1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. 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Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are nonnes so let's again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: week's episode. I am super excited to have my guests 21 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: on the show today as she will be sharing her 22 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: abortion stories. So to my guests, thank you so much 23 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: for being a part of the show. All right, I'm great, 24 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: I'm blased. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited. 25 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: How are you? Yes, I am all this cute. I 26 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: have a Dinnis appointment in the next couple of hours. 27 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: So surprisingly my anxiety is not like through the roof 28 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: because the last that's appointment I showed my ass. Man 29 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: it was not trying to give me my lollipop because man, 30 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,359 Speaker 1: no sticker for you. Oh my god, I know of 31 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: them kids would have saw me and I was like, yo, 32 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: this big as bit crying like this, like, oh yo, 33 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 1: I hate going to the dentist. I think I got 34 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: used to as a kid. I had a lot of 35 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: teeth pulled. Um. I had like a lot of teeth 36 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: growing in before my baby cheeth came out. So before 37 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: I was nine, I had about ten teeth pulled. So 38 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: I just got used to it. I'm like a g 39 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: at the dentist. Damn well, please give me some of 40 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: that energy because sending you all the calm dental energy. 41 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 1: Just mouth wade open, eyes closed. I know, I know, 42 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: my God, So you reached out to me to share 43 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: your abortion stories after listening to my recent episode I 44 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: did with the abortion clinic worker, where were your thoughts 45 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: on that episode? Um? Here hearing it from a clinic 46 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: workers side, it was, I mean, it was crazy, like 47 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: listening to her perspective and the type of people that 48 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: she dealt with and then even her mindset before she 49 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: had that job. And as as I was listening, you 50 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: had asked like, oh, what's the limit, and I'm just like, 51 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: I don't I don't think there is a limit. That's 52 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: why I reached out because I'm like, oh my god, 53 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: Like I had a lot in a short period of time, 54 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: which really changed my mindset on abortion too. But who 55 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: were your thoughts before you receive an abortions? On abortions? Um? 56 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: So I always I've always been like pro choice, you know, 57 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: do what you gotta do. Um. I never looked at 58 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: it as like murder or something you know, terrible or irresponsible. 59 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: But I was always very proud that I had never 60 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: been in that situation. Um. And in my mind it 61 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is cool, but like you shouldn't 62 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: do it all the time. Um. And then until I 63 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: was in that situation, it was like Okay, like ship happens, 64 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: you know, you know, don't you hate that when you'd 65 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: be like, oh, this ain't gonna be me in in 66 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: urns literally like it I ain't got it's not gonna 67 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 1: be me, And it was me like a couple of times, right, right, 68 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 1: So how did you feel when you heard the recent 69 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: news about road versus Late. I mean, honestly, I was 70 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: not surprised. Um, nothing that happens anymore surprises me. Um. 71 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: I almost expected it to happen because of just you know, 72 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: the way things are done in this country. Um, I 73 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 1: was at first, I was just like really upset. But 74 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: then it's like, I mean for me, and this is 75 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,039 Speaker 1: like more and more frequently, I'm just looking at the 76 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: problem in this country like you know what, this ain't 77 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: got nothing to do with me. Like I just you know, 78 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,839 Speaker 1: like all the ship that goes on, I'm just like 79 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: this is not my problem, because I feel like this 80 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,039 Speaker 1: is not my country as a black woman, Like I 81 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: feel like America is not my home even though I 82 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 1: was born here and these are like you know, it's 83 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: hard for me to trace my roots elsewhere. Like I 84 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: in my soul, I know that like this is not 85 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: this place wasn't built for me. You know, they don't 86 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: even want people like me here, so like it ain't 87 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: got nothing to do with me. Like it sucks, you know, 88 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: like it's it's fucked up. But I think when I 89 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: look at the bigger picture, you know, for me in 90 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: my life personally, like you know, my goal was always 91 00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 1: leave this country anyway. So it's like it just didn't 92 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: surprise me. It's it's like, all right, what's next? You 93 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 1: know what you got next? Like, now what you're gonna dismantle? Right? 94 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: America is gonna America. America's definitely America, you know. So 95 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: it's it's I don't even like, you know, part of 96 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: me was like, yeah, we gotta get out there, we 97 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,080 Speaker 1: gotta march, we gotta shut it down. But then it's like, 98 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: you know what, that's y'all, I gotta go. I gotta go. 99 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 1: Do you feel that people use abortion as a form 100 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: of birth control? Um? Maybe not, Like I don't know, 101 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: maybe not, Like, oh, I'm you know, I'm gonna be irresponsible, 102 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: but it's okay, I'll just get an abortion. Like I 103 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: don't think people are thinking it that way because it 104 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: is a lot on your body. It's a lot of money, 105 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: and it's just like, you know, I know it for 106 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: my first the first time. I you know, I could 107 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 1: have taken a Plan B, and I didn't. But I 108 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: also wasn't thinking like, oh, I'll just get an abortion. 109 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: I was rolling the dice and in my mind like 110 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: this ain't gonna be me, you know. So you know, 111 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,479 Speaker 1: as far as like other women, I like the women 112 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 1: I know who have had them, I don't think they 113 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 1: were thinking of it as like man, I'll just go 114 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 1: get an abortion if I could pregnant, right, you know 115 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: what I mean. So before we get into your story, 116 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: we are your thoughts on how women I perceive if 117 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: they had more than one abortion. Um. I know that 118 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: it to the outside looking and it doesn't look good, 119 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: you know, which is why I wanted to share my story. 