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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane

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Speaker 1: Never told you protection of I Heeart Radio, and we

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Speaker 1: are so thrilled today to be joined by podcaster extraordinaire

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Speaker 1: generally awesome human who does a lot of amazing things,

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Speaker 1: Kate Osborne. Thank you so much for joining us. Hello,

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Speaker 1: thanks for having extraordinaire right off the bat, like, wow,

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Speaker 1: right now you've only got the pressure. The pressure is on.

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Speaker 1: Now sound smart. It's gonna be great. Oh that's okay, No,

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Speaker 1: not on this podcast. You'll probably sound smart no matter what.

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Speaker 1: But your your biography is pretty impressive in itself, so yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you're going to meet Those bars are low

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Speaker 1: any and I don't put them very high for ourselves,

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Speaker 1: so everybody else is impressive. I also like that impressive

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Speaker 1: is a really fan see way of saying makes absolutely

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Speaker 1: no sense, but I like I like that. I'm just

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Speaker 1: saying it's impressive. You know, that's a good way, because

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of times interesting takes that

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Speaker 1: place where you're like, that's interesting in what you mean

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Speaker 1: is I don't know what to do with what is happening.

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Speaker 1: Impressive is a nicer way, right, It's good it's good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree. I agree. So could you introduce yourself to

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Speaker 1: our listeners. Yeah. So my name is Kate. I go

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Speaker 1: by Katia Saurus on the social media's um and. I

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Speaker 1: am a d h D advocate. I'm a neurodivergent content

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Speaker 1: creator and educator um and. I am a certified sex

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Speaker 1: educator with a special interest in neurodivergency and the intersections

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Speaker 1: of like sex and intimacy and a d h D

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Speaker 1: and autism and everything that kind of falls under the

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Speaker 1: neurodivergent umbrella. Um and. Also, I play a lot of

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Speaker 1: dungeons and dragons, but that it's not what we're here

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Speaker 1: to talk about today with Sometimes I just feel like

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Speaker 1: I have to say it, like legally, I have to

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Speaker 1: be like Also, that's part of what I think. I

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Speaker 1: think it's it's a good preface and it should be

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Speaker 1: in the introduction, just because we know we're going to

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Speaker 1: go down this road between Annie's love war and my own,

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Speaker 1: like what it's gonna go down, that's a good good preface, agreed, Agreed,

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Speaker 1: um And I mean just in that bio, I've already

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Speaker 1: have so many questions and things I want to follow,

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Speaker 1: but I do want to have kind of get this

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Speaker 1: NERD talk out of the way in Samantha's like a

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Speaker 1: wonderful supportive co host who lets me do this. Um.

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Speaker 1: So I was recently on your podcast and we just

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Speaker 1: really hit it off. We kind of discovered were like

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Speaker 1: the same person and someone yea in several many ways. Yes.

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Speaker 1: So first of all, can you tell people about your podcasts? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I have a podcast. It's called Katie and Eric's

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Speaker 1: Infinite Quest in a d h D Adventure, which is

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Speaker 1: a very long title. It's fine, um, but we talked

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Speaker 1: about life with a d h D and depression and

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Speaker 1: navigating life is nerrow divergent adults. Um. But we also

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Speaker 1: play D and D on podcast sometimes. UM. And so

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Speaker 1: one of the things that kind of came out of

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Speaker 1: this it was it started out as a joke. It

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Speaker 1: was a joke episode, UM. But what came out of

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Speaker 1: this was a lot of really important conversations about accessibility

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Speaker 1: and inclusivity in like tabletop role playing games, um, which

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Speaker 1: is sort of like the other arm of what I do.

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Speaker 1: So I'm a certified sex educator. I talked about like

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Speaker 1: NERD divergent relationships, but I also go to a lot

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Speaker 1: of conventions and I go and do a lot of

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Speaker 1: spaces and I say, hey, let's make the gaming table

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Speaker 1: more welcoming for everybody. And so it's sort of like

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Speaker 1: my very passionate about it. Yes, and that's actually how

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Speaker 1: you and I met, even though we kind of didn't

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Speaker 1: realize we had met. Yeah, Like I was like, oh, yes,

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Speaker 1: we all right. I'm great. I'm terrible with remembering people's

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Speaker 1: names because I can't picture stuff in my head and

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Speaker 1: so I can't remember faces very well. Uh, And so

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, we've we've met several times.

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Speaker 1: That's really embarrassing, but it's fine. That's not good. I

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Speaker 1: think we were sitting next to each other. So we

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Speaker 1: were on this a panel at Dragon Con last year.

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Speaker 1: I think it was Women in Digital Media. I was

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Speaker 1: so nervous. It was at seven pm on a Sunday,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I can barely remember what happened,

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Speaker 1: except that you told me about that turkey fact I did,

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Speaker 1: and you say, because you're talking about your your food,

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Speaker 1: and then I was just like, hey, I have a

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Speaker 1: I have a fun food fact. And that's because that's

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Speaker 1: how to make friends, as I just info dump with

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Speaker 1: people until they like me, So that's my strategy. Well

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Speaker 1: it worked, yes, yes, So if you don't mind me

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Speaker 1: asking before we get into kind of more serious stuff, Well,

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Speaker 1: this could be serious. How did you get into D

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Speaker 1: and D? Oh man, it's it's not it's not a

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Speaker 1: very interesting story. But my dad played DN d UM

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Speaker 1: and Uh. He was always trying to get me into

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Speaker 1: D and D. And he was like, you're perfect for it,

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Speaker 1: like you're a theater kid. You literally work in an

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Speaker 1: improv theater. Like it's just improv but with math. And

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Speaker 1: that was the part that I always kind of like

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Speaker 1: scared me because I'm terrible at math. Um, I actually

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Speaker 1: have dis calculia, which also is impossible to say. I

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Speaker 1: hate that word. Um, but I'm I'm awful at math

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Speaker 1: and I have like a lot of like math anxiety.

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Speaker 1: And so I was always scared to play D N

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Speaker 1: d UM. And then when my dad passed away, a

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Speaker 1: friend of his from college was like, hey, I've had

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Speaker 1: this box of your dad's stuff in my basement for years,

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Speaker 1: Like do you want it? I was like sure, And

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Speaker 1: it was like all of my dad's old DN D

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Speaker 1: books from like when he had been in college. Um,

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Speaker 1: and so I inherited like my dad's old dn D

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Speaker 1: books and his like character sheets and all of this stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I just felt like really close to my dad. Um.

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Speaker 1: And so I started kind of getting into T TRPT.

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Speaker 1: But fun fact, the first T t RPD I ever

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Speaker 1: played was actually not dn D. It was Star Wars

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Speaker 1: Edge of the Empire. It was the first yeah, which

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Speaker 1: was it was the first RPG that I I ever played. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then I got into D n D through that

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Speaker 1: because I was like, Okay, well this isn't like so bad,

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Speaker 1: Like there's a little math, but it's all right. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then I found out that there's like D and

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Speaker 1: D Beyond exist and I'll just like do the math

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Speaker 1: for you. And I was like, oh cool, I can

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Speaker 1: play this game now. So that's that's my story. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a good one. I mean, I also was intimidated

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Speaker 1: by it because I thought I just thought it was

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Speaker 1: so complicated. It was so like all these rule books

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Speaker 1: and I just thought, you know, I've come a long

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Speaker 1: way since then. But I was like, that is I'm

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Speaker 1: going to come in and these dude bros Are gonna

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Speaker 1: tell me like you don't know what you're doing. And

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Speaker 1: then I'm gonna walk away, which is probably what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen. But then I had a friend he was

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Speaker 1: really into it, and he I was struggling with PTSD

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Speaker 1: and he said, like, this would be a good way

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Speaker 1: for you to to deal with some of that. And

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Speaker 1: also I was trying to write the ending of this

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Speaker 1: book and I saw I was like, if I put

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Speaker 1: her in there, maybe I can figure out the ending.

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Speaker 1: But we've talked about that a lot on this show

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Speaker 1: about how you can use these tabletop games. Now it's

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Speaker 1: a type of therapy, but as a way to sort

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Speaker 1: of work through things. Um, and it did it, even

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Speaker 1: though the ending of the book turned out to not

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Speaker 1: be Now, I run games and I have for a

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Speaker 1: long time, and I feel like I'm happy to see

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Speaker 1: that that's diversifying and more people are getting into it,

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Speaker 1: because I do think there is an intimidation factor around

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Speaker 1: the numbers and the rules. Yeah, absolutely, but I think

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Speaker 1: like that's one of the things that I get really

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Speaker 1: excited about is that like you don't have to, like

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Speaker 1: you don't, you don't have to you know, you don't

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Speaker 1: have to use in conference if you don't want to,

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Speaker 1: Like you don't I have to do the spell. I

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Speaker 1: don't believe that anybody in the world he uses spell components.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure there's some like, but I just like, I've

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Speaker 1: never played at other's just like, yeah, I just cast

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Speaker 1: a spell whatever, it's fine. Like I'm just like all right,

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Speaker 1: you know. So it's like I think, like it's it's

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Speaker 1: cool because they're very clear upfront. It's like it's meant

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Speaker 1: to be adaptable, it's meant to be changeable. It's like

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Speaker 1: play to have fun. And so I think that that's

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Speaker 1: like I've been really lucky in that way that I've

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Speaker 1: I've never run well, I've read into a few jerks,

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Speaker 1: but not not too many. Yeah. Same, I feel like

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Speaker 1: I was really lucky. My first game master, Junge Semester,

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Speaker 1: he he was very like he knew rules, but he

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Speaker 1: was also flexible, like he didn't want that to slow

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Speaker 1: down the game. He didn't want it to become a

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Speaker 1: miserable like whoa on this page. I have run into

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Speaker 1: some jerks, but usually my experience has been pretty good,

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Speaker 1: which makes me happy that you're doing a great job.

