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Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.

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Speaker 2: Everybody's theej Envy, Jess, Hilary Charlamine, the guy. We are

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Speaker 2: the Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building.

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Speaker 2: Come on now, we have Sarah Jake Roberts.

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Speaker 1: Welcome. How are you feeling.

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Speaker 3: I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad

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Speaker 3: to be here.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you always dressed it in nice.

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Speaker 3: You gotta starts, I do, okay.

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Speaker 4: Jason Bowling, Yeah, we've been working together for almost ten years.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I thought you was just praying and putting it

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Speaker 5: together yourself. But the new book, Power Moves ignite your

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Speaker 5: confidence and become a force.

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Speaker 1: Where did the inspiration for the book come from?

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Speaker 3: It really started about five years ago.

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Speaker 4: Whenever I had finished speaking, people would always tell me like,

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Speaker 4: that was so powerful, You're so powerful. But I didn't

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Speaker 4: really feel powerful, like I'd be in the fight of

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Speaker 4: my life up there. And I started just asking God, like,

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Speaker 4: what does it mean to truly be powerful? And I

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Speaker 4: feel like God just revealed to me that it has

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Speaker 4: so much to do with obedience and authenticity, but not

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Speaker 4: only that, that power is a flow and so what

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Speaker 4: makes me powerful when I'm preaching is different than what

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Speaker 4: makes me powerful as a mother. So I started digging

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Speaker 4: into the fluidity of power and this notion that power

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Speaker 4: moves and embracing that from season to season really started

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Speaker 4: resonating with me.

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Speaker 1: I saw you preaching yesterday and you said something to

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Speaker 1: the extent of.

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Speaker 5: Being in control is not power. Control is not power. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: what does that mean?

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Speaker 4: Okay, So whenever we lose our sense of safety, I

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Speaker 4: think our initial response is to try and control as

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Speaker 4: much as we can after that, instead of really surrendering

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Speaker 4: to whatever the moment is trying to teach us and

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Speaker 4: discovering the power, the wisdom, the lessons, and that we

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Speaker 4: control it. And as a result of that, we end

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Speaker 4: up closing ourselves out, not just from whatever God's trying

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Speaker 4: to teach us in the moment, but sometimes dynamic relationships

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Speaker 4: that can be helpful to us. And so balancing this

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Speaker 4: idea of vulnerability and openness so that power can flow

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Speaker 4: through us I think should be the goal of anyone

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Speaker 4: who really wants to affect change in the world.

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Speaker 2: I do have a ques this is going to say stupid,

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Speaker 2: but I just want people to understand, you know where

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Speaker 2: you came from and how you got into faith. I

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Speaker 2: know you were here last time. So for people that

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Speaker 2: said it, so for people that don't know that, they

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Speaker 2: automatically assume that your dad was in it into religion,

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Speaker 2: that's what got you into it. But you had a

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Speaker 2: different start with you. So let's talk about that a

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Speaker 2: little bit first. How did you start and how did

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Speaker 2: you get to where you're at now? And the fact

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Speaker 2: that you had your first child at fourteen and let's

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Speaker 2: let's break that all down.

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Speaker 3: And he's in the studio.

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Speaker 4: Don't give him that much gas.

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Speaker 3: That's a child over there.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So my dad has been in ministry my whole

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Speaker 4: life and growing up when I was growing up in church,

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Speaker 4: like we were at church every single day of the week,

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Speaker 4: and you either found a spot, you were in the choir,

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Speaker 4: you were dancing, you were doing something, or you were

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Speaker 4: like me and you were sitting in the corner somewhere.

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Speaker 4: And I can remember my siblings telling me, like, you

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Speaker 4: gonna go to hell, like you can shot, you can't clap,

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Speaker 4: like you gonna go to hell. And I was like,

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Speaker 4: you might be right, because what I'm listening to on

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Speaker 4: the radio, like what's resonating with me, it doesn't align

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Speaker 4: with what's being preached, and so I never really felt

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Speaker 4: like I had a sense of belonging within faith. And

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Speaker 4: then when my father's ministry kind of took off, I

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Speaker 4: didn't know where I fit within the dynamic of our

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Speaker 4: family at all. And so I tried to find myself

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Speaker 4: at thirteen year old, trying to find herself is gonna

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Speaker 4: be open to anything, and so I got pregnant at thirteen.

