Speaker 1: Wow, we are back, Thelma and Louise still slaying in
Speaker 1: the dating world. Not I'm still single? Are you still
Speaker 1: had a bunch of shitty dates? Did you? But super
Speaker 1: flattered that the audience spoke and responded and had more
Speaker 1: questions for us, and makes me feel good that what
Speaker 1: we're saying makes sense and it struck a chord and
Speaker 1: it's relevant and I guess we're approachable and easy to
Speaker 1: talk to, so maybe that will bode well for future
Speaker 1: dates for us. What do you think, Thelma, bring it on? Great, Well,
Speaker 1: let's go, let's let's do let's do some more questions.
Speaker 1: I love this stuff. I mean I love to not
Speaker 1: be in the position of always asking the questions because,
Speaker 1: as you know, I sit on dates now on my
Speaker 1: hands country myself. Stop with the questions because it feels
Speaker 1: like an interrogation. One of my dates called the rapid Fire.
Speaker 1: That was not a compliment.
Speaker 2: I know it's the truth, though I don't even know did.
Speaker 1: He call me the next day? Maybe he didn't.
Speaker 2: I can't remember on that one.
Speaker 1: Anyways, I think Easton here has questions for us. And
Speaker 1: by the way, his name alone is so hot. So Easton,
Speaker 1: are you single? Are we too old for you.
Speaker 3: I am a married man.
Speaker 2: We don't do married.
Speaker 1: That's a red flag. When you go on a date
Speaker 1: with somebody and you go, why did your marriage break up?
Speaker 1: And they say they cheat? It it's like once a cheat,
Speaker 1: are always a cheater. Like I literally Elvis has left the
Speaker 1: building for me on that one.
Speaker 2: Or I don't mean to interrupt again, but I also
Speaker 2: think one a red flag for me is when somebody
Speaker 2: when I'm on a date and someone speaks very disparagingly.
Speaker 1: Well, look at Dingong who I dated, and then look
Speaker 1: what he did to me when we broke up. When
Speaker 1: people show you who they are, believe them.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think we have really good relationships with our
Speaker 2: exes and take great pride in that. And I don't
Speaker 2: think that that's everyone's case, and I don't think it
Speaker 2: needs to be, but I still think it says a
Speaker 2: lot about a person, especially when they do that right
Speaker 2: off the bat and they don't even know me. I
Speaker 2: just it just rubs me the wrong way.
Speaker 1: I think they are the mother of their children, and
Speaker 1: I think it's disgusting when they do that. And you're right,
Speaker 1: you and I are deeply proud of our relationships with
Speaker 1: our excess so much so that he and I had
Speaker 1: dinner last week. The kids are in college, he's engaged.
Speaker 1: I love his fiance, and I said to him, you know,
Speaker 1: if this is who you were when we were married,
Speaker 1: we'd still be married. And he goes, we would never
Speaker 1: still be married.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, in the nursing home together. I
Speaker 2: still think you might be in the nursing home together. Yes.
Speaker 1: Anyways, Okay, what do you got for us? What do
Speaker 1: these people want to what do these people want to learn?
Speaker 3: You know, this is a question that just popped into
Speaker 3: my head as you guys were talking about that. At
Speaker 3: what point? I know it's like a case by case
Speaker 3: basis thing, but like when you're on a date and
Speaker 3: the other person was married before, how soon do you
Speaker 3: get into that conversation of why did your marriage break up?
Speaker 3: That seems like an it's a hard thing to do
Speaker 3: early on. But you also got to know that.
Speaker 1: Definitely not the first date in a real kind of
Speaker 1: pointed way if it organically comes up. But I've always
Speaker 1: found like being too heavy on a first date is
Speaker 1: not It should be a little more light and fun, right,
Speaker 1: It could be more in my opinion for me, you know,
Speaker 1: second or third date. Now, if it's a setup, then
Speaker 1: you kind of know a little bit about why relationship ended,
Speaker 1: so then you can kind of navigate around it.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: In my experience, it does come up a lot on
Speaker 2: a first date. I feel like it just naturally comes
Speaker 2: up because hey, you both ended up at this date,
Speaker 2: so you know your history brought you here, so I do.
Speaker 2: I don't choose to delve too deep into it, but
Speaker 2: I think there always happens to be a few questions
Speaker 2: around it, and then I just try to like know
Speaker 2: when to move on.
Speaker 1: But I also think the way we answer those questions
Speaker 1: on a first date it's going to be very different
Speaker 1: than how we answer it, like when you're more involved
Speaker 1: with something, right, Like I kind of a cat answer
Speaker 1: as to why my marriage went south, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: not inflammatory, it's you know, I'm never you know, negative
Speaker 1: about my ex husband or anything. So I just give enough,
Speaker 1: but not like enough of the depth that maybe I
Speaker 1: would share later on if I was really involved with
Speaker 1: somebody and I, you know, trusted them, agree.