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know I'm listening. No, I'm

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Speaker 1: just thinking that it really is a big difference, no

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Speaker 1: matter what you're in, but especially when it's a male

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Speaker 1: dominated area light table top and as well as D

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Speaker 1: and D. For the longest time, there was no conversation

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Speaker 1: about women being more involved and non binary posts being

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Speaker 1: more involved and being intersectional in itself, because we know

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Speaker 1: that when it comes to anything, when it comes to

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Speaker 1: passion and love, if intersectionality is not a part of it,

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Speaker 1: then it kind of does kill off so many people's

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Speaker 1: spirits to even want to be a part of that,

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Speaker 1: and having people like you who are involved, you and Annie,

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Speaker 1: but also taking the reins to show and navigate and

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Speaker 1: mentor people, that's a big deal. And I think it's

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Speaker 1: amazing this conversation, especially to be able to be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's getting better. We've had experiences, but we're

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Speaker 1: making it different and that's a huge part of growing

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Speaker 1: um in just ourselves and just also something that your

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Speaker 1: father loved. Oh my god, that's even more amazing than

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Speaker 1: you'll be able to expand upon that. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I want to applaud for that. That was really good.

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Speaker 1: That was that was I mean, that's like, even though

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Speaker 1: I have no understanding about casting spells and numbers, I

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Speaker 1: had no idea math was a part of those. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I know it's a lot about good storytelling

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Speaker 1: and almost improv and acting that I don't know what

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Speaker 1: I'm not good at. So that's my own part, but like, wow,

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Speaker 1: this is such a depth that I don't know, So

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Speaker 1: it's kind of fun to watch. It is funt Actually

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Speaker 1: it is fun to watch people loving it and then

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Speaker 1: trying to figure out what is happening. It's a mystery

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Speaker 1: of itself. For me, I always say it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of project management. It's a whole thing. And Samantha's she

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Speaker 1: wants to come in and sort of observe as we play,

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Speaker 1: almost as if she's like making a documentary about look

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Speaker 1: at these nerds. I want to do as if I'm

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Speaker 1: the not the announcer, commentator, as of a sport. I

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Speaker 1: want to come in as that of not knowing anything.

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Speaker 1: I think it's the amazing and fascinating and hoous because

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Speaker 1: I am. I do have a lot of questions. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have a lot of questions. That's great, uh,

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Speaker 1: speaking of podcasts, because that was my podcast idea. I

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Speaker 1: love that you have made D and D a part

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Speaker 1: of it. So what came first the D N D

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Speaker 1: or the d n D in the podcast or the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and they're like, let's do some D and D oh gosh, okay.

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Speaker 1: So I have an answer for this, and I promise

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Speaker 1: it will sound like an answer at the end. It's

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Speaker 1: not going to sound like an answer at the start,

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Speaker 1: but this is my answer. So one of the things

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Speaker 1: so it's it's a podcast about a d h D,

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Speaker 1: it's a podcast about being neurodivergent UM. And one of

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Speaker 1: the things that is very common UM in the neurodivergion,

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Speaker 1: especially like a d h D experience, is that we're

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Speaker 1: told our whole life that we have to choose, that

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Speaker 1: we have to pick, that we have to like pick

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Speaker 1: the career, pick the hobby, pick the focus, or pick whatever.

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Speaker 1: But a very very common theme for many people with

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Speaker 1: a d h D is that it's extremely difficult for

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Speaker 1: us to choose, or like, we choose crochet for two weeks,

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Speaker 1: and then the dopamine wears off and then we never

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Speaker 1: you know, crochet again. But the next week we're gonna

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Speaker 1: try watercolors, and then the next week after that we're

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Speaker 1: going to learn how to play the trumpet, and then

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Speaker 1: the next week after that, and the next week after that,

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Speaker 1: and that has been my entire life, Like that has

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Speaker 1: been the experience of of my entire adult life. And

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Speaker 1: being told that that's wrong, and being told that that's bad,

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Speaker 1: and being told that there's something like fundamentally flawed about

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Speaker 1: living your life like that, and I just so fundamentally

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Speaker 1: disagree because I think that one of the beauties of

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Speaker 1: the world. One of the most extraordinary things about life

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Speaker 1: is that you can just wake up one day and

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Speaker 1: be like, I'm gonna get really into art history this month,

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Speaker 1: and then next month, you know, get really into cooking

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Speaker 1: or whatever. But all of those experiences add up. All

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Speaker 1: of those experiences give you something, teach you something, you

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Speaker 1: learn something, you take something away from that experience. Even

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Speaker 1: if you you know, get really into art history and

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Speaker 1: then you never do it again. When you get really

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Speaker 1: into movies, you still know a little bit of about composition.

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Speaker 1: And when you know a little bit about movies, then

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Speaker 1: when you start, you know, having a podcast, then you

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Speaker 1: know a little bit about editing, you know, and it compounds.

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Speaker 1: And so when we when we started making the podcast,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that was really important to us

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Speaker 1: was that we just wanted to authentically represent the experience

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Speaker 1: of living with a d H D, And so for

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Speaker 1: us and for me, d n D is part of it,

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Speaker 1: like dn D is one of my passions. It's certainly

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Speaker 1: not the only passion that I have, but it's one

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Speaker 1: of them. Um. And the feedback that we got, like

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Speaker 1: the first episode was very like silly. It was a

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Speaker 1: one off, like special episode. And then the internet. We

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Speaker 1: broke the internet, um and and then people just said,

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Speaker 1: it's so cool to not only hear people have these

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Speaker 1: experiences like we have, but also play D and D

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Speaker 1: like us, where we get distracted, there are awkward pauses,

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Speaker 1: we started, we stumble, we we get off track. We

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Speaker 1: spend twenty five minutes trying to unlock an unlocked door.

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Speaker 1: That's a real thing that happened one time because we

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Speaker 1: literally just didn't hear the d M say the door

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Speaker 1: was unlocked. So it's less about the D and D,

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Speaker 1: I think, and more about just authentically representing the experience

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Speaker 1: of living as ourselves and being very unapologetic about that.

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Speaker 1: But now people do costplay as me, and that's weird.

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Speaker 1: So that's amazing, that's awesome. You know, you hit on

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Speaker 1: something that Annie and I often talk about when it

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Speaker 1: comes to people asking us about podcasting and how do

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Speaker 1: we do it and what do we focus on is

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Speaker 1: like we think that our listeners, um and our fan

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Speaker 1: base like it when we're real, when we're honest, and

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Speaker 1: when we're authentic, and that that when they can connect,

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Speaker 1: they have a moment of like these are my friends,

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Speaker 1: they say, see me, even though I might we might

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Speaker 1: not know their specific situation, but because we can, they

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Speaker 1: can relate to well our situation that they hear from

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Speaker 1: the first time. Oh my gosh, yeah that's me. This

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Speaker 1: is amazing and I love that. Has that been you

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Speaker 1: experience with podcasting? Yeah, I mean absolutely. Um so, like

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Speaker 1: the podcast started out because so so my podcast partner,

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Speaker 1: his name is Eric, and Eric is a TikTok or

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Speaker 1: the same way that I'm in TikToker. And in August

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Speaker 1: two years ago, I reached out and I sent him

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Speaker 1: a message and I said, the laws of a d

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Speaker 1: H D TikTok dictate that we must do a collap

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Speaker 1: and he was like, great, we should. We should do

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Speaker 1: a collapse sometime and so we exchanged phone numbers with

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Speaker 1: the intention of doing one sixties second video together. So

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Speaker 1: I called him the first night we talked for three

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Speaker 1: and a half hours the second night, and we're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we forgot to talk about the video. The second night,

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Speaker 1: I called him back, we talked for four and a

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Speaker 1: half hours, still didn't talk about the video. Third night.

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Speaker 1: Like this went on for like a week and a half,

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Speaker 1: but we would just called me like, yeah, we're totally

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Speaker 1: going to talk about the video, and then we would

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Speaker 1: just talk for hours about everything. And so at some

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Speaker 1: point on a TikTok live that I was doing, I

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Speaker 1: said I told that story and I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, and somebody in the comments and I still

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Speaker 1: wish I wish I knew who they were because they

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Speaker 1: changed my life forever. But they said I would give

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Speaker 1: anything to listen to that conversation, like how much money

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Speaker 1: do you want? And I kind of jokingly said that's eric.

