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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we

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Speaker 1: discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information

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Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls

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Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to

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Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to

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Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental

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Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me

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Speaker 1: for session fifty of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast. Wow,

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Speaker 1: we've already made it to fifty episodes and we're quickly

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Speaker 1: approaching the one year anniversary of the show. Today, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to spend some time talking about an issue that

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Speaker 1: has seemed to come up a lot in conversations in

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Speaker 1: the Tribe. And if you don't know, the Tribe is

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Speaker 1: our Facebook community for the podcast, where we continue to

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Speaker 1: have the conversations we start here on the podcast and

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Speaker 1: talk about all kinds of other stuff. You should definitely

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Speaker 1: come and join us. If you're interested, you can request

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Speaker 1: to joint at Therapy for Black Girls dot Com slash

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Speaker 1: Tribe and make sure to answer the three questions that

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Speaker 1: asks when you request to join. But there have been

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Speaker 1: a lot of conversations over there about women not feeling

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Speaker 1: like they are aware they thought they would be in

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Speaker 1: their life, our feeling as though it's too late to

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Speaker 1: pursue dreams they may have once had. If this sounds

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Speaker 1: like you are something you struggle with, there are three

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Speaker 1: questions I'd like you to ask yourself. Question no one

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Speaker 1: whose story is this anyway? If you have a story

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Speaker 1: that you're desperately holding onto, I want you to ask

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Speaker 1: you self, is this really my story? Or is this

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Speaker 1: a story I've convinced myself of because of society and

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Speaker 1: others in my life. The most common thing that comes

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Speaker 1: up when I hear people say they're not where they

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Speaker 1: thought they would be is the idea of being partnered

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Speaker 1: or married, having a baby, and an awesome career all

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Speaker 1: by the age of Do you know how many of

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Speaker 1: us were an absolute mess at age? When I think

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Speaker 1: back to my younger self, I wanted to have all

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Speaker 1: of this by the age of twenty three, I guess

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Speaker 1: I wasn't overachiever with my fantasies. But when I look

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Speaker 1: back on my early to mid and even late twenties,

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Speaker 1: I was not at all in a place where any

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Speaker 1: of those things would have been healthy, satisfying, are fulfilling

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Speaker 1: to me. And it makes me wonder where did I

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Speaker 1: even get the idea that that's what my life should

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Speaker 1: have looked like then? And I ask you that same

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Speaker 1: quite shton, where did this story come from? Did you

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Speaker 1: read a feature on the gorgeous twenty two year old

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Speaker 1: who built an app that has made her a millionaire,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you ran across the most beautiful engagement pictures

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Speaker 1: of a sister on Instagram, Or maybe even though you're

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Speaker 1: finishing up your master's degree and on your way to

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Speaker 1: an amazing job, the only thing grandma keeps asking about

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Speaker 1: is when are you going to have some babies. There's

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Speaker 1: nothing wrong with wanting any of this. It's totally okay

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Speaker 1: if you do, but please be cautious about thinking you're

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Speaker 1: any less worthy, beautiful, or relevant, because these things have

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Speaker 1: not happened for you yet, And please, please please sit

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Speaker 1: with yourself to discover whether these are actually things you want.

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Speaker 1: Question number two, have you grieved this loss? As Dr

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Speaker 1: Robinson remind to us in session thirty one about managing grief.

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Speaker 1: We don't just have grief reactions to the loss of

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Speaker 1: loved ones to death. We also experience grief reactions to

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Speaker 1: the loss of a dream or a story we once held. So,

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Speaker 1: if you have been holding onto this idea of who

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Speaker 1: you would be at and you're now thirty and your

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Speaker 1: life looks nothing like you thought it would, there's probably

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Speaker 1: something that you're grieving. What is it? Have you processed

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Speaker 1: and made peace with the idea that this dream you

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Speaker 1: held onto for so long did not come to fruition.

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Speaker 1: What would it look like for you to do this?

