1 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy. My name is Kat and I'm the host. 3 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: And if you're new to You Need Therapy, welcome, always welcome, 4 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,600 Speaker 1: even if you're not new. Just a quick reminder up 5 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,440 Speaker 1: top that, yeah, I'm a licensed therapist, and no, this 6 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: is not therapy itself, but what we talked about here 7 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:35,160 Speaker 1: may at some point lead you to go and experiment 8 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,159 Speaker 1: with some therapy of your own. So most of you 9 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: guys have heard my spiel where I talk about how 10 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm a licensed therapist, but I am a human just 11 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: like you, and I want to start this episode off 12 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,240 Speaker 1: with that, just because I'm going to be talking about 13 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 1: something that I did and this is an experiment I 14 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 1: did in my life. So I'm coming to you as 15 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 1: a human being and not so much a therapist, more 16 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 1: of like a human that happens to be one, because 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: I just assume I'm making a big, gross assumption out 18 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,479 Speaker 1: there that what I did and what I am going 19 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: to be talking about today is something that you might 20 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: have um some ties to and some feelings too, and 21 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: might relate to a lot at a human level and 22 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:20,119 Speaker 1: not as me as an expert level. So I did 23 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 1: this thing. And if you're a regular listener or follower 24 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: of mine, then you know what I'm talking about when 25 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: I'm I say I did this thing, because I've been 26 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: talking about it for a month, and let's talk about 27 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,760 Speaker 1: what I did. I unfollowed everybody on Instagram on my 28 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: cat dot de fata account, so I actually used to 29 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: have like way too many Instagrams. I used to get 30 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: made fun of it a little bit more often than 31 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: I didn't get made fun of it because I had 32 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: a personal Instagram that I had a work Instagram, and 33 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: then I had the podcast Instagram, and it was very 34 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: hard to keep all this separate. And eventually what I 35 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: did is I just I didn't delete my personal Instagram 36 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: because it has all those pictures and great things on 37 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: it that I want to keep, but I just don't 38 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: use it, not even logged into it. If people tag 39 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: me or send things to me, I don't get them, 40 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 1: and I put up my last post says that like, 41 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be using this. So I just 42 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 1: have my cat dot to fid Instagram, and then I 43 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: have my podcast one and my cat dot to fid 44 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,839 Speaker 1: a Instagram. I'm just gonna call it my Instagram. It's 45 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 1: very different than my other one. Like I I post 46 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: quotes and stories, and I might put a picture up 47 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: every now and then from my life, but I don't 48 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,280 Speaker 1: have this pool to like constantly post what I'm doing 49 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 1: in the moment, and I really like enjoy the story 50 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: aspect of that, where I don't feel like everywhere I 51 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: go and every experience that I have, I'm like reaching 52 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: from my phone to post about it. I post on 53 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: that account more from a place of really me, the 54 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 1: therapist podcaster type human, not my personal life, which feels 55 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: really good to me and actually probably changed why this 56 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: Pagram experiment, um, I felt things differently than I thought 57 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: I would because I already don't have as much I 58 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: still do. I don't have as much of a pool 59 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: too in the moment tell everybody what I'm doing with 60 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: my life all the time at all. I do like 61 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 1: post own stories and creating conversations and stuff like that. 62 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: And then I do have like a close friends group 63 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 1: on there where I might post more personal stuff like 64 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 1: if I do go to some event or some of 65 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: you might be familiar with my niece Addie. UM I 66 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: post a lot more of videos with like my family 67 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: and stuff like that with my nieces on my close friends, 68 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 1: because I just don't think that I always need to 69 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: share my whole life with everybody on the internet all 70 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: the time, which we'll get to. I'm not getting so 71 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: far ahead of myself. I can't help it, because I 72 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: wanted to make this episode literally the week after I 73 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: started this experiment, because it didn't take long for me 74 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: to come up with all of these lessons and and 75 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: figure out all these things. It took a couple of 76 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: day as really, and I did say it was going 77 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: to journal every day, and I will also say that 78 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: I had good intentions to I journal. At one time. 79 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 1: I took some notes down and I like wrote things 80 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,000 Speaker 1: randomly in my phone as I noticed them, But I 81 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 1: really struggle with journal. And I also told myself I 82 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: was going to start keeping a diary every single day 83 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: because I found one in my grandma's house in January 84 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 1: where I found a bunch from like this woman from 85 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: like the twenties, like a long time ago, and I 86 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: thought it was so cool to go back and read them. 87 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 1: And then I was like, I'm going to do that, 88 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: and I bought two journals and I did it for 89 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: a probably probably a month I did to get back 90 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: into that. I would love to get back into that. 91 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,720 Speaker 1: You know, I'm a big fan of journaling, but uh, 92 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: I do struggle. I do struggle to be consistent. Anyway, 93 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: the point of me saying that, as I said, I 94 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: was going to journal about this, I did once and 95 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: then I took some notes. Also a side note, a 96 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: very very great lawyer told me one time, there's really 97 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: no point of us talking about what you wish you 98 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,920 Speaker 1: would have done and what you wish you wouldn't have done, 99 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: because we can't change the past. All we can talk 100 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: about and all we can do is work on the 101 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,280 Speaker 1: future and what we can do with what you've already done. 102 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, cool that, I'm going to 103 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: take your advice. So let's like get into this. Um 104 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: So I unfollowed everybody, and a couple of things influenced 105 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: me on following everybody. If you're like why did you 106 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: do that? And also like, don't people like deactivate their accounts? 107 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 1: Isn't that what people do when they want to like 108 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: cleanse or figure things out? Maybe they do. However, I'm 109 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: not a huge fan of this like all or nothing 110 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: black and white thinking, and I knew I was going 111 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: to have Instagram again, So rather than going on like 112 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: this hiatus where I don't post or see anything or 113 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,120 Speaker 1: anything like that, I wanted to do things a little 114 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: bit differently, and I wanted to see how I would 115 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: show up and what would change about how I use Instagram. 