1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:03,240 Speaker 1: Good evening party. People. Welcome to Dynasty. Typewriter, how are 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: you tonight? I said, how are you tonight? Thank you 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,719 Speaker 1: so much for joining us here at Alchemy this. If 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: you would please keep that applause rolling for the cast 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:39,959 Speaker 1: of Alchemy this. Some people are missing, We love them. Backstage, 6 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 1: James is in the bath. James peene right in the bathroom. 7 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: He knew the timing and he ran out and deliberately disobeyed. 8 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: Let's get a prayer. Let Yeah, for the record, I 9 00:00:54,240 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: can't see a single person. It's just okay, minutes. Did 10 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: I miss anything? Well, I washed my hands. My hands 11 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: are still wet. Now, never mind, I'm good. Well. I 12 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: think that Kevin has decided to post the video clips. 13 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,680 Speaker 1: You'll always feel awkward. So we're just gonna surrender and 14 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: to them. Um as he welcomes us to the show, 15 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,600 Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode, a very special episode of 16 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: Alchemy this. I'm your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes, that Kevin Pollock. 17 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: What's up? Yeah? No, I don't normally wear glasses. That's right. 18 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,400 Speaker 1: I need them to read, which I'm doing now, as 19 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: I always do in every episode we record about with 20 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: this is just the word in a theater's night in 21 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: front of people, which is why I'm now over explaining 22 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 1: wearing glasses, speaking of which I was fully intended or 23 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: ending to be there tonight with you at the Dinosy 24 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: Typewriter Theater for this very special recording of Alchemy. This 25 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: It's just that the overlords at Mrs MASL decided to 26 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: reschedule a table read for this very afternoon, which yanked 27 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: me from the comforts of my home in Los Angeles 28 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:25,519 Speaker 1: back to New York, and I am powerless to their 29 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 1: generous employment. But I digress. I'm so very happy to 30 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 1: welcome all of you to this live from the Dinasy 31 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: Typewriter Theater in Los Angeles episode of Alchemy. This sorry 32 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 1: holding for a lost Now let's meet today's Alchemists, shall we? 33 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 1: As always in no particular order, say hello to Chris 34 00:02:50,360 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: Alvarado expected more applause. Chris, I'm hot, Timber. How sad 35 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: are you that I'm not there tonight? Extremely, I'm I'm heartbroken. 36 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:11,519 Speaker 1: I'm utterly tell him, don't devastated. And also this goes 37 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 1: like a trick. This is our second live performance and 38 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: he's been on video for both times, and now it 39 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: feels like we're tricking you, guys, but he is a 40 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 1: real person. We have madhead. He's not locked there, look 41 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: at it, just listening. He's such a good listener. Next up, 42 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: Hide the Mules, it's Joey Greer. Hello, Hello, Hello. Yeah, 43 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: that's not much a cause anyway for joe Lo when 44 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: the chickens come home to Ruge, what will you be wearing? Okay, 45 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: let's go to the next video. I think a hat. 46 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: I think I hated Hey gang, doesn't she look ready? 47 00:03:52,200 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: And it's Vanessa Raglan Venete. Tonight is so very special 48 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: and in so many ways, but perhaps the biggest is 49 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,119 Speaker 1: that this is your first time performing in your very 50 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: own extraordinary theater for the first time since the Joint opened. 51 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: So I'm curious how you're feeling right about now. You know, 52 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: pregnant regular, but thank you for asking pipe down your 53 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: sons of bitches. Craig Atkowski is on stage too. If 54 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: you could do something about Joey Greer, what would it be? 55 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: It's too late. I mean, I think we're locked in 56 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:44,320 Speaker 1: at this point and he's here and last, but may 57 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: the ghost of Christmas pass leave p n poop and 58 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 1: you're stalking if you think him least it's James Heeney, 59 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: Julie or Julia. Did the crowd just cheer loudest for 60 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 1: you because they love you most? Or because they do 61 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: appreciate my endless attempts to oddly name you each episode. 62 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:11,080 Speaker 1: I believe that it's because I believe that they genuinely 63 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: love me, and probably maybe because you hate me. I 64 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: don't know. Is he listening? Is he finally he's not there? 65 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:25,359 Speaker 1: I do that that's fine. Normally, at this point we 66 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: would go to our first scene suggested by the listener males. 67 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: But before we get to it, I have a very 68 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,359 Speaker 1: special guest to introduce. He's known to all young and 69 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: old as that fellow you love so very much and 70 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:47,239 Speaker 1: that thing you saw man. He's also father to twenty 71 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: two children and husband to just the one wife, not 72 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: to mention, a size seven, dripping wet and one alib 73 00:05:55,240 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: a kisser. Please welcome Mr Dave Techner. Thanks Vince again, 74 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: Mr Pollock. I love I love your painting. So chick 75 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: chick yep, chicken check check check. How's the gang? We're great? 76 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: How's the group? Good group? Feeling it? Good group? I 77 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 1: tell you. L A gets the best audiences don't they 78 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: because every asshole that everyone's especially like, I love you 79 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: back here in New York, says I love you back 80 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 1: here in l A. Yeah, we live here. We mean 81 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: I love Los Angeles? Great? Right, I love it, yeah 82 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: New York. Wait, what didn't I didn't it down? Yes, 83 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: let's take it. I have a can of gas. Let's rebuild. Wait, 84 00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: we're gonna burn it down to rebuild. Of course. Finally 85 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: people can afford to rent him in my name. All right, 86 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: I guess it's time to get the stuff started with 87 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: another video? Is that right? About two hours of videos? 88 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: So just same half and now let's get to our 89 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: first scene. All of tonight's scene suggestions were gathered from 90 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: our listener emails. If you'd like to submit yours, please 91 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 1: write to the podcast at your name here at alchemy 92 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: this dot com. Yes, that's your name here at alchemy 93 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 1: this dot com. Our first scene comes from Katie, who 94 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: I should point out spells that c A I T 95 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 1: I uh, Katie rights, gooday. Team. My name is Katie 96 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 1: Ward and I am an outcome holic. My ted um 97 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: is my long drive to therapy and back. So I 98 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 1: mentally appreciate the opportunity to gather new things from your 99 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:03,239 Speaker 1: podcast to tell to my therapist about, such as how 100 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: Vanessa sounds more Australian than I do, and I'm from 101 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: the bloody place I digress, she writes. My suggestion, is 102 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: this an Australian Vanessa no pressure goes to America for 103 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: a study abroad program. Maybe it's two d C to 104 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: learn about government or U S sisty, or maybe it's 105 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: too literally anywhere else to learn literally anything else, because 106 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,520 Speaker 1: I still don't know jack about anything American, and I've 107 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,240 Speaker 1: lived in Austin, Texas for five years. Cheers X A 108 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 1: mill Katie C A, I T I P S. In 109 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,800 Speaker 1: case it causes confusion in quotes, Katie is pronounced in 110 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 1: quotes Katie with a k PPS. Please don't read that 111 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: part on the podcast, least I sound like a pompous 112 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: ars P P p S. You read it, didn't you? 113 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: I forgive you? Katie Ward chimes included at all right, 114 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 1: alchemists to read cap in Australia end goes to America 115 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: for a study abroad program. Alright, so over there we 116 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,959 Speaker 1: got the all the dormitories for the freshman's dormitory. Yeah, 117 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:19,959 Speaker 1: how wa say again? How does it wack dormitories? But no, 118 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 1: is it for bets? Yeah? Beds, yeah, beds. I think 119 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: she's saying bats, please don't stand on the sidewalk? Are 120 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: no standing? Are a sorry? Oh my god, America. So 121 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: we got that. We got the food hall over there, 122 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: that's Dolphin Hall, the best subs in the city over there, 123 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: we all served. Uh yeah, he might. Yeah, it's actually 124 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 1: like a really great game fish. Ohyeay, but not the mammal. No, no, no, no, 125 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: we can't. We can't stay I mean onto the table. Yeah, 126 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: but he is the sidewalk. We just got a lot 127 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: of people walking on the sidewalk here, so just make 128 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: sure that we keep that. Really confused. Well, we're here 129 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: to help. You've got two ambassadors of the school here, 130 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 1: so your ambassadors, yeah, student ambassadors. Sorry, I guess my 131 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 1: first question is regarding the dolphin in the Mahi mahi. 132 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: Is it included? Yeah? You should have? Is a student 133 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: on my meal cat? Yeah, it's room and board, room 134 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: and board. What pies the board? Your meals are the board? 