Speaker 1: Have you tried to start meditating daily but can't seem
Speaker 1: to stick with it? I had that same problem too
Speaker 1: for a long time, which is why I've created a
Speaker 1: new guide called the Top five reasons you can't seem
Speaker 1: to stick with a meditation practice and how to actually
Speaker 1: build one that lasts. Just head over to our website
Speaker 1: at one you feed dot net and you can get
Speaker 1: free access to this helpful resource. Again, that's a free
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Speaker 1: stick with a meditation practice at one you feed dot Net.
Speaker 1: Time management is pain management. Everything we do is about
Speaker 1: a desire to escape discomfort. Welcome to the one you
Speaker 1: feed throughout time. Great tinkers have recognized the importance of
Speaker 1: the thoughts we have. Quotes like garbage in, garbage out,
Speaker 1: or you are what you think ring true, And yet
Speaker 1: for many of us are thought don't strengthen or empower us.
Speaker 1: We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We
Speaker 1: see what we don't have instead of what we do.
Speaker 1: We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit.
Speaker 1: But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It
Speaker 1: takes conscious, consistent and creative effort to make a life
Speaker 1: worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep
Speaker 1: themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their
Speaker 1: good wolf. Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this
Speaker 1: episode is Near a all author and previous lecture at
Speaker 1: Stanford Graduate School of Business and Hasso platin Or Institute
Speaker 1: of Design. His writing on technology, psychology and business appears
Speaker 1: in the Harvard Business Review, The Atlantic, Psychology Today, and others.
Speaker 1: His new book is Indistractable, How to Control Your Attention
Speaker 1: and Choose Your Life. I knear welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: Than its great to be here. I am excited to
Speaker 1: have you on. We're going to talk about your book Indistractable,
Speaker 1: How to Control your Attention and Choose your Life Here
Speaker 1: in a moment. But let's start the way we always
Speaker 1: do with a parable There is a grandfather who's talking
Speaker 1: with his grandson. He says, in life, there are two
Speaker 1: wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One
Speaker 1: is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and
Speaker 1: bravery and love, and the other is a bad wolf,
Speaker 1: which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And
Speaker 1: the grandson stops and he thinks about it for a second.
Speaker 1: He looks up at his grandfather's grandfather, which one wins,
Speaker 1: and the grandfather says, the one you feed. So I'd
Speaker 1: like to start off by asking you what that parable
Speaker 1: means to you in your life and in the work
Speaker 1: that you do. I think the parable is really about
Speaker 1: the power of habits that we are some of our behaviors.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that people have fixed person renalities. I
Speaker 1: don't believe that there's an identity that we are stuck
Speaker 1: with from birth. That we are able to in fact
Speaker 1: change ourselves anyway we wish, and we are a some
Speaker 1: product of our behaviors. We can we can change those
Speaker 1: behaviors if we are diligent about understanding why we do
Speaker 1: what we do and then take the steps to alter
Speaker 1: our path so that we can be the kind of
Speaker 1: people we want to be. And that's to me, what
Speaker 1: what feeding one wolf or the other is all about.
Speaker 1: It's about which behaviors do repeat versus which behaviors do
Speaker 1: you starve as a wonderful way to start off and
Speaker 1: a good summary for why we do what we do
Speaker 1: here on the show. So your book is about being indistractable,
Speaker 1: how to control our attention and and choose our lives.
Speaker 1: And I love this idea that where our attention goes
Speaker 1: really controls, to a large extent, the quality of our life.
Speaker 1: What we pay attention to really directs our experience. And
Speaker 1: so I've got a spiritual habits course that I lead in.
Speaker 1: One of the key principles we talk about in the
Speaker 1: very beginning is the idea of what's my intention and
Speaker 1: then what am I doing with my attention? And if
Speaker 1: you've got those two things sort of locked in, you
Speaker 1: can do so much. That's absolutely right. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: a reason we call it paying attention. There is a
Speaker 1: value there, there's a cost, and for most of us,
Speaker 1: we just give it away. Right, And how crazy is that? Right?
Speaker 1: If we think about our our stuff, our physical possessions.
Speaker 1: We put our uh you know, we put our money
Speaker 1: behind vaults inside banks, We put security systems in our homes,
Speaker 1: alarms and our cars to protect our stuff. But when
Speaker 1: it comes to the one thing that everyone on earth
Speaker 1: has the same amount of our time, well, I don't
Speaker 1: care if you're Warren Buffet or Bill Gates or anyone.
Speaker 1: You have the same twenty four hours every day, and
Speaker 1: yet so many of us, unfortunately just give it away
Speaker 1: anybody who wants it. Whatever is in the news, whatever
Speaker 1: happened on Twitter, whatever our kids are, spouse, our boss,
Speaker 1: whoever wants to come on over, take as much as
Speaker 1: you want. And I think what's going to happen, especially
Speaker 1: in this day and age where you know, distraction is
Speaker 1: so easy to find because it's so accessible in our
Speaker 1: pockets at all times with our our cell phones and
Speaker 1: other technologies, that if you are looking for a distraction,
Speaker 1: you will certainly find it. And so I think what's
Speaker 1: going to happen. It's already happening. Is a real bifurcation
Speaker 1: between people who say to themselves, look, my time, my attention,
Speaker 1: my life is mine, and I will choose how I
Speaker 1: allocate my my time and attention, or the people who say, okay,
Speaker 1: you know whatever, I'll give it away to whoever wants it.
Speaker 1: And I think the people who can proudly proclaim that no,
Speaker 1: they are going to be in control of their time,
Speaker 1: intention in their life, those are the people who will
Speaker 1: be able to say I am indistractable. And that's what this,
Speaker 1: this book, and hopefully this movement UH is really all about.
Speaker 1: It's about creating this identity of people who say, I
Speaker 1: am indistractable. I decide how I will spend my time
Speaker 1: and attention in my life, right, and that is the
Speaker 1: most important thing I often say with coaching clients. You know,
Speaker 1: the fundamental life skill is to be able to decide
Speaker 1: what's important and then give it your attention and your devotion.
Speaker 1: So you start off by saying that one of the
Speaker 1: things that we really need to realize is that we
Speaker 1: tend to blame our distractability on the things that distract us.
Speaker 1: And and you know, we live in a world, as
Speaker 1: you said, it's very easy to be distracted. It's never
Speaker 1: been easier to be distracted. But you say that, you
Speaker 1: know where most people are blaming the devices, the technology,
Speaker 1: all of that, that the root cause that this is
Speaker 1: a lot deeper than that. Absolutely, yeah, that's absolutely right.
