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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and you're listening to STUFFMA never

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Speaker 1: told you. We are once again joined by my good

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Speaker 1: friend Samantha. Hello Samantha for this episode in our mini

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Speaker 1: series around trauma and sexual assault. UM, we're going to

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Speaker 1: be looking at why survivors of sexual assault don't come forward,

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Speaker 1: and then if they do, what happens. Over the course

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Speaker 1: of these next several episodes, we're going to go step

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Speaker 1: by step through what coming forward entails, reporting rape kids,

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Speaker 1: court dates, all of that stuff. Although we do want

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Speaker 1: to recognize at the front coming forward doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: be the rape kid or twitter or going to court

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Speaker 1: type things. It can be and often is just as

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Speaker 1: valid able to just tell someone that you trust. Right.

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Speaker 1: So triggers UM trigger warnings for this episode are sexual

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Speaker 1: assaults and abuse and trauma. Right. We don't want to

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Speaker 1: traumatize you all more or make you fearful to continue listening,

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Speaker 1: But and the next few episodes will be talking to

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Speaker 1: people who are willing to relay some of the more

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Speaker 1: intense aftermaths of going through a trauma, including actual hospital

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Speaker 1: visits and continue trauma due to having to repeat details

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Speaker 1: of the events. UM, what we're hoping to do is

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Speaker 1: shed light on why this is so much harder than

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Speaker 1: most people assume. And honestly, I'm tired of having to

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Speaker 1: prove to those who have never been victimized like this

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Speaker 1: assuming it isn't a big deal or the whole myth

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Speaker 1: of the fact that victims are trying to get attention

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Speaker 1: or wanting money. So we're gonna break it down a bit. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So let's start with why people don't come forward, because,

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Speaker 1: as you probably already know, sexual assault is one of

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Speaker 1: the most under reported crimes. Around eight percent go unreported,

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Speaker 1: is the estimate. And all the time you hear, um,

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Speaker 1: why didn't she come forward? Or why did she wait

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Speaker 1: so long to come forward? And I suspect hope that

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Speaker 1: this episode will answer those questions. According to the Equal

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Speaker 1: Employment Opportunity Commission, they receive twelve thousand complaints about sex

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Speaker 1: based harassment annually. They estimate that up to three out

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Speaker 1: of four people who have experienced sexual harassment never come forward.

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Speaker 1: The co chairman of a Commission task force said that

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Speaker 1: instead of reporting, women quote, avoid the harass or deny

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Speaker 1: our downplay the gravity of the situation, or attempt to ignore,

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Speaker 1: forget or endure the behavior. I just wanted to throw

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Speaker 1: this in here because I found it so disturbing. But

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Speaker 1: on college campuses, the first six weeks are known as

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Speaker 1: the red zone of annual rapes on college campuses occur

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Speaker 1: within that time frame. Well, yeah, the cost of lost

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Speaker 1: productivity or of jobs or of education from things like

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Speaker 1: PTSD that survivors experienced in the aftermath of a sexual

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Speaker 1: assault directly impacts the American economy at large when people

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Speaker 1: do report. In the CDC estimates that the economic cost

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Speaker 1: of sexual harassment and assault came out to be around

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Speaker 1: one thousand to two hundred thousand per victim, or a

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Speaker 1: total of two hundred sixty three billion dollars in the

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Speaker 1: United States, And that's probably low balling it. The priest scandal,

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Speaker 1: the priest abuse scandal with the Catholic Church has cost

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Speaker 1: them three billion dollars in settlements for more specific example,

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Speaker 1: and they're still going I think, oh, yeah, so many more.

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Speaker 1: So overall health medical costs for women who has experienced

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Speaker 1: sexual or child abuse is six higher than a woman

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Speaker 1: who has not been through this experience. Yeah, so those

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Speaker 1: are like financial cost um and we're going to get

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Speaker 1: into more detail of a lot of other financial costs later,

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Speaker 1: but for now, let's let's talk about why people don't

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Speaker 1: come forward, because they are so many reasons. One of

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Speaker 1: the biggest ones is shame and self blame. So many

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Speaker 1: survivors report shame as one of the primary reasons they

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Speaker 1: waited so long to come forward, feeling that they were

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Speaker 1: to blame, that they sent the wrong signals. And can

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Speaker 1: you blame us when your action societally is so often

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Speaker 1: victim blaming In nature, sexual assault is dehumanizing. When you

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Speaker 1: are ashamed of something, you're not rushing to tell people

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Speaker 1: about it. It makes you want to hide, It makes

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Speaker 1: your skin crawl. I remember at one particular New Year's

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Speaker 1: Eve party after I was triggered, crying into a toilet,

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Speaker 1: puking while my friends tried to calm me down and

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Speaker 1: saying over and over again, I can't feel this way anymore,

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Speaker 1: to be less than human. That was my first New

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Speaker 1: Year's Eve party. I cligured out, um, and there's this

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Speaker 1: need to figure out why this event, this horrible, traumatic event,

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Speaker 1: happened to you. Um, that's how your brain works, So

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Speaker 1: you'll never do that thing again. You want to believe

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Speaker 1: have control of your own body. That means you might

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Speaker 1: start thinking of yourself as bad or that something is

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Speaker 1: wrong with you. I can say from personal experience, I

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Speaker 1: felt unlovable and that I was tricking people into liking me,

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Speaker 1: or that I had this huge obvious scar on my

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Speaker 1: face but everyone was being kind and allowing me to

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Speaker 1: pretend it didn't exist. But one day they would realize

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Speaker 1: that they would see me for what I truly was,

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Speaker 1: which I thought was something not worth their time. And

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Speaker 1: shame often leads to isolation because you don't want to

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Speaker 1: inflict your presence on others, or in some societies, isolation

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Speaker 1: is forced upon you. For a long time, I struggled

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Speaker 1: with this I don't want to bother anybody mentality, UM

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Speaker 1: like they need to reach out to me right and overall,

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Speaker 1: you do feel like you are inconvenience and that is bothering,

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Speaker 1: especially because they were like, this is my own problem.

