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Speaker 1: Fellow ridiculous historians, we are returning to you with the

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Speaker 1: tale of one of our absolute favorite eccentric founding fathers.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, letches, oh, very much a lechen

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Speaker 1: of libertine. Yeah, who are we talking about?

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Speaker 2: Oh, we're talking about old founding father Benny Franks, Benjamin

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Speaker 2: Franklin to his friends. Wait, no, Benny Franks to his friends,

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Speaker 2: Benjamin Franklin to you know, the public.

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Speaker 1: Or Daddy Benji to as many paramores.

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Speaker 3: At the Benjamins. As it turns out, right.

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Speaker 1: Well, as we found back in twenty nineteen, Benjamin Franklin

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Speaker 1: very much a renaissance man, had a lot of a

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Speaker 1: lot of scientific breakthroughs, a lot of areas of philosophical interests,

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Speaker 1: but he was definitely a man given to the pleasures

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Speaker 1: of the flesh.

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Speaker 3: Do you think he would have been in the Epstein files.

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Speaker 1: I think he absolutely would. It's entirely possible in something

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Speaker 1: like that. He he was known, as you said, as

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Speaker 1: a leech, and he was lionized for this because people said,

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Speaker 1: you know, old Ben is a real pickup artist for

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Speaker 1: his day, which is interesting I get.

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Speaker 2: I wonder if he leaned into it, which you did,

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Speaker 2: because he's not exactly what you might consider like a

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Speaker 2: classically good looking man. It would just seem that he

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Speaker 2: had the charm and had achieved the levels of power

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Speaker 2: and upward mobility in society to kind of be a

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Speaker 2: bit of a lady's man, despite his receding hairline and

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Speaker 2: slightly muppet like features.

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Speaker 1: And his paunch is eccentric high plaunch, his legendary bed

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Speaker 1: yeah yeah, with his stockings to the guy at Gambs

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Speaker 1: for days. In our previous exploration, you know, we asked

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Speaker 1: whether his he was also a prolific writer. Right, so

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Speaker 1: we asked whether his seventeen forty five letter advice to

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Speaker 1: a young man on the choice of a mistress was

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Speaker 1: meant sincerely or whether it was satirical.

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Speaker 2: Well, and also so the use of the term mistress

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Speaker 2: here is this in the way we think of it today,

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Speaker 2: as in like an extra marital alliance.

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Speaker 1: Okay, thought so, or sexual relationships without the complications of matrimony.

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Speaker 3: There you go, at the very least. Well, he had

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Speaker 3: a lot to say about a lot of things.

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Speaker 2: Uh, And in this famous and or infamous seventeen forty

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Speaker 2: five letter, he gave advice to a young man on

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Speaker 2: the choice of a mistress.

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Speaker 3: As he said, let's just.

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Speaker 4: Roll it ridiculous. History is a production of iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 1: My dear friend, I know of no medicine fear to

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Speaker 1: diminish the violent, natural inclinations you mentioned, and if I did,

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Speaker 1: I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage

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Speaker 1: is the proper remedy. It is the most natural state

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Speaker 1: of man, and therefore the state in which you are

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Speaker 1: most likely to find solid happiness. Those are the words

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Speaker 1: of Benjamin Franklin. Welcome to the show. My name is Ben.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Benny frank No relation none. Well, you know, you're

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Speaker 3: sort of spiritual successors. That's very weird.

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Speaker 1: I at least have better hair, if not a better

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Speaker 1: position in American politics.

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Speaker 3: That's true.

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Speaker 2: But you're, also, like Ben Franklin, a bit of a

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Speaker 2: forward thinking innovator.

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Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much, NOL. I sincerely appreciate that

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Speaker 1: they do in some places call me the less cool

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Speaker 1: super producer Casey Pegram, which I take is you know,

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Speaker 1: I treat it as the significant compliment.

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Speaker 2: That it is once because Casey Pegram is the bar, right,

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Speaker 2: and it's a very high.