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Speaker 1: I was like, apparently people think we have something to say,

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Speaker 1: and we're like, well, we're millennials. Do you want to

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Speaker 1: make a podcast? And then the next thing we knew

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Speaker 1: we were like a top fifty mental health podcast and

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Speaker 1: we were one of the only podcasts specifically, not specifically,

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Speaker 1: but tangentially talking about a d h D and sex

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Speaker 1: and intimacy in particular like a D H D and

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Speaker 1: like kink and and that kind of stuff. Um. And

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Speaker 1: so it just its spiraled so quickly, but it absolutely

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Speaker 1: spiraled out of the fact that the fee fact we

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Speaker 1: kept hearing was I've never heard anybody talk like me.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard anybody organize their ideas like me. I've

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Speaker 1: always been told that I talked too faster, I talked

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Speaker 1: too round about or whatever, um, And we're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're not going to edit it that much. Like well,

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Speaker 1: this kind of like Annie knows she was on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it's a it's a mess, um, but like that's but

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Speaker 1: that's kind of like what we stand for. It is

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Speaker 1: just sort of very authentically like being yourselves and sometimes

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Speaker 1: having hard conversations and sometimes having tough conversations. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: she's being like, you want to talk about cheese, like

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Speaker 1: you know, and and that's okay too. I think there,

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Speaker 1: I think there's validity and all of that agreed. And

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Speaker 1: Samantha knows. After I was on on your show, I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh god, I've never even answered any of

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Speaker 1: her questions because I got distracted. That's the beauty of it,

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, it's just like your answer is

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Speaker 1: your answer. Even if the answer isn't the answer specifically,

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Speaker 1: it's still an answer. Yeah. We talked about the phrase

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Speaker 1: that I was told because of the way I would

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Speaker 1: speak when people would ask me questions. It's like I

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Speaker 1: was chasing rabbits, because it'd be like me hopping all

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Speaker 1: over the place trying to get to my point and

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Speaker 1: never getting there. So I was like, yeah, that's about right.

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Speaker 1: I get that. I understand that to my soul. Yes. Uh, well,

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Speaker 1: do you mind talking about your experience with a d

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Speaker 1: h D, how it's impacted your life, diagnosis, all that stuff. Yeah? Sure. Um,

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Speaker 1: so I was actually diagnosed very late. Um. I was

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Speaker 1: diagnosed the day before my thirtieth birthday, which was very interesting.

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Speaker 1: But my diagnosis story is a little bit different than

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Speaker 1: a lot of people is because Um, I actually had

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Speaker 1: a no veryan tortion UM zero out of ten do

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Speaker 1: not recommend. I almost died, um. But they ultimately had

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Speaker 1: to remove my I have to check left to my left,

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Speaker 1: and I always forget my leftoverary, and so when they

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Speaker 1: removed my ovary, it's set off a hormonal shift that

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Speaker 1: was so profound owned that it really exacerbated my underlying

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Speaker 1: a d h D. And so when I went to

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Speaker 1: go get kind of tested to sort of figure out

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Speaker 1: what was going on, because honestly, I thought I had

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Speaker 1: early onset dementia. I had no idea that I had

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Speaker 1: a d h D at all. I was just like,

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Speaker 1: Oh my God, like what's going on. I'm going crazy,

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Speaker 1: like what's happening? Um. I got really lucky in that

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Speaker 1: my doctor was very informed about a d h D

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Speaker 1: in in women, um, and so she basically was just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're a d h D is really linked to your hormones.

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Speaker 1: And I said what uh, and like yeah. And so

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Speaker 1: then I started doing research, and I started doing more

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Speaker 1: research and more research, and I started realizing that there

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Speaker 1: were all of these places and all of these like

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Speaker 1: intersections of a d h D that nobody talks about

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Speaker 1: and and nobody highlights or anything. Like. There was a

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Speaker 1: study general I always bring this up on interviews because

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm so heated about it. Um. But

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Speaker 1: there's a study then recently where they where they looked

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Speaker 1: at a bunch of like a fab people, um, and

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Speaker 1: they tested them for a d h D. But they

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Speaker 1: tested them for a d h D at different points

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Speaker 1: in their month Leae cycles, and depending on where they

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Speaker 1: were in their cycle, the hormonal shift was so significant

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Speaker 1: that some people would test like essentially positive for a

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Speaker 1: d h D. That's not the term, but whatever. They

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Speaker 1: would test like, yes, you have a d h D.

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Speaker 1: But then at other points of the month they wouldn't

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Speaker 1: because their hormones were like in check enough to where

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Speaker 1: they didn't have like the same issues. And so I

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Speaker 1: realized that there's like this massively underserved population of people

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Speaker 1: who don't know like how profoundly things are are related.

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Speaker 1: And then sort of even more out of that as

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Speaker 1: I started learning more about like a d h D

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Speaker 1: and how it affects just life, because there's there's this

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Speaker 1: misnomber there's like the strange stereotype I guess about a

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Speaker 1: d h D that it's like a d h D

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Speaker 1: is for work, it's for school, it's you forget to

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Speaker 1: answer emails, you you don't pay attention in class or whatever.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, no, if you have a d h D,

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Speaker 1: it affects every single moment of your day, from waking

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Speaker 1: up to going to bed, like literally like sleep is

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Speaker 1: affected by a d h D. Falling asleep as affected

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Speaker 1: by a d h d um. And the more I learned,

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Speaker 1: kind of the more angry I got, because I was like,

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Speaker 1: first off, how was it? How did how did they

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Speaker 1: miss this in me for thirty years? And it's because

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Speaker 1: I was a high achiever. I was great at school.

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Speaker 1: I'm academically very talented, and so I realized there were

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Speaker 1: just like so many people out there who were struggling

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Speaker 1: and feeling like they were broken and feeling like they

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Speaker 1: were screw ups and that they couldn't do anything right

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Speaker 1: and like, oh, you're so good at school, but why

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Speaker 1: is your room a mess? Like that kind of narrative

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Speaker 1: over and over and over, and I said I I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about this, and then two million people

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Speaker 1: were like, Okay, agreed, let's go. Agreed. That's amazing because

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Speaker 1: as you're saying all this is there's a moment. But

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Speaker 1: the way it collects about the conversation about pregnancy fog

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Speaker 1: And I'm wondering how that is connected to a d

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Speaker 1: h D because I don't hear much about that literally,

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Speaker 1: just kind of a comedic ha women in pregnancy kind

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Speaker 1: of dismissive conversation when an actual maybe it's the underlying

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Speaker 1: diagnosis and or yeah, just a hormonal shift that we

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Speaker 1: don't talk enough about, which they do talk about hormones,

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Speaker 1: and of course everything is blamed on hormones and it

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Speaker 1: is to blame, but we don't talk about the deeper

426
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:16,919
Speaker 1: net level, the misdiagnosis um and on our show repeatedly,

427
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: we've had these conversations when it comes to diagnosis and

428
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: women and how it is under diagnosed because just like you,

429
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: it's all over the place where it's like, oh, but

430
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:29,600
Speaker 1: you're you're functioning. Oh, you're fine on this level, so

431
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,360
Speaker 1: there must be nothing wrong with you other than you're

432
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 1: just high strung, you're just a woman type of conversation,

433
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: and or you are a fab as you were talking

434
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,880
Speaker 1: about and being very dismissive of those conversations. Since your

435
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 1: discovery of this, how has this impacted your life? Oh

436
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: my god, I mean it completely changed my life forever.

437
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,440
Speaker 1: Like this is now my job, you know, Like that's

438
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 1: like first off, like I literally talked about a d

439
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: h D for my job, which is strange. I did

440
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 1: not think I have like two master's degrees in Shakespeare.

441
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: This is not supposed to be my wife. Um. I

442
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 1: was supposed to be teaching about Romeo and Juliet and

443
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: some like dusty college library somewhere. But I mean, I

444
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: think more than anything, what what has happened is that

445
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: I've I've just learned a lot, and I've realized how

446
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 1: necessary these conversations are. And I realized there's nothing worse

447
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:18,880
Speaker 1: than somebody going on a podcast and be like, yeah,

448
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: this is a really important conversation to have because it's like,

449
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 1: but it is, you know, but it absolutely is. UM.

450
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: And as I started talking more and educating more and

451
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: advocating more, UM, I kept just hearing the same stories

452
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 1: over and over again, misdiagnosis, underdiagnosis, late diagnosis, UM, you know,

453
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: like all of these different things, and just realizing how

454
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 1: profoundly it affects people and how profoundly difficult it is

455
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 1: to navigate life when you're struggling with the bare minimums.

456
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 1: But being told that there's no reason you should be

457
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: struggling with the bare minimums. That it should be easy

458
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,199
Speaker 1: to do your dishes, it should be easy to do

459
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,680
Speaker 1: your laundry, it should be easy to have your house

460
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: should be immaculate, and your children should be fed, you know,

461
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,760
Speaker 1: like that kind of thing, um. And in reality, it

462
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: is extremely difficult for a lot of people, and then

463
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 1: even more sort of like recently and immediately, the pandemic

464
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 1: broke a lot of people's systems. It broke down a

465
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: lot of people's structures. The safety nets and and the

466
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 1: and the things that they had in place to sort

467
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: of support themselves throughout the day. Those all went away,

468
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 1: and a lot of people still are not recovered from

469
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 1: that and and are still like sort of like, oh

470
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: my gosh, like I do have a d h D.