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Speaker 4: I had my son at fourteen, which just further confirmed

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Speaker 4: to me, like, you not wanted the good girls. And

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Speaker 4: so I spent probably ten years of my life just

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Speaker 4: being like, all right, faith isn't for me, you guys,

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Speaker 4: not for me. I'm gonna figure out what's happening outside.

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Speaker 4: And I got to this space after this traumatic experience

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Speaker 4: in my first marriage where I almost got arrested and

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Speaker 4: I was defending the right to keep my kids, and

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Speaker 4: I was like, I have tried literally everything, I might

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Speaker 4: as well just try faith. And I wasn't trying to

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Speaker 4: build platform. I was trying to build myself. And I

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Speaker 4: started blogging about all of my experiences, and it turns

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Speaker 4: out that there were like other women who felt maybe

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Speaker 4: forgotten by church, felt like because they didn't.

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Speaker 2: Did you feel that way, like, especially because your dad

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Speaker 2: was in ministry, did you feel like his church forgot

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Speaker 2: about you, especially that being your dad.

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Speaker 4: And it's hard, like knowing what I know now, it's

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Speaker 4: hard to say because I felt so much shame from

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Speaker 4: having a teen pregnancy that I'm sure that there were

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Speaker 4: people who were like still loving on me, but I

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Speaker 4: couldn't cut through the idea of like during purity culture,

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Speaker 4: the height of purity culture, you didn't got pregnant like this.

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Speaker 4: It just doesn't align. And I don't know, because even

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Speaker 4: my father is surprised that my life has turned in

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Speaker 4: this direction. So I'm not sure if anyone thought that

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Speaker 4: I was going to be the girl talking about Jesus.

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Speaker 4: But I tried it for myself and I started sharing

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Speaker 4: it with like these other misfits, and it turns out

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Speaker 4: there were a lot of us, like back Row churchgoers

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Speaker 4: who were there because we had to be but didn't

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Speaker 4: fit in. And I was able to give them a

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Speaker 4: voice and a language through trying to find my own

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Speaker 4: voice in language, and it's resonated with them.

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Speaker 1: What level of ratchet were you on a scale? It like, well, well.

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Speaker 4: At the end of the day. The day's got to end.

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Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't I don't even know how

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Speaker 4: to answer that question. But I mean I was not

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Speaker 4: I was not outside, like I was not trying to

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Speaker 4: be the good girl at all. Like I embraced this

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Speaker 4: idea of like you can just do your own thing

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Speaker 4: and try anything. So I mean I did quite a

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Speaker 4: few things.

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Speaker 5: It's interesting to hear you say the bishop was surprised

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Speaker 5: to see how things turned out, because I'm sure him

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Speaker 5: and you know the first lady was praying over you

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Speaker 5: and asking God to turn you around.

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Speaker 4: Makes sense, yeah, But I mean I have always been

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Speaker 4: very strong willed. I've always been my own person, and

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Speaker 4: so I think that they were praying. But just like

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Speaker 4: we praying, we like, I don't know if youre gonna

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Speaker 4: answer this prayer. We'll see how it happens. I don't

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Speaker 4: think that they were for sure knowing that things were

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Speaker 4: absolutely going to turn around. Even if they did turn around,

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Speaker 4: I don't think anyone anticipates, like, oh, she's going to

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Speaker 4: be in ministry, because that's not necessarily a turn around,

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Speaker 4: like maybe she'll figure out who God is, but this

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Speaker 4: fact that she's also going to be a ministry in

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Speaker 4: helping others.

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Speaker 3: That was a wild card. Nobody's all coming.

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Speaker 2: I do have a question, and this is something that

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Speaker 2: we talk about a lot of pearing. Me and my

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Speaker 2: wife been arguing about this, well now arguing by having

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Speaker 2: a conversation about this. I feel sometimes when, especially when

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Speaker 2: people play with the church right, and I'll tell you

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Speaker 2: why I say play with the church, they come off

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Speaker 2: like a very church holier than that.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So when they speak a lot of people actually believe

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Speaker 2: it and listen because they feel like they study, they

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Speaker 2: go through it, they read the Bible, et cetera, et cetera,

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Speaker 2: et cetera. But also you realize that person is not

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Speaker 2: a good person. So where do you cross the lines

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Speaker 2: of somebody I would say, taking on an assignment doing

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Speaker 2: something positive. I think you spoke about it earlier, somebody

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Speaker 2: giving a message opposed to who they are as a person.

