WEBVTT - The Reunion Part 3

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<v Speaker 1>Wind down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so to wrap everything up, I actually I do

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<v Speaker 2>want to what do you think we've done great at

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<v Speaker 2>co parenting?

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<v Speaker 3>You know that is one thing we haven't really touched

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<v Speaker 3>on yet. Yeah, there are like too, and.

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<v Speaker 1>What do you think? Well, why know we did bad?

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<v Speaker 1>I go parenting not like bad?

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<v Speaker 3>What do we do bad?

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<v Speaker 2>I think we let Well, it wasn't actually no, it

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't co parenting. I think we just the you know,

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<v Speaker 2>obviously the first year year and a half, we let

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<v Speaker 2>our personal stuff slide into our communication style.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe I'm blocking out the bad because it's been so good. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>it's been a learning process, just like everything. Yeah, but

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<v Speaker 3>what that.

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<v Speaker 1>Said, do you see it as a new relationship too?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, I brag about our relationship now I do. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 3>it's amazing like before, even even when things.

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<v Speaker 1>Were worse, we still right to come to.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah that you and peopleould ask me, how is it

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<v Speaker 3>co paring downs? Like it could be worse because even

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<v Speaker 3>from the very beginning, it could have been worse.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we could have met in parking lot, right.

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<v Speaker 3>We could have had it could have been supervised, It

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<v Speaker 3>could been like there's show again. We all know people

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<v Speaker 3>that have these crazy stories on what they have to do,

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<v Speaker 3>and so over the last two and a half years,

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<v Speaker 3>it went from it could be worse too. Now I'm

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<v Speaker 3>just like it's amazing. Like I said, I brag about it,

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<v Speaker 3>and that's a testament to both of us for getting

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<v Speaker 3>to the place that we're at.

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<v Speaker 2>What would be your advice to couples that are going

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<v Speaker 2>through a divorce and how to get to this place?

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<v Speaker 3>That's so tough because I make up that majority of

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<v Speaker 3>the time, one of the parties still wants to be together,

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<v Speaker 3>you think.

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<v Speaker 2>Honestly, I think their hatred over comes over overtakes the relationship, right.

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<v Speaker 3>But I think that hatred stems from the fact that

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<v Speaker 3>one of them still wants to be together, maybe right

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<v Speaker 3>because they hate so much, because they're so angry that

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<v Speaker 3>it's like, no, like we should still be together. But

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<v Speaker 3>you did something stupid or just that the other X,

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<v Speaker 3>Y and Z happened.

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<v Speaker 2>I could see that, or I could see the hatred

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<v Speaker 2>from you ruin my life. And that's what you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I could have in you too. We both could have

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<v Speaker 2>probably rode that horse going You ruin my life, You

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<v Speaker 2>ruin my family's life. I'm never gonna you know, and

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<v Speaker 2>so that hatred rides them into not being able to

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<v Speaker 2>have a relationship more than the ease of what it

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<v Speaker 2>could be.

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<v Speaker 3>M M. Yeah. I mean it's easier said than done.

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<v Speaker 3>But I don't even know if I have advice. I

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<v Speaker 3>just know that at the beginning, even though yeah, you

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<v Speaker 3>were more vocal about things, I had times where it

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<v Speaker 3>was really really hard not to say screw it and

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<v Speaker 3>just be prideful and arrogant and defend myself in all

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<v Speaker 3>of those things. But ultimately I just it was just

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<v Speaker 3>about the kids. And so for I guess if there's

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<v Speaker 3>any advice, it's for people to sit there and think,

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<v Speaker 3>it's like, before I make this decision to do whatever

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<v Speaker 3>it may be, does this help my kids or hurt

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<v Speaker 3>my kids? Because that's all that matters. And because of yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>we haven't done it perfect, but our ability to road

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<v Speaker 3>to where we're at now, our kids are in an

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<v Speaker 3>amazing position.

