1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:05,480 Speaker 1: Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning. 2 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:09,440 Speaker 2: Everybody is thej Envy, just hilarious charlamage the guy. We 3 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 2: are the Breakfast Club. Law La Rosa is here as well, 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,319 Speaker 2: and we got a special guest in the building. Ladies 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 2: and gentlemen, Meil Robbins. 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: Welcome. 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 3: Hey, it's good to see you. How you feeling warning, 8 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:20,640 Speaker 3: I feel great. 9 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 4: How are you doing Bles's Black and Holly favorite. This 10 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 4: is your first time in this studio. You were here 11 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 4: in twenty twenty one when you had. 12 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: A high five theory. 13 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 4: Yes, yes, but now millions of books later, number one 14 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 4: podcast in the world right now. 15 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 3: Congratulation six year old woman. 16 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 4: You know it really feels like you've truly arrived. What 17 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 4: do you what do you think? 18 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: You know? The success? What's made all this new success happen? 19 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 3: Well, you know it's not new success. Like what you're 20 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 3: seeing is the result of fifteen years of just boring, 21 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 3: grueling daily reps. Like That's what nobody wants to understand, 22 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 3: is that you can be successful. You can achieve anything 23 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 3: you want. You just have to be patient. You have 24 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 3: to get up out of bed every single day and 25 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 3: put one foot in front of the other. You got 26 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 3: to be willing to do the things you don't feel 27 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,320 Speaker 3: like doing in the dark when nobody's watching, and when 28 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 3: you think that it's not gonna happen for you. That 29 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 3: is what it's about. It's about just consistent, small moves, 30 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 3: being patient. I mean, there were so many times where 31 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 3: I was just like, am I ever gonna get out 32 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 3: of it? Is anyone ever gonna notice? Like? Am I 33 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 3: ever gonna get invited to the breakfast club? Like one 34 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 3: of the like when is somebody gone to notice your 35 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 3: spot that you wanted? Well? No, but seriously, like you 36 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,679 Speaker 3: kind of sit there because I mean every one of 37 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 3: us have had those moments, whether you're putting out music 38 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 3: or you're starting a YouTube channel or you started a business, 39 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 3: and it's so easy to look around at what everybody 40 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 3: else is doing and think that you're losing some race 41 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 3: in life. The real game is with yourself. Can you 42 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 3: keep going? Can you say to yourself? And this is 43 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 3: kind of how I would keep myself going in those moments. 44 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 3: I would say, I refuse to believe that this is 45 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 3: how the story ends. I believe that at some point 46 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 3: all of this work is going to pay off. I 47 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 3: don't have to know how I have to believe that 48 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 3: it will. And if it hasn't yet, it's not meant 49 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 3: to yet. There's some lesson. There's something I'm being held 50 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 3: for that I don't know what it is. But if 51 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 3: I choose to believe in this moment that things are 52 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,079 Speaker 3: going to get better, that things are going to turn 53 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 3: out for me, that all this hard work is going 54 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 3: to pay off, that trying to be a better person 55 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 3: is going to pay off, at some point I will 56 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 3: look back on my life and say, oh, that's why 57 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 3: it didn't happen. Then, Oh, that's why it took longer. 58 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 3: Oh that's why either you weren't ready or God the 59 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 3: universe was holding you for a different moment. And so, 60 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 3: you know, a lot of people ask me, what is 61 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 3: this moment about. I think it's about fifteen years of 62 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 3: ridiculously hard work becoming a better person. I think it's 63 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 3: about fifteen years of just chipping away at getting out 64 00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 3: of debt and doing better in my marriage and in 65 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 3: a better mother, and get in control of my emotions 66 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 3: and my mental health, chipping away at building a business. 67 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 3: And I truly believe that I was being held for 68 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 3: this moment like this one thousand percent is my legacy. 69 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: Well, let me ask you a question. 70 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 2: Mal you talk about the reps YEP for you. 71 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 1: It worked out and successful and great. 72 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 2: What about that person that is just not good? 73 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:23,799 Speaker 1: Right? 74 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 2: That rap of that is not good? Like trying that 75 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 2: podcast person that is doing the podcast that is just 76 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,120 Speaker 2: not good and everybody takes good good to anybody? 77 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 3: Well, I don't, I see, I don't believe that. 78 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 2: And but when do you stop because you're a sixty 79 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 2: year old rapper like you know I mean? 80 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 3: Or maybe why can there be a ninety one ninety 81 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 3: year old one? See? Maybe what the rapping is for 82 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 3: is maybe it's not about rapping. Maybe there is something 83 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 3: that you're doing when you are rapping and nobody's coming 84 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,320 Speaker 3: that is teaching you a lesson about patience. Maybe what 85 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 3: it's doing is teaching you to believe in your when 86 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 3: nobody else does. And every time that you show up 87 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:06,920 Speaker 3: and nobody's there, every time you post a video on 88 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 3: your YouTube channel that only your uncle and your son 89 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 3: are subscribed to, every time you post, you're basically saying, 90 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 3: you know what, screw the world, I believe in myself. 91 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 3: I'm doing this for myself. And maybe you're not gonna 92 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,039 Speaker 3: be a rap. 93 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 2: And I think that's the key that you said. I 94 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:26,120 Speaker 2: think you know with the podcast explosion, everybody did a podcast. 95 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: Everybody's mama did a podcast, everybody's grandma did a podcast. 96 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 2: But I think the reason that people have done it, 97 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: and I think people can see through it, is a 98 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 2: lot of people did it for financial Yes, they seen 99 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 2: the money that people were making and said I want 100 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 2: to jump on that train, or they seen the money 101 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 2: that rappers were making and I wanted to jump through 102 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 2: that train. So it doesn't matter if you're doing it 103 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 2: not for the right reason. I don't think it might 104 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 2: not never connect because your intentions aren't there. 105 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 3: But hold on a second. See, I actually believe everybody 106 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 3: has woven into your DNA, this intelligent design and this 107 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,239 Speaker 3: kind of energy. Yes that is either pulling you toward 108 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 3: things or repelling you from other things. That we are natural, energetic, 109 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 3: magnetic beings. And this isn't just some woo woo garbage 110 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 3: like there is hard science, not my science, but neuroscientists 111 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 3: that will tell you that everything is physics and energy. 112 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 3: Like the words if you're hearing us speaking right now, 113 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,160 Speaker 3: what you are you're watching us the words coming out 114 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 3: of my mouth are being translated through energy into your ears. 115 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 3: And so you are a being that is wired to 116 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 3: align with things that are meant for you and to 117 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,600 Speaker 3: reject things that aren't. I mean, you know, like if 118 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 3: you walk in a room and you immediately connect with 119 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 3: somebody that's alignment. If you walk into a room, you're like, oh, 120 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 3: let's give that person some space because you can read 121 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 3: the energy that's alignment. And so for me, when you 122 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 3: give the example of like the person who's a rappers, 123 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 3: just terrible. Just there's lots of people out there doing 124 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 3: stuff they're just terrible. What I love is that they 125 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 3: felt called to do something. I don't care if they 126 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 3: felt called to do it because they want to make 127 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 3: more money. I mean, hell, I was working five six 128 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 3: jobs back, you know, fifteen years ago when we were 129 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 3: eight hundred thousand dollars in debt because I needed groceries 130 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 3: on the table, I needed gas in the tank. And 131 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 3: so motivation to be safe and to make money or 132 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 3: because of your ambition, that's a beautiful thing. But at 133 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 3: some point you're gonna go, I'm not that good at this, 134 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 3: but I believe, and this is what I think is 135 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 3: super cool. About life. Absolutely, every experience that you have 136 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 3: in life is leading you somewhere and teaching you something. 137 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 3: And I'm gonna one of the reasons why I share 138 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,040 Speaker 3: so much about what I've learned and the mistakes that 139 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 3: I've made. I'm like the villain in every book, is 140 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 3: because I'm stubborn, Like it takes a sledgehammer from the 141 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 3: universe for me to wake the hell up and stop 142 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 3: doing something like I literally get so into my groove, 143 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 3: whether it's drinking too much or taking my stress out 144 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 3: on my kids or being a jealous, insecure friend that 145 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 3: things have to backfire for me to wake up and go, well, yes, 146 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 3: I better try something different. 147 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,880 Speaker 4: So when you were in bed stuck at that lowest moment, 148 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 4: when you was in debt, what was that pivotal realization? 149 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 4: What was that sledge handle? Because I remember you saying 150 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 4: that you had the realization that nobody was coming to 151 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 4: save What did it feel like to face that truth. 