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Speaker 2: Like can somebody give a message and be an fed

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Speaker 2: up person?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I mean a broken clock? It's right twice today, you

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Speaker 4: know what I mean? You don't even have to be

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Speaker 4: a Christian to say something that could be profound and deep.

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Speaker 4: But that doesn't change the fact that you have an

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Speaker 4: opportunity to be more fully integrated in your character. But

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Speaker 4: I think that the message is that resonate the most

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Speaker 4: are from people who are literally walking it out, living

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Speaker 4: it out, and so it does discredit the message sometimes

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Speaker 4: when you're telling me something that you don't live by.

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Speaker 4: But I think about it like this. So I'm a parent,

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Speaker 4: and now that my children are moving into adulthood, I

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Speaker 4: recognize that many of the things that we have told

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Speaker 4: them growing up, they're also realizing that I am figuring

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Speaker 4: it out with them as well. And I don't know

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Speaker 4: that it's a lot different in ministry, like this is

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Speaker 4: where the goal is. I think we all know where

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Speaker 4: the goal is, but I'm still working it out too.

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Speaker 4: I think where people get in trouble is that they're

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Speaker 4: not actually doing the work, Like I'm telling you that

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Speaker 4: this is the goal, and I'm doing the exact opposite

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Speaker 4: of it, which is why I've tried to be really

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Speaker 4: intentional about being authentic. Like I'm going through depression, I'm

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Speaker 4: going through an anxiety. This is what I'm learning in

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Speaker 4: the midst of that. Because it doesn't serve me for

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Speaker 4: me to come off as your God when we all

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Speaker 4: need the same one. So I try to really make

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Speaker 4: sure that I'm not on a pedestal.

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Speaker 3: I try to kick the pedestal down.

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Speaker 2: Like like you see a preacher. A preacher will be preaching, right,

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Speaker 2: and then he's cheating on his wife. Or preacher'll be

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Speaker 2: preaching and then he's hitting his wife, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean. So it's kind of it's like a blurred line.

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Speaker 4: Like that's not a blurred line though, that's I mean,

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Speaker 4: that's not like that's wrong, that's wickedness, you know what

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Speaker 4: I mean?

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Speaker 2: Like that, how do you how do you you went

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Speaker 2: to the extreme just now, like cheating on his wife

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Speaker 2: or his wife. You see that a lot of time.

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Speaker 2: You see a preacher say I'm sorry, I chieved on

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Speaker 2: my wife. You see that in the church sometimes none

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Speaker 2: of my preachers, but you.

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Speaker 1: Do see that.

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Speaker 2: So when you see that, it's it's kind of difficult

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Speaker 2: to uphold a preacher. And you'll be like, is this

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Speaker 2: whole is bullshit? Or we just playing this game? Or

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Speaker 2: do you really feel that way and really made a mistake.

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Speaker 2: You understand what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I can't judge someone's heart and I

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Speaker 4: can't judge their experiences, So I'm a little hesitant to

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Speaker 4: really make a judgment on situations.

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying anybody in particular.

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Speaker 4: If you know people, I don't. I don't know anyone

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Speaker 4: either who's going through this, but I think people infer

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Speaker 4: a lot. But I will say this, like, preachers are human.

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Speaker 4: So if you are who you are, and you can

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Speaker 4: cheat on your wife, and a preacher can cheat on

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Speaker 4: his wife, like he's a man too, she's a woman too.

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Speaker 4: And so you guys are still going to have the

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Speaker 4: same areas of temptation that you need to overcome. I

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Speaker 4: think your response to that, like, what is my response?

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Speaker 4: How do I grow from here? How do I create boundaries?

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Speaker 4: Do I need to sit down? Do I need to heal?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 4: I think how you handle your humanity in the face

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Speaker 4: of this divine call is what's most important. I am

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Speaker 4: careful that pastors don't have a license to do whatever

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Speaker 4: they want to because of the power they hold. I

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Speaker 4: think that you can be human, but all of us

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Speaker 4: need to be try and stretching, growing to be more

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Speaker 4: like Jesus or we are up here playing. I'm not

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Speaker 4: asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to really

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Speaker 4: be on this walk for real.