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Speaker 1: One, and very few people ever meet that bar. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you're like one click below the bar. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: just one click. Man's reach must exceed his grasp. Else

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Speaker 1: what's a heaven for?

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Speaker 3: Did Ben Franklin say that?

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Speaker 1: No, that was Robert Browning, the poet, Robert Browning. Ah, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: Robert Browning. Well, here's the thing about Ben Franklin. We

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Speaker 1: know him as one of the founding fathers of these

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Speaker 1: fine United States. He was a part of the Second

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Speaker 1: Continental Congress and was sort of like this.

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Speaker 3: He was a he was a really good diplomat.

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Speaker 2: And that he kind of smoothed over some of the

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Speaker 2: tensions between the other founding fathers. He kind of acted

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Speaker 2: as like a little bit of a lubricant, if you will,

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Speaker 2: a human lubricant. He was also an inventor, and he

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Speaker 2: published Poor Richard's Almanac, where he espoused the virtues of

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Speaker 2: man and all of these little, you know, quirky sayings.

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Speaker 2: Early to bed, early to rise and all that. And

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Speaker 2: he apparently did get up pretty early every morning. In

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Speaker 2: his autobiography you can read his daily routine that started

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Speaker 2: with rising at four am daily. You always talk about

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Speaker 2: his air baths, Ben.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, he's a big believer in air baths. You

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Speaker 1: read my mind, Noel and air bath is what it

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Speaker 1: sounds like. He sat around naked for his personal constitution. Additionally,

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Speaker 1: he was a freemason, a polymath, and many other things.

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Speaker 1: He was a man of many interests, and throughout his

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Speaker 1: life from January seventeenth, seventeen oh six to his death

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Speaker 1: on April seventeenth, seventeen ninety, he changed the world, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of his enterprises were things that would surprise

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Speaker 1: the average you know, the average high school student. You

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Speaker 1: don't hear about a ton of the stuff he's done.

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Speaker 1: You hear about some of his experiments into the nature

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Speaker 1: of electricity and lightning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and apparently the whole.

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Speaker 2: Deal with the key tied to the kite is probably

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Speaker 2: a myth entirely right. Yeah, but what's credited as inventing

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Speaker 2: the lightning rod. But today we're talking a little bit

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Speaker 2: more about his little lightning rod there we go.

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Speaker 1: And the lightning rods of his friends. See. One of

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Speaker 1: the things, one of the things that you may not

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Speaker 1: learn in a middle school or high school history class

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Speaker 1: about Benjamin Franklin is that he was also a real lithario,

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Speaker 1: a crazed womanizer, sex fiend.

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Speaker 2: He could even refer to him as a bit of

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Speaker 2: a rake. Yes, yes, an.

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Speaker 1: Uber rake because he had There's so many different directions

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Speaker 1: we can go with this, but we know that the

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Speaker 1: Founding Fathers at this point in time have moved into

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Speaker 1: the realm of myth in many ways. Noel, I love

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Speaker 1: that you point out at the beginning of the show

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Speaker 1: that the key story is, you know, is probably a myth.

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Speaker 3: It's sort of like boy George Washington, you know, not

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Speaker 3: telling a lie and chopping down the cherry tree and

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Speaker 3: all that, or wouldn't teeth they were actually ivory and poem.

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Speaker 3: But in the case of Benjamin Franklin's sex life, we

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Speaker 3: have documentation that proves not only is there some sand

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Speaker 3: to the scandalous stories about this man, but he also

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Speaker 3: advised people on their own sex lives. You see, that

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Speaker 3: excerpt that we began the show with is from a

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Speaker 3: real life letter that Franklin wrote in seventeen forty five.

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Speaker 3: The name of the letter is Advice to a friend

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Speaker 3: on choosing a mistress, and this is again a real letter.

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Speaker 3: It's strange because we also found that forty years before

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Speaker 3: the Revolution even got under way in seventeen twenty nine,

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Speaker 3: Benjamin Franklin was also a publisher was reputedly publishing a

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Speaker 3: tabloid newspaper that had an advice column about things that

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Speaker 3: would be considered unmentionable in a lot of higher realms

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Speaker 3: of society. Yeah, that's right.