120 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: Like you know, you're looked at as like you know, 121 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: a whore, or like irresponsible or just careless and reckless. Um. 122 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 1: But you know, things happen and things fail, so it 123 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: I mean it technically is a form of birth control. Um. 124 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: I just don't think. I don't think people really go 125 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: out of their way to be like, yeah, I'll just 126 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 1: knock it out, like suck it out. And called the day. 127 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? When I had my abortion, 128 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,720 Speaker 1: I was scared as fuck. So I don't I don't 129 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: see why people think that, Like people will want to 130 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: do this on a consistent basis, you know what I'm saying. 131 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: It puts you out to like you gotta take off work, 132 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: you to be jammed up sometimes, like laid up and 133 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: so like I don't got time like pe and blood, 134 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:11,240 Speaker 1: like like I'd rather just you know, honestly, i'd rather 135 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: get my tubes died. But you know that's another story. 136 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 1: But we're gonna definitely get into that. So how many 137 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 1: abortions have you had? So? I had three in the 138 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: span of fourteen months. Now, let's start with the first abortion. 139 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: What happened. So the first time I got pregnant, I was, UM, 140 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 1: I was living in Australia. UM, I was traveling backpacking. 141 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 1: I had you don't, had a little booth thing or whatever, 142 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: and UM, we're having sex. So we had a condom 143 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: and it broke. Now instead of just like freaking out, 144 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,559 Speaker 1: I kind of like, I don't know, So I was 145 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: trying to think back, like why didn't I just like, 146 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: oh my god, we get planned b Like I think 147 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: it was because the following days I was due to 148 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 1: travel like I um, I was leaving Australia. It was 149 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: like the end of my time there and I was 150 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: going to Asia and I was spending a month in 151 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 1: Asia and um, yeah, girl, I was. I was, you know, 152 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: traveling around for about a year and I got to 153 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: Asia and I kind of thought about it again. I'm like, dang, 154 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: like maybe I should have got a plan B while 155 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: while I was in Melbourne. UM, but I couldn't find 156 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 1: that in Asia, I kind of just let it go 157 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: went on and UM, a couple of weeks in, I 158 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: started feeling sick and like anxious and I'm going back 159 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: on my calendar like counting, you know how many days 160 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,559 Speaker 1: it's been since my last period and since sex. And 161 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 1: this was before I was using. I don't I don't 162 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: think I had the menstruation app yet, but I was 163 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: still I still had an idea of when my fertile 164 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: window was. UM, so you know, I'm going back calculating 165 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: and looking. I'm like, oh, ship, i think I'm pregnant, 166 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: Like this is crazy, like not be but it was stressful, 167 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 1: I mean, and then being in another country. It was 168 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,559 Speaker 1: my first time in Asia, and you know, the first 169 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: week I was cool. Then the second week I started 170 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:22,800 Speaker 1: getting sick, like the smells and food and I couldn't 171 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 1: eat anything. So yeah, I ended up flying back to Australia, um, 172 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: just to like get back into western environment. Real quick 173 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 1: to read that. And I took a pregnancy test and 174 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 1: I was. I took like three and they were all positive. 175 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 1: And I'm like, God, damn it, Um, I must have 176 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: been maybe I don't. I don't even remember. I must 177 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 1: have been like three or four weeks or something because 178 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: then I, um, by the time I got to the States, 179 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 1: I was still one week. Um. I couldn't get my 180 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:10,520 Speaker 1: abortion for another week. UM. So I ended up uh 181 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: booking a yoga retreat in Thailand, thinking that would make 182 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,439 Speaker 1: me feel better because I had already had a flight 183 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: booked home from Asia on a certain date and I 184 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: didn't want to change. I was like, I got this 185 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 1: power through I can't do anything about it anyway. Girl. 186 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: I got to that retreat and I was not settled. 187 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: I was uncomfortable the whole time. I'm thinking about what's 188 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: happening inside of me. You know, I was doing raiky 189 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: and they're like something right. I ended up going going, uh, 190 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: taking a flight home early a couple of weeks early, 191 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 1: just to nip it in the bud um. But yeah, 192 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: it was it was an experience that the first one. 193 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:57,559 Speaker 1: I mean, I I bled for nine weeks. Yes, I'll 194 00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: tell us about this. You said that you was medically 195 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 1: a due sore. So did you want to go that 196 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: route or did you want to do a different procedure. No, 197 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: I definitely wanted to do the pill. Like I didn't 198 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: even know the pill was an option. And that was 199 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,599 Speaker 1: when I went to Planned parenthood. Like I you know, 200 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 1: I set everything up from overseas. I got to the 201 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 1: States and I went there and they're like they barely 202 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: even spoke about the other procedure. I feel like everybody 203 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 1: was doing the pill, and I'm like, oh, that's amazing. 