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Speaker 5: Who's this white past that you talking about and does

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Speaker 5: you listen to the breakfast Club?

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Speaker 6: I want it because you're a mother of six and

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Speaker 6: you're busy, extremely busy with your podcast and then writing

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Speaker 6: a book and then traveling.

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Speaker 2: How do you balance that?

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Speaker 1: Like mother?

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Speaker 6: And I know you said your children are growing into adulthood,

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Speaker 6: but how do you balance that?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel for you because you got a

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Speaker 4: lot going on. I think it's the message of this book.

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Speaker 4: I think it's really allowing myself to like flow in

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Speaker 4: a different definition of power based off of each of

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Speaker 4: those roles. Because as much as I want to bring

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Speaker 4: the same intensity to everything I do, if I do that,

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Speaker 4: I may end up damaging my children because I'm talking

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Speaker 4: to them like a business partner, and so really defining

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Speaker 4: for myself what does it mean to be powerful in

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Speaker 4: these specific roles and how much capacity do I have

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Speaker 4: to show up in that space? Asking for help, you know,

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Speaker 4: changing and modifying my life to really fit my priorities

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Speaker 4: has done a lot. And then also just making sure

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Speaker 4: my kids know, like I'm tired. So my daughter is eight.

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Speaker 4: She was devastated when I left yesterday. She was like,

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Speaker 4: please don't leave me. Literally, She's like, can you please

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Speaker 4: come home. And I'm like, I just need this one

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Speaker 4: week to get this book in as many hands as possible,

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Speaker 4: and their mommy will be home. But I'm packing to her, now,

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Speaker 4: you do this, well, I'm doing this, so she understands this.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes absence does not mean that I don't care, and

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Speaker 4: it's a balancing walk, especially I think if you have

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Speaker 4: mom guilt like I do sometimes. But I also want

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Speaker 4: her to see a woman walking in her purpose and

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Speaker 4: being excited about it and changing lives. So I share

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Speaker 4: testimonies with her too. I'm like, let's sit down and

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Speaker 4: read these comments from this weekend. Thank you for being

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Speaker 4: a part of this, so she feels a part of

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Speaker 4: it as well.

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Speaker 6: Okay, because mama's son is twelve now, but I miss

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Speaker 6: like a lot of him, like a lot of him

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Speaker 6: being going from grade to grade, you know, because my mom,

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Speaker 6: Between my mom and his dad, that's who has I

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Speaker 6: was touring a lot before I actually got to do this,

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Speaker 6: and I just feel so guilty a lot sometimes, Like

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Speaker 6: and now I have this new baby and I'm like,

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Speaker 6: I'm bringing him up to Jersey with me, and he

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Speaker 6: wants to grow up in the house with the baby

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Speaker 6: instead of me.

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Speaker 3: Being in Jersey with the new baby with.

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Speaker 6: You know, and then him still being with my mother,

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Speaker 6: like and I don't want to repeat that.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to do that again.

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Speaker 4: So so I had my son at fourteen, and I

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Speaker 4: think one of the things that makes me feel most

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Speaker 4: guilty is that I know that I was growing up

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Speaker 4: while he was growing up, and so the way that

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Speaker 4: I'm able to be present even for my younger kids,

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Speaker 4: I know that he didn't have that.

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Speaker 3: So I think, one, I don't know if you have to.

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Speaker 4: Deal with this, but I had to really forgive myself

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Speaker 4: for what I didn't know when I was raising him.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I just I didn't know.

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Speaker 4: I did the best that I could, and to trust

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Speaker 4: that I still have opportunity. If you think about adult

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Speaker 4: children who were wounded from relationships that didn't go well

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Speaker 4: with their parents, there's still a little kid inside of

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Speaker 4: them that wants their parents to show up, that wants

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Speaker 4: to experience healing in that space. And so it reminds

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Speaker 4: me too that I'm never out of time, So I'm

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Speaker 4: constantly still reparenting him, even at twenty one years old.

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Speaker 5: You know, in the clamp down chapter, you start by

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Speaker 5: saying if you're one of those people who know better

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Speaker 5: and instantly do better. I'm probably going to be the

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Speaker 5: friend who you roll your eyes at constantly.