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Speaker 2: And by the time his autobiography came out, it was

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Speaker 2: pretty heavily censored because late in life he was absolutely

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Speaker 2: honest about some of this stuff. But because of that,

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Speaker 2: already approaching mythical idea of the founding Fathers, they wanted

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Speaker 2: to protect that legacy and make sure that you only

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Speaker 2: remembered Ben Franklin's for poor Richard z Almanac, and for

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Speaker 2: early to bed, early to rise, and for being this

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Speaker 2: model of virtue, studiousness and steadfast goodness. But Franklin himself

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Speaker 2: acknowledged that he was, in fact a bit of a letch.

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Speaker 2: He actually said this of himself in an often censored

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Speaker 2: passage from that autobiography. He said, quote, the hard to

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Speaker 2: be governed passion of my youth had hurried me frequently

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Speaker 2: into intrigues with low women. Here's a kicker that fell

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Speaker 2: in my way.

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Speaker 1: Yikes that he also added, which were attended with some

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Speaker 1: expense and grad inconvenience, besides a continual risk to my

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Speaker 1: health by distemper. As far as we know, and we

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Speaker 1: may not know all of it, this guy, throughout his

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Speaker 1: life ended up having what fifteen illegitimate children.

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Speaker 3: That's what they say.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and if he was around today, this guy would

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Speaker 2: be a me too nightmare.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I mean big time.

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Speaker 2: He was well known not just for being aleged, but

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Speaker 2: for being a leeched for underage potentially women. He even

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Speaker 2: there's a rumor that he carried on a relationship with

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Speaker 2: a daughter and her mother, Margaret Stevenson and her eighteen

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Speaker 2: year old daughter Polly. That was a little bit probably

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Speaker 2: on the older side of some of his dalliances with

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Speaker 2: young women.

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Speaker 1: And there's a little bit of a paradox here. Well,

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Speaker 1: let's back up and say you're right. In his final years,

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Speaker 1: as he was aging and after a Polly's husband had

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Speaker 1: passed away, he moved her to Philadelphia to live by

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Speaker 1: his side until he passed away in seventeen ninety. But

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Speaker 1: this guy al so tried to sleep with his friend's mistresses,

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Speaker 1: and as we will find, despite the rumors about his

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Speaker 1: interest in younger women, he went on record several times

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Speaker 1: saying that he actually preferred older women in his correspondence

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Speaker 1: like in this letter that he mentioned.

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Speaker 3: And we'll get to that.

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Speaker 2: The reason is a little bit more functional, like long term.

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Speaker 2: He's saying older women might be better for the long haul.

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Speaker 2: But there's even a little I guess a verse a

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Speaker 2: mini poem kind of has thrown about the time of

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Speaker 2: referring to his time in London and Paris and his

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Speaker 2: reputation that he developed, and said, Franklin, though plagued with

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Speaker 2: fumbling age, needs nothing to excite him, but is too

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Speaker 2: ready to engage when younger arms invite him.

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Speaker 1: And that came about, believe it or not, folks, when

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Speaker 1: he was in his seventies.

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Speaker 3: Bonkers.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so this was some time after he had written

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Speaker 1: this letter. He was well known for having what people

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Speaker 1: would describe as an insatiable libido or sex drive. And

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Speaker 1: let's let's go back to this letter when he was

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Speaker 1: writing to a fellow named Cadwalader Colden, which is a

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Speaker 1: fantastic name.

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Speaker 3: Incredible mister Cadwalder to Colden.

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Speaker 1: And he recommends, for as you said, some uh, some

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Speaker 1: ostensibly practical reasons, that Cadwalader consider choosing a not not

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Speaker 1: a mistress, but choosing a wife who is older he says,

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Speaker 1: if you will not take this counsel and persist in

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Speaker 1: thinking a commerce with the sex inevitable, then I repeat

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Speaker 1: my former advice that in all your amours you should

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Speaker 1: prefer old women to young ones. You call this a paradox,

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Speaker 1: and demand my reasons. And then he outlines seven fairly

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Speaker 1: articulate reasons, but they're all stuff like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: it sounds pretty brutal. Number one, we can just give

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Speaker 1: the gist because these are kind of long. Number one,

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Speaker 1: he says, their conversation is better, like it's yeah, they're

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Speaker 1: more funant to talk to because of their life experience.

