1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:04,520 Speaker 1: This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth. 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 2: Hey, guys, welcome to a special episode of the Almost 3 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 2: Famous podcast. Today we have Claire Crawley here talking about 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 2: her baby news. We found out last week that is 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 2: a baby girl and we are so excited to get 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,799 Speaker 2: all the deeds from her about seracacy and their journey 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,239 Speaker 2: to have this baby. Ben, are you ready, so ready, 8 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 2: let's talk babies. It's your turn next. You know, Nick 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 2: announced his baby on the way today. 10 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,840 Speaker 1: You sound like every other human in the world. 11 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 2: I know. I love that. I'm now that person. I'm 12 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 2: so effing annoying. 13 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: Oh goodness. 14 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 2: You just want all your friends to be in the 15 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 2: same chapter of life as you. 16 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: I get it. I want to be in that chapter 17 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: two And I would say, we're not far away, but 18 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: let's bring Claire and let's talk about her baby first. 19 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:58,319 Speaker 2: Guys, Claire Crawley has joined us, and congratulations you are 20 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 2: a mom to be going to be a mom in January. 21 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 2: January is a great time to have a baby come 22 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,960 Speaker 2: your way. Also, January baby? 23 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 3: Is that a Capricorn baby? Is that what I'm having? 24 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 2: He's a sad nont know, he's an Aquarius. Aquarius Okay, okay. 25 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, is there really what that means? Well, Ashley is there. 26 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: Here's my question. Is there a bad time to have 27 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: a baby? Like, is there a month that you're like, don't. 28 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 2: Have a bigstrological sign. 29 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: Honestly, that wasn't exactly what I was basing off of, 30 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 1: but just in general, if you're like, hey, January is 31 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: such a good month have a baby, I'm assuming then 32 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: there has to be a bad month to have a baby. 33 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 2: Well, August. I just think it's great because you know, 34 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 2: Dawson was born in January, and he was born on 35 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 2: my mom's birthday, which was also the day that my 36 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 2: parents was born, were born, were born, well they met. 37 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: Goodness, Hey, Claire, congratulations, Thank you so much. 38 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 3: It's finally feels so good to be able to talk 39 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 3: about it because I've been holding it in for so long, 40 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 3: and I at this moment now because it's like I 41 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 3: didn't talk about it for so long, and there were 42 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 3: so many people on my literally I would get all 43 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 3: the time on my social media where I was just 44 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 3: kind of like going introspective and just focusing on this baby, 45 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 3: and a lot of people on social media were like, 46 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 3: you're so boring you're not doing anything. All you do 47 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 3: is make smoothies now, And I'm like. 48 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 2: Little do you guys know, Oh my goodness. 49 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 3: Show only social media only shows you so much. 50 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you sort of not so subtly hinted to 51 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 2: me when we were in the Santa Barbara area in 52 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 2: May that there may be something coming because you seemed 53 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 2: very interested in baby products and like what works and 54 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 2: what doesn't. So I was like kind of catching on 55 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 2: and it was kind of like a wink wink scenario, 56 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 2: and I'm just very excited that it's like official. At 57 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 2: what point were you because May do you know, January? 58 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 2: Like you must have just been like, was did you 59 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 2: know if something was sticking with the surrogate at that point? 60 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 3: It was a still it was she was pregnant at 61 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 3: the time. It was in question if the baby was sticking. Yeah, 62 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 3: And I think for the longest time too, I didn't 63 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 3: believe it. Like it's surreal to finally be at this 64 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 3: point and you don't want to jinx anything, and it 65 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 3: was kind of like you don't want to get your 66 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,720 Speaker 3: hopes up because then you're just gonna get crushed. And 67 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 3: it's just been years of praying for this and hoping 68 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 3: for this, and so it was almost like, is this 69 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 3: really happening. I don't want to jinx it or anything, 70 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 3: you know, but I know I know you and I 71 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 3: even when was it last year? I feel like you 72 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 3: and I were talking about baby formula and you were 73 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 3: talking about the formula that you love and I was like, 74 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,880 Speaker 3: when the time comes, and you were like, Claire, when 75 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 3: the time comes, I will share, and that's I remember 76 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 3: back in me, I was like, remember that time we 77 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,119 Speaker 3: talked about the formula. 78 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 2: Yeah again, Yeah, it's Bobby in an amazing formula brands 79 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 2: mom owned and found. Now, there was definitely like back then, 80 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 2: like even over a year ago, you were just like 81 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 2: you knew that you be a mother at some point 82 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 2: in your life and it was on the horizon and 83 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 2: you secretly were with Ryan at that point and I 84 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 2: didn't know, and I was asking, I was like, is 85 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 2: there a guy? She's like, there's a you know, maybe 86 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 2: there's like someone I just started dating. And it was 87 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,799 Speaker 2: lo and behold her future husband. 