116 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: If I wasn't seeing everybody else's content, I could still 117 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: create content and I could still show up on there. 118 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: I could still connect with people through messages and comments 119 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: on my stuff, but I wasn't getting in you dated 120 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: by everybody else's stuff all of the time in that month. 121 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 1: So a couple of things influenced me wanting to do this. 122 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: One was an incredible conversation that I had with Nabiha 123 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: Sayed who um was on the podcast a couple of 124 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: months ago, and you can listen to that episode. It's 125 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 1: called Taking Power Back over the Internet, and we just 126 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: had an awesome conversation about how Instagram kind of like 127 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: takes our power away and we actually have a lot 128 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: of power and agency over it. We just forget that 129 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 1: and we have to remind ourselves. So that was the 130 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: first thing that got me thinking about it, because she 131 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: told a story about somebody who had done this, and 132 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that seems great, like I want 133 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: to try that. And then I experienced something in my 134 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 1: personal life that I was just feeling like sad about. 135 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: And I kept getting like deeper like pangs of sadness 136 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: every time I opened Instagram because I was seeing something 137 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: that um and I bet some of you guys have 138 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:55,160 Speaker 1: had these experiences. I was seeing something that I wanted 139 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 1: that a lot of other people had, and it didn't 140 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: feel good. And so I was like, Okay, well, I 141 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,919 Speaker 1: need to stop hurting my own feelings because I'm the 142 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: one that keeps opening up my phone and seeing this. 143 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: And if this is not a good time to stop 144 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: looking at the highlights of everyone else's life when else 145 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: would be a good time. So that's why I did it, 146 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: and that's why I did it. Now, now, before we 147 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 1: get into it, I would like to say I love 148 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 1: social media. None of this is about like bashing social media. 149 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 1: I didn't do a bunch of research about like the 150 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: behind the scenes and like conspiracy theories of all that. 151 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 1: This isn't like a Social Dilemma episode, which that was 152 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 1: a very good documentary. But this isn't that. This is 153 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: not about convincing people to not like social media or 154 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: not use it, because I like it and I use 155 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: it and I'm going to continue to use it. It's 156 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: more about how do we figure out ways in which 157 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: social media isn't helping us, and then ways in which 158 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: we do enjoy it, and how do we fure out 159 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,559 Speaker 1: ways where we actually are controlling how we're using social 160 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: media versus social media is controlling us, and there are 161 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: ways to do it. I'm here to spread the good news. 162 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: The hope is that you don't have to be controlled 163 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: by your Instagram. You don't have to be controlled by 164 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: the content on Instagram. You just have to figure things 165 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 1: out and what is controlling you and why. And it's 166 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: helpful to gain some evidence of Okay. Yeah, I hear 167 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 1: people say that it's not helpful to see this, this 168 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: and this. I hear people say it's not helpful to 169 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: follow these kinds of people. But until I really experience 170 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: and I really know inside me why that's not helpful, 171 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 1: I have less buy in to do it. It just 172 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: feels like a nice concept, you know. So thirty days, 173 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,079 Speaker 1: I gave myself thirty days and follow everybody. Also, this 174 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: is funny. The day that I decided to do. This 175 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 1: is the day that, like the next or the next 176 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: days when Facebook and what's happened? Instagram like got shut 177 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: down and all that stuff happened, and I thought it 178 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 1: was me. I was like, oh my gosh, Instagram is 179 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: locking me out of my account because I followed too 180 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: many people. No, it was not a personal attack on me. 181 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: And then also they make it really hard, and I 182 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: don't know why I didn't look into it. You can 183 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,760 Speaker 1: only do so many things within like a certain amount 184 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: of time on Instagram, so I could only on follow 185 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: like two people at a time, and I was following 186 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: a lot of people, and so it took me like 187 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 1: probably two days to actually unfollow everybody, which I feel 188 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,000 Speaker 1: like it should be easier to do that. You should 189 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: be able to select all, but you can't. So maybe 190 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: on the next update they'll allow us to select all. 191 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:39,079 Speaker 1: Who knows. So now that you guys know, I mean, 192 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 1: I love I love Instagram. I love social media. I 193 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,680 Speaker 1: think it can be a great and helpful, fun tool. 194 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: At the same time, I think that through the evolution 195 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 1: of it, things have gone from a helpful way to 196 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: connect right and express and stay in touch with people 197 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: and into this addictive program that kind of steals our 198 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: time and our self esteem. So this experiment was to 199 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: give me space really just to see how I can 200 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: identify how I can find a way to use Instagram 201 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 1: for good in a way that doesn't encourage me to 202 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: feel bad about my life. And before this experiment, I 203 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: would say that Instagram was using me like I was 204 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: like and I felt like an employee of Instagram, and 205 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,000 Speaker 1: I was a very good employee in the sense that 206 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 1: like they were controlling and telling me what to do 207 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: without me even knowing. Now, before I did this, how 208 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 1: I believe I was using Instagram. I was using it 209 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: for a bunch of different ways. I was using it 210 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: for work, so as a marketing tool, I was using 211 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 1: it for fun um watching videos, reading funny memes, all 212 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: of that entertainment um. I was using it as a 213 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: distraction in a way to dissociate when I was overwhelmed, 214 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: like I wanted just wanted to break instead of just 215 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 1: like laying and like meditating or like breathing, I don't 216 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: Instagram and scroll and dissociate that way and and take 217 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,080 Speaker 1: my mind off of like actually what's going on, which 218 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: didn't actually take my mind off of We'll get into 219 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: it um and