471
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: Or I have been autistic this entire time, and I

472
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 1: had no idea, you know, that kind of thing. And

473
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: so there's been just like I think, a profound shift

474
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: in my own understanding of of neurodivergency and how it

475
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: affects me in my life, which I don't actually think

476
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 1: was the answer to the question that you asked at all,

477
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 1: But I just started talking because I panicked. So there

478
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: you go. That was exactly because it is that you

479
00:23:56,119 --> 00:24:00,080
Speaker 1: talked about the fact that it kind of yes to

480
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 1: really change your life, because if became your job obviously

481
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 1: changed your life as you started to understand yourself and

482
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,680
Speaker 1: your own um conversations in your mind or lack of conversations,

483
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 1: Are you know, weary of conversations, whatever it may be,

484
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: but it makes more sense, and there is that aha

485
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 1: moment of like, oh, oh my god, this explains so

486
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 1: much when you've been beating yourself up thinking that you

487
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: were doing something wrong. Yeah, exactly, I mean, and especially

488
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 1: you know, like out of the sort of a d

489
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: h D stuff came the fact that I went back

490
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: to school and I became a certified sex educator. UM.

491
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 1: And that was honestly like a really sort of pivotal

492
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: moment for me and like a very enlightening moment for me,

493
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: because I had spent a really long time thinking that

494
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: I was just broken, like I was just sex broken,

495
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: Like sex was just this weird, amalgamous thing that like

496
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 1: I wasn't good at it. I didn't understand it, and

497
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,239
Speaker 1: I didn't understand my body and my brain and like

498
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,959
Speaker 1: they're they very rarely connect. Like I sort of live

499
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 1: in my head and I have like this like body

500
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 1: attached like inconveniently so UM and realizing that a lot

501
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: of that just has to do with my nerro divergency.

502
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: It has to do with with the physical way that

503
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: my brain interprets information and takes in stimulus and that

504
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. UM, I was honestly, like I mean

505
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: kind of like vulnerably. I was really able to release

506
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 1: a lot of like the shame and guilt that I

507
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: that I had around like sex and intimacy because I

508
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm not a bad person because I

509
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 1: get bored during sex, like that's my a d H D.

510
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: Like I'm not a creepy weirdo because I I'm really

511
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 1: into kink, Like no, kink is a totally valid and

512
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: beautiful and wonderful thing that is a tool that a

513
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: lot of people who require like additional stimulus like during

514
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: intimacy use, you know. And so it really I think

515
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: has been a very quick, like fast paced journey. UM,

516
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 1: but it's it's been really incredible, like realizing like how

517
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 1: much self acceptance is wrapped up in just understanding how

518
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 1: your brain works and why your brain it's the way

519
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 1: way it does. And that's been that's been extremely powerful.

520
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: We've heard from so many listeners who have had the

521
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: same a similar experience where they're like, I, when I

522
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: got the diagnosis, it's just just like I could breathe again,

523
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: like I understood, um, and how powerful that was. And

524
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: I know from the conversation you and I had you

525
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: have a really active listenership and you're you're very vulnerable

526
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 1: on your show, which is something that I love. We've

527
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,440
Speaker 1: also talked about how like taking care of yourself self

528
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 1: care is also important and kind of drawing that kind

529
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: of like what am I doing for the audience and

530
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: what is good for me? But through that, uh, you

531
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 1: told me like you have sort of become this expert,

532
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: and we talked about kind of the danger of that

533
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: term and the responsibility of that term. But around a

534
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: d h D and sex, and you already kind of

535
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 1: touched on some of this stuff, but um, could you

536
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 1: expound on on that a bit more? Yeah, So there's

537
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: just now uh, studies coming out that that specifically deal

538
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: with like a d h D and intimacy. Um. And

539
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 1: one of the things that I always like to clarify

540
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 1: write off the bat is like what I say a

541
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: d h D and sex, what I actually mean is

542
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 1: a d h D and relationships. I'm not talking about

543
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: like penis in vagina sex. I'm just talking about like

544
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 1: relationships as a whole. But sex is for some people

545
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 1: part of that. But so about forty to fifty of

546
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: people with a d h D struggle with sex and

547
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 1: intimacy and relationships UM. For a lot of people, that

548
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 1: looks like struggles like during like the sex act itself. UM.

549
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 1: A lot of people struggle with like arousal and orgasm.

550
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: A lot of people struggle with UM just like fundamentally

551
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 1: like turning their brain off and getting in the mood. UM.

552
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: Even more than that about depending on the study that

553
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: you read, between ninety and ninety nine percent of people

554
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: with a d h D experienced something called rejection sensitivity UM,

555
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: which is fundamentally just a very like shorthanded term for

556
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: like the the huge amount of trauma that many neurodivergent

557
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 1: people just live with in their own life, Like kids

558
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 1: with a d h D experience twenty thousand more negative

559
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 1: messages about themselves than kids without a d h D UM.

560
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,199
Speaker 1: And so at some point you start to get a

561
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 1: little sensitive to like, oh, am I doing something wrong?

562
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: Am I doing something bad? But that carries over, that

563
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: doesn't just magically disappear, you know, on your eighteenth birthday. UM.

564
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,919
Speaker 1: And so a lot of people with a d h

565
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: D and other neurodivergency struggle in relationships because of like

566
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: this this host of issues in terms of things like

567
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 1: rejection sensitivity and you know, like I said earlier, focusing

568
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: during sex and and feeling like, you know, like they

569
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: they're doing something fundamentally wrong in their relationships. UM. And

570
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: just the more that I learned about that, and the

571
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 1: more that I got really just invested in in how

572
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: intimacy works in neurodivergent relationships. Again, I just realized that

573
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,239
Speaker 1: there weren't a lot of conversations being had. Um. And

574
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 1: even more than that, the conversations that we're being had.

575
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 1: This is like a sidebar. I'm sorry, I just realized

576
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: that I'm I'm chasing the rabbit, Samantha, That's what I'm doing.

577
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: Keep going. But so much sex education, the sex education

578
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: that exists, if it exists at all, UM, is absolutely

579
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: predicated on the notion that everybody involved is neurotypical. Is

580
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: that they don't have problems with directtion sensitivity. They're not

581
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: saying yes when they actually mean no because they're terrified

582
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 1: that they're going to lose their partner. Um. You know,

583
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: they're they're able to remember conversations the same way. UM.

584
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: You know, like there's so many discussions that are specific

585
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: to neurodivergent people. UM. But those conversations in sex said,

586
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 1: like they're not being head, They're just saying, everybody here is,

587
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: you know, thinks the same way and feels the same

588
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,600
Speaker 1: way and acts the same way, and that's not true.

589
00:29:57,680 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: And that's not and that's not even true about like

590
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 1: neuro typical people as well, like whether or not you

591
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: have a d h D, like you can have two

592
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: very different understandings of what the word, you know, like

593
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: intimacy means, or closeness means, or quality time means. This

594
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: isn't like just a special a d H day thing, um.

595
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: And So the more that I learned in them, and

596
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 1: the more that I sort of started working towards educating

597
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: like in that capacity, the more that I just realized, like, Okay, well,

598
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 1: if nobody's going to have a conversation that I guess

599
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: it'll be me, you know. And so like I've been

600
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: really lucky is that there there is a really big

601
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: push right now for a lot of diversity and a

602
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 1: lot of inclusivity and a lot of accessibility in sex

603
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: ed um, But so many neurodivergent and disabled people are

604
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: just infantilized or or de sexualized entirely. And it's like, oh,

605
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,720
Speaker 1: you're autistic. That's so cute that you have a boyfriend,

606
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: and it's like no, like I'm an adult, like you know,

607
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: and so yeah, like there's just there's just so many

608
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: issues that I always getting really stressed out when somebody

609
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 1: else like talk about that more because I'm like, I

610
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 1: don't even there's so much. It's so much, and it's

611
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: so big, and it's so much all the time. Oh

612
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 1: my god. Yes, agreed. Uh, And I think that, first

613
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: of all, it's great that you're doing that because I

614
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: think this sex education is really deplorable in this country

615
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: and it's harmed a lot of people. Um, And I'm

616
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 1: glad to see that it's improving, but it's still got

617
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 1: so far to go. And it's true, like we don't

618
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:30,880
Speaker 1: hear about that, And like you said earlier, I feel

619
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: like a lot of people's understanding of a d h D,

620
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 1: when they don't know too much about it, is based

621
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 1: on like work and you know, school or whatever, but

622
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: not all these personal aspects. Um. Yeah, So I'm glad

623
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: that these conversations are happening, and like, as you say,

624
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: it makes so much sense to me. Yeah. Well, and

625
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: and even more than that too, there's a lot of

626
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: just strangely incorrect information that lives out there, Like I

627
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: still hear like every day, Like the fact that I

628
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: hear about this every day is upsetting, But I hear

629
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: every day from people who will like, go to a

630
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: psychologist and they'll say, oh, well, they said that women

631
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: can't have a d h D. And I'm like, it's

632
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 1: two and there are still practicing medical professionals who say, oh,

633
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 1: girls can't have a d h D or or girls

634
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 1: can't be autistic, Like that's another big one that I

635
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 1: get a lot um or you know, like, oh, well,

636
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 1: you got good grades in school, so you can't have

637
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: a d h D. Or you know, you got a

638
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: degree in college or whatever, so you can't have a

639
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 1: d h D. And it's like, that's not how any

640
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: of this works, um. But because the stereotype is still

641
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 1: so fundamentally a white, sciss male seven year old boy

642
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: screwing around in the back of the classroom, there is

643
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: a lot of stigma and a lot of um, I think,

644
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: like false narratives that people have to fall like fight

645
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: through to just simply be seen and heard and get

646
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: a diagnosis. And so when you know, a forty five

647
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: year old woman shows up at the doctor's office and says,

648
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 1: I think I have a d h D. Like there

649
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 1: are doctors who will who will just be like, that's impossible,

650
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 1: that can't possibly be the case. Somebody would have noticed.

