WEBVTT - DONKEY: Florida Man Arrested After Vandalizing Church And Baptizing Himself

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<v Speaker 1>Make sure you're telling them to watch out of Florida, Milor.

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<v Speaker 2>The craziest people in America come from the Bronx and

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<v Speaker 2>all of Flourida.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, you are a donkey.

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<v Speaker 3>A Florida man attapped an ATM for a very strange reason.

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<v Speaker 1>It gave him too much money. Florida man is arrested

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<v Speaker 1>after that wine stay. He rigged the door to his

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<v Speaker 1>home in an attempt to electric hit his presnant lights.

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<v Speaker 1>Police arrested in Orlando man were talking at from.

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<v Speaker 2>Ladas the Breakfast Club, bitch you Donkey of the day

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<v Speaker 2>with Charlam Payne, the guy.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know why y'all keep letting him get y'all liket.

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<v Speaker 2>Before we do Donkey today, I want to tell y'all

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<v Speaker 2>too that first of all, dropping a clues box for

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<v Speaker 2>l Coja and.

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<v Speaker 1>The roots right absolutely out.

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<v Speaker 2>That interview will be up on YouTube and it's how

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<v Speaker 2>long is it? Iur in thirty hour and thirty minutes.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, great conversation. Yes, Donkey today for Wednesday, August

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<v Speaker 2>nine goes.

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<v Speaker 1>To Derek Porter.

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<v Speaker 2>Now Derek is a Georgia man, but this incident happened

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<v Speaker 2>in Panama City Beach, Florida. So it's clearly something in

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<v Speaker 2>the water in Florida. You spend too much time there,

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<v Speaker 2>you get hit with that Florida fool gene. Now what

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<v Speaker 2>does younkle y'all always say about the great state of Florida.

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<v Speaker 2>The craziest people in America come from the Bronx and

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<v Speaker 2>all of Florida, and today is no exception. Okay, Derek Porter,

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<v Speaker 2>you are a Florida man today. Now let me start

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<v Speaker 2>with the headline courtesy of news Channel eight Florida, because

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<v Speaker 2>I love the headlines when they come from Florida. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>when this Florida foolishness, all the headlines be amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, first off, the headline reads Florida.

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<v Speaker 2>Then it says man breaks into Florida church, baptizes himself

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<v Speaker 2>before stealing money.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's go to news channel wait for the report.

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<v Speaker 3>Police mid morning man not ended today with a Georgia

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<v Speaker 3>man in custody bake On. The Sheriff's deputies arrested Derek

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<v Speaker 3>Porter on burglary, criminal misship, and several drug charges. I

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<v Speaker 3>said that Porter broke into the Emerald Beach Church of

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<v Speaker 3>God on alf Coleman and Panama City Beach this morning.

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<v Speaker 3>He allegedly used a cinder block to smash your window,

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<v Speaker 3>which a larder of the church employee who fled authority

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<v Speaker 3>said that Porter calls about eight thousand dollars a damage,

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<v Speaker 3>took some electronic equipment and the church money bag.

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<v Speaker 1>Depaniese.

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<v Speaker 3>Kannamut City Beach police canine, you just descended on the

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<v Speaker 3>church and arrested border. They say he had mathem and paraphernalia.

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<v Speaker 3>Porter supposedly claimed that he could not remember what happened

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<v Speaker 3>inside of the church, at least not most of it,

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<v Speaker 3>but he did say he remembered baptizing himself in the

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<v Speaker 3>church's baptism pool, and he claimed something was holding his

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<v Speaker 3>head under the water. Porter was already free on bond

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<v Speaker 3>for a burglary in Georgia.

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<v Speaker 1>There's so much wrong with this.

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, using to send the block to break

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<v Speaker 2>the church's windows, to break into the church. Now, I know,

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<v Speaker 2>Scripture says that God does not live in houses made

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<v Speaker 2>by human hands, so I'm not gonna say the church

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<v Speaker 2>is God's house. But it is a place of positivity

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<v Speaker 2>for the most part, a place with people congregate in worship,

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<v Speaker 2>a place where people go to seek forgiveness and salvation.

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<v Speaker 2>To break the church's windows may not send you to hell,

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<v Speaker 2>but damn it, it shaw not creating.

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<v Speaker 1>Positive energy in your life either.

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<v Speaker 2>This sounds like this brother watched First Sunday with Ice

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<v Speaker 2>Cuban Tracy Morgan one too many times. All Right, the

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<v Speaker 2>church is the place where you go to learn about

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<v Speaker 2>the most forgiving entity of ever God. Okay, keyword is

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<v Speaker 2>for giving, all right. In Derek's mind, he looked at

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<v Speaker 2>the church to be responsible for giving him money. All Right, Listen,

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<v Speaker 2>we know every church collects tithes and offerings and of

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<v Speaker 2>course the building fund that don't really be building anything.

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<v Speaker 2>But never did we ever think to rob the church?

