1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,640 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to make your expectations and needs explicit. 4 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: In other words, don't just drop hints. We've all found 5 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: ourselves disappointed because someone didn't live up to our expectations, 6 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: only to realize later that the other person had not 7 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,480 Speaker 1: actually understood our expectations or realized that we needed help. 8 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: Whether it's assuming that your team member will let you 9 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 1: know in advance if he's not going to meet an 10 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: important deadline, or that your partner will send flowers on 11 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: your anniversary. We're taking a risk if we have strongly 12 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,560 Speaker 1: held expectations for someone's behavior but don't let the person 13 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: know about them. Other people simply cannot read our minds, 14 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: and we waste all kinds of time behaving as though 15 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: they can, and then recovering from the disappointment or dropped 16 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: balls when it turns out they can't. The only solution 17 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,039 Speaker 1: to this is to stop dropping hints. When you want something. 18 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 1: Everyone is better off if you just say it. Well. 19 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: Easier said than done, of course, sometimes people feel awkward 20 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: asking for help or stating their hopes or expectations directly. 21 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 1: Does it sound pushy? Is it insulting to suggest someone 22 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 1: wouldn't know that you like meetings to start on time, 23 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 1: or that you expect the person who finishes the paper 24 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: towel roll will replace it. But if we beat around 25 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: the bush and drop hints, other people may misunderstand what 26 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: we mean and the results may not be what we intend. 27 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 1: So here are some ways to raise issues directly. Think 28 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: clear collaborative congenial. That means using direct language, assuming that 29 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: you and the other person are mutually focused on good 30 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: outcomes and keeping the tone positive and friendly for and 31 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 1: since on deadlines, you could say, I'm counting on being 32 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: able to review your report Monday afternoon. That's the time 33 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: I've carved out to work on this because I'm attending 34 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: a conference later in the week. If you foresee a 35 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 1: problem getting the report to me by lunchtime on Monday, 36 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: please let me know in advance. Or for household expectations, 37 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: I would really appreciate it if you change the sheets 38 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,520 Speaker 1: and took out the trash the last day you're house 39 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 1: sitting because we'll be getting home late. Would that be doable? 40 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: Or when you're asking for affection and support, from family 41 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 1: and friends. Next Tuesday is my birthday. I'd love to 42 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 1: celebrate it with you. I was thinking a small group 43 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: of us would have lunch at the sushi place near 44 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: my office, but I'm open to other suggestions. The general 45 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,799 Speaker 1: approach should be to share the hope, expectation, or need 46 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: and then invite the other person to give a thumbs 47 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: up or weigh in. That way, you're not assuming anything. Instead, 48 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: you're sharing your expectations in a way that gives the 49 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: other person the chance to confirm that these expectations are shared, 50 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: or to suggest a different plan that's not pushy instead. 51 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: This approach greatly increases the chances that your needs are met. 52 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 1: It's hard to see the downside in that. So today, 53 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: if you find yourself hoping that someone will do something, 54 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 1: why not stop and ask the person directly. Save the 55 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: mind reading for carnivals and everyone will be better off 56 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and 57 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, 58 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 59 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 60 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. 61 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: That's b the number four then Breakfast p O D. 62 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast 63 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com that before Breakfast 64 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, 65 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is 66 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from 67 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 68 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.