Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to make your expectations and needs explicit.
Speaker 1: In other words, don't just drop hints. We've all found
Speaker 1: ourselves disappointed because someone didn't live up to our expectations,
Speaker 1: only to realize later that the other person had not
Speaker 1: actually understood our expectations or realized that we needed help.
Speaker 1: Whether it's assuming that your team member will let you
Speaker 1: know in advance if he's not going to meet an
Speaker 1: important deadline, or that your partner will send flowers on
Speaker 1: your anniversary. We're taking a risk if we have strongly
Speaker 1: held expectations for someone's behavior but don't let the person
Speaker 1: know about them. Other people simply cannot read our minds,
Speaker 1: and we waste all kinds of time behaving as though
Speaker 1: they can, and then recovering from the disappointment or dropped
Speaker 1: balls when it turns out they can't. The only solution
Speaker 1: to this is to stop dropping hints. When you want something.
Speaker 1: Everyone is better off if you just say it. Well.
Speaker 1: Easier said than done, of course, sometimes people feel awkward
Speaker 1: asking for help or stating their hopes or expectations directly.
Speaker 1: Does it sound pushy? Is it insulting to suggest someone
Speaker 1: wouldn't know that you like meetings to start on time,
Speaker 1: or that you expect the person who finishes the paper
Speaker 1: towel roll will replace it. But if we beat around
Speaker 1: the bush and drop hints, other people may misunderstand what
Speaker 1: we mean and the results may not be what we intend.
Speaker 1: So here are some ways to raise issues directly. Think
Speaker 1: clear collaborative congenial. That means using direct language, assuming that
Speaker 1: you and the other person are mutually focused on good
Speaker 1: outcomes and keeping the tone positive and friendly for and
Speaker 1: since on deadlines, you could say, I'm counting on being
Speaker 1: able to review your report Monday afternoon. That's the time
Speaker 1: I've carved out to work on this because I'm attending
Speaker 1: a conference later in the week. If you foresee a
Speaker 1: problem getting the report to me by lunchtime on Monday,
Speaker 1: please let me know in advance. Or for household expectations,
Speaker 1: I would really appreciate it if you change the sheets
Speaker 1: and took out the trash the last day you're house
Speaker 1: sitting because we'll be getting home late. Would that be doable?
Speaker 1: Or when you're asking for affection and support, from family
Speaker 1: and friends. Next Tuesday is my birthday. I'd love to
Speaker 1: celebrate it with you. I was thinking a small group
Speaker 1: of us would have lunch at the sushi place near
Speaker 1: my office, but I'm open to other suggestions. The general
Speaker 1: approach should be to share the hope, expectation, or need
Speaker 1: and then invite the other person to give a thumbs
Speaker 1: up or weigh in. That way, you're not assuming anything. Instead,
Speaker 1: you're sharing your expectations in a way that gives the
Speaker 1: other person the chance to confirm that these expectations are shared,
Speaker 1: or to suggest a different plan that's not pushy instead.
Speaker 1: This approach greatly increases the chances that your needs are met.
Speaker 1: It's hard to see the downside in that. So today,
Speaker 1: if you find yourself hoping that someone will do something,
Speaker 1: why not stop and ask the person directly. Save the
Speaker 1: mind reading for carnivals and everyone will be better off
Speaker 1: in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and
Speaker 1: here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.
Speaker 1: That's b the number four then Breakfast p O D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com that before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.