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Speaker 1: It might look like allowing yourself to cry about it

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Speaker 1: and journal through any disappointment. It might look like for

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Speaker 1: giving yourself for any perceived or actual missteps. It might

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Speaker 1: look like finding a therapist to talk through the hurt

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Speaker 1: and anger you feel about the fact that this dream

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Speaker 1: you wanted has come true for many others, So why

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Speaker 1: not you. There's likely a lot to talk through if

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Speaker 1: you've had to grieve the loss of this story, and

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Speaker 1: meeting with the therapist to help you unpack it might

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Speaker 1: be a really good idea. Question number three, is there

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Speaker 1: a part of the story you want to slash can salvage.

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Speaker 1: So you thought you'd be at a certain place right now,

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Speaker 1: but that hasn't happened. If you've sat with yourself and

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Speaker 1: figured out that this is actually your story and you'd

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Speaker 1: like to pursue seeing it through, what happens next. Are

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Speaker 1: there things that you've neglected that you can now put

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Speaker 1: some energy towards. If meeting people is a goal, are

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Speaker 1: you actually getting out of your house and engaging in

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Speaker 1: activities that allow you to meet new people? If career

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Speaker 1: advancement is a goal, have you identified a mentor have

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Speaker 1: you figured out what new skills you should develop to advance?

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Speaker 1: If whatever you've been dreaming about is important to you,

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Speaker 1: then I want you to check in with yourself and

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Speaker 1: see if there are things you've been doing or believing,

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Speaker 1: either consciously or subconsciously, that have been getting in the

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Speaker 1: way of you achieving it, And if so, what part

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Speaker 1: will you take responsibility for and how can you be

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Speaker 1: more active in the process. Fulfilling dreams is not a

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Speaker 1: passive process, so it will definitely take some work on

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Speaker 1: your part. I'd love to hear from other people who

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Speaker 1: maybe have struggled with a similar concern about how you've

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Speaker 1: managed this. Share your thoughts with us on social media

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Speaker 1: by using the hashtag t b G in Session or

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Speaker 1: by mentioning our social media accounts. You can find us

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Speaker 1: on Twitter at Therapy for the Number four be Girls,

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Speaker 1: and you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls. Before we wrap up today, I'd

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Speaker 1: like to again extend a huge thank you to the students, staff,

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Speaker 1: and faculty at the University of Miami for having me

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Speaker 1: as a keynote speaker for their Whitely Women's Leaderships and

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Speaker 1: Posium this past weekend. I had an amazing time spending

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Speaker 1: the day with you all. If you have a program

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Speaker 1: coming up on your campus and would like to have

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Speaker 1: me participate, please feel free to send me an email

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Speaker 1: with details to info at Therapy for Black Girls dot

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Speaker 1: com and let's see if we can make it happen.

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Speaker 1: If you're looking for a therapist to work with in

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Speaker 1: your area, check out the therapist directory at Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash directory. I also realized that

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Speaker 1: I never announced here on the podcast that every Thursday

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Speaker 1: at twelve noon Eastern Standard time, I'm live on both

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Speaker 1: Facebook and Instagram for a chat. I call three for Thursday.

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Speaker 1: During these chats, I share three pieces of information with

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Speaker 1: you that I think will help you to get your

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Speaker 1: life together, and there's also time for you to ask

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Speaker 1: any questions you have about general mental health topics. Last week,

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Speaker 1: we discussed three tips for dealing with difficult family members.

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Speaker 1: So if you missed it and still want to check

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Speaker 1: it out, head on over to the Facebook page and

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Speaker 1: you can find it there. And please make sure to

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Speaker 1: join me this Thursday if you can, And again, if

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Speaker 1: you want to join us in the tribe, head on

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Speaker 1: over to Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash tribe.

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Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to continuing this conversation with you all

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Speaker 1: real soon. Take get care I oftor oftor I OFTT

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Speaker 1: I doctor