88 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 3: So that's cool, Oh so crazy, Ben? Is this exciting 89 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,600 Speaker 3: for you to talk about? Forty and. 90 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 2: One day he's gonna appreciate this knowledge? 91 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 3: You're surrounded by women who are in the know. So 92 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 3: it's a good thing. 93 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm telling you I've learned so much in 94 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: the last two years of this walking with Ashley. Is 95 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: it exciting for me? Yes, I'm excited for you. Do 96 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,839 Speaker 1: I do? I think much about what formula is the best? 97 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: Never in my life. 98 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 3: It doesn't matter until you need it, and matter for sure. 99 00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 2: Yeah. 100 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: So, Okay, I have some questions that I want to 101 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: ask you, but the big one is this, and I 102 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: want to try to frame it properly. Okay, we have 103 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 1: this is what ye're eight of the Almost Famous podcast. 104 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 1: I think it's been It's been a long, long road 105 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: and so through that we've seen and been able to 106 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 1: be a part of a lot of your experiences on 107 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,239 Speaker 1: the show and throughout the show and off the show, 108 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: and then obviously we participated in Wonder Games together. But 109 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: more importantly, you know, you've always been somebody we enjoy 110 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: having on the show, enjoy being around you know, similar 111 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 1: to Ashley's story clear in a lot of ways for me, 112 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: where when I first met Ashley, she was kind of 113 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: like in love but not finding it. She knew what 114 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 1: she wanted, but she didn't know if it was ever 115 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,359 Speaker 1: going to happen, and there was, like I have on 116 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 1: my phone a whole reel of tear filled videos of 117 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: her just being like, I don't know if I'm ever 118 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,680 Speaker 1: going to find love, and then she did. For you, 119 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: I feel like it's a very similar story where we've 120 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: watched you fall in love, get your heart broken, invest 121 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 1: in relationships, get your heart broken, wonder if anything's ever 122 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 1: going to happen. Now we see something happen and it 123 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: feels like it just all happens so fast for me, 124 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: like it feels like there's just been like this, Oh, 125 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: I hope Claire find somebody, and then all of a 126 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: sudden at the back end, like it all happens at once. 127 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 1: And so I'm wondering for you, how does that feel 128 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: for you? Does it feel similar where like the last 129 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: twelve months of your life have just been incredible? Or 130 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,039 Speaker 1: like has this you know? Have you how do you 131 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: function emotionally in the midst of all these good things? 132 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 3: It does feel incredible it to this very second, it 133 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 3: feels incredible. But I'll say it's I know it seems 134 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 3: fast for a lot of people, and I know it 135 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 3: seems like, oh my god, all of a sudden, you 136 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 3: have everything you ever dreamt of. But this is truly 137 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 3: as you as you said, Ben, like, this has been 138 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 3: years of my life. I'm forty two. It's not like 139 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 3: I'm twenty one being like, oh, look this all just happened. 140 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 3: This has been something that didn't happen suddenly. This has 141 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 3: been like years of working on myself, years of not 142 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 3: giving up on myself, years of watching everybody else have babies, 143 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 3: watching everybody else get married, cheering everybody else on while 144 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 3: hoping and creating my own life that I've dreamt of. 145 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 3: So I know it feels like it's all of a sudden, 146 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 3: but it was. It's I guess, just been years in 147 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 3: the making this kind of stuff. To me, it doesn't 148 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 3: just happen like that. I know it feels like it, 149 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 3: but to me, it's just been years of manifesting the 150 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 3: man in my dreams and praying for what I want 151 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 3: and honing in on what type of man I want, 152 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 3: what type of man I don't want, weeding out the 153 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 3: bad ones, letting the good ones in, and finally getting 154 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 3: to a point of like, this is it. You know, 155 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 3: it's not just all of a sudden. 156 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: Well, and I wonder if for a second here, because 157 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: I think your perspective is it's super interesting because there's uh, 158 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 1: probably somebody listening to this, many people who are in 159 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 1: their forties, who are women, maybe men, and they have 160 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: a very similar story and maybe they haven't found that 161 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: happy ending yet. Yeah, maybe they're still in that like 162 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,440 Speaker 1: or maybe they're in their mid thirties and they're like, 163 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: I thought i'd be married, but now with kids and 164 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: all these things. What what now looking back on that 165 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: chapter of your life and knowing where you're at now, 166 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 1: what words of wisdom or encouragement or reality and truth, 167 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: maybe some tough, hard truth. What would you give them? 168 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: What would you say to them? 169 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 3: Honestly, Ben, it's the words you just used when they're 170 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,199 Speaker 3: hoping for that happy ending. It's the opposite of that. 171 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 3: The happy ending is creating your life exactly how you 172 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 3: want it and creating I guess just this, creating yourself 173 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 3: rooting yourself on the happy ending is not marriage and baby. 174 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 3: The happy ending is being happy. The happy ending is 175 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 3: living your truth and creating life that is exactly everything 176 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 3: you love for yourself. I don't think for everybody it's 177 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 3: the same story, and it's not for at least for me, 178 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 3: I can say, even with Ryan, even with having a 179 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 3: baby on the way, that is not my happy ending. 