WEBVTT - #3 Back to the Future 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.520 Help I Suck at Dating with Anger and I Heart 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:10.080 Radio podcast. We are back week three, Help I Suck 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:12.280 at Dating. I'm Dean Angler. Thank you for tuning in 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.040 to listen. I have a very special episode for all 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:20.759 of you today, one of the most talked about relationships 0:00:20.880 --> 0:00:23.680 this past year. Both of them will be joining us 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:28.240 Rachel Lindsay Brian Abasolo from season thirteen The Bachelorette. I 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:31.640 reached out to them because they've been through a lot. 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:34.080 They both know me. We've gotten to know each other 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.960 through a long time spent together on the TV show, 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:39.400 UM and a little bit afterwards. I think that they 0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.199 have a great relationship. I want to get to the 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:44.640 bottom of what makes them work so well and maybe 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:47.400 what didn't work so well between Rachel and myself. And 0:00:47.440 --> 0:00:50.040 I'm definitely nervous about it. UM. I've been in touch 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:52.360 with Rachel a little bit post show, but nothing, you know, 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:54.920 to the extent, especially about our relationship. I haven't really 0:00:54.920 --> 0:00:57.880 talked to Brian very much. UM, So I'm nervous, you know, 0:00:58.040 --> 0:01:00.520 I don't really know where they're, where they're gona be 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:01.920 coming from, what they're gonna want to talk about. But 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:05.120 I'm excited. I think that it can only be constructive. 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.440 I think that it's gonna be a little bit awkward 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:10.240 because of my friendship with Peter Um. You know him. 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:11.920 Peter and I grew very close over the show, which 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:14.399 kind of took a little bit away from the friendship 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:17.880 that I had with Brian Um. But at the end 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:21.400 of the day, I think it's important to put everything 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:23.920 in the past and just just kind of move on 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:25.880 and grow from it. So we're gonna have Rachel, Lindsay 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:29.199 and Brian Abi solo come on UM, sort through the awkwardness, 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.280 talk about what makes them great, talk about what I 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:35.040 could improve on, because again, Rachel is close to Christina 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.800 and Danielle, who she um was on the same season 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:39.520 as Nick with and she saw them in Paradise, so 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:41.360 she can maybe feels fill us in a little bit 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:46.039 about that. And yeah, we'll see how it goes. I'm 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:49.760 very nervous, Um. I've had a lot of coffee today. 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.400 It's been stressful. It was just a trick to get here. 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:55.240 My motorcycle broke down on the way to the studio. 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.480 The producer is yelling at me because I run a 0:01:57.520 --> 0:01:59.000 little bit behind. We had to push the call with 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.760 Rachel and Brian backle little bit. But again they're very gracious, 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:06.000 They're they're working with us. Um, I'm trying to calm down. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.600 I'm trying to practice my breathing exercises that my meditation 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:13.520 app is miss having me work on. But some things 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:17.320 you just can't really settle down on. And so here 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:22.560 we are talking to these two people. I'm d Dungler help. 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:26.440 I suck at dating and pretty much everything else in life. 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:29.239 So one thing that can make dating easier. I talked 0:02:29.240 --> 0:02:32.160 about it last week a little bit, dating apps, And 0:02:32.160 --> 0:02:33.480 you want to know what the best dating app out 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:36.040 there is, It's got to be Bumble, because not only 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:39.160 can you use Bumble to find dates, you can also 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:41.120 use it to find friends. You can also use it 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:44.600 to network professionally. I didn't know that. I think that 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:46.600 I would love to have more friends. I think that 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:49.480 maybe I'll just get on Bumble and start friend finding 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:55.000 right away. Um Bumble is great too, especially as a female. 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:57.280 Obviously I've never really experienced the other side of it, 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.960 but I think that there's something empowering about the idea 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:02.480 of the woman messaging the guy first. Because I have 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:06.079 friends female friends who use other dating apps where these 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:10.160 guys have just basically an open line to whomember they 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:13.440 match with, and they can basically start badgering and and 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.440 attacking verbally these women that they've never met before. But 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:19.440 with Bumble, of the great thing about it is the 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:21.720 woman has to message the guy first, so there has 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:23.400 to be the shared level of interest and then the 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:25.720 woman reaching out, which is great. I think that definitely 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.919 adds a different dynamic to it. I think that um 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.640 that premise is should be widely adopted. I think that 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.639 they're killing it. And if you go to bumble dot 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:36.480 com slash dean to download the app, you can start 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:39.080 using Bumble. You can start going on these great dates. 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:42.200 I have friends that have met friends, uh, boyfriends, girlfriends 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.080 through bumble Um. I have friends that have met friends 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:48.040 through Bumble. And again, you can network professionally through Bumble. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:50.760 So if you're in a profession where you know networking 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:52.640 is important, or maybe it's a little bit difficult for 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:54.560 you to do it, sometimes it's a great way to 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.320 meet like minded individuals. Um and it's safe, which is 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.000 which is the important thing too. So again, go to 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.760 Bumble dot com slash dean to download the app and 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.880 start bumbling, so on the phone. Now we have Bachette 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:11.000 season thirteen, Rachel Lindsay and her fiance Brian Abislo. How 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:15.040 are you Guys's good by going on? Let's going on? 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:23.120 Where all reunited? Hey? Are you guys together right now? 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:25.720 Are you in the same room or are you We're 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:29.640 actually separate, separate rooms. But you're okay, got you, got you? So, 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:31.680 how's anything going with you? Copper wants to be a 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:34.839 part of the podcast. No, I mean that's fine by me. 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:39.359 You know how much I love dogs. So so guys, 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.440 fill me in. How's everything going. Everything's great, man. We're 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.920 just uh living living in Dallas, living in Dallas life, 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:49.960 just doing our thing, uh, you know, potentially moving to 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:53.400 uh California in the near future. So we're excited about 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:55.640 what's to come. Wait, Brian, so you're living in Dallas 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:58.640 right now with Rachel. I mean, so, does that mean 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.599 you sold your condo in ord to I'm not actually 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:04.920 rented it out? Yeah, man, I'm fully committed. I rented 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:08.480 out my condo, I sold my car. M I'm here man, 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.080 you got to That's that's amazing. I think that's kind 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:13.880 of the approach you took during the entire season as well. 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.360 You were fully committed the entire time, and I think 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.960 that the really really shows, especially not too which is 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:22.080 great and um, you know, you guys seem incredibly happy together. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.279 I'm incredibly happy for the both of you. I know 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:28.480 that there was a little bit of maybe backlash that 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:30.880 you know, the two of you took uh during the 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.440 season airing, and I personally want to apologize for maybe 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:36.400 the negative negativity that I spoke of maybe the relationship 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.240 that you two have in the press while all that 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:40.400 was airing. I I feel awful for it. It's never 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:43.480 my intention. Um, but you know, it's great to be 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.760 able to look on and watch you guys, Um, you know, 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:48.200 continue to to live your life together, especially you know, 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:49.800 moving to l A is a big step. I think 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.880 I'm trying to think, is there any other Bachelor bachelorette 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.160 that moved to a completely separate city altogether, because I 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.680 think mostly it's one person moving to the other person's city, Right, 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:03.960 that's a really top point, I think, honestly, I don't 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.240 even know. I think that's I think that started. We're 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.120 not starting over obviously. So so, Rachel, are you going 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:10.640 to practice law in in California, and Brian, you're gonna 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:14.159 be doing the chiropractor thing out here too. Yeah, I'm actually, uh, 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:19.320 just good news that I got my application approved in California. 