaker 1: So somebody brought this. One of my buddies brought this
Speaker 1: piece of paper, and my parents, God loved them. May
Speaker 1: the rested piece. They had a mailing service, and because
Speaker 1: they had a mailing service, they had I had access
Speaker 1: to a copy machine. So I thought, you know, a
Speaker 1: way to get some credibility on the playground. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take that piece of paper goodheartedly. I'm gonna go home,
Speaker 1: my parents aren't looking. I'm going to print up fifty
Speaker 1: copies and pass them out to all the guys that
Speaker 1: I know in junior high school. And again it's like
Speaker 1: a hundred something ways to use the word fuck. So
Speaker 1: I go home and I'm very excited and I print
Speaker 1: all those things up. I go to school the next
Speaker 1: day and then pass them out. Right, I've done it,
Speaker 1: mission accomplished. I then get home from school and my
Speaker 1: mom's like, hey, Ben, I need to talk to you
Speaker 1: about something else I want did did the school? Did
Speaker 1: the school contact my parents and say your kids passing
Speaker 1: out a hundred ways to use the word fuck? Um? No, no,
Speaker 1: it was not that. And I thought, well, maybe I
Speaker 1: didn't clean the bathroom where I didn't do, you know,
Speaker 1: do one of my chores at the house and not
Speaker 1: on that. Um, I'm such a such a idiot that
Speaker 1: I went in my haste to get away with the
Speaker 1: perfect crime printing up the one fifty copies of one
Speaker 1: hundred ways to use the word fuck, I had mistakenly
Speaker 1: left the original copy in the printer. So when when
Speaker 1: my parents went to use the printer for work and
Speaker 1: they're like, is this and you know, did you do that? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't do this. Did you wait a minute? Ben
Speaker 1: you know? And of course at that point it's not
Speaker 1: ben it's Benjamin, you know, because when I'm in trouble
Speaker 1: with Benjamin. So but yeah, as as I said, a
Speaker 1: traditionalist with profanity, I think the the F word is
Speaker 1: the way to go. Now, what about you, guess gon?
Speaker 1: Growing up privileged west of the four oh five, where
Speaker 1: was there a go to term that you used back
Speaker 1: in the day marking at the moon? No? Well, first
Speaker 1: of all, my my father never swore, never, never, never.
Speaker 1: What about now and that he's now that you already
Speaker 1: growing up? Does he curse? No? Not really, maybe rare
Speaker 1: if he does, but he only does it when he's
Speaker 1: in a in a heated conversation, but he doesn't do
Speaker 1: it around us. And whenever we his kids use foul language,
Speaker 1: he always says like, yeah, David, don't use that kind
Speaker 1: of language or nice I like your pops. That's great.
Speaker 1: My grandfather when I was growing up used to cur
Speaker 1: us in Yiddish. He that's why I learned some of
Speaker 1: the bad words in Yiddish because he would not curse
Speaker 1: in front in English. Yeah. Yeah, you got the goods,
Speaker 1: so you can. You can hide a lot of your
Speaker 1: your vulgar language. It's pretty yeah. Yeah. Well, the problem
Speaker 1: is that a lot of the Yiddish has become like
Speaker 1: main stream stream. Like you know, there's certain words that
Speaker 1: are Yiddish where kutz it's most people know what that is. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, there's a few others, but the really good
Speaker 1: stuff a lot of people still don't know that. So
Speaker 1: I've got so that didn't curse. No, so you had
Speaker 1: I like your mom, Well, we drove. I drove my
Speaker 1: mother up the wall. So you can imagine having four
Speaker 1: kids that you're at your disposal trying to get to
Speaker 1: school while she's working and dad's you know, working well
Speaker 1: past the nine to five. Yeah. We we kept her.
Speaker 1: We kept her awake many of nights. So yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I think my favorite words got to be cut. It
Speaker 1: just it triggers everybody. You could call a guy a punt,
Speaker 1: and it's much worse than calling him a bit, like,
Speaker 1: don't act like a bit, but if you say then
Speaker 1: you're acting like a cunt. It just it just rubs
Speaker 1: people the wrong way. But you know, the word fuck you,
Speaker 1: iverybody you say fuck you or fuck It's almost like baseball.
Speaker 1: You know, there's nine ways to get to first base,
Speaker 1: and they give a baseball, including a recording a hit.
Speaker 1: And so funk is just so multidimensional that you can
Speaker 1: use it anytime, any place, with anybody. It's really the
Speaker 1: everything curse word. It goes with any outfit, any group
Speaker 1: of people that you're with. Scholars, probably not preachers, but
Speaker 1: even they occasionally, you know, they're human, so they'll they'll
Speaker 1: curse in all that. But but yeah, now you gotta
Speaker 1: be careful because we have a guy in in Arkansas
Speaker 1: who's a big fan in the Mallem mission gets very
Speaker 1: upset use profanity here. Oh so yeah, you're very careful there.
Speaker 1: He drives a big truck there and he gets very
Speaker 1: upset and he he'll send me messages. Is that how
Speaker 1: come you have to use those dirty words in there?
Speaker 1: What are you doing? What's wrong with you? Did something
Speaker 1: happened to you? Are you trying to be a shock jock.