180 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 3: My happy ending was finding peace within myself, finding my 181 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 3: own happiness, whatever that looked like, even if it didn't 182 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 3: include a man. I was on my way, well on 183 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 3: my way, and the people that know me really, really well. 184 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 3: I was well on my way to possibly adopting. I 185 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 3: had talked to my family and my friends. I was 186 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 3: going to adopt a baby. I knew I wanted to 187 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 3: be I've always known I wanted to be a mother. 188 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 3: It doesn't mean a man and a baby. And that's 189 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 3: the happy ending, you know what I'm saying. Like it 190 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 3: can look many different ways. That's why I want so 191 00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 3: bad to talk about even our surrogate happy not just 192 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 3: being pregnant getting birth. It looks so different for everybody, 193 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 3: and it's it's what you make of it and what 194 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 3: you want you can make it happen. 195 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 2: That's such good advice. I love that. I feel like 196 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,679 Speaker 2: every girl needs to like kind of clip every person 197 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 2: needs to kind of clip that and just listen to 198 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 2: it well. 199 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: And it's it's only advice that could be given from 200 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:23,319 Speaker 1: somebody's lived in it, right, I think it's it's somewhat 201 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,080 Speaker 1: humorous sometimes when people want to speak into this and like, 202 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: you know, you have relational experts at like twenty five, 203 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: and it's like that's fine, Like I'm sure you've figured out. 204 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: But like when you're forty two and you look back 205 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 1: on that period of time, like you have some some 206 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: wisdom that you can only gain through living in it 207 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: and living through it and living with it. And I 208 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: think it's it's something that a lot of people should 209 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: hear because a lot of times you feel alone, you like, 210 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: if you're living in this, and you know, the truth 211 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: is if they're not. So yeah, I just appreciate you 212 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: sharing that. 213 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 3: No, of course, and I have been there and I 214 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 3: have felt those feelings. Absolutely. I think that was normal 215 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 3: to feel alone and bummed and when's my person? And 216 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 3: when's this? And when's that? But truly, and I was 217 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 3: probably cliche to say this, but I found all my 218 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,800 Speaker 3: happiness when I poured all that love that I was 219 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,960 Speaker 3: hoping to find in somebody else into myself. And when 220 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 3: I went on adventures and I went on the hikes, 221 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 3: and I ate the food that I loved, and I 222 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 3: worked out to feel good and I just built this 223 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 3: life for myself that that brought happiness for myself by myself. 224 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 3: And then I think that's when I was attracting everything 225 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 3: else in my life is because I was radiating happiness 226 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 3: and I was at peace whatever my life was going 227 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 3: to look like. 228 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 2: You're alluding to that happening after you were at the 229 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 2: Bachelorette and possibly after Dale, because when you were the lead, 230 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: I still thought you commanded your commanded yourself with such confidence, 231 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 2: like I thought that you just like you knew who 232 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 2: you were and what you deserved. But you think that 233 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 2: you got even more to an elevated point of that 234 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: after Dale. 235 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 3: I definitely had it before that relationship and before going 236 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 3: on the show, it dipped low because I was in 237 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 3: a relationship that was not healthy for me. That was 238 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 3: you know, I can go on and on and on 239 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 3: about this, but it crushed right but just that relationship 240 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,200 Speaker 3: brought out the worst in me. It crushed me, It 241 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 3: crushed my spirit, It crushed in so many ways who 242 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,480 Speaker 3: I was as a woman. It brought me down to 243 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 3: a level that I didn't want to be at that 244 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 3: I questioned myself that I thought I was asking for 245 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,439 Speaker 3: too much. I thought I was not a good communicator. 246 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 3: All these things that I was like, I thought I 247 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:50,760 Speaker 3: knew who I was. I thought I was strong, and 248 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 3: I found myself crying day after day after day, feeling 249 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 3: so low, begging, reverting to old habits of like begging 250 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:03,719 Speaker 3: somebody for their love for the simple things. And I 251 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 3: was lost after that. But you're right before the show, 252 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 3: I had it together. I was strong, Claire. 