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Speaker 1: I have to deal with this. I did this that

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Speaker 1: whole mentality. But you know, UM, for me having this

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Speaker 1: happen to me or being able to not being okay

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Speaker 1: or being able to let go made me feel like

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Speaker 1: I was being weak, which is a lie. Being strong

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean we aren't allowed to fill emotions and vulnerability

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Speaker 1: it's not something to be ashamed of. But I know

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Speaker 1: that constantly is in the back of my head because

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Speaker 1: I played to be this, not just play to be,

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Speaker 1: but I hope to be the strong, independent woman who

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Speaker 1: um takes care of herself and defends herself all of

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Speaker 1: those things. But then you have this nagging feeling in

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Speaker 1: the back of your head because you've been victimized or

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Speaker 1: traumatized several times, that you are lying and that you're

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Speaker 1: weak and you allow things to happen, as you talked

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Speaker 1: about earlier, um And in a book written as a

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Speaker 1: guide to surviving sexual assault violence, it's stated n of

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Speaker 1: rape trauma recovery is undoing a victim's tendency to self blame,

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Speaker 1: which is a giant wall individual victims have to scale

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Speaker 1: before they can even start the healing process. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's obvious a big question. A lot of us

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Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it, and that's the whole part.

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Speaker 1: Is when you come forward and we were again and

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Speaker 1: saying Ford talking to someone, whether it's to get health

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Speaker 1: for yourself or just to be recognized that you had

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Speaker 1: gone through something, it's hard to get there because to

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Speaker 1: say it out loud means that something happened to you

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Speaker 1: and you have to acknowledge it and it hurts all

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Speaker 1: over again. Yeah, yeah, you have to admit it to yourself.

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Speaker 1: So we have a lot more reasons why why people

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Speaker 1: don't come forward, but first we have a quick break

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Speaker 1: for word from our sponsor m HM and we're back,

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Speaker 1: Thank you sponsor. So another big reason people don't come

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Speaker 1: forward we've kind of touched on a little bit is

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Speaker 1: denial and minimization, because you don't want to believe that

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Speaker 1: you've been abused. That is a hard truth to accept. You.

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Speaker 1: You might also compare yourself to other people you know

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Speaker 1: that quote had it worse, and feel like you don't

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Speaker 1: have a right to call what happened to you sexual

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Speaker 1: assault compared to what others went through. You might make

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Speaker 1: excuses for your abuser who might be generally well liked

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Speaker 1: and respected, or a part of your friend group or family.

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Speaker 1: You know what, we could probably break this down just

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Speaker 1: growing up female, growing up to be a lady, growing

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Speaker 1: up to be a caretaker. That we are taught that

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Speaker 1: it's our responsibility as women to make everybody feel else

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Speaker 1: feel okay, and that includes those who heard us, and

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Speaker 1: it's the whole mindset that we're trying to Everybody, I

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Speaker 1: think is starting to realize, not starting to, but have

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Speaker 1: been realizing, and it needsily broken down. Yeah. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I think that this is something that does get lost

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Speaker 1: a lot of the time. That um, someone you know

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Speaker 1: is the perpetrator. Most most of the time, that's that's

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Speaker 1: the case. And speaking from experience, you are, the people

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Speaker 1: around you might go out of your way to reconceptualize

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Speaker 1: what happened is anything but sexual assault, even if that's

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Speaker 1: absolutely what it is. Because someone you know right and

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Speaker 1: again that you may like or you used to respect.

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Speaker 1: I remember several of the biggest controversies happened because this

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Speaker 1: was a well respected, let's say, teacher who everybody loved

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Speaker 1: and adored, or a preacher that everybody loved or adored.

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Speaker 1: They have this whole reputation as being a good person,

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Speaker 1: but they don't see the underlying issues that that is

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Speaker 1: the trust that they build and could actually be part

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Speaker 1: of the reason how or pal out of how they

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Speaker 1: can groom others. It's so hard you don't want to,

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Speaker 1: especially if you look up to this person. Yeah, especially

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Speaker 1: like if it is a part of your friend group

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Speaker 1: or your family or something like that, it's really difficult.

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Speaker 1: And a while back we interviewed Samantha not me different Samantha.