Speaker 1: Are you trying to get attention? And I'm I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: no not. I mean, we're allowed to curse on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I'd curse on the radio show if we were allowed
Speaker 1: to curse on the radio show occasionally. But I do
Speaker 1: think there's a key to everbyone when Howard Stern crossed
Speaker 1: over from terrestrial radio to satellite radio and he he
Speaker 1: realized that, yeah, you can curse, but it's not it
Speaker 1: loses its muster if you do it all the time.
Speaker 1: You know, Sir scratch Off in Arkansas is the guy
Speaker 1: I'm referencing, by the way. God, he's gets very offended
Speaker 1: by the handry language that we you. I apologize we're
Speaker 1: using it for good. I mean you you brought it
Speaker 1: up as you introduced the show, so I had to ask.
Speaker 1: I think, I don't think i've ever asked you what
Speaker 1: your favorite vulgar word is. Like I said, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: a purist. The F word fuck, that's the top curse
Speaker 1: word there, with a winking or nod to ship, which
Speaker 1: I don't think should be a curse word to me.
Speaker 1: Ship should be allowed to be said. I don't understand
Speaker 1: why it's not. I can't figure that. Maybe somebody smarter
Speaker 1: than me can explain it to me. Like I'm five
Speaker 1: years old, I don't get it. When you were ship,
Speaker 1: every human being to be alive, you have to ship.
Speaker 1: What's the problem with ship? Well, to be without ship,
Speaker 1: you're not alive. Ship's a sign of life. Well, to
Speaker 1: be fair, though, without fucking, you know, we wouldn't be
Speaker 1: alive either. Well, we wouldn't be alive with that fucking,
Speaker 1: but we can live. There are people that are like
Speaker 1: a sexual who don't fuck or for whatever reason, they
Speaker 1: don't do that, and so they they're fine, right, they don't.
Speaker 1: The Yiddish term, by the way, which you want to use, stooping,
Speaker 1: that's my. So if I'm on the end, I say stooping,
Speaker 1: that's my. That's Yiddish for fucking or stoop, which is
Speaker 1: just fuck stoop you you know that's that's now? Do
Speaker 1: you tight ritt walk on the radio with your language? Uh? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I have only been called out
Speaker 1: once for something that I said. Uh, and that's actually
Speaker 1: the term prick, which is a a Yiddish term. You
Speaker 1: know what that means? And yeah, and somebody got up
Speaker 1: set with me on that. But like the stooping, I've
Speaker 1: used stooping. I used that every so often, tookis, which
Speaker 1: means buttocks, and uh, I'd like to use that one.
Speaker 1: But a lot of it, you know, people don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, and it just kind of goes in.
Speaker 1: Do you think about radio? Is most people listening only
Speaker 1: here about at the most twenty percent of what we're saying,
Speaker 1: So a lot of it just is just going out
Speaker 1: into the ethos and nothing. Nobody knows what the hell
Speaker 1: is going on. Anyway. We have on this edition, the
Speaker 1: Saturday edition of The Fifth Hour, Within and David Gascon
Speaker 1: the travel Log. I touched on this briefly on the
Speaker 1: radio show, but I didn't really go into a lot
Speaker 1: of detail. I wanted to save that for the podcast,
Speaker 1: and I thought Saturday is the perfect day to do that.
Speaker 1: So I have the Mallard travel Log, the Squirrel Whisper,
Speaker 1: we have that, We have tales from Germany, pop quiz,
Speaker 1: and maybe if we have time, we'll get scientifical. So
Speaker 1: we have all that. Tell me you're not excited, I
Speaker 1: am excited for you, all right, So last weekend we're
Speaker 1: gonna go all the way back to last weekend of
Speaker 1: the way Back Machine. So I took a rare and
Speaker 1: appropriate day away from my catbird seat, my watchbirds seat
Speaker 1: there as the guardian of overnight sports radio. The reason
Speaker 1: I did that is my wife's schedule changing this week.
Speaker 1: She went back to a non convenient work. Her schedule
Speaker 1: changes every like four months, every six months on like that. Uh,
Speaker 1: And so her schedule changed and we were on we
Speaker 1: were aligned on the same schedule, so we were able
Speaker 1: to hang out, get quality time on the weekend. Um.
Speaker 1: But that no longer the case. My wife will be
Speaker 1: working on the weekends. I will have my time off
Speaker 1: on the weekends, and so the planets are not going
Speaker 1: to be lined up. And so we thought, well, this
Speaker 1: is the last weekend before you know, four or five,
Speaker 1: six months from now, and everything's upside down. As I
Speaker 1: said in the Saturday podcast last week that I was,
Speaker 1: I'm moving. I'm living in a halfway house right now,
Speaker 1: so things things are a little upside down for me
Speaker 1: in my life. I'm a creature of habit um. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I got the studio set up. I think it sounds
Speaker 1: sounds pretty good, but anyway, so so we went out
Speaker 1: and spent the weekend away from La traveled up the
Speaker 1: California coast. Now, the great thing about geography is if
Speaker 1: I was making the same road trips, say I started
Speaker 1: out in Georgia, right, and which is on the southern part.
Speaker 1: I know Florida's below that, But let's say Georgia and
Speaker 1: you're driving up the east coast, I would have ended
Speaker 1: up probably in Virginia. If I was driving up the
Speaker 1: east coast in California, I was still in California. We
Speaker 1: went to central California, unsullied by the slop of Los
Speaker 1: Angeles or the people shipping on the streets of San Francisco.