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:20.719 So pretty much all I need to do now is 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:23.800 take the laws and rules test of California and tact 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.240 this the same process. You know, I'm almost getting that 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:28.760 license as well, So I'm just pretty much covering my 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:31.200 base is, you know, in every state that we could 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.680 possibly end up with. So that's that's basically where I 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:38.039 stand on that. But but to your to what you 0:06:38.040 --> 0:06:41.280 said earlier, man, I appreciate apology, and you know, I've 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.280 always had love free man, So you know, let's let 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:47.320 bygones be bygones, and you know, let's move on and 0:06:47.800 --> 0:06:51.279 again be one big happy family. Absolutely, and yet especially 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:56.840 if we come to L A. R. Yes, I do 0:06:56.960 --> 0:07:00.480 plan on my firm unfortunately firm having office and howfolny, 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:02.880 and so you know, if we make that move out there, 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:04.760 then I'm going to take the bar and you know, 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.880 continue to practice and take advantage of, you know, whatever 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:09.760 else may come my way. I love it. I love 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:11.600 it all right. Well, so to kind of get more 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.680 on the point, so obviously you guys, know, this is 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:18.120 a dating podcast basically centered around my inability to be 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.280 a successful data right, But it seems, you know, as 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.280 I mentioned that you two really do seem to be 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.120 genuinely happy with each other, and um, I don't know. 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:27.280 I think that it would be great to to kind 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.440 of get to know what makes you two work so 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:33.559 well together. Well, first of all, I'm proud of you, Dane. 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.480 You know, I feel admitting that you have a problem 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.640 is the first step help I suck at dating. I 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.840 think you're better than to right the rest of so, 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:48.320 I think, I don't know, Like for us, I feel like, well, 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:51.280 first of all, you're twenty six, right, so we're not 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.119 twenty six. Like I feel like if we were reaching 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.520 talking to our twenty six year old selves, it would 0:07:55.560 --> 0:07:57.800 be a little different. So like I think like age 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:01.920 has something to do with it. Um, But for us, 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:06.600 like the key things have been communication, Like our communication 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:10.800 is really really good, like outside of like chemistry and 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:15.000 you know, the getting along well and having the same interest, Like, 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.520 communication has been super key for us and has been 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:22.360 so beneficial in the success of our relationship. I'm very 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:26.480 bad communication. That's definitely, it's definitely important yeah, I mean obviously, 0:08:26.560 --> 0:08:29.200 the you know, the love and respect have to be there. 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:31.960 You know, that's that's stay true since you know, since 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.920 the beginning, since we first met, and like she said, communication, honesty, 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:38.680 just being totally upfront with each other. You know, even 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:41.880 if the conversation is difficult, you know, you've got to 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.920 be able to basically express yourself to the max to 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.240 your significant other. And you know, I think if everything's 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:51.840 out on the table, you know, there's no room for misinterpretation. 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:53.680 And I think that's just gonna done through your relationship. 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.240 And so so during the season, I mean, it's basically 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.360 the evolution of dating, right, I mean, one, when we 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.800 step out of the limo, none of us knew Rachel Um, 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:05.920 so it's really hard to chuck up that as as 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.240 kind of I guess that is essentially when the dating begins, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.800 but as time moves on, you slowly progressed through the 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.600 relationship and things become more serious. Right. So, so, Rachel, 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.520 do you mind I guess sharing a little bit about 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.520 what made um first of all, Brian so great at 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:20.720 the whole dating aspect, and then on the flip side, 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.720 maybe some negative, uh, some bad aspects that you saw 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.280 within me as as dating kind of moved on. I 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:28.640 know it's I know it's kind of awkward to because 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:31.360 I mean, obviously your fiance is on the line. Um. 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:34.600 But no, Dean, it's not. It's not awkward for me 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:42.760 at all to tell you what you did that. Um No. 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:46.280 I mean it's kind of like piggybacking on what Brian 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:49.040 just said as to why. Like he stood out to 0:09:49.120 --> 0:09:53.160 me immediately he I'm a very honest and direct person. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:56.080 I mean, like some people can handle that, some people can't. 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:58.839 But I think that that has been beneficial in our 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:02.120 relationship and just in general. And so when I first 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.000 met Brian, he was very direct. He was like, this 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:07.959 is this is what I do, this is why I'm here, 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.679 this is how I got here. And I was like, okay, 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.440 this is very refreshing. It was. It was like a 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:15.880 breath of fresh air to me, and honestly, no one 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:19.360 really did it that way the first night, and so 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:23.640 that really stood out to me. And moving forward, Brian 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:25.840 just built on that. Like he didn't just talk it, 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:27.880 he walked it, and he was everything that he said 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:40.480 he was. Um, Deane, No, like you and I connected 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.280 from the beginning because we had so much fun, right, 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.920 and like that stood out from the beginning. We had 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:49.920 a lot of fun. But sometimes you have to go 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:53.840 deeper in a relationship and it's just can't always be 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.560 sunshine and blue skies, you know, like if you're trying 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:58.720 to spend here forever with this person, you got to 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:01.120 get down to the nitty gritty. And I think with you, 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.920 like you're such a sweet and knife person that you 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:09.200 want to stay in that world, and you know you have. 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:12.240 I think it was like a little too too much fun, 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.280 you know, like just too fun. I think fun is important, 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:20.720 but you know you have to go deeper than that. Yeah, 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:25.200 I think, I mean, thank you for sparing me. But 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:27.319 I hope as a conversation was on, you're willing to 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.240 dig in a little bit more because I know, I 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.480 know obviously you watch a little bit of Paradise and 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:34.000 are familiar with kind of some of what happened there. 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:38.120 But I guess back to to Brian then, So, Brian, 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:41.120 how do you think more maybe like tune it more 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.160 towards the listeners. What do you think the listeners can 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:47.640 do too? I don't know, replicate your you know, obviously 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.160 your your success that you had on the season. Um, 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:51.839 you know, if if you're giving out dating advice, I 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:57.640 guess what would that dating device be? Uh well, I 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.520 first think that it's just very important or din't to 0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:05.480 self reflect and just know exactly what you want, Like who, 0:12:05.559 --> 0:12:07.600 who are you? What do you want? You need to 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.320 figure that out first. Um, you know, whether that's settling down, 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:15.400 being exclusive with someone, or just having fun in dating. 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:17.040 You know, you just got to kind of figure out 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:19.120 exactly once you what you want. Now, once you figure 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:23.600 that out, then you know, with any party that you're 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:25.840 engaged with, you know, you should basically be a hundred 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:29.199 percent honest and forthcoming and just let them know where 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.640 you stand in exactly what you want with them. You know. 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.640 I just think that people get in trouble when they 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:36.600 you know, they beat around the bush and you know, 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.760 withhold information or just straight up lie to the other person, 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:42.960 and that just brings on the necessary dramas to that 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:45.600 person's life and who wants that? So I just think 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:47.079 it it's kind of like the truth will set you 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.280 free mentality, you know, if you're just up front with 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.400 the person, like yeah, I think I think you'll be 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:54.400 better off in the long run. And I mean, I 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.840 I don't remember the whole situation with you and the 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.439 girls on Paradise, but you know, I know you were, 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.240 you were forthcoming. I just maybe the delivery could have 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:07.280 been a little bit better than you know what I'm saying, Like, 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.840 I think I think you. I think I saw like 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:13.200 a valid attempt at being honest. But you know, I 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:14.640 guess maybe I don't know how it came out on 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:16.600 the like on TV, maybe a little bit different than 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.360 now it actually came to win down. But I think 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.640 you were I think if you were just a little 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:25.360 more blunt, a little bit more direct, I think maybe 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:26.760 it would have been a little bit better for you. 