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<v Speaker 2>I like the fact that we've been able to do

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<v Speaker 2>joint parties, and though it was hard in the beginning,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's it benefits the kids. It does when

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<v Speaker 2>we're at least because there's some people that say, well,

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<v Speaker 2>the joint parties, if you're still having that energy, they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to feel it. And I think we've and I

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<v Speaker 2>can see that, you know, the kids being like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>they were in the same room, but they hate each

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<v Speaker 2>other and we could feel that anxiety. But I think

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<v Speaker 2>we've been able to and maybe that was maybe the

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<v Speaker 2>first year of us throwing the parties, that we had

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<v Speaker 2>that energy. But I think now it's we're able to

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<v Speaker 2>be in the same room not have so that our

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<v Speaker 2>kids don't feel that kind of energy.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah they don't. There's we don't know what they feel,

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<v Speaker 3>but they were pretty confident that they don't feel any

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<v Speaker 3>negative energy.

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<v Speaker 1>Mike.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe we could write a book about co parenting in

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of years and how we were able to

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<v Speaker 2>do it.

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<v Speaker 3>Wind down co parenting, which.

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<v Speaker 2>I know that you have not read the book, but

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<v Speaker 2>there is one part I do want you to read,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's in the acknowledgments right there.

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<v Speaker 3>You want me to read this aloud?

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<v Speaker 1>Sure do.

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<v Speaker 3>To my ex, thank you for showing me that there

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<v Speaker 3>can be kindness and respect on the other side of

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<v Speaker 3>a story we both didn't see going this way. I

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<v Speaker 3>appreciate that. Thank you, Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>I appreciate you, and I don't you know, I think

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of times you've always had to fall on

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<v Speaker 2>the sword and say sorry. And I struggled with forgive

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<v Speaker 2>for I struggled with saying sorry in our relationship because

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<v Speaker 2>I always just said, well, you did this or you

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<v Speaker 2>did that, and I just personally, I know we're moved

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<v Speaker 2>on so far from that relationship, but I do want

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<v Speaker 2>to say I'm sorry for any part that I played

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<v Speaker 2>in anything that made you feel a certain way about yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>or that that you held onto or and I'm I

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<v Speaker 2>just I'm sorry for any any piece that I played

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<v Speaker 2>in that I appreciate it, story.

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<v Speaker 3>Appreciate that now in your defense, well.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like we've defended very protective of each other now,

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<v Speaker 1>which is great.

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<v Speaker 3>Having dated over the last two and a half years,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm finding it that not to categorize all of you women,

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<v Speaker 3>but women have a very hard time apologizing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not just you, Oh thank goodn't it right? It's

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<v Speaker 1>hard for us for whatever.

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<v Speaker 3>It's very difficult for your species to.

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<v Speaker 2>Apologize, I think because when well do you see that

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<v Speaker 2>gift with I think it's a little mermaid, But it's

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<v Speaker 2>like when when a woman does apologize she's on like

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<v Speaker 2>life support and be like I'm sorry, but then uh yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I don't know when we do though we

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<v Speaker 2>really mean it.

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<v Speaker 3>No, you don't think so maybe let me ask you

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<v Speaker 3>this what.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that you've seen that now because I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's fantastic.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, is there anything lingering for you? Because again, we've

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<v Speaker 3>talked about how how both of us are are happy

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<v Speaker 3>now in our lives and what we're doing and our situations.

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<v Speaker 3>Is there any part of you that has shame around

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<v Speaker 3>or insecurity around anything. I'm trying to think how to

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<v Speaker 3>explain this. Let me share you share mine, and then

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<v Speaker 3>maybe that I'll help you. The only thing because I've

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<v Speaker 3>done plenty of work to get past like I don't

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<v Speaker 3>feel the same shame and responsibility and that I used

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<v Speaker 3>to feel on a daily basis right with us the

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<v Speaker 3>early days of post us and just be us being together,

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<v Speaker 3>Like I'm past all of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Fortunately that's good because that's a wait, it's a lot.

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<v Speaker 3>And it weighed me down for a long time. But

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<v Speaker 3>now the only thing, because I was kind of work

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<v Speaker 3>on this recently, is there anything that comes up in

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<v Speaker 3>terms of shame as and what came up for me was,

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<v Speaker 3>if anything, you're starting a new family, right, which I am.

