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Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to the Ikele Podcast. This is my

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Speaker 1: first ever solo episode, which I am so excited for.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I asked on my Instagram story what

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Speaker 1: people wanted to hear in the overwhelming response in topics

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Speaker 1: was breakup advice. I have unfortunately become known for breakups,

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Speaker 1: which is fine because honestly, I feel like mine did

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Speaker 1: really impact my life. So I asked you guys, what

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Speaker 1: you wanted to hear and what question do you want

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Speaker 1: answered about breakup specifically, And you guys had some really

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Speaker 1: good questions. And I might not be an expert. I

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Speaker 1: am an expert on heartbreak because I have been there

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Speaker 1: so many times, but I'm definitely not an expert on healing.

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Speaker 1: I went up and down and all around while trying

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Speaker 1: to heal from that. I've talked a little bit about

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Speaker 1: it on TikTok, but I did ketamine therapy I am in,

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Speaker 1: which people really want me to talk about. But I'm

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Speaker 1: very on the fence about it because I just it's

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Speaker 1: such a serious treatment and I don't want to influence

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Speaker 1: anybody to get it and then have them regret it.

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Speaker 1: So that's like my biggest fear, and it also it

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Speaker 1: works really well for some people and really doesn't for others,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it was just kind of a wild experience.

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Speaker 1: So I digress. But that was at the middle of

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Speaker 1: my breakup, and I suffered a lot of loss during

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Speaker 1: that time. I lost my grandfather, I lost one of

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Speaker 1: my friends in a really tragic way, and I was

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Speaker 1: just going through it. So I did that. I've been

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Speaker 1: in regular therapy, I do somatic therapy, so and it

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Speaker 1: wasn't necessarily all because of the breakup. That was just

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Speaker 1: like the hardest, most challenging time of my life, and

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Speaker 1: I was in a deep depression and just like being alone.

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Speaker 1: I hate being alone. I have read every single self

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Speaker 1: help book there is on codependency and attachment, and I

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Speaker 1: am just someone who could have somebody around twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours a day and it still wouldn't be enough. I

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Speaker 1: want someone right next to me at all times. So codependent,

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Speaker 1: even like as a kid, I remember being so codependent

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Speaker 1: and so codependent with my sister and we shared a

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Speaker 1: room for a really long time, and then when we

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Speaker 1: had to get separate rooms, I was so scared to

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Speaker 1: sleep in a room by myself, and I would always

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Speaker 1: try to sleep with my mom and she was not

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Speaker 1: into like like you know when you're a little kid

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Speaker 1: and you wake up and you go in your mom's

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Speaker 1: room and she was like, get in your bed, girl.

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Speaker 1: And so I just feel like I've always been this

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Speaker 1: little codependent thing and always just wanted somebody around, and

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Speaker 1: I always have best friends who are around all the time,

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Speaker 1: and so losing someone that was with me all the

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Speaker 1: time was so hard and so triggering and just shattered me.

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Speaker 1: So I clearly didn't handle it well. Clearly it broke

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Speaker 1: my heart and get into some of your questions, but

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Speaker 1: I know what it feels like when you have that

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Speaker 1: heartbreak that just feels like your life is over. I

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Speaker 1: really thought my life was over for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and I just did not get over it quickly, and

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Speaker 1: I did not get over it in the time that

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Speaker 1: everybody told me I was gonna get over it. And

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Speaker 1: so I just learned a lot about how you keep

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Speaker 1: going and keep moving. So we're gonna talk about breakups.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you my best advice and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: answer some of your questions. But again, I'm no master.

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Speaker 1: I'm just someone who really got their heartbroken. Okay, tips

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Speaker 1: for getting back into the dating scene after years, Well, Girley,

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Speaker 1: but it's been almost three years for me now, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not really in the dating scene. It sucks. It sucks,

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Speaker 1: and it depends on where you live. But the New

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Speaker 1: York dating scene is horrible, and every date I go on,

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Speaker 1: I just think I'm better off alone. And I have

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Speaker 1: not met anyone of any value in the New York

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Speaker 1: dating scene that I'm like, oh, this makes sense, You're

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Speaker 1: the one, You're perfect. So I would say, just do it.

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Speaker 1: I force myself to go. I learned something every time.

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Speaker 1: It's always cool to meet a new person. You don't

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Speaker 1: know how that person's going to have an impact on

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Speaker 1: your life, so just go and just force yourself to

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Speaker 1: do it. But I can't say that it's been a

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Speaker 1: success or a joy for me in any way. I

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Speaker 1: cancel almost every date. Levi is always like did you cancel?

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Speaker 1: Did you cancel? Him like, of course, I canceled, you know,

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Speaker 1: I canceled. I cancel at the last minute. I chicken

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Speaker 1: out a lot of the time, but I do force

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Speaker 1: myself at least a couple times a month. I will

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Speaker 1: go on a date. Rarely does it lead to anything,

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Speaker 1: but I will go Advice for when you're in a

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Speaker 1: situationship but he doesn't want to be exclusive yet. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I just went through that and I gave him the

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Speaker 1: it's the word I want ultimatum and gave him the

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Speaker 1: ultimatum and he was like, absolutely not, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to date you. And I ended it and it was

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Speaker 1: really painful for me, not painful for him. But when

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, like a situationship is never gonna

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you the same thing everybody tells you.

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Speaker 1: A situationship is never going to turn into anything if

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Speaker 1: they don't want to be exclusive. If they wanted to,

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Speaker 1: they would. Everyone kept telling you, why buy the cow

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Speaker 1: when you get them all for free, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: because you love the milk and you want the milk

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Speaker 1: all the time. You want the milk to continue forever.

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Speaker 1: If you're gonna the cow's gonna go away at some

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Speaker 1: point and there won't be any more free milk. And

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Speaker 1: everyone was like, nope, I'll just give another cow. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, So my thing with situationships two

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Speaker 1: months be done. After two months over dead. You cannot

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Speaker 1: let it go on for more than two months. They

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Speaker 1: will let it go on. Literally forever until they meet

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Speaker 1: someone they want to marry, and then they will text

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Speaker 1: you and say, hey, I just met someone I want

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Speaker 1: to marry. Go away, so stop it, end it now?

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Speaker 1: No done. How do you forgive yourself after staying in

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Speaker 1: a toxic relationship. I was really hard on myself at first,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what were you doing? What were

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Speaker 1: you doing? Why did you stay in that? It was

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Speaker 1: so bad? It was so bad. But then honestly, I

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Speaker 1: just was like, because I didn't want to be alone.