253 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 2: That me. 254 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 3: As with I think a lot of people who've gone 255 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: through tumultuous, awful relationships can I feel I can relate 256 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 3: to that. But I was never going to let a man. 257 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 3: One thing that's like I pride myself on is resiliency, 258 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,600 Speaker 3: and I would never, in a millionaires let any man 259 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 3: bring me that low again or keep me that low. 260 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 3: So I just focused on rebuilding myself and brought myself 261 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 3: back to who I was and then came back even 262 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 3: stronger on the tail end. 263 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:42,439 Speaker 1: It's interesting because you know, like you said, you came 264 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: into The Bachelor at confident healthy. You know that relationship 265 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 1: sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong. It it 266 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: took had you take a couple of steps back in 267 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: life to back to a not so healthy place. Then 268 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: the resilience and see came in and you said, no, 269 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 1: I'm not going to settle here. What did that process 270 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 1: look like? I don't think we've ever asked you like 271 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,760 Speaker 1: post maybe because it was too soon and it felt weird, 272 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: but like post that relationship ending, how did you start 273 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,560 Speaker 1: to refocus again and find yourself again and not ask 274 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 1: yourself those haunting questions of like why am I not 275 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: good enough? What's wrong with me? Why am I so 276 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: bad at this? Did he ever even like me? Those 277 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: like how did you not let those questions just taunt 278 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 1: you into like a paralysis of never moving forward. 279 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 3: It paralyzed me temporarily, especially because the very last day 280 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 3: that I saw him, that I talked to him was 281 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 3: the day I was told I was going to have 282 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 3: to go say goodbye to my mother because she was 283 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 3: really really sick right then. And he basically said, that's 284 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 3: not my problem. And I begged him to please not 285 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 3: leave me in that moment, and it got me down 286 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 3: for a moment. But I think looking at it and 287 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 3: literally sitting there and going, I'm why am I begging 288 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 3: this man to have human decency? Why am I begging 289 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 3: this man to care like this is not what a 290 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 3: real man does, I don't care, not even a real man, 291 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 3: a really human like somebody who's genuine and sincere, like 292 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 3: somebody who, dare I say, loves you. That's not love. 293 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 3: Somebody who loves you even as a friend, doesn't do 294 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 3: that type of stuff to you and leave you in 295 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 3: a moment where you're so desperate and so low and 296 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 3: struggling as it is. So I looked at that and 297 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 3: I just thought, I don't ever I don't care if 298 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,400 Speaker 3: it's a friend, I don't care. I don't ever want 299 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 3: to allow anybody in my life who would leave me 300 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 3: in a moment like that. So I just started I mean, 301 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 3: I was in bed for a while, but truthfully it 302 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 3: was and I this is so weird to say this, 303 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 3: but like I had to convinced myself to walk around 304 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 3: the block for ten minutes. Like I was very low. 305 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 3: I was very depressed. I felt the lowest you could 306 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 3: feel with everything combined. But like I told you before, 307 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 3: I think I just thought, I don't ever want to 308 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 3: let any man bring me that low because I've worked 309 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 3: so hard to become such a strong woman. And I 310 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 3: don't know. I just did a lot of therapy, and 311 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 3: I did a lot of inside work on why I 312 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 3: allowed that, why I allowed that, why I let it 313 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 3: get to the point of begging a man to have 314 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 3: human decency. 315 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,400 Speaker 2: Do you think that it was him specifically that you 316 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 2: were losing that you were sad about, or was it 317 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 2: the dream and the hope that you had found the 318 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 2: person that you were supposed to be with and then 319 00:16:58,520 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 2: you had a startup scratch. 320 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 3: That's exactly what it is. 321 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: You you. 322 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 3: Oh, I know so many women like this. It's like 323 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 3: you put so much faith, so much energy, so much 324 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 3: time in investing your sincere feelings into loving somebody, hoping 325 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 3: that they're gonna, you know, reciprocate that, and I don't know. 326 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 3: It's it's painful because you really don't want to start over. 327 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 3: And like I said, at this, it's like you've done that. 328 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,919 Speaker 3: I've done that over and over and over and over again, 329 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,879 Speaker 3: and it's tough. It's it was tough for each time 330 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 3: coming back from a really from relationships. And that was 331 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 3: just kind of like he knew my weak points, he 332 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 3: knew where I was struggling. I had just been dealing 333 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 3: with at the very tail end of that too, getting 334 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 3: my breast and plants out and going through surgery and 335 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 3: going through