Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Near listeners, old listeners, wherever
Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to
Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode. Today it's more
Speaker 1: of a chatty episode. We're going to just sit down, relax,
Speaker 1: catch up with each other's lives, mainly my life. That's
Speaker 1: how this kind of works. If you cannot tell, I
Speaker 1: am quite sick. I unfortunately have COVID, which doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like it's such a big deal anymore. You know, like
Speaker 1: back in twenty twenty, it would have been like, my god,
Speaker 1: like breaking new use, like you would have been posting
Speaker 1: about it on you know, your Instagram story, like people
Speaker 1: would have been checking it on you. But nowadays I
Speaker 1: feel like it's just kind of like the flu. But
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, it has wrecked my body. It has
Speaker 1: completely wrecked my body, and it's also just come at
Speaker 1: such a terrible time. I feel like, I guess one
Speaker 1: of the things I want to talk about today is
Speaker 1: just how much kind of pressure I've been putting on
Speaker 1: myself recently, how much I've been working and really kind
Speaker 1: of hustling towards some big goals, and I think for
Speaker 1: a while I've been really quite burnt out. And I
Speaker 1: always say this. I always think this, like if you
Speaker 1: don't take a break, your body is going to take
Speaker 1: a break for you. And I think that is definitely
Speaker 1: the case right now, where like my immune system was
Speaker 1: like super low, had so much like cortisol and adrenaline
Speaker 1: like rushing through my body trying to like keep me sustained.
Speaker 1: That of course I like got exposed and suddenly here
Speaker 1: we are quirky voice, naisy. Not amazing audio quality for
Speaker 1: you guys, but if you like our little catch up episodes,
Speaker 1: well hopefully this is nice. You know, you can just
Speaker 1: listen to this on your way to work, like you're
Speaker 1: talking to your friend catching up, just like having a
Speaker 1: little sit down chat, which I think is really lovely.
Speaker 1: It's kind of been a while since I've done one
Speaker 1: of these as well. If you are from like the
Speaker 1: OG podcast days, you will remember how I used to
Speaker 1: just sit down with my friends and like talk about
Speaker 1: mental health and talk about our lives and our like
Speaker 1: meaningless gossip, and I think, as like the podcast has
Speaker 1: kind of evolved, it's felt quite vulnerable to do that
Speaker 1: now with so many of you listening. But you know what,
Speaker 1: there are some things that I want to get off
Speaker 1: my chest, and maybe I'm sharing because I just really
Speaker 1: hope that you can relate. You know, MY mission has
Speaker 1: always been connection and letting all of us feel less
Speaker 1: alone through vulnerability and through candid conversations about what we're
Speaker 1: all experience dancing in our twenties. So I thought, let's
Speaker 1: do that today. Let's do a little throwback to the
Speaker 1: vulnerable episodes of the past and check in. So to
Speaker 1: be honest, on a scale of how I'm doing right now,
Speaker 1: I'm at like a five. There are like some things
Speaker 1: in my life that are going really really well. You know.
Speaker 1: I have like the job of my dreams. I am
Speaker 1: madly in love at the moment, to the point where
Speaker 1: it literally hurts my heart sometimes to look at this person.
Speaker 1: I'm so in love. I'm about to go traveling for
Speaker 1: two months with my sister and then with my boyfriend
Speaker 1: to la and then New York and then to Japan,
Speaker 1: which was not on my twenty twenty three or twenty
Speaker 1: twenty four bucket list. And I think, actually, that's something
Speaker 1: I need to be really really grateful for right now,
Speaker 1: because if you didn't know this, I used to suffer
Speaker 1: from some really extreme claustrophobia, like couldn't get on a
Speaker 1: bus or a train, couldn't get stuck in traffic, couldn't
Speaker 1: go like in a tunnel without having a panic, that
Speaker 1: kind of level of claustrophobia. And you bet that flying
Speaker 1: was definitely off limits to me in the past, and
Speaker 1: it was like one of my twenty twenty three goals
Speaker 1: to get over that, to like work through that. I
Speaker 1: actually think it's quite common after the pandemic because we've
Speaker 1: spent like two three years not really getting that exposure
Speaker 1: to traveling or to flying, or to leaving you know,
Speaker 1: our houses. I was talking to one of my friends,
Speaker 1: Josh about this, and he was like, Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: post pandemic like claustrophobia because we've gotten so comfortable and
Speaker 1: so used used to like our own little environments, our
Speaker 1: safe environments, that when we put in these like uncomfortable
Speaker 1: positions where we are not in control, where we feel
Speaker 1: a sense of starkness. All the feelings around that are
Speaker 1: just like exacerbated, heightened and like extremely extremely scary. But
Speaker 1: I went through like a lot of exposure therapy at
Speaker 1: the start of this year to kind of be able
Speaker 1: to make traveling a part of my life. I hadn't
Speaker 1: done it for so long, for like five, maybe six years,
Speaker 1: because I was so scared, because I was so fearful,
Speaker 1: and that involved really pushing myself out of my comfort zone,
Speaker 1: like doing things that would create panic, like I did
Speaker 1: have panic attacks, like trying to get over this fear.
