WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Accountable for the Ghost 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:04.280 Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:07.720 and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:15.440 Hello everybody, we are scrubing. 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:19.760 I think a lot. 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:23.799 I think it like, it's short and sweet, it's familiar. 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:24.880 You get to jing. 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.760 We are scrub dumb dubbing in. 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:34.879 No, I think I think what you did was perfect. 0:00:35.320 --> 0:00:36.320 Yeah the second time. 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:37.720 No, no, the first time. 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:38.040 I think. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:41.159 Tweak it each week and see which one lands, and 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:44.520 see which one lands. Yeah, yeah, let's see what the people. 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.000 The one thing about the scrubbers, they'll let us know. 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:47.440 Yeah. 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:49.599 And one thing that we really just need to get 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:53.840 this podcast in tiptop shape for the Golden Globe entry right. 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:59.960 Yes, yeah, yes, And Sandra, oh, get her on the map, 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:01.600 get us on her map. 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:01.880 Yeah. 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:06.560 We're gonna have to think of some more guest possibilities 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:09.360 because we cannot be attached to just one outcome. But 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:13.760 I'm on it, okay, all right, twenty twenty six is 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:14.800 gonna be here before you know it. 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:21.680 Time is just flying by, flying by, because I got 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:24.120 a memory on my phone and it was Jojo and 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:29.000 Jordan's wedding. It's been three years. That's crazy, which is crazy, 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.040 and I just feel like, y'all it's gonna be y'all's 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:34.120 wedding anniversary. It's gonna just happen so fast. 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:36.400 Well, it was our two month anniversary yesterday. 0:01:36.600 --> 0:01:39.400 Happy anniversary, Thank you so much. How have the past 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:40.800 two months been a marriage? 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:44.640 Great? It hasn't felt two months is a long time 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:47.200 it has. It's felt like two weeks. I feel like 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:47.840 we just got there. 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:51.760 Britney's marriages didn't even make it to two months. Yeah, milestone, thank. 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:56.720 You, Masel. Just wedded, Bliss, just wedded, bliss. I'm obsessed 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:57.360 with being married. 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:00.840 I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah, I'm happy to 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.600 hear that, because not everyone feels that way. 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:10.360 Yeah, we didn't really celebrate our two month anniversary per se, 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:15.839 but maybe we'll celebrate six months, maybe a year. 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.160 I thought you were planning a dinner for your two months. 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:21.239 It did not happen, so funny. 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:28.080 Your memory is not so great. The dinner was for. 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:34.560 Like a oh, Michael, wow, she just snapped her brawl. 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:38.640 So we. 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:42.840 Did like a botchi ball tournament, which is like a 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:45.359 It's this thing called a party book. Do you know 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:45.840 what that is? 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:46.680 A party book? 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.480 Yeah, it's something to like raise money for the school. Okay, 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:51.919 so we did like a bochie tournament on our actual 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:52.880 two month anniversary. 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.040 Oh so your dinner. Oh you went on a dinner 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:56.520 for like step Mother's Day. 0:02:56.639 --> 0:03:00.000 Yeah yeah, it was cute. Yeah, thank you for paying attention. 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.880 Well you showed me a lovely text hero you know, 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:04.840 it was extremely sweet. I forgot it was not for 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:08.799 your anniversary. It was for Mother's Day. Now she's a stepmom, yes, 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:09.520 yes she is. 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:13.560 Yes. Mother's Day is so interesting because I and I 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.560 don't know if it's because social media you see people 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:20.639 talking about it more, but I felt this Mother's Day 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.720 there was like I saw people just being like, it's 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:26.399 Mother's Day. My husband's off golfing, And I was like, 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.560 like a lot of those types of videos, Oh really yeah, 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:34.040 And I was like, man, that's tough. Like the expectation 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:38.800 of Mother's Day is hard in my opinion, because it's 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:41.720 like and then I saw someone saying, if if you're 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:44.400 looking forward to this one day for your husband to 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:47.240 like let you sleep in or like do the dishes 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.240 or whatever it is, maybe he needs to be helping 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:54.720 you out more throughout the year if you're like depending 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.080 on this one day for him to do. It's true, 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.280 what do you do for your wife? 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:03.280 Tended it wasn't Mother's Day because our oldest was not able. 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:05.160 We're not able to see her, and so my wife 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:06.920 was very sad about that. So we said, were, it 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:09.000 is not Mother's Day. It is just Sunday, and we're 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:11.440 going to see Ali over a Memorial Day weekend. We 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.000 will celebrate Mother's Day. Then I did get her a 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.920 bottle of wine. Ife, like, I couldn't do nothing. But 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:18.200 we didn't really do much. 