1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,480 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Near listeners, old listeners, wherever 6 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,559 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode. Today it's more 8 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 1: of a chatty episode. We're going to just sit down, relax, 9 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: catch up with each other's lives, mainly my life. That's 10 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: how this kind of works. If you cannot tell, I 11 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: am quite sick. I unfortunately have COVID, which doesn't feel 12 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: like it's such a big deal anymore. You know, like 13 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: back in twenty twenty, it would have been like, my god, 14 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: like breaking new use, like you would have been posting 15 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: about it on you know, your Instagram story, like people 16 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 1: would have been checking it on you. But nowadays I 17 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: feel like it's just kind of like the flu. But 18 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,759 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, it has wrecked my body. It has 19 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,119 Speaker 1: completely wrecked my body, and it's also just come at 20 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: such a terrible time. I feel like, I guess one 21 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: of the things I want to talk about today is 22 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: just how much kind of pressure I've been putting on 23 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: myself recently, how much I've been working and really kind 24 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: of hustling towards some big goals, and I think for 25 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:35,920 Speaker 1: a while I've been really quite burnt out. And I 26 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: always say this. I always think this, like if you 27 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 1: don't take a break, your body is going to take 28 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: a break for you. And I think that is definitely 29 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: the case right now, where like my immune system was 30 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: like super low, had so much like cortisol and adrenaline 31 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: like rushing through my body trying to like keep me sustained. 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: That of course I like got exposed and suddenly here 33 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 1: we are quirky voice, naisy. Not amazing audio quality for 34 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: you guys, but if you like our little catch up episodes, 35 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: well hopefully this is nice. You know, you can just 36 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: listen to this on your way to work, like you're 37 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 1: talking to your friend catching up, just like having a 38 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: little sit down chat, which I think is really lovely. 39 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 1: It's kind of been a while since I've done one 40 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: of these as well. If you are from like the 41 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: OG podcast days, you will remember how I used to 42 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 1: just sit down with my friends and like talk about 43 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: mental health and talk about our lives and our like 44 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: meaningless gossip, and I think, as like the podcast has 45 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 1: kind of evolved, it's felt quite vulnerable to do that 46 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: now with so many of you listening. But you know what, 47 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 1: there are some things that I want to get off 48 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: my chest, and maybe I'm sharing because I just really 49 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 1: hope that you can relate. You know, MY mission has 50 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: always been connection and letting all of us feel less 51 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 1: alone through vulnerability and through candid conversations about what we're 52 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: all experience dancing in our twenties. So I thought, let's 53 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 1: do that today. Let's do a little throwback to the 54 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: vulnerable episodes of the past and check in. So to 55 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: be honest, on a scale of how I'm doing right now, 56 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 1: I'm at like a five. There are like some things 57 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: in my life that are going really really well. You know. 58 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: I have like the job of my dreams. I am 59 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: madly in love at the moment, to the point where 60 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: it literally hurts my heart sometimes to look at this person. 61 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: I'm so in love. I'm about to go traveling for 62 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: two months with my sister and then with my boyfriend 63 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: to la and then New York and then to Japan, 64 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: which was not on my twenty twenty three or twenty 65 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: twenty four bucket list. And I think, actually, that's something 66 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: I need to be really really grateful for right now, 67 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: because if you didn't know this, I used to suffer 68 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,400 Speaker 1: from some really extreme claustrophobia, like couldn't get on a 69 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: bus or a train, couldn't get stuck in traffic, couldn't 70 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 1: go like in a tunnel without having a panic, that 71 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: kind of level of claustrophobia. And you bet that flying 72 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: was definitely off limits to me in the past, and 73 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: it was like one of my twenty twenty three goals 74 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: to get over that, to like work through that. I 75 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: actually think it's quite common after the pandemic because we've 76 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: spent like two three years not really getting that exposure 77 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,359 Speaker 1: to traveling or to flying, or to leaving you know, 78 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: our houses. I was talking to one of my friends, 79 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: Josh about this, and he was like, Yeah, it's like 80 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: post pandemic like claustrophobia because we've gotten so comfortable and 81 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:39,720 Speaker 1: so used used to like our own little environments, our 82 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: safe environments, that when we put in these like uncomfortable 83 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: positions where we are not in control, where we feel 84 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: a sense of starkness. All the feelings around that are 85 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: just like exacerbated, heightened and like extremely extremely scary. But 86 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: I went through like a lot of exposure therapy at 87 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,799 Speaker 1: the start of this year to kind of be able 88 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: to make traveling a part of my life. I hadn't 89 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: done it for so long, for like five, maybe six years, 90 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: because I was so scared, because I was so fearful, 91 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,559 Speaker 1: and that involved really pushing myself out of my comfort zone, 92 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 1: like doing things that would create panic, like I did 93 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: have panic attacks, like trying to get over this fear. 94 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: And then I obviously flew to London at the start 95 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: of the year, I went to Bali, and I'm so 96 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 1: grateful that I did those things, even if in the 97 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: moment they were so freaking terrifying. I cried for the 98 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: first like two hours of my flight to London, and 99 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 1: this like really lovely lady kept like patting me on 100 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: the arm and being like happy, be happy, be happy, 101 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: and I was like, dang, there are some really good 102 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 1: people in this world, Like that is so beautiful. But anyhow, 103 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 1: back to the point, good things on the horizon, like travel, 104 00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:56,520 Speaker 1: like all these amazing opportunities, good things in my life, 105 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,919 Speaker 1: good things on my mind. However, I think the more humage, 106 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: the more you realize that your emotions are not always 107 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: black and white. You are not either unhappy or brilliantly happy, 108 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: like you can sit in the middle, you can feel 109 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 1: everything in a week or even a day. It is 110 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 1: so rare that we are at like the extremes of 111 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,039 Speaker 1: the spectrum, and I think that creates a lot of 112 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: problems because then when we ask people like, oh, how 113 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: you doing, like are you okay? Like give me an 114 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: update on your life, we often only ever want to 115 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 1: talk about the moments where everything's going really, really terribly, 116 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: and we don't acknowledge that sometimes there can be smaller 117 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 1: things in our lives, smaller like imperfections or events or 118 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 1: moments that although they are not like groundbreaking and life changing, 119 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: either in a positive or a negative direction, like, they 120 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 1: still deserve to be spoken about, and we still need 121 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 1: to be able to communicate the impact that those might 122 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: be having on our mental state. And I think that's 123 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: kind of where I'm at right now. I also feel 124 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: like something I've struggled with for a long time has 125 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:07,960 Speaker 1: been like a sense of guilt, feeling really guilty for 126 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: feeling bad or having negative emotions when from the outside 127 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: my life looks like it's going really really well, and 128 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 1: I can acknowledge that it's going really really well. It's 129 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,000 Speaker 1: so interesting because I feel like I kind of have 130 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: everything I've ever wanted right now. But that doesn't necessarily 131 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: mean that your life is perfect, and that doesn't necessarily 132 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: mean that you're going to be completely happy. And I 133 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: think that with every good thing that comes into your life, 134 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: there's always going to be like uncomfortable things associated with 135 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: that change. Right, Like your life is kind of adapting 136 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: and expanding around new people, around new experiences, around new opportunities, 137 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 1: and that like expansion and that growth and that like 138 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: flexibility is going to sometimes leave you feeling a little 139 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 1: bit off and feeling like things are changing really really 140 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: quickly and you really don't know what to do with yourself. 141 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: So I think for me that really comes down to 142 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,600 Speaker 1: three things that I want to discuss in this, like 143 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: candid chat putting a lot of pressure on myself, and 144 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: the kind of resulting burnout that I've been experiencing. I 145 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: think that really derives from imposter syndrome and feeling a 146 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: lot of career anxiety and social comparison, which I think 147 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: is all kind of blending together to create like a 148 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,959 Speaker 1: little bit of I'm gonna be honest, like an existential 149 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: crisis in my life at the moment where I'm like, 150 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: is this going to make me happy for the rest 151 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: of my life? Is what I'm doing right now? Really 152 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: like just have that longevity, and I really hope that 153 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,959 Speaker 1: it does. All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna go back 154 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 1: to that first point because I feel like I'm rambling 155 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: but firstly putting a lot of pressure on myself. I 156 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: think that if you are an overachiever, you will understand this, 157 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: or if you are a perfectionist, you will also understand this. 158 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: A lot of the times, like especially young girls who 159 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,959 Speaker 1: are like intelligent or like quite emotionally aware, like they 160 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: experience a lot of additional pressure placed or like weight 161 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: put on their shoulders to be these like kind of 162 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: golden children, and often they're not really like met with 163 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: the same level of reward as they're like male peers 164 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: or maybe their siblings or other people around them who 165 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 1: aren't performing at that level. And I'm not to like 166 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,440 Speaker 1: say that as if it's like, wow, look how amazing 167 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,320 Speaker 1: we are, Like I'm an overachiever. Everyone give me like 168 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,679 Speaker 1: a gold medal, but more so that I think this 169 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: is especially the case if you're like the oldest child 170 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,120 