Speaker 1: So you know, there's two types of approaches that I
Speaker 1: think most people take. We have what we call the
Speaker 1: blamers and the shamers. The blamers say, oh, you see,
Speaker 1: I got distracted because of my iPhone, because of the email,
Speaker 1: because of what's happening in the news, because oh I
Speaker 1: hear this all the time. This is my favorite the
Speaker 1: modern world these days, Well, here's the thing. Blaming those
Speaker 1: kind of things outside of your self is futile. You
Speaker 1: you can't change that stuff. Right, These technologies aren't going away,
Speaker 1: and frankly we don't want them to. These are wonderful technologies, right,
Speaker 1: We use these companies make so much money because we
Speaker 1: like to use these products and services. So it's not
Speaker 1: going away. And frankly, there's this myth of you know,
Speaker 1: the good old days that somehow there were it was
Speaker 1: a day when the world was without trouble and wasn't
Speaker 1: wasn't distracting and that and that's ridiculous. I mean, years
Speaker 1: before the iPhone complained about how distracting the world was,
Speaker 1: and the Greek he called it acrasia, the tendency that
Speaker 1: we have to do things against our better interest years ago.
Speaker 1: So this is clearly not a new problem. So being
Speaker 1: a blamer isn't very useful. It doesn't accomplish much. Being
Speaker 1: a shamer is the other extreme. A shamer they don't
Speaker 1: blame things outside of themselves. They shame themselves. So a
Speaker 1: lot of people do this, right, They have a self
Speaker 1: image that says, ah, you see, I'm so lazy. Uh,
Speaker 1: here I go again, getting distracted that's so like me,
Speaker 1: I can't I have a short attention span, and uh,
Speaker 1: they shame themselves. And ironically, what we find is that
Speaker 1: shame is a negative emotion. Shame feels bad. And it
Speaker 1: turns out that the root cause of distraction is in fact,
Speaker 1: uncomfortable sensations. That when we really look at why people
Speaker 1: do things against their better interest, To answer Plato's year
Speaker 1: old question of why we do things we know we
Speaker 1: shouldn't do or don't do the things we know we should,
Speaker 1: it's not a character flaw. It's that we just don't
Speaker 1: know how to regulate our emotions. You see, time management
Speaker 1: is pain management. That everything we do is about a
Speaker 1: desire to escape discomfort. That most people have this notion
Speaker 1: that motivations about the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance
Speaker 1: of pain. Freud called this the pleasure principle. But in
Speaker 1: fact it's not true. Like a lot of things with Freud,
Speaker 1: it's not true that, in fact everything we do is
Speaker 1: not about the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
Speaker 1: Neurologically speaking, it's only about the desire to escape discomfort.
Speaker 1: Everything you do, whether it's physiologically, if you feel cold,
Speaker 1: the brain says, oh, this is uncomfortable. Put on a coat.
Speaker 1: If you feel hunger, payings, the brain says, this doesn't
Speaker 1: feel good, you should eat something. So everything we do
Speaker 1: physiologically is about the desire to escape discomfort, and the
Speaker 1: same holds true for our psychological sensations. So if we
Speaker 1: are feeling lonely, we check Facebook. Were uncertain, we google,
Speaker 1: If we're board, we watch the news. We check stock prices,
Speaker 1: sports scores, uh Pinterest, Twitter, or read at. All of
Speaker 1: these tools cater to these uncomfortable sensations. So we have
Speaker 1: to address this fact that everything we do is about
Speaker 1: the desire to escape discomfort. So it's about which wolf
Speaker 1: you feed? Right? Do you feed this wolf by escaping
Speaker 1: that discomfort? Do you look for psychological escape from reality
Speaker 1: so that you don't have to deal with whatever it
Speaker 1: is is around you with too much booze, too much news,
Speaker 1: too much Facebook, too much foot ball, too much whatever
Speaker 1: to take your mind off of those uncomfortable sensations. Or
Speaker 1: do you build the habit of harnessing those internal triggers
Speaker 1: to lead you towards traction rather than distraction. And so
Speaker 1: this is why we don't want to be blamers. We
Speaker 1: don't want to be shamers. We want to be what's
Speaker 1: called claimers. Claimers acknowledge that you cannot control your emotions. Okay,
Speaker 1: your urges are not in your control. Many people don't
Speaker 1: understand this fact that controlling your emotion is like trying
Speaker 1: to hold in a sneeze or a cough. You cannot
Speaker 1: stop that urge. You can only act in response to it.
Speaker 1: So when you feel the urge to sneeze, do you
Speaker 1: sneeze all over everyone and get them sick. No, you
Speaker 1: take out a handkerchief and you sneeze into a tissue,
Speaker 1: as opposed to getting everyone else sick. And so the
Speaker 1: same thing happens with our emotional sensations. How do we
Speaker 1: respond to those internal triggers is incredibly important, and so
Speaker 1: you know, the word responsibility is about how we respond
Speaker 1: to these these uncomfortable sensations. And so that's the really
Speaker 1: the first step to becoming indistractable. I don't want to
Speaker 1: go down this rabbit hole too far, but I read
Speaker 1: the book and I've heard you talk a couple of
Speaker 1: times about this idea that everything is a response to pain, right,
Speaker 1: that it's not seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. It's just
Speaker 1: a response to pain. And I just wanted to understand
Speaker 1: a little bit more about where you're pulling that idea
Speaker 1: and that that research from. It's an interesting idea. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure I agree with it, but before I go
Speaker 1: disagreeing with something, I'd want to know how to learn
Speaker 1: more about it. Buddhism has been a big part of
Speaker 1: my life, and right, we talked about greed and aversion. Right,
Speaker 1: it's it's wanting, and it's wanting good things and not
Speaker 1: wanting bad things. But so I'm kind of curious that
Speaker 1: the neurological piece of that that you talk about. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it comes down to the neural wiring of the brain that,
Speaker 1: in fact, pleasure is an abstraction from what is happening. Neurologically,
Speaker 1: you said it yourself, it's wanting, craving, desire, lusting. There's
Speaker 1: a reason we say love hurts because even the desire
Speaker 1: for good things, wanting to do something, even if it's
Speaker 1: the pursuit of pleasure is what you want, the wanting
Speaker 1: itself is psychologically destabilizing. That the way the brain gets
Speaker 1: us to act and do anything, even to pursue pleasure,
Speaker 1: is not about what feels good. It's about what felt good.
Speaker 1: That's a very important point. How does that work? The
Speaker 1: way the dope allergic system works in the brain, the
Speaker 1: way our reward system works is by having a memory
Speaker 1: of a past experience that felt good, and then what
Speaker 1: the brain does is cause us this itch, this desire,
Speaker 1: this craving to feel that again. And that that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that the way we should incentivize and motivate people
Speaker 1: is punishing them and with you know, pain, That's not
Speaker 1: what I'm saying at all. That absolutely that we we
Speaker 1: know that the best motivators are these intrinsic motivations, these
Speaker 1: intrinsic rewards for something that is pleasurable. But that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that the desire to go pursue that pleasurable sensation
Speaker 1: is itself a desire to escape the discomfort of wanting.