204 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: Like I was stressing. I was stressing out about the 205 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: the invasive procedure, you know, and when they said, oh, 206 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,119 Speaker 1: you just take one pill today, it'll end the pregnancy, 207 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: and then the second pill twenty four hours later will 208 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: start the contractions and then you'll pass the blood clot 209 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: and I'm like done. So they're like, but you know 210 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: you're gonna feel some contractions. It's gonna hurt a little bit. 211 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: Oh my god. So I remember I went to one 212 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: of my best friend's houses and just like posted up 213 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: for like two days, and um, I mean it was real, 214 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: Like I was in her bathtub like laid out, bleeding 215 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 1: and like crying. It's so much pain, like the contractions, 216 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: like you can literally fill your uterus and your body 217 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: contracting and like you know, the pushed out the blood 218 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 1: clot um. Actually passed out. I was on the toilet 219 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 1: and I stood up and I've never fainted before. And 220 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: when I came to my my arm was stuck in 221 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: the toilet and I was all like jammed up and 222 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 1: I started freaking the funk out, called my friend like help. 223 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 1: Um yeah, the first couple of hours of just getting 224 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: it out was like severe pain and contractions. Um. So 225 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: I was like laying in the bathtub with the shower 226 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: like sprang down on my abdomen helped, and like heating 227 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 1: pad and you know painkillers, and they only give you 228 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: some like rinky dink gas like Thai Lionel or something 229 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: like no no, no, no no, I need the good 230 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: Ship like real stuff. So um, yeah, it was you know, 231 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,800 Speaker 1: it was an experience. I tell myself. I never wanted 232 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: to do it again. Um. And yeah, a lot of bleeding, 233 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,559 Speaker 1: like a lot like I wore diaper. Oh my god, 234 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 1: why did you bleed? So? Did? You said you left 235 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:25,239 Speaker 1: for three months? Why was it so for so long? Um? 236 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:30,239 Speaker 1: I think it was, you know, the passing of the 237 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: the cells, and then I think you're my body was 238 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: like reregulating or trying to regulate. And then there were 239 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,720 Speaker 1: some periods in there too, and then like and it 240 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: wasn't straight like I think I've led for like two 241 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: weeks and then it kind of slowed down, and then 242 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: I would bleed again and then it would slow down, 243 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: and then the last couple of weeks was just like 244 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:58,840 Speaker 1: a light period. Um. Before this happened in like June, 245 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 1: so the end of the summer, I was, you know, 246 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: throughout the whole summer I had a period basically. Yeah, 247 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: it was it was crazy. And I just remember like 248 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: the first couple of days or like no tampons, you know, 249 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: you have clean and my my ass was out like 250 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 1: literally nine days later, I'm down in a music festival 251 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: in Tennessee, like camping, and I remember calling from a 252 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 1: porter potty like can I use tampons? She's like, what's 253 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 1: going on? Like I just I'm camping and I'm bleeding 254 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: and it's hot, and like, oh yeah, pad right now, 255 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: like I'm trying to like, you know, Janet was stressed out. 256 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 1: Oh man, I had no business doing anything, but like 257 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: I had planned, so but yeah, eight months later, you 258 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 1: got pregnant again. Uh yeah. So the next time around, 259 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: I I did not go on birth control because I 260 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: was determined to learn my body and like I took 261 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,400 Speaker 1: birth control in high school, you know, and I just 262 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 1: not knowing that like you can, you don't for me. 263 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: I didn't need it, like I can learn when I'm fertile. Um. 264 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: So eight months later, I was having obviously having sex, 265 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: and the person I was having sex with wanted to 266 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: do it without a condom, and I said, no, like 267 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 1: we have to use a condom. Like I've already been pregnant. 268 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: I'm traumatized, I'm not beat um. So when I turned 269 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: around the switch positions, he took his condom off and 270 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: he came inside me. Oh my, how did you know 271 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: this at the condom all? Because when he like it 272 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: was immediately after like he took it off, he can 273 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: he went back in and then came immediately. So then 274 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: I got up and I looked, I'm just like, condoms 275 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 1: on the floor. I'm like what Like I was, oh 276 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: my god, and I know that's like technically assault and 277 00:16:55,320 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: I was just like I was, it's called Stephen. There's 278 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: a name for it. Oh yeah, girl, it's called on Stephen. 279 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: So because I know that you used to live in 280 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 1: l A and it's illegal to do that. Oh yeah, 281 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,200 Speaker 1: so if any might do that for the listeners, like, 282 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: you can go to the police and foul charges because 283 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 1: that's a form of sexual assault. Yeah, I mean, and 284 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,400 Speaker 1: it it just like it really it pissed me off. 285 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,320 Speaker 1: It turned me off, and I was just I was 286 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: so mad at myself for letting like for even being 287 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 1: in bed with this person because it was obviously someone 288 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: that didn't really care about me. Um. And you know, 289 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 1: I said to him, I was like, you know, that's 290 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 1: fucked up, Like why would you that, like going through 291 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: the story just feel so good, like I don't give 292 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: a fuck. You know, it doesn't good a pregnancy, right 293 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: or std like nigga, Right, So I I did plan 294 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:58,840 Speaker 1: being and it didn't work. It didn't take your did 295 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: you take it within the time or I did. I 296 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:05,280 Speaker 1: went literally that like hours later, like that morning, and 297 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,679 Speaker 1: I got planned B. I don't know, I you know, 298 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: and I know it doesn't have like a UM you know, 299 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,960 Speaker 1: it's not guaranteed to work all the time. You know. 300 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: Part of me is like maybe my body because I 301 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: was pregnant once, my body was like super fertile and 302 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 1: ready to do it again. I mean I asked the 303 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 1: nurses at the clinic and they're like, yeah, I mean 304 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:31,159 Speaker 1: it just happens. UM. So yeah, I took you know, 305 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 1: that didn't work, and I found out uh again with 306 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,199 Speaker 1: the I was getting sick. I remember I was on 307 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,240 Speaker 1: it was my birthday and I was in l A. 308 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: And then from there I went to Miami. In Miami, 309 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: I was so sick, like I couldn't eat, I couldn't 310 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: like I didn't have any end up fun. I was 311 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: in the hotel the whole time, and I knew it. 312 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 1: I knew I was pregnant. UM, so that procedure, same thing. 313 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 1: Took the pill, but it was so like it was smooth. 