Speaker 1: or the oldest daughter, Like, please raise your hand if 171 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,080 Speaker 1: you are an oldest daughter, because I'm gonna bet you 172 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: some good money that you are also an overachiever. You 173 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: have this like sense of like everything I have, everything 174 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: I do, has to be perfect, and everything I do 175 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: has to please everyone around me, and that creates a 176 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 1: lot of pressure where when you are inevitably not able 177 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 1: to meet that standard that you have internalized from your 178 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: early childhood or from how your parents or your teachers 179 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: or your mentors kind of taught you to act or 180 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: imposed on you, it's kind of like feels like a 181 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: disaster and it leaves you feeling like super exhausted. I'm 182 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 1: finding that a lot with like I'm gonna be super honest, 183 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: like with the podcast. At the moment where the things 184 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: that I really want to talk about, I get so 185 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: worried that other people aren't going to want to hear it, 186 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: or that it might not apply to their own lives. 187 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 1: Like I did like an episode on like Emotional Eating recently, 188 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, this has been a huge 189 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: problem for me? Is this a huge problem for other people? 190 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: Will people actually find that they can relate to this? 191 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 1: And what if they can't, Like, is that the end 192 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 1: of my career? Will people be like, Wow, she put 193 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: out one episode that like didn't relate to me, Like 194 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: I don't want to listen to her anymore. And I 195 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,560 Speaker 1: think that that is such like a toxic standard to 196 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: hold yourself by of being like, I need to make 197 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:04,439 Speaker 1: everyone like me at all times. I need to make 198 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: content that's going to make everyone happy at all times 199 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 1: and make sure that they feel seen. And then you 200 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,160 Speaker 1: kind of have to sit back and be like, yeah, 201 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: but do I feel seen? Like I think that's kind 202 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: of the superpower of psychology, and like the psychology of 203 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: your twenties is that you should feel like you're not 204 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: the only one going through these experiences and that someone 205 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: like me who is like sharing this online is someone 206 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: you can look to and be like, oh my god, Like, 207 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 1: here's this person in their twenties who's kind of like 208 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:41,680 Speaker 1: me and is experiencing that as well. I hope that 209 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: makes sense. Like, I think it's just this sense of 210 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: like I do feel a real sense of responsibility to 211 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: make sure that people feel like this is a safe 212 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,719 Speaker 1: space for them and for people to come to this 213 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: show and be like, all right, I know that if 214 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 1: there's something I'm going through, like there will be a 215 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: perspective on it that's going to make me feel better. 216 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,440 Speaker 1: So when I do episodes that maybe I don't feel 217 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: like are completely hitting the nail on the head, that 218 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: makes me feel like a lot of guilt and I 219 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on myself. I also think 220 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,319 Speaker 1: it comes down to imposter syndrome. Whatever you are doing 221 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: in your life, I feel like imposter syndrome is so inevitable, 222 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 1: and the irony of that being like my first episode 223 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: is not lost on me because even to this day, 224 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,840 Speaker 1: like two and a half years later, it is perhaps 225 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: my biggest flaw, like the thing that I struggle with 226 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: the most. So imposter syndrome is really just like this 227 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: self imposed doubt around our skills, our intellect, our accomplishments, 228 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,000 Speaker 1: what we're doing. I think wherever you are in your life, 229 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: like I said, you could be working like at a 230 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: bank or at a corporate job, or as a nurse, 231 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,719 Speaker 1: or you could still be studying, or you could be 232 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: pursuing your music career or being like I don't know, 233 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: a stay at home daughter or whatever you're doing, there 234 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 1: is always this sense of like am I doing enough? 235 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: And am I doing it right? And when is everyone 236 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: around me going to realize that I'm a fraud? And 237 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: I think the problem with imposter syndrome that I've really 238 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: come to realize is that regardless of the amount of 239 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: external validation that you receive, regardless of the amount of praise, 240 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: the amount of times your boss tells you that you're 241 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,439 Speaker 1: doing a good job, that your friends say they're proud 242 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 1: of you, that your partner says they're proud of you, 243 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: it is such a core belief that you are not 244 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: good enough that it cannot be undone. So it requires 245 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 1: like some really deep internal reprogramming. And that reprogramming, I 246 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 1: think I'm evidence of this does not happen overnight. It 247 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: hasn't happened over two years, like it has been a 248 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,960 Speaker 1: slow process of being like, if why can I not 249 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,000 Speaker 1: trust the opinions of others when they say that they 250 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: think I'm doing a good job, when they say that 251 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: they feel comforted by what I'm doing, And further to that, 252 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: like why is my own opinion of myself? Why can't 253 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,280 Speaker 1: I have a good opinion of myself, you know what 254 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: I mean, Like, why is my sense of accomplishment and 255 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: my sense of pride and my sense of like, oh 256 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm doing something that I love and I'm 257 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: doing something that gives me purpose. Why is that not 258 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:18,760 Speaker 1: enough to satisfy or fulfill this like deeper sense of failure? 