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Speaker 1: This is the Fred Show each time. Celebrate the holiday

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Speaker 1: season with Mariah Carey's Christmas Time in Las Vegas this

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Speaker 1: November twenty eight through December thirteenth, Adobe Live at Park MGM,

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Speaker 1: and you could be going a trip or two to

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Speaker 1: the December twelfth show at two Night's Day at Park

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Speaker 1: MGM December twelfth through the fourteenth and round trip airfare.

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Speaker 1: Text touch to five seven seven three nine right now

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Speaker 1: for a chance to win. A confirmation text will be

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Speaker 1: sent standard message and data rates may apply. It's all

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Speaker 1: thanks to Live Nation. But I want to know what

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Speaker 1: you think about this one. This is the thing now

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Speaker 1: that we're never supposed to do Kiki. And for the

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Speaker 1: people who are getting tired of the Kiki wedding content, well,

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Speaker 1: hang on tight. She's not getting married till at least

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Speaker 1: twenty seventh, which means we're gonna milk this for everything

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Speaker 1: is worth. We're getting at least two years out of this.

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Speaker 1: Not to mention the fact that I could meet someone

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Speaker 1: and get married before Keikey's gonna book her a venue,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't matter at a Can experts say that

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Speaker 1: you should never congratulate a woman on her engagement? What

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Speaker 1: because the wording congratulations implies that the woman's value is

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Speaker 1: now confirmed only by being married. A better response is

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Speaker 1: to wish her well or express support without framing the

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Speaker 1: milestone as an achievement that needs congratulating. Medican experts say

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Speaker 1: the word congratulations may inadvertently reinforce gendered expectations around marriage,

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Speaker 1: rather than recognizing a personal decision or relationship commitment. The

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Speaker 1: experts claim that it's time to rethink common social responses

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Speaker 1: and consider more thoughtful, neutral language when someone gets engaged,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to you, guys, but eight five

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Speaker 1: five five nine one one three five you can call

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Speaker 1: in text the same number. Be nice to Bellahamin. I

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Speaker 1: can't say congratulations anymore that you are are are engaged

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Speaker 1: to be married. And I feel like for me, where

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Speaker 1: I would be coming from and where I have come

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Speaker 1: from in congratulating somebody for getting married, is it's like

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Speaker 1: anything else that's a big accomplishment or not even accomplishment.

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Speaker 1: That's that's probably the wrong word. Big big event, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know it's I think it's a big

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Speaker 1: deal for whether it lasts or doesn't last, for two

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Speaker 1: people to be together and decide that they want to

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Speaker 1: you know, join in some sort of formal union or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And most people when they get engaged or excited, I

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Speaker 1: think they would see it as a celebration. And I

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Speaker 1: typically associate the word congratulations with some form of celebratory thing.

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Speaker 1: So are we offended?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 1: Am I devaluing Kiki by saying congratulations for being engaged?

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Speaker 1: I guess if you want to be a pessimist, you

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Speaker 1: could spin it and say, oh, congratulations, he finally did it.

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Speaker 1: But like no one that's what they said. Well I did,

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Speaker 1: but that was funny. I was kidding. I wasn't I

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Speaker 1: wasn't mean serious. I don't think anyone really means that either.

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Speaker 1: If they say it.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't mean. This is a case of taking stuff

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Speaker 3: too far. We take stuff too far, like you know,

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Speaker 3: you know when you are purposely trying to offend someone,

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Speaker 3: you know, when you're trying to be shady. So if

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Speaker 3: my friend tells me congratulations on my engagement, what kind

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Speaker 3: of weirdo would I be if I took that statement

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Speaker 3: and said, oh, you're trying to do mean you're trying

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Speaker 3: to devourue me because you said congratulations, Like, come on,

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Speaker 3: we just takes some way too far. As a society

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Speaker 3: and I am tired of it.

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Speaker 4: Well, I got you a sympathy card because you know,

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Speaker 4: the streets are losing a good one. Thank you, and

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Speaker 4: you know one you know what, for the rest of

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Speaker 4: your life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but would you be offended by this?

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Speaker 4: No, I'm big funny now. I literally don't care about anything,

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Speaker 4: and I'm so sick of people caring about everything because

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Speaker 4: I'm exhausted.

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Speaker 1: It's possible to inadvertently offend someone. I mean, like, if

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Speaker 1: you are there are lots of ways you could do

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Speaker 1: it right. There are lots of ways that you could

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Speaker 1: say something that you mean to be benign. And but

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Speaker 1: like now, conventionally we're not allowed to congratulate someone for

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Speaker 1: getting engaged because we may make it because someone could

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Speaker 1: interpret it as that, right, but they're lucky that the

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Speaker 1: guy did it, or that somehow they're I don't if

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Speaker 1: anything doesn't. Wouldn't it be fair to say that your

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Speaker 1: value in that relationship was just leveled up, you know,

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Speaker 1: because the person and again, and that doesn't mean you

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Speaker 1: were leveled up, but it means like, wow, we're taking

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Speaker 1: regardless of this terms, we're taking this relationship to another level.

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Speaker 1: I want to be with this person for the rest

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Speaker 1: of my life, whether it's the guy proposing to the

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Speaker 1: guy or the girl or whatever, and then the girl

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Speaker 1: saying yes. In this case male female dynamic, everyone here

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Speaker 1: is consenting. Everyone here is you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's not like it's all He finally asked that I

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Speaker 1: was forced to say yes.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I just like about this yesterday, Like sometimes

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Speaker 3: we just have to make peace with people putting their

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Speaker 3: own filter on things. Like I said, congratulations to you

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Speaker 3: right now. If you took that and you put your

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Speaker 3: filter on it and said key, key said, I'm nothing

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Speaker 3: without a man.