Speaker 1: And then I obviously flew to London at the start
Speaker 1: of the year, I went to Bali, and I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful that I did those things, even if in the
Speaker 1: moment they were so freaking terrifying. I cried for the
Speaker 1: first like two hours of my flight to London, and
Speaker 1: this like really lovely lady kept like patting me on
Speaker 1: the arm and being like happy, be happy, be happy,
Speaker 1: and I was like, dang, there are some really good
Speaker 1: people in this world, Like that is so beautiful. But anyhow,
Speaker 1: back to the point, good things on the horizon, like travel,
Speaker 1: like all these amazing opportunities, good things in my life,
Speaker 1: good things on my mind. However, I think the more humage,
Speaker 1: the more you realize that your emotions are not always
Speaker 1: black and white. You are not either unhappy or brilliantly happy,
Speaker 1: like you can sit in the middle, you can feel
Speaker 1: everything in a week or even a day. It is
Speaker 1: so rare that we are at like the extremes of
Speaker 1: the spectrum, and I think that creates a lot of
Speaker 1: problems because then when we ask people like, oh, how
Speaker 1: you doing, like are you okay? Like give me an
Speaker 1: update on your life, we often only ever want to
Speaker 1: talk about the moments where everything's going really, really terribly,
Speaker 1: and we don't acknowledge that sometimes there can be smaller
Speaker 1: things in our lives, smaller like imperfections or events or
Speaker 1: moments that although they are not like groundbreaking and life changing,
Speaker 1: either in a positive or a negative direction, like, they
Speaker 1: still deserve to be spoken about, and we still need
Speaker 1: to be able to communicate the impact that those might
Speaker 1: be having on our mental state. And I think that's
Speaker 1: kind of where I'm at right now. I also feel
Speaker 1: like something I've struggled with for a long time has
Speaker 1: been like a sense of guilt, feeling really guilty for
Speaker 1: feeling bad or having negative emotions when from the outside
Speaker 1: my life looks like it's going really really well, and
Speaker 1: I can acknowledge that it's going really really well. It's
Speaker 1: so interesting because I feel like I kind of have
Speaker 1: everything I've ever wanted right now. But that doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean that your life is perfect, and that doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean that you're going to be completely happy. And I
Speaker 1: think that with every good thing that comes into your life,
Speaker 1: there's always going to be like uncomfortable things associated with
Speaker 1: that change. Right, Like your life is kind of adapting
Speaker 1: and expanding around new people, around new experiences, around new opportunities,
Speaker 1: and that like expansion and that growth and that like
Speaker 1: flexibility is going to sometimes leave you feeling a little
Speaker 1: bit off and feeling like things are changing really really
Speaker 1: quickly and you really don't know what to do with yourself.
Speaker 1: So I think for me that really comes down to
Speaker 1: three things that I want to discuss in this, like
Speaker 1: candid chat putting a lot of pressure on myself, and
Speaker 1: the kind of resulting burnout that I've been experiencing. I
Speaker 1: think that really derives from imposter syndrome and feeling a
Speaker 1: lot of career anxiety and social comparison, which I think
Speaker 1: is all kind of blending together to create like a
Speaker 1: little bit of I'm gonna be honest, like an existential
Speaker 1: crisis in my life at the moment where I'm like,
Speaker 1: is this going to make me happy for the rest
Speaker 1: of my life? Is what I'm doing right now? Really
Speaker 1: like just have that longevity, and I really hope that
Speaker 1: it does. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna go back
Speaker 1: to that first point because I feel like I'm rambling
Speaker 1: but firstly putting a lot of pressure on myself. I
Speaker 1: think that if you are an overachiever, you will understand this,
Speaker 1: or if you are a perfectionist, you will also understand this.