Speaker 1: They're doing that in l A also, uh and a
Speaker 1: nice little oasis, Castle Blanca, if you will. I spent
Speaker 1: a night in San Louis Obispo. Yeah. I like it there.
Speaker 1: It's cool. It's nice town. My wife loves the Madonna In.
Speaker 1: You ever been to the Madonna You have not good
Speaker 1: weekend getaway right off the highway one there and Madonna
Speaker 1: In is a gotty, over the top hotel designed for
Speaker 1: women and gay men. I would say the hotel is
Speaker 1: and my wife loves it. My it's her favorite place
Speaker 1: to say. It's like something you would expect to see
Speaker 1: at the Vegas trip. In fact, I've described the Madonna
Speaker 1: In as sir Orkus circus for women adult women, uh
Speaker 1: you know, and or girls as well. I mean, who cares.
Speaker 1: But for the female gender, I believe there are male
Speaker 1: and females. So Madonna In is the it's gonna slip
Speaker 1: that in get did you hear that guy? I'm a
Speaker 1: rebel and I'm old school. Yeah. Anyway, so, uh, she
Speaker 1: loves the Madonna In and it's her favorite hotel in California.
Speaker 1: So we drove us an all day drive from where
Speaker 1: we live, and we went out and we're supposed to
Speaker 1: get there at two o'clock. We got there at seven o'clock.
Speaker 1: So we left a little late classic road trip. Eight
Speaker 1: on the road, stopped, stopped off, I stopped off in
Speaker 1: Woodland Hills, got a bite teat kept going driving through California,
Speaker 1: and we drove all day there, had a nice dinner,
Speaker 1: a little late night swim in the heated pool. Giving
Speaker 1: the Mallard travel log, I went to bed, got up,
Speaker 1: went back to the pool, and then traveled up in
Speaker 1: Highway one. They're not all the way to Monterey, but
Speaker 1: up Highway one. We visited Morrow Bay, wonderful town, all
Speaker 1: those little beach towns, all those little beach towns. Uh
Speaker 1: pretty pretty cool. Uh. So yeah, we we went down
Speaker 1: to Morrow Bay, hung out there, spend a night in
Speaker 1: Morrow Bay. And I've been to these places before. I
Speaker 1: I ate fishing chips, so I met my quota for
Speaker 1: I'm a pilot. I ate seafood for the first time
Speaker 1: in one and I don't think I ate it last year,
Speaker 1: so first time since nineteen I usually eat it once
Speaker 1: or twice a year. I've met my quota. Then we
Speaker 1: went off to San Simeon State Beach. You ever been
Speaker 1: to San Simeon Never? You've never been to the Hearst Castle. Never, Oh,
Speaker 1: you gotta go check it out. Man, Hearst Class Castle
Speaker 1: was actually closed. I've been there before, so I didn't
Speaker 1: need to go. But there's this little I shouldn't say
Speaker 1: it because then people will show up like You're like,
Speaker 1: I have that kind of power. Please anyway, there you
Speaker 1: want a little cool thing to do in California, if
Speaker 1: you're on the on the West coast, you drive up
Speaker 1: Highway one. It's about an hour outside San Louis obis
Speaker 1: Ball on Highway one, beautiful road. And right across the
Speaker 1: street from hurst Castle is the beach that that Hurst
Speaker 1: used to bring in all the building materials, and there's
Speaker 1: a pier. It's always foggy, always foggy, Morrow Bay and
Speaker 1: also in San Simeon, and it's great. There's almost nobody there.
Speaker 1: It's picturesque, the water is green. It's just beautiful. And Hurst,
Speaker 1: if you know about his his over the top home
Speaker 1: which is now a museum, he when he died his
Speaker 1: estate left all that land. The reason cal Central California
Speaker 1: has nobody living in it comparison to l A in
Speaker 1: San Francisco is because of the fact that Hurst bought
Speaker 1: all the land and just gave it to the state
Speaker 1: of California's a nature preserve essentially, but he has got
Speaker 1: there's zebras roaming around and all these exotic animals and
Speaker 1: they've called a lot of cows, a lot of cows.
Speaker 1: And uh, we leisurely stopped off at some vistas and
Speaker 1: deserted beaches, and it didn't remind me that part of
Speaker 1: California reminds me a little bit of Hawaii, where you
Speaker 1: can just pull off to the side of the road
Speaker 1: and and go out to the beach and nobody really
Speaker 1: bugs you. You're just gonna watch out for the occasional
Speaker 1: highway patrol officer who's a little over aggressive with the tickets.
Speaker 1: But other than that, you're good. Uh and and that.
Speaker 1: So that was the travel log, but that leads us
Speaker 1: into the squirrel whisper. Well before we get into that.
Speaker 1: Knowing you and knowing your wife, this madonna in is
Speaker 1: right up her strike zone. Like I'm looking at this
Speaker 1: is not no, no, no no, This is like right
Speaker 1: in her wheelhouse. Yeah. When I travel, I tend to
Speaker 1: stay at the cheapest possible place. I can say, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't care. To me, it's not about the hotel.