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Speaker 1: I don't think being in love and I don't think

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Speaker 1: not wanting to be alone is something you should feel

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Speaker 1: ashamed of. I was like, you know what, I really

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Speaker 1: didn't want to be alone and I really loved him,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't care that he was hurting me, or

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Speaker 1: that I was hurting him, or that it was bad,

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Speaker 1: or that we were both so unhappy. I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be alone, and I was like, truly deeply in love.

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Speaker 1: So at first, I would say, for the first couple

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Speaker 1: of weeks, I was like, that's so embarrassing. And then

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Speaker 1: after a while I just was like, being in love

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Speaker 1: is what is it? You know that what Ethan Hawk

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Speaker 1: said on the Red Carpet where he was like, the

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Speaker 1: person in love always wins. Like you were in love,

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Speaker 1: you can't and love is You think love is supposed

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Speaker 1: to be unconditional, and I thought that. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to love somebody anyways. I'm supposed to love

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Speaker 1: them no matter how mean they are to me, which

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Speaker 1: I now realize is not true. But I was like,

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to love somebody no matter what. So I

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Speaker 1: think if you're someone with a capacity to deeply love,

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Speaker 1: that's not something that you should feel ashamed of. Ever.

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Speaker 1: You should be proud of yourself for that and know

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Speaker 1: that when it's the right person, you're going to do

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Speaker 1: that and they're going to reciprocate it and it's going

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Speaker 1: to be like the most unbelievable feelings. So I don't

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Speaker 1: think you should feel shamed for staying in a toxic relationship.

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Speaker 1: We believe things will change. We believe people can change.

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Speaker 1: I believed that my ex was going to change so

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Speaker 1: so so so many times, so many times time two

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Speaker 1: hundred and fifty. I was like, Yep, it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: better this time. I always believe it always, and I yeah,

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Speaker 1: you you want to see the best in the person

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Speaker 1: and you want to see the best in the relationship

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Speaker 1: and you want it to work. And I don't think

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Speaker 1: there's any shame in that. So I say, don't feel

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Speaker 1: shame for saying in toxic relationship. Feel proud of yourself

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Speaker 1: for loving someone unconditionally and having so much love in

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Speaker 1: your heart. That's what I say. Is it true being

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Speaker 1: a good guy as a turn off for a woman? No,

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's like you're not good, guying too hard.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's the thing that I'm like, what

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Speaker 1: they're like, Oh, nice guys always finish the last. It's like,

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Speaker 1: it's not the nicenesses, So we're not where you're going wrong.

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Speaker 1: It's something else. Maybe you're weird, I don't know, but

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Speaker 1: it's something else. It's I'm never like, ugh, he's too nice? No,

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Speaker 1: what I don't know. Should you date while recovering from

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Speaker 1: a breakup? Ooh, okay, I did, I think I'm my

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Speaker 1: I traumatize those people. So I'm gonna say yes, but

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Speaker 1: like trepidaciously, and I would kind of like tell them

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Speaker 1: ahead of time, even like before the first date. I

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Speaker 1: would kind of give him the choice, be like, look,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting over a breakup, I'm moving slow. I'm still

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Speaker 1: in a really bad place with my breakup, and see

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Speaker 1: what they say, because I might say, no, you know, dude,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go because I don't really want

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Speaker 1: to be the person that you learn with. Or if

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, this is just casual, this

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Speaker 1: is just for fun. I need something to do on

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Speaker 1: a Friday night, I'd be like, yeah, sure, whatever, maybe

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Speaker 1: you make a friend. So I would just be really

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Speaker 1: transparent and honest about that. I would not tell them

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Speaker 1: that you are ready for a relationship, that you are

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Speaker 1: hardcore looking, and that you are ready to go when

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Speaker 1: you're not. I would just be very honest. I'm may

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Speaker 1: be too honest. Like I meet, I go on a

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Speaker 1: date and I'm literally like, let's talk about every bad

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Speaker 1: thing that's ever happened to me. And that's not always great.

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Speaker 1: I do believe when it's the right person, he's gonna

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Speaker 1: love my trauma dumping and he's gonna trauma dump right back,

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Speaker 1: and he's gonna get me. But there's an appropriate way

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Speaker 1: to explain that you're not in the best mindset before

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Speaker 1: you go on the day. How long is the breakup

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Speaker 1: morning period? I mean mine was years. It took me years.

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Speaker 1: There's also been breakups where I was over it in

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Speaker 1: a week and I was just like, ugh, whatever. So

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Speaker 1: I think it depends on the kind of breakup. I

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Speaker 1: think it depends on the person. I think it depends

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Speaker 1: on how long you were together. But that's really a

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Speaker 1: personal thing. And I got a lot of shame for

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Speaker 1: not getting over mine for a long time from a

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Speaker 1: lot of people. And I wasn't over it. I don't

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Speaker 1: know what anybody wants me. I just wasn't over it. It

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Speaker 1: affected me every single day. I woke up and thought

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Speaker 1: about it every single day for years. And that's just

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Speaker 1: the reality of what it was. It didn't I did

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Speaker 1: not heal as quickly as I wanted to. I did

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Speaker 1: not heal as quickly as I thought I would. I

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Speaker 1: never dreamed that. Two years later, when that relationship ended,

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Speaker 1: I was relieved on some serious level. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, this was never gonna work, This was

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Speaker 1: never gonna work out, this was never gonna be my person.

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Speaker 1: I can't live like this anymore. This relationship was so bad,

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Speaker 1: it was so toxic. Everything was wrong, and I thought,

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Speaker 1: you know what, in a year, you'll be over this,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't, and that's just the reality of it.

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Speaker 1: So I am a really big believer in blocking it out,

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Speaker 1: blocking out what other people think, and healing in your

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Speaker 1: own time. If it takes you five years, it takes

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Speaker 1: you five freaking years. People don't know what it's like

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Speaker 1: to be in that relationship, and they don't know what

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Speaker 1: your heart feels like, and they don't know what the

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Speaker 1: separation feels like, and they don't know what your childhood

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Speaker 1: was like, and they don't know what your attachments are like.

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Speaker 1: So I don't think you should bring it up all

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Speaker 1: the time, like I had a tendency to do. But

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Speaker 1: I do think that it can take as long as

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Speaker 1: you need it to take. I'm not it's painful. I

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Speaker 1: feel like breakups are the worst. They are the most

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Speaker 1: excruciating thing. You are in despair and you have to

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Speaker 1: wake up the next day and go to work. I

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Speaker 1: could not eat for like two weeks, I could not

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Speaker 1: get out of bed, like I was a shell of myself.