651
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: And it's like I am living proof that like there

652
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: are and it's not just there are millions of people

653
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: who are living proof that, you know, like sometimes you

654
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: get by until you can't get by anymore, and there

655
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 1: comes a breaking point. Um. And for a lot of

656
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: a fab people that comes in their thirties and their forties,

657
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: it's it's not like some it's not like a little

658
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 1: kid thing. You know. I don't know. I don't know

659
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: how else to explain it, but I just get so frustrated. No,

660
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: I mean, what you're talking about at the core of

661
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: those is able is um. And it absolutely draws into

662
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: the idea that you can't be this for so long,

663
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: denying and other people denying it because they don't want

664
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: to because it might be too close, it might hit

665
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: a little too close to home. Let's be honest, right now,

666
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: this is hitting a little too close to home, j

667
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: king um. But the fact is it's the internalized able

668
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 1: is um that is within all of the conversation and

669
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 1: the fact that it shouldn't be it should be normalized

670
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: and have a conversation about this is not a bad thing,

671
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 1: it is. This is a thing, and then when you

672
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 1: actually have an understanding of it, you can better move

673
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 1: on and grow in yourself. UM and I feel like

674
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 1: you've hit on that so hard. Can you kind of

675
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 1: go into what it looks like when able is UM

676
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 1: is a part of this conversation in itself buckling. So

677
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: this is not this is not specifically about a d

678
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: h D. But I have I have another. I have

679
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,920
Speaker 1: an invisible disability. It's called dystonia UM. And dystonia basically

680
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: is characterized by unpredictable and unwanted muscle spasms that happen

681
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 1: all over your body. UM. For me, specifically, they happen

682
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 1: in my back and they happen in my hands. UM.

683
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 1: And my dystonia was sort of like kicked off by

684
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 1: an accident that I had in a show that I

685
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: was doing. Um, I I fell That's not a good story,

686
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 1: but that's it. I fell down. Oh no, But I

687
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: spent almost four years trying to get a diagnosis UM.

688
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: And as I went from doctor to doctor to doctor,

689
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: one of the things that I kept happening to me

690
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,839
Speaker 1: was one they would accuse me of making it up

691
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 1: because just stonia is extremely rare. Um. But even more

692
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: than that, I got a lot of like, it's all

693
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,799
Speaker 1: in your head, or maybe it's period cramps. I got

694
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 1: a lot of like it must be cramps, and I'm like,

695
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 1: I literally can't walk, Like what are you talking about?

696
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 1: But I also got a lot of, Um, your too

697
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: pretty to be disabled. I've heard that I'm too pretty

698
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 1: to be disabled. I've heard that I'm too smart to

699
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:35,399
Speaker 1: be disabled. Um, I've heard that I don't look like

700
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,239
Speaker 1: I'm disabled. Um. And and that is so prevalent, is

701
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: that I feel like there is unfortunately one like if

702
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: you say the word disabled, like for many people, like

703
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 1: one specific image comes to mind, and that is a

704
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 1: person using a wheelchair, Like that is disability to many people. Um.

705
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: And it's like, no, disability is not a monolith. And

706
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: for some people, like eight D is a profound disability. Um.

707
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,759
Speaker 1: And for other people it's like, yeah, I have a

708
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: d h D, but you know, I take medicine. I'm fine,

709
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: you know. And because a disability is not a model

710
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: with and be like disability is also a spectrum, like

711
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 1: like whether it's you know, a d h D or

712
00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: you know, paralysis or dystonia or whatever your particular issue,

713
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: maybe that is a spectrum. And so from person to

714
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 1: person to person, it's like if you know one person

715
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: with a d h D, you know one person with

716
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 1: a d h D. Um. But because the narrative is

717
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 1: still like, oh well, this one person is going to

718
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 1: speak for the group. Um. That's why, like I honestly

719
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 1: get really nervous when I do interviews like this because

720
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 1: it's like, this is my experience, this is this is

721
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: my experience. Um. But the pushback that I get a

722
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: lot is that like, oh, well, you're so good at school,

723
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: Like that must have been so nice for you. I

724
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: had a really hard time in school, and I'm like,

725
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 1: that is also totally valid. There are many people with

726
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,439
Speaker 1: a d h D who fail out of school and

727
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 1: and and fail over and over and over and they

728
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: can't make will happen. I got lucky and that school

729
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: was like my hyper focus, you know. But like those

730
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 1: are two very different experiences that are both exceptionally valid

731
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: and exceptionally important to acknowledge. And so then when you

732
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 1: start sort of talking about able ism as a whole.

733
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: You just start to realize, like how insidious it is

734
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 1: that it's like there are still people walking around going, oh, well,

735
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: you're so smart, you can't be disabled, or you're so

736
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 1: pretty you can't be disabled, or whatever it may be.

737
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 1: And it's like what are we doing? Like why are

738
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 1: we not just believing people when they say that they're

739
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: struggling with something? Why do we need to take time

740
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 1: to like invalidate it for our own comfort because it

741
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: challenges our understanding of what like disability maybe? Um, And

742
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 1: that I think has been one of the most I

743
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: think enlightening things about this work that I do is

744
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: how much time I have to take, like when I'm

745
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: speaking or doing panels, to just unpack this idea that

746
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: it's like everybody's experience is the same. It's like, no,

747
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: we're all different, so like let's start there and start

748
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 1: like meeting each other in the middle. Um. But yeah,

749
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: I get I get really heated up about able is

750
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 1: M because it's profoundly affected me in many many ways. Yeah,

751
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 1: I know it asked for a lot of people. One

752
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 1: of the episodes my friends bring up the most with me,

753
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: which is very sweet that they actually listened to the show.

754
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: I don't expect them too, but is an episode that

755
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: we did about you know, women, I can't be autistic

756
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 1: and here's why, like it's under diagnosed and all this stuff,

757
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: and so many of them were like, oh my, I

758
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 1: just never knew that, And there you know, thirty year

759
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:36,240
Speaker 1: old women and finding relief in that. And then also

760
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 1: we've done a lot of episodes about how doctors dismiss women,

761
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: sometimes leading to consequences like death when we're telling you like, no,

762
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: there's something wrong. I know there's something wrong, and they're

763
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 1: like you're good. Um. And then also just in America,

764
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: we've been talking about this a lot too, the whole

765
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: idea that you shouldn't complain, you should be productive, you

766
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 1: should fit in. I think it's been really damaging h

767
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: for a lot of people. Yeah, I mean it's definitely

768
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: that conversation of women have to prove their worth, a

769
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 1: fat people have to prove their worth in general, and

770
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: so therefore showing weakness, which is not a weakness, which

771
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: is saying this is something I might struggle with, is

772
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 1: showing weakness, and therefore you are less value. That's been

773
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,479
Speaker 1: a whole conversation that's been inundated in US, especially as

774
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,479
Speaker 1: again people who are identify as women have to show

775
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: marginalized people in general have to show that they are

776
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:35,879
Speaker 1: of value because you know, white men apparently on its own,

777
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 1: are valued. Yeah. Well, and burnout culture too is such

778
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: a huge part I think, especially of like the ner

779
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 1: divergence story, because so many nerdivergent people like they thrive

780
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:53,839
Speaker 1: on burnout until burnout becomes untenable. It's like, well, if

781
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: I need to feel pressure to get anything done, if

782
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 1: I need to, you know, feel this sense of mediacy

783
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: to get anything done, how do you do that? You

784
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 1: do that by over extending yourself, by overbooking yourself, by

785
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 1: constantly living in like a stress state for as long

786
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: as you possibly can. But at some point, like you

787
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: gotta crash, You've gotta crash. And and the more the

788
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 1: longer that you go on, you know, especially like for

789
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: late diagnosis people, like some people like me, I got

790
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 1: all the way, I got two master's degrees before that

791
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 1: burnout hit. But then that burnout hit and I was like,

792
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: I'm not okay, and I was not okay for a

793
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: long time. And it's and it's just like that culture

794
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,720
Speaker 1: of like do more, be productive, do more, be productive,

795
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,719
Speaker 1: prove your worth, prove your worth over and over and over.