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Speaker 1: Why are you that friend?

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Speaker 4: Because things need to marinate from me, Like I don't

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Speaker 4: just activate things like you could tell me, like you

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Speaker 4: need to be vegan and I will. I'm gonna let

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Speaker 4: that marinate for a year or two before that actually activates,

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Speaker 4: because I don't do things just because someone says that

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Speaker 4: I should do them. It has to be real. I

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Speaker 4: have to have a conviction about it. But I will

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Speaker 4: marinate it so I can figure out, like how does

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Speaker 4: this revelation actually fit within the context of my life.

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Speaker 4: So in the back of the books, each book has

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Speaker 4: like something to marinate on, something to activate, and something

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Speaker 4: to pray on. Because I know everyone moves into change differently.

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Speaker 5: I love the marinating before activating, but I feel like

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Speaker 5: that's probably how the majority of us moved. Is there

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Speaker 5: ever a time we shouldn't marinate before activating? Like the

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Speaker 5: spirit says, do it?

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Speaker 1: We just go?

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Speaker 4: I mean, to each his own. I think if you

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Speaker 4: feel I'm not into telling folks what they should do,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Like, I think if you

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Speaker 4: feel like there's an a now on it. You should

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Speaker 4: do that, you should move in it now, And a

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Speaker 4: lot of times when we move in it now, we

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Speaker 4: learn the marination lessons afterwards, you know.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, it's what.

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Speaker 1: About the spirit though?

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Speaker 5: So just spirit says move like the spirit always tells

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Speaker 5: you to be patient in marinate.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm in relationship.

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Speaker 1: On that.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice.

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Speaker 4: I didn't have a choy that, oh Lord, But yeah, no, no,

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Speaker 4: I had I was in the spirit and that I

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Speaker 4: had a mission to accomplish and I didn't want anything

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Speaker 4: to distract me. And my husband wasn't there and my

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Speaker 4: parents weren't there, so it wasn't like I was gonna

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Speaker 4: be able toss the microphone. I was the you know,

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Speaker 4: senior leadership person that was present in that room, and.

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Speaker 3: So I had to take it off.

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Speaker 4: I didn't love it, I didn't enjoy it, but I

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Speaker 4: stood up to it, and uh, I think it was

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Speaker 4: really interesting because I was going through something at that

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Speaker 4: time where I was wondering could I be in Dallas

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Speaker 4: a part of senior leadership, like with my past, with

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Speaker 4: the way that I preached, with the way that I'm

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Speaker 4: a little different than I guess traditional pastors. And I

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Speaker 4: really did feel like God was trying to tell me, like,

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Speaker 4: just be authentic, just trust yourself in that season of

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Speaker 4: my life. And so that Sunday, when I'm sitting there

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Speaker 4: with a wig cap on and then other women started

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Speaker 4: taking their wigs off on the altar, I was like,

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Speaker 4: you know what, I think this maybe God trying to

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Speaker 4: tell me You're gonna have to show up as your

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Speaker 4: full self in order to get this done. And I

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Speaker 4: know a lot of people made fun of it, but

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Speaker 4: there were so many people who were like, seeing you

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Speaker 4: stand there being courageous stepping into that moment helped me

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Speaker 4: so much to just embrace who I am. And so

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Speaker 4: I really feel like God took something that would have

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Speaker 4: been very embarrassing and at least allowed there to be

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Speaker 4: a buffer from the people who were moved by that moment.

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Speaker 5: For me, I was like, that's why we rock with her.

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Speaker 5: You always wanting to be your true self at all times.

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean, like, y'all know, this isn't my hair,

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Speaker 4: and like, no, it's not ideal, but it's not more

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Speaker 4: important than what I'm here for. So like I'm want

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Speaker 4: to take it off and we're going to move on

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Speaker 4: down the road. When I got back behind the platform

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Speaker 4: that I was like, oh lord, I have desecrated the body.

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Speaker 4: So I'm not there are bundles on the altar. I

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Speaker 4: have just create it this place. But yeah, it just

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Speaker 4: turns out it wasn't that way.

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Speaker 5: I love about chapter sixteen to Know Your Harm. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 5: what is knowing your heart?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 4: I talk about the oath that doctors take where they say,

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Speaker 4: you know that they'll do no harm, but they're also

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Speaker 4: recognizing that they're practicing and when we move in power.