then I use it as a means 220 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 1: of self regulation in terms of self esteem. So it 221 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: was like a marker, right, based on followers and likes 222 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,880 Speaker 1: and what other people are doing, what other people looked 223 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: like in other people's weekends and other people's vacations. So 224 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: I used it as a way to either boost or 225 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: attempt to boost my self esteem at times, which feels 226 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: so ichy to say. And it wasn't a conscious thing 227 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: that I was doing. I wasn't like, oh, this is 228 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: going to help boost myself a steam. It's something that 229 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: just I noticed that I was doing. And then I 230 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,719 Speaker 1: used it as a way to connect, like a way 231 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 1: to stay in touch with friends, and a way to 232 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 1: stay in touch with acquaintances or people who aren't really 233 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 1: in my life, but like I would like to stay 234 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: in touch with you maybe like people that have had 235 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: conversations with on the podcast, right, Like those people aren't 236 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: going to be in my life every day, but oh 237 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: I had this connection and this experience it's with them, 238 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,079 Speaker 1: and I I'd like to stay in touch, So not 239 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 1: just friends, but with like acquaintances, and then like also 240 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: like random people that I would never have met at all. 241 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: If it wasn't for the Internet. And then I also 242 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 1: was using it as a way to kind of like 243 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 1: spy on people or like I we say, stock people 244 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,760 Speaker 1: from my past or people I'm just curious about. So 245 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 1: I used it as a way to get information about 246 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: people that I wouldn't otherwise not have access to. And really, 247 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: how I want to use it and how I wanted 248 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: to use it is for work, Like I think that's great. 249 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,760 Speaker 1: I want to use it for a connection, and I 250 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: want to use it to maintain contact with close friends. 251 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,839 Speaker 1: And this is one of the things that I learned 252 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: is that, like I think, I want to use social 253 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: media to help me stay connected with like family and 254 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: close friends, maybe some like acquaintances, but I don't need 255 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,880 Speaker 1: to stay in contact with every single person that I've 256 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,920 Speaker 1: ever met in my life or every person that I 257 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,719 Speaker 1: think like is cool or not cool, you know what 258 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: I'm saying, right, And then I want to keep using 259 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: it for fun because I think that is like an 260 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 1: exciting part of social media is that it it's entertainment 261 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 1: and then inspiration. So I think that social media can 262 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 1: be a way to find inspiration, whether it's for work, 263 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:03,240 Speaker 1: whether it's for just your um emotional mental health life, 264 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: whether it's for projects or decor or style. I think 265 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,400 Speaker 1: that's a really cool way to find inspiration, and I 266 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: want to keep being able to do that. So I'm 267 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: going to talk about three main things that I noticed 268 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,840 Speaker 1: and and this, so I will I will say and 269 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 1: I think I said this earlier. What I thought I 270 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,439 Speaker 1: would feel and find was a little bit different than 271 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,319 Speaker 1: what I did, like and it wasn't bad. And I 272 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: attribute this to the fact that my old personal Instagram 273 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: I kind of like preemptively did this work on accident, 274 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 1: like last year when I stopped using this account, because 275 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 1: I follow followed way more like people from throughout my 276 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: life rather than like people I met through the podcast 277 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: or um the therapy world, and just like the industry 278 00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: mental health and stuff like that. It was more, I 279 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: guess you could say, everyday people. And then I posted 280 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 1: and I curated my life a little bit differently over 281 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: there because that was my person and all like me. 282 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 1: And I look at my Instagram now as a mixture 283 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 1: between like my work and and me. It's like a mixture. 284 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,680 Speaker 1: It's not just my work and it's not just me. 285 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,959 Speaker 1: It's a combination. This is what I learned Nuver one 286 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: what I noticed is I was following way too many 287 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: people that I did not care about. I Um, I 288 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: feel kind of icky saying that, because like, as a human, 289 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: I care about all humans, but like I don't care 290 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: to know everything that you're doing all the time. Like 291 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 1: I just noticed that as I was on following people, 292 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, what in the world, why did I think 293 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: that I needed to know everything that this person is doing? 294 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: And it just felt like kind of strange as I 295 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: was doing it, because it just felt like this normal 296 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 1: thing that we all do is we just like follow people, 297 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,120 Speaker 1: and I think I want to remind us that it's 298 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: like not normal to know that much about people's lives. 299 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 1: And it felt like it was some unwritten rule that 300 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,760 Speaker 1: like you have to follow people who follow you, and 301 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: like not following people can be seen as I mean 302 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 1: like when actually it can literally mean nothing, right, And 303 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: I have to admit I've said things like they don't 304 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 1: even follow me, or they didn't follow me back or 305 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: stuff like that, and like what is that? Like why 306 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: does that matter? We take it so personally when there's 307 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: so much more in that of why somebody would follow 308 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 1: or not follow you, and nobody owes us a follow, 309 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: Like that's saying, like, you you better be interested in 310 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: looking at everything I put on the internet, and like, 311 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: we don't have to be interested in that for multiple reasons. 312 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be I literally don't care about you. 313 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: It just could be like I don't want to see that. 314 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: There's a million reasons, and I just don't think that 315 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: people should feel obligated to no random things about our 316 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: lives or the content we're putting out right, So, like 317 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: I write a lot on my Instagram page, and I 318 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: think it's totally okay for people to be like she 319 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: writes too much, and like what is she talking about? 