WEBVTT - Dear Chiquis: I Feel Guilty About Having an Abortion

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the

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<v Speaker 1>voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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<v Speaker 1>advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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<v Speaker 1>your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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<v Speaker 1>to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember

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<v Speaker 1>these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering

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<v Speaker 1>from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from

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<v Speaker 1>a qualified professional. All right, now go ahead and leave

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<v Speaker 1>your question at the sound of the beat.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, Cheeky's. So, I've heard you talk about how growing

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<v Speaker 2>up you had trouble reading and how you would get

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<v Speaker 2>extra help in school, how they would pull you out

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<v Speaker 2>of class so you could go to an extra English class.

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<v Speaker 2>My question to you is when do you feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you started to get good at reading? And what did

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<v Speaker 2>you do to get good at reading? And another question,

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<v Speaker 2>do you feel comfortable reading out loud? If you do, now,

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<v Speaker 2>what did you do to feel comfortable to read out loud?

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<v Speaker 2>You get me?

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<v Speaker 1>I like your question? Okay, so yes, all of elementary

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<v Speaker 1>school middle school, I would pray, my hands would sweat,

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<v Speaker 1>do not call me to read up in front of

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<v Speaker 1>this class. I think it had to do with like

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<v Speaker 1>my childhood, and you know, I was going through like

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<v Speaker 1>the whole sexual abuse thing, and I was a big

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<v Speaker 1>secret and at home, I had to be responsible for

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<v Speaker 1>my siblings. So school was never like a huge priority

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<v Speaker 1>in my life. It was just do what you gotta

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<v Speaker 1>do to get by. It wasn't like something that was

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<v Speaker 1>super like pushed on us, I guess, but I was

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<v Speaker 1>expected to get good grades. So anyways, I think that

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<v Speaker 1>all had to do with it, and I just didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, my first language, like I said, was Spanish,

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<v Speaker 1>so I had to learn how to speak English later

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<v Speaker 1>on in my life and learn how to read it

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<v Speaker 1>and all that good stuff. But I think practice makes

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<v Speaker 1>perfect and that's what I started doing. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>say that my reading started getting better for sure in

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<v Speaker 1>high school because there's a lot of reading that you

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<v Speaker 1>got to do, and I would just read more, and

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<v Speaker 1>I started falling in love with reading. And I always

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<v Speaker 1>buy books and I try to like keep them nearby

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<v Speaker 1>to remind me, Okay, I got to read. Even now,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have as much time as i'd like to read.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think for sure that's where this whole thing

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<v Speaker 1>practice makes perfect applies. And even with me. Now I

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<v Speaker 1>can read publicly. I like reading publicly. I have to

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<v Speaker 1>do it for like award shows, like when I'm presenting

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<v Speaker 1>an award or performance. Now I don't get as nervous.

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<v Speaker 1>But again, it took a while to get there. It

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<v Speaker 1>just takes time and practice and doing it more and more.

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<v Speaker 1>And the more that you do it, the more you

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<v Speaker 1>feel comfortable with it and it becomes more of like

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<v Speaker 1>something familiar. But if you do it once in a while,

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<v Speaker 1>or you don't take that risk of doing it, then

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<v Speaker 1>you're not going to get better at it. So that's

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<v Speaker 1>kind of what I did. And I was okay with

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<v Speaker 1>messing up because there was times in the beginning of

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<v Speaker 1>my career that I had to do it and I

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<v Speaker 1>would stumble on a word or I couldn't pronounce a word,

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<v Speaker 1>mainly in Spanish, and I was like, okay, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to learn this. Like I'm very visual, so

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<v Speaker 1>in order for me to pronounce a word, I need

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<v Speaker 1>to see it. And then I'm like, okay, I'll never

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<v Speaker 1>forget it. I have a photogenetic memory. So that's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of what I've done it all. It all depends what

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<v Speaker 1>works for you. Writing things down have also helped me

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<v Speaker 1>a lot, like actually writing things with a pencil, not

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<v Speaker 1>just on the phone, on a notepad, so I can

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<v Speaker 1>remember things. So but yes, as far as reading, you

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<v Speaker 1>just got to do more of it. Take the time

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<v Speaker 1>to say, I'm going to read every day for at

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<v Speaker 1>least an hour, thirty minutes, at least thirty minutes or

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<v Speaker 1>a chap. I don't know. But the more you do it,

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<v Speaker 1>the better you will get. And that's what happened for me.