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Speaker 4: Part of the reason why so many of us don't

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Speaker 4: move in power is that we're afraid that we won't

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Speaker 4: do it perfectly or that will make mistakes. But if

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Speaker 4: we can embrace the reality that I'm going to be

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Speaker 4: powerful and humble, I'm going to be wrong, I'm going

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Speaker 4: to have to apologize. I'm going to mess up. I

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Speaker 4: may say things too sharply. Then that doesn't make me

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Speaker 4: any less powerful. As a matter of fact, it makes

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Speaker 4: me more powerful because I recognize that my position of

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Speaker 4: power could disrupt my relationships sometimes, but I value these

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Speaker 4: relationships enough to learn how to be powerful in a

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Speaker 4: way that honors the spaces that I'm in Next time.

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Speaker 2: What's your thought on the way that church is now? Right,

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Speaker 2: as a kid, you had to go to church every Sunday.

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Speaker 2: You had to be in the building, you had to

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Speaker 2: sit there, and if there was a baptism, you was

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Speaker 2: gonna be there all day. Now a lot of people

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Speaker 2: turn it on Sunday morning and it's a lot easiest.

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Speaker 2: What are your thoughts on people not actually attending the

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Speaker 2: institution of church.

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Speaker 4: First of all, y'all not about to tie tripping me. No,

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Speaker 4: you don't, No, you don't be very clear.

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Speaker 3: Let me see.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think that the world is changing, and

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Speaker 4: as the world changes, I think people are finding things

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Speaker 4: that are more convenient for them. And I do think

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Speaker 4: that you are able to have intimate encounters with God

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Speaker 4: from this comfort of your own home. And I think

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Speaker 4: it's powerful that that's the way that things are being spread.

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Speaker 4: I think it's like watching a football game at home,

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Speaker 4: Like you can get hype, you can be excited for

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Speaker 4: your team, but there is something about being in the

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Speaker 4: room with other people that makes you just take things

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Speaker 4: over the edge. I was surprised that in a world

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Speaker 4: where people are n'c coming to church that we have

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Speaker 4: forty thousand women at the woman Evolve conference, because I'm like,

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Speaker 4: I don't know that this is a thing that people

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Speaker 4: are going to really be into when they like virtual experiences,

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Speaker 4: but there is something that happens in healthy community and

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Speaker 4: connection that allows your faith to really be strengthened. I've

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Speaker 4: had people come into rooms and like they didn't really

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Speaker 4: want to be there, somebody drug them in there. They

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Speaker 4: were going through a depression. They don't even know why

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Speaker 4: they were there, but just being in the space, sitting

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Speaker 4: next to someone who was able to care for them

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Speaker 4: and just being surrounded by worship lifted their spirits when

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Speaker 4: they couldn't lift their own hands. And I don't think

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Speaker 4: that there's any substitute for that.

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Speaker 1: Would you also keep it tight though one hour's.

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Speaker 3: Let us think something I don't. Yeah, it's it's finished.

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Speaker 3: He said it.

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Speaker 4: Everything everything he said has been said to me, and

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Speaker 4: so now we can go home and have brunch. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I do think we have to honor people's time because

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Speaker 4: people do have options, and so being really intentional about

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Speaker 4: making sure people feel like I can go get out

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Speaker 4: and have the rest of my day is part of

440
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,000
Speaker 4: what we should really lean into.

441
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:55,000
Speaker 5: Is the church whack? That's a question, was the question.

442
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,960
Speaker 5: That's what I got smoked for. He said that he

443
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,159
Speaker 5: thinks the church has become whack.

444
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,360
Speaker 7: I think it's it's a system now on God. It's

445
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 7: a system. Everything is a system, and systems work with

446
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,160
Speaker 7: or without God. So I think the institution of church

447
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 7: is whack. I think how church is ran is whack.

448
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 7: I think the religious system and structure is whack. I

449
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,199
Speaker 7: don't subscribe to it. Even though I grew up in it,

450
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 7: I benefited from it, but I learned that God is

451
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:22,879
Speaker 7: not the church.

452
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,640
Speaker 4: I heard in context what he said made a lot

453
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 4: more sense, but I heard the sound bite was trash.

454
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 4: I think that everyone has a different experience of church,

455
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 4: and I think that there are some people who have

456
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 4: probably had an experience that has disheartened them in that way.