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.400 But and I think that speaks to you a lot too. 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:30.160 I think that you have maybe a little bit more 0:13:30.679 --> 0:13:33.760 self awareness, so when you're honest, it's it comes across 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:38.200 as more direct and more um yeah forward, I guess 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:40.439 in a good way, because I mean, I always want 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:41.920 to be as honest as possible. I think to to 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:43.400 the point you were making earlier, if you always tell 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:45.719 the truth, you never have to remember anything, right. And UM, 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:48.120 I just think that I probably sugarcoated a little things 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:51.400 more than than UM I should have. But UM, I mean, 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:54.160 that's great. I think I think that's absolutely great advice. Um, 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:57.080 back to the both of you. Then, Okay, so I 0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:00.080 think YouTube more so than anyone in my memory, and 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:01.599 it's it's a short memory because I haven't been a 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.120 fan of the franchise for very long. But you do 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.240 have have kind of taken a lot of flak on 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:08.280 social media, right, do you guys mind just sharing a 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:10.160 little bit about how that affects your relationship, because I 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:12.000 mean it's definitely unfair. It's these people that don't know 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:13.760 anything about you, guys that have watched you for two 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:15.800 hours every Monday for nine weeks, that are you know, 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.079 making all these rash assumptions and calling you these names, 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:19.720 and it's just ridiculous. How do you guys kind of 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.760 deal with that or handle that? Yeah, I mean it's 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.440 it was difficult in the beginning. I mean, I I'm 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.400 believe it or not, actually very private normally with my relationships, 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.800 and so to be so public and honest about like 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:39.040 the relationship and then for people to not everyone, but 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.320 to be attacked on social media and then just sometimes 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:46.000 in the media. It was really hard, um individually and 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.800 then just together as a couple. But I think for us, 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.840 how we got through it was just being honest with 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:56.000 one another about how it affected us and working through that, 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:58.160 and I think that helped us get through it. And 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:00.160 for us it was like, if we can get through is, 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.280 which was a lot in the beginning, then we can 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.160 get through anything, because it was a lot. It was 0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:09.120 a lot. But yeah, I think it's just it's uh, 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:12.800 it's a tribute to just our maturity level and just 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:16.160 us knowing each other so well and knowing exactly what 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:18.720 we want. I think the social media thing, I mean, 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.520 as you've learned being I'm sure you know, not everybody 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:24.000 is gonna like you a percent of the time or anything. 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:27.120 You might think you do any everything perfect, and somebody's 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:29.120 still going to have a problem with it. So I 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.480 think one of the best strategies just try to stay 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.479 all social media. But you know, if that's not how possibility, 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.200 like you're saying, you know, communication is key. You know, 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.800 if we see something out there that's negative or you 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.200 know that's bashing us in any way, you know, we'll 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.080 talk about it. You know, how do you feel about that? 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.360 You know, we'll lack each other and we'll talk through it, 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.560 and you know, I just think it takes you know, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.320 two people that have that love and respect for each 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.080 other not not let those types of things affect you. 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:58.920 So yeah, I think it's definitely it comes with a communication, 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:01.320 that's it. And so have you guys noticed it kind 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:03.160 of like dissipate a little bit since then. I mean 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:07.240 obviously during I think was probably the Apex and just NonStop, right, 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.720 but it's kind of simmered down a little bit, I think, Right, yeah, 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.960 like we're just living ourselves, I mean, are living our 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.520 lives and I think that and not paying attention or responding. 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.120 I mean, I guess I kind of have a clap 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:21.880 back here and there sometimes, but like we're trying not 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:25.560 we're trying not to respond to anything, and we're just 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:28.880 ourselves and that's all you can be. And I think 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:32.040 people are just either getting tired of, you know, being 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.720 negative or just hopping on board, like realizing you know, 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:37.400 like it's for real at these two and so we're 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:42.160 just trying to block everything all negativity out Let's not 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.080 you know, let's not just spell all the love that's 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:48.000 out there. I mean, that's there's a whole lot of love, 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.920 way more than hate, you know. So you know, we're 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:52.960 we're happy about that as well. You know, we appreciate 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:56.560 all the family love as well. Great, Well, so, how 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:58.680 do you guys mind diving in a little bit into 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:00.920 how your relationship has changed in the show? I think 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:04.600 that you know, obviously we all had maybe access to 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.240 see what how your relationship develops over the course of 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:09.320 the nine weeks on the show. But now you guys 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:12.040 are like living together, You're spending pretty much every moment together, 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:13.439 at least when you when you're with each other in 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:15.320 the same city. So how is your relationship kind of 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:18.160 evolved from then until now? Because again, it's a it's 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.560 a unique transition that none of us are really accustomed to. 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.359 Has that been difficult at all? I mean social media side, 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.119 just essentially just two people living their lives together. I 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:28.280 think we obviously get to know more of each other. 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:30.439 We're we're more comfortable in our own skin. You know, 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:33.600 every day that passes, we're able to you know, express 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.720 each other, expressed to each other a lot easier than 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:40.440 the day before. And you know, in Rachel, I think 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:43.480 I just have a woman that's that's very patient, you know, 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.439 she she puts up with all my crap and you 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:48.920 know still loves me. And that's I feel like that's 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.320 so priceless to be able to be a be yourself 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:54.280 and have someone who loves you for who you are. 0:17:54.440 --> 0:18:01.119 What kind of talk about what? Everybody? Everybody has your cork, 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.439 every everybody has their corks, everybody has their pet peeves 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:06.840 about the other person. It's tough, man. You know, you're 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:11.640 bringing two people with two distinct personalities together and it's 0:18:11.640 --> 0:18:13.439 so it's going to be for a lifetime. So you 0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:15.280 know you're gonna get on each other's nerves every now 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.240 and then. But you know, I just feel that she 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.840 loves me and I love her to death, and it's 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:23.000 just you know, love rises above all, you know. So 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.000 you know we look past all the all the flaws 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:28.000 which everyone everyone has, and you know that's something they 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:30.080 should share. It's in a relationship when you find somebody 0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:32.320 like that. What do you guys find yourself about the most? 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:38.760 Being late? Either one of us are like timely people, 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.600 so very punctually you know, yeah, none of one of 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:44.600 us has to step up and be the one to 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.399 do it. So like our time management skills are a 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.320 little off, and so like you know, sometimes I'm ready 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:52.280 waiting for him and vice versa, and so yeah, like 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:55.600 I'd probably say, like, that's like our biggest thing. Tim 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.480 I think, I think timing not only in terms of punctuality, 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.760 but in terms of where you're at in your life. 