259 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: And I've been talking to my therapist about it, you know, 260 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,120 Speaker 1: Sidebark therapy. There is a reason that we talk about 261 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: it so much on the show. It's because it is 262 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: super life changing. And what she said to me was 263 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 1: really really interesting. She said to me, for so long, 264 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: you have internalized a set of assumptions about yourself and 265 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: how you should be acting based on an unrealistic standard. 266 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 1: You know, you look at people on social media, you 267 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: look at your idols, and you put them on a pedestal, 268 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 1: and you see them as these like imperfect human beings, 269 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 1: these like brilliant people who have never experienced failure, who 270 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: have always know what they were made to do and 271 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: done it so well. And that is just so unrealistic 272 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: and it's so like one dimensional because we really don't 273 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: get to look into other people's lives and see what 274 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: they're dealing with. Yet we just look at this like shiny, perfect, beautiful, 275 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: flawless version of them and their accomplishments and what they've done, 276 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: and think, well, why do we deserve to feel like 277 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: we could get there? Why do we deserve to feel 278 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: good about ourselves? When there is this version of me 279 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 1: that I would like to be, like this version of 280 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:35,680 Speaker 1: another person that I am not. And there's a real 281 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: reason why I think social comparison in that sense is 282 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: like such a thief, like a massive thief of joy, 283 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: because when you spend your entire life thinking that you 284 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: can do better, that kind of I guess line in 285 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: the sand, that end goal, that like finish line, is 286 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: always going to keep moving like you are never going 287 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 1: to be satisfied with what you have. And that is 288 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: something that I still I don't think can wrap my 289 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 1: head around that who I am right now is probably 290 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: and actually very much good enough and very much like 291 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: a good version of me. I just keep trying to 292 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 1: remind myself that I am not who other people think 293 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 1: I am. I am not my accomplishments, I am not 294 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: the things that I produce my output. I am my kindness, 295 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: I am my generosity. I am the love I show 296 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: to my friends, I am my tenacity. I am these 297 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: things that would exist regardless of whether other people could 298 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: see them, and that is really really important and sometimes obviously, 299 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: like I think it's such a it's so interesting, like 300 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,440 Speaker 1: consuming self help content, and something that I try really 301 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 1: hard not to try hard not to do is put 302 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: forward this image that like that journey is always going 303 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 1: to be one that is moving forward, like it's always 304 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: going to be one of like progress, because I think 305 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: sometimes we relapse. It's actually I don't talk about this 306 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: a lot, but like some of the criticism that I 307 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: get online, someone like made this video about me recently 308 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 1: that was like this, I don't know, I'm not even 309 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,440 Speaker 1: going to go into it, like I'm sure if you 310 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,919 Speaker 1: want to see it, you can find it, but it 311 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: was like quite critical. And it's so interesting that anyone 312 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 1: on the internet feels that they can have an opinion 313 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 1: about anyone and feels like that is something that they 314 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:27,120 Speaker 1: can share. And I just think that like, no matter 315 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,720 Speaker 1: who you are, that lens of judgment can really stop 316 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,800 Speaker 1: you from being your authentic self. And that experience of 317 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,399 Speaker 1: this I don't even know this person, but like seeing 318 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: their opinion of me, and their opinion really mattered to me, 319 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: and I was like, why does it matter. I don't 320 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: even know this person. This person has never met me, 321 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 1: This person doesn't even live in the same country as me. 322 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: Like they have seen this very very uh one sided 323 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: point of view of my life, often through the lens 324 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,200 Speaker 1: of social media and through my podcast, and like made 325 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: a lot of assumptions, and those are assumptions that I 326 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 1: know aren't correct, and yet I was like sitting there 327 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: being like I believe them. And it's so interesting because 328 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: I think that in everyone's lives there is a version 329 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: of this whereby someone else has decided that they think 330 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 1: about you a certain way, whether that is a friend 331 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: or an acquaintance or an ex, or just like someone 332 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: random who doesn't even know you, some like friend of 333 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 1: a friend, and we cannot stop obsessing over their opinion. 