457
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 4: But I love the church. I mean, as much as

458
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 4: I went through my own church hurt and trauma, the

459
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 4: church was also really beautiful to me in times where

460
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 4: I didn't have anywhere to go and I could sit

461
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 4: in that presence and experience God. And sometimes to really

462
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,680
Speaker 4: experience God in church, you have to look past the people.

463
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 3: And maybe that's whack.

464
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 4: Maybe it's not, because maybe it keeps our focus on

465
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:02,880
Speaker 4: what you really matter.

466
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,240
Speaker 5: I love what you said too about know your harm.

467
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,879
Speaker 5: You said, Deflecting from the way that you harm someone

468
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 5: and highlighting the way that they harm instead is a

469
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 5: sign of immaturity that keeps you from truly being helpful.

470
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 1: Found on that well.

471
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 4: A lot of times we will not embrace what we

472
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,879
Speaker 4: did to someone because of what they've done to us,

473
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 4: and it keeps us from owning our stuff and growing

474
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,439
Speaker 4: and so being able to say, even though my teacher

475
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 4: may not be perfect, like my teacher may have failed

476
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 4: in chemistry, but they get an A plus in this

477
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 4: history class, that means that I need to at least

478
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 4: be able to receive from them this opportunity to grow.

479
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,800
Speaker 4: And I feel like in relationships that's hard, especially if

480
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 4: you're married, because when you're married, your person brings up

481
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 4: something and you like, oh, but last.

482
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 3: Week you did X, Y and Z, But what did

483
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:50,520
Speaker 3: you do today?

484
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 7: You know?

485
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,360
Speaker 3: And how can you own that?

486
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 4: And I think when we own our stuff, we give

487
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,439
Speaker 4: other people permission to do it as well. Sometimes we

488
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 4: want to be the person who receives the apology, but

489
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 4: not the one who gives it but we have the

490
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 4: lead in humility and vulnerability.

491
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 1: You said, that's how you into a rate word initially.

492
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 3: Right where oh no.

493
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything, Yes, his stuff at him all the time.

494
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 4: Well, I don't know if I was throwing his stuff

495
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 4: at him as much as I was maybe reciting it

496
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 4: in my own head. But I think I will say

497
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 4: that when I was single, after I went through my divorce,

498
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 4: I finally got my life together with me and my

499
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 4: two kids. You really could not tell me that I

500
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 4: was not misindependent out here. So I really went into

501
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 4: our relationship with a certain level of pride where I

502
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 4: was like, at the end of the day, I got

503
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 4: my stuff together. I finally love who I am and

504
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 4: embracing it. And so when I was in relationship with him,

505
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 4: and he would just ask me the simplest of questions,

506
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 4: we weren't even fighting.

507
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 3: It would just be like, why'd you do that.

508
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 4: I didn't like that because I'm not used to having

509
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,959
Speaker 4: nobody questioned my decisions, and it was a simple, harmless question.

510
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 4: And so I think that I went into a defensive

511
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 4: one because I wanted to protect my healing. And when

512
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 4: you're in a marriage and you go into it trying

513
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 4: to protect yourself and make sure that you don't get

514
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 4: done the way that you were done in the past.

515
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 4: I don't know that it's fair for creating intimacy, and

516
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 4: so I had to do a lot of work of

517
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 4: receiving his perspective and finding it valuable so that I

518
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 4: could become better, and I have become better as a

519
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 4: result of it.

520
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,360
Speaker 1: What does power look like in a relationship?

521
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 3: Those dynamics are always changing.

522
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 4: I think, especially now that we see you know, hyper

523
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 4: masculinity is beginning to be interrogated. We're seeing women move

524
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,719
Speaker 4: into positions where sometimes they're the breadwinners and men are

525
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 4: at home being more comfortable taking care of the family.

526
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,720
Speaker 4: I think power in a relationship is recognizing the strengths

527
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:43,159
Speaker 4: of what your person carries and how that strength builds

528
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 4: you in your area of weakness, without feeling like they

529
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 4: have to be strong or stronger in the same area

530
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 4: that you're strong. I think it's like this symbiotic relationship,

531
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 4: this flow where you're able to build a life together

532
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 4: because both of you bring something different to the table,

533
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 4: and to honor that, to really honor it is important.