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Speaker 2: And they are more likely because and here's the problem

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Speaker 2: with Ben Franklin, and this this comes up time and again,

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Speaker 2: and you can probably already tell he's a bit misogynist

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Speaker 2: and a little problematic. I think, yeah, because some of

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Speaker 2: these things are very condescending to women. Where he says,

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Speaker 2: once they cease to be handsome, they as almost as

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Speaker 2: though they will appreciate so much that you're giving them

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Speaker 2: the time of day that they will do anything for you.

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Speaker 1: Which sounds like a lot like Dennis Reynolds in Always

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Speaker 1: Sunny and Exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's pretty bad. So yeah, they'll take care

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Speaker 2: of you when you're sick. They'll you know, make your

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Speaker 2: little cakes and soup. I'm editorializing you a little bit,

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Speaker 2: but it sure seems like he's trying to give this

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Speaker 2: guy advice of how to get like a nice like made.

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Speaker 2: We'll also have sex with him, because he also points

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Speaker 2: out age don't mean nothing in the dark.

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Speaker 1: Danny DeVito's character Frank Reynolds, has a quote about that

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Speaker 1: that we're not going to put on the air, but

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Speaker 1: if you know, you know. The third thing he says

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Speaker 1: is that there's no hazard of having children. Then he

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Speaker 1: says they're more discreet again because of experience, So they're

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Speaker 1: not going to blow up your spot if you're trying

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Speaker 1: to TLC style creep.

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Speaker 2: One thing we haven't mentioned, another pretty gross little fact

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Speaker 2: about Franklin is that he was in fact married. He

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Speaker 2: had a common law wife by the name of Deborah Reed, who,

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Speaker 2: like Tony Soprano's style, he just cheated on her constantly

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Speaker 2: throughout the span of their forty four years of marriage.

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Speaker 2: And also, as we know, he spent a lot of

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Speaker 2: time abroad as a European ambassador, specifically in London, and France,

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Speaker 2: So eighteen of those forty four years they lived apart,

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Speaker 2: and apparently she during one of those overseas trips, she

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Speaker 2: had a stroke.

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Speaker 3: And Franklin didn't even come back.

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Speaker 2: To Philadelphia to see her, and she died alone in

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Speaker 2: seventeen seventy four.

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Speaker 1: Which is a shame any way you look at it.

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Speaker 1: To continue these reasons of his he mentions, I think no,

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Speaker 1: you were alluding to number five when he said this

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Speaker 1: older woman that he's describing may not be as attractive

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Speaker 1: per Franklin. He says, the face first grows lank and wrinkled,

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Speaker 1: then the neck, then the breast and arms, then the

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Speaker 1: lower parts, continuing to the last as plump as ever.

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Speaker 1: So that covering all above with a basket, and regarding

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Speaker 1: only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of

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Speaker 1: two women to know an old one from a young one.

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Speaker 1: Here's the line I think you're referring to. And as

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Speaker 1: in the dark, all cats are gray, the pleasure of

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Speaker 1: corporal enjoyment with an old woman is at least equal

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Speaker 1: and frequently superior, every neck being by practice capable of improvement.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty gross. That's one of the things that leads

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Speaker 1: some scholars to say this letter is satirical or comedic.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he was a well known practical joker and satirist.

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Speaker 1: And he also, we haven't mentioned this yet, he also

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Speaker 1: never sent this letter.

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Speaker 3: That's right, he wrote it.

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Speaker 1: We know he actually wrote it, but it for some

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Speaker 1: reason was never sent. What are some of the other

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Speaker 1: things he named?

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Speaker 2: He also again doubles down on that whole like you're

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Speaker 2: doing her a favor kind of vibe, says he almost

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Speaker 2: like tries to characterize having an affair, because again, this

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Speaker 2: is talking about a mistress.