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:03.679 And this is a perfect segue, it's My next question 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:07.439 is how important do you think timing played as a 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:10.440 factor into I guess your guys relationship, right, I mean, 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.399 Brian I thirty seven, Rachel thirty two. I think that 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:16.600 you guys are definitely at a time in your lives 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.240 where you know, you wanted to settle down, you wanted 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:21.680 to start a family. Um, how important do you think 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:23.800 that is? And not just your relationship, but in any relationship. 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.480 I think I think timing is everything. I mean, that's 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.640 actually one of my favorite you know, little monikers. Um, 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:35.480 it's it's something that going in I had a positive 0:19:35.480 --> 0:19:39.080 attitude going in to meet Rachel because I did see 0:19:39.080 --> 0:19:42.399 her being more or less at the same level of 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:44.800 where we wanted to be with our with our futures. 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.119 You know, she was thirty one, a professional, Uh, she 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:50.520 wanted to settle down and I wanted those same things. 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:53.600 You know, maybe a couple of years back, I wouldn't 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:55.680 have been ready for that, you know. So I think 0:19:55.840 --> 0:19:58.119 timing and where the person is in their life and 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:02.000 what they're ready for, I think that's paramount. Oh about you, Dad, 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:07.520 But yeah, well said, well said, it really is. It's 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.480 like if I had met Brian like three years ago, 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:12.879 I don't think I would have been ready for him. 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:15.600 I think I was at a place we were just 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:18.040 both where we needed to be to meet each other. 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:29.000 Give him a baby, I don't. I don't know if 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:33.480 that's he's agreeing with you disagreeing with you. You know, 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:38.840 I thought that too. When that doesn't sound good, No, 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.119 I think I think that's a that's a good point too, because, um, 0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:43.320 I think Brian and I talked about this a little 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:44.760 bit throughout the course of this season. I think I 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.760 was the youngest one at during filming most of it, 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:50.040 And um, I think that you could always think that 0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:51.639 you're ready for something, right, but at the end of 0:20:51.680 --> 0:20:55.000 the day, timing sometimes just doesn't necessarily make sense. And 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:57.919 so you know, years old, I'm thinking that I am 0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:00.560 ready for it. When Rachel and you know you attributed 0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:02.399 a lot of it to timing, I think you're absolutely right. 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:04.760 I think that timing plays a big factor in um, 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:07.560 you know, your relationship with whomever it is. And um, 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:09.640 I mean it's great that you too, obviously were able 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:11.680 to to kind of walk into each other's lives in 0:21:11.960 --> 0:21:16.320 such a unique fashion and figure that all out. Um, 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:22.159 but beyond that, but sorry, beyond that. So what is 0:21:22.200 --> 0:21:24.520 like once you guys moved to Los Angeles? You guys 0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:27.280 are going to again kind of continue your careers. But 0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:29.000 what does like a typical day look like between the 0:21:29.040 --> 0:21:30.399 two of you? I know, you guys have been traveling 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:32.760 a lot together. Um, I think like the press circuit 0:21:32.800 --> 0:21:35.120 is pretty much done with but I still see you guys, Um, 0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:36.520 you know, driving around a lot. What do you what 0:21:36.520 --> 0:21:38.400 do you guys typically like to do together that keeps 0:21:38.480 --> 0:21:42.400 things interesting? The other night, you know, we hung out 0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:44.840 with friends. You know, went out and had a nice 0:21:44.880 --> 0:21:47.480 little uh like time dinner with friends, and then we 0:21:47.480 --> 0:21:51.880 went dancing afterwards. Uh we broke it down pretty pretty well. 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:58.520 I love dancing. Yeah, gotta I gotta do you suggest 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:00.920 giving the dating advice that I should learn how to dance? 0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:02.840 I think that I really should learn how to dance. 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:08.200 Oh you. Every every woman loves the guy, Yes, every 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:10.000 single time Brian came back from a day, he was like, 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:11.879 I was just dancing with dat. I'm like, you, you 0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:16.280 smooth son of a gun. Meanwhile, even that great of 0:22:16.280 --> 0:22:21.280 a dancer, I just you just gotta yourself. Don't be modest. 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:25.840 I heard some stories he's not just one signature move. 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:33.240 You just did one signature move steps to Rachel taught 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:34.560 me on a two step. I already forgot how to 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:36.399 do it. Here I am dancing on stage at a 0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:38.800 Russell Dickerson concert with hundreds of people looking on. I 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:41.000 have no idea what I'm doing. I'm like burning up 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:46.480 there to country music. You just started. You just started 0:22:46.480 --> 0:22:48.119 stazzing out, and I was like, all right, We'll just 0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:50.359 go with it. I wasn't fighter flat mode. I went 0:22:50.359 --> 0:22:53.399 into panic mode, all right. So that's what that's what 0:22:53.440 --> 0:22:54.840 I'm gonna take from this. I need to learn how 0:22:54.880 --> 0:22:59.359 to dance a sap do, Brian. Another question for you, 0:22:59.440 --> 0:23:02.600 how do you find yourself dealing with fellow cast members 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:04.000 from the season. I think that you've done a great 0:23:04.080 --> 0:23:06.440 job of kind of maintaining a lot of the friendships, 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:08.440 especially with like Well or Josiah or you know that 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:10.960 the Fluridians, but is it awkward for you at all to, 0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:14.200 I guess maintain the friendships with with the cast members 0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:19.320 from our season. I mean, dude, honestly, going into the season, 0:23:19.400 --> 0:23:22.960 I mean, obviously my main focus was Rachel, but you know, 0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:25.520 coming out of all this, I definitely wanted to be 0:23:25.720 --> 0:23:27.679 friends with you guys, like I wanted to establish a 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:30.960 lot lifetime friendship with with guys on the show. I mean, 0:23:31.000 --> 0:23:33.200 you know, obviously you talked to some guys more than others, 0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:35.439 but yeah, I mean I'm in a little bit of 0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:39.080 a unique situation, you know, being with Rachel. So it's 0:23:39.119 --> 0:23:42.160 not like we can, you know, go have boys nights 0:23:42.200 --> 0:23:45.000 every weekend or whatnot. But yeah, I definitely try to 0:23:45.040 --> 0:23:49.119 maintain a relationship with everybody, and now you know, I 0:23:49.160 --> 0:23:51.800 intend to have a relationship with you, Ma Man, and uh, 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:54.600 you know how with everybody, you know, whenever I'm in 0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:57.959 their city or they're in mind. I definitely wouldn't mind 0:23:58.040 --> 0:23:59.840 hanging out with with a lot of the guys in 0:23:59.920 --> 0:24:03.760 the show, you know, like like you just mentioned Will, Josiah, Matt, Adam, 0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:05.879 Eric you. I mean, you know, there's a there's a 0:24:05.960 --> 0:24:08.960 lot of guys that you know, I definitely grew fond 0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.040 bond of on the show. Well, especially with you guys 0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:12.119 moved out to l A. I think it's going to 0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:14.920 be great, and I think that there's a little bit 0:24:14.920 --> 0:24:16.600 of sourness that gets put into it, right. I mean, 0:24:16.640 --> 0:24:18.720 we all go on the show for Rachel, right, and 0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:20.480 you were the one that walked away with essentially the 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:22.080 ultimate prize, and so at the end of the day, 0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:24.960 we're maybe a little bit resentful of that. But I 0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:27.600 think that once we all move on and look past that. Obviously, 0:24:28.000 --> 0:24:31.480 you know, we all have a very very similar characteristics 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:35.119 that are are basically the basis for our friendship. And um, again, 0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:38.119 I think you've done a great job of being in 0:24:38.119 --> 0:24:40.240 that situation because it's it's difficult. You know, you you're 0:24:40.240 --> 0:24:42.720 friends with essentially ten to fifteen guys that have dated 0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:44.600 your fiance. Well well I guess you were dating here too, 0:24:44.640 --> 0:24:46.200 which is just a weird thing to even think about. 0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:49.919 But um, all right, Well, don't want to take up 0:24:49.920 --> 0:24:52.000 too much more, you guys time. Um, you guys are amazing. 0:24:52.000 --> 0:24:54.159 Thank you so much for for calling in and you know, 0:24:54.280 --> 0:24:56.560 giving us a little bit more insight into what makes 0:24:56.560 --> 0:24:59.119 you guys such a great couple. And um, your daily 0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:00.520 lives and I can't wait for you guys to get 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:02.280 to l A. And we'll definitely have to to grab 0:25:02.359 --> 0:25:04.720 lunch of dinners, some drink some time, and um, I 0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:10.080 gotta figure out that two step and oh gosh, man, 0:25:10.119 --> 0:25:13.120 well we'll double man, we'll double day. That'll be the day, 0:25:13.240 --> 0:25:22.120 That'll be the day, all right, Rachel, Yeah, Hey, I'll 0:25:22.119 --> 0:25:23.680 be honest, I think you were. You were a little 0:25:23.680 --> 0:25:25.600 too nice to me this one call, which I appreciate, 0:25:25.680 --> 0:25:28.840 but um, you guys are amazing again, Thank you so 0:25:28.880 --> 0:25:31.000 much for calling in. Thank you for the time. And 0:25:31.200 --> 0:25:32.720 once you guys get to Los Angeles, give me a 0:25:32.760 --> 0:25:34.159 give me a call and wall I'll be sure to 0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:38.840 kick it. Thanks for having man, all right, take care guys. 0:25:39.640 --> 0:25:44.040 Bye bye, dude. And you were shaking still a cold, 0:25:44.080 --> 0:25:46.240 Drew just coursing through my veins. I'm pretty sure my 0:25:46.280 --> 0:25:48.520 b a c of coffee is like a point to 0:25:48.720 --> 0:25:51.919 five right now. They were incredible. I mean I think 0:25:51.960 --> 0:25:54.240 that they have a good report with each other. It's difficult, obviously, 0:25:54.240 --> 0:25:55.879 when it's a three way call and you're not in 0:25:55.920 --> 0:25:57.800 the same room and you know you're not sure who's 0:25:57.840 --> 0:25:59.960 supposed to talk first. But I think it's very clear 0:26:00.000 --> 0:26:02.639 here to see that they have a very genuine interest 0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:05.560 in each other, and um, they're very dedicated to to 0:26:05.640 --> 0:26:08.359 making the relationship work. And I think to Rachel and 0:26:08.440 --> 0:26:10.560 Brian's point, I think that's one of the most important things, 0:26:10.680 --> 0:26:13.200 is just the willingness or the desire to to make 0:26:13.240 --> 0:26:15.159 any relationship work. I mean, like they said, they'll have 0:26:15.160 --> 0:26:17.359 their little arguments, but at the end of the day, 0:26:17.359 --> 0:26:19.520 if you're willing to look past that and and kind 0:26:19.520 --> 0:26:21.040 of see the bigger picture that this is someone that 0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:22.720 you can spend the rest of your life with and 0:26:22.800 --> 0:26:24.679 be happy with, I think that's the most important thing. 