so many health things where I felt super 336 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,440 Speaker 3: super sick. So I don't know, I just I the 337 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,240 Speaker 3: more time, I guess it worked in my benefit because 338 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 3: I even even after we like talked, I kept reaching 339 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 3: out and say, like trying to talk to him, trying 340 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 3: to have conversations with him, he just wouldn't talk to me. 341 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 3: He wouldn't answer. It was just done. And it worked 342 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,959 Speaker 3: out in my favor because all that time that he 343 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 3: was ignoring me, all that time that he just cut 344 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:19,360 Speaker 3: it off, I was allowed that time to process everything 345 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 3: that he did, everything circumstanced. Even when I had my 346 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 3: breast implants out, he showed up, took a selfie for 347 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,120 Speaker 3: self you know, for social media, and left the next 348 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 3: day while I was going recovering from surgery, just to 349 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,119 Speaker 3: show people that he was there. You know, things like 350 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 3: that where it's like gross, I looked at that, and 351 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 3: I'm like, no man would ever ever do that. And 352 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 3: it makes me cry all the time. Now how grateful 353 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 3: I am for Ryan, because honestly, if it wasn't for 354 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 3: that relationship, like I appreciate everything down to the very 355 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,639 Speaker 3: last thing that Ryan does for me, because like this, 356 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 3: I mean even now, it's like gets me emotional because 357 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 3: he's so good to me. He's so good to me 358 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,239 Speaker 3: and is there in the darkest, deepest moments, you know, 359 00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:09,959 Speaker 3: like when I was going through all the IBS stuff, 360 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,119 Speaker 3: and it's stressful, it's hard to go through. It's emotional 361 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 3: so much so that I lost a lot of my 362 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 3: hair and it's just starting to grow back now, but 363 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 3: I lost a lot of my hair because of the 364 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 3: stress of it. And every day he would tell me 365 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 3: how beautiful I was, and it's like I never once 366 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 3: had that before in my last relationship. So not to 367 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 3: bring up the last relationship and talk about it, but 368 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 3: it gives me perspective on how appreciat I've had him 369 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 3: for a good relationship, you know. 370 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: I think that's uh, it's interesting because we've talked about 371 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 1: it many times. But those bad relationships, the ones that 372 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: you know, we could sit back on and just have 373 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: probably pushed us into a couch, yeah, crying, you know, 374 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: and wondering, are also the ones that, at some point 375 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: in your life become one of the biggest gifts. Because 376 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,879 Speaker 1: when you find somebody, it's not a comparison, it's a 377 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: like you said, it's it's a it's a gratitude, it's 378 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: a perspective. It's a piece of calm, a joy that 379 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: you found somebody that loves you. I remember, Claire, when 380 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,159 Speaker 1: we were in Santa Barbara, Chris Harrison and I were 381 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,360 Speaker 1: walking out of his villa and you and Ryan had 382 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: just left, and Chris looked at me, he goes, just 383 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: that just makes me happy. I remember he just looked 384 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: at that and said that just makes me happy. And 385 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: it was like a very like sincere. I don't know, 386 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: you'd have to get Chris on to ask him, but 387 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 1: like it felt like for me listening to him say 388 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: those words, there had been this like like friendship weight 389 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 1: on him where it's like, I don't know what's going 390 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: to happen here in Claire's life. I like Claire, and 391 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 1: I care about Claire, and I love Claire, but like 392 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: this isn't like a lot of things aren't going in 393 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 1: her favor when it comes every romance. And then we 394 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: see you and Ryan sitting on a couch and it 395 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: felt like he like took a deep breath and goes, 396 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: that just makes me very happy. And you could sell 397 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 1: oh and I say that to say you could tell 398 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,960 Speaker 1: that Ryan has a love for you that is not 399 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: an infatuation, that's not like it's a there's a depth 400 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: to how he looks at you and just says like 401 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 1: you're it for me. And I think that's a beautiful 402 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,640 Speaker 1: thing to see you in that in that role with him, 403 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 1: because you're also so great at it and you're shining. 404 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 3: Oh, that's what the right relationship does. I feel like 405 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,680 Speaker 3: everything up until this point I can look back and go, 406 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 3: it completely makes sense why those didn't work out. M 407 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 3: completely makes sense because I was even talking to my 408 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 3: sister about it the other day. We fight for things 409 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,160 Speaker 3: and we don't understand at the time why relationships don't 410 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 3: work out, why circumstances don't work out or situations, and 411 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 3: it's like you beg so hard for them to work 412 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 3: out and pray and want so hard for them to 413 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 3: work out, but then it doesn't make sense at the time, 414 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,919 Speaker 3: But I guess hindsight, looking back, it's like I get it. 415 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,800 Speaker 3: If I hadn't gone through everything, I went through, each 416 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 3: and every