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Speaker 3: He's not talking about taking a wife.

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Speaker 2: Because he basically starts the letter off saying you should

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Speaker 2: get married. It's the better idea to get married, because

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Speaker 2: that is the most natural state of man where he can,

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Speaker 2: he compares a single man to one part of a

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Speaker 2: pair of scissors and a useless tool that you know,

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Speaker 2: in order to be truly happy and to fulfilled, you

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Speaker 2: have to have a wife and have that other part

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Speaker 2: of the scissor. But he says, but if you're not

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Speaker 2: going to do that, here's some tips on how to

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Speaker 2: get you the best possible harem of mistresses. Presumably right,

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Speaker 2: so again virtuous to carry on an affair with an

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Speaker 2: older lady, and he characterized it as such, quote they

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Speaker 2: are so grateful, while saying it's less sinful to sleep

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Speaker 2: with an old woman than it is. Then the act

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Speaker 2: of quote debauching of a virgin, which he characterizes being

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Speaker 2: ruinous to both lady and gentleman.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then his seventh point, the penultimate point, is

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Speaker 1: that the compunction or the regret or sorrow is less.

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Speaker 1: Says if you have made a young girl miserable, it

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Speaker 1: may give you frequent bitter reflections, you might feel bad

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Speaker 1: about it later, but in this way you will make

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Speaker 1: an older woman happy, which is again I know I

294
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Speaker 1: used the word earlier, but it fits. It's kind of gross, right,

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Speaker 1: And he's got one more point, which I think you

296
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Speaker 1: mentioned earlier, which is they are so italicized grateful, which

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Speaker 1: just stinks. And then he closes the whole letter saying,

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Speaker 1: that's my paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly,

299
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Speaker 1: being sincerely your affectionate friend, Benjamin Franklin.

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Speaker 3: Benny Franks, So this.

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Speaker 1: Advice, you know, this is something you and I have

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00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,439
Speaker 1: not talked about yet when we're off air. Do you

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00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 1: think this letter is sincere or do you think it's

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Speaker 1: some draft of a comedic device.

305
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Speaker 2: I tend to think that it's sincere. I do too, am,

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Speaker 2: giving what we know about him.

307
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Speaker 1: I hate feeling that. Yeah, because he, as you said,

308
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Speaker 1: his libido was such a driving force in his life

309
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Speaker 1: that later he himself came to feel terrible about it.

310
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Speaker 1: But he was also known for trying to feel up

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Speaker 1: almost any woman he found attractive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and.

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Speaker 1: He treated his wife horribly. His biographer said that he had,

314
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Speaker 1: or one of his biographers, a guy named Albert Henry Smith,

315
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Speaker 1: said it is no use blinking the fact that Franklin's

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Speaker 1: animal instincts and passions were strong in rank, and that

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Speaker 1: they led him to the commission of deplorable arata in

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Speaker 1: his life, and that the taint of an irredeemable vulgarity

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Speaker 1: is much upon this man.

320
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Speaker 3: I know.

321
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Speaker 1: And this is back, you know, in the early redeemable vulgarity.

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Speaker 3: I know.

323
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Speaker 1: Oh, And we're harving on this, but it's important that

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Speaker 1: we were not making a hit piece on some American hero.

325
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Speaker 1: But it is crucially, crucially important for us to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: that this person was a human being and not just

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Speaker 1: some airbrushed ideal of early America, which, you know, not

328
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Speaker 1: to say that he didn't do some amazing things. It's

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Speaker 1: just that he did a lot of horrible things. And

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Speaker 1: when scholars tackle the question of whether Franklin was being

331
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Speaker 1: comedic or serious, they go back to context clues, whether

332
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,920
Speaker 1: the letter was delivered, what other kind of stuff did

333
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Speaker 1: he write. He, for instance, wrote an article about flatulence,

334
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:28,879
Speaker 1: the glorious fart or something like that, fart proudly, fart proudly. Yeah,

335
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 1: and that was satire, right, yeah, yeah, that was satire.

