WEBVTT - Don't just drop hints

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to make your expectations and needs explicit.

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<v Speaker 1>In other words, don't just drop hints. We've all found

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves disappointed because someone didn't live up to our expectations,

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<v Speaker 1>only to realize later that the other person had not

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<v Speaker 1>actually understood our expectations or realized that we needed help.

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<v Speaker 1>Whether it's assuming that your team member will let you

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<v Speaker 1>know in advance if he's not going to meet an

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<v Speaker 1>important deadline, or that your partner will send flowers on

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<v Speaker 1>your anniversary. We're taking a risk if we have strongly

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<v Speaker 1>held expectations for someone's behavior but don't let the person

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<v Speaker 1>know about them. Other people simply cannot read our minds,

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<v Speaker 1>and we waste all kinds of time behaving as though

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<v Speaker 1>they can, and then recovering from the disappointment or dropped

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<v Speaker 1>balls when it turns out they can't. The only solution

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<v Speaker 1>to this is to stop dropping hints. When you want something.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone is better off if you just say it. Well.

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<v Speaker 1>Easier said than done, of course, sometimes people feel awkward

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<v Speaker 1>asking for help or stating their hopes or expectations directly.

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<v Speaker 1>Does it sound pushy? Is it insulting to suggest someone

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't know that you like meetings to start on time,

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<v Speaker 1>or that you expect the person who finishes the paper

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<v Speaker 1>towel roll will replace it. But if we beat around

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<v Speaker 1>the bush and drop hints, other people may misunderstand what

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<v Speaker 1>we mean and the results may not be what we intend.

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<v Speaker 1>So here are some ways to raise issues directly. Think

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<v Speaker 1>clear collaborative congenial. That means using direct language, assuming that

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<v Speaker 1>you and the other person are mutually focused on good

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<v Speaker 1>outcomes and keeping the tone positive and friendly for and

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<v Speaker 1>since on deadlines, you could say, I'm counting on being

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<v Speaker 1>able to review your report Monday afternoon. That's the time

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<v Speaker 1>I've carved out to work on this because I'm attending

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<v Speaker 1>a conference later in the week. If you foresee a

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<v Speaker 1>problem getting the report to me by lunchtime on Monday,

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<v Speaker 1>please let me know in advance. Or for household expectations,

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<v Speaker 1>I would really appreciate it if you change the sheets

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<v Speaker 1>and took out the trash the last day you're house

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<v Speaker 1>sitting because we'll be getting home late. Would that be doable?

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<v Speaker 1>Or when you're asking for affection and support, from family

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<v Speaker 1>and friends. Next Tuesday is my birthday. I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>celebrate it with you. I was thinking a small group

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<v Speaker 1>of us would have lunch at the sushi place near

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<v Speaker 1>my office, but I'm open to other suggestions. The general

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<v Speaker 1>approach should be to share the hope, expectation, or need

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<v Speaker 1>and then invite the other person to give a thumbs

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<v Speaker 1>up or weigh in. That way, you're not assuming anything. Instead,

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<v Speaker 1>you're sharing your expectations in a way that gives the

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<v Speaker 1>other person the chance to confirm that these expectations are shared,

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<v Speaker 1>or to suggest a different plan that's not pushy instead.

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<v Speaker 1>This approach greatly increases the chances that your needs are met.

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard to see the downside in that. So today,

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<v Speaker 1>if you find yourself hoping that someone will do something,

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<v Speaker 1>why not stop and ask the person directly. Save the

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<v Speaker 1>mind reading for carnivals and everyone will be better off

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<v Speaker 1>in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

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<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

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<v Speaker 1>That's b the number four then Breakfast p O D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com that before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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