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Speaker 1: I lost so much weight so quickly. I look like

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Speaker 1: a different person, and when I look at pictures, I

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Speaker 1: look like a skeleton. And that was just the reality

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Speaker 1: of what happened to me. You heal eventually, you come

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Speaker 1: out of it eventually, But if you need time, take

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Speaker 1: your time. I think I let myself wallow a little

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Speaker 1: too long. I don't think I needed to spend months

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Speaker 1: wallowing the way that I did. But I still worked

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Speaker 1: and I got my button gear when it came to work,

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Speaker 1: and so I was like, as long as I have

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Speaker 1: that handled and it's not affecting that, I can cry

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Speaker 1: when I get home. And I just let myself. That

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Speaker 1: was just what I needed to do. That was my reality.

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Speaker 1: How do you handle not getting along or being accepted

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Speaker 1: by your significant other's family. That is a terrible situation.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I would deal with that. To

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Speaker 1: be completely honest, I think I would probably break up

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Speaker 1: with them. I don't think I could deal with that.

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Speaker 1: I feel like having joined families and getting a new

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Speaker 1: family is like part of the beauty of the experience.

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Speaker 1: And do you really want for the rest of your

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Speaker 1: life to have family members that you don't get along

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Speaker 1: with and then they're in the middle forever? And I

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Speaker 1: think for me personally, that relationship's done. I could not

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Speaker 1: do it, absolutely could not do it. What to do?

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to spot? Oh get over nerves

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Speaker 1: of a first date and have a drink. It's all

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Speaker 1: I could say. It's gonna be terrible. First dates are

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Speaker 1: the worse thing in the world. I literally hate them.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely hate them. How do I stop thinking about

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Speaker 1: my ex with someone else? It's been a month since

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Speaker 1: the breakup. I would say I did this too, But

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Speaker 1: for me, at least, I was just like, well, that

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Speaker 1: is not my person. Like I just was like, it's

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Speaker 1: not my person. Maybe that's his person. Like that hurt,

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Speaker 1: but it didn't hurt the most. I was more hurt

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Speaker 1: like I'm alone now and I don't have somebody. But

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Speaker 1: I just knew that that wasn't my person. And so

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Speaker 1: if you know, like, Okay, he's out there within somebody else. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well he's finding his person, and that person is not you.

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Speaker 1: It's not gonna be you. It's not you. There's you know,

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Speaker 1: if there's nothing you can do about that, Like, it's

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Speaker 1: just not you. And so as soon as you go

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Speaker 1: out and find your person, you'll be with somebody else.

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Speaker 1: And once you're with somebody else, you won't think about that.

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Speaker 1: So I would just instead of lingering on the fact

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Speaker 1: that they're probably with someone else, or they could be

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Speaker 1: someone else. Good, they're out there trying to find their person. Fine,

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Speaker 1: you should be doing the exact same thing. Do the

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Speaker 1: exact same thing. Go try to find your person. And

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Speaker 1: I really, I confidently knew in my breakup that that

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Speaker 1: was not my person for a million trillion reasons. I

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Speaker 1: knew that was never going to work out. No matter

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Speaker 1: how we broke up or when we broke up, it

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Speaker 1: was always going to end in a breakup. So I

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Speaker 1: was just like, whatever, of course he is, Like, of

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Speaker 1: course he is. It's not my person. Think how to

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Speaker 1: stop going back to a toxic relationship. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm a good person to ask for this. If

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Speaker 1: my ex wouldn't have ended it, I would have gone

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Speaker 1: back five hundred million times. I would have never fully

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Speaker 1: ended it. We broke up all the time, but I

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Speaker 1: would have never I would have never had the guts,

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Speaker 1: I would have never been able to do it. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would have never been able to be the one

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Speaker 1: to do it. So I would just say it comes

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Speaker 1: from a place of like self love and self respect,

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Speaker 1: And it was a level of self love and self

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Speaker 1: respect that I didn't have. I do now, But I

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Speaker 1: didn't at the time, and I think what has to

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Speaker 1: happen is, at this point in time, I am so

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Speaker 1: unattracted to someone treating me like shit. I'm so unattracted

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Speaker 1: to it. It is such a turn off for me.

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Speaker 1: I used to see it as like some kind of challenge,

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Speaker 1: and I think that's how we find ourselves in these

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Speaker 1: toxic relationships. If somebody doesn't want you, and for some reason,

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00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 1: it becomes hotter when they don't want you, they're not

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00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,880
Speaker 1: into you, they don't give you what you're looking for.

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Speaker 1: And you see it as this, even if it's subconscious,

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Speaker 1: because I would never tell myself, ooh, this is a

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Speaker 1: fun challenge. No, but it's in there, and you see

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Speaker 1: it as some challenge, like I can make them like me,

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Speaker 1: I can make them want me. I'm just gonna keep

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Speaker 1: trying it. I have such a tendency to try harder.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna give them gifts. I have such

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Speaker 1: a problem with just like giving men endless gifts. I

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00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,720
Speaker 1: will just be like, Oh, I'll give you gifts. I'll

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Speaker 1: give you things. If I buy you stuff, you'll like me.

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Speaker 1: If I am the support system that you need, you'll

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Speaker 1: like me. Oh my gosh, you're entering a competition. I'll

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Speaker 1: be there an hour early to come support you, and

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Speaker 1: I'll sit there and i'll help you, and i'll bring

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Speaker 1: you water and i'll make sure you're ready to go. No,

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Speaker 1: they just if they don't like you, they just lose

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Speaker 1: respect for you. And I took me way too long

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Speaker 1: to realize that, but I would try ten times harder.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, there's a concert you want to go to.

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Speaker 1: Guess what, we're a front row. That it doesn't make

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Speaker 1: them love YouMore. And so I had to not only

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Speaker 1: get over that, get over that weird. He doesn't like me,

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Speaker 1: so therefore I want him ten thousand times more. And

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Speaker 1: it took years and years and years. But you have

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Speaker 1: to turn it. And it has to like disgust you

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Speaker 1: when they ignore you, when they don't call you back,

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00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,600
Speaker 1: when they don't check on you, when they don't invite

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00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,000
Speaker 1: you to hang out, when they're doing all these things,

335
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,760
Speaker 1: and you're never a thought, but you always think of them.

