WEBVTT - And We're Back! 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.760 Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of Our Heart 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:16.160 Radio and the Black Effects, and just like that, we're 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.000 back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:21.959 reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. Listen. I've been 0:00:22.000 --> 0:00:24.040 busy for the past two weeks, y'all. I know, I 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.079 know you're gonna kick my ass, but that's why we 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:29.520 got a really really good episode for y'all today. Between filming, 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:34.760 between traveling in between shooting Reckless discussions and switching from 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:37.400 this agent to this agent and then all good problems. 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:40.199 But I've been super duper busy, and I'm sorry for 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:44.080 the abandonment. I'm so sorry for the abandonment. All right, 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.319 but I'm back, y'all. We're gonna jump right in. I'm 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.520 fixing mess. Here we go. So just me and this guy. 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:53.280 We dated for a year and a half on and off, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:56.560 and last year when we dated, we left off on 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.680 really bad terms. I started to notice a lot of 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.240 red ass about him towards the end of the relationship, 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:06.400 and um, it got so messy that he broke my 0:01:06.480 --> 0:01:10.720 back car window and well shattered it. I didn't have 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.280 a window back there, so he shattered it and he 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:18.119 tried to break in my apartment, so it got so messy. 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:20.800 We end up going our separate ways, did not speak 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:24.199 to each other for five months, and throughout those whole 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.560 five months, I was feeling hurt. I missed him. You know. 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.839 It would be times where, you know, I would dream 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.280 about him, you know, and I'm like, why am I 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:35.800 missing this guy when he put me through this bullshit. 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.959 Let's fast forward to May of this year. We're gonna 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.240 call him See. So she ends up reaching out to 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:47.240 me on Instagram and we end up reconnecting and becoming 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:50.800 good friends. Now, in the beginning, I was very hesitant, 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:53.800 and I have my guard up all the way, and 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:55.840 I know that he noticed that because he would always 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:59.560 bring that up. But while me and see You were 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:04.680 working on a friendship, I also had another guy friend 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:07.080 on the side that I had been speaking to for 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:11.600 three months. Let's call him BE. So we're gonna call 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:16.560 him Be. She knew about B. She knew that, you know, 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:20.080 I was talking to BE or I had a guy 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:22.720 friend on the side, So I made that clear from 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.520 the beginning so he won't think, you know, hey, I'm 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:29.760 trying to get back with you. So eventually she got 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:33.600 tired of it. He got tired of me seeing this 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:36.640 other guy. He didn't like the fact that, you know, 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.440 I was seeing another person. You know, he didn't like that. 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:44.120 So he decided to tell me one day, guy, I 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:46.720 don't care what you say, I'm gonna have you again. 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:50.160 And I laughed it off. I was like, boy, you crazy. Whatever, 0:02:50.440 --> 0:02:55.320 those days are over. So eventually she started to do 0:02:55.480 --> 0:03:00.720 things for me romantically, started doing things he didn't do 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:04.160 before when we dated, and I'm like, oh my god, 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:07.560 he really changed, Like this guy really wants me, he 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:11.120 really cares about me. And then my feelings started to 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:15.400 get really stronger and I couldn't help myself at that point. 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:20.079 So eventually things that I would find attractive about Be 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.239 started to become very annoying to me or very irritating, 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:27.080 like things that he would do, And I thought to myself, 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.320 I told myself, I need to come to a conclusion. 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:33.880 I need to tell BE about C because this is 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:37.520 where my heart lies. It lies with C. And you know, 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:40.680 it did hurt me to let him know, but he 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:44.760 was very understanding because he had been in that situation before, 0:03:44.840 --> 0:03:48.360 so he was a good friend about that. Eventually, me 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:52.640 and Ce end up becoming a couple again, me and c. 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:57.600 His relationship started to become really good. You know. I 0:03:57.640 --> 0:04:00.320 started to hang around his family more. He has a 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.360 two year old daughter. I started to see her more. 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.600 You know. He started to open up to me more. 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:08.480 You know, he even spoke to me about, you know, 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.520 having a family with me, and he showed me things 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:14.760 that he didn't show me before when we were together 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.280 last year. So I felt like this was real, you know, 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:21.560 and I started to fall deeply in love with this man. 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:25.880 And that's when the red flag started to show. He 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:31.800 started becoming possessive and controlling. It was getting out of hand, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:35.360 and I felt like he started to test me at 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:38.640 times to see how I would react to certain situations. 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:43.240 Over time, the red flag started to get worse, you know, 0:04:43.440 --> 0:04:48.240 way worse than last year. Things got abusive. It's like 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:54.320 he would be a narcissist, but he would try to 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.280 be there for me at the same time, you know. 0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.680 And it was confusing because it was a roller coaster. 