Speaker 3: And now we're gonna we're gonna take things to the map.
Speaker 3: Here is the dating seemed really bad in Los Angeles.
Speaker 3: You always hear about that, but is it actually that bad.
Speaker 1: I think it's it's hard. I mean, look, I grew
Speaker 1: up in Los Angeles, so this is a lot of
Speaker 1: the reason why, you know, dating apps have made me
Speaker 1: uncomfortable is because the few times I've played around them,
Speaker 1: I've seen nine thousand people I know, so I feel
Speaker 1: super exposed. I prefer setups. Like if I was to
Speaker 1: go to northern California, where Belmow was from, I would
Speaker 1: be on every dating app because I don't know anybody.
Speaker 1: I think it's hard, like I think that there's well
Speaker 1: let's talk about this. I mean, we're in our f
Speaker 1: fifties and it's very rare that a fifty year old
Speaker 1: guy wants to date a fifty year old girl. In fact,
Speaker 1: my children came home last summer and they sat me
Speaker 1: down and they said, Mom, we're very concerned about what.
Speaker 1: They go, Well, we're concerned about your options. What do
Speaker 1: you mean. They go, well, it's the you know, eighty
Speaker 1: year old guy or the twenty five year old guy
Speaker 1: you need to support. And I was like, wow, that
Speaker 1: does sound dismal. Do you have a preference And they said, yeah,
Speaker 1: the eighty year old guy, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: but I think it's true, Like, I think there are
Speaker 1: way more. I mean, I would say, out of you know,
Speaker 1: my ten best friends, eight and a half of them
Speaker 1: are single, and I think they're all amazing, Right, there
Speaker 1: are fewer good men, and there are you know, fewer
Speaker 1: men out there that want a date age appropriate women.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have a guy best friend who's you know,
Speaker 1: mid fifties, who's a fabulous guy. He's my guy best friend.
Speaker 1: His dating app age range is twenty five to thirty eight.
Speaker 1: He is fifty five with two kids, so he wouldn't
Speaker 1: even we wouldn't even come up on his swiping. And
Speaker 1: I think that's more normal. Oh, it's one eleven. Make
Speaker 1: a wish. It's my good luck number that my soulmate
Speaker 1: is coming. Okay, got it. I know I do this
Speaker 1: all the time. Anyways, I find LA dating hard.
Speaker 2: What do you think, Thelma, I don't know if it's
Speaker 2: La per se. I feel like my mindset is very different.
Speaker 2: When I am at home. I feel like I'm in
Speaker 2: kids mode or work mode, and I'm just going through
Speaker 2: the motions. I'm going to the same grocery store, I'm
Speaker 2: doing the same things I'm running around in my workout clothes,
Speaker 2: and I feel like part of it is just getting
Speaker 2: out of my comfort zone. And I am more apt
Speaker 2: to do that when I'm outside of my hometown. And
Speaker 2: I find that it's easier for me to date when
Speaker 2: I am traveling or going on vacation because I'm just giving.
Speaker 2: I'm on receive and I look like I'm open to
Speaker 2: meeting people more.
Speaker 1: Well, you still have a kid at home, I mean
Speaker 1: too in college and one at home, so your life
Speaker 1: is very different than mine, right, Like, I don't have
Speaker 1: children at home, so I could go on a date
Speaker 1: seven days a week. I could. I guess. I could relocate,
Speaker 1: I guess, But I don't know. I just think it's hard.
Speaker 1: I think it's hard in LA to meet people. And
Speaker 1: I think somebody who lives in Chicago or somebody who
Speaker 1: lives here wherever, you know, I think anyone's going to
Speaker 1: say that there's just a lack of options. And I
Speaker 1: think that there's so many amazing single women out here,
Speaker 1: and I think they're all beautiful, and I think they're
Speaker 1: all talented, and I think they're all really interesting. So
Speaker 1: I think that's also what the sweite mentality has done.
Speaker 1: Is it's kind of like thirty one flavors, right, I
Speaker 1: mean it's like, oh she was great, we had fun,
Speaker 1: but I could keep swiping. There could be somebody else
Speaker 1: better out there, and you never just kind of feel
Speaker 1: satisfied or content with what's in front of you. And
Speaker 1: I think that's I think that it's just too many
Speaker 1: options out there, good for men.
Speaker 3: On the last episode, you guys did uh Thelma, you
Speaker 3: said that sometimes a plane ride is easier than an
Speaker 3: hour hour and a half drive. And now I'm curious, like,
Speaker 3: if you were to meet someone that was long distance,
Speaker 3: how does that work? Like are you does there have
Speaker 3: to be an end point in site? Is there a distance?
Speaker 3: Like would you do across country thing? What do you
Speaker 3: think about dating long distance?