Speaker 1: A lot of the times, like especially young girls who
Speaker 1: are like intelligent or like quite emotionally aware, like they
Speaker 1: experience a lot of additional pressure placed or like weight
Speaker 1: put on their shoulders to be these like kind of
Speaker 1: golden children, and often they're not really like met with
Speaker 1: the same level of reward as they're like male peers
Speaker 1: or maybe their siblings or other people around them who
Speaker 1: aren't performing at that level. And I'm not to like
Speaker 1: say that as if it's like, wow, look how amazing
Speaker 1: we are, Like I'm an overachiever. Everyone give me like
Speaker 1: a gold medal, but more so that I think this
Speaker 1: is especially the case if you're like the oldest child
Speaker 1: or the oldest daughter, Like, please raise your hand if
Speaker 1: you are an oldest daughter, because I'm gonna bet you
Speaker 1: some good money that you are also an overachiever. You
Speaker 1: have this like sense of like everything I have, everything
Speaker 1: I do, has to be perfect, and everything I do
Speaker 1: has to please everyone around me, and that creates a
Speaker 1: lot of pressure where when you are inevitably not able
Speaker 1: to meet that standard that you have internalized from your
Speaker 1: early childhood or from how your parents or your teachers
Speaker 1: or your mentors kind of taught you to act or
Speaker 1: imposed on you, it's kind of like feels like a
Speaker 1: disaster and it leaves you feeling like super exhausted. I'm
Speaker 1: finding that a lot with like I'm gonna be super honest,
Speaker 1: like with the podcast. At the moment where the things
Speaker 1: that I really want to talk about, I get so
Speaker 1: worried that other people aren't going to want to hear it,
Speaker 1: or that it might not apply to their own lives.
Speaker 1: Like I did like an episode on like Emotional Eating recently,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, this has been a huge
Speaker 1: problem for me? Is this a huge problem for other people?
Speaker 1: Will people actually find that they can relate to this?
Speaker 1: And what if they can't, Like, is that the end
Speaker 1: of my career? Will people be like, Wow, she put
Speaker 1: out one episode that like didn't relate to me, Like
Speaker 1: I don't want to listen to her anymore. And I
Speaker 1: think that that is such like a toxic standard to
Speaker 1: hold yourself by of being like, I need to make
Speaker 1: everyone like me at all times. I need to make
Speaker 1: content that's going to make everyone happy at all times
Speaker 1: and make sure that they feel seen. And then you
Speaker 1: kind of have to sit back and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: but do I feel seen? Like I think that's kind
Speaker 1: of the superpower of psychology, and like the psychology of
Speaker 1: your twenties is that you should feel like you're not
Speaker 1: the only one going through these experiences and that someone
Speaker 1: like me who is like sharing this online is someone
Speaker 1: you can look to and be like, oh my god, Like,
Speaker 1: here's this person in their twenties who's kind of like
Speaker 1: me and is experiencing that as well. I hope that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Like, I think it's just this sense of
Speaker 1: like I do feel a real sense of responsibility to
Speaker 1: make sure that people feel like this is a safe
Speaker 1: space for them and for people to come to this
Speaker 1: show and be like, all right, I know that if
Speaker 1: there's something I'm going through, like there will be a
Speaker 1: perspective on it that's going to make me feel better.
Speaker 1: So when I do episodes that maybe I don't feel
Speaker 1: like are completely hitting the nail on the head, that
Speaker 1: makes me feel like a lot of guilt and I
Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on myself. I also think
Speaker 1: it comes down to imposter syndrome. Whatever you are doing
Speaker 1: in your life, I feel like imposter syndrome is so inevitable,
Speaker 1: and the irony of that being like my first episode
Speaker 1: is not lost on me because even to this day,
Speaker 1: like two and a half years later, it is perhaps
Speaker 1: my biggest flaw, like the thing that I struggle with
Speaker 1: the most. So imposter syndrome is really just like this
Speaker 1: self imposed doubt around our skills, our intellect, our accomplishments,
Speaker 1: what we're doing. I think wherever you are in your life,
Speaker 1: like I said, you could be working like at a
Speaker 1: bank or at a corporate job, or as a nurse,
Speaker 1: or you could still be studying, or you could be
Speaker 1: pursuing your music career or being like I don't know,
Speaker 1: a stay at home daughter or whatever you're doing, there
Speaker 1: is always this sense of like am I doing enough?
Speaker 1: And am I doing it right? And when is everyone
Speaker 1: around me going to realize that I'm a fraud? And
Speaker 1: I think the problem with imposter syndrome that I've really
Speaker 1: come to realize is that regardless of the amount of
Speaker 1: external validation that you receive, regardless of the amount of praise,
Speaker 1: the amount of times your boss tells you that you're
Speaker 1: doing a good job, that your friends say they're proud
Speaker 1: of you, that your partner says they're proud of you,
Speaker 1: it is such a core belief that you are not
Speaker 1: good enough that it cannot be undone. So it requires
Speaker 1: like some really deep internal reprogramming. And that reprogramming, I
Speaker 1: think I'm evidence of this does not happen overnight. It
Speaker 1: hasn't happened over two years, like it has been a
Speaker 1: slow process of being like, if why can I not
Speaker 1: trust the opinions of others when they say that they
Speaker 1: think I'm doing a good job, when they say that
Speaker 1: they feel comforted by what I'm doing, And further to that,
Speaker 1: like why is my own opinion of myself? Why can't
Speaker 1: I have a good opinion of myself, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, why is my sense of accomplishment and
Speaker 1: my sense of pride and my sense of like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm doing something that I love and I'm
Speaker 1: doing something that gives me purpose. Why is that not
Speaker 1: enough to satisfy or fulfill this like deeper sense of failure?