314 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: The contractions weren't bad. It felt like a period, you know, 315 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: I didn't it didn't hurt as much. I didn't bleed 316 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 1: as much. Um, how many weeks were you before the 317 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:20,920 Speaker 1: second one? The second one thing? Oh, that's a good question. 318 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 1: So I feel like you can't get an abortion until 319 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: you're eight weeks. I think it's in like six and 320 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 1: eight weeks. Yeah, so I must have found out at 321 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: like six weeks something like, yeah, five or six weeks 322 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,440 Speaker 1: and I think it was five weeks. Um, yeah that 323 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 1: but you know, and again I was like, dang, like 324 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: it wasn't supposed to be me Like, in my head, 325 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: it was supposed to be like that once a're done. 326 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,800 Speaker 1: You know. That was the growing up. You just thought 327 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: if you were going to have one, it better be one, like, 328 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: you know, I think that was just how Stephen or Stephen. 329 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 1: It's a weird way of pronounce it, but it's definitely, 330 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: um illegal, and it's very common amongst partners. Nigs be 331 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: taking the conners off and they'll be telling people like 332 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 1: that's fucking the same. Yeah, it's it's I felt so 333 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: violated and just terrible, like, oh my god, how dare 334 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: you right? So for the second procedure, did you want 335 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 1: to do the pill or were you open to doing 336 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,200 Speaker 1: a different procedure? Yeah, I wanted to keep with the pill. 337 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 1: Like because I knew that it was just easier. I 338 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: didn't have to be in nobody's office, you know, or 339 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,239 Speaker 1: any invasive anything inside of me. Um, It's just it 340 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 1: was nicer to be able to just go home, take 341 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 1: first office, and you go home and your your cozy, 342 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: your comfy, and you just take the second one and 343 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: let it pass and you know, heal up from there. 344 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 1: And what type of per control were you on? Um? 345 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: So that time around, I was not on birth control 346 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:04,439 Speaker 1: because I I was still like I didn't wanna like 347 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,680 Speaker 1: I'm not I'm anti birth control for myself, like pills 348 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:12,479 Speaker 1: rather because what they have done to me in the past. UM, 349 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: just like with the waking and acne and the mood 350 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:19,119 Speaker 1: and like it's not for me. So but after that 351 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 1: second abortion, I did get on birth control pills. And 352 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: how was your experience with that? Um? They didn't work, 353 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: like I break it a third time? Wow? And were 354 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:38,639 Speaker 1: you taking it consistently on I was? I think what 355 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: happened was and this is I didn't know this, but 356 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 1: you know how you're supposed to take them every day 357 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: at the same time. UM. I believe there was a 358 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 1: day where I I took two Back then I mean 359 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,399 Speaker 1: they didn't really like I didn't know like the I 360 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 1: knew some of the science, but I didn't know exactly 361 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 1: like what I know now about bills and like how 362 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 1: it works and what what's even in the pills, Like 363 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,199 Speaker 1: they kind of just give them to you and they're like, 364 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 1: all right, take one a day at the same time, 365 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 1: you know, like don't miss one. So back then it 366 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: was kind of like and I also wasn't super sexually active, 367 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: so I don't know I was. I kinda I think, yeah, 368 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: I just forgot one, took to the next day or 369 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,880 Speaker 1: like messed up the sequence of taking them and ended 370 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,639 Speaker 1: up in the third situation. But what happened with the 371 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,680 Speaker 1: third time? So that time I was over it. I 372 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:42,280 Speaker 1: was so like I remember, like I was like seeing 373 00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 1: someone kind of and but we didn't see each other 374 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 1: every day or anything because we lived kind of work 375 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:53,120 Speaker 1: from each other. And um, by by this point, I'm 376 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: so over it. I'm so paranoid. I don't want it 377 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,919 Speaker 1: to happen again, Like I need you to wear a 378 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: condom and I need you to pull out, and I'm 379 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,359 Speaker 1: on the pill, like I'm not even enjoy six. I 380 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: know it was like my anxiety was always through the 381 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 1: roof and then so this time I think it was 382 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:14,640 Speaker 1: another like shitty person that was only thinking about how 383 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: it felt for them and like wanted to do it 384 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 1: without a condom, and like, you know, I must have 385 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,639 Speaker 1: been really weak at this time, and I'm just like 386 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: al right, fine, like I'm on the pill, make sure 387 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 1: you pull out, and like of course they didn't. UM. 388 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: I've since like after that situation, I was just like, no, 389 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: I'm done. I didn't have sex for a long time. UM. 390 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,320 Speaker 1: And I remember like feeling the feeling of my stomach 391 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,880 Speaker 1: and the sickness and I was just like, oh my god, 392 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,359 Speaker 1: not the funk again. I remember like dropping to my 393 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,400 Speaker 1: knees and like being like, bro, what the fuck I 394 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:56,320 Speaker 1: can't UM. And that one, uh, that one they took 395 00:23:56,359 --> 00:24:01,879 Speaker 1: the pill, the to and the pregnancy. I was like 396 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: concerned because like nothing came out, like a little bit 397 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: of blood came out. I didn't pass the blood clot. 398 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 1: So when you pass a blood clot, it's like, um, 399 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: when you take the pill at home, you'll pass like 400 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: a it's like a tennis ball. They say tennis ball 401 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:21,800 Speaker 1: size of stuff and blood. Um. And that didn't happen, 402 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: so I was a little concerned. They did a follow 403 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: they always do, like a follow up appointment, and I 404 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,439 Speaker 1: told them I was like, yeah, I didn't really bleed 405 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:34,240 Speaker 1: that much. Um. So they did an ultrasound. They're like, yeah, 406 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,080 Speaker 1: it's still in there. We gotta suck it out of you. 407 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 1: And I was like, so they I was in the 408 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: office and that part like I actually cried during that 409 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 1: part because it was really I don't know, like having 410 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: them like go in and take it out was like really, 411 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 1: I don't know, like triggering