320 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: And I don't agree with her and I don't want 321 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 1: to follow her. That's okay. You don't have to follow me, 322 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 1: you don't have to read my post, you don't have 323 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: to watch my stories. Like it's totally okay for you 324 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: to say not for me. Yeah, social media is just 325 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: very weird, and if you think about it and about 326 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: the way that it's currently used, like our brains and 327 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: our eyes have constant access to what people are doing 328 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 1: all of the time, what kind of we have access 329 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: to what people want us to think they're doing, and 330 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: what people want us to see and it's a very 331 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: curated expression of life. And we know this, but we 332 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: also don't know at the same time, like we know it, 333 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,160 Speaker 1: but we don't feel know it, if that makes any sense. 334 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: And I don't think our mental health and our brains 335 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: and our psyches are equipped to handle this much information 336 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: about other people. In my opinion, it's like overload, and 337 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: I think that we're being normalized to have an overload 338 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 1: of information. It's okay to not want to know what 339 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: certain people are doing. It doesn't mean you don't care 340 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: about them necessarily. It just means you don't want a 341 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: constant stream of available comparison at your fingertips. Maybe maybe 342 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 1: that's your reason for me, that's my reason. So this 343 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: is also why I want to continue to you is 344 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 1: it and follow my actual friends because I'm followed back 345 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 1: a lot, not a lot of people, but I followed 346 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: back people, and I'm going to continue to follow back 347 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 1: people as I remember and and see stuff. But I 348 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 1: do want to keep following my friends and the people 349 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: in my life. And that feels different than following like 350 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: an acquaintance or somebody I was friends with ten years ago, 351 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: or somebody I met once or something like that, because 352 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 1: I don't just see my friend's highlight reels. I see 353 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:30,119 Speaker 1: their insides too, so I get to see the celebration 354 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 1: of things they post, and I also know that that 355 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: isn't the whole story. And again we know that, like 356 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: we know that, and we know this about everyone and 357 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 1: what people post Like this is something that's talked about 358 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 1: on social media all the time, but it's hard to 359 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 1: actually feel, No, it's hard to actually like feel an 360 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: experience that and believe that inside of you when you 361 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 1: only get one side of the story. Still, and this 362 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: is also part of the reason I think that we 363 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 1: need to be a little bit more honest with ourselves 364 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: about comparison, because even if we say we try not 365 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 1: to pair ourselves, we do. It's natural and it's a 366 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: human reaction to seeing something. It doesn't always mean that 367 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,240 Speaker 1: it's bad, but it's a knee jerk reaction and it's 368 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,920 Speaker 1: kind of programmed into our culture. And I think they're 369 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 1: like seems to be this like strange imaginary scale that 370 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: we measure the goodness of of life on, or the 371 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,040 Speaker 1: goodness of us on, or just goodness in general on. 372 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:24,360 Speaker 1: There's just like scale, and Instagram helps take that scale 373 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: and makes it tangible, right, so now we can actually 374 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:32,159 Speaker 1: measure goodness or value or whatever onlis and comments and 375 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,479 Speaker 1: follows and d m s and all that stuff. I 376 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: just don't think that, um, it's necessary because this strange, 377 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: imaginary scale that now we have tangible measures for, like 378 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: isn't even real if we really think about it, because 379 00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: we're measuring certain parts of people's lives, not people's lives. 380 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,959 Speaker 1: That was one of the first takeaways, Like, we just 381 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,199 Speaker 1: tend to follow people and think that we have to 382 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: follow people that we don't need to follow. We don't 383 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 1: have to follow, and I just want take the obligation out. 384 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 1: So and I even say that with like you can 385 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,120 Speaker 1: un follow me, like you don't want to see my stuff, 386 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: Like that's totally cool. I'm going to try really hard 387 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: not to take it personally because I feel that way 388 00:19:12,119 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 1: about other people and it's not always personal. And even 389 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: if it is personal, it's okay if somebody doesn't like us, 390 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: it's okay. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse, 391 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 1: but like, it's okay for somebody to not want to 392 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: follow along with your life, and it's okay for you 393 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 1: to not want to follow along with somebody's life. It's 394 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 1: okay if you don't want to see it, which leads 395 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 1: me to number two. It feels very good to not 396 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: know what other people are doing. There was an initial 397 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: couple of days where I was like, oh, like, I 398 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: don't know what's going on, Like I don't know what 399 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 1: my friends are doing. I don't know, like I think. 400 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: I texted Amy something about like I miss see pictures 401 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,800 Speaker 1: of Maggie, her cat, and so she sent me a 402 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 1: bunch of pictures of Maggie, I think, in her Halloween 403 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 1: costume or something in the very beginning. But like there's 404 00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: this initial of like, oh, this is how I used 405 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: to like o people and what they're doing all the time, obviously, 406 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,400 Speaker 1: and so for a second I was like I feel 407 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: a little bit left out. And then I started to 408 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: feel just really good. I felt so free, like free, 409 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: and I wish I could find accurate words to express 410 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: the freedom that I experienced, like not knowing what anyone 411 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 1: else was doing or saying or thinking. And it was 412 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: like an ignorance is bliss type thing, like it really was. 413 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: In the last thirty days, I got to be obsessed 414 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,800 Speaker 1: with what I was doing, where I was, what I 415 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 1: thought I didn't have thousands of things to compare my 416 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 1: Saturday night too, or my pictures from my night out 417 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 1: with my friends on Halloween. And I wasn't just knee 418 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: jerk reacting opening up my phone and scrolling while I 419 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 1: was places like I was present and I got to 420 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 1: be so present, and again I was still posting, but 421 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: I also had less of a desire to post because 422 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,439 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, like, I just get to do 423 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: this when I want. There's no competition here. I'm not 424 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: seeing what they're posting, so I have to post it. 425 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: I'm not getting an idea to post this because they 426 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: posted that. I'm not feeling less than so I have 427 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,439 Speaker 1: to get some like a shot of dopamine, so I 428 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 1: need to post this. Like I was posting more of 429 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: just really what I wanted to and what I wanted 430 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: to and it felt very good to be able to 431 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: be obsessed with what I was doing, and I think 432 