Speaker 1: That makes sense to me. That piece totally makes sense.
Speaker 1: That that wanting is an unpleasant sensation that we then
Speaker 1: seek to relieve, totally makes sense. So I love this
Speaker 1: idea of time management is pain management, right? And what
Speaker 1: you're talking about here, essentially there's lots of different words
Speaker 1: for it. A term we've used on the show a
Speaker 1: lot is its emotional regulation. Right, It's this ability, as
Speaker 1: you said, to be able to Okay, I feel an
Speaker 1: unpleasant emotion and instead of letting that spin me off
Speaker 1: in a variety of directions, I'm going to allow that
Speaker 1: to be there. I'm going to cope with it, and
Speaker 1: then I'm going to act according to what I value
Speaker 1: or what's important to me. So let's break down from
Speaker 1: your perspective, how do we do that? Yeah, So becoming
Speaker 1: indistractable is really about these four key steps and the
Speaker 1: first we talked about, which is about mastering these internal triggers.
Speaker 1: And that's the most important step because you know, whether
Speaker 1: it's uh, some technology today. You know it's Facebook today
Speaker 1: or iPhone today. Tomorrow it's gonna be something else. Fifty
Speaker 1: years ago it was the radio or television or comic books.
Speaker 1: Every generation has these successive technologies that everybody has a
Speaker 1: moral panic around and says, it's melting our brain, it's
Speaker 1: super distracting. It's the same story every single generation. But
Speaker 1: the real cause is always what is going on inside
Speaker 1: of us. It's always about the desire to escape discomfort.
Speaker 1: And so there's some tactics. I talked about three big
Speaker 1: tactics in the book about what you can do to
Speaker 1: reimagine the trigger, reimagine the task, and reimagine your temperament.
Speaker 1: So that's the first most important step. The next step
Speaker 1: involves differentiating between traction and distraction. So this is a
Speaker 1: really important point to to talk about just a bit,
Speaker 1: because in order to understand what is distraction, we have
Speaker 1: to understand what is the opposite of distraction. And so
Speaker 1: most people will say it's focused. The opposite of distraction
Speaker 1: is focused, but that's not exactly right. The opposite of
Speaker 1: distraction is not focused. The opposite of distraction is traction.
Speaker 1: That in fact, both words come from the same Latin root,
Speaker 1: which means to pull, and they both end in the
Speaker 1: same six letters A C, T, I, O N that
Speaker 1: spells action. So traction is any action that pulls you
Speaker 1: towards what you want to do, things that you do
Speaker 1: with intent. The opposite of traction is distraction, anything that
Speaker 1: pulls you away from what you plan to do, any
Speaker 1: actions that you are doing without intent. So this is
Speaker 1: really important for two reasons. Number one, anything can become
Speaker 1: a distraction. Okay, so this used to happen to me
Speaker 1: all the time before I wrote this book. You know,
Speaker 1: I would sit down at my desk and I'd say, Okay,
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna focus. I'm gonna finally get to work.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop procrastinating. I'm gonna do what I said
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do. Here I go, I'm gonna work on
Speaker 1: this big project. I'm gonna get so much done today.
Speaker 1: But first, let me check some email, right, let me
Speaker 1: do that one thing I might to do list. That's
Speaker 1: kind of an easy thing to do to get some momentum, right.
Speaker 1: And what I didn't understand is that I was allowing
Speaker 1: distraction to trick me, to full fool me, to pull
Speaker 1: the wool over my eyes, and that I didn't realize
Speaker 1: that when I did that other thing, I was getting distracted.
Speaker 1: And so that's a much more pernicious form of distraction.
Speaker 1: Because look, if you're playing candy Crush or watching YouTube
Speaker 1: video or you know, putsing around at your desk playing
Speaker 1: candy Crush at work, you know that that's not what
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be doing. You know that's a distraction.
Speaker 1: But if you check email, oh that feels productive, right,
Speaker 1: that's kind of worky. But we don't realize that when
Speaker 1: that happens distraction has tricked you into prioritizing the urgent
Speaker 1: at the expense of the important, and that is toxic
Speaker 1: for your productivity and where you're well being. So anything
Speaker 1: can become a distraction, and conversely, anything can be traction.
Speaker 1: So I am not one of these chicken little anti
Speaker 1: tech people that say the sky is falling and this
Speaker 1: tech is so horrible and smelting our brain. I know
Speaker 1: too much history to believe that stuff, and too much
Speaker 1: research that says that is not true. It's not hijacking
Speaker 1: your brain, it's not addicting everyone. That's an excuse, that's
Speaker 1: what the blamers say, because look, the fact of the
Speaker 1: matter is there is nothing wrong with using Facebook or YouTube,
Speaker 1: or watching the news or playing a video game, as
Speaker 1: long as you do it on your schedule, not on
Speaker 1: some media company's schedule. That's right. It's that idea of
Speaker 1: time that you enjoy rating is not wasted time. Time
Speaker 1: you played to waste is not wasted time. It's exactly
Speaker 1: right if you plan that time. It's traction. That's such
Speaker 1: an important point. It's why when I'm doing coaching work
Speaker 1: with people like we don't start with emotional regulation. We
Speaker 1: start with a plan, because until you have the plan,
Speaker 1: you don't know, as you say so eloquently, you don't
Speaker 1: know are you being distracted or not. If you don't
Speaker 1: know what you plan to be doing, what you want
Speaker 1: to be doing in this moment, then you don't know
Speaker 1: if you're procrastinating or not. It's it's when you go,
Speaker 1: all right, I should be doing this, and then you
Speaker 1: don't do it. Now we know, we've got a very
Speaker 1: clear example. Okay, distraction, right exactly. And so this is
Speaker 1: this is one of the key mantras of the book
Speaker 1: is that you can't call something a distraction unless you
Speaker 1: know what you are distracted from. You can't call something
Speaker 1: a distraction unless you know what you are distracted from.
Speaker 1: Meaning if you don't plan out your day, you have
Speaker 1: no right to complain about getting distracted, because what did
Speaker 1: you get distracted from your You know, if you have
Speaker 1: a bunch of white space in your day, everything is
Speaker 1: a distraction. So what are you complaining about? And it's
Speaker 1: amazing to me. You know, two thirds of Americans don't
Speaker 1: keep any sort of a calendar, and I've always kept
Speaker 1: a calendar, but I was actually the one third of
Speaker 1: people who do keep a calendar. But I didn't realize
Speaker 1: until I wrote this book that I was doing it
Speaker 1: wrong because I would interview people. I interviewed hundreds of
Speaker 1: people for this book over the past five years. And
Speaker 1: the people who were most distracted, you know, I've talked
Speaker 1: to them and they say, oh, you know that I'm
Speaker 1: so distracted these days. I can't seem to get what
Speaker 1: I want to do done. And you know, did you
Speaker 1: hear what's happening in the news and Donald Trump said this,
Speaker 1: and Kim Kardashian that and all this stuff that they
Speaker 1: get distracted with. Uh. And then I would say, well,
Speaker 1: what did you plan to do with your time today?