Speaker 1: And I've been talking to my therapist about it, you know,
Speaker 1: Sidebark therapy. There is a reason that we talk about
Speaker 1: it so much on the show. It's because it is
Speaker 1: super life changing. And what she said to me was
Speaker 1: really really interesting. She said to me, for so long,
Speaker 1: you have internalized a set of assumptions about yourself and
Speaker 1: how you should be acting based on an unrealistic standard.
Speaker 1: You know, you look at people on social media, you
Speaker 1: look at your idols, and you put them on a pedestal,
Speaker 1: and you see them as these like imperfect human beings,
Speaker 1: these like brilliant people who have never experienced failure, who
Speaker 1: have always know what they were made to do and
Speaker 1: done it so well. And that is just so unrealistic
Speaker 1: and it's so like one dimensional because we really don't
Speaker 1: get to look into other people's lives and see what
Speaker 1: they're dealing with. Yet we just look at this like shiny, perfect, beautiful,
Speaker 1: flawless version of them and their accomplishments and what they've done,
Speaker 1: and think, well, why do we deserve to feel like
Speaker 1: we could get there? Why do we deserve to feel
Speaker 1: good about ourselves? When there is this version of me
Speaker 1: that I would like to be, like this version of
Speaker 1: another person that I am not. And there's a real
Speaker 1: reason why I think social comparison in that sense is
Speaker 1: like such a thief, like a massive thief of joy,
Speaker 1: because when you spend your entire life thinking that you
Speaker 1: can do better, that kind of I guess line in
Speaker 1: the sand, that end goal, that like finish line, is
Speaker 1: always going to keep moving like you are never going
Speaker 1: to be satisfied with what you have. And that is
Speaker 1: something that I still I don't think can wrap my
Speaker 1: head around that who I am right now is probably
Speaker 1: and actually very much good enough and very much like
Speaker 1: a good version of me. I just keep trying to
Speaker 1: remind myself that I am not who other people think
Speaker 1: I am. I am not my accomplishments, I am not
Speaker 1: the things that I produce my output. I am my kindness,
Speaker 1: I am my generosity. I am the love I show
Speaker 1: to my friends, I am my tenacity. I am these
Speaker 1: things that would exist regardless of whether other people could
Speaker 1: see them, and that is really really important and sometimes obviously,
Speaker 1: like I think it's such a it's so interesting, like
Speaker 1: consuming self help content, and something that I try really
Speaker 1: hard not to try hard not to do is put
Speaker 1: forward this image that like that journey is always going
Speaker 1: to be one that is moving forward, like it's always
Speaker 1: going to be one of like progress, because I think
Speaker 1: sometimes we relapse. It's actually I don't talk about this
Speaker 1: a lot, but like some of the criticism that I
Speaker 1: get online, someone like made this video about me recently
Speaker 1: that was like this, I don't know, I'm not even
Speaker 1: going to go into it, like I'm sure if you
Speaker 1: want to see it, you can find it, but it
Speaker 1: was like quite critical. And it's so interesting that anyone
Speaker 1: on the internet feels that they can have an opinion
Speaker 1: about anyone and feels like that is something that they
Speaker 1: can share. And I just think that like, no matter
Speaker 1: who you are, that lens of judgment can really stop
Speaker 1: you from being your authentic self. And that experience of
Speaker 1: this I don't even know this person, but like seeing
Speaker 1: their opinion of me, and their opinion really mattered to me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, why does it matter. I don't
Speaker 1: even know this person. This person has never met me,
Speaker 1: This person doesn't even live in the same country as me.