152 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 3: It's very similar to that moment that you told me 153 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 3: about with the steel toilet. See, you're one decision away 154 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 3: from a different life, and you can make that decision 155 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 3: any moment, any day, like you could make a decision 156 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 3: today that changes the trajectory of your life, because a 157 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 3: decision turns you in a different direction. Anybody that has 158 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 3: gotten sober, anybody that's quit a job, anybody that's left 159 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 3: a relationship or moved. You know what I'm talking about, 160 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 3: That there is a decision and typically I don't know 161 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 3: how it works for you, But for me, I have 162 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 3: to get so sick of where I am that I'm like, 163 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 3: I'm done, like enough of this smell. And for me, 164 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 3: that moment, you know, was two thousand and eight. We 165 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 3: were eight hundred thousand dollars in debt, I was unemployed, 166 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 3: my husband's right strump business was going under. Three kids 167 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 3: under the age of ten, and I was drinking myself 168 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,920 Speaker 3: into the ground. I couldn't get out of bed. And 169 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 3: I think that what's interesting about life is even in 170 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 3: moments where you're struggling, you kind of know the things 171 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 3: you could do right. You kind of know when you're 172 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 3: not like doing things to help yourself, you kind of know, 173 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 3: Like I knew you should get out of bed, I 174 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 3: knew I should stop drinking. I knew I should look 175 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 3: for a job. Wasn't doing any of it because I 176 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 3: didn't feel like it. I had lost hope. I was 177 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 3: kind of in this mode. And this is what I 178 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 3: also believe you and I talked about this when you 179 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,560 Speaker 3: know you were on my podcast that I think the 180 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,320 Speaker 3: single biggest thing in people's way, it's not a lack 181 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 3: of skills, it's discouragement. If you don't believe that the 182 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 3: simple things are going to work for you, you're not 183 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 3: going to do it. And that's where I was. I 184 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 3: was like, why even bother getting out of bed? I'm 185 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 3: about to lose this house and my marriage and my sanity, 186 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 3: everything I care about. Why why bother? And you know 187 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 3: my moment the decision was. I saw this rocket ship 188 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 3: one night when I was drunk on bourbon, and it 189 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,559 Speaker 3: gave me this idea that maybe maybe I should launch 190 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 3: myself out of bed. Maybe if I moved fast enough 191 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 3: in the morning, I wouldn't be in the bed when 192 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 3: the depression and the anxiety hit. And so the next 193 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 3: morning it was a it was a Tuesday morning in 194 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 3: February two thousand and eight. The alarm went off and 195 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,680 Speaker 3: I remembered that stupid rocket launch idea, and for whatever reason, 196 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 3: I just started counting backwards like Nasada's five four, three 197 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 3: two one, and then I got out of bed, and 198 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,559 Speaker 3: that was the beginning of a completely new life because 199 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 3: it was like that first domino that tips, and it 200 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 3: gave me this thought, oh wait a minute, I can 201 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 3: actually make myself do things that I don't feel like doing. Huh. 202 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 3: And you know, the truth is when people ask me, okay, 203 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 3: you're having a moment, that was what it were. The 204 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 3: math is like what fifteen years ago, sixteen years ago. 205 00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 3: It took me sixteen years from that moment to get 206 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 3: to where you are now. It took me sixteen years 207 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 3: of pushing my ass out of bed every day. It 208 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 3: took me sixteen years of taking a breath and not 209 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,959 Speaker 3: screaming at my kids. It took me sixteen years of 210 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 3: showing up and doing things when nobody was paying attention 211 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 3: and learning, you know, from every little thing, and sixteen 212 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 3: years of saying, one of these days, all this hard 213 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 3: work is going to pay off. One of these days, 214 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 3: I'm going to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. 215 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 3: One of these days I'm going to like help people 216 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 3: that are struggling and that felt as bad as I did, 217 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 3: know that they're not alone. One of these days I'm 218 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 3: going to actually like myself instead of constantly hating myself 219 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,959 Speaker 3: and trashing myself for all the things I think I 220 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 3: did wrong. 221 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 4: You know, in Charch we call that a testimony, So 222 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 4: it's like God put you through all of those trials 223 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 4: and you would have a testimony for this moment. 224 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 3: Yes, and the true skill other than like, I think 225 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 3: there's two incredible skills that I developed during this period 226 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 3: of my life. The first one is teaching myself that 227 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 3: if you just do the things you don't want to do, 228 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,439 Speaker 3: you will have everything you ever wanted. I'm gonna say 229 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 3: that again, if you just do the things you do 230 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 3: not want to do, you will have everything you have 231 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,559 Speaker 3: ever wanted. 232 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,600 Speaker 1: Expound on that well, I mean. 233 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 3: Think about it, like, if you want to make a 234 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 3: million dollars, here's my recommendation. Go to chat GTP and 235 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,080 Speaker 3: type in how do I make a million dollars in 236 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:16,800 Speaker 3: the next two years? Give me a day by day 237 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 3: plan that I can execute in fifteen minutes, and it 238 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,840 Speaker 3: will probably teach you step by step how to launch 239 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 3: a business online and get into affiliate marketing. And if 240 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 3: you actually do those things, you will have a million 241 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 3: dollars in the bank. There are formulas for everything you 242 00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 3: want in life, to lose weight, to find love, to 243 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,839 Speaker 3: heal your formulas everywhere far love. Oh, of course, Lauren, 244 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 3: you try that one. 245 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,160 Speaker 1: That ain't gonna work for you, Lauren, I'm good, Yes 246 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 1: it is. 247 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 3: Do not put discourage. 248 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 5: I don't even engage in conversation with neg I just 249 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:47,199 Speaker 5: let them. 250 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean. 251 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,080 Speaker 1: I want to go back to something that you just said, 252 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 1: because it's true. 253 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 4: Right, somebody out there listening to you and they was like, 254 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 4: that ain't gonna work, And that's exactly why you're not gonna. 255 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 3: Get it correct. Of course, that's exactly why you're correct. 256 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 3: And so here's the other thing I want to tell you. 257 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,559 Speaker 3: That really is a skill that really helped me. So 258 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 3: if you look backwards at your life, you can see 259 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 3: every twist and turn and every experience, even the ones 260 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,240 Speaker 3: you didn't deserve, even the ones that were not your fault. 261 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 3: You can look in the rear view mirror and actually 262 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,719 Speaker 3: see how it all led you here, and that there 263 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:27,320 Speaker 3: were lessons or things that led you here. The skill 264 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 3: that I want you to understand that you also have 265 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 3: is that you could actually stand in this moment, no 266 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 3: matter how horrible it is, and you can say I 267 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 3: choose to believe that in the future, I am going 268 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 3: to get a point where there is a bigger possibility 269 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 3: for myself in my life that I can't even imagine 270 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 3: for myself right now. But I choose to believe that 271 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 3: I will get to that point fifteen years from now, 272 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,319 Speaker 3: ten years from now, and I will look back on 273 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 3: this low moment where I didn't believe and I will 274 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 3: go that's why, that's why that happened. 275 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,400 Speaker 5: Do you believe that? So you believe that every single 276 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 5: person has that in them or not has it in them? 277 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 5: Because I believe that. But do you believe that every 278 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 5: single person at some point in their life will unlock that? 279 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 3: No? 280 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 5: Okay, because for me when I am reading through this, 281 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,079 Speaker 5: a lot of what you're saying is common sense stuff. 282 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 5: But I think even when you think about if you 283 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 5: have a friend group and there's two people who are 284 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 5: really successful and two people that aren't, the difference is 285 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 5: just what they choose to actually do this book, If 286 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 5: I'm a person at choosing not to do that, how 287 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,199 Speaker 5: does your book stop that? Like that's a habit, that's a. 288 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a great question. So there's two things about that. 289 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 3: So if you're in a friend group and you got 290 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,080 Speaker 3: two people who are successful and two people aren't. One 291 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: thing I do want to validate because I do think 292 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 3: in like kind of in culture, there's this myth that 293 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 3: everybody's got the same resources. Not everybody has the same resources. 294 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 3: So you might be in a friend group, or there's 295 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 3: two people that ended up not having college debt, so 296 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 3: they started at a different starting line, and so there 297 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 3: might be things that are actually real things that contributed 298 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 3: to somebody's success. Added to though, is a huge piece 299 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 3: of it, because I do believe, especially in today's world 300 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 3: with technology and with the amount of information out there, 301 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 3: that if you commit yourself to learning new skills and 302 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:14,199 Speaker 3: to just chipping away at it and continuing to show up. 303 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 3: There are so many people on this planet, there is 304 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 3: enough success for you, and you can figure it out 305 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,120 Speaker 3: over time if you keep chipping away at it. And 306 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 3: so you know, the question is what's in it? In 307 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 3: this book? The let them theory is going to help 308 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 3: you because if you're tired, if you're overwhelmed, if you're 309 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 3: feeling like you keep trying and nothing is clicking, the 310 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 3: problem isn't you. The problem is you unknowingly give all 311 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 3: of your power to other people. You give power to 312 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 3: what people say, how they feel, their expectations, what they're doing. 