Speaker 1: It's about doing stuff. If I travel, I don't believe
Speaker 1: in off and go exactly. She disagrees. Her Her outlook
Speaker 1: is it's about comfort. It's about a nice hotel. She
Speaker 1: doesn't mind dropping the good amount of money on hotel rooms.
Speaker 1: So we've come to a compromise, much like most things
Speaker 1: in my life, as long as I don't know how
Speaker 1: much it costs, I'm okay. So you know, you can,
Speaker 1: you know, drop drop a C note on a hotel
Speaker 1: or whatever. I don't know. I don't care. I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not going to worry about it if I don't
Speaker 1: know about it's kind of I mean, it's it's cool
Speaker 1: in some ways. I don't know if this is kind
Speaker 1: of nostalgic for you, because looking at a few of
Speaker 1: the rooms and even the bathrooms, it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like I'm at my grandparents house looking at the Madonna
Speaker 1: and yeah, yeah, Like some of the bathrooms are tiled.
Speaker 1: They're checkered tiled, so like blue and gold a little bit.
Speaker 1: Every room has a theme and it's over the top.
Speaker 1: It's like if here's an outdated reference, guess scoun But
Speaker 1: the older listeners will will get it. You listening who
Speaker 1: are over a certain age, a Liberati like you know Liberally.
Speaker 1: You know, Liberaci is the entertain her in Vegas that
Speaker 1: played the piano, the gay guy with the over the
Speaker 1: top outfits and all that. He by the way, he
Speaker 1: lived in Sherman Oaks. Did you know that he lived
Speaker 1: right up the hill from the mother ship the Fox
Speaker 1: Sports radio studios. But anyway, it's like something he would
Speaker 1: put together. Um over the top, and yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: she loves it, and it's like a whole big process
Speaker 1: to pick me out which room are we gonna stay in?
Speaker 1: You know this time? You know that whole thing. That's cool.
Speaker 1: You gotta do at least once. What kind of room
Speaker 1: did you guys actually stay in. I don't remember the
Speaker 1: name of it was. It was one of the It
Speaker 1: was like bright red. There was rock on the walls. Uh.
Speaker 1: It didn't have a sofa. That reminded me of my
Speaker 1: grandmother's MISSI resident. Yeah, I did have that bright red carpet,
Speaker 1: chandeliers everywhere, you know that kind of thing. Oh, man,
Speaker 1: that's great. There's the old world Sweet, the Madonna, Sweet,
Speaker 1: the Karen, the Caveman, the Karen. Yeah, boy, I still
Speaker 1: changing the name of that. It's a are I n though?
Speaker 1: All the love nest? Who the love Nest? Yeah? There
Speaker 1: were people there on their hunting moon. We saw cars
Speaker 1: in the parking lot. They were all painted up, you know,
Speaker 1: a happy marriage, you know, happy wedding whatever. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is kind of cool. Man. You're gonna go there.
Speaker 1: You gotta go, man, come on, guess go and get
Speaker 1: you act again. Well, I found I found a room
Speaker 1: for me there too. What is it the Jackass room?
Speaker 1: Rock Bottom, the rock Bottom. It's really a homage to
Speaker 1: your career, so, uh, why why not? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: that's good man. Be sure to catch live editions of
Speaker 1: The Ben Maller Show week days at two am eastern
Speaker 1: eleven pm Pacific. Be sure to catch live editions of
Speaker 1: The Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am eastern eleven
Speaker 1: pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio app. So that was my travel and then we
Speaker 1: I love the slow, methodical drive back. We came back
Speaker 1: on Saturday. I had to get back for the Clipper game,
Speaker 1: so we slowly drove down the California coast. We were
Speaker 1: all the way up at San Simeon, and you know,
Speaker 1: we drove through the different towns along Highway One, got
Speaker 1: back on you know, the main drag in San Louis
Speaker 1: abyss Ball, and we stopped off in Santa Barbara and Ventura.
Speaker 1: You know a couple of different places that are I
Speaker 1: don't usually go to because I live far away from
Speaker 1: those places. So I love Santa Barbara. And in Builton,
Speaker 1: which is right next door, actually know the Bulton's up
Speaker 1: a little bit. That's where we went to, uh to
Speaker 1: have the fried donuts in what's that town called right
Speaker 1: next to Buleton you had fried donuts. Yeah, yeah, I'd
Speaker 1: say in nor it's like a Norwegian Swedish what's the
Speaker 1: name of that town? Having a mental block there now
Speaker 1: I've talked about it before. They have the like the
Speaker 1: little Danish town in California north of Santa Barbara's like
Speaker 1: an hour north of Santa Barbara. Half an hour north
Speaker 1: of Santa Barbara. Come on, askon, come on, gascon Solvang,
Speaker 1: boom solving. It's definitely note my, why not man, because
Speaker 1: that's a great day trip in l A, a little
Speaker 1: slice of Denmark in in California. Solvang really Danish, that's
Speaker 1: what says on Google. They've got delicious Danish bakeries. You
Speaker 1: get these little eber skeezels something I think of butchering
Speaker 1: the name of it, but they're like fried donuts with
Speaker 1: jelly on top. There's a lot of windmills and it's
Speaker 1: a little tourist town and it was completely shut down
Speaker 1: for a year because King knew some shut everything down,
Speaker 1: and it was nice to see it back open. So
Speaker 1: the Squirrel Whisper one of my many stops here. I
Speaker 1: came across the pot of gold at the end of
Speaker 1: the Rainbow hungry squirrels. So we stopped off. I mentioned
Speaker 1: were stopping at these like vistas and a little roadside
Speaker 1: turn and office we can look at the ocean whatnot,
Speaker 1: and on Highway one. And as soon as we exited
Speaker 1: the car at one of these vistas, these critters greeted us,
Speaker 1: greeted me in particular with open arms, and they were
Speaker 1: like standing up demanding food. Reminded me of Bella when
Speaker 1: I when I give Bella a treat, she stands up
Speaker 1: on her legs. I says, give me more, give me more,
Speaker 1: right like just like that. And so I realized I
Speaker 1: had a bag of peanuts that I had taken with
Speaker 1: me that I just happened as a snack when I
Speaker 1: was driving up on the once I broke my fast
Speaker 1: and I was driving up the road, I snack on
Speaker 1: some peanuts, and so I attempted to feed the little buggers.