for me as opposed to 412 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 1: just taking a pill and passing a blood clot. I 413 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,880 Speaker 1: felt like a period heavy period. But to have them 414 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 1: like like an invasive situation like that, um, I mean 415 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: it didn't hurt or anything. There was just like a 416 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,000 Speaker 1: little you know, like you go to the guy, I 417 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: mean you know, yeah, like a little pool and get 418 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: it out and like you're done. Um. But yeah, after that, 419 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:19,480 Speaker 1: I was like I was throughout my birth control because 420 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to be I want this to 421 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,399 Speaker 1: be natural, Like I want to actually be on point 422 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: and be on top of my mentrual cycle, Like I 423 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: don't want it to be determined by these pills because 424 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 1: I've you know, I've I've had the bad side effects, 425 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,120 Speaker 1: even the implants like the iu D and stuff like 426 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,879 Speaker 1: I've had friends and family who have like almost died 427 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,640 Speaker 1: with like I I u D two after I had 428 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,399 Speaker 1: my procedure, none and I didn't even have any issues, 429 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 1: Like I really liked it. But after a while, I 430 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from when you want to know 431 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: more about your body. And I feel like I did 432 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,640 Speaker 1: on birth control most of my whole life, So I'm 433 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,920 Speaker 1: just like I want to be natural, like I don't 434 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,920 Speaker 1: anything in my body, like you have to do what 435 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 1: I gotta do to take cautious not to get pregnant 436 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,920 Speaker 1: or like you know, not to be with shitty as 437 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: niggas too, Yeah, no more niggas. And like I feel like, 438 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:16,120 Speaker 1: as you know, human, like I'm we have a right 439 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,679 Speaker 1: to know, like how our body works. And even in 440 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 1: you know this health classes and stuff in school, like 441 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,520 Speaker 1: you they barely like break it down for you, Like 442 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 1: you know. Now, I'm like on point, like when my 443 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,240 Speaker 1: boobs are a certain shape, when my discharge is a 444 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,440 Speaker 1: certain color. I know what's going on in my body 445 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: at all times, and it's actually really empowering, Like I 446 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I'll even like taste it and be like, okay, 447 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,679 Speaker 1: we're obulating. You don't you have to though, because if 448 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 1: you don't know your body, how do you respect somebody 449 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,880 Speaker 1: else to respect your body exactly? So I think those 450 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: situations really, like, you know, put that in perspective for me, 451 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 1: because I'm not you know, I'm not reckless. You know, 452 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 1: it's not like I don't care. I also, you know, 453 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to be a mom either, So it's 454 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: just like I want to be able to enjoy my 455 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: sexuality without that looming thought of like I can get pregnant, 456 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 1: like now they got the apps and like I said, 457 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 1: I can tell by the taste, smell and what's happening 458 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 1: down there like where I'm at, which I mean it 459 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: feels cool, like I like knowing that stuff now. But 460 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,919 Speaker 1: I thought it was so important to share your story 461 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: because I feel like women who have had more than 462 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,720 Speaker 1: one abortion does have a negative or even just one abortion, 463 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: there's a negative connotation with it, and I thought that 464 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: your story was important because shit happens. Yeah, I mean, look, 465 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 1: broken condom, failed Plan B, failed birth control. Like literally 466 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: I tried. I was literally trying not to get pregnant 467 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: being responsible. Yeah, and then for people to say like, oh, well, 468 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,880 Speaker 1: you know I don't have sex, then if you don't 469 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 1: want to get pregnant, pregnant, like no, like that's not 470 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: my belief system. That's not how I roll. Like I 471 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 1: want to have sex, but I don't want to kids, 472 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: So like why should sex only be for people that 473 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: want to make babies? Like how I roll? So how 474 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 1: did the staff treat you at the abortion clinics, because 475 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 1: because I know sometimes the staff can be a little rude. Um, 476 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,640 Speaker 1: but yeah, no, I I get it. Um, they can. 477 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 1: They could kind of come off as like like here 478 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,439 Speaker 1: we go, like kind of like condescending, like I'm already here, like, 479 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 1: don't make me feel worse. I mean they were. I 480 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,720 Speaker 1: didn't have any issues, like the first time I went 481 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: to one clinic and the second time I went to 482 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 1: to the second. Two times I went to the same clinic. Um, 483 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 1: but I mean they were everybody was nice, very informative, 484 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 1: like you know, um, there were a lot of different 485 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: people in there for the same situation. Like they put 486 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,400 Speaker 1: you in like almost like a classroom and you watch 487 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 1: like a quick clip on your options, and you know, 488 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 1: it was just kind of like it was almost like 489 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: going to the dentist or going to the guy. No, 490 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: like just another day in the office, just doing medical 491 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: things that we are allowed to do. You know when yeah, 492 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: I didn't have any like I didn't. I didn't I 493 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,240 Speaker 1: never felt any like type of way or like embarrassed 494 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: or no one made me feel embarrassed or you know, 495 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: shitty about my situation. Now. I know you asked the 496 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 1: doctors to ti your twos. Why did they say no? 497 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: Because I didn't have any kids and even though you 498 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 1: don't want kids, I could change my mind. That's when 499 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,720 Speaker 1: they left it at that, And I was just like, 500 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,920 Speaker 1: so you're telling me I'm in here from my third 501 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,479 Speaker 1: A B. Clearly I don't want kids. You're telling me 502 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,200 Speaker 1: I can't time I choose because I'm not married, I 503 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: don't have kids, and I might change my mind, like 504 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 1: you don't know my life that that pissed me off anything, 505 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,520 Speaker 1: because I'm just like, yeah, it's not fair. Like now, 506 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure if I had like a primary or like 507 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 1: my own guy know that, or doctor that I had 508 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: been going to like or I'm wondering if it would 509 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: be different if it was a doctor who I who 510 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,800 Speaker 1: knew me and like I had been seeing like all 511 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 1: my relationship with you know what I mean. Like, but 512 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: I asked, like at a clinic, um, and I, yeah, 513 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 1: I wonder if I were like in a different like 514 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 1: doctor setting, what they change that. But then again, I've 515 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 1: seen other women who are even married and who are 516 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 1: older and whatever like asked for this and their doctors 517 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 1: are like, oh, well, we gotta ask your husband or 518 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,800 Speaker 1: you know, like I've had I've seen that in um, 519 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: you know, just in like comments sections on certain things 520 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 1: or people like sharing their stories on certain posters and 521 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,400 Speaker 1: we've gotta you know, run it by your husband fors 522 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: and like they don't want to do it because it's irreversible. 523 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 1: And it's like, well, like I'd rather adopt anyway, or foster, 524 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: Like I've worked with children and foster care for a 525 00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,200 Speaker 1: little bit, and like I've seen how shitty it is, 526 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 1: and like how shitty the system is, Like it would 527 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,760 Speaker 1: be it would mean more to me to take a 528 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: kid that's already out here than to make my own 529 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 1: mm hmmm. So could you go to another doctor for 530 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 1: a different opinion. I never even try, but I but 531 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: that is definitely something to consider, Like I just kind 532 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: of left it at that, and I was like, you 533 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna learn about my body? Funck y'all. Um. 534 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 1: But I'm like, well, you know, I was thinking about 535 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: the other day. I'm like, I wonder if like I 536 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 1: go to like, you know, if I had a doctor 537 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: with like a relationship, you know, we have a relationship, 538 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: they could you know, kind of see into my life 539 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: and see like this literally is not what she wants, 540 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: like wrap it up? So what can you do to 541 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: not get pregnant again? Because I feel like you're doing 542 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 1: everything that in your control, but that womb is not 543 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,320 Speaker 1: giving up to listen, She's like, we're gonna make these babies, 544 00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: baby girl. So I definitely uh condoms for sure, and 545 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: you know, pull out method all of that. UM. I 546 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: do use the flow app, and the more you use it, 547 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 1: the more it knows, um, the more accurate it is. 548 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,960 Speaker 1: So like the first couple of months, you know, you 549 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 1: just gotta keep plugging in your data and and everybody's 550 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,320 Speaker 1: like freaking out about that, but I'm still using it 551 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 1: because that I haven't been pregnant in five years, So 552 00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:40,320 Speaker 1: you know, what are we at? What you are we in? Yeah, 553 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: it's been five years, so it's been working for the 554 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 1: last five years, like and just like really learning, um, 555 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,600 Speaker 1: just the different symptoms and like knowing when you're ovulating, 556 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,040 Speaker 1: because like I remember being a kid or like a 557 00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:57,719 Speaker 1: teenager and just kind of rolling the dice and winging it. 558 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,200 Speaker 1: And now it's like before I have sex. I but like, 559 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,719 Speaker 1: hold on, hold on, I pull on my phone. There's 560 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: a seventy nine chance of pregnancy today. Please for seed 561 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: with caution. Like you know, I'm like down Alottle the 562 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:15,320 Speaker 1: app because I definitely wanna. I love that app. I 563 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,680 Speaker 1: the Flow one. I don't even have the premium one. 564 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: I just have the regular regular app. Um. Yeah, it'll 565 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,960 Speaker 1: tell you like when you're ovulating, like today's a high 566 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:33,120 Speaker 1: chance of pregnancy or today's a low chance of pregnancy. Um, 567 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,960 Speaker 1: you put in like any symptoms you're having, like any 568 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: like it'll ask you like what color the discharges, what texture? Yeah, 569 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,480 Speaker 1: how your breast feel? Like yesterday actually started my period 570 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,080 Speaker 1: yesterday and I was like, hold up, it's been a 571 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,320 Speaker 1: crazy Like I've been so busy. I'm like, where am 572 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: I on this calendar? So I look and I last 573 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,959 Speaker 1: month I put the wrong dates in and I'm like 574 00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 1: oh my god, like it says my periods early, and 575 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,480 Speaker 1: then I feel like already five seconds, I'm like, am 576 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,840 Speaker 1: I faking pregnant? Like did I like? Is this like 577 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 1: am I spotting from a pregnancy? Like this is too soon? 578 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:09,880 Speaker 1: And then I thought about it and I'm like, oh no, 579 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,799 Speaker 1: I just had the dates wrong. So then I adjusted 580 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:16,560 Speaker 1: the pregnant the period dates from last month and it 581 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 1: updated and it said your period starts today, and I 582 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:26,080 Speaker 1: was like, ha, I thought, so okay, d Yeah, Now 583 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 1: I want to get it because I definitely want like 584 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,840 Speaker 1: right now, I'm selivant and I've been selling almost a year, 585 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,759 Speaker 1: but essentially I want to get back out there and like, 586 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:38,320 Speaker 1: you know, meet somebody, hopefully marry and have some kids. 587 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: But I feel like I know my body, but I 588 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 1: would like to know in detail, if that makes sense 589 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 1: more about Yeah, And I mean the app gives you 590 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,799 Speaker 1: like education. It'll you know, you can scroll through and 591 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,600 Speaker 1: like really like it's stuff that we've learned, like I've 592 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: learned about the menstrual cycle, like you know college bio 593 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,279 Speaker 1: and um, you know health class in high school. But 594 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:04,359 Speaker 1: like it gives you like a really in depth like 595 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,879 Speaker 1: understanding of what's actually going on. UM and like I said, 596 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:11,840 Speaker 1: the more you use it, the more accurate it is, 597 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,640 Speaker 1: and that that thing has been saving my life. So 598 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,880 Speaker 1: so they having multiple abortions affect your health in any way, 599 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:26,279 Speaker 1: and if so, how um? I after the first one 600 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: where I bled a lot, I was getting b V HM, 601 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: that's you know, b V can be brought on from 602 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 1: your period really from bleeding, it's yeah. But other than that, 603 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 1: I mean the doctor said, my wounds really healthy, like everything, Oh, yes, 604 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:51,480 Speaker 1: she's she's super healthy. But no, like everything is pretty good, 605 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:54,320 Speaker 1: like I didn't have any like serious complications or anything. 