313 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 3: And when you care more about what other people think 314 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 3: and when you are navigating life based on what other 315 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 3: people's expectations are, down from you look first line. There 316 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 3: you go. 317 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 5: Yes, that's the biggest thing that for me with this book, 318 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 5: I was like saying that when it's in a book, 319 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 5: I listen. 320 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: Let them think bad thoughts. Oh, I want to just 321 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: set it up about the book. 322 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 3: Man. 323 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 4: There's some books that I believe are must reads in life. 324 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 4: To let them Theory by Mel Robbins has been added 325 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 4: to that must readless. My wife got it for me 326 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 4: a few weeks ago, and the book is just essentially 327 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 4: about how you have to stop wasting your life on 328 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 4: things that you can't control. 329 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: When did you get to that rebels? 330 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,040 Speaker 3: Oh my god, fifty four. I am a learner, you know. 331 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 3: And and the funny thing is is I'm married to 332 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 3: the chillest dude on the plan. I mean, I'm married 333 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 3: to a man who is not only Buddhist, he is 334 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 3: a death duela. And like when you want to talk 335 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 3: about like a person, yeah that can just sit in 336 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 3: stillness I'm like a tornado of emotion, and so I've 337 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,520 Speaker 3: always wanted to let things go. I've always wanted to 338 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 3: not care what people think. I've never known how. And see, 339 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 3: when you're stressed, or you're easily offended like I used 340 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,520 Speaker 3: to be, or you have a lot going on, it 341 00:15:56,640 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 3: is very hard to not get wrapped up and what 342 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 3: other people are thinking and doing. It's very hard to 343 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 3: not let what your kids are going through stress you out. 344 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,800 Speaker 3: And so you know, I've been trying to do this forever. 345 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 3: I mean, this is not a new idea. The serenity 346 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 3: prayer is the let Them theory. In fact, you know, 347 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 3: I sat down with doctor Martin Luther King the third 348 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 3: and his wife and Andrea, and they both said, we 349 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 3: write about it in the let Them Theory. They both 350 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 3: reflect on the fact that this concept that you have 351 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 3: to give up control in order to gain control, that 352 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 3: your power is in your response. That this is part 353 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 3: of doctor Martin Luther King Junior's legacy because your response 354 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,120 Speaker 3: is what dictates who you are. It's not what's happening 355 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 3: out there, it's how you respond to it with your 356 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 3: thoughts and your actions and how you process your own 357 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 3: emotions and so I did not know this until I 358 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 3: was fifty four years old. And you know, for me 359 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 3: personally the power of these two words, because let them 360 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 3: We've all said let them in our lives a bazillion times. 361 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 3: I mean, there's a sermonslating it's twenty years old, Dad 362 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 3: Jakes doing this let them sermon. So this is a 363 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 3: concept that has been around since the beginning of time, 364 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,959 Speaker 3: and that's why this is resonated. I'm not teaching you 365 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 3: something new. I'm reminding you of what you already know 366 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 3: to be true, and I'm handing you this tool so 367 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 3: you can snap out of this crap where we're constantly 368 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,640 Speaker 3: worked up about what other people are doing to take 369 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 3: their power back. 370 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 5: You talk about managing other people a lot, and I've 371 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 5: never heard the term put like that, but you use 372 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 5: it to basically talk about how we're so what you're 373 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 5: talking about r now, we're worried about other people, but 374 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 5: also too, I think it's expectations of other people that 375 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 5: we're trying to we're making decisions based around that a lot. 376 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 5: When did you realize this whole scale of like managing 377 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 5: other people and learning when the clock out of that 378 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 5: job of trying to do that. 379 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 3: Well, So what it's going to happen is this. So 380 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 3: when you start using the let them theory, and it's 381 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 3: so easy to use the next time you're stressed out 382 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,480 Speaker 3: or annoyed or frustrated, and it's always with other people, 383 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 3: just say let them. That's how you use it. Let them, 384 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,800 Speaker 3: and you're going to immediately feel peaceful. Your mom's in 385 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,080 Speaker 3: a bad mood, Let her be in a bad mood. 386 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 3: Some old friend of yours is talking, let them talk trash. 387 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 3: Why you're not allowing it? When you say let them, 388 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,119 Speaker 3: you are reminding yourself there's one thing in life I 389 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 3: can't control. It's what other people say, do, believe, feel, 390 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,680 Speaker 3: and it's my job to So when you start saying 391 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 3: let them, and you detach yourself from the responsibility of 392 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 3: having to manage somebody else, something interesting happens. You realize, 393 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 3: oh my god, I've lived my life in reserve reverse. 394 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 3: I actually live my life giving time and energy trying 395 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 3: to manage what other people think. I have kept myself 396 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 3: in a major or in a relationship, or in a 397 00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 3: situation because I'm afraid to disappoint my parents or my friends. 398 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 3: I mean, how many people keep drinking or keep going 399 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 3: out at night when what they really want to do 400 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 3: is launch a business. And so they don't like take 401 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 3: the weekends to work on the things that they want 402 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 3: to work on because they feel like they don't want 403 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,680 Speaker 3: to disappoint their friends or people going to talk about them. 404 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 3: That's you giving power to other people. Like another way 405 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 3: that we give power to other people is we, you know, 406 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 3: get so focused on the headlines that we gas light 407 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 3: ourselves into believing that you have no power. It's complete garbage. 408 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 3: Of course you have power. 409 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,480 Speaker 1: I wish you would he a couple of weeks ago. 410 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:17,159 Speaker 1: We'll continue on. 411 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,520 Speaker 3: And so when you start saying let them, it's sort 412 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 3: of this revelation where you're like, oh my god, I 413 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 3: spend so much time and energy worrying about other people. 414 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 3: I spent so much time and energy letting them stress 415 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:30,960 Speaker 3: me out. 416 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 5: But is there a level of like when that becomes 417 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 5: easier versus harder? Because when you were just talking, I 418 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 5: thought about Michelle Obama. Yes, in the podcast one of 419 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 5: the podcasts she did this week, she was talking about 420 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,159 Speaker 5: how she realized she was doing a lot for other 421 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 5: people not thinking about herself, and she started making decisions 422 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 5: for herself. So she's going place, so she wants to go, and. 423 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 3: They think she's divorce because of it. 424 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 5: But it's like, she's Michelle Obama, so it's hard for 425 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,400 Speaker 5: her to like the noise is so it's a lot 426 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,800 Speaker 5: louder for her well. 427 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,159 Speaker 3: Of course. But whether or not you pay attention to 428 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,200 Speaker 3: that is within your control. Whether or not you look 429 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 3: at your phone, and we're all guilty of it, whether 430 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,399 Speaker 3: you are Michelle Obama or you're just going into your 431 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 3: middle school, whether or not you give attention to the gossip, 432 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 3: you look for, the gossip, you mainline it, that is 433 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 3: within your control. If you say, I can never, ever, ever, 434 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,480 Speaker 3: ever stop somebody from lying about me, from making up 435 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,800 Speaker 3: stuff about me, from saying whatever they're going to say, 436 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,680 Speaker 3: So why on earth when I spend any time and 437 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 3: energy managing it? And then you go let me This 438 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 3: is the second part of the theory. Once you say 439 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,679 Speaker 3: let them, let them think negative thoughts, let them make 440 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 3: up all kinds of crap, Because if you know you're 441 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,679 Speaker 3: not getting divorced, what do you care about these idiots 442 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 3: saying let me remind myself that I know the truth. 443 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 3: And when you know the truth about who you are, 444 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 3: you don't think about other people. When you live your 445 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,640 Speaker 3: life in a way that makes you proud, you don't 446 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 3: think of other people. 447 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 1: I tell them all. 448 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 5: You told me to read her book, and I was, 449 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 5: and I already had the book because I think Eddie 450 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 5: had given it to us a minute and I was like, oh, 451 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 5: I got the book. 452 00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 3: And for you got it. It will change your Damn. 453 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 3: I'm telling you it will change your life because but. 454 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,359 Speaker 1: You have to get to that stage. 455 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 2: Yes, because it's it's took me a while to get 456 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 2: to that stage. 457 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 3: It while you think he was born that way, and 458 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 3: I don't. 459 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,919 Speaker 1: I've never truly cared, right. 