334 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: I remember when I was at UNI, one of my 335 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 1: really good friends had this friend had another friend who 336 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,679 Speaker 1: for some reason just didn't like me. And that's fine, Like, 337 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: you can't be liked by everyone, Like I certainly don't 338 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 1: love everyone I meet. I like them at least, but 339 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: you know, you cannot be liked by everyone, And it 340 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 1: was so interesting because I had all these people who 341 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: loved me and who I had the best time with, 342 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: and yet the only person's opinion I wanted to like 343 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: change and win over was this one person who I 344 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 1: knew was never going to change their opinion because their 345 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 1: opinion was not based on fact. So how can you 346 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: alter something that is based in fiction by providing someone 347 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,439 Speaker 1: with like reality like you can't. They've already decided to 348 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,240 Speaker 1: believe a certain story about you. And I think that 349 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 1: really comes to this deeper kind of lesson we need 350 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,719 Speaker 1: to learn of how do you deal with being disliked? 351 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: I think that deserves its a whole episode, Like how 352 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: do you deal with being disliked in a world where 353 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 1: to be liked is to be valued and we put 354 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 1: a lot of self worth on what other people think 355 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 1: of us. I guess that first strategy of reaffirming what 356 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 1: you love about yourself is important, but the second strategy 357 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: is really being like, why does this person need to 358 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: continue to have access to such that they can talk 359 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,560 Speaker 1: about you, such that they can form an opinion on you. 360 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,959 Speaker 1: I'm not a big fan of like blocking people like 361 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: I don't know some people think it's petty, but you 362 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: should definitely mute that person. If there is someone in 363 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: your life who does not like you for whatever reason, 364 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,919 Speaker 1: even if it's someone who has a good reason to 365 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 1: not like you, like maybe like an ex best friend 366 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 1: or an ex boyfriend, or someone that you know you 367 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 1: may have hurt. Your only obligation is to move forward 368 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,520 Speaker 1: and be a better version of yourself, and that sometimes 369 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: requires limiting how much this person can see you. They 370 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: don't get to see you be better, they don't get 371 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,119 Speaker 1: to see you be worse. Like their judgment of you, 372 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 1: their vision of you, their perception of you, is not 373 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: something that should be of your concern, and so sometimes 374 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 1: that requires just limiting it, muting them, blocking them, whatever 375 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,679 Speaker 1: that takes. Like that is a huge component for me 376 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: of dealing with dislike. And then I think the third 377 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 1: thing is just to keep it in perspective. The world 378 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:49,639 Speaker 1: is so large and so big and so wide. Not 379 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: everyone is going to like you. But also it really 380 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,959 Speaker 1: does not matter. You are so small. You're so small, 381 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: The world is so big, there is so many other 382 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,479 Speaker 1: people out there. And I know this sounds so corny, 383 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: but like life is so so short, and you know, 384 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 1: I don't know your beliefs. But my beliefs are that 385 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 1: once you're gone, you know, no one is really going 386 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,000 Speaker 1: to remember you. And maybe they will remember you in 387 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 1: the next one hundred or two hundred or three hundred years, 388 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: but in like five thousand, six thousand years time, like 389 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 1: you know, past your lifetime, Like that is a long time, 390 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 1: and those people who had opinions of you will also 391 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: be gone. Those will no longer matter. So why do 392 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: they matter in this moment when you're alive? What do 393 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: they really say about who you are? And what do 394 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: they say about whether or not you deserve to be happy? 395 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: Like I just I always think that I always try 396 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: and put it in perspective, and sometimes that involved really 397 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:58,159 Speaker 1: branching out and going big and being like everyone is 398 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 1: just like a kind of like tiny speck of sand 399 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 1: in the universe. What's one speck of sand to another 400 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 1: spec of sand doesn't really mean that much. That person 401 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: who doesn't like you doesn't mean that much. They are 402 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 1: exactly as you are, trying to figure things out. Their 403 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:16,440 Speaker 1: opinion is not an informed one, So there's no need 404 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,880 Speaker 1: to change it, there's no need to internalize it. All 405 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 1: you need to do is move on and realize that 406 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 1: you deserve peace and happiness and to have a good life. 407 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,640 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry this is such a ramble. I think 408 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: that I have like serious COVID brain right now. I 409 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,600 Speaker 1: feel like that whole speech I just gave was such 410 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: a fever dream. But I really do hope that maybe 411 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 1: you got something out of that. Honestly, it deserves its 412 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,880 Speaker 1: whole own episode, especially since in our twenties. I think 413 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,280 Speaker 1: it's something that we all have to adjust to, not 414 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,639 Speaker 1: being liked being disliked. It's a very common, universal experience. 