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:22.560 We've had We've had like some Christmases where not everyone 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.000 could be there, our birthdays and we've just gone like, 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:26.440 we'll celebrate it. You know. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:28.360 This was the first time we've ever all not been 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:29.320 together on Mother's Day. 0:04:30.800 --> 0:04:34.480 Yeah, dang, it's keep coming. 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:38.320 Tell me about it. Yeah, yesterday my youngest got her 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:39.160 driver's license. 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.839 Lies last week just likely. 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.440 And as far as I'm concerned, I'm now the father 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:49.359 of two adult children. Once they get their license, that 0:04:49.480 --> 0:04:51.719 is a major dividing line. 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:54.279 Is that so scary to let your kid drive? 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:55.080 Absolutely? 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:58.520 I feel like that's so scary here. 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:00.640 Then finally they'll get I don't have drive them all 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.400 over the place. But that's quality time in that car. 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:06.000 Man once when Ali got her license, after that it 0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:09.320 was so different. Yeah, we didn't really see her much 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:11.680 after that, and it's going to be the same thing, 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:12.160 I'm sure. 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:13.159 Dang. 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:16.680 Yeah, So we're happy for her, but it's a it's 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:17.960 kind of a sad milestone. 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:22.720 Yeah, well because it's like independence here I come. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.560 It is. And also I found that all of my 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:29.040 oldest milestones are celebrations and the youngest milestones are devastating 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.320 because it's the last one. It's the last one to 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.599 graduate elementary school, that's the last you know, all of 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.160 those moments, the first one are so exciting for the 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:41.240 last not happening. 0:05:42.160 --> 0:05:43.839 Time to bust out the old. 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.080 Jobs, the old Joe. 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:51.200 No, but it's true, like as you get older, like 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.240 your your daughters are going to get married, and they're 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.440 going to have like mother in laws, Like it just 0:05:56.440 --> 0:06:00.240 be's so complicated because you have so many mother was 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:01.880 in your life, you know, and you want to celebrate 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.600 an honor all of them. It was so might live 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:08.240 far farther apart, and so it's just like challenge. It's 0:06:07.839 --> 0:06:10.240 like a little tetris, the game of Tetris. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.200 It really is It's so interesting because I was telling 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:17.320 someone the other day that my mom for most of 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:21.280 my life, like I would say, till I was mid twenties, 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:24.880 I thought motherhood was like the easy I was like, 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:26.839 that's what I'm gonna do, Like that is just the 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.880 easiest thing, because my mom made it seem so easy, 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.200 like she loved it so much that I felt like, 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:34.839 why want I want to do this. And it wasn't 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:37.040 until I saw other people doing it and like I 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:40.599 realized how challenging it was that I was like, Wow, 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:44.000 she is even more amazing than I realized at that 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:48.040 age because she made it feel like that. Yeah, And 0:06:48.120 --> 0:06:50.360 I'm like it seemed like the hardest thing in the 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:53.960 world now like now. 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.880 Yeah, especially with like social media and stuff. 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.280 I've kids, Yeah, which I guess she feel like I 0:06:58.279 --> 0:06:59.839 got to avoid battle. 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.760 I feel like that's another layer of like fear all 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:03.200 the things. 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:07.640 Yeah, yeah, true. We do have a Dear Bonnie episode today, Yes, 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:10.240 we do. Let's get started here. 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:14.679 We go from a WLW scrubber II Becka Tani Houston 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:16.480 and marketing. He's been advice on how to propose as 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:21.080 a WLW scrubbery women, women loving women, whatever. My girlfriend 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:22.720 and I have been together two years, have chatted about 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.120 getting engaged soon, and went to look at rings awhile back. 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:27.720 We decided on what we liked, but to keep the surprise, 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:31.000 we're secretly ordering each other's rings and we'll propose at 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:33.480 some point. I'm type A, so I'm ready to get 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:36.320 this ball rolling. The issue is I mostly plan and 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.280 figure everything out. I was the first to ask her 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:39.920 to be my girlfriend. I was the first to say 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.679 I love you, so I think will be really special 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:46.040 if she proposed to me first. But if she does that, 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:47.960 then I don't really get to surprise her because she 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:51.400 knows they'll be coming shortly thereafter, and I love a surprise. Also, 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:54.720 her family's super religious and isn't really coming around, so 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:56.840 