Speaker 2: Like I'm obsessed with it? Well, you did it, you
Speaker 2: did it four years years and I love it. I
Speaker 2: think I'm I like to compartmentalize my life apparently, but
Speaker 2: I think for me, what I love about it is
Speaker 2: unlike when I say a plane ride, I think it's
Speaker 2: nice because it's it's a total separation. Like when I
Speaker 2: get on that plane to go see my significant other,
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm all in, I'm present, I'm engaged.
Speaker 2: It's almost I mean not literally but engaged. I feel
Speaker 2: like it's almost like this honeymoon and I have great
Speaker 2: time and it's amazing, but then it's great because I
Speaker 2: get to leave or he leaves, and then I get
Speaker 2: to go back to my week and I have my
Speaker 2: friends and my family and work and everything. So I
Speaker 2: kind of get the best of both worlds. Now, it's
Speaker 2: not necessarily balanced in like the traditional sense, but it is.
Speaker 2: It's like I get to have my fun, I get
Speaker 2: to have that romantic hit, but I also get to
Speaker 2: kind of keep my life intact, which I think is
Speaker 2: you become older and are you know, fifty plus. I
Speaker 2: think we alluded to this our last episode, But it's
Speaker 2: a little harder to juggle. You have a lot going
Speaker 2: on and a lot of times, I feel like when
Speaker 2: you are all in on a relationship, sometimes men are
Speaker 2: needy and they kind of need a lot of your
Speaker 2: attention and time, and I feel like sometimes distance it's
Speaker 2: easier to manage it.
Speaker 1: Do you see yourself ever finding yourself in a situation
Speaker 1: where you are twenty four to seven, you know, remarried,
Speaker 1: seven nights a week, sharing a bed with somebody like
Speaker 1: living that life that we all did when we first
Speaker 1: got married. Or do you think when we fall in
Speaker 1: love and have relationships in our fifties that it's just
Speaker 1: part of our life, it's not all encompassing. Or do
Speaker 1: you think it's a function that you and I say
Speaker 1: that because we just haven't met the person that has
Speaker 1: swept us off our feet that would make us want
Speaker 1: to make some significant changes in our lives.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, how many times have we had this conversation.
Speaker 2: I mean, the thought of sharing a bed, a closet,
Speaker 2: a bathroom with somebody twenty four to seven sounds my
Speaker 2: living nightmare, like so, and the longer I stay single,
Speaker 2: I appreciate it so much. I mean I even go
Speaker 2: to dinner with my married friends and I think some
Speaker 2: of my girlfriends are like, oh my god, I'm so
Speaker 2: jealous of you. Well, the grass is not greener, right,
Speaker 2: And so I think that's one thing to always remember.
Speaker 2: But I think that for me, I'm not saying that
Speaker 2: I couldn't meet the right person. I think with my
Speaker 2: first relationship, I was able to be twenty four to
Speaker 2: seven with somebody because they very much had their own life.
Speaker 2: So I know, for me, if I met somebody who
Speaker 2: had his own interests and own priorities in life, and
Speaker 2: we could come together but also have our independence. I
Speaker 2: will never say never that I couldn't be with somebody
Speaker 2: under the same roof. But I also feel like I
Speaker 2: wouldn't be surprised if my next chapter looks far less
Speaker 2: traditional than my first.
Speaker 1: Great answer, thank you, I try. You're a smart cookie, Thoma,
Speaker 1: glad you're guiding me.
Speaker 2: I mean, who needs a boyfriend when your friends compliment you?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: I mean, by the way, you're a hard act to follow.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, I don't put out, but I
Speaker 2: do a lot of other things for you.
Speaker 3: You guys are so fun. What's one thing that people
Speaker 3: don't talk about when dating posts divorce that you wish
Speaker 3: every divorced person knew when entering the dating world.
Speaker 1: I think that when you first get divorced, I mean
Speaker 1: I can speak from myself, like I think I thought
Speaker 1: like I would just find my next person really easily,
Speaker 1: and I would just slide right back into almost like
Speaker 1: a traditional relationship. I don't think I anticipated how hard
Speaker 1: it would be to find another really great situation. So
Speaker 1: I think that was the hardest thing for me, that
Speaker 1: it hasn't happened the way I thought it was going
Speaker 1: to happen. And you know, I'm comfortable being by myself.
Speaker 1: I've gotten really good at being by myself and I
Speaker 1: have a really full life. But I do want to
Speaker 1: find a partner. And I didn't think nine years later
Speaker 1: I would be looking in the rear view mirror at
Speaker 1: multiple great relationships but not one significant relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I didn't anticipate that I would still be here nine
Speaker 1: years later, and it makes me scared. Sometimes Sometimes I
Speaker 1: call down Lap in the morning, Oh, I love to FaceTime.