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,240 Speaker 1: that's a good thing. I want more of us to 433 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: be obsessed with our own lives rather than the lives 434 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: of other people. And people wanted to know like what 435 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: did your feed look like? And my all my feed 436 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 1: was like my posts and then adds, so there was 437 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 1: no interest in me scrolling through that, so it was 438 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: very cool. It was just me. And when you get 439 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,919 Speaker 1: to compare yourself to just you and your your baseline 440 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: and you like yourself, you simply get to keep liking 441 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: yourself without any extra work. Like, oh my gosh, I 442 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: just I don't have the right words, is what I'm 443 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: trying to say. Also, it is so so, so so 444 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 1: so nice to find out things about people in person 445 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: and to have intimate conversations where someone's telling you about 446 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: their vacation or their new relationship or hard day at 447 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 1: work or promotion or you know what I mean. Like, 448 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,199 Speaker 1: I didn't know as much about people's lives and I 449 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 1: probably have missed some things. And that's totally okay. It's 450 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: okay not knowing everything about people. Like I'm totally cool. 451 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 1: I did not die. I'm not suffering anyway, Like, and 452 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 1: it's okay not knowing things about pop culture. It's okay 453 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 1: not knowing everything about the news. Like we can stay 454 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,280 Speaker 1: informed to an extent, and we can be in charge 455 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,280 Speaker 1: of when we want to be informed and how much. 456 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 1: So if I want to see what's going on with 457 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian, I can go look up. The news is Instagram. 458 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 1: I can go look at her Instagram. I don't have 459 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 1: to follow it, and I don't have to have it 460 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 1: in my face all the time. If I want to 461 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 1: know what's going on in the news in the world 462 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: and politics, I can go Google that and find that out. 463 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 1: I don't have to have a constant stream of that 464 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: on my feed. That is encouraging me to keep cooking 465 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 1: and keep scrolling and keep doing. And like I said, 466 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,439 Speaker 1: when it comes to my personal life, I didn't know 467 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: as much about people and what they were doing. Like 468 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: I missed things. I missed birthdays, I missed I don't know, 469 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: like announcements of things, I missed, people going on trips. 470 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,199 Speaker 1: But it fostered more space for me to enjoy my 471 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: life and be in my own life. And then with 472 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,479 Speaker 1: that also it created a deeper opportunity to connect with 473 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,720 Speaker 1: my people. So I found myself calling people more often, 474 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: and I do not like talking on the phone. I 475 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 1: found myself texting people and more often, which takes more effort, yes, 476 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,440 Speaker 1: but it feels better to me, and it felt more real, 477 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,720 Speaker 1: and I felt more connected as a human and to 478 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,159 Speaker 1: an extent, I felt a little bit more special because 479 00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: I was having intimate one on one conversations or group 480 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,640 Speaker 1: conversations in person, rather than finding everything out about these 481 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: people who are my friends on the internet. I'm gonna 482 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: like the side track for a second. It kind of 483 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: reminds me of this experience I had in high school 484 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: where oh my gosh, Okay, So this guy was having 485 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,520 Speaker 1: a party, and I think it was the theme. I 486 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: had a theme, and I want to say it was 487 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: like CEOs and office host, which one like bar if 488 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: I could go on about the problem with that theme 489 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 1: in general, and the theme for a party of like 490 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: a bunch of sixteen year olds. But however, the day 491 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 1: of the party, or like the week of the party 492 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: or something, some time around the party, I was told 493 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 1: that was canceled. No big deal. I didn't really drink 494 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 1: much in high school, and at that point I wasn't. 495 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: I didn't drink at all. Like if I would have 496 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,919 Speaker 1: gone to that party, if that party would have happened, 497 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been drinking. However, I found out that 498 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,919 Speaker 1: the party was actually not canceled. They told me and 499 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: another one of my friends who also didn't drink, that 500 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: it was canceled because I guess the inviteless got too 501 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: big and we would just be like, quote unquote a 502 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 1: waste of space since we were going to be drinking. 503 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,720 Speaker 1: And again, you guys, you might be like, oh my gosh, 504 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,120 Speaker 1: you have to remember, like, these are sixteen year old, 505 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,760 Speaker 1: seventeen year old, eighteen year old brains. So I'm not 506 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: mad at these people at the time. Yes, my feelings 507 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 1: were very hurt, but these aren't adults that are doing this. 508 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: These are people who don't have a fully developed brain yet, 509 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: and so the empathy isn't really fully there. So don't 510 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,160 Speaker 1: be too hard on these people. Not a nice thing, 511 00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: but we're not still mad. My point in telling the 512 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: story is that until I actually knew I wasn't invited 513 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,399 Speaker 1: to the party, everything was fine. I was actually working 514 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 1: at the mall. I was working to shift at Limited 515 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 1: two when I found out, probably like stalking the candy 516 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: shelves or something, because I was like, one of my 517 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: favorite things to do is organized the candies very weird 518 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 1: or fold close in the back where I also loved 519 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 1: breaking down boxes and taking them to the recycling because 520 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 1: it took like an hour to do that and then 521 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,440 Speaker 1: I didn't have to talk to anybody. Also, like r 522 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 1: I P Limited two is gone, so I missed that store. 523 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: I would like it to come back anyway. So I 524 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 1: was fine until I found out, Like, I only felt 525 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,199 Speaker 1: sad and hurt and angry when I discovered that I 526 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 1: wasn't invited the party um that all my friends were at. 527 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 1: And this is the essence. The reason I bring this 528 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,159 Speaker 1: up is because this is the essence of how social 529 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: media can be. You are constantly seeing all the things 530 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 1: you weren't invited to. Literally and figuratively, yes, the parties, yes, 531 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: all of the parties that you see on all of 532 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,639 Speaker 1: the events, and all the social things, but also the 533 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: engagements people are having, the pregnancies, the job promotions, the 534 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: weight loss journeys, the the weddings, the vacations. Like you 535 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,320 Speaker 1: get the point, You're seeing everybody else's stuff, and like, 536 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: I'm okay, and I like love my life and I'm 537 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,680 Speaker 1: like doing the thing. I have some sadness about things 538 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: I don't have, but that's all right. But I don't 539 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,640 Speaker 1: get super super super bummed out until I see how 540 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,399 Speaker 1: everybody else, it looks like, is getting that stuff except me. 541 00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,840 Speaker 1: Everybody else's quote unquote being invited to the party of 542 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is that thing that you want, whether it's 543 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,280 Speaker 1: to be included or to have something. So you're fine 544 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,440 Speaker 1: until you see that over and over and over again. 