336
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Speaker 1: You have to become unattracted to it. And I finally,

337
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: finally am I Finally It took being in a situationship

338
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 1: where he literally could not care if I got hit

339
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 1: by a bus or not. He would say that he did,

340
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,840
Speaker 1: but not one action ever lined up that he cared

341
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:17,280
Speaker 1: about me at all, and he wanted basically nothing to

342
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 1: do with me outside of hooking up, and was very

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00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:25,040
Speaker 1: transparent about that all the time. And I just was like, this,

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Speaker 1: this isn't fun, This isn't like, it's not hot for

345
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Speaker 1: me to be chasing you. I'm so sick of chasing you.

346
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,240
Speaker 1: I just the feeling of chasing after someone. I was like,

347
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 1: I chase after someone our whole relationship, and I'm back

348
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,280
Speaker 1: with somebody else who I have to chase down. It's

349
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 1: so exhausting. It's so exhausting to have to chase somebody.

350
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Speaker 1: It's so exhausting to have to beg somebody. It's so

351
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,800
Speaker 1: exhausting to just want to hang out on a Friday

352
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Speaker 1: night and just think, Oh, wouldn't tonight be so great

353
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Speaker 1: if we hung out, that would be the best way

354
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 1: I could spend my night. And then they don't want

355
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,040
Speaker 1: to hang out with you. They go out with their friends,

356
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,520
Speaker 1: or they want to go on a date with somebody else,

357
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,640
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be. That failing is awful and

358
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 1: it has to turn. And it really was the combination

359
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 1: of like oh, I'm going to do this again. I'm

360
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,680
Speaker 1: going to chase after somebody again. I'm going to beg

361
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 1: somebody for attention again. I'm going to wait and stare

362
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,640
Speaker 1: at my phone all day waiting for someone to text

363
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,399
Speaker 1: me back again. Why would I do this again? Like,

364
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,240
Speaker 1: I was like, I know how it ended the last time.

365
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,880
Speaker 1: I know how that worked the last time. That's never

366
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 1: That's not what I should feel like when you meet

367
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 1: your soulmate. I was like, there is no I don't

368
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,359
Speaker 1: remember a part in the notebook where he doesn't call

369
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Speaker 1: her back. I don't remember the part in the notebook

370
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Speaker 1: where he doesn't want to go to dinner with her.

371
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:31,760
Speaker 1: I don't remember the part of the notebook where he

372
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 1: wants to hook up with other people that doesn't happen.

373
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Speaker 1: That's not true love. I was like, this is not

374
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 1: true love. I want someone who wants to see me,

375
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,119
Speaker 1: who would do anything to go on a date with me,

376
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Speaker 1: who also has the same ideal Friday night, our Friday

377
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,480
Speaker 1: night should be spent together because that's what we both

378
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:51,119
Speaker 1: want to do. So it literally just has to disgust you,

379
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,760
Speaker 1: and the relationship has to disgust you, and the way

380
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,000
Speaker 1: you're treated has to disgust you, and that is how

381
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,560
Speaker 1: you'll stop going back, And that's how you'll it's not

382
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,679
Speaker 1: even even if you stop going back to that person,

383
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 1: you're just gonna find it again in another person. And

384
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 1: I just went and found toxic in another person. I

385
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 1: found someone who didn't like me, and I tried to

386
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 1: beg them to like me, and they didn't want to

387
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 1: and they didn't and I just was like, this has

388
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,280
Speaker 1: become so unattractive to me. This does not bring me

389
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 1: any comfort. It does not bring me any peace, It

390
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,119
Speaker 1: does not bring me any joy. These little pockets of

391
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,879
Speaker 1: niceness or these little pockets of Oh, maybe he likes me.

392
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,119
Speaker 1: Look what he did. He invited me over. Maybe that

393
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,320
Speaker 1: means he likes me. I just don't want to feel

394
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,320
Speaker 1: like that ever again, So until that feeling sickens you

395
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 1: and you're just like, oh my god. I also think

396
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,880
Speaker 1: one of the really big things for me was always

397
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,160
Speaker 1: in my relationship. I would feel jealous of other people.

398
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,320
Speaker 1: I would see other couples and I'd be like, look

399
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,440
Speaker 1: at how he holds her hand, he really loves her.

400
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,920
Speaker 1: Look at how he looks at her. Oh my gosh,

401
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: he took her on a walk. And got her flowers

402
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 1: on a Sunday morning. He must really love her. Or

403
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,600
Speaker 1: we would go to breakfast and sit the entire time

404
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 1: and fight, and then I would know one of us

405
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,640
Speaker 1: was going to storm out. Somebody always stormed out, and

406
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,639
Speaker 1: I would just be like, Oh, look at that couple

407
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 1: over there having the loveliest breakfast. They look like they're

408
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,920
Speaker 1: having the nicest time. They look like they're laughing and cuddling.

409
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,200
Speaker 1: And I was like, I got so sick of being

410
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: jealous of other people. And I was out on a

411
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:17,600
Speaker 1: not date with my situationship that I uugh, whatever. And

412
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 1: we were having dinner, not on a date because we

413
00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,639
Speaker 1: weren't dating, and I was looking around at everybody. This

414
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,800
Speaker 1: was like the day I ended it. And I looked

415
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 1: around and I saw there was all these couples on

416
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,359
Speaker 1: a date. And he made a joke about them, and

417
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, because we're not on a date,

418
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. That was the whole stick. We weren't dating.

419
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: And I looked around and I was like, that guy's

420
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,560
Speaker 1: holding her hand, that guy can't stop kissing her. That

421
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,879
Speaker 1: guy is like staring into her eyes and hanging on

422
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 1: every word. Those people have clearly been together for like

423
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 1: three years, and they're having this cute little dinner and

424
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I'm sitting across from someone who has

425
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,359
Speaker 1: already said that the girl sitting over there is so

426
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 1: pretty and clearly like is sitting two feet away from me,

427
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,919
Speaker 1: would never hold my hand and would never give me

428
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,119
Speaker 1: a hug, like would never show me affection in public.