Speaker 1: Like they have seen this very very uh one sided
Speaker 1: point of view of my life, often through the lens
Speaker 1: of social media and through my podcast, and like made
Speaker 1: a lot of assumptions, and those are assumptions that I
Speaker 1: know aren't correct, and yet I was like sitting there
Speaker 1: being like I believe them. And it's so interesting because
Speaker 1: I think that in everyone's lives there is a version
Speaker 1: of this whereby someone else has decided that they think
Speaker 1: about you a certain way, whether that is a friend
Speaker 1: or an acquaintance or an ex, or just like someone
Speaker 1: random who doesn't even know you, some like friend of
Speaker 1: a friend, and we cannot stop obsessing over their opinion.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was at UNI, one of my
Speaker 1: really good friends had this friend had another friend who
Speaker 1: for some reason just didn't like me. And that's fine, Like,
Speaker 1: you can't be liked by everyone, Like I certainly don't
Speaker 1: love everyone I meet. I like them at least, but
Speaker 1: you know, you cannot be liked by everyone, And it
Speaker 1: was so interesting because I had all these people who
Speaker 1: loved me and who I had the best time with,
Speaker 1: and yet the only person's opinion I wanted to like
Speaker 1: change and win over was this one person who I
Speaker 1: knew was never going to change their opinion because their
Speaker 1: opinion was not based on fact. So how can you
Speaker 1: alter something that is based in fiction by providing someone
Speaker 1: with like reality like you can't. They've already decided to
Speaker 1: believe a certain story about you. And I think that
Speaker 1: really comes to this deeper kind of lesson we need
Speaker 1: to learn of how do you deal with being disliked?
Speaker 1: I think that deserves its a whole episode, Like how
Speaker 1: do you deal with being disliked in a world where
Speaker 1: to be liked is to be valued and we put
Speaker 1: a lot of self worth on what other people think
Speaker 1: of us. I guess that first strategy of reaffirming what
Speaker 1: you love about yourself is important, but the second strategy
Speaker 1: is really being like, why does this person need to
Speaker 1: continue to have access to such that they can talk
Speaker 1: about you, such that they can form an opinion on you.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big fan of like blocking people like
Speaker 1: I don't know some people think it's petty, but you
Speaker 1: should definitely mute that person. If there is someone in
Speaker 1: your life who does not like you for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: even if it's someone who has a good reason to
Speaker 1: not like you, like maybe like an ex best friend
Speaker 1: or an ex boyfriend, or someone that you know you
Speaker 1: may have hurt. Your only obligation is to move forward
Speaker 1: and be a better version of yourself, and that sometimes
Speaker 1: requires limiting how much this person can see you. They
Speaker 1: don't get to see you be better, they don't get
Speaker 1: to see you be worse. Like their judgment of you,
Speaker 1: their vision of you, their perception of you, is not
Speaker 1: something that should be of your concern, and so sometimes
Speaker 1: that requires just limiting it, muting them, blocking them, whatever
Speaker 1: that takes. Like that is a huge component for me
Speaker 1: of dealing with dislike. And then I think the third
Speaker 1: thing is just to keep it in perspective. The world
Speaker 1: is so large and so big and so wide. Not
Speaker 1: everyone is going to like you. But also it really
Speaker 1: does not matter. You are so small. You're so small,
Speaker 1: The world is so big, there is so many other
Speaker 1: people out there. And I know this sounds so corny,
Speaker 1: but like life is so so short, and you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know your beliefs. But my beliefs are that
Speaker 1: once you're gone, you know, no one is really going
Speaker 1: to remember you. And maybe they will remember you in
Speaker 1: the next one hundred or two hundred or three hundred years,
Speaker 1: but in like five thousand, six thousand years time, like
Speaker 1: you know, past your lifetime, Like that is a long time,
Speaker 1: and those people who had opinions of you will also
Speaker 1: be gone. Those will no longer matter. So why do
Speaker 1: they matter in this moment when you're alive? What do
Speaker 1: they really say about who you are? And what do
Speaker 1: they say about whether or not you deserve to be happy?
Speaker 1: Like I just I always think that I always try
Speaker 1: and put it in perspective, and sometimes that involved really
Speaker 1: branching out and going big and being like everyone is
Speaker 1: just like a kind of like tiny speck of sand
Speaker 1: in the universe. What's one speck of sand to another
Speaker 1: spec of sand doesn't really mean that much. That person
Speaker 1: who doesn't like you doesn't mean that much. They are
Speaker 1: exactly as you are, trying to figure things out. Their
Speaker 1: opinion is not an informed one, So there's no need
Speaker 1: to change it, there's no need to internalize it. All
Speaker 1: you need to do is move on and realize that
Speaker 1: you deserve peace and happiness and to have a good life.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry this is such a ramble. I think
Speaker 1: that I have like serious COVID brain right now. I
Speaker 1: feel like that whole speech I just gave was such
Speaker 1: a fever dream. But I really do hope that maybe
Speaker 1: you got something out of that. Honestly, it deserves its
Speaker 1: whole own episode, especially since in our twenties. I think
Speaker 1: it's something that we all have to adjust to, not
Speaker 1: being liked being disliked. It's a very common, universal experience.