415 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: But the other thing I really want to talk about 416 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:54,399 Speaker 1: that I've been going through I've been experiencing has to 417 00:22:54,400 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 1: do with body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia is interesting because I 418 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,120 Speaker 1: think that it is not as well understood as we 419 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 1: would hope that it would be. Right. I think it's 420 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: part of our dialogue in such in such a limited 421 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: way where we all have a sense of what it 422 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: means to experience body dysmorphia, to experience perhaps shame around 423 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 1: what we look like, but we don't understand how it 424 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,800 Speaker 1: really manifests. So what it really is is like this persistent, 425 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: kind of intense focus on the parts of ourselves, of 426 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: our bodies that we don't really like. And it's not 427 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 1: always like a constant thing for some people. It is 428 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: for some people it lasts for so many years, and 429 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,600 Speaker 1: I just cannot imagine how mentally exhausting that would be. 430 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: But speaking of my own experience, it kind of comes 431 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: in waves, and it's always triggered by something, and this 432 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 1: time it was triggered by me shrinking my genes in 433 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: the wash. I know that is so stupid, but you 434 00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,720 Speaker 1: know what I was never taught, sus is that you 435 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,400 Speaker 1: can't put your jeans in the dryer. Did not know that. 436 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 1: So of course washed all my denims, my lovely Levi's jeans, 437 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,439 Speaker 1: because Levi's are a classic. They're the only jaans I 438 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: wear not sponsored but please an. Yeah, So I washed 439 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 1: all of my jeans and then I put them in 440 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,800 Speaker 1: the dryer because I wanted them to be dry. And 441 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,879 Speaker 1: then I like, you know, a couple days later, I 442 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,639 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm gonna put on my favorite blue jeans, 443 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: my baggy dad jeans from Levi's. They look great, they 444 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,200 Speaker 1: make my butt look amazing. Couldn't sit them up, literally, 445 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: could not do them up over my belly, like over 446 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: my stomach and I was like, oh my god, I've 447 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 1: gained like five kilos in like two days. How has 448 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: this happened? Like, Oh my god, I've like something is wrong, 449 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 1: Like am I bloated? Am I pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant. No, 450 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 1: I'm like all of these like impossible ideas. And then 451 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: I was like God, like I've just of course, like 452 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,120 Speaker 1: I'm just not taking care of myself, like I've put 453 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: on all this weight. I'm such a failure. And I 454 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,159 Speaker 1: was like, holy crap, Like I don't want to be 455 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 1: that sixteen year old version of myself again who worried 456 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,440 Speaker 1: about these things, and yet I do. I worry about 457 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: them all the time, as if they really mean something 458 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 1: deeper about myself. And so I think that's something I've 459 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: been really struggling with. And when you don't feel okay 460 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: in your body, in your vessel, in this like physical 461 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: form that you inhabit, it's really hard to go out 462 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 1: and live your life as someone who is confident and 463 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,439 Speaker 1: someone who feels comfortable taking up space. It's something that 464 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,719 Speaker 1: I struggle with where I'm like, Okay, if I'm not 465 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: having a great day, i feel uncomfortable with my body. 466 00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 1: I feel ugly, there's some kind of like imperfection on 467 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: my skin, or my jeans aren't doing it because I 468 00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: put them in the fucking dryer. Like suddenly the rest 469 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 1: of my day is ruined and I don't want to 470 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,200 Speaker 1: be seen, I don't want to be observed. I feel 471 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:53,080 Speaker 1: less productive, I feel less useful, I feel like this 472 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 1: real intrinsic sense of shame. And I just think that 473 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 1: is so like something that I wish I could just 474 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 1: take away. There are always these things that I think 475 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: we deal with that we wish we could snap our 476 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 1: fingers and never have to deal with again. And I 477 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: think that that body dysmorphia, that sense of insecurity is 478 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 1: definitely one of them for me. And then my friend 479 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 1: said something really amazing. She there's my friend Al. She's 480 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,679 Speaker 1: on the Two Broke Chicks podcast. If you're not listening 481 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: to that podcast, it's another really amazing Australian podcast that 482 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 1: is incredible. They like talk about kind of like life advice, 483 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,919 Speaker 1: but mainly like financial tips for your twenties. And you know, 484 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: Two Broke Chicks they're broken funds, rich in life. I 485 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: think they're amazing. And our was like, you need to 486 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 1: stop thinking that your clothes carry some kind of social worth. 487 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 1: You have to stop thinking that your clothes are there 488 00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,120 Speaker 1: to prove a point about who you are and your value. 