Speaker 1: And they say, oh, let me show you. Look at
Speaker 1: my to do list, look at all this stuff I
Speaker 1: didn't get done today that I planned to do. And
Speaker 1: I said, no, no no, you didn't hear the question. I said,
Speaker 1: what did you plan to do with your time today?
Speaker 1: Show me your calendar? Because what most people don't realize
Speaker 1: that that to do list is evil, right, that to
Speaker 1: do list keeps most people as slaves and and it's
Speaker 1: and people don't realize this. This This is a really important point.
Speaker 1: I call this the tyranny of the to do list.
Speaker 1: Because here's how most people use the to do list.
Speaker 1: They use it as a device to reinforce their identity
Speaker 1: of not being able to do what they say. They
Speaker 1: are using a method that reinforces their inability to do
Speaker 1: what they say. And here's how it works. If you're
Speaker 1: anything like I was, I would keep it to do list,
Speaker 1: because you know, that's what the productivity gurus tells you.
Speaker 1: To get things done right, you have to keep it
Speaker 1: to do list. And day after day, about half of
Speaker 1: my to do list I wouldn't get done. I would
Speaker 1: just recycle that stuff from one day to the next
Speaker 1: the next, and it just wouldn't get done. And so
Speaker 1: what I was doing to myself is reinforcing a self image.
Speaker 1: You know, when you see day after day, week after week,
Speaker 1: month after month, year after year, Yep, another day went
Speaker 1: by and you didn't do what you said you were
Speaker 1: going to do. Loser. You start to believe that over time,
Speaker 1: you don't even realize the subconscious effects that it has
Speaker 1: on you. And so instead of keeping it to do list,
Speaker 1: which is fine if it is a temporary repository of tasks,
Speaker 1: what most people do is they have a big, long
Speaker 1: to do list and then they do whatever they want,
Speaker 1: whenever they want, and they get very little done as
Speaker 1: opposed to the right way is to keep a time
Speaker 1: box calendar where immediately, if something is important enough to
Speaker 1: make it into your to do list, you put it
Speaker 1: on your schedule, because that is the only way we
Speaker 1: can live out our values. If you want to see
Speaker 1: my values, look at my calendar. Why because I consciously
Speaker 1: sit down for fifteen minutes a week. It's all. It
Speaker 1: takes fifteen minutes. And I asked myself, how will I
Speaker 1: turn my values into time this week? The values that
Speaker 1: I have around taking care of myself, which include physical exercise, rest, education, meditation, prayer,
Speaker 1: whatever it is that are your values. I'm not telling
Speaker 1: you what to do, by the way, I'm telling you
Speaker 1: that whatever it is you want to do, you have
Speaker 1: to make time for it, even if it's video games. Right.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing, here's an amazing thing. This is why
Speaker 1: the tierny of that to do list is so evil,
Speaker 1: because even when a productive person wants time to relax, Okay,
Speaker 1: I used to get home from work and so I
Speaker 1: just want to watch some Netflix, right, even when I
Speaker 1: was watching Netflix, or worse, even worse, playing with my
Speaker 1: daughter in the back of my mind. Oh, there's all
Speaker 1: those things that my to do list I didn't get
Speaker 1: done yet. And let me tell you, a tiny percentage
Speaker 1: of people in the world have ever experienced the bliss
Speaker 1: that is watching a movie, playing with your kid, going
Speaker 1: out to dinner with your your spouse, or whatever it is,
Speaker 1: without the guilt of thinking in the back of your head, oh,
Speaker 1: I should be doing something else. That's such a beautiful feeling.
Speaker 1: It's so ironic that by keeping it to do list
Speaker 1: and not finishing what you said you would do, you're
Speaker 1: actually not even enjoying the leisure time you do give
Speaker 1: to yourself. And so that's why that technique really does backfire.
Speaker 1: I would say it slightly differently, but I agree. I mean,
Speaker 1: for me, the to do list stands like you said,
Speaker 1: is it's a place to hold things until I can
Speaker 1: marry them to my calendar as quickly as possible. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: but this is true. The spot is for the game
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Speaker 1: What's the number one sign of a bad home security system?
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Speaker 1: to make sure they know that the one new feed
Speaker 1: Podcasts sent you. I start each day by sort of
Speaker 1: just writing out thirty minute intervals all day long, and
Speaker 1: then I look at, like, what's actually already on the calendar,
Speaker 1: So okay, that covers the things that I've already prioritized
Speaker 1: enough to put on. And then I look at the
Speaker 1: to do list and I go, okay, what's getting plugged
Speaker 1: into those rest of those? And like you say, now
Speaker 1: I kind of know all day long, at any given
Speaker 1: moment what I'm doing and prioritized in there are all
Speaker 1: the things that are also important, like exercise and meditation
Speaker 1: and spending time with friends and and all of that.
Speaker 1: And so I agree, and I think that like Friday
Speaker 1: nights for me is I know, Friday nights with unless
Speaker 1: something else comes up, Friday nights are like pizza and
Speaker 1: Netflix night, and I do it and I love it
Speaker 1: because I know it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1: It's so freeing, right, in my calendar. I have time
Speaker 1: for social media. Every night, I have time on my
Speaker 1: calendar two puts around on Facebook and YouTube. And it's great,
Speaker 1: don't I love it? And there's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1: And I took something that used to distract me all
Speaker 1: the time and I turned it into traction simply by
Speaker 1: deciding with intent when I will do it. This process
Speaker 1: is really life changing. In large part, I think a
Speaker 1: second order benefit is that when you have a physical manifestation,
Speaker 1: I don't tell people to do this every day. I
Speaker 1: advise most people can do it once a week and
Speaker 1: it literally takes a team minutes. In fact, I'll give
Speaker 1: you a link for the show notes where I built
Speaker 1: this online tool to make it super easy. You don't
Speaker 1: have to buy anything or even give me your email.
Speaker 1: It's totally, you know, totally free. Anybody can use it.
Speaker 1: It's just basically a calendar template for the week. And
Speaker 1: what it does is when you do this, you have
Speaker 1: a physical manifestation of what your week will look like.