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<v Speaker 1>So thank you for your question. Okay, guys, next question

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<v Speaker 1>comes from another anonymous listener.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's see Hi Cheeky's first. I want to say that

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<v Speaker 3>I love you. I love this podcast, I love how

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<v Speaker 3>genuine you are, and I love that you are a

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<v Speaker 3>cancer because I am also a cancer. I wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>ask for advice because I feel like I'm going through

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<v Speaker 3>something really, really tough that I've ever gone through in

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<v Speaker 3>my life. I know one of your podcasts you had

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<v Speaker 3>mentioned that you had had an abortion. I also had

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<v Speaker 3>one not so long ago, and I just wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>ask you, how did you overcome this? How do you

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<v Speaker 3>get over the feeling of guilt, the feeling of what if?

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like that this was something that I never

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<v Speaker 3>thought I would have done in a million years, but

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<v Speaker 3>unfortunately it had to be done because I just wasn't

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<v Speaker 3>It just wasn't the right time. I'm growing on my career,

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<v Speaker 3>and I feel so bad because it's like I felt

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<v Speaker 3>selfish putting myself first, but I need deep down inside,

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<v Speaker 3>I just wasn't ready. So yeah, I just wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>ask you, how did you overcome this and how do

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<v Speaker 3>you feel now after so many years?

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<v Speaker 4>Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I first of all, I understand you. I know

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<v Speaker 1>what you're feeling, and it's all normal. It's normal because

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<v Speaker 1>you have a heart because you didn't do it. Obviously

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<v Speaker 1>it's willingly, but it's not something like you said. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not something that I was expecting and I wanted to do.

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<v Speaker 1>But this is also going to show you to be

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<v Speaker 1>more responsible with your body and make better choices, and

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<v Speaker 1>that's a lesson that I feel you need to learn

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<v Speaker 1>from this. But I am pro choice. I feel that

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<v Speaker 1>no one that doesn't want to have a child should

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<v Speaker 1>have a baby, because that's a forever thing. A child. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>is a blessing, but if the time isn't right for you,

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<v Speaker 1>then the time is it right for you because no

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<v Speaker 1>one else is going to come in and take care

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<v Speaker 1>of that child, and you have priorities right now. And

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<v Speaker 1>I think that if that's your choice, I get it.

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<v Speaker 1>For a long time, I also felt very very guilty,

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<v Speaker 1>especially because I come from a very Christian family, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was a secret that I was holding in because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, they're going to judge me, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>go to hell. I was very afraid of my mom.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to disappoint her. I wasn't ready. I

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<v Speaker 1>was so young. I was so young, you know. And

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<v Speaker 1>I felt very guilty because it was something that I

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<v Speaker 1>was holding in. But I think that when you learn

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<v Speaker 1>to be honest and transparent about your truth, it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>have to be with the world like I did it.

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<v Speaker 1>But and you just know, Okay, I know God will

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<v Speaker 1>bless me with the baby when the time is right,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's that. Like, I think that that definitely starts

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<v Speaker 1>helping the healing. Of course, therapy, you guys know, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>huge on that. That help me a lot understanding certain things.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think that you need to not think of

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<v Speaker 1>everyone else, because I think that's where the guilt starts coming.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like what are they going to think and this

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<v Speaker 1>and that or what society says in the world that

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<v Speaker 1>we're living in right now. But this is a very

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<v Speaker 1>personal choice and it's going to take some time. But

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<v Speaker 1>you need to be compassionate with yourself and give yourself

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<v Speaker 1>a hug, like literally hug yourself. I started doing that

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<v Speaker 1>not so long ago, like hugging myself and it feels

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<v Speaker 1>so good, and say it's gonna be okay. Because if

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<v Speaker 1>you bring a child into this world and you're not ready,

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<v Speaker 1>it's really a disservice to the child. I feel, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and you grow resentment towards them, and if you're not ready,

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<v Speaker 1>like it's just a lot of things. But I understand

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<v Speaker 1>you're not alone. I'm here for you. I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>you're a bad person for doing it. I really don't.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't feel selfish. This is your time to be selfish.