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.440 One minute, he wants to motivate me, you know, he 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:05.800 makes me feel like I'm the world. Then the next 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:09.680 minute he puts me down and tossed his ship about me, 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:15.200 and cheat told me and abuses me, And it was 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:18.080 a roller coaster. I did not know what to do 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:21.120 because I was so deeply in love with this man, 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:25.360 like I was everywhere. I was a mess. Just I 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:29.600 started to have so much hope in our relationship and 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:33.040 for this man that I even you know, I would 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:35.960 pray every day for our relationship to heal and for 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.720 him to become a better man. And I even went 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:43.080 as far as speaking to a psychic about our relationship 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:47.080 to see where our love lies with each other and 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.520 to see what the future holds between us, you know. 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:54.359 And I had to come to a conclusion, Kay, you 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:58.480 need to let this go. You need to let it go. 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:02.240 He has to change his own You cannot change a 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:06.520 man no matter what you do, no matter how good 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:10.640 you treat him, He's still going to act up unless 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:14.520 he wants to change for himself. So eventually I got 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.120 sick and tired of the bullshit. I got tired of 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:21.440 the cheating, the abusive ways, the line. I wanted to 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:25.200 give up on the relationship, even though um I still 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:28.520 had my hope in him. I wanted to see him 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:32.919 get better as a man before I could be with 0:06:33.040 --> 0:06:35.400 him any longer. So I did what I had to do, 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:39.000 you know, I left the relationship, and of course that 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:42.320 caused problems. Of course, he did not like that, he 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:44.640 did not want that, he did not want to accept that. 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:50.279 So he started to get out of line and he 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.960 tried to be abusive with me once again. Tried to 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:56.960 hit me, tried to dog down on me, tried to 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:01.920 say the most coolest thing said you could ever think 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:04.600 of somebody saying to you. I don't even want to 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.359 say it because it's so disturbing, but he would not 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:10.200 let me leave. It got so bad that when I 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:14.840 tried to leave and he noticed, he tried to fake 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:21.200 an overdose. He had um bought some xanax and he 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:25.239 wanted attention. He wanted to manipulate me, and he called 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:28.120 the ambulance to come pick him up and was trying 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:32.840 to say, oh, I'm gonna overdose, and it was so wrong. 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:37.920 I'm like, you're so sick, you don't even know. And 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.760 when I had the chance to leave this man, I 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:46.040 ran and I never looked back. I never looked back. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:50.080 And I will say he reached out to me about 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.800 five times since then, and I never reached back out 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.920 to him. I blocked him on everything, and yes I 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:01.800 did contact the police after all of this happened. I 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.400 did contact the police, but I have to wake up 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.560 out of a trance. I had to wake up and 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:10.640 tell myself, Kyle, you deserve better. No woman should ever 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:15.400 go through this ever, and I just had to wake up. 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.119 But being the caring person that I am, no matter 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:23.800 if you hurt me, I will still want better for you. 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:28.080 And I guess since I've gotten older, I became more 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:32.040 forgiving of people. And no matter how hard I tried 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:35.520 to be cold hearted towards him, I can't seem to 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:41.920 have that heart towards him. I still want him to 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:46.480 get better for himself, and I hate that about myself. 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.560 And yet I'm still traumatized a little bit after the 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:54.160 situation because now that I'm mingling with people, it's like 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:57.760 they see my self worth and my potential more than 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.720 I see my own potential and self worth because of 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:06.000 the situation that I was in, and it's gonna get better. 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:10.680 I'm gonna make that better because now I know not 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:17.200 to let a man determine my value myself worth. I 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.679 will never make that mistake again. I'm so happy that 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:23.800 I'm out of that situation. I'm so glad that I 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.840 can move forward with my life and I hope he 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:32.320 gets better. But until then, I'm focused on me healing me. 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.920 I'm not looking forward to another relationship because I feel 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:41.440 like I'm not ready for it at all. Okay, all right, 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:43.800 so that was a pretty long one. But what I 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:47.600 love about your story, guy, is you know you don't 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:49.760 need any advice. I have just a little bit for you, 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:53.440 but you don't. You got out of there. Listen, this 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:57.080 story is far too common. It's way too common, meaning 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:01.199 it happens a lot more than we think. You are 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:02.760 not the only one that has gone through that. You 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:05.120 are not the only one that's still traumatized by a 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:09.080 narcissist ex boyfriend. You were with him for a year, 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.480 then you took a break, you started talking to someone else. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.760 You told him that you started talking to someone else. 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.760 He couldn't handle it, so he found a way to 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:23.480 get back in. That's what narcissists do. They're very methodical. 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.680 His method was to show I'm gonna show her everything 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.640 that she's wanted me to do. I can do it 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.240 everything that she glorifies in the man I'm gonna do 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.600 that I'm gonna treat her the best. I'm going to 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.920 build her up, and as time goes on, they still 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:41.599 will show who they are, because one thing a narcissist 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:45.360 will do is paint a perfect picture. That's manipulation. They'll 0:10:45.360 --> 0:10:49.440 paint the perfect picture right, and they'll act right for 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:53.240 a while, but then they will soon reveal who they 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:55.439 really are. And if someone is showing you who they are, 0:10:55.480 --> 0:10:58.400 you have to believe them. You cannot think that you 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.640 can ever change someone. You can help someone evolve, but 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:06.319 you cannot change anyone. It's up to them. He's very 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:10.560 systematic on how he did it. Narcissists they create these systems, 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:14.800 these ways that they can manipulate people, you know, women, 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.760 female or whatever to get whatever they want. And he 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:20.080 got you back. That's what he wanted. He wanted to 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:24.040 have you back, especially after you told him you wanted 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.880 someone else. That was a recipe for a disaster. In 0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.280 his eyes, He's like, oh, hell no, nobody's ever gonna 0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:33.280 treat her like I treat her, So let me give 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:36.079 her a better version of myself to lure her back in. 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.320 And I'm not gonna do anything but build her up 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:41.360 and tell her to funk back down, because it won't 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:45.040 be long until I show these flags again, before I 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:48.240 show these signs again, before I fucking put my hands 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:51.200 on her, before he's obsessed with you. He wants to 0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:55.120 control you. You left the other guy alone because all 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:58.600 you wanted was for that one person to act right, 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:01.560 and that's what he showed with you. This pattern is 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:07.200 all so calmon. This pattern happens too. Maybe don't quote me, 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:10.480 but maybe to what eight out of ten women? This 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:12.679 is how it always happens. Women do this to men 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.400 as well. You don't really need much advice. Only thing 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:20.880 you need now moving forward is motivation and self love, 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:26.520 and honestly, therapy would help you. Even in your tone 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.520 when you're talking to me, when you sent in the 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:33.040 voice notes and I'm hearing you, you sound like you're crying. 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:35.400 You sound like this is still extremely hard for you 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:37.719 to even talk about. You understand what I'm saying. So 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:40.640 it has affected you and it's still affecting you. And 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:42.440 I'm glad that you even came clean and said that. 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:45.200 You know, I'm still traumatized. I notice when I mingle 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.400 now people see more potential in me than I've even 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.959 seen it myself. Yes, because you let this man break 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.679 you down. You let this man pull you down and 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:56.760 make you hit rock bottom, and it's like it's only 0:12:56.760 --> 0:13:01.880 one way but up. And I absolutely love the transparency. 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:05.080 I love it that nigga need help himself. That guy 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:08.559 needs counseling. He needs to see a therapist. He needs 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:10.840 to be in jail a little bit. You know, you 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.640 asked me, he needs to be away from the motherfucking public. 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:16.719 You're faking overdoses and ship and all of that, Like 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.480 that's that's too much. But that's something in his own mind. 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:21.240 It trust me, it's not you. It has nothing to 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:23.079 do with you, because he would do it to someone 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.360 else as well. I feel like his issues are abandonment. 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.720 I don't know what his childhood was like. Did you 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.440 get to know that a lot of our childhood is 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:34.160 what makes us, what helps us evolve into who we 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.960 are today. Not in every case, but most of the 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:39.480 time it is. Your childhood has an effect on you 0:13:39.520 --> 0:13:41.320 for the rest of your life, whether it be a 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:43.439 good or bad childhood, whether it was so so, whether 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:46.079 you were poor, whether you were beaten, whether you know whatever. 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:51.599 I feel that he has a serious issue with abandonment. 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.440 He didn't want you to leave. He would fake overdose 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:57.080 all that ship. He didn't want you to get out 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:59.600 of there on him. You know. It just seems like 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:03.439 he had to have you with him, and while you 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:06.040 were with him, he had to control you as well. 