135 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,439 Speaker 1: The meals of the board. That's adorable. We really should 136 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 1: get off this. Hey, what's up, dorks? Real bully? Oh hey, 137 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: look if it is in Tweedledee and Chat? What are 138 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:45,600 Speaker 1: your dorks doing being ambassadors of dumb showing? Say something 139 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: back Cotton? What do we say? I mean, I don't know. 140 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: Are you do something witty? Go on? Chat? And the 141 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,400 Speaker 1: other one Tweedlede? Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, 142 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: hold on. Why don't you say something witty to us? 143 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: Move it, punks? Um, I guess if I say anything 144 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 1: to you a fine American bullies. He looked like you 145 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: just popped out of a movie. Um, I guess I 146 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:21,079 Speaker 1: just yeah, good took his eyes? Do you want to 147 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: eat your own eyes? Your friends only closed? Hey, guys, 148 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,680 Speaker 1: welcome back. How's your summer? Wow? Who's this? Hey all? 149 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: Sorry about the blood. I can't just dealt with some bullies. 150 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 1: Quote the Raven smart, I'm donut. Hey, guys having a 151 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,920 Speaker 1: good summer. It's gonna be back, right, Yeah, it's great 152 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 1: to be back. It's gonna be back. The ambassadors. You 153 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: smelled like we My older brother got me into weed 154 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: over the summer, so I'm selling. Oh you're selling. Yeah, 155 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,199 Speaker 1: I didn't get that summer job. So he said, this 156 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 1: is the stamy through the fall and winter, and this 157 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 1: is great that you want of the kind of American experience. Yeah, 158 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: well that's what I was thinking, like parties, cheerleaders. We 159 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 1: don't have cheerleaders, really we don't. There's no cheer didn't 160 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: do jobs and spooks not like here. No, we're not 161 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 1: really involved with frats or sports at school. Yeah, those 162 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 1: are fascist organizations. Were not part it's a little extreme 163 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 1: coming through, coming through. We shouldn't stand on the sidewalk, 164 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 1: and we also shouldn't stay in the grass very long. 165 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 1: We should we stand here. We should go to the 166 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: quad quarters really honestly, to be perfectly honest, that's where 167 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,839 Speaker 1: it happens, the quots way it happens. Do you like 168 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: to friz? We're all on the same Ultimate team Ultimate? 169 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: Do you play Ultimate? Nor? Did I loved her? We 170 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: need a fourth fantastic. You can be a spotter? What 171 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 1: is that there? Oh, you're kind of like the catcher, 172 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: you know, like in baseball, you know the quarterback and football? 173 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: Uh do you know the center involveball? You know, like 174 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: a judge and court like that, as are wear a 175 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: wig and no need to wear a wig? Why not? 176 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,959 Speaker 1: I'm like a judge. I mean you're different over there, man, 177 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 1: that's cultural sensitivity. Are you intolerant? I'm trying not to be. 178 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,599 Speaker 1: Oh to know, I think we can all be a 179 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:30,200 Speaker 1: little more tolerant. Rights, I'm I'm a diabetic. Is that 180 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: what's going on? We all got to give him our 181 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,680 Speaker 1: insolin from our bodies. So we all just gotta team 182 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: it up. That's why it works. I got the patch. 183 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:43,960 Speaker 1: He welcome to the quad, guys quaterr Yeah yeah, yeah, 184 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: we're just doing all the normal activities. Got the frieze 185 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 1: champs over here. It's a fellas. We got the hackey guy. 186 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 1: He's solo hacky. I've seen it in movies. Yeah, that's it. 187 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,839 Speaker 1: That's it. We'll let you know. There will be a 188 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 1: party later. Great, yeah, Greek party. That's right, that's right. 189 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: So just enjoy the quad. Enjoy college. That guy is 190 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: so cool. He's like the coolest guy on camp. That 191 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 1: guy's a freshman too. Yeah. Oh hey, just remember Jesus 192 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 1: loves you guys. Oh that's oh man, that's not cool. 193 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: Allowed to do that on a public university, No you're not. 194 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: But it's just right. And we got to get a 195 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,120 Speaker 1: permit to do it. But you can't just walk around 196 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: and say it. Oh you can take some of my insulin. 197 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 1: It's a series of tubes. How do you get your 198 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: insulin into him? Oh? I haven't any And then I 199 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: just kind of shoved him. There always coming back to 200 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: a lot. It's like military planetry fueling over the Pacific, Dirk, 201 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: what are you studying this fall? I'm still a policy 202 00:14:52,520 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: with an art history miner. Awesome, try. I really like 203 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 1: you just obsessed my dad. But my mom said she 204 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 1: likes that, so she's fine with it. She gives me. Okay, students, 205 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 1: welcome to math math. Alright, no need for that. We 206 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: have a new student joining us. She's also in college math. 207 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: Tell everybody your name, please? What's that? She said? Donut? 208 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: Darn donut? You see the equation on the board. Uh, 209 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:42,600 Speaker 1: solve it five? Jesus? All right? Give me what would 210 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: you say? Some good will hunting shit right there? Okay, 211 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: maybe that was a little too easy for her. Okay, 212 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 1: what are you racing it? I see you racing it. Yeah, 213 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 1: I'm erasing it, so I'm gonna do a harder Was 214 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: it right? Was it right? Yeah? It was fine. Oh 215 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: you just said Jesus and you race it because I 216 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: was Did he say Jesus? I mean it like that. 217 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, could you sit down? I'd rather pace the 218 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,320 Speaker 1: door behind you. Okay, I know it's closed to be okay, 219 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: you know what it's gonna be? Something bad? Yeah, it's 220 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: something bad. But i'd prefer you sit down. Okay, I'll 221 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:23,320 Speaker 1: say I'm sitting. Okay. You've brought religion into your class 222 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: on a consistent basis, and we know there's an underground 223 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: group of people religious sizing this college. What are you 224 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,240 Speaker 1: doing with your hand? Put your hands on lifting my hands? 225 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: It looks like you have a question pent me. You 226 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: I'm a dean. What do I have to repent for? 227 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: You're still a human being who sends that's not true? 228 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:51,080 Speaker 1: You have two choices? What repent? Dean Mallard? You got 229 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: at two o'clock coming in and just five? Can you 230 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 1: just hey? How are you? Hey? Want to take math again? 231 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 1: I'm so dumb? How much do I help? Yeah? Fiven? 232 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,160 Speaker 1: Probably four? Now? Honestly, flies when you're having fun, right, 233 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 1: you argue? Could you please shut the door? Absolutely repent 234 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 1: or die? Actually? Come in here? Oh, come in here? 235 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: Do you think what he says has any weight? The 236 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 1: math stuff checks out, but you don't understand it. But 237 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: when I show my work, I start to understand. No, 238 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,879 Speaker 1: he's saying I need to repent or die? Or is 239 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: that just that's just how it is. That's just how 240 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 1: it is. Watch when this music comes back up? Watches 241 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, that's coming from me, but from the 242 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: man upstairs? That's I mean. Is there bluetooth speakers in here? 243 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 1: We do have them in here? But if he here 244 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 1: because I can't get my dang podcast to play. All right, listen, 245 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: at the very least, we're going to continue these days. 246 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: I have an important meeting, so we're we're not good. 247 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 1: I can go back to teaching for now, and I'll 248 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: let you go one for living for now. Does that 249 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 1: mean I'm and you and I are going to Applebee's 250 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:17,120 Speaker 1: later on? I love this guy. I'm here to see 251 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,560 Speaker 1: Tean Mallard. Is that Am I in the right office? 252 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're the two o'clock. Thank you? That wasn't 253 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:28,680 Speaker 1: a compliments. See right this way you have to earn 254 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,639 Speaker 1: your sass. I'm sorry, what is happening. I don't know. 255 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 1: I'm threatened. Oh my gosh, you do not know math. 256 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: That is just a vibe I'm getting off. Oh yeah, well, 257 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: I guess what I am learning the best guy? I can't. 258 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: Here's his office. Thank you. I'm sorry. I didn't want 259 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: to be seen like this. Team Tean Mallard, just stop, 260 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: don't look at me. Turn around, turn around, John Mallard. 261 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 1: What do I recognize this space? I mean? Did you 262 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 1: you look too young to have graduated? Yeah, that's right, 263 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: I'm fifteen. What are you doing here? Came here to 264 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: see my father? Well two o five coming in in 265 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:16,120 Speaker 1: four minutes? Four minutes. I'm sorry, didn't I didn't see 266 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:20,919 Speaker 1: your hand there? Oh my god, you do look familiar. 267 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 1: God do you believe in him? I don't know right now. 268 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,359 Speaker 1: My life's changing. But you look like a mirror of 269 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 1: me when I was thirteen? Will you look? You look 270 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:37,640 Speaker 1: old for your h are young? Richard? Great session today? 