429
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,959
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm jealous again, and I'm happy

430
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 1: for these other people, but I'm feeling that envy. And

431
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,879
Speaker 1: I remember being in my relationship and thinking, I Am

432
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,239
Speaker 1: not going to spend the rest of my life being

433
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 1: jealous of everybody else. There is no one telling me

434
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 1: that I can't have that. There's no one stopping me

435
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,880
Speaker 1: from having that except for me. So I'm jealous of

436
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:25,639
Speaker 1: something that's completely attainable for all human beings and for anybody,

437
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: and there's no barrier to entry. All I have to

438
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 1: do is just keep not settling and keep looking. And

439
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 1: because I'm choosing not to look anymore, and I'm choosing

440
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 1: to settle right here, I'm stuck here, and everybody else

441
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: who didn't settle has exactly what I want. Why would

442
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 1: I stop myself from that? And why would I put

443
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: myself in a position to be jealous of everybody else

444
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life? Why would I have

445
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 1: to be jealous that everybody else has someone who loves

446
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 1: them and wants to spend time with them. I'm choosing

447
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,880
Speaker 1: to have someone take up my time that doesn't want

448
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 1: to be here and doesn't care and isn't invested, doesn't

449
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,040
Speaker 1: look at me like that. And so that was the

450
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:04,400
Speaker 1: day that I was like, I'm not doing jealousy again.

451
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be in a relationship for the

452
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 1: rest of my Lifehere I'm jealous of every other couple,

453
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: and I'm jealous of every other girl because I look

454
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: around and her boyfriend or her husband looks at her

455
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,639
Speaker 1: like he loves her and looks at her like he

456
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: wants to be there. And I'm having to pay for

457
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,919
Speaker 1: dinner because this dude doesn't want to be here, and

458
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,360
Speaker 1: so if I pay for it, he'll show up. It's

459
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 1: so embarrassing, but that's truly the reality of the situation.

460
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: So I think it's a combination of two things to

461
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 1: stop with. The toxicity is one. It has to turn

462
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: you off. It eventually will turn you off. It makes

463
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 1: me like sick when a guy is meet to me

464
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 1: now or doesn't like me, or doesn't show me attenure,

465
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, you get away from me, you know. So

466
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 1: when they want nothing to do with me, I want

467
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 1: nothing to do with them. I do not see it

468
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 1: as a hunt. I do not see it as something attractive.

469
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 1: I do not see it as something that I want more.

470
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: I literally think it's disgusting. I think it's so cute

471
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,640
Speaker 1: and great and attractive when someone is nice and makes

472
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: effort for me. All I want is like a little

473
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: bit of effort, just the tiniest bit of effort. I

474
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like I don't know does he

475
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: like me, does he want to hang out? Does he

476
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: want like I don't want to feel like that. I

477
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: just want easy. And everybody says when you find your person,

478
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: it's just easy and it's calm and it's peaceful. And

479
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: so when it's not that in the beginning, I'm like,

480
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 1: this is going to go exactly how everything else goes,

481
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 1: how every other relationship has gone. Like I can see

482
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 1: the ending of the movie. We don't even need to

483
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 1: get there. I've seen the movie twenty times, you know,

484
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 1: like a crappy action movie. I saw the first five minutes.

485
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: I know what I'm getting myself into. Don't even need

486
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,199
Speaker 1: to make it to the end. He defeats him, he

487
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 1: gets with her, Boom, movie ends. So that is number

488
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: one and number two. You don't want to be envious

489
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: if everybody else or the rest of your life, you

490
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 1: don't want to see that everybody got something. It's like

491
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: anybody can have it. Anybody can have it. It literally

492
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 1: just depends. It's if you hold out for it or not,

493
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: and if you look hard enough, and it really is

494
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,919
Speaker 1: up to you. They don't force you to choose your

495
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: shitty ex boyfriend. You know what I mean. No one's

496
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: coming down and going, oh, sorry, Bailey, you have to

497
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: be with this person. Nope, okay, you know I have

498
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: the free will to decide who I end up with.

499
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: You hopefully have the free will to decide who you

500
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: end up with. And if that is the circumstance, just

501
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: don't settle and keep going until you have something that

502
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: You're sitting at dinner and you don't look over at

503
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 1: the other couples and think, Wow, they're so much happier

504
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 1: than me. While he really cares about her, Look how

505
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: deeply he wants to be here with her. He looks

506
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 1: like he probably says something nice to her every single day.

507
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: Obviously the other relationships aren't perfect. But if you feel

508
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: like you're suffering every time you go out on a date,

509
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: end it over. Let's see. So hopefully that answers that

510
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: question goes a little bit of a tangent. But I

511
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: feel really strongly about those two things. I really, really

512
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 1: really do. Why is the trend of not caring so

513
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 1: popular and people who care are called thatsh But you

514
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: know what, and I'm a boy asked to this, Yeah,

515
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 1: I'm really not into the not caring thing. I think

516
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 1: nonchalant isn't attractive. Now I'm really over the nonchalant With

517
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 1: someone next nonchalant, I literally will say, for batim, ew,

518
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 1: why are you being son on? Unless their answer is

519
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was trying to play it cool

520
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 1: because I really like you. Goodbye, goodbye. No no, no,

521
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: no no. I don't like the nonchalant, and I don't understand.

522
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: To me, I don't think it's desperate to want love.

523
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 1: I feel like love is a beautiful thing. People who

524
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: have love are very happy. I think maybe it's desperate

525
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,679
Speaker 1: when you can't let go of the person that you

526
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: need to let go of, Like when the person has

527
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,479
Speaker 1: shown you time and time again that they don't want

528
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 1: what you want and you care so much and they don't,

529
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: then it's desperate. Then it becomes embarrassing. It's when you

530
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,959
Speaker 1: it's like a specific person you should want and you

531
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: should reframe your mind to care about someone that cares

532
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: about you. So I think that's when it becomes an issue.

533
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: And I am the worst at this. So like, I

534
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,159
Speaker 1: am guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty of loving people that

535
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,240
Speaker 1: don't love me back and being obsessed with the idea

536
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: of I can make them love me. But yeah, there

537
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: is this trend of not caring. I don't know. I

538
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 1: think not caring is lame. I think not caring about

539
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 1: other people is lame. I think going on dates with

540
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 1: people and sleeping with people that you don't care about

541
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 1: is super super lame. So I do think it's a trend.

542
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 1: It is not a trend. I will be hopping on.

543
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: I love to care about people, and I love to

544
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: meet people, and I love to know people, and I

545
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 1: love to make new friends, and I love to welcome

546
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 1: people into my life. So I think that is a beautiful,

547
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 1: special thing, And I choose to believe that if I

548
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 1: feel this way, then others feel this way, because rarely

549
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: is there an emotion on this earth that you were

550
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: the sole and only person who has ever felt that way.

551
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,199
Speaker 1: I've never felt anything that I'm the only person in

552
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: the history of humanity that has ever felt that way.