0:26:26.240 --> 0:26:28.399 So if you listened last week, which I mean, of 0:26:28.440 --> 0:26:30.639 course you listened last week, that's telling you about the 0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:33.280 fall box fab fit Fun. I got something new for 0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:35.040 you this time. I got what they like to call 0:26:35.320 --> 0:26:39.359 the editor's box. And what the editor's boxes is the 0:26:39.480 --> 0:26:42.239 favorites from the fab fit Fun team. And these are 0:26:42.240 --> 0:26:45.679 the experts that literally compiled these boxes further nine to 0:26:45.760 --> 0:26:49.679 five day jobs, so they definitely know what is best 0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.600 for you. If you're interested in subscribing to the box, 0:26:52.600 --> 0:26:56.959 which you definitely should be, because for only each season 0:26:57.400 --> 0:26:59.439 they will guarantee you a value of at least two 0:27:00.160 --> 0:27:02.560 per box, and I have a box right in front 0:27:02.560 --> 0:27:05.160 of me here right now. It looks amazing. Let's see. 0:27:05.160 --> 0:27:08.840 So we got uh my Tagalongs high speed skipping rope, 0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:10.399 which is great for me because I hate cardio, so 0:27:10.400 --> 0:27:12.199 I'd rather jump rope instead of going on a on 0:27:12.240 --> 0:27:16.880 a jog. We have some dry oil spray from Anderson 0:27:17.000 --> 0:27:21.160 Lily smells like Manhattan Beach, which who doesn't love Manhattan Beach. 0:27:21.520 --> 0:27:25.000 We've got the Spongeel French lavender body wash infused buffer, 0:27:25.080 --> 0:27:27.919 which is fantastic at getting rid of dry skin. And 0:27:27.960 --> 0:27:29.720 we all know what the winter months coming, how this 0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:31.800 air tends to get a little bit dry or might 0:27:31.960 --> 0:27:33.399 might you know come in handy if you got some 0:27:33.480 --> 0:27:36.280 dates coming up. We have the Himalayan Pink Salt Kit, 0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:39.080 which I believe you're throw into the bathtub. Embarrassed to 0:27:39.080 --> 0:27:41.640 admit this. I love a good bubble bath. I'll take 0:27:41.680 --> 0:27:45.080 a bubble bath probably once every couple of months, which 0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:47.800 I think is a little bit excessive, but I enjoy it, 0:27:47.880 --> 0:27:49.200 and I think I enjoyed a lot more when I 0:27:49.240 --> 0:27:52.840 have the Himalayan Pink Salt Kit in the bathtub with me. Also, 0:27:53.160 --> 0:27:58.320 we have this pure Lease treatment sheep mask for your face. Um, 0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:00.239 I don't know if you guys have no is how 0:28:00.280 --> 0:28:02.159 great the skin that I have on my faces. I 0:28:02.200 --> 0:28:04.439 think it's so pure and so clean, and I all 0:28:04.480 --> 0:28:07.720 of that's pure least because I actually use this product 0:28:08.520 --> 0:28:10.720 and I swear by it, and I think that you 0:28:10.760 --> 0:28:13.159 would really enjoy it too. 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Fab fit fund 0:28:54.760 --> 0:28:59.560 dot Com. Keyword Dean d eat a n so throughout 0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:02.880 this in our journey of me hoping to improve it dating. 0:29:03.960 --> 0:29:07.760 I've taken it upon myself to reach out to ex girlfriends, 0:29:07.760 --> 0:29:10.240 people have used to date and the very first love 0:29:10.280 --> 0:29:13.520 of my life, Carmel. I won't se your last name. Carmel. 0:29:13.880 --> 0:29:18.720 Who's on the phone now, Carmel? How are you? How 0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:21.880 are you well? I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Thanks 0:29:21.880 --> 0:29:23.880 for taking the time to chat with me today. It's 0:29:23.880 --> 0:29:26.560 actually I was just talking about how it's been so 0:29:26.600 --> 0:29:28.000 long I feel like since you and I have talked 0:29:28.040 --> 0:29:34.360 on the phone. Not ten years, maybe like seven or 0:29:34.400 --> 0:29:38.560 eight years, but a long time. Nonetheless, Um, dude, I 0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:41.160 was walking down the stairs dance and I like, ours 0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:44.360 all right, we'll take a second, take a second. I'll 0:29:44.400 --> 0:29:45.920 talk a little bit, just to kind of give you 0:29:46.000 --> 0:29:48.360 us a second to to get your wits and your 0:29:48.440 --> 0:29:51.040 your breath back. So I was just telling them how 0:29:51.080 --> 0:29:53.560 you were basically the first love of my life, how 0:29:53.640 --> 0:29:55.400 we dated in high school for I think it was 0:29:55.440 --> 0:29:58.360 like a year and a half, right, Um, I I 0:29:58.440 --> 0:30:00.600 embarrassingly admitted that you are the out owner of my 0:30:00.760 --> 0:30:06.640 V card and I know we talked about this a 0:30:06.640 --> 0:30:09.680 little bit via text. So this whole podcast is about 0:30:10.160 --> 0:30:13.600 me and and the listeners to to be better at dating, right, 0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:16.280 And I think no better than anyone to to speak 0:30:16.320 --> 0:30:18.640 to how I was as a boyfriend than you, because 0:30:18.680 --> 0:30:21.200 you really were in there and entrenched to date me 0:30:21.240 --> 0:30:23.400 throughout those you know, couple, what year and a half 0:30:23.440 --> 0:30:25.760 whatever it was that we were in high school and 0:30:26.160 --> 0:30:28.480 for the listeners. So again, Carmel, I dated I want 0:30:28.480 --> 0:30:30.719 to say, June sophomore, junior of high school. Carmel then 0:30:30.800 --> 0:30:33.680 went to Sweden on a student exchange program for about 0:30:33.720 --> 0:30:37.239 a year and that's kind of how it fizzled out 0:30:37.240 --> 0:30:39.040 between us, I guess, but Karma, I mean, can you 0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:42.200 speak a little bit too about what it was like 0:30:42.240 --> 0:30:45.400 I guess to be my girlfriend, as weird as that sounds, 0:30:45.440 --> 0:30:47.560 and like maybe what you could see in my dating 0:30:47.560 --> 0:30:50.200 habits back then that I could do better at anything 0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:55.600 like that. Um, I don't know. We're like best friends before, 0:30:55.880 --> 0:31:00.640 so that made it really easy and well we'll be 0:31:00.720 --> 0:31:05.080 but out door worrk uh No. I'm really easy to 0:31:05.120 --> 0:31:08.520 talk to you about stuff. And I don't know, if 0:31:08.520 --> 0:31:11.480 you look at the day someone find the best friend first, 0:31:11.560 --> 0:31:13.480 that worked out pretty well. So that's what I keep 0:31:13.520 --> 0:31:15.800 saying to everyone too. I feel like that doesn't really 0:31:15.800 --> 0:31:18.640 seem to be the main trend though. I mean, I 0:31:18.640 --> 0:31:20.520 guess Eastern and Mark, the two producers in the room 0:31:20.600 --> 0:31:23.080 right now, they were friends with their um girlfriends and 0:31:23.120 --> 0:31:24.920 now lives before dating them. But I think it's important 0:31:24.920 --> 0:31:26.720 to have a friendship before you dive into a romantic 0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:28.800 relationship as well, because it worked so well with us, 0:31:29.240 --> 0:31:33.200 and we never fought. We never fought, I mean we 0:31:33.240 --> 0:31:37.400 did what we did one time. I remember one time 0:31:37.440 --> 0:31:39.280 we fought, yes. And I think that part of the 0:31:39.280 --> 0:31:42.440 reason that I you and I grew so close was 0:31:42.760 --> 0:31:45.600 you knew me during such a tumultuous time, right through 0:31:45.800 --> 0:31:47.440 the passing of my mother. You were there for me, 0:31:47.440 --> 0:31:49.480 and you you never really wavered, and you were were 0:31:49.480 --> 0:31:52.160 constantly a supportive person in my life during that time. 0:31:52.160 --> 0:31:54.800 And I think that was, you know, very important for me. 0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:56.640 And and I think that really just speaks to your character. 0:31:56.680 --> 0:31:59.280 I think you want to to have everyone's best interested 0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:00.320 in mine, and you want to just be a good 0:32:00.320 --> 0:32:02.760 person all around. And I think that, as embarrassing as 0:32:02.760 --> 0:32:03.920 it is to sound, I think that I took a 0:32:04.000 --> 0:32:06.880 lot from that because, um, you know, even though you 0:32:06.960 --> 0:32:09.760 can be an idiot sometimes I think you have, you 0:32:09.800 --> 0:32:13.040 have everyone's best intentions in mind, right, No, of course, 0:32:13.080 --> 0:32:17.000 I mean absolutely. Um, we're two stupid idiots. That did 0:32:17.400 --> 0:32:21.520 other people think, Karmelo, you gotta stop cursing girl. Come on, 0:32:24.280 --> 0:32:26.280 I guess I could have told you that beforehand. But no, 0:32:26.360 --> 0:32:29.880 I mean so beyond that. I don't think you watched 0:32:29.880 --> 0:32:32.800 either The Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise to you, No, 0:32:32.960 --> 0:32:35.680 I watch football, man, I mean good good. That's part 0:32:35.680 --> 0:32:37.200 of the reason we got along so well, because I 0:32:37.200 --> 0:32:42.520 didn't watch Um, and I think. Okay, so are you're 0:32:42.520 --> 0:32:45.400 not dating anyone now, are you? I am? Oh, you 0:32:45.400 --> 0:32:49.960 are that same guy you've been dating for six years? Nice? Okay, Well, 0:32:49.960 --> 0:32:51.480 I mean I should be able to give you advice. 0:32:51.560 --> 0:32:53.680 It's been seven and a half actually seven and a 0:32:53.680 --> 0:32:57.720 half years. Congratulations, that's a long time. Um. Okay, my 0:32:59.560 --> 0:33:01.200 bringing it back to us, I guess, because I guess 0:33:01.200 --> 0:33:03.600 that has to be the central idea of this entire conversation. 0:33:03.760 --> 0:33:05.880 It's going to get awkward. I'm sorry, but I know 0:33:05.920 --> 0:33:10.400 you really don't care about that. UM, tell us about 0:33:11.480 --> 0:33:12.800 I don't actually don't. I don't want to ask you 0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:16.880 that you have to talk about. Let's talk about how 0:33:16.920 --> 0:33:23.480 our relationships started, right, So what okay, all right, Okay, 0:33:23.480 --> 0:33:28.040 go for it. Okay, you well, well, like when we 0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:30.800 were friends, going out like every day freshman year, let's 0:33:30.840 --> 0:33:36.760 talk about when we started to get intimate with each other. Okay, Um, 0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:39.000 that was when I came back from Hawaii when my 0:33:39.040 --> 0:33:42.000 mom got married, and you asked Jovanni to ask me out, 0:33:43.680 --> 0:33:46.760 and then that was pretty much instantly. I right after that, 0:33:47.280 --> 0:33:49.640 you think instantly, I just remember, do you remember Rachel's 0:33:49.640 --> 0:33:53.959 house party over the summer's That's that's when things kind 0:33:53.960 --> 0:33:55.840 of kicked off for us, I guess, at least in mind. 0:33:56.440 --> 0:33:59.680 But yeah, so I guess what made you want to 0:34:00.040 --> 0:34:03.120 sue a romantic relationship with me? I know, for mine, 0:34:03.360 --> 0:34:04.760 for for me? I mean, I think that it was 0:34:04.840 --> 0:34:06.640 a secret that I was pretty much head over heels 0:34:06.640 --> 0:34:08.680 in love with you from for a long long time. 0:34:08.920 --> 0:34:14.360 Right yeah, oh, come on, don't even dude, I had 0:34:13.880 --> 0:34:16.360 a fourth grade Yeah. I think that there was always 0:34:16.360 --> 0:34:17.759 like a cat and mouse game that we played. You 0:34:17.800 --> 0:34:21.040 were dating someone for a while, um, and it was 0:34:21.080 --> 0:34:22.759 weird as kind of like a forbidden love because my 0:34:22.800 --> 0:34:24.759 oldest brother was dating her oldest sister and it was 0:34:24.840 --> 0:34:28.720 kind of like that was kind of awkward. Um, but no, okay, 0:34:28.719 --> 0:34:30.840 So beyond that, I guess was it was it like 0:34:30.840 --> 0:34:32.560 an extra burden for you to kind of be there 0:34:32.600 --> 0:34:35.799 for me during the difficulties that I had to deal 0:34:35.840 --> 0:34:38.759 with while my mother was dealing with her illness. Not 0:34:38.920 --> 0:34:43.719 at all. Actually, I mean when Debbie passed and um, 0:34:43.880 --> 0:34:45.960 you actually stayed at night with us a lot in 0:34:46.000 --> 0:34:52.000 the sun room, remember, And I thought, you know, I 0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:53.960 like to ask you questions about her, like because I 0:34:54.160 --> 0:34:56.720 didn't even know her as well as Mario did. And 0:34:58.000 --> 0:35:00.080 I mean I've met her a few times, but I 0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:02.280 felt like the more I got you to talk about it, 0:35:02.360 --> 0:35:05.600 the better you felt, and then the more fun we had. 0:35:05.840 --> 0:35:08.400 But I mean, I knew that nothing was ever going 0:35:08.440 --> 0:35:09.960 to replace her at all, but I thought it was 0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:14.080 just really healthy for you to have an outlet. And 0:35:14.320 --> 0:35:16.000 beyond all that, too, I think that you were kind 0:35:16.080 --> 0:35:18.439 of an outlet when my father was making me angry 0:35:18.480 --> 0:35:20.080 because I would have constantly run away from home and 0:35:20.160 --> 0:35:26.600 essentially spend Yeah, oh my gosh. Again, I know you 0:35:26.600 --> 0:35:28.520 haven't watched the season, but he's in one of the episodes, 0:35:28.640 --> 0:35:31.080 and I think you get kicked out of it Okay, yeah, 0:35:31.680 --> 0:35:34.840 that was what I think. So Dean didn't have his 0:35:34.960 --> 0:35:38.360 mom was gone, his dad was being, you know, not 0:35:38.480 --> 0:35:41.719 a father figure. And so when I'd say in that 0:35:41.840 --> 0:35:44.439 Deane's house, you know, he's the youngest. All his older 0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:47.120 siblings are gone, Chip is gone, his mom is gone. 0:35:47.239 --> 0:35:49.640 But I wasn't there. You know, It's like you'd be 0:35:49.680 --> 0:35:52.680 there about yourself, nobody to cookie dinner or nothing. So 0:35:53.920 --> 0:35:56.000 and I think that that drew that added to the 0:35:56.000 --> 0:35:58.600 connection that we had, and it kind of strengthened our relationship. 