271 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: Are we still long from four o'clock next Tuesday? Yeah? 272 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 1: I suppose I can fit it in. You can fit 273 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: it in. I mean, if you don't want to come 274 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: back to therapy, you don't have to. Would you like 275 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 1: to take some time off? I don't have to do this. Well, 276 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: your parents feel it's important, but I'm checking with you 277 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 1: because I do. I don't want to come back, all right, well, 278 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,720 Speaker 1: part of my job is to encourage you to come back. 279 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:08,119 Speaker 1: How's next Tuesday at four? Um? I mean I'm not 280 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 1: doing anything, but okay, would you like to do this? 281 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: We had fun today, right, we played some video games. 282 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: I'm trying to bond with you. Richard, I honestly am. 283 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 1: You're really not great at Red Dead Redemption. I never 284 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 1: learned to really use Listen. I started with you don't 285 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 1: have hand coordination. Well, that's not it. I this type 286 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 1: of particular game wasn't around when I was your age. 287 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: What are you fifteen? Yeahs when I was fifteen, forty 288 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:46,640 Speaker 1: years ago? So where's you have Pong? Yes? We did, 289 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 1: Actually we had before pong. We had to these handheld devices. Um, 290 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: the name escapes me. All right, it's Christmas, It's Christmas. 291 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,399 Speaker 1: I got you and your brother the handheld devices. You 292 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: both win outside, No, you're gonna be in here. What 293 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: do they call blenders? You put them on your hands 294 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: and punch each other. Merry Christmas blenders. Well, I'm pretty 295 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: sure you can't be remembering that, right. The Nintendo game 296 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:26,639 Speaker 1: of some sort and it was football. Um, gosh, darn it, 297 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:33,040 Speaker 1: I goll dagget Oh lordy, I can't remember. Oh, cry, 298 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: Why why aren't you able to cuss? Well? My wife 299 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: your wife, Yeah, she doesn't like it. And my parents 300 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: are very oppressive Catholics. Okay, you just cut in front 301 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:47,479 Speaker 1: of me. I can handle just about any word. Excuse me. 302 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 1: I can handle just about any word. I said. Count 303 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: um Dr ferner um our son recently came back from 304 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: one of your cents sessions we had. We've had a 305 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: lot of progress. Yeah, fantastic. Tell him what he said? Yes, 306 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: I will tell him, will you? Because I'm always the 307 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,040 Speaker 1: bad cop, and you said you'd be the bad cop. 308 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: It's not about good, it's not about good. I am 309 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: not the bad cop. You know what? He has not 310 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 1: listened Tuesday, the last month, he said cunt. Okay, he 311 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,120 Speaker 1: said cut that. Excuse me. He pointed out that all 312 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: the appliances. He said, that's a cunt. That's a cunt, 313 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 1: that's a cut. Well, was he humanizing in an ad? 314 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 1: No he was not. He No, it wasn't a bridge 315 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,320 Speaker 1: he was trying to build. Okay, where did he learn that? 316 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 1: Who's the last person he spoke to? I know we 317 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 1: don't take cunt in our home. Has he been reading 318 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,959 Speaker 1: Mark Twain? Oh? That's a great question. I don't know. 319 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:48,120 Speaker 1: That's probably probably from literature. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 320 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 1: Perhaps Madam Bovary like that man Chaucer's Candiburry Tales cut 321 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: this off in referenced in Chaucer's Cantaburry Tales have to 322 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 1: get rid of them? Sorry, and narc on you man. 323 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,960 Speaker 1: It's it's fine. I I actually quite enjoyed it. I'd 324 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,680 Speaker 1: called all the household appliances the C word. Well, it's 325 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: except for the blender, which is a blender and not 326 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 1: a video game. You're exactly right, exactly right. But I 327 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: I'm very happy to hear your progress. I'm back again, 328 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: aren't I. Yes, I'm happy to see you. I said 329 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 1: it would come back, and you did. You're an independent thinker. 330 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,199 Speaker 1: I feel like this is more important to you than 331 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: it is to me. So I don't want to feel 332 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,200 Speaker 1: like I was letting you down. No, no, no, it's 333 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,479 Speaker 1: not about me. I'm glad you're here. I mean, if 334 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,400 Speaker 1: you're worried, I wouldn't get paid a farce. But I'm 335 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:46,680 Speaker 1: glad you're here. Would you like to play m Fallout? Sure, 336 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,080 Speaker 1: let's play Fallout. So I don't know if in Australia. 337 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: You guys have like bunk beds, but these are we've 338 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 1: got bunk beds. Cool. Cool. So I at the top 339 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 1: bunk and my roommate sleeps down there. Yeah so are 340 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:07,440 Speaker 1: he's in there now? He's always in there. He doesn't 341 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:17,080 Speaker 1: feel well careful with my pistroff. Yeah, but um, he's 342 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: also very quiet. So if you want to like hang out, 343 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:23,840 Speaker 1: I could like it as pizza. Not in here, not 344 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 1: in the room with the pistrof and the scary caveman. 345 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:31,560 Speaker 1: Give me one second, hey, Bobby, Wait, do you not 346 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: want me to listen? No, I don't want you to listen. Okay, 347 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 1: I'll just look at the poster. That's She's beautiful. That's 348 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 1: my mother. Congratulations, Thank you, Bobby. Bobby. Do you think 349 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 1: maybe you could do me a solid man? You want 350 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 1: to come and sleep with me? I mean in the 351 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: future maybe, but well, what's up? Do you look like? 352 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: Grab your stuff, dude and your pitched trough and repent 353 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:10,240 Speaker 1: what you say? Repent? What's going on? Man? Nothing? Just 354 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: repent before the world ends. She's got really long nails. 355 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:20,680 Speaker 1: Your mom the better to scratch you either. Yeah? Yeah, maybe, 356 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,840 Speaker 1: um truck you what is it. I don't know. I 357 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:31,000 Speaker 1: just repent. Look, donut, I was having thoughts about you, 358 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: don't know. I was having simple thoughts about you this 359 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,400 Speaker 1: entire time. I wasn't just trying to be your friend. 360 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: I was trying to do more. And Bobby, when you 361 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 1: are sleeping, I touched myself to you. That feels better. 362 00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:47,160 Speaker 1: That feels better. That feels better. So this feels better? Good? Good, 363 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:52,560 Speaker 1: get it out. It's okay. You could be bisexual, which 364 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not that. You're just straight up yeah, 365 00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: it's not weird, not weird. You are your own person. 366 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: You have your old sexuality and you express it however 367 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:09,680 Speaker 1: you like to, and that's okay. Father. Yes, Oh, I 368 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 1: have some bad news. I don't know if it's bad news, 369 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 1: but I met somebody at work today. I'm listening. Apparently 370 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,119 Speaker 1: I have Do I want to hear this? Well? Do 371 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 1: I want to hear this? Do you want to regret 372 00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:26,960 Speaker 1: telling me? This is this going to blow our life? 373 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm not infertile. Really, I'm not infertile. Okay. 374 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,159 Speaker 1: The problem it seems like you're trying to lead with 375 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: some good news bad news bullshit. I have a son. Oh, congratulations, 376 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,639 Speaker 1: and I brought him home. Okay, it looks like a 377 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 1: little thirteen year old girl. I'm that's a girl. It's 378 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: he's he's fifteen years old. I'm fluid. It's fluid. Wait, 379 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,960 Speaker 1: wait a second, it's a fluid scenario. Who's who's the mother? 380 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,359 Speaker 1: That's the thing? Wait? I never asked, could God? You 381 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,159 Speaker 1: kind of just ran out of the office. I had 382 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: to Chason. It was a crazy day. I found God 383 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,920 Speaker 1: and my son. I just thank you. I'm so happy 384 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:12,119 Speaker 1: to be found. I just I don't know who my 385 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: mema is. What my mema I remember waking up, and 386 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,480 Speaker 1: it does mean mother or grandmother? Got to be means mother. 387 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:28,919 Speaker 1: I've only heard my grandmother. And wait, what's coming on? 388 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,720 Speaker 1: I thought you were just the infertile d my son 389 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 1: that I've always wanted. Your son, right, he's going to 390 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: be what I'm yours. So right, he's gonna be staying 391 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,479 Speaker 1: here with us. He's my son over my dead body. 392 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: Don't kill me now, I dare you too? Yeah, yeah, 393 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: a knife, honey, do it in your life? Repent? What's 394 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: going on? Why aren't you stabbing me? Well, I'm listening 395 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: to a voice in my head and I haven't quite 396 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 1: heard the whole story yet. Give me a second and 397 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: I need silence, repent. That's not enough info. If so, anyway, 398 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: do know, I hope your first semester is going well. 399 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of subplots going on 400 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 1: at this college. Don't all concern you directly, but because 401 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,359 Speaker 1: what are you if anything is confusing you or know? 402 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: For me, it's all been fun. I'm going to my courses. 403 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 1: I'm doing pretty well. Um, doing well in math. There's 404 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 1: something going on with some you know Christian groups. Oh yeah, 405 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 1: I'm on the team. I'm doing great. Yea very good Chad, 406 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 1: Chas Chad. Thank you guys for being my ambassadors. I 407 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,120 Speaker 1: have been having a great time. But it's a crazy school. 