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Speaker 1: Samantha is one episode who worked for three years as

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Speaker 1: a prosecutor, and she spoke to this. Growing up as

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Speaker 1: females were always taught about the boogeyman and be careful

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Speaker 1: when you're walking at night or jogging, and not that

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be safe and aware of your surroundings, but

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Speaker 1: really those situations that you hear about or sensationalized through

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Speaker 1: movies are very very rare. Typically not that they don't happen,

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Speaker 1: and they do receive a lot of media attention when

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Speaker 1: they do. But most of the sex crimes that occur

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Speaker 1: our acquaintances or the date rape situations UM. And I

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Speaker 1: think the more aware people are of that, UM, the

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Speaker 1: easier it eventually is for victims. Because as adults were

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Speaker 1: all looking for that boogeyman in the woods that's dragging

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Speaker 1: you off type scenario, You'll be hearing more from Samantha,

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Speaker 1: this other Samantha, and this Samantha to this. This is

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Speaker 1: gonna get confusing really quickly in the future. We also

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Speaker 1: spoke to Justin Boardman, who spent seven years as a

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Speaker 1: detective in the Special Victims Unit in Utah. He now

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Speaker 1: focuses on Trauman form training around the country and around

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Speaker 1: the world. Um he retired early, he told us from

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Speaker 1: his job so he could specifically do this type of

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Speaker 1: training and teach others about what he's doing and talking

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Speaker 1: about trauma informed interviewing. And we love him just to

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Speaker 1: say that. My name is Justin Workman, and I am

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Speaker 1: a retired police detective from the city of West Valley

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Speaker 1: City in Utah, which is the active suburb of Salt

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Speaker 1: Lake City. I spent seven years in the Special Victims Unit.

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Speaker 1: During that time in the Special Victims JUnit, I was

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Speaker 1: a sign just about So if you do the math,

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Speaker 1: that's a lot of cases to burn through, if you will.

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Speaker 1: So those are adult rapes, mostly child sexual assault, child abuse,

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Speaker 1: elder abuse, that sort of thing. So it's a pretty

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Speaker 1: heavy emotional type of caseload, if you will. So, in

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Speaker 1: and of itself, the two words informed is confusing as

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Speaker 1: all get out. There are numerous amounts of definition to

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Speaker 1: what trauma informs means. But I kind of take the

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Speaker 1: general version of everything, which means you are informed about

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Speaker 1: what trauma is and how it presents itself and you're

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Speaker 1: informed about it. So that's kind of where I go.

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Speaker 1: Most of my stuff is changing the places within the

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Speaker 1: justice system that can be trauma and forms, and you

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Speaker 1: will be hearing more from Justin in future episodes as well.

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Speaker 1: So according to the president of RAIN, which is the Rape,

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Speaker 1: Abuse and Incest National Network, one of the first questions

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Speaker 1: people ask when they call the hotline is was I rate?

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Speaker 1: And I can tell you through personal experience. I have

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Speaker 1: heard this so many times from friends and honestly from

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Speaker 1: some of you listeners. Yeah. So yeah. I actually had

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Speaker 1: two separate conversations with two very strong, independent women who

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Speaker 1: we had to talk out the fact that they had

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Speaker 1: been raped. But before then they didn't acknowledge that it

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Speaker 1: was um and didn't think to see how it was

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Speaker 1: a force experience. And I've had many moments at looking

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Speaker 1: at different incidents where you people realize, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: this was a man who was being predatory or being dominant,

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Speaker 1: you know, and and forcing himself on me and or

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Speaker 1: not listening when I said no. Right. A meta analysis

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Speaker 1: of twenty studies looking into women and girls who had

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Speaker 1: experienced in non consensual sex found six did not acknowledge

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Speaker 1: that they had been raped. Another study found that twenty

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Speaker 1: of men that have been raped as adults did not

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Speaker 1: identify it as rape. And one reason is this flawed

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Speaker 1: narrative of quote real rape, which is a male stranger

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Speaker 1: with a weapon assaulting a woman. Most rapes do not

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Speaker 1: fit that script. A sixteen study out of the UK

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Speaker 1: looking into the four hundred cases reported over a two

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Speaker 1: year period, not one of those cases fit this idea

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Speaker 1: of real rape. So someone who has experienced an assault

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Speaker 1: that's outside of that which is most assaults might think, well,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't that. Yeah, And um, as you heard Samantha

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Speaker 1: talk about the boogeyman, and many of our judicial system,

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Speaker 1: those who are in the jury our appears they also

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Speaker 1: have that mentality like, okay, so they didn't jump out

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Speaker 1: of the bushes and grab me and couldna be or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And that is part of the problem, is this whole

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Speaker 1: mindset that if you know them, and if it wasn't

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Speaker 1: didn't cause bruising, or didn't cause some kind of scarring

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Speaker 1: physical scarring on you, then it wasn't really rape because

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Speaker 1: what did you say? How did the conversation goes? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And our laws are a big part of perpetrating this problem. Like,

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Speaker 1: like we mentioned, in some states and some countries, women

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Speaker 1: can't legally rape someone for instance, which we know is

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Speaker 1: not true. Um and a lack of sex head around

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Speaker 1: consent contributes to this problem as well. And justin speaking

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Speaker 1: with others who have experienced similar events, the number of

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Speaker 1: times an individual will say it was not that bad

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Speaker 1: in order to compare the ordeal, whether to deny it,

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Speaker 1: or because they feel like they didn't suffer enough in

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Speaker 1: comparison to other victims, which actually will have an example

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Speaker 1: of later on as well. Yeah, and kind of going

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Speaker 1: off of that, another reason people might not come forward

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Speaker 1: is um it drugged, inebriated, disassociated, resulting in vague memories

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Speaker 1: once that you might doubt or maybe you didn't fight back.

