WEBVTT - Viewers Questions on Depression w/ Dr. Alfiee

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith. Check out this exclusive

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<v Speaker 1>Red Table Talk bonus content o. R T T. FAM

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<v Speaker 1>has so many questions for you. Let's roll the first one. Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>My name is Damia Gordon. In the past, I attempted

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<v Speaker 1>suicide while being pregnant and was giving medications, medication a

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<v Speaker 1>band aid, just masking what's really going on. That's great

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<v Speaker 1>that it's a great question. She said she tried to commit.

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<v Speaker 1>That's so the first thing I'll say is how touching

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<v Speaker 1>it is that someone would be that open about their

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<v Speaker 1>own experience. I want to honor that for her and

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<v Speaker 1>just hold space for her because that's very moving, particularly

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<v Speaker 1>while she's pregnant. In terms of the answer to the question,

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<v Speaker 1>I think a lot of people have that idea, especially

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<v Speaker 1>in communities of color, that medication is a band aid. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>there's the fast way in the slow way. The slow

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<v Speaker 1>way is talked arapy because everything that you said you

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<v Speaker 1>gotta did. You gotta dig it up, but don't table.

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<v Speaker 1>You gotta look at it, you gotta like moveing around,

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<v Speaker 1>you have to deal with it. The fast way is medication.

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<v Speaker 1>Medication is not happy pills. That's what I tell It's

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<v Speaker 1>not a happy pill. Think about it like this. Some

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<v Speaker 1>people are struggling so much with mental illness they can't function.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you can't function, how are you gonna do talk? There?

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<v Speaker 1>You can't get out the bed right and you can't

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<v Speaker 1>move around. You're taking psychotropic medication or mental health medication

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<v Speaker 1>or psychiatric medication. Really, what it's there to do is

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<v Speaker 1>sort of to elevate your mood to a place where

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<v Speaker 1>you're able to do the work that you need to

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<v Speaker 1>do to be healthy. But if the medication will help

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<v Speaker 1>you get to a place where you can do those things,

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<v Speaker 1>then you can work on the talk therapy and that

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<v Speaker 1>can help you. So I think it's both. I definitely

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<v Speaker 1>don't think it's a band aid. Got it all right?

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<v Speaker 1>So we got another question for you. Hello. My name

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<v Speaker 1>is Scott and I'm a lifetime sufferer of depression. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't often share my feelings with other people. That's someone

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<v Speaker 1>who keeps my emotions bottled up inside. Am I more

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<v Speaker 1>at risk for just snapping or harming myself? Another wonderful question. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>there's so many layers to that. I think anything that

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<v Speaker 1>we don't address, we bottle it up and we give

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<v Speaker 1>it the opportunity to grow in ways that we don't

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily want it to go. That's it, you're allowing it

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<v Speaker 1>to best. Prevention is better than intervention. But if you're

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<v Speaker 1>not able to prevent, you want to intervene early. So

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<v Speaker 1>when you feel that depression is starting to creep up,

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<v Speaker 1>those are the times I think we want to try

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<v Speaker 1>to do things, not to push it back down, but

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<v Speaker 1>to manage it. So it's a different thing to bottle

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<v Speaker 1>it up and do nothing than it is to bottle

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<v Speaker 1>it up and work on it periodically. If you don't

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<v Speaker 1>manage it, you really don't have any control or what's

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<v Speaker 1>going to happen. If you manage it, you can shrink

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<v Speaker 1>it back down. So you want them to be in

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<v Speaker 1>a place where they shrink so small that they don't

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<v Speaker 1>control your life, but are still a part of your life.

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<v Speaker 1>They inform your life. Kathy from Illinois asks, my daughter

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<v Speaker 1>is very social, but I am seeing some changes in

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<v Speaker 1>her energy, mood, and sleep patterns recently. She says, she's fine.

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<v Speaker 1>What questions should I be asking her? I absolutely love

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<v Speaker 1>this question. The answer is what we don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>do is just say how you doing? Yeah, what's the answer?

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<v Speaker 1>Always fine? Didn't tell you anything. So I tell people,

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<v Speaker 1>don't say how you doing? Instead I tell everybody this,

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<v Speaker 1>say tell me something good that happened in your day,

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<v Speaker 1>and tell me something bad that happened in your day.

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<v Speaker 1>Because the answer to that really can't be fine, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you got to answer it, and that maybe it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>always work with at least it opens the door. Are

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<v Speaker 1>running a research based on our profit, and what we

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<v Speaker 1>learned is that the parents who communicate more effectively with

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<v Speaker 1>their children are more likely to see when things are

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<v Speaker 1>kind of going haywire and they can intervene. You can't

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<v Speaker 1>wait until there's something wrong in this that i' hey, baby,

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<v Speaker 1>you want want to communicate. It's all the time, even

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<v Speaker 1>when nothing's wrong. If someone's really determined to hurt themselves,

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<v Speaker 1>can you stop them? There's only but so much you

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<v Speaker 1>can do, you know, And at the end of the day,

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<v Speaker 1>the person has to be willing. I've driven across l

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<v Speaker 1>A to go see friends who weren't returning my calls

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<v Speaker 1>and that they were going through hard time. I tried

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<v Speaker 1>to check in and I tried to give them space,

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<v Speaker 1>but then those alarms were going off and I've just

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<v Speaker 1>had to go over there. And just be like knock

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<v Speaker 1>on their door and be like, hey, like, what's up.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm worried about too. That's a big part of it

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<v Speaker 1>is that you're willing to do it. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>the thing to remember for any one family that this

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<v Speaker 1>happens to is too many. That's one completion too many.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think is the most challenging aspect for

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<v Speaker 1>a person who is consider ring suicide? What is the

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<v Speaker 1>driving force for a completion of an act like that?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it because that person doesn't feel that they can

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<v Speaker 1>be seen, that they can be heard, or they can't

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<v Speaker 1>get out of a emotional problem. I'm just gonna say,

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<v Speaker 1>very very simply. I can think of overwhelming amounts of reasons, right,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't necessarily know the people who want to die.

