WEBVTT - Divorce Expectations vs Reality 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:18.400 Wow, we are back, Thelma and Louise still slaying in 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:22.000 the dating world. Not I'm still single? Are you still 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:25.439 had a bunch of shitty dates? Did you? But super 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:31.760 flattered that the audience spoke and responded and had more 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:35.040 questions for us, and makes me feel good that what 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:37.879 we're saying makes sense and it struck a chord and 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:42.239 it's relevant and I guess we're approachable and easy to 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.680 talk to, so maybe that will bode well for future 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:49.199 dates for us. What do you think, Thelma, bring it on? Great, Well, 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.879 let's go, let's let's do let's do some more questions. 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:53.760 I love this stuff. I mean I love to not 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:55.840 be in the position of always asking the questions because, 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:58.080 as you know, I sit on dates now on my 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:02.360 hands country myself. Stop with the questions because it feels 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.440 like an interrogation. One of my dates called the rapid Fire. 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:06.839 That was not a compliment. 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:09.199 I know it's the truth, though I don't even know did. 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:11.039 He call me the next day? Maybe he didn't. 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:13.199 I can't remember on that one. 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:17.440 Anyways, I think Easton here has questions for us. And 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.800 by the way, his name alone is so hot. So Easton, 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:21.560 are you single? Are we too old for you. 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:24.680 I am a married man. 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:26.640 We don't do married. 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:29.520 That's a red flag. When you go on a date 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:31.399 with somebody and you go, why did your marriage break up? 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:33.400 And they say they cheat? It it's like once a cheat, 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:35.880 are always a cheater. Like I literally Elvis has left the 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:37.039 building for me on that one. 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.600 Or I don't mean to interrupt again, but I also 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.920 think one a red flag for me is when somebody 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:47.880 when I'm on a date and someone speaks very disparagingly. 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.240 Well, look at Dingong who I dated, and then look 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:52.320 what he did to me when we broke up. When 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:54.880 people show you who they are, believe them. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.440 Yeah. I think we have really good relationships with our 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:59.840 exes and take great pride in that. And I don't 0:01:59.880 --> 0:02:02.240 think that that's everyone's case, and I don't think it 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.480 needs to be, but I still think it says a 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.480 lot about a person, especially when they do that right 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:09.480 off the bat and they don't even know me. I 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:11.399 just it just rubs me the wrong way. 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:14.119 I think they are the mother of their children, and 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.839 I think it's disgusting when they do that. And you're right, 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.200 you and I are deeply proud of our relationships with 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:23.400 our excess so much so that he and I had 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.240 dinner last week. The kids are in college, he's engaged. 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:28.360 I love his fiance, and I said to him, you know, 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.480 if this is who you were when we were married, 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.160 we'd still be married. And he goes, we would never 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:33.840 still be married. 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:36.800 I was like, oh, in the nursing home together. I 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:38.560 still think you might be in the nursing home together. Yes. 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:40.760 Anyways, Okay, what do you got for us? What do 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.920 these people want to what do these people want to learn? 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:45.679 You know, this is a question that just popped into 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.280 my head as you guys were talking about that. At 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.119 what point? I know it's like a case by case 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.799 basis thing, but like when you're on a date and 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:56.360 the other person was married before, how soon do you 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:58.840 get into that conversation of why did your marriage break up? 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:00.800 That seems like an it's a hard thing to do 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:02.560 early on. But you also got to know that. 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:06.320 Definitely not the first date in a real kind of 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.239 pointed way if it organically comes up. But I've always 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:13.080 found like being too heavy on a first date is 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.680 not It should be a little more light and fun, right, 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.720 It could be more in my opinion for me, you know, 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.799 second or third date. Now, if it's a setup, then 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:26.799 you kind of know a little bit about why relationship ended, 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:30.680 so then you can kind of navigate around it. 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:31.600 I don't know. 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.520 In my experience, it does come up a lot on 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.880 a first date. I feel like it just naturally comes 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.480 up because hey, you both ended up at this date, 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:41.760 so you know your history brought you here, so I do. 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:45.240 I don't choose to delve too deep into it, but 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.360 I think there always happens to be a few questions 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:50.520 around it, and then I just try to like know 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:51.320 when to move on. 