336
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Speaker 1: But that was satire with I guess a cause because

337
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Speaker 1: he was saying, it's a natural act, don't be ashamed

338
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Speaker 1: of it, that's right. And he had some hypocrisy going

339
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Speaker 1: on there too, right.

340
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Speaker 3: Oh, big time. I mean in so many ways.

341
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Speaker 2: Again, like in poor Richard's he really tries to I

342
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 2: don't know if he's trying to do it for the

343
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Speaker 2: sake of vanity or whatever, but he's certainly all these

344
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Speaker 2: aphorisms are meant to be these virtuous ways of living,

345
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Speaker 2: these kind of Tao of Ben Franklin kind of things,

346
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Speaker 2: you know. But he even characterizes sex as a very

347
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 2: utilitarian thing, referring it to it as something that should

348
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 2: never be done for pleasure. That should only be done

349
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Speaker 2: for procreation, you know, for the greater good. But obviously

350
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,160
Speaker 2: he did not practice what he preached in that respect

351
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Speaker 2: at all. And he was even there was rumor that

352
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Speaker 2: he was a member of the hell Fire Club, which

353
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:28,239
Speaker 2: was a group of aristocratic men who potentially engaged in

354
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Speaker 2: like orgies and you know, all kinds of crazy shenanigans.

355
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and those those rumors. I think at this point

356
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Speaker 1: we still have to say he may have been involved,

357
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Speaker 1: but those the circumstantial evidence was pretty pretty strong. We

358
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 1: also know that he was a hoaxter who was a

359
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,359
Speaker 1: troll for fun. Can you imagine him in the age

360
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 1: of the internet. I'm having a tough time. He also

361
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 1: was known for doing all kinds of weird experiments. He

362
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 1: had like tristy parties. When he wasn't holding orgies, he

363
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 1: invented his own alphabet.

364
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,680
Speaker 2: We did a whole episode on that one, Yeah, we did, sure, Yeah,

365
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 2: check back on that one if you want to hear more.

366
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Speaker 3: Mm hmm.

367
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Speaker 1: And I think we talked a little bit about some

368
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: of his inventions, not all of which were amazing. He

369
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: had a we mentioned this in previous episode. He did

370
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Speaker 1: mate bifocals. He did make the Franklin stove. That was

371
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: his first invention. He made the glass harmonica, which quickly

372
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,360
Speaker 1: got a bad reputation due to the lead in the glass.

373
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Speaker 2: Oh but then you know that, But that's there's still

374
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,919
Speaker 2: this is a really cool instrument. It's got like a

375
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 2: rotating drum kind of situation where it's like beveled glass orbs,

376
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Speaker 2: almost like you think of a Christmas decoration glass bowls,

377
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 2: glass bowls, but they're all joined together, and you you know,

378
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 2: it's the same idea as playing tones from a half

379
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: filled or various levels of water and wineglasses. You rub

380
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 2: your finger around it, it creates a synathetic vibration. But

381
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 2: they do still exist and there if you look, if

382
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 2: you you can find some concerts of classical pieces being

383
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 2: played on the modern day harmonica.

384
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: Yes, which will not poison people.

385
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 3: Of course.

386
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,440
Speaker 1: This is such a ghostly distinct sound, Casey, if you could,

387
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: could you play just a short clip of that so

388
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: everyone can hear the music perfect. That's some spooky stuff. Oh, Casey,

389
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,399
Speaker 1: by the way, while we've got you here, do you

390
00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: think this letter was sincere or meant in jet? That's

391
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: a tough one.

392
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 3: This doesn't seem funny enough to be tire.

393
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 1: It's so hard to say something that old from such

394
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 1: a different time. But yeah, it's probably probably mostly sincere,

395
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 1: I would say, which is oof. Yeah, also casey on

396
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 1: the case, we have the verdict. So, as mentioned in

397
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 1: a previous episode, he compiled a list of two hundred

398
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: plus very specific synonyms. If you hurt our previous episode,

399
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: then you may know what we're alluding to. We would

400
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: like to introduce you to the return of Ben Franklin's

401
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 1: two hundred plus synonyms for being drunk.