Speaker 1: And it seemed like a good idea at the time,
Speaker 1: but it it much like if you've been at the
Speaker 1: beach during the summer and you feed the seagulls. You
Speaker 1: know you can feed seagulls, and they always say if
Speaker 1: you feed one, there's a dozen more that are going
Speaker 1: to appear in Squawk and Squeal. I'd never heard that
Speaker 1: about squirrels. I didn't heard that about squirrels. So needless
Speaker 1: to say, it was as bad as that the squirrels
Speaker 1: brought friends and family, and it was a hooting nanny
Speaker 1: shindig type of situation. And its like as I told
Speaker 1: my wife, I said, you gotta record this. This is ridiculous,
Speaker 1: like so in the in the video she posted, I
Speaker 1: was a total daredevil. Everyone impressed at my heroic nature. There.
Speaker 1: I risked my life to feed these bushy tailed rodents,
Speaker 1: rats with furry tales. As some have said, here these
Speaker 1: squirrels can carry rabies, and here I am with my
Speaker 1: sandals on standing there, risking my health to feed these squirrels.
Speaker 1: Think about that, guys, think about the heroic nature of
Speaker 1: this action. And one of them was so excited to
Speaker 1: get my nuts it ran across my foot. The squirrel
Speaker 1: was so excited, and that scared me a little bit.
Speaker 1: I was taken aback by that. I was worried I'd
Speaker 1: been bitten by the squirrel. Why are you scared? I mean,
Speaker 1: you have plenty of Mallard militia members that are roping
Speaker 1: for your nuts. So I don't know why you're worried
Speaker 1: about that. Wow. Uh. And so the flying squirrels were
Speaker 1: all over me now that video. They were like, I
Speaker 1: think six or seven squirrels in the video that was
Speaker 1: posted on Instagram and Facebook last weekend. We went back
Speaker 1: the next day and they were double that. We're talking
Speaker 1: fifteen plus squirrels. It was so bad. When I got
Speaker 1: back in the car, I had to like run again
Speaker 1: in the I was worried the squirrels. We're gonna jump
Speaker 1: in the car and we were gonna have a pet
Speaker 1: squirrel in the car. They were everywhere. And then when
Speaker 1: I was trying to drive away, these squirrels are so
Speaker 1: used to human interaction that they weren't even getting out
Speaker 1: of the way of the car. Like they were just
Speaker 1: standing there like mad dog in the car, Like, we're
Speaker 1: you gonna run me over. Come on, tough guy, you
Speaker 1: can run me over. You're not gonna run me over
Speaker 1: with a squirrel. I'm a squirrel. Yeah, that was my Like,
Speaker 1: it's like when you go to the beach and he
Speaker 1: feeds seagulls, right, you give a little bit of bread,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, everybody comes and gets your
Speaker 1: So what I just said, I just used the seagull analogy.
Speaker 1: I know, but I'm just thinking out loud right now
Speaker 1: with you, like how they just came at you because she,
Speaker 1: your wife, had it on Instagram. She made one video,
Speaker 1: but there were other We went back, and there were
Speaker 1: many more the second time we went, and that was
Speaker 1: a different place too. It was not the same place.
Speaker 1: We went back to a different place, and there's squirrels
Speaker 1: in more Obey, there's a bunch of squirrels also, And
Speaker 1: that's where you're at, right. You were on the coast
Speaker 1: when you took that last video. Uh. Well, the the
Speaker 1: video of me standing in the ocean was in Santa Barbara,
Speaker 1: but the one prior to that was at a just
Speaker 1: a like a vista where I was feeding the squirrels
Speaker 1: just off just down the road from San Simeon, like
Speaker 1: a couple of miles down the road from San Simeon
Speaker 1: before you get to the next town, which is what
Speaker 1: is that? Well, you're not familiar with central California, so
Speaker 1: you're no good at this, but we're talking. I did
Speaker 1: minor league baseball for a year, because you advise, what's
Speaker 1: that what's the town below? Uh? San Simeon, Oh, God
Speaker 1: starts with a cea. We stopped there. Wifelights to that
Speaker 1: town too. It's an old cat It's just off Highway one,
Speaker 1: main Street. There's a bunch of shops, a few hotels. Cambria, Cambria. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's it, Cambria. Actually in Cambria. Yeah, like like Cambria.