408 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: Right are you doing in college math? I'm doing well, 409 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: but there they're bullying me, the builling you in college math. 410 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,960 Speaker 1: That's so my grades are impeccable. I guess the right 411 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 1: number every time you guess? Or do you know? No? 412 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: I mean not no, I beg to sign no. Math 413 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 1: is hard for me, but they're calling me donut donut. Well, 414 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 1: I mean, you can take care of yourself. I saw 415 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: you rip a guy's eye out. But the professor started it. 416 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 1: I shouldn't rip a professor's eye out, should I? Well, look, 417 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 1: who's late for class? Class? Class? Class? Class? Who is it? 418 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:34,239 Speaker 1: Say my name, professor? I think we all know your 419 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 1: name by now, donut, professor. Someone else just said it, 420 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: so I'll get back to work. I want you to 421 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: sign my name to a professor. You a bed. No, 422 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,760 Speaker 1: I'm not afraid of her, like you got a PhD. 423 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: You bet? Yeah? Alright, stop saying that? All right? Yeah? 424 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 1: Who said? Okay? All right? Yeah, welcome to class to 425 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: We got a lot done there. I'm sad it's over. 426 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:30,120 Speaker 1: That's That's what Kevin. I have something else to say, Kevin. 427 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:38,640 Speaker 1: Scene two comes from Hayden, who wrote, Hello Alcumis. Firstly, 428 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: I want to congratulate you and all the success on 429 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: the podcast and on inventing what I consider to be 430 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 1: a new genre of improv comedy. I have to admit 431 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: I was skeptical that first one I heard about the 432 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 1: idea of an audio improv show, but the lively and 433 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:56,080 Speaker 1: hilarious scenes you consistently create have, in my opinion, opened 434 00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,040 Speaker 1: up a new door for improv comedy. I would love 435 00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,480 Speaker 1: to hear a scene based down the popular TV show 436 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 1: House Hunters. Couples on the show always seem to have 437 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 1: complete opposite wishes for the house, location, style, way too 438 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 1: small of a budget for what they want, etcetera. Thanks 439 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 1: for all the laughs, Hayden Alchemists begin. This property here 440 00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:22,760 Speaker 1: is one of a kind, one of a kind home 441 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,040 Speaker 1: built by one of a kind architect. Actually killed himself 442 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,480 Speaker 1: in the living room, and it was after the whole 443 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: home was finished. Really beautiful, that's gorgeous, natural exposed. You 444 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: killed themselves? Yeah, yeah, what killed himself? One person? And 445 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,800 Speaker 1: uh and so the kitchens craftsman. Yeah, yeah, it's craftsman. 446 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: That's nice. Yeah, So the price is reduced at the 447 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:51,239 Speaker 1: moment because of the death. Sure, it was right here 448 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 1: in the living room, and we can go by autopsy. 449 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,000 Speaker 1: He kind of dragged himself around the home before he passed, 450 00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 1: So anywhere French doors leading to a beautiful patios. Feel 451 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,160 Speaker 1: free to touch any of the plants. They're all available. 452 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: And uh oh, d got cold all of a sudden 453 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 1: for an island in this kitchen, an island. I did 454 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: feel a chill just a moment. And so we can 455 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 1: go to the bedroom and Dad, I don't want to 456 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 1: go with another open house because I don't want to 457 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: live with you. Come on, kiddo, fine, but honestly you're 458 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 1: the easiest, the easiest to convince. But honestly, I'm getting tired, 459 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,320 Speaker 1: so like this is give me this will be the 460 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 1: last open house. Can you guys get off the sidewalk? 461 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 1: Please excuse us? Sorry? Pal? Here here's a buck. We mean, pal, 462 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: excuse me my dad. You don't know your dad. No, 463 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 1: I don't your dad. I just know two people obstructed 464 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,200 Speaker 1: to the sidewalk. I'm riding a bike. But my dad. 465 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:09,920 Speaker 1: Just give you a dollar because he's dead. I'm sorry. Yeah, 466 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 1: is there an issue? Dad let his favorite? Yeah? I 467 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,680 Speaker 1: think I'm looking squared at the divorce. There was there 468 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 1: was a divorce. I do it. God, judge your character me. 469 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,680 Speaker 1: Please get out the sidewalk. And I don't need your money. Pal, 470 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 1: don't you pal me? All right? I thought you were 471 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: hard on your luck? Sorry, hard on my luck. I'm 472 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,400 Speaker 1: hard right now. I'll tell you that, sir. You know, 473 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,240 Speaker 1: to tell you that hard on, I'll take a dollar. Wait, 474 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,160 Speaker 1: what's a hard on? I'll take a dollar. I don't 475 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:40,080 Speaker 1: have time for this, okay, Wait, sir, sir, she makes 476 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,520 Speaker 1: me hard what who makes you this? Wow? Guys together together? 477 00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,040 Speaker 1: I wish I was. I was, well, I guess we 478 00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:53,080 Speaker 1: got something harmon. Then I think the dollar. I don't 479 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: think so, Dad, I like these two. Are you with 480 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,000 Speaker 1: these two to be your parents? Maybe you can't a dollar? 481 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 1: Whatever he wants? Alright, So lovely family checking out the home. 482 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,800 Speaker 1: This is fantastic. I love to show you. The upstairs 483 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,359 Speaker 1: looks like it's got floors. Yes, it does. It does 484 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:17,719 Speaker 1: have floors most time. You're funny. So if we go 485 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,440 Speaker 1: to the I call him Dad. We're not together. They 486 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:24,040 Speaker 1: were just obstructing the sidewalk, all right. I got a 487 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: dollar a night spent it. Yeah, okay, upstairs because I 488 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:30,719 Speaker 1: don't trust it just stairs. There's a lot of people 489 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 1: in the neighborhood. That's why I just careful what the paint. 490 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,360 Speaker 1: The careful with the paints. You're bringing it up. Careful 491 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,319 Speaker 1: with the paint. Excuse me, I'm sorry. I thought we 492 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 1: were getting a private showing you. Are you okay? This 493 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,960 Speaker 1: is an open house? Okay, okay, here to make let 494 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,759 Speaker 1: me get this house. Maybe don't mess this up for me. 495 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: I don't think. Don't up for me, Dad. What you're 496 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 1: just crying out here on the sidewalk. You'd rather go 497 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,279 Speaker 1: see an open house for those two homeless people. Well, 498 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:04,759 Speaker 1: I'm being on us. You really? What's that back there? Dad? 499 00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,160 Speaker 1: That guy got into your face and you just backed down, 500 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:10,120 Speaker 1: and it made me love you a lot less. It 501 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,359 Speaker 1: was more than woman I was scared of. That's fair. 502 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:18,880 Speaker 1: It sounds like another woman. We know they're good. I 503 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 1: was looking for some mud, but I'm coming up empty. 504 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,440 Speaker 1: Anybody got a little water and dirt I can make 505 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: together mud. No, I don't have any mud for you, lady. 506 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 1: I never heard that, Dad, So are you gonna go in? 507 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: These people are really cool? It looks like they're shooting 508 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 1: an episode of House Hunters in that house. So oh, 509 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,000 Speaker 1: is that? Is that what all the cameras are about? Yeah, 510 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,359 Speaker 1: that's all. That's all the cameras. And I think one 511 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,400 Speaker 1: of them pointed at us right now like that, we're 512 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,879 Speaker 1: gonna have to sign a related Just just get that kid. 513 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 1: Look at that sad kid, and look at that sad dad. 514 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,560 Speaker 1: Get that sad dad. Get that sad kid. Hold for 515 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:01,560 Speaker 1: an airplane, all for the All right, I'm gonna keep 516 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,960 Speaker 1: talking to my son. I'm not on your show for 517 00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 1: the plane and you're good. We were good before. Yeah, 518 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: we were good. Doesn't sound like your word. What you 519 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:19,160 Speaker 1: got some advice of Oh, I don't know what am 520 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,360 Speaker 1: I but a pile of molt to a big millionaire like, 521 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: you're right, not a millionaire. I'm barely well. I'm not 522 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 1: a pole of moltz either. Thanks. You're pretty anyway, somebody 523 00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:38,000 Speaker 1: might find you pretty well well. I've been leaning in 524 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 1: us there. I got some problems at home. We got 525 00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,440 Speaker 1: a single parent, we got a mom that left a 526 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,200 Speaker 1: whole lot of pain in her way. I'm all right, 527 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 1: let's take the kid off your hands. Let's just take 528 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,439 Speaker 1: the kid off your hands. Start over, man, Dad. I mean, 529 00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: I've been making this divorce about me, But maybe she's 530 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,560 Speaker 1: onto something. Maybe you deserve to go live the life 531 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 1: you want to live without having raised me. I'm annoying 532 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:18,399 Speaker 1: and ungrateful at times as standing in the Okay, so damn, 533 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,000 Speaker 1: what do you think? I have always wanted to be 534 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:27,800 Speaker 1: an architect? What are you now? Am I now? The 535 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,760 Speaker 1: disc jockey? Bobby? Bobby, come on with that. You're playing 536 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,279 Speaker 1: the same goddamn record, Bobby. I got two people out 537 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,080 Speaker 1: there begging to dance. It's the same goddamn record. Look, 538 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,200 Speaker 1: I'm playing Our House by Madness because I want to 539 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: have my own house. But I designed, Okay, you designed, 540 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:53,200 Speaker 1: You're a d I'm an architect. You're fired. You're fired. 