0:35:58.640 --> 0:36:01.440 I remember even. I think it was one spring when 0:36:01.480 --> 0:36:03.040 I was a junior in high school, I got like 0:36:03.040 --> 0:36:04.960 a gnarly concussion when I was skiing or something like that, 0:36:05.000 --> 0:36:08.719 and the first responder was Carmel. As she came to 0:36:08.760 --> 0:36:10.440 the you had to put up with me and you 0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:12.719 got to like pour what was hudro peroxide over all 0:36:12.719 --> 0:36:15.560 my cuts, and I was like being unconscious, like ridiculous person. 0:36:15.680 --> 0:36:17.920 Every two seconds you look at your arm was bleed 0:36:17.960 --> 0:36:20.440 and you're like, what happens? I tell you again, and 0:36:20.440 --> 0:36:23.160 you're looking at like what happened? And it was fine, 0:36:23.400 --> 0:36:26.399 But like after five hours, I was like, dude, let's 0:36:26.400 --> 0:36:30.120 just watch the Nuggets game. And I think that's what 0:36:30.120 --> 0:36:32.200 was unique AboutUs is because we had a great friendship 0:36:32.239 --> 0:36:34.640 and then you kind of were like that that enforcer 0:36:34.680 --> 0:36:36.839 in my life, like kind of like the maternal figure. Um, 0:36:36.880 --> 0:36:39.760 and maybe that's what I need moving forward to I think, Um, 0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:42.239 you know, obviously you've moved on, moved on. I mean, 0:36:42.239 --> 0:36:43.919 you've been dating your boyfriend for seven and a half years, 0:36:43.920 --> 0:36:46.719 which is great. Um. I have not really been so 0:36:46.800 --> 0:36:49.759 lucky in my dating woes to to find someone that 0:36:49.800 --> 0:36:53.120 I've been with for seven years. But um, well, is 0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:57.719 that what you want? Do you want? You want to? Yeah? 0:36:57.760 --> 0:36:58.960 I think at the end of the day. I think 0:36:59.000 --> 0:37:00.319 at the end of day, everyone's kind of looking for 0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:03.600 that person that can spend the rest of their life with, right, Um. Yeah, 0:37:04.520 --> 0:37:08.840 But I mean you need to have somebody, Okay, you specifically, 0:37:09.200 --> 0:37:12.200 you need to have somebody that is going to know 0:37:12.320 --> 0:37:15.800 that everyone has a task and that passed has definitely 0:37:15.840 --> 0:37:18.960 shaped who you are and some days you're gonna miss 0:37:19.000 --> 0:37:21.680 your mom a lot more than other days, and they 0:37:21.719 --> 0:37:23.799 need to be there for you. You need to find 0:37:23.880 --> 0:37:27.439 somebody that you know whole support, especially with your dad, 0:37:27.760 --> 0:37:31.960 and so going back, maybe maybe that aside just in 0:37:32.040 --> 0:37:35.279 terms of as far as boyfriends go. Was I a 0:37:35.320 --> 0:37:39.200 good boyfriend to you? Yeah? You maybe laugh. We did 0:37:39.280 --> 0:37:42.000 random stuff together. You always did what I wanted to do, 0:37:42.080 --> 0:37:46.960 even if it's stupid, but it was mostly stupid. Yeah, 0:37:47.000 --> 0:37:50.040 because it's my ideas well? Right right? Do you think 0:37:50.120 --> 0:37:51.920 that had you not gone to Sweden? What do you 0:37:51.960 --> 0:37:53.920 think would have happened in our relationship? And to give 0:37:53.960 --> 0:37:56.080 the listeners a little bit more insight, so Karmen went 0:37:56.080 --> 0:37:58.640 to Sweden for a year during senior year of high 0:37:58.640 --> 0:38:01.160 school on a foreign exchange program. By the time she 0:38:01.200 --> 0:38:04.320 got back, I was leaving for my freshman year of college. Um, 0:38:04.360 --> 0:38:05.680 what do you think would be different had you not 0:38:05.719 --> 0:38:09.719 gone to Sweden? Not to say that you regret that 0:38:09.760 --> 0:38:11.200 by any means, because I know you had an amazing 0:38:11.239 --> 0:38:14.839 time in Sweden. Um, I don't know. I think the 0:38:14.840 --> 0:38:18.240 main reason whybably broke up is just because our paths 0:38:18.239 --> 0:38:21.560 on separate ways. You wanted to go to college, I 0:38:21.600 --> 0:38:25.760 had to travel and party, and we didn't really maturely. 0:38:25.800 --> 0:38:27.360 We didn't fight about it, we didn't do anything. We 0:38:27.440 --> 0:38:31.160 just kind of whin our separate ways. Um. I don't 0:38:32.920 --> 0:38:35.040 I still I don't know. I don't know if I 0:38:35.080 --> 0:38:37.680 would have had it to travel as much because I 0:38:37.719 --> 0:38:39.080 just got back from Sweden, so I was like, I 0:38:39.120 --> 0:38:41.800 gotta go, go go. I think you've always kind of 0:38:41.840 --> 0:38:44.759 had that bug, which is good. Um when you left 0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:46.400 for Sweden, I remember you were planning on leaving to 0:38:46.440 --> 0:38:48.840 Sweden for a while, right, And that was basically the 0:38:48.880 --> 0:38:50.960 trenches of our relationship, right. We were like very hot 0:38:51.040 --> 0:38:53.040 and into it and whatever it was. And I remember 0:38:53.080 --> 0:38:55.200 the day that you officially ended up leaving, browd was 0:38:55.239 --> 0:38:57.160 over there to say goodbye to you as well. And 0:38:57.239 --> 0:38:59.400 as I said that final goodbye, I was driving away 0:38:59.400 --> 0:39:01.080 in my car with Brad sitting right next to me, 0:39:01.120 --> 0:39:03.319 my brother, and I like literally had to pull over 0:39:03.360 --> 0:39:05.200 the side of the road because I sat there and 0:39:05.239 --> 0:39:06.600 sobbed for like ten minutes. I don't know if I 0:39:06.600 --> 0:39:08.600 ever told you that, but I literally did it, and 0:39:08.760 --> 0:39:11.399 I swear to God, and I just felt so bad 0:39:11.400 --> 0:39:13.799 for my brother because he must have been so uncomfortable. 0:39:13.960 --> 0:39:15.880 But I literally had to pull the car over. I 0:39:15.920 --> 0:39:17.480 sat there and I was like I'm sorry, like I 0:39:17.520 --> 0:39:18.920 just need a second. And I was like literally like 0:39:18.960 --> 0:39:21.239 bawling my eyes out for like ten minutes because at 0:39:21.239 --> 0:39:22.600 the end of the day. I mean, I did love you, 0:39:22.600 --> 0:39:23.759 and I knew that I wasn't gonna be able to 0:39:23.760 --> 0:39:28.560 get a year after that. Yeah, and that was actually 0:39:28.560 --> 0:39:30.399 a big issue when I was gone for a whole year. 0:39:30.760 --> 0:39:33.360 That whole time I was gone, I was like, Okay, 0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:36.399 it's been a year. I haven't talked to him because 0:39:36.400 --> 0:39:39.200 there's no Facebook and stuff like that. Back then, I 0:39:39.239 --> 0:39:42.120 mean emailed each other. But when I came back, I 0:39:42.160 --> 0:39:43.640 was like, okay, over him, and I don't get back 0:39:43.640 --> 0:39:46.640 together with him because it was really hard. And um, 0:39:47.640 --> 0:39:49.960 I really tried hard, not just like to kind of 0:39:49.960 --> 0:39:51.520 agoge you when I came back so I could move 0:39:51.560 --> 0:39:56.000 one yet that did it. But I do remember. I 0:39:56.040 --> 0:39:58.200 do remember we would maybe exchange one email per day, 0:39:58.200 --> 0:40:00.359 and they were like these long novels, and like every 0:40:00.360 --> 0:40:02.719 single day I would constantly refresh my email just to see, like, 0:40:02.719 --> 0:40:04.400 had you been emailing me. I don't know, it's funny 0:40:04.400 --> 0:40:06.440 to talk about because obviously that's so so long ago. 0:40:06.600 --> 0:40:10.120 And um, whenever I tell people that, you know, I 0:40:10.719 --> 0:40:12.120 really the only love that I've ever been in my 0:40:12.200 --> 0:40:13.719 entire life was with a girl that I did in 0:40:13.800 --> 0:40:15.720 high school, people are like, oh, you were sixteen seventeen 0:40:15.800 --> 0:40:17.680 years old doesn't necessarily account. But at the end of 0:40:17.719 --> 0:40:19.440 the day, what I think it was, it was a feeling. 0:40:19.480 --> 0:40:23.160 It wasn't necessarily age thing rightly, No, I think we're 0:40:23.160 --> 0:40:25.360 really immature about it. And we had a lot of 0:40:25.400 --> 0:40:29.120 fun and I don't know, it was different. It was different, 0:40:29.200 --> 0:40:30.600 but different is good. I think at the end of 0:40:30.640 --> 0:40:32.920 day we can say different. Um, all right, Carmelo, I 0:40:32.920 --> 0:40:34.000 know you're at work. I don't want to take up 0:40:34.040 --> 0:40:35.880 too much more of your time. You're amazing and I 0:40:35.920 --> 0:40:38.359 know this has kind of happened on a whim. Um, 0:40:38.480 --> 0:40:40.319 thank you. Thank you for taking the time to jump 0:40:40.360 --> 0:40:43.640 on the phone and talk about our awkward relationship when 0:40:43.640 --> 0:40:50.280 we were seventeen years old. All right, Well, you're awesome. 0:40:50.680 --> 0:40:53.560 Take care. I'll talk to you soon, alright later, alright. 0:40:53.560 --> 0:40:57.080 By transitioning from my high school ex girlfriend to Shari Healy, 0:40:57.160 --> 0:41:00.640 who is a life coach, Um, I helps dozens of 0:41:00.640 --> 0:41:02.880 people on a daily basis to to not only improve 0:41:02.920 --> 0:41:05.160 their life, but be happier and and just kind of 0:41:05.400 --> 0:41:07.359 you know, be better right soul read, Do you mind 0:41:07.360 --> 0:41:11.120 introducing yourself telling us a little bit about you? Sure? Hi? Everyone, Hey, Dean, 0:41:11.600 --> 0:41:15.200 Um I call myself a possibilitarian, so it helps people 0:41:15.280 --> 0:41:17.520 understand them a little bit more of the difference between 0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:20.400 what is a life coach and what's a therapist and 0:41:20.600 --> 0:41:23.320 what do you do for me? So being a possibilitarian, 0:41:23.440 --> 0:41:27.080 I believe that anything truly is possible, and it's the 0:41:27.120 --> 0:41:30.520 hardest thing for me to watch people hold back in life, 0:41:30.800 --> 0:41:32.880 not becoming who they're here to be or do what 0:41:32.920 --> 0:41:35.319 they're here to do. So the bottom line is I 0:41:35.320 --> 0:41:38.080 help people get what they want, So you help people 0:41:38.160 --> 0:41:41.120 unlock their true potential. It sounds like, yeah, yeah, I 0:41:41.160 --> 0:41:44.799 think we all have limitless potential and we usually just 0:41:44.840 --> 0:41:48.280 get stuck, right. We hold back because we have fears 0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:51.600 and doubts. And it sounds like that's a theme for you. 0:41:52.000 --> 0:41:55.400 Was what was coming up in your last call um, 0:41:55.680 --> 0:41:59.000 holding back, having walls around our heart and and not 0:41:59.160 --> 0:42:03.040 wanting to really open up and be who we truly are. Well, 0:42:03.040 --> 0:42:04.319 so how do you help someone get through that then, 0:42:04.360 --> 0:42:06.200 because there definitely is a certain level of fear to 0:42:06.280 --> 0:42:08.880 opening up to someone because when you're that vulnerable, right, 0:42:08.920 --> 0:42:11.479 you're kind of setting yourself up to be hurt more. 0:42:11.600 --> 0:42:12.799 At least that's the way I look at it. So 0:42:12.800 --> 0:42:15.400 how do you help someone kind of push through that mindset. Yeah, 0:42:15.480 --> 0:42:18.879 well that is one potential, right, You could get hurt, 0:42:18.960 --> 0:42:21.399 and that's a risk that we have to take in love. 0:42:21.520 --> 0:42:25.359 Love is messy, right, But the payoff I see is 0:42:26.000 --> 0:42:31.680 greater connection, greater intimacy. Right. That's that's the real game 0:42:31.719 --> 0:42:34.320 we're playing. Is I think if I win at this, 0:42:35.120 --> 0:42:38.480 I'll actually get closer to this person than anyone I've 0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:41.439 ever been to if I if I open up enough. 