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.200 But I also think the way we answer those questions 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:55.920 on a first date it's going to be very different 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.720 than how we answer it, like when you're more involved 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.000 with something, right, Like I kind of a cat answer 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:05.680 as to why my marriage went south, which is, you know, 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.920 not inflammatory, it's you know, I'm never you know, negative 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.560 about my ex husband or anything. So I just give enough, 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:16.960 but not like enough of the depth that maybe I 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.000 would share later on if I was really involved with 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:22.080 somebody and I, you know, trusted them, agree. 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:25.679 And now we're gonna we're gonna take things to the map. 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.240 Here is the dating seemed really bad in Los Angeles. 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:31.480 You always hear about that, but is it actually that bad. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.200 I think it's it's hard. I mean, look, I grew 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:36.560 up in Los Angeles, so this is a lot of 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:38.640 the reason why, you know, dating apps have made me 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:41.760 uncomfortable is because the few times I've played around them, 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:43.799 I've seen nine thousand people I know, so I feel 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:48.760 super exposed. I prefer setups. Like if I was to 0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:51.559 go to northern California, where Belmow was from, I would 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:53.640 be on every dating app because I don't know anybody. 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:58.080 I think it's hard, like I think that there's well 0:04:58.200 --> 0:04:59.880 let's talk about this. I mean, we're in our f 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:03.760 fifties and it's very rare that a fifty year old 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.240 guy wants to date a fifty year old girl. In fact, 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:09.880 my children came home last summer and they sat me 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:13.080 down and they said, Mom, we're very concerned about what. 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.720 They go, Well, we're concerned about your options. What do 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:18.320 you mean. They go, well, it's the you know, eighty 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:21.760 year old guy or the twenty five year old guy 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:23.960 you need to support. And I was like, wow, that 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:26.200 does sound dismal. Do you have a preference And they said, yeah, 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:28.560 the eighty year old guy, and I was like, oh, 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:30.640 but I think it's true, Like, I think there are 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:33.240 way more. I mean, I would say, out of you know, 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.160 my ten best friends, eight and a half of them 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.039 are single, and I think they're all amazing, Right, there 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:43.719 are fewer good men, and there are you know, fewer 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:47.000 men out there that want a date age appropriate women. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:49.159 I mean, I have a guy best friend who's you know, 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:52.200 mid fifties, who's a fabulous guy. He's my guy best friend. 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:55.800 His dating app age range is twenty five to thirty eight. 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.960 He is fifty five with two kids, so he wouldn't 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.680 even we wouldn't even come up on his swiping. And 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:05.520 I think that's more normal. Oh, it's one eleven. Make 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:07.719 a wish. It's my good luck number that my soulmate 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:10.760 is coming. Okay, got it. I know I do this 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.279 all the time. Anyways, I find LA dating hard. 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.520 What do you think, Thelma, I don't know if it's 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:21.599 La per se. I feel like my mindset is very different. 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:25.720 When I am at home. I feel like I'm in 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:29.080 kids mode or work mode, and I'm just going through 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:31.800 the motions. I'm going to the same grocery store, I'm 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.760 doing the same things I'm running around in my workout clothes, 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:38.320 and I feel like part of it is just getting 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:40.280 out of my comfort zone. And I am more apt 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:42.760 to do that when I'm outside of my hometown. And 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.080 I find that it's easier for me to date when 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:49.799 I am traveling or going on vacation because I'm just giving. 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:53.159 I'm on receive and I look like I'm open to 0:06:53.200 --> 0:06:54.000 meeting people more. 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:56.720 Well, you still have a kid at home, I mean 0:06:56.720 --> 0:06:58.479 too in college and one at home, so your life 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:00.920 is very different than mine, right, Like, I don't have 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:03.920 children at home, so I could go on a date 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:09.760 seven days a week. I could. I guess. I could relocate, 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:13.600 I guess, But I don't know. I just think it's hard. 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.200 I think it's hard in LA to meet people. And 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.240 I think somebody who lives in Chicago or somebody who 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:21.200 lives here wherever, you know, I think anyone's going to 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.600 say that there's just a lack of options. And I 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:28.000 think that there's so many amazing single women out here, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.760 and I think they're all beautiful, and I think they're 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:32.600 all talented, and I think they're all really interesting. So 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:36.840 I think that's also what the sweite mentality has done. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:39.000 Is it's kind of like thirty one flavors, right, I 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:40.920 mean it's like, oh she was great, we had fun, 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.560 but I could keep swiping. There could be somebody else 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.800 better out there, and you never just kind of feel 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:50.040 satisfied or content with what's in front of you. And 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.160 I think that's I think that it's just too many 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:54.680 options out there, good for men. 