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Speaker 1: Are you froze? An emergency rape clinic in Stockholm, Sweden

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Speaker 1: found in twenty sevent of women reported experienced tonic immobility

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Speaker 1: during their assault. And this is a natural response to

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Speaker 1: protect yourself from further or worst harm. But it goes

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Speaker 1: to back to what you were saying, Samantha, like you

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Speaker 1: didn't fight back. If you can't remember these things, then

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Speaker 1: you know that might not hold up in court. Would

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Speaker 1: be very difficult. Another big reason is fear of losing

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Speaker 1: your job, of not being believed, of losing friends, fear

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Speaker 1: became mean the one that came forward, and missing out

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Speaker 1: on opportunities and promotions. Here's destined again. I would come

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Speaker 1: in on Monday morning, I would look at my box

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Speaker 1: and maybe there'd be a sexual assault examined board in there,

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Speaker 1: and I would look through it. And what we do

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Speaker 1: is we would call up our victim and we would say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I just went through your board. I'm sorry this happened

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Speaker 1: to you. And I see that you don't have You're

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Speaker 1: not remembering a lot. There's been some pieces here and there.

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Speaker 1: There's alcohol involved, which happens a lot. Actually, alcohol is

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Speaker 1: a tool that could be used to facilitate sexual assault.

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Speaker 1: And I go, you know, there's witnesses here. Could you

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Speaker 1: give me a list of all the people that were there.

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Speaker 1: The officers didn't do that. I'm there. I'm seeing they

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Speaker 1: got one or two, but there was twenty people there

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Speaker 1: I need to talk to and can give me that

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Speaker 1: information by maybe Thursday, unless you don't want to keep

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Speaker 1: going forward. While I was planting all this doubt in

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Speaker 1: their brains and I didn't know that, And I was

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Speaker 1: putting these huge tasks of somebody who had just been

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Speaker 1: praised for health. Say, so, I tell him, you know,

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Speaker 1: if I don't hear from you by this date, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to close out your case. But it can be

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Speaker 1: reopened if you feel like you want to come forward later. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, Monday morning would come around. The next Monday.

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Speaker 1: I hadn't heard from them, so I closed on their case,

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Speaker 1: reduced squop rate, case closed, and that was it. Career

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Speaker 1: trajectory altering. That's how economist Jonie Hirsch described coming forward.

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Speaker 1: Through her research at Vanderbilt University, she found the existence

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Speaker 1: of something called danger pay. Does this pay for performing

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Speaker 1: something hazardous or physically demanding? And Hirsch examined the risk

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Speaker 1: of sexual harassment by industry, age, group, sex and reached

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Speaker 1: the conclusion that women are six times more likely than

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Speaker 1: men to experience sexual harassment while working. She also found

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Speaker 1: that women in occupations with lower risk of sexual harassment

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Speaker 1: are paid less, and that danger pay made up the

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Speaker 1: different for jobs with higher risk of sexual harassment. And

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Speaker 1: there is disagreement about the that interpretation, but interesting, nonetheless,

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Speaker 1: if you come forward, unfortunately, you might be known as

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Speaker 1: the person that came forward on a micro macro scale,

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Speaker 1: and this might keep you from getting jobs like this

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Speaker 1: has been documented because you were seen as a complainer.

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Speaker 1: And as I've mentioned, I've never come forward with what

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Speaker 1: happened to me, like officially, but I have spoken out

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Speaker 1: about smaller things, and I've mentioned before I do acting

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Speaker 1: outside of this, and I have definitely lost jobs because

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Speaker 1: I came forward more in the sense of pushing away

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Speaker 1: a producer that was kissing me without consent um and

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Speaker 1: finding out my job was gone the very next day

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Speaker 1: or something like that. And me too got popularized by

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Speaker 1: white actresses coming forward with that hashtag women's whose careers

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Speaker 1: were permanently changed or ended. And a lot of industries

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Speaker 1: don't even have a structure in place for you to

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Speaker 1: report as a part of this problem. Um, I had

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Speaker 1: no one I could have gone to with this, and

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Speaker 1: even if there was someone it, the system doesn't always

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Speaker 1: protect who is it is supposed to protect, right, And

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Speaker 1: I know we have that same complete when it comes

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Speaker 1: to racism. It is difficult to report because you never

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Speaker 1: know who's gonna listen and who's gonna take things seriously, um,

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Speaker 1: and who's actually going to care enough Another reason people

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Speaker 1: might not come forward is low self esteem, especially for

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Speaker 1: young girls or those that identify as women. Seeing how

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Speaker 1: women are treated in our pop culture, in porn culture,

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Speaker 1: and just in general in our lives. Um, we see

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Speaker 1: that and we might think, I guess that's okay. Minimization

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Speaker 1: of women's pain, the sacrifice of their well being for

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Speaker 1: men's pleasure. I can talk about that all the time,

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Speaker 1: right and honestly as a social worker. One of the

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Speaker 1: things that we studied and watched was The Lost Children

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Speaker 1: of Rockdale. I don't know if y'all have seen this,

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Speaker 1: but this is a documentary based in a small town

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Speaker 1: in Georgia which this outbreak of syphilis happened. It was