Speaker 1: She hates hated in the morning, and I say to her,
Speaker 1: is this the best it's going to be?
Speaker 2: And I think for both of us, I don't want
Speaker 2: to speak for you, but I think right now I
Speaker 2: am totally happy. My life is full. I do sometimes
Speaker 2: get concerned that, like when my last child really really
Speaker 2: leaves and ten years from now, am I going to
Speaker 2: be rattling around in my house and sad?
Speaker 1: Well that I am.
Speaker 2: I'm not there yet, But I think for me, the
Speaker 2: back to your post divorce question, I think I didn't
Speaker 2: realize how many, how much more complicated it was, and
Speaker 2: how many more variables there were it's really not solely
Speaker 2: about me anymore. Right, it's I have children, they potentially
Speaker 2: have children. Are we in the same place socioeconomically, Like
Speaker 2: do we have different aspirations?
Speaker 1: Are they?
Speaker 2: Are they slowing down because they're ten years older, and
Speaker 2: you know, we just operate at different frequencies and levels.
Speaker 2: Like I don't know. The first time I fell in love,
Speaker 2: I was twenty two years old, I was married for
Speaker 2: seventeen years, and it just seemed really simple. We were
Speaker 2: in the same place, kind of growing up together. And
Speaker 2: I think now everybody has so much history that I mean,
Speaker 2: in many ways, it's really interesting because you get to
Speaker 2: meet very interesting people, but it's also, I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's a lot more fumple.
Speaker 1: I think we have to look at it like an opportunity, right,
Speaker 1: It's about flipping our lens. And I think what I
Speaker 1: started to do is wake up every day and say,
Speaker 1: I get to not I have to write. And I
Speaker 1: think it's awesome to meet a lot of people. And
Speaker 1: you know, I think so much about getting excited, you know,
Speaker 1: about going on a date is less about being the
Speaker 1: right person, but the anticipation. I mean, you and I
Speaker 1: have so much fun, like we'll be at Plate's and
Speaker 1: you know, and I know you're going to probably just
Speaker 1: have a little salad for the day so your stomach
Speaker 1: is flattered. And then we talk about the outfit, and
Speaker 1: then we FaceTime the outfit and it's like it's like
Speaker 1: a whole thing, and the data is actually less important.
Speaker 1: It's the prep that's fun. One thing I wanted to
Speaker 1: just bring up because somebody said this to me the
Speaker 1: other day, to your point when you talk about like
Speaker 1: how am I going to feel in ten years when
Speaker 1: I'm an empty nester, And I was telling somebody I'm
Speaker 1: the empty nester, it's interesting, and she because, don't call
Speaker 1: yourself an empty nester. Look at it like it's an
Speaker 1: open door, right, like you are walking into a sliding door.
Speaker 1: I love that Gwyneth Paltrow movie. Right, this is an
Speaker 1: open door where every day I wake up something new
Speaker 1: and exciting can happen, Like what surprise is in store
Speaker 1: for me today? So every day I'm looking for the
Speaker 1: magic in whether it's a date or if it's a
Speaker 1: swiping thing, or it's you and I, you know, laughing
Speaker 1: about something, or getting our weighted vest. Because we now
Speaker 1: have osteoporosis like I every day am looking for the
Speaker 1: magic in my day where it's not focused on just
Speaker 1: finding a partner, And there are so many amazing things
Speaker 1: that we all have going on. And I think at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, friendships obviously, our relationships are
Speaker 1: family in our case, like friendships are the glue, Like
Speaker 1: you are on my gratitude list every day. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, like we have open doors.
Speaker 2: And we can't control what is isn't going to happen
Speaker 2: in terms of a relationship, but we can really control
Speaker 2: our mindset and our outlook.
Speaker 1: And I know our attitude.
Speaker 2: We're just cheesy, but it's so true.
Speaker 1: I'm a little woo woo. You know, me and my crystals.
Speaker 2: Who doesn't love a crystal in la?
Speaker 3: Do you do you charge them up in the moonlight?
Speaker 2: Is that I do it during the day? Actually really yeah?
Speaker 2: Is it supposed to be at night? Because maybe that's
Speaker 2: my problem.
Speaker 1: I think you have to do it for what works
Speaker 1: for you. What I've learned is I used to try
Speaker 1: to follow the rules on it. I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm going to operate spiritually in a
Speaker 1: way that speaks to me, right, whether it's like the
Speaker 1: one crystal here or not washing them or like I
Speaker 1: try to like be comfortable with the way that I'm
Speaker 1: doing it because it's pressure all the other rules on
Speaker 1: how to do all of it.
Speaker 2: I meditate laying down. It's way more comfortable.