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Speaker 2: That's your problem.

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Speaker 1: Like, that's not only me.

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Speaker 3: I cannot I can't worry about how you took that.

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Speaker 3: I know my attention. I know I didn't come, you know,

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Speaker 3: with any type of undercutting. It was just a simple congratulations.

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Speaker 4: We all, I should say, put our own filter on things.

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Speaker 4: But everyone has to do the work on themselves to

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Speaker 4: say what is my filter and what is real exactly

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Speaker 4: for sure, because you know, we all grew up different.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, no, I agree. I say that all the time,

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Speaker 4: like we're all just interpreting things the way that we

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Speaker 4: have experienced other things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a very real thing, Kalin, because and that's

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Speaker 1: another thing I think is like more societal. But like,

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Speaker 1: at what point am I not responsible for you interpreting

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Speaker 1: something entirely differently than I intended it? Like you know,

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Speaker 1: if I say to you something and then you you

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Speaker 1: like if I say to you, congratulations for getting Engagedkiki,

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Speaker 1: and and and you decide what that means is, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, I had no value until this man proposed

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Speaker 1: to me. And that's why you're congratulating me because now

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Speaker 1: you see that someone someone like wanted me enough to whatever.

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Speaker 1: If you go down that road and then you get mad,

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Speaker 1: like that's that's one hundred percent on you, all right,

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Speaker 1: Like that's like ninety nine percent of people who say that,

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Speaker 1: don't I don't even know if one hundred percent of

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Speaker 1: people don't mean that, Like I don't, well, we don't

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Speaker 1: have that.

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Speaker 3: You know, there's there's that in the family who you

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Speaker 3: come to dinner Thanksgiving dinner and they're like single again,

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Speaker 3: huh or you know, oh no, maybe that's no.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty different. That's not that's not even that's not

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Speaker 1: even cryptic.

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Speaker 3: But I'm saying so when she says congratulations on land

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Speaker 3: and a man I pick up all the shape, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't have shame because he wants to throw

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Speaker 4: it in there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's context, right, because that's a person who

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Speaker 1: you know has said these things in the past. Like

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Speaker 1: if someone's not been mean to you most of the

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Speaker 1: time and then they say something that that could be

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Speaker 1: spun either way, Isn't it kind of our responsibility? Shit,

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Speaker 1: isn't like a nice thing to do to just go

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Speaker 1: ahead and take the positive spin on it as opposed

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Speaker 1: to just because if you're walking around just waiting to

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Speaker 1: be offended by everybody or have your feelings hurt by everybody,

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Speaker 1: then people are gonna stop talking you exactly.

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Speaker 3: That's the truth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is the truth.

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Speaker 4: I think it's our moral responsibility to do the work

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Speaker 4: on ourselves to like understand how we're processing things. I mean,

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Speaker 4: unfortunately not everyone does that, which is why we have issues. Also, Hey,

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Speaker 4: if something hit you the wrong way, it's not what

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Speaker 4: you say, it's how you say. You can be like, hey,

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Speaker 4: you know, what do you mean by that?

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Speaker 3: Or what?

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Speaker 4: Like, we you can have a conversation like we're just

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Speaker 4: yelling at everyone all the time.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean if I say to Kiki, if I go, man, congratulations,

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Speaker 1: finally you're worth something.

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Speaker 2: Right, you know?

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Speaker 1: Like, Okay, well, then that's exactly what I meant. Apparently,

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Speaker 1: But if I say congratulations for you know whatever, I

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Speaker 1: don't know where you came up with. Oh, finally somebody

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Speaker 1: sees value in me, and finally you ignore that is

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Speaker 1: just crazy.

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Speaker 3: That's your own insecurities, just and like you got to

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Speaker 3: own that.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry you do. Like, I can't feel bad for

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Speaker 1: that because because you know, unless unless I'm known to

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Speaker 1: be terrible to you, and then maybe you could spin

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Speaker 1: it that way and they would on me. I suppokes,

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Speaker 1: because I haven't been nice to you. But Rebecca, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Just Rebecca remains stamos, Hey did did you?

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Speaker 3: Or not?

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Speaker 1: Rebecca? On a second, where's Rebecca? Why can't I hear Rebecca? Rebecca?

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Speaker 2: Hell?

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Speaker 1: Maybe she can't hear me.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I just share that I was rewatching

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Speaker 2: Gilmore Girls in a few weeks ago. When Richard and

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Speaker 2: Emily renew their vows, Luke says congratulations to Emily and

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Speaker 2: she goes, oh, no, you never say congratulations to bride.

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Speaker 2: You okay, best wishes, you only congratulate the group.

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Speaker 4: Oh is that where this is all coming up from.

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Speaker 2: I have no idea, but as soon as you started

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Speaker 2: talking about this, I was like, wait a minute. I

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Speaker 2: had never heard that before when I was watching the episode.

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Speaker 2: I've been doing it all wrong all my life. I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Rebecca. I don't know. I feel like I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I'm allowed to say anymore. When I'm not,

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Speaker 1: it almost looks worse for me to be like Kiki.

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Speaker 1: I wish you well