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<v Speaker 3>As we've said, I am unbelievably happy and genuinely supportive

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<v Speaker 3>of There's part of me that I have this fear that, okay,

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<v Speaker 3>you start a new family, say I were to start

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<v Speaker 3>a new family, that if that were to be the case,

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<v Speaker 3>if I also start a new family, I project this

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<v Speaker 3>fear of Jolie and Jase. It makes me motion anytime

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<v Speaker 3>I talk about it, that they ever have this feeling

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<v Speaker 3>of like they don't belong because they're the ones having

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<v Speaker 3>to go back and forth and mommy has Alan and

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<v Speaker 3>y'all's child, Daddy has so and so and they have

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<v Speaker 3>a child, and it's us going back and forth. Now, I,

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<v Speaker 3>in my mind and in my heart, I defend you

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<v Speaker 3>and I because I'm like Jane and I are so

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<v Speaker 3>on point right now, like we're going to make sure

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<v Speaker 3>we do everything in our power that they never ever

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<v Speaker 3>feel that way. There's part of me that still holds

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<v Speaker 3>on to some shame of like, Okay, the situation is

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<v Speaker 3>this way ultimately because of a pattern that I created,

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<v Speaker 3>and I would I will stay single the rest of

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<v Speaker 3>my life if it means that Julie and Jays never

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<v Speaker 3>never ever feel that way where it's like, okay yet,

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<v Speaker 3>mommy and Alan and child and I'm ready to move

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<v Speaker 3>at a moment's notice. And obviously that's no dig on

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<v Speaker 3>you and what you're doing with your life. It's amazing

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<v Speaker 3>and I support it fully, but I think it's my own.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like that last layer I have where it's like

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<v Speaker 3>I wasn't able to give my children that family, that

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<v Speaker 3>stereotypical family that I'm used to growing up with my parents,

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<v Speaker 3>God bless them being married over or forty plus years now.

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<v Speaker 3>So do I put this responsibility on myself to like

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<v Speaker 3>never want to have kids again, which I don't think

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<v Speaker 3>I do. I'm pretty confident and honestly, you haven't you

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<v Speaker 3>having another one right now? That feels like a lot.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe I don't want to, but I'm pretty confident that

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<v Speaker 3>I don't want any more children, and I would have

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<v Speaker 3>to say a big part of that is because I

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<v Speaker 3>want to make sure that I'm available at every possible

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<v Speaker 3>moment that I can be for everyone. That includes you

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<v Speaker 3>and Alan and you always be and the kid, like

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<v Speaker 3>that includes all of it. So that's what. Yeah, So

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<v Speaker 3>if that helps you think of anything that comes up

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<v Speaker 3>for you. I just know that that's that's the only

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<v Speaker 3>thing that's come up for me in terms of like

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<v Speaker 3>shame around.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, that's the that's the piece why I

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<v Speaker 2>think we've at least for me, why I fought so

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<v Speaker 2>hard was for the kids.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, because I know you didn't, and you know, especially

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<v Speaker 3>you come i mean from a divorced a childhood like

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<v Speaker 3>it's you wanted to fight so hard to.

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<v Speaker 2>Not have that, yeah, and it's you know, it's not

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<v Speaker 2>and obviously I've thought of it too, and it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>It's still not a normal thing or natural thing to

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<v Speaker 2>say goodbye to the kids. That is the still the

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<v Speaker 2>hardest piece is too though they have a loving home

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<v Speaker 2>at your place and they like obviously they deserve all

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<v Speaker 2>the time there as well, same with here. It's still not.

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<v Speaker 2>That is the hardest piece of this whole thing is

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<v Speaker 2>something that we never wanted to say. We would joke

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<v Speaker 2>about it, which is weirdly sick that we would joke. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>same see your dad's you know, But you know it's

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<v Speaker 2>that is that will forever be I think the hardest

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<v Speaker 2>piece and I don't think that and what I've when

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<v Speaker 2>I've leaned into other people in this same situation, they

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<v Speaker 2>don't only say it ever gets easier, and that's you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like this Christmas, I don't want to have to say

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<v Speaker 2>goodbye to the kids while we have another child here.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like that, I in, that's that will be really hard.

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<v Speaker 2>And I because I don't want it to just be

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<v Speaker 2>us three. I want it to be us five. And

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<v Speaker 2>so that is something where and you know, the kids

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<v Speaker 2>and then having our kid be like, well, why do

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<v Speaker 2>they have to leave? And that's just something we'll have

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<v Speaker 2>to figure out to navigate. But of course that's not

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<v Speaker 2>how we that. Yeah, that'll always be the piece that's

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<v Speaker 2>really hard. And I think again, how we structure our

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<v Speaker 2>homes and how flexible we are and loving that we

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<v Speaker 2>are and our relationship is going to help them not

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<v Speaker 2>feel that way. But I think that will always be

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<v Speaker 2>the stinger of the end of our demise. I guess

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<v Speaker 2>is the kids and uh in kind of managing.