606 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,400 Speaker 1: Like you know, the only thing I can say is 607 00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,239 Speaker 1: like the b V from the bleeding, Yeah, you BV 608 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,759 Speaker 1: is a bitch too. He makes me want to shut 609 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 1: it down. I don't want that. It sucks. I hate it. 610 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 1: Did any of the men that you were pregnant by 611 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 1: supportive doing your procedures? Um? Well, the first one I 612 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:25,799 Speaker 1: did not tell because you know, it was just you know, 613 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,480 Speaker 1: we're backpackers, were traveling, like there was no need to 614 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 1: really have that conversation. It wasn't somebody I was dating. 615 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:38,439 Speaker 1: You know, I've never seen this person again. Like this 616 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:43,240 Speaker 1: is like, you know, just passing through. Uh. The second one, 617 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: he was a fucking asshole, but he did pay for it, 618 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:52,200 Speaker 1: so yeah, yeah, and that's honest. I'm gonna be honest. 619 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,520 Speaker 1: That was a one night stand. I was like, I was, 620 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: I had no intention of going anywhere with that. I 621 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 1: was just it was I was like, hey, I need 622 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,759 Speaker 1: to get my rocks off, like, which, what's up? But yeah, 623 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 1: I never heard from that person again. The third one, 624 00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,160 Speaker 1: I was kind of seeing that person. Um, we kind 625 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:12,879 Speaker 1: of dated for like a little bit, and he was supportive. 626 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:16,880 Speaker 1: Um yeah, he was supportive, Like he he paid for it. 627 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 1: He made sure like I had what I needed, and 628 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,360 Speaker 1: you know he he already had children. Um, but he 629 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 1: would say ship like, oh, you're gonna have my baby, 630 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,920 Speaker 1: which like when people say that, I want to fucking 631 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:33,480 Speaker 1: throw up because I want your fucking baby, weirdo. Yeah, Like, 632 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,799 Speaker 1: up until it happened, he would joke around like I 633 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 1: just want to son, I want him to have your 634 00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: nose and like you that to me, it was just 635 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 1: like ill, like you have kids, yeah, but I just 636 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 1: want to sign and like you're so pretty, so you 637 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:50,359 Speaker 1: want me to have your baby because I look good 638 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 1: and you like my nose that's fucking weird. Yeah, weird. 639 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:59,560 Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't like me like this, especially if 640 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 1: we're having sex and it's like, bro, like you're killing 641 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:05,320 Speaker 1: the mood like super because you know, damn well, I 642 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,399 Speaker 1: don't even want babies, So why would you say that? 643 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,120 Speaker 1: So I know that you don't want kids? When did 644 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,600 Speaker 1: you make that decision? And why? Uh? I feel like 645 00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,960 Speaker 1: I've I've been saying that since I was like a 646 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 1: little girl, Like I remember saying like feeling that way. Um, 647 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 1: you know, as a child and into my teenage years. Um, 648 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I think like this if I'm 649 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,400 Speaker 1: in a relationship where you know, we've been dating for 650 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: a long time, we're fucking stable. We know ourselves, like 651 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:41,560 Speaker 1: we're financially stable, mentally stable, like we're you know, having 652 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,880 Speaker 1: fun doing the things that we want to do, and 653 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:46,879 Speaker 1: then one day we're like, you know what, I think 654 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,560 Speaker 1: this time, maybe we could have kids. Like I'm not 655 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:52,760 Speaker 1: like a hundred percent against it, but it's not something 656 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,840 Speaker 1: that I'm seeking. It's not like, oh, I need to 657 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,600 Speaker 1: like meet a man so I can get married and 658 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,440 Speaker 1: have babies. Like it's not like that. It depends on 659 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:06,920 Speaker 1: the person. Honestly, I think. Um, I don't want to 660 00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 1: say selfish, but I am, like, you know, it's my life. 661 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,160 Speaker 1: I came here with just me, you know, I didn't. 662 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,240 Speaker 1: You know, I didn't come here like, oh, I'm a female, 663 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,719 Speaker 1: so that means I have to have baby, like you know, 664 00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: it's not like that. I Um, you know, I love kids. 665 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 1: You know I've I used to work with them, like 666 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 1: I have, you know a lot of kids in my life. Um, 667 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,239 Speaker 1: but I don't think. I don't think I need to 668 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,360 Speaker 1: be a parent. And I feel like a lot of 669 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:38,320 Speaker 1: people don't really think of like all right, you're like yourself, 670 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: but then you're like you're a parent. Like being being 671 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:45,360 Speaker 1: a mother is like a really tough job, and I 672 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,360 Speaker 1: don't think everyone should do it. Um, Like I would 673 00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: want to be like emotionally stable, Like there's a lot 674 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,360 Speaker 1: of things I'm still working out with, like my own mom. 675 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: You know, there's things that I've noticed I lack as 676 00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:05,240 Speaker 1: a child. Um, not even like material things, but like 677 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:13,640 Speaker 1: you know, having like parents that are emotionally like neglectful 678 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,760 Speaker 1: or you know, don't know how to like talk about 679 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 1: feelings or like I watch the people I know with 680 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,440 Speaker 1: children and it's tough, like as they get older, you 681 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,879 Speaker 1: got to start figuring out things that you never knew 682 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 1: you had to figure out, just like for their mental development. Also, 683 00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:35,280 Speaker 1: this world's sucking crazy, Like you know, like the thought 684 00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:39,279 Speaker 1: of like having to take care of a human right 685 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 1: now is like, I don't know, I don't even want 686 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:45,439 Speaker 1: a dog. I do want a dog, but I don't 687 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 1: want that's a lot to Like it's you know, like 688 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: this is a person. You are making another human, and 689 00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:54,839 Speaker 1: like sometimes I want to tell people like how dare 690 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,239 Speaker 1: you make a human right now? Like you can't be 691 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 1: yourself or like you can't even you know, like squash 692 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,800 Speaker 1: some beef, or you can't even uh, you don't even 693 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,600 Speaker 1: know like your own mental illnesses. Like I think of 694 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: it in that sense. Um, you know, it's tough, like 695 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,280 Speaker 1: I've had I've watched a lot of people and adults 696 00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,720 Speaker 1: in my life struggle with mental illness and addictions. And 697 00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,520 Speaker 1: you know, I had to kind of parent my parents 698 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,879 Speaker 1: in a way. And I'm not saying that I would 699 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,400 Speaker 1: be that parent, and like I'm you know, I would. 