Speaker 1: Ate some fetecchini alfredo and Cambria wasn't very good. The
Speaker 1: big question is did you get some sun? No? Not really.
Speaker 1: It was overcast. That's what my kind of beach. It's overcast,
Speaker 1: kind of cool. It was in the low sixties, like
Speaker 1: sixty one degrees. People are busting my balls from wearing
Speaker 1: a long sleeve slur shirt. I'm not. I'm not going
Speaker 1: out there, you know in my banana hammock if it's
Speaker 1: sixty degrees, I'm not doing that. Hey man, I was
Speaker 1: at least proud of you, I when I saw you
Speaker 1: before you took off for your trip. Yeah, funk man,
Speaker 1: you have like it's like you unzipped a fat body
Speaker 1: and threw it in the Pacific Ocean, like you have
Speaker 1: a you have a brand new body. Wow is that
Speaker 1: a compliment? Guess gun? Yeah that's here. Wow, Well I
Speaker 1: am I am proud of the fact that I did not.
Speaker 1: I've heard a lot of people have gotten fat over
Speaker 1: the COVID last year and a half. Yeah, yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: I made sure not to do that, So I did
Speaker 1: pass that, by which I'm happy about. Yes, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: you should be holy hell man. But then then no,
Speaker 1: the great thing about assholes and the mallem militious, like,
Speaker 1: no matter what I look like when I was obese,
Speaker 1: you're fat, but now I'm too skinny, or now I
Speaker 1: need you know, I skip leg day. You've got to
Speaker 1: get stronger, you know. It's what I understand. That's how
Speaker 1: people are operating to attack other people's vanity. I understand that,
Speaker 1: and um, but you know, just douche bags. Well, I
Speaker 1: appreciate at the effort. Dude, that's not fucking easy, especially
Speaker 1: when you're intermittent fast for such a long period of time.
Speaker 1: But then you see the results. It is, it is
Speaker 1: clearly evident. It's the only way till I die. This
Speaker 1: is how I'm gonna live my life. And then I'll
Speaker 1: really be on a long fast. Guest, I think about
Speaker 1: that when I tied my God, that will be the
Speaker 1: mother of all all fast. Um, I mean, I'll never
Speaker 1: read again. Guestcots, Oh my god, don't worry about you.
Speaker 1: Texted me what kind of fast you're on exactly, I
Speaker 1: won't be sending you pictures of the pizza that make.
Speaker 1: So I screwed up because we had a listener with
Speaker 1: a couple of listeners um that actually sent us some
Speaker 1: some material and and I know I was able to
Speaker 1: get my mail. I came in and got my mail,
Speaker 1: which was cool. Yes, so Lord Goufa sent us some
Speaker 1: some stuff and he asked what size shirt you? Yes?
Speaker 1: And I screwed up because you being tall, I thought, okay,
Speaker 1: well even if you lost weight, like I thought a
Speaker 1: triple X would be suitable for you. But I shot
Speaker 1: the mood on that. Yeah, that's h and I haven't
Speaker 1: nice MUMU now thank you for that. You know, I'm like, uh,
Speaker 1: like the problem I have. I have a weird kind
Speaker 1: of build, so I need tall sizes and they don't
Speaker 1: make T shirts and tall sizes often. Yes, So how
Speaker 1: do you shop? Then? Do you have to go online
Speaker 1: and specifically order it there through the Yeah? Usually just
Speaker 1: buy you know the big and tall stores. And I'm
Speaker 1: not as big as I was, but I'm tall, so
Speaker 1: I can use an XL tall or I like him
Speaker 1: a little looser, so I usually if if the shirts tied,
Speaker 1: I'll get a two x L. But I really only
Speaker 1: need an EXCEL. The key part of that it's tall.
Speaker 1: That's the problem. Alright. So we we've got German, a
Speaker 1: trip to Germany, and now what is this all about?
Speaker 1: It's uh, it's it's interesting because we mentioned I mentioned
Speaker 1: it a couple of weeks ago on on the podcast,
Speaker 1: and I had a test with the European League of
Speaker 1: Football and they brought me on as an English speaking
Speaker 1: at sometimes announcer and um past the first hurdle and
Speaker 1: to last weekend Sunday morning at six o'clock Pacific at
Speaker 1: three o'clock. I don't know what it is in German time.
Speaker 1: I don't know what CET stands for in German, but
Speaker 1: but yeah, kickoff was underway between Berlin and Leipzig and
Speaker 1: it stands for Central European time. But yeah, I called
Speaker 1: my first European League of Football game for a brand
Speaker 1: new league out there in Europe. It was awesome a
Speaker 1: lot of fun, but it was a solo mission and
Speaker 1: it was really challenging in the sense of getting down
Speaker 1: pronunciations at the last second because the league itself was
Speaker 1: it was the inception came in November, but most of
Speaker 1: these teams, general managers, coaches all came together at the
Speaker 1: last minute, so trying to get rosters that were up
Speaker 1: to date and get names was extremely challenging. My game
Speaker 1: was the last game of the day and it lasted
Speaker 1: four hours. Four hours. Like officials were throwing flags left
Speaker 1: and right. One guy snapped his leg, they're blown coverages,
Speaker 1: all kinds of penalties, guys getting hurt. So was everything
Speaker 1: you thought would be from a European football league. But
Speaker 1: they play NFL rules except for over time and yeah,
Speaker 1: but these guys were led by American quarterbacks, so they
Speaker 1: got to sling it around a little bit. Anyone we've
Speaker 1: heard of, Um, there was a couple Um a wide
Speaker 1: receiver named Anthony Doable. He played for the New York
Speaker 1: Giants in the Atlanta Falcons. And how much of these
Speaker 1: guys get paid, I don't know. That's the crazy things.