for some reason, I think if she asks me first, 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:59.080 I wouldn't have to deal with remarks about how I 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.680 rushed her into something or persuaded her eye roll. What 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:04.360 should I do? I have an idea on how I 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:06.040 want to propose, and I am ready to order her ring, 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:07.520 but I know she's more of a goal with the 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:09.080 flow type partner, and it's going to be a little 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:11.520 bit Should I wait propose to finally get to have 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:13.840 my special moment or should I get everything in order 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:16.800 for her to be surprised? Becca, I know you're keeping 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:18.720 it under wraps, but are you worried about not being 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.960 surprised if you go first? Any advice is appreciated. Love 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:29.680 you guys. Oh that is very excited to hear it. 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:36.000 Yeah, doing a creepy tap on her fingers. Yes, I 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:39.280 personally am not worried at all about not being surprised 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.960 if I go first, So that hasn't been like a thought. 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:45.439 I think I would still be surprised and excited regardless, 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:49.199 because it is That is the fun part of WLW 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:53.040 is that, like both people get typically both people get 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.760 proposed to. So I was talking to someone the other 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:57.920 day and they were like, I just love that, Like 0:08:57.960 --> 0:08:59.600 she was she's married to a man, but she was like, 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.080 I just love that you both get to experience that. 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:03.680 I didn't. 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.400 I don't even think I really understood that. I don't 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:07.680 think I knew that. I know that I thought either 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:09.679 of you could do it. I didn't realize then the 0:09:09.720 --> 0:09:11.360 other person also does it. I didn't realize. 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:14.320 Yeah, not everyone either. I guess not everyone does that, 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:17.200 but most people that I've seen do it. But I 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.200 guess different tricks for different things. I say, I know 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.319 that sometimes when you're the one who plans everything, like 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:25.400 I would say, definitely in our relationship, I'm the one 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.920 who like plans and is like the surprise, like the 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.480 person who surprises and and does a lot of that. 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:34.280 Even though I don't consider myself type A. I think 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.960 it's just is what it is. And I don't think 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.839 you waiting for something that you really want to do. 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:41.880 I don't think you should wait for something that you're 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.600 really excited about just out of hoping that maybe she'll 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:46.520 do it first. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:50.360 Or for that matter, what her family's going to think. 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.880 I know, because that should be on the last. 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:55.480 It's so hard. I mean, I think it's it's so 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:58.880 hard when you're in that and your family, people that 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.760 you love and care about, like it adds an element 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:06.680 and especially pressure for the other person. But I think 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.200 you just go for it. I think you know what 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.480 you want to do, you have a plan, and I 0:10:11.520 --> 0:10:14.000 think if you know that she's going to propose eventually, 0:10:14.040 --> 0:10:15.760 you're still going to get to have your moment. And 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:17.720 I hope that maybe she's able to pull off an 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:21.080 epic surprise and surprise you. Even if you know what's coming, 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.360 you don't know when. Even now you know what's coming, 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:25.480 you just don't know when. 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:28.640 Should you give her a partner some a little bit 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.559 of a time frame here, should give her some runway 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:32.920 before she if she does this tomorrow, she's not even 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.200 giving her partner a chance to be the one to 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:36.440 do it. Maybe she wants to be the one to 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:36.719 do it. 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.080 What you mean, like say, hey, are we thinking like 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:39.640 the next. 0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:42.840 Like you don't do this in the next like ultimating 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:44.480 a conversation? 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.080 No, no, no, no, who does that? Who doesn't? 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:50.280 I mean, nobody does that. 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:56.600 It's May fifteenth. Maybe you think to yourself, I'm going 0:10:56.640 --> 0:10:58.360 to I'm not going to say this out loud, but 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:00.280 I'll give her till the end of summer and I'll 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:02.360 plan something for on Labor Day. If she hasn't done it, oh. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.120 I see, like she waits to see if she does 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:05.280 it in that timeframe. 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.480 But not like angrily tapping your foot looking at your watch. 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.280 Just kind of give her a chance, yeah yeah, yeah, 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:10.920 yeah yeah, and then make your plan. 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:12.119 I think if maybe. 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:15.840 Take her phone and like speak the word engagement into it, 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.240 so like things just start popping up and ads start 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:21.600 popping up. You know a little subconscious. 