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.160 It's sad, but it's a very common thing. Yes, I 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:11.880 hope that he actually moved on to get help. I 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.959 need you to not even miss him. I don't care 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:17.080 what they say, girl, not even miss him. Now. You 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:20.520 said you left and you didn't look back, and you ran, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.480 you got the help out of there. But you did 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.320 that a year ago as well, So we don't want 0:14:25.320 --> 0:14:28.120 to step and repeat, you know, we don't want a 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.560 new cycle of that. Because he knows you, he knows 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:32.640 what to say to get under your skin. He knows, 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:36.080 he knows. But the only way to let someone break 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:39.000 you down is if you give them everything to like. 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:41.880 You give them all the key to your heart, your life, 0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:44.160 your mind. And you gave him all that before. Don't 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.080 make that mistake again because you're now in a stage 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.840 where you're trying to learn your self worth. Don't go backwards. 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:54.120 Check in with me, babe. I appreciate you. Hold up, 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.080 Hold up, I know the ship getting good. But listen 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.160 to just a couple of seconds of a commercial. If 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:03.880 you love me, you'll listen. Okay, next, Hey, Jess, I 0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:07.200 am back to get some more of your advice. This 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:11.240 is a totally new situation and I just love the 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.480 advice that you give. You keep it really, keep it 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:17.880 a hunted. So yeah, basically, I work with a man 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:21.240 that is he's forty three years old. I'm twenty eight 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:26.280 years old. We don't see each other that often while working. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.880 We're kind of like in two different departments, but whenever 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:32.560 we pass each other, we always say hi or have 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:36.520 like a brief conversation. I've always kind of felt like 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:40.480 a small chemistry, but it was never anything deep or anything, 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:43.880 so I never even like paid it any mind. I've 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:48.120 always was like attracted to him. But yeah, so this 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:53.200 past Friday, he and I were able to have a 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:56.920 longer conversation. I found out that he has three kids, 0:15:57.560 --> 0:16:02.800 one eighteen and fourteen. And he asked me, like my age, 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:05.600 and then he mentioned like, oh yeah, woman mature faster. 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:08.320 He asked me, like, what do I like to do 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.800 around the city. He asked me if I was still 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.360 with my child's father. He mentioned like he, you know, 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.560 has a relationship with God. Yeah. So it was a 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:24.080 longer conversation, but not anything too deep. He did not 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:28.040 have a ring on his finger, and so I assume 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:33.680 that he's single. However, moving forward, basically, he asked if 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:35.680 I had his number and I said I did from 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:40.280 a previous situation of an encounter with him. And then 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:44.560 later on that day he texted me he said, I 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:49.280 really enjoy speaking with you. I replied I enjoy speaking 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:54.600 with you too. He then texas, hopefully we can chat 0:16:54.960 --> 0:16:59.680 some more sometime soon. At that point, I didn't really 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.400 know which way to go, so I ended up asking 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:04.200 a friend like, what do you think I should stay back? 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:06.800 You know, I'm kind of a little dusty in the game. 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.199 But basically my friend was like, go ahead and like 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.040 put the ball in his court, say you know, we 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:14.760 can chat this weekend or whatever. So I ended up texting, 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:18.080 we can chat this weekend if you're free. He did 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:22.000 not reply after that, and he also did not hit 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.560 me up all weekend. So my question is, do you 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:28.800 think that's a red flag? Is it too soon to 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:34.200 assume anything, because honestly, my mind goes straight to, oh, 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:37.480 he has somebody at home. This is why he hasn't 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:41.720 texted me yet. Mind you, I'm probably going to see 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:45.400 him tomorrow. So am I going to keep it cordial 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:47.879 and just give it a quick hi and buy? Or 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.359 am I bringing this up? Like? Yo, what's up? Why 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:53.440 don't you texting me this weekend? You know? Communication is key? Right? 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:57.879 Or is it not even worth it? Yes? Let me know, Jess, 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.720 just let me know. I don't know. I feel like 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:03.840 I'm a little dusty when it comes to this whole 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:09.560 dating scene. So this is why we have you, hey girl, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:13.040 Yes you you already know what I'm gonna say is 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.160 don't say you're a little dusty girl. If it's any 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:18.440 time to be dusty and dating, it's right now because 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.320 these nigga ain't ship neither all these women, so um um, 0:18:21.600 --> 0:18:25.000 let me let me be professional. Um now. No, it 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.879 all depends on what you want. It depends on exactly 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:29.760 what you want. Do you want to date? Are you 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:33.080 looking for something serious? Do you want just a partner, 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.840 a sexual partner? Do you want someone that you just 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.520 want to go to the movies with, bullshit with? Do 0:18:37.560 --> 0:18:39.639 you want someone just to be in communication with, just 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:42.520 to hold your attention long? Enough to you figure out 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:45.679 what it actually is that you do want. You know, 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:48.840 because it's okay to not know exactly what you want. 