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<v Speaker 1>You want to focus on your career, but also learn

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<v Speaker 1>from this. I don't believe in use abortion as a

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<v Speaker 1>form of birth control. That for me is a no no.

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<v Speaker 1>So learn from this, take care of yourself, get on

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<v Speaker 1>birth control, use a condom, like, learn from this so

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<v Speaker 1>you don't have to go through it anymore. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think you need to just forgive yourself, write it on

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<v Speaker 1>a piece of paper, burn it, or throw it into

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<v Speaker 1>the ocean, like something where you're just letting go and

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, Okay, I'm letting bygones be bygones. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>let it go. I'm gonna learn from this, I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>grow from this, And you have to just let it go.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't carry that with you because it's going to

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<v Speaker 1>cause a lot of issues emotionally and it's not gonna

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<v Speaker 1>allow you to really embrace and get everything that you

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<v Speaker 1>are looking forward to in your career, you know. So yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be Okay. I'm sending you a big hug,

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<v Speaker 1>and yes, look online there's a lot of emotional support. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for your question. Okay, guys, our

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<v Speaker 1>next question comes from it's our last question. It comes

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<v Speaker 1>from Issa Hi Tikis.

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<v Speaker 4>I was just scrolling on Instagram and I saw your

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<v Speaker 4>post about performing at NOT in Mexico City, and I

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<v Speaker 4>just want to tell you how proud I am and

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<v Speaker 4>how beautiful you look and the stage presence that you

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<v Speaker 4>have and I'm just blown away and it almost brought

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<v Speaker 4>tears to my eyes because I know how much this

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<v Speaker 4>means to you, but for us it also means a

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<v Speaker 4>lot because you're such a Chinoana like you are. You

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<v Speaker 4>do everything that you set your mind to, and you're

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<v Speaker 4>so strong and you are so powerful and you've been

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<v Speaker 4>through a lot, and I just want to say, I

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<v Speaker 4>just want to say, don't ever stop doing it, because

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<v Speaker 4>you inspire women like me, Mikanas, Latinas, just women in general,

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<v Speaker 4>to keep doing it and to always be graceful and

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<v Speaker 4>unique and strong and everything that you are you embody

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<v Speaker 4>it in such a beautiful way. And yeah, I just

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<v Speaker 4>wanted to tell you that, thank you so much for

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<v Speaker 4>being who you are. And I'm sending you so much

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<v Speaker 4>love from Atlanta, Georgia. By Tikis. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you said You're gonna make me cry. I felt

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<v Speaker 1>so much honesty, so much love in your voice, and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so like, thank you, thank you. I still can't believe, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>that there are people in the world that love me

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<v Speaker 1>like this, that wish me well, like they not even

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<v Speaker 1>know me on a personal level, but they feel my

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<v Speaker 1>heart through my music or like this particular show Ali

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<v Speaker 1>Tooia was a huge, huge moment in my career, and

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<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, I can't even explain to you. I

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<v Speaker 1>was a different person, so so on that stage that night,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like it was definitely the best performance that

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<v Speaker 1>I've ever done. And I'm very proud of myself because

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<v Speaker 1>that's how I want every performance to be, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>want every album to be better in the last I

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<v Speaker 1>have my own competition, so I'm always trying to better

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<v Speaker 1>it and be the best version of myself, especially as

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<v Speaker 1>an artist. So thank you so much. I got a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of great compliments and I feel very proud. It

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't sold out, guys, it was not sold out, but

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like it was full. I felt like it

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<v Speaker 1>was almost sold out. It was. There was a good

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<v Speaker 1>amount of people there. I don't know the count yet,

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<v Speaker 1>but when I walked out on that stage, oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>and I saw the amount of people that were there.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I didn't think because of what they were saying, like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>the tickets are and selling blah blah blah, I just

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<v Speaker 1>I stopped asking after a while. I'm like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to know how many tickets are being sold. I

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<v Speaker 1>just want to go there and focus and give a

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<v Speaker 1>good show. And I know that those people that are

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<v Speaker 1>there are meant to be there, and they're going to

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<v Speaker 1>spread the word and people are going to know that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a real artist, that I'm a true artist that mentree.