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<v Speaker 2>Have we ever thought about taking back our twenty dollars?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm saying that we put in a

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<v Speaker 2>collection Playton, you know, putting in a five or a

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<v Speaker 2>couple ones instead. Yes, Okay, every Sunday we think about

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<v Speaker 2>that when you're given your offering. But you really pushing

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<v Speaker 2>God's forgiveness when you take the criminal actions in the church.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, let's keep in mind.

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<v Speaker 2>That police said they found meth and drug paraphernilia on Derek,

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<v Speaker 2>so he was probably high out of his mind and

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<v Speaker 2>when he tells police that he could not remember what

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<v Speaker 2>happened during various moments inside the church. It's because he

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<v Speaker 2>was high, all right, But he does remember baptizing himself

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<v Speaker 2>in the church's baptistory pool.

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<v Speaker 1>It's safe to say he was high out of his

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<v Speaker 1>mind if that's what he thinks.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, See porter claims something was holding his head down

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<v Speaker 2>under the water while letting the pool. Derek, let me

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<v Speaker 2>be the first to tell you that you were experiencing

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<v Speaker 2>a meth induced psychosis. All right, hallucination. You weren't being baptized.

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<v Speaker 2>You were swimming, all right. You took a lap or

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<v Speaker 2>two in the church's pool. Now, can you baptize yourself?

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<v Speaker 1>Sure?

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<v Speaker 2>All right. It's not the pattern laid out in the Bible,

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<v Speaker 2>nor is it the recommended method of being baptized. However,

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<v Speaker 2>if you truly understand the purpose of water baptism that

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<v Speaker 2>is revealed and the word of.

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<v Speaker 1>God, okay, you can do it, all right.

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<v Speaker 2>And if you have no one who was able to

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<v Speaker 2>baptize you at the time, then of course you might

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<v Speaker 2>do it yourself. But don't listen to me, okay, because

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<v Speaker 2>there's not a Jakes or robertson my name. So I

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<v Speaker 2>could be totally wrong, but I don't think breaking into

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<v Speaker 2>a church being high off meth if the right environment

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<v Speaker 2>are setting for a baptism.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, let me tell you something else.

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<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you where else this man went wrong

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<v Speaker 2>and why he's truly getting donke here to day to day.

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<v Speaker 1>You're broken to the church. Okay, send the block to

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<v Speaker 1>the window. Bang. He cost eight thousand dollars worth of

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<v Speaker 1>damage to the church.

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<v Speaker 2>Then you stole all the electronics, TV's computers, and the

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<v Speaker 2>church's money bag. That's why you're being charged with burglary

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<v Speaker 2>of an occupied instructure. Is the thing your order was off,

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<v Speaker 2>my brother, Okay, you're broken to the church and baptize

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<v Speaker 2>yourself first.

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<v Speaker 1>And then committed all these sins.

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<v Speaker 2>If you was gonna do it, you should have broken

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<v Speaker 2>to the church, stole what you wanted to steal, and

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<v Speaker 2>save the baptism for last, because the whole point of

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<v Speaker 2>baptism is to wash it where your sins correct. What

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<v Speaker 2>you did is the equivalent of taking a shower and

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<v Speaker 2>then doing a number two. Okay, you are a different

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<v Speaker 2>type of human, basically a psychopath.

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<v Speaker 1>If you shower, then do a number two on purpose. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I understand.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes you know happens, all right, but nobody purposely takes

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<v Speaker 2>the shower and then does the number two, Just like

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<v Speaker 2>nobody walks into a church, gets baptized and then sins

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<v Speaker 2>on purpose. You might sin after you get baptized, but

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<v Speaker 2>not on purpose, like you have to pick one, Derek.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, if you're gonna break into a church and steal,

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<v Speaker 2>you have to get baptized at a later date, but

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<v Speaker 2>your damn show it on. Baptize yourself first and then sin.

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<v Speaker 2>Please give Derek Porter the sweet signs and the Hamilton's.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, you are the day, the doge ah the day. Ye.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, I can't prove any of this, but but I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like e j Envy showers and then takes the

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<v Speaker 2>number two on purpose.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think, Ashley? That is that what you're

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about? Why?

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<v Speaker 2>Because the way you looked when I said it, No, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>when I said it, you looked.

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<v Speaker 1>Like he was unfazed. What's wrong with that? No, that's

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<v Speaker 1>not not true at all. But the way you just

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<v Speaker 1>asked that question, it seems like you just answer. Won't

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<v Speaker 1>you just answer the question? What if I poop my shower,

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<v Speaker 1>do you shower and then poop on purpose though, No, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>just you are a liar, and you a liar. That's

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<v Speaker 1>not true. Okay, when I pop my shower, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not judging. Why are you all on my butt?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not not, nor do I want to be. Why

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<v Speaker 1>you're asking? B E T will see you guys tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>Piece BT Donkey today is brought to you by.

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<v Speaker 2>The law office of Michael s. Lammisoft. Don't be a donkey.

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<v Speaker 2>Dot pound two fifty on your cell and say the bull.

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<v Speaker 2>If you've been hurt in a construction accident, that's pound

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<v Speaker 2>two five ozo from your cell and say the bull.