Speaker 3: So there's so much importance on a first eight. What
Speaker 3: do you think is to each of you, what's which
Speaker 3: first date activity is the best way to determine if
Speaker 3: there's like a spark is it? Is it a walk,
Speaker 3: a coffee, a dinner, miniature golf. Is there something that
Speaker 3: stands out above the others?
Speaker 1: Glass of wine?
Speaker 2: For me?
Speaker 1: I know, at meat at a restaurant that has like
Speaker 1: at like five or six that has like a bar,
Speaker 1: a bar slash restaurant. I like to go, And I
Speaker 1: actually like to sit next to somebody at the bar
Speaker 1: if I'm on a date with them, just to feel
Speaker 1: if there's kind of any energy. And it's interesting, like
Speaker 1: you can kind of tell if you feel yourself gravitating
Speaker 1: and turning towards somebody or if you're kind of sitting back.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, body languages super important, but I'm
Speaker 1: definitely not one who likes to go on a walk
Speaker 1: or miniature golf or do I like to talk to
Speaker 1: somebody and just see if there's an organic conversation that
Speaker 1: starts to flow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not to sound like I'm not interesting, but I
Speaker 2: kind of am the same the same for me. I
Speaker 2: also think being kind of in an environment where there's
Speaker 2: people around you and background noise and all of that,
Speaker 2: like it just takes a little of the pressure off,
Speaker 2: you know. It's like, I don't know about you, like
Speaker 2: when I went on my honeymoon, or you go to
Speaker 2: these quiet resorts where it's like you can hear a
Speaker 2: pin drop, and even if you're with like the you know,
Speaker 2: the love of your life, it's just so awkward, Like
Speaker 2: you find yourself talking about the weather because you feel
Speaker 2: like the three other people are listening to what you're saying.
Speaker 2: And we all know, we've all been in restaurants where
Speaker 2: you look at somebody on a first date and you're
Speaker 2: just like, oh my god, I feel for them and
Speaker 2: like they're barely able to, you know, care on the
Speaker 2: conversation or whatever. And I just feel like being in
Speaker 2: a bar environment or something where there's just more going on,
Speaker 2: it just seems a little like it diffuses the fact
Speaker 2: that you don't I.
Speaker 1: Think people like people up right, Like I just think
Speaker 1: it creates like a buzz and an energy. And but
Speaker 1: by the way, to your point, like I recently was
Speaker 1: aut of dinner and I saw two people on what
Speaker 1: clearly looked like at first date, and I was with
Speaker 1: my twenty two old son, and it was like, watch,
Speaker 1: you can't try And I was so uncomfortable them. So
Speaker 1: I found a way to try to start chatting with
Speaker 1: them with the conversation because you know me, I don't
Speaker 1: shut up, and so we were chatting all of us together,
Speaker 1: and then it didn't.
Speaker 2: Be kind of like you then I feel like he
Speaker 2: kind of well, that was bad.
Speaker 1: Then he asked when I got up, he kind of
Speaker 1: asked for my own phone number in a work thing,
Speaker 1: And I thought to myself, I hope she's paying attention
Speaker 1: to the kind of guy that he is, because that's not.
Speaker 2: Like I'm a girl's girl.
Speaker 1: Oh, such a girl's girl. Such a girl's girl. I
Speaker 1: love setting up my friends with somebody i've gone out
Speaker 1: with that maybe doesn't feel right to me. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm doing that for my sister right now, and I
Speaker 1: don't know. I would hope somebody would do that for
Speaker 1: me too. Recycle. We have to recycle men.
Speaker 2: We think that that's a business idea. How are we
Speaker 2: going to properly recycle men?
Speaker 1: Matchmaking is hard. I tried to be a matchmaker for
Speaker 1: a minute.
Speaker 4: It was not easy.
Speaker 3: Here's a scenario for you. You're you're casually you see
Speaker 3: someone that you're casually dating, You see them out in
Speaker 3: public and they're clearly on a date with somebody else.
Speaker 3: Do you bring that up to them? Do you pretend
Speaker 3: like you never saw them? What's your reaction there?
Speaker 2: I don't think that that bothers me unless I feel
Speaker 2: like we're exclusive, you know, and I think that at
Speaker 2: the time that I mean, the way you present that scenario,
Speaker 2: I'm taking it like, hey, we've gone out on one
Speaker 2: or two dates, which I think until you have that conversation,
Speaker 2: that's okay.
Speaker 1: Do you think you have to have a conversation to
Speaker 1: be exclusive or do you feel like it organically happens?