Speaker 1: Some of these guys are getting paid, but they also
Speaker 1: have second jobs to other guys are just worried about
Speaker 1: getting taped for the National Football League, Like there's a
Speaker 1: get that. But there's still it's expensive to travel the
Speaker 1: Germany just to live there is also well the kicker
Speaker 1: the kicker is is this though, is they use all
Speaker 1: native players except they are allowed to bring in ten
Speaker 1: foreigners and have four Americans on their raw suster. But
Speaker 1: even Americans are playing somewhere in Europe, whether it's in
Speaker 1: the UK, Austria, Germany, Poland Spain, They're they're playing somewhere,
Speaker 1: so they're getting some kind of coin. So I'm looking
Speaker 1: at the team nicknames, and some of them are okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: like the Jans had the Berlin thunder Kings is weak thunder.
Speaker 1: We've got that Surge homage to Surge ibaka. I guess
Speaker 1: what the Centurions? How about that? That's different? Dragons? I
Speaker 1: think more of like baseball right, Galaxy there's a soccer
Speaker 1: team called the Galaxy Devils. Devils dude, rock cloth Panthers,
Speaker 1: what is it? Rock cloth? The ws are actually vs?
Speaker 1: Oh is that right? And the slanted bees. If you
Speaker 1: see a B that's slanted like it goes upward, that's
Speaker 1: actually not a B, it's a double S. Holy fuck.
Speaker 1: I don't even know English. How am I supposed to
Speaker 1: learn that? So? Wait? W is a v way I
Speaker 1: can I can remember that could be thing. I don't
Speaker 1: think I'll remember, no, because you could see it. It
Speaker 1: would look it would look like you took one of
Speaker 1: the hoops from the B and you pulled it up,
Speaker 1: and when you pull it up, it looks it's a
Speaker 1: double S. So you're doing this remotely? Yes? And how
Speaker 1: many people are listening to this? It's it's a worldwide feat,
Speaker 1: so there's two broadcasters. I know it's worldwide, but I
Speaker 1: mean we're worldwide. But that's people have to know about it.
Speaker 1: I got people listening, you do you know? Well, So
Speaker 1: what I do know is that they have a YouTube channel,
Speaker 1: so as soon as the game ends, they have a
Speaker 1: complete highlight package of each game. And there were a
Speaker 1: lot of people that were actually commentating on my commentary
Speaker 1: and then the feat itself, so it was gonna get
Speaker 1: some kind of responses back and forth on that. So
Speaker 1: my game alone, I see it, it has over sixteen
Speaker 1: thousand views on it, so that's good. I like their
Speaker 1: their logos like a rip off of the NFL logo
Speaker 1: in the NBA and baseball. They've got the red and
Speaker 1: the blue, except they've got a guy like going up
Speaker 1: to make a one handed catch, like, yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be surprised if that is Odell Beckham right, that they
Speaker 1: just took that photo and staid here, Unwashed Masses is
Speaker 1: our new logos. So they'll they'll have a championship game
Speaker 1: on September. They'll Have're gonna fly you to Germany for
Speaker 1: the championship game. I'm I try to get that game.
Speaker 1: So there's five broadcasters that speak in English and four
Speaker 1: of us. We we rotate, so four will be on
Speaker 1: a call every week with one guy being off. So
Speaker 1: my my job at least, what I'm trying to position
Speaker 1: is to you obviously be that lead guy for the
Speaker 1: playoffs and then for the postseason championship game. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try what games is Petro's doing? Do we know
Speaker 1: what games he's not doing? Thank you? I'm not getting
Speaker 1: trump by him on the side. The p is not
Speaker 1: in the German No. But it's crazy to see these
Speaker 1: guys because when you look at him in stature, didn't
Speaker 1: look like they can play in the NFL. It just
Speaker 1: but the way that these guys are coached up is
Speaker 1: just drastically different from according to their coaches. Because most
Speaker 1: of these guys are former or just past NFL people,
Speaker 1: whether they're g MS, scouts, coaches, coordinators. So they've all
Speaker 1: gone to Europe trying to get back into the National
Speaker 1: Football League. Yeah, so where do you get the stats?
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the stat page on their website. I
Speaker 1: don't see players stats. I see the standings because they
Speaker 1: will see the players. Yeah, they're waiting to give us
Speaker 1: an official stat stat chart on all these games. So
Speaker 1: I don't know if they even have they them have
Speaker 1: a deal with stats inc or So that was the kicker.
Speaker 1: I had no live stats. That's a blessing and a curse.
Speaker 1: It's a blessing because you can say whatever you want.
