1 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: Hey guys, it's Andre Gunning. A few weeks ago, we 2 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: put a call out for your listener essays. We wanted 3 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: to hear from you about resilience after a devastating betrayal, 4 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: and we received so many incredible essays submissions. So for 5 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,040 Speaker 1: this episode, we're going to feature the first of two 6 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: listener essays that really moved me. This one is written 7 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:17,320 Speaker 1: and read by a listener named Melissa. Pain has been 8 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: both my burden and my teacher, breaking me open in 9 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: ways I never wanted and shaping me into someone I 10 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 1: never expected to become. As a teenager, my world fractured 11 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 1: in an instant. My father, my anchor, was ripped away, 12 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: not by death, but by his own betrayal. He was 13 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: sent to prison for raping a teenage girl. The man 14 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: I looked to for protection became the reason I no 15 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: longer felt safe or sure of who I was. It 16 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: wasn't just the act he committed, it was the way 17 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 1: it shattered everything I thought I knew about love, trust, 18 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: and family. That wound didn't heal. It seeped into the 19 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: fabric of my life, dictating the person I became. The 20 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: echoes of that betrayal followed me like shadows, coloring every 21 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: decision I made, lingering over my shoulder and even scaring 22 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 1: away some who learn the truth in my desperate need 23 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: to find stability, to build a life that felt whole. 24 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: I married a man who was battling his own demons. 25 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: He was a secret addict and an alcoholic, someone who 26 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:30,079 Speaker 1: hid his pain while drowning it in substances. When I 27 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: learned of his struggle, I thought I could save him. 28 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: I believed that what I went through early on would 29 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: give me the strength to push through. Maybe, deep down 30 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: I thought saving him would somehow redeem the parts of 31 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: my life I couldn't. But love cannot survive where it 32 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 1: is consumed by unrelenting chaos. We bore a son together, 33 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 1: my saving grace. I stayed with my husband until I 34 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: couldn't anymore. The strength to leave. It didn't come all 35 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 1: at once. It came in fragments, small moments of clarity, 36 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: of exhaustion, and finally, after a friend reminded me of 37 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: my strength, I was given a new understanding that trying 38 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: to save him would mean losing myself. Walking away was 39 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: one of the hardest things I'd ever done. It meant 40 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: accepting that I couldn't fix everything. It meant carrying the 41 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: weight of yet another failure, another loss, another broken family. 42 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 1: But leaving wasn't the end. 43 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 2: It was the beginning. 44 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: Pain has a way of carving you hollow, but it 45 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: also creates space, space to grow, to rebuild, to transform. Slowly, 46 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: I began to see my pain for what it was, 47 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: a relentless teacher showing me how to live with open 48 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: eyes and an open heart. The wounds I carry, though deep, 49 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: have given me something unexpected, the ability to see what 50 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: others try to hide. I see the hurt in those 51 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: around me, the silent struggles, the stories etched into their eyes. 52 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: And when I meet someone who is carrying this pain, 53 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: I've learned to love them through their own traumas, through 54 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: their own burdens of guilt and feelings of unworthiness. Raising 55 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:26,160 Speaker 1: my son has been my greatest redemption. Every day I 56 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 1: strive to teach him the things life has taught me. 57 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,719 Speaker 1: To be kind even when it's hard, to be strong 58 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: but never unfeeling, to hold compassion as his compass, and 59 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: to walk through life in a way that brings light 60 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: to a dark world. He is my proof that something 61 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: beautiful can rise from the ashes. 62 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 2: Of a broken past. 63 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 1: I've chosen to live with curiosity instead of judgment, to 64 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: approach others not with condemnation, but with a desire to understand. 65 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,919 Speaker 1: Everyone carries their own wounds, their own betrayals, their own burden. 66 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:04,159 Speaker 1: I've found that sharing our traumas creates a mutual trust, 67 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: allowing us to release the weight of that burden together. 68 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: My pain has taught me to find beauty and the 69 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: shattered pieces, to see the sunbeams that filter through the 70 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: dark clouds. It has taught me that even in brokenness 71 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: there is grace, and even in hurt, there is healing. 72 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,840 Speaker 1: The journey hasn't been easy. There are still days when 73 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,719 Speaker 1: the weight of it all feels unbearable, when the memories 74 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: rise like tides and threaten to drown me, when I'm 75 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,919 Speaker 1: reminded how the family I once had is no longer. 76 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: But I've learned to let those waves come, to let 77 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: them crash over me without pulling me under. I've learned 78 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: to stand in the storm and let it pass. If 79 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: pain has taught me anything it's that we are all 80 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 1: broken in some way. But brokenness is not the end 81 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,120 Speaker 1: of the story. It is in the cracks where the 82 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: light shines through. It is in the healing that we 83 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: find purpose. My pain has become my strength, my compass, 84 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 1: my gift. It has taught me to love, to forgive, 85 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: and to see beauty where others see ruin. I've transformed 86 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: my hurt into healing, not just for myself, but for 87 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 1: those who cross my path. I give my time to 88 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,800 Speaker 1: those who need it most, offering compassion and a listening 89 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 1: ear to those who have also been broken by life. 90 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: I share my story, not knowing how it will be received, 91 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: but trusting in the power of vulnerability. Time and again, 92 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: I've found that sharing creates a connection, a reminder that 93 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: none of us walk this path alone. I've chosen to 94 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: live with an open heart, welcoming the messiness of life 95 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: and finding grace and peace within it. My pain will 96 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: always be a part of me, etched into who I am, 97 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: but it no longer holds me captive. Instead, it has 98 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 1: shaped me into someone stronger, someone free, someone who can 99 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: rise from the ashes and be an example and encouragement 100 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 1: for others to do the same. 101 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 2: When we come. 102 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: Back, our producer talks with Melissa about her writing process, 103 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: and stay tuned until the end of the episode, when 104 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: we'll be sharing the theme of our next listener essay. 