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Speaker 1: a brand new type of syphilis, and they went and

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Speaker 1: through the whole thing trying to find, you know, patient A,

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Speaker 1: patient one zero, Patient zero. I got this patient zero,

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Speaker 1: and it turned out this huge culture of sexually active

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Speaker 1: kids who are doing parties and the ages ranged from

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Speaker 1: like eleven to eighteen. And I remember watching it and

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Speaker 1: there was several twelve year old girls talking about losing

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Speaker 1: their virginity and being proud of that. But then when

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Speaker 1: they were asked, did you enjoy it? It got very somber,

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Speaker 1: and the girls were like, no hurt. I cried all

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Speaker 1: these all these things that were so heartbreaking, But then

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Speaker 1: they were able to scoot that aside and be like,

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Speaker 1: but man, this is what I got for that. And

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Speaker 1: he's popular and he's so cute, and I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: oh my goodness, this is probably one of the most

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Speaker 1: heartbreaking things I've ever seen, because this is what they

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Speaker 1: think sex is, and they think that sex is just

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Speaker 1: something to become popular with, and it's being used against them,

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Speaker 1: and they don't acknowledge the pain in that. They just

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Speaker 1: literally just slid by it. And it's just so heartbreaking

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Speaker 1: that many many people, and many of the younger generations,

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Speaker 1: and when I say younger, I'm talking about sixteen eighteen

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Speaker 1: and younger, I hope UM don't understand about pleasure versus

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Speaker 1: just getting it done. Yeah, And that's a whole other

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Speaker 1: conversation that we should have a talk about. We should,

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Speaker 1: we should. Another part of this conversation is hopelessness or helplessness.

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Speaker 1: If you've seen others come forward and not be believed,

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Speaker 1: then you might think, well, why should I put myself

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Speaker 1: through that? Or in a long term abuse of situation,

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Speaker 1: you might experience what's called learned helplessness if you have

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Speaker 1: a history of abuse, that will impact your likelihood of

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Speaker 1: coming forward as well. Um, there's generational abuse or re victimization,

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Speaker 1: continued abuse, observing and normalizing violent and or aggressive behaviors.

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Speaker 1: In some war torn areas or disaster zones or a

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Speaker 1: place where order has broken down, there's something called rape

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Speaker 1: normalization that can happen. Women accept it as a part

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Speaker 1: of life right um, and so here we want to

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Speaker 1: add specific statistics why the lgbtq I community do not

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Speaker 1: come forward, although obviously many of the reasons are similar.

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Speaker 1: But within the population, we know that the lgbt q

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Speaker 1: I have higher rates of poverty and stigma and marginalization,

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Speaker 1: which actually puts them at greater risk for sexual assault.

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Speaker 1: And some of the statistics from the CDC's National Intimate

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Speaker 1: Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, forty percent of lesbians and

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Speaker 1: sixty one percent of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence,

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Speaker 1: or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to the thirty

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Speaker 1: of the heterosexual women. Forty six percent of the bisexual

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Speaker 1: women have been raped compared to the seventeen percent of

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Speaker 1: the heterosexual women, and percent of lesbians. The of the

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Speaker 1: bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner compared

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Speaker 1: to the nine percent of the heterosexual women. And according

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Speaker 1: to the U S Transgender Survey, about forty seven percent

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Speaker 1: of the respondents experienced sexual assault and in the same

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Speaker 1: survey have experienced in a department or violence. It's also

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Speaker 1: important to know people of color have a higher rate

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Speaker 1: of experiencing assault and violence than those who are not,

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Speaker 1: So why does this population not report? Due to the

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Speaker 1: mere discrimination by authorities and even people close to them.

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Speaker 1: They are more likely to not seek help as it

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Speaker 1: becomes just as traumatic to try to report the assaults.

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Speaker 1: For some, they've already been denied services or help, which

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Speaker 1: again discourages them to report or seek out help. With that,

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Speaker 1: many within the populations believe they will not be believed,

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Speaker 1: which is often reinforced by law enforcement and others in

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Speaker 1: authority which classify the population as secondary and some do

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Speaker 1: not come out because they were fear being outed. It's

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Speaker 1: not surprising to know that the likelihood of anyone from

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Speaker 1: this community to report an assault is less likely than

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Speaker 1: that of the head of sexual community, but oftentimes are

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Speaker 1: not included within the narrative which was a big issue

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Speaker 1: within the meat too hashtag, which for many in the

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Speaker 1: community they felt that it left out their voices as

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Speaker 1: it has geared more towards male female language versus the

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Speaker 1: non gender conversation. So there are so many reasons why

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Speaker 1: people don't report um, and we touched on some of

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Speaker 1: the big ones, but there's there's just a lot um

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Speaker 1: and this is why we see something like the hashtag

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Speaker 1: why I didn't come forward go viral. UM. So what

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Speaker 1: happens if you do come forward? We'll get into some

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Speaker 1: of that after a quick break for a word from

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Speaker 1: our sponsor, m and we're back, Thank you sponsor. So

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Speaker 1: if you do come forward, as in kind of more

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Speaker 1: publicly than just sharing your story with someone in your

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Speaker 1: inner circle that you trust, then one thing that you

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Speaker 1: can expect is that you and your loved ones might

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Speaker 1: be dragged through the court of public opinion. People are

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Speaker 1: going to dig into your past and the past of

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Speaker 1: everyone around you. This is especially true if like you

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Speaker 1: go to court or it's a more famous case. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: think about the families of prominent cases like Christine Blaisie Ford.