Speaker 1: Nobody can. Yeah, he'd be very exotic. He'd be like
Speaker 1: when Ronald Reagan was recreating baseball games in Iowa and
Speaker 1: the ticker broke. You know, he's doing off the ticker
Speaker 1: for the Cubs games and he just you know, just
Speaker 1: have to like Ken Levine, We should have him on
Speaker 1: the podcast when he did minor league baseball, like it
Speaker 1: was just you know, just kind of fill in the
Speaker 1: blanks and you did that when you were did Yeah,
Speaker 1: one guy had a one guy had a pretty good run.
Speaker 1: Of like forty yards. I exaggerated. I said it was
Speaker 1: like sixty. Yeah, Now you do the you know, forty
Speaker 1: five fifty fifty thirty five down at the twenty seven
Speaker 1: yard line? Do you like? I always I wouldn't you
Speaker 1: say yard line? That's like a homage? Was it? Who
Speaker 1: was it? Bob Trumpy? Remember there was a old school
Speaker 1: broadcast He would always Bob Starr used to do that
Speaker 1: when I was a kid listening to Rams games on
Speaker 1: the radio, and he would he would say the yard,
Speaker 1: you know, yard line like instead of just the mark. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Who man, I'm trying to think. Who was the guy
Speaker 1: that announced he did? Uh Notre Dame football for the
Speaker 1: longest time? Oh yeah, was it Bob? No, it wasn't
Speaker 1: Bob Trumpy. What was the guy's name? Don c Yes, Don?
Speaker 1: Maybe it was Don Cricky I'm thinking of But yeah,
Speaker 1: I remember watching Don and I love the way he
Speaker 1: annunciated the down. It made it seem more impressive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it made it seem more impressive, So I thought that
Speaker 1: was cool. Him and dick Enberg were two my favorites.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Edburg was a great don creaky, solid, smooth. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really good. Absolutely, absolutely I did have one
Speaker 1: guy return a kickoff back yards for a score, so
Speaker 1: I had that one was a decent call. Yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1: here comes the stampede of seed devils. YEA gonna mix
Speaker 1: that a little bit, just imagine, because can we get
Speaker 1: you to use the word like we can get some
Speaker 1: of the Malmsted to watch these games. Can you get
Speaker 1: hornswoggle in? Yeah? I could jam anything I want to
Speaker 1: in there. Okay, you would say anything you could, So
Speaker 1: I'd like to just the word horn swoggle. I can
Speaker 1: lend that word to you. It's one of my words.
Speaker 1: Another one of my words is crowbar. You should use
Speaker 1: crowbar a good word there. You can say that the
Speaker 1: when the quarterback gets sacked they dropped a piano on him.
Speaker 1: You could do that. That's good my catchphrases. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: can use that one. I'll use that. So that way
Speaker 1: I have proof in a highlight package I can. I
Speaker 1: can pass it along. But I actually incorporated I crow
Speaker 1: bard it into the show. Yes, you see that, look
Speaker 1: at that. So yeah, it was. It was fun. It was.
Speaker 1: It was one of hopefully a bigger package, but obviously
Speaker 1: trying to lead this into something else here domestically, whether
Speaker 1: their Fox or ESPN or someone always trying to get
Speaker 1: the bigger package. You guess, on your entire life. That's
Speaker 1: what's all about, right, I understand we're never satisfied here
Speaker 1: in l A are we. I'm fine, Okay, I'm alright.
Speaker 1: It's what all that like to be in a real house.
Speaker 1: But alrighty Mallard mini mansion, I guess you can call
Speaker 1: it the mini mansion. You go from the Mallard Action
Speaker 1: to the Madonna in for for a day. Yes, I
Speaker 1: spent a day there at the Madonna, and I think
Speaker 1: you should you know different people, guest, com maybe somebody
Speaker 1: out there to meet halfway, you know, a little roady
Speaker 1: for both and just meet someone on the highway. How
Speaker 1: about that? Well, hitchhiking is very popular. These two pe
Speaker 1: love the hitchhiking, like nineteen seventies seven? Aren't there hitchhiking now?
Speaker 1: I had planned to do a few pop quiz questions
Speaker 1: and scientifical but we've gone rather long here, guest, and
Speaker 1: I feel like we've done enough content for the podcast
Speaker 1: that we were good. We don't need We can bring
Speaker 1: that stuff back next week. How about that? We can?
Speaker 1: We can? Would that be good? So we'll Bag, the
Speaker 1: Scientifical and the Pop Quiz. We've got the mail bag
Speaker 1: on Sundays. Sunday's Sunday, But remember cameo dot com you
Speaker 1: want a personal video message, did one for Father's Day
Speaker 1: last weekend which was on a cool But if anything
Speaker 1: going on birthdays, bar mitzvah's, weddings, funerals, or you just
Speaker 1: want somebody to cheer you up, cameo dot com. Ben
Speaker 1: Mallard gascons on there as well. If you want to
Speaker 1: send a question into a future mail bag, you can
Speaker 1: send it care of the email page. The email page
Speaker 1: is Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com, Real fifth
Speaker 1: Hour at gmail dot com, and we may use your
Speaker 1: question on a future edition of the mail Bag. Until then,
Speaker 1: Aloha mahallow, shalom riva there chay bye bye. Be sure
Speaker 1: to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
Speaker 1: at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific. Be sure
Speaker 1: to catch live editions of The Ben Maller Show weekdays
Speaker 1: at two a m. Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox
Speaker 1: Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app