545 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,399 Speaker 1: We're seeing over and over and over again all the 546 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,240 Speaker 1: things we do not have and the things that other 547 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 1: people do, and we don't see the things that those 548 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: people don't have. And I just don't think that's necessary. 549 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: I just don't think it's necessary for us to like 550 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: have in front of us all the time. Now, can 551 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,440 Speaker 1: we completely get away from that? No, But we can't 552 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 1: find ways to have less of shoved in our face. 553 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,640 Speaker 1: So Number one I noticed was following way too many 554 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 1: people that I actually just didn't care about in the 555 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 1: sense to know everything about their life and not care 556 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,159 Speaker 1: about them as a human being. And then also it 557 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: felt very good to not know what people are doing. 558 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,000 Speaker 1: And I think that I thought I was going to 559 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: feel more left out, but really I had that initial 560 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,879 Speaker 1: like a I don't know how to function without knowing, 561 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 1: and then I was like, wait a second, this is 562 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,080 Speaker 1: nice and it's actually helping me connect more with the 563 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 1: people that are really important to me. Okay. And then three, 564 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,280 Speaker 1: so this is the hardest one for me to admit. 565 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,919 Speaker 1: I almost didn't keep this in here, but I just 566 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,720 Speaker 1: felt like it would be doing a disservice and not 567 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: telling you because I think a lot of people might 568 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,199 Speaker 1: relate to this. And this is probably one of my 569 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 1: favorite parts in my favorite takeaways of this experiment. The 570 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 1: one time I journal this is kind of what I 571 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,359 Speaker 1: was journaling about. And it was in the first couple 572 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: of days, and I had this initial like weird feeling 573 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:57,440 Speaker 1: about like this feels so egotistical that I'm like on 574 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,919 Speaker 1: following everybody, but I still want people to follow me, 575 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,960 Speaker 1: Like I had a fear of like, oh no, At first, 576 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:05,120 Speaker 1: I was like what if people on follow me because 577 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 1: I'm on following them? And then oh man, what was 578 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 1: going to happen to my community of followers and my 579 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 1: numbers and my blah blah blah. And I hate saying that, 580 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,439 Speaker 1: Like I really do hate admitting that I do. I 581 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 1: really do. I want you guys to know that, but 582 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 1: it did matter to me at that point and through 583 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 1: me kind of digging into like why am I worried 584 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 1: about this? And like this feels egotistical? Where is my ego? 585 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: How big is my ego? What's going on? Like I 586 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: wanted to pay attention to that, like where is my 587 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,359 Speaker 1: narcissism showing up? And it came down to this idea 588 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: that like, I really want people to think I'm important, 589 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: and that's just me being very honest. And again I 590 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: noticed this the first couple of days. It started with 591 00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,040 Speaker 1: the people are going to unfollow me. Then like this 592 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: is egotistical, Like this experiment feels narcissistic. And then I 593 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,880 Speaker 1: was like, wait a second, Like I want people to 594 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: think I'm important, now I do also think some of them, 595 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 1: like I don't want to lose My whole following is 596 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: rooted in the podcast, in the community and and being 597 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 1: able to grow that and promote that and using this 598 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 1: as a marketing tool. But there is a part of 599 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: it that's rooted in the desire for people to care 600 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 1: about me, which I just talked a lot about how 601 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 1: like it's okay to not care about people, but also 602 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: it's okay to want people to care about you. To me, 603 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: that feels very real and there's just nothing wrong with it, 604 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 1: even though it seems a little tough for me to 605 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 1: to say, like I need people and I need attention, 606 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 1: I need validation just like the rest of you. And 607 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:27,920 Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, when I'm coming to you today 608 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 1: as a human and not so much as as a therapist, 609 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,040 Speaker 1: what I want us to look at, if you're kind 610 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,080 Speaker 1: of grabbing onto this idea as well, is to look 611 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,920 Speaker 1: at our relationship with the constant contact and followers and 612 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: our ability to identify love and care in that. I 613 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 1: think what social media has done in my brain is 614 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: create an endless cycle of more is better, and if 615 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,440 Speaker 1: more is better, than even more is even better, and 616 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 1: it's hard to shift into a quality over quantity mindset 617 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 1: in the space. And going back to what I was 618 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: talking about earlier is like an obvious reason you may 619 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,840 Speaker 1: come up with of why somebody is following you as 620 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: that they care about you, they care about what you're doing, 621 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 1: they care about what you have to say, and that 622 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 1: feels really good, and why that may be partly true, 623 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: that could be true for a lot of people. We 624 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: don't necessarily always know that. That's not always why somebody's 625 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,960 Speaker 1: following you. That's not always why somebody's watching your story, 626 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,120 Speaker 1: it's not always why somebody's liking your post. And I 627 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: was talking to my own therapist a couple of weeks ago. 628 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 1: She's very good at challenging me kindly because you know 629 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 1: I can come off as you know, I know it all, 630 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 1: and I'm fine in therapy as a therapist. And in 631 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: the past we've wrestled this this idea of like I 632 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: love myself, yet I still need X y Z, and 633 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time on that in my 634 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 1: past working with her. Then recently I made a comment 635 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,440 Speaker 1: about part of my life being unfair because I worked 636 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: so hard at this one thing and I still can't 637 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: seem to get what I want. I still can't seem 638 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: to get that one thing, but I worked so hard 639 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: at it, and I also know that I deserve it, 640 00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,160 Speaker 1: and so we were talking about that, and then we 641 00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: started talking about out working hard and what I've done 642 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:05,840 Speaker 1: to get my needs met in my life. And then unexpectedly, 643 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,800 Speaker 1: lightbulbs and like watery eyes came in. It didn't cry, 644 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: but it's really also because we ran out of time. 645 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,120 Speaker 1: But what came out of that conversation is we went 646 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,800 Speaker 1: back to this idea and this truth that I didn't 647 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: feel very important growing up. I didn't and it wasn't 648 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,960 Speaker 1: because my parents didn't love me or they weren't present 649 00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 1: and available and good parents that as that's not why. 650 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: It's because I had a lot of experiences that didn't 651 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: feel so great, and I created conclusions and made up 652 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 1: stories about those experiences to help me make sense of them. 653 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 1: And what I came up with was I wasn't very important, 654 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: I wasn't very wanted. I wasn't We're not going to 655 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: go all into it, but that that's some of it. 656 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,960 Speaker 1: And I guess what, Creating content that people care about 657 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: and seem to care about and want to see and 658 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 1: want to hear and want to watch has been a 659 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,240 Speaker 1: great way for me to feel important. It's been a 660 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 1: great way for me to call that not heal that 661 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 1: old wound from when I was really young. And maybe 662 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 1: for you, it's like posting pretty pictures or creating carousels 663 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: of vacations and parties and evenings that people you and 664 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: are at in your comment section. Maybe if people wanting 665 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 1: to know where you shop or where you gotta pair 666 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: of shoes, like Instagram gives us all this monetarily free, 667 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: like this free tool that helps us get a manufactured 668 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: version of a basic and justifiable need, this need to 669 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: feel important, which, when we narrow it down, can be 670 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 1: another way to feel cared about and to feel cared for, 671 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: which I mean, are you full circling this right? How much? 672 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 1: How many times have I said like care in this episode? 673 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: And I realized that I looked at Instagram as a 674 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:47,360 Speaker 1: way to prove something, you know, like to prove something, 675 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,560 Speaker 1: to prove that I'm important, And actually I have nothing 676 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 1: to prove like I really don't like I know, and 677 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: I can no feel that I am important and I 678 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: don't have to have this tool to give me that. 679 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,240 Speaker 1: And if no one liked my content and if nobody 680 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: followed me, then I would still be the exact same person, 681 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: with the exact same heart. It doesn't change me, It 682 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,120 Speaker 1: doesn't change my importance, doesn't change my values and change 683 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 1: my worth, and my Instagram is not a full reflection 684 00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 1: of me, so it's kind of like cheapening my importance 685 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 1: as well. So one of the biggest takeaways I've I've 686 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 1: had from this experience is that social media has this 687 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 1: opportunity to bring us the idea that people really do 688 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: care about us or they don't like. We assume if 689 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 1: somebody is watching something or following us or liked our picture, 690 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 1: we assume that they are paying attention. And if they're 691 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: paying attention, then we're important. And if I'm important, then 692 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: people care about me. And if if people care about me, 693 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: then I have value. And if I have value, I'm worthy. 694 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: And if I'm worthy and I am good and I'm good, 695 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,160 Speaker 1: I will get the things I want. We can keep 696 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: going and that that stream might be different for you. 697 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:55,800 Speaker 1: But here is where social media, specifically Instagram, manipulates us, 698 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 1: and that it helps us manipulate ourselves. We create false 699 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,560 Speaker 1: nare If that helped put band aids, these are this 700 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 1: is band aid on a wound rather than heal the wound. 701 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,720 Speaker 1: If I can gain more of a following than I'm 702 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: more important, more people watch my story than I'm more important, 703 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:12,840 Speaker 1: more people comment on this post, I'm more important, and 704 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:14,760 Speaker 1: more people like this, I'm more important, and more people 705 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: dm me I'm more important. And if I'm more important, 706 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,479 Speaker 1: that means that I'm cared about. And if I'm cared about, 707 00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 1: I'm worthy. And if I'm worthy, I'm going to be wanted. 708 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 1: Don't we all want to be wanted? The problem is 709 00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,480 Speaker 1: I can create the biggest following in the world, and 710 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: maybe the part of me who felt alone and not 711 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,320 Speaker 1: important and maybe unwanted gets covered up right. The issue 712 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,960 Speaker 1: here is that at what expense does this thing get 713 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,960 Speaker 1: covered up? At what expense? What is it going to 714 00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 1: cost us? Because do I now have to curate content 715 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 1: to be wanted? Is that what makes me important? My content? 716 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,879 Speaker 1: My pretty picture from my vacation, my bikini body, Like, 717 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,480 Speaker 1: what is it that's making me important? What are these 718 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: people seeing? And what do I have to keep producing? 719 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: And we may have covered up a wound, but are 720 00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,799 Speaker 1: we tending to it and are we caring for it? 721 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,960 Speaker 1: Probably not? So then what we've done is we've created 722 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,520 Speaker 1: this monster we have to feed. And because Instagram wants 723 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: to stay on Instagram for as long as possible so 724 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: they can send you more ads, you can buy more things, 725 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: so they can sell more ads, so they can make 726 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,799 Speaker 1: more money, and all of that, they're going to help 727 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 1: you feed the monster as well. So here's where I 728 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,360 Speaker 1: am now. Because I want us to heal the wounds. 729 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 1: I don't want us to cover up the wounds. I 730 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 1: don't want us to dissociate from the wounds. I don't 731 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,960 Speaker 1: want us to ignore the wounds. I don't want any 732 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 1: of that. I want us to be able to heal them. 733 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,800 Speaker 1: And so part of that is just being honest. Right, 734 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: So part of being able to heal something is acknowledging it. Right, 735 00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 1: can't help something you are refusing to acknowledge. And if 736 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,359 Speaker 1: we can step back from what we're doing and how 737 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: we're manipulating Instagram, we can look at, okay, how are 738 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,000 Speaker 1: you be using this an unhealthy way? And then what 739 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,640 Speaker 1: do we actually need to do in that area of 740 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,160 Speaker 1: our life? So here's what I'm doing. I'm going to 741 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:58,719 Speaker 1: allow myself to be very picky about who and what 742 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:01,279 Speaker 1: I follow. It again seemed to me that I had 743 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: to follow everyone because if I didn't, I as rude 744 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,400 Speaker 1: or mean or something like that. And it's not like 745 00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: there's really nothing. I keep talking about this, but there's 746 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:09,840 Speaker 1: really nothing else to say. It's just not mean to 747 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:11,880 Speaker 1: not want to follow somebody. And I'm also okay if 748 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 1: people want to follow me, like I really am. I 749 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: wondered if that would feel different. I wondered if that 750 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 1: would shift or change, And like I also wonder if 751 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: that would feel different if I still had that old account. 