432
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: The people attacking you on social media, calling you names,

433
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:27,600
Speaker 1: re traumatizing, you of the people delegitimizing your experience, which

434
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: in turn might influence other women not to come forward.

435
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: Like we said, um you might be called out by

436
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: the President of the United States demanding to know why

437
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: you didn't come forward earlier, which is what happened to

438
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 1: Dr Ford. Um. Trump tweeted that if it was as

439
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: bad as she says, charges would have been immediately filed

440
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: with local law enforcement authorities, but either her or her

441
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: loving parents, I asked that she bring those filings forward

442
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: so that we can learn date, time, and place. I'm

443
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 1: physically nauseous from that statement. But let's take a closer look,

444
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 1: because I have heard that on many occasions, and she

445
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: stayed as she felt it was her duty as an

446
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: American citizen to relive these traumas in pain to protect

447
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: the citizens of our country. And we're going to talk

448
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: in an episode about survivors, and honestly, here is a

449
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: prime example of what people do as survivors. Right. Another

450
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:25,719
Speaker 1: thing that you might hear if you come forward more publicly,

451
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 1: this question, why is she still friendly with her abuser? Okay,

452
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: let's go ahead and put the statistic back up. According

453
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 1: to the Department of Justice, nearly six out of ten

454
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: victims of assault knew their assailant, and eight out of

455
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 1: ten rape victims knew their attacker. So for me, who

456
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 1: was victimized by people who I knew and trusted but

457
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: was fearful that people wouldn't believe me, I kept pretending

458
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,160
Speaker 1: like everything was okay because if I didn't, I would

459
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: make others feel uncomfortable or maybe even called a liar. Yeah,

460
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 1: there's also like that element of protection that was a

461
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 1: big one for me, like protecting other people from what

462
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 1: I was going through. Uh, And yeah, strangers aren't usually

463
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,560
Speaker 1: the danger folks, right as in fact that my last

464
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 1: therapy session with Dr Coleman, we're gonna leave that name there. Um.

465
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,639
Speaker 1: She and I talked about the fact that I still

466
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 1: haven't told my parents some things because I felt that

467
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: it would be vindictive and it would not be healing.

468
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: And that's partially in the fact of my mind thinking

469
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 1: I'm also trying to protect myself from damaging my relationship

470
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: with my family. Um. Another thing that survivors coming forward

471
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: a question they might get or an accusation I guess

472
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: is she doesn't act like a victim. Her memory doesn't

473
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: add up her story doesn't add up. She didn't fight back. Um,

474
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: and we did talk about a lot of of this

475
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: stuff in her episode on trauma. Oh wait, I didn't

476
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: realize there was only one type of behavior for victims.

477
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 1: Please someone tell me what that is for me being

478
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 1: a victim, that I was a survivor, and tell with

479
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: those who would try to have power over me. Yeah yeah, yeah.

480
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna fight for those who can't fight for themselves.

481
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: That was my attitude. Yeah. Um, something else? Um? Is

482
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 1: she a slut? A flirt a t s in court cases? Literally,

483
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 1: look at this sexy Instagram photo has come up. Oh

484
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 1: my goodness, so many of those any of the times

485
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 1: they flirt with anyone? Automatic, you're a slut? Right, So

486
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 1: therefore how could you not or she wanted to have

487
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 1: sex with the random stranger and or the guy that

488
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 1: you weren't interested in before the wine to be friends with? Okay? Yeah.

489
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: The statue of limitations might be another thing that you

490
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: you run into, um, which is very complicated in various

491
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 1: state by state. Right. Um, And we wanted to talk

492
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 1: about why else wouldn't we want to come forward lenient sentencing?

493
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: And I just wanted to give a couple of examples

494
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: of the most fresh in in cases as of recent

495
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: and maybe not so recent, but brock Turner, obviously, I

496
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: think people know who that is. Raping an unconscious woman

497
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: behind a dumpster and being caught by in the act

498
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,719
Speaker 1: by someone only cost six months of his life because

499
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 1: it would cause a severe impact on his life and

500
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 1: he's already suffered enough. Yeah, I am we There's so

501
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:30,719
Speaker 1: many words that I can't say right now, and it is.

502
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: It was infuriating and such a blowback. The letter that

503
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: the victim wrote, the survivor wrote was heartbreaking and it

504
00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: seemed to go to nowhere except for other victims to

505
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 1: hear her words and feel strengthened that. There was another

506
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 1: case in which a late forties something teacher groomed and

507
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: had sex with a fourteen year old student who later

508
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: took her own life, and at the hearing that judge

509
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: actually stated that the team acted older than her chronological

510
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: age and that the child was as much in control

511
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: of the situation as the perpetrator. The original sintence it

512
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 1: was for fifteen years, but he only actually served thirty days. Yeah,

513
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: this is an injustice. I'm sorry. A fourteen year old

514
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: being blamed for forty year old need to have sex

515
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: with a minor. That's absurd. This is one of those

516
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: examples where we talked about the Lolita effect in which

517
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: they are sexualized and being told because she acts older

518
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:39,440
Speaker 1: than she is, she can consent, which is not true

519
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: in any way, shape or form. And for this to

520
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: happen and to have no real justice, I don't think

521
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: this is justice is heartbreaking and I just have to

522
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 1: take a deep breath. And another example would include the

523
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: case in Alaska which involved a man, and you can

524
00:30:58,040 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: look at this case up, but I don't want to

525
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 1: highlight the man specifically, but more so on the trial

526
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: and the result. This man kidnapped, choked, and masturbated on

527
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: a woman. She was able to get the parts license

528
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: plate after he left, and this man was sentenced to

529
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:16,239
Speaker 1: two years of prison with credit for time served on

530
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: house arrest. The quote given by the judges he was

531
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 1: going to give him a one pass, which is great.