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:07.360 On the last episode, you guys did uh Thelma, you 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.920 said that sometimes a plane ride is easier than an 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:14.160 hour hour and a half drive. And now I'm curious, like, 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:17.120 if you were to meet someone that was long distance, 0:08:17.560 --> 0:08:19.840 how does that work? Like are you does there have 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.120 to be an end point in site? Is there a distance? 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:24.600 Like would you do across country thing? What do you 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:25.840 think about dating long distance? 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:29.000 Like I'm obsessed with it? Well, you did it, you 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.920 did it four years years and I love it. I 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:36.800 think I'm I like to compartmentalize my life apparently, but 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:40.080 I think for me, what I love about it is 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:43.199 unlike when I say a plane ride, I think it's 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:46.120 nice because it's it's a total separation. Like when I 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.439 get on that plane to go see my significant other, 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:53.120 I feel like I'm all in, I'm present, I'm engaged. 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:56.560 It's almost I mean not literally but engaged. I feel 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:00.280 like it's almost like this honeymoon and I have great 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:03.800 time and it's amazing, but then it's great because I 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:06.400 get to leave or he leaves, and then I get 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.040 to go back to my week and I have my 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:12.400 friends and my family and work and everything. So I 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.240 kind of get the best of both worlds. Now, it's 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:18.199 not necessarily balanced in like the traditional sense, but it is. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.160 It's like I get to have my fun, I get 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:23.400 to have that romantic hit, but I also get to 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.200 kind of keep my life intact, which I think is 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:31.040 you become older and are you know, fifty plus. I 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:33.679 think we alluded to this our last episode, But it's 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.000 a little harder to juggle. You have a lot going 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:38.600 on and a lot of times, I feel like when 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:43.439 you are all in on a relationship, sometimes men are 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:46.480 needy and they kind of need a lot of your 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:50.079 attention and time, and I feel like sometimes distance it's 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:51.040 easier to manage it. 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:57.319 Do you see yourself ever finding yourself in a situation 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:02.160 where you are twenty four to seven, you know, remarried, 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.400 seven nights a week, sharing a bed with somebody like 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:08.040 living that life that we all did when we first 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.800 got married. Or do you think when we fall in 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:14.960 love and have relationships in our fifties that it's just 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:18.680 part of our life, it's not all encompassing. Or do 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:20.760 you think it's a function that you and I say 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:22.760 that because we just haven't met the person that has 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.880 swept us off our feet that would make us want 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.320 to make some significant changes in our lives. 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.880 Oh my gosh, how many times have we had this conversation. 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.000 I mean, the thought of sharing a bed, a closet, 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:36.319 a bathroom with somebody twenty four to seven sounds my 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:41.439 living nightmare, like so, and the longer I stay single, 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.720 I appreciate it so much. I mean I even go 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:46.640 to dinner with my married friends and I think some 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:48.680 of my girlfriends are like, oh my god, I'm so 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:51.319 jealous of you. Well, the grass is not greener, right, 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.760 And so I think that's one thing to always remember. 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:59.080 But I think that for me, I'm not saying that 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.320 I couldn't meet the right person. I think with my 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:05.400 first relationship, I was able to be twenty four to 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:08.360 seven with somebody because they very much had their own life. 0:11:08.880 --> 0:11:11.800 So I know, for me, if I met somebody who 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:14.920 had his own interests and own priorities in life, and 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:19.160 we could come together but also have our independence. I 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:21.360 will never say never that I couldn't be with somebody 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:24.160 under the same roof. But I also feel like I 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:28.360 wouldn't be surprised if my next chapter looks far less 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:30.200 traditional than my first. 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:34.920 Great answer, thank you, I try. You're a smart cookie, Thoma, 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:36.760 glad you're guiding me. 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:39.360 I mean, who needs a boyfriend when your friends compliment you? 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:39.560 Right? 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.600 I mean, by the way, you're a hard act to follow. 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:44.960 Let me tell you, I don't put out, but I 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:46.920 do a lot of other things for you. 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:50.040 You guys are so fun. What's one thing that people 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:53.079 don't talk about when dating posts divorce that you wish 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:56.040 every divorced person knew when entering the dating world. 