700 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:35,560 Speaker 1: I'm learning from other parents mistakes. But it's like you 701 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,319 Speaker 1: gotta be like ready for me anyway, Like I want 702 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,600 Speaker 1: to make sure I hadn't seeing the world I wanted 703 00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,680 Speaker 1: to see. You have the finances I want to have. 704 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,839 Speaker 1: I want to bring If I do have a child, 705 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,920 Speaker 1: it would be into like the most loving, stable environment. 706 00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,839 Speaker 1: Because it's not fair, I agree with the people have 707 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,399 Speaker 1: children and then they give birth and y'all live in 708 00:41:55,320 --> 00:42:01,319 Speaker 1: raggedy You're not in a good place physical, financially, like 709 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,680 Speaker 1: that's not there, like mentally, like I didn't have to 710 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:06,560 Speaker 1: be here. You're gonna birth me, and now I'm dealing 711 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,800 Speaker 1: with your addiction going birth me and now we're hungry, 712 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:12,960 Speaker 1: Like what the is this? You know what I mean? Like, 713 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: it's just like that's such a precious, special gift and 714 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,439 Speaker 1: for people to just have kids all willy nilly, it's like, 715 00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,280 Speaker 1: it's not fair. You know. No, I agree, and I agree. 716 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,000 Speaker 1: Does it bother you when people judge women for not 717 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:30,200 Speaker 1: want to have kids? Yeah, I mean it's frustrating. I was. 718 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,000 Speaker 1: I was getting my hair done a couple of months ago, 719 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: and the lady that was braiding it was, um, you know, Origina, 720 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,480 Speaker 1: you're just talking to your hairdresser or whatever. I had 721 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,319 Speaker 1: never met her before, and she was like, so do 722 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,920 Speaker 1: you have any kids? And I was like no, she's like, 723 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:49,600 Speaker 1: oh why not? We mean why not? What do you 724 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 1: mean why not? That's like asking do you own a Ferrari? 725 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:57,640 Speaker 1: Why not? It's not in the budget, it's not in 726 00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,799 Speaker 1: my plan. Like, and they'd be like, oh, you'd be 727 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 1: a great mom, or oh, you're so beautiful, why don't 728 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:06,319 Speaker 1: we have kids? The fuck? Because I'm pretty, I should 729 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 1: make more pretty people. That's just weird to me. It's 730 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:14,000 Speaker 1: so bizarre to hear someone say that, like, oh, you're 731 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,520 Speaker 1: you're beautiful, you should have kids, or oh you'd be 732 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,080 Speaker 1: a nice mom. Like yeah, I'd be a dopeas mom, 733 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:20,319 Speaker 1: but I don't want to be a mom. I like 734 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:23,319 Speaker 1: to stay up late and smoke weed and sleep in 735 00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,799 Speaker 1: and go travel and wake up and go to the 736 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:29,799 Speaker 1: airport and not have to pack up my kids, like 737 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:35,200 Speaker 1: come on, come on. Like I worked as a nanny 738 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,360 Speaker 1: for a couple of years, and I'd be like I 739 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:43,520 Speaker 1: would get home and be like, I'm so glad I 740 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,080 Speaker 1: don't got no kid. It's like being a nanny has 741 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:49,319 Speaker 1: made me like want to get my teams tide even more. 742 00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,520 Speaker 1: There are a lot like I just I don't have 743 00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,799 Speaker 1: the capacity. I don't even think I want to have 744 00:43:55,840 --> 00:44:01,240 Speaker 1: the capacity sometimes like it's a two person job. Yeah, 745 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,760 Speaker 1: and like to have all the situations that I was pregnant, 746 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 1: and like it would have been it just would have 747 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: been drama, like baby daddy drama and like you know, 748 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:21,600 Speaker 1: custody ship and there's no need, you know, if you 749 00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:26,839 Speaker 1: were to get pregnant again, would you have another abortion? Yeah, 750 00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,120 Speaker 1: I'm still there's no if I'm not, I'm not in 751 00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:35,320 Speaker 1: a situation where I feel like it's time, you know, expect. 752 00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,239 Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure we don't have formula out here, Like 753 00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:45,080 Speaker 1: that's what I saw the news, Like we have the world, 754 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,480 Speaker 1: Like how many you got formula for these babies? Oh? 755 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,239 Speaker 1: Now they're I can't Like I wouldn't do much going 756 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:55,320 Speaker 1: on at once, Like I just I can't. I barely 757 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,319 Speaker 1: feed my damself. I'm like, you know, and now that 758 00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,720 Speaker 1: i'm you know, I'm so cautious and like the last 759 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,320 Speaker 1: five years, I've been really good about knowing my body. 760 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,239 Speaker 1: Like if I were to get burgnant again, like it 761 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,280 Speaker 1: would have had to have been without my knowledge because 762 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:12,279 Speaker 1: I'm so on point, like I'm not beat, you know, 763 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,919 Speaker 1: so um, but yeah, I'm not in a situation where 764 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,000 Speaker 1: if it happened, I would want, I would want to 765 00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:22,319 Speaker 1: keep it right. I appreciate you for coming on. I 766 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:26,200 Speaker 1: think this episode is gonna be very informative and reassurance 767 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:30,560 Speaker 1: to a lot of women out there that had similar situations, 768 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:34,120 Speaker 1: that situation similar to yours. I appreciate you so worried, 769 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:37,520 Speaker 1: I just like everyone needs to know, like it's literally okay, 770 00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:42,600 Speaker 1: like ship happens, um, you know, like and you can't 771 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,480 Speaker 1: judge others. And I remember at my third one, I 772 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,239 Speaker 1: was just like, damn bitch again, Like I didn't want 773 00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,480 Speaker 1: to say anything because I started feeling some type of way. 774 00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,960 Speaker 1: But then I'm like, for why, Like I tried. I 775 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:57,120 Speaker 1: literally tried, Like I literally tried, and all all the 776 00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:02,400 Speaker 1: things that tried didn't work. So plan seat all right? Right? 777 00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,920 Speaker 1: Well to listeners, If you have any questions Thomas as concerns, 778 00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:07,880 Speaker 1: please make sure to email me a hello at the 779 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:13,800 Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com. And until next time, everyone, later 780 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:21,320 Speaker 1: you're not gonna say bye. Oh by everybody, thanks for listening.