541 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: Am I I need the job, Bobby? Like Bobby, I 542 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,439 Speaker 1: can't give you're the station man to do. I don't 543 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,839 Speaker 1: have the power to fire you, right right, of course, 544 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,440 Speaker 1: and we're back. That was Our House by Madness, And 545 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,399 Speaker 1: now let's take it back to a little song by 546 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:14,000 Speaker 1: Madness called Our House. Mobby, you can't keep playing the 547 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,520 Speaker 1: same record. Are the numbers? What are the numbers? Like 548 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: all over the place? Honey? Did you know this radio 549 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,360 Speaker 1: station seems to be playing the same song for the 550 00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 1: last two days. I haven't noticed, honestly, we're just keep 551 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 1: in the background. But I just started listening to the 552 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,320 Speaker 1: last half an hour and I'm pretty sure it's played 553 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,920 Speaker 1: three times. Well, let me start listening. And can you 554 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:45,799 Speaker 1: hand me my cup? Here's your coping? You don't have 555 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 1: any milk? Shut out, sun, Mommy and daddy you're talking. 556 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 1: And what are you doing? Mommy and daddy? You're talking? 557 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,480 Speaker 1: You better shut it. God won't let you go to 558 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 1: the gates of heaven. You're gonna Gobby. I had to 559 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: come to your house because you aren't answering my phone calls. 560 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:14,440 Speaker 1: Where's my son? Tell who is that? I'm nobody Our 561 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,799 Speaker 1: son is living with this pile of bults while I 562 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,920 Speaker 1: while I designed my dream house to dream house, what 563 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: kind of dream house is a disc jockey kind of pill? 564 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:29,080 Speaker 1: It's gonna be in the middle of the street. Speaking 565 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:32,560 Speaker 1: of the middle of the street, could you guys in 566 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 1: heaven now, Bobby? Uh. We're very impressed at the work 567 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:41,000 Speaker 1: you're doing here at architecture School. Um. And there's a 568 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 1: little show maybe you may have heard of. It's called 569 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,640 Speaker 1: House Hunters. Yeah. Yeah, they've been trying to get me 570 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: on for a while. I won't sign their goddamn release. Well, 571 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: they want you on as a builder. As a builder, 572 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,759 Speaker 1: they want you to design a house unlike any other 573 00:39:55,840 --> 00:40:01,239 Speaker 1: house that's that was made the pitch. Bobby, Baby, I'm 574 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,440 Speaker 1: glad you're here. Welcome to the House Hunters h Q. 575 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,400 Speaker 1: Can I get you anything, Bobby, a cold press and 576 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,480 Speaker 1: nitro brew, anything at all by one of each. Trust me, 577 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:19,320 Speaker 1: everything's available, even my body. I never gave it. Razor. 578 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,759 Speaker 1: Come along, Come you guys, go ahead and get in 579 00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:26,719 Speaker 1: the conference room and got the hall is getting cutacratic, 580 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 1: you guys gang, Yeah, I like to get these always 581 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:36,399 Speaker 1: open the word. Look, Razor, I appreciate the offer, but uh, 582 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:38,920 Speaker 1: but I'm trying to get my family back together. Oh 583 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,959 Speaker 1: he's got a family. Stop stories. When my dream house 584 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: debuts on House Hunters, my wife is gonna take me back. 585 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,479 Speaker 1: My kid's gonna stop living in a pile of mud 586 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 1: with a hopeless lady. Whoa I like the expo remembers 587 00:40:54,760 --> 00:41:00,160 Speaker 1: are already up. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Look, I'm designing a 588 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:05,440 Speaker 1: house to the specifications of Madness three hit single, Our House. 589 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,360 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm familiar. You've never heard of our House. 590 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,640 Speaker 1: I listened to a station that plays it all the time. 591 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,440 Speaker 1: I love it. I'm wild about Yeah. I used to 592 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:17,040 Speaker 1: work for that station. They're still playing. There's still playing. 593 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:21,239 Speaker 1: There's no reason that Well, you got a stink on 594 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,480 Speaker 1: your baby. Wherever you go, people want to sniff it 595 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:27,000 Speaker 1: out like. Madness was a British band that came out 596 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: of the scub Okay debuted with one Step Beyond You're 597 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:36,520 Speaker 1: Losing But They're one big crossover hit in America was 598 00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:43,160 Speaker 1: our house. Baby, I don't know if I have the rights. 599 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,799 Speaker 1: They're a phrase it. Bobby, Hey, guys, sorry, I'm late. 600 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,719 Speaker 1: Rick Mathson, how you doing to kind of run the 601 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,640 Speaker 1: show around here? Did you tell him about the end 602 00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,200 Speaker 1: of the show. Oh, I didn't get to it. We 603 00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 1: weren't there yet one step beyond listen, we're a christ 604 00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:02,440 Speaker 1: free show. What we don't do religion at house Hunters. 605 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:06,560 Speaker 1: Listen to them. Okay, there won't be any one step beyond. 606 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,319 Speaker 1: You get it. You understand what he's saying. We don't 607 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,160 Speaker 1: want to infer at all that there's an afterlife. Do 608 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: you get it? Mr architect? Okay, look, do you want 609 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:16,960 Speaker 1: to be on House Hunters or not? I want to 610 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,480 Speaker 1: be a house You want to design a house in 611 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,279 Speaker 1: the middle of street for house Hunters, and I want 612 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 1: to design a house. All right, I like you. I 613 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 1: want to give you a haircut. We're gonna shave those balls, 614 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:38,440 Speaker 1: open those pets. Here we go, and we already know 615 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,440 Speaker 1: the end. We know how it ends. You build your 616 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:45,359 Speaker 1: dream house and you move into it. You're gonna live there, 617 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:46,920 Speaker 1: but it's a couple of days where your kids can 618 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,920 Speaker 1: move in and then decide not to So you're disappointed, 619 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,920 Speaker 1: and what do you do? You have the whole narrative 620 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 1: already worked. Isn't this a reality? Of course it's gonna end. 621 00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:06,160 Speaker 1: You're gonna take your own life. What he well? Here 622 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,520 Speaker 1: it is? Wow? What do you think, kiddo? It looks great? 623 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:18,040 Speaker 1: And mom, you look beautiful. It's like this. Sorry, stopped, apologize. 624 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:22,799 Speaker 1: I hate that pile of mulch. She's a woman. I'm 625 00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:26,080 Speaker 1: so sorry. And you're a woman. Joanne, Oh my god, 626 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:29,560 Speaker 1: this is the nicest thing you've ever said. I'm so sorry. 627 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 1: I doubted you. This house is beautiful, Dad, This is 628 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,080 Speaker 1: a perfect day. I've worn my Sunday best. You look tired. 629 00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,359 Speaker 1: You need to rest. The kids are hanging out downstairs. 630 00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is a poem. Revolver, Revolver. Wait. 631 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,879 Speaker 1: I feel like I should play the Beatles Revolver. Oh no, wait, 632 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: I feel I should take this gun out of this drawer. 633 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:59,600 Speaker 1: This is the perfect day, Bobby, Bobby, Oh wait, hold 634 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:05,320 Speaker 1: for a play, hold our plane? Wait, excuse me? Sorry 635 00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: if the sound of the gunshot and build a house 636 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,080 Speaker 1: in the middle of the damn straight and we're back. 637 00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,680 Speaker 1: We're fine. Wait wait wait, wait, wait wait wait, Joanne 638 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:25,040 Speaker 1: don't you Joe and me. Sorry, I'm just a producer. Listen. 639 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,880 Speaker 1: I have hated him since the day I got pregnant. 640 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,480 Speaker 1: It had to marry him. But he want me back 641 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:36,840 Speaker 1: over today with this house in the middle of the streets. Please, 642 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,320 Speaker 1: let's spend the last long years of our lives together. 643 00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,560 Speaker 1: I signed a contract, Joanne, I have to commit suicide 644 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:47,279 Speaker 1: on house Howards. Well, Dad, if you're gonna, if you're 645 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,680 Speaker 1: gonna do it to yourself, do it in me first. 646 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,600 Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, wait, shut up, Joanne, But your life 647 00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,880 Speaker 1: changed after you gave up our son. Can't we just 648 00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:02,120 Speaker 1: volunteer him his tribute? I'm down there to take one 649 00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:05,040 Speaker 1: for the team. Razor. Is that okay? Let me call Rick? 650 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:12,000 Speaker 1: You got Rick here? What's happened? This might be his voice, 651 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,359 Speaker 1: but hold on a se No, I got you. It's 652 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: really Rick. How you do? It's a gag that never 653 00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,440 Speaker 1: gets old. It doesn't not Hey, so we gotta we 654 00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:30,319 Speaker 1: gotta change still me, Hey, I got you, I got you, goddamnit. 655 00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:35,560 Speaker 1: People love my humor, all right, Rick, So we got 656 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:40,400 Speaker 1: a little change to the narrow little I don't like change. 657 00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:42,680 Speaker 1: Go ahead, why do I know? But the kid wants 658 00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: to get off. I said that weird the kids. Let's 659 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,040 Speaker 1: kid jacking off in one of the rooms. Is that 660 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,200 Speaker 1: the thirteen year old boy? And listen, just get it 661 00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,080 Speaker 1: on tape. Okay, okay, of course, but okay, he wants that, 662 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:57,520 Speaker 1: he wants to take the shot. He wants to be 663 00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:00,800 Speaker 1: the one up die. So he wants to die and 664 00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,000 Speaker 1: wants to kill his old man, which I understand, but 665 00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:04,680 Speaker 1: he should really If he kills his old man, then 666 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,640 Speaker 1: he has to fund his mother in the topstairs bedroom. 