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<v Speaker 3>That, yeah, you bring up you bring up a good

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<v Speaker 3>point where and it's like, no matter how good of

0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:14.280
<v Speaker 3>a place that we're in, yes, it makes it a

0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:19.200
<v Speaker 3>little easier because we're not saying bye. And then like

0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.880
<v Speaker 3>fu under our breath to each other. We're like, okay,

0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:24.840
<v Speaker 3>yeah bye, you got to go. But you're right, It's like,

0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.920
<v Speaker 3>no matter how good we are, that still stings. I

0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:30.120
<v Speaker 3>you know, when they talk about is it daddy day?

0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:32.920
<v Speaker 3>How many days at daddy? Is it mommy day? And

0:15:33.000 --> 0:15:33.520
<v Speaker 3>it's just like.

0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.920
<v Speaker 2>Now, the flip side, the positive side of that all

0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:55.960
<v Speaker 2>is they have healthier parents, We're happier we are. It's

0:15:56.000 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 2>obviously a better household for both of them now, and

0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:04.320
<v Speaker 2>it still stings, and it will always be something that

0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 2>will be hard to navigate emotionally for sure.

0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:17.920
<v Speaker 3>Well, thank you for having me on again.

0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:23.080
<v Speaker 2>If you are in need of insurance, where can our

0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:27.600
<v Speaker 2>listeners find you, because you know, you're obviously very passionate

0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.600
<v Speaker 2>about it and you are taking on new clients and

0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:32.280
<v Speaker 2>new people.

0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Yes, and.

0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:41.200
<v Speaker 2>I would like some child support, So please everyone listening

0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:44.120
<v Speaker 2>hire my ex husband.

0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:50.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we'll do. We'll end it with a little promo

0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:51.320
<v Speaker 3>here for each of us.

0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:54.520
<v Speaker 1>Don't worry but me, it was I. You are my guest,

0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:55.480
<v Speaker 1>and we promote guests.

0:16:55.640 --> 0:17:00.600
<v Speaker 3>Yes, but but come on still, I I'm I said

0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.040
<v Speaker 3>it last episode. I'm really proud of you for the book,

0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:07.399
<v Speaker 3>especially the evolution of it the last two years.

0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.480
<v Speaker 2>And can I tell you one story that I wrote

0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:16.800
<v Speaker 2>in there. I tell basically the story because you know,

0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:21.680
<v Speaker 2>when we were in Vancouver, we were Audi macout ourself,

0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:27.320
<v Speaker 2>we were the last straws, and I basically talked about

0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.520
<v Speaker 2>how we got into a couple zoom fighte over the

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:35.399
<v Speaker 2>watch over what remember you bought a watch for like

0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:37.600
<v Speaker 2>five hundred dollars and I'm like, and you're like, and

0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:40.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, my ax again was feeling controlled and he

0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:44.159
<v Speaker 2>felt like, you know, once again I was trying to

0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:46.760
<v Speaker 2>control him with his watch buying and his but his

0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.399
<v Speaker 2>watch buying represented to me him not like meeting the

0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.920
<v Speaker 2>boundaries and how we were just I mean, it was

0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:58.320
<v Speaker 2>the end, the end, all be all right, of like

0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:00.520
<v Speaker 2>he would go to his room, I'd go to my room,

0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:03.840
<v Speaker 2>and that was just like, yeah, that was when we knew.

0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.160
<v Speaker 2>That was that was the start of like the real

0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:08.680
<v Speaker 2>true end of it. But I don't know why why

0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:08.919
<v Speaker 2>did I.

0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:11.440
<v Speaker 3>Start with that the story only you said you wrote

0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:12.840
<v Speaker 3>the story of it in the book.

0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, no, but I mean it's uh, I don't

0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:16.959
<v Speaker 2>know why I brought that up.

0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:20.639
<v Speaker 3>Pregnant bring pregnant brain, I.

0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:22.359
<v Speaker 1>Don't know why I just brought that up, but there

0:18:22.440 --> 0:18:23.200
<v Speaker 1>was something about it.