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.800 You don't have to go that deep, but I also 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:24.680 it's that deep. 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:26.679 It's like very easy. You just like they go to 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:30.079 the bathroom and you're just like engagement engagement rings rings proposal, 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:31.079 postal proposal. 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.319 I think that if you want to give her time, 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.040 like Mark suggested, I think that you do it not 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.080 feeling resentful or angry if it if it does take 0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:42.320 longer than that, and then if you haven't gotten it 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.080 by if you can do it in a way that 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:48.800 you don't feel upset, then propose when you're ready. I'm 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:51.720 so excited. That's so exciting. And I think as much 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:54.600 as you can, even if her parents don't come around, 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:57.000 or if they roll their eyes or whatever, know that 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.240 it's what both of you want and that's what matters. 0:11:59.240 --> 0:12:00.840 And you have a lot of people who love you 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:02.600 and support you, including the four of us. 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:06.680 Yes, before we move on to the next email, have 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:09.880 you given more thought to proposal? 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:16.640 Mmmm? You'll have to see one't you not? 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:17.200 When? 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:22.160 But like, how oh? I have some ideas but nothing 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:23.680 in concrete. Yeah? 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.200 How many ideas? Like one to two, like two to four? 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:31.480 A couple i'd like to yeah, I feel like two. Yeah. 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:34.200 So that's you think about that, and then we're going 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:56.360 to take a break and we'll be right back. All right, 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.600 We are back, moving right along. We are baby. 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:03.840 This is from Heartbroken Too Soon. II beca Tania Mark 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:06.240 and Easton. I'm twenty six. I said it my first 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.319 job in the corporate world about six months ago, and 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.400 I've had a crush and an older coworker that's thirty 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.800 since the minute I met him. Right around the time 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:14.560 I started working at the company, he and his girlfriend 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:16.320 broke up, and I kind of suspected this as he 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:17.800 would try to talk to me more and drop some 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.400 hints that he was interested. He asked me out. We 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.320 went on a handful of dates. They were amazing. He's respectful, 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:26.320 he's kind, We're compatible. He seemed to like me too. 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:28.840 He told me he's looking for a long term relationship. 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:31.280 About a week ago, he stopped talking to me. He 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:33.040 was still responded if I texted, but I could tell 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.560 he wasn't putting in the effort. Well, he got fired. 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:37.360 That's why I didn't hear from him. I heard that 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.400 from another coworker. The job we have takes a lot 0:13:40.400 --> 0:13:42.040 of our time and energy, and he was fired out 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.120 of the blue since our company was downsizing. I can 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:46.719 understand he must be angry and embarrassed and doesn't want 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:48.880 to talk about it with me, which I don't think 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:50.679 he owes me we've only been out a handful of times, 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:52.360 but also doesn't feel fair to me that he has 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:55.760 basically ghosted me. My question is where does this leave me. 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:58.240 I've reached out a couple of times asking to see him, 0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:00.640 but he has said he can't. I don't want to 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:02.600 give up on him, but I also won't keep reaching 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.000 out since he clearly doesn't want to see me right now. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:06.920 Do I give it time and see if he reaches out, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:08.400 or do I just move on? My fear is that 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.959 I found my person and I'm losing him, or for 0:14:11.040 --> 0:14:13.080 a situation out of my control. I love you all 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.160 so much. I really could use some outside perspective. 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.640 I think you move on. Yeah, I think you do 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:19.960 your thing. 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:22.760 Wow, blunt and unanimous because. 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:28.000 I think that he is using I think I don't 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:30.400 know the job thing feels like an excuse. Like I 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:33.040 get it. He's probably hurt and embarrassed and doesn't want 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:36.840 to talk about it, But that shouldn't affect his feelings 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:39.120 or or pursuing you. 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:45.160 No excuse me, just woke up. And if it is 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.440 like that's what I'm saying, like he obviously is not 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:51.000 mature enough, because I feel like, obviously, yes, getting fired sucks, 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:52.720 you're e gets to blow to your ego, it's a 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.000 blow to all the things. But he should be able 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:57.480 to communicate in an adult manner and in a mature 0:14:57.520 --> 0:15:00.600 manner to you that he's going through a right now 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:01.400 what mark? 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:03.480 I No, I was waiting for you to finish. 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:08.360 Oh, well, that he is embarrassed or whatever he's going through, 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.320 but that he still likes you and wants to continue 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:12.000 dating you, but like he just needs a little time. 