667 00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,880 Speaker 1: Got it, got it? Okay? I think we'll go with that. 668 00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,319 Speaker 1: So we're gonna do that. I think we'll do that one. 669 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,120 Speaker 1: He's gonna kill the father people for Greek tragedy. What 670 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:15,840 Speaker 1: is going on? Please don't listen, Please don't even. It's fine, Bobby, 671 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:17,960 Speaker 1: I'm sure it's gonna work out. Fine, okay, got it? 672 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,440 Speaker 1: Okaying about alright? I love you? All right, just get 673 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:27,120 Speaker 1: it on tape. Okay, So we'll go for that. So alright, 674 00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,319 Speaker 1: the only important thing is that we proved that there's 675 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:37,799 Speaker 1: no afterlife, right right, right, So let's go Dad, shoot me. 676 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:42,080 Speaker 1: I don't do it. This is how this is supposed 677 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:45,399 Speaker 1: to go. Right. Actually, you're you're supposed to kill your dad. 678 00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,120 Speaker 1: How would we know that? I thought you could read 679 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,920 Speaker 1: my money and take the gun and you can do what. 680 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,600 Speaker 1: You're stronger than he is, aren't you kill? Be an archipitec? 681 00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 1: Can you ask your boss if I can kill my 682 00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,239 Speaker 1: mom instead? But wait, don't, don't do it. I'm not 683 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,120 Speaker 1: ready for that. It's not up to her. You're right, 684 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,640 Speaker 1: it's up to Rick. He's just an open house. Oh 685 00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:12,000 Speaker 1: my god, why is there so many cameras around? Hold on, 686 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,560 Speaker 1: we're looking to buy at the house and making it 687 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:20,400 Speaker 1: to a church. Okay you oh, you just shut that 688 00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:28,640 Speaker 1: man's heart on. So, so what's the story behind this place? 689 00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:35,000 Speaker 1: So interesting story early on set colonial and very nice 690 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,920 Speaker 1: if you like it. Dormer window, there are dorm room windows. 691 00:47:39,239 --> 00:47:41,800 Speaker 1: And uh, this used to be a church. It was 692 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:46,120 Speaker 1: a local community church. The bones are great and they 693 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:52,359 Speaker 1: are still here. So anyway, a lot of a lot 694 00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 1: of Poult guys materials happening here, kind of in a 695 00:47:55,120 --> 00:48:02,640 Speaker 1: way that's Christian. Uh okay, okay, I'm fine. I'm fine. 696 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:07,719 Speaker 1: The bathrooms all work, showers little iffy, but does the 697 00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:13,920 Speaker 1: water flow? It flows very well. Your eyes are bleeding. 698 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:18,879 Speaker 1: Oh I must be crying. Oh, I'm so sad, come 699 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,800 Speaker 1: home too heavy to say, you're a little bit. I 700 00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:34,319 Speaker 1: shouldn't be a property. Are what am I supposed? Did 701 00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:37,239 Speaker 1: you want to see that houseboat or check out the house? 702 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:43,120 Speaker 1: You have to take here the house, you have to 703 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,480 Speaker 1: take care of the house. I can't be here. I 704 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,759 Speaker 1: think this place is not for us. Okay, okay, let's 705 00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,160 Speaker 1: see another property, and let's see another proper. Yeah, can 706 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:57,640 Speaker 1: we request another realtor? Yeah? Sure, sure, Hey honey, you 707 00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,920 Speaker 1: remember two years ago and there was that radio disc 708 00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:04,600 Speaker 1: jockey they played our house by madness? Is the house 709 00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:08,800 Speaker 1: about in the middle of street? Right? I think by 710 00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:10,360 Speaker 1: what they met by the middle of the street, like 711 00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:12,080 Speaker 1: was the middle of the block when they said the 712 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,760 Speaker 1: middle of the street. It's very confusing. Always always imagine 713 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:20,160 Speaker 1: the cars just would sir like it's some kind of brain. Yea, 714 00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:23,080 Speaker 1: where is my cup? Oh? Here it is. I'm sorry, 715 00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:29,399 Speaker 1: I was sitting on it. That was our by Madness. Yep, 716 00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:32,600 Speaker 1: it's me, Bobby. I'm back here at the station. This 717 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:46,279 Speaker 1: one's going out to my dead son. That's second. These 718 00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:51,319 Speaker 1: are just light and fun. Yeah, hey, I wonder if 719 00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:59,960 Speaker 1: Kevin has anything? Oh eight, our third and final scene 720 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:06,200 Speaker 1: comes from the listener Spencer, who wrote in his email, Hi, people, 721 00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,040 Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of the show. I also do 722 00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:11,440 Speaker 1: improv with the beautiful comedy graveyard known as San Diego. 723 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:16,120 Speaker 1: Your podcast helps me get through my boring day job, 724 00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,680 Speaker 1: one hour at a time. Anyways, here's my suggestion. And 725 00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:22,160 Speaker 1: and then he writes in all caps one word and 726 00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:29,399 Speaker 1: it's pirates. Thank you, Spencer. He signs off. PS. I'm 727 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:33,440 Speaker 1: also an amateur artist. If you have a po box 728 00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:37,360 Speaker 1: address for the show, I can send you some mediocre caricatures. 729 00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:48,600 Speaker 1: Thank you, Spencer. Will be in touch alchemists begin. I 730 00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:52,400 Speaker 1: don't give it st what anybody says. I'm the fucking captain. 731 00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:58,960 Speaker 1: You ain't be the captain. I'm the captain. I pushed 732 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:03,120 Speaker 1: him off the playing I'm happy to be second fiddle. 733 00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,480 Speaker 1: Anybody else would take captain. I just want to be 734 00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:17,160 Speaker 1: secretary secretary? Could I can? She? Uh? Yes? She shouldn't 735 00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:22,000 Speaker 1: run unopposed. We would you like to be secretary? Not necessarily, 736 00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:24,560 Speaker 1: but again just for the sport of it, well just 737 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:27,040 Speaker 1: for democracy. Really. It sounds like what you should have 738 00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:31,120 Speaker 1: a runoff for secretary. I'm all right, what do you 739 00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,359 Speaker 1: run on? What's your platform, my platform is a very 740 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:37,200 Speaker 1: scary day for me. Um, you know, the we've got 741 00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:39,960 Speaker 1: new leadership. I was just on a trip and now wow, 742 00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,520 Speaker 1: what a day. Um. But I've never run for any 743 00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,880 Speaker 1: kind of office. And when I thought I was going 744 00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,960 Speaker 1: to die just about five minutes, I'm what I thought 745 00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,960 Speaker 1: I was gonna die about. I should have I should 746 00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,640 Speaker 1: have run for secretary. And then the weirdest thing is, 747 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,719 Speaker 1: you know, you guys are voting, and I was like, 748 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,560 Speaker 1: I could be secretary. Now it's not too late. But 749 00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:02,400 Speaker 1: now Scott, I mean, he didn't even want to be 750 00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:08,520 Speaker 1: se self proclaimed captain. Now I will hold it out. 751 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:12,360 Speaker 1: I promised to be honest. Everyone closed her eyes like 752 00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:20,520 Speaker 1: four or five minutes to declare what her platform? Have 753 00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:26,920 Speaker 1: your platform? Let's see, I will take mediocre notes right, 754 00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,680 Speaker 1: those more in line with what the job actually asked 755 00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:40,320 Speaker 1: for them. Bottle, I have a laptop. It's fully charged. 756 00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:44,480 Speaker 1: So that's Finn my favorite, and said thank you from 757 00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,919 Speaker 1: the fast taper. I know, I don't put my own 758 00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:50,799 Speaker 1: tone in it. I just put out one that just 759 00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,799 Speaker 1: the facts, nothing but the facts. So I think that's 760 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:58,359 Speaker 1: I know, I'm just being tied up here, but you're 761 00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:02,960 Speaker 1: cute boy, a cute boy? Do I get a vote? 762 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:08,120 Speaker 1: Do I get to vote? It depends? Uh? Sure? Why 763 00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:11,880 Speaker 1: why shouldn't he vote? Say when I gets to vote, 764 00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:13,960 Speaker 1: let's vote if he should be able to vote. I 765 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,480 Speaker 1: don't want to have a vote on the feast. I'm 766 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:20,560 Speaker 1: just gonna say he gets no votes. Come on, cute. 767 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,000 Speaker 1: If a cute boy can't get a vote, then who 768 00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:27,120 Speaker 1: would ever get a vote? Maybe you're right, Maybe I 769 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:34,480 Speaker 1: won't give anybody a vote. Go go get everybody called 770 00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:39,960 Speaker 1: him down. I was not allowed my rebuttal time at 771 00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,959 Speaker 1: still talking rebuttal. You have to yield your time. Yield 772 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:53,600 Speaker 1: you Robert procedure. All right, I'd like to say this. 773 00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:57,000 Speaker 1: I don't have a laptop, nor pen nor paper. I 774 00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,879 Speaker 1: can't read nor write, but I operate on the all 775 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:09,640 Speaker 1: world tradition as the cutest boy on all the seas. 776 00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:14,240 Speaker 1: Um I'm I'm leaning towards him. I don't want anyone 777 00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,680 Speaker 1: to take that into account whether voting. Don't think about 778 00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:21,080 Speaker 1: blink blink blink blink. Oh jeez, you are very pretty boy. 779 00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,719 Speaker 1: I would just say I wouldn't have a boy tied 780 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:30,279 Speaker 1: up unless he really wanted to be. I think that's wrong. 781 00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,840 Speaker 1: I think everything's wrong, but I would still take notes 782 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:37,280 Speaker 1: for the team. I would be honest about what's happening. 783 00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:42,399 Speaker 1: I timestamp everything. If I understand everything correctly, you're free 784 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:45,840 Speaker 1: to go whenever you want to go. Oh, you know, 785 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,600 Speaker 1: you could walk the plank. This carnival cruise isn't for everyone. 786 00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,880 Speaker 1: Would you like to walk the plank? I mean, because 787 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,120 Speaker 1: it seems like you want to be a part of 788 00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:59,560 Speaker 1: a team. Can I get that feeling? I don't want 789 00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:05,239 Speaker 1: the you know, okay, great exercise, great exercise. So now 790 00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:07,759 Speaker 1: we see how it would break down. Okay, leadership is 791 00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:11,400 Speaker 1: not as easy as we thought. Right, everyone left responsibility. 