532
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: Everybody needs a pass right. I have so many reactions,

533
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: so many reactions, but let's also layer that with the

534
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: fact that under Alaskan law, masturbating on someone against their

535
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: will is not considered a sex crime. I want to

536
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 1: rant and be so lowed about how absurd this obvious

537
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: sexual gratification of a man against the will of a

538
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 1: woman is seen as a learning lesson for a quote

539
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:53,960
Speaker 1: unquote family man who has apparently learned his lesson after

540
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: getting caught and possibly being incarcerated. That's great, it and

541
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: it seems forcible. These seems forcibly taking a woman to

542
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: an unknown location and dragging her out against her will

543
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: to be violated is not kidnapping in Alaska because she

544
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 1: got in the car with him even though that's not

545
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 1: where she wanted to go, and according to the actual

546
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 1: police report, the victim was so traumatized she could barely speak.

547
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: A woman was almost murdered for the mere pleasure of

548
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: a man who did not care about the humanity of another,

549
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: and the court system felled by minimizing the trauma, the violation,

550
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: and the overall ability for this woman to live a

551
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: normal ish life and essentially protect the rights of a

552
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: perpetrator instead of the woman who had no choice in

553
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: the matter except to trust someone to be a decent

554
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: human to get home. Yeah. Yeah, that's all pretty awful, um,

555
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 1: And we have even more awful because so many cases

556
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 1: of why yeah. So if we look at the case

557
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 1: of Roy Moore, so Lee Korfman, who was the first

558
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: to come out with Usaians against Ray Moore, said it

559
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: probably quote cost her more to come forward when people

560
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: assailed her with claims that she was getting paid to

561
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: sully his name. And then there's also Monica Lewinsky. And

562
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: for the younger listeners who may not know Miss Lewinsky,

563
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: she was at the center of the scandal involving herself

564
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 1: as a young intern and the current president of the

565
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: United States, President Bill Clinton. To summarize, they had an

566
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: affair and many of the details of the affair came out,

567
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: which led to the impeachment or yet the impeachment trial

568
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 1: to for President Clinton. Now, I don't want to linger

569
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: too much about the actual events, but of the aftermath.

570
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: Instead of being an issue of misconduct by the leader

571
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: of the country, it became a source to domain and

572
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: humiliate the actual intern, Miss Lewinsky, so much so that

573
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: he even missed. Beyonce Knows not too long ago referenced

574
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 1: her as a verb in her song, which miss Lewinsky

575
00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:00,360
Speaker 1: corrected by stating it should actually be called Bill Clinton.

576
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: Suppose you know what I'm saying which I agree with

577
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: because that's biology, you know, you know. And in the

578
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 1: documentary series The Clinton Affair, ms Lewinsky talked about her

579
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: feelings suicidal and having no real control in the relationship

580
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: as he was one of the most powerful men in

581
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,479
Speaker 1: the world, and she finally addressed that she does feel

582
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 1: like people have moved on and has rightly so renamed

583
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: the event from the Lewinsky scandal to the Clinton Affair,

584
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 1: which it should have been to begin with. Yeah, while

585
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 1: we're talking about this, I did want to look at

586
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: some of the limits that occur with reporting sex crimes.

587
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: A majority of the country has a statute of limitations

588
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 1: in following criminal charges. And when we talk about statute

589
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: of limitations, we're talking about the window of time that

590
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 1: a state or of the has to charge the perpetrator.

591
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: With the focus on DNA evidence, many of the states

592
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 1: in the last years have allowed to either extend or

593
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,800
Speaker 1: pause the statute of limitations when DNA evidence is found

594
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: in a case, so people are able to revisit old

595
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: cases because new DNA evidence were found, so they can

596
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: either restart the statute of limitations or just pause it

597
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 1: all together. So that's that's good to know. And Georgia, Florida,

598
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: and Hawaii are a few of the states that allow

599
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: that change. Now, there's still several states who have not

600
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: hopped on board with that change yet, such as Alabama

601
00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: and Arkansas. There's also a few states who have stepped

602
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: up even further to eliminate statues of felony level of

603
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: sex crimes, including Kentucky, Maryland, North Carolina, and Virginia. Now,

604
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 1: these are just few examples, and it's fairly fascinating to

605
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,400
Speaker 1: research if you're curious to learn more about your state

606
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: reign are AI in n as we mentioned earlier, has

607
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 1: listed limitations in regards to sex crimes and offensive state

608
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,800
Speaker 1: by state. There's also an option outside of a statue

609
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: of limitations for criminal prosecutions, which will st of talk

610
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: about a little more later, but it's civil suits and

611
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: why this option is important for some recovery. Yes, here

612
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: is justin again, since you were talking to your listeners,

613
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: are more on the jury pool, the way their biology happens,

614
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: and way of presents two people. It's counterintuitive to what

615
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: we we're raised to think and see, and the first

616
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 1: person that somebody discloses sexual assault is so important to

617
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: the system and to their healing, the victim's healing, and

618
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: you know you hear the term starting by believing that's good.