460 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,400 Speaker 4: But then even when I started to care, I realized 461 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 4: things like the serenity prayer, a little simple things that 462 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 4: you saw sitting in your grandmother's house. You realize that 463 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 4: is absolutely the truth of God, Grammy, the serenity. Excepting 464 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 4: things I cannot change, courage change the things I can, 465 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 4: and with't no difference. And the easiest way to let 466 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,639 Speaker 4: go of what you can't control is just realizing you 467 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,040 Speaker 4: never had control to begin with. 468 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 3: And here's another thing that's really important, That's why you're 469 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 3: gonna love it, is that what ol stirt to happen 470 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 3: when you say let them, is it's not that you're 471 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 3: allowing people to do bad things, they're already doing bad things. 472 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 3: You're recognizing that it's not your job to manage other people, 473 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,160 Speaker 3: because this is a book that's about power and control 474 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,959 Speaker 3: and peace. Then you say, let me remind myself how 475 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 3: I respond to things. Actually is where my power is. 476 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 3: So do I give this any time and energy or not? 477 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 3: Do I double down on just living my life in 478 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 3: a way that makes me proud of myself, which is 479 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 3: where your power is. And the thing that also changed 480 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 3: me dramatically is I couldn't believe how much stress I 481 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 3: felt and how I was bracing all the time. And 482 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 3: when you start to say let them, and you release 483 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 3: that kind of obligation to make other people happy or 484 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 3: to make everybody know that you're not divorced, or that 485 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 3: everything's okay, or like, just let them think whatever they 486 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 3: want to think, and live your life in a way 487 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 3: that makes you proud. You're going to get all this 488 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,879 Speaker 3: time and energy back. And what I love about this 489 00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,880 Speaker 3: is when you're less stressed and when you're not bracing 490 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 3: all the time because you know your boss is narcissistic, 491 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,640 Speaker 3: so why on earth would you walk into work assuming 492 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 3: that today's going to be anything other than what it 493 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,679 Speaker 3: already has always been. Let them be who they are. 494 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 4: I love the Managing Stress chapter, and in that chapter 495 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,760 Speaker 4: you say you can't control how other adults behave and 496 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 4: stressing about it diminisces your power. You'll never reach the 497 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 4: full potential of your life if you continue to allow 498 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 4: stupid things to rule, people to drain your life for 499 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 4: can you yes? 500 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 3: Yes, So the two most important resources that you have 501 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 3: in life time energy, that's what you got. How you 502 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,120 Speaker 3: spend your time, where you put your energy, it actually 503 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 3: determines your experience of life. And that's why I say, 504 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,679 Speaker 3: if you have this experience right now where you're exhausted 505 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 3: and overwhelmed and nervous and you're not like feeling like 506 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 3: you can ever have time for yourself or your goals, 507 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 3: just start clicking. You're not the problem. The problem is 508 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,680 Speaker 3: all this time and energy you spend dealing with other people, 509 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,000 Speaker 3: and so let them is a boundary that you draw 510 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 3: where you start to recognize, Okay, I'm going to let 511 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,800 Speaker 3: other people think and feel and do and have their opinions, 512 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:03,119 Speaker 3: and I'm going to let them be disappointed. I'm going 513 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,160 Speaker 3: to let them misunderstand me, and I'm going to let 514 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 3: me really take that time and energy back and pour 515 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,639 Speaker 3: it into working on myself and staying in my piece. 516 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,520 Speaker 3: And what I've found is that when I'm less stressed, 517 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,320 Speaker 3: which i am because I'm not allowing stupid stuff for 518 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 3: other people to stress me out, I'm actually a better person. 519 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 3: I make more money because I can use my brain 520 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 3: instead of being in fight or flight. I don't like 521 00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,639 Speaker 3: vomit on my kids. My emotions. Like I used to 522 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,159 Speaker 3: be the kind of person that would come in at 523 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 3: you know, after work and be yelling at everybody or 524 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:41,919 Speaker 3: mad at the dog for crying out loud, and then 525 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 3: I'd be like, I'm sorry, it's a bad day at work, 526 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 3: stressful day at work with the dogs, you know, they 527 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 3: kind of do this and then they come back and 528 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:53,160 Speaker 3: they're really nice because they they literally dogs don't don't 529 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 3: like punish you for that. And it's so sad that 530 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 3: I used to leave the worst of me for people 531 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 3: I cared about the most and then blame it on 532 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 3: the stress of the day. That By the way, when 533 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 3: you use the let them theory, you have control over 534 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 3: whether or not this stuff gets to you. You know, 535 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 3: It's funny. I walked into a hotel t heere and 536 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 3: everybody that was at the check in descer like, let them. 537 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,760 Speaker 3: We love this. I'm like, Well, if you work retail, 538 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,440 Speaker 3: which I have in my life, if you work in 539 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,520 Speaker 3: a restaurant or hospitality having to deal with people, you 540 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 3: gotta let them. You gotta let them, Like, do not 541 00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 3: let somebody's rudeness actually get to your spirit? Protect it 542 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,119 Speaker 3: because your time and energy matters, and it's important. And 543 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 3: this is these are two boundaries. Let them be, because 544 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 3: the more I let other people be who they are, 545 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,360 Speaker 3: the better my life gets. The more I let other 546 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,159 Speaker 3: people live their lives, better my life gets because I 547 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 3: am protecting myself from unnecessary stress and drama, and I'm 548 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 3: reminding myself powers always in here. And that's you know. 549 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 3: You asked me earlier, do I really believe that actually 550 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 3: everybody has in them a unique path and gift? And 551 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,880 Speaker 3: I said yes. And I think the reason we don't 552 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 3: unlock it is because we have given all of our 553 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,359 Speaker 3: power to something outside of ourselves, and so we have 554 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 3: forgotten who we are. We have forgotten what it feels 555 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 3: like to be peaceful. We have forgotten how much of 556 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,879 Speaker 3: a difference we can make in our families and our 557 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 3: communities because we've just run ourselves ragged, allowing the problems 558 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,359 Speaker 3: of the world to bring us down. And that's not 559 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,200 Speaker 3: to say there aren't problems. What I'm here to say 560 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:34,520 Speaker 3: is we need you to be in your power and 561 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 3: in your peace so that we can better respond to 562 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 3: the problems in the world. 563 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,720 Speaker 4: Isn't that society's fault because society makes us focus on 564 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 4: the external so much and not enough on the internal. 565 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,920 Speaker 3: Well, I if you blame society, you give society the power. 566 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 3: I think that there are ways that we've been manipulated 567 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,359 Speaker 3: through social media. I think there are ways that we 568 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 3: have gotten lazy. I think it's very problematic that we've 569 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 3: got and away from the underpinnings that have really kept 570 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 3: people tied to community, whether it's church or its synagogue, 571 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 3: or it's a mosque, or it is volunteering in your community, 572 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 3: whether it is schools having more funding, whether it is 573 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 3: you know, people prioritizing a day of rest over running 574 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 3: your kids all over for sports. Like, we have forgotten 575 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:29,560 Speaker 3: the things that actually matter in life, and we're now 576 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,920 Speaker 3: spending six hours a day on the phone. And so 577 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 3: if you blame the phone, which yes, it's designed to 578 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,280 Speaker 3: be addictive because the more time anybody spends on it, 579 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 3: the more money people make because you're seeing ads. That's 580 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,119 Speaker 3: why it's addictive. It's just like a slot machine. And 581 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 3: so that's not your fault. But when you wake up 582 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 3: and recognize, wait a minute, do I actually want to 583 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,360 Speaker 3: give that much power to that thing? Isn't the phone 584 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,399 Speaker 3: supposed to be a tool that I can use for 585 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 3: self expression, communication and to make money? Why am I 586 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:01,200 Speaker 3: the tool here? When you see that, then you take 587 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 3: your power back it. So it's sort of like this 588 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,359 Speaker 3: thing like you can't actually get sober until you stop drinking. 589 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,640 Speaker 3: You can't take control of your life until you stop 590 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 3: giving all the control to everything else. 591 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 4: Let me do it. 592 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:12,640 Speaker 1: I have a question. 593 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, in chapter five, you say let them think bad 594 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 2: thoughts about you, right. The question with that is is 595 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 2: when a lot of people, sometimes especially on social media, right, 596 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:30,480 Speaker 2: nobody facts checks anymore, So sometimes you might not care. 597 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 2: You can let them think what they want to think, 598 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 2: but that could affect your overall business. 599 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 3: Right. 600 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 2: And we see that a lot, right, because people don't 601 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 2: clear and people don't do homework. Right, So if Lauren 602 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 2: says something about somebody, people might automatically think it's facts. 603 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,440 Speaker 1: It's the truth. People don't do that homework. But that 604 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 1: could affect your reputation. That can affect your business. 605 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 2: That could affect the way that your kids, teachers look 606 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 2: at you, or business that comes around. So what do 607 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 2: you do in that example, because you still want to 608 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 2: fix your reputation, right, it might not be that you care, 609 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 2: but you want your legacy to go how things are factual, 610 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 2: and that happens a lot, especially somebody and I'm sure 611 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,520 Speaker 2: that's happened to you in course. 