792 00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,239 Speaker 1: There's a job. Some people want to take leadership responsibility. 793 00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,080 Speaker 1: Some people just want to be part of the organization. 794 00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:20,120 Speaker 1: Some people just want to get lost ship. As the 795 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,400 Speaker 1: CEO of this actual company, I did not like being 796 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,440 Speaker 1: made out to be a cute boy. You're in the 797 00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:29,600 Speaker 1: mail room, Stevie, the mail room, so don't endow me 798 00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:34,040 Speaker 1: with gifts that lower my status. Ron Ron, Ron, ron Ron. 799 00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:37,719 Speaker 1: We all agree that's a team building exercise, and part 800 00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:40,080 Speaker 1: of what we're not going to do today, okay, is 801 00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,400 Speaker 1: lash out and remember of the team in this room. 802 00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,279 Speaker 1: In this room, we're all equals. Ron, thank you. He 803 00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,520 Speaker 1: became a cute boy very organically, and we just went 804 00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:55,000 Speaker 1: with it. Okay, remember, okay, okay, okay, you initiated the 805 00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:58,600 Speaker 1: eyelash thing, did I was going with it. I was 806 00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,640 Speaker 1: going with the team appreciates a good job. I don't 807 00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,360 Speaker 1: say good you can. I just just speak about for 808 00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,080 Speaker 1: a moment. But first, of course, great work. That's how 809 00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:11,279 Speaker 1: most people one of the best. We've haven't done. Uh 810 00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:15,000 Speaker 1: and uh, great work all around, I know, working around. 811 00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:17,480 Speaker 1: I felt like I turned into a beautyf and asshole 812 00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:20,160 Speaker 1: with that much power. It's alright, that happens. That's fine, 813 00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:26,000 Speaker 1: it's alright. But let's remind me Dave Din it's Din. 814 00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:30,040 Speaker 1: It's not Dave. No, it didn't like like Steve's my twin, 815 00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:36,040 Speaker 1: didn't like like a sad like I thought you meant like, 816 00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:38,719 Speaker 1: you know, like they just did. It's a common name. 817 00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,520 Speaker 1: It's Den. It's not a very common name. It's a 818 00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,560 Speaker 1: common name. It's it's not a common name. It's spelled 819 00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,160 Speaker 1: like it's all over the world doing the seminars. I've 820 00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,560 Speaker 1: never heard that you haven't gone all over the world. 821 00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,160 Speaker 1: I had a very common Okay, Hank is it Hank? 822 00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,200 Speaker 1: Is it? It is tank? Oh that's a. That's a. 823 00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:54,440 Speaker 1: That's a weird name. It's a name. It's just like 824 00:56:56,320 --> 00:57:00,239 Speaker 1: saying Henry Hank is a is a native name. It's 825 00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:03,799 Speaker 1: not because you got on the birth certificate. All right, now, 826 00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,160 Speaker 1: I see what I'm saying. Don't let this guy step 827 00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:07,839 Speaker 1: out of line. He works in the fucking mail where 828 00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:11,000 Speaker 1: Stevie does. Stevie my twin brother. I stop saying that bullshit. 829 00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:12,640 Speaker 1: I don't give a funk what you're saying. I'm mad 830 00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:19,200 Speaker 1: a name. I just want to say that I think 831 00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,480 Speaker 1: it was interesting, and I'm not trying to I'm not 832 00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:25,560 Speaker 1: going to be emotional. But when I did have the 833 00:57:25,640 --> 00:57:28,760 Speaker 1: shrink to ask for I think you didn't. When I 834 00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:31,520 Speaker 1: did try to ask for something I wanted, the whole 835 00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:37,760 Speaker 1: group denied me. Even the facilitator attacked me with a countertack. 836 00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:44,840 Speaker 1: I was given not have any power. I think that's 837 00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:52,320 Speaker 1: weird to kill yourself options. But here's why that didn't 838 00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:55,040 Speaker 1: make sense to me. You are this company's secretary. I 839 00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:57,800 Speaker 1: raise your hand. Yes, okay, yes, go ahead. I told 840 00:57:57,840 --> 00:57:59,800 Speaker 1: you I'm not going to pise your hand. I'm sorry 841 00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:04,600 Speaker 1: to Laura's okay, no, can say something. I'm sorry, Din, 842 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:09,040 Speaker 1: is the name? Can I say something? Yes? Go ahead? Okay, 843 00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:11,440 Speaker 1: First off, can we not bring so you know I'm 844 00:58:11,440 --> 00:58:15,800 Speaker 1: a crazy as I'm a crazy part of it? Great? Great, 845 00:58:15,800 --> 00:58:17,600 Speaker 1: we're dealing with him. Now, how do you say your name? 846 00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:21,600 Speaker 1: I have been paid, very highly paid facilitator of team 847 00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:27,920 Speaker 1: building throughout the world. I just got back from Denmark. Oh, Denmark. 848 00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,320 Speaker 1: I think that sounds nice. Say the like you. We 849 00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,400 Speaker 1: will have We will have Tom to use the alt 850 00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:35,520 Speaker 1: tape at some point, right, What is it, sir? We 851 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,720 Speaker 1: will have Tom to use the alt tape at some point, 852 00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:39,960 Speaker 1: right of course? Of course. I mean we're on a 853 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:43,360 Speaker 1: bloody carnival cruise. Yes, that's that's part of it the 854 00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:46,920 Speaker 1: end of the day. I'm sorry, Din, Thank you for Steven? 855 00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:49,680 Speaker 1: Which one you are? Stevie's my twin brother. He works 856 00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,400 Speaker 1: in the middle room. He's kind. Yes, you're the opposite. 857 00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:57,320 Speaker 1: I just feel a fearless leader here. Wasn't really honoring 858 00:58:57,400 --> 00:58:59,000 Speaker 1: himself in that moment, and it was kind of a 859 00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:02,400 Speaker 1: reflection everything that's been happening, and that's maybe why we 860 00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,520 Speaker 1: made you the cute boy. I don't want to give 861 00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:06,680 Speaker 1: you that power to let you know that we trust you, 862 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,880 Speaker 1: and sometimes we do got to tie you up because 863 00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,160 Speaker 1: sometimes you give a wild Yeah. Okay, good, good feedback that, 864 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,520 Speaker 1: h Did you want to weigh in? I felt really 865 00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:20,960 Speaker 1: embarrassed at the Oh so sorry. I thought you're doing 866 00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:24,000 Speaker 1: a role playing game. That's really your thought. You traveled 867 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:29,600 Speaker 1: around the world, Hank, but you never had my accent before. Well, 868 00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:37,600 Speaker 1: I uh, yes, South Africa. Yeah, pretty much. Yes, I 869 00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:45,760 Speaker 1: used to date Um the GalF from UM. I read 870 00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:52,920 Speaker 1: her once. You didn't date her. I want secretary. You 871 00:59:52,920 --> 01:00:01,880 Speaker 1: shouldn't be secretary. Used to be president? Okay, yes, Patrick, Yeah, 872 01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,640 Speaker 1: it was that a question. I'm sure what was the question? 873 01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:10,760 Speaker 1: Is this, Hank? I don't know Charlie's I'm sorry, good 874 01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:16,880 Speaker 1: to see your queen, your family. What are you doing? No, 875 01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:22,360 Speaker 1: I'm just I'm I'm working everyone's down there in South Yeah, 876 01:00:24,560 --> 01:00:27,120 Speaker 1: I's ftilitating another group here with these people there acts 877 01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:28,480 Speaker 1: of ential to me in my life right now. But 878 01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:35,000 Speaker 1: let's let them talk for a second team, gather up. 879 01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:40,200 Speaker 1: Let's not forget what it is we do at Mayor Industries. 880 01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:44,360 Speaker 1: I wanna I don't want to store anybody, but anybody 881 01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:47,160 Speaker 1: else noticed that there's a boat traveling quite quickly with 882 01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:51,960 Speaker 1: a bunch of people waving. I don't know big sticks. Well, 883 01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:55,120 Speaker 1: maybe maybe those are garden says a big boat offshore. 884 01:00:56,720 --> 01:01:00,200 Speaker 1: Are you suggesting we're about to get rammed by? I know, 885 01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:05,200 Speaker 1: don't you know? Yes, Shirley just miss your pink butt hole, 886 01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:07,680 Speaker 1: just miss it so much. It was just like a 887 01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:12,440 Speaker 1: little cherub kiss. I mean, I'm here working too, so 888 01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:15,520 Speaker 1: this is wild. Are you shooting? You know? I'm kind 889 01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,320 Speaker 1: of doing undercover boss thing where I'm like, I'm I 890 01:01:18,400 --> 01:01:21,520 Speaker 1: am someone who's working at the Johnny Rockets and I'm 891 01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,280 Speaker 1: giving out the fries everybody. So I'm like, I'm just 892 01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:28,800 Speaker 1: gonna get Yeah, sure, you're you're doing undercover boss. Did 893 01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:30,920 Speaker 1: you see last week's episode of house Hunters where the 894 01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:35,120 Speaker 1: guy kills him so a wildly wild it was insane. 895 01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,440 Speaker 1: I was like, there's no way this is not reality that. 896 01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:41,600 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you guys, but he thinks that we're gonna 897 01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,840 Speaker 1: lose pirates. He thinks there's real pirates. I'm so sorry. Okay, 898 01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:48,240 Speaker 1: it's just because Shirley's was in Mad Max and you 899 01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:51,360 Speaker 1: feel like you have to find a way to I 900 01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,360 Speaker 1: can do a line from the movie. I'll do a line. 901 01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:59,959 Speaker 1: Attention everyone, this is your cruise director Derek Um He's 902 01:02:00,040 --> 01:02:04,440 Speaker 1: you may notice there is a ship approaching us at 903 01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:07,440 Speaker 1: a very fast velocity right now. It looks like we're 904 01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:11,160 Speaker 1: about to be boarded by pirates. Uh, so karaoke is 905 01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:16,440 Speaker 1: canceled this afternoon. Uh, this is very routine. Usually the 906 01:02:16,480 --> 01:02:19,960 Speaker 1: pirates will make some sort of ransom demand. Uh. They 907 01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:23,760 Speaker 1: may throw our captain overboard, but it really shouldn't interfere 908 01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,440 Speaker 1: with the day to day operations of the ship. Uh. 909 01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:29,280 Speaker 1: We will be having updates. Yes, you're the fucking thing. 