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<v Speaker 1>They want to pain to stop. That's that's that's it.

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<v Speaker 1>That's it. They just want to pain to stop because

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<v Speaker 1>they don't see another way. So I think them not

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<v Speaker 1>seeing another way is where we come in with the intervention.

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<v Speaker 1>It is let me help you think through some other

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<v Speaker 1>ways that this could go. Yeah, this is not the

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<v Speaker 1>only way. So how do you approach someone who you

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<v Speaker 1>suspect may be depressed? How do you approach them about

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<v Speaker 1>seeking help if you know someone is struggling, like when

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<v Speaker 1>you go to the friend's house and you bang on

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<v Speaker 1>the door and they open the door and they're disheveled

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<v Speaker 1>and they just look a mess, and they invite you

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<v Speaker 1>in and you sit down. At some point in the conversation,

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<v Speaker 1>the question is is there any part of you that

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to be here anymore? Yeah, sometimes we have

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<v Speaker 1>to ask because people don't who wants to volunteer that

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<v Speaker 1>picking us, especially in our community. I'm not volunteering that

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<v Speaker 1>because what are people going to say. You're gonna say,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gona see where you can sound crazy, right, and

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to think I'm crazy, And then beyond

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<v Speaker 1>that it is okay. And this is the hard part

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<v Speaker 1>for people. What would you do? Do you have a plan?

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<v Speaker 1>That's your assessment? You're really trying to understand how far

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<v Speaker 1>down the path are they thinking about this? And I

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<v Speaker 1>think it's really important to not avoid the question totally.

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<v Speaker 1>I know I've definitely been depressed in parts of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>If I'm going through a hard time where I have

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<v Speaker 1>so much on my mind, just like be pleasant, it's

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<v Speaker 1>really difficult. So, yeah, how do we penetrate that. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think the challenge is we go into it with

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<v Speaker 1>the person we care about wanting to help. Right, they're

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<v Speaker 1>not necessarily ready to receive help. Right. On top of that,

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<v Speaker 1>they're not necessarily ready to see the help that we

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<v Speaker 1>want to give because that might not be what they want. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>So I encourage people to say, think about what you

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<v Speaker 1>were want in that situation, if you were struggling, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you want somebody to do for you? I think

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<v Speaker 1>most of us just want to know that somebody sees

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<v Speaker 1>values and hears us, right, Just they just want to

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<v Speaker 1>know that we're present and available. You don't start with

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<v Speaker 1>child you look depression, need to go get some help, right,

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<v Speaker 1>And you don't want to say you need some professional help, right,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounds like an attack on their like character, that's right.

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<v Speaker 1>I would imagine you have to meet a tone in

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<v Speaker 1>a way there's no pity, right, and it's just like, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>just know I'm here. That's you know, that's exactly just

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<v Speaker 1>having the courage to just be persistent with that. Even

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<v Speaker 1>if you get I'm fine, now, are you talking to

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<v Speaker 1>me like i'd get it? Right, I'm glad you're good?

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<v Speaker 1>Exactly that I couldn't have said it any better. And

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<v Speaker 1>it's just know if you ever need anything, I'm here,

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<v Speaker 1>right what about like every once in a while, just

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<v Speaker 1>like calling or texting, be like hey, thinking about you,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I just want to let you know. That's just

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<v Speaker 1>little little things. Really, I feel like I can help

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<v Speaker 1>someone's emotional state when it's persistent and consistent, super persistent,

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<v Speaker 1>but like and at least help break down walls a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit. But then there's always that worry in the

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<v Speaker 1>back of your head that you didn't do enough. If

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<v Speaker 1>only I had. When is enough enough? It's such a

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<v Speaker 1>state of helplessness for the people that are watching and

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<v Speaker 1>sitting back and knowing that the person is going through

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<v Speaker 1>something and not being able to offer the kind of

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<v Speaker 1>help that they need. So I think that's one of

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<v Speaker 1>those questions that comes back to and with respect, who

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<v Speaker 1>are we doing enough for them? For us? So enough

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<v Speaker 1>is do you feel like in your spirit you have

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<v Speaker 1>given everything that you can to try to support this

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<v Speaker 1>loved one of this person that you're going to help

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<v Speaker 1>And I think once you on that you can't fix

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<v Speaker 1>it for them. I can't fix anything for other people.

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<v Speaker 1>People have to be ready to fix things for themselves,

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<v Speaker 1>and our goal is not to fix There is one

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<v Speaker 1>being up there, right, it's not me, so it's not

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<v Speaker 1>on me to fix it. Thank you so much for

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<v Speaker 1>listening to this bonus content.