534
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:03,360
Speaker 1: You said something else in the book.

535
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 5: You said, when you are unable to connect the dots

536
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,879
Speaker 5: between who you since you could become and who you

537
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 5: presently are. It doesn't just cause internal frustration. It renders

538
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 5: you powerless. And one of the examples you use is

539
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 5: you don't defend yourself when misunderstood. Yeah, and to me,

540
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 5: not feeling to need to explain yourself is power.

541
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,880
Speaker 4: Well, I think not explaining yourself and not defending yourself,

542
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 4: and I think it's different because you have a platform

543
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 4: and so you can't defend yourself twenty four to seven.

544
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 4: But when we're in intimate relationships with someone and they

545
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 4: have an expectation of who we are or this idea

546
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 4: of who we are, and we don't change that, we

547
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 4: allow them to believe it, we do end up powerless

548
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 4: because I'm not even bringing the full version of who

549
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 4: I am into this friendship, into this parent child dynamic,

550
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 4: and you end up robbing yourself of the ability to

551
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 4: really show up in your power and allow them to

552
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 4: believe something about you that's not true. And so it

553
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 4: is powerful to be like, you got me messed up,

554
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 4: Like that's not what I'm believe, that's not what I think.

555
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 4: And if we're going to walk this thing, I want

556
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 4: you to know who I am for real, so that

557
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 4: you can know what to expect from me.

558
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: Okay, you're talking about intimate relationship.

559
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:14,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's hard. It's hard for me.

560
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,640
Speaker 2: You know, she has to go. I know she has

561
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 2: TV or something, but I know she has to go,

562
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 2: so damn.

563
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

564
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,679
Speaker 2: He's doing is telling them the book. They're not going

565
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 2: to buy.

566
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 6: If you ask all the questions about the book, making

567
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 6: her basically recite the.

568
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 5: Book, you should pray to your bob looks like hers,

569
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 5: That's what you should now, Why my.

570
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 3: Bob he can get here?

571
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 6: Why like when she brought a wig off?

572
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: Because I.

573
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 3: Wouldn't the dressing world.

574
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:58,360
Speaker 6: Some questions them, so you forced me to see.

575
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: Well, what message you hope people get from the Oh?

576
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 4: The message that I am hoping people get from the

577
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,919
Speaker 4: book is that power is a flow, and that power

578
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 4: that you have experienced in your past is still present

579
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 4: in your future. It just must it just might be

580
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 4: taking on a different form. So to be open to

581
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 4: how power is being redefined in your present. Prayer, Thank

582
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 4: you God for this opportunity, for this platform, Thank you

583
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 4: for using these voices at this stage in their life.

584
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 4: And I'd usually pray for the listeners, but God, I'm

585
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 4: going to pray for them that you would stir up

586
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 4: the gift of God that's on the inside of them,

587
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 4: that you would highlight the areas of their life where

588
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 4: you want them to experience more of your power and

589
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 4: to show them the power that you've placed inside of them.

590
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 4: I thank you God for giving them wisdom strategy not

591
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 4: just for their careers, but for their family, their emotional

592
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 4: health and wellness. And God, I pray that you would

593
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 4: continue to show them your life that they may lean

594
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:01,680
Speaker 4: into it in Jesus' name.

595
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:02,479
Speaker 1: That's right.

596
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 5: Make sure you go get Sarah Jke Roberts's new book,

597
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 5: Power Moves Ignite your Confidence to become a Force, and

598
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 5: subscribe to her podcast, The Woman of All Podcasts on

599
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 5: the Black Effect.

600
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio podcast Network. That's right. We appreciate you for.

601
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 5: Coming, Miss Roberts, and you need to come more often

602
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 5: for people who think church is whack because you're the

603
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 5: person that I feel like is going to bridge the

604
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,280
Speaker 5: gap between you know, church in this new generation. Yeah,

605
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 5: I really feel that way.

606
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: Oh, so thank you.

607
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 4: That's that's a tremendous honor a lot of responsibility. But

608
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 4: I'm committed to, you know, holding down my square.

609
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 2: That's right, all right, Sarah Jakes Roberts.

610
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: It's the Breakfast Club.

611
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 2: Good morning, Wake that ass up in the morning.

612
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 1: The Breakfast Club