0:42:41.600 --> 0:42:44.839 So I think that's the way to kind of shortcut 0:42:45.120 --> 0:42:48.480 the fear is to say, I'm going to take this 0:42:48.640 --> 0:42:51.880 risk knowing that a I'm not going to die, you know, 0:42:51.920 --> 0:42:54.160 like we have to talk about what the real risk is. 0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:57.399 You're not going to die, but yes, could you get 0:42:57.400 --> 0:43:00.600 your feelings hurt? Could you feel rejected as lutely? So? 0:43:00.719 --> 0:43:03.840 Your greater reason is deep love? Right of course. And 0:43:03.880 --> 0:43:05.520 here's another issue that I have with that. I think 0:43:05.560 --> 0:43:08.920 that fear aside, because there is definitely a certain level 0:43:09.000 --> 0:43:12.800 of fear too. I just think that telling my story 0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:14.799 is boring for whoever is listening to it. I feel like, 0:43:14.920 --> 0:43:16.319 you know, like I don't want to sit there and 0:43:16.360 --> 0:43:19.640 talk about myself for an extended period of time when 0:43:19.680 --> 0:43:21.399 I don't even find the story interesting, So how could 0:43:21.440 --> 0:43:23.880 I expect someone else too? And that's why I constantly 0:43:23.920 --> 0:43:26.680 deflect with questions about the other person, because I'm more 0:43:26.719 --> 0:43:29.560 interested in them telling me their story than me telling 0:43:30.280 --> 0:43:32.600 them my story. Right. Well, see, you just got to 0:43:32.680 --> 0:43:35.839 a really cool truth about yourself. You actually genuinely just 0:43:35.880 --> 0:43:38.480 want to give, right, you want to give to her. 0:43:38.760 --> 0:43:41.920 You want to, you know, do more for someone else, 0:43:42.000 --> 0:43:46.240 which is a really great intention. And if you flip 0:43:46.239 --> 0:43:48.520 it a little bit and know that what your story 0:43:48.680 --> 0:43:51.920 does for a woman or somebody that you are trying 0:43:51.920 --> 0:43:56.319 to connect with is the more depth and range you have, 0:43:56.560 --> 0:44:02.839 the more emotional capacity, the rd er she can open up. 0:44:03.280 --> 0:44:05.319 So it's like we have this weird way of kind 0:44:05.320 --> 0:44:08.120 of like following your lead, right, And if you come 0:44:08.160 --> 0:44:11.200 in like with this ability to really take down your 0:44:11.239 --> 0:44:15.319 walls and show her yourself, then she will too. I 0:44:15.320 --> 0:44:18.080 guess another issue I have it, Well, we're talking about it. 0:44:18.120 --> 0:44:19.800 I'll just I'll keep talking about the issues that I 0:44:19.880 --> 0:44:23.280 experienced in any relationship. I don't want to be treated 0:44:23.280 --> 0:44:25.880 differently for sake of pity or someone feeling sorry for me. 0:44:25.920 --> 0:44:27.759 So by sharing a story of losing my mother when 0:44:27.760 --> 0:44:30.440 I'm fifteen, or uh, some trial or tribulation that I 0:44:30.440 --> 0:44:31.919 had to go through at some certain age that made 0:44:31.920 --> 0:44:33.840 me who I am now. It's it's kind of setting 0:44:33.880 --> 0:44:36.160 someone up to be like, oh, I'm going to treat 0:44:36.200 --> 0:44:38.960 him this way because he had a hard time then, 0:44:39.239 --> 0:44:40.880 and I don't want that to happen. I want someone 0:44:40.920 --> 0:44:43.399 to either you know, like me or dislike me for 0:44:43.480 --> 0:44:45.160 the person I am now, not the person that I 0:44:45.239 --> 0:44:48.640 was before. Yeah, and I get that. Your your belief 0:44:48.719 --> 0:44:50.600 is that if I do this, we instantly get to 0:44:50.640 --> 0:44:53.759 go to the pity, and that's so emasculating. You don't 0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:56.399 need that. So I think it's more important to tell 0:44:56.440 --> 0:44:58.399 the story as like I'm going to share this with 0:44:58.480 --> 0:45:01.360 you because I want you to know me, or I 0:45:01.400 --> 0:45:04.239 want you to be closer to me. And you can 0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:06.799 be very clear, I don't need anything from you. I 0:45:06.840 --> 0:45:09.319 just want you to know me. This is something that 0:45:09.440 --> 0:45:13.040 I hold. It can sometimes have me close up, It 0:45:13.160 --> 0:45:16.080 can make me not always be as open as i'd 0:45:16.120 --> 0:45:18.880 like to. And then there's this cool option that she 0:45:19.000 --> 0:45:23.120 has to say, hey, babe, are you doing that closing 0:45:23.120 --> 0:45:26.160 down thing? And she can learn how to bring your 0:45:26.160 --> 0:45:28.840 walls down, Like we heard your your love language is 0:45:28.880 --> 0:45:32.520 touch right. Yeah, so you guys could have a shortcut 0:45:32.560 --> 0:45:35.080 where she knows that if she just touches you enough, 0:45:35.840 --> 0:45:38.080 but maybe some of the walls will come back down. 0:45:38.760 --> 0:45:41.320 You know, it's just good to know where our triggers are. 0:45:41.560 --> 0:45:44.360 I think that's a super generous way to be in relationship, 0:45:44.440 --> 0:45:47.560 to let somebody know where your land mines are and 0:45:47.600 --> 0:45:51.160 what your patterns are. You know, it's ultimately your responsibility 0:45:51.160 --> 0:45:53.160 to deal with them. But if somebody comes in and 0:45:53.200 --> 0:45:59.520 loves you, she's saying, look, I'm gonna tread lightly around me. Okay, gotcha? 0:45:59.560 --> 0:46:02.200 Also all right, so again we're here with Shriekhie life 0:46:02.200 --> 0:46:06.120 coach slash possibilitarian. All right, so s I guess my 0:46:06.239 --> 0:46:09.439 follow up question is are you possibilitarian or life coach 0:46:09.520 --> 0:46:13.040 with relationships or does it span all genres of life? 0:46:13.080 --> 0:46:15.839 I guess, oh yeah, now it's all things. I think. 0:46:15.920 --> 0:46:18.919 You know, I'm not the girl that anybody can really 0:46:18.960 --> 0:46:21.520 put into a box. You don't put baby into a corner, 0:46:22.200 --> 0:46:25.040 and so you know, in this business, everybody wants to 0:46:25.080 --> 0:46:26.920 put you in a box and say do you do work? 0:46:27.000 --> 0:46:30.480 Do you do relationships do you do you know this 0:46:30.680 --> 0:46:33.400 or that? And I think they're all connected. You know, 0:46:33.440 --> 0:46:35.120 if I'm going to talk to you about your career, 0:46:35.280 --> 0:46:37.120 no doubt, we're going to talk about how you're showing 0:46:37.200 --> 0:46:40.120 up in your relationships and vice versa. So it's it's 0:46:40.200 --> 0:46:42.719 kind of all of it, gotcha. I love that? Okay? 0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:44.640 Well so, and I think that's good too, because I 0:46:44.680 --> 0:46:47.680 kind of think that gives you the ability to touch 0:46:47.719 --> 0:46:49.279 a lot more people in a lot more ways, right, 0:46:49.320 --> 0:46:50.880 instead of kind of, like you said, putting yourself in 0:46:50.880 --> 0:46:53.960 a box. Yeah. And I'm just I'm so fascinated and 0:46:53.960 --> 0:46:56.480 obsessed with life in general and all the things. So 0:46:56.600 --> 0:47:00.200 I've studied my face off from my whole life in 0:47:00.320 --> 0:47:03.840 every area, so I have this way of just I 0:47:03.880 --> 0:47:06.879 have tools for everything. Like you and I could talk 0:47:06.920 --> 0:47:11.040 for hours, I'm sure. So it's all good. Great, Okay, 0:47:11.080 --> 0:47:12.680 well so sure, So on that note, then, do you 0:47:12.719 --> 0:47:14.480 mind if we move over to some emails that some 0:47:15.120 --> 0:47:18.680 listeners had submitted and we can maybe diagnosed from there. Yeah, okay, 0:47:18.719 --> 0:47:21.719 So I have one here from Kayla, and what she 0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:23.719 says is, Dean, I have been involved with the same 0:47:23.719 --> 0:47:25.880 guy for two years now. We basically act like we're dating, 0:47:26.080 --> 0:47:28.160 but we just say that we're friends. Everything with him 0:47:28.200 --> 0:47:29.680 and I as a secret to his family, but to 0:47:29.760 --> 0:47:32.440 family weren't open. I'm sorry to my family, weren't open. Book. 0:47:32.680 --> 0:47:34.440 I always get worried that he's out with another girl 0:47:34.560 --> 0:47:36.319 or doing something to hurt me. I'm just so sick 0:47:36.360 --> 0:47:39.200 of wasting time on somebody who keeps me a secret constantly. 0:47:39.239 --> 0:47:40.960 Any advice on what to do for this? And she 0:47:41.120 --> 0:47:44.120 alolly have the floor with this one. Yeah, Well my 0:47:44.600 --> 0:47:48.440 first instinct is to say, how does this make her feel? 0:47:48.640 --> 0:47:53.040 To constantly be held as a secret. And there's there's 0:47:53.040 --> 0:47:55.919 an optimal mode for women, and there's an optimal mode 0:47:55.960 --> 0:47:58.440 for men, and the optimal mode for us as women 0:47:58.520 --> 0:48:03.120 is that we're self expressed, meaning we can be ourselves, 0:48:03.280 --> 0:48:06.560 we can be out there, we have freedom right to 0:48:06.719 --> 0:48:09.399 just stay and do and be whoever we are. And 0:48:09.920 --> 0:48:12.719 she's basically just to build out exactly what we were 0:48:12.719 --> 0:48:15.719 just talking about, being held in a box. And so 0:48:16.040 --> 0:48:18.600 she's in a win and a lose lose really because 0:48:18.600 --> 0:48:21.160 she'll never get to a place where she can be 0:48:21.200 --> 0:48:26.719 fully self expressed because he's holding her completely back. Why hide, right? 0:48:26.760 --> 0:48:30.200 So I'm not sure what she's getting out of it. 0:48:30.280 --> 0:48:33.239 You know, she's never going to be able to fully 0:48:33.440 --> 0:48:36.000 show him all of her, and he will never be 0:48:36.040 --> 0:48:37.960 able to love all of hers. So I think what 0:48:38.080 --> 0:48:42.080 we do in order to play safe is we settle 0:48:42.239 --> 0:48:46.719 for last. Right, she's settling for very little. I agree. 0:48:46.760 --> 0:48:49.080 I think that she needs to step up and do 0:48:49.160 --> 0:48:52.600 something about it, whether it's encourage him to introduce her 0:48:52.600 --> 0:48:54.360 to the family, or even just remove herself from the 0:48:54.360 --> 0:48:56.680 situation if she's uncomfortable, if she's not happy, which it 0:48:57.080 --> 0:49:00.160 clearly sounds like she's not all right. So some having 0:49:00.160 --> 0:49:01.839 on to the next one. This is kind of contradictory 0:49:01.880 --> 0:49:05.040 to to my problem is this one's from Emma? She says, 0:49:05.080 --> 0:49:07.200 my major problem is that I get attached way too quick, 0:49:07.560 --> 0:49:09.520 and maybe I tend to overshare and be a little 0:49:09.520 --> 0:49:12.399 overwhelming very quickly into the relationship. When is it okay 0:49:12.400 --> 0:49:14.560 to start having personal conversations as a person. I come 0:49:14.600 --> 0:49:17.440 with a lot of personal baggage, uh family issues, and 0:49:17.440 --> 0:49:18.960 I feel like if someone wants to date me, they 0:49:19.000 --> 0:49:20.520 have to the right to know all I am carrying 0:49:20.560 --> 0:49:24.040 on my back. How should I go about it? Help? Yeah, 0:49:24.080 --> 0:49:26.440 do you have any thoughts on that? First well, I mean, 0:49:26.480 --> 0:49:28.160 I know what I do, but clearly it's not necessarily 0:49:28.200 --> 0:49:29.480 the right way to go about it. Is I just 0:49:29.600 --> 0:49:33.799 kind of keep it under the swept under the carpet, right. 0:49:33.800 --> 0:49:37.680 I don't necessarily overshare initially, um, because again I don't 0:49:37.680 --> 0:49:40.399 want to to kind of overburden the relationship too early on. 0:49:40.440 --> 0:49:43.000 So what do you think, right? Right? Well, okay, here's 0:49:43.040 --> 0:49:47.040 my role for dating sort fast. I think it's really 0:49:47.080 --> 0:49:50.760 important to just put it on the table know each 0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:53.480 other as quickly as possible so that you can move 0:49:53.520 --> 0:49:57.520 on to the next person. Right, So, she wants to 0:49:57.560 --> 0:50:00.520 put it out there, and I think here's this tricky 0:50:00.600 --> 0:50:03.279 thing with guys. You know, if she puts it all 0:50:03.280 --> 0:50:06.239 out there and she looks like a lost soul and 0:50:06.360 --> 0:50:09.000 a giant victim because she's got so much happening in 0:50:09.040 --> 0:50:11.279 her life, then it's going to take a special guy 0:50:11.280 --> 0:50:13.399 who wants to come in and save her or help 0:50:13.440 --> 0:50:17.400 her solve that problem. Most guys, really early on, not 0:50:17.520 --> 0:50:19.960 knowing you that well, are going to go, oh, that 0:50:20.040 --> 0:50:22.000 seems like a lot of drama or baggage that I 0:50:22.040 --> 0:50:25.040 don't know if I can handle. So the way to 0:50:25.280 --> 0:50:28.160 share it in a way that's not scary is to 0:50:28.200 --> 0:50:31.360 think about. There's sort of three aspects of a woman 0:50:31.640 --> 0:50:35.960 that men are looking for, and ultimately, when you meet 0:50:35.960 --> 0:50:39.560 a woman who has all three, you know you you 0:50:39.760 --> 0:50:43.319 have to have her. So it's really coming across as 0:50:44.040 --> 0:50:48.680 a woman who's got it all together as uh, having 0:50:48.680 --> 0:50:52.719 a maternal side like a mother's side, lover side which 0:50:52.760 --> 0:50:56.319 is that sexy part, and a queen like I got 0:50:56.320 --> 0:50:58.960 it together, I got my world, I've got this handled. 