Speaker 1: And this is really powerful for a few reasons. One,
Speaker 1: you can know, for every minute of your day, what
Speaker 1: is traction, what is on your counter distraction? Anything else
Speaker 1: is a distraction, So that's really important. Now you can
Speaker 1: at least identify the enemy. Right. Coil has this great
Speaker 1: quote where he says a mistake repeated more than once
Speaker 1: is a decision. And in many people, including myself, before
Speaker 1: I wrote this book, I made the decision essentially effectively,
Speaker 1: to be distracted all the time. Well, we can make
Speaker 1: the decision to be indistractable. But that starts by identifying.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, where did I get distracted? People feel distracted,
Speaker 1: but they don't actually actually identify what do they get
Speaker 1: distracted from in order to understand the distraction. So that's
Speaker 1: a really important point. The second point is that when
Speaker 1: you have this artifact of yep, this is my schedule
Speaker 1: for every minute of the day for the entire week,
Speaker 1: it sounds like a lot of work. Believe me, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's actually and it sounds like it's stifling people. Oh,
Speaker 1: I want to have spontaneity. You can plan spontaneity as
Speaker 1: as as oxymoronic as that sounds. You can plan time
Speaker 1: and for that as well. You can reserve that time too.
Speaker 1: You know, go hang out with your kid. You know,
Speaker 1: every Saturday, I hang out with my kid for three hours.
Speaker 1: We don't know what we're gonna do. We might go
Speaker 1: to the park, we might go get some ice cream,
Speaker 1: we might go to the the museum. We don't know. But
Speaker 1: what I do know is what that I will not
Speaker 1: be on email, I will not be checking social media.
Speaker 1: I will not be doing something. That's the distraction. That
Speaker 1: time is reserved for her. But the spontane is still
Speaker 1: there because the time is reserved. But the other point
Speaker 1: I want to make here is that when you have
Speaker 1: that artifact, you can take it to the important stakeholders
Speaker 1: in your life, like your boss. So when you go
Speaker 1: to your boss, you know, we've heard this, this ridiculous
Speaker 1: trope that gets repeated in every single productivity article I read.
Speaker 1: If you want to be more productive, you have to
Speaker 1: learn how to say no, give me a break. You're
Speaker 1: gonna go to your boss, the person who cuts your checks,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna say no, you're not gonna be in
Speaker 1: business for very long. You're gonna fire right. You can't
Speaker 1: do that to your boss. That's stupid advice. Instead of
Speaker 1: saying no, what you want to do is to your
Speaker 1: boss to say no, how do you do that? You
Speaker 1: show them your schedule, You say, hey, look, boss, I
Speaker 1: made my schedule for the week. Here's how I will
Speaker 1: do all the all the things you asked me to
Speaker 1: do this week. Now you see this other piece of paper,
Speaker 1: You see this other thing over here. I wrote down
Speaker 1: all the things you asked me to do that I
Speaker 1: don't seem to find time for because look at the
Speaker 1: week ahead, I don't you know there's no extra time
Speaker 1: left over. Can you help me reprioritize what's more important? Okay?
Speaker 1: Is it the task here that's on my calendar or
Speaker 1: should I rearrange the calendar in some way to make
Speaker 1: time for another task you think is more important. First
Speaker 1: of all, your boss will worship the ground you walk
Speaker 1: on because most employers have no idea how you spend
Speaker 1: your time, and most of them assume you're slacking off
Speaker 1: in one way or the other. So when you show
Speaker 1: them here is how I plan to spend my time,
Speaker 1: they crave that visibility. Let me tell you, as a boss,
Speaker 1: a founder of two companies, I'm telling you from personal experience.
Speaker 1: They want to know, but they don't want to ask
Speaker 1: you to do this because they don't want you to
Speaker 1: feel like you're being micromanaged. But when you voluntarily show them, hey,
Speaker 1: here's how I plan to spend my time. Help me
Speaker 1: reprioritize that visibility is a game changer. The same tool
Speaker 1: of that time box calendar can help you in your
Speaker 1: home life as well. You know, I used to fight
Speaker 1: with my wife all the time about domestic responsibilities that
Speaker 1: you know. She would say, why why aren't you know, Look,
Speaker 1: the laundry needs to be done, or our daughter needs
Speaker 1: to be fed, or the house needs to be cleaned up,
Speaker 1: why aren't you doing it? And my response was always honey,
Speaker 1: if you want me to do something, why don't you
Speaker 1: just ask? Right? What I didn't realize is that when
Speaker 1: I sent crap like that, I was giving her yet
Speaker 1: another job to do, which is to be my babysitter essentially.
Speaker 1: And so now we never have those fights anymore. By
Speaker 1: the way, this is this is a statistic that across
Speaker 1: the board, in dual income heterosexual relationships, women still take
Speaker 1: on an outside share of household responsibilities even when they
Speaker 1: have a job outside the home as well. So we
Speaker 1: are really slacking here, guys. Uh And and let me
Speaker 1: tell you a lot of it is not maliciousness. It's
Speaker 1: just ignorance. Right. I didn't know what I was supposed
Speaker 1: to be doing. So what do we do? We sat down,
Speaker 1: we said, Okay, here's all the stuff that needs to
Speaker 1: get done, and now that stuff has time in my calendar.
Speaker 1: It's not just part of my to do list. I
Speaker 1: know every Saturday, these are my responsibilities to do today
Speaker 1: and when they get done because many household responsibilities have contingencies. Right, Uh,
Speaker 1: you know she can't cook lunch if I haven't cut
Speaker 1: the vegetables, things like that, and so I know when
Speaker 1: I will do those things. And so by having this
Speaker 1: weekly scheduled sink, Okay, where are you going to be
Speaker 1: this day? Do you need the car? Who's taking our daughter?
Speaker 1: Things like that. It takes ten minutes, ten fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: a week. We do it every Sunday night, life changing.
Speaker 1: We never have those fights anymore because of this simple practice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is a really powerful way to live, to be
Speaker 1: that intentional about your time and like you said, to
Speaker 1: make it visible, because I love that idea too, of
Speaker 1: taking it to your boss, because you're right, you can't
Speaker 1: be like, no, I'm not going to do that. The question,
Speaker 1: the great question is always like, help me understand how
Speaker 1: to prioritize all this? If I can't fit it all in,
Speaker 1: you know, instead of just not fitting it in or
Speaker 1: that's a distraction. Boss, no thanks, I'm learning how to
Speaker 1: say no right break. So an important point here is,
Speaker 1: like you said, this sounds like it's overwhelming to do,
Speaker 1: like the amount of effort, and it sounds like it's
Speaker 1: control freaky. But I found that it's really not that
Speaker 1: much time and effort, and that you know, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of productivity systems out there that become way too much,
Speaker 1: and there's all this endless categorization and and all this stuff.