752 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 1: I guess we don't know, and we don't have to 753 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,680 Speaker 1: know because I don't have it. But I'm okay if 754 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:29,040 Speaker 1: people don't want to follow me because it's not a 755 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,839 Speaker 1: reflection of how important I am or how cared about 756 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,719 Speaker 1: I am. I'm also just not watching as much on 757 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,440 Speaker 1: Instagram and I'm not watching as many stories and I'm 758 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 1: not scrolling as much. And I actually started enjoying not 759 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,520 Speaker 1: having content to look at because I still don't follow 760 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 1: as many people. I follow people now, and I'll probably 761 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: follow more as I like again be like, oh my 762 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,319 Speaker 1: best friend, I forgot to re follow you, but I 763 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,319 Speaker 1: don't have as much to see on my feed and 764 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,320 Speaker 1: so there's not as much content to take in. And 765 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:57,560 Speaker 1: also through this experiment, I really, I'm telling you guys, 766 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: is shifted the way I feel. I really just don't 767 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,280 Speaker 1: hair as much about knowing everything. And then I'm also 768 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: the third thing, I'm not following a lot of influencer 769 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,520 Speaker 1: and educational type accounts. I'm following some, but I picked 770 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,560 Speaker 1: a few that I really liked, and then that's that. 771 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:14,920 Speaker 1: And of course, like as time goes on, I might 772 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: find new ones, but I don't need to follow every 773 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 1: therapist and every meme account. It's already hard enough and 774 00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,239 Speaker 1: to be in innubated with like six hundred different posts 775 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,440 Speaker 1: about attachment and trauma and this and that, and I 776 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 1: just don't need it all, and it gets to be 777 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 1: that simple, and you don't need it all either, Like 778 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,839 Speaker 1: there's just such a thing as information overdrive. And if 779 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: I want to look at something, I can go search 780 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: it and I can google it, or I can find 781 00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,920 Speaker 1: them on Instagram if their account is public, I can 782 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,399 Speaker 1: look at it when I want to look at it. 783 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 1: But we don't need to have just a constant scroll 784 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,760 Speaker 1: of information, or I don't need to have a constant 785 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,880 Speaker 1: scroll of information like that. I don't have it in 786 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:51,719 Speaker 1: me to see that all the time. And so, in 787 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 1: kind of a conclusion of this, remind you that this 788 00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,040 Speaker 1: all came from a place of wanting Instagram to be 789 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,800 Speaker 1: and continue to be a good fun thing. Instagram is 790 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:02,840 Speaker 1: allowed to be fun. It is fun. It's allowed to 791 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,759 Speaker 1: be helpful. It is helpful. It's allowed to be an 792 00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:09,000 Speaker 1: amazing tool to help grow a business and promote your 793 00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,800 Speaker 1: people and celebrate your people and celebrate things. It's allowed 794 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,000 Speaker 1: to be all of that. But we have to find 795 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,640 Speaker 1: agency in power within ourselves. And so to find agency 796 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,839 Speaker 1: in power within ourselves, we have to find where we're 797 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,160 Speaker 1: getting our power taken away. And for me, part of 798 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,000 Speaker 1: My power being taken away was because I felt like 799 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 1: I needed to produce and be a certain way based 800 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,520 Speaker 1: on what I was seeing out there to continue to 801 00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: feel and keep up with the joneses and be important. 802 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 1: So we have to remember that we're in charge of 803 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 1: how we use it, and to do that, we also 804 00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: have to deconstruct these unconscious messages that Instagram in the 805 00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:42,480 Speaker 1: world has kind of like put inside of our brains. 806 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,680 Speaker 1: One being that knowing what everyone is doing all the 807 00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: time is normal, it's not. Also the idea that I 808 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,480 Speaker 1: need to know what other people are doing you don't. 809 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:54,880 Speaker 1: And then lastly, when people don't follow me and means 810 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,799 Speaker 1: that they don't care about me. If they don't follow me, 811 00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,000 Speaker 1: that means something negative about me. Those are all ideas 812 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,720 Speaker 1: that we just got to deconstruct. And then we can 813 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,880 Speaker 1: construct these ideas. We can like our lives without anyone 814 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,879 Speaker 1: else liking them. We can have fun without anybody else 815 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:12,640 Speaker 1: knowing about it. We can have experiences that people don't 816 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 1: know about and they're still meaningful. And it's more important 817 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 1: for us to do it for ourselves and do it 818 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,520 Speaker 1: for the Graham. That's a huge one. Now. I hope 819 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,360 Speaker 1: that you guys decide to do whatever you want to 820 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,640 Speaker 1: do with your Instagrams that feels right for you. This 821 00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:27,319 Speaker 1: was just something that I wanted to do for me 822 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,880 Speaker 1: um and something that's been helpful for me. But I 823 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: hope that we can all just put out content that 824 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: we like and that gets to be enough. I'm starting 825 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: to look at my Instagram page like a little love 826 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,759 Speaker 1: letter to myself, and that might sound weird, I know, 827 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,239 Speaker 1: but I mean it in this way that I'm going 828 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,719 Speaker 1: to post and say and show things that I think 829 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,839 Speaker 1: are important, regardless of the world, because I think I'm 830 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,600 Speaker 1: important and I know I'm important, and that feels so loving, 831 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,839 Speaker 1: and the feedback that I get or I don't get 832 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,480 Speaker 1: doesn't get to change my mind, and what other people 833 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 1: are posting doesn't get to change my mind about how 834 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,919 Speaker 1: I feel about what I'm putting out there. So there, 835 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 1: you guys have it, my Instagram experiment now. As always, 836 00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,719 Speaker 1: I hope that this episode was helpful to you, and 837 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,400 Speaker 1: it's a lot to be helpful in different ways. I 838 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 1: think different people might get different stuff out of this, 839 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,400 Speaker 1: but I hope you get what you need, and with that, 840 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: I hope you have the day that you need to 841 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 1: have and you create the content that you need to 842 00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,600 Speaker 1: create for you, and I will see you on Wednesday 843 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:23,920 Speaker 1: for cotch Docs