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.160 I would to give him a little more credit. No, 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:17.160 I think if he loved that job. I love my job. 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.440 I do. If I got fired tomorrow, I wouldn't really 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:22.840 want to be too much in touch, and certainly not 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:26.080 date someone who's here, because it would be a daily 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.400 reminder of what I've lost and the thing that I 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:30.240 used to love that is gone. I think that would 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:31.280 be very difficult for a guy. 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.360 You're telling me if you met AMers at a corporate job, 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:39.000 tell him and then you got fired and you had 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.200 gone on dates with her multiple times, you would just 0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:43.320 be like, she's done since he's dead to me. 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:44.720 Yeah, I don't know that she'd be dead to me. 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:47.000 I would need I might need some time though, and 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:51.640 I might need another opportunity to excite me before I 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:52.760 could maybe resume something. 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:55.840 Would you be able to communicate that time? 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:56.440 Perhaps? 0:15:57.160 --> 0:16:00.360 I think you move on? You don't. I am the 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.560 door and lock it, but you shut the door, you 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.520 move on. If he wants to open the door back 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:06.680 up and come back into your life, then you can reassess. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.560 But I feel like you have to. 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.680 That's always good advice to lock it, focus on you. 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:15.400 And doors need to be locked. 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:16.360 Well, that's true. 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:18.440 Yeah, some doors do need to be locked, but this 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.320 door does not need to be locked. I just don't 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.200 think you wait for him. If he comes back and 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:24.680 you're still single and still interested, and he's like, hey, 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.520 I'm sorry, I was going through a hard time. I 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:29.760 would love to see you again, he needs to take care. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.200 Yeah, he needs to take accountability for the ghost. 0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:34.960 He does need to take accountability for the. 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:38.960 G and if he doesn't lock it, lock it and 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:42.720 close the windows. 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.080 Yeah. 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:50.800 Anonymous Hello, team, I'm a sneaky Day one listener because 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.880 I'm not part of the online scrubbing in community. I 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:57.320 my own throughout your podcast journey, starting as a fan 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.640 of Bachelor Becca and then fell love with Time Easton 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.960 and Mark along the way. My question has to do 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.440 with friendship and motherhood dynamics. One of my best friends 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.119 and I had babies a few months apart. Yay Handfully 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:11.560 years later, I'm realizing our parents styles parenting styles could 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.440 not be more different and could challenge our friendship. For example, 0:17:14.840 --> 0:17:17.480 my friend is adamant about being the house that allows 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:21.480 everything alcohol, co ed, sleep over, etc. In future teen 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:23.840 years to keep her kids safe. You know those moms like, oh, 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:25.720 they can drink at my house, lungs under my roof. 0:17:26.240 --> 0:17:28.520 My husband and I are adamantly against that approach and 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:30.639 have even said that our kid will not be allowed 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.240 to go to a friend's house that has that policy. 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.360 There's also conflicting opinions on screen time. Weren't at home 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:38.840 only family with limitations. She allows screens and restaurants and 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:41.320 on car rides and all the time. I get frustrated 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.280 every time we go onto co mombing adventure and I 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.359 gently express my perspective, and she's warm but dismissive with 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.440 and I'm just surviving tone. How do I keep building 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.880 or maintaining my friendship if we continue to have such 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.320 opposing values and approaches to such an incredibly important thing. 0:17:58.040 --> 0:17:59.240 If I have kids, that. 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:05.800 Will be me, I don't think so though, Like I obviously, yes, 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:08.040 I'm very rigid and I have I'm sure I'm going 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:10.800 to have like some crazy things, but I also feel 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:12.720 like there's only so much you can control, do you 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.159 know what I mean? Like I have babies that are 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:16.960 in my life, like cousins that have had babies in 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:18.880 my you know what I mean, Like people who don't 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:21.119 want their kids to have any sort of sugar or 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:25.399 dyes or whatever, but when they're around their aunt or 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:27.800 their grandma that, you know, they freak out. I'm like, 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.080 I just feel like you have to just you can't 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:33.719 have full hundred percent controls. I think I have that 0:18:33.760 --> 0:18:36.840 perspective of like, I'm going to have certain rules, but 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:39.440 I can't control my child one hundred percent of the time. 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:41.440 So I don't think I'm going to be as like. 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:44.760