796
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 1: And then in conversation with and I, and I can

797
00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 1: only function when I'm living in that stressed out state, like, oh,

798
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: it gets dangerous. It gets so dangerous so quickly. And

799
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: I wish we'd talked more about that too. It's just

800
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 1: like how the culture of like capitalistic burnout, like just

801
00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: is so dangerous for neuro divergent people to be able

802
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,919
Speaker 1: to thrive in. Okay, I'm going to just stop calling

803
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: me out, thank you very much doing on now we've

804
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 1: talked about that, because I do feel like there's a

805
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: lot of morality attached to productivity in our country. And

806
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 1: for me, like when I get stressed, I hang on

807
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: to work like a life rafts and it's not healthy.

808
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 1: But I'm like, I can distract myself with this thing

809
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 1: and I don't have to think about all of this

810
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 1: other stuff that I'm struggling with. And it's definitely been

811
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: during the pandemic, it's really become clear to me how

812
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 1: much I rely on distracting myself and avoiding other things

813
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 1: through work. Yeah, it's not good. It's not good. It's

814
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: not good. It's not great, it's not grow. Can we

815
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:04,280
Speaker 1: go back to something else you mentioned, which we've discussed

816
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: on this podcast to you, which is kink and embracing

817
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 1: kink and how that has been for you, how that

818
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: kind of intersects with a d h D all of

819
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: that good stuff. Yeah, So, okay, I want to be

820
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 1: I was. I would like to say this, I'm a

821
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: big fan of kink, but I'm absolutely not one of

822
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: those like come join my club people. I'm just like

823
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: kink as a tool in your intimacy toolbox. If if

824
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 1: it's for you, great, If it's not, also totally cool,

825
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: we can still be friends. That's totally fine. And also,

826
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 1: I think one of the things that has been really

827
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: interesting for me is is sort of like unpacking what

828
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 1: kink means to a lot of people, because I think

829
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: people here kink and they immediately go like, whip's changed

830
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: in dungeon parties, and it's like, great if that, if

831
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: that's your bag, awesome, but that's not it's not necessarily

832
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: if for everybody. Um But so sort of like circling

833
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 1: back to the actual point I was gonna make. Um. So,

834
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 1: one of the big things with a d h D

835
00:42:56,480 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: is that our brains are constantly seeking sensory input. Right.

836
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: It's like once the dopamine, once the serotonin kind of

837
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: wears off, like your brain is like onto the next thing.

838
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,400
Speaker 1: And and the period of time that that takes, you know,

839
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 1: can be like I'm hyper focused on my emails, or

840
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 1: it can be I'm spending six months watching every episode

841
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 1: of Doctor Who. It really depends. And there's not a

842
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 1: really good way to like harness the power of your

843
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 1: A d h D. As much as a lot of

844
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: life coaches want to tell you on the internet, it's

845
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 1: it's challenging, right, Um. But so when you start talking

846
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: about like sex and intimacy and that kind of stuff, Um,

847
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 1: what a lot of people find is that that sort

848
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:36,879
Speaker 1: of sensory seeking like input behavior is still happening, right.

849
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:39,919
Speaker 1: And so as a sex educator, one of the things

850
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: that I'm a big sort of proponent of is the

851
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: fact that kink is at its foundation two different things

852
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,720
Speaker 1: at the same time. It is it is sensory input,

853
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: and it is power dynamic. And you can have A

854
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 1: and not be. You can have B and not A,

855
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 1: you can have both, you can have neither. Whatever is

856
00:43:56,080 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 1: your bag, um, But a lot of times that sort

857
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: of the structure of a power dynamic of some kind,

858
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: whether it be like all the time in the bedroom,

859
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:07,000
Speaker 1: like whatever, there's a lot of different options. Um. But

860
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 1: in conversation with that additional sensory input of you know,

861
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 1: like I'll say, like the riding crop, the flogger, the blindfold,

862
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:18,880
Speaker 1: the ear plugs, like whatever you personally maybe using, um,

863
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: those things can really combine to provide a really satisfying

864
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:30,320
Speaker 1: and much more like intimately satisfying experience for a neurodivergent person. UM.

865
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:34,959
Speaker 1: And I think it's it's it's hard to talk about

866
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 1: kink a lot of times because there's such a stigma

867
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: attached to it. It's like, oh, now I gotta go

868
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 1: by by like all leather outfit and get down of

869
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 1: the dungeon. But it's like, no, it's like when we

870
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: when we talk about kink, we're literally talking about you know,

871
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: anything as simple as just a blindfold or you know,

872
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 1: wearing headphones or something like that too. You know, the

873
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: more like aggressive like fifty shades of gray stuff that

874
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: you might be picturing fifty shades grayst trash just for

875
00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: on the record. Um. But but there's but it's it's

876
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:05,480
Speaker 1: really powerful and really valuable tool. UM. But again, when

877
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 1: we talk about king, when we talk about king safety,

878
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,839
Speaker 1: when we talk about negotiating boundaries, when we talk about

879
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 1: negotiating consent and all that stuff, A lot of those

880
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: conversations and the way that those things are taught in

881
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 1: kink and b D s M communities are again from

882
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: that neurotypical perspective of like, everybody's going to remember the

883
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: safe word, no problem. Nobody has time blindness, so there's

884
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: not going to be a problem in terms of like

885
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: how long do we do this scene for um, you know,

886
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: nobody has rejection sensitivity like that kind of stuff. Um.

887
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: And So when I started speaking more specifically towards second

888
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: intimacy as somebody who who really found a place for

889
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 1: myself in the king community, and really I think sort

890
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 1: of sexually came into my own because of kink and

891
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 1: what kink does personally for me, that was another place

892
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 1: where I was like, Hey, we really need to have

893
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 1: a conversation about time blindness. We really need to have

894
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: a conversation about managing you know, a submissive partner as

895
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: a neurodiver and dom and vice versa. UM. And so

896
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,279
Speaker 1: I've had really the honor of being able to go

897
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: to a lot of like SKINK and b D s

898
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: M specific conventions and talk about that and talk about like, okay,

899
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 1: what like neurodivergent doms, neurodivergent subs, like neurodivergent kike in general. Um,

900
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: And it's kind of become like my my like little

901
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:22,040
Speaker 1: passionate area of expertise because I just I really care

902
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 1: about it. I really care about the king community. I

903
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 1: really care about people playing safely and being educated safely

904
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: and that kind of stuff. Um. But I think if

905
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: if you're if you don't have the lived experience of

906
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:37,759
Speaker 1: knowing what it's like to struggle with memory and time

907
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 1: blindness and rejection sensitivity and all the different stuff that

908
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:42,240
Speaker 1: comes like wrapped up in the A d h D package,

909
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 1: it can be really hard to speak to it, um

910
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 1: with any sort of efficacy. And so um, that's what

911
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:51,800
Speaker 1: I do for my job now. As I talk about

912
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 1: sex and a d h D on the internet, my

913
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: mom loves it. My mom is thrilled. My mom's like,

914
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:03,919
Speaker 1: why are you like this? Well? My mom at first, Oh,

915
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 1: she's so mad, she's so mad. It's so funny, it's

916
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 1: so funny, my, Um. I grew up like in a

917
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: super conservative household where it was like masturbation was like

918
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 1: a terrible sin, and like you know, like sex is

919
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: like this like deeply shameful thing between a man and

920
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: a woman. And I was just like all right, cool

921
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:21,319
Speaker 1: and then like I like rocked up and I was

922
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 1: like what's up. So a lot of a lot of

923
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: it too has been on learning that and unpacking about

924
00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 1: like the religious shame and like I went to Catholic

925
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,919
Speaker 1: school my whole life, Like it was the first time

926
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,400
Speaker 1: I didn't go to Catholic school was in graduate school,

927
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: like I went to a Catholic university. So I was like,

928
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 1: there's a lot there's a lot of them. Know, I'm

929
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 1: with you, We've we've talked about this before. My parents

930
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: are also in that whilhouse. Like you're talking about women's issues,

931
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 1: you're one of them. Cool, um, which is funny because

932
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, well now we're talking about feminism, and okay,

933
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna explain this anymore. But I love that.

934
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 1: I think as we've talked to so many people in

935
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 1: the king Commune, pity and about what they do. One

936
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 1: of the big things that always stood out to me

937
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 1: and I love and I'm like, how do we translate

938
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: this to people who may not understand kink at all

939
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 1: or have never really thought about being a part of

940
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: this community or understanding what it is at its core.