553
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: So I choose to believe that if I feel so

554
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: much care and so much love, that there are people

555
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: out there like this question came from a boy. I

556
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: wouldn't have assumed that a boy felt that way. I

557
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 1: didn't know there were boys out there who also felt

558
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: like people are too nonchalant and like girls are nonchalant. Well,

559
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: actually this could be not a straight man. But either way,

560
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: whatever you're looking for, whatever he's looking for, whatever anybody

561
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: is looking for, like there is if you're if he's

562
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: looking for another guy, there's another guy that don't feel

563
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: that way. If it's a girl, there's another girl that

564
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 1: feel that way, and anywhere in between, Like there is

565
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: someone on this earth that is going to feel the

566
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: same way as you. There just has to be right,

567
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,359
Speaker 1: at least to me, I feel like there has to

568
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: be girl. This one's about antidepressants, I'm gonna do a

569
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: whole video about this, but yeah, that's a different topic.

570
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: I do want to do a video on the therapies

571
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 1: that I've done and the treatments that I've done, and

572
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 1: the treatment I'm on right now, the medicine I'm on

573
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: right now, so I want to make that its own thing.

574
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: But yeah, it is really hard to date when you're

575
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 1: completely numb. That is its own separate issue. But at

576
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: least for me, that like feeling of not wanting to

577
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: be alone. Sometimes I feel so lonely. I feel like

578
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: my heart's gonna explode, and I like have this like

579
00:26:55,160 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 1: deep aching loneliness. So fortunately that overpowers the numbing for me. Sadly,

580
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: that overpowers the numbing. As numb as they can be,

581
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: sometimes I still always have that lingering feeling and I

582
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 1: hate sleeping alone and I hate going to bed alone,

583
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: so that overpowers it. But I am going to do

584
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 1: a whole separate podcast episode on that. When to know

585
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 1: when to stay and when to cut it loose. I

586
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: think now my opinion has changed and I've gotten to

587
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: a place where I am like, what's the expression. The

588
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,439
Speaker 1: sooner you get off the train, the easier it is

589
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: to get back home. Like, if you get on the

590
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: wrong train and you get off at the next stop,

591
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: it's going to take you five minutes to get back

592
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: to where you need to be. If you stay on

593
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: that train for two years, you get a long way back, honey.

594
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 1: And I used to think that you could change the

595
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 1: situation and that you should keep fighting for it, and

596
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,879
Speaker 1: now I don't feel that way at all. So I

597
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 1: think if you're in something where you're not happy, if

598
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 1: you're in something where you're not fulfilled, if you're in

599
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: something where they don't treat you the way you want

600
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 1: to be treated, or truly just like, it doesn't even

601
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: have to be how they're necessarily treating you. It could

602
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: be like how you feel. If you're like I don't

603
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,440
Speaker 1: feel loved, I don't feel fulfilled, I don't feel happy,

604
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: I don't feel excitement about this. If you are there,

605
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 1: I think that depending Like I'm not saying leave a

606
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: marriage on the first, you know, fight, But if you're

607
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: in something where you just feel like I am never

608
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:19,919
Speaker 1: going to be able to make this work. The longer

609
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: you stay on that train, the longer it's gonna take

610
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: you to get back home. So I say cut it. Loose,

611
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 1: especially if it's like the start of a relationship, like,

612
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,000
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, there's so many things that I like

613
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: go on for six months to a year that I'm like,

614
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: this could have been a one month thing. I knew

615
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 1: after one month this was a nightmare. I knew after

616
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: one month I wasn't happy. I knew after one month

617
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: we were never gonna align on the way I need

618
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: to be loved and the way you need to be loved.

619
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: It just didn't work. And I would keep it going

620
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: for six months. That's six months of my life. I'm

621
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: never gonna get back. So I think of it like

622
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: a race, and I have somewhere to be. And so

623
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,000
Speaker 1: anytime I figure out that this person is not coming

624
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: on this race with me, I'm like, I gotta go

625
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 1: because you're just you're gonna make me late. I gotta go.

626
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: I gotta go, I gotta go. So I would say,

627
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 1: the second that you feel like there is no chance

628
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: that you are long term going to be able to

629
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: feel like this or want to feel like this, get out.

630
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: How do you handle all the little rejections when dating

631
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 1: and meeting new people, Well, when it happens enough times,

632
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: you just get used to it. So for me, I

633
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: don't care. I don't know. There hasn't really been anyone

634
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: that I've gone on date. There was one person that

635
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 1: I went on quite a few dates with and I

636
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: like really really really liked, and I could tell that

637
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: he had just gotten out of a long relationship and

638
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: he wasn't really like looking to settle down again, like

639
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: he wanted to explore his options and kind of be

640
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 1: out there. And so that felt like a rejection because

641
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I'm ready to date, and he

642
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: definitely wanted to keep playing the field and see what

643
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 1: was out there. But honestly, after a month of not talking,

644
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: I did not care. Like I felt rejected at first

645
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: because I was like, I can just see that this

646
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: isn't going anywhere, and then I just didn't care. It

647
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 1: was just like he's so old and he just wants

648
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: to be out every night and drink every night and

649
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 1: go on dates every night and hang out with all

650
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: these girls every night. And I just was like, honestly,

651
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: it's unattractive. So it's a mindset thing. And again, what

652
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 1: happens enough times you just get used to it, Like, yeah,

653
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 1: it hurts, but it's just like what are you gonna do.

654
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: That's not your person, Like, you know, you only probably

655
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: have one or two people that are like deep loves

656
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 1: of your life in the world. So it's like, no,

657
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 1: it's not surprising that it's not this idiot guy, Like, okay, whatever,

658
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: he wasn't the person. I've got a billion more to

659
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: go through and hopefully one of them, you know, Like,

660
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 1: I'm just like, okay, whatever, it has to become this

661
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: thing where you're like, that's not what I'm looking for.

662
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 1: The person that's rejecting me is not the person I'm

663
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: looking for. The person that doesn't see my value is

664
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: not the person I'm looking for. Would you like if

665
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 1: you've been on dates with people who were perfectly great.

666
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: I've been on dates with wonderful people that I had

667
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: zero connection with, that were attractive, that were smart, that

668
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 1: were successful, that were great, that had a lot going

669
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 1: for them, and for some reason I just did not

670
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 1: have that chemistry with them. It just didn't click. It

671
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: didn't mean there was anything wrong with them. I've rejected

672
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: plenty of people that I'm like, you are the perfect

673
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: guy for someone else. Like if another girl is gonna

674
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: come meet you and she is going to be obsessed

675
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: with you, but we just don't have the chemistry that

676
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: I'm looking for. Like, I just don't feel that spark

677
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: towards them. It's like you're two people trying to each

678
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: find your person. It's gonna take a lot. Statistically, you're

679
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: gonna need to go on like a million dates, you know.