Speaker 1: But the other thing I really want to talk about
Speaker 1: that I've been going through I've been experiencing has to
Speaker 1: do with body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia is interesting because I
Speaker 1: think that it is not as well understood as we
Speaker 1: would hope that it would be. Right. I think it's
Speaker 1: part of our dialogue in such in such a limited
Speaker 1: way where we all have a sense of what it
Speaker 1: means to experience body dysmorphia, to experience perhaps shame around
Speaker 1: what we look like, but we don't understand how it
Speaker 1: really manifests. So what it really is is like this persistent,
Speaker 1: kind of intense focus on the parts of ourselves, of
Speaker 1: our bodies that we don't really like. And it's not
Speaker 1: always like a constant thing for some people. It is
Speaker 1: for some people it lasts for so many years, and
Speaker 1: I just cannot imagine how mentally exhausting that would be.
Speaker 1: But speaking of my own experience, it kind of comes
Speaker 1: in waves, and it's always triggered by something, and this
Speaker 1: time it was triggered by me shrinking my genes in
Speaker 1: the wash. I know that is so stupid, but you
Speaker 1: know what I was never taught, sus is that you
Speaker 1: can't put your jeans in the dryer. Did not know that.
Speaker 1: So of course washed all my denims, my lovely Levi's jeans,
Speaker 1: because Levi's are a classic. They're the only jaans I
Speaker 1: wear not sponsored but please an. Yeah, So I washed
Speaker 1: all of my jeans and then I put them in
Speaker 1: the dryer because I wanted them to be dry. And
Speaker 1: then I like, you know, a couple days later, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm gonna put on my favorite blue jeans,
Speaker 1: my baggy dad jeans from Levi's. They look great, they
Speaker 1: make my butt look amazing. Couldn't sit them up, literally,
Speaker 1: could not do them up over my belly, like over
Speaker 1: my stomach and I was like, oh my god, I've
Speaker 1: gained like five kilos in like two days. How has
Speaker 1: this happened? Like, Oh my god, I've like something is wrong,
Speaker 1: Like am I bloated? Am I pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant. No,
Speaker 1: I'm like all of these like impossible ideas. And then
Speaker 1: I was like God, like I've just of course, like
Speaker 1: I'm just not taking care of myself, like I've put
Speaker 1: on all this weight. I'm such a failure. And I
Speaker 1: was like, holy crap, Like I don't want to be
Speaker 1: that sixteen year old version of myself again who worried
Speaker 1: about these things, and yet I do. I worry about
Speaker 1: them all the time, as if they really mean something
Speaker 1: deeper about myself. And so I think that's something I've
Speaker 1: been really struggling with. And when you don't feel okay
Speaker 1: in your body, in your vessel, in this like physical
Speaker 1: form that you inhabit, it's really hard to go out
Speaker 1: and live your life as someone who is confident and
Speaker 1: someone who feels comfortable taking up space. It's something that
Speaker 1: I struggle with where I'm like, Okay, if I'm not
Speaker 1: having a great day, i feel uncomfortable with my body.
Speaker 1: I feel ugly, there's some kind of like imperfection on
Speaker 1: my skin, or my jeans aren't doing it because I
Speaker 1: put them in the fucking dryer. Like suddenly the rest
Speaker 1: of my day is ruined and I don't want to
Speaker 1: be seen, I don't want to be observed. I feel
Speaker 1: less productive, I feel less useful, I feel like this
Speaker 1: real intrinsic sense of shame. And I just think that
Speaker 1: is so like something that I wish I could just
Speaker 1: take away. There are always these things that I think
Speaker 1: we deal with that we wish we could snap our
Speaker 1: fingers and never have to deal with again. And I
Speaker 1: think that that body dysmorphia, that sense of insecurity is
Speaker 1: definitely one of them for me. And then my friend
Speaker 1: said something really amazing. She there's my friend Al. She's
Speaker 1: on the Two Broke Chicks podcast. If you're not listening
Speaker 1: to that podcast, it's another really amazing Australian podcast that
Speaker 1: is incredible. They like talk about kind of like life advice,
Speaker 1: but mainly like financial tips for your twenties. And you know,
Speaker 1: Two Broke Chicks they're broken funds, rich in life. I
Speaker 1: think they're amazing. And our was like, you need to
Speaker 1: stop thinking that your clothes carry some kind of social worth.
Speaker 1: You have to stop thinking that your clothes are there
Speaker 1: to prove a point about who you are and your value.