941
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 1: But the communication that is a beautiful point in the

942
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 1: entirety of them, Like that in itself is enticing. Yeah. Absolutely,

943
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,239
Speaker 1: And I think even like I borrow a lot from

944
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,520
Speaker 1: the King community when I'm educating about like a d

945
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 1: h D. Like a big thing in the King community

946
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 1: is dropped, like the the experience of just like you know,

947
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: sub drop down, drop whatever. But drop just happens in

948
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 1: life to everybody, um but you when you explain drop,

949
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 1: I don't know. Okay, So basically drop is I'm I'm

950
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:47,640
Speaker 1: I'm better with a diagram, but I'm going to use

951
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 1: my words to the best of my ability. But so basically,

952
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 1: in your brain there is a baseline amount of like

953
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: dopamine and serotonin and that kind of stuff. Um. And

954
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 1: as you partake in an activity, whether or not it

955
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 1: be like a ink will say, a kink scene, or

956
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 1: going to your friend's birthday party that you've been looking

957
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,279
Speaker 1: forward to for a really long time, there's really no

958
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,880
Speaker 1: discernible difference in your brain, but you start sort of

959
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 1: burning through those like happy time chemicals right, um. And

960
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,799
Speaker 1: so then at some point you run out of those chemicals. Right,

961
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 1: you're feeling good, you're feeling good, you're having a great time,

962
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and then I'll oh, no, I'm kind

963
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: of we're out of that dope. I mean, we're out

964
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: of that serotonine. And that's where drop happens, right. And

965
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:26,880
Speaker 1: so drop is like that moment where your brain says, no,

966
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 1: I need time to sort of replenish these chemicals and

967
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: sort of like get back up to that baseline. Um.

968
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: And that happens a lot in kink because you're you know,

969
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 1: you're experiencing these very like heightened emotions and you're like

970
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 1: making extra dopamine while like the scene is happening, and

971
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,800
Speaker 1: then boop, it's gone. Um. But that happens a lot

972
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 1: just in life. You know. It's like an infer neurodeveraging people.

973
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:49,959
Speaker 1: It can be as simple as like I've been looking

974
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 1: forward to going to this concert, I've been looking forward

975
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 1: to this birthday party or whatever. Um. But then that

976
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 1: drop happens, and when you already naturally have a lower

977
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: level of dopamine and sara a tone in whether because

978
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 1: of depression or a d h D or you know,

979
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,920
Speaker 1: whatever may be going on in your brain that can

980
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 1: feel profoundly significant. And you can have these periods of

981
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 1: like depression and anxiety after something that's like I should

982
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 1: be having a good time. I should be having a

983
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 1: great time. Like why you know, like why do I

984
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: feel like crap after this amazing thing happens? And it's

985
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,239
Speaker 1: like because Drop. And in the kick community, it's it's

986
00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:28,040
Speaker 1: a very frequent discussion. We're all like, oh, yeah, it's Drop.

987
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: But every time I bring up Drop in like a

988
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: non Kink audience, people's brains explode and they go what

989
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: like like what I was like, yeah, as well, it's

990
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: like a whole thing. It's like a whole science thing

991
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 1: that happens. I'm having a moment because I happened to

992
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 1: me very quickly. I'm like I'm done, I'm dead. I

993
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: gotta go yeah. And and and it can be like

994
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: one of those things where, especially again like in conversation

995
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: with like the other sort of component parts, because it's

996
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: all interconnected, it's all intertwined. But it's like, you know,

997
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 1: you have that drop moment. But then you also have

998
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 1: rejection sensitivity issues, so you're like less likely to go

999
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,319
Speaker 1: to a wartner for comfort, You're less likely to reach out.

1000
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:04,680
Speaker 1: You're going to introvert inside yourself and you know, or

1001
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: you are just deeply introverted and then going to go

1002
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 1: talk to somebody about it. Like that's more spoons and

1003
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: more exhaustion, and so the issue can compound in a way.

1004
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 1: But it's like if you're aware of it, you go, Okay,

1005
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 1: drop is happening, Like I need to take care of myself.

1006
00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 1: I need to make sure that you know, I'm like

1007
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:21,879
Speaker 1: reached out to a friend or having a friend reach

1008
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:23,839
Speaker 1: out to me or like whatever it may be. Um,

1009
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:27,320
Speaker 1: you can really start to set yourself up for success.

1010
00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: Um in in in a lot of ways that have

1011
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:34,240
Speaker 1: nothing to do with whips and chains, like nothing at all, um,

1012
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: But I really think there's just so much to be

1013
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 1: learned from the king community, like in stuff like that,

1014
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 1: just in like the casual like conversations we have, but

1015
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,360
Speaker 1: also like you were saying, just like with consent and

1016
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:49,919
Speaker 1: negotiation and setting boundaries and unapologetically being like, hey, these

1017
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 1: are my boundaries, these are my needs, like meet them

1018
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: or don't, but like, they are valid and I will

1019
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 1: not be changing them in order to, you know, make

1020
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 1: you more comfortable. Um. I think that there's a lot

1021
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: of hour there, especially for a group of people who

1022
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:07,839
Speaker 1: oftentimes are told that we're weird or broken, or we're

1023
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,400
Speaker 1: too much or you know, we're doing it wrong or

1024
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,040
Speaker 1: we're doing it poorly or whatever, and saying like, no,

1025
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: this is how I'm going to do my laundry, this

1026
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,319
Speaker 1: is how I'm gonna do my dishes, this is what

1027
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask for during intimacy, and I need

1028
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 1: that from you. If you can't meet those needs, then

1029
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 1: we need to have a much larger conversation because your

1030
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:25,919
Speaker 1: needs are valid. Your needs are valid, and I will

1031
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: die on that hill. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, Like

1032
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 1: that's been my favorite thing about my takeaway from the

1033
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: king community, and something that I wish everybody did is

1034
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: that we should start from like not an assumption of

1035
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,400
Speaker 1: this is what sex looks like, this is what it

1036
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 1: should be. We should start from here's what I want.

1037
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 1: What do you want? Can we meet there? Ah? So good? Um,

1038
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:53,400
Speaker 1: it is good. Also, we have to go to therapy

1039
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,520
Speaker 1: after this one. Let's go Okay, I have therapy in

1040
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: an hour. I usually do. I always manage she scheduled

1041
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 1: podcast interviews either right before right after therapy, and my

1042
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,120
Speaker 1: therapist knows, like she's like, oh, do you have a

1043
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: good interview today? I was like, yeah, it was great,

1044
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 1: or like I'll be like just cry, like really complain

1045
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 1: about us in therapy. I'm gonna say such nice things

1046
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 1: about you. I was like already thinking about I'm like, oh,

1047
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to tell my therapist how good this? Yes? Um, okay,

1048
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:25,200
Speaker 1: So just a quick couple of wrap up things before

1049
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: we end. So you were on the story Time podcast

1050
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:34,120
Speaker 1: about orgies. Correct? I maybe maybe I was. Maybe that

1051
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,600
Speaker 1: was me? No, I actually was. Apparently I was one

1052
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:38,840
Speaker 1: of their only guests that was like not like I

1053
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, it's me. I'm Katiosaurus. What's up?

1054
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: Like I just was like very open uppairly. That was

1055
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: like weird, but I was like all right, cool, But yes,

1056
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: that was me talking about organizing orgy specifically, which I'm

1057
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: very up. Yeah. I spent like four summers professionally organizing

1058
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,840
Speaker 1: orgies because my background is in stage management and like

1059
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: event planning. Um, And what I realized is that planning

1060
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: and orgy is fundamentally no different than putting on a

1061
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: production of Hamlet, except like weirder happens in the in

1062
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: the fifth act, and so I was like, okay, cool.

1063
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: So it was like one of those weird things where

1064
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:17,200
Speaker 1: I was working at a Shakespeare festival that shall go nameless, um,

1065
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:20,440
Speaker 1: and there was like a very sex positive sort of

1066
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: like scene in that town. Um. And so I wound

1067
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 1: up organizing orgies for rich people for like for summer. Wow,

1068
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: it's weird. They brought you back every summer. I love

1069
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: it they did. It was actually really funny. It was

1070
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,200
Speaker 1: like I would get would starting to get emails because

1071
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 1: the festival ran like in like May, June, July, like

1072
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 1: like summertime. I would start getting emails in like January

1073
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 1: February be like, hey, we're just kind of wondering if

1074
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,080
Speaker 1: you were going to be like back this year, because

1075
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 1: if you're looking to, you know, like work with you.

1076
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: And I'd be like, yeah, I'm coming back, and I'll

1077
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 1: be like great, all right. It's such a weird trivia effect.

1078
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Uh. Something else, um.

1079
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,719
Speaker 1: Samantha slowly trying to get me into TikTok we're not

1080
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:05,799
Speaker 1: on TikTok. She wants me to do all my Luke

1081
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 1: Skywalker outfits. Okay, let's clanify something. I do want you

1082
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:12,399
Speaker 1: to do all of this, But it's more of like, hey,

1083
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 1: we need to get on TikTok. Like if I get on,

1084
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: it's only gonna Skywalter content. Yeah whatever, neither here nor there.

1085
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 1: But you are very big on TikTok. However, you're not

1086
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,880
Speaker 1: verified yet, right, I'm I'm not do you have plans

1087
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 1: for like celebration if you get verified, They're never going

1088
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: to verify me. Is I've applied fourteen times for verification.

1089
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 1: I have been on the Today Show. I've been on

1090
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,799
Speaker 1: The Doctors. I've been in Cosmo, I've been in the

1091
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:40,799
Speaker 1: New York Times, I Better g Q, I've been I've

1092
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 1: been in every like, I've been in a lot of things.