910 01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:31,280 Speaker 1: I want to try to ship. What the hell are 911 01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:37,040 Speaker 1: you going? Are you driving? What are you down? Sticks 912 01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:42,160 Speaker 1: over here? We're there the sex move this. Are we 913 01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:46,439 Speaker 1: going to vote on a secretary or not? Okay? All right, okay, okay, okay, 914 01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:48,520 Speaker 1: we gotta find that fucking captain, don't we Okay, we 915 01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:50,320 Speaker 1: gotta get up there and we gotta fun come up 916 01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:52,760 Speaker 1: all right, but first we gotta decide where the sticks 917 01:02:52,760 --> 01:02:54,080 Speaker 1: are going? So can we vote on the sticks before you? 918 01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,680 Speaker 1: I will hold all of the sticks as long as 919 01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:59,680 Speaker 1: the ransom is a good amount. Last time was too low, 920 01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:05,720 Speaker 1: sucks wasn't worth it? I freaked out. I'm sorry. First time. 921 01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:08,480 Speaker 1: It's not gonna happen again. Well, I'm successible. It's a suggestion, 922 01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,120 Speaker 1: he said, seventy five. So we all wrote down on 923 01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:12,080 Speaker 1: those little pieces of paper. How about you should be 924 01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:14,120 Speaker 1: I heard seventy last thing, I ard, So that's what 925 01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:17,000 Speaker 1: I wrote. Okay, So how are we going to change that? 926 01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,520 Speaker 1: We are approaching that ship very quickly. I think I 927 01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,600 Speaker 1: will change it right now. We gotta have a group mind. Okay, 928 01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:25,080 Speaker 1: hundred bucks, hundred bucks, just what happens very much, let's 929 01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:29,840 Speaker 1: fuck it. Let's just all I don't know, touch other chest, 930 01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:34,240 Speaker 1: that's nice. What are you doing, man, I don't know. 931 01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:38,320 Speaker 1: It's comfortable. Derek, Derek, could you please put this hat 932 01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:42,680 Speaker 1: on and where this captain's pin? Would you put this 933 01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:45,400 Speaker 1: on your shirt where I'm not the captain on the 934 01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:52,720 Speaker 1: first director, Derek, I really, Derek, I want you to 935 01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:58,360 Speaker 1: go talk to the other sailors. I'm sure there's sailors. Derek, 936 01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:01,320 Speaker 1: put this pat back on, please, Okay. I mean I 937 01:04:01,600 --> 01:04:06,600 Speaker 1: can role play captain perfect perfectly improp workshops you do, 938 01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:08,720 Speaker 1: and we appreciate that. In the ship. It's always been 939 01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:11,960 Speaker 1: a really big pleasure. I'm gonna go into my safe room. 940 01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:16,520 Speaker 1: And okay, captain what don't call me that, Derek, don't 941 01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:20,200 Speaker 1: call me that. You're the captain. I'm the captain. I'm 942 01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:23,960 Speaker 1: the captain. You are the captain. The captain okay, and 943 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,760 Speaker 1: I just need you to seal me in this room. Okay, 944 01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:33,440 Speaker 1: I'm standing in and now close the door. Okay, Rick, Okay, 945 01:04:33,480 --> 01:04:36,439 Speaker 1: So what's the plan. What's the fucking plans? The boat 946 01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:39,160 Speaker 1: jump in, kill the captain, get a hunter bucks all right? 947 01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,680 Speaker 1: What after? What are we gonna do after? Are you 948 01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:44,160 Speaker 1: comfortable with me touching your I didn't like when the 949 01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:47,240 Speaker 1: chest touching thing happened, but it's fine. I'm part of 950 01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:54,960 Speaker 1: the team. Okay, Okay, follow me on this seventy okay, 951 01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:58,720 Speaker 1: love on the San Francisco Bay, right right, Okay, they're 952 01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:03,800 Speaker 1: looking for a place to play, all right, Captain Ryan, No, 953 01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:08,320 Speaker 1: it's it's Brandy. What are you talking about? Right? Captain Right? 954 01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:11,919 Speaker 1: You're all right, guys, been three this haven't Eve been 955 01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:15,360 Speaker 1: sailed up on the San Francisco bas That's not Brandy, 956 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:27,520 Speaker 1: You're a fine girl. That's ride Captain Rod different. So, no, guys, 957 01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:31,480 Speaker 1: I know this team bonding exercise didn't go the way 958 01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:34,520 Speaker 1: we wanted to. But look, I think it's maybe it 959 01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:36,480 Speaker 1: wasn't my fault. I know, Hank, you're still getting paid. 960 01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:39,800 Speaker 1: You're still getting paid. Okay, fine, you didn't say wait INTOEO. 961 01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:45,320 Speaker 1: I just feel at least n rockets should we survive this. 962 01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:49,160 Speaker 1: I think we're going to be stronger. And I think 963 01:05:50,400 --> 01:05:55,480 Speaker 1: I think I've learned a lot here. What have you learned? That? Like? 964 01:05:55,720 --> 01:06:03,560 Speaker 1: I should listen and and then I should you know, 965 01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:08,000 Speaker 1: say it? Yes? Two ideas that Hi? Everyone, this is 966 01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:14,880 Speaker 1: your captain, Derek. Uh karaoke definitely canceled. The painting great 967 01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:19,880 Speaker 1: with Charlie's. Their own is also canceled, sadly, sadly canceled. Uh, 968 01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:22,800 Speaker 1: this is Derek. I am the captain now, and uh, 969 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:26,560 Speaker 1: let's listen to a little let's listen to a little brandy. 970 01:06:26,680 --> 01:06:30,640 Speaker 1: You're this is a pirate. I'm in the captain's room. 971 01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:35,240 Speaker 1: I'm holding the captain's microphone. You have your own microphone? 972 01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:37,880 Speaker 1: What are you? What are you doing? There's no need 973 01:06:37,960 --> 01:06:40,600 Speaker 1: for that. Fine, I'll use mine. Are you the captain? 974 01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:44,840 Speaker 1: Because we I am in order to the captain. Is 975 01:06:44,880 --> 01:06:46,960 Speaker 1: this this is a this is a role playing exercise, 976 01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:50,800 Speaker 1: right you know I'm a fucking pirate. Sure, sure, wing quink? Okay, 977 01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:55,080 Speaker 1: so then say you're the captain. I'm the captain. What 978 01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:58,200 Speaker 1: are you just beating me with a stick? Yeah? Yeah 979 01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:05,200 Speaker 1: at all. Look, Charlie's theren is on this crew. Look, 980 01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:07,240 Speaker 1: I'm sorry I have to tell you that, but yes, 981 01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:10,440 Speaker 1: she's here for real? Here for real? Can I get 982 01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:14,360 Speaker 1: you're a pirate? What's up? You're a pirate? Yeah? What 983 01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:19,400 Speaker 1: is your name? Tex? Say? C A t I what 984 01:07:19,480 --> 01:07:21,280 Speaker 1: do you mean? It's a pretty common name. Hold on 985 01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:25,600 Speaker 1: a second, what's going on with that? Cady? What are 986 01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:28,080 Speaker 1: you like a gossip? What do you what? My name 987 01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:32,200 Speaker 1: is Caddy? Everyone get around here, Eric, Caddy, Dan, These 988 01:07:32,240 --> 01:07:35,440 Speaker 1: are all very popular and common names. I've never heard Caddy. 989 01:07:35,680 --> 01:07:38,240 Speaker 1: You've never okay, have you ever heard? In ps S? 990 01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:41,800 Speaker 1: Still havn't heard Caddy. I'm a fucking pirate. What do 991 01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:43,720 Speaker 1: you all looking at me? I don't think he's a pirate? 992 01:07:44,520 --> 01:07:46,960 Speaker 1: Yeah right, what's this? I'll piss all over this room? 993 01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:50,880 Speaker 1: I can do that room. You know what to do 994 01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:53,000 Speaker 1: in case if someone got stung by a jelly There 995 01:07:53,080 --> 01:07:56,479 Speaker 1: you go, he gets it? What I just got stung 996 01:07:56,480 --> 01:08:00,160 Speaker 1: by a jellyfish? I think we all did. Why this 997 01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:02,760 Speaker 1: door locked? I got I got stung in my mouth. 998 01:08:06,440 --> 01:08:10,280 Speaker 1: Let me out of this, Let me out of here, safe, motherfucker, 999 01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:13,840 Speaker 1: Give me my stick? Are you go? Okay? Now? We 1000 01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:17,439 Speaker 1: uh this is the first time we've actually uh sold 1001 01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:21,479 Speaker 1: an entire cruise ship. And this will be dry docked 1002 01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:24,920 Speaker 1: for the first entirety and so we're gonna be selling 1003 01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:28,160 Speaker 1: all of these units now. In this particular unit, a 1004 01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:31,600 Speaker 1: man did kill himself while peeing in another man's What 1005 01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:36,080 Speaker 1: do you think? I don't know. I will not go cheaply, 1006 01:08:36,160 --> 01:08:40,479 Speaker 1: and it will go early, okay. And the cameras are 1007 01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,120 Speaker 1: from house hunters. I don't know if I'd like this 1008 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:44,519 Speaker 1: realtor anymore than the last realtorn. I like that his 1009 01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:47,880 Speaker 1: eyes don't hear you, guys? Hi Hi got a hold? 1010 01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:54,360 Speaker 1: We got a hold for sound. Oh we have this. 1011 01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:57,360 Speaker 1: This is a skeleton. He lives on the boats. His 1012 01:08:57,560 --> 01:09:02,479 Speaker 1: name is din he Ms of the Boat. He's scary, 1013 01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:07,720 Speaker 1: but he's harmless. He's terrifying. What kind of name is that. 1014 01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:11,960 Speaker 1: It's not a real name, but it's a common name. 1015 01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:17,280 Speaker 1: It's a common name. That's another hit thro that was 1016 01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:22,799 Speaker 1: never a song from Madness. It was a side. Get up, guys, 1017 01:09:22,920 --> 01:09:25,720 Speaker 1: I just want to buy a really nice boat. Well, 1018 01:09:25,760 --> 01:09:27,559 Speaker 1: you can't buy the whole boat, but you can't buy 1019 01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:30,439 Speaker 1: unit by unit, by unit by unit. What is the 1020 01:09:30,520 --> 01:09:34,040 Speaker 1: time share? Yes? Now, someone did die in each one 1021 01:09:34,080 --> 01:09:43,720 Speaker 1: of these rooms, in every room. YEA up from the 1022 01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:56,439 Speaker 1: San Franciscope. I go. I guess we'll field questions. Is 1023 01:09:56,439 --> 01:10:00,559 Speaker 1: that right? I think we haven't asked no more. And 1024 01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:05,720 Speaker 1: that is our show for tonight. Let's thank our alchemists 1025 01:10:06,360 --> 01:10:20,240 Speaker 1: Chris Alvarado, Vanessa Raglan, Joey Greer, Craig Y, James Heiny, 1026 01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:30,120 Speaker 1: and our special guests Dave Checkner. Also thank you to 1027 01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:39,440 Speaker 1: our sound design artists, Rough Fael Blue. Thanks to our engineer, 1028 01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:48,800 Speaker 1: are brilliant engineer Doug Babe, our producer Sophie Lichterman. And 1029 01:10:48,840 --> 01:10:52,960 Speaker 1: of course I heart media, I heart radio, I heart 1030 01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:56,479 Speaker 1: I heart you. I encourage all of you to write 1031 01:10:56,479 --> 01:11:00,280 Speaker 1: a review of our podcast, Alchemy This Hell. Tell everyone 1032 01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:03,840 Speaker 1: you've ever met, and please write to us at alchemynt 1033 01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:06,920 Speaker 1: dot com. Wait, that's almost right right to us that 1034 01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:09,840 Speaker 1: your name here at alchemy this dot com. Your name 1035 01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:13,920 Speaker 1: here at alchemy this dot com. Let's also thank the 1036 01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:18,440 Speaker 1: fine folks at the Dynacy Typewriter Theater in Los Angeles, California. 1037 01:11:18,800 --> 01:11:22,400 Speaker 1: Please go to dynacy Typewriter dot com for more information 1038 01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:27,920 Speaker 1: about upcoming shows featuring such extraordinary upcoming talent as Michelle Wolfe. 1039 01:11:27,920 --> 01:11:31,479 Speaker 1: To meet your Martin Workers, improv up and Up with 1040 01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:34,320 Speaker 1: Moses Storm, Bachelor of the Musical, and much much more. 1041 01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:38,160 Speaker 1: Check the calendar at dynacy typewriter dot com. Thank you, 1042 01:11:39,160 --> 01:11:43,799 Speaker 1: Jamie and Vanessa so alchemists helped me out here. Until 1043 01:11:43,880 --> 01:12:00,280 Speaker 1: next time, I'm your host, Catapolic Tonight