Speaker 2: Well, I think either romantically things start happening and then
Speaker 2: at that point I'm having a conversation or I mean,
Speaker 2: reading the situation where you're starting to want to be
Speaker 2: with each other all the time, you kind of understand
Speaker 2: that that's where you are but if I've just come
Speaker 2: out on a couple days. I mean, I did have
Speaker 2: a situation where I had just broken up with a
Speaker 2: guy literally like the night before, and I remember feeling
Speaker 2: bad that I had ended it because he was a
Speaker 2: nice guy. And then the next day I picked up
Speaker 2: a friend from the airport and was coming back from
Speaker 2: LAX and went to where what's the old AOC whatever
Speaker 2: tavern or something, and I walk and they have communal
Speaker 2: bathrooms and he is literally at the bar in the
Speaker 2: same first date outfit, I guess, same first date outfit.
Speaker 2: Then he wore with me, same spot. And then the
Speaker 2: worst was I was in the bathroom and he came
Speaker 2: into the communal bathrooms. Obviously he didn't know I was there,
Speaker 2: and it was really awkward.
Speaker 1: Wait, I don't know the story. Would you say this
Speaker 1: is your worst dating story. We didn't even talk about,
Speaker 1: like what's your worst dating story? Something.
Speaker 2: I had broken up with him, so it's not like
Speaker 2: he broke up with me and the next worse than heartbreak.
Speaker 2: But I mean, who knows, Maybe he had it set up.
Speaker 2: I don't know, But the point was I broke up
Speaker 2: with them, and then I mean it was so awkward
Speaker 2: and then he was like, hey, how are you? And
Speaker 2: then he and then he texted me the next day
Speaker 2: and was like, oh, I hope that was not I
Speaker 2: was just like, just move on.
Speaker 1: What is your worst dating story?
Speaker 2: I don't know what. I don't feel like I've had
Speaker 2: any horrific I mean, do you have one?
Speaker 1: I had a weird I had a really weird one.
Speaker 1: I mean I haven't ever gone had a scary, like
Speaker 1: dangerous one, but I had an interesting thing happened. So
Speaker 1: it was a brief. So during the pandemic, because it
Speaker 1: was harder, I was like, you know what, my friends
Speaker 1: and I were like, let's just do these apps for fun,
Speaker 1: Like we made it like fun, right. So I talked
Speaker 1: a couple of times to this guy and he lived
Speaker 1: on the East Coast. He's like, I want to fly
Speaker 1: out and meet you. And that was stressful for me
Speaker 1: because then you're like, oh, he's flying all the way
Speaker 1: out to meet me, Like it's not just a drink,
Speaker 1: like at least have to sit with dinner and then
Speaker 1: and he's like, and I'd love to know that we're
Speaker 1: going to have lunch the next day and we're going
Speaker 1: to do this. I go, let's just start with the
Speaker 1: first date. So we meet for a first day and
Speaker 1: you know, and he's staying at a hotel and so
Speaker 1: we meet at the bar and weet it just have
Speaker 1: dinner there or whatever, and you know, I was like,
Speaker 1: in my head, I was like, I'm definitely gon have
Speaker 1: lunch with him tomorrow. It's like the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't like I was not into it. But
Speaker 1: he was nice, and you know, he was you know,
Speaker 1: he had a good core value system and we were
Speaker 1: aligned down a lot of things. So I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. So the next day we're at the lunch.
Speaker 1: So now this is now probably you know, ninety minutes
Speaker 1: total of learning meeting him and talking to him, and
Speaker 1: he says, oh, I just was diagnosed with can't They
Speaker 1: just found a tumor and they have to buy upstate
Speaker 1: and they think it's lung cancer, which was like talked
Speaker 1: about it's like a heavy a heavy first date, right,
Speaker 1: And I was like, WHOA, okay, fine, And it just
Speaker 1: felt I actually didn't know if it was true or
Speaker 1: not true, Like it was just it was really strange.
Speaker 1: He's liked, can we go in to dinner tonight? And
Speaker 1: I said, oh, I have plants whatever, Okay, cut you.
Speaker 1: So he goes back to the East Coast and he's
Speaker 1: texting me, and then he texted me He's like, great news,
Speaker 1: false alarm. I'm totally fine. Check your email. And he
Speaker 1: had sent me airline tickets for Saint Bart's to go
Speaker 1: on a trip with him for ten days. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I barely knew this guy, and you're so weird.
Speaker 2: I mean, you're such a private person, like and it
Speaker 2: made me so uncomfortable and I was like, oh gosh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: like I don't know you, like I didn't even know
Speaker 2: if it's going to about a second, and I'm hardly
Speaker 2: going to stay in a hotel.
Speaker 1: And I felt really uncomfortable, and I felt like it
Speaker 1: was super forward and slightly aggressive, and so I was like, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: that's fine, but can I come to LA again? And
Speaker 1: I thought I just didn't. There was something about it
Speaker 1: that seemed a little too fast to It didn't feel authentic.
Speaker 1: It felt weird. It was rushing, you know, and that
Speaker 1: was it. I mean, I'm sure I would have liked
Speaker 1: to have gone to Saint Barts, but with somebody that,
Speaker 1: you know, I really am would have been into me. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: Dating is hard.