0:50:59.040 --> 0:51:02.759 So she's us right, and so she has all of 0:51:02.880 --> 0:51:07.640 those and that she's nurturing and she's got the sexy 0:51:07.719 --> 0:51:10.359 and she's got her act together. She can say, look 0:51:10.400 --> 0:51:13.879 from a really vulnerable place, this is my reality, this 0:51:13.920 --> 0:51:17.279 is what I've got going on, and be open in 0:51:17.320 --> 0:51:22.680 a way that is strong and you know, also willing 0:51:22.800 --> 0:51:25.839 to receive from you and how you might come in 0:51:25.880 --> 0:51:28.600 and help her. I think there's a great opportunity to 0:51:28.640 --> 0:51:31.640 get really close in that conversation. It's just she's got 0:51:31.640 --> 0:51:33.759 to have two feet on the ground when she shares it. Yeah, 0:51:33.800 --> 0:51:35.480 I can get behind that idea. I think that's that 0:51:35.520 --> 0:51:38.120 definitely makes some sense. Yeah, alright, so moving on to 0:51:38.120 --> 0:51:40.040 the next one. And sure I don't necessarily know the 0:51:40.480 --> 0:51:43.480 range of your the people that you help, right in 0:51:43.600 --> 0:51:46.399 terms of age, So this one is coming from anonymous um, 0:51:46.440 --> 0:51:48.399 and Audrey actually has the same problem as well. She says, 0:51:48.840 --> 0:51:51.799 I've been dating this guy that I feel like really 0:51:51.840 --> 0:51:53.880 sucks at communicating and I can attest, I mean I 0:51:53.880 --> 0:51:56.600 can I can empathize with that. When I tried to 0:51:56.600 --> 0:51:58.560 bring up the talk about where he sees this going 0:51:58.640 --> 0:52:00.360 or what he wants out of this, he says, I 0:52:00.400 --> 0:52:03.080 see myself in a relationship with you someday. What does 0:52:03.120 --> 0:52:05.680 someday mean? And will you help her out? And I 0:52:05.719 --> 0:52:07.520 guess this kind of is more centric to like the 0:52:07.560 --> 0:52:09.799 millennial fan base, right, because I think that as you 0:52:09.840 --> 0:52:12.439 skew younger and younger, you tend to see this type 0:52:12.480 --> 0:52:15.160 of behavior in in these people. Right, Someone that may 0:52:15.160 --> 0:52:18.759 be as as um Audrey says, as wants to have 0:52:18.800 --> 0:52:21.120 their cake and eat it too, right, UM, So what 0:52:21.200 --> 0:52:22.600 kind of advice do you have for that? Do you 0:52:22.800 --> 0:52:25.880 do you want this person or would you recommend, you know, 0:52:25.920 --> 0:52:28.120 continuing to spin their wheels and hoping for the best, 0:52:28.200 --> 0:52:29.600 or is it may be better to to kind of 0:52:29.600 --> 0:52:31.799 remove themselves at that point? Well, there's sort of two 0:52:31.840 --> 0:52:33.520 parts you have to think about What is a woman 0:52:33.680 --> 0:52:36.000 asking for when she says I want somebody who's really 0:52:36.000 --> 0:52:40.239 good at communicating. She's asking for safety and certainty. She 0:52:40.320 --> 0:52:42.759 wants to know where you stand, she wants to know 0:52:42.800 --> 0:52:46.640 where the relationship is. She's asking for a container. Right. 0:52:46.680 --> 0:52:48.400 So if a guy can come in and say, like, 0:52:49.400 --> 0:52:52.759 I can love the hell out of you tonight, and 0:52:52.880 --> 0:52:55.719 that's all I got, that's your container, and she can 0:52:55.760 --> 0:52:57.960 spread out and that if she wants, or she can 0:52:57.960 --> 0:53:00.840 say no, I need more than that, all right, So 0:53:00.960 --> 0:53:03.960 good communicator says like, this is what I can give you. 0:53:04.640 --> 0:53:06.600 And I think what we find with the younger ones 0:53:07.480 --> 0:53:10.680 is it's helpful to know the stages of development for men. 0:53:11.400 --> 0:53:14.240 So when you're dealing with a millennial, right, or somebody 0:53:14.360 --> 0:53:18.680 in the ages of like their twenties anywhere from like 0:53:18.840 --> 0:53:22.399 thirteen to twenties, they're in this phase is called being 0:53:22.440 --> 0:53:25.200 a night. Like if if you think about the phases, 0:53:25.239 --> 0:53:28.160 it's from birth to thirteen you're a page, and then 0:53:28.239 --> 0:53:30.719 thirteen to the late twenties you become a night, and 0:53:30.760 --> 0:53:34.320 then early thirties up intol like forty five, you're a prince, 0:53:34.680 --> 0:53:41.600 and then ultimately you become a queen, a king, seen 0:53:42.440 --> 0:53:46.680 you totally can so. But in but in that night 0:53:46.680 --> 0:53:50.520 phase where the millennials are right, the only thing that 0:53:50.680 --> 0:53:54.360 is paramount to most. I mean this is making a generalization, 0:53:55.000 --> 0:53:58.600 but it's fun. It's done an adventure like think about 0:53:58.600 --> 0:54:01.640 a night right, It's about going out of the forest 0:54:01.840 --> 0:54:06.120 and exploring. And if she looks like she might be 0:54:06.239 --> 0:54:09.040 a fun companion, then he's going to want to hang 0:54:09.080 --> 0:54:11.080 around with her. He's going to want to be with her. Right, 0:54:11.120 --> 0:54:14.640 but someday, he's referring to, I'm going to get serious 0:54:14.680 --> 0:54:17.359 when I become a prince and I'm not there yet, 0:54:17.400 --> 0:54:20.400 and I can't give you that yet. He which is fair. 0:54:20.600 --> 0:54:22.480 She's got to be cool with where he's at, or 0:54:22.600 --> 0:54:25.680 date somebody older who has more to give. Yeah, that's 0:54:25.719 --> 0:54:27.600 that's that's great advice. I guess I've neverally thought of 0:54:27.600 --> 0:54:28.879 life in stages like that, but I can see where 0:54:28.880 --> 0:54:31.279 you're coming from. All right, should you have one? More 0:54:31.719 --> 0:54:34.560 users submitted I'm sorry listeners submitted email for you, and 0:54:34.640 --> 0:54:37.000 this one's from Abby. She says, I've heard of the 0:54:37.000 --> 0:54:38.880 three date rule and even the five date rule, but 0:54:38.880 --> 0:54:40.799 I have trouble following rules. I mean I do too 0:54:40.800 --> 0:54:42.920 as well. I guess, so, Yeah, if I'm attracted to 0:54:42.920 --> 0:54:44.440 a person and the first date is going well, am 0:54:44.440 --> 0:54:46.120 I supposed to wait to sleep with them? Even though 0:54:46.120 --> 0:54:48.920 I want to. I don't think that I would want 0:54:48.960 --> 0:54:50.840 to be with a guy whose respect for me depends 0:54:50.920 --> 0:54:53.239 on me playing hard to get. Would you respect a 0:54:53.239 --> 0:54:55.239 woman less if she slept with you on your first date? 0:54:55.719 --> 0:54:58.319 I guess to flip it, like, would you think that 0:54:59.560 --> 0:55:02.200 a man and who's dating would respect a woman less 0:55:02.239 --> 0:55:05.319 for sleeping with them on the first date? Yeah, what 0:55:05.400 --> 0:55:08.440 do you think you're the man? I think that if 0:55:08.440 --> 0:55:12.040 there's I never would advise it, I would never condone it. 0:55:12.040 --> 0:55:14.400 But I think that there if there's an incredible spark 0:55:14.480 --> 0:55:17.359 there and you're acting on your instinct and it feels right, 0:55:17.480 --> 0:55:21.360 I think that it's perfect, perfectly permissible. Right, Yeah, I 0:55:21.400 --> 0:55:24.800 think it is. I asked this question to relationship expert 0:55:25.280 --> 0:55:28.920 literally last year. David Data is really well known author, 0:55:29.040 --> 0:55:31.880 incredible human, and I asked him, there's a very same question, 0:55:32.000 --> 0:55:35.560 so we'll we'll give you what he said. He said, 0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:39.440 rules are from morons, and I totally died laughing, And 0:55:39.440 --> 0:55:41.400 I thought, that's the best thing I've ever heard. Because 0:55:42.120 --> 0:55:44.040 I don't like rules so much either, but we get 0:55:44.040 --> 0:55:46.400 caught up in them, right because there's so many dating. 0:55:46.960 --> 0:55:51.160 And he said, if there's a real conscious connection and 0:55:51.160 --> 0:55:53.799 there's a container, you know, like I said before, if 0:55:54.160 --> 0:55:56.839 you're both very clear about what you're both willing to give, 0:55:57.480 --> 0:56:02.239 and you're showing up like wholeheartedly and it's yes for 0:56:02.320 --> 0:56:06.359 you guys, then yes, you do it. You don't hold 0:56:06.360 --> 0:56:08.520 back and you don't play games by any means. But 0:56:08.640 --> 0:56:12.200 I'll tell you where the line draws for me that 0:56:12.320 --> 0:56:17.520 there are sort of two kinds of attraction. One is 0:56:17.880 --> 0:56:21.680 pure sexual what we call chemistry, and one is more 0:56:22.280 --> 0:56:27.560 heart connection. And when you're in a pure sexual connection, 0:56:27.880 --> 0:56:30.359 it's going to cause some kind of fallout, right because 0:56:30.360 --> 0:56:32.120 you're gonna come together have sex, and then it's going 0:56:32.160 --> 0:56:35.839 to be like, oh my god, why didn't he call. 0:56:36.320 --> 0:56:39.560 Now there's all this expectation of like we need to 0:56:39.680 --> 0:56:41.279 when we need to put a label on this, we 0:56:41.280 --> 0:56:44.879 need to figure this out. Everybody goes a little like cuckoo. 0:56:45.440 --> 0:56:49.240 If if it isn't that heart connection, wherein the heart connection, 0:56:49.400 --> 0:56:52.279 he will call again and you will have more to 0:56:52.360 --> 0:56:55.960 explore and he won't disrespect you because there was more 0:56:56.000 --> 0:56:59.560 of a give you know, like I really I'm attracted 0:56:59.560 --> 0:57:02.560 to you, be on just your body. I actually want 0:57:02.560 --> 0:57:05.920 to make you happy. And and that kind of deeper 0:57:05.960 --> 0:57:09.160 connection says to me, yes, you kind of have sex 0:57:09.280 --> 0:57:11.800 right away if that's there, if it's just pure sex, 0:57:11.920 --> 0:57:15.719 it needs to be spoken about and declared before you 0:57:15.800 --> 0:57:17.360 jump in. And I think that kind of goes back 0:57:17.360 --> 0:57:19.720 to what you were saying initially, um, just about what 0:57:19.760 --> 0:57:21.680 you've been doing it. It's it's bad to put those 0:57:21.720 --> 0:57:23.200 types of things into a box. It's bad to put 0:57:23.200 --> 0:57:24.720 yourself into a box, but it might be even worse 0:57:24.800 --> 0:57:27.480 to put a relationship into a box to where you're 0:57:27.560 --> 0:57:28.920 because I mean, you have to assess everything on a 0:57:28.920 --> 0:57:31.360 case by case basis, right, You can't have one overarching 0:57:31.480 --> 0:57:33.200 rule for every relationship that you're going to be in, 0:57:33.840 --> 0:57:37.000 right right, Yeah, it's there. And that's why relationship is 0:57:37.040 --> 0:57:39.320 so hard for people because they want to just nail it. 0:57:39.360 --> 0:57:42.920 They wanted to just stay the same, right, Nothing nothing 0:57:43.040 --> 0:57:46.720 stays the same for sure. Our emotions don't write, especially 0:57:46.720 --> 0:57:52.280 with women's emotions. And and why when you are more 0:57:52.280 --> 0:57:56.840 free with yours, you know, then that storm that can 0:57:56.880 --> 0:57:59.400 constantly be changing between the two of you can get 0:57:59.400 --> 0:58:01.760 really excited and interesting. That's something that you have to 0:58:01.800 --> 0:58:04.400 be scared of, absolutely, all right, suree, Well, thank you 0:58:04.480 --> 0:58:05.880 so much for the time. Do you mind sharing your 0:58:05.880 --> 0:58:07.440 website for the listeners so they can check it out 0:58:07.440 --> 0:58:09.880 if they want to. Yeah, sure, it's sure Healy dot 0:58:09.960 --> 0:58:13.400 com and I'll spell it out. H E R I 0:58:13.600 --> 0:58:17.880 E H E A L E Y perfect. Tree. You're amazing. 0:58:17.920 --> 0:58:20.560 Thank you so much for the advice. UM. Look forward 0:58:20.560 --> 0:58:22.720 to maybe having on again some time if you're willing, 0:58:22.920 --> 0:58:25.440 and I would love that. That's amazing. All right, We'll 0:58:25.440 --> 0:58:27.800 take care and we'll talk to you soon, all right, 0:58:27.920 --> 0:58:30.920 can't wait? All right? Bye bye, all right Tree Heally, 0:58:31.440 --> 0:58:34.240 Ladies and gentlemen. She's great. I love she seems like 0:58:34.320 --> 0:58:37.160 such a free spirit. She seems like just just a 0:58:37.280 --> 0:58:39.920 great person to hang out with. UM, and I didn't 0:58:39.920 --> 0:58:41.640 really I can relate to that on a lot of levels. 0:58:41.640 --> 0:58:43.320 I think that her mindset of not wanted to live 0:58:43.320 --> 0:58:46.360 life within the confines of structure or rules is a 0:58:46.360 --> 0:58:47.920 great way to go about it. I think that just 0:58:47.960 --> 0:58:51.040 being able to act uninhibited and do what makes you 0:58:51.080 --> 0:58:54.360 happy in acting on an impulse, well, it can be bad, 0:58:54.520 --> 0:58:58.280 sometimes can be really good, all right. So that'll just 0:58:58.280 --> 0:59:00.280 about do it. For episode three of Help I Suck 0:59:00.320 --> 0:59:02.360 at Dating? I want to give another big thank you 0:59:02.400 --> 0:59:06.800 to Shari Heally, Possibilitarian, Carmel, the first level of my 0:59:06.840 --> 0:59:10.640 life of course, Rachel Lindsay, and Brian Abasolo who so 0:59:10.680 --> 0:59:13.680 graciously agreed and talked very openly about the relationship. Now. 0:59:13.680 --> 0:59:15.840 I think that, um, it was a good episode. I 0:59:15.880 --> 0:59:17.720 think that every guest was was was awesome, and I 0:59:18.840 --> 0:59:22.040 hope to continue this streak of awesomeness. So next week 0:59:22.920 --> 0:59:24.880 we're gonna have a question do you suck at dating? 0:59:25.320 --> 0:59:30.240 If you refuse to sext? And I personally refuse to sext. 0:59:30.520 --> 0:59:34.120 I am so anti sexting, regardless of how long distance 0:59:34.120 --> 0:59:36.720 the relationship is, regardless of how long we've been apart 0:59:36.760 --> 0:59:39.760 for It's just something I don't do. It just feels 0:59:39.800 --> 0:59:43.000 dirty to me, and I I know that there are 0:59:43.000 --> 0:59:45.240 people out there that condone it and suggest it, especially 0:59:45.240 --> 0:59:48.480 for the long distance relationships. I just can't wrap my 0:59:48.520 --> 0:59:50.800 head around the idea I will. I would never ask 0:59:50.880 --> 0:59:52.640 for someone to sex to me, and I certainly would 0:59:52.680 --> 0:59:55.200 never sex to anyone else. But that's the question for 0:59:55.240 --> 0:59:57.040 next week. That's a topic. Do you suck at dating 0:59:57.080 --> 1:00:00.400 if you won't sext email us at. I suck at 1:00:00.520 --> 1:00:04.240 dating at I heeart media dot com, no spaces, no periods. 1:00:04.280 --> 1:00:10.040 I suck at a t dating at iHeartMedia dot com. 1:00:10.040 --> 1:00:13.040 This has been Dean with help. I suck at dating. 1:00:13.600 --> 1:00:16.560 Thank you for listening. I think we're making some ground here. 1:00:16.600 --> 1:00:18.840 I think we're getting somewhere. I hope you tune in 1:00:18.880 --> 1:00:22.600 next week because maybe I'll suck a little bit less 1:00:22.600 --> 1:00:25.840 at dating. Follow help. I Suck at Dating with Dean 1:00:25.920 --> 1:00:29.360 Anglert on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen 1:00:29.400 --> 1:00:34.160 to podcasts. And it was sloppy outra