680
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, maybe you kind of feel like

681
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: they're your person and they don't feel it back. The

682
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: chances that that was gonna be your person are very small.

683
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,000
Speaker 1: You have to go on so many dates, you have

684
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: to meet so many people, you have to have so

685
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: many life experiences. So I just don't take it personally

686
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: because I can think of ten guys off the top

687
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: of my head that I've gone on dates with that

688
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: were lovely and nice and had a lot going for them.

689
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: They just I wasn't interested. I did not want to

690
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: date them. I did not want to marry them. I

691
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: did not went on four dates. Though you're a really

692
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,040
Speaker 1: great guy, but for some reason this just isn't. I

693
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: went on a few dates with the super super super

694
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: tall hawk guy, no chemistry. I could not make the

695
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 1: chemistry happen, and I was always so disappointed because like

696
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: he's so nice, he's so attractive, he has a great job,

697
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: he's really tall, he's got so and I just didn't

698
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: feel anything. He did live. I didn't like where he lived,

699
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: but that's okay, he and yeah, or where he was from.

700
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: I just felt like there was like a I don't know,

701
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: he had like a thick New York accent that I

702
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: really couldn't get over. But and he lived in Jersey.

703
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: But I don't like, I couldn't. I couldn't like light

704
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: the flame. You know. So when someone is rejecting, you

705
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 1: just think about the person that you went on a

706
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 1: date with that you're like, he was cute, he was smart,

707
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: he was nice, he was funny. Didn't click. Didn't click,

708
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: not because there was anything wrong with them, not because

709
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: they deserve to be rejected. It just, statistically speaking, wasn't

710
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: your person and you weren't theirs, Like it just didn't

711
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 1: line up like the it needs to be, like you're

712
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 1: basically waiting for a miracle when you meet your person

713
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 1: and they fall in love with you, so like that

714
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: miracle spark. Of course it's not going to happen with

715
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: any random person and vice versa. So they just didn't

716
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: have the spark for you. You know, I don't think

717
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that, and so I don't take

718
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 1: it personally because I'm like, you know what, I wasn't

719
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 1: their spark. I wasn't there flame. That's totally okay, Okay,

720
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: the last question, well, this is a doozy. Oh actually no,

721
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: somebody said, Bailey, I'm struggling with being single. I'm missing

722
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 1: real romantic connection. Oh God, I feel that so deeply.

723
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,719
Speaker 1: I feel it so deeply. I do feel like it

724
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 1: is the hole in my heart. Is like having a

725
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 1: partner and having like real romance in my life even

726
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: when I'm actively dating. I don't feel like there's been

727
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: romance in my life in years. Okay, don't feel like

728
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: any person I've dated a few times or had long

729
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: situationships with so over that we need to that the

730
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 1: whole thing needs to leave dating cultural together. But anyways,

731
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I've had true romance. And of

732
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: course I do miss it. I love it. I love love,

733
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 1: I love being in love. I love having a partner.

734
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: So I understand I this is like tough advice. But

735
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: what I've just told myself because it's been almost three

736
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: years of being very very single and not even having

737
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 1: like the slightest hope of anything or like coming close

738
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: to having someone that I was gonna like date or

739
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: make a boyfriend. I would say, do you got to

740
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: suck it up like that? That's the time you're in.

741
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, even if I'm single for the rest of

742
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:35,200
Speaker 1: my life, I have to suck it up like you

743
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,799
Speaker 1: just have to suck it up, like it just is

744
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,399
Speaker 1: what it is. I get so lonely and I will

745
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: sit and I will cry because I am so lonely

746
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 1: and so sad, and I so desperately wish that I

747
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 1: had someone. But that's just the reality. You got to

748
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: suck it up. You can sit and cry all the time,

749
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: which I do sometimes, or I'm also in pottery. I

750
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,280
Speaker 1: also am doing everything I want to do with my career.

751
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: I see my friend like almost every day. I FaceTime

752
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: with my friends constantly. I'm constantly talking to someone. My

753
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 1: friends know where I am, I know where they are.

754
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 1: I go to dinners, I do things I enjoy, so

755
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,279
Speaker 1: I make my life is very selfish. I take a

756
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: nap when I want to take a nap. I work

757
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: when I want to work. I wake up when I

758
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,839
Speaker 1: want to wake up. And I know everybody obviously doesn't

759
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: have the freedom of that with their job, and I

760
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: do work very hard, but you have control of your life.

761
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 1: I don't have to answer to anybody else. If I

762
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: want to redecorate my living room tomorrow, I don't have

763
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 1: to ask anybody else. I can do whatever I want.

764
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 1: If I want to get up and go to Mexico tomorrow,

765
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: I can get up and go to Mexico tomorrow because

766
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: it's my choice. So I embrace the parts about being

767
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: single that are amazing. I also was at Chanel the

768
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: other day and I was shopping and there was a

769
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,879
Speaker 1: lady getting a bag, and I said to my friend, God,

770
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 1: I wish I had a husband who was gonna buy

771
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 1: me a bag. And I was just thinking, I can't

772
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: believe I have to pay for these shoes by myself.

773
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 1: And then, after like a thirty minute appointment, while we

774
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: were waiting to get our shoes brought out, he ended

775
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 1: up telling her no and did not get her the bag.

776
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: And I could just see how upset she was that

777
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 1: she I just spent thirty minutes trying on every bag

778
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: in the store, embarrassed that the sales associate had been

779
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,720
Speaker 1: helping her first song, Like, I could just see every

780
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: emotion that she was having, and I saw her get

781
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: so mad, storm over, pick up her bag, and get

782
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: ready to leave. And then he started arguing with her

783
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 1: about taking the subway, and they just like were going

784
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: back and forth, and I could tell that she was

785
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: just fed up. And I thought to myself, Wow, I

786
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: was so sad because I thought, Wow, she has this

787
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 1: husband that's gonna buy her whatever she wants. That must

788
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 1: be so nice. And then I realized, oh wait, she

789
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,359
Speaker 1: doesn't get to decide what she gets. Like he had

790
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 1: to pick out the bag, and he said he didn't

791
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 1: like any of the bags, and so she didn't get one.

792
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:36,720
Speaker 1: And I was like, I could buy my own bag.

793
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:40,479
Speaker 1: That is one of the beauty beautiful things about being

794
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 1: single is I'm like, oh wait, I'm buying my own shoes.