Speaker 3: Dating is so hard. It's so hard. Here's this might
Speaker 3: be a this is a deeper question, Uh do you
Speaker 3: have do you believe you have to be fully healed
Speaker 3: from your previous lover in order to love someone new
Speaker 3: to have that capacity again?
Speaker 1: I mean, look, we've all had our hearts broken where
Speaker 1: you just want to, like right away go out with
Speaker 1: somebody else. And for me and my personal experience when
Speaker 1: I have been heartbroken or really really really hurt, I
Speaker 1: am not able to switch gears that quickly, like I
Speaker 1: have to be totally healed to be open to meet
Speaker 1: somebody else. Like it's I've tried it. It's just too
Speaker 1: hard for me. I feel breakups very intensely, and I
Speaker 1: think it's really important to you know, to almost kind
Speaker 1: of shut that door and then move on to the next.
Speaker 1: So for me, I'm not one who can overlap to
Speaker 1: try to move on.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if you're asking more from like
Speaker 2: a time perspective or is it the first person after
Speaker 2: a breakup, because I think it could be the first person,
Speaker 2: but maybe you know you can't expedite the time on
Speaker 2: feeling and healing.
Speaker 3: Do you think, is it like a set you know
Speaker 3: they said on I think it was on Friends, one
Speaker 3: of those sitcoms. They said, like, you take the time
Speaker 3: of the relationship and what cut in half, and that's
Speaker 3: the time it takes to get over it. Do you
Speaker 3: believe that? Is it a time thing or I think
Speaker 3: it has.
Speaker 1: To do with the intensity of it. And like I
Speaker 1: dated a guy for two and a half months and
Speaker 1: he dubbed me, and I swear to god, I think
Speaker 1: it took me a year to get over him. And
Speaker 1: my friends are like, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 2: He was not even a great guy.
Speaker 1: I mean, she's none of that. But I know and
Speaker 1: I think that that falls under the category of, you know,
Speaker 1: something in his childhood wounds, emotional baggage in mind. It
Speaker 1: was like this like imprinting right, and it was it
Speaker 1: just I don't know, I could not recover from that.
Speaker 1: And then there have been people I've dated for a
Speaker 1: year and a year and a half and it's like
Speaker 1: I don't even look back, like it just didn't trigger
Speaker 1: me in that way. So I don't think it's so
Speaker 1: much time for healing. I think it's like, what was
Speaker 1: it that struck such a chord? With you that you
Speaker 1: have to get over it. It's more about like what
Speaker 1: work do I need to do within myself, you know?
Speaker 1: And I feel like every relationship I've had, I'm making
Speaker 1: healthier choices and I'm learning like I like this from
Speaker 1: this person, this from this person to help build the
Speaker 1: toolbox of what's going to be you know, the perfect,
Speaker 1: the perfect thing for me. But I don't think it's time.
Speaker 1: I think it has to do with something with your wound,
Speaker 1: your emotional baggage.
Speaker 2: For me, I agree, And I think also on making
Speaker 2: healthier choices, I feel like I'm getting much better at
Speaker 2: course correcting or communicating earlier so that something doesn't either
Speaker 2: become a bigger problem as I continue on in a
Speaker 2: relationship and has a chance to potentially, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, kind of rectify itself because I'm doing a
Speaker 2: better job of communicating. And I think dialogue is so important.
Speaker 2: That's a total tangent.
Speaker 1: And communication is really important and vulnerability. That's something I've
Speaker 1: had to learn is have really uncomfortable conversations instead of
Speaker 1: shut down.
Speaker 3: Okay, this will be our last question. We're in the
Speaker 3: holiday season here. Do you think it's a red flag
Speaker 3: if a guy and suspend the holidays with his family
Speaker 3: instead of being with yours.
Speaker 1: Well, this is really interesting because a friend of mine's
Speaker 1: daughter who's thirty, has been dating this guy for about
Speaker 1: a year. And my friend called me and said, do
Speaker 1: you think it's weird that she's not invited on the
Speaker 1: You know, she went last year on the family trip
Speaker 1: with them, and this year they haven't brought it up here.
Speaker 1: Do you think that's a red flag? And I said,
Speaker 1: I do for her, right, because they're you know, at
Speaker 1: a year end, you thinks potentially starting their life together.
Speaker 1: I think for us when people have children or maybe
Speaker 1: like a regular plan that they've always doe. I think,
Speaker 1: as long as you're kind of communicating, maybe why like, hey,
Speaker 1: like it would be so fun to do something together
Speaker 1: this vacation. But you know, we just started dating recently,
Speaker 1: and I'd already had this plan or I had, you know,
Speaker 1: committed to doing this. But you know, it's nothing more
Speaker 1: than a function of of you know that, right. It's
Speaker 1: not a deeper message of like I'm just not that
Speaker 1: into you. But we can all read the tea leaves
Speaker 1: and read the room and know if somebody's into us
Speaker 1: or not or wants to be that and where there's
Speaker 1: a will, there's a way, you know, somebody could fly
Speaker 1: home to be home for New Year's Eve if they
Speaker 1: really want to see somebody.