Speaker 1: But but but this time boxing method is actually pretty
Speaker 1: straightforward and simple. It is it is, and most importantly,
Speaker 1: it's backed by really good research. I didn't invent time boxing.
Speaker 1: It's been around for a very long time, and in fact,
Speaker 1: thousands of studies, no joke, thousands of peer reviewed studies
Speaker 1: have found this is one of the most effective techniques
Speaker 1: for doing what you said you're gonna do. The psychologist
Speaker 1: we call it making an implementation intention, which is just
Speaker 1: a fancy a way of saying doing planning, doing what
Speaker 1: you plan to do when you plan to do it.
Speaker 1: And that's really what what living with personal integrity is
Speaker 1: all about. And so that's a very simple thing. Anyone
Speaker 1: can do it to some degree. And if you say,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, every minute of every day that sounds
Speaker 1: like too much, no problem. You know, becoming indistractable doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you never get distracted. Becoming indistractable means you strive
Speaker 1: to do what you say you're going to do. And
Speaker 1: so the beauty of this methodology is that anyone, whenever
Speaker 1: they want, can implement these four tactics in small degrees.
Speaker 1: So we talked about the first one, mastering the internal triggers.
Speaker 1: There's very simple techniques like the ten minute rule I
Speaker 1: talk about in the book is a wonderful way to
Speaker 1: disarm these internal triggers in order to help us stand
Speaker 1: track and not not lead towards distraction when we feel
Speaker 1: these uncomfortable emotional states. Anyone can learn that technique in
Speaker 1: just a few minutes. Making time for traction. Maybe you're
Speaker 1: not ready to book, you know, every minute of every day,
Speaker 1: seven days a week. How about you start with one weekend? Right?
Speaker 1: And the question to ask yourself is how can I
Speaker 1: turn my values into time? Values are attributes of the
Speaker 1: person you want to become, So how could you maybe
Speaker 1: plan out one weekend and then maybe two weekend days,
Speaker 1: and then maybe one week day. And so what we're
Speaker 1: doing is progressively learning to use this muscle of getting
Speaker 1: better at time blocking. Because remember, unlike the to do
Speaker 1: list method, which tends to reinforce a self image of
Speaker 1: someone who is not capable of doing what they said
Speaker 1: we're going to do, by time boxing, you're a winner
Speaker 1: at the end of every block of time. Because remember,
Speaker 1: the goal of time boxing is not to finish anything.
Speaker 1: Let me say that again. I know people are scratching
Speaker 1: their heads. What do you mean, not finish anything? How
Speaker 1: am I gonna get anything done? Here's the goal when
Speaker 1: you use a time boxing technique. The only goal is
Speaker 1: to work on what you said you will work on
Speaker 1: for as long as you said you will work on
Speaker 1: it without distraction. That's it. Whether it's ten minutes, thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: an hour, two hours, doesn't matter, irrelevant. The point of
Speaker 1: this methodology is that when you finish that time block,
Speaker 1: you are reinforcing your identity as someone who follows through
Speaker 1: you do what you say you're going to do. That
Speaker 1: is what becoming indistractable is all about. You strove to
Speaker 1: do what you said you were going to do. And
Speaker 1: you did it. That's why it's such a powerful technique.
Speaker 1: So that's what making time for traction is all about.
Speaker 1: The third technique is about hacking back the external triggers.
Speaker 1: And so the external triggers, and this is what most
Speaker 1: people tend to blame. It's the pings, the dings, the rings,
Speaker 1: all of these things in our outside environment. And it
Speaker 1: turns out this is actually the easiest and most tactical
Speaker 1: section of the book. People complain about these technologies being
Speaker 1: so distracting. I can teach you in just a few
Speaker 1: minutes how to make your phone indistractable, how to make
Speaker 1: your computer indistractable. That's kindergarten stuff. What's a bigger source
Speaker 1: of distraction are things like the open floor plant office? Right,
Speaker 1: Eight of survey respondents in the modern American workplace said
Speaker 1: the number one source of distraction wasn't their phones, their computers,
Speaker 1: their apps, It was other people. So I teach you
Speaker 1: how to hack back distraction in the workplace. How to
Speaker 1: hack back meetings, Holly, Molly, how much time do we
Speaker 1: spend in meetings that are just a pointless to distraction.
Speaker 1: I teach you how to hack back all of these
Speaker 1: external triggers in all these various contexts. And then finally,
Speaker 1: the last step, the line of last defense, is what
Speaker 1: we call preventing distraction with pacts, and this is something
Speaker 1: we do after we've implemented the other three tactics. So
Speaker 1: a pack is what's called a pre commitment device. We
Speaker 1: in advance decide what we will or won't do with
Speaker 1: some kind of backstop, right, some kind of firewall that
Speaker 1: prevents us from getting distracted. So there's three types of packed.
Speaker 1: We have what's called an effort packed, where we put
Speaker 1: some kind of friction in between us and the distraction.
Speaker 1: Then you have a price packed where there's some kind
Speaker 1: of monetary disincentive, and then finally there's an identity pact
Speaker 1: where who we are helps us stay on track. And
Speaker 1: so that's the that's the essence of these four strategies.
Speaker 1: Master internal triggers, make time for traction, hack back external triggers,
Speaker 1: and prevent distraction with packs. And when you know those
Speaker 1: four strategies, the strategy is more important than tactics. Tactics
Speaker 1: are what we do, strategies why we do it, And
Speaker 1: so understanding those four strategies is really all you need
Speaker 1: because you can come up with your own tactics to
Speaker 1: best suit you, and and over time, implement more and
Speaker 1: more of these small tactics so you know first you
Speaker 1: you find ways to master internal triggers in a few
Speaker 1: small ways. You make time for traction, You hack back
Speaker 1: a few of those external triggers. You create a few
Speaker 1: pre commitments to make sure that you prevent distraction with packs,
Speaker 1: and you add more and more and more of these
Speaker 1: over your lifetime. This isn't something you're ever done doing.
Speaker 1: It's about constantly reassessing and saying, wait a minute, now
Speaker 1: that I know why I got distracted, will I do
Speaker 1: something about it? Or will I keep being a dummy
Speaker 1: and get distracted again and again and again, making the
Speaker 1: decision to become distracted righte a mistake repeated more than
Speaker 1: once the decision, or will I decide I am indistractable
Speaker 1: if I get distracted next time, I will make sure
Speaker 1: I won't get distracted by the same thing, because I
Speaker 1: will know what to do about it when the time comes.
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Speaker 1: slash Wolf and use code wolf for fifteen percent off
Speaker 1: your first month of the Daily Symbiotic. Let's spend a
Speaker 1: couple of minutes on mastering the internal triggers, because I
Speaker 1: think that's an area we could go a little bit
Speaker 1: deeper that would be really helpful. And I do think
Speaker 1: that's the biggest challenge of the work that you're talking about.