1093
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 1: And like, I'm not saying that to too my own horn.

1094
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:49,399
Speaker 1: I'm saying that to contextualize the fact that TikTok hates kink.

1095
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 1: TikTok just hates sex and sex ed and is like

1096
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: and we all have like there's like a secret code,

1097
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,720
Speaker 1: like we all have to like speak in secret code

1098
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:02,200
Speaker 1: to eat even like talk like about sex a lot

1099
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 1: of the time, and so I'm I think I'm the

1100
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 1: largest female a d h D content creator. There's one

1101
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:14,839
Speaker 1: person who was more like specifically a d h D,

1102
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 1: but he he is male. Um, but I'm the largest

1103
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 1: like girl basically, but they won't verify me because I

1104
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 1: talk about sex and intimacy and kink and like that

1105
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: kind of thing. Um. And so it's just like really frustrating,

1106
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: um because like it's it's become like an ongoing joke

1107
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,319
Speaker 1: with my followers too, because it's just like like I

1108
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 1: was on the Today Show talking specifically about like a

1109
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:41,279
Speaker 1: d h D and sex, like this is what I'm

1110
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:44,759
Speaker 1: doing for my career, and tik taks like m but

1111
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:48,319
Speaker 1: we don't like it though, so um. But yeah, so

1112
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: I was just like whatever. So like now at this point,

1113
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm moving to YouTube honestly. UM. I'm

1114
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: starting to do more like longer form content on YouTube. Um. Also,

1115
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:57,600
Speaker 1: I don't actually know if I'm supposed to say this

1116
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:00,479
Speaker 1: yet or not, but it's fine. I'll just say Leroy Jenkins. Um,

1117
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 1: we actually just had a web series green Lets that

1118
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 1: We're where it's actually talking all the way back about

1119
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 1: the start of the podcast, UM, where where we're just

1120
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 1: gonna be talking about like different um careers and different

1121
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,960
Speaker 1: jobs and different like interesting hobbies UM. And like it's

1122
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:16,160
Speaker 1: sort of like a cross between like dirty jobs and

1123
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: the try guys. Um. It's kind of what it's going

1124
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 1: to be about. That just got green lights. Were really

1125
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 1: excited about that. But yeah, it's TikTok and that's okay,

1126
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 1: Well no, because I just keep saying it. No. When

1127
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,600
Speaker 1: it comes to TikTok, they are very odd when it

1128
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 1: comes to what they ban, who they ban, who they verify,

1129
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,400
Speaker 1: who they celebrate, and typically it's all about popularity. And

1130
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:39,280
Speaker 1: when I say popularity, it's like literally having all of

1131
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: your followers email TikTok and and not only just go

1132
00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:45,600
Speaker 1: viral and having millions and millions and millions of views,

1133
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: which I'm pretty sure you already have, but having that

1134
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 1: and then having people harassed TikTok till the point that

1135
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 1: you do it. Those content creators get that like that way.

1136
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 1: That's what I've seen like people when especially because there

1137
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: are sides based on what you view. It's it's odd

1138
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:04,920
Speaker 1: how they set this up and the fact that they

1139
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: banned mostly they banned videos and content, and I've seen

1140
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 1: it more so with people who are calling out like

1141
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:17,920
Speaker 1: racist and controversial statements, very like controversial ideas based on uh,

1142
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 1: you know, anti LGBTQ. Like those people are still have

1143
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: their stuff up. I actually went and tried to report

1144
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 1: a video where he's celebrating a guy who is a

1145
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:30,480
Speaker 1: sex offender, like he got released as a rap rapist,

1146
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: and they were like, oh, this is hilarious and they're

1147
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 1: like a good job, get out of jail or whatever,

1148
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 1: and then everybody was recorded that. I was like, this

1149
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 1: is awful. Nope, they told me there was no violation.

1150
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: I was like how, he literally says, I Am alright,

1151
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 1: Like it's odd because they really do set it up

1152
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: that people control what content is on there and it's

1153
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 1: a cordon dude who gets the most the loudest, and

1154
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,720
Speaker 1: it seems it's very one sided. Yeah. I got banned

1155
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:03,240
Speaker 1: from TikTok for weekends about a year ago. Um, and

1156
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 1: my I got really lucky because my community did exactly

1157
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 1: that they they they like protested. It was like a

1158
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 1: big deal when I got banned, which I wasn't expecting.

1159
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 1: I didn't expect people to care like at all. Um

1160
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 1: and I woke up and somebody had written a protest

1161
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 1: ce shanty about my being banned, and that was like,

1162
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 1: honestly one of the greatest things that like, it's still

1163
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 1: my ringtones to this day. Um yeahk TikTok itself, like

1164
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 1: the the entity TikTok is. I fight with TikTok all

1165
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 1: the time. But I think the thing that I'm most

1166
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:37,439
Speaker 1: grateful for it, and I think the thing that really

1167
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 1: did change my life is that TikTok allowed me to

1168
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,760
Speaker 1: find a community like the people on TikTok, the individual

1169
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:46,200
Speaker 1: users on TikTok, they are extraordinary people, like and there

1170
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:48,200
Speaker 1: are people who will who will go to bat for

1171
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:49,920
Speaker 1: me and say like, hey, this isn't fair, and they

1172
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: constantly tagging TikTok and be like why isn't she verified yet?

1173
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: You know that kind of stuff, um and so yeah.

1174
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 1: So it's just been like this really interesting dichotomy of

1175
00:59:58,640 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: like constantly having to fight to get my message out

1176
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 1: there and be seen and heard, like I've been suppressed

1177
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:08,120
Speaker 1: to hell for the past like two weeks or so, um,

1178
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 1: but at the same time getting emails and messages from

1179
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 1: people saying thank you for what you do. You know,

1180
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,480
Speaker 1: like this is so important, Like I didn't know this,

1181
01:00:15,640 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 1: Like you taught me something about my daughter or my

1182
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 1: partner or my son or whatever, and like that's what

1183
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 1: means the world to me. You know. It's like I

1184
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:24,840
Speaker 1: don't care if TikTok doesn't like me. I care about

1185
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:27,560
Speaker 1: the literally millions of people who have come to my

1186
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 1: content to say like and hopefully learned something. So well, Kate,

1187
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. It has been

1188
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 1: a delight. You are doing so many amazing things, and

1189
01:00:38,080 --> 01:00:41,600
Speaker 1: you're in Atlanta, so we should hang sometimes we should. Yeah,

1190
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 1: can we hang out there? Let's totally hang out. But

1191
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:49,320
Speaker 1: in the meantime, where can all the good listeners find you? Oh,

1192
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 1: good listeners? You can find me in the following places. Um,

1193
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 1: As Annie so lovely said, I'm Kate, um I go

1194
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 1: by Katie source on all the social media's. Um you

1195
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:01,400
Speaker 1: can find me on TikTok, on YouTube, on Instagram, on Twitter,

1196
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 1: on Twitch. I'm a Twitch partner now, which is very fancy. Um.

1197
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 1: I also have a podcast, like I said, it's called

1198
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:10,240
Speaker 1: Katie and Eric's Infinite Quest in a d h D Adventure.

1199
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:14,160
Speaker 1: We're available wherever you listen to podcasts. Um and if

1200
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:16,320
Speaker 1: you want to learn more about me or what I do, UM,

1201
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,640
Speaker 1: you can go to Katie Saurus dot com. UM. And

1202
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: if you would like the spicy content that I also do,

1203
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: you can go to mostly pans dot com and that's

1204
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:30,959
Speaker 1: where that content is. So and also you probably saw

1205
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 1: from the title, listeners, but it's Kate with the C

1206
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 1: yes C A T I E O s A you

1207
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 1: are us. I had to look at my own neonce

1208
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 1: sign look that I thought you would trying to show us.

1209
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 1: It was like if it's a you or you A,

1210
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's I get that worked out. Well.

1211
01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 1: Thank you so much again for being here, Listeners, Keep

1212
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: an eye out for those the pie pilots, more than

1213
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 1: one pilot. It's coming out. We're gonna be going to

1214
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 1: the Penguin Magic Theater in Columbus, Ohio and learning how

1215
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:12,120
Speaker 1: to do become magicians in a week. I'm so scared.

1216
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 1: It's gonna be amazing. I'm so excited. Projects it's Ohio

1217
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:20,720
Speaker 1: known from magicians anyway. Keep going on that plays is

1218
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:25,080
Speaker 1: famous anyway, all right. Also, if you would like to

1219
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 1: contact us, you can or emails stuff media mom stuff

1220
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,080
Speaker 1: at I heeart mea dot com. You can find us

1221
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:31,000
Speaker 1: on Twitter, at mom to podcast or Instagram and stuff

1222
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,880
Speaker 1: I never told you. Thanks as always to you are

1223
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 1: super producer Christina, She's a magician, for sure she is.

1224
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 1: And thanks to you for listening. Stuff Whender told the

1225
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,640
Speaker 1: protection of I Heart Radio for more podcast in my

1226
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 1: Heart Radio, but at the heart radio app Apple Podcast.

1227
01:02:42,680 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 1: Where have you listened to your favorite shows?