105 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: I'm going to hand it over to our producer Mo, 106 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: who talked with Melissa for this episode. 107 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 2: Can you tell me a little bit about the process 108 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 2: of writing this What did that look like. 109 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: I was listening to the podcast while I was sitting 110 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: in the waiting room of the passport office, and I 111 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: had about forty five minutes, and I heard right at 112 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: the beginning of the podcast that you guys were doing 113 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: this essay submission, and I was like, you know what, 114 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: I've got time, I'm going to do it now. And 115 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: I just sat there and I just started thinking about 116 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: my pain and thinking about how it's affected me in 117 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: good ways and bad, and I just started writing in 118 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 1: my notes on my phone and just kept rereading it 119 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: and editing it, rereading it and editing it. Honestly, I 120 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 1: wanted it to be more about the healing than the pain, 121 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: because I spent so much of my life focusing so 122 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: much on what the trauma was. And I always thought, 123 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: you know, there's going to be a light at the 124 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,839 Speaker 1: end of the tunnel. I'm going to look back in 125 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: twenty years and I'm going to see how much good 126 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 1: this did in my life, and honestly, that's not the case. 127 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: More often than not, the trauma that I went through 128 00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: was just all encompassing and the pain was debilitating a 129 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: lot of times. That's definitely like the inner voice, right, Like, 130 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: every time I share it, I'm like, do I really 131 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: need to share this? Does somebody really want to hear this? 132 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: It really can mess with what you think about yourself, 133 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 1: and so I really wanted that to be what this 134 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: essay was about. It's really not about coming out on 135 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: the other side and like, Oh, the trauma's gone and 136 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: we're all good and everything's fine. I mean, I'm sure 137 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: you guys hear it a lot from people emailing you 138 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: in like, wow, this story was incredible, and this was 139 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: so helpful for me. But there's so many people that 140 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,680 Speaker 1: are not writing in that are feeling the same thing. 141 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: So as I was sitting and writing it, it was 142 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: very important to me that I focus on the aspect 143 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: of using this trauma for good and yeah, when you 144 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 1: do share it with other people really does create this 145 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: amazing connection. Like I feel like as humans, if we 146 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: did a lot more of this sharing that it would 147 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: heal a lot of very broken people. 148 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 2: I wonder what your encouragement would be for people who 149 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 2: are listening who might want to share their story. 150 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think in my experience, both in my professional 151 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 1: career and in my personal life, I've come across so 152 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 1: many people who feel that they're not able to do 153 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: something that they want to do. A lot of it, 154 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: like with imposter syndrome, is just like you know, you 155 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 1: don't think you're good enough for people aren't going to 156 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: take it the right way, or it's not I'm not 157 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 1: going to say you have the right words. And honestly, 158 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: the only way that I was able to do this 159 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: was just to spit it all out on paper and 160 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 1: send it. I probably spent less than an hour in 161 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 1: total in writing, editing, and then just hitting the and button. 162 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,679 Speaker 1: And some of that for me was just getting the 163 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: words out on paper and wanting to get rid of them, 164 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 1: you know, like I've put this down and I need 165 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,200 Speaker 1: it to be out of my hands. 166 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,760 Speaker 2: Wow, our whole team is really grateful that you wrote 167 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:18,839 Speaker 2: in and shared this with us and shared everything you've 168 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 2: learned in this essay. 169 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: It really means a lot that you guys asked me 170 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: to do it. I was honestly very shocked when I 171 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: saw that email like, oh my gosh, not only did 172 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: they read it, but they want me. But I am 173 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: very very I'm very very thankful to your team and 174 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: everything that you guys do because it really is important. 175 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: So please don't stop. Thank you so much for listening, 176 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: and thank you to the incredible listeners who wrote in 177 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: to share their essays on the theme of resilience. We 178 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: were so moved by your submissions that were bringing you 179 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: more of these listener essays, and our next theme will 180 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: be the moment everything changed. Set the scene, take us 181 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: back to that memory. Describe the feelings and thoughts you 182 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: had in the moment when everything changed for you. The 183 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: limit is a thousand words. If your story stands out, 184 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: it might be featured in a bonus episode. Please save 185 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 1: your submission as a PDF and email it to Betrayalpod 186 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. If you would like to reach 187 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: out to the Betrayal team or want to tell us 188 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: your betrayal story, email us at betrayalpod at gmail dot com. 189 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 1: That's Betrayal Pod at gmail dot com. 190 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 2: We're grateful for your support. 191 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: One way to show support is by subscribing to our 192 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: show on Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and 193 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: review Betrayal five star reviews, Go a long Way, A 194 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is 195 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,439 Speaker 1: a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment 196 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:02,640 Speaker 1: Group and part matnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is 197 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and 198 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 1: produced by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, 199 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 1: also produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Christen Mercury 200 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: and Caitlyn Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and 201 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and mixing by mattel Vecchio, Additional 202 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: editing support from Tanner Robbins. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. 203 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: Music library provided by my Music and For more podcasts 204 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 205 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,440 Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.