step played it pivotal role in my life 417 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,679 Speaker 3: to where I am now, And if I didn't go 418 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 3: through all that, I wouldn't have what I have now 419 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 3: and who I have now and I every day, every 420 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,959 Speaker 3: single day, I am so grateful for Ryan, and he 421 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,919 Speaker 3: says the same thing to me on how do we 422 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 3: get here? And we're so thankful we did. 423 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 1: I have a weird question for you, not to totally 424 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,040 Speaker 1: like derail, because I think there is, like there's a 425 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: beauty in your relationship with Ryan. But again, I don't 426 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 1: think we've ever asked you this because of timing and 427 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,199 Speaker 1: because of being inappropriate, but I think now I can 428 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: ask you it. If it is still you can just 429 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 1: tell me. Okay, looking back now on your time as 430 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: a bachelorette, do you now wish you would have done 431 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: things differently? Do you wish you would have left? Are 432 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: you glad that you still left early? Or do you 433 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 1: now wish you would have stayed for the entirety of 434 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,880 Speaker 1: the season and get to know everybody else. I guess 435 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: I'm interested based on one, obviously how that relationship ended, 436 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,680 Speaker 1: and then two with the perspective obviously you don't want 437 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 1: somebody else other than Ryan, but with the perspective of, hey, 438 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,760 Speaker 1: that relationship is going to work out, and now you 439 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 1: found somebody so great for you, So I just can 440 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: you give us an insight into kind of how you 441 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 1: look at that season of life now. 442 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 3: I will never regret how everything played out. There was 443 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 3: so much that I was grateful for for being the Bachelorette. 444 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,679 Speaker 3: I will say there was so much toxicity and regressed 445 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 3: all the work that I have done as a woman 446 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 3: and as a person. It was very challenging on the 447 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 3: backside of it, and it was it was extremely stressful 448 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 3: being the Bachelorette. I think I think it was toxic 449 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 3: for my mental health being the Bachelorette. And I think 450 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,920 Speaker 3: it was a good thing that I left. When I left, 451 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 3: I won't say entirely that it was my decision to leave, 452 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,760 Speaker 3: and it wasn't. It was not entirely my decision to leave. 453 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,120 Speaker 3: I'm glad I left. I don't regret it. I'll never 454 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,199 Speaker 3: regret it. It was supposed to be that way, ye. 455 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 2: Do you think that the fact that you did so 456 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 2: many shows leading up to the Bachelorette role kind of 457 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,120 Speaker 2: jaded you a bit, like you were actually too aware 458 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 2: of what went on behind the scenes. 459 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 3: Yes, and no, I knew what was going on. I 460 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 3: knew too much of what was going on, exactly like 461 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 3: you say. But I feel like I'm one of those people. 462 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:55,359 Speaker 3: That's like, I rise to the occasion if it's challenging, 463 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 3: like I tell myself, and maybe it's overconfidence, but I'm like, 464 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 3: I could do it. I could totally do it, even 465 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 3: knowing all the stuff that behind the scenes. But that's 466 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 3: what made things, I think a lot more difficult for production, 467 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 3: was me knowing and me having the awareness. Not only that, 468 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 3: but I think my age played a lot into it, 469 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:20,480 Speaker 3: of I think they bank on a lot of naivity 470 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: and the power struggle of you got to do what 471 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 3: we say, and I know there's so much of that, 472 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,959 Speaker 3: but there's also this role as just as a woman 473 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,920 Speaker 3: and as a strong woman of like, I don't care 474 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 3: who you are, I don't care what I signed up for. 475 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 3: I will only do what I'm comfortable doing and what 476 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 3: I feel feel okay doing. Even if you tell me 477 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,360 Speaker 3: this is what I'm supposed to do or these are 478 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 3: the rules, it doesn't mean I have to do it. 479 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:53,320 Speaker 3: I have rights, you Like, there's so many things where 480 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 3: they try to pressure you and push you into certain things, 481 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,080 Speaker 3: and oh they tell you that this is kind of 482 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 3: how things are, and yes, it's like what you signed 483 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,919 Speaker 3: up for, but just because it's what I signed up for. 484 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 3: Doesn't mean I signed my life away that you have 485 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 3: ownership over over me. 486 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,400 Speaker 1: And my moral No, they kind of do have ownership 487 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,239 Speaker 1: over us. I have a slot machine in Vegas. I've 488 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 1: never made a dime on with my face on it, 489 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: and a lot of extent. 