402
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 3: I adore these and never get tired of these.

403
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 2: I feel like most of these work really well if

404
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 2: you say them in a Cockney accent.

405
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 1: All right, give it a go.

406
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 2: I'll just do a handful. Let's see, and then we

407
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 2: can switch.

408
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 5: He's had a thump over the head with Sabson's jawbone.

409
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 5: He's bridgie, He's cat chi, grinned, capable, crapped, cherumbilical, cherry, marry, womple, cropped, cracked, concerned,

410
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 5: halfway to concord. He's taking a chirping glass, got corns

411
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 5: in his head, a cup too much. I don't even

412
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 5: know how to say this one. He's eat his copper,

413
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,360
Speaker 5: his crocus catched, He's cuts his capers.

414
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 3: He's been in the cellar.

415
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:31,640
Speaker 5: He's in the cups, non compost, cocked, curried cut, chipper, chickery,

416
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 5: loaded his cut.

417
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,560
Speaker 1: Okay, I'd like to do a few as well.

418
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: There's literally so many.

419
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: My favorites are the ones that don't make too much

420
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 1: sense in the modern day, so stuff like I'll do

421
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: a different English action, stuff like a he makes Virginia fence.

422
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: He's disguised with a Z. He's right before the wind

423
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: with all his studding sails out. He's been too free

424
00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: with Sir John's strawberry. What the fight. He's drunk as

425
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 1: David sal He's seen the Yellow Star. He's as stiff

426
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: as a ring boat. His shoe pinches him. He's staggerish,

427
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: he's polite, he's wasted his paunch. He's been amongst the Philippians.

428
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: He's contending with theharroh. And what I think is weird

429
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: about that is a while back I cooked up the

430
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: euphemism I like to use for when someone's had too

431
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: much to drink, which was they're very charming.

432
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 3: My mom likes that one as well.

433
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: You're very charming.

434
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 2: My mom's always said that. I love that too. Some

435
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: of these are just agay, we're going through alphabetically. But

436
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 2: he's eat a toad and a half for breakfast.

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00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, he's he owes no man a farthing.

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00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: He' says as good conditioned as a puppy. He smelt

439
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: of an onion, Which is so much of these euphemisms

440
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: are just all dependent on intonation.

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00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:52,400
Speaker 3: Right.

442
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: Oh, he's going to Jerusalem.

443
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 2: He's got the gout, He's had a kick in the guts,

444
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 2: been with Sir John, goa geneva, globular, got the Glanders.

445
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: He's been before, George.

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00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: Before George, Oh, George top heavy.

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00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know why he's apparently Ben Franklin was

448
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 1: trolling some people. I like to think that he had

449
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: a friend named George and he was trying to make

450
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: fun of him. Make it a figure of speech.

451
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,400
Speaker 3: No, no, now that's a question I wanted to ask you, Ben.

452
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: I feel like this is sort of an anthropological experiment

453
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 2: where he's overheard these in various pubs throughout his travels

454
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 2: and he's documenting them.

455
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: That's the official explanation, but some of these feel styled

456
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: upon I would agree with you. You know, so let us

457
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 1: know what your favorite one is a.

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00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 2: Lot of biblical ones, going to Jerusalem, Ben to Jericho.

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00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 2: My favorite straightforward one is he's intoxicated. He's had too

460
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 2: much to drink. Did you see nim topsicle? He's nim topsical.

461
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 3: That's like some sous stuff right there, right.

462
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: Or oxycrosium. So none of this, despite the fact that

463
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: we both obviously think this is hilarious, none of this

464
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 1: mitigates his overwhelmingly gross activities with women in his letter,

465
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 1: which is pretty short. You can read in full online

466
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 1: his letter does it sounds like to all three of

467
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: us come off more sincere than coming off as a

468
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: satirical piece, you know what I mean? And thus ends

469
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 1: the story of one of Ben Franklin's most famous or

470
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 1: infamous unsent letters. But this does not end our show, Nola,

471
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: I propose that we take a trip into a segment

472
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: we haven't done in a while. Listener mail sounds great, man,

473
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: what do we have?