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<v Speaker 1>So the fact that you said that means a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I put my heart and soul, not only me,

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<v Speaker 1>my entire team into the show, and I know a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of them. A lot of us were depleted after

0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.840
<v Speaker 1>that show because it was just such a hype and

0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:07.880
<v Speaker 1>such like a build up to this big championship performance

0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.480
<v Speaker 1>that we were all all of us were very depleted

0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:12.120
<v Speaker 1>because it took a lot to get, you know, to

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:13.839
<v Speaker 1>get it done, but we got it done. And I'm

0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.120
<v Speaker 1>very proud and this comment and this for you to

0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:20.840
<v Speaker 1>take the moment to leave me this question is just

0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:23.400
<v Speaker 1>you have no idea like it, and then you said

0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.760
<v Speaker 1>it with so much love, and I appreciate it. Like

0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:28.120
<v Speaker 1>you guys told me, I inspire you, and you guys

0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.360
<v Speaker 1>inspire me because it's like, oh my gosh, I gotta

0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.040
<v Speaker 1>keep going. I got this. We're doing good. And for me,

0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.240
<v Speaker 1>it was in a way, to be honest, secretly, it

0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:40.960
<v Speaker 1>was a big like not f you, because that's not

0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.280
<v Speaker 1>what it was. It was more of like, look for

0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:46.719
<v Speaker 1>all those people that didn't believe in me, because I

0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:48.360
<v Speaker 1>don't want to focus on those people too much. But

0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.760
<v Speaker 1>it was nice to be like, you guys didn't believe

0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:53.440
<v Speaker 1>in me, and we're talking so much crap, and we

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.080
<v Speaker 1>went there, We did what we had to do. We

0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:57.880
<v Speaker 1>did it good. People are happy. It went freaking viral

0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.840
<v Speaker 1>on TikTok, and I'm just like, oh, I want people

0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.800
<v Speaker 1>to see I know what I'm doing on a stage,

0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:06.560
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean? Thank God, and little by

0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.480
<v Speaker 1>litt I'm getting better. So thank you. Anyways, long ass response,

0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:14.199
<v Speaker 1>but I really really appreciate you taking the time and

0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:17.400
<v Speaker 1>thank you. Thank you so much, Thank you all. Thank

0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.840
<v Speaker 1>you guys for your questions. I really enjoy listening to

0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:23.560
<v Speaker 1>you guys and helping you in every way, in any

0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:25.680
<v Speaker 1>way that I can from the bottom of my heart.

0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:27.720
<v Speaker 1>There are times that I'm like stuck and I'm like

0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:29.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what to say, But most of the

0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.560
<v Speaker 1>time I feel like I have a pretty good advice.

0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:36.559
<v Speaker 1>So if you guys have a question for me, please

0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:41.400
<v Speaker 1>It could be about finances, about love, about school, about anything,

0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:44.680
<v Speaker 1>really anything. I am willing to answer it, So leave

0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.960
<v Speaker 1>your question at speakpipe dot com, slash Cheeks and Chill

0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:52.640
<v Speaker 1>podcast e los Qiro Mucho, and I will I'll be here.

0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.040
<v Speaker 1>I'll be here waiting for you on the next episode

0:13:55.240 --> 0:14:02.679
<v Speaker 1>of Dear Cheeks. This is a production of iHeartRadio and

0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.720
<v Speaker 1>the Microdura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael

0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.439
<v Speaker 1>q u i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit

0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:16.880
<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:19.800
<v Speaker 1>your favorite podcast, and check us out on YouTube.