1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: Today's tip is about how to think of progress when 4 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: we're talking about relationships rather than basic tasks. Progress is motivational. Sadly, 5 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,760 Speaker 1: the converse of that is also true. When progress is 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: less obvious, it can be hard to feel motivated. Fortunately, 7 00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: there are some ways to recreate a sense of progress 8 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: no matter what kind of work we're talking about. Today's 9 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:41,440 Speaker 1: tip comes out of a question I got from a 10 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:45,160 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast listener who had recently left her job partly 11 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: to spend more time caring for her daughter, who is 12 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: on the autism spectrum. The listener noted that her daughter 13 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: was needing to interact with people more and this was 14 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: definitely challenging. She wrote, she needs more support to cope 15 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: with how exhausting elementary school is. The listener was also 16 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 1: studying to pursue a new career as a chaplain. All 17 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: of these are worthy endeavors, but as she noted, I'm 18 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 1: so used to measuring and valuing my time by tasks finished. 19 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:18,039 Speaker 1: Parenting and researching are both activities that are not task oriented. 20 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: I find myself struggling to measure my progress and feeling 21 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 1: unaccomplished after lots of time well spent. Do you have 22 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: any tips for how to measure time and progress in 23 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: these non task oriented settings. It's a good question. The 24 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,960 Speaker 1: nature of parenting, or for that matter, being a chaplain, 25 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: is to spend a lot of time with people simply 26 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 1: being available to them. The quantity of time is a 27 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,919 Speaker 1: key part of the job, and while we can tract 28 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: time and I recommend tracking time, the outcome of being 29 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,080 Speaker 1: available is not always clear. One of the things that 30 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: people who decide to be full time parents most struggle 31 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: with is this transition from turning in a report at 32 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 1: the end of the day to getting to the end 33 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: of the day and wondering what actually got done. This 34 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: can make it hard to stay motivated, but I think 35 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: we can create concrete tasks within these swaths of time 36 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: that allow us to feel a sense of progress and motivation. Yep, 37 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:18,160 Speaker 1: it's quality time within the quantity time. I've been thinking 38 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,079 Speaker 1: about this a lot lately, as all five of my 39 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: children have been home with me for the past two months. 40 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: I know that theoretically this extra time together can allow 41 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: us to deepen our relationships but so much of the 42 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: time is just managing chaos, keeping the five year old 43 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: from breaking things in between feeding the baby and keeping 44 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: the other children from hurting each other. So to keep 45 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,679 Speaker 1: my sanity, I've come up with distinct projects each of 46 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 1: us can do together. I'm sure that simply spending time 47 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: together is more important in the long run, but keeping 48 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: mom motivated is important too, So we've ordered a bunch 49 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 1: of legos. I recently finished a whole rocket launch set 50 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: with the ten year old, plus a farm set with 51 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: a five year old. My twelve year old has become 52 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: my writing accountability partner. He's writing a novel and we 53 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: check in with each other on how many words we've 54 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: done in our creative projects. My eight year old daughter 55 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: and I are undertaking a grown up dollhouse project, not 56 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 1: for playing, in for building and enjoying the miniature scenes. 57 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 1: Even the baby can have some projects. We've been reading 58 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: through all the old issues of Baby Bug magazine that 59 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 1: I've kept from previous children. I know that it doesn't 60 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 1: particularly matter that I'm reading a child focused magazine versus 61 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: the dictionary with a baby, but it makes mom feel 62 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: better that, yes, I read through two issues today and 63 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: I will do two issues tomorrow and so forth. If you, 64 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: likewise are looking for ways to stay motivated in relationship work, 65 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: you might try setting some particular tasks that you can 66 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: do and then celebrate completion. A chaplain, for instance, might 67 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: set goals for numbers and types of visits and follow ups, 68 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: and particular passages to read or spiritual exercises to do 69 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: when it feels appropriate. Sure, the main point is being 70 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: there and listening and offering comfort, but we can create 71 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: tasks for ourselves within that. Our listener who wants to 72 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 1: support her daughter with social interaction might set goals for 73 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: how to handle welcoming her home from school or sending 74 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: her off to school, or planning activities on the weekends 75 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 1: that might gently introduce certain social interactions. She can note 76 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:32,359 Speaker 1: her progress and celebrate what she's done. Quantity and quality 77 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,599 Speaker 1: time are often presented as being in opposition, but really 78 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: relationships are made up of both. A lot of the 79 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 1: real work is done in the quantity, but the quality 80 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: part keeps us motivated, and that's a good in its 81 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: own right. In the meantime, this is Laura, thanks for listening, 82 00:04:53,080 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. M hm. Hey, everybody. 83 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 84 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 85 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod 86 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 1: that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D. 87 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast. 88 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: At i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is 89 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, S, 90 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:35,720 Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is 91 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from 92 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 93 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.