490 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,120 Speaker 3: Yes, But like I said, when it comes to morals 491 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 3: and what you stand for and what you will and 492 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 3: won't accept, yeah, there's things. Here's an example. You're expected 493 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 3: to kiss a lot of people and take on this 494 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 3: role of you have to do this, you have to 495 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 3: do that, and this is kind of what you're supposed 496 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,879 Speaker 3: to do. But as somebody who has come from sexual 497 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:51,760 Speaker 3: abuse in my past, child sexual abuse, which is not 498 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 3: a light topic, I come from that childhood, and I 499 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 3: refuse to kiss somebody who I don't feel comfortable kissing, 500 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,640 Speaker 3: or do something sexually that I don't feel comfortable doing, 501 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 3: and not one person. I don't care how my contract is. 502 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 3: I'm not going to do it. If I don't want 503 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,119 Speaker 3: to do it, I'm not going to do it. And 504 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,679 Speaker 3: yes that's going to ruffle feathers, and yes it might 505 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 3: make me look bad, but I don't care. This is 506 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 3: my life and I have to live with myself when 507 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,879 Speaker 3: the cameras turn off. I have to be accountable to 508 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,200 Speaker 3: myself and feel good about what I'm doing. 509 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,040 Speaker 2: You were encouraged to kiss certain people they didn't feel 510 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 2: like it. 511 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,679 Speaker 3: Yes, Ben, Well, is that did you experience that at all? 512 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 2: Or is it just me? 513 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: Was I encouraged to kiss? No, because I kissed everybody? 514 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: I don't think. 515 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,960 Speaker 2: That seven was also twenty six true? 516 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 1: No, clear, in all seriousness, I can one hundred percent 517 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 1: hear what you're saying. Like, there was a date during 518 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: my season that we were they were trying to do 519 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,200 Speaker 1: or it was like a h not a strip tease, 520 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,879 Speaker 1: I don't know what. It was like some kind it 521 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 1: was like very and it was I said, no, I'm 522 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 1: not doing that, Like that's very That's not something I'd 523 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,480 Speaker 1: ever do in my real life. And it's not something 524 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: that like we should put anybody in the place to 525 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 1: have to decide if they're going to do or not. 526 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: This is just weird, it's and so there were things 527 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 1: that you you stand up for. I mean, you know, 528 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: I think leads who have to like to have that interconfidence, 529 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: like yourself, they do stand up and say what they 530 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 1: they want and what they don't want. I never felt 531 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: I never felt morally like I was ever put in 532 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 1: a situation I didn't want to be in one of 533 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: those reasons though clear I think I had the benefit 534 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: of like my faith was such a at the forefront 535 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: of my story that I think it would have been 536 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 1: really weird for them to put me in any situation 537 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: Like I kind of felt like I had that like protection. 538 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,080 Speaker 1: Does that make sense over me? Where I went into 539 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: it being like, you know, a man of faith and 540 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: from Indiana, and you know he's he's just a simple 541 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: dude trying to find love. And they kind of like 542 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: as a result, played that story throughout it and it 543 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,200 Speaker 1: would have been weird if that would have changed too much. 544 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,280 Speaker 1: I think the audience would have been confused. 545 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, that's honestly. I think it was my circumstance 546 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 3: and what I went through as a child. I know 547 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 3: production was very well aware of it. Yeah, I think 548 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 3: it was maybe too much for ABC, and I don't 549 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 3: I understand that to bring that into the mix. But 550 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 3: it's my story. It's part of who I am and 551 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 3: what has shaped me and to be the woman that 552 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 3: I am and to there was a lot of things 553 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 3: that were omitted there were a lot of things that 554 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 3: are omitted and that I don't know. I struggle with 555 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 3: it sometimes because full stories were not shared on circumstances, 556 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 3: and I think if the full story was shared, things 557 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 3: would look a lot different, things would turn out a 558 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 3: lot different, and people would understand a little bit better. 559 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 3: But instead, that's why it was so hard on the 560 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 3: On the back end when the show was airing, I'd go, 561 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 3: that's not what happened. That's not why I didn't kiss 562 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,440 Speaker 3: that person and walked away and didn't have dinner with them, 563 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 3: you know, like, but again, I don't regret going through it, 564 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 3: and I don't have any animosity or anger. I think 565 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 3: I've worked through a lot of that and hurt and 566 00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 3: pain from that. 567 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 1: It's interesting to me that that wasn't a part of 568 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: your story. I mean, I know, I know that you 569 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,440 Speaker 1: feel like that might have been too much for ABC, 570 00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 1: But why would it be too much for ABC. It's 571 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 1: your reality, it's your truth, it's you know, good or bad. 572 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: It's formed you in a lot of ways on how 573 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,520 Speaker 1: you date and how you see people and how you 574 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 1: function in the world. And I think that's maybe back 575 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 1: a few years ago when people were asking for the 576 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: Bachelor to kind of change things up a bit to 577 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: advance themselves. You know, yes, race was at the front 578 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: of that conversation, but I also think that there was 579 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: an underlying currency of Hey, with that in mind, with 580 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: race in mind, also, we just want the truth to 581 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: these situations. Again, like we want to know people's stories. 