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.280 I think that when you first get divorced, I mean 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:02.720 I can speak from myself, like I think I thought 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:06.160 like I would just find my next person really easily, 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:10.520 and I would just slide right back into almost like 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:16.080 a traditional relationship. I don't think I anticipated how hard 0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:23.439 it would be to find another really great situation. So 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:27.720 I think that was the hardest thing for me, that 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:31.280 it hasn't happened the way I thought it was going 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:35.800 to happen. And you know, I'm comfortable being by myself. 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.000 I've gotten really good at being by myself and I 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.880 have a really full life. But I do want to 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:45.840 find a partner. And I didn't think nine years later 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.720 I would be looking in the rear view mirror at 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:54.320 multiple great relationships but not one significant relationship. 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:56.160 Yeah. 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:58.680 I didn't anticipate that I would still be here nine 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:02.600 years later, and it makes me scared. Sometimes Sometimes I 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:05.160 call down Lap in the morning, Oh, I love to FaceTime. 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:08.200 She hates hated in the morning, and I say to her, 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:10.160 is this the best it's going to be? 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:14.840 And I think for both of us, I don't want 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:17.400 to speak for you, but I think right now I 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:20.960 am totally happy. My life is full. I do sometimes 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:24.920 get concerned that, like when my last child really really 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.679 leaves and ten years from now, am I going to 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:29.640 be rattling around in my house and sad? 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:30.920 Well that I am. 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:33.560 I'm not there yet, But I think for me, the 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:37.400 back to your post divorce question, I think I didn't 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:42.200 realize how many, how much more complicated it was, and 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.480 how many more variables there were it's really not solely 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:50.199 about me anymore. Right, it's I have children, they potentially 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:55.080 have children. Are we in the same place socioeconomically, Like 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:57.280 do we have different aspirations? 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:58.120 Are they? 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.480 Are they slowing down because they're ten years older, and 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.959 you know, we just operate at different frequencies and levels. 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.800 Like I don't know. The first time I fell in love, 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.360 I was twenty two years old, I was married for 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.200 seventeen years, and it just seemed really simple. We were 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.760 in the same place, kind of growing up together. And 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:20.600 I think now everybody has so much history that I mean, 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.200 in many ways, it's really interesting because you get to 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:27.040 meet very interesting people, but it's also, I don't know, 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:27.920 it's a lot more fumple. 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.080 I think we have to look at it like an opportunity, right, 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:33.200 It's about flipping our lens. And I think what I 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.920 started to do is wake up every day and say, 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.040 I get to not I have to write. And I 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.360 think it's awesome to meet a lot of people. And 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.080 you know, I think so much about getting excited, you know, 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.440 about going on a date is less about being the 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.680 right person, but the anticipation. I mean, you and I 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:51.480 have so much fun, like we'll be at Plate's and 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:53.200 you know, and I know you're going to probably just 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:54.920 have a little salad for the day so your stomach 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.520 is flattered. And then we talk about the outfit, and 0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:58.600 then we FaceTime the outfit and it's like it's like 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.800 a whole thing, and the data is actually less important. 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:04.360 It's the prep that's fun. One thing I wanted to 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:06.040 just bring up because somebody said this to me the 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:08.520 other day, to your point when you talk about like 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:10.120 how am I going to feel in ten years when 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.680 I'm an empty nester, And I was telling somebody I'm 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:14.960 the empty nester, it's interesting, and she because, don't call 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:17.440 yourself an empty nester. Look at it like it's an 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:21.280 open door, right, like you are walking into a sliding door. 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.120 I love that Gwyneth Paltrow movie. Right, this is an 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:28.000 open door where every day I wake up something new 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.600 and exciting can happen, Like what surprise is in store 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:32.640 for me today? So every day I'm looking for the 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.320 magic in whether it's a date or if it's a 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:38.160 swiping thing, or it's you and I, you know, laughing 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:41.120 about something, or getting our weighted vest. Because we now 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:44.800 have osteoporosis like I every day am looking for the 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.080 magic in my day where it's not focused on just 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.200 finding a partner, And there are so many amazing things 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.400 that we all have going on. And I think at 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:57.480 the end of the day, friendships obviously, our relationships are 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:01.520 family in our case, like friendships are the glue, Like 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:05.160 you are on my gratitude list every day. So I 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.120 don't know, like we have open doors. 