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00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 2: Our first listener mail comes from Christine C. And it

475
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 2: is in regards to our tooth fairy episode. Christine writes,

476
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 2: my kids have the worst tooth fairy ever. She was

477
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 2: consistently late after a while, she started leaving notes explaining

478
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,400
Speaker 2: why a little notes written with pink or purple jelpen.

479
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 2: One fairy was fighting in a civil war. One was

480
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,360
Speaker 2: in drug rehab for a fairy dust addiction. There were

481
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 2: many others. I remember one of my daughters actually gave

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00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 2: back some of the money to help these derelic tooth fairies.

483
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 2: Love the show, Christine, that's really funny.

484
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 1: That's great. Thank you so much for writing. And we

485
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 1: have received some great stories from everyone about their own

486
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: tooth Fairy experiences. Here's one from Mike T. Mike T says,

487
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: gentlemen enjoyed the episode about the tooth Fairy. Didn't realize

488
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 1: how recent that entity is. Since you asked, I had

489
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 1: a fairly unorthodox approach to interacting with my daughter when

490
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: she started losing teeth. This was about eight years ago.

491
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: Instead of money, she got a poem under her pillow.

492
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: The poem was purportedly from the tooth Fairy, and they

493
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: were centered around the tooth loss. I still have a

494
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: collection of about five six of them on the computer,

495
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: the Lost Teeth Chronicles. At some point our daughter actually

496
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 1: wrote a letter to the tooth Fairy, trying to figure

497
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,960
Speaker 1: out why she wasn't getting any money. She was pretty

498
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: upset about it. I think she still has the reply

499
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: from the tooth fairy in her drawer somewhere anyway, Thanks Mike.

500
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: So it sounds like we have a lot of parents

501
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: who are taking an innovative and original approach to the

502
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: tooth fairy story. I think that's pretty cool.

503
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 2: I do too, and it's not something that I really considered,

504
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 2: but why not make it your own?

505
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 3: Right?

506
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and since this practice is fairly recent, who knows

507
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: the practice that you invent with your loved ones may

508
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: become the dominant thing, you know what I mean? A

509
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: few decades from now, people maybe getting tooth fairy poems instead,

510
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: or tooth fairy correspondence instead of quarters or nickels, or

511
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: however it works out with inflation. I'll have to check

512
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 1: the episode out again. This concludes our listener mail, but

513
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: not our show. Thank you so much for listening. Please

514
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: tune in for our next episode, when we uncover what

515
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 1: may be the one of the real life inspirations for

516
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: the Tale of Rapunzel. In the meantime, you can find

517
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:26,719
Speaker 1: Casey Nol and myself all over the internet. We're on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter,

518
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: all that jazz. We've got a community page where you

519
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: can meet our favorite part of the show, your fellow listeners.

520
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: It's called Ridiculous Historians. And if you want to find

521
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: us personally on Instagram, we can help you out with

522
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 1: that too. I am at Ben Bowley.

523
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 3: I am at Embryonic Insider.

524
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: Big thanks to our super producer Casey Pegrim as always

525
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,960
Speaker 2: Alex Williams, who composed our theme.

526
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, I was just hype manning you.

527
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

528
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 2: I know you are a big fan of all of

529
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: these folks, as am I, and of course our research

530
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 2: associate Gabe.

531
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, thanks so much, and Noel, thanks, thanks for

532
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: hanging out with me as we dive once again into

533
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: you know what. I feel like we did something important

534
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: in this episode, but I can't resist going back to

535
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: those synonyms for being drunk.

536
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 3: Oh, I know, they're just too much fun.

537
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: If you haven't made up synonym for being drunk, go

538
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: ahead and send.

539
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 3: It to us as well.

540
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can also just do that at Ridiculous at

541
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 2: HowStuffWorks dot com. We will see you next time. For

542
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 2: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

543
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,