Speaker 1: The rest of the stuff, I agree. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of it is is pretty straightforward. But I think
Speaker 1: it's learning to work with our uncomfortable emotions that is
Speaker 1: the work of a lifetime in a lot of cases.
Speaker 1: So maybe let's let's dive a little deeper into that
Speaker 1: particular space. Sure, So there's three big pillars on how
Speaker 1: to master these internal triggers. It's about reimagining the trigger,
Speaker 1: reimagining the task, and reimagining our temperament. And it would
Speaker 1: take me a while to describe all three, but let
Speaker 1: me give you just one very tactical, practical technique that
Speaker 1: you can use that I mentioned earlier, called a ten
Speaker 1: minute rule. And this falls under the category of reimagining
Speaker 1: the internal trigger. And so this is really about finding
Speaker 1: new ways to deal with that discomfort in a way
Speaker 1: that leads us towards traction rather than distraction, by disarming
Speaker 1: and understanding the source of that distraction. Because again, you know,
Speaker 1: procrastination distraction, it's not a character flaw, it's it's an
Speaker 1: emotional regulation problem. But once you learn these techniques, once
Speaker 1: you have the arrows in your quiver ready, these tools, uh,
Speaker 1: then you can apply them. So there's only three reasons
Speaker 1: we ever get distracted. Only three. Either it's an internal trigger,
Speaker 1: an external trigger, or planning problem. That's it. So all
Speaker 1: we want to do is to make sure when that
Speaker 1: that distraction arises, do we know how to fix it
Speaker 1: for next time. And so let's say it's one of
Speaker 1: these internal triggers, which turned out. The reason it's the
Speaker 1: first step is because it's the vast majority of distractions.
Speaker 1: The vast majority of distractions come about when people feel
Speaker 1: bored or lonelier and decisive or fatigued, and so they
Speaker 1: use something to try and escape that discomfort. That's what
Speaker 1: procrastination distraction always is about. So this ten minute rule
Speaker 1: is fantastic. The ten minute rule says, and this this
Speaker 1: is not something that that I made up. This comes
Speaker 1: from acceptance of commitment therapy. The ten minute rule says
Speaker 1: that you can give in to any distraction, any distraction,
Speaker 1: in just ten minutes. Now why is this so effective
Speaker 1: Because what we want to do for those ten minutes
Speaker 1: is one of two things. You want to either surf
Speaker 1: the urge, meaning to be with that sensation, contemplate what
Speaker 1: is it that you are feeling for just ten minutes
Speaker 1: to write out that sensation, because remember, these emotions, they
Speaker 1: feel like they're gonna last forever in the moment, But
Speaker 1: it turns out that emotions are like waves. They crest
Speaker 1: and then they subside. So if you can ride that
Speaker 1: sensation for just a few minutes, most of the time,
Speaker 1: it will subside by the time that ten minutes are up.
Speaker 1: So your choice that you have to make for those
Speaker 1: ten minutes, so you can give into that distraction, you
Speaker 1: can eat that piece of chocolate cake. You can go
Speaker 1: check email when you know you should be writing on
Speaker 1: that blog post or whatever it might be in just
Speaker 1: ten minutes of surfing the urge. So your choice is
Speaker 1: either surf the urge, sit with that sensation without judgment,
Speaker 1: right with curiosity, not with contempt. Don't be one of
Speaker 1: those blamers and shamers. Instead, what you can do is
Speaker 1: either surf the urge or get back to the task
Speaker 1: at hand. And what you will find if you set
Speaker 1: that timer ten minutes actually is a long time. If
Speaker 1: you set that time, or you know, many times I'll
Speaker 1: take out my iPhone, I'll say send a time for
Speaker 1: ten minutes, I'll put down my phone and I'll just
Speaker 1: sit with that sensation. And what we find is that
Speaker 1: nine times out of ten before that alarm rings, you
Speaker 1: will be back at that task at hand by just
Speaker 1: giving that sensation a little bit of time, a little
Speaker 1: bit of space before you react to escape that discomfort.
Speaker 1: And that of course, you know, you get better at
Speaker 1: this technique over time, so it becomes just as effective
Speaker 1: when you know you shouldn't eat something or drink something
Speaker 1: or say something. You can use this technique with all
Speaker 1: kinds of impulses that you might have a tremendously useful one.
Speaker 1: It's it's sort of the twelve step program, you know,
Speaker 1: one day at a time, but shrunk way down, you know,
Speaker 1: because because that's the origin really of that, you know
Speaker 1: what like just not today, just not today, delay till tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You know. But it's but it's shrunk down and it's
Speaker 1: a it's a remarkably effective technique. Yeah, you know, not
Speaker 1: just delay right exactly. And you know, I like to
Speaker 1: say the antidote to impulsiveness is forethought. The antidote impulsiveness
Speaker 1: is for that. I think this is a really important
Speaker 1: concept because you know, If there's one thing that our
Speaker 1: species does better than any other animal in the face
Speaker 1: of the earth, it's that we can plan ahead. We
Speaker 1: can see into the future with greater fidelity than any
Speaker 1: other creature that has ever roamed the earth. And we
Speaker 1: can use that ability right because we know that if
Speaker 1: you wait till the moment, right, if the chocolate cake
Speaker 1: is on its fork, you're gonna eat it. If the
Speaker 1: cigarette is lit in your hand, you're gonna smoke it.
Speaker 1: If you sleep next to your cell phone every night,
Speaker 1: you're gonna pick it up first thing in the morning.
Speaker 1: It's too late. They've won. They got you. So the
Speaker 1: antidote to that impulsive reaction is not willpower, it's not
Speaker 1: self control. The people who I interviewed from a book,
Speaker 1: these masters of doing what they said they're going to do,
Speaker 1: the most indistractable people on earth. They don't have tremendous
Speaker 1: amounts of willpower. What they have is a system so
Speaker 1: that when the time arises, they don't need willpower and
Speaker 1: self control. Willpower and self control don't work, they collapse
Speaker 1: over time. Instead, it's about thinking in advance, what am
Speaker 1: I going to do? Okay, when I feel that internal trigger,
Speaker 1: what is what becomes my habitual response. Is it to
Speaker 1: escape this discomfort, right, to look for a pacifier like
Speaker 1: a baby looks for their pacifier, to just take my
Speaker 1: mind off of that sensation. Or do I have a
Speaker 1: mature response to this that leads me towards traction rather
Speaker 1: than distraction? Yep? Okay, So the ten minute rule, that's
Speaker 1: a great one. What else and so there's other tactics
Speaker 1: as well in the book about reimagining the task itself?