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:10.160 And we can't control what is isn't going to happen 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:13.480 in terms of a relationship, but we can really control 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:15.720 our mindset and our outlook. 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:16.920 And I know our attitude. 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:19.520 We're just cheesy, but it's so true. 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:22.280 I'm a little woo woo. You know, me and my crystals. 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:23.640 Who doesn't love a crystal in la? 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.640 Do you do you charge them up in the moonlight? 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:30.440 Is that I do it during the day? Actually really yeah? 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.320 Is it supposed to be at night? Because maybe that's 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:32.880 my problem. 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:34.400 I think you have to do it for what works 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.240 for you. What I've learned is I used to try 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:37.920 to follow the rules on it. I thought, you know, 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:41.200 I'm just gonna I'm going to operate spiritually in a 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.280 way that speaks to me, right, whether it's like the 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:47.400 one crystal here or not washing them or like I 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.480 try to like be comfortable with the way that I'm 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:53.320 doing it because it's pressure all the other rules on 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:54.240 how to do all of it. 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:56.680 I meditate laying down. It's way more comfortable. 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:01.360 So there's so much importance on a first eight. What 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:05.240 do you think is to each of you, what's which 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.040 first date activity is the best way to determine if 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.200 there's like a spark is it? Is it a walk, 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:13.679 a coffee, a dinner, miniature golf. Is there something that 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:15.679 stands out above the others? 0:17:16.240 --> 0:17:16.960 Glass of wine? 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:17.199 For me? 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:21.080 I know, at meat at a restaurant that has like 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:25.440 at like five or six that has like a bar, 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.879 a bar slash restaurant. I like to go, And I 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.160 actually like to sit next to somebody at the bar 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:33.879 if I'm on a date with them, just to feel 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.320 if there's kind of any energy. And it's interesting, like 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:39.480 you can kind of tell if you feel yourself gravitating 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.520 and turning towards somebody or if you're kind of sitting back. 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:47.359 And I don't know, body languages super important, but I'm 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.760 definitely not one who likes to go on a walk 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.040 or miniature golf or do I like to talk to 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:57.159 somebody and just see if there's an organic conversation that 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:58.000 starts to flow. 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.320 Yeah, not to sound like I'm not interesting, but I 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.520 kind of am the same the same for me. I 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.920 also think being kind of in an environment where there's 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:10.880 people around you and background noise and all of that, 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:12.840 like it just takes a little of the pressure off, 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:14.679 you know. It's like, I don't know about you, like 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:16.159 when I went on my honeymoon, or you go to 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:18.320 these quiet resorts where it's like you can hear a 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.639 pin drop, and even if you're with like the you know, 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.359 the love of your life, it's just so awkward, Like 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:25.280 you find yourself talking about the weather because you feel 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.280 like the three other people are listening to what you're saying. 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.840 And we all know, we've all been in restaurants where 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:31.720 you look at somebody on a first date and you're 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:33.720 just like, oh my god, I feel for them and 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.639 like they're barely able to, you know, care on the 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.199 conversation or whatever. And I just feel like being in 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:41.760 a bar environment or something where there's just more going on, 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.000 it just seems a little like it diffuses the fact 0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:46.080 that you don't I. 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:48.840 Think people like people up right, Like I just think 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:52.800 it creates like a buzz and an energy. And but 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:55.119 by the way, to your point, like I recently was 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.119 aut of dinner and I saw two people on what 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:59.320 clearly looked like at first date, and I was with 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.680 my twenty two old son, and it was like, watch, 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:03.879 you can't try And I was so uncomfortable them. So 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:05.879 I found a way to try to start chatting with 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.200 them with the conversation because you know me, I don't 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:10.879 shut up, and so we were chatting all of us together, 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:11.720 and then it didn't. 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:13.040 Be kind of like you then I feel like he 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:14.080 kind of well, that was bad. 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:16.480 Then he asked when I got up, he kind of 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:18.719 asked for my own phone number in a work thing, 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:21.040 And I thought to myself, I hope she's paying attention 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.400 to the kind of guy that he is, because that's not. 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:25.159 Like I'm a girl's girl. 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:28.719