Speaker 1: They are inanimate objects. It is literally just a bunch
Speaker 1: of fabric sewed together. It means it is nothing deeper
Speaker 1: than that. It means nothing more than that. All it
Speaker 1: is is like I think, if you go back to
Speaker 1: like what clothes were originally used for, it's like to
Speaker 1: shield yourself from the elements. But I think this like
Speaker 1: kind of modern day society, especially one that's like completely
Speaker 1: being co opted by social media and social comparison, has
Speaker 1: made it so that we see things that are normally
Speaker 1: so you know, it's just so basic as clothing, as
Speaker 1: meeting so much more. And she was like, Gemma, you
Speaker 1: just need to go and buy yourself a new pair
Speaker 1: of genes. It's like, if this is this like thing
Speaker 1: in your environment, this thing in your life that is
Speaker 1: making you feel bad, why would you not change that?
Speaker 1: Like if you were eating a certain food and you
Speaker 1: kept like having an a logic reaction, or it kept
Speaker 1: making you feel uncomfortable or feel lucky, like you would
Speaker 1: stop eating that food. If you had a friend in
Speaker 1: your life who every time you hung out with them
Speaker 1: was making you feel terrible about yourself again and again
Speaker 1: and again. You would stop seeing that person. If you
Speaker 1: have this pair of jeans, or this stress, all these
Speaker 1: shorts or whatever it is that every time you put
Speaker 1: on they make you feel bad about yourself. They make
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable. Get rid of those genes. Like, you
Speaker 1: have the agency and the responsibility to live a life
Speaker 1: that is as comfortable as you would like it to be,
Speaker 1: and that includes feeling a sense of comfort towards your body,
Speaker 1: like at the end of the day. And I always
Speaker 1: try and say this, obviously, I probably need to hear
Speaker 1: this reminder a little bit more. Your body is just
Speaker 1: a tool. It is just a vessel for your soul
Speaker 1: and your personality and your values and the love you
Speaker 1: give yourself and you give others. It is just like
Speaker 1: a physical physical being. It's not a representation of your
Speaker 1: value as a person. It just is. And like, obviously
Speaker 1: you want to treat your body with respect and show
Speaker 1: it love, but it really isn't deeper than that. I
Speaker 1: don't think, and I don't think that how you look
Speaker 1: should be the biggest determinant of how you act. And
Speaker 1: I know that's a lot easier said than done. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I'm saying this from a perspective of someone who definitely
Speaker 1: needs to hear that a little bit more or at
Speaker 1: least believe it. But I think if you're someone who's
Speaker 1: struggling with that, know that you are not alone. Know
Speaker 1: that you are not the only one who is being
Speaker 1: held back by something that you might, you know, think
Speaker 1: is silly, Like I think when we also start being like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so stupid that I feel this
Speaker 1: way that shame is that, like, you know that self
Speaker 1: shame of trying to shame ourselves out of a belief
Speaker 1: is only going to do more harm. So maybe it's
Speaker 1: confident to hear that there are so many other people
Speaker 1: out there who are going through the same thing. I
Speaker 1: want to finish on, like some good things. I feel
Speaker 1: like maybe I'm just sick and I just am like
Speaker 1: wanting to have a little bit of a complaint, Like
Speaker 1: I couldn't go to therapy this week because of my COVID,
Speaker 1: so I'm like using you guys as my therapist. I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry for the vicarious trauma and the trauma dumping,
Speaker 1: but I do want to finish with like a few
Speaker 1: updates of like things going well. I know I spoke
Speaker 1: about it in my last life update about healthy love,
Speaker 1: but I've been getting so many questions. Yes, i am
Speaker 1: really really in love and I'm still with that person,
Speaker 1: and maybe I'll talk about it more and maybe i'll
Speaker 1: have a mom for an episode. But I just want
Speaker 1: to thank you guys for all your really lovely messages
Speaker 1: of people being like I've been listening to you since
Speaker 1: you were single, since you did that episode with your ex,
Speaker 1: and I think it's so amazing that you found someone,
Speaker 1: and it is really amazing. It is so amazing to
Speaker 1: be experiencing what I would call healthy love for the
Speaker 1: first time. And we're going to Japan together for a month,
Speaker 1: which I'm not gonna lie is kind of terrifying me.
Speaker 1: I've never been overseas with like a partner before, with
Speaker 1: a boyfriend before. Any advice would be amazing, and I
Speaker 1: think anything that's new is going to cause anxiety and discomfort,
Speaker 1: especially if you're someone who is anxious like myself. But yeah,
Speaker 1: we're just super excited to be doing that. We're going
Speaker 1: to go skiing, we're gonna go obviously to Tokyo. I
Speaker 1: really want to go to Disneyland. I don't know if
Speaker 1: he's convinced, but I'm like, happiest place on Earth. I
Speaker 1: would love to visit that place at least once. And
Speaker 1: maybe it won't be as happy, maybe we'll be like
Speaker 1: overpriced and like hectic and crazy, but I want to
Speaker 1: have that experience. Also, apparently the food is great, So
Speaker 1: if you've been to the Tokyo Disneylane, can you let
Speaker 1: me know is it worth going? It's kind of expensive,
Speaker 1: but I'm also like, let's live out out inner child fantasies,
Speaker 1: Like I always wanted to go to Disneyland when I
Speaker 1: was a kid. Why not fucking do it. I'm also
Speaker 1: doing like something really new for the podcast in December.