612 00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:09,720 Speaker 1: What are you doing well? 613 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:13,120 Speaker 3: So here this is a very tricky question because you're 614 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 3: talking about the pr and the media swirl that has 615 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 3: a life of its own, which, by the way, you're 616 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,680 Speaker 3: never going to be able to control. And it's actually 617 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 3: getting worse with AI because AI, you like, you guys, 618 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 3: watch this Google Like if you ever go and Google 619 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:34,280 Speaker 3: yourself every couple days, the way AI talks about you 620 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 3: changes every day. And because we all are broadcasters and 621 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,000 Speaker 3: we talk about all different types of topics. Like two 622 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,080 Speaker 3: days ago, AI was reporting that I was divorced because 623 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 3: I was talking to somebody who was divorced on the podcast, 624 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 3: like it's not like I don't care, like I'm not divorced, 625 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 3: but you know what I mean, and so so it's 626 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 3: just kind of a joke on some regard and so 627 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,320 Speaker 3: kind of understanding the ecosystem that you're in, because if 628 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 3: you've got a business risk issue, then you need to 629 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 3: make a very clear statement about what's truth and what's 630 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 3: not and then do not feed the fire, because the 631 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 3: more that you feed the fire, the more legitimacy you 632 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 3: give to this thing. And there are two kinds of 633 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 3: people in the world. There are people who are intent 634 00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 3: on seeking the truth, and there are people who are 635 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,720 Speaker 3: intent on misunderstanding and spreading gossip. There are people who 636 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 3: think about ideas and there are people who think about people. 637 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:36,640 Speaker 3: There are people who are able to be intelligent and 638 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,719 Speaker 3: rational and really look at a situation, and then there 639 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 3: are people who are intent on feeling powerful by stepping 640 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 3: on other people's heads. And that is just the world 641 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 3: we live in unfortunately. So pr is a little bit 642 00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:53,320 Speaker 3: different in personal, Like, I think it's really important to 643 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 3: understand who you are, whether you're dealing with rumors at 644 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 3: a middle school or you're dealing with rumors in your community, 645 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 3: or you've got somebody in your family trash talking you. 646 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:06,080 Speaker 3: In order to repair your reputation, it is better to 647 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 3: show than to tell. In my opinion, you prove the 648 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 3: truth based on how you show up in life, not 649 00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 3: based on the words that come out of your mouth. 650 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 3: And if there is somebody spreading things about you, the 651 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 3: best way to handle it is to go directly to 652 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:25,040 Speaker 3: that person and to ask them about it. You know, 653 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 3: I understand that you've been saying such and such about me, 654 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,960 Speaker 3: which is not true. Can you help me understand why 655 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 3: you would be talking about me like this? Because people 656 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 3: who gossip don't ever think that anybody's ever going to 657 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 3: say anything because they're gossiping because they want to feel 658 00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 3: more powerful than you when you have the ability to 659 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,240 Speaker 3: let them say negative things. Okay, I just found out 660 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 3: about it. Let me choose is this something I want 661 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 3: to actually address or is this just data where I go? Okay, 662 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 3: now I know who this person is noted. Now I 663 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,320 Speaker 3: adjust my time and energy and whether or not I 664 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 3: hang out with you. Because those kind of people, the 665 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 3: people that gossip about you, ultimately end up crumbling anyway, 666 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 3: because it always catches up. 667 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 1: With them, and I love that chapter. 668 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 4: You know, to let them think bad thoughts about you, 669 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 4: and you say, stop allowing other people's opinions to hold 670 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 4: you back from pursuing what you want and limiting the 671 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 4: potential of your one, wide and precious life. It goes 672 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 4: back to what you said, discourage me, because when you 673 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,880 Speaker 4: hear that things, you get discouraged and then you get 674 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 4: down and you stop. But I truly believe nothing can 675 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 4: stop the destiny God has planned for you unless you stop. 676 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, You're the only one that can stop yourself. I 677 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 3: believe that. 678 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 5: Now. 679 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 3: That does not mean there aren't very real obstacles. That 680 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:39,959 Speaker 3: does not mean that you're not in debt. It does 681 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,240 Speaker 3: not mean that you you know, if you have a 682 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 3: criminal record. You have a criminal record, and there are 683 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 3: going to be things that are in your way and 684 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 3: people that will discriminate against you based on that. As 685 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 3: a former public defender, I freaking hate that that is true, 686 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,160 Speaker 3: because I do believe that we need to have the 687 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 3: kind of society that allows people to change. I agree 688 00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 3: we have to, yes, and so there are very real 689 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,280 Speaker 3: things in your way. That said, I believe in your 690 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,360 Speaker 3: capacity to figure it out. I believe in your capacity 691 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 3: to tap into something that is bigger in terms of 692 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:16,120 Speaker 3: your potential. And I think people believe that too in themselves. 693 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 3: Like you know, it's it's the reason why when you 694 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 3: hear an incredible sermon or you see a movie and 695 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,720 Speaker 3: you get all choked up, it's not because of what 696 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 3: you're watching on the TV. It's because it's resonating with 697 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 3: something that is deeply true in here. And I think 698 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,080 Speaker 3: that's why this let them theory has exploded. It's because 699 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 3: I'm reminding you of what you know to be true 700 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,920 Speaker 3: about life and about yourself. 701 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,800 Speaker 4: And if you feel it whenever you talk, whenever you talk, period, 702 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 4: but especially when you talk about to let them theory, 703 00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 4: it is something internally that wakes up in me. It's 704 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,680 Speaker 4: like just a fire, like, oh, it's just a reminder 705 00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,200 Speaker 4: of like you said, what you already know. 706 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a It's an incredible thing. And what I 707 00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,040 Speaker 3: also love about it is, you know, it's kind of 708 00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 3: flying around social because when you say let them, you 709 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 3: feel superior to other people. I'll let them go away 710 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,360 Speaker 3: without me, let them walk out the door, let them 711 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:09,759 Speaker 3: cheat on me. But the let me part reminds you 712 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:13,960 Speaker 3: that the only change in a relationship. It never comes 713 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,960 Speaker 3: from other people. It always comes from you and you 714 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,800 Speaker 3: changing how you show up. And so the irony of this, 715 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,880 Speaker 3: it probably should be called the let me theory, because 716 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 3: it actually brings you closer to the people you care 717 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,880 Speaker 3: about because instead of trying to change people, instead of 718 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,160 Speaker 3: constantly being annoyed at your mom's mood or you know, 719 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 3: or thinking you know better than what your kids are 720 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 3: doing now and they're oh, people feel that judgment, and 721 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:41,560 Speaker 3: so there is distance right now in your relationships, particularly 722 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 3: with your family, because we're judging with our family. But 723 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 3: when you start to let them, you create this space 724 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,520 Speaker 3: that is so awesome where you see your parents, or 725 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,920 Speaker 3: you see your kids, or you see your brother and 726 00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:59,640 Speaker 3: sister as they are. And then it's on you to 727 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:04,080 Speaker 3: how do I love this person as they are instead 728 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:05,600 Speaker 3: of constantly wishing they'd be different. 729 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 5: That's how I was going to ask you, how do 730 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:09,359 Speaker 5: you figure that out? Because sometimes that creates the distance too. 731 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,399 Speaker 5: When you can't figure that out, you're like, I'd rather 732 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,600 Speaker 5: just not because you don't want to interact and something 733 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,000 Speaker 5: goes wrong or you say something wrong or you offend somebody. 734 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's a great question, and you have to 735 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,400 Speaker 3: do it literally day by day. Like you get to 736 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,680 Speaker 3: choose if somebody's in a bad mood and they're the 737 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 3: kind of person that gets very emotionally immature and they 738 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,480 Speaker 3: pout and then you know, they kind of go silent 739 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,600 Speaker 3: on you. You get to choose. Okay, I'm gonna let 740 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,480 Speaker 3: them be annoyed about this thing. I'm gonna let them 741 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 3: be disappointed. Then I'm not gonna make it to the 742 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 3: family such and such thing. Okay. Well. One of the 743 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,960 Speaker 3: cool things about really giving somebody the space to feel 744 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,720 Speaker 3: what they feel is it made me realize disappointment's actually 745 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:52,239 Speaker 3: a really good thing because if somebody's disappointed that you're 746 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 3: not coming home for the holidays, it just means they 747 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:59,440 Speaker 3: love you. It doesn't mean you have to go. It 748 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,399 Speaker 3: just means means that they just really wish you were there. 749 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,360 Speaker 3: Same thing with business. If you have a business partner 750 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,719 Speaker 3: and you can't make it to something, if they're disappointed, 751 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 3: that's a good thing. Like what do you want your 752 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,680 Speaker 3: business parder to be like, Oh, you can't make it, 753 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,319 Speaker 3: Thank God, I can't stand that guy. 754 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:15,600 Speaker 4: No. 755 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:20,000 Speaker 3: Disappointment's great, but it doesn't mean you have to take 756 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:24,320 Speaker 3: that feeling away. By changing what you're doing, and in 757 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 3: that space you get to say, what do I value? 