0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:25.280
<v Speaker 3>I'll to say. If people haven't gotten it, get it.

0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:27.840
<v Speaker 3>Even though I haven't read it. I just I know

0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:30.680
<v Speaker 3>the place. I see the place that you're in and

0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:34.480
<v Speaker 3>I trust. Again, like I said earlier, I trust whatever

0:18:34.520 --> 0:18:37.520
<v Speaker 3>you wrote about regardless of what it doesn't. It has

0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:39.920
<v Speaker 3>nothing to do with whether I agree with any of

0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:41.040
<v Speaker 3>it because it doesn't have to.

0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:41.560
<v Speaker 2>Do with me.

0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:42.520
<v Speaker 3>That's the whole point.

0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:44.439
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for not making it right.

0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:47.120
<v Speaker 3>It doesn't That's why it doesn't matter if I agree

0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:49.359
<v Speaker 3>or disagree. That's why I didn't want to read it,

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:51.639
<v Speaker 3>because it doesn't matter. It's about you. It's about your

0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:54.520
<v Speaker 3>next chapter. And I just see the person that you

0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:58.160
<v Speaker 3>are now, and I you know, I have so much

0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:02.040
<v Speaker 3>love and respect for you, and I support you unconditionally.

0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.520
<v Speaker 1>And now to support you in your insurance.

0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:09.160
<v Speaker 3>If you'd have told me Mike at thirty six you're

0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:13.920
<v Speaker 3>going to be slanging insurance, health insurance, buy and enjoy it,

0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:15.760
<v Speaker 3>I'd have been like, yeah, there's no f and way.

0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:18.440
<v Speaker 3>But again, like I kind of mentioned before in the

0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:23.040
<v Speaker 3>last episode, it may seem silly, it may seem stupid,

0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:28.640
<v Speaker 3>it may seem unimportant, but it is right. You're securing

0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:35.320
<v Speaker 3>your future, You're protecting your financial and future in your health,

0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:39.600
<v Speaker 3>and it's something I've become passionate because when you're able

0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:44.440
<v Speaker 3>to help somebody find something that puts them in a

0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:48.160
<v Speaker 3>better position for their family. Whence people have kids, young kids,

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.320
<v Speaker 3>and I'm able to help them find something that is

0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:57.840
<v Speaker 3>better and less expensive. And that's why I enjoy what

0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:01.200
<v Speaker 3>I do, because I'm helping people. I'm an asset to people,

0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:06.840
<v Speaker 3>and it's something to not go overlooked. Our healthcare system

0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 3>gets a lot of crap because it's not great. So

0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:11.960
<v Speaker 3>I tell people it's a you know, it's a pill

0:20:12.040 --> 0:20:13.640
<v Speaker 3>to swallow. I'm trying to make it a smaller one,

0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:17.639
<v Speaker 3>you know. So even if you're not looking for it,

0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:20.520
<v Speaker 3>but you just have questions. I tell clients all the time,

0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, even if you don't need any right now,

0:20:22.359 --> 0:20:24.280
<v Speaker 3>you just want to make sense of what you currently have,

0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:30.399
<v Speaker 3>let me know I'm literally here to help. Email Email

0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:36.399
<v Speaker 3>Michaelcosson dot agent at gmail dot com or Instagram So

0:20:36.760 --> 0:20:43.480
<v Speaker 3>weird still at m underscore costing follow fallaw.

0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:46.679
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thank you for coming on, thank you for sharing,

0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:50.359
<v Speaker 2>and thank you for being open and vulnerable and maybe

0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 2>we can do this again in a you know, co parenting,

0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:58.480
<v Speaker 2>how to blend the family with Alan, and we can.

0:20:58.400 --> 0:20:59.800
<v Speaker 1>All get out of one big podcast.

0:21:00.040 --> 0:21:02.080
<v Speaker 3>Love it on uh.

0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:05.760
<v Speaker 1>A few minutes, you know, I.

0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:10.679
<v Speaker 3>Love that guy an episode just talking about who likes

0:21:10.760 --> 0:21:12.040
<v Speaker 3>Alan Moore Janno.

0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:20.640
<v Speaker 2>Anyways, all right, well uh yeah, this is a lot, guys,

0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:23.320
<v Speaker 2>so thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.

0:21:23.359 --> 0:21:24.000
<v Speaker 3>Appreciate you all.