Speaker 1: This is where I I I look at this this
Speaker 1: freaky science around how we can learn to do what's
Speaker 1: called play anything. Uh and And basically what we can
Speaker 1: do is we can learn to make any task something
Speaker 1: that is play without necessary looking for enjoyment. It's interesting
Speaker 1: that play doesn't necessarily have to be fun, believe it
Speaker 1: or not. It just has to focus our attention. And
Speaker 1: so we look at this weird science around how people
Speaker 1: learn to love all kinds of mundane tasks. Right, we
Speaker 1: all know that car buff that works on their car. Now,
Speaker 1: of course, you know you have to pay me to
Speaker 1: to be a mechanic, and yet these people love it.
Speaker 1: Why the barista who's obsessed with getting just the right brew,
Speaker 1: you know, you don't have to pay me a lot
Speaker 1: of money to work in the Starbucks. I wouldn't do
Speaker 1: that for free, and yet they're obsessed with it. I
Speaker 1: have another friend who's really into quilting. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine how boring that is, and yet
Speaker 1: she loves it. Why how do you how do you
Speaker 1: make a task something that that is playful? And I
Speaker 1: teach you exactly how to do that. There's some very
Speaker 1: simple tactics that we can use to learn how to
Speaker 1: play anything. And then, finally, the last of these three
Speaker 1: pillars is about reimagining our temperament. And there's a lot
Speaker 1: of junk science out there, or overturned science. I should
Speaker 1: say that people still believe. One of the most prevalent
Speaker 1: myths is this idea of what we call ego depletion.
Speaker 1: Ego depletion says that we run out of willpower. And many,
Speaker 1: many people believe this, that they run out of willpower.
Speaker 1: And even if they don't know the term ego depletion, uh,
Speaker 1: they experienced something like this. So I used to come
Speaker 1: home from work and I would say, boy, I've had
Speaker 1: such a tough day. I feel quote unquote spent. Give
Speaker 1: me that pine a Ben Jerry's I have no willpower left.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch some Netflix and just veg out right.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm spent. I got nothing left. And many people
Speaker 1: have this notion, consciously or subconsciously, that willpower is something
Speaker 1: you run out of. And there's actually some research that
Speaker 1: showed this was true about a decade ago. And uh,
Speaker 1: it turns out that the research that that, you know,
Speaker 1: the press loved it. There was a best selling book
Speaker 1: about this. But when other you know, in the social sciences,
Speaker 1: when a study sounds too good to be true, we
Speaker 1: replicate the study, We try and run it again. And
Speaker 1: it turns out when other researchers tried to replicate this study,
Speaker 1: it turns out that ego depletion didn't exist. That the
Speaker 1: studies can't replicate except except with one group of people.
Speaker 1: There is one group of people who really do experience
Speaker 1: ego depletion. They really do run out of willpower like
Speaker 1: gas and a gas tank. Who is this group? It's
Speaker 1: people and only people who believe that willpower is a
Speaker 1: limited resource. So if you believe that you are running
Speaker 1: out of will power, you were running out of self control,
Speaker 1: it becomes true. And so much of our beliefs these
Speaker 1: days are self limiting. Principally, this idea that technology is
Speaker 1: addicting you, it's hijacking your brains. Your kids won't stop
Speaker 1: playing video games because of these algorithms. If you believe
Speaker 1: it's true, it leads to what's called learned helplessness. And
Speaker 1: that's exactly what the ego depletion study shows. So what
Speaker 1: we want to do is to reimagine our temperament, to
Speaker 1: realize that we are not a fixed self, that we
Speaker 1: can reimagine our capabilities and only keep the identities that
Speaker 1: serve us versus the identity that we are serving. Yep,
Speaker 1: such a such an important piece. This this idea of
Speaker 1: I'm the kind of person who and we were. We
Speaker 1: are attached to these ideas that that simply aren't true.
Speaker 1: They're just their their patterns of behavior that we have
Speaker 1: over identified with. I often say, you know, it's not you,
Speaker 1: it's your approach. You know, it's this idea that we
Speaker 1: can be different with the proper tools and techniques and
Speaker 1: skill sets. Absolutely, that's exactly right. And I'm not saying that,
Speaker 1: you know, having an identity is a bad thing. In fact,
Speaker 1: one of the last chapters in the book is about
Speaker 1: how you can reshape your identity to make what's called
Speaker 1: an identity pact. So I want people to go from
Speaker 1: these self limiting beliefs to self enhancing beliefs. Right. So,
Speaker 1: we know, for example, in the psychology of religion, that
Speaker 1: when someone calls themselves a devout, you know, observer of
Speaker 1: a particular faith, they become much more likely to stay
Speaker 1: in line. So when someone, for you know, when a
Speaker 1: devout Muslim says uh, you know, they don't ask themselves, oh,
Speaker 1: I wonder if I should have that gin and tonic. No,
Speaker 1: that's forbidden. Devout Muslims do not drink alcohol. Even a vegetarian,
Speaker 1: you know, if you call yourself a vegetarian, you don't
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning and say, hmm, I wonder
Speaker 1: if I should have some bacon for breakfast. No, vegetarians
Speaker 1: don't eat meat. So we can use an identity to
Speaker 1: help us become indistractable. And that's exactly why I named
Speaker 1: the book what I did. Indistractable sounds like indestructible, and
Speaker 1: we can use that oker. We can use that identity
Speaker 1: and teach others about this practice to help us stay
Speaker 1: in line. To help us do what we know we
Speaker 1: are capable of, to live the kind of life we
Speaker 1: know we deserve. That's a that's a great way to
Speaker 1: say it. And that idea of letting identity be something
Speaker 1: that serves you because they're not as fixed as we
Speaker 1: think we are. So if we're putting one on, if
Speaker 1: in essence, in some ways it's like a costume. We
Speaker 1: got to choose to put on the costumes that lead
Speaker 1: us in the direction of what matters. If we're making
Speaker 1: it up, we gotta make up stories that are useful
Speaker 1: and life supporting. And and you know, being indistractable is
Speaker 1: a is a good one to to carry. Absolutely, yeah,
Speaker 1: I couldn't agree more. All right, Well, you and I
Speaker 1: are at the end of our time here, so thank
Speaker 1: you so much for taking the time to come on.
Speaker 1: You and I are going to talk for just a
Speaker 1: couple of minutes in the post show conversation about some way,
Speaker 1: some simple techniques to hack back distractions from our phones
Speaker 1: and computers. So we'll do that in the post show
Speaker 1: conversation listeners. If you'd like access to that, as well
Speaker 1: as a mini episode each week and supporting the show,
Speaker 1: you can go to one you feed dot net slash join, Neior,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking the time to come on.
Speaker 1: I've really enjoyed this conversation. Oh my pleasure. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much. All right, take care. If what you just
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