758 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,759 Speaker 3: What do I need to do for me? What kind 759 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 3: of person am I? Am I showing up because I 760 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,440 Speaker 3: feel guilty? Or am I showing up because based on 761 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 3: my values, family is important? So I am actually going 762 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:39,439 Speaker 3: to bend over backwards ago not for them, I'm going 763 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,840 Speaker 3: because it says something about me and what's important to me. 764 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 3: So I think we've also gotten to this point where 765 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,880 Speaker 3: relationships are so transactional. We text somebody, we expect a 766 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 3: text back. You know, we do this, we expect you 767 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,120 Speaker 3: to do something back, and so we're constantly waiting for 768 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:58,880 Speaker 3: the return. What if the secret to relationships was actually 769 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,880 Speaker 3: being way more flexible and just going what kind of 770 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 3: person am I? Am I the person that makes the plans? 771 00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,360 Speaker 3: Am I the person that reaches out? Not because I 772 00:37:05,440 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 3: expect someone else to, but just because that's the kind 773 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 3: of person that I am. And it's really shifted for 774 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:14,440 Speaker 3: me with friendship, this sense of okay, am I in? 775 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,200 Speaker 3: Am I out? 776 00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:15,440 Speaker 1: You know? 777 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 3: Are they a friend? Are they not? And you start 778 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 3: to realize there's so many more people in your life 779 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,680 Speaker 3: than you realize that care about you. There's so many 780 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 3: people that are rooting for you when you start to 781 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,400 Speaker 3: let other people live their lives and make their plans. 782 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 3: But if you're the kind of person that wants to 783 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 3: stay to connect it to people, you just reach out 784 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,120 Speaker 3: just without expectation or return, you will be shocked at 785 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,320 Speaker 3: how much more comes back to you when you're not 786 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,919 Speaker 3: gripping it so much and you're just doing it because 787 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,839 Speaker 3: it makes you feel good to check in on people. 788 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: That's right. 789 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 4: I want to go back to something else, because you 790 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 4: know you were a public defender. I know you did 791 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:49,799 Speaker 4: a little bit of radio, but I know some people 792 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,640 Speaker 4: who hear this conversation because you mentioned being in debt 793 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:52,239 Speaker 4: a lot. 794 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,040 Speaker 1: Eight hundred thousand dollars in debt. 795 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 3: That's a lot. 796 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,440 Speaker 1: Some people have never seen eight hundred thousand dollars. So 797 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:57,399 Speaker 1: you had to have some times. 798 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,879 Speaker 3: I didn't have eight hundred thousand dollars. I had a house, okay, 799 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 3: and we took out a home equity line. We then 800 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,320 Speaker 3: and cash that sucker out. We took out a bazillion 801 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,120 Speaker 3: credit cards. We had a little bit of savings and 802 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,880 Speaker 3: we cashed that out. We cashed out a little bit 803 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:17,359 Speaker 3: of the kid's college fund, and we took a loan 804 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:21,239 Speaker 3: on a car, so there was like that. And then 805 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,279 Speaker 3: what happened is they started factoring, which is a I 806 00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 3: mean predatory lending, which basically means every time they swipe 807 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:31,320 Speaker 3: a credit card at a restaurant, they're charging interest toward it, 808 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 3: which was part of our guarantee. And then so it 809 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 3: was that's not like we had that as a nest egg. 810 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,759 Speaker 1: But you had to have some type of success though. 811 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,000 Speaker 1: Oh before yeah, well, well. 812 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,720 Speaker 3: I mean yeah, I mean I was a public defender 813 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:45,640 Speaker 3: and then I worked for a large law firm, and 814 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 3: then in nineteen ninety nine I kind of got into 815 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,359 Speaker 3: that first dot com thing in Boston, and so yeah, 816 00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,839 Speaker 3: you know, we were in that stage of life, three 817 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 3: kids under the age of ten. I'm working, my husband's working, 818 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,239 Speaker 3: We're making the ends meet. 819 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, but you just felt like this isn't what I'm 820 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:01,960 Speaker 1: supposed to be doing. 821 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:06,920 Speaker 3: Well, yes, what happened is in two thousand and eight, 822 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,880 Speaker 3: I had tried to do something in the media business. 823 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,520 Speaker 3: And it's a long complicated story, but I basically got 824 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,920 Speaker 3: cast to be on a reality show that I was 825 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:18,560 Speaker 3: going to host, where it was going to be like 826 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:22,480 Speaker 3: an extreme business makeover show, and remember that move the 827 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,239 Speaker 3: bus show, so they wanted to do that for businesses. 828 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,120 Speaker 3: And by the time we went to shoot the show, 829 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 3: they had changed the show entirely and it was now 830 00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,799 Speaker 3: called Someone's Got to Go. And I was the host 831 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 3: of a show. Get this where people were going to 832 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:39,160 Speaker 3: get fired on national television, on a reality show from 833 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,640 Speaker 3: real jobs, and I wasn't firing them. You were voting 834 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 3: a colleague out. It was Survivor in an office place. 835 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 3: So we shot two episodes. It was a disgusting show. 836 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,680 Speaker 3: I was literally popping xanax because I was having panic 837 00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:53,560 Speaker 3: attacks the entire time. So I'm like, this is not 838 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,040 Speaker 3: what I signed up for. The show gets tabled and 839 00:39:56,280 --> 00:40:00,600 Speaker 3: I got held in one of those non compete content things, 840 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 3: and I didn't have a job. And this was right 841 00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:07,080 Speaker 3: at the moment where my husband's first restaurant had done well. 842 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:09,960 Speaker 3: Why well, I mean they were doing okay, you know, 843 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,640 Speaker 3: they were successful, they could pay their bills, friends and 844 00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,360 Speaker 3: family had invested, and then they were They raised a 845 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,879 Speaker 3: little bit more money from friends and family to open 846 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 3: two more locations, and the whole thing imploded. So now 847 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,200 Speaker 3: I'm unemployed. Friends and family have invested, they're working their 848 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 3: tails off to keep this thing afloat. We both feel 849 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:31,000 Speaker 3: like we have royally screwed up our lives. I feel 850 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:32,800 Speaker 3: like I've been a public defender. I've worked in a 851 00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,439 Speaker 3: law firm, I've worked at three different startups. I've tried 852 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,399 Speaker 3: life in business coaching. Then I did this show which 853 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,000 Speaker 3: I thought was going to be our meal ticket, and 854 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,000 Speaker 3: now all of a sudden, I'm in a non compete. 855 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,000 Speaker 3: I can't get a job. And some people would say, well, 856 00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 3: just go back to the law. I'm like, do you 857 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,319 Speaker 3: know when you are in that position where you think 858 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:52,239 Speaker 3: you royally screwed up you have you do not have 859 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,960 Speaker 3: any confidence? How do you go get a job when 860 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 3: you're like, I don't have any worth? And I got 861 00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:00,520 Speaker 3: to pretend that everything's okay because friends and family have 862 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:02,560 Speaker 3: invested in this business and the doors are still open 863 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,440 Speaker 3: and they're trying to save it. That was the backdrop 864 00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,480 Speaker 3: at the age of forty one, and you know, I think, yeah, 865 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 3: I'm a big visualizer, and you know I love vision 866 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 3: boards and that kind of stuff, but never in a 867 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 3: million years was the vision for my life. Okay, at 868 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 3: age forty let's make a vision board. I'm going to 869 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:22,520 Speaker 3: paste an image of getting divorced and being bankrupt and alcoholism. 870 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,880 Speaker 3: No people, but I'm like the Maserati and the Beachhof. 871 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 3: So when when your life takes a turn, you're like, 872 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:33,080 Speaker 3: I didn't plan for this. It's surprising how you can 873 00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:36,719 Speaker 3: know what you should be doing, but all motivation to 874 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 3: do it's gone. And that's when I created that five 875 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,120 Speaker 3: second rule of the countdown five four three two one 876 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,520 Speaker 3: to just get myself out of bed. 877 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:45,239 Speaker 4: You know you were in the book you talk about 878 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,160 Speaker 4: how you felt paralyzed by imposter syndrome, especially when you 879 00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:48,640 Speaker 4: were teaching. 880 00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,279 Speaker 1: Yeah, the five second rule. 881 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,080 Speaker 4: I wonder what's changed since then, Like, we'll gives you 882 00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,319 Speaker 4: the confidence and authority now to feel like you can 883 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 4: go out here and teach, to let. 884 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,320 Speaker 3: Them do that's a great, great question. So you know 885 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,800 Speaker 3: how well, First of all, impostor syndrome is deeply misunderstood. 886 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,480 Speaker 3: So imposter syndrome does not mean that you don't belong 887 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 3: in the room you're in. Imposter syndrome means you actually 888 00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:14,200 Speaker 3: want to be in the room you're in, and there's 889 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 3: skills or there's experience that you need to gain in 890 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,360 Speaker 3: order to dominate in that room. Imposter syndrome is actually 891 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:22,640 Speaker 3: not self doubt. It's ambition. 