Speaker 1: Here is your snake peek. If you have listened this far,
Speaker 1: all December, we are doing only guest episodes, so it's
Speaker 1: like twelve Days of Christmas, but it's the twelve days
Speaker 1: of Guests, and I've been hustling hard to get you guys,
Speaker 1: the very best guests, the most informed, most amazing people
Speaker 1: who can come on the show and talk through some
Speaker 1: really incredible topics. We're going to be talking about ADHD,
Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking about the medical like medicating for anxiety.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking about like how you can use
Speaker 1: confidence to manifest your best life, financial anxiety, so many
Speaker 1: other things. That's something I'm really looking forward to. I
Speaker 1: think treating the podcast as a creative project rather than
Speaker 1: as a job has really helped me feel less pressure
Speaker 1: to like always be doing something perfect and always be
Speaker 1: thinking about like what's next. Treating it is something that
Speaker 1: I enjoy it because I do really enjoy it, and
Speaker 1: I think talking to other people who have a similar
Speaker 1: passion for the topics that I want to discuss and
Speaker 1: that I talk about in my own life is such
Speaker 1: a valuable part of like, you know, growing this community
Speaker 1: and making the show as good as it can be
Speaker 1: and also making me really happy to be doing it. So, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you to hear these episodes, Like
Speaker 1: I just feel like some of the people we have
Speaker 1: on they're going to be like such a surprise, and
Speaker 1: they're just so lovely and they're so informed and passionate,
Speaker 1: and all those people just like the best people in
Speaker 1: the world. I was talking about this with a friend
Speaker 1: the other day, like sometimes you just meet someone and
Speaker 1: you're like you just like you're just you're so bright
Speaker 1: and you're so passionate, and meeting someone who is passionate
Speaker 1: about something, those people are like gold. Those people are
Speaker 1: like the best people in the world to care so
Speaker 1: deeply about things that everyone else is going through. All
Speaker 1: things that you're going through, things that are nuanced, things
Speaker 1: that are hard to explain, is just like things that
Speaker 1: are like beyond you. Is just like one of the
Speaker 1: best traits I see in other people. So super pumped
Speaker 1: about that Christmas is gonna be a freaking bomb. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be in New York. I'm really hoping it's gonna snow.
Speaker 1: And I guess you know, I've had a lot to
Speaker 1: complain about in this episode, but I am really happy
Speaker 1: and I feel like, like I said at the start,
Speaker 1: you don't always have to feel fine, and you don't
Speaker 1: always have to feel like everything in your life needs
Speaker 1: to be going perfectly for you to feel good, And
Speaker 1: you don't always have to feel like even if everything
Speaker 1: is going perfectly, you're not allowed to still be sad
Speaker 1: or still have down days. So I hope that this
Speaker 1: episode has served as a reminder to you of that fact.
Speaker 1: Thank you for putting up with my Sicky Covid voice
Speaker 1: for this episode. If you have made it this far
Speaker 1: just part of life, you know, I feel like I
Speaker 1: knew this was gonna happen. The burnout train was coming
Speaker 1: for me very steadily. It's a good reminder to rest
Speaker 1: and to let myself take some time off to just
Speaker 1: actually take care of myself and take care of my health.
Speaker 1: So thank you so much for coming along for a
Speaker 1: little catch up, but coming along for a candid chat
Speaker 1: with me about how I'm going and what's going on
Speaker 1: in my life. Of course, we will be back regularly
Speaker 1: scheduled programming on Friday with another amazing episode, one that
Speaker 1: I oh, I really want to tell you what it is,
Speaker 1: but you know what, We're gonna build some suspense. Be
Speaker 1: back here on Friday and you'll know what it is. That.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you
Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five
Speaker 1: star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you're listening right now,
Speaker 1: give us a follow so you can be alerted when
Speaker 1: new episodes come out. And if you have an episode suggestion,
Speaker 1: if you have an opinion, if you want to like,
Speaker 1: just make a little comment say hi. Please follow us
Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast. You can see more stuff behind
Speaker 1: the scenes, some video clips, whatever, what's going on, what's
Speaker 1: going on in the podcast life, in the podcast sphere.
Speaker 1: I'm rambling, I'm talking absolute shit right now. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: time for me to go. So thank you so much again,
Speaker 1: and we will be back on Friday with another episode.