795
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,760
Speaker 1: No man was in here picking out which ones he liked,

796
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: having me run around the store trying on three hundred

797
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,800
Speaker 1: pair and then going ugh, never mind, you're not getting

798
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 1: one today. I don't like these. So while there are

799
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,080
Speaker 1: days where I am in so much pain because I

800
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: wake up on a Sunday and I go get my

801
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,479
Speaker 1: macha and I wish more than anything there was someone

802
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: to sit with me and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and

803
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: drink a macha with me, and I will go sit

804
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: next to the couples and watch them, and sit in

805
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 1: the park and watch the couples and just be like, oh,

806
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 1: they seem so happy. On the flip side, I can

807
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,359
Speaker 1: buy my own hinelse you can too, So there's there's

808
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: always an upside. So I look at it like that

809
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: and I say, you know what, the days where I

810
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: do whatever I want and if I want to go

811
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 1: shop all day and not watch any sports and not

812
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: go to a sports bar and not hear you talk

813
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: about golf and not have you tell me what I

814
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: can and can't buy, those are good days. Those are

815
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,720
Speaker 1: good days to embrace those parts. But there is always,

816
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 1: like the grass is always greener, there's always going to

817
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: be sad days. I had such a sad day this

818
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: weekend where I was like sitting on a bench drinking

819
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 1: my macha by myself being like, oh my god, I

820
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 1: am the loneliest person in the world, Like, no one

821
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: wants to hang out with me today, no one's answering

822
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,800
Speaker 1: my text, no one answered any of my face times,

823
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 1: and everybody here is on a cute little walk with

824
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: their boyfriend, and I am completely alone and nobody cares

825
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,800
Speaker 1: about me. Nobody would notice if I ran into traffic.

826
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: So there's those days. But then there's also days like

827
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 1: the Chanel days, where I'm like, yeah, I can do

828
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: whatever I want, whatever I want. I don't have to

829
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: answer to anybody, and I don't have to answer to

830
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 1: anybody about my finances, and I don't have to ask

831
00:38:16,239 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: somebody for something, and I don't have to wait for

832
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: a guy to buy me a bag and then get

833
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: disappointed when he doesn't. I can just buy myself. So

834
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. The last

835
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 1: question is how to get a two year situationship to

836
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: change two years? A girl A girl stand up? No,

837
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 1: I thought mine was bad. Mine was like six months

838
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 1: and I was like, deeply ashamed. I don't think you

839
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: should be ashamed. You should never feel a shamed, but

840
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: holy shit, run run run two years. He should be

841
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 1: in jail for dragging along for two years. It should

842
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,280
Speaker 1: be a crime to keep a woman in a situation

843
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: ship for two years. Girl, you need to cut and run,

844
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: and that is gonna be excruciating. You won't talk about

845
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: a train that's gonna get hard to a train that's

846
00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: hard to get off of. Oh my god, girl, you

847
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 1: need to get off now because you are gonna have

848
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 1: you got six buses to trains and a helicopter you

849
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 1: gotta take to get home. That is gonna be rough.

850
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 1: You might have to hit up a rickshaw or part

851
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: of that journey, you are gonna be in the pits.

852
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 1: That is two years. Oh my god. Six months almost

853
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 1: killed me. I was literally like, I'm so r broad good.

854
00:39:21,239 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 1: And he was like literally out with another girl the

855
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 1: next day and decided to tell me, And then I

856
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: was like, okay, girl, you gotta get over it. Two years. Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl,

857
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 1: you have a long journey home, and you need to

858
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: get off that train. Holy crap. Do not wait for

859
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: him to change. Do not wait for him to want

860
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: you get out. I like, I would be probably losing

861
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 1: it if I had been dating some for tears and

862
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:48,919
Speaker 1: they didn't want to get married. If you've been hockey

863
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 1: it wasn't for tiers and they don't want to date you,

864
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: that's evil. That person. They should that literally should get

865
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: at least a month in jail, not prison, but like

866
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 1: a county jail somewhere. You should get thirty days for

867
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,479
Speaker 1: string somebody along, like he should have to think about

868
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: what he did. He should have to sit and really

869
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: think about what he did. I am so sorry. That

870
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:12,279
Speaker 1: is torture, my angel, And you need to go go, go,

871
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 1: go leave now and find someone who wants to date you.

872
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you have a lot of healing to do.

873
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:22,520
Speaker 1: Call me girl like DM me because I'm worried about

874
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: you two years. Oh that like makes me shudder. That's no,

875
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: literally almost died over not died, but like was losing

876
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 1: my marbles over someone after six months, and I was like,

877
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: how did I let that go on so long? No,

878
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 1: he is traumatizing you. He is causing you deep, deep,

879
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 1: deep trauma by doing this to you and basically constantly

880
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 1: rejecting you in little ways every time you have a

881
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:52,479
Speaker 1: glimmer of hope for two years. No, No, that's over.

882
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: We're done. You have way more value than that. You

883
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 1: are out of that. So that ends now. And you

884
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: know what else ends now? Well this podcast, because that

885
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: is all the questions. So that was my first ever

886
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: solo podcast. That was crazy. I liked having you guys

887
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: ask me questions because it kind of made me feel

888
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,279
Speaker 1: like you were here with me and like I was

889
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 1: actually doing something to help you. So I hope some

890
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:14,760
Speaker 1: of the advice was at least a little bit helpful,

891
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: or maybe you feel a little less alone in any

892
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: of those things or any of those feelings. But I

893
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 1: am at Bailey d Taylor. We are at It Girl

894
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 1: the series, and we will be back next week with

895
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 1: another It Girl, or it'll be another solo. I don't know,

896
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 1: but thank you so much for listening. I hope this

897
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: is helpful. If you listened, please dm me. I love

898
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 1: when you guys DM me and have like more questions

899
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: or more thoughts or if there's like a topic you

900
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: want to hear. I am just getting into doing solos,

901
00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 1: so if there's like anything you want to hear about

902
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: dm me, I'm always checking. So I want to communicate

903
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 1: with you, and I want it to be like you're

904
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: talking to a friend or someone who cares, or someone

905
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: who at least has gone through the same thing, because

906
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 1: I always say, if I'm going to go through all

907
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 1: of this hell, like might as well be worth something.

908
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:56,879
Speaker 1: And if I can make somebody feel a little less

909
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 1: alone or make somebody learn something or get this girl

910
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 1: out of for two years Situ, Wish and Joe, it

911
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 1: will all be worth it to me. So thank you

912
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 1: so much. Che