619
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: Things like that, but really just show some empathy and

620
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: don't question about what happened. Are stuff facts if you will,

621
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:57,120
Speaker 1: can be predators and they work very hard and they're

622
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: very good at what they do. And people think that

623
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: the victims are lying. They were set up, they were

624
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 1: groomed for the most part, and rape not something that

625
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: happened in back alleyways. Often it's mostly acquaintance rapes. So

626
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: just to drive that point in one more time, and

627
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 1: this about brings us to the end of this episode.

628
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: But um, our next episode will be a little different because,

629
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: like we've we've mentioned, we spoke with a survivor about

630
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 1: her story, and we also spoke with someone who has

631
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: put a lot of research into rape, kits Um, and

632
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 1: we will also be hearing from Justin uh this former

633
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 1: detective of a special victims unit, and also from Samantha

634
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 1: the lawyer, and also from Samantha you the other one

635
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: bumbling through the words um. And to end with our

636
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 1: self care bit of the episode, um My dedn facts

637
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: what I'm calling the anier u okay section, UM so

638
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 1: once we we this was pretty early when we were

639
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: playing and I was still very new to things, and

640
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,799
Speaker 1: our dungeon master, who is somebody who works in this office. Um,

641
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: we always made the foolish decision whatever it was, the

642
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: most foolish, dangerous thing, that's what we did. And one

643
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 1: time we encountered this portal that we knew had monsters

644
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: in it. Instead of like proceeding carefully, we attacked the

645
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: portal with all of this all this magic, and the

646
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 1: dungeon master, Tyler, he pauses, he looks down and he says,

647
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:47,880
Speaker 1: give me a minute, because he clearly wasn't expecting us

648
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 1: to make such a foolish decision. And we had to

649
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 1: get the there's like all of these books associated with

650
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 1: dungeon and jackets. One of them is called the Monster Manual,

651
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: that's where all the monsters are. And he picks it

652
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 1: up and he's like heavy side and we had to

653
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 1: fight now not to not three but four basilisk and

654
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,279
Speaker 1: turn you to stone. Barely made it out alive. And

655
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,280
Speaker 1: did that stop as making another foolish decision almost immediately

656
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: after and jumping into the portal. No, you know, Anny,

657
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: I got those videos of the d and d playing. Yes,

658
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,959
Speaker 1: she's got videos. She shares some with me. I'm really

659
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: excited to watch some. I decided I gotta wait for

660
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 1: a second because I want to be able to be

661
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 1: in the moment to see you in your best. I'm

662
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 1: assuming sure at your happiest. Oh yeah, prime, at your prime.

663
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 1: So I'm really excited about that. Um for me. You know,

664
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 1: we talked about Peaches a lot because she is my

665
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 1: dumb dog. Actually she's very smart. That is kind of

666
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 1: a jerk, and I adore her for that very, very

667
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: very much reason. But I will say she's been really

668
00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: great to watch movies with. So one of the things

669
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 1: that I have to do come home if I've had

670
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 1: a really rough day is just try to shut down

671
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 1: my brain. And the way I do it is watch

672
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,359
Speaker 1: stupid things as many stupid things as I can. And

673
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 1: typically it will range from Harry Potter. Yeah, I will

674
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: also do um Anna Green Gables, the Old School one,

675
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: the old School one? Is it BBC? No is the

676
00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:27,399
Speaker 1: PBS want to think, Um, I don't know which one

677
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: it is. Uh. Then I'll also do some silly movies

678
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: like Princess Bride. I adore that movie. Um, and I

679
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: usually make you just sit in my lap almost while

680
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: I'm watching these movies, and I turned my brain off

681
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: and hopefully I fall asleep. That is one of the

682
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 1: best ways I can do things. Just watch nothing nothing,

683
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:59,399
Speaker 1: you mean. Yes, I actually took a Harry Potter quoth

684
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: the other day and I killed it. I once did

685
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 1: Harry Potter Trivia and did not miss a single question

686
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 1: and they were like, okay, um, cool, yeah, right right, Mike,

687
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 1: don't play with me. Don't play I'm also the same

688
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 1: one that will be like, um, that's not the same

689
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 1: in the book. That's not the same as book. I

690
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 1: like the better than book version. Yeah. On that person,

691
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 1: we all love that person. I am that Parson. Yes.

692
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: So that is the end the end of this episode.

693
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,760
Speaker 1: If you'd like to email us, you can our email

694
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: is mom Stuff at how stuff works dot com. Um

695
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 1: if you need any resources or anything like that. If

696
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: you have any experiences you'd like to share related to

697
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 1: this series, we would love to hear from you. You

698
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: can also find us on Instagram at Stuff I've Never

699
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 1: Told You and on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks

700
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,719
Speaker 1: as always to her producer Andrew Howard, and thanks to

701
00:41:51,800 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: you for listening. Two