489 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: They are inanimate objects. It is literally just a bunch 490 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:01,199 Speaker 1: of fabric sewed together. It means it is nothing deeper 491 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 1: than that. It means nothing more than that. All it 492 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 1: is is like I think, if you go back to 493 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,879 Speaker 1: like what clothes were originally used for, it's like to 494 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: shield yourself from the elements. But I think this like 495 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,560 Speaker 1: kind of modern day society, especially one that's like completely 496 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: being co opted by social media and social comparison, has 497 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,919 Speaker 1: made it so that we see things that are normally 498 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 1: so you know, it's just so basic as clothing, as 499 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,639 Speaker 1: meeting so much more. And she was like, Gemma, you 500 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 1: just need to go and buy yourself a new pair 501 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,360 Speaker 1: of genes. It's like, if this is this like thing 502 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: in your environment, this thing in your life that is 503 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,959 Speaker 1: making you feel bad, why would you not change that? 504 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: Like if you were eating a certain food and you 505 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: kept like having an a logic reaction, or it kept 506 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,880 Speaker 1: making you feel uncomfortable or feel lucky, like you would 507 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 1: stop eating that food. If you had a friend in 508 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: your life who every time you hung out with them 509 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:53,120 Speaker 1: was making you feel terrible about yourself again and again 510 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 1: and again. You would stop seeing that person. If you 511 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,400 Speaker 1: have this pair of jeans, or this stress, all these 512 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 1: shorts or whatever it is that every time you put 513 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: on they make you feel bad about yourself. They make 514 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:07,160 Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable. Get rid of those genes. Like, you 515 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,640 Speaker 1: have the agency and the responsibility to live a life 516 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,639 Speaker 1: that is as comfortable as you would like it to be, 517 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:17,240 Speaker 1: and that includes feeling a sense of comfort towards your body, 518 00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: like at the end of the day. And I always 519 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: try and say this, obviously, I probably need to hear 520 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 1: this reminder a little bit more. Your body is just 521 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:29,399 Speaker 1: a tool. It is just a vessel for your soul 522 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: and your personality and your values and the love you 523 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,399 Speaker 1: give yourself and you give others. It is just like 524 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: a physical physical being. It's not a representation of your 525 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: value as a person. It just is. And like, obviously 526 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 1: you want to treat your body with respect and show 527 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: it love, but it really isn't deeper than that. I 528 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: don't think, and I don't think that how you look 529 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 1: should be the biggest determinant of how you act. And 530 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 1: I know that's a lot easier said than done. Obviously, 531 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,320 Speaker 1: I'm saying this from a perspective of someone who definitely 532 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: needs to hear that a little bit more or at 533 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,440 Speaker 1: least believe it. But I think if you're someone who's 534 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 1: struggling with that, know that you are not alone. Know 535 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: that you are not the only one who is being 536 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 1: held back by something that you might, you know, think 537 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: is silly, Like I think when we also start being like, 538 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so stupid that I feel this 539 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 1: way that shame is that, like, you know that self 540 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: shame of trying to shame ourselves out of a belief 541 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,240 Speaker 1: is only going to do more harm. So maybe it's 542 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,040 Speaker 1: confident to hear that there are so many other people 543 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: out there who are going through the same thing. I 544 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,080 Speaker 1: want to finish on, like some good things. I feel 545 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 1: like maybe I'm just sick and I just am like 546 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,640 Speaker 1: wanting to have a little bit of a complaint, Like 547 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't go to therapy this week because of my COVID, 548 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: so I'm like using you guys as my therapist. I'm 549 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: so sorry for the vicarious trauma and the trauma dumping, 550 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: but I do want to finish with like a few 551 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: updates of like things going well. I know I spoke 552 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 1: about it in my last life update about healthy love, 553 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: but I've been getting so many questions. Yes, i am 554 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 1: really really in love and I'm still with that person, 555 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 1: and maybe I'll talk about it more and maybe i'll 556 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: have a mom for an episode. But I just want 557 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: to thank you guys for all your really lovely messages 558 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 1: of people being like I've been listening to you since 559 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: you were single, since you did that episode with your ex, 560 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,320 Speaker 1: and I think it's so amazing that you found someone, 561 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 1: and it is really amazing. It is so amazing to 562 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 1: be experiencing what I would call healthy love for the 563 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: first time. And we're going to Japan together for a month, 564 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 1: which I'm not gonna lie is kind of terrifying me. 565 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,040 Speaker 1: I've never been overseas with like a partner before, with 566 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 1: a boyfriend before. Any advice would be amazing, and I 567 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: think anything that's new is going to cause anxiety and discomfort, 568 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: especially if you're someone who is anxious like myself. But yeah, 569 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: we're just super excited to be doing that. We're going 570 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 1: to go skiing, we're gonna go obviously to Tokyo. I 571 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: really want to go to Disneyland. I don't know if 572 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: he's convinced, but I'm like, happiest place on Earth. I 573 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 1: would love to visit that place at least once. And 574 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,040 Speaker 1: maybe it won't be as happy, maybe we'll be like 575 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 1: overpriced and like hectic and crazy, but I want to 576 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,840 Speaker 1: have that experience. Also, apparently the food is great, So 577 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,280 Speaker 1: if you've been to the Tokyo Disneylane, can you let 578 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 1: me know is it worth going? It's kind of expensive, 579 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: but I'm also like, let's live out out inner child fantasies, 580 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 1: Like I always wanted to go to Disneyland when I 581 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 1: was a kid. Why not fucking do it. I'm also 582 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: doing like something really new for the podcast in December. 