892 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,239 Speaker 5: And so explain that a bit because it's always been 893 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:27,120 Speaker 5: said the other way. 894 00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so if you really think about it, if 895 00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 3: you walk into a room and you don't feel imposter syndrome, 896 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,919 Speaker 3: it's because you don't want to be in that room. 897 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,080 Speaker 3: You don't care what people think about you in that room. 898 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,719 Speaker 3: If you walk into a room and you feel a 899 00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:45,680 Speaker 3: sense of imposter syndrome, it's because you care about what 900 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:47,600 Speaker 3: people think about you in that room. It means your 901 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 3: ambition wants you to succeed in that room. Oh was 902 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,399 Speaker 3: like push to stay sharp, correct and also like, hey, 903 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,960 Speaker 3: I want to actually succeed around people like this, which 904 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,640 Speaker 3: means what are the skills I need? What's the experience 905 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:03,960 Speaker 3: I need to set myself up? This is like a 906 00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:08,280 Speaker 3: wave of your calling and your ambition, Like I actually 907 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,360 Speaker 3: want to feel good in this room. So it's not 908 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,319 Speaker 3: a sign that you don't belong there. It's a sign like, hey, 909 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,279 Speaker 3: there's some work to do and you can dominate in 910 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,200 Speaker 3: that room too. And so to your question about how 911 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,879 Speaker 3: do I have the confidence to do it? I think 912 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:26,320 Speaker 3: it's literally because of the fifteen years of just walking 913 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,320 Speaker 3: into rooms and sharing what was going on. And you know, 914 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,920 Speaker 3: once the five second rules started to spread around on 915 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,080 Speaker 3: social media and people would call me and say, hey, 916 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,439 Speaker 3: would you come talk about this thing? And I would 917 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,560 Speaker 3: go they weren't paying me. I mean I would stand 918 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:43,200 Speaker 3: at a brown bag lunch twelve years ago and teaching 919 00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,400 Speaker 3: somebody's office, you know, a little real estate office in 920 00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,400 Speaker 3: the break room with the fridge. It's got the moldy 921 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,960 Speaker 3: food in it. Like that was how I started and 922 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,400 Speaker 3: what I gain, what I started to understand, And I 923 00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,279 Speaker 3: think it explains a lot about like why I am 924 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,839 Speaker 3: who I am is that I were all the same 925 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,399 Speaker 3: m h. Everybody is dealing with the same stuff. Yes, 926 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,840 Speaker 3: it's easier if you have more money and more resources, 927 00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,400 Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, everybody's got a 928 00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,719 Speaker 3: family member that they're worried about. Everybody has ambition they're 929 00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:15,759 Speaker 3: not tapping into. Everybody has things that they want to 930 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,200 Speaker 3: pursue in their life, and they're kind of letting themselves 931 00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,960 Speaker 3: down a little bit. Everybody struggles with a little bit 932 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,840 Speaker 3: of uncertainty and anxiety at times. Everybody has hopes and 933 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,480 Speaker 3: dreams and feels a little discouraged and overwhelmed. And when 934 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:32,560 Speaker 3: you start at a baseline that people would love to thrive, 935 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:38,280 Speaker 3: and people thrive when they can, and if they can't, 936 00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:42,000 Speaker 3: I believe it's because they're discouraged or there's some skill 937 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:46,360 Speaker 3: building or some experience or you know, some mentorship that's missing. 938 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,759 Speaker 3: That's it, but that you're built to thrive. And so 939 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:53,360 Speaker 3: when you really start at that baseline, whether you're like, 940 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 3: you know, I make it a practice. By the way, 941 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,120 Speaker 3: this is this is one thing that will change your life. 942 00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:02,279 Speaker 3: When you go into a public bath through two things. 943 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:06,279 Speaker 3: I always leave the space better than when I found it. 944 00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:11,480 Speaker 3: I always public bathroom no no, no, literally, like literally, 945 00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:17,160 Speaker 3: that's why I don't go into that stall. But I 946 00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:21,040 Speaker 3: gotta lecause if somebody like destroy especially women, if somebody 947 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,719 Speaker 3: destroys the seat, peas all over it and then they leave, 948 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:29,239 Speaker 3: that is a human being that is so disconnected from 949 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:33,520 Speaker 3: the interconnection of the human experience. You are leaving that 950 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:38,719 Speaker 3: for another person, and so making sure that you don't 951 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:41,360 Speaker 3: leave your mess for another person, making sure that you 952 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,000 Speaker 3: just kind of wipe down the counter. And then here's 953 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,000 Speaker 3: the second thing. If there is a human being cleaning 954 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,839 Speaker 3: that bathroom, please look at the AI and say thank 955 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:55,440 Speaker 3: you like that, right, there is a simple thing that 956 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,839 Speaker 3: will make you start to shake out of that woe 957 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,440 Speaker 3: is me or that's stress or that overwhelm. Let them 958 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,320 Speaker 3: know you appreciate and see what they're doing because it 959 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,600 Speaker 3: changes who you are. And then you start to see 960 00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,560 Speaker 3: all day long that there are like you know, I 961 00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,080 Speaker 3: can't look at you, I'm gonna cry. People are just 962 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:21,600 Speaker 3: walking around disconnected. And the power of starting to be 963 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 3: the one that wakes people up. Hey, you know I 964 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,080 Speaker 3: always get an or hey, how is everybody doing? Like 965 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:32,560 Speaker 3: it's shocking how we have gotten so far away from 966 00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,400 Speaker 3: that sense of community. And there's actually research around this. 967 00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,239 Speaker 3: They call it either weak ties. I call them warm connections. 968 00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:40,440 Speaker 3: Those people that you see in the building every day 969 00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,120 Speaker 3: that you say hello to the person that's walking the 970 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,400 Speaker 3: dog that you you know, know the name of the 971 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:48,799 Speaker 3: dog in your neighborhood. These relationships matter because they make 972 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:50,680 Speaker 3: you feel human again. 973 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:52,880 Speaker 2: Like you said, it has to get back to community, 974 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,319 Speaker 2: has to be to wait at we raise our kids. 975 00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,800 Speaker 2: We have a six kids, but I have one kid, Jackson, 976 00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:02,319 Speaker 2: and he does that times fit and it's just something 977 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:03,160 Speaker 2: that's taught. 978 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:03,439 Speaker 1: That's seen. 979 00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,399 Speaker 2: You know, when we get off an airplane, we think 980 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,800 Speaker 2: the pilot. Yes, you know, when he plays basketball, he 981 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,600 Speaker 2: thinks the ref, He thanks the coach. He looks them 982 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,360 Speaker 2: in the eye and you can see from their reaction 983 00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 2: they don't get that that much. But for him, he 984 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,920 Speaker 2: always says, I'm grateful because he didn't have to do 985 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,800 Speaker 2: that right, And that comes from we have to be 986 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,399 Speaker 2: a community again and start teaching from a young age 987 00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,120 Speaker 2: so our young kids could teach their kids, could teach 988 00:47:27,160 --> 00:47:27,680 Speaker 2: their kids. 989 00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:29,759 Speaker 1: Could teach their kids. Because it's kind of like a 990 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,160 Speaker 1: lost art mall. 991 00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:33,040 Speaker 4: You just fucked me up with something so simpil too, 992 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,640 Speaker 4: because I hate dirty bathrooms. I hate when I walk 993 00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,680 Speaker 4: in the bathroom if somebody leaves shit in the toilet, 994 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,920 Speaker 4: if it's a public restroom, when they leave the toilet 995 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,319 Speaker 4: lineer around the stead, I'm like, how. 996 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:44,120 Speaker 1: Could you do that? 997 00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,400 Speaker 4: Like, don't you know somebody else is going to use this? 998 00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,480 Speaker 4: Even in my own house? You know, I got young kids. 999 00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:50,880 Speaker 4: You're not too mad about it, but I'm just like, yo, 1000 00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,560 Speaker 4: pay attention because there's other people that's using these bathrooms, 1001 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:53,759 Speaker 4: But you. 1002 00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,000 Speaker 1: Just explained it in such a way. 1003 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,560 Speaker 4: Those people are so disconnected from the human experience yes, people. 1004 00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:02,120 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, And like this is where let them comes 1005 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,160 Speaker 3: in that I think people can can't let them do 1006 00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:07,280 Speaker 3: that again, Hold on a second, it's it's the reason 1007 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,240 Speaker 3: why people are so disconnected is because the compounding stress 1008 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:16,960 Speaker 3: and overwhelm that comes from allowing the world to beat 1009 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:22,200 Speaker 3: you down and the discouragement that compounds that is what 1010 00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:25,400 Speaker 3: is in people's way. I think we are innately built 1011 00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,840 Speaker 3: and wired to be connected to one another. That is 1012 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:35,239 Speaker 3: our nature. We are innately wired to really like stay 1013 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,359 Speaker 3: connected to ourselves. That is our nature, That is our 1014 00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:43,160 Speaker 3: intelligent design. It is woven into your DNA and the 1015 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,160 Speaker 3: state of the world right now, I think is a 1016 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:52,240 Speaker 3: reflection of the collective disconnect. You know, I really feel 1017 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:56,719 Speaker 3: like there is this massive awakening that is building and 1018 00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:02,000 Speaker 3: that in life there is always balance between the negativity 1019 00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,120 Speaker 3: and the overwhelm and the toxic stuff that's going on 1020 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,360 Speaker 3: out in the world and in the headlines, and people 1021 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,400 Speaker 3: then waking up and going I forgot what mattered. I 1022 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,600 Speaker 3: forgot why this is important. I need to get to work. 1023 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:18,759 Speaker 3: I need to stop whining and worrying and you know, 1024 00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:22,279 Speaker 3: just gaslighting myself that there's nothing I can do, and 1025 00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,840 Speaker 3: this is oh there's always something you can do. You 1026 00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:27,040 Speaker 3: have to wake up and recognize that it's not going 1027 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,279 Speaker 3: to happen out there, it's going to happen in here. 1028 00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,840 Speaker 5: When you feel the impact from what you're doing with 1029 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,160 Speaker 5: your book, and to let them theory, like you just 1030 00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:37,320 Speaker 5: got emotional, not even just about your impact, but just 1031 00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:40,160 Speaker 5: talking about just change in the world. How does it 1032 00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,120 Speaker 5: make you feel, Like do you take a moment just 1033 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,040 Speaker 5: of gratitude and be like, because I saw all the 1034 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,800 Speaker 5: tattoos in the book, and I was like, that's so fire. 1035 00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:50,279 Speaker 5: It's hard to make people like actually believe something that's 1036 00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:50,920 Speaker 5: not tangible. 