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:52.840 What makes it not okay is when you demand something 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:55.440 from somebody else not even knowing what you want. You know, 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:59.119 that's the difference. I've made these mistakes plenty of times 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.840 and my life time. You know, I'll have a list 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:04.199 of demands. You know, as a woman, you know, we 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:05.800 do it all the time. You know, I'm not a man. 0:19:05.840 --> 0:19:08.800 I can't speak for them. I'm sure it's a humanistic thing, 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:11.320 but I've done it, you know, I've had my list 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.679 of demands, like, oh, this guy need to have this 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:15.280 and didn't need to have this. You need to know 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:16.760 what you want. I want this, I want this way, 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.320 and I don't even know what I want. You may 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.080 think you want to be in love. That's a whole 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:23.359 another ballgame. People are not ready for. You're not ready 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:25.440 for the downs of love. You're ready for the ups 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:27.199 of love. But love ain't always fun, Love is not 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.720 always kind. There are trials and tribulations with anything, So 0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:32.600 are you ready for that? At first you have to 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:34.880 ask yourself that question, what do I want? And then 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:36.679 you work with him, So you have to kind of 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:40.239 tread a little lightly because I know that you know 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:42.080 you know what I'm about to say that no fraternization 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.480 policies and all that type of ship. Not even only 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:48.639 that in a legal sense, I mean just personally, say 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:51.640 you're dealing with somebody that you're working with. You see 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:54.480 this man every day at work. Obviously, say if it 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.160 don't go right, you will still see this man every day. 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:00.720 So when it comes to relationship, ships and matters of 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.240 the heart with people that you work with, it's very 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.919 easy to complicate things when you work with a person. 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:10.399 But that's not me telling you you should not date him. Now, 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:12.639 I think you should say something about it. Yes can. 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:15.360 Communication is key and I preached this every single week 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:19.960 and carefully reckless as well as reckless discussions. Communication is key, 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:24.959 like in any situation, whether it be friendship, family ship, relationship, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:29.959 from child to parents, from boss to staff, colleague to colleague, whatever. 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:33.879 Communication is everything, from preacher to the people sitting in 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:37.879 the views. Everything starts with communication, from doctor to patient. 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:42.280 If you get what I'm saying, everything, So I think 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:45.280 you should be honest and telling how you felt. I 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:48.440 don't think it's too early to ask questions. I really 0:20:48.480 --> 0:20:51.960 don't because mostly how it starts is how it ends. 0:20:52.359 --> 0:20:53.960 You know what I'm saying. If you think he's hiding 0:20:53.960 --> 0:20:56.160 the fact that he has a wife or a girlfriend 0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:58.159 or dating or anything, I think you should just be 0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:01.680 upfront with him. And I think that looks like this, Hey, 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:03.920 I text you um Friday. I didn't get a text 0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:05.639 from you all weekend. I had some free time. If 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:07.439 you wanted to go get some meat or something, If 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:09.080 you just in case, you wanted to see me outside 0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:11.879 of work, do you have a girlfriend or something that 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:14.159 I should be worried about or something like that, you 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:16.480 could ask just like that. It can be very casual. 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:18.920 It could be you know, very reserved. You know you 0:21:18.960 --> 0:21:21.480 don't have to so what you got bitch alum or 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:23.399 you know you don't have to be that way unless 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:25.960 that's your personality and he knows that, you know. But 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:28.880 I think it's just a simple question and you're gonna 0:21:28.920 --> 0:21:33.160 receive a simple answer. Now, however you feel about his response, 0:21:33.200 --> 0:21:36.680 whether that be a lie or the truth, that's how 0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:38.440 you make your decision on moving forward. But no, I 0:21:38.480 --> 0:21:41.160 think the first thing is just first put into perspective 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:43.840 what it looks like that you want, like, what do 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:47.119 you want? You know? And then but I think whether 0:21:47.680 --> 0:21:49.400 you want to be with this thing or not, whether 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:51.879 you want to talk to this man or not, I 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:55.159 think that you should still ask him about going the 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:57.560 whole weekend without talking to you, because it sounds like 0:21:57.560 --> 0:21:59.280 that to me too. It sounds like he got somebody 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:02.280 out and he just wants to have a little work fling, 0:22:02.680 --> 0:22:04.040 you know, because you see you every day and you 0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:06.280 probably be looking good, you know what I'm saying, And 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:08.840 I think that's what it is. Yes, yes, And the 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:14.680 fact that he told you, oh, women mature faster than men. Okay, 0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:16.720 that's a disclaimer for something. Sorry, what then are you 0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:21.000 trying to tell me? Huh huh okay, because usually it's 0:22:21.000 --> 0:22:23.360 a woman saying that to you, not a man. So 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:26.280 check back in with me, beautiful. I thank you so 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:28.920