583 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: Here is your snake peek. If you have listened this far, 584 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: all December, we are doing only guest episodes, so it's 585 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,520 Speaker 1: like twelve Days of Christmas, but it's the twelve days 586 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: of Guests, and I've been hustling hard to get you guys, 587 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 1: the very best guests, the most informed, most amazing people 588 00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: who can come on the show and talk through some 589 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,640 Speaker 1: really incredible topics. We're going to be talking about ADHD, 590 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking about the medical like medicating for anxiety. 591 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: We're gonna be talking about like how you can use 592 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:15,400 Speaker 1: confidence to manifest your best life, financial anxiety, so many 593 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 1: other things. That's something I'm really looking forward to. I 594 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: think treating the podcast as a creative project rather than 595 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: as a job has really helped me feel less pressure 596 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: to like always be doing something perfect and always be 597 00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: thinking about like what's next. Treating it is something that 598 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: I enjoy it because I do really enjoy it, and 599 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,000 Speaker 1: I think talking to other people who have a similar 600 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: passion for the topics that I want to discuss and 601 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 1: that I talk about in my own life is such 602 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: a valuable part of like, you know, growing this community 603 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: and making the show as good as it can be 604 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:50,760 Speaker 1: and also making me really happy to be doing it. So, guys, 605 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you to hear these episodes, Like 606 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:54,640 Speaker 1: I just feel like some of the people we have 607 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: on they're going to be like such a surprise, and 608 00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 1: they're just so lovely and they're so informed and passionate, 609 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,320 Speaker 1: and all those people just like the best people in 610 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 1: the world. I was talking about this with a friend 611 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:09,360 Speaker 1: the other day, like sometimes you just meet someone and 612 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 1: you're like you just like you're just you're so bright 613 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,160 Speaker 1: and you're so passionate, and meeting someone who is passionate 614 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 1: about something, those people are like gold. Those people are 615 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: like the best people in the world to care so 616 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 1: deeply about things that everyone else is going through. All 617 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 1: things that you're going through, things that are nuanced, things 618 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,280 Speaker 1: that are hard to explain, is just like things that 619 00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,360 Speaker 1: are like beyond you. Is just like one of the 620 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,600 Speaker 1: best traits I see in other people. So super pumped 621 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: about that Christmas is gonna be a freaking bomb. I'm 622 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 1: gonna be in New York. I'm really hoping it's gonna snow. 623 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 1: And I guess you know, I've had a lot to 624 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: complain about in this episode, but I am really happy 625 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: and I feel like, like I said at the start, 626 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 1: you don't always have to feel fine, and you don't 627 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,840 Speaker 1: always have to feel like everything in your life needs 628 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,920 Speaker 1: to be going perfectly for you to feel good, And 629 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,160 Speaker 1: you don't always have to feel like even if everything 630 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,400 Speaker 1: is going perfectly, you're not allowed to still be sad 631 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,200 Speaker 1: or still have down days. So I hope that this 632 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 1: episode has served as a reminder to you of that fact. 633 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,040 Speaker 1: Thank you for putting up with my Sicky Covid voice 634 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 1: for this episode. If you have made it this far 635 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:19,719 Speaker 1: just part of life, you know, I feel like I 636 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,720 Speaker 1: knew this was gonna happen. The burnout train was coming 637 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:26,080 Speaker 1: for me very steadily. It's a good reminder to rest 638 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,480 Speaker 1: and to let myself take some time off to just 639 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 1: actually take care of myself and take care of my health. 640 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 1: So thank you so much for coming along for a 641 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,759 Speaker 1: little catch up, but coming along for a candid chat 642 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: with me about how I'm going and what's going on 643 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,320 Speaker 1: in my life. Of course, we will be back regularly 644 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:50,400 Speaker 1: scheduled programming on Friday with another amazing episode, one that 645 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,759 Speaker 1: I oh, I really want to tell you what it is, 646 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,279 Speaker 1: but you know what, We're gonna build some suspense. Be 647 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:57,399 Speaker 1: back here on Friday and you'll know what it is. That. 648 00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you 649 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five 650 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:07,399 Speaker 1: star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever you're listening right now, 651 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: give us a follow so you can be alerted when 652 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 1: new episodes come out. And if you have an episode suggestion, 653 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,000 Speaker 1: if you have an opinion, if you want to like, 654 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,440 Speaker 1: just make a little comment say hi. Please follow us 655 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:25,080 Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast. You can see more stuff behind 656 00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:29,759 Speaker 1: the scenes, some video clips, whatever, what's going on, what's 657 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,640 Speaker 1: going on in the podcast life, in the podcast sphere. 658 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,919 Speaker 1: I'm rambling, I'm talking absolute shit right now. Maybe it's 659 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,000 Speaker 1: time for me to go. So thank you so much again, 660 00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:46,880 Speaker 1: and we will be back on Friday with another episode.