1037 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:55,520 Speaker 3: One of the things that you know, for me, I 1038 00:49:55,719 --> 00:50:01,400 Speaker 3: spent so many years like hating myself and feeling like 1039 00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,239 Speaker 3: I was a really bad person. And when you get 1040 00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:07,040 Speaker 3: stuck in life, it's easy to think you're the only one. 1041 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:13,680 Speaker 3: And so I'm just literally on a mission to share 1042 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,120 Speaker 3: whatever I can share and give people access just like 1043 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:20,080 Speaker 3: you guys, give people access to incredible thinkers and experts 1044 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:24,279 Speaker 3: and resources. You know, your work is reaching some way 1045 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:28,560 Speaker 3: halfway around the world that doesn't even have a toilet 1046 00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,719 Speaker 3: in their house, And how incredible is that? And if 1047 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,120 Speaker 3: I can save anybody the headaches and the heartaches that 1048 00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,120 Speaker 3: I cause myself for the people that I care about, 1049 00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,520 Speaker 3: because I didn't know any better. I didn't know what 1050 00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:41,880 Speaker 3: the problem was. I didn't know how to change myself. 1051 00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,800 Speaker 3: I didn't know how to push through the emotion that 1052 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,400 Speaker 3: is a life well lived? Why did you hate yourself though? 1053 00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:48,880 Speaker 3: Because you can't do anything about what you don't know. 1054 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:51,160 Speaker 3: Oh my god, we don't have time. I literally, like 1055 00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,480 Speaker 3: from the amount of cheating I did when I was little, 1056 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:58,680 Speaker 3: to the like the undiagnosed anxiety or the undiagnosed to 1057 00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:02,560 Speaker 3: SLEXI and ADHD and how that created tremendous anxiety, to 1058 00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,520 Speaker 3: the way that childhood trauma impacted me that I didn't 1059 00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:09,480 Speaker 3: even realize was impacting me, you know, and like it's 1060 00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:12,040 Speaker 3: just chronic. I just did not think I was a 1061 00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,520 Speaker 3: bad person. And there's a lot of people walking around 1062 00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:19,759 Speaker 3: that have a hundred times more negative thoughts than they 1063 00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,640 Speaker 3: do positive ones, And a lot of people develop a 1064 00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:26,320 Speaker 3: habit of being very self critical. It's never enough, like 1065 00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,800 Speaker 3: you're never gonna make it, like you're always so stupid. 1066 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,000 Speaker 3: Why did you do that? Either because that's how they 1067 00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,200 Speaker 3: were talked to when they were little, or because it's 1068 00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:37,280 Speaker 3: this like almost protective thing that if you beat yourself 1069 00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,480 Speaker 3: up first, you're going to catch it before other people do. 1070 00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:44,480 Speaker 3: And I got to a point, and this is an 1071 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,520 Speaker 3: important thing. The only thing you need to make your 1072 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:50,560 Speaker 3: life better is one decision. How I'm living my life 1073 00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,800 Speaker 3: right now and how it feels no longer works for me. 1074 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,560 Speaker 3: That's all you need to know. If you can have 1075 00:51:56,719 --> 00:52:00,200 Speaker 3: the courage to say that to yourself, you now know 1076 00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:03,640 Speaker 3: you now have tipped the first domino because you've made 1077 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,720 Speaker 3: a decision that you want to change how your life feels. 1078 00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:07,839 Speaker 3: You made a decision that you want to change how 1079 00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:10,040 Speaker 3: it feels up here. And for me as a mom, 1080 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:14,320 Speaker 3: like your kids absorb the way that you treat yourself. 1081 00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:18,080 Speaker 3: And so having two daughters that I started noticing, my god, 1082 00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,640 Speaker 3: why are these beautiful young women picking themselves apart? Well 1083 00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:22,840 Speaker 3: because I do? Why are they so hard on that? 1084 00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,440 Speaker 3: Because I was so hard on myself. That's how they 1085 00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,560 Speaker 3: learn it, And so I don't want them to do 1086 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,160 Speaker 3: that to themselves. And you know, the thing I was 1087 00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,040 Speaker 3: going to share that's made a huge difference for me 1088 00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:37,120 Speaker 3: is that I keep the impact front and center. And 1089 00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,319 Speaker 3: so we send an email out five days a week. 1090 00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,360 Speaker 3: There's a person on our team whose job is to 1091 00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:47,960 Speaker 3: assemble all of the the things that people are saying 1092 00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,000 Speaker 3: all over the world about the books and the podcast, 1093 00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:55,520 Speaker 3: not about Mel, but about what you learned, and I'll 1094 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,359 Speaker 3: tell you it every day. There's twenty to thirty of them. 1095 00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,680 Speaker 3: And just the other there was a person who talked 1096 00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:06,919 Speaker 3: about how he was a stepdad and the relationship ended 1097 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,560 Speaker 3: and those step kids were his life and he didn't 1098 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:13,400 Speaker 3: want to be here anymore. And somebody started to share 1099 00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:17,000 Speaker 3: the podcast with him and he would go and take 1100 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,160 Speaker 3: a walk every morning and listen to the podcast, and 1101 00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,600 Speaker 3: it started give him a sense of hope. And now 1102 00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,640 Speaker 3: he uses the let them theory. This is a person 1103 00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:27,919 Speaker 3: that actually works in like a police operations control center. 1104 00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:29,960 Speaker 3: Never in a million years would I think this is 1105 00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,400 Speaker 3: somebody that's listening to the Mel Robbins podcast or listening 1106 00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,520 Speaker 3: to this kind of conversation. But it goes to prove 1107 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:40,480 Speaker 3: that everybody wants to do well. Everybody wants to thrive, 1108 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,279 Speaker 3: and you know when you're not doing well. You know 1109 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:48,000 Speaker 3: when you're not thriving. The problem for most of us 1110 00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,160 Speaker 3: is just kind of feeling like I don't think this 1111 00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,879 Speaker 3: could change, And the fact is, of course it can change. 1112 00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:55,640 Speaker 3: If you've ever been happy in your life, you can 1113 00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:59,080 Speaker 3: be happy again. If you've ever been proud of yourself, 1114 00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:00,640 Speaker 3: you can be proud of yourself again. If you've ever 1115 00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:03,440 Speaker 3: forgiven somebody else, you can learn to forgive yourself. 1116 00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,160 Speaker 1: Mel I know you've got to go through this. 1117 00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:09,800 Speaker 4: My last question, how do you receive comments from people 1118 00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,800 Speaker 4: who say Meil Robbins is giving mental health advice with 1119 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:14,960 Speaker 4: zero mental health professional training. 1120 00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:17,160 Speaker 1: She should let the professionals speak. Let them. 1121 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:22,360 Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I'm not diagnosing anybody. I'm not. 1122 00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:28,160 Speaker 3: I'm trying to make the intellectual and the academic and 1123 00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:33,160 Speaker 3: the scientific accessible to all of us. It is so 1124 00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:37,719 Speaker 3: important that if you are having an issue, you deserve 1125 00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:42,400 Speaker 3: to work with a mental health professional. I wish that 1126 00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:44,799 Speaker 3: the whole system would change so that it was accessible. 1127 00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:47,440 Speaker 3: Like because I think about mental health. I don't think 1128 00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:51,720 Speaker 3: about mental health like you're crazy. Mental health is thriving. 1129 00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:55,520 Speaker 3: It's your ability to manage your stress. It's your ability 1130 00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:59,239 Speaker 3: to push through those moments where life is overwhelming and 1131 00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:03,840 Speaker 3: build yourself little life raft to keep yourself afloat. Mental 1132 00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,399 Speaker 3: health is like building a muscle, and so I also 1133 00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:08,279 Speaker 3: think we hear that word and we think some like 1134 00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:11,680 Speaker 3: clinical depression. If you've got a big issue, go see 1135 00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:15,040 Speaker 3: a doctor for crying out loud. But we all deserve 1136 00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:19,480 Speaker 3: to have access to this information and access to the experts, 1137 00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:25,080 Speaker 3: and so I am absolutely distilling down the world's best research, 1138 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,840 Speaker 3: just like you are. I'm absolutely sharing my experience, not 1139 00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,200 Speaker 3: because I think I know what's best for you, but because, 1140 00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,000 Speaker 3: by God, if I can save you or one of 1141 00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:36,400 Speaker 3: your kids or somebody you care about the problems that 1142 00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,440 Speaker 3: I've faced in my life or that my kids have 1143 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:43,799 Speaker 3: struggled through because I made dumb mistakes, that is fantastic. 1144 00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,800 Speaker 3: I happily will take that criticism happily. 1145 00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,239 Speaker 4: And you know, also, God doesn't call to qualify it. 1146 00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,920 Speaker 4: He qualified the called, and you've been called mail Robin. 1147 00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:53,799 Speaker 4: I feel that I motherfucking love you man. 1148 00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:54,480 Speaker 3: I love you too. 1149 00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:57,000 Speaker 1: Wow. That's right. Well, we appreciate you for joining us. 1150 00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,160 Speaker 1: It's been too long. You got to come up more often. 1151 00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:01,680 Speaker 3: Absolutely, busy guy got to come up to Boston. 1152 00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:03,759 Speaker 1: Oh, I loved it. I have a boy. Thank you 1153 00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:04,960 Speaker 1: for having me on your podcast. 1154 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,600 Speaker 3: He's you are. You are literally a day away from 1155 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,200 Speaker 3: being in the top ten most listened to episodes. Three 1156 00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,719 Speaker 3: point five million people have listened to that episode in 1157 00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:14,680 Speaker 3: the last four days. 1158 00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:15,000 Speaker 1: Wow. 1159 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,520 Speaker 3: But that was you were like church you you were channeling. 1160 00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:22,000 Speaker 4: But that was God because my wife literally gave me 1161 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:24,400 Speaker 4: your book on a Friday and she was like, you 1162 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,480 Speaker 4: need to read this right now because I was stressing 1163 00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:28,840 Speaker 4: about some people and she was like, you need to 1164 00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,360 Speaker 4: read this book right now. And I was like, oh, 1165 00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:32,320 Speaker 4: I'm going to see meil on on Wednesday. 1166 00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:33,960 Speaker 1: Literally, So that was just God. 1167 00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,759 Speaker 4: So I read the book and I got to sit 1168 00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:38,600 Speaker 4: with you, and now you're here again on the Breakfast Club, 1169 00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:40,920 Speaker 4: and I just feel full, thank you, thank you. 1170 00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:44,319 Speaker 3: I love your new studio, unbelievably cool. 1171 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,799 Speaker 1: All right, well it's Mel Robbins. It's the Breakfast Club. 1172 00:56:46,840 --> 00:56:50,760 Speaker 1: Good morning. Wake that ass up in the morning. Breakfast Club.