Speaker 2: And I think that's back to like the post divorce
Speaker 2: where life is a little messier and complicated, and when
Speaker 2: it comes to the holidays, I think kind of what
Speaker 2: you're saying, Louise is if you communicate on what why
Speaker 2: the reason for not wanting to be there, I think
Speaker 2: it's totally fair because post like, I prioritize my family
Speaker 2: holidays with my immediate family. And I mean I dated
Speaker 2: somebody for several years and we would do Christmas the
Speaker 2: three days prior to my family, you know, I remember, Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then I would essentially kick him out and be like, Okay,
Speaker 2: my family's here now. That really hurt his feelings, Yeah
Speaker 2: I did. But I aren't going to change your routine,
Speaker 2: which is a happy routine. Yeah. So I guess I'm
Speaker 2: on the flip side of that question. But yeah, I
Speaker 2: mean that's how I feel. It's important to me.
Speaker 1: But if you are really I mean I also think
Speaker 1: like sometimes we don't make changes because we don't want
Speaker 1: to make the changes. Like it's like there's a will,
Speaker 1: there's way if you really wanted him to be a
Speaker 1: part of it, you know what I'm saying, Like you
Speaker 1: could have made changes, you just didn't want to, And
Speaker 1: that's okay too.
Speaker 2: But I also think I have it all. I think
Speaker 2: you can have your cake and eat it too. And
Speaker 2: I think if you guys, do you know, a week
Speaker 2: with each other and then a week with families for
Speaker 2: various reasons, like, I think that that can work. So
Speaker 2: I think it's I don't think you can generalize, and
Speaker 2: I think all situations, no, I.
Speaker 1: Agree, But I also think friends no friends like you.
Speaker 1: When I'm getting somebody and I'm like, look warm on it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, it's great. You're like yeah, you look
Speaker 1: like you're really excited, but no, it's amazing.
Speaker 4: This is it.
Speaker 1: This is really great, and you're like okay. And then
Speaker 1: when I'm like, yeah, we're done, and she's like, no surprise.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting for weeks for her. I was at dinner,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I and then I know we have
Speaker 1: to go. I've been dating somebody and it was it
Speaker 1: was good.
Speaker 4: Like it was. It was good.
Speaker 1: It was nice and fun and it was good and
Speaker 1: it fell under the category of like I had a
Speaker 1: big life. It was a part of my life. And
Speaker 1: I was at a dinner with a bunch of a
Speaker 1: bunch of girls and in front of mine sat down
Speaker 1: and she was like glowing and she said, the fucking
Speaker 1: my boyfriend, I'm so in love. And I was like
Speaker 1: sitting there thinking, I don't know that way, why don't
Speaker 1: I feel that way? And my other friend looks at me,
Speaker 1: she goes, you're dating somebody, right, I go yeah, She goes,
Speaker 1: why don't you sound like that? And I was like
Speaker 1: and it was like like getting hit over the head.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because I knew what I
Speaker 1: felt on the inside, but when a friend can see
Speaker 1: it and can like call it out, it's sometimes hard
Speaker 1: to hear because the truth, you know, the truth deep
Speaker 1: down that voice we have that little inner voice in
Speaker 1: our heart and mind.
Speaker 3: M hm, Well, this has been so much fun. Thank
Speaker 3: you guys for letting me be part of the action here.
Speaker 3: I feel like we j all just went on our
Speaker 3: first date.
Speaker 1: Would we get a second date?
Speaker 3: Yes? I was going to say, I would call you
Speaker 3: both back the same time.
Speaker 4: Thanks Easton, such a cutie.
Speaker 3: Well, thanks for your vulnerability thanks for being so honest.
Speaker 3: We appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Here well, fun to talk to you.
Speaker 5: Thank you for having us.
Speaker 6: Hey, Hey, it's Jenny Garth. I love hearing those gals
Speaker 6: Thelma and Louise when they take over the show. Such
Speaker 6: great insight and advice. If you are single or trying
Speaker 6: to get back out there after a divorce and you
Speaker 6: want dating advice, or you're ready to find love again,
Speaker 6: we want to hear from you. Call us one eight
Speaker 6: four four four I Do Pod that's eight four four
Speaker 6: four four three six seven sixty three or email us
Speaker 6: at idopod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram
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Speaker 6: this information is going to be in our show notes,
Speaker 6: but make sure to rate us and review us because
Speaker 6: we love you. I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts
Speaker 6: where falling in love is the main objective