582 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 1: We want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly, 583 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 1: that the things that make these people who they are, 584 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,240 Speaker 1: because that's what makes us ultimately understand them, fall in 585 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: love with them, get to know them. And and I 586 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 1: think that's what the show went away from for so long. 587 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,520 Speaker 1: And you were kind of right in the midst of 588 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,600 Speaker 1: when that the show felt like it was so going 589 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 1: so far offline from what us as an audience really 590 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 1: fell in love with the show for in the beginning, loved, 591 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: which was the reality and the truth to story. 592 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,440 Speaker 3: Well that that is why I thought that they chose me, 593 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:56,120 Speaker 3: because when I initially went down to interview with producers, 594 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 3: I actually they'd asked me to be on Bachelor in 595 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,280 Speaker 3: Paradise that year and I went down there. I told 596 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 3: them prior to me even going down for the interview 597 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,480 Speaker 3: for Bachelor in Paradise, I said I was talking to 598 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 3: one of the producers and I said, I don't want 599 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 3: to go on Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to 600 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 3: talk to everybody like I miss the producers. I missed 601 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 3: them as not as producers, but as people. I missed them, 602 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 3: and it was I wanted to catch up with them. 603 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,760 Speaker 3: So I went down there and I said, I don't 604 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 3: want to say yes to Bachelor in Paradise, but I 605 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 3: want to thank you, guys, because if it wasn't for me, 606 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,600 Speaker 3: you guys choosing me for whatever reason to be on 607 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 3: the first season of The Bachelor that I was on 608 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 3: with Juan Pablo, I wouldn't have been able to have 609 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,680 Speaker 3: that voice as a woman to stand up for myself 610 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 3: when I stood up to him, and that propelled me 611 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:54,000 Speaker 3: into this life of speaking my truth. And I shared 612 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 3: with the producers I said in that interview when I 613 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:00,440 Speaker 3: went when they chose me as the bachelorette. In that interview, 614 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 3: I said, I want to thank you guys for giving 615 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,320 Speaker 3: me the platform because now I feel comfortable talking about 616 00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,160 Speaker 3: my sexual abuse as a child. Now I feel comfortable 617 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 3: and empowered and not just this shame that I carried 618 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 3: for so many years and that I held in silence like, 619 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,760 Speaker 3: thank you for helping me grow and being a pivotal 620 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,440 Speaker 3: part of me growing as a woman into who I 621 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 3: am today and having the strength that I do now, 622 00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 3: and I wish I could speak up for other women 623 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,920 Speaker 3: or other people who have gone through things and felt 624 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,640 Speaker 3: unworthy and struggled with things even at my age and 625 00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 3: are fighting for their happiness in spite of feeling worthless 626 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 3: and so much shame. And that's when I was, you know, 627 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,120 Speaker 3: they said thanks for coming cool, it was great to 628 00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,680 Speaker 3: seeing you. I know. He said no to Paradise, So 629 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,360 Speaker 3: that's why I was going back to the airport and 630 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 3: that's when they called. Chris Harrison called me and said 631 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 3: you turn that car. We want you to be the 632 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:55,280 Speaker 3: Bachelorette and speak. 633 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 2: Chris Harrison called you. This is like something that's on 634 00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 2: TV where they can make it seem like Chris Harrison 635 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 2: in charge of everything, and he's you know, he's usually 636 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,360 Speaker 2: just the figurehead producer. 637 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,880 Speaker 3: They took me back to a hotel and Chris Harrison 638 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 3: facetimed me and he was like, with what you just 639 00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 3: told us. We want you to be the Bachelorette and 640 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:16,759 Speaker 3: all that you've evolved in how you evolved how your 641 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,440 Speaker 3: life is evolved, and I thought I was signing up 642 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 3: to be this empowered woman to share with other people, 643 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:27,040 Speaker 3: to share with other women like there is hope, and 644 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,239 Speaker 3: that is not that's why I signed up for it. 645 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 3: I didn't I was dating, happily dating, and didn't need 646 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 3: to be the bachelette. I didn't care to be the bachelorette. 647 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 3: Didn't even know it was an option to be the 648 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 3: bachelorette happily dating. So when I said yes this, I 649 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 3: was like, maybe this is a way to share with 650 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:46,759 Speaker 3: other people, to have hope, you know. But again, that's 651 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,600 Speaker 3: not how it turned out, and that's okay, but it 652 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,840 Speaker 3: was wasted opportunity. I feel like. 653 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:57,560 Speaker 2: Claire, we did not intend on getting this juicy as 654 00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 2: far as your Bachelor experience went. So we're gonna make 655 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,520 Speaker 2: this a two parter. We're gonna close this episode out now, 656 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,000 Speaker 2: and in the next episode that'll